Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

The movie Gawaskar

2020-09-12T07:13:00.007-07:00

Sunil Gavaskar recently went on an Australia tour where he was invited for the screening of an Australian movie named "Gavaskar"

He was overjoyed, humbly accepted the invitation and went for the screening.

After sitting through the full movie, he realized it was nowhere related to Sunil Gavaskar or even to the game of Cricket!

Out of fury, he questioned the director "Are you out of your mind? Why did you name this movie Gavaskar, and made no mention of me or Cricket in the whole movie?"

The director replied - "So Mr. Gavaskar, now you know, how we Australians felt when you Indians made a movie named BORDER and there was no mention of Alan Border and cricket in it???"

Gavaskar fainted..

Opinions about Sachin Tendulkar from his contemporaries

2020-09-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

Sachin can play leg glance with a walking stick too- Waqar Younis

“Commit all your crimes when Sachin is batting. They will go unnoticed because even the Lord is watching.” — A placard at the Sydney Cricket Ground

“Don’t bowl him bad balls, he hits the good ones for fours.” — Michael Kasprowicz

Nothing bad can happen to us if we’re on a plane in India with Sachin Tendulkar on it.” — Hashim Amla

Sachin Tendulkar has often reminded me of a veteran army colonel who has many medals on his chest to show how he has conquered bowlers all over the world.” — Allan Donald

“If I’ve to bowl to Sachin, I’ll bowl with my helmet on. He hits the ball so hard.” — Dennis Lillee.

On a train from Shimla to Delhi, there was a halt at one of the stations. The train stopped by for few minutes as usual. Sachin was nearing a century, batting on 98. The passengers, railway officials, everyone on the train waited for Sachin to complete the century. This genius can stop time in India!” — Peter Roebuck

“We did not lose to a team called India, we lost to a man called Sachin.” — Mark Taylor

“I had to remind Gary Kristen often that he was in the covers to field against Sachin and not to applaud him.” — Hansie Cronje

“I don’t know cricket, I don’t know how Sachin plays. But I still try to watch him playing because I want to know why my country’s economy goes down 0.5% when he’s batting.” — Barack Obama (former US President)

“Gentlemen, he is the best batsman I have seen in my life. And unlike most of you, I have seen Bradman bat.” — John Woodcock (English journalist)

“I never get tired of umpiring whenever Sachin is at the crease.” — Rudy Koertzen

“Cricketers like Sachin come once in a lifetime and I am privileged he played in my time.” — Wasim Akram

“I have delayed my shoots many times to watch Sachin bat.” — Amitabh Bachchan

“I’m fortunate that I’ve to bowl to him only in the nets.” — Anil Kumble

“When you play against Tendulkar, you almost want to see him get a few runs just to see him bat.” — Mark Waugh

“Technically, you can’t fault Sachin. Seam or spin, fast or slow nothing is a problem.” – Geoffrey Boycot

“The archives recall not one single incriminating incident, not one drunken escapade, not one reported affair, not one spat with a team-mate or reporter… is he human?” – Michael Atherton

“The joy he brings to the millions of his countrymen, the grace with which he handles all the adulation and the expectations and his innate humility – all make for a one-in-a-billion individual.” – Glenn McGrath

“He is someone sent from up there to play cricket and go back.” — Ravi Shastri

“Sachin was so focused. He never looked like getting out. He was batting with single-minded devotion. It was truly remarkable. It was a lesson.” – Martina Navratilova (legendary tennis player)

“He exists where we can’t.” — Ajay Jadeja

“Sachin is the most complete batsman I have ever seen.” — Ricky Ponting

“There is no better sight on the cricket field than watching Tendulkar bat.” — Harsha Bhogle

True legend......God of Cricket....

“The thing I like the most about Sachin is his intensity. After being in the game for so long, he still has the same desire to do well for India in any international match. I tell you what, this man is a legend.” – Sourav Ganguly

Hearing pin drop silence

2020-06-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

Soldiers are always soldiers!

What is the meaning of Pin Drop Silence?

Following are some instances when silence could speak louder than voice.

Take 1:

Field Marshal Sam M F J Maneckshaw once started addressing a public meeting at Ahmedabad in English.

The crowd started chanting, "Speak in Gujarati.

We will hear you only if you speak in Gujarati."

Field Marshal Sam Maneckshaw stopped.

Swept the audience with a hard stare and replied,

"Friends, I have fought many a battle in my long career.

I have learned Punjabi from men of the Sikh Regiment;

Marathi from the Maratha Regiment;

Tamil from the men of the Madras Sappers;

Bengali from the men of the Bengal Sappers;

Hindi from the Bihar Regiment;

Even Nepali from the Gurkha Regiment.

Unfortunately there was no soldier from Gujarat from whom I could have learned Gujarati."...

You could have heard a pin drop

Take 2:

Robert Whiting, an elderly US gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.

At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his Passport in his carry bag.

"You have been to France before, Monsieur ?", the Customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your Passport ready."

The American said,

"The last time I was here,

I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible! Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France !", the Customs officer sneered.

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long, hard look.

Then he quietly explained

"Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach, Normandy, 4:40am, on D-Day in 1944, WWII, to help liberate your country, I couldn't find a single Frenchman to show a passport to.... "

You could have heard a pin drop

Take 3:

Soon after getting freedom from British rule in 1947, the de-facto prime minister of India, Jawahar Lal Nehru called a meeting of senior Army Officers to select the first General of the Indian army.

Nehru proposed, "I think we should appoint a British officer as a General of The Indian Army, as we don't have enough experience to lead the same." Having learned under the British, only to serve and rarely to lead, all the civilians and men in uniform present nodded their heads in agreement.

However one senior officer, Nathu Singh Rathore, asked for permission to speak.

Nehru was a bit taken aback by the independent streak of the officer, though, he asked him to speak freely.

Rathore said, "You see, sir, we don't have enough experience to lead a nation too, so shouldn't we appoint a British person as the first Prime Minister of India?"

You could hear a pin drop.

After a poignant pause, Nehru asked Rathore,

"Are you ready to be the first General of The Indian Army?"..

Rathore declined the offer saying "Sir, we have a very talented army officer, my senior, Gen. Cariappa, who is the most deserving among us."

This is how the brilliant Gen. Cariappa became the first General and Rathore the first ever Lt. General of the Indian Army.

(Many thanks to Lt. Gen Niranjan Malik PVSM (Retd) for this article.)

Bicycle at Parliament

2017-03-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

A small boy parks his bicycle nearby the Parliament house and walks on...

A police constable stops him and asks: Why did you park your bicycle here? Don't you know about this road? Many MPs, sometimes CMs, even President and cabinet ministers and politicians pass from here...

The boy replied innocently: Don't worry, I have locked my bicycle.

Khambe ka Kachhua

2017-03-17T01:46:00.004-07:00

While treating an old farmer, the Doctor struck up a conversation with him...Eventually the topic got around to Rahul Gandhi and his role.

The old farmer said, 'Well sahib, Rahul is a "Khambe ka Kachhua''...

Not being familiar with the term, the Doctor asked him, what a "Khambe ka Kachhua'' was?

The old farmer said, 'When you're walking down a village road and you come across a khamba (a fence post) with a turtle balanced on top... That's a "Khambe ka Kachhua''.

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued... "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function & you just wonder which idiots put him up there, to begin with."

Are you with the right partner?

2017-01-13T09:38:00.002-08:00

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author.

Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened to you.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of every relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found. Sustaining love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands wisdom. You have to know what to do to make it work. Make no mistake about it!

Love is not a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go!

Internal force

2016-11-30T18:30:00.001-08:00

One day all the employees reached the office and saw a big advice written on the door.

Yesterday the person who has been stopping your growth in this company passed away. You are invited to join the funeral.

In the beginning, they got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they got curious to know who was the man who stopped their growth.
Everyone thought: Well atleast the man who stopped my progress died!
One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside they were speechless. They stood shocked in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul. There was a mirror inside the coffin and everyone who looked inside could see himself.

There was a sign next to the mirror that read:
There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth...It is you. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, success and realization.
Your life does not change when your boss friends or company change.....your life changes when you change...you go beyond your limiting beliefs and you realize you are the only one responsible for your life.

Its the way you face life that makes the difference!

If an egg is broken from outside force....life ends but if it is broken from inside force life begins. Great things always begin from our inside.

What's the problem?

2016-11-26T04:34:00.001-08:00

Good story...
One day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route.

No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.
Six feet height, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.
He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't need to pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was.!

Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down.
And the next day, and the one after that and so forth.!

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer.
He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once Again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, *"Big John has a bus pass."*

Be sure of what is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one.

*Quite often in life we over-evaluate the problems and start working on huge solutions spending time, money, efforts, energy and focus, whereas, in actual, problems eventually are not that big!*

Most of our life is actually as above story !

Bank Robbery and Management Lessons

2016-11-22T03:29:00.002-08:00

During a Robbery in Hong Kong, the Bank Robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The Money belongs to the Government. Your Life belongs to You." Everyone in the Bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the Conventional Way of Thinking.

When a Lady lay on the Table provocatively, the Robber shouted at her: "Please be Civilized! This is a Robbery and not a Rape!" This is called "Being Professional” . Focus only on What You are Trained to do!

When the Bank Robbers returned Home, the Younger Robber (MBA Trained) told the older Robber (who has only completed Year 6 in Primary School): "Big Brother, let's count how much we got." The older Robber rebutted and said: "You are very Stupid. There is so much Money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV News will tell us how much we Robbed from the Bank!" This is called "Experience”

Nowadays, experience is more Important than Paper Qualifications!

After the Robbers had left, the Bank Manager told the Bank supervisor to call the Police quickly. But the Supervisor said to him: "Wait! Let us take out $10 Million from the Bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 Million that we have previously Embezzled from the Bank”. This is called "Swim with the Tide” Converting an unfavorable situation to Your Advantage!

The Supervisor says: "It will be Good if there is a Robbery every month." This is called "Changing Priority” Personal Happiness is more Important than Your Job”.

The next day, the TV News reported that $100 Million was taken from the Bank. The Robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only Count $20 Million.

The Robbers were very Angry and Complained: "We risked our Lives and only took $20 Million. The Bank Manager took $80 Million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a Thief!" This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as Gold!"

Weird demand

2016-10-31T02:26:00.003-07:00

Towards the end of a wedding, the bride's father approached the groom and said,
"Son, I received your last minute WhatsApp message asking me for your wedding gift. I found your request a bit strange, but I have to fulfill your wish regardless. Here's the packet of Four Underwear you asked for."

The groom was startled, then looked at his message again... In a rage, he smashed his iPhone on the floor... "Bloody Autocorrect! It was supposed to be 'Ford Endeavour'!!"

Management lesson: Resources

2016-10-27T19:57:00.001-07:00

A new vacuum salesman knocked at the door….

A lady opened it. Before she could speak... The salesman rushed into the living room and emptied a bag of cow dung on the carpet.

Salesman: - Madam, if I couldn't clean this up in the next 3 mins with my new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this!!

Lady: Do you need Chili Sauce with that?

Salesman: - Why Madam?

Lady: - Because there's no electricity in the house...!!!

MORAL: - "Gather all resources before working on any project and committing to the client... & over smartness can be deadly."..

Management lesson: Be informed

2016-10-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Management lesson: Sharing critical credit and risk information

2016-10-18T02:57:00.003-07:00

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies. ‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

A soldier and a lesbian

2016-09-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

An old soldier sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old combat jacket and boots and ordered a coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the soldier and asked, "Are you a real soldier?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life in jungles and mountains. I've taken part in several wars and insurgencies. I've taught more than 1000 officers and several thousand troops about combat. What are you?"

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old soldier and asked: "Are you a real soldier?"

He replied, "I always thought I was. But I just found out that I am a lesbian."

Managing diabetes: the Indian way

2016-09-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

Rujuta Diwekar is the highest paid dietitian in India. She is the one who took care of junior Ambani to lose 108 kgs. Her advice to diabetics:

1. Eat fruits grown locally... Banana, Grapes, Chikoo, Mangoes. All fruits have fructose so it doesn't matter that you are eating a mango over an Apple. A Mango comes from Konkan and Apple from Kashmir. So Mango is more local to you.

Eat all the above fruits in diabetes as the fructose will eventually manage your sugar.

2. Choose Seed oils than Veggie oils. Like choose ground nut, mustard, coconut and til. Don't choose chakachak packing oils, like olive, rice bran etc. Go for kachchi ghani oils than refined oils.

3. Rujuta spends max time in her talks talking about ghee and its benefits. Eat ghee daily. How much ghee we should eat depends on food. Few foods need more ghee then eat more and vice versa. Eat ample ghee. It reduces cholesterol.

4. Include coconut. Either scraped coconut over food like poha, khandvi or chutney with idli and dosa. Coconut has zero cholesterol and it makes your waist slim.

5. Don't eat oats, cereals for breakfast. They are packaged food and we don't need them. Also, they are tasteless and boring and our day shouldn't start with boring stuff. Breakfast should be poha, upma, idli, dosa, paratha.

6. Farhaan Akhtar's new ad of biscuits - fiber in every bite... Even ghar ka kachara has fibre, likewise oats have fiber. Don't chose them for fiber. Instead of oats, eat poha, upma, idli, dosa.

7. No juices till you have teeth in your mouth to chew veggies and fruits.

8. Sugarcane is the real detox. Drink the juice fresh or eat the sugarcane.

9. For PCOS, thyroid - do strength training and weight training and avoid all packaged food.

10. Rice - eat regular white rice. No need of brown rice. Brown rice needs 5-6 whistles to cook and when it tires your pressure cooker, then why do you want to tire your tummy.

A white rice is hand pounded simple rice.

Rice is not high is GI index. Rice has medium GI index and by eating it with daal/dahi/kadhi we bring its GI index further down. If we take ghee over this daal chawal then the GI index is brought further down.

B. Rice has some rich minerals and you can eat it even three times a day.

11. How much should we eat? - eat more if you are more hungry, let your stomach be your guide and vice versa.

12. We can eat rice and chapati together or only rice if you wish. It depends on your hunger. Eat rice in all three meals without any fear.

13. Food shouldn't make you scared like eating rice and ghee. Food should make you feel good.

14. Never look at calories. Look at nutrients.

15. No bread, biscuits, cakes, pizza, pasta.

16. Ask yourself is this the food my Nani and Dadi ate? If yes, then eat without fear.

17. Eat as per your season. Eat pakoda, fafda, jalebi in monsoon. Your hunger is as per season. Few seasons we need fried food so eat them.

18. When not to have chai - tea - don't drink tea as the first thing in morning or when you are hungry. Rest you can have it 2-3 times a day and with sugar.

19. No green tea please. No green, yellow, purple, blue tea.

20. Eat all of your traditional foods.

21. Strictly no to packaged foods/drinks.

22. Exercise/walk more to digest and stay healthy.

Regards,
Rujuta Diwekar

Popcorn loot in malls

2016-09-12T04:00:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

What is happening in malls. Apart from prices of movie and parking being exorbitant, what was too shocking and alarming was the cost of popcorn. Popcorn being charged at 100, 200 and 300 rupees.

The actual cost of these pack of popcorn should be not more than 5 rupees. Even after considering the various other costs involved, they can charge at 20 rupees, or 30 rupees, but why more than 300% of the cost.

When the matter was took up, the vendor said, as long as we have takers, we will charge.

Why are we wasting our hard earned money and make these buggers rich?

Let's curb the temptation and let's boycott this popcorn and teach them a lesson.

One average show at one screen has at least 500 people and if 300 people buy this popcorn they make easily 25 to 30000 rupees in one show in one screen, you will be shocked to know that this money runs in lakhs per day per show in just one city.

Come on friends lets voice it up, if we stop buying popcorn at malls, it's sure within 3 months the cost will come down to at least 50 rupees, if not 20.

It may be forwarded to as many groups as possible so that this message becomes viral and reaches maximum people and we stop this looting by malls.

Being husband is a tough job

2016-09-12T02:00:00.003-07:00

When I reached office, I got a call from my wife... "What is the date today?"

I was wondering... then told her that it's 12th September. Call disconnected.

I was wondering... Her birthday? No...mine...No... anniversary...no..son's birthday ...no...in laws birthday anniversary...no... Gas booking..done...Utility payments done...

Her uncle who arrives when we want to go out, squash and kill us and our time... His birthday ...no...

Then?! Why date???

Lunch and evening tea went with spinning questions. Reached home.

Junior was playing in car park. I asked him, "How is the weather in kitchen? Tornado... tsunami?"

Boy told, "All normal. Why?"

I said, "Your mom asked me... what is the date today in the morning?"

Boy smiled and told me, "I tore some sheets from calendar in morning. She was confused."

Some things can't be undone

2016-07-28T21:40:00.001-07:00

One of the best msgs ever read... Sharing it with you guys...

How I wish I could remove some lemon juice from water to make it taste perfect again! But alas!

Some things can never be undone. Some things can never be changed. There was no way that I know of, to remove the extra lime. So what was the solution then? The only way to correct this was to add four more glasses of water and dilute the lemon juice to make five glasses of fresh lime water.

This made me think..

Sometimes we cannot undo some things that have gone wrong in life. Some wrong decisions, wrong choices, wrong investments, wrong actions, wrong associations, wrong words or wrong doings can never be undone.

So what is the solution then?

When you cannot correct what is wrong, do not waste more time over it. It is like attempting to remove lemon from water.

Instead, get busy in adding so many right things in your life that the wrong seems insignificant.

We all have a negative side to ourselves. We may not be able to remove or correct all our negativities. But we can definitely continue adding positive thoughts, positive reading and positive people in our lives and dilute the negativity. We all have to deal with some easy people and some difficult people in our lives.

Do not waste time trying to change the difficult people. You will drain all your emotional energy in vain. Instead spend more time with the pleasant positive happy people and the difficult people will not affect you any more.

Everything in your life will never be perfect. Do not waste too much time correcting what is wrong.

Let us make the most of our strengths , whatever we have and more importantly our time.

Rich and witty Saudi in a restaurant with beautiful lady

2016-05-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

A handsome Saudi was sitting in a restaurant at the corner seat. He asked a waiter to take the most expensive bottle of Wine to a very attractive woman sitting alone at a table in the other corner.

Waiter brought in the elitist wine bottle & took the bottle to the woman and said, "Excuse me mam,
this precious bottle is from that gentleman who is seated over there." And then indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the bottle coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by note. The waiter, who was staying nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read:
'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a BMW in your garage, a house in Spain, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants.'

After reading the note, the Saudi decided to compose one of his own in return.

He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:
"Just to let you know, things aren't always what they appear or rather what you want them to be. I have a Ferrari Enzo, a Range Rover, a Mercedes SLS and a Porsche Panamera in my several garages. I have beautiful houses in Saudi, Hawaii, Dubai and Morocco and a 10,000 acre estate in England. There is over 30 million dollars my bank account and portfolio. But even for a woman as beautiful as you are, I am not going to cut off three inches. So just send the bottle back please."

गाना गाता फ़कीर और राजा

2016-05-30T02:17:00.000-07:00

एक बार राजा के दरबार मै एक फ़कीर गाना गाने जाता है

फ़कीर बहुत अच्छा गाना गाता है।

राजा कहते हैं इसे खूब सारा सोना दे दो।

फ़कीर और अच्छा गाता है।

राजा कहते हैं इसे हीरे जवाहरात भी दे दो।

फकीर और अच्छा गाता है।राजा कहते हैं इसे असरफियाँ भी दे दो।

फ़कीर और अच्छा गाता है।राजा कहते हैं इसे खूब सारी ज़मीन भी दे दो।

फ़कीर गाना गा कर घर चला जाता है।

और अपने बीबी बच्चों से कहता है

आज हमारे राजा ने गाने का खूब सारा इनाम दिया।

हीरे जवाहरात सोना ज़मीन असरफियाँ बहुत कुछ दिया।

सब बहुत खुश होते हैं।

कुछ दिन बीते ; फ़कीर को अभी तक राजा द्वारा मिलने वाला इनाम नही पहुँचा था ।

फ़कीर राजा के दरवार में फिर पहुँचा और कहने लगा, "राजाजी आप के द्वारा दिया गया इनाम मुझे अभी तक नहीं मिला।"

राजा कहते हैं, "अरे फ़कीर, ये लेन देन की बात क्या करता है। तू मेरे कानों को खुश करता रहा और मैं तेरे कानों को खुश करता रहा।"

Obedient sardar

2016-05-30T02:13:00.000-07:00

A Sardar gifted his son a gun on his wedding night and said, "Shoot in the air if your wife is a virgin and Shoot her if she is not a virgin."

Son fires in the air on the first night and shoots her on the second night.

Singh is King!

Life after 55

2016-05-27T23:30:00.000-07:00

Life can begin at 55, it is all in your hands! Many people feel unhappy, health-wise and security-wise, after 60 years of age, owing to the diminishing importance given to them and their opinions. But, it need not be so, if only we understand the basic principles of life and follow them scrupulously.

Here are ten mantras to age gracefully and make life after retirement pleasant.

1. Never say I am aged

There are three ages, chronological, biological, and psychological. The first is calculated based on our date of birth; the second is determined by the health conditions; the third is how old we feel we are.

While we don't have control over the first, we can take care of our health with good diet, exercise and a cheerful attitude. A positive attitude and optimistic thinking can reverse the third age.

2. Health is wealth

If you really love your kith and kin, taking care of your health should be your priority.

Thus, you will not be a burden to them. Have an annual health check-up and take the prescribed medicines regularly. Do take health insurance coverage.

3. Money is important

Money is essential for meeting the basic necessities of life, keeping good health and earning family respect and security. Don't spend beyond your means even for your children. You have lived for them all through and it is time you enjoyed a harmonious life with your spouse. If your children are grateful and they take care of you, you are blessed. But, never take it for granted.

4. Relaxation and recreation

The most relaxing and recreating forces are a healthy religious attitude, good sleep, music and laughter. Have faith in God, learn to sleep well, love good music and see the funny side of life.

5. Time is precious

It is almost like holding a horses' reins. When they are in your hands, you can control them. Imagine that everyday you are born again.

Yesterday is a cancelled cheque.

Tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is ready cash - use it profitably. Live this moment; live it fully, now, in the present time.

6. Change is the only permanent thing

We should accept change - it is inevitable. The only way to make sense out of change is to join in the dance. Change has brought about many pleasant things. We should be happy that our children are blessed.

7. Enlightened selfishness

All of us are basically selfish. Whatever we do, we expect something in return. We should definitely be grateful to those who stood by us. But, our focus should be on the internal satisfaction and the happiness we derive by doing good for others, without expecting anything in return. Perform a random act of kindness daily.

8. Forget and forgive

Don't be bothered too much about others' mistakes. We are not spiritual enough to show our other cheek when we are slapped in one. But for the sake of our own health and happiness, let us forgive and forget them. Otherwise, we will be only increasing our blood pressure.

9. Everything has a purpose

Take life as it comes. Accept yourself as you are and also accept others for what they are. Everybody is unique and is right in his own way.

10. Overcome the fear of death

We all know that one day we have to leave this world. Still we are afraid of death. We think that our spouse and children will be unable to withstand our loss. But the truth is no one is going to die for you; they may be depressed for some time. Time heals everything and they will go on.

Bicycle at parliament

2016-05-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

A man parks his bicycle nearby the parliament house and walks on.

A police constable stops him and asks, "Why did you park your bicycle here? Don't you know it's a VIP road and many MPs, sometimes CMs, PMs and even President pass from here."

Man replied, "Don't worry, I have locked my bicycle."

Smartphone Etiquette

2016-05-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes.

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his mobile and started talking in a loud voice

"Hi Sweetheart, it's Rajaram I'm on the train."
"Yes, I know it's six thirty and not four thirty, but I had a long meeting."
"No honey, I was not with Preethi from the Accounts Office, I was with the boss attending the meeting."
"No Sweetheart, you're the only one in my life."
"Yes, I'm sure dear."

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone, "Rajaram darling, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

Now, Rajaram is back from hospital and doesn't use his mobile in public any longer.

Wish of a lady

2016-05-26T05:25:00.003-07:00

A genie appeared in the dream of a woman.

"Whatever you want, just ask", it said.

"My husband’s eyes should be only on me during all waking hours."

"And then ..?"

"He should not be concerned with anything else in life except me."

"And then?"

"He should never sleep without me by his side."

"And then ..?"

"When he wakes up in the morning he should only see my face first."

"And then ..?"

"He should not go anywhere without me."

"And then ..?"

"If there is even a single scratch on me, he should go crazy with grief."

"And then ..?"

"That's it."

And, bingo, the genie turned the woman into a IPhone!