Hesses Madhouse

An Awesome Experience for My Kids

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Wed, 22 May 2013 21:46:00 +0000

I drove up to the high school, dropped my big kids off in the usual place, found a parking spot, and climbed out with my little kids to head to the preschool this morning.

I could hear country music playing. Standing in front of the main doors to the school was a color guard of high school students in their everyday clothes. Each had a flag. There was also an enormous flag hanging down from the front of the school.

It was clear that the music I was hearing was patriotic, but it was a song I hadn't heard before.

image: wikipedia.com

I saw an old man backing his car in as we walked across the parking lot and headed toward the wing where the preschool is situated. About this time, I also heard the words: "Color guard, attention!" I didn't watch what happened at this point as I was trying to get my little ones across the parking lot safely, but shortly thereafter, I looked and saw an older woman heading toward the stairs.

It was clear that something very special was happening today.

Then I remembered #2 telling me he was going to what I think he referred to as "Living History Day." Once I recalled this, I realized what was happening.....Veterans from past wars were arriving and they were being honored as they entered the school.

What an awesome thing!

image: oregonlive.com

I have to admit I got a bit teary as I walked past all of this this morning. Wars continue and people continue to serve us selflessly. How great for my kids to get to hear the first-hand accounts of history from people such as these.

How wonderful that they are honored in such ways, and we become blessed by their efforts.

Tantrum to Tranquility

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Mon, 20 May 2013 20:22:00 +0000

image: flickr.com

I've shared the fact that one of my children has some anger management issues, right? Well....I believe we're finally on the right track. I thought maybe I wasn't giving him enough attention and in order to deal with his anger, I needed to give him more affection and love and patience. I did. All I got was a lot more anger from him. My heart was getting softer, his was getting harder. I didn't get it.

Like happens so often, a couple weeks ago, I had an a-ha moment. Clearly, what I was doing just wasn't helping. Again, we go back to this:

Thanks, Al!

What I was doing was showing forth a whole lotta love, but the logic was sorely missing. It just didn't

image: tumbler.com

make sense. I was being a doormat...a marshmallow. What I was teaching my son was that he was in charge.

What it all boiled down to was the fact that while I was stressing over him, I was getting nothing done. Things were falling into more and more disorganization. This just wasn't fair. He was sucking away my time AND my energy.

Enough was ENOUGH!

Confession, this morning was so tough that I went up to my room, threw myself onto my knees by my bed and told God that I was DONE. I had my little temper tantrum before the Lord and got back up. I will be honest, though, I was truly wondering how I was going to handle it all.

As I walked back downstairs, I remembered something I'd used with kids in that past. Suddenly, I had a little trick up my sleeve (a strategy, if you will). I was in charge of the situation and that helped me to regather the peace required. I went at it all surprisingly calmly.

I realized that I needed to return to the "energy suck" mentality because literally, that's what he was doing. I hadn't had to pull this card on any of my children in so long, I'd forgotten all about it. You know, the old "You're sucking away my energy, and the only way to refill it is to do some of the work I would be doing if I had more energy?" Yah, that one.

In other words, when this child freaks out, a job is required. You'd think this would make the anger worse, but as the jobs pile up, all I have to do is hold up fingers for how many jobs, and he cools right down. What I've really learned, though, is to never let him see me sweat. I have to be as calm and cool as can be, and sometimes, that's SUPER hard.

The other thing I have discovered, though, is that I have to have some kind of goal to work toward--"These must be done before you can go to bed," "I'm making cookies this afternoon. If you'd like to join in, your jobs will have to be done," etc.

So far, so good. I think the added perk is that when he successfully finishes a job, he truly feels good about himself; thus reducing the anger even more.

It's been a rough morning this morning. We got all the way up to ten jobs, but I guess I should clarify....

It's been a rough morning...for him. For me, once I got off my knees, it's been pretty darned blissful.

Never did I think I'd thank my son for his anger issues, but man, they're really paying off. Life around here is quite a bit more peaceful and things are starting to really shape up.

Shout Out: Julia Shinkle

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Sun, 19 May 2013 06:33:00 +0000

This is one of those posts that has sat in the background WAY too long. As I attached the new family photo at the top of this blog this evening, I remembered writing this unfinished post and decided that I'd better get it done. So, here you go....

Two mission buddies (who ended up marrying) sent their oldest son to the Missionary Training Center today. Wow! It's just blowing my mind that I met them both when we weren't much older than our oldest children are now.

They have a beautiful family. It's so fun to see where life has taken them in the past number of years. I got to looking at the photos they recently had taken before their son left for the MTC and got to thinking about how before #1 leaves, we HAVE to have some family pictures taken, which is the cause for today's shout out.

When I think of family pictures, I automatically think of my friend Julia. She does AMAZING work. She's creative and fun. She takes the simple things and turns them into works of art. I have to share a couple of our experiences with Julia....

The first time she ever photographed our family, #7 had just been born. Julia called me and asked if she could come take photos of #7 for her portfolio (she was just starting her business). When she came, things were easy and relaxed. She used items we had around the house--baby blankets, a drawer, wooden blocks, etc. It was clear that Julia wasn't just a photographer. She was an artist. Her approach was beyond creative.

In 2011, after receiving my nomination as Oregon's Young Mother of the Year, which later turned into a Mother of the Year nomination (long story having everything to do with the age of my oldest child and nothing to do with my expertness of being a mother--as if I even had to explain that to you), I was informed that one thing I would have to do is turn in some family photos and photos of myself. I immediately thought of Julia, but going from one child to photograph, who pretty much slept the entire time, to a big ol' family of nine? Ugh! How would that go? Would she even be able to get one click with all of us behaving ourselves?....Yah, good luck on that one.

Here are some of the images from that session.....

I love this spontaneous, unstaged catch.

One child climbed on and Julia told everyone else to gather 'round. This was the result.

This was my absolute favorite:

Julia asked me if I'd brought any kinds of snacks. I told her that I had a bag of Cheerios in a bag in my purse. She asked if I would get them. I did. Next thing I knew, she had us all standing shoulder to shoulder in a random, however we placed ourselves, order and sat #7 in front of us on the ground. You can't see them, but there are Cheerios all around her. That's why her hand is to her mouth--she's eating a Cheerio.

In the meantime, there's Julia laying on the ground across from us snapping pictures of our legs and little Cheerio-munching #7. Love it!

Next, it came time for #1's senior portraits. For this one, we went out to Julia's property. Again, easy, relaxed. Here are some of my favorites:

I'm looking forward to #2 having this experience this coming year.

I decided that with #1 leaving for college, we needed to have a family session to capture us all as we were before our first flew the nest.

I have often posted the photo on the right, but I haven't shared how that photo came to be. It actually started out with the experience on the left. I was just sitting there. Actually, I think Julia was taking my photo. I was sitting alone. Along came two children. They started hugging on me and then Julia, observing this, called the whole crew over. Thus, the photo on the right.

I love that Julia can take a random event and turn it into something worth keeping and cherishing. I love that she can take a squirrely family like ours and find those moments when we all look just a little bit sane....

but then, there are those moments when we don't all get that memo.....

Thank you, Julia! I simply ADORE you!!!

My Eyes Have Been Opened

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Sat, 18 May 2013 04:38:00 +0000

I haven't revamped too much around here. Not as much as I would like to, but those changes will come in the future. For now, I've added two tabs at the top (more are to come)--"What's for Dinner" and "This Week's Date"--check them out when you get a moment.

This past week has been very interesting...eye opening, even.

There is a Facebook group that I'm part of where I go to connect with other moms who have lots of kids. There is such a meeting of the minds there.

image: thelightsomelife.com

Well, a few days ago, I went there to vent about something that's been happening here and how I feel about it. In response, two women both commented about "Dressing Your Truth." They claimed that after they'd become aware of their "types," they came to understand and appreciate their children better.

Hmm...intriguing. I went to look it up. When I googled it, all I ended up with was a site that talked about what clothes are best for you....Nah, that couldn't be it. What does what you wear have to do with how you interact with your children. This just couldn't be it.

image: dressingyourtruth.com

I returned to the group to ask for clarification and was directed back to that clothing site. Really?...Okay. Maybe this was worth investigation.

Here's the deal...Actually, maybe I should let you look it over for yourself. It ended up being quite fascinating.

image: ctliveyourtruth.com

I just received the accompanying book in the mail today. I haven't read anything more than the introduction yet, but I can't wait to dive in.

By the way....Just in case you cared, I'm a type 1. Very obviously. All I had to do was see the word "disconnected," and I knew exactly where I fit.

image: 40plusstyle.com

Take a look. I'd love to know what you think. What type are you?

A Little Ugliness and a Whole Lotta Questions

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Thu, 16 May 2013 23:54:00 +0000

image: momspark.net

Y'know, kids whose moms blog have a real disadvantage. Mom always has the last word, or...almost always. In my case, thankfully, my kids don't mind. I think it helps that in difficult circumstances, I don't use their names, just their situations.

My hope in sharing these things is that I can look back and see how far we've come. I also hope that other moms might learn to avoid some of the mistakes I make. I do need to state, however, that when things do finally go right, it's only because they've gone wrong in the past, and I've learned from that mistake. So thankful for do-overs.

image: shimanuts.blogspot.com

So, this takes us to this morning. For some reason, everybody was out of sorts this morning. Maybe it's because we've had some really amazingly beautiful weather for a couple weeks. We've gotten used to it. Then, at some point last week, as I looked at the cloudless blue, I verbally announced that I would be okay with a couple weeks of sun and then a day or two of rain, and what do you know? Voila! Rain. I'm not asserting here that I control the weather in any way, shape, or form, but just the fact that I was the one to say it, makes it that much easier to blame me for it. Yup. We're on day two now, and sadly, with the clouds, come the cloudy temperaments around here.

image: comicvine.com

Well, one of the older kids, sitting with one leg draped over a corner of the kitchen table, started out looking a bit bleary-eyed this morning as the rest of us prepared lunches and breakfasts. It was like it was just really difficult to wake up and get going, but as this child got going, the downward spiral began, and the more we spoke, the deeper the spiral became.

As I dropped this child off to school, I asked what I had done to deserve such ugly words, and it was announced, "I hate school." That was how we parted this morning.

image: leadingtheweigh.com

As I drove away from the school, my stomach was in knots, and I said a silent prayer that I'd just be able to keep going. That I'd get home and still be able to get something done....That I wouldn't allow the grumpy children in my home to take the wind out of my sails.

I got to moving, and I have to admit, I didn't have such a skip in my step as I've had for the past few days. It was tough to keep going. Soon, though, the chime rang as a text came in. I read it: "Mom, can we talk after school today?"

image: drsharma.com

This, in my mind, was a cry for help. I wasn't just going to let it go. I couldn't, so I started asking questions--first a yes/no question, then a multiple choice question, followed by an open-ended question. Each time an answer was texted, the closer I got to the answer. I don't think this child wanted to answer some of my questions as the truth became more evident, but the answers were all greeted with yet another question--no accusing, no criticizing, no side-taking--just opportunities to reveal more of what the exact problem was.

I know well enough that putting my children into corners doesn't solve anything. It only puts us on opposite sides of an issue. When all is said and done, my job is to help them face the truth and then help them create solutions.

When all came to light, this child knew that I was on his/her side. The child knew that the answers had all been created by him/herself.

image: createsolutions.blogspot.com

On top of that, when all was finally revealed as much as it could be and decisions to improve were made, I was able to boldly ask for an apology, which I received. I also shared this little tidbit: "In the future, is it possible that all of that wasted energy could be used to create solutions?" It was agreed that this would be the focus in the future.

I was so glad or that first text and glad to know that I really wasn't the problem. As this child has returned home, things are much improved and the solutions are starting to take shape. There is a good chance that it is too late to completely solve this particular problem, but the great thing, as I look it is, is the fact that this child faced his/her own problem by his/herself, created feasible options as solutions and is now taking charge and responsibility to past mistakes. All it took on my part was putting up with some rudeness and asking a lot of questions. Heck, if it was always this easy, I think I might be able to undertake this kind of thing every day.

image: blog.taxact.com

Even if it's not solved, as least the situation leads to learning that I'm hoping will last for a long time. I'm pretty sure this child never wants to go through this again. Grateful for life lessons learned and once again, so thankful for do-overs.

Thoughts from Today - Three Days in a Row, People!

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Thu, 16 May 2013 06:13:00 +0000

Look at me!...Three days in a row.

Proctored the A.P. European history test today. Four hours on my feet. I'm beat (and a poet). So dragging, so I'm off to bed.

#1 caught the Warden and me up in searching for a waterproof satchel for her. Up until now, we thought she could just wait until she got to the Philippines, so she could get one there, but it seems that she's feeling that she'll need one for the MTC. No luck yet, but we're still looking.

That's the only thing keeping me up at this point. Well...that, and my desire to be on a three-day blogging streak.

Finished Ether this morning. That means I should be done with the Book of Mormon within the next couple days. Moroni goes by so fast.

Just a couple thoughts....

image: tampagov.net

So, so sad to watch a civilization die. Clearly revenge is not a good motive. We often hear "revenge is sweet." This is such a farce! It's a HUGE lie! Doesn't anyone really believe in Romans 12:19? Is it because we don't trust? Well, I think I've decided that I'm going to trust that. Holding grudges does nothing but hurt the individual who holds it. Here we are back to drinking poison and hoping another person will die. Grudges only hurt the holder of them. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is freeing.
sweet." What a farce that is! What a lie! Revenge is STUPID! Doesn't anyone believe

As I read I got to thinking about the Castro brothers. Just watched an interview about them yesterday. It's left some pretty strong impressions. That was an AWFUL situation, no question. It sickens me, but reading Ether has brought some even stronger impressions.

I also think it must have been a HUGE tender mercy for Moroni to have abridged that record and particularly that portion of the record as he watched his own people die out. BRUTAL! I feel for Moroni, but surely, seeing things through Ether's eyes and knowing that he isn't the only record keeper to have watched to the very end must have made him feel not so alone. Would that have held some amount of comfort for him? I like to think so.

It was a good day today. A busy, crazy day, but a good day, nonetheless. Tomorrow will be a day at home to get laundry done and get the menu set for next week and the grocery list ready. I've had a few friends tell me that they like the menus, so I'm going to attempt to get things up and running in that way. The Disneyland trip kind of threw me off. I'm trying to get a year's worth of crockpot dinners set up. I'm about halfway there. I'll post next week once I get that done.

Oh yah, #1 and I spent some time at the Family History Center today too. We found some pretty cool things about the Warden's third great grandfather--Lot Smith.

Yup. It was a good day.

Maybe Not as Bad as You've Been Led to Believe

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Wed, 15 May 2013 05:35:00 +0000

I just want to write something....anything today. Just so I can say I wrote for two days in a row. Wow, how things change. It used to be that I'd have to stop myself from writing a third or fourth time in one day.

So, here's what's been on my mind today....

You know, I'm always good for an analogy. Funny things come together in one place in my mind, and I find the tie between them. Today, I had such an experience.

I've sat in on two different missionary discussions in the last two days. It's been a VERY sweet experience. Brings back such great memories and has connected me in a very deep, spiritual way to four wonderful women.

With the influx of young missionaries, those who have are out just prior to now have really had to step it up and take leadership roles much earlier.

Let me explain this a bit better. I think I shared that we have Sisters in our ward now--as of about two or three months ago. One of the Sisters was brand new. Well, transfers just happened and that brand new missionary is now training a brand new missionary. Amazing! But if anyone can handle it, she can.

These are young women the same age as #1. But, when I'm with them, I forget the because although these are regular, normal, everyday young women, for this 18 months of their lives, they are doing something remarkable.

Now, where my randomness comes into play....

#1 made the most wonderful cookie dough today. I told her I'd make them into cookies if she'd just make the dough, but of course, before I could cook them, I had to have a bit of dough (yes, "bit" is a very relative term. Some people might refer to my "bit" as a bowl-full, but I'll leave that up to your imagination).

While I was eating it and enjoying it to its fullest, I posted something on Facebook. Rumor has it that eating cookie dough, because of the raw eggs will give you salmonella or some such. To be honest, as I wrote it, I thought I'd have a hundred comments about how terrible I was to eat it and how bad it is for me, but to my surprise, there was not even one. As people commented, I got to laughing about how not one soul made a comment about how sick they'd become by eating cookie dough. On the contrary, every comment was about how much people agreed with me.

Another thing that came to my mind, as I'm in the thick of being with the missionaries at times, was how some people think that meeting with the LDS missionaries is like eating cookie dough. If you do it, it's bad for you.

Clearly, those who feel that way, haven't ever sat in on a missionary discussion.

I feel like the guy who originally told people not to eat cookie dough really just wanted it all to himself. This is exactly the kind of thing one of my brothers would have said to me as a kid just so he could sneak it away and eat it all himself.

Having been a missionary myself and now having the joy of going with these sisters, I think everyone should give it a shot at least once. Not really sure why someone would turn others away from such a great experience. Is it maybe because they haven't tried it themselves?

Just a Piece of My Insanity - A Starting Point

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Mon, 13 May 2013 05:56:00 +0000

The Warden often uses the quote, and I think this is quite fitting for the "Madhouse:"

Did Einstein really say this? See what a skeptic I've become? It's kind of like how #2 credits every possible quote to Mahatma Ghandi. We have a white board in our kitchen; something like this shows up almost daily:

"Eat your vegetables."

~Mahama Ghandi

I guess that's why I've become so cynical about who originally said what. Ahh, the scars of motherhood.

Anyway, back to that quote by some 17-year-old boy who, on his mother's white board, gives all credit to Albert Einstein.....

The Warden has used this quote in various situations for years and years. It's only lately that I've really been pondering on it and its place in my life.

Clearly, because my home is referred to as a "Madhouse," I am a creature of habit--not all of those habits, as you can imagine, are good....Actually, now that I think of it....very few of them are. I just keep doing things the same way over and over again, hoping for better results each time around. Well...Do I even need to say it? They're not working.

So, I'm thinking, maybe it's time to switch things up a bit. The big question, though: Where to begin?

In the desire not to throw the baby out with the bath water, there is need to analyze just what is working.

The other day I started in the laundry room. There are a lot of things I can see that are working for our family. We aren't nearly as laundromatically dysfunctional as we used to be. Here's a short list of a few things that work for us:

Each person middle school age and up has his/her own laundry day.
Three laundry baskets reside in the laundry room to hold sorted whites, blacks, and colors.
The ironing tools have a place in the laundry room and our out of the way.
Extra shampoo, soap, toilet paper, and other toiletries are stored there.
The washer and dryer are good sizes for our family.
There is plenty of extra laundry detergent for now.

Here are the things I need to rethink:

Without fail, the laundry ends up in my bedroom to fold. Once it's folded, it ends up staying on my bedroom floor until someone puts it away. In other words, it gets kicked around my bedroom until I fold laundry again.

Here's what I'm thinking will solve these problems:

image: homebunch.com via Kirsten on Pinterest

A counter that runs over the top of the washer, dryer and utility sink, so that there is a surface to fold on without worry of items falling behind or between.

image: delightfulorder.blogspot.com via Kristina on Pinterest

Individualized cubbies so things can be folded and put directly into each person's shelves. The bottom basket is for socks and underwear.

I need to put the hamper or hampers--wouldn't it be great if, when people put their dirty clothes into the laundry room the clothes made it directly into the basket AND, this may be asking WAY too much, but wouldn't it be just fabulous if those clothes were sorted? So, I'm thinking I'm going to put the hampers just inside the laundry room and have them color coded so there is no question where the darks, whites, and colors go.

The only thing yet to be figured out is a place to hang items that need to be hung up. Here's an idea for that, but in order to do this, I'd have to revamp some other things. Not sure if I'm willing to do that. It's a pretty small room I'm working with....

image: en.paperblog.com via angela on Pinterest

This is only one small area of the insanity of this Madhouse. I figure I've got to pick away at these things a little at a time. I didn't want to take something huge and start off with something completely overwhelming.

At this point, the room's stripped down and all of the items that are normally stored there are in boxes. I think we'll start with the counter and move to the cubbies.

I'm so looking forward to having my bedroom floor back and not continually cluttered with unfolded and formerly folded clothes.

So hoping this will bring a bit of sanity. Then I can move on to some of the other things that I do over and over again.

Update on Mission Prep

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Sun, 05 May 2013 14:36:00 +0000

It's been awhile since I've given an update on #1 and her mission preparation. I'm sure, if you spoke
with her, she'd give you the exact number of days until her departure. Then she'd assure you that it's not because she's thrilled to leave her home and family (heh heh, yah right) that she knows the exact number, but it's because whenever she signs into the website that lists what she needs to do to be prepared, the first thing listed, under her name and mission she's been assigned to, is a countdown of days until she leaves in big numbers, and believe it or not, like it or not, that number gets smaller everyday.

image: halfempty4now.com

We're, at this point, waiting for immunizations. The doctor's office gave her a hard time about needing an additional dtap booster, but she will get one when she goes in to get her typhoid pills. These have to be taken one pill every other day for two weeks. I've read of missionaries who've timed it wrong and have been sick as they've entered the MTC. That would be miserable, but the clinic is saying she can pick them up on June 1st. I'm figuring this should give her four days to feel any effects before she leaves. I hope this is the case.

Her friends that have had to take the typhoid pills have had no ill effects. I'm hoping that for her as well. We shall see.

image: sweenyfiles.com

In the meantime, the only other thing she has been assigned to do before she leaves is obtain a four-generation pedigree chart and stories of her ancestors.

I thought this was a very interesting assignment. This was not something I was assigned way back in my day, and it makes me wonder if this is something all missionaries are asked to do. Then you wonder why.

There is no doubt that the LDS faith believes strongly in family. We believe that unlike the typical "until death do you part," marriage should last throughout eternity. As someone coined in General Conference, marriage shouldn't start out with an "expiration date." We believe that families should be joined together throughout eternity through ordinances performed in our temples.

image:ldschurchtemples.com

Side note: For anyone in the Portland area, we now have a visitor's center at our temple. It teaches what a temple is for. Anyone can go. It's open every day of the year. For any of my friends, if you want to go but don't want to go alone, let me know. I'll take you.

So, maybe #1, through sharing her own genealogy, can inspire others to do the same thus encouraging them to bind their family together past this life.

This morning, though, I came upon another reality....

I LOVE chapter 12 in the book of Ether. It is my favorite in the whole Book of Mormon. Seriously, to the point that I honestly get excited as I get closer to it. I can't tell you why I love it so much. It just makes me happy.

In chapter 12, Moroni (the abridger of these metal plates), interjects some of his own feelings about what is going on and what can be perceived because of what has been read so far in the Book of Mormon. He shares the importance of faith and makes things VERY clear as to what the force was in each situation that we've read about thus far.

image: ellenwhite.info

As I read this morning, something became very obvious to me. Throughout the book, we are told to remember the things God has done for our ancestors--the things that have brought us to the point where we are today. Time after time, we are drawn back to Moses freeing the children of Israel through God's power, as just one example. In the book of Ether, reminders of the brother of Jared, and his experiences come into play. Could it be that an example is being set for us to remember?

Could this be another reason why #1 has been asked to gather stories about her ancestors? Could it be for her? To give her strength? Could it be to empower her?

In this chapter, Moroni is doing just what the Book of Mormon encourages us to do--remember. It doesn't just stop at the brother of Jared or Moses. It goes on and on and on with great examples.

So, for this morning, here's something for my family to know. Something I had no clue of until about five years ago thanks to a cousin who isn't a member of the church.

image: mesenko.com

My dad's family is from Montana, the bitterroot. A cousin searched the archives of the Missoula newspaper as she and I were working scanning pictures for my mom's side of the family (she is related through my mom; yet another reason why this is so significant to me). Do you kind of see how all of the stars align so nicely here?

Here is the story she found. One I would never have known if it weren't for her:

"Most people who were not Mormons were uninterested in the missionaries' message, but occasional contacts with those who were receptive, like George and Aquilla Dye, ranchers in Corvallis, restored their enthusiasm. Having recently dreamed of two men who visited her ranch with an important message, Aquilla welcomed the two missionaries who approached her home seeking lodging and food one evening. Within a short time the Dyes had embraced Mormonism, providing the nucleus for a Sunday School in Corvallis that would eventually grow into a branch congregation. In their sermons and in reports they sent to the mission headquarters, the missionaries also related accounts of faith-promoting healings following priesthood blessings. For instance, one missionary who visited the Dyes' home in 1898 shortly after their conversion "found a house full of sickness." Aquilla requested a priesthood blessing for each member of the family, following which each claimed that they "were instantly releaved [sic] of pain." The telling and retelling of such stories nurtured a sense of identity among local Mormons as a divinely favored people caring for each other."

This is part of how my family became acquainted with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. George and Aquilla were my great, great grandparents.

Maybe a funny thing to have in a town newspaper, but back then, you probably knew that Mrs. Jones had walked her dog five times in one day or Mr. McGillicuddy got a paper cut from reading that very newspaper the day before. You know "all the news that is news."

Regardless, I am grateful that this was recorded. I am grateful for Aquilla's dream. This story helps me to know that God was aware of George and Aquilla the same as He is of me, and because He was aware of them, my life has benefitted greatly by their actions.

There are stories like this on each of the branches of my family tree (my mom, my grandfather in my dad's side, my great, great grandparents on my dad's mom's side, and my great, great, great grandparents on my dad's mom's mom's side), and that's not even bringing the Warden's family into the equation. I look forward to helping #1 find these stories and more. Maybe we'll end up with our own personalized version of Ether 12 and how our ancestors had faith enough to move on impressions they had. And, maybe those acts of faith with help us as well and give us strength to try to do as they did.

So, maybe this is why #1 needs to gather these stories. Maybe it's to encourage the friends she has yet to make in the Philippines. Maybe it's to give her courage and strength to know that she can help people draw closer to God as He reaches out to them. I get the feeling that it's all of these reasons combined.

So a couple shots and a whole lotta stories, and she'll be on a plane and outta here. Daunting.

Oh, and just to let you know....45 days.

Sour in More Ways than One

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Sun, 05 May 2013 03:38:00 +0000

As we've dealt with red dye #40 and "Sweetie," I got to thinking back to another of my children. I honestly thought that Sweetie's issues were genetic because one of the older children showed very similar anger and aggressiveness in childhood.

So, we started an experiment. We had that older child go without red dye for a long period of time--not difficult in this house anymore. We never eat it here.

One day, the older child came home very angry. This is a very unusual state for this child who is typically very sweet and agreeable and helpful. Nothing was right.

It has now happened three times.

The most recent experience was this past Sunday. Saturday had been spent at a track meet--all day. Sunday morning, this kid was more than disagreeable. We were all awful people. I mean, seriously, if we'd asked this young person to breathe, we would have had our heads bitten off. We all quickly learned to keep our mouths shut and smile.

image: sourpatchsecrets.com

As we sat in church, I leaned over and asked if any red dye items had been consumed at the track meet.
The older child looked me square in the face and said no. Another sibling, who'd been with this child the day before leaned over to me and whispered, "Except for those Sour Patch Kids."

I leaned across again, somewhat hesitantly, and asked, "Did you have Sour Patch Kids yesterday?"

image: supremeplate.blogspot.com

The answer with a sneer: "Yes, so what?"

Enough said. By afternoon, I received an apology and all was good.

I do have to add this, though, as we sat in church, I handed this kid a note. I asked what it felt like when under the influence of the dye. The answer: "I am intolerant towards everyone."

You'd have to know this kid, but "intolerant" is NEVER a word I'd use to talk about this child. I would typically say quite the opposite.

So, maybe the intolerance toward red dye brings out intolerance toward others. I guess my thought that this was genetic may still be true--just not in the way I originally thought.

Creating Our Own MTC

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Thu, 02 May 2013 01:57:00 +0000

We had stake conference over this past weekend, as I mentioned in the previous post. One of the things that stuck with me from what was said was the fact that now that the mission age is younger, we have more need to better and earlier prepare our kids for missions and for life. In other words, we need to make our homes into missionary training centers.

Monday night, at Family Home Evening, we discussed this idea and worked on formulating a plan for our home. We went around the circle and each person gave one idea of what needs to exist here in order for each of them to be a bit better prepared for someday when they each become missionaries.

Here's what we came up with (I wonder if you can tell whose idea each was):

image: lifethroughthelensblog

• Be nice to each other.
If people aren't nice, they have to sit together until they can come up with ten nice things they can say about each other.

• Read the scriptures.
Read daily individually and as a family.
Have a chart.
Read the entire Book of Mormon this summer. Those who do will get to go to dinner together.

• No contention.
Share freely.
Serve others.

**As a side note: Lately, I've been very verbal as I've shared things with my kids. I've given them the best part of whatever it was and then said, "I'm giving you the best trusting the Heavenly Father will give me His best." I truly believe this. I think many people call this "karma."

At the Children's Museum in Portland

• Have fun.
We agreed that being a missionary needed to be fun at times. There needs to be balance in life.
Have a weekly family activity.
I need to buy a new container to hold our activity ideas.
I need to update the activity ideas for the container.

• Personal prayer.
Morning and evening.
#1 has been given the assignment to talk to a friend who makes words with vinyl. We'll put these right above every bedroom light switch in the house.

• Obey.
Do things the first time you're asked.
Strive to be 100% obedient.

• Education.
Everyone will graduate from high school (Umm...yah, that's kind of a given), but it is a mission requirement, so we thought we'd include it.
Learn a language. We decided on Spanish even though I spent some time with the Rosetta Stone Tagalog version. On Sunday, I heard a woman behind us at church say "lalaki," and I knew she was speaking Tagalog. That was pretty cool. We figure Spanish is very usable and close enough to English that none of us will be blown out of the water by it, and it's extremely useable. Bummer for the Warden who already knows Spanish, but I guess he can tutor us, right?

• Skills.
Okay, this one was mine. I challenged the kids to take on new skills with the thought of the impact it could have as they serve as missionaries.
Each took the challenge to learn at least three hymns on the piano. I'm a lousy piano player, but I was called upon over and over again to play at various meetings.

• Service.
Do more as a family and as individuals.
Jump at every chance that comes your way whether planned or spontaneous.
Have service activities in the family activity jar.

This seems like as good a place as any to start. We're already doing some of these things, but it will be good to put forth more effort because we're not perfect at any of this yet.

#1 has 49 days left in our home. It's strange to think that it won't be long until #2 leaves and then #3 and so on and so on and so on. So grateful for this experience for our kids. It will definitely be life changing. What an opportunity to step beyond yourself and care for others' needs.

The Future

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 05:30:00 +0000

Family pictures tomorrow! I've been planning and plotting just what color combinations we're going to wear. It's funny. I used to dread this, but I think I have it kind of figured out now to the point that it's fun. We'll see how it turns out once we're all dressed in the morning.

#1 spoke along with 13 other waiting missionaries at our stake conference today. She was asked to share her testimony and what helped her prepare for her mission. She did a good job. They all did. It was so fun to see them all up there. I think there were an equal number of women and men. Some were staying in the states and others were leaving the country. I think that was an equal division as well.

I've got a fun post sitting on the back burner just waiting to be finished and posted, so look forward to that one--hopefully tomorrow.

image: continuumseniors.com

Summer's getting closer, and my time at the preschool is coming to a close. It's been SO fun! I've loved being around the preschoolers, but the high schoolers have been fabulous! You know, people give "the youth of today" such a bad time. Now that I think about it, they did for my generation too, but these young adults give me hope in the future. They're just caring, responsible, great people. It's been a true pleasure to work with them. So, that will go on through May, and then when graduation hits--first week of June (I think), we'll be done.

Next school year looks like it's going to hold some changes for our family--more on that in a future post. There have been some challenges that have brought about a need to think outside my usually comfortable box.

As far as #1's mission goes, she's ready. She has immunizations to get still, but we're kind of in a
holding pattern.

See the resemblance?

Another thing she's been asked to do in preparation for her mission is to investigate her roots and come up with four generations of her family tree. She's also supposed to have some stories about her ancestors to share. That's what we're working on now. We've pulled all the older kids on board to find out what they can about these family members. It's kind of fun. #1's researching my maternal grandfather's line--the Stegner's, #2's doing my paternal grandfather's line--the Hamm's, #3 has my maternal grandmother's family--the Holz's, and #4 has my paternal grandmother's ancestry--the Dye's. When we're done a bit here, we'll work over to the Warden's family--the Hess, Tolman, Anderson, and Abrams families. I started with mine just because they're more familiar to me, and I'm the one running the show. Once we get to the Warden's side, it'll all be pretty new, but it will probably also be easier because the kids can talk to their grandparents about their families. That'll be fun.

So, first thing in the morning, I'm off to buy a few items for pictures, and the Warden's going to take #2 to the DMV. It's a furlough day, so it'll be nice to have the whole family together.

Ladder of Inference

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 04:50:00 +0000

Great day! Today was the Oregon American Mother's conference. It was FABULOUS! There were some profound things shared. The theme was "A Call to Action." I definitely felt the urgency to be active as a mother and just as a person. I think the thing that hit me the most was a presentation on "Being."

In our society we seem to have things backwards--have, then do, then be. Today, I learned that that all has to be turned around. We must be, then do, and only then can we have what we really want in our lives.

The presenter shared the "ladder of inference" with us. I'd never heard of that before. I think it's rather ironic that it's a ladder as it seems to be an additional step up on the pattern my thoughts have been taking lately. Here it is for your review.

This was just a small portion of her presentation, and I wish I could have just sat and listened to her for hours. There was just a wealth of information.

She spoke of competition and comparing and how that stops us on our way to being, doing and having, and she shared the concept that if we will continue consistently doing the right things, we will be brought to the right place eventually.

It was just a wonderful experience. I have so much that I want to write about it. I'm hoping tomorrow will give me a few more minutes than today has so I can do that.

Here it is 9:45pm, and I still haven't been to the grocery store today, so I'm off. Wish me luck.

General Conference (Sunday Afternoon): My Notes

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 12:34:00 +0000

These notes have been sitting here waiting to be published. I planned on putting all kinds of pictures in place, but considering it's been as long as it has, and I still haven't done it, I'm thinking it's just not going to happen. So, finally, here are my notes from the Sunday afternoon session of General Conference....

I really took scads of notes on Sunday afternoon. There was just so much to be learned. I have thought I'd edit it down so it was in a more readable/understandable form, but I'm just not sure where to begin. I'll give it a shot, but what lies below is what you get. Enjoy!

All things are possible to him who believeth. "Lord, I believe. Help thou my unbelief."
I need to admit where I'm weak and lean on the Lord in those times.
Let this desire work in me until I believe.
If thou canst believe.
The Lord helped him "straight way." It was not a slow process.
In moments of doubt or in troubling times:
1. Exert strength first.
hold to the ground I've already won. Hold fast to what I already know and hold strong.
Nothing is impossible if I believe. I think it's interesting that sometimes we hear "If you WILL believe." Belief is a choice--one I need to choose more often.
The degree of my knowledge is not the issue. It's the integrity I have with what I already know.
2. Do not start my quest for faith by saying how much I do not have. Don't leap with my unbelief. Do not pretend to faith I do not have. Be true to the faith I do have.
I need to be as candid about my questions as I can be, but if me and my family want to be healed, I need to be careful not to be my own obstacle.
I have more faith than I think you do.
I have seen miracles. That cannot be denied.
This is a divine work in process. Manifestations are abounding. I need to not hyperventilate when issues arise. They do and they will. What I know will always trump what I do not know.
Walk by faith.
Be kind regarding human frailty.
Imperfect people is all God has ever had to work with. (I feel like I should have a shirt or button or something with this on it when I go to church and do my calling).
3. Do not be afraid to ask for help.
God will send help from both sides of the veil (I have experienced this. It is true).
Belief is a precious work and an even more precious act.
Be not be afraid, only believe. Belief is always the first step toward conviction.
Be honest about where I stand.
What do I know, and what do I merely believe?
What is a tiny seed of belief can grow into the tree of life.
When I am weak, it's okay to lean on Elder Holland's testimony.
Fan the flame of my faith. All things are possible to me if I will believe. (There's that word again "will.")

Leave that which is highly esteemed among men; the traditions of men must be left behind to accept Christ. -- Yah, no problem there. I think what people highly esteem these days are getting to be pretty odd.
The world will hate us. -- I need to prepare myself more for this.
The followers of Jesus are to be a peculiar people.
We are to separate ourselves from the world and its traditions.
Hear and DO. Be doing when He comes. --That's sure a theme of this Conference!
"Savior may I learn to love thee. Walk the path that thou has shown....Lord, I would follow thee."
>>>Daily KNEELING prayers as a family.
Frequent personal prayers.
Don't put your hand to your plow and look back. Keep going forward.
Go out of my way to seek for those who have strayed as Christ did.
Rescue and serve.
Love my neighbor as myself. Love my enemies. Love others as Christ loves me--hmm...that's pretty straightforward. That leaves very little room for hatred, grudges, etc.
Draw upon my faith in Jesus Christ in order to forgive others.
"As a disciple of Christ, I [have] no other choice."
Child of God = heir of God
Inherit ALL things if I come to Him. Only possible if I follow my Savior. No man cometh unto the Father but by Him.
Is it enough to know that we must follow Him below?....ALL of God's blessings can be ours if we follow Jesus Christ.
Most of society's ideas of God and Jesus Christ is in conflict with the holy scriptures.
Joseph Smith's vision reveals this.
The apostle John saw them also.
Man does not dictate God's rules - Nicean Council.
Christ mentions His father 160 times while visiting the Nephites for three days (I figure, since His time was limited, the things in these chapters are THE most important things Christ had to teach anyone).
The Son can do nothing of Himself but what He seeth the Father do.
"Father into thy hands I commend my Spirit."
They desire the same oneness for everyone.
The Holy Ghost will teach all things. The Holy Ghost witnesses of the Father AND the Son.
It can be felt by anyone no matter who, but the fullness comes with baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands.
The doctrine of the Father and the Son is the doctrine of the family. We are the children of our Heavenly Father.
"Nothing is going to startle us more when we pass through the veil to the other side than to realize how well we know our Father in Heaven and how familiar His face is to us" (Ezra Taft Benson).

We learn from happy and sad experiences.
1. The temple is the place.
No expiration date on temple marriage. Unlike "until death do you part."
2. In order to contend, you need two people, and I will never be one of them.
Persuasion, long suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned.
Eliminate emotional abuse. It wounds our personality. It lowers our self-esteem.
Live a celestial life.
3. A child who sings is a happy child.
Importance of sacred music.
Songs shall be answered with a blessing upon their head.
4. "I love you," "thank you very much," and "forgive me"
Provide comfort. Confirm tender feelings of our heart.
Send messages of love and gratitude.
Continue these after our home is established.
In whom I am well pleased
Texting is good--if uplifting.
5. I love the Book of Mormon and my Savior Jesus Christ.
Challenge children to read the Book of Mormon.
Needs to be read with the spirit of prayer and meditation.
6. It is not enough to know the scriptures, we have to live them.
He who doeth them, will be likened to a wise man who buildeth on a rock.
They give direction and peace to those who seek.
Sure direction.

Seeking for self-worth.
Many do questionable things to feel like they belong.
Defining worth. How do I define my worth?
Don't seek acceptance in the wrong sources. This puts us on a dangerous path.
We will eventually feel abandoned and inferior.
Look to God and live. God is the source of ultimate acceptance. They look at our hearts. They accept us for what we are and what we can become. They treat us better than what we are. They know our potential.
Willing to observe covenants through sacrifice.
Pattern:
1. Know that our hearts are honest and broken.
Engage in sincere self-reflection. Heart is the center. Look into your heart. We know our motives and desires. No rationalization. Pure honesty with self. A broken heart is soft and open. Open to the invitations of the Spirit. Accept His will. We can be taught by the Holy Ghost. We are invited to act.
2. Know that our spirits are contrite.
Contrite = feeling or expressing remorse that I have done wrong.
Teachable. See my own short-comings. Willing to repent. Willing to listen to the Spirit. Willingness and determined to act. Willing to change. Seek His will.
3. Conscious decision to observe our covenants through sacrifice.
Sacrifice isn't necessarily big or hard It mostly refers to day to day living as a disciple of Christ.
Worthily partake of the sacrament each week. Prepare for it. Renew promises. Feel His acceptance.
Having the Holy Ghost as our companion is a sure sign that our sacrifices are being accepted by God.
Reach out to others, give service, simply strive for righteousness, stand firmly and faithfully when storms of life are raging, etc. - these are ways we sacrifice.
Be personally in tune with the Lord. Seek the Lord's acceptance. His tender mercies will become evident in our lives. Enjoy His promised blessings.
We need not fear, we are His. We are of those His Father has given to Him.
He's got our backs.

Be of good cheer. He, through His atonement, has overcome the world.
Tribulation lies ahead, but we have cause for good cheer.
We live in the time when His Church has been restored in preparation for Christ's return.
We will see many events transpire. Many of these will tax my faith, but I must seek for help and I will be helped to rise above. The world will spiral downward at an ever increasing pace.
Don't fear the future. Don't falter in hope and good cheer.
FEAR NOT!
There will be peace in Zion. A refuge from the storm.
The Church is a bulwark of safety. We will find sanctuary in the stakes of Zion.
No human power can stay the course of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
We will be armed with the power of God as a defense in great glory. Stay true to the Church and let the Spirit be my guide.
We may not understand it all, but humbly, quietly trust in the Lord. Make my only desire to please Him, and I will be blessed with great peace.
Serve others with joy and good humor no matter what my circumstances might become.
Trusting the Lord completely will help me be an optimistic person.
Sing with joy even in a dark world. Trust. God is in charge. He knows EVERYTHING.

Redemptioners - pay off an obligation; to free someone.
Teach my kids to repent. Expect mistakes, but teach them how to be freed from guilt. We can be healed.
We CAN have peace and joy NOW.
Teach a more excellent way--Christ's way.
Go about doing good. Help others with problems, defend the truth, create happiness at home, etc.
Jean Valjean's life is changed by charitable acts by Bishop Bienvenu. Forget not, never forget that you will use this silver to become an honest man. Jean Valjean you belong no longer to evil but to good.
We can bring these kinds of merciful acts to others and help them change their lives.
Help redeem the needs of others.
My children are more important than the house.
Lead others to Christ. That is the most important thing I can do. Otherwise this gospel is just about social rules.

Be a good citizen and neighbor. Be tolerant, kind, and loving to those who don't share our beliefs or standards.
Be aware of the needs of those around me. Be concerned for others. Be ready to give others a helping hand and a loving heart.
Put my trust in the Lord and He will help me no matter what my challenge may be.
Joy cometh in the morning.
The gospel is the key to our happiness.
He stands at the door and knocks. It's up to me to open the door so He can come in to me. I need to take advantage of this promise.

You can tell by the last couple talks that I was pretty heavily distracted by kids at that point in the game. Sorry. If there's anything you'd like to hear more of, you can check it out on your own.

Oh, the Insanity!

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 20:11:00 +0000

It's one of THOSE days, but there have been a lot of THOSE days lately....working so hard to get caught up but turning around to find that someone has thwarted my efforts and the work begins again.

I find myself wishing away this stage of my life. I wish for the next one...kids all in school, time to myself. A little bit of breather so I can have some kind of semblance of hope that my house'll be clean for a whole hour on any given day. That would be SO nice. I really miss having a social life.

This is how life is now...

image: mylifeandkids.com

Yet, each day, I get up and go again.....

image: lnt.com

Yes, this is why I live in a Madhouse, and this is why I am the Chief Inmate.

I swear there's some BIG secret you all know and aren't telling me. I figure everyone sits back and watches me run on my hamster wheel all day every day and just laughs because I'm not in on the secret. There is an easier way, I know it. You're just not telling me because my insanity is so entertaining to y'all, huh?

For the time being, I make myself believe this...

image: pinterest.com

Not sure if it's all that true. I figure good moms are happy moms, but how can moms be happy when things are so insane?

I have to just keep telling myself that this MUST be true because the clean house thing? Nope. It ain't happenin'....And to be honest, I HATE it.

Will I really be happier when I get to the other side of this season and into the next? I don't know, but knowing myself as I do, I will look back and wish I'd have done better and found balance in this season, or at least tried a little bit harder.

Yep. It's one of THOSE days, and I've decided that it's a "just one more load" kind of day. No matter how much it looks like I'm trudging (and I am) up the stairs back into the laundry room, at least I'm doing it. It's getting done. Just wish I could be happier about it.

I have deluded myself into thinking that there is a magic formula. It's like playing with some sort of sick Chinese puzzle box--if you move this to this point and get this part in just the right configuration with those twelve points, it'll all fall into place, and you'll know the secret to life. I swear, seriously, that's how I figure this has got to be. There HAS to be a way. Just when I think I've got it figured out, it changes, so hand me another Oreo.

So, please....share the secret with me, will ya? I promise I'll crack or joke or something every so often, I'll even learn to tap dance to keep you entertained if you'll just let me in on it, okay?

image: activerain.com

I guess, for now, I'd better get a little more toothpaste on my brush.

Premeditated

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 13:24:00 +0000

Yesterday at church this brother got up and started talking about work and how his boss would assign him to do a project, and he'd start in. The wheels'd start to turn. He would write down his thoughts and things would start to take shape.

He went on in this vein until he said something that was, to me, very profound. He said that as he got to thinking about what he was doing, he realized that he was creating that thing spiritually so that it could be created physically.

This brother went on and talked about how sometimes his thoughts start heading in a down or depressing way. Sometimes things get a bit negative. As he started to allow his thoughts to get this way, he suddenly paused and asked himself, "Is this what I want to create spiritually?"

When I was a child, I had no idea that I could control my thoughts. I honestly thought that they controlled me. As a teenager, going through puberty, I wish someone had told me that I was the master of my thoughts and feelings. I thought I was just plain crazy with all the ups and downs I experienced. Had someone told me that I could choose to change the direction my thoughts were going, I'm sure I would have tried a bit harder.

Yesterday, though, was a whole new concept to me. What I'm thinking not only affects the here and now, it sets a pattern for what I create in my life. I am spiritually creating something that will physically manifest itself.

I, personally, want only good in my life. I know that I can't control all the things that come into my life, but as far as what emanates from me? That I can control. What I think is what will become. I CAN control that....by my thoughts.

Coming Clean

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 16:20:00 +0000

This is a post I know I will regret writing, but since I've alluded to it, I feel that maybe I need to open this book. I won't link this to FB, and I will probably remove it after five minutes of posting it, but here goes.

Here's what's been raining in my life.....

NEVER has this ever happened before, but suddenly, there's a great rush of people at my door to tell me how angry they've been at me for years. Yup. Lovin' life.

Why, all of a sudden?

Why couldn't people come to me at the time of the offense, of which none were intended (yup. I'm that kind of sensitive, I guess), and asked me if I'd intended to cause the hurt? Would that have been that hard?

image: city-data.com

Now, I find myself pulling myself out from under the rock my heart wants to take me under over and
over again. I WILL NOT let this take me down. I won't!

Someone, anyone, tell me that I haven't offended you, or at least tell me that you chose not to be offended if I did. Someone out there chooses that, right?

Seriously, people. I'm up to five in a month. FIVE. Some of the hurts were up to ten years ago.

I feel so touched that people are finally comfortable enough to tell me, but sheesh! Things could have been so much easier had they just come clean way back when.

So, I have cut back on my inner circle to those I truly can trust. Those that won't become offended, or those who will tell me when they've been hurt. To those few of you, thank you! Thank you for choosing to have hard, proven armor but soft hearts. I guess that's what we need in this day and age....especially in order to deal with big, ol', mean, brutish people like me.

Monstrous Waves and Furious Winds

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 13:25:00 +0000

"Some of our struggles involve making decisions, while others are a result of the decisions we have made. Some of our struggles result from choices others make that affect our lives. We cannot always control everything that happens to us in this life, but we can control how we respond. Many struggles come as problems and pressures that sometimes cause pain. Others come as temptations, trials, and tribulations." --L. Lionel Kendrick

image: fineartamerica.com

I just finished reading in Ether about Jared and his brother and their trip to the promised land. I read that no matter how monstrous the waves became and no matter how fiercely the winds blew, they were thankful.

They were in their boats for nearly a year, but they, that entire time, sang praises and recognized the "multitude of tender mercies" that came their way.

It was the little things, not some huge, life shattering, miraculous event that got them there. It was the little things--the little evidences of God's existence--that brought them through to a better place.

All good things come from God. They recognized that and gave thanks for every good thing that came their way.

So often, I glom onto the bad in my life. What good does that do?

The Jaredites had a huge thing going for them. They knew where good things came from, and they were grateful for them. It mentions the monster waves and the furious winds, but those things, they recognized, drove them to where they needed to be. Had those things not existed, they would have been at a standstill, but the wind and waves never ceased. Never.

image: missaday.blogspot.com

I look at the waves and winds in my life, and I sigh and groan about them. Today, I learned from these people that I'm looking at things in my life all wrong.

bothareedified.blogspot.com

The Jaredites prayed continually. Of course, they didn't know exactly where their journey was taking them. They were in ark-like boats. They couldn't see a thing. They put themselves in and pushed off. That was it. It was a complete trust thing.

Isn't that life for everyone? Does anyone really know where they're headed? Even when we're headed in a direction that we like, there are so many things we can't control and things that hold back our progression.

I am coming to understand more and more that I (and anyone) can ask for help at any given moment and receive tender mercies even for the smallest things in my life. It's vitally important to remember, though, that those things, no matter how small or how large, are still blowing me and pushing me toward where I need to be. I need to be thankful, continually, for these things, but first, I MUST recognize them.

image: sherriejohnson.blogspot.com

It's my response that matters in this journey being a happy one or a sad one. Seeking to pray for the things I don't like or don't understand and clinging to every good thing no matter how small or large (the multitude of tender mercies) that happen, recognizing where they've come from, and giving thanks for them will make this journey a joyful one. No matter what the struggles may be.

General Conference (Sunday Morning): My Notes

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 18:47:00 +0000

image: restlesspilgrim.net

Okay, confession....During Uchtdorf's talk, I was much more Martha than Mary. I slept later than I'd hoped to and then chatted with the Warden for too long in bed. This set everything back including food preparation for Conference.

I walked into the front room as kids were assembling and watching "Music and the Spoken Word" and was barraged with the question: "Aren't we having cinnamon rolls this time?"

image: lds.org

I retreated to the kitchen and got busy. #2 put the pork chops for lunch/dinner into the crockpot and #1 made chocolate chip cookies at the same time I was fixing the dough for the cinnamon rolls (I still think of you every time I make these, Mandy). We listened to the opening hymn, stopped for the prayer, and then listened from the kitchen as President Uchtdorf spoke in the adjoining front room.

image: lds.org

I arrived just in time for Elder Anderson. Here are my notes from this session (feeling sad my Uchtdorf notes aren't here. I'm thinking I'll have to dedicate an entire post just to him.

Got to find my old missionary tag. Pretty sure it's in the cedar chest at the foot of my bed.
Pray for areas where our influence is limited. Doors will be opened.
Invite others to come and see--remember yesterday: It's in the DOING that you build on the sure foundation.
He will open doors - ask Him.
By the mouth of His disciples--where was it that I read yesterday that by attempting to follow Christ, we can call ourselves His disciples. I had wondered about this, kind of along the lines of my "athlete" post.
All that will hear, may hear. It's all a matter of individual agency.
Helaman 5 - build on the Rock of our Redeemer. We MUST build.
"Parental benign neglect" - dimming of child's internal light. Lessening of connection between children and parents. Electronically disconnect. Every day, at some point, turn everything off.
Yay, Jay Hess!
25 words - what would I say? Hmm....I feel a blog post coming on.

"Guide Us, O, Thou Great Jehovah" - this title alone is worthy of pondering. How much do I allow Him to guide me?

My marriage is a treasure.
Strive to be obedient and good. The Commandments aren't a buffet that we can pick and choose from. I must obey them ALL exactly.
Strengthening faith strengthens marriage.
Christ is where the foundation for happy marriages are built.
Honest self-examination and take immediate action to fix things.
Meekness - I think of this as being the first to apologize, etc.
Watch and learn - find those who have happy marriages and follow suit.
Correct principles and PATTERNS of BEHAVIOR - this is key.
Focus first on the home and shared responsibilities. Cooperation not negotiation.
Time together is when you put forth best efforts.
Both participate in putting kids to bed.
Read with kids every night.
Work side by side to do work in most important work.
Make financial decisions together -- full disclosure.
Fiercely loyal. Transparent. Respectful.
Turn off technology when he's around.
Live together in love. Serve. Keep covenants.
Marriage needs to be my first priority.
Blessed according to the promises of the Lord.
Our marriage is a gift from God to us; the quality of our marriage is our gift to Him.
The gospel brings renewed hope and faith -- it renews moment by moment as you apply yourself to it.
Secularism is becoming the norm--I do what I want when I want because I want. Wants are endless; there is no end to them. Watch out for selfishness.
Where God is in command there is law--eternal law--which has penalties and blessings. Nothing is left to question.
Observe God's law. Liberty is attached to the degree that we obey.
Sabbath observance, adultery and covetousness are those taken lightly.There are penalties for breaking these. We are creating our own rules to substitute God's.
Families are deteriorating as a result.
We break these commandments and refuse to repent and return, and our society deteriorates.
Our homes are what our homes will be throughout eternity - this home is the practice ground for eternity.
The sacred act of procreation (SEX) is only to be between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully married--Hmm...funny. That's GOD'S LAW. Sad how we've forgotten that little fact, even worse that we fight that fact. That's a fight that may be won temporarily by individuals, but in the long run, it will be lost TERRIBLY.
God's promised blessings DO NOT CHANGE. He is an unchanging being. We are all subject to those blessings the same as we are all subject to the cursings as well. It's all up to how we choose.
My VERY FAVORITE scripture: D&C 130:20-21
Acknowledge ALL of God's commandments.

image: lds.org

My companion and I had lunch with Elder L. Tom Perry when we were in the MTC. I also ran into him in the mall at Salt Lake City once. What a sweet, wonderful man! Because I know him to be sweet and loving and kind, when he speaks with as much power as he did today, it really stands out. LOVED his words. No mincing of words there.

Oh, "Come, Come Ye Saints" for the closing hymn. The Mormon Tabernacle choir does it with conviction unlike most of the wards I've ever been in who do it as a funeral song. YAY! I'm looking forward to hearing it today.

The Spirit bears record and the record is true. If the Spirit bears record, then it IS true.
He has charted our course. Obedience is our guide.
If you've started a fire blazing, run for help.
Obedience is the first law of heaven -- highest priority.
Obey and receive the blessings attached to that act of obedience.
Christ set this example for us. Why wouldn't I want ALL of the blessings that Christ received. We talk about being "joint heirs" with Christ, and I always thought that was a future, after this life thing, that is a fallacy. I can be a joint heir now and receive the same blessings He did to the degree that I learn to obey God to the degree that He did.
This is why He implores us to follow Him. He invites us. Do we RSVP and bring our gifts of obedience?

image: handcart-trek.org

....And "Come, Come Ye Saints"..... Here we go. Starts out slow and plodding but determined. "Your hearts will swell--All is well. All is well." - as we go forward and follow, in our hearts will swell this feeling that all is well no matter what our circumstances. I know this feeling! "Our God will NEVER us forsake." And soon we'll have this tale to tell. All is well. All is well." When we obey, we have stories of faith that can be shared. These increase our feelings of well being. Song's picking up as faith increases. Strengthened. Listen to that last verse! YES! That's how it's to be done! Strongest yet! Determined. No matter what happens, we are willing. "With the just we shall dwell." "To see the saints their rest obtain" All is well. All is well. We trust the Great Creator of heaven and earth. He will be our guide no matter what our lot. All will be well because all is well when we are with Him.

Dang, I'm crying here. So strong. Thank you, Choir, for singing this, one of the greatest hymns ever written, in the way I believe Brother Clayton intended it to be sung. I seriously can't stop crying--so touched by this.

Even things in the benediction stuck in my heart --"Make the changes necessary to draw closer to [Him]." That's what this is all about. That's what I love about Conference. I learn how to improve my life and get it more in accordance with how God would want me to be, so I can do all that I was sent here to earth to do.

And a couple of notes from the events going on in my house, among my family during the session...

It is very clear that the talks I need to listen to the most have the most interruptions and distractions. There was one talk given during this session that I NEEDED to hear (you know, one of those "given just for me" kinds of talks), and it was then that suddenly everyone needed to talk to me. Ugh!

image: crayola.com

One child, looking for something to mark a Conference bingo page, found one of those crayons that is encased in a plastic tube and you roll it up. He rolled it all the way to the top until it was taken beyond the point of saving, and it was broken. "Why must we push everything to its limit until it's broken?" We're at that point in his development in which it seems that he breaks everything he touches. It got me to thinking about how we are when we try to live life on our own--without God's help. Without His instructions, daily, we can only progress so far until our efforts are broken. How long will I choose to twist my life on my own until I decide that enough's enough, and in order to do it the right way, I need to ask He who knows how to do it better? It is only then that I can be assured that it won't break.

Lots of emphasis on obedience in this session. Heaven knows I can work on that in SO many ways.

Harsh circumstances seem to challenge your very faith. (Just a note from the material in between Conference sessions).

As I've been writing this, I hear my kids downstairs getting water glasses ready for lunch. #2 came upstairs to report that he'd started the oven preheating the oven. I didn't even ask them to do these things. This was the gripe I woke up with and vented to the Warden just this morning. I guess General Conference betters ALL of us.

General Conference (Saturday): My Notes

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 00:03:00 +0000

image: lds.org

Oh, how I LOVE General Conference. I have to admit that I'm seeking answers as I watch. I'm struggling with an important relationship in my life, and I'm looking for keys to resolving the issues that lie therein. I also have to admit that I view Conference through a mother's eyes. I'm always looking for ways to be better at this job I undertake again every morning and each day all day long.

image: lds.org

My favorite talk was by David A. Bednar from this afternoon's session. He hit it out of the park. After hearing him, the rest of the world should never doubt where members of the Church stand on some very sensitive topics. I wish everything was up and transcribed or viewable. I'd post it here if it was, but I'll just make it a point to do that when it is.

Here are some of the things in my notes (I didn't designate who said what because I just jotted down my impressions as they spoke)....

You will not always be safe from the influence of the adversary; check your nestlings.
There is power in the faithful prayer of a righteous mother.
If I build on the sure foundation, I will not fall.
PRAY! Council with the Lord in all my doings, and He will direct my paths.
STUDY! The words of Christ will tell me all things what I should do.
Hear and DO! The key to having a strong foundation is in the DOING.
I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father.
I am not alone.
Mothers have the biggest influence on their children/in their home.
Teach children about the power of the Atonement.
Teach children to step out of the world and into the Kingdom of God.
I must be the example of virtuous womanhood.
I must love and honor my kids' father. What I do, they will imitate.
Reinstate chastity. Be different.
Put off the natural man to be sanctified.
God wants us to overcome the world; therefore, He provides mercy. He allows for change over time.
Don't judge. Treat others as they could be. Treat mistakes as temporary setbacks. Never condemn anyone. Allow them to change.
If I draw near unto Him, He will draw near unto me. If I seek Him, I will find Him.
satan seeks to destroy families. There is no way I'm going to let him have mine.
Never give up on the goal of having peace.
The Savior's peace can suffuse our souls and rid us of our hate.
As individuals and families, we can attain peace.
God is not the author of confusion but of peace.
Be direct and stick to the basics.
Lean not unto my own understanding.
Bloom where you're planted.
How we raise our children is much more important than where we raise our children.
We are not spiritual orphans.

While we were watching, there were a number of things not related to Conference addresses that hit me briefly as well. These could very well be the first of many upcoming stepping stones on these topics.....

As we watched, two of our boys got into a bit of a tiff. The younger brother started to take off after the older brother. I stopped him with the words, "Focus here" as I pointed at the speaker. This hit me right after I said it. When other things are pulling at you that might not be for your own good, it's better to focus on those things that will improve your life. It's just a matter of self control.

With that same younger brother, someone said something that caused a reaction. After they said it, he responded just as everyone expected. From there, things typically escalate. I said to those who were preparing to join in, "Don't feed the beast." My family knows what that means--that we're not to play on his field. We need to change our interactions so that they are different from his--counteract meanness with kindness, etc.

image: dreamstime.com

It kind of reminds me of the Native American story of the two wolves--Two Wolves Inside Me Movie. It seems to me that sometimes, maybe even most of the time, we respond in kind (not kindness). When someone is unkind to us, we respond with meanness. There is such power in changing the pattern of response.

The other thing that hit me was during the congregational hymn. Here are the words that stuck: "We will not retreat, though our numbers may be few when compared with the opposite host in view...." ("Let Us All Press On"). It seems that many times I write things that I know are going to be controversial. I hesitate to publish them because I don't want to raise contention. It became clear, as we sung this hymn that we're supposed to be different, and it's okay to state those differences. If not, what good are those differences.

Elder Bednar's talk supported that view. Let there be no doubt where we stand. We are different. Those who try to follow God always have been.

Crockpot Menu and Shopping List - Week #8

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 05:02:00 +0000

I've taken a bit of a vacation on the crockpot menus. Time to get back into the swing of things. I've been using my crockpot nightly, but I just haven't had a formal menu made up. Here's one for this week. I've temporarily retired from doing breakfast recipes in the crockpot. It's been such a stop and go kind of thing that I've decided to give myself a break for awhile. So, here's a menu for dinners in a crockpot for this week.

Menu

Sunday Honey mustard pork chops
served w/potatoes

Monday Bacon beef and barley soup

Tuesday Chicken pepperoni

Wednesday Three bean soup

Thursday Chicken tikka masala

Friday Caribbean beef stew

Saturday Italian chicken

Shopping List

Produce

Garlic

Potatoes

Onion

Red potatoes

Baby carrots

Green pepper

English cucumber

Cilantro

Ginger

Meat

Pork chops

Bacon

Beef steaks

Pepperoni

Stew meat

Dairy

Cheese

Mozzarella

Parmesan cheese

Cream cheese

Eggs

Milk

Heavy cream

Butter

Frozen

Chicken (3)

Apple juice

Corn

Spices

Salt

Pepper

Oregano

Basil

Garlic powder

Garam masala

Thyme

Allspice

White pepper

Baking

Olive oil

Flour

Canned

Cream of mushroom soup

Beef broth (2)

Tomatoes w/basil, garlic, and oregano

Mexican style diced tomatoes

Tomatoes (4)

Tomato paste

Spaghetti sauce (2)

Mushrooms

Garbanzos beans

Small red kidney beans

Small white beans

Miscellaneous

Honey mustard

Beef gravy

Lemon juice

Worcestershire sauce

Pasta/Rice

Pearl barley

Pasta

Quinoa

Basmati rice

Penne pasta

Ethnic

Salsa

Bread

Bagels

English muffins

For You, Sapphire

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 04:53:00 +0000

I promised a friend I'd write tonight, so here I am. I have a headache, so I'm heading to bed. It's funny my headaches are NOTHING compared to what they used to be, but I've become a wimp with them now. I'm so glad for the medicine that keeps them at bay. I found them through Walgreens for half the price I was paying for them at my pharmacy.

Life is busy with all kinds of interesting twists and turns right now. I have decided that I will control what I can and trust that the rest will be handled and all will go well. Things have always worked out in the past, and I'm sure they will continue to.

I created a schedule for myself. It's day three of it, and it's FABULOUS! I love it! I have direction all day long, and I'm so much more productive than I was. I think if anyone else saw this schedule, they'd think I was nuts, and you know what? I probably am, but it works for me.

#5 has some newly found challenges that we're trying to get to the bottom of. I'll write more in depth on these later when I don't have pain in my noggin. I spoke with his teacher this morning--interesting on the timing of this meeting. We've been trying to work out a time that would work for both of us since the week before spring break. It wasn't until yesterday that I had some concrete proof of what was really going on.

I came home and made an appointment with our pediatrician, so on Monday, we'll go see her and begin the process of finding some answers (hopefully).

Tonight, on a total fluke, while at the high school track meet, I ran into the elementary school psychologist. We even had about ten minutes to chat. She was so kind and willing to listen and help. She warned me that they were already scheduled into next year, but she told me to move quickly, and we'd be the first on the docket for next year. That's good enough for me, but after having this encounter just when I needed it, I have little doubt that things will work out as far as timing goes. Maybe I need the summer to figure more things out and experiment a bit before we have a discussion and make plans with the school. We'll see how all of this goes.

For now, it's reassuring that there really is something going on here that is out of our control. It helps me be more patient and supportive for my boy.

So, I'm off to bed. Hoping for a well-rested brain in the morning. The beautiful thing is that I've dreamt the past two nights. I was so happy to find myself dreaming two mornings ago. Before that, I don't remember the last time I had a dream. Means I'm sleeping deeper. The sleep apnea was preventing that from happening. So glad that I'm waking rested in the morning. Things are definitely looking up.

Maximizing on Our Time at Disneyland

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 00:35:00 +0000

When we originally started planning this trip--about three years ago, we went to visit some friends who go to Disneyland often. They are former Southern California residents, so they knew all of the ins and outs of just how to do this trip.

image: ridemax.com

One of the things they shared with us was something called "Ridemax."

image: kk.org

You pay a fee for the use of the Ridemax website. You can log in and choose which park you're going to, what day and times you plan on being there, and which rides you plan on riding while you're there. The people behind Ridemax have done all the research as to which lines are shortest at what times and days. After you've chosen your rides, it automatically creates a plan for you so you end up at the shortest lines at the best times.

You can also mark on your plan when you want to take breaks and if you're willing to send a runner to get Fast Passes.

Here's an example of what we did....

We paid $14.95 for six months use of the site. It was the shortest plan offered. Let's say I was going to be at Disneyland from 8-9:50am on Monday. I chose Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean, and It's a Small World. This wasn't a real plan, this is just an example. I ask them to create an itinerary for me and end up with the following:

image: csdaley.com

Runner gets a fast pass for Indiana Jones at 8:05am while the rest of the group goes to visit It's a Small
World and waits in line for approximately one minute. After It's a Small World, the group goes to Pirates of the Caribbean at 8:30am and waits for four minutes. We then head over to Indiana Jones at 8:51am and wait for six minutes and use our Fast Passes to ride. Of course you have a whole hour left, so you can go back and modify and add other rides. Ridemax will tell you if you've chosen too many rides for the time frame you've chosen. You can remake your itinerary as many times as you want, and Ridemax will save your plans for you.

Everything I read as I researched this trip said to take a break in the middle of the day and go back to the park in the evening. This was very wise advice. We were all worn out by noon or so, so we'd head back to the house and relax for a bit. I would make two itineraries--one morning and one evening. That way, if we missed a ride in the morning, we could tack it onto the evening's plan.

The first morning, when we got up to go, and the plan was all set, the family all scoffed at my idea of using Ridemax: "Mom! This is a vacation. We don't have to have everything planned. Can't we just go for it and do what we want to do?"

I asked them to just be patient and see how it worked. If they didn't like it or it didn't work, we'd scrap it all and do it our own way.

image: free-city-guides.com

Truth is, it worked beautifully! Everybody recognized that as we arrived at Space Mountain late in the morning with the Fast Passes our runner (me) had picked up earlier in the morning. We were able to completely by-pass the entire huge, snaking line.

There were two times we chose not to follow the plan. The first time, we ended up waiting in a line for nearly an hour to ride Goofy's Sky School at California Adventure. Let's just say we became good friends with those around us in the line. The second time, we waited for at least 40 minutes for a 35 second ride on a roller coaster in Mickey's Toontown. Painful!

With Ridemax, we shot to the heads of lines thanks to Fast Passes. We also ended up in the shortest lines at the parks--less than 10 minutes most of the time, but never more than 20. Seriously, it was FABULOUS!

I think we all learned a little bit of the truth to the saying, "Fail to plan, and plan to fail." I can't imagine how long we would have waited had we not known about Ridemax. In this case, we all felt that our time was very well spent. We saw WAY more of Disneyland and California Adventure thanks to Ridemax.

What I Learned from the Happiest Place on Earth

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 19:32:00 +0000

Yes! We finally did it! Mission accomplished....we went to Disneyland!

This trip was seriously YEARS in the making. Do you know how much it costs to take a family of nine to the happiest place on earth? Woah! That's some HUGE saving. But, we did it, and it was GREAT!

As we arrived the first night, I just kept pinching myself. Were we really there?

We had a BLAST! Everything went without a hitch, and when all was said and done, I had no regrets. We got to do everything we wanted to.

While we were standing in a line on our last day, the Warden got to talking to one of the guys who was supervising the line. The "cast member" (as they call all those who work at Disneyland) shared quite a bit of insight into the Disneyland mindset.

He shared that all who work there are "cast members" because they
feel that everyday they are part of a big show. Every day, when they come to work, their job is to entertain their "guests."

What a service these people provide. Their focus isn't on themselves or how they feel about ANYTHING. It's all about those who stand in their lines, walk on their paths, watch their performances, etc., etc., etc.

Once I knew this, Disneyland became a different place. These people were there to serve me and make sure I had a great time.

As we approached the place where you meet princesses, I walked up to the "royal page" and said, "Hey! How's it going?" He was a young man in his late teens by the look of him. I had momentarily forgotten that this young man was in costume. He was playing a part. His job was to stay in character and make me feel that I was truly going to be meeting some royal princesses. My greeting was met with "Welcome, dear lady," and he ushered me into the line I was to wait in.

Of course he did. It was his job to be a character in this play of the day at Disneyland.

Another thing the cast member had shared with the Warden while we waited earlier was that he was known as the "lead." In other words, as far as that ride went, he was the main character. He was the guy in charge. Of course, he had others he answers to but his responsibility was to lead in that particular area of the park. Others, he mentioned, had parts they were responsible for but his place was there. It was his specialty. He understood all there was to know about that one job.

All of these things have been jelling in my mind....

What if I were to face every day as if I were a cast member in a much larger show?
What if I were to focus my efforts on making sure that others were enjoying the performance that is life?
What if I were to stay in character no matter how others interacted with me?
What if I were to accept the responsibility for being the "lead" in my life?
What if, as lead, I came to understand my role so well that I can make those things I'm responsible for run flawlessly?

I felt safe the entire time I was there. It was clear that each cast member knew his/her role. There was more than one time when I got on a ride with #7 and was concerned for her safety. It was then that I realized that I needed to learn to trust more. I needed to trust that those "leads" and "cast members" had done their jobs. They followed the rules and learned their parts and their main focus was me and my family and all the other individuals and families who came to enjoy their time there.

I have my own kingdom here. It CAN be the happiest place on earth. It is my own little show, and I am one of the leads. As lead, I'm in charge. I can make things go the way I want them to--any way I envision them. As lead, though, there are responsibilities that I need to take on that will keep the other cast members and those who visit my kingdom safe. One of the best things I can do is learn my part and be consistent in seeing to my role.

I now see that I also need to learn to be trustworthy--to learn my job and do it every day without fail. I need my children to know that as the lead, I have done my part and they can ride the ride of life without fear. They can trust that I have prepared them for the ride ahead.

Now that we're home, it feels like it was all a dream. Did we really go?

Thank you to the Magic Kingdom for helping me understand my own kingdom a little bit better.

Kickstarting

noreply@blogger.com (Julie Hess) — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 18:41:00 +0000

I'm home from church today. It's Easter. I got up with all kinds of great aspirations of what this day would be to my family. So much of what I've been learning lately has emphasized the importance of having and upholding family traditions. There have been many traditions that we started with our oldest that I have let go through time--through laziness; through being overwhelmed. I am now kicking myself. I know. I do that a lot.

Kicking myself, though, eventually leads to kicking myself in the rear end and restarting. I am working on allowing myself to begin again--to not give up.

Today, particularly, I'm sad that I gave up the Easter dress (and shirt and tie) tradition. Next year, my boys and husband will have new shirts and ties, my girls and I will have new dresses. I'm determined. I just think it makes this day that much more important and special.

I got up and put some caramel rolls into the crockpot and got the sausages out to thaw. I put the Easter baskets by each child's bed--thank goodness they slept in because so did I. I think our vacation wore us all out. It's taking us a few days to recover. I'm glad we returned a day early.

I stopped taking a medication the other day. It's been affecting my stomach in a very bad way. I'm now waiting for the effects to stop, but instead, it's getting worse. I'm hoping that this is just a "darkest before the dawn" scenario.

I have things I want to share. So many thoughts and experiences have been happening and teaching me. I feel that I've allowed myself to get distracted through the dark winter and now that the sun is out and the clouds are dissipating, I have a new vision for what I want life to become. I have more energy and more desire to change and make life what I want it to be.

This is what I feel that I need to write about. I need to make sure I jot down these lessons, so that I can come back and refer to them and learn from them especially when its dark and cloudy and I start to lose my way.

Here are a few key words (for my future reference), so I can remember all that I need to write about:
**small and simple things
**looking beyond the mark
**Julie B. Beck--"A Mother Heart" and "Mothers Who Know"
**~~Being the "lead"~~
**Mt. Baldy
**Planning - ridemax
**Organizing - a house of order
**Desire
**Forgiving myself/beginning NOW
**Envisioning and brainstorming (day dreaming)