No Idea!

As we wait…….

2010-12-24T16:50:00.003+05:30

I know there has been a long hiatus since me blogged last. Finally the ‘Holiday Season’ has brought some respite in terms of time available to write a note. I could also not meet one of the deadlines I had set for myself, full completion of our house by 15th Nov 2010. There was nothing much I could do as things were beyond my control especially when the source of funds was dependant on a sale that took time to materialize. However, I am extremely elated that we did manage to get in our new home against all odds.

The experience has been fantastic (painfull as well ;)), first moving into our new home in a jiffy. Piling up things in the hall, living out of two rooms sans window panes and main door, getting the pooja room done with the clutter that surfaced when the granite was cut, paint work that happened in stages and left everyone sneezing, wood polishing seemed like ages to get completed, road cutting for sanitation became mission impossible that was eventually made possible.

Amidst this chaos and confusion Manju (my sister) was here for her annual holiday. Her holiday became ‘Project Clean the Mess’……….and that is what she did most part of her stay in Bangalore. From Oct 15th 2010 till date we have not switched on the television. The only entertainment that beckons is the day we will celebrate the triumph in anticipation with over near and dear ones.

I don’t have a fixed date in mind by when the building will be up and the tenants are in. However I am glad that like me, my dear ones are waiting with baited breath for this Project to complete. Everyone contributed in one way or the other. Some with prayers and some with wishes and some extended financial support.

I may have returned money to most of them; I am in the verge of returning it to some and may take some more time to return it to three of them. However the timely support, their belief in me and the trust and confidence they exhibited in me is something I will never be able to repay.

In alphabetical order, thanks to these people who helped make our dream take shape………

Abdul, Brindha, Cyril, Girija, Jagadish, Kethan, Kalyani, Manoj, Nagendra, Praveen, Rajshekar, Swetha, Satish M,Sharad, Thukaram, Udhaya, Venky and Yashvanth.

I have no reason to complain as what is materializing is a vision come true and in the process the strength I gained from my dear ones was immense. May be I am the lucky few who has people who stand by me without any expectations. Touch Wood.

This Project walked over my dream of completing my MBA in UK. However I have no qualms. The day it’s completed each one of us would have completed MBA in this order…..

1) Dad MBA distinction in HOPE and BELIEF

2) Mom MBA distinction in RESILIENCY and ATTITUDE

3) Manju MBA distinction in RESOURCE MANAGEMENT

4) Me MBA distinction in TOLERANCE and

5) The ones who trusted us… MBA distinction in CREDENCE

As we all step into yet another year…….I wish 2011 brings loads of content…….to all my near and dear ones.

I just blogged to say……………….

2010-08-01T22:39:00.017+05:30

The last two months have been really hectic and exciting for me. A lot of positive developments in the career front have kept my inner spirit high. Complains from all of you that I have not blogged for some time was also lurking in my mind.

There are two drafts that are ready and I wanted to upload one, donno why I felt like shelving it for some more time and come up with this instead.

Today is friendship day and I received quite a few messages wishing me for the same. I am not sure if one day is enough to celebrate the ‘Joy’ of having wonderful friends in our ‘Life’. Recently, Manoj sent a message which was something like this, “When you check the contact list in your mobile and scroll down the names, each name may bring a different expression on your face, some transcend you to a journey down memory lane and makes your heart smile.”

I did not receive this message from him today though. It was sent many days back. May be he doesn’t know that every time I see him online or scroll past his name in my list there is this kind of positive nostalgia that creeps in.

There are many who have etched themselves deep in my heart. Some remain close and some have moved away. Yet, at some point of time in my ‘Journey’ called ‘Life’ those who crossed my path and those who have come along are all cherished, remembered and wished for.

With some the relationship has become stronger day by day and with some the relationship disappeared like a volatile liquid. Yet, I felt the need to say ‘Thanks’ to people I can recollect by just closing my eyes.

The list is random and does not have any order of preference. To avoid ambiguity I have placed them in ‘Alphabetical’ order under headings.

@ East Wood high School

Ann Rinu Maliel (For making me blush)
Ashwini, Aditi and Vidyananda (The best seniors in school)
Kethan Phutane (For being a great friend who has never changed ever since I have known her)
Manoj (For being my bro and not giving up on me through all phases of my ‘Life’)
Mrs. Geetha (Std 4 class teacher – for being adorable and making my handwriting as good as it is)
Mrs. Sibi Jacob (Moral Science & Economics teacher – someone who instills fear, love and respect)
Ms. Suchismita Chowdry (English teacher – someone who made poems more meaningful with her charisma)
Sandyashree (For being a great friend and the only person who was in touch with me through letters after her family moved to Delhi)
Santosh Jingade (Actually this is for his ‘Mom’ for being so caring and loving and providing me lunch for one whole year)
Sweety Shetty (For being a great friend)

@ Clarence High School

Mr.Benny Joseph (The Principal who told my Mom, “Either your son will become successful or will destroy himself” and putting up with me when I was securing marks in single digits)

@ Merittrac Services Private Limited

Mr.Madan (one of the ‘Directors’ who was more confident in my capabilities than ‘me’)

@ ICICI OneSource (First Source now)

Alfred, Dhwani and Shalini Raj (For making my stint as a trainer ‘Special’)
Ashwin and Ramya (For being the best trainees and then becoming eternal friends)
Chirashree Gosh (For being the most carefree manager I have ever reported to)
Chitra Narayan (For instilling compassion and love for animals in my life)
Deepa Naik & Debanjani Roy (For being the strongest ‘women’ who are constantly challenging ‘life’)
Jaspreet Narula (For being one of the most caring persons in this world)
Mr.Velmuruga Venkatesh (For betting on me and investing his time to nurture ‘me’). While I owe Madan for the confidence he instilled in me, I owe my career to ‘Venky’. He created opportunities for me to prove myself. Whatever I am ‘today’ professionally is because of him.
Melvin Rich (For teaching me how to drive in one night)
Nandina Talukdar (For being a good friend and the most inconsistent in her career)
Prasad (For showing us how a guest can make the host's feel special)
Preeti (For making me feel special and important)
Rashmi (For being one of my biggest well wishers)
Santhosh Shekar (For being a great friend and bringing the dimension of ‘Philosophy’ in my life)
Sharad Sethia (The only friend who can make me cry, laugh and fret at the same time)
Shweta Sudhakar (For being the most fussy team member and then going on to become a great friend/sister)
Sonam Dolker (For being the person with the most beautiful heart)

@ JP Morgan Chase

Amala and Joseph (For making my life in JP memorable)
Cyril Victor Vijay (For being the funniest peer and a pal to rely on)
Manu Sharma (For being a mixed bag filled with surprises)
Nagendra Partha (For being an alter ego)
Natesh Iyer (For backing me up at difficult times)
Praveen Kumar (For being an unpredictable team member and an adoring brother)
Sunitha Harish (For giving me opportunities to sharpen my training skills)
The Pakki Gang (Abdul Aziz, Satish M and Murali Rajashekar) – for teaching me valuable lessons on friendship and eventually becoming best buddies.

@ Deutsche Bank Group

Brindha, Girija, Naveen and Rajeev (For being the best team members I have ever had)
Gopi Mohan (For being the biggest flirt)
Harikumar Rajasekhar (For being a great friend and helping me capitalize on my talent)
Jagadesh (For his capabilities to handle adversities)
Shallu Bansal (For being a great ‘Didi’ + critic)
Sudha Rao, Raman Pushkar, Abijna Gowda and Vishal Kala (For having characteristics that is rare these days, of compassion, dedication and professionalism)
Thukkaram (For being the rarest of people who stick to their values)
Udhaya KR (For being the best friend one can have and carrying a heart of ‘Gold’)

@ Life

Dr.Sheetal (For walking by, though for a brief period of time it was extremely special)
Shilpa (For being the first person besides my family to say ‘I Love you’)
Raj (For being the best fitness trainer and inspiring me to get ‘Fit’)
Sonali (For being the only friend with whom I can speak anything under the ‘Sun’ yet have never met)

I know I have missed many names that are close to me. Yes, they indeed are, however the ones listed above were the only names that brought a smile on my face as I typed along without having to think twice.

Some have continued to be an integral part of my life, some have moved on and some have strained their relationships with me. I know I have missed Akka and Kallu from this list and they very well know why. They had no choice and had to be an integral part of my ‘Life’ ;)

Honestly, I did not think while I was typing this blog. I don’t want to review it or change it. I am just going to publish it. Grammatical error if any is regretted.

“Thanks to all of you” for walking by. I cherish and respect your presence in my ‘life’

Anyone who has never made a mistake

2010-04-15T17:05:00.002+05:30

From this month one of our teams is writing ‘Thought for the Day’ on a white board to boost the morale (if I have the liberty to assume) of fellow team members. Interestingly the thought sometimes stays for days. Every day when I walk in, that is the first thing that I end up seeing. Well, no marks for guessing because all your guesses will be futile. The board is adjacent to where I sit and right next to my manager’s cubicle.

Many years down memory lane when I was in class 12 one of our classmates used to always make it a point to write something on the big black board. One day the quote was pertaining to ‘chance’ and how one has to make it count. I am really sorry I am not able to recollect the exact quote, however I recollect modifying the second part of the sentence. It was ‘you have only one chance’ and I added ‘after that only chance you will have many chances.’

Many a times I feel like some of the things that has happened could have happened differently if I had handled things another way. Early morning dose of tea occupies dizzy moments from the past where I seek special powers from ‘God’ to change it. I know it is an illusion, I know it is not possible, I know there is no way I can go back in time and change an incident of the past. Yet, every day brings a new incident that gets reviewed and paves way to an unfulfilled desire of changing it.

Life is never a ‘What IF’, what has gone, has gone, deep seated memories etched in sands of time. Every morning it became a routine, after reading the Speaking Tree section in Times of India, the mind on its own took steps back in time depending on the context of what I read and brought back instances I wished I could change.

This happened for quite some time. Then one day my Dad remarked that for many days he has been observing a sublime silence when I am reading the newspaper and a brief moment when I am doing nothing. He asked me, “Who is it now?”………..Darn…………Come on Dad……..give me a break ah……right now I am not in a state of mind to be lost in someone’s thought, rather I am lost in the process of revisiting instances I could have done better.

He remarked, “Well you said you saw someone interesting dint you?”……… “Well, I ogled at someone cause she looked pretty and that’s about it…………………so please don’t have any ideas.”

“Isn’t ogling inked to interest”…………”Dad, I am not denying gazing at blah blah, however I am more keen if the blah is interested in me.”……………….”Tough luck…….you aren’t anything’, said he. Heavy words like, “I am what I am” never works with the likes of my Dad, I said, “Well, time will tell.” The moment I completed this sentence we both started laughing.

The next morning a similar lost in time expression snared me. My Dad placed his hands on my shoulders and asked me what is that I wanted to change. From then on every morning’s revisit routine became a platform for us to discuss on what is that I did wrong and he would emphasize on what is that I must learn from what went wrong.

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."-- Albert Einstein

He made me realize that I tried so many things and now have learnt how to improvise on them and how to approach a similar situation differently.

Life isn’t a PICTURE PERFECT experience; it’s about a journey that makes every moment you look back worth looking back. Whether you screwed it or were skewed by it, you relished it or cherished it, whether you capitalized on it or worked on it, it is all a journey that you have embarked before saying a FINAL ADIEU.

Today I don’t look back and think about changing the past, rather every instance I have looked back I have asked what has it taught me. I am not perfect, yet in all my imperfections I am imperfectly perfect for me, for my people and for the ‘One’ who decided I had to be like this. And by the way what was written on the black board was correct, "You only have one chance"

3 Wheel Tango

2010-03-12T21:28:00.006+05:30

Thanks to hours of gaming, the pride of owning an ultimate gamers PC has its rewards. My PC has gifted me a ‘Dry Eye syndrome’ ……making it rather clumsy and difficult for me to perform my daily activities in the office. The Doctor’s suggestion to avoid excessive usage of Computer could not be paid any heed as evading it in the office was ‘TASK IMPOSSIBLE’.

For those of you who are addicted to long hours of gaming (Hari ;)) please beware, ‘Dry Eye Syndrome’ takes many weeks to be healed and could even end up becoming a persistent problem.

It is so irritating to have this problem; half the time you can’t see things properly due to eye irritation and the other half of the time you feel so drowsy and tired due to weary eyes. I have been asked to administer eye drops more than 9 times a day. Lacrigel thrice and Glytears over six times.

On top of that (Jaggu’s standard line), I have to blink my eyes as many times as possible, embarrassing when you are talking to people, no clue what they would assume considering the number of times I keep blinking these days.

Last Saturday I ran out of Lacrigel and the irritation persisted so much that Glytears alone could not soothe my eyes in any way. I decided to step out and get it. The medical stores nearby did not have stock. I had to walk a little further. A few minutes later I found another store but luck decided to evade me again; even he did not have stock of it.

I called my Doctor to check if there was an alternative that I could buy instead. Though my Doc suggested some names, the medical store did not have any of them. The Doc then asked me to come over to his hospital. I was stuck near Kamakya (an old theatre on Banashankri Ring Road). This place is exactly between my home and hospital.

I had two choices, either walk back home and go to the hospital on my bike or take a rick (auto rickshaw) and go to the hospital. I chose the latter. This road is always busy buzzing with traffic all the time; I stood in a corner with a stretched hand waving at every rick that passed by. In the night it is very difficult to ascertain if there is a passenger inside.

More than a dozen ricks passed by, guess, luck had decided not to venture close to me. Just when I had dropped my head in derision, a rick came to a screeching halt right next to me. The driver politely popped his head out and asked, “Hellige hogbeku Saar.”(Where do you want to go)? Destination Commander was Abhaya Eye Hospital near Janatha Bazaaar.

He said, “Kuthkoli Saar.” (Sit down). As I got inside I saw this huge larger than life hoarding of the Late Dr.Vishnuvardhan, it was a poster of his last movie APTHARAKSHAKA. Since the driver was considerate enough to stop over I decided to have a conversation with him and asked him if he has seen that movie.

He started laughing. I wondered why and even before my next question could pop out he said,

“Sir, it’s been more than ten years since I have seen a movie. Almost every day I am on the road, morning 6 A.M to 11 P.M. I have two ambitious little children at home and I don’t want to leave any stone unturned to ensure they get the best education. I don’t want their life to be like mine.”

I said, “That does not mean you have to compromise so much on your happiness isn’t it?”

“Sir, for people like us every day is a compromise. We live on daily wages which are not fixed, some days we earn more, some days less, from the year 2000 things have become worse year after year, purchase power made people opt for bikes and cars to commute, excellent initiatives by government to enhance road transport took away some more customers, post recession and fitness fervor people avoid taking a rick as much as possible.”
I asked him, “In that case didn’t you think of an alternate source of income or change in career.”

“Sir, you work and you make money, you may be happy with your job or you may not be, yet you force yourself to work, in my case I may make money or not make money but it’s my passion to drive the rick that gets me going. At least every day I go back home with a smile on my face and sleep like a log.”

I said, “Eliii Stop maadi” (please stop here). We had reached our destination. I needed only five minutes at the hospital to pick up Lacrigel. I asked him if he could wait so that I could buy the gel and then he could drop me back home. He obliged. I quickly rushed to the hospital, bought the gel and headed towards him.

A nice thought struck in my head, I wanted to make him feel special, in Kamakya the ticket prices are pretty low, a balcony over there on a weekday does not cost more than Rs.35, so 4*35 = Rs. 140 + 60 for snacks………..mhhhhhhh…. thought of giving him Rs.200.

His head popped out again and he said, “Hordona Saar” (Lets go Sir). As I reached his rick, I smiled and gave him two hundred bucks and told him why. He stepped out of his rick and said, “Thumba Thanks Saar” (Many Thanks) adhre nanage nim kanikara beda (but I don’t want your sympathy).”

“Sir, I really liked your gesture, may be another driver would be more than happy to accept it and wish you luck, I don’t believe in it, I believe in DESTINY and that is in my own hands, today if I get used to taking money like this, I will develop an expectation within me that another passenger may also give me some money like you, I don’t like this uncertainty, what I have is mine, what I earn is mine, that is what gives me satisfaction and that is what makes me happy.”

I was dumbstruck for some time. This man in Khaki sounded better than so many men in Khavi (Orange colored robe worn by saints). Every word he said was so true, so very true, even as I stood wondering if my feet was on the ground, the driver put the two notes back into my pocket and said, “Change Kodi sir, yeradu hath rupai, matthe Kamakya athira bidthini” (Please give me twenty rupees I will drop you back from where you took the rick)

I gave him twenty bucks smiled and started walking, he came running back and I said I preferred walking back home, he then said, “In that case I have to return five rupees to you”
I really could not believe what was happening. For the first time in my ‘Life’ I met a caring, considerate, honest, honorable and a hardworking rickshaw driver. He placed a five rupee coin on my palm and left. I continued walking towards my home trying to convince myself that this wasn’t a dream.

What to say……….......

2010-02-08T19:05:00.005+05:30

Last two evenings I attended two weddings and one funeral, I know there is a movie called ‘Four weddings and a funeral, but this one was two completely different weddings and a funeral that had nothing to do with either of these weddings.

One more weekend vaporized before I could latch some time for myself.

Saturday morning we had to leave for our new Property, construction that had stopped for a couple of months has begun full swing, hopefully this time I hope there are no bottle necks that would make days seem like light years. Negotiations, purchases, orders, settlements consumed more than half the day. Added to that was the agony of driving in Bangalore during peak hours.

By the time we reached home at around five in the evening I was both exhausted and famished. I sent a message to my friend Raj (Rajendra Prasad) that I would miss his team member’s wedding reception in the evening as I very badly wanted to catch up with some sleep. His reply was, “As usual…..hand….take care.” Well, his message meant that like always I will miss out on attending events, something that he has got used to after I missed going to three parties with him at the last moment.

Man, I had to change this misconception, friend’s think reasons are excuses at times. I got up from my nap and called him, told him I am in as long as I don’t have to drive. Well, he was the man of the moment, he obliged without a second thought. At half past six in the evening he picked me up and on the way we had to pick up one of his team members. The drive seemed really long, no brownies for guesses, there was chaotic traffic, the only respite being the trance music DJ Raj was playing on his system sans the potion that gives the high.

Banashankari 3rd stage to RT Nagar took us a whopping two hours to reach. Not that I had to complain, our high profile chauffeur dint look tired whatsoever in spite of negating traffic for that long.

Maaaaan, this was a high profile wedding, more people than the hall could accommodate, guests making a beeline to wish the newly married couple and gifts galore waiting to be bestowed onto them. The first thing that came to our mind was food. We thought having that would give us enough energy to buzz on the beeline which looked really long.

The dining room was bustling with activity, the servers and the support staff were sweating it out running up and down the aisle serving food. Those who were having food had people breathing down their neck right behind them waiting for them to get up so that they could eat.

Wow, imagine eating whilst a hungry soul is right behind you salivating and praying that you finish quickly. I wonder if eating like that would digest what’s consumed. We choose a lane and stood there hoping that we would occupy that place. Competition was fierce, it was like land grabbing, and you don’t get your seat to eat unless you GRAB IT. Etiquette had a new meaning, you exhibit it and you end up being a LOSER. So, like losers we saw people grabbing seats around us and like injured soldiers we focused on RETREAT.

We decided to bequeath the newlyweds with the ‘Gift’ before making one more attempt at finding a seat (Grabbing one in the actual sense). The line that led to the couple just didn’t seem to move, thanks to some privileged customers who choose to enter from exit and make their presence felt by causing delays to the ones on the right path.

The ones who chose to stick to lane discipline had no other choice but exercise their never exercised feet. A work out at that time seemed apt because it took twenty five minutes to cover twenty five meters. Wow…….even USAIN BOLT could be put to shame by our sheer pace.

There was one ‘UNCLE’ behind us who felt our back was the wall he could lean against. Our numerous attempts to sway were futile as the spirits in his body had made him soar so high that differentiation and integration between a wall and our back was difficult for him to comprehend. Luckily for us, he chose the high profile customer way, he left the line and took the exit way.

Phew…….imagine the plight of the couple, they had to strike a perfect pose for every picture. Smiling would have hurt like never before, for once they would have thought, “Sometimes even smiling hurts.” Finally we made it to the stage, gave the gift, wished them and stood for yet another ‘HAPPY PIC’.

By now, the hunger pangs had reached the utmost high; this time around we decided ‘Grabbing a seat’ was our right and we had to exhibit it. We made our second attempt at the dining hall, this time around the crowd had eased a little bit, and very conveniently we stood behind gentlemen who were in SUITS. Luckily they didn’t mind, and very gracefully we replaced their ‘ARSE’ with ours.

Finally, we had our dinner. The blessing in disguise came in the form of no starving soul making their presence behind us whilst we were devouring the food. Post that, one glance at the aplomb, one look at the guests, one look at the couple and a firm wave signaling our departure. By the time I was dropped back home it was half past eleven in the night. Too bad, considering the non adherence of 11:00 pm deadline, that gets not adhered to all the time.

Sunday morning didn’t last long. My decision to extend my sleep was short lived as I was summoned by Daddy Dearest to accompany him to attend a funeral of one of his ex-colleagues. God…….Mommy Dear would insist on a bath before and after attending the funeral……….I said Good Night to my ‘SLEEP’ and braced myself to take Dad.

I somehow feel very low attending funerals, to see so many people sob makes me feel numb at times. We reached there by 9:00 am. My eyes were all swollen and I felt very sleepy, of course I could not tell ‘Dad’ that I watched ‘Terminator Salvation’ before I dozed off at 2 am. Every time he gets to know I watched a movie before I doze off the one that always rings in his mind is, “The American Pie” which I chose to watch with him and had to stop mid way not realizing that it had explicit contents. Sometimes recommendations from friends should be clarified with viewer sensitization before you assume with who you will watch it.

The place was bustling with so much noise. We struggled to find a place to park our car. There were many people who had turned up to catch one last glimpse of the departed soul. It was a huge gathering. I was wondering what the din was all about. I have attended some funerals where there is so much drama, people crying like ‘Life’ has come to an end, beating their chest, lapping on every person who attends the last rites, then there are some whose ‘Silence’ speaks a million words, sobbing is restricted to ‘Silence’, the kind that is like an ode to the departed.

Over here it was like a mixed bag, my Dad’s ex-colleagues who were alive and kicking on seeing my Dad received him like he is attending a big bash. For heaven’s sake it was a funeral we were attending, not a get together party. One of them was curious to know how his retired life was, the other on how my sister was doing, and the third was more interested in when I would get married. My ‘Dad’ tried to push his way towards the ‘Man’ who has expired.

We had carried a garland on the way. Dad placed it at his feet, folded his hands in a silent prayer and looked around. Then he told me, “Let’s step aside.” There was so much of confusion there. The Purohit was suggesting the final rites be completed by twelve in the noon, the family was arguing over whether he should be buried or burnt, someone was complaining of a headache and was cribbing that no one is there to give one cup of coffee and one man stood ground saying the body will not move till Mr.XYZ comes.

We looked around, there was no one mourning amidst the chaos, my Dad held my hand and said, “Let’s go! I don’t want to be here.” We walked back to our car without speaking a word with each other. We left that place and the silence continued in the drive. As we approached home Dad said, “It’s so disgusting, such an honorable man and look at how things are wrapping up for him.”

There are times when you are better off just nodding and keeping your mouth shut, it was that kind of a moment. After reaching home, I had a bath again, ate to my heart’s content and dozed off for some time. Luckily this time around I could sleep for as long as I could.

I got up at around four in the evening, had tea and was looking at the wedding card of my former personal trainer. Mom and Dad had both promised him that they would make to his reception. I had to attend by default. He is a very good human being, down to earth and good at heart. He fell in love with one of his high profile trainees and by God’s grace they were able to convince either sides and get married. Reminded me of the recent novel that I read by Mr.Bhagat, “Two states…the story of my……marriage.”

Of course his story had nothing to with this novel, just that in India the biggest challenge when you are in ‘Love’ is to convince either sides that your choice is correct and get married with mutual consensus came into my mind. Luckily for me, I don’t have to convince my parents because they themselves had a love marriage.

Mom’s preparation for attending the wedding started as early as six in evening. She had short listed six sarees and accessories accordingly, Dad had the tedious task of choosing which was apt. Like always he hardly took time to suggest. He said, “The mustard color saree would look good on you, off late I have seen you too many times in shades of maroon and green.” One thing is sure; his justification is always stronger than his choice.

It was eight in the night by the time we left and reached there in hardly thirty minutes. Though the decorations at the entrance was elaborate, the setting inside was exquisite, there was something missing and that took away the essence of the whole event.

There was a sense of gloom that had engulfed the place; parents on either side looked lost. The guy’s parents seemed misplaced whist the girl’s parents looked uninterested. The lane we were sitting, the lane that we took to give the gift and at the buffet, the people were all talking about the fact that it was a ‘Love Marriage’ and all the additional blah blah’s.

There was lack of coordination at the dining hall and complete non involvement in the marriage hall. Amidst all the chaos the only two people who looked happy, peaceful and serene were the beautiful couple. We left early and drove back home, again silence had engulfed us and I said, “I feel sorry for them, it would have been so much better if their parents were more involved.” My parents didn’t say a word; guess it was their moment to remain silent.

I have no idea, what to say about these two weddings and one funeral?

You are better……….

2010-01-25T12:54:00.002+05:30

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.
- Frederick Keonig

Every time I experience a low I have someone special who has not only stood by me but has also taken the pain of giving me a retrospective of the learning’s associated with it.

He always looks up to me, never judges me and provides insights that have helped me become better. I know I am not perfect and all along I have made so many mistakes. Yet, he has gracefully forgiven me, embraced me and ushered me of the fact that I was, I will and I am always better.

In the last few days I was able to reconnect to my Dad, whilst I feel that way, he doesn’t because he was never detached from me; it was me who is in this spree of running amok and then ‘Bang’ realizing that I need to feel grounded seek his intervention.

I am glad and thankful to ‘God’ that I have him and people who really care about me. Sometimes I feel blessed too, just the thought that care comes to me without any prejudice is a feeling enough to relish that I am indeed much better than so many out there.

Someone once said,"When you go against the forces of ‘Life’ to do something, ‘Life’ has its way of forcing things the way it is meant to be." This experience was a good one. Everyone is right from their own perspectives, everyone has their point of view, everyone has a substantiation, what might be right to you, may be wrong to someone else, what seems like an imperfection to you may be absolutely perfect to someone else and vice versa.

I know I have a lot of imperfections in me, I also know that I have people who accept me amidst these imperfections because to them I am imperfectly PERFECT.

In the pursuit of happiness I tried to get something that never belonged to me. I tried in vain to do things that I otherwise would never do. I lived life like it never belonged to me only to realize that I could never be ‘Me’ when I was not being ‘Myself’.

Sometimes, lessons come at a price that constitutes a ‘Life’ changing experience. I am no longer in pursuit of happiness, I would not say I have realized it, how can I say it until and unless I recognize and appreciate what I have wholeheartedly.

Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.
- Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Hope and Belief!!!!

2009-10-19T22:28:00.005+05:30

"Hope never abandons you; you abandon it"

- George Weinberg

'Hope' and 'Belief' are words that are a way of 'Life' for my parents. Whilst my Mother sees it in our future, my Father sees it in us. Trails, tribulations and various ups and downs seems like a whiff that has left no trace. At every stage of our lives (my sister's and mine) it's their confidence in us that has seen us through.

My sister now manages one of the best international hospitals in Dubai; I am no where near her caliber yet in my own standards I am happy about what I am, where I am and what I am doing. Both of us at one point of our lives were branded as an epitome of losers except for our Dad, who always hoped that we will get over it and instilled strong belief that we are only as good as today and yesterday is of no significance.

We started living one day at a time, it really worked. He asked us not to seek for happiness because it lies within us and must surface gradually. He taught us an even more important lesson and that is to spread cheer. He made us experience what it was to be a 'Stoic' and that no matter what happens everything will pass.

We learnt from him that whether you sulk in grief or rejoice in joy, 'Life' moves on not waiting for you to catch up. It was up to us, how much we make of what 'Life' has to offer. We approached 'Life' with passion and fervor and saw changes beyond our wildest imagination.

Miracles seems to be restricted to fairy tales of lore, yet he always told us that 'Miracles' are waiting to happen in our lives. Everyday he prayed for us and slowly his hope and belief began to take its course and engulf us too.

I experienced it. Miracles do happen. My sister has become her usual charming best and living 'Life' to the fullest. My relationships with some special friends got cemented for eternity, my soul felt enchanted and an 'Angel' walked into my 'Life'.

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."-Anonymous

The last few weeks have been like one of the most beautiful experiences weaved by the 'Master'. Today the words my Father used to always say seem to be so true. His words, "Sometimes....miracles do happen" has come true in our 'Lives'.

"You believe easily what you hope for earnestly"

- Terence

It's not just about hoping but strongly believing in them that make our dreams come true. Thanks a ton Bujji (Dad) for instilling these valuable lessons in our 'Life'. It has made our 'Life' so special and we are so lucky to have 'You'

I am ‘Waiting’

2009-09-30T19:15:00.003+05:30

It was the evening of 18th of September’2009. A long weekend was beckoning. Monday was a holiday, thanks to Ramzan and Tuesday was a Compensatory Off that I had to take, else it would get expired. As usual R.P (Rajendra Prasad – AML Manager) and I decided to leave on time hoping to make the weekend seem a little longer. I was busy responding to Regulatory queries and was hoping no one calls just when I am about to leave. At 7:00 pm I got a call from R.P, he sounded so excited. He said, “Raj, the weather is awesome, so I asked my wife to prepare spicy Gobi Manchurian. I am planning to leave in another 15 minutes, will you join.” Mhhhhhh I wish I could. However I had to address some queries and had one more call on status of tax sign offs to finish. I asked him to carry on.

I was done with my work by 8:00 pm and decided to take the 8:15 pm cab. The heaven had decided to lash its fury. There were reports of heavy Traffic Jam everywhere. Assuming R.P has left for the day I proceeded towards the drop zone. Luckily there were enough cabs and I could leave on time. The driver was a smart chap; he was telling us that since there is heavy traffic on Hosur Road all the way till Jaya Deva hospital, we should take an alternate route. He wanted to take a deviation from Jail Road towards Vijaya Bank Colony and then hit JP Nagar and proceed towards Banashankari.

His plan worked perfectly fine, the warm air condition inside coupled with melodious tracks from his recorded CD churning Kishore and Rafi numbers, pounding rain making the road look hazy outside and the reminiscence of the past wavering pleasantly in my mind. We were in an Indica, the girl sitting in the front was completely engrossed in a conversation with her better half, and the guy next to me was busy checking with his friends on the plans for the coming weekend. The driver drove like he was on dope unaware of what is happening around him and my thoughts wavering between nostalgia and what was happening around me.

We reached Vijaya Bank Colony and were just about to pass our home which is still under construction, the child within me got so excited that I wanted to point at it and tell everyone in the cab that it is my house, my house, my house. The adult in me suppressed that feeling and a smile appeared on my face cherishing the moment. The driver suddenly asked me, “Sir, what is making you smile; are you thinking of something.” I was taken aback for a moment and said, “Yenu illa (Nothing).

The cab quickly reached Banergatta Road and we took the right and reached the signal near IIM-B (Indian Institute of Management – Bangalore). There was slow moving traffic for a minute and then the traffic stood still. For some time people continued honking and blaring as if the vehicle ahead of them was the only obstacle. The flood gates decided to gush more water and the down pour that had subdued suddenly increased in sync with the strident thunder. Every soul recoiled within the safe confinements of their cars and the motorists took shelter under trees or buildings close by.

For a moment there was absolute lull, no mortal could be heard; the only thing I could hear was the drops of the rain squander all over and an occasional clunk of the thunder. The wait for the vehicles ahead to move continued. The people in my cab started getting agitated. The babe was complaining to her beau that the stand still traffic has delayed their culmination whilst the dude was busy cursing the politicians, the civic authorities and his fate for being stuck. Amidst all this chaos the driver was humming along with the soulful numbers not one wee bit frantic about the whole proceeding.

The wait had now exceeded thirty minutes and there was no sign of vehicular movement. The driver reminding us of the time elapsed much to the agony of my fellow travelers. Beep Beep. I had a message from R.P which read (Enjoy the stagnant drive with sheer indulgence, meditate and feel good about what is happening). Another smile emerged on my face much to the delight of the driver, who looked back and asked, “Ega Yake Nag Tha Idhira, Sir” (Why are you smiling now?). I read the message R.P had sent and translated it to him. He pondered about it for what seemed a long time and then delivered sentence after sentence in Kannada. The other two who were partially concentrating on what he was saying abruptly finished their calls and listened to him with a fixed gaze.

This is what he had to say. “Sir, every morning I wait for the alarm to go off so that I can get ready on time and start off with my designated pick ups. Of the four pick ups I do which amounts to picking up twelve individuals almost ten of them never come on time and keep me waiting. After every pick up, I have to wait for the transport team to send me for drops. Through out the day I am waiting at signals, for police check ups, for filling gas, for eating meals and even to attend nature’s call because we have only one toilet for the ten houses in my locality and only two toilets for the two hundred drivers in our office. My life is filled with waiting, waiting and waiting. I used to get very irritated by this, I used to fret, get angry, loose patience and sometimes even get into altercations. I began to get frustrated.

One day I decided that I had a ‘Choice’ a ‘Choice’ to cherish every 'wait' that came my way. I started looking at waitng from a different perspective. And soon waiting became a welcome break, I used the wait to plan things, to remember things and Thank God for all that he has given me. Now I make every wait worth the wait and I guess that is as good as meditation.”

After listening to what he said I was speechless. I took a deep breath and rolled back. The jam began to clear and he managed to avoid any more snarls. The other two got down at J.P Nagar and it was just the driver and me. He again asked me, “Adhu kuda meditation thane Sir” (Even that is also meditation right). I looked at him and said, “I am not a Yogi to answer your question, however from whatever I know about meditation I can vouch for the fact that the choice you have made to ensure you feel good every time you wait is one way of meditating.”

He smiled and that blissful expression lasted on his face till I alighted. I reached home in a semiconscious state of mind. The words, “I had a choice……I had a choice…..I had a choice…”…kept repeating itself. I was very tired and Dad released it as soon as I entered home. He asked me to get refreshed and hit the bed. The words were reluctant to efface. I had no intentions to read before going to bed. I just wanted to sleep.

As I tried to let sleep engulf me, for one last time the words, “I had a choice emerged….and then slowly eluded its presence. That night I had strange and meaningful dreams. I did experience it; however I could not remember even one the following morning. As soon as I got up I grabbed my book of quotes and randomly turned to page 132……it read, “Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.”

Phewwwww!!!!! It was too much for me to digest. No matter what situation we are in and no matter what we are waiting for, don’t we all have a choice of how we can relate to it? We always had and have a choice on whether we relish the wait or fret over it. What really matters is the choice and my choice is to wait peacefully for things that are beyond my circle of control. Well is this meditating? I don’t know. However from the cabbie’s perspective I am for sure that in his wait he was always in trance and the lesson he taught me of ‘Choice’ is something I will definitely imbibe in my Life.

What goes around comes around!!!

2009-08-05T20:17:00.005+05:30

Chaiwaala (Tea Vendor)….is a new phenomenon in our office where a vendor has set up a stall to serve us assortment of teas. Our usual pit stop at 4 pm was across the bridge in the cafeteria located on the opposite building. We were so much used to having our regular dose of normal tea that the need to experiment never rose.

Circa 2009 date: 3rd August we (rather ‘I’) wanted to experiment at the Chaiwaala store and try some new variety of chai (Tea). As usual Thuks (Thukkaram – Finance), Jags (Jagadish - CA Intern), Sendil (our not so new CFO), UD (Udhay – Compliance), Harry (Harikumar – Communications) and I headed for chai and I suggested we try the range.

Now and then adding some spice in our life is essential aint it??? Well, well, well of the jazzy list of special chai's I chose ‘Stress tea’ for Thuks and me as off late we have been stressed with clean up activities in our respective work streams. I went ahead and suggested UD and Jags have ‘Immune tea’ as they seemed not so well on that day. Sendil settled for normal tea. Harry was yet to join us.

We waited with baited breath for our respective chai’s. The ‘Stress tea’ was supposed to have key ayurvedic ingredients in it which would ignite our senses, rejuvenate our mind and alleviate stress whilst the ‘Immune tea’ had ayurvedic ingredients that would make the immune system strong and less prone to infections mainly cold, cough and flu.

Normal tea and Stress tea were ready first. So, Sendil, Thukks and I picked our respective teas and walked towards the tidily arranged tables and chairs. We picked our spot and waited for Jags and UD to join us with their Immune tea. As soon as we parked ourselves a pungent smell was distracting our conversation. As we were sitting near the ledge close to some plants I initially felt it must be the smell of fertilizers as I am so much used to that smell in our farm.

Mhhhhhhhhh………the odor was still lingering on my mind. I started looking around just in case someone has stepped on poop or if there was any stale left over behind. Nopes, nothing was in sight. Sendil suggested either we go to another table or ignore. We chose to ignore and as I was picking up my cup of tea the whiff became more intense and phewwwwww… humid, warm and hitting right on my face……………….Oh my Godddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ingredients in the Stress tea were emitting a stench that was worse than a baby’s puke…….grosssssssssssssssssssss.

For a moment I was left wondering whether I was having ‘Stress Tea’ to de-stress my self or for ‘Stressing myself’. Thukka continued his sips like the tea was blended to perfection. I had to convince myself that Rum and Whiskey taste worse than this and continued to have, may be the change is experienced after the drink. With great difficulty I tried to gulp it.

I hoped that at least the immune tea will taste much better. UD and Jags came by then and their tea added further agony to the already stinking ‘Stress tea’. The reek that had engulfed the table was unexplainable.

Amidst all this the one who was having a hearty laugh was Sendil. By then Harry came and the smart ass that he is decided not to experiment and settled for normal tea. I guess if my pictures were captured on that day it would reflect my worst expressions of the Decade.

The tea had completely ‘Stressed’ me. Wow……no wonder they called it the ‘Stress tea’. I was very pissed and frustrated over the entire ordeal. We were finally done with it and then the stench was replaced by an aroma………for a moment I could sense the aroma whispering in my ears…..COME TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In stall 1 the ISS Caterer was preparing Garmagaram (hot hot) Samosas and Crispy (yum) Onion pakoras. The temptation was too much to resist after the bad taste the God damn tea had left on my taste buds.

Harry was quick to order one plate of Onion pakoras and I ordered Samosas…….and suddenly ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE………Raj……fitness conscious …..Raaaaj…….diet ……..conscious….. Raaaaaaaaaj………..who refused to eat half bajji on Friday has ordered for one plate of Samosa……God…………When five of us requested him to have he dint have it and today he wants us to share Samosa with him. What happens to the Calories Raj, what happens to the regime, %^&%$#$%^)*%#% phew these guys just dint stop.

Oh please for Pete’s sake I wanted to get the taste of the ‘Stress Tea’ off my mind…..and after coaxing, pleading, cajoling and apologizing they agreed to share. At the table everyone took turns to nag me. The sentence that struck me the most was, “What goes around comes around.”

In my case refusing to have a small Bajji resulted in having two Samosas. Does that happen to everyone in life? Does God ever get back and even with those who have gone around? Sometimes, actions meted by certain individuals’ makes laws of life look so lame. I know of so many instances where what went around never came around.

A man who ruined my friend’s life is Happy to the hilt. A woman who drove my friend up the wall is basking in glory. A reckless driver destroyed one family yet his life is normal without any sense of guilt. A petty thief killed someone for fifty rupees and has no regret whatsoever.

In most cases what goes around never comes around. Don’t give me the jazz of destiny, misfortune, God’s will and all the other blah blah. Now that this blog of mine will go around I wonder what will come around, your comments, your views or your thoughts lingering on that sentence???? What goes around comes around. God knows!!!

Complicated……..

2009-04-26T11:15:00.001+05:30

Few days back one of my friends was so paranoid, I was wondering if it is the job insecurity that is doing him in. The response I got was quite bizarre. He was very apprehensive of how his daughter would be faring in her annual exams. He said,”Raj, she has been topping in all the tests and in every subject and I don’t want that trend to break.” Ohowwww…… and how old is his daughter, all but eight years.

Pragna, very synonymous to her name is one of the most brilliant little ones I have met. For her age she leaves me spell bound with the vast knowledge she possess in her tiny brain. Her responses to some of the questions around spirituality could leave even adults swooning at her feet.

Ask her the meaning of her name and she will give you a brief anecdote on its significance. She prefers calling me ‘Raj’ and I love it that way, makes me feel younger you see though there are enough grey strands on my head to prove otherwise.

“Raj, you know after I was born, the astrologer had told me that I am a blessing of Goddess Saraswati and I will make significant progress in academics.” God! I can see a cute halo over her head when she utters those lines with sheer innocence. “That is why I study hard and I want to be the best.”

And within me my conscience says, “Yeah sweetheart, you are born to be the best and I wonder if you are living your life in this pursuit of excellence.” I wish I could say this to her, but I have never had the courage to do so. Her innocent life is filled with schedules. She has Sanskrit classes early in the morning, then school, then music and abacus on alternate days and on weekends she hardly has time to catch up with the week ahead and I thought I lived in a tight schedule. The only difference is watching her go through this mundane with a smile and not a pinch of regret.

I wonder what life has in store for her ten years from now. Will she maintain consistency, will she still be a topper, will she be able to juggle all her activities with the same ease and élan, and will she be another wiz kid that the world will watch with awe.

And what will happen if she falters, will she bounce back, will my friend still love her as much as he does now, does he really love her or her achievements, phewwwwwww……her simple life just seems to be heading towards complication.

I wonder why parents in the pursuit of boosting their ego put so much unwanted stress on their wards. Words like competition, challenge, victory, triumph are etched like one cannot survive without them. Children are compared with each other like benchmarks. Sometimes when I watch parents discuss about their children it sounds like two cars being compared in terms of their looks, stability, performance and longevity.

Wow, having children is like having a performing machine that has to meet certain requirements and jut like how every car manufacturers work towards making their customers happy, God has to design babies to meet the demands and standards of the new age parents before they are delivered.

Hidden deep inside her closet were paintings, each one better than the other, water color at its best, nature depicted in its entire splendor. A childish game where the loser has to reveal a secret unveiled a painter in Pragna. Apparently she has been painting from when she is four. As part of extra curricular activity in school she chose painting and her parents don’t even have a clue about it.

God! Aren’t you a whatever, I can’t think of words to exclaim my anger!!! Those tiny hands knew how to vividly capture a terrain, mix colors to depict the beauty of flowing water, portray the magic of wind that sailed her ships, reveal the beauty of birds…..phewwwww……….. man wasn’t this child blessed.

I guess not. She requested me not to reveal to her parents that she paints because they don’t like it. They don’t like it and think it’s a waste of time and at this tender age this ‘Angel’ has suppressed her feeling for the art in the confinements of her closet. Well to add to this misery was certificates and medallions she had won for ‘ART’ that her parents have never seen.

“Raj, whenever I am stressed or want to break free I paint. It makes me feel better.” Man, this cutie pie is already feeling stressed and also knows how to overcome it. Wow, isn’t she incredible. How I wish I could reveal her hidden talent to my friend.

Nevertheless, the little bundle of joy at this age knows how to handle, stress, manage her parents and the numerous expectations they have for her. May be one day she will break free and I have no idea if her parents will be able to handle that. Or if in the future if she becomes a famous painter will they attribute her success to their dedication towards her upbringing…….time will tell.

Man, did ‘God’ design a complicated life for us or are we complicating our lives. I guess the latter holds good. Day in and day out we pray asking ‘Him’ to complicate things and then pray further to create more obscurities.

Many a times we don’t meet our own expectations yet we leave no stone unturned on gauging over our loved ones not meeting our expectations. In a race that ‘God’ never created I sometimes feel after getting trapped instead of ensuring the ones that follow thread their own path we are directing them to the same ‘Trap’.

Like I always say, these were more views after spending quality time with ‘Pragna’. I am sure your views and thoughts will vary and it’s not necessary that you feel the same way that I do. I just wanted to stress on the fact that ‘Life’ can be uncomplicated if we choose. At least you can make it less ‘Complicated’ for those around you.

When ‘WHAT’ happens……..

2009-04-04T13:10:00.005+05:30

There are two things that are definitely a priority in my ‘Life’, rather that’s the priority the loved ones in my life have for me. When you look at their ‘Agenda’ it has ‘Me’ scribbled all over. So much concern and anxiety over things that is so very trivial.

The ‘M & M’ syndrome has caught the fascination of my dear ones. The pattern just doesn’t seem to become non existent unless completely cured. Ironically the one suffering is definitely not me.

For reasons unknown the first question that pops from someone I meet after a long time is, “When are you getting MARRIED?” well, the answer is after my ‘MBA’ and bang comes the next question, “When are you going to do your MBA?” definitely this year.

Wow, that gives me a year of breathing space. What happens next is obviously predictable. Once I am done with my ‘MBA’ the only concern that everyone will have is ‘Marriage’. The ultimate respite is to say, “I am secretly married and I am waiting for the right opportunity to reveal it to everyone”. Mhhh!!!Sounds interesting.

Recently I was having a conversation with my dear friend Rudy. She has been married for quite some time now and I happened to ask her when she is planning to extend her family. Within our own confinements we started laughing.

Man isn’t ‘life’ getting so damn predictable. First studies, then career, then marriage, children, their career, their marriage and eventually your death. I wonder if this is the only priority of our lives. Aren’t their things that are more significant in ‘Life’? Aren’t there discussions that can add more perspective to our lives? Is our life just about pre determined ‘MILESTONES’ that has to be periodically achieved and discussed about?

When we meet, we either ponder over the ‘Past’ or have endless discussions over an unseen ‘Future’. Isn’t ‘Now’ and the moment that beckons significant? Isn’t ‘Life’ all about living to the FULLEST? Can there not be a ‘Life’ where every moment ‘Takes your breath away.” How many of us would rather say, “I'd rather have a moment of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.”

I know of a group of friends who occasionally catch up to discuss about people they know and the ‘Subjects’ in their discussion hardly care a damn about them. Wow, aren’t they making the topic of discussion so significant and their own identity so insignificant.

A friend of mine on meeting only provides updates on friends who he thinks are doing good and emphasizes very little on how he is doing or even ask me, how I am doing. Man, this is heights. God gave you a ‘Moment’ which you could have made ‘Special’ and you just blow it off in sheer ignorance.

And in the midst of all that you are questioned like there is some concern when the concerned himself is not concerned about the concern.

There are times when I have looked back and wondered why things happened the way it did. Why didn’t they get better or why didn’t things last the way it started. I am sure each one of us knows of instances that we wish could have been re-engineered according to our whims and fancies. Even if it did, the only thing it meets is our expectation that doesn’t even add a dime to our dimension.

Today, I relish every experience I have been through. Bitter or better, it has only done wonders to me. I have become choosy about what I look back on and particular about things I ponder about.

Take a look at you and within you and ask, “Are you living or existing”. If you are ‘LIVING’ I am happy for you because with you and around you, all that you carry is ‘Moments’ that will make the heart “SMILE”. If you are ‘EXISTING’ do something about it, instead of catching up on whether someone is ‘LIVING’ or ‘EXISITING’

Whether I do my ‘MBA’ or get ‘Married’ is of no significance. What really matters is whether I am ‘Happy’ about what I am doing. I am indeed glad and experiencing ‘Life’ like never before. Does that fact not make you feel good?

Life is not a challenge, it’s an experience that has to manifest in the way we live. Milestones are not pre determined and non adherence to it does not stop the ‘Earth’ from rotating around the ‘Sun’. Love cannot be made, it just happens and when it does I am sure I will let all my near and dear ones know.

Thomas L. Odem, Jr once said, “If the essence of my being has caused a smile to have appeared upon your face or a touch of joy within your heart. Then in living - I have made my mark.” I guess I will feel the same if I have managed to do that in your lives because for, you see, each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.

My best friend always says, “When When ‘What’ ‘What’ must happen, That That will Then Then “HAPPENO HAPPEN”. Sounds so funny, yet so intriguing.

So, in my opinion which is purely mine instead of wondering and discussing about ‘When ‘What’ happens why not relish every moment with ‘Joy’ & Fervor’. What has to happen will eventually happen? Isn’t it?

Against all odds....Story 1) The Protogonist ....Concluding Part

2009-03-14T01:52:00.013+05:30

Then came a period were meeting was out of question. During holidays I was extremely busy catching up with people who are now insignificant for my existence. We called each other a couple of times and the discussion was more around exams, results and there was no hint of ‘Ram’ in her discussion. I felt that she had gotten over the fact that he may not accept her, what with his ‘Silence is the best Protest’ attitude.

Bling!!!!!!!!Holidays were over in a jiffy. I was not at all excited to go back to college; however I was eager to catch up with my friend. Oh yeah! There was my pal like always looking her best scanning a book at the lawn outside our classroom. I hitched a plan to frighten her, I slowly perched myself along the compound wall and slyly moved closer to her and the moment I was right behind her shouted, ‘Swatiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! ………maannnnnn she was startled and started whacking me with the book she had in her hand and said, “Raaaaaaam, why do you always do this.”

What! Raaaaaaaaam, I always thought my name was ‘Raj’. I guess my expression said it all. I was perplexed and she was bewildered. In that spur of the moment so many thoughts swept in my mind and I was lost as I looked into her eyes. Somehow I sensed that she had progressed in this non existent relationship or was it a never ending relationship.

When you know friends like the back of your hand, it’s next to impossible for them to lie to you. For sometime we sat there speechless. Subtly she said, “Raj, I am sorry, I have no idea why I did not keep you informed, our relationship has progressed.” At that moment I did not know whether to feel exalted over love’s victory or feel anxious about the possible outcome.

We have seen or known so many run around the mill stories. Rich guy/girl falls in love with poor boy/girl and things get worse and eventually love triumphs. Well, aren’t movies and stories too unrealistic, isn’t real life more practical and rational. At that moment I chose Ram’s way and remained silent. For once I was in a poignant state of mind with a series of mixed feelings with just one sentence resurfacing again and again, something I said few months back to Swati…….”Everything will be fine”.

When your own life at late teens is uncertain what certainty could one provide to a series of doldrums that was heading her way? I came to know from her that her repeated pleas softened him and though at first he insisted that the relationship would not work he succumbed to her charisma. Yes, they were madly, deeply and passionately in love with each other. Her magic just seemed to cascade his efforts. He now owned a small ‘Hadda’ or ‘Darshini’ now. Thanks to the Doctor who was willing to bet his earnings on Ram.

It was common in Swati’s side to get the girls married early and then let them continue their studies. Swati started getting proposals, each better than the other. NRI’s from countries I have heather to not seen, government officials with all the clout, businessmen with large turnovers and stalwarts from varied professions.

Her pleas to leave her alone till she completed her studies were smacked by her parents. They told her that they know what is best for her and decided on short listing the applicants according to categories that they understood the best. Swati, started to get impatient.

One Saturday in the morning I got a call from her at around ten in the morning. I was asked to meet her at the city centre. All that I was told was that I had to summon my self within thirty minutes to our favourite Chat Joint. On a lazy day I reluctantly carried myself there. As I entered the joint I sensed some freshness, a kind of essence that I had never experienced before. I looked around and she was not there. There were hardly any customers around except an elderly man and a beautiful woman decked up in a red silk saree. Wow!!!!!!!!She looked so beautiful………………hey wait a sec………..Oh my Goddddddddddddddddddddddddddd……...………I just could not believe what I saw ……….Mannnnnn it was Swati…..and the gentleman with her was the Doctor who was the spine that ‘Ram’ harbored his faith and growth on.

“Raj!’ I am getting married today to ‘Ram’, please don’t be shocked, couldn’t do it without you around, you are the only one I have from my side to witness it. Ram, will be here in a few minutes, he has gone to get garlands and some sweets. We are first having a court marriage and then he will tie the holy knot in our favorite Ganesha temple.’ Will you be one of the witnesses for my marriage? After the wedding we will be heading to the Ulsoor Gate Police Station to seek Police protection, Doctor Uncle has arranged for everything.”

‘Raj, Raj,,,,,,Raaaaaaaaaaj……are you listening.” Am I what? Is this some kind of a dream or a nightmare in the wee hours of morning? Should I pinch myself to check if this is reality? Raj, Raaaaaaaaaaj…..ah…..Yeah Swati……..yeah….I am with you”. Uffff it was no dream, it was happening man and my heart was pounding with fear, I had no idea if I was in my senses.

By the time I gained my composure it was all over and we were at the Assistant Commissioner of Police’s office waiting for her parents. Goddddddddddd……….things got awry after they came, they started hurling abuses, swore at the newly married couple, cursed their fate and left the place disowning her as according to them she had brought disgrace upon them. That was the worst possible start a newly married couple could imagine. She crumbled at her feet and inconsolable tears embraced her cheeks.

While most love stories that I have seen had better starts they crumbled due to various constraints I have no clue about. I did not know ‘Ram’, I could not say whether she would be happy from there on or if she would deteriorate further. I knew she was a woman of substance but was her ‘Ram’ a man of true character? I guess time would say. As I tried to regain my countenance I saw Swati gathering herself and walking towards me, Ram walked with her, as I stood there looking at her, Ram gently placed his hand on my shoulder and said, “Everything will be fine.”

While ‘Love’ ends in most love stories post marriage, their ‘Love story’ of struggle of strife began. Two inspired souls with the zeal to rise in love embarked on their journey. Ram, was very particular that Swati continued studying. His top priority was to ensure that she graduated with flying colors.

As time passed, I saw Swati become more and more focused in academics, she began topping every exam. Ram repaid his debts, expanded his ‘Darshini’ and worked like a machine. He always ensured that he dropped her to college; he regularly brought lunch for her and left a flask filled with tea for her in the evening while she studied in the Library.

Watching them together was bliss, seeing true ‘Love’ flourish used to leave my eyes teary on so many occasions as they compromised, sacrificed and evolved with time. Swati’s winning streak in boards continued and Ram’s hard work paid off. She graduated as a ‘Rank’ holder and on the day she had her convocation ‘Ram’ opened a new restaurant.

Swati got placed in a major chip making company and with her fat salary procured a business loan for Ram who continued his restaurant expansion spree. Whilst she soared with finesse he expanded his business with ease.

Today Swati is a renowned integrated ‘Chip Maker’ and Ram an award winning ‘Restaurateur’. They are blessed with a future ‘Miss Universe’ who they named ‘Prerana’ which in English means ‘Inspiration’. They wanted her name to reflect the nostalgia of their past.

Wow………some real stories say more than just words.

I never knew there would be a better tomorrow
But you've come into my life and taken away all my sorrow

My days of sadness are a thing of the past
Because I have found true love at last

My days of emptiness are gone for good
Because you fill a void in my heart that you should

You've opened a window
You've shown me the light
And my love for you will continue to burn bright.

Yvonne Warren

Is Ram the ‘Protagonist’ in this story? I always thought that way due to his relentless support, but then how could I ignore ‘Swati’ for her cherished spirit and the ‘Doctor’ who is like the ‘SPECIAL’ guest for the rest of their lives. Its left for you to decide.

For me the contentment is in ‘Love’s Triumph’ and don’t you think the real ‘Protagonist’ is that magical weaver who weaved one of the most beautiful stories in my life in the guise of ‘DESTINY’

Against all odds....Story 1) The Protogonist ....Part 3 .....contd

2009-03-05T23:51:00.004+05:30

It was a bright sunny afternoon and we decided to bunk the evening classes so that we could watch a movie. “Alaipayuthey” was a rage those days, starring Madhavan and Shalini, directed by Mani Rathnam and music by the maestro A.R.Rahman. We decided to watch that movie.

It was really good, though it dragged a bit towards the end. After the movie we decided to catch up for some coffee and snacks. Others were eager to go home leaving just Swati and me behind. Somehow, Swati did not seem interested in heading home and asked me if I would join her for a casual walk. I have no idea why I said okay. We then headed from Kaveri junction towards Sankey Tank.

On the way we shared reminiscence of our past and cherished each others fond memories. On reaching Sankey Tank, she said she wants to share something very important with me. I had somehow sensed that it would be about ‘Ram’; however I gathered my countenance and pretended to be unperturbed.

“Raj!” I know it’s overtly stupid and will make no sense, I know it will not work, I don’t know why I am feeling like this, I don’t even have the slightest clue about what I am going through, I don’t know whether I should jump with joy or slump in mellow, I know I am not confused but then I am afraid of the consequences, no I am not afraid of the consequences, I am afraid of rejection, I don’t know if its my want or need, I cant understand this emotion but I know one thing for sure. I am in ‘Love’ and just can’t stop thinking about ‘Ram’ and as my best friend you should do something about it.

Wowwwwwwwwwwwww………………Mama miaaaaaaa……..I was motionless for sometime trying with all the energy that I could gather to make sense of what she said. For a moment I did not even have an answer. I did not even know how to react. Should I laugh over her infatuation or be heartening to her emotional expedition.

As these thoughts kept hounding me, she stood there right in front of me with tears trickling down her eyes. Gosh! That’s the last thing I wanted to see, a dear friend cry.
Oh! Nooooooooo………..what could I do at that moment. I just took her hands in mine and looking deeply into her eyes said, “Everything will be fine”.

After that both of us were speechless, we changed course and reached our respective homes. My stupid mind though weak in Maths tried to make every permutation and combination to review how things would work for her if she chose ‘Ram’. As a friend I did not know whether I should support her new found affection or divert her mind into something more dutiful.

Some ‘WOMEN’ are very adamant, stubborn, overtly emotional and very determined to get what they want. Swati aptly fitted this category. All my futile attempts to bring in some rationality to the situation were squashed with ease with resolute responses that left me on my knees. She was determined that it’s got to be him and nothing, absolutely nothing I said shook the relentless pursuit that she was in.

Meanwhile, Ram was constantly improvising. He had graduated to a small tea stall which he had rented within the college premises. Man….I always felt that he somehow sensed Swati’s inclination towards him, yet pretended to be composed. His language skills had improved too, he was on par with the locals in ‘Kannada’ and guess what in ‘English’ too.

Holidays were lurking around and our endless debate continued. A couple of days before our semester holidays started we met at Ram’s tea stall. We ordered our Regular tea. The tea stall had improved further, with two servers, one tea maker and ‘Ram’ had moved on to the seat of the Cashier. After having our tea and some rusks, we headed towards the counter to pay the bill. Swati was walking right beside me.

I handed over a small chit with ‘God’ knows what number was scribbled on it. ‘Ten rupees, ‘Sir’, said Ram. I was just about to pull the note from my wallet and suddenly Swati blurted in Kannada, “Hi Ram, I am Swati, 1st year Engineering student Electronics & Electrical Branch, only daughter to my parents, smart, intelligent and beautiful, I like your attitude and your relentless spirit to improvise, I admire the way you take care of your customers and your mesmerizing smile makes me visit this place again and again, I LOVE YOU and I WANT TO MARRY YOU.”

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Did I hear some thing or was it hallucinations. Man…..can you believe it, one of the God Damn most beautiful girls I have known blatantly proposing a maverick. Wow……no wonder some smart asses say, “LOVE IS BLIND”. I could see a relieved expression on Swati’s face and a shell shocked appearance in Ram’s face.

‘Raj! Raaaaaaaaj! Pay up, we have to go. What…..oh I had to pay up, oh errrr…..oophs yeah…….ok…here ‘Ram’ your ten rupees. See you bye. Gosh……I don’t remember a thing of what was happening clearly. I just felt someone drag me from there to the lawn nearby.

‘Raj! I said it……..Oh God!!!!Thank You so much………mhhhhh I said ‘I Love You’ to him…………it feels so good. Hello!!!!What is happening. Well, well, well your friend Swati, just proposed to her love ‘Ram’. Maaaan….did she. I have no clue. God…..you are insane. Completely insane. I know, I know……just relax and come on lets go.

Are you confused about who said what? Well, I was confused too. The only thing that was clear to me was that she proposed to him and left him startled. Honestly, I was horrified. Considering the background she came from I felt she is in the verge of dooming his LIFE. God alone could save him.

Girls usually are used to many proposals so I guess they aren’t startled when someone proposes to them. For guys it’s a huge challenge to gather courage and group few words to make a sentence and reveal their love. But when a ‘Girl’ proposes to you and you know she is the ‘BEST’ it just blows your lid off man. Ram was awestruck. He did not know how to react or do anything. Every day Swati troubled his humble soul with her weary eyes as she left her gaze forever on his anxious face.

----------------------------------------------------------------to be continued

Against all odds! Story 1) The Protagonist ..Part 2..contd

2009-02-28T23:53:00.006+05:30

Swati, was a bubbly girl with loads of solemnity and features that could carry it off with ease. As I was committed then, I never had any crazy inclinations about her. We were great friends and I was always in demand cause guys who would swoon around her would approach me first to get them hitched with her.

At lunch or in the evening whilst going home we would burst out laughing at the never ending attention she would get. Guess, it’s the age or the instinct that makes people in their late teens succumb to the temptations of prettiness.

My pal belonged to a very conservative family. She was the only child to her parents. Her Dad was a government employee and was heading an Audit function. Her Mom was a typical extremely possessive, society conscious and God fearing housewife. They could never ever buy the concept that a guy and girl could be 'Good' friends so I was a ‘nobody’ to her family. However, she enjoyed the privilege of being a family member at my ‘Home’ where my Mom’s cool and my Dad’s for ever complacent.

While I was busy with my now extinct love story she was always on a soul searching spree. Her idea of love and relationship was too naive for someone like me to accept. Her concepts to me were like reading excerpts from the pages of ‘Fairy Tales’ which never exist in real life. Can you imagine a ‘Happily lived ever after’.

Firstly, happily lived is a concept based situation what with so many mundane things occupying more significance in our lives? Secondly ever after, sounds like its just ‘Fun’ and ‘Frolic’ without any strings attached.

Oooophs….I must not be commenting so much about her beliefs. Nevertheless, I really respected her feelings though I never believed in such things. Do you guys believe? Come on, just look around you, amidst all the beauty you have screwed up so many things. Uffff……it was a joke. Hope you guys aren’t serious.

Now guys please don’t frown for deviating. Mhhh Mhh……okay, so we used to have tea every day before going home. No rewards for guessing who the vendor was. Well, it was obviously ‘Ram’. Man, he was indeed charming. The smile on his face, the twinkle in his eyes and the cleanliness he maintained in that limited space could bring shame upon the kitchens of ‘Star’ hotels.

Swati, was always mesmerized by this guy. The daily routine of having ‘Tea’ had more emphasis on ‘hitting on him’ than actually having the dose. I can still remember the excitement in her eyes every day when we went to have ‘Tea’, the diffident demeanor, the exhilaration and of course those observant eyes which would scan ‘Ram’ like she's gonna devour him.

God! Those killer looks and ‘Ram’ would be so undisturbed and serene. He was always focused on what he had to do and not a slight deviation. Man, I really revere his ability to ignore all the attention that he got. Somehow I sensed Swati was going bonkers about that guy. What seemed a ‘Crush’ started getting a little complicated.

..........................to be continued

Against all odds!

2009-02-25T22:28:00.008+05:30

Jassi always keeps complaining that my blogs reflect pain and turmoil. This is my attempt to write something refreshing about enchanted souls who made it to the D-Day and beyond in spite of being stacked against odds.

My Dad always says, “Son, one must not fall in love, one must rise in it.” Mhhhh it sounds too idealistic to me, however my friends including my own parents are a testimony that when two lovable souls cross each others path there is just ‘Magic’ and nothing beyond that.

I know how it feels when ‘Love’ happens, however I am yet to experience ‘Love’s triumph. Nevertheless, I have my near and dear ones who garnered inspiration from each other to get going and reach the pinnacle of their glory.

This is my attempt to honor their achievements through real stories that inspire me to believe that ‘True Love’ exists. The stories are based on my interpretation of my limited interaction with the characters. I hope my perception is justified if those involved ever end up reading them. I have also changed the names of the characters to conceal their identity.

To be thinking of a time
When you’d no longer be there
For me to gaze upon in delight
And all our feelings share
Is not acceptable to me
Because in my life
Is where I want you to be
Always and forever.

Freida Martinez

*************************************************

1) The Protagonist

Long back before I dropped out of my engineering, there was this guy who lost everything in Kerala and with what ever he had left with him, came to Bangalore to start afresh. Unfortunately on alighting here he ended up meeting the wrong people who stole whatever little he brought to embark his journey. With no money and choice he wondered what to do, luckily for him there was a blood donation camp nearby and they were offering money for those who volunteered to donate blood.

Begging was out of question and donating more blood than normal was dangerous. What else could he do when there was hardly a penny left in his pocket? The guy went on to donate blood twice and when he tried donating it the third time he was caught by a Doctor. He related his story to the latter, who was convinced with the tale and offered help. Our ‘Protagonist’ accepted the offer only if the Doctor was willing to take the money back. With hardly any hope the Doctor accepted as he had enough experiences of people never coming back.

With close to thousand rupees in his pocket Ram went on a shopping spree. He bought a stove, some vessels, few flasks, plastic cups, tea powder and milk. He was advised by the Doctor that if he had to succeed in his endeavor he had to choose an ideal spot. Smart ass found an engineering college nearby and from the very next day started selling tea. In the night he would rest in the hospital’s premises thanks to the Doctor’s extended support.

From selling close to 30 cups a day his business picked up at a swift pace. In just three weeks he moved on to selling close to 100 cups. He had enough return on his investment and had made some profit too. In order to meet the unprecedented demand, he bought bigger flasks, a second hand bicycle and a better stove. On his way back, he picked up a gift for the Doctor. He then headed straight to the Doctor’s house.

Ram was gleaming with joy. As soon as he saw the Doctor, he ran up to him to touch his feet as a sign of respect, even before he could do that the Doctor hugged him. With tears in his eyes and words mumbling he just kept saying ‘Thank You’ again and again. He returned the money he had borrowed from the Doctor much to the latter’s astonishment.

He also gifted the Doctor a watch and requested him to wear it always. He then went on to say that every time the Doctor checks the time he should realize that he has helped someone who is always praying for his well being.

Hey wait, shouldn’t I be talking about a love story as mentioned in the prologue, instead I am going gaga about some god damn guy called Ram. Well, well, well isn’t Patience a virtue.

The introduction of someone special in his life happened much earlier in our lives. Swati, our batch mate in engineering was one of the most beautiful and intelligent girls I have met. A good friend and an amazing human being ended up falling in love with this ‘Protagonist’

…………………………………………………………………………to be continued.

The purpose of existence!

2007-11-13T11:48:00.000+05:30

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
and things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art; to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

- H.W.Longfellow.

I sometimes wonder what may be the purpose of my existence. I have never been able to assimilate the way my life has been nor do I have a clear perception of what lies ahead. I give up in the midst of my contemplation to live today to the fullest. Yet the thought gets instigated now and then to ponder about the inevitable.

I always feel that it’s a yonder thought that lingers within me but in vain as the answer seems beyond my reach. Nah! I am not giving up; I am just looking around to see what purpose have some people achieved during their existence.

A lesson on Alexander the Great was taught to us way back in school and I am sure most of us who have gone through it have had it etched somewhere in our sub consciousness. If he was destined to vanquish more than half the world and then perish in contempt then what the heck was he born for? I presume before he died he had a wish that the coffin he would be buried in must have an open space on either side of it so that while his body is inside the coffin, his hands will be stretched out of it. The significance being that no matter what you do and no matter how much you conquer, when you leave, you leave everything behind and carry nothing with you.

Who does not know about Mother Theresa? She experienced the call within the call of her duties to lead a religious life. The call compelled her to work for the cause of the destitute and abandoned. The influence she had on promoting her cause during her life is phenomenal. There cannot be another ‘Mother’ whose relentless spirit and devotion changed the way life perceived most of the impoverished. She has gone but has left her legacy behind. If she was destined to take care of the needy why the heck did God create the needy in the first place?

Mhhh! There are many examples that can be quoted from others lives and from our very own. I have a friend who is a mastermind in knowledge management. The way he has struggled to make two ends meet just to keep his family afloat was a Herculean Task. However, his domain never had the required scope in our country and in spite of his vast expertise all he earned was a meager amount. He decided to study further and carve a niche in the market that would recognize his potential. He researched like a madcap and successfully managed to grab a seat in a premier institute in UK.

You call it destiny or freak in f*&%#d up Life. Things were meant not to happen for him. All of a sudden his brother insisted that he wanted to pursue his MBA and my pal being the sole bread earner of his domicile had to fund it. A home loan was hovering on his shoulders and he had some personal saving to accommodate his studies. Unfortunately, no bank was willing to fund him a personal/educational loan to pay up for his brother’s MBA fees.

All I could do was just muster some courage in him and say the same damn saying, “Good things will happen to good people,” I was helpless and could do nothing but wish him luck. And every time he used to call me he used to say in a poignant tone, “I don’t understand the purpose of my existence.”

Not again, purpose of existence……….. shucks it just keeps creeping in my mind just when I have shelved it in derision. I felt a purpose ridiculing my existence. Forget it!!!!! There is no point dwelling over a thought that is insignificant at this moment of my life.

Days passed by like a whisker and one fine morning I wake up to see my pal at home. Even before I could regain my countenance he had me jumping with him, I was still in my blues, yet I could clearly sense the joy he was experiencing. He had got a job in a French firm that had started its operations in India. They had offered him a salary that one can only dream of. I was indeed very happy for him.

All of sudden, things just changed in his life. He proved his mettle and the company was proud about recruiting him. They gave him more perks and he exceeded their expectations in every assignment that was consigned to him. They felt the urge to capitalize on his talent and made him an International Consultant. He is now a globe trotter. Wow!!!!!!!!!!

One fine day I get a call from him, I could feel the depth in his voice as he said, “Pal! I am finally feeling proud about myself, I guess now I know the Purpose of my Existence!” Oh my God!!!!!!!!!!!!!Not again…………..purpose my…..oophs……

Well! He eventually found the purpose, but many haven’t and I am not bothered. When I find it I will definitely go gaga about it and let all my near and dear ones know. By the way, should there be a purpose to exist, can’t we just live and let live. Can’t we just relish with what’s already there and move on. Can’t we just be content with whatever we have and savor it?

I guess it’s a BIG NO!!!! If contentment was infused in man, his world would perish in a jiffy. There wouldn’t be this blog of mine for discussion or all that progress man has made. I guess God has given each one of us an innate ability which we have to discover, I guess that discovery leads to a commitment to excel in it and keep us going no matter what. There is a startling observation that someone has made, all successful people have been the best in just one aspect and that’s the one closest to their heart. What effaces from then on is just mere performance exquisite.

Well, from the pessimistic perspective not everyone with talent succeeds, some win and some don’t. However isn’t it better to try and fail than not to try at all? That contentment of having tried is what one should seek and take defeat in their stride because no matter who you are, what you do and how you live one day you gonna go to the dust and after that you become HISTORY!!!!

My search for the purpose is on….and if you have found your’s what are you waiting for……Christmas!!!! Come on get going and get kicking before its too late. Well let me end with my favourite quote,"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, its measured by the moments that take our breath way."

Shaken but not stirred!

2007-10-21T23:15:00.000+05:30

I always wonder why the relationship between a man and woman is so complicated. I am not referring to the usual friendship, or sibling thing, its gotcha do with the relationship that bonds two completely different individuals. Or in complicated terms “LOVE!”

Why does ‘this’ leave even the emotionally strong feel weak at times? Oh please! Don’t tell me it’s the matter of the heart. The heart actually does not have anything do with LOVE!!! The mind does. Ok! Ok Chill maadi…..if you guys feel it’s the matter of heart….lets leave it at that. No need to argue. I give up at your behest.

I know a woman who lost her parents at the age of twelve. She was so strong emotionally that she wouldn’t let this incident diminish her spirit to get kicking with her life. I was astounded to know that with minimal assistance from her uncle she not only raised herself but brought her siblings up as well. As of today, all of them including her have careers that one can dream of.

Then it so happened that an asshole came in her life and swept her off her feet. He made her feel so special that for days she felt like she was on top of this world. Everything seemed so beautiful and worth appreciating. She used to surprise us with pampers and accolades to her personality that made her look all the more beautiful in her appearance and by the way we all know that her inner splendor was beyond description.

What seemed like a sweet accord suddenly lost its luster and their relationship crashed as our man had found a new woman who was more compatible. I felt this incident might shake her and I was confident that it would not stir her emotions. And what happened is the converse.

She lost her identity and kept herself aloof and for days all of us coaxed her as much as we could to unknot her emotional turmoil in vain. Luckily over a period of time she gained her composure and got going, yet once in a while she doesn’t have control over the brief reminiscence of her past.

What startles me all the more is why was this heartbreak more intense than the pain she had to go through as a young girl. This is what pisses me off. Why does betrayal cause so much irrepairable pain? And how come people who stray never feel guilty. They just move on leaving people whom they once embraced in shackles of pain. And the affected act like morons as if there is no Life ahead of them.

There is another friend of mine whose demeanor could make girls swoon for him, yet he chose not to be wooed as he had a bigger responsibility of taking care of his parents. Shocked!!! Well, it’s true; both his parents are suffering chronically and is ideal partner must be compassionate enough to understand that. In his life his parents are like his children. This one reason kept him from accepting any proposal that came his way as he was looking for someone who was intense in empathy.

Lucky boy, found a friend that matched the attributes he was looking for. Unlucky fellow, even before he could say a word she revealed to him the love astounding that she carried for his friend. Feel like kicking his male friend who was able to make the dame capitulate towards him. Goody boy ensured they met and eventually had the last laugh seeing the woman he loved in the arms of his friend.

Suddenly his friend decides that the relationship will not work and leaves the dame in dismay. He feels his family is more important than her. Why the f**k didn’t he realize it before getting into this relationship. The dame had no one to lean on but my friend who is working really hard to get her in tune with her life. Why can’t he say her, “Babes, forget that d******d, I am there for you.”

No he can’t do that; if he does she will feel that he is using her situation. If he doesn’t I just feel like shoving him off the tallest building in the town. Come on dame you can’t get someone better than him, no way. I wish I could go and tell her that. But then some people use the power of trust and honor to tie you up. Gosh! Feel like swearing to God!Hey you there, up above the world so high, knock knock are you listening. HE will not, in turn HE will say, “Your life is in your hands!” Bull!!!!!!!

Sometimes honesty is not the best policy. If he gets honest and candid with her he will lose her friendship and if he does not he will constantly keep hurting himself saying,” So near, yet so far, far away.”

Actually all externally beautiful people are dumb, no pun intended and no offense please. From their early teens they are bombarded by brooding eyes, some good, some bad and some dangerous. With so many offerings in their platter they just can’t decide which of them is their ideal match. And in most cases (I said most and not every) they settle for a bad choice overlooking ones that could have made their life a beautiful symphony.

Mhhhhh!!!Two instances of emotionally strong people whose emotions were stirred when all I though was that it wouldn’t go beyond a gentle shake. Why are such emotionally charged up people susceptible to relationships that never existed.

Why do people walk over the other, well its because they become selfish and seldom think about the other person involved. I am not asking the victims of love to become selfish, all I want them to do is just walk over the incident. Experiences must make people strong, but when it deteriorates a person it is definitely a matter of concern.

Life is short, sweet and beautiful. It all boils down to perception, the way we see things. Upheavals are a part and parcel of everyone’s life. Even those who stab our backs are not spared as the CRAZY DUDE above has left something on their platter too.

Life should never be centered on one individual, like one wise man said, “Love that bonds a man and woman is a part of Life and not Life." and let’s get over all that jazz that keeps happening in our lives. Time wasted on feeling victimized is time that stole precious hours of our life.

I guess for that matter in any relationship the concept of the more you give the more you get works perfectly fine. And if you get nothing don’t waste time giving. Let commotions of the mind errrrrr........ heart shake us not stir us. Each one of us has the strength to get going no matter what. In short I just love that line from the Bond movie,” Shaken but not stirred.

Where are the REAL HEROES? Are they lost in our oblivion?

2007-06-04T23:04:00.000+05:30

Not long ago I was in Sapphire (Toy Shop) to buy a gift for my friend’s son. As I strolled looking for something that the little one would adore, I was startled to find the customers running outside. From the floor above I got see other people too running towards a particular shop. The scene looked very dramatic; it looked like humans where running away from a fierce man eating Dinosaur.

I walked down to the floor below and the sales representatives stared at me as if I were a Zombie. I gained my composure, cleared my throat and asked, “Why is everyone running towards one of the stores on the street.” And like a CHOIR group they blurted in union,” XYZ HERO from Bollywood is inaugurating the store.” For a moment they all looked like Sheep bleating.

Oh please! I said to myself and walked to the cash counter, got the gift wrapped and headed towards my immediate destination. As I drove, the scene of watching people running kept resonating in my mind.

Questions started popping from every direction. They formed a huge cloud over my head.I had to be pragmatic about how I would answer these questions. I parked them aside and enjoyed the little kid’s birthday party. I stayed back till the end assisting my friend to clear up things, while his son was busy adding more mess by unwrapping the gifts.

After checking all the gifts he walked up to us and said,” I did not get anything good.” I was taken aback by his statement; scattered around were teddies, trains, puzzles, building blocks and what about the remote controlled car I had brought for him. Nah! He didn’t like that too. His father smiled at him and said to him, “Close your eyes!” he did that immediately and singing the Happy Birthday song with music back up from his mobile he kept a huge gift box in front of his son. He then said, “Open your eyes HERO! I know this is what you wanted.”

In no time the box was mere clutter and our little man was all over his Dad kissing him and then running towards his Mom he said, “Momma, Papa has brought me KRISHH goodies.”

KRISHH what! I checked the contents and there was a mask, a bag, a lunch box, a pencil box, tiny T-shirt, goggles and a miniature toy that looked like Mr.Hrithik Roshan, I beg your pardon, KRISHH. “Uncle! Uncle! Papa has bought me my HERO.” I did not know how to react; my friend interrupted my stupor with a pat on my back and said, “He is a big fan of KRISHH.”

Oh! Not again! Even little children go gaga over their NON EXISTENT HEROES. I had to leave, before the cloud over my head would erupt. I decided to take a longer route back home as I wanted to dismantle the worries that were cropping up in my mind for no reason. My mind went a few years behind to recollect my obsession for HE-MAN.

As a kid I was so crazy about this cartoon character. The Sorceress of Castle Grayskull endowed Prince Adam with the power to transform into He-Man by holding aloft his magic sword (called the "Sword of Power", or the "Power Sword") and proclaiming, "By the power of Grayskull...I have the power!", to defend the secrets of Castle Grayskull from the evil villain Skeletor.

Leo Mattel, then made miniatures of He-Man which were quite a rage. Twenty years back they could be procured for Rs.100 a piece. And mind you in those days Rs.100 was big money. I always wanted to have one of those and my Dad had promised to get me one if I did well in my exams. I did and was eager to go home to claim my reward and proclaim my achievement.

When I rushed home I found Mom not looking her best, she was coughing and looking very tired, yet seeing my excitement she said she would prepare Gulab Jamoon for me. I was keeping a close watch at the street waiting in anticipation for my Dad’s arrival. In the dark from a distance I could clearly spot a familiar face, I knew it was Dad and ran to him, after speaking continuously about all that jazz I asked my Dad if he would get me my He-Man today.

Back at home I was more keen to go to the toy store before I savoured the mouth watering Jamoon. As I waited I could hear Dad and Mom murmuring in their room, my legs etching to move yet grounded for the signal to forge ahead. Dad came with a smile on his face, he carried me in his arms, brought me down the stairs. He then walked me to the toy shop and on the way I could not stop raving to him about He-Man, my HERO.

My dream came true. My eyes were filled with JOY!!!!! I just could not stop jumping around and thanking Dad for procuring my new posession. I have the power!!!!!!!!!!!!
Back home, I explained in detail about He-Man to my sister who was not too keen in toys. Nevertheless the explanation was more important than her interest in the topic.

Many years later when I was a teen my Mom was talking about my Dad’s obsession. His HERO and that he could go to any extent to satisfy him. His HERO was “ME” and the instance that my mother described to her friend had left tears trickle down my cheeks.

My mother then on that Day when I got my HERO, was not keeping well. My Dad chose to buy me my HERO to ensure his HERO was happy. He postponed my Mother’s medical check up for the next month. Oh! My God! What on Earth had I done in sheer ignorance.

Hey!!!!!So back to sqaure one……that is on my way back home I just felt nice about my friend who made his HERO happy and was glad that my REAL HERO was always there for me. All of us have HEROES around us who are always ensuring that we get the best in our lives. Day in and day out their only obsession is ‘WE’.

The so called ” REEL HEROES” are non existant. They only have impact on our lives, they do not have any intentions for us. Yet we still adore people who are of no significance to our lives. Yet we debate over people to whom we mean NOTHING. Yet we worship them as God’s as if we were created by lesser Gods. Yet we rave to imitate them not realsing that they imitate someone else. They just personify roles essayed by Real HEROES. Art must be apprecaited not adored.

Arent we great actors too. When men and women look at each other and pretend that they did not even notice, when we lie under the nose of our parents, when we praise our bosses and make them feel nice. You name it, we do it.

The World is filled only with Heroes, each one of us is a Hero in our own unique way. Let us relsih the felling of having a HERO within and acknowledging the fact that we do not need non existant HEROES to get us going.

My parents, my siblings, my friends and people who have always been there for me when I needed them are my HEROES. Let us acknowledge to our REAL HEROES the significance of their existance in our lives. We live but once and I wish we do not lose ourselves in Oblivion seeking NON EXISTANT HEROES.