Blinvy's Teenage Wasteland

Dawson's Creek recaps continuing

2019-07-24T09:51:00.003-07:00

The Creek recaps are back on the new blog and follow subscribe there for new episode recaps. Check it out here:

https://melodiemuses.blogspot.com/2019/07/dawsons-creek-318-neverland.html

Blog has moved

2019-07-11T12:20:00.002-07:00

Hey folks, anyone who still pops by around here, that is. I've resurrected my attempts to write online at a new blog. For future thoughts on pop culture, short stories, and the long overdue continuation of Dawson's Creek and Glee recaps at Melodie Muses. Current musing is on the movie Swiped. Hope you enjoy and keep following me over there. Thanks all!

Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Boys?

2018-11-23T13:34:00.000-08:00

I've had this question for a real long time. Ok, sorry I'll stop. But in all seriousness, I have heard this question so much over the years and this was an article I'd been thinking about writing for forever but then I got distracted and wandered away for a few long years. Sorry about that too.

Given the rise of TikTok and our new generation apparently still engrossed with this question, I thought, what better way to start my blog back up then to try and answer this question for you all. Just bear in mind that this is just my opinion and I cannot speak for all women or good girls in general. We're not a hive mind guys, this is just my hot take on it.

So, back in my day the big example of this was none other than my obsession, Dawson's Creek with Pacey framed as the "bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks" and Dawson framed as "the NiceGuytm" and naturally, that's the model I'm going to use to explain my perspective as a relatively "good girl." Let's get started, shall we?

I remember vividly in school there being ardent discussions over who Joey should choose. Girls were definitely divided on the issue with some citing things like "soulmates" in defense of Dawson/Joey and a majority of others citing actual on screen chemistry and development in defense of Pacey/Joey. Yes, I'm biased here but we all knew this already, especially if you've been reading my blog. Dawson is the worst.

But here's the thing, a lot of young guys identified with Dawson. A lot. Why is that? Well, on the surface, Dawson is lauded by everyone around him as smart, dependable, loyal, and an all around righteous dude. He's the hero of the story and I'll be damned if all teens, and people in general view themselves as the hero of their own story. Then there's the key fact that Dawson is presented as the guy who doesn't get the girl. He's presented as this amazing guy that for some reason girls just don't respond to and when you're a lonely teen that is highly relatable-but is it true?

For starters, Dawson does get the girl. Numerous times. He gets Jen over Cliff. The minute he wants Joey he gets her. He gets Eve, Nikki Wood, Gretchen Witter, and on and on. It's just somehow, when he gets the girl it's always presented as a rarity or shocking to him and most audiences bought that. He was the put upon NiceGuytm. Yet, when he asked a girl out, the answer was usually yes so I never understood this narrative that the show tried to push and some viewers bought. He did alright for himself and yet he always lamented that girls didn't go for him. Why?

Let's take Dawson out of his TV show for a second, where I'm pretty sure he would actually do a lot worse with women and I'll tell you why. The show might have told us that Dawson is incredible and smart and nice and honest but was he? Let's see what was actually shown to us:

- He ignored his friend who blatantly had a crush on him, because she wasn't the type of girl he wanted to like him.

- He staked a claim on a girl he'd only just met and became obsessively jealous about her spending time with anyone else, including his friend.

- He slut shamed the girl he liked because she'd dared to have sex before she even met him or knew he existed.

- He broke his friend's nose out of jealousy that he was supposedly better at chatting up girls than him

- He became interested in his friend only after she presented herself in an appealing way to him.

- He belittled his girlfriend's interests

- He invaded his girlfriend's privacy by reading her diary

- He has an inflated ego about his movie making skills

- He wrote, shot, and edited a movie about his breakup with Joey despite her objections

- Turned Joey down (which was fair) and sent Pacey to look after her then got butthurt when they developed feelings for each other

- Demanded that Joey not follow her heart and be with Pacey or he'd refuse to be friends with her, essentially manipulating her so she couldn't date who she wanted.

I could go on but I think I've made my point, he's a garbage person. Would you equate this with the behaviour of someone who is supposedly nice? Like yes, he could be nice at times but overall he was a petulant, spoiled brat who felt entitled to what he wanted, when he wanted it. He was essentially the villain of season 3 and there was no coming back from that.

Meanwhile we have Pacey, our resident supposed "bad boy". I've really never understood this descriptor of him. Was he the bad boy because he'd had "the sex"? Was he a bad boy because he came from an abusive home? Because he's poor? Because he does poorly in school? Because he gets into fights? Maybe the fights part, I could see but the rest? Hell no. But depicted as the bad boy he was and I'm sure a lot of teen guys at the time hated that Joey picked Pacey over Dawson, twice. So why did Joey the ultimate "good girl" pick the bad boy over the heroic NiceGuytm?

Let's take a look at his bad boy traits, shall we?

1) He'd had THE SEX!!!

Yep, he did but let's remember that his first time was with his teacher. This was played by the show as him being bad but in reality? FUCK NO. Tamara was a horrendous person who took advantage of an extremely vulnerable, attention starved and hormonal teen. I don't care how much he wanted the fantasy, it was up to her to protect him and set the boundaries. She should have reported it, she should have reported his abusive situation. Don't tell me she didn't know. His brother pointed a gun at his head in front of her. Fuck her. The second person he had sex with was Andie and they were in an extremely committed relationship. The third person was Joey and again, extremely committed relationship where he waited until she was ready. Did he get whiny about the lack of sex in his relationship with Joey, heck yes but that was after six months of dating and honey, that is a long fucking commitment in teen years. So, yeah, he'd had sex but sex is natural and he was pretty freaking mature and healthy about it considering his teacher took advantage of him at the start of his sex life.

2) He came from an abusive home.

Yeah, and? His parents and brother were assholes to him but that never shaped how he behaved. He was actually overly caring with his friends in spite of their poor examples. Dawson acted like way more of a shit and he came from an upper middle class, privileged home so upbringing and family background is not always a clear indicator of who is and isn't a shit person.

3) He's poor

Being poor doesn't make you bad or a criminal so this alone doesn't make anyone bad.

4) He does poorly in school

Ok, maybe this one could work. He's seen as a loser with no future because he can't get good grades, except, he's seen multiple times throughout the show as working hard to improve himself. He was starting to get good grades because despite being bad at schoolwork, Pacey was always shown as being capable and smart. It's funny, Dawson's grades were never mentioned or talked about much, I think we were just supposed to assume he got good grades because he's white and middle class but I bet he didn't work half as hard as Pacey or Joey did for their grades.

5) He gets into fights

Yes, this is very true he did punch a few people in the face and spat in a teacher's face but here's the thing, context matters. Dawson punched quite a few people too and was never viewed as a scrapper or troublemaker and yet whenever he punched someone it was out of jealousy or anger. He punched Pacey in the face because he thought he stole test answers from him for example. Pacey punched a guy in the face that was taking advantage of Joey, he punched a guy in the face that destroyed Joey's art out of malice, he spat in a teacher's face who bullied Jack and essentially outed him to the school. Was it a good way to react? No, but at the very least he was motivated by the fact that his friends were hurt and not by his own jealousy and anger.

So you tell me, why do you think Joey chose Pacey over Dawson? Because he treated her like shit? No. Because he encouraged her to follow her dreams, he listened to her and talked with her, and he is just damn charming. Was Pacey perfect? No but he was shown to be a hell of a lot more caring and thoughtful than Dawson was and that's kind of my point.

When you ask an innocuous question like "why do good girls like bad boys?" You're boiling everything down way too basically and outright judging someone when you may not know their full character. Is the girl you like even all that good or just someone you imagined to be good, placing her on a pedestal much like Dawson did to Jen and to an extent Joey? What makes someone good and another person bad? Maybe you are projecting things onto them in your own frustration and out of jealousy that they got the girl and you didn't. Is the boy really that bad? Maybe he's a jerk to you but how does he actually treat his girl? His friends? Maybe he's not as bad as you think. Are you really a nice guy? My bet is that the answer is likely no but that doesn't mean you can't change. Many people realize that they are behaving poorly when they think like this and grow up and learn from it, I sure did.

My final most important point is that attraction boils down to chemistry. Yes, there are superficial people in the world who only date based on looks and wealth and I ask you, would you really want to be with that person anyway? The rest of us are just looking for a connection, a spark with someone. I may get along fine with a person but that doesn't automatically mean I want to date them, for me personally I need a spark. I can't explain what it is and I've sparked with very few people in my life but it's just this feeling or vibe you get that you just know you want to be more than friends with someone. Sometimes, you might get that feeling when the other person doesn't, that's called a crush and it happens and it sucks but if the person isn't feeling it with you then you need to move on.

So, instead of asking why good girls like bad boys maybe we should be asking ourselves am I looking for the right person for myself? Let's stop trying to plug people into categories and generalizations. Lets not worry about who other people choose to be with and start focusing on ourselves. And for all you lonely girls and boys out there, this one's for you:

Dawson's Creek - 317 - Cinderella Story

2015-10-09T07:48:00.002-07:00

Original air date: March 1, 2000

Sorry for the huge delay before. Life has been crazy busy and I kind of got side tracked by other things. But we're back now and back with an episode that I both love and hate. I mean, hate is a strong word, maybe I just find it really boring and filled with stories and characters that I do not care about at all. However, the ending. The ending is magic and I cannot wait to share it with you. Let's get this thing started.

We start off the episode with Joey excitedly talking about how those dancing lessons have finally come in handy because she's going to some fancy formal dance/awards thingy with AJ. Ugh, AJ is still around? Fine. Anyway, Pacey is super jealous and acts like a dick to Joey, telling her that her relationship with AJ is only a fairy tale and the clock always strikes midnight, then it's "pumpkin city." Pacey, I love you with all my heart, but you're being a dick. Stop it and let Joey have a good time. I'm saying this even though I completely agree that she should just dump that dork AJ and finally realize that she likes you but still, let her have a good time. All good things come to those who wait.

Joey thanks Pacey for the ride but in a tone that indicates that she's irritated with him and then walks off to catch her train to Boston.

We then cut to my least favourite people, the Leerys. Gail is stressing about the fact that her restaurant is unnamed, has no chef and is set to open in a week. Ok, side bar, what the ever loving fuck is up with people in Capeside opening businesses while completely unprepared? Seriously, this town has got to be filled with the least business knowledgeable yet somehow impossibly lucky people on the face of the Earth. How the fuck did Gail even manage to get funding for a restaurant with no plan, no menu, and no chef? I mean, she says she has a menu but how the hell did she come up with a menu with no chef? I would think you'd come up with a theme, like she's clearly going for seafood, then hire a chef with seafood cooking experience, tell him a few items that you'd like to see on the menu and ask the chef if they can give it their own spin or add a few extra signature dishes. This is just my best guess as I have zero clue how to run either a business or a restaurant but come on, at least have your chef hired. To me, a chef is the centerpiece of a restaurant, without a good chef you're going to tank whether the service is good or not.

Back to the episode, Dawson is apparently in charge of screening applicants for the wait staff. That doesn't seem like the best idea, what does Dawson know about waiting or who would be good at it? But whatever, Andie and Jack enter and explain that the person in charge of making the sign for the restaurant took another job because Gail couldn't make up her damned mind about what to name it. I side eye Andie when she makes a comment about "a woman has a right to change her mind." and I side eye the writers even harder for the implication that women are flighty bitches who are too emotional to actually, you know, plan things and make decisions.

Go screw yourselves, writers

We cut to Pacey at the mentor centre and oh god...I'm going to need a minute.

Oh god...it's coming

Sorry, I just really can't stand what is about to happen. This is the introduction of that horrible child character that I warned you all about. History lesson time, back in the 90s, Jerry MaGuire was a huge thing, in fact this show seems to be obsessed with it and Tom Cruise and has quoted the movie at least a couple of times. So, what was also a big thing from Jerry MaGuire?

This abomination

Don't get me wrong, he's cute enough but he's definitely one of those kids that was hired to be cute and not, you know, because he could act or anything (I suppose if I reveal my true heartless disdain for this kid, I'd go so far as to say that he's not even that cute). I'm sure the kid was fine and that he could be a perfectly nice person but as an actor and as a character on this show, I'm going to need a lot of migraine pills.

Pacey is introduced to the Jerry MaGuire kid, who's apparently named Buzz Thompson on this show. I can't take that name seriously. I know, I know, one of the most famous astronauts' name was Buzz but still, the name is stupid. I'm sorry but it is. So, Buzz is apparently...umm well, Pacey calls him a smartass but I'm going with "over the top brat who stumbles over his dialogue because it sounds nothing like what an actual kid would say" Yeah, that's his character. He calls Pacey "Pissy" and I instantly hate him.

You have made a powerful enemy today, kid

Pacey tries to reason with the brat but the brat spits this bit of dialogue back:

This storyline is going to be painful

Joey arrives at the train station in Boston but instead of being greeted by AJ, she finds a hot girl holding up a sign that says "Potter, Joseph" and I eyeroll immediately. I hate that stupid joke between them, can this plot be done with now? Anyway, the hot girl is AJ's bestie and is also blonde so Joey probably hates her already. Hot Girl introduces herself as Morgan and then hands Joey some rollerblades and tells her they're going blading. I know this is supposed to set up how quirky this girl is but I find her annoying. Joey just got off a freaking long train and has some luggage with her, let her drop her shit off and get comfortable before forcing physical activity on her, for fuck's sake.

Pacey has taken Brat to the arcade. (Awww, remember when arcades existed, as like a separate entity and not just something to do in the movie theatre before the show starts? They used to be a big thing.) Anyway, Brat is ungrateful and continues to sass Pacey because Brat is such a tortured and troubled kid or some junk. Pacey tries to reason with him but Brat says the most unnatural line of dialogue I've ever heard from a kid: "Here comes the honesty, next is the intimacy." Seriously, what kid talks like this? Can he go back to the corn fields of Gatlin, please? (Nerd points to anyone who gets that reference). Pacey asks Brat what he wants and Brat says "Pikachu" because yeah, the later 90s/early 00s were all about the Pokémon (holy shit, autocorrect made sure there was an accent on Pokémon, it recognized it as a word. I'm a bit frightened by this and I don't know why). So, Pacey caves and goes to buy some Pokémon cards while Brat plays whack-a-mole but in two seconds flat, the kid has gotten himself into a fight. Pacey rightfully hauls Brat out of there.

AJ is writing in a coffee shop when Morgan rollerblades up to his table. He asks where Joey is and she says that she showed her around town just like he asked. He looks horrified, like his friend would lose Joey or something? But then Joey enters the coffee shop too but she is less than steady in her blades. He asks her how her trip was and Joey says that it was a trip but her eyes say "Why the fuck did you ditch me with this weird friend of yours who you never mentioned? I will murder you with these rollerblades." I could be wrong about that because Joey and AJ begin to get flirty which makes Morgan tell them to get a room. Rude. Then Morgan and AJ banter a bit which makes Joey hella uncomfortable. This is boring because I don't care about Morgan and AJ at all.

Side note, when I first watched this episode as a teen, I became enraged because I thought this was going to be used to push Joey towards Dawson again because of the whole "we grew up together/soulmates!" vibe I'm getting from Morgan and AJ. This is clearly where they are heading with this story, that Joey is the other girl and is standing in the way of Morgan and AJ, much like Jen did with her and Dawson so watching this episode is a huge pain for me because I still get mad about it. The ending though, I promise, the ending will make up for this.

Moving on, the stupid restaurant is back on my screen while Dawson, Andie, and Jack lament the fact that there are no good chefs trying out for the job. Jen enters and they tease her a bit for being gone from the group for a while because she's been spending so much time with Henry. She apologizes and says that she wants to help out at the restaurant as a server. Dawson is incredulous that she wants to be a server and I can't figure out why. I'm going with that he has made up his mind about who people are and is always shocked when they turn out to be real people who deviate from what his mind believes they are. He gets over this and asks Jen how soon she can start.

Back with Joey and AJ, he is cleaning up a scrape that Joey managed to get on her knee, presumably from the rollerblading that she obviously was not that great at. He's freaking out about not having picked something to read at his big event but Joey is super focused on Morgan and how pretty and smart she is. Uh-oh, Joey is threatened again. Morgan, Joey is the prettiest and smartest, always!!! Don't forget it!

She asks AJ why he never told her about Morgan and he awkwards that they only have so much time together and he wanted to focus on bigger things. Joey calls him out on this bit of dickishness and asks why his oldest friend didn't seem like a big enough thing to mention. AJ counters that she doesn't talk about her friends that much and Joey relents but meanwhile I'm like:

Let me put some logic in it

AJ, she told you about her friends, especially Pacey and she even freaking introduced you to them, do you really not remember this? It was last freaking episode!! You don't get to pull that card when she fucking has talked about her friends to you and you failed to mention yours AT ALL.

Joey can't let this go but sadly, not for the reason that I can't, which is that he's a lying liar who lies! No, Joey wants to know if he and Morgan ever dated. AJ responds by telling Joey that she has nothing to worry about. This train of thought is derailed by Joey complaining about the disinfectant he's using on her scrape. He apologizes and then bends down and kisses her open wound!

hork!

Then they start to kiss on the lips, after his lips touched her open wound.

I'm not even germaphobic but seriously, no
A world of no

Their kissing is, thankfully, interrupted by Morgan who bursts in uninvited. She tries to leave when she sees that they've "found that room" but AJ asks her to stay. AJ and Morgan do this thing where they talk about their past and his older writing being perfect to read because they are so in sync and totally soul mates and stuff. I'm bored. Can we skip this? She continues to banter, calling AJ "Arthur" which confuses Joey and makes her feel even more out of the loop, before telling Joey that she has something for her too and pulls her out of the room. I'll give Morgan this, she's at least trying to be nice to the girl who is dating the guy she likes. That's more than I could say for first season Joey.

Pacey has now taken Brat to his boat, True Love. Brat is obviously not down with this and begins complaining. There's some back and forth about how Pacey can't make him clean or paint his boat or whatever and I hate this kid. Sorry, but I do. Brat tells Pacey that he learned to paint from his dead father and Pacey admits that his dad is a cop. Brat then says that Pacey has authority issues which, I really don't think he does. He definitely has daddy issues because his dad is a grade A jackass but I don't really see Pacey as against all authority figures. Just that horrible English teacher who was terrorizing students which again, was deserved.

Pacey tells Brat that he shouldn't get into fights but then reveals that he got stuck in the mentoring program because he got into a fight. Brat spazzes out and says he wants to leave but Pacey just picks him up and takes him back to the boat.

In this one, beautiful moment, Pacey and I share
similar sentiments about this kid

Morgan explains that AJ's name is Arthur Jr. and Joey says she can't believe he didn't tell her. Neither can I, did he seriously not tell her what his actual name was? That's rude, she explained her name to him. Anyway, Joey starts asking about all of the drawings on the wall which are Morgan's. Surprise! Morgan is the Joey and AJ is the Dawson, in case you didn't get the very heavy subtext the writers were laying down. No? You don't see it? Well, they've also been friends since they were super little and grew up in the same small town and Morgan and AJ kissed but decided that they made a mistake and broke up, despite being in love. Also, AJ is totally oblivious to his obvious feelings for Morgan. Are you getting it yet? Joey, starting to show some maturity and depth, invites Morgan to go to the gala with her and AJ. Morgan tries to say no because Joey is AJ's girlfriend but Joey says that Morgan is his oldest friend and that they both should be able to be part of his life. Joey is really likable this season, it must be all of the time she's spent with Pacey.

Back at Gail's unnamed restaurant, Dawson tries to convince Jack and Andie to stay for more food tasting but they don't want any part of it and bail when Jen drops a tray of plates all over the floor. Question, if the restaurant hasn't even opened yet, and there is no chef, why is Jen working? Contrivance? Ok. Gail rushes out to see what happened and Mitch walks in to offer his services in the most confusing exchange ever.

I...I don't get it. I worked as a hostess in a restaurant as one of my first ever jobs. I honestly do not recall there being a proper technique to carry dishes. You just took as much as you could handle and when the people had left, you brought a bin with you to clear the table. It's not rocket science. But apparently, Mitch has this magical technique that makes it impossible to drop plates that no one else could figure out? Whatever, show.

Mitch has come to offer help as requested, the only trouble is that Gail didn't request his help. Cue awkward stares all around and a guilty look on Dawson's face.

Back to Pacey's boat and the Brat. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to make me dislike Pacey scenes, kid but congrats, you are achieving the impossible. I hate you. Brat is complaining about wanting to go home because his mother is cooking meatloaf so Pacey tells him to wait for the good food if the ungrateful shit doesn't want a damn hot dog. Wow, I'm sorry, I didn't know I could hate a kid this much but, there you go.

Brat begins talking like no kid ever does and asks Pacey who the girl is that he named his boat after. Kid, what the hell does it matter? Do you think you would know the girl, even if he did tell you? Pacey claims that True Love is not a person, just an idea, an unattainable idea. So, Brat asks him who the unattainable girl is and I'll admit, that one-up made me chuckle. You get one point, kid. ONE. Brat squanders his point by pestering Pacey about kissing the girl and then calls Pacey pathetic for not being able to. Brat then complains about having to work on a boat and tells Pacey that he has to find him something creative to do. Pacey tells Brat that he just might not show up the next day.

Negative infinity points to you, Brat. GTFO of my teen drama now

At the fancy gala, AJ is being all nervous about speaking but goes up to deliver his short story or something. He begins reading and it is painfully obvious that the story is about Morgan and his unspoken love.

Joey does not approve

Pacey is at the mentor centre trying to get another kid assigned to him, preferably a less bratty one who speaks like a normal child. But, of course, Brat has a sob story and the mentor lady explains that his father left him and his mother to start a new family in Nantucket. See? Brat isn't a bratty kid, he's just feeling rejected and so rejects other people to test them. Don't you just feel so bad for him and forgive him for what a little shit he is?

Unfortunately, Pacey does. Pacey is a much better person than me. He is, after all, the greatest television character in history. Ever. Period. Instead of switching kids, Pacey asks if he can pick Brat up early tomorrow.

Dawson and Gail fight over Mitch being there. I really don't care about this sub-plot because both of them are annoying idiots. Basically, Gail doesn't want Mitch's help but Dawson says she needs help because her place is utter chaos and it opens in less than a week. You know, if your restaurant isn't ready to open, it doesn't have to, right? Like just because you wanted to open at a specific time, if things happen, you don't have to stick to it. I just don't get the urgency of this opening, it's stupid. The simple solution is to push back the opening date, especially since they don't even have a chef yet.

AJ, Joey, and Morgan all walk back to the dorms. There's an awkward pause and Morgan asks them if they want to check out an arboretum or something. Joey says that she just wants to go back to AJ's room.

AJ totally thinks he's getting laid

Morgan apparently assumes the same and awkwards that she'll have the arboretum to herself. She goes to leave and Joey hands her back the jacket that Morgan lent her and thanks her.

AJ and Joey head up to his room but instead of getting lucky, he's getting dumped. Joey drops the bomb that she wants him to go after Morgan so that she can go to his room alone.

The look of a man who is going to bed with blue balls

He's confused and she tells him that Morgan is clearly his muse and that he should give her a chance. I actually get Joey's assertion that it won't work out with AJ because he sucks and he does seem to have unresolved feelings for Morgan but there's something about the way that Joey goes about it that irks me.

Joey: I know what its like to, to harbor feelings for somebody that you deny, and I know how horrible it is to realize those feelings way too late. And this is coming from my own experience, my own life, which honestly you know very little about.

AJ: Well God, Joey, give me a chance! Let me get to know more about you, isn't that the fun part?

Joey: Yes, it's fun and it's romantic and exciting and unbelievable, but it's not real.

So, I'm sorry but dating can only be real if you were friends with the person and grew up with them first? What logic is this? I knew absolutely nothing about my husband when I met him, other than he was cute. We started dating and went through the awkward getting to know you phase, then progressed into a more serious relationship as we got to know each other. He is one of my best friends now and we have our own little groove. That is just as real as if we had grown up together and then started dating, thank you very much Ms. Potter. I just find her notion so stupid and misguided that I'm honestly torn here. I want to love this because it brings me closer to Pacephine but I hate the logic behind it because her relationship with AJ could have been just as real if she had given him a chance and gotten to know him better. Now, if she'd said it's not real because he was harbouring feelings for someone else? I'd be totally fine with that but this excuse? It's weird and off-putting.

To be fair, she does point out after that the reason they are not real is because of his feelings for Morgan, I just really hate the part I quoted above. Joey tells him to go to Morgan and see if he can really say that the character in his story was not about her. He says he has a broken heart and Joey responds with this:

Joey: AJ, there are worse things than a broken heart. Like the love that you don't explore.

And I squeed forever because this is clearly talking about her and Pacey and I cannot wait. AJ annoys me one last time by calling her "Potter comma Joseph" but I don't care because he's now gone from our lives forever, hooray!!

Pacey shows up at Brat's house in, what I'll admit, is a fairly cute scene. See, his mother actually works late and wasn't able to make him the meatloaf and mashed potatoes that he wanted. So, Pacey has shown up with the ingredients to make Buzz the meatloaf dinner and they bond a bit while making it. Pacey even tells the kid about Joey:

And I squee until I'm blue in the face

Joey is at the train station looking sad. She looks at a payphone...remember those? They were a necessity before the advent of cell phones. Anyway, she looks thoughtfully at it for a moment before picking up the receiver and dialing a number. Before we find out who she calls, the scene cuts away to a plot thread I care not about but will tolerate because Jen is there.

Jen goes out to check on Dawson, who is upset over his fight with his mother, because as I've said before, she's the best friend in Capeside. Dawson moans about how his mother was mean to her and how he was just trying to help and Jen calls him out for the fact that he was trying to help himself out too. He wanted to get his parents back together and that's why he asked for Mitch's help. Dawson says he knows that his parents aren't getting back together and asks sort of rhetorically, what he's doing.

Jen points over to the docks and reminds him of the time they were over there a couple of years ago and he told her that he wanted to be her "boy adventure."

You did and you should be embarrassed

Dawson thinks he was so naïve and Jen agrees but says that he's changed a lot over the years. She assures him that while he has changed, there will always be a part of him that is that naïve, hopeful younger boy who just wants his parents to get back together.

We cut back to the more important story and find out that Joey has called Pacey to come and get her. (SQUEEEEEEE!!) and he asks her what happened. She doesn't want to talk about it and they bicker a bit as they head to his car.

Cut back to the stupid sub-plot at Gail's unnamed restaurant. Dawson walks in to apologize and sees that everything seems to be going smoothly. Gail hands him a mug which turns out to be filled with clam chowder, good tasting clam chowder. She then reveals that she's named the restaurant Leery's Fresh Fish which sounds...really stupid and off-putting for some reason. It sounds more like a seedy fish market than a restaurant but whatever. Dawson is confused but Mitch comes in saying that it's Gail's name too. Whatever. They say that Bodie is going to be a partner of sorts but only work so that it doesn't take him away from the B&B or something. So, Bodie will never sleep, is what I'm gathering. Poor guy. They also tell Dawson that Jen is fired for being a shitty waiter and before Dawson freaks about them hiring his friend (and the only decent person in Capeside, other than Pacey), they say they will take her on as a hostess. Dawson agrees that she'll like that and everyone is happy.

And now, after agonizing through this horrible episode, I am finally rewarded with this magnificent ending that I have been waiting for ever since Double Date, in the first season. Are we all ready?

Let's do this!

Pacey digs a little more for information from Joey as they drive back to Capeside or to her home or something and Joey reveals that there was another girl. Pacey is sympathetic while Joey mopes about how she's sixteen and alone and she'll always be alone because she's not meant to find love. Typical over dramatic teen stuff. Pacey assures her that she'll find someone and mocks her a bit for thinking that she's done for at sixteen, which I love him for. Joey complains that in her whole life, there have been only two people that know her: Dawson and before she can finish Pacey starts saying that AJ didn't know her at all because if he did, he wouldn't have walked away. Joey then reveals that she was going to say that Pacey was the other person.

His expression here is just too adorable

Pacey pulls over the car and gets out, Joey follows him while asking what he's doing. He demands to know what she meant by what she said. Joey says that it means exactly what it means, that he knows her in a way that only Dawson has. Pacey says that they're not talking about Dawson, they're talking about him and he asks why she called him. She gets defensive and thinks that he's mad that she called but Pacey assures her that he's not mad that she called, he just wants to know why she called him specifically.

A MILLION SQUEES!!!

Pacey asks her what that means and she says that it means that she can talk to him and he's there for her. Pacey gets frustrated and says that he is tired of talking and asks if she's tired too. Joey is confused and Pacey says that he doesn't want to talk anymore.

Dead from squees

Ok, so this obviously got a bit of a better reaction than in Double Date but I will say that while I love this scene, it is a bit rapey and Pacey probably should have asked first, in real life. But, this is tv and we want drama and urgency so I'm kind of ok with this and get why he did it. In any case, the beginnings of Pacephine have finally arrived and I could not be happier!

Oh...next week they are apart again and Brat is back?

*SIGH*

Stay tuned for Neverland.

Glee - 103 - Acafellas

2015-10-02T07:33:00.000-07:00

Original air date: September 16, 2009

Like I said before, Acafellas is not loved by most people, due probably to the fact that it's very adult-centric, is my best guess. I actually like that because I liked all of the adult characters at this time. They were fun and interesting and despite a few borrowed jokes, I think it's a solid episode. But, don't take my word for it, let's dive right in and you can see for yourselves.

We start the episode at Will and Terri's place. They are entertaining Will's parents. Will decides, out of excitement, to spill the beans about Terri's pregnancy to his parents and Terri gets "oh shit" face because she knows there is no baby. She nervously tells his mother that they are turning the craft room into the nursery and his mother drags her to that room to see. See what, I don't know, I guess Will's mother gets a kick out of staring at an already decorated room and being told what it may or may not look like once the nursery is finished. Whatever, it basically gives Will and his father a chance to talk about whether or not Will has the guts to be a father. His father claims that he lacked guts and worries that Will got that from him, since he failed to go to law school because he was scared. Will gets a worried look.

We then cut to the next day in glee club, where Will is showing the students some choreography he came up with. Rachel stops him and tells him that the choreography sucks and that they won't beat Vocal Adrenaline if they use his moves. She tells him that they need Dakota Stanley, who is apparently a great choreographer and the one that their rival team uses. Through cutaway, we learn that Rachel has been fed all of this info from the Unholy Trinity, Quinn, Santana, and Brittany. Then we cut back to the choir room after we learn that Dakota apparently understudied the candelabra in Beauty and the Beast on Broadway. Will tries to come back with asking if he ever actually performed. Quinn snaps back:

Snap!

We then cut to Will bitching about this to Emma in her office. He says that he wanted to perform, it was his dream, but he lacked the guts. Emma says that it takes more certainty than talent to be a star.

OOOH PREDICTING THE FUTURE!!!
(This will make sense when we get to season 2, I swear)

Will says that he wants to be able to set a good example for his son and then he apologizes for unloading on Emma about his home troubles because he doesn't want things to be awkward. Emma then gets awkward about the fact that she is totally dating Ken now, so it's ok for her and Will to be friends because she's like totally into Ken. Will asks how things are going with them and she manically says how everything is great and that women really like a guy with confidence. Another sick burn on Will. Nice.

We then cut to the teacher's lounge and we get to see Sandy again! They are celebrating the fact that the shop teacher, Henri, is returning to work after having cut off his thumbs. He has an over the counter cough medicine addiction which caused him to be spacey and his thumbs got sliced off by a saw. Gross. Henri comes in and is followed by Howard Bamboo who brought a cake for the occasion.

Well, now that's just awkward

Will remarks about how nice it is to hang out with the guys and talk about their feelings. Each of them confess to things in their life that are crappy, Ken living at the YMCA and owning only one pair of long pants, Sandy having no creative outlet other than his Desperate Housewives fan fiction, Howard being afraid of his vacuum, and Will who can't dance and then Henri reminds everyone that he has no thumbs.

Sandy starts singing For He's a Jolly Good Fellow to try to cheer Henri up and the rest of them follow, harmonizing quite nicely. Will agrees and we segue into them singing This is How We Do It by Montell Jordan. They have decided to form a male hip hop a cappella group and call themselves...

They have all formed their group and given it a name, except for Sandy because it was apparently creepy with him in it so he got the boot. Terri interrupts their practice to yell at them about needing sleep otherwise she'll miscarry. She then makes an innuendo comment to Will who more happily boots the guys out.

Will then voice overs that being in a boy band totally improved his sex life. He and Terri were now having sex once a week...shocking. He also tells us that it was like she was trying to make a twin. In fact, she's just hoping to make one but with no success. I think their problem is that they only have sex once a week. Did you know that you only have a 20% chance of getting pregnant in a month? I didn't, until I started trying for a child. While some people seem to hit that 20% non-stop or extremely easily, others don't have such an easy time, so yeah, having sex once a week being an improvement on their sex lives? No wonder Terri can't get pregnant. You've got to have sex to get pregnant, lots of it.

Sorry for the sex ed lesson, I just thought that was interesting because the first time I watched this show, I was not trying to become pregnant so I thought of it as a silly joke about dull sex lives and marriage, now I just think it's stupid. How did Terri expect to get pregnant when she knew she was having trouble conceiving before?

Moving on. The next day, Rachel brings Will a plate of sugar cookies as an apology for being hard on him about the dancing thing. Will says he's not mad, he's thankful because if she weren't so hard on him, he wouldn't have had the guts to start Acafellas. Rachel says that they need him and he's missed six practices and isn't really there when he is there. Will tells her that he thinks they should hire the Dakota guy because he doesn't have time for all of glee anymore. What a tremendo-douche.

Finn is angry at Rachel for making Will not like glee club anymore. Santana and Quinn aren't concerned because with Will out of the way, they can hire Dakota. Finn tries to stand up for Will but the others vote in agreement to hire Dakota.

Finn argues with Rachel over the Dakota/Will issue and then has the gall to ask her if she's doing this because she's mad at him for the auditorium thing. What? You mean lead her on, kiss her, run away when you get an awkward boner, and then go back to your girlfriend? Why would she be mad about that? #FinniskindofaNiceGuydouche Rachel calls him out on his assholery and maintains that they are going to hire Dakota. Finn threatens to quit but Rachel holds her ground. Good for her.

Quinn and Santana fill Sue in on their progress. Sue is most pleased because she wants her full budget restored so that she can get a fog machine.

Meanwhile, Mercedes is sad panda-ing while watching various couples interact. She asks Kurt if he's ever kissed anyone and Kurt admits that he hasn't. He then tells her that they are going to see no play, being in glee club and should prepare for that. Then he cheers her up by asking her to hit the mall with him after school so that they can look fashionable when they go to check out Dakota. This is the part of Kurt's characterization that makes me sad that they made him want to perform when he really should have been in fashion.

Quinn and Santana swoop in on Mercedes after Kurt leaves and try to convince her to ask Kurt out despite the fact that it is super obvious that he is gay. I thought Mercedes knew this given her "I don't think I'm his type" comment but she actually seems to consider it.

We next cut to a restaurant or something where Will, Howard, Ken, and Henri are all singing Poison by Bel Biv DeVoe.

This has nothing to do with anything but I will always be
reminded of this sketch any time I hear Bel Biv DeVoe. Always

Anyway, they are a huge success and he's selling lots of CDs of their stuff, apparently. I don't know the logistics of this. When did Will and Terri get the money for him to record a professional CD? Also, aren't they just singing covers? I don't know the legalities of the music industry and don't care enough to look it up, but I would think that if you were making a profit with the CDs, you'd have to pay royalties to the songwriters whose songs you've used. Whatever.

We meet Will's parents who are super pumped for him. His mother is quite obviously a drunk while his father seems pretty level headed and is very proud of his son. It's nice. Figgins is also there and wants Acafellas to sing at a PTA meeting...why? I don't think there were ever live concerts at PTA meetings at my school but who knows?

The next day, Will is reading a review of their performance in the newspaper...how is this even happening? Is this a small town thing? I live in a small city and I don't think our newspaper covers amateur acts like this. Also, it praises everyone but Howard and I just want to give him all the hugs.

Awww, poor Howard

Sandy bursts in then and demands to be let in the group because he has connections with Josh Groban. This leads to, quite possibly, one of my favourite random moments on the show. Howard asks who Josh Groban is which leads Sandy to say:

It's the delivery of this line that just kills me every time

He claims that he can get Josh Groban to see their show. Will declines Sandy's offer and says they have standards. That's pretty darn harsh but, then again, Sandy is suspected of molesting a student. But apparently those standards disappear once Sandy mentions that Groban is looking for an opening act.

The kids have gone to Vocal Adrenaline's auditorium to try and hire Dakota Stanley. Even though one of the girls from VA tries to talk them out of it because "he's a monster". Instead, he's just a short guy with anger issues. We watch VA perform Mercy by Duffy and it's pretty damn good. I miss early VA, they were fantastic. Rachel approaches Dakota and asks if he would work for them. He tells them flat out that his fee is $8,000 plus a $10,000 bonus if they place in the top three before peacing out. They wonder how they'll ever get that kind of cash.

We then cut to the choir room where Will and Ken are practicing for their PTA performance. Ken asks where everyone is and that's the cue for Howard to call and inform Will that he is dropping out of the group.

This is because the critic panned you, isn't it?

Emma then enters to tell them that Henri has relapsed and downed six bottles of cough syrup. Sandy took him to the hospital and Figgins has insisted that Henri check into rehab right away if he wants to work at the school and be around kids again. Acafellas appears to be doomed.

Later, Finn tells Will that he is quitting glee too. Will denies that he quit and tries to convince Finn to stick with glee. He then decides that it's an awesome idea to recruit a 16 year old boy into his a cappella group with grown men, one of whom is already accused of molesting a teenager. This should work out well.

We then cut to the locker room where Puck approaches Ken and asks him if he can join his a cappella group. He says he can play the guitar...um, I don't think you understand what a cappella means, Puck. But he also says he can sing, before questioning whether there will be a lot of moms at the gig. We then segue into a voice over of Puck telling us that basically, he digs cougars and I throw up in my mouth a little. Not because he likes older women, I get guys liking older women, I do, I'm throwing up over the casualness of him mentioning that he hooks up with older married women when he's supposed to be sixteen...hello? Sandy? Is it only not ok for him to do it because he's a guy? The women here are just as vile and this is reminding me too much of Pacey/Mrs. Jacobs territory where they are putting it on the teenage boy being into it, thus making it ok. IT IS NOT OK, WRITERS!!! IT IS NEVER OK!

Anyway, Ken also lets Puck join the group but threatens him to not screw things up for him because, apparently Emma gets super horny because of him being in the group. *hork* There goes my lunch again...

We then cut to Will teaching Puck and Finn the Acafella choreography. Finn is having a difficult time with the steps so Will uses some baseball analogy thing which apparently works and they're both good at the dance now.

Rachel and Tina try to talk some sense into Mercedes and her crush on Kurt. Mercedes isn't having it because she thinks Kurt likes her.

Meanwhile, the kids are doing a car wash to raise money to hire Dakota. Sue has apparently agreed to let the Cheerios help out, because she wants them to hire this guy to break the glee club up, you see.

Mercedes asks Kurt if they can make their relationship official and Kurt is taken aback saying he thought he made it clear they were just friends because he's in love with someone else. He glances at Finn but when Mercedes looks, she thinks he means Rachel. Kurt agrees that it's Rachel he loves and Mercedes loses her shit:

A lot of people hate this performance but I kind of love it for

all its ridiculousness and also, the song is catchy.

Anyway, the kids have apparently raised enough to hire Dakota and while I find the scene in question, funny it is basically a rip off of one of my favourite guilty pleasure movies, Bring It On. You know, where the girls hire choreographer Sparky Polastri who is crazy and mean? It's basically the same scene. The students line up, the choreographer critiques them, calls them fat, tells them to diet or whatever, insults them and they get mad. Where they differ is that in Bring It On, they put up with it, go through with his weird choreography and get burned, the glee kids get so mad that they end up firing him and being stronger for it. Set up is totally ripped off but the pay off is different enough, I guess. This scene still always reminds me that I could be watching Bring It On...

Spirit fingers!!!

Night time and the guys are getting ready for their big PTA performance...I don't see how this is a step up from performing in a sports bar but Josh Groban apparently did show up, so there's that. They perform probably the cheesiest 90s hip hop song ever by Color Me Badd, I Wanna Sex You Up and it's glorious.

I know you're not gonna sing that song!

After the performance, the guys are hanging out backstage when Josh Groban comes in to congratulate them all and tell them how well they did. Everyone is super excited but then he asks for Sandy and drops the bomb that he's actually there to give him a restraining order.

Will is obviously deflated from the experience. Terri apologizes to him for not being supportive enough and tells him that he was really good. Will's father interrupts them to ask where his wife is. This leads us to the weirdest segue ever of Josh Groban hitting on Will's mom. Why?

Ok, then

Will's dad then asks how he's doing and Will says he's ok with everything because he's a good teacher and that's good enough for him. His father agrees and says that he inspires people, and he inspired him to finally finish law school, like he always wanted to do. It's a sweet moment that I kind of love.

We then cut to Mercedes apologizing to Kurt for busting the window out his car because it didn't mend her broken heart. I'll stop. Anyway, she offers to pay for it but Kurt says it's ok because his dad took his car away after finding his tiara collection. This does not jibe with what we later find his dad to be like but whatever. Anyway, Mercedes says that she hopes he and Rachel get together which prompts Kurt to tell her that he's gay. She asks why he didn't just tell her and I'm sitting here thinking, because it was kind of extremely obvious that he was. But ok, show, let's let him stay in the closet for now. Even though everyone else in glee already assumes that he is gay.

Sue is displeased with her minions for failing in their mission and revokes their tanning privileges. Santana is super upset but Quinn sasses that Sue taught her a valuable lesson.

Quinn: When you really believe in yourself, you don’t have to bring other people down.

It's kind of nice but also meaningless since Quinn continues to work for Sue for a few more episodes which renders this sass a wasted opportunity for character growth. Save lines like this for when the character finally comes around, blowing your load this early means that if she does this again later in the series, it kind of cheapens that moment.

Cut to the kids in the choir room, now happily learning Schuester choreography. Rachel wants to tell Will something and he looks super annoyed/terrified of being critiqued by her which is pretty hilarious. Rachel just wanted to tell him that it was really good though and everyone laughs. End of episode.

That was Acafellas. It's not a great episode but I still liked it because it was entertaining enough and the music was still really fun. It's definitely one of the weaker season 1 episodes but it is still way more enjoyable than what this show devolves into so my fondness for it stands. Plus, I still really enjoy the I Want to Sex You Up and Bust Your Windows performances.

Stay tuned for the next episode, Preggers.

Dawson's Creek - 316 - To Green, With Love

2015-06-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

Original air date: February 16, 2000

So, this episode is kind of a chore for me to get through. It's ok, there is nothing really wrong with it, it's just that it's kind of sandwiched between some Pacephine heavy episodes and acts as a blocker, delaying my sweet, sweet gratification. Also, it's kind of some bullshit but, we'll get into that later because said bullshit is a bit spoilery. Onto the recap!

We start the episode with a rousing PTA meeting where the town of Capeside basically rallies against Principal Green for being ~~black~~ too harsh on Matt Caulfield. But, come on, we all know that they dislike Green because he's black and an outsider. The town of Capeside is just full of the worst people in existence and it is completely white. Mr. Caulfield (Matt's dad) is trying to paint Mr. Green as a tyrant but one woman in the town has it right and calls Mr. Caulfield out for being a shitty parent who raised a brat son. Joey tries to stand up for Principal Green but Mr. Caulfield basically tells her that her opinion is not valid because her family is not "traditional" with good Christian values or something. I hate this character, just FYI in case it's not super obvious.

After the credits, we cut to outside the PTA meeting where Gail bumps into the hot new news reporter who is covering the story. The hot girl is catty to Gail and basically calls her washed up. Gail is not amused but tries to remain civil, asking what her story is. The hot girl is going for the Principal is whacko story, to no one's surprise.

Gail is even less amused

Joey and Pacey are walking together (because LOVE!!) and talking about the meeting. Joey complains that they don't get a say and that most people who do get a say are usually too lazy to do anything about it. Pacey encourages Joey to try to rally the troops and get Principal Green his job back.

Later, Joey is talking on the phone to AJ (he's still a thing, apparently) and he tells her basically the same thing that Pacey does but Pacey is way better. Bessie comes in and says that Joey needs to see something. Joey looks at the tv where hot girl reporter is basically painting Principal Green as whacko.

We see Dawson, Kendra and Principal Green, Pacey, and Gail watching the same thing. Then we cut back to Joey just as Hot Girl claims that Joey said the whole thing was ridiculous and was blown out of proportion, in regards to Matt's punishment, not the town's indictment of Principal Green. Joey is completely horrified and angry which prompts her to agree to stand up for the cause.

The next day, she is putting up posters for a meeting she wants to hold. Pacey comes up to her and is excited that she took his advice and offers to help. Joey says it wasn't his or her idea, it was AJ's. Cue AJ appearing to harsh my Pacephine buzz because he's the worst. Can he go now? Ugh! Anyway, Joey introduces Pacey to AJ and AJ makes a comment about Pacey's name being weird which true (I'd never heard the name before or since this show) but rude! He then arrogantly talks about introducing Capeside to "college protest" because he's such an enlightened and cultured college student, you see?

Go die now, AJ

A random girl tells them to check out outside. They go and see a bunch of protesters holding up signs that are anti-Principal Green. Principal Green shows up and, head held high, walks past the protesters calmly and enters the school after offering for Joey to go first. Because he has class.

Gail and Dawson watch Hot Girl report the popular opinion instead of the truth as they work on her restaurant. Dawson talks about how proud he is of Joey and that he feels a part of it and I barf because he wasn't a part of her decision at all, all that confidence came from Pacey. Sit down, and shut up, Dawson. Gail complains about Hot Girl getting the story wrong and Dawson suggests that she report the real story herself. He can film it, of course. She agrees.

Next day, outside the Superintendent's office, Joey and her group are setting up their own protest. Joey laments the fact that she doesn't have that many people on her side and I'm getting super bored, you guys. You have no idea. Can we get to Pacephine, please? I want melodrama, not boring PTA, pseudo-political crap. Where's my fluff, show? WHERE'S MY FLUFF!?

I needs it...

Ugh, so AJ is still kind of a dick to Pacey, not outright or anything just...I don't know he has an "I'm better than you" attitude about him. Gail prepares to interview Joey and Hot Girl comes up and tries to belittle her before asking Joey for a follow up interview.

Go Joey!

Joey frustrates me by ignoring Pacey's advice and going for AJ's advice. Stop it, Joey. No one cares about AJ. Anyway, she goes in to see the Superintendent because AJ thought it would be a good idea. The Superintendent is a jack ass, Joey lies about how much support her cause has and how many signatures she's managed to gather but I don't think he's buying it because he basically pats her on the head and hurries her along back to school.

Is this episode over yet? I'm sooooo boooored!

Dawson and Gail show up at Principal Green's house to interview him. Principal Green is all stubborn and doesn't want to tell his side of the story. Kendra tries to convince her dad to talk but he sticks to his guns and remains silent.

So, so bored

At the Potter B&B, Pacey is pointing out that it was not a good idea to lie about how much support they have while AJ is just a tool who defends the fact that she had to lie to gain respect or some junk. Jack and Andie are trying to rally more people to come by posting on the Capeside web site about it and making phone calls. Jack has also designed posters which will be printed for them for free because Pacey talked the copy person into it because he's awesome. Joey is shocked to hear he did this and Jen totally has his back by reassuring Joey that he did. I love Jen.

Joey pisses me off further by gushing to AJ about how great he is for convincing her to do this rally and how she could never have done it without him and then she kisses him as a poor, dejected Pacey looks on. Jen tries to see if Pacey is ok but he plays it cool and runs off to hang up fliers.

Bessie has gotten a threatening phone call about how she'll lose business if she lets a bunch of high schoolers use her business to "fight the system". Joey doesn't understand this threat because she's super clueless sometimes and it pisses Bessie off.

Bessie and Joey argue in the kitchen about whether or not doing the rally is a good idea while Bodie plays referee between them. Bessie tries to make sure that Joey is fighting a logical cause and Joey points out that she is and that the parents wouldn't be half as upset in different circumstances. Bodie points out that it means that they wouldn't be gunning for Principal Green so hard if he were white, so I was totally right before. Capeside is an awful town full of awful, rich white people. Bessie gives up and storms off.

AJ apologizes to Joey about the awkwardness the rally has caused between her and her sister. Then he decides that this is the best time to totally bail on her because he is the worst. No, that is a lie, Dawson is the worst, always and forever, but AJ still sucks.

Whelp, excuse me while I bail on you when you need
me most, because I'm horrible and not Pacey at all

Pacey is angrily hanging posters up when Jen confronts him and asks if he wants to talk about what's bugging him, even though she totally knows already, thanks to Four to Tango but also because she's the best. Pacey tells her that he fell for the worst person he possibly could because she'll never reciprocate and now he feels like the Duckie. (That's a Pretty in Pink reference for all you millenials out there). Basically, Duckie is the friend of the girl who definitely doesn't get the girl in the end. Jen then asks him if he's going to let his hurt feelings and pride get in the way or if he's going to man up and be the most supportive, Duckie-like friend ever.

She's awesome, more Jen please!

Dawson and Gail are waiting to interview the Superintendent which Dawson doesn't want to do. Gail explains that she needs two sides of the story and that a good journalist doesn't pick and choose who's story to tell, they just ask the right questions. Cut to her interviewing the Superintendent who claims that he's looking out for the community in firing Principal Green. Gail gets him to read a document which states that the Superintendent's primary responsibility is looking out for the well-being of students. It's his contract as Superintendent, which he signed and there is no mention of him having to serve the community at all. He's been schooled by Gail. Yay, Gail!

But I'm still fucking bored

Kendra is leaving her house to go to the rally. Principal Green asks her where she is going and she tells him and tries to convince him to come but he refuses. Next.

At the rally, Jen points out to Joey how successful Pacey was at getting people to show up. Pacey then makes an announcement for her and introduces her to the crowd. Joey makes a speech on behalf of Principal Green and asks everyone to share positive stories about him. Andie and another student tell their stories and then Kendra has her say, just as Principal Green arrives.

Principal Green comes up to the stage to make his own speech. He basically thanks them but then says that he's not willing to budge and then leaves. So, thanks for standing up for me but I'm just going to get fired anyway. Thanks for fucking wasting my time, Principal Green. Fuck, this episode.

Jen approaches Pacey after the rally and commends him for being there for Joey in a true Duckie-like manner. She asks him how he feels and he says he feels like dog meat and is sad that Joey didn't even thank him. Jen tells him that she will, one day because every dog has it's day.

Awwwww! Can Jen be my best friend now?

Joey and Bodie are preparing to leave the rally and worried about how mad Bessie will be but TWIST! Bessie was at the rally and is totally proud of Joey. Sisterly love wins in the end.

The next day, Joey apologizes to Mr. Green (because he's no longer Principal) for not fighting for him hard enough and letting him down. Nice going, Mr. Green. He reassures her that he is super proud of her and thanks her for fighting for him. He then leaves the office with his things and walks down the hallway as a crowd of students clap for him. It's all supposed to be pretty bittersweet and a nice send off but it's actually just kind of a piss off.

This is the last we see of Kendra (Nikki on this show but she'll always be Kendra to me). It always irked me why they wrote her out this weirdly, with barely any focus on her or her supposed relationship with Dawson. Why would they write her out like this? Well, the answer will come in a few episodes but it's basically to justify how big an ass Dawson can be when certain things come to light but guess what? It won't justify it in the slightest because Dawson is still an insufferable douchebag with no right to be mad but I'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Moving on, Gail gets asked to tape an intro for her story at the station, since they want to run it, and is offered a sort of a job back. She turns it down because I guess she just wanted to quit them on her terms and she really does want to run a restaurant. Go figure. I'm still bored, by the way. Can you tell?

Finally we get to the good stuff and end this boring ass episode on a much needed Pacephine moment. Pacey is leading Joey to a place for a surprise. He hands her a paintbrush and confused, she asks if he bought her a paintbrush.

How does Joshua Jackson make 'lame-o' sound so adorable?

So, Joey is absolutely amazed and thrilled because he bought her a wall for her to paint on. She says that he always finds a way to challenge her in new and exciting ways and then she thanks him. Pacey smiles adorably and says that it's about time she thanked him. He then walks off and lets her figure out what she wants to do with her wall.

Thus endeth To Green, With Love which is quite possibly the most boring and dry episode of the series. Not sure because I haven't made it past season 3 of my rewatch yet, as I don't like to get too ahead of myself, but it's just got to be. This was no fun to watch and was a long and drawn out excuse to write out two side characters so that Dawson has reason to be mad in the future. You see, he couldn't be mad if he had a love interest around and...ok, I'll save this rant for later. It's still a dull episode and I'm glad it's over. Thankfully, we are getting to the juicy stuff now. Next episode is Cinderella Story, which introduces the worst child character ever. Stay tuned.

Glee - 102 - Showmance

2015-06-05T13:18:00.000-07:00

Original air date: September 9, 2009

This has got to be one of my favourite episodes of Glee. Well, most of season 1 is packed with my favourite episodes but this one is high on the list along with Vitamin D which I cannot wait to get to. But let's focus on the episode in question shall we?

So this episode starts off with Will Schuester in a pretty good mood. He's head of the Glee club and even has a fancy license plate that says "Glee" on it to advertise this fact. Rachel bounds up to him with sheet music, saying that she's found a bunch of songs that would feature her as lead vocalist but Mr. Schue cheerfully informs her that he has a song picked out. Finn shows up next to her and offers to carry her bag for her which distracts her from her quest to gain more leads.

Mr. Schue then passes by Artie, Tina, and Mercedes who informs him that they are learning runs. Schue does a vocal run with them before reminding them about Glee rehearsals that afternoon. Then he strolls merrily past Kurt, Puck and some jocks near a dumpster, completely oblivious to the fact that they are about to toss Kurt in to said dumpster and cheers on the school's team, the Titans. Once Mr. Schue is gone, Puck and his friends move to toss Kurt in but first, Kurt hands them his bag (so it doesn't get dirtied) and then drops this most epic of lines:

Ah Kurt, I loved you once...

Seriously, I want you guys to remember this characterization of Kurt because it is wonderful and it is going to be completely undone in the next half of this season and onwards. To the point that the very season finale rewrites this character and pisses me off to no end because season 1 Kurt...First 13 Episodes Kurt, is magical.

We then go back to Mr. Schue as he continues on his blissfully ignorant way down the school hallway. Emma is waiting for him but pretends to just bump into him so that they can cutely banter together. I forgot how, kind of conniving and crazy Emma was in the beginning. I kind of love it. She's super crazy, like basically she's this girl:

She even has the same buggy eyes

Emma points out that they match since they are both wearing periwinkle.

Oh hey, we totally match for some reason. No, I was not the one
peeping in your bedroom window as you dressed this morning...

Santana and Quinn walk up to them and tell Schue that Sue wants to see him in her office and that she doesn't like to be kept waiting. Schue nervously agrees to go.

Will enters Sue's office apprehensively. She's busy working out but dismounts and offers Will an iron pill because they "keep your strength up while menstruating" which leads to probably one of my favourite throw away quotes from Sue ever:

Wait, what?

I just love that line delivery, just matter of fact statement that leaves you hanging and wondering what the fuck is up with her? I like this version of Sue, she's hilarious and not yet ruined by bad writing.

Anyway, Sue tells Will that Figgins is going to cut the Glee Club if they don't place at regionals. On top of this, they can't even qualify for regionals if they don't have 12 members and by Sue's count, they only have 5 and a half (she's counting Artie as half a person because he's in a wheel chair, you see). Sue then tells Will to just disband the glee club and join her Cheerios team as her assistant. Will "politely declines" her offer and tells her that glee is here to stay even if she is used to being the "cock of the walk"

Meanwhile, in the school hallway, Rachel is listening in to a conversation between Quinn and Finn. Quinn is trying to convince Finn to quit glee so that they have a shot at being homecoming king and queen. She tries to tempt him to quit by offering him the ability to touch her boobs, under the shirt but over the bra. Finn is conflicted but ultimately declines because he wants to be in glee because it makes him happy. Quinn is furious because everyone thinks he's gay now and so what does that make her?

Finn leaves and Quinn spots Rachel eavesdropping. She tells Rachel that she can sing with Finn and dance with him but she will never have him. Rachel says that she is an honourable person (laughable considering next episode spoilery stuff), so she doesn't need to steal her boyfriend. She then says that glee's stock is rising while hers in falling and she'll just have to deal with it.

In conclusion, Glee's stock has not risen at all...
or at least, Rachel's hasn't

We cut to the glee club practicing Le Freak by Chic but they are clearly not into it. Mercedes stops the practice to complain about Rachel almost kicking her in the face and to flat out tell Will that his song choice sucks. Will tries to tell them that the song is fine, they just need more energy but even Kurt objects.

You know a song is gay when...

Will tells them that they don't have time to discuss this as they are performing the song in front of the whole school on Friday. Naturally, the entire club is mortified at the thought. Will tells them that it's important that they perform well at the assembly because they need recruits as they can't qualify for regionals without 12 members. He then assures them that his club took nationals with Le Freak because it's a crowd pleaser.

Will and Terri are looking at a ginormous house with a realtor. Will explains that the hunt for a newer and bigger home happened because Terri's sister convinced her that they had to upgrade to a bigger home for the new baby. So, here they are looking at what appears to be a mcmansion and Terri is gasping in delight over banisters made by Ecuadorian children, grand foyers, and sun nooks. Will points out that they can't afford the house but Terri scoffs at this and shows him a frilly pink bedroom.

Will says he loves it but that they still can't afford it. Terri says it's her very own "Sophie's Choice" before saying she'd take the grand foyer and give up the sun nook. Will relents and says that he'll sign the papers while thinking about how he'll need to get a part-time job.

In the choir room the next day, Kurt and Mercedes are arguing and I hear him say that she looks like a "Technicolor zebra" which should totally be the name of a band. Anyway, Will comes in and tells them that they are going to do a Kanye song which gets them all excited until Will says that they are still doing disco at the assembly. He says that communication is key and they asked for modern music so he listened and is giving it to them. Artie says that they'd like to not do disco at the assembly but Will ignores him while passing out the sheet music and telling Finn he has the solo. Finn declines in a panic, saying he isn't ready. Will tells him that he'll walk him through it and we are introduced to the first of many "Will raps" sessions.

Quick aside: a lot of people hate Will rapping. A. Lot. I'm actually not one of them. *ducks for cover amidst boos and rotten fruit being tossed at her* No, seriously, I don't find it that bad. We're not supposed to take these performances so seriously, they are just about a group of people having fun and singing and to me, that's all that was happening here. Just a teacher singing a song with his students and having a good time. It's what glee is all about, hell, it was the entire philosophy of the previous glee teacher that made Will want to do this in the first place:

It's a nice sentiment and I really think that's all that this is about. Just a bunch of people singing a song they like and having fun. No one was actually supposed to take Will seriously as a rapper. No one is asking Matthew Morrison to drop a rap album, it was a performance in a show that was intended as commentary to what was going on in the plot. Ie: the song they are singing is Golddigger by Kanye West, while they are singing we also cut to Terri and her sister going over plans for the new house and obviously, talking about spending money they don't have. It works in this scene. So, yeah, this song was fun and harmless. Get over it.

And don't make me quote a Taylor Swift song again

We next cut to Emma in the bathroom when she overhears someone obviously puking. She investigates to find Rachel leaning over the toilet. Emma asks if she's throwing up but Rachel says that she tried and failed because she doesn't seem to have a gag reflex.

This show, man. Hilarious

Emma asks Rachel to have a chat with her in her office. We cut to them in her office where she hands Rachel one of her many hilarious brochures.

These brochures are some of the funniest things in Glee

Rachel says she doesn't have bulimia and she won't ever try throwing up again because it grossed her out. Emma asks what made her try it in the first place and Rachel answers that it's because she wants to be thinner and prettier like Quinn Fabray. She then asks Emma if she's ever liked someone so much that it made her want to lock herself in her room, turn on sad music and cry. Emma says no but we cut to:

Emma then gives Rachel the advice to find a common interest with whoever she likes because then he'll see her in a positive way and who knows what could happen.

We next cut to Will, Sue, Rachel, and Finn in Principal Figgins' office. It starts out with Sue demanding that they tell Figgins what she caught them doing, leading you to believe that they were caught having sex. In reality, they were making photocopies on the Cheerio's private photocopy machine. You want to know what they were photocopying? Flyers advertising celebrities who were in Glee club in high school:

Back the fuck up! Did Glee make Robin Thicke a thing?
This was way before Blurred Lines. Damn you, Glee!!

Sue is horrified to see them using it, saying they could have broken it.

Damn, there are so many quotable lines in the early episodes

Will asks how many photocopies they made (17), and how much a photocopy costs (4 and a half cents), then suggests that Rachel and Finn just pay for the copies they made. Figgins likes this compromise and asks them to pay Sue, then tells Sue that she has to clean her congealed protein shake off of the floor since he had to fire half of the janitorial staff due to the recession. Holy shit, yeah, this show came out around the time that everyone was panicking over the recession. Crazy, that seems like so long ago now but it has only been 6 years. Anyway, Sue is not pleased with this outcome.

Finn apologizes to Will while Rachel plots to get their flyers up as soon as possible. Will shoots the idea down, telling them that they are doing the assembly and that everyone loves disco.

Tell 'em, Freaks

Finn is completely freaked out and sure that he's going to be a dead man. Rachel tries to cheer him up by telling him how talented he supposedly is. Look, he's alright but I wouldn't say that he's destined for a singing career or the most deserving of the male characters to get a solo. But, the show wants us to believe he's good, so here we are. Rachel asks him if he wants to practice after school but he informs her that he has a Cellibacy Club meeting.

While having a couple's bath together, Will tells Terri that he can't find part time work so they won't be able to get the grand foyer. Terri is pissed. Will tells her that they don't need a grand foyer to be happy but she is having none of it. Terri is annoyed at always having to compromise and whines about how no one gives back to them despite how hard they work. I seem to recall you saying you only worked 16 hours a week, Terri. Shut your mouth about working hard.

The next day, Will catches Figgins scraping Sue's congealed protein shake off the copy room floor. Apparently, Sue got a note from her doctor that said she couldn't do any cleaning, so Figgins had to do it himself because he fired most of the janitorial staff. Will gets an idea and offers to take over one of the night time janitor jobs at half the pay to get the extra money for the dream home her wife wants.

At the celibacy meeting, Rachel sits alone across from a group of Cheerios. So, apparently all of the cheerleaders practice abstinence? Seems legit. Rachel asks where the boys are and Quinn pissily explains that for the first half hour they separate, then they come together in their faith. This club lasts an hour? Dear god, that sounds painfully boring.

In the next classroom, a bunch of football players...come on now. Football players? In the Celibacy Club? I mean, one or two sure but most of them? Whatever, show, whatever. Finn proves my point by saying that he only joined the club to get into Quinn Fabray's pants, so not so celibate after all. Then, the most vile and obnoxious character this show ever produced starts whining about wanting to kill himself because they are bombarded with sexual imagry and short skirts everywhere and are expected not to do anything about it. Jewfro? I hate you. I loathe you. You are the worst character ever conceived of and this isn't even you at your worst. Seriously? Yes, you are expected not to do anything about it. No one owes you sex because you're horny unless you pay for a prostitute then yes, they kind of owe you but the general public? No, they don't owe you shit. You're horny? Go whack one out in the privacy of your own damn bathroom/bedroom like the rest of society. Please, dear god, keep it in the privacy of your own room. Please!?

This is going to come back up, not today but soon and it will haunt you for the rest of your life. You have been warned. #season2trauma

We cut back to the girls who are dancing around in their short Cheerio skirts and going on about how happy they are that someone invented short skirts. Then they say their power motto: It's all about the teasing, not about the pleasing. Before continuing to dance around happily, proud of the fact that they are holding out sex even though they know it drives the guys crazy. This...this is what every guy thinks girls do, isn't it? That's depressing.

We cut back to the guys. Finn is asked how far Quinn lets him get and he responds that they make out and grind. Jewfro asks how he keeps from cumming early but in tv words. Finn says it isn't a problem for him but in his voice over, he informs us that it is a problem. I kind of like this, it's a very subtle jab at how guys tend to talk a big game but are in fact, just as nervous or clueless about stuff as everyone else. He informs us that the way he tries to keep from ejaculating too quickly is to think of the time his mother was teaching him how to drive:

Definitely a mood killer

We cut to the entire Celibacy Club together. They are all paired off to dance with a balloon between them. What Quinn calls "immaculate affection" and remember, "if the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry." Puck proceeds to sexually assault Santana by grinding into the balloon and her while she tells him to stop. Rachel is paired with Jewfro and is suitably creeped out when a balloon pops. It's Quinn and Finn's balloon and she's pissed.

Then, Rachel becomes my absolute favourite high school girl character of all time and forever when she utters this beautifulness:

RACHEL: You know what? This is a joke. Did you know that most studies have demonstrated that celibacy doesn’t work in high schools? Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. The second we start telling ourselves that there’s no room for compromise, we act out. The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to be prepared. That’s what contraception is for.

QUINN: Don’t you dare mention the “C” word.

RACHEL: You want to know a dirty little secret that none of them want you to know? Girls want sex just as much as guys do.

Did the writers just write a sex positive high school girl character? Did they seriously just have a high school girl admit that she wants sex?

You earned Patrick Stewart's nod of approval, show. Congrats

You have no idea how much I love this scene. No idea, guys. I'm just so sick of the dumb trope that the girl always has to be the one scared of sex, not wanting to try sex, embarrassed about sex, etc, etc, etc. Do you know how good it feels to have a female character on tv finally say what most of us were thinking? That we too are curious about sex and want to experience it? It feels pretty damn good, let me tell you. It brings a tear to my eye every time I see it, I just think the scene is that beautiful and important for every teenaged girl to see. It is ok to want sex, don't feel ashamed about it in any way. You don't have to pretend to be all naïve about it. Educate yourself and then hopefully we will have less girls being pressured into things they don't want to do simply because they've been kept in the dark about sex because they were told to not want it.

Later that night, Emma catches Will cleaning one of the classrooms and he confesses that he had to take the part time work to help him and Terri buy a house. She says she'll keep it between the two of them and then asks if he wants any help. Will declines but Emma insists because she can see he's not doing the greatest job and she knows for a fact that the teacher who's room he's cleaning doesn't wash her hands after doing number two.

Fast forward to them cleaning together and Will asks if he can help her with one of her problems. She says she doesn't have any and he points out that she's been cleaning the same pencil sharpener for an hour. Emma admits she has a problem with messes but she has a totally legit reason to have it.

EMMA: Okay. When I was a little girl, it was my dream to work on a dairy farm.
WILL: Really?
EMMA: Yeah. And when I was eight, we finally visited one and after the tour and the yoghurt tasting my- my brother pushed me into the runoff lagoon.
WILL: What?
EMMA: And, um, ever since then, I’ve just- I’ve had a little trouble forgetting the, uh- the smell.

Groooosssssss!!!! She gets all my sympathy for that. Will suggests that maybe she should see someone to help her deal with her issues but she insists that it is totally manageable. She just takes lots of showers and doesn't eat dairy. He suggests that they do a test and picks up chalk dust on his finger and wipes it on her nose. Dude, that is not ok, especially since she was telling you that she was not comfortable with doing it. But, the show plays it up as this super romantic exchange as they stare into each other's eyes. Ok, show, whatever. Emma nervously stutters that she should go and leaves the room. We then see that Ken Tanaka has been watching the whole exchange and is not pleased.

The next day, Rachel has called an emergency glee club meeting to talk about what they'll do about the assembly. Artie says that he is super against their suicide mission, ie singing disco. Rachel says that they're not going to kill them because they are going to give the other students what they want. Sex.

What follows is, perhaps, my most favourite performance that Glee has ever done. Every time I watch it, I laugh with, well...glee. This is what glee was about to me, a show that isn't taking itself or its performances seriously, a show that just wants to entertain. I have to show it to you in its entirety for you to appreciate what I love so much about it:

Hilarious. I love it. I can watch this clip over and over again and enjoy it every time.

Of course, Sue hates it and we cut to her in an office with Will and Principal Figgins, where she utters one of her usual fantastic lines:

SUE: Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in 20 years of teaching, and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.

Sue then asks for Will to resign from teaching and for the glee club to be disbanded but Figgins tells her that the issue is content. He thinks the glee kids have talent but that they need to sing more family friendly songs. Luckily, his pastor gave him a list of such songs and they are only allowed to sing them from now on. Don't worry, this won't come up ever again in later episodes so we won't have to endure church hymns and balloon songs at all, it's basically a set up for a later performance in this episode. Figgins also thinks that the kids need new outfits, so he cuts Sue's dry cleaning budget to pay for new costumes for glee. Sue is naturally, outraged.

I feel like I've been posting a lot of Sue. She just has the best lines early on

Rachel confronts Will when he leaves Figgins office to apologize for going behind his back and singing a different song than they rehearsed. Will isn't having it because he's super pissed at her for doing it. He tells her that no parent in their right mind would let their kids join glee now and accuses her of ruining their chances. He then tells her that they have a preapproved list of songs that they have to sing from now on. Rachel looks it over and asks what a "luftballon" is. Will ignores the question, and tells her that he understands why she did what she did but he didn't like how she did it.

Ken enters the staff room and plunks down tickets in front of Emma, telling her that they're for something called Tulip-alooza. Emma declines his offer because he is gross and horrible. He then proves my point by basically shaming her into dating him, calling her out for chasing a married guy and then telling her that he's a good man (laughable) and a minority so he can't be fired, then he tells her that she could do worse than him and that in this town, she won't do any better. Uh, excuse you?

Even the Queen is done with your bullshit, Ken

In the auditorium, Rachel and Finn are practicing his notes together. She is very encouraging, though I still don't think he's all that great when he's supposed to be amazing but whatever. He wants to take a break because he's hungry and Rachel has prepared a picnic lunch for just such an opportunity. They sit down on the blanket together and she asks him why he wanted to practice with her. He tells her it's because he wants to be really good at something, like her. She's flattered and asks if he really thinks she's good and he responds that at first he thought she was insane but that when she sings, she touched something in his heart. He then proceeds to touch his hand to the part of his chest where his heart is not which is kind of adorably stupid. She corrects him and then asks if he wants a drink. He then points out that she has a bit of drink on her lip and they stare at each other until Rachel tells him that he can kiss her if he wants to. He says he wants to and they make out until...

And Finn awkwardly leaves because I think the mail man killing incident failed to do its job of preventing him from arriving early.

We cut to Terri in her doctor's office. The doctor is doing an ultrasound and informs her that there is no baby. She panics and asks if it fell out but he tells her that she was not ever pregnant. She just wanted to be pregnant so badly, that her body started mimicking the symptoms, what is called a hysterical pregnancy. While I know what ridiculous storyline is coming and how awful Terri gets or can be, in this moment I feel for her. Some people who really want children have a super hard time getting pregnant and it sucks, especially when you are bombarded with people asking you when you're going to get pregnant or people who were like "Whoops, we weren't even trying and now we're pregnant!" So, hugs for Terri, in just this scene.

In the choir room, the Unholy Trinity have decided to try out for glee, much to Will's surprise. Quinn informs him that she and Finn are an item and she wants to support him by joining glee. I'm going to show you this whole performance too because it became pretty iconic for the show and it is just a cute little performance. The only downside is that, at this point, Santana and Brittany were only really side characters at this point so their actresses were not actually singing but it's still an enjoyable moment with the trio:

In the next scene, the three girls are in Sue's office and confessing about joining glee club. Quinn begs to not be kicked off the Cheerios but Sue tells her to cut the waterworks and informs them that they are going to be her spies and help her take down glee from the inside. Quinn then happily chirps that she'll get her boyfriend back.

God, I love old Sue

Will runs up to Emma in the school hallway and tells her that he found a packet of disinfecting wipes, then he asks if she'll meet him in the boys restroom at 9:00 to clean. Uh, what are you doing, Will? Why would she want to do your job for you for free and also, a little weird that you want to hang out with her when you have a pregnant wife at home. Emma agrees with me and turns him down, saying she has a date with Ken. She walks off sadly and leaves Will alone to look sad.

Later that night, when Will gets home, Terri is waiting up for him with dinner made. She's made, what I presume to be his favourite, chicken pot pie from scratch. Given what we know about Terri, whining about working 4 hour days and then having to make dinner, this is a huge deal. Will tells her that she and their new boy or girl are what's important to him and says he hopes she knows that. Terri wanted to tell him that she's not pregnant but gets nervous and instead blurts out that they're having a boy. He's overjoyed and she now looks super uncomfortable and sad that she blurted that out instead of telling the truth and she knows she can't crush him now. Just so that you don't think she's super duper evil, she tells him that she wants him to quit his part time job because they don't need a new house. She will turn her craft room into a nursery.

The next day, in the choir room, Rachel is complaining because Will has given her solo to Quinn Fabray. Will tells her that she did this to herself and Quinn sang a song on the approved list and was really good at it. Rachel asks if he's punishing her and Will tells her that not everything is about her...or him. He admits that he screwed up too and that he didn't listen to them. When he was in school, disco was going through a revival (I grew up in the 90s and there totally was a 70s craze and I remember wearing platform sneakers and bell bottoms because I thought they were super cool). He says that disco was cool and they had fun and that is what glee is supposed to be about, having fun. He says that she may not always get the solo but that he will try his best to make sure that she is always having fun. She sadly asks him if she can use the auditorium to practice because her neighbours are filing a noise complaint against her. He agrees.

We end the episode with Rachel singing Take a Bow by Rhianna with Mercedes and Tina as her back up singers, while we also show her being sad in her room and watching Finn and Quinn longingly.

That was Showmance, hands down, one of my favourites and probably mostly because of the hilariously awesome performance of Push It by Salt 'N Peppa because it was magical but also because this show had the decency to finally write a female character who was actually open about being curious about sex. Not fearing it or being ashamed or doing the opposite and making her into a "slut", just a regular girl who is curious about sex and wanting to try it. Which is an amazing message to send to girls, so kudos to Glee. You are many steps ahead of the teen shows that I used to watch.

Shout out to my good friend, Lucas, who stepped up and made me the Glee related gifs that I needed since my life is just a mess right now and I haven't had the time to make them myself.

Next episode is a guilty pleasure of mine and I say guilty pleasure because I've read some fans say they can't stand the episode and that's it's the worst of the early season. I humbly submit that they are wrong. Stay tuned for Acafellas.

Dawson's Creek - 315 - Crime and Punishment

2015-04-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

Original air date: February 9, 2000

So, we last left off with the gang celebrating Valentine's Day by going to a scandalous Matt Caulfield party, even though nothing all that scandalous happened. But Matt Caulfield is totally evil, you guys. I know this because they told us he had sex with six different girls. Cheerleaders, no less. This guy is for reals, you guys. You might wonder why I'm focused on a one off character and his evilness, well, that's because he was masterfully set up for this episode.

Masterfully

This episode opens as gloriously as the last one ended. That is to say, it is a Joey/Pacey scene. Pacey shows up to encourage Joey, who is painting a mural. They further prove my point of them being on my Top Ten Best Couples list with the cute back and forth they have where Pacey makes a big deal about how much artists are revered (read he reveres Joey) and Joey knows him so well that she guesses why he's really there (his parents kicked him out of the house.) She also correctly guesses that the drama has to do with one of his sisters. This is already way more insight than Dawson ever showed into Pacey's life (he usually just brushed off Pacey's familial issues and flat out ignored how rude Pacey's dad was to Pacey). When she shows him her artwork (remember how she was scared to show Dawson anything she'd done? But she's super comfortable showing Pacey her public work before anyone else?), he does not hold back his real opinion, which is that he doesn't get it. He also doesn't get what it has to do with "school unity" which is what Joey and a bunch of other art students were commissioned to paint. I like that, I like that he's not mean but he's also very honest with his opinions and she takes it in stride. In short, they are super cute and very deserving of their spot on my Top Ten list.

Awwww

Next day, Dawson tries to sneak a peek at Joey's painting but Joey refuses to let him see (hmmmm, interesting). Dawson then whines because Pacey got to see it and I yell at my tv screen for him to shut up because he's the worst. He is not owed a chance to see her work beforehand just because Pacey did. They banter a bit about whether or not Dawson is coming (he is), whether or not she wants him to (she does) and I wonder why we are bothering with this idea that they might end up together. Dawson and Joey's relationship died the second Pacey and Joey became friends this season and his crush on her rekindled. Better yet, I think their relationship died after this:

The Evil!Matt Caulfield is appearing before the disciplinary committee for cheating on a test. I wonder how he's supposed to be taken seriously as a "bad boy" evil guy when his crime is calling his mommy for help on a test but whatever. So, he openly admits to doing this, Andie recommends that he fail the quiz and serve a three hour detention but then Mr. Green decides that Matt didn't "break the spirit of the Honor Code" and lets him go with only a warning not to appear before their committee again. I don't even understand how you can be in violation of the Honor Code but not be in violation of it in spirit and somehow that gets you off the hook.

Mr. Green then asks to see Andie after the Committee breaks and she thinks it's because he thinks her punishment was an overreaction and that confuses me because I thought her punishment was fine, maybe retake the quiz with no cellphone handy instead of failing automatically but fine otherwise. Mr. Green tells her that she actually scored really well on the PSATs which means she's one step closer to earning a National Merit Scholarship. You know, the PSATs that Andie cheated on which was played for kind of laughs when she was appointed onto the Disciplinary Committee in the first place? Yeah, that shit is finally getting addressed.

Yep, you're fucked

Pacey bursts in on his brother, Doug and informs him that since the Witter home is full to capacity, Pacey has been sent to live with him. Doug protests a bit but finally relents, agreeing that Pacey can stay if he doesn't eat their mother's food, he uses coasters, and he keeps his CD collection in alphabetical order, by last name, not first. Pacey agrees but gets less enthusiastic about the idea when Doug asks if he's any good at decoupage.

Oh boy, this means we're in for some more horrible gay jokes!
*she said with as much sarcasm as humanly possible

Bessie is cutely excited for Joey's art unveiling and is getting her camera ready. Joey for some reason feels the need to remind Bessie about how much she hated high school even though Bessie points out that it's different now. Bodie comments that it's not that much different and asks if there are like, ten black students. Joey corrects him that there are eleven. Nice meta comment on the comments about this show's whiteness Dawson's Creek writers. Bessie relents and agrees that she hated high school but that she's so glad that things are different for Joey because she's super talented and special and everyone loves her and stuff. This is a praise Joey scene, I'm not really into those because it just serves to make her character a bit too perfect but whatever, it is setting up the obvious thing that's going to happen later.

So, at the school, Joey finally gets to make her speech about how she wanted to paint a mural that was about possibility because that idea is what unites them all as students. As she finishes her speech, she pulls the cord to reveal her mural.

Womp-womp

Joey responds in her usual way, by running away. I can't fault her on this one though, that's pretty embarrassing and I probably wouldn't want to stand around to hear people laugh or pity me. Anyway, Dawson runs after her and tries to play down what happened to her. She tells him she feels humiliated and he tells her that nobody's humiliated in there except for whoever did that to her painting. Dawson, you don't know what humiliation is, which is weird since you experienced it not too long ago when your shitty film bombed. He then tells her to not take it personally which is stupid because when you put something of yourself out there and it gets vandalized like that, it is extremely hard not to take it personally, especially when yours is the only one to be defaced. Pacey catches up and basically says what I just said. Pacey and Dawson argue over who is right and before I can, Joey points out to them that neither of them are helping her and she asks them to forget about it and leaves.

Jack and Andie talk about what happened to Joey while they make supper. Jack jokes that he'll catch whoever did it and Andie can have the last laugh since she's on the Disciplinary Committee and can throw the book at them. Andie looks super uncomfortable before telling Jack that she's thinking about stepping down because she doesn't want to be in judgement of other students. Jack looks uneasily at Andie and says it's unlike her to bail on a commitment. Andie babbles about it taking up too much of her time and how her schoolwork is slipping before changing the subject back to the supper they are making.

Jack is unconvinced

Dawson goes over to the Potter B&B to try and talk Joey into repainting the mural. Joey isn't having it and I sympathize. It is incredibly hard to repaint exactly what you painted before, maybe not for some people but for me it definitely is. Once I paint or draw something, it kind of just goes out of my head and I just wouldn't have the will or desire to try to recreate it if something happened to it. Dawson gets all pissed that she's not jumping up and down ecstatically about his suggestion, to which she responds:

Joey: Newsflash, Dawson. I can’t always be your plucky little Joey Potter. I don’t have this unlimited reserve of goodwill and good faith in humanity, and– and sometimes I am going to be a little depressed.

I'm sorry what? Is this the same character we're talking about here? Since when has Joey been a beacon of positivity? She has always been super surly and snarky and kind of bitter about the world what with her mother dying when she was young and her father being imprisoned for drugs and all. What even is characterization?

So, Joey rightfully tells Dawson that he can't just expect her to start over on something that took a lot of work to complete in the first place and do it in one night but Dawson isn't having it and asks her why not. She snaps back that she can't for the same reason he hasn't shot a roll of film since January. Dawson tries to convince us and himself that the two are completely different and Joey demands to know that it had nothing to do with the fact that his film was poorly received at the festival.

I love it when Joey smacks Dawson with the truth

With complete sincerity, Dawson claims that his quitting had nothing to do with that (bullshit) and then he and Joey bicker some more about how Dawson has choices in his life that she doesn't, blah, blah, blah. Then Dawson leaves her the keys to the school and tells her to do what she wants.

Pacey goes up to a couple of random students in the cafeteria and asks them who they think vandalized Joey's mural, under the guise of him taking bets on who did it. Both guys hand over money and say they think it was none other than the Evil!Matt Caulfield because of course it was him.

Pacey goes to confront Evil!Matt about defacing Joey's mural. Evil!Matt plays coy about the whole thing but Pacey is having none of it. He tells Evil!Matt that he needs to apologize and then turn himself in before the end of the day.

Dawson walks up to where Joey's mural is still covered and takes a peek behind. He then looks pissed because Joey didn't do his bidding because he's a tool. Yeah, I know he was trying to help her I just hate the way he's going about it. I mean, if she wanted to repaint it and he was encouraging her and being supportive, I would be all for that but the way this is played it's like he's forcing her to repaint it because it is what he thinks she should do to make herself feel better. That's not cool. He asks Andie if she's seen Joey but Andie says Joey wasn't in home room today.

It's the end of the day and Evil!Matt hasn't made good on Pacey's demands. So, Pacey has waited for him by his car where they get into an epic battle of manliness.

Epic battle of manliness!!!

Principal Green breaks them up before they kill each other though. He demands they see him in his office.

Before Principal Green can unleash his fury on Pacey and Evil!Matt, Andie interrupts him and tells him she is stepping down from the Disciplinary Committee. Green is stunned and wants to discuss further but Andie says there is nothing to discuss, thanks him, and leaves.

Dawson and Evil!Matt's friend have been called in to basically rat on their friends. Principal Green is kind of stupid because if he really wanted answers, he would have asked Dawson and the friend, separately and in private, away from Pacey and Evil!Matt telling them not to say anything. But if they weren't all in a group, we couldn't have Dawson save the day and Evil!Matt reveal his true, mustache-twirling ways.

So, Dawson lets slip that they were fighting about the mural because he doesn't want Pacey to have another mark on his record, which I have to admit is a pretty solid thing for Dawson to do and one of the only times I've seen him be a friend to Pacey. Principal Green then asks Evil!Matt if he did it and rather than just say "no", Evil!Matt has to launch into some speech about how he doesn't give a rat's ass about some "stupid Chinese drawing". Dawson then asks how Evil!Matt knew what the drawing was, to which he quickly responds that Joey had been working on it for weeks so anyone could have taken a look. Dawson then says that even he didn't see it and he's one of her closest friends (so you see, there was a point to him not seeing it, so in the end he could be right and a hero.) Evil!Matt, then confesses to the whole thing, stating that Joey's art, a mural depicting the message of "possibility", was offensive to him and that he shouldn't have to look at it every day. Hey, hey you guys? I think Evil!Matt is the bad guy. I just wanted to point it out in case the writers were being too subtle about the whole thing. Here, let me help you visualize what they are trying to get across:

There we go

Andie finally confesses to Jack that she was the one who stole the PSAT answer sheet. Jack is stunned and doesn't understand how she could do such a thing. Andie explains that she thought that if she could ace the test, she could prove to everyone once and for all that she was better but that now that she is better, she is finding it hard to live with herself. I finally feel a bit of sympathy towards Andie since the writers first set on their mission to destroy this character. She did a shitty thing but at least she's finally showing some remorse for it and I totally understand her reasons for wanting to do it, wrong as they were. Andie says that she is going to confess to Principal Green and Jack tries to talk her out of it, not wanting her to get kicked out of school for cheating on something with the word "practice" in front of it. Andie is sticking to her guns about confessing.

That's what she said!
Er...I mean, you go, girl!

Joey goes to Doug's place to yell at Pacey for getting in trouble with Matt Caulfield. Pacey is angry that he's not being rewarded for proving that Matt did it but Joey tells him that what he did was reckless and that if he wants to wreck his future, he should do it on his own behalf, not hers. I'm totally with her on this point and it seems Pacey, darling as he is, hasn't quite gotten over his hero complex. Pacey lashes out at her and reveals that he was hanging out with her only because Dawson asked him to look out for her.

Joey is not impressed and rightfully so

She then gets really hurt and asks if that was the only reason Pacey was hanging out with her. Pacey looks confused but then he realizes that she really felt for him. She storms out before he can say anything else.

At a disciplinary hearing, Principal Green decides to expel Matt Caulfield. Though, I'm a little confused because Matt then asks "For the rest of the year?" to which Principal Green responds "For the rest of the year." So...is he just suspended then? Because that sounds more like he's suspended and will have to make up the courses he fails to complete the following year, meaning he's being held back from graduation. To me, expulsion means you do not get to return to the school at all, ever. You are done there. But, whatever, I guess this is just a minor nit pick as it is essentially screwing him over hard either way.

Dawson is listening outside when Joey approaches and asks him how things are going. Dawson mentions that Pacey will be lucky to get off with just a suspension this time. Joey snarks that with the way things are going, Dawson should have just asked her to look out for Pacey.

She is throwing down this episode

Dawson tells her that it wasn't like that, he just couldn't be there for her and wanted someone she could turn to. Joey rightfully tells him that she never asked for his pity. He claims that he just wanted what was best for her but, let's face it, it was still a shitty thing for him to do. Ok, maybe it came from a place of good intentions, it's just a bit condescending to me that he felt he had to have someone look out for her as if she couldn't survive without him, that's what bugs me about it. But I also can't fault him too much for doing it because it is bringing me Pacephine. Dawson, your assholery has paid off for me...this time.

Anyway, Joey doesn't think that Pacey really cared about her which is obviously the thing that is really bugging her but Dawson tells her that Pacey is being disciplined in that room because of how much he cares about her.

I think this news pleases Joey...or it confuses her...troubles her?
Look, I can't really read Joey's expressions a lot of the time,
unless she's being snarky

Cut to Andie, tearfully emptying her locker, leading us to assume she too has been expelled.

Then we cut back to Pacey, coming out of the hearing room and praising Principal Green. He was not expelled or suspended but instead, asked to be a mentor to a troubled youth and I let out the biggest groan I have ever groaned as I remember the awful storyline that awaits me before I'm fully awarded with my Pacephine.

Pictured: Blinvy thinking about enduring some horrible child acting

Principal Green is admonishing Andie for cheating on the PSATs. Andie has come completely clean but has not ratted anyone else out for their involvement with it as none of them cheated off of it which is pretty solid. Principal Green says that he'll have to call the Educational Testing Service and they will probably cancel her scores, thus forfeiting her chance at a National Merit Scholarship. Andie nods in understanding and informs him that she has also cleaned out her locker in anticipation of her expulsion, since Matt was also expelled and her actions were just as bad. Principal Green informs her that she's nothing like Evil!Matt and that the punishment should fit the crime and the person doing the crime. He tells her to put her things back in her locker and that he will think of a more suitable punishment in a few days. Andie tearfully thanks him before leaving.

Joey is walking down the hall, ready to repaint her mural when she finds Pacey, painting over her damaged work with primer. He tells her that he wanted to give her a fresh start for her new painting. They banter back and forth a little bit before Pacey asks if she's going to thank him. She jokingly asks for what and Pacey starts listing his noble deeds and here is another reason why I love these two:

Joey: Tilting at windmills while in the throes of a misguided hero complex?

Pacey: Well, yeah, that too.

She can totally call him out on his obvious hero complex and he admits it and they just take it in stride. I love that. It shows how they can be honest with each other but not always get upset with said honesty but embrace it. It's really sweet. On top of this sweetness, Joey does thank him, for being himself and for knowing what's right and what's wrong and that she appreciates that he was there for her when she needed him. Then she asks if the only reason he did it was because of Dawson, to which Pacey jokingly agrees and Joey responds with "you need to get a life." before they smile at each other and continue painting together.

Oh and Dawson comes in at the end and smiles to himself because he helped get those two back together or something. Stop ruining my Pacephine moments, Dawson. Also, you will be eating that smile soon. Just wait.

One last bit of adorableness

So, that was Crime and Punishment and to be honest, as much as I love me some Pacephine moments, I kind of wish the episode had focused more on Andie's turmoil than the whole picture vandalizing nonsense. I mean, Matt Caulfield's character was just so over the top about his evil ways and wanting to paint over the mural because basically he's an ass who hates nice messages. It wasn't all that satisfying of a conclusion because he was little more than a strawman to be the big bad that Dawson and Pacey had to take down in Joey's honour. I think the episode would have been stronger if it had focused on Andie's part in the whole thing and actually dealing with her guilt over her past crime as she passed judgement over others. But, I'll definitely take this episode for what it is and sigh in adoration over the cute Pacephine moments. Yes, I'm making Pacephine a thing.

Anyway, stay tuned for the next recap where in Principal Green is raked over the coals for daring to expel a rich white kid because pretty much everyone in Capeside is awful. Next time is To Green, With Love.

Glee - 101 - Pilot

2015-02-19T19:41:00.001-08:00

Original air date: May 19, 2009

So, watching this first episode takes me back. I know that's silly seeing as how it only aired 6 years ago but my god, the quality, the humour, the characters, everything is just great here and it just brings me back to the first time I watched it and how happy it made me feel. I watch a lot of different shows for a lot of different reasons but there are very few shows out there that just make me happy to watch them, where I'd get just pumped to see the next episode. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Freaks and Geeks were that for me when I was a teen (Dawson's Creek was more of a guilty pleasure for me), then I had Pushing Daisies which was unfairly cancelled, and then I had Glee. It was not a genius show, it was not a thought-provoking show, it was just a show that made me happy and I don't think that's anything to sniff at. It takes a lot of work and a lot of heart to make something that makes others smile and just genuinely give them a good feeling. So let's cue up some Journey and take a look at the very first episode of Glee.

The very first episode actually starts out with the cheerleaders doing an extremely gruelling routine and then the glorious Sue Sylvester, in her prime snark days bellows at them:

I was hooked

With that utterance, I was reassured, much like with the first scene of Freaks and Geeks, that this would not be your typical teen show and I was instantly in love. The vibe of this show was very much adult when it first began, this was not a show geared towards younger crowds (though younger crowds would watch) and was actually pretty dark.

We then cut to our main character (which will definitely change over the course of the show) Will Schuester or Schue as he's usually referred to by the kids. He drives up happily in his beat up car and obliviously walks by some kids who are bullying a smaller kid. (Heh, look at me referring to adults playing teens as "kids") The two main kids doing the bullying are Finn and Puck while the kid being picked on is Kurt. Of course Schue asks Kurt if he's making new friends before happily telling Finn that he needs his Spanish homework and then rushing off to his classes, leaving poor Kurt behind to be dumped in the dumpster.

Kurt complains that his brand new Marc Jacobs' blazer will get ruined and so Finn takes pity on him enough that he lets Kurt take off his blazer and hand it to Finn before the rest of the jocks toss Kurt in the dumpster. How very...cruel/kind of you Finn.

At least he does look a bit upset that he's a tool

We see a lot of weird cuts that show off a day in the life of the McKinley High students and teachers, including Mr. Schue looking at a plaque of the old Glee Club coach, a cheerleader (Quinn) doing splits mid-air, Mr. Schue teaching his Spanish class to a bunch of bored students, including Finn, then to a random male cheerleader doing something cheerleader-y, and then to Sandy Ryerson (HOLY GOD I MISS THIS CRAZY ASS CHARACTER!!) teaching a song to a male student (Where is Love? from the musical Oliver!) and touching him rather inappropriately while our other main character, Rachel Berry watches, ticked off.

Words cannot express how much I love Rachel

We then cut to the teachers lounge where football coach Ken Tanaka complains to will about the principal getting rid of the coffee pot. Enter Sue, the Cheerios (the cheerleading team and I was not aware Cheerleaders got to have team names before this show...or after. Is that a thing?) coach with a tray of lattes for everyone. Sue is at her best here, a little snarky but not the cartoonish over the top villain that she soon becomes. Guidance counsellor Emma enters and asks what's up with the lattes. Sue explains that she felt bad about Principal Figgins getting rid of the teacher's coffee pot so that her Cheerios could have a nutritionist. I don't understand how an old coffee pot that the school already had pays for a nutrition coach but whatever, this show works in a beautiful, snarky, satirical world of its own. Emma snarks about Sue's Cheerios so Sue leaves but not before letting everyone know just how awesome she is and her response to Emma's snark is the best:

I miss old Sue

I love that line. Anyway, Emma informs everyone that Sandy Ryerson has been fired. Will immediately expresses concern over this fact...no I'm just messing with you, he's just worried about who will run the Glee club.

Will then immediately runs to Principal Figgins to declare that he'd like to take over Glee Club. Mr. Figgins informs Will that he has to pay $60 a month to run it because...reasons. I thought maybe it was for costumes and the like but Figgins tells Will that he has to use the costumes they already have so...I guess to rent the room? I don't really get how extracurriculars are run in US schools or maybe I just don't get how they work on this show.

So Will has agreed to pay $60 a month to coach Glee Club which just sounds weird. Isn't it just a volunteer thing? Whatever. Will explains to us via narration that he is going to have a hard time hiding the fact that he's pissing away $60 a month to coach Glee from his wife but that lack of communication in his marriage is less important than coming up with a new name for the club. He excitedly sits up in bed as he thinks of the thrilling new name that is supposed to inspire students and get them to want to join:

Nude Erections?

Actually it's New Directions and we cut to a montage of the different kids signing up. We have our resident sassy black character, Mercedes, who auditions with (what else?) Aretha Franklin's Respect. Next we see Kurt, the kid who got dumped into a dumpster at the beginning, sign up and he auditions with Mr. Cellophane from Chicago. Then Tina signs up and auditions with Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl. Judging from her audition, I thought she'd be a pretty fun character.

I was wrong, she's not interesting at all. This is pretty much the
most interesting that she gets

Then we get to my absolute favourite character and while I mainly still watch the show for her, I forgot just how much fun she was at the beginning and why I rooted for her so much. She is a blast, completely full of herself, but driven and hilarious. Rachel signs her name on the sheet and auditions with, of course, On My Own from Les Miserables.

While she's singing, we get to hear her inner monologue and it's glorious. Her first lines are:

I love this character

And I fell in love. She's just so crazily ambitious and over the top that it works. She's not necessarily a good person but she's damn interesting and driven as hell. She wants the solo and dammit, she'll get it even if she has to get the current Glee coach fired to do it. Though she steadfastly denies those rumours. She totally only did it because Sandy was being inappropriate with the kid earlier, named Hank Saunders. She sobs as she recounts what she saw to Principal Figgins.

See? Totally honestly concerned for her fellow students

To be fair, it did look like Sandy was being inappropriate with Hank so I think that's why she can get away with being so conniving about this and still be likeable, at least to me. She further explains that she's not homophobic because she has two gay dads. They basically found a surrogate and then mixed their sperm together so that they wouldn't know who the actual dad was.

Can you guess?

This joke is funny but Arrested Development totally did it first:

I feel like Butters yelling "Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!" but with AD

She then goes on to say that her Dads basically groomed her from a young age to be a star, it even shows young Rachel getting over enthusiastic in dance class. She goes on about how being famous is the most important thing in our culture right now, which is so true, and that to keep her talent alive and growing, she posts videos of herself singing on her...MySpace account. Really? Does anyone use that? I've only ever heard it being mentioned on TV but I've never actually heard someone in real life say that they have a MySpace account. So, wave hello to our sponsors kids. Don't worry MySpace, maybe if you get mentioned on TV a few more times, people will use you. No, they won't. Stop trying.

Anyway, Rachel is clearly passionate about singing and dedicated to getting herself out there. Of course, when you put yourself out there, you open yourself to mockery. This is illustrated by Quinn and her Cheerleading friends mocking Rachel online after she posts her video.

Rachel has a sad

Our tiny original glee club, consisting of Rachel, Artie, Tina, Kurt, and Mercedes, are rehearsing Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat and Rachel stops everyone to say how much they suck. Will silently agrees but vocally insists that they will get better if they rehearse more. Rachel criticizes the fact that Artie, a boy in a wheelchair, is singing lead in Sit Down You're Rocking the Boat and Artie explains that Mr. Schue was probably going for irony.

Did I mention how much I love this character?

As Sue degrades and mentally tortures her Cheerios, Mr. Schue tries to talk Rachel into sticking it out with Glee Club. Rachel says she's tired of being laughed at and wants to leave her mark on high school. She demands that Mr. Schue find her a suitable male lead that she can sing with or she'll quit Glee. Mr. Schue then gets called to the principal's office.

In Mr. Figgins' office, Will learns that the auditorium is going to be rented out to AA meetings so he has to cancel Glee Club. Will protests but.

I think I want to make a counter on this because my god, does this
line ever get overused in the early seasons. It's hilarious

Will argues that if his kids place at regionals, they can stay and if they don't, he'll give up the auditorium. Figgins' hands become untied, I guess, because he agrees to the terms but tells Will he has to work detention for free. I don't get American schools, do teachers get paid for every little thing they do for the school? In Canada, teachers are salaried so pretty much everything they do is already paid for and extracurriculars are on volunteer basis. Detention is always on your own time so if you feel like doling them out to your students, you stay with them. We never had a detention hall that was run at a specific time with a random teacher supervising. That's just weird to me.

Will breaks the news to his overbearing wife that he has to work late for the next few weeks so that Mr. Figgins won't kill Glee Club. Terri responds by whining because it's what she's good at. I kid, I actually kind of love her character. Yeah, she's awful but she at least has the courtesy to be funny and entertainingly awful. She's a character you're meant to hate which is where the comedy comes from so I have no problem with her at all. Also, can we take a moment to appreciate the awesomeness of Howard Bamboo?

He's amazing and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise

Will bumps into Sandy who tells him that he's essentially a drug dealer now and is super not pissed that he was let go because he's making hand over fist selling medicinal marijuana. He gives Will a sample packet of his own which will come into play later.

Will talks to Sue, Ken, and Emma about how to get more kids to sign up. Sue tells him he's out of luck because Glee kids are the lowest on the high school popularity rung, Emma tells him that Sue's right but that nothing is set in stone and kids will follow whoever is popular in whatever they do, Ken agrees to let Will talk to the football team about joining up if he puts in a good word for him with Emma.

Will appeals to the football team to sign up. Puck says he can sing but instead of singing, he lets a fart rip. Will looks defeated, especially when he check on his sign up list later and finds that it is full of joke names like "Butt Munch" and "Penis". He thinks that Glee Club is over, until he hears a guy singing ~~horribly~~ wonderfully in the showers. I kid, I kid, Finn isn't the worst singer ever, just comparatively with so many strong voices in the cast, he's the weakest link and I question why they went with him as the "star male lead".

Will evilly and ingeniously, uses the weed that Sandy gave him to black mail Finn into joining Glee. It is horrible and manipulative and hilarious because you know this is a world that is not to be taken seriously. Finn readily agrees to join so that the drug bust doesn't appear on his record and you do feel a little bad for him because of how adamant (and truthful) he is being about the pot not being his.

Finn explains in his flashback/voice over, that his father died when he was young and that he's close with his mother. He heard music for the first time (figuratively not literally) when he was helping some lawn guy paint their grass green and they sang Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' by Journey. When the lawn guy left his mother for another girl, Finn vowed to make his mother proud of him so that she'd feel her sacrifices were worth it. Not sure what that implies, possibly that lawn guy didn't want the baggage of a child? Whatever. We cut back to the office with Will explaining that he'll let him off the hook with the pot thing and keep it off his record, if he joins glee. Cut to:

Rachel's face through this thing is priceless

Mercedes interrupts to shout about not being a back up but then backs down when everyone says that they sounded better. Mercedes accepts her place as Kelly Rowlands and consents to run it again as a backup singer. She gave up that fight fast.

Will tells Terri that he wants to take his Glee Club on a field trip to see their competition perform. Terri says she can't because she had to pick up an extra shift at Sheets N' Things because they are living paycheque to paycheque. Will throws down that a lot of that paycheque seems to be going to her Pottery Barn credit card. She pressures him to get a job at an accounting firm as it pays more but Will is adamant that his passion is for teaching. Terri snaps back that his interest in the kids hinges on his wanting to relive his glory days but that they are not in high school anymore and it is time for them to grow up. As spoiled as she is being, she's not entirely wrong here. Will is chiding her for spending extra money, when he is doing the same thing and to keep a Glee Club running that doesn't interest her at all. That's not fair of him to ask her to live a shitty life so that he can run a Glee Club. However, it's also not fair of her to run up charges on a credit card buying useless junk while also only working part-part time at a linen store. In short, they are both awful in this relationship and they should not be together.

Meanwhile, Will posts a sign up sheet for an extra chaperone for his glee related field trip. Naturally, Emma eagerly signs up. Much to Ken Tanaka's displeasure.

Finn tells Ken about the field trip he's taking with Glee Club and Ken spazzes out. Puck tries to ask Finn what's going on but Finn lies about having to miss practice because his mother's prostate is engorged.

Ken yells at Will about stealing his quarterback. Will says that Ken hates football and asks what he's really angry about. We flash to Ken being super creepy and making a case for why women have to lie about the fact that they have a boyfriend as he keeps pressuring Emma to go out with him. She tries to politely decline his offer but when he persists, she tells him she's not interested because she likes someone else. He responds the way you'd think an asshole who can't take a simple no for an answer would:

Douche!

Ken doesn't tell Will about this but gloats that the herd will take care of this issue, basically saying that the other football players will pressure Finn into quitting.

Rachel nervously gushes to Finn about his supposed talent and the fact that everyone, read her, expects them to become an item. Finn quickly says that he has a girlfriend, Quinn Fabray. Rachel sad faces about the fact that he's dating a cheerleader and the captain of the celibacy club.

Remember when she was super religious?

Will and Emma split a sandwich while they wait for the show to start and Emma gets the inside scoop on Will's marital problems. Will confesses that he loves Terri and he used to like that he rode her hard (not a euphemism) but that lately he's been wondering what she wants him to be better at and that he feels like she only cares about money and that they are not on the same page. The lights dim before he can say anything else and the Carmel Glee Club, Vocal Adrenaline starts to perform. They sing Rehab by Amy Whinehouse and are amazing.

Everyone sad pandas

Outside, Puck and the rest of the football team are waiting for Finn and paintball him for skipping practice to go to a singing concert. Puck now knows that women don't have prostates because he looked it up and then orders the team to open fire at Finn.

Terri tells Will that she's pregnant which makes him insanely happy but also makes him decide to quit teaching and get a job at the accounting firm she told him about. He breaks the news to the Glee Club and assures them that he will find them another teacher to coach them. As he packs up his things, he sings Leaving on a Jet Plane by John Denver.

Emma overhears that Will is leaving and that it's because his wife is pregnant. Now, this part has always irked me, she then tells Will to meet her in the career centre for guidance for her. Then she proceeds to talk him out of leaving his teaching job to work in accounting. Now, you can interpret this as her wanting him to do what makes him happy, which I did during my first watch but when I see this scene now, it just feels icky. His wife is pregnant and he's trying to earn more money to provide for his family, which means leaving the job where he works with Emma, and Emma convinces him to stay because she has a crush on him. That's kind of selfish and unhealthy of her to do.

Rachel tries to convince Finn to stay in Gee because he has "talent" but he won't because since Will is leaving, why the fuck would he stay? She tries to tell him he's better than that but Finn refuses to join back up. At football practice, Puck refuses to apologize for what he did to Finn but says that he is glad he's back and not doing Glee anymore. To welcome him back, he's trapped Artie in a port-o-potty and offers Finn the chance to be the one to tip it over. Since Finn is not a completely worthless person, he refuses and instead lets Artie out. Puck asks Finn if this means he's quitting football to join "Homo Explosion" but Finn says that he's going to do both because the football team can't win without him and neither can Glee. Pretty bold statement from someone who is kind of a subpar singer.

Finn walks into Glee rehearsals and pretty much takes over but the kids seem to be happy about it. He asks them all to do their part to get the club going, Artie is to acquire instruments and band members to play, Mercedes is to get super cool costumes for everyone, Rachel is to do choreography, Tina is to be useless (as is usual in this show), Kurt is forgotten about (for now), and Finn has the song.

Emma shows Will a video of the 1996 show choir Nationals competition to convince him to stay. Again, I'm iffy on this one but her message is nice. That he has to decide what he wants to show his child, that money is most important or that the only life worth living is one that you're passionate about. I get this message, I really do but let me tell you, when you're an adult and paying bills, you quickly realize just how important money can be.

Cut to the glee club, Nude Erections, singing their most iconic number:

I've got to admit, even though I hate Journey, I couldn't help

but smile during this performance

Will sees them perform and is completely convinced to stay. He starts giving them directions and they ask if this means he's staying. He tells them that it would kill him to see them win nationals without him and tells them to take it from the top. End episode.

That was the very first episode of Glee and my god, the feels! So many great characters that are no longer around, so many of the cast that has not been ruined for me. So much fun music that doesn't feel like it's halting the plot to show me a music video. So much plot. This literally took me forever to recap because of how much was going on, I couldn't believe how much information they stuffed into one pilot episode and so effortlessly. It saddens me what the show has become but that is for later recaps.

This show is at its best being a satiric black comedy about high school life and it is definitely at its best here. The writing is snappy, funny, and engaging. Even though the characters are shitty people, they are so entertaining and engaging that you just don't care. I look forward to recapping the rest of this first season because, despite its flaws, it is an extremely fun and enjoyable show. I still can't watch the earlier episodes without getting a big grin on my face.

Stay tuned for the next Glee recap, Showmance which includes the best performance of all time.

Of all time!

Top Ten Best Teen Couples

2015-02-14T11:48:00.000-08:00

Now that we have the negatives out of the way, I thought it would be nice to focus on the positives in teen romance on Valentine's Day. Again, these are my ten favourite teen couples so they probably won't coincide with your own favourites but feel free to share your own in the comments or elsewhere. I think it's fun to find out what couples worked for some people and what couples didn't. If you've been reading this blog for a while, I'm sure you'll be able to guess at least a couple of the couples on my list but you might be surprised by their placement. I'll explain, of course, and I hope you enjoy.

Anyway, on this sacred holiday of love, invented by the Hallmark Corporation to sell more cards, it's about time we dive right in to my Top Ten Best Teen Couples:

10) Torrance and Cliff - Bring It On

Aren't they cute?

I did not expect to like this movie as much as I did, even when I was a teen seeing it for the first time but it was so much goofy fun that I just fell in love. This is one of those silly movies that I can watch over and over again and still enjoy just because it makes me happy and part of that is the dynamic between Torrance and Cliff. Sure, he's kind of an added love interest amidst the real meat of the cheer competitions and super serious cheer fights but there was still a lot to like about them as a couple...or I guess as a potential couple.

I like the fact that he's not intimidated by her smarts, for starters. Yeah, I know, it was supposed to be playful banter between them and Torrance isn't really interested in taking advanced chemistry but the fact that he isn't intimidated by her trying to achieve more is nice. Usually guys are portrayed as being super threatened by smart girls and it's just dumb. So that was point one to Cliff but I also love how he recognized when Torrance was feeling down or stressed he didn't fix her problems for her (unlike Aaron, may he rest in peace) he talked her through them and gave her the motivation to work through her problems on her own. It was nice to see that kind of thing between a teen couple where so many teen romances have the guy need to rush in and rescue the girl because she can't possibly handle things on her own (I'm looking at you, She's All That). These two made perfect sense to me and they were fun to watch together, even their weird toothbrushing/spitting flirting ritual was weirdly cute.

Just me? Come on...it was weirdly cute...right?

9) Kat and Patrick - 10 Things I Hate About You

RIP Heath Ledger

This was hands down, one of my favourite teen rom coms of the time. This is another one that I can watch over and over and I've got to give it props that it managed to make a very, very, misogynistic play by Shakespeare (The Taming of the Shrew) and managing to improve it with modernization. Unlike She's All That, this story actually makes you believe that Kat and Patrick would fall for each other and you understand why she would forgive him for beginning to date her under false pretenses. This is because, at the beginning of the movie, neither one of them really knows the other that well and Patrick's background and demeanor at the beginning makes it believable that he would go along with the plan, even if he questions the morality of it. Actually, if you ask me, Cameron comes off pretty bad in this. Paying someone to take out a girl's sister just so he can attempt to date the girl is pretty shitty and he never really apologizes for it.

But, I digress. Kat and Patrick's relationship always felt like it was moving forward, from acquaintances who despise each other, to sort of friends, to romantic partners and it feels natural all the way through. You get why they fall in love, because they are both harsh personalities that are somewhat misunderstood, and they both have a wild side to them. Also, who doesn't love a guy that will sing to you in front of a bunch of people, even if it embarrasses him and gets him detention?

Magical

Also, this scene is just cute and made me want to try paintball with how much fun they made it look:

They lie. Paintballs hurt like a motherfucker and I will never try it again

8) Lindsay and Nick - Freaks and Geeks

They definitely had their moments

I love this show! If Dawson's Creek was my guilty pleasure, and Buffy was my fantasy and hero, then Freaks and Geeks was the show that really actually got what being a teenager was about. It was the show I identified with and could really see myself in. If you haven't seen it then please, go watch it now it's on Netflix, go!

I may be cheating a little bit with this one. Nick and Lindsay are an extremely awkward couple and it was mostly played for laughs but I always thought there were some genuinely sweet moments between these two. You can tell Nick is way more into Lindsay right from the beginning which leads to some hilariously uncomfortable moments for her but lead to much entertainment for me.

Even still, I enjoyed them because I thought Nick, at least at the beginning, was incredibly sweet to her. He recognized that she was feeling down and tried his best to cheer her up or motivate her to find something that would make her happy, like he had with his drums. When Nick was feeling shit about himself, Lindsay stood by him and encouraged him to pursue his dreams of becoming a drummer, even going so far as to set him up an audition with a local band. It backfired horribly but it was sweet all the same and was the catalyst to them getting together. Now, Lindsay was not that into Nick which is the reason they are not higher on this list but she still tried with him and was genuinely upset when they broke up, even if it's what she wanted since he was very clingy.

The reason they're not lower on this list compared to the other couples I've already talked about? This. This right here:

I die laughing every time I watch this but it is

freaking adorable of him to do

Sure, they may not be the most solid or compatible couple and Nick made Lindsay extremely uncomfortable most of the time but dammit, they were fucking hilarious to watch together.

Unpopular opinion time! You thought that was only reserved for the Worst list? Pffft! I can be just as unpopular with positive opinions too. Without further ado:

7) Seth and Anna - The OC

I will fight you Summer fans on this

Yep, you read that right. Seth and Anna. Hear me out. This show was another guilty pleasure of mine and I ate up the first season like my favourite ice cream until it went to absolute weird crap as a lot of too popular for their own good FOX shows do. I would giddily watch every week as new drama unfolded but the one thing I didn't eat up? Seth and Summer. I did not think those two made sense together. He worshipped her, she hated him and thought he was gross. Then suddenly, Anna enters the picture, this cool chick who gave great advice and actually had things in common with Seth, and suddenly Summer gets jealous and wants him? Uh-uh, not cool. Super lame.

I loathed Summer getting in between Seth and Anna because they were adorable together. They had great banter with each other and she genuinely liked him where Summer hated that she liked him but was hot so everyone wanted Seth to get with her. I never understood why people wanted that so much, I guess the "I hate/love you" thing is more popular than I thought but I just didn't feel it was there. I rooted for the girl that didn't have a hundred guys falling for her (it's implied Summer is extremely desirable), the girl who just wanted to be liked by the guy she liked, the girl who felt like a dork. She was sweet and her and Seth together were extremely sweet. I remember the backlash when they got together and being extremely confused by it. People claimed that Seth and Anna together were gross because they were more like brother and sister. I don't know what kind of warped relationships people are having with their siblings but Seth and Anna did not at all read like siblings to me. If you go by looks, Seth and Summer looked more like they were related to me. Whatever.

The reason these two are not higher, well, I have my top three firmly in place for one, but also? Seth turned into a massive dickhole when he dumped Anna for Summer but then acted like he could still have them both. I became very anti-Seth come the end of the first season and well, pretty much the rest of the series too.

And still, when he took her for granted, she offered him advice and
encouragement, even if it hurt her to do so. #teamannaforever

Side Note: Does anyone else find it annoying when shows bring up or echo comments made by fans? I've really ever only found this in FOX shows, The OC and Glee being the worst offenders that I've noticed. Like in The OC where Summer makes a comment about Seth and Anna being like brother and sister, I groaned because that's what the fans who wanted Seth and Summer together were saying and it didn't mesh with the show at all. It feels like it's just pandering to popular opinions and pulls me right out of the story. Writers/Producers, stop doing this. Just tell the story you want to tell and let people discuss it however they want. Don't change things up just because a few vocal people are crying for it.

6) Sean and Tamira - Breaker High

Baby Ryan Gosling! How could I not?

Shut up, yes I watched this show! It was awesome. Ok, maybe it wasn't awesome but I enjoyed it and the relationship I enjoyed the most on the show was Sean and Tamira's. Yeah, my crush on Ryan Gosling was not born out of The Notebook (which I'm fully aware is shit but it's a guilty pleasure of mine, that probably only is because of Ryan Gosling being in it), it was born when I was just a teen and watching him on this show.

What I loved about them was just how compatible they were. They were both slightly goofy and dorky and incredibly sweet. What's more is the fact that they do anything for each other. I recall an episode where Tamira didn't have enough money to stay on the boat and so Sean, who had just made a lot of money on one of his schemes, gave it all to her just so she could stay.

Picnic on a boat motherfuckers!

The episode I remember most is the one where they first got together because it was set in Canada which is where I'm from and they flipped around the usual American jokes about Canada. This was probably because while the show pretended it was about American characters, the show was filmed in Canada and had mostly Canadian actors but I still loved it. Anyway, the episode in question has Sean wanting to fulfill a bucket list he'd created and was determined to finish it all off before...I think it was his birthday? Anyway, one of the items was to kiss a girl and the whole episode, he's kind of flirting with this other girl but you can tell he's more in to Tamira and she likes him. Tamira is all hurt because she thinks he's kissed the French Canadian girl he was flirting with before but he reveals that he didn't because the person he really wanted to kiss was her. And then teen me swooned forever and pledged my undying love to Ryan Gosling. Not even joking, it was that scene that fully got me.

Not gonna lie, I still squee like a little girl when I watch this scene.

While the show is cheesy as hell, this couple will always have a place in my heart because, if I'm being completely honest, I identified the most with Tamira because I was never the girl that guys fell all over so I was ecstatic that she got a guy and he genuinely wanted her.

And now, my top five teen couples:

5) Lloyd and Diane - Say Anything

To know Lloyd Dobler is to love him and boy,
do I know Lloyd

Of course these two were going to be on my list. They are awesome, more specifically Lloyd is but that's because I'm a girl and I was more focused on my crush on him. Diane has her good points too. What I liked about Say Anything was that it felt insanely real, like you were watching the natural progression of a real relationship. Lloyd has a huge crush on Diane and is really sweet about asking her out, remember when you had to call someone's house and risk having to talk to their parents first to ask them out? Yeah, that sucked and this movie captured that young nervous energy perfectly. But enough about the movie, the couple is what we're here for.

Lloyd has become extremely popular lately as the ideal romanticized guy and with good reason. He's charming and likable, he considers the girl's feelings, and when he's asked to stay away, much as it hurts him, he does. He's very into Diane and is drawn to her but the important thing to note is that he also respects the hell out of her. He knows she's smart and has way more ambition than he does and he never tries to discourage her from that, he's always 100% supportive and wants her to go and follow her dreams. While he does watch over her, he never tries to control her, he simply lets her go off and mingle at the party to her heart's content but just makes sure that he knows she's ok and makes sure that there is no one hassling her. Ladies, that's called respectful protection and we need to start placing more importance on that and less on the "I must control your every move and prevent you from going anywhere without me...also no other guys can even talk to you" protection. *cough*fuckChristianGrey*cough*

Then there is Diane. She is smart and ambitious but is also a little sad that she may have missed out on experiencing the social aspect of high school, since she was so focused on her studies. Enter Lloyd, who she's not sure about but is intrigued by. She's a bit closeted but is very caring and sweet. The thing that I liked most about her? How open she was about sex. It would have been so easy for this movie to go the route of Lloyd pushing her for sex because he really wanted her but this movie surprised me by making him wait and not pressure her but then she "jumped him anyway."

This scene, short as it was, was hot

She wanted him, she wanted sex and she chose it. It's very rare that you see a movie where a girl takes an active role in her sexuality and I think that is the reason this movie has always stuck with me and why I love this couple. He respected her, she respected him and the sex came naturally. I love that and I love these two.

Side note: Fifty Shades of Grey is being released today or has been released. Don't go see that, it does everything wrong in a romance. If you want to see a true romance unfold, if you want to see a guy genuinely love and respect a girl, if you want to see a girl who actually is smart and ambitious, stay home and watch Say Anything. You won't be disappointed.

4) Willow and Oz/Tara - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Pretty much my thoughts exactly, minus the
personal sexual orientation thing.

This might be cheating but I don't care, I'm doing it anyway. I loved both couples. Willow's relationships (early on) were the best done relationships on the show. I love her with Oz because he was the first one to like her for who she was. On top of that, he was just damn smart about relationships. When Willow was trying to kiss him because she was mad that Xander and Cordelia were dating, he stopped her and told her that he wanted to kiss her more than anything but he wanted to kiss her when she wanted to kiss him, not to make someone else jealous. I loved that, it was honest, it was open and I think it's what really won Willow over with him. It won me over too, though I did like him before. Did I mention that I'm a sucker for slightly dorky girls finally being noticed by a guy who is really into her? I think that's becoming obvious with my pattern of couples so far but I don't care. I love how close they were and I love how much they cared about each other. I love that Willow also got a chance to show how much she loved him too when she found out he was a werewolf and stood by him. That is commitment.

Aren't they cute?

Alas, they didn't last, more because Seth Green wanted to leave the show but also because of nasty, gross Veruca (not that she made him cheat, Oz was an asshole for that). But from their break up came a new and very different relationship for Willow and that was with Tara. I will fully admit that teen me was not on board with the rumour that Joss wanted to make Willow gay. It confused me, it didn't seem true to her character, etc, etc, etc. But wow did this relationship win me over. From season 4 to 5 I just adored this couple. They clicked more than Oz and Willow did sometimes and the way they grew together was just fun to watch. Willow became more comfortable with herself and more skilled with her magic, Tara became less shy and stutter-y. They both benefitted from this relationship and they both would do anything for each other. Tara defends Willow's abilities and Willow will hurt anyone that tries to hurt Tara. It was sweet and it was genuine and we shall all agree to forget that season 6 happened. Yes?

Season 6 what?

3) Gib and Alison - The Sure Thing

What? Young John Cusack is adorable

Yep, another John Cusack movie and I'm not even sorry. I adore this movie and it's not that it's anything mind-bending or original but it has heart and a realness to it that I love. I don't think this was the original road trip to love movie but it was definitely one of the best ones and it's because the couple are a lot of fun to watch.

Gib is a bit of a slacker but he's not stupid, I mean he is in college...flunking English supposedly but he did get in and at least wanted to try to do well in school. While he might do stupid things, he's really a genuinely nice guy (not a Nice Guy) but a guy who would hold the door open for you because he wants to, a guy that would take the time to show you how to shotgun a beer, and a guy that would act like a complete lunatic to save you from a rapist. Alison is a bit up tight, studious, and practical but she's not unkind and the best thing about this movie is watching her loosen up when she's with Gib. Sure, they bicker but they also get along and even when Alison has the chance to get on a bus to get to California quickly, she opts instead to stay with and help Gib get there since he didn't have the money.

Not to mention, they have great chemistry together both when they're bickering and when they are getting along which is hard to pull off successfully. Basically, I just like everything about this couple and I never get tired of watching them go from acquaintances to enemies to friends and finally to lovers. It is funny, it is genuine, and it is romantic.

Lloyd is great but Gib just seems so much more fun and relaxed

This is another one to watch instead of that other horrid thing in theatres right now. Actually, this entire list could be retitled Better Things to Watch on Valentine's Day than Fifty Shades of Shit.

2) Pacey and Joey - Dawson's Creek

Joey made the right choice with Pacey

Are any of you surprised that they are on my list? Of course they are. I debated putting Pacey and Andie on my list also but while I did like them I was ultimately a Pacey and Joey shipper from the first season on. They said it would never happen, they were wrong!

So, why do I like Pacey and Joey so much when I hated Joey and Dawson. Well, for starters, Pacey is an awesome and interesting character while Dawson is an asshat of epic proportions. Also, Joey is rather unlikable for the most part, except for when she's with Pacey. I like the idea that you become a better person with the person you are meant to be with and whether the writers intended to or not (probably not because let's face it, the DC writers were not very good) they really showed that well with these two.

I think I explained my reasoning for starting my ship of them in my recap of the episode Double Date. Pacey seemed to genuinely like Joey and thought she was pretty because my god, she totally was! Dawson meanwhile, kept her firmly in the friendzone (thinking it was incest to date her because they were like brother and sister and that was the character saying that genuinely not the fans saying it) and didn't notice her at all until she put make up and a dress on. We all know how much I dislike that trope, (again, looking at you, She's All That).

Seriously, these two are just perfect

Not only that, they both just seemed to need each other and seek comfort in each other. Most importantly, they understood each other and where they were coming from. It's kind of funny to me that while the show threw around the words "soul mate" about Dawson and Joey, the ones I found to be shown to be soul mates were really Joey and Pacey (and Jen and Jack but I digress). Think about it, they both come from poorer backgrounds, they both had hard lives and were the subject of town gossip, so they understand what the other is going through on a very empathetic level. Where Andie wanted Pacey to change, Joey seems more content with Pacey the way he is. While Dawson was, I don't want to say outright not supportive but we'll say clueless about Joey's art, Pacey was encouraging and pushing her to do it because it made her happy.

On top of this, they have just an insane amount of chemistry together and numerous adorable moments together. The writers made the best decision putting these two together because theirs was the true best love story in the show. Period. End of sentence.

Now, who the hell is my number 1 if it isn't Joey and Pacey? Well, let's find out, shall we?

1) Jane and Adam - Joan of Arcadia

I adore this couple and I will adore them forever

I was shocked at how much I liked this show. I avoided it like the plague before because I thought it was going to be another 7th Heaven type of super religious family crap show. It is close but done so much better and smarter. The show follows the Girardi clan as they move to Arcadia where the father, Will, has become the new police chief, the oldest son, Kevin, has been left paraplegic after a car accident, Joan worries that she's crazy, the youngest son, Luke, feels ignored, and the mother, Helen questions her faith after having almost lost her son in a car accident. Now the interesting thing is that the family is not religious, in fact, Will Girardi is vehemently anti-religious, which makes Helen nervous about telling him that she wants to explore her spirituality. There's some very heavy concepts dealt with in this show, including the question of whether or not Joan is actually talking to God and what it means. It's insanely well-written and I encourage you all to at least give it a shot, it may surprise you as it did me.

That out of the way, on to the more pressing matter. I'm sure you guys who haven't seen the show, are sitting there and thinking: Why did you write her name Jane in the title? Are you high, Blinvy? The answer is, of course I am but I'm still not crazy. I can explain.

See?

Ok, I'll explain a little further. Adam starts out as kind of a space case, everyone mistakenly thinks he's a pot head, actually. He mixes Joan's name up, either by accident because he was truly spaced out or on purpose as the end of his first episode would lead you to believe, because he wanted people to leave him alone. I think it was a little of both, personally but what started out as a slip up, morphed into this absolutely adorable pet name between them. Joan got so used to him calling her Jane that any time he calls her Joan, she knows he's upset. That's how awesome this couple is.

This is one of those things where you accidentally catch lightning in a bottle, and by that I mean that Adam was only ever planned to be in one episode of the series. He was just a one off character that Joan helped out because of her gift of talking to God. And that would have been it, I'm convinced, if any other actor had taken the role. As it was the role went to Chris Marquette and the chemistry he has with Amber Tamblyn is just wonderful to watch. You believe that their characters are drawn to each other. Because of this, the writers got the idea to keep Adam on as a character and seamlessly grew their relationship from there.

I had an easy time picturing them as a real couple. These two were
great at just ad-libbing these cute little moments together

What I also like about these characters is that they actually felt like real teens. Joan could be completely bratty sometimes and Adam was oblivious sometimes but they both tried to be supportive of one another despite whatever was going on. When Joan took up cheerleading out of the blue, Adam was fully supportive (not for the usual teen guy reason...not entirely), he was for it because Joan wanted to do it and he wanted her to be happy.

Is this not just the cutest thing?

When Adam was spiralling downward, Joan took notice and despite him being mad at her, she still sought him out and asked him if he was ok. What I like the most about them is that even though they do misunderstand each other sometimes, instead of making crap up or talking in circles, they flat out ask each other what is wrong and they talk about it and move forward. I never felt like they were going one step forward and then two steps back to draw out some "will they/won't they" drama. It felt natural. Even when they kissed and Joan got scared and backed off, felt natural for her character who is a bit of an emotional wreck. They still remained friends, Adam moved on and started dating someone else, instead of being a Nice Guy Friendzone whiner, until they eventually couldn't deny their feelings for each other anymore.

How she even put off dating him is a mystery to me

There is something about these two where I could watch them be together for hours and not get bored. I never felt more strongly about a couple being together than with these two and Pacey and Joey. But these two pulled me in just a bit more and I was legitimately devastated when the show broke them up. Yes, I said the show did because in real life (yes I'm talking about these characters in the context of real life, shut up!) they wouldn't have broken up, of this I am convinced. The show's producers, the networks producers, I'm unsure, decided that Adam and Joan were getting to be like "an old married couple" and wanted them broken up. Supposedly both Chris and Amber protested this decision (and rightly so since really, the show didn't focus that much on their relationship to justify this decision) but they went forward anyway. I think Chris eventually agreed to the break up but argued about the why because yeah, that was some character assassination they pulled there. They made him cheat, of course, it's the stand by reason writers love to use for a couple to break up and is honestly getting more boring to me than a relationship actually lasting. But, it wouldn't have been so bad, I might have been able to stomach it, if they hadn't made his character so cruel about it. You just end up feeling bad for the girl he cheated with, he's awful to her. The whole thing left a sour taste in my mouth and it was only mildly redeemed by the fact that Amber and Chris are great actors and absolutely nailed the scene where Joan finds out he cheated. It's great...it was just a let down that they had to break up that way.

Jeez, could I have picked a more downer way to end this list? Sorry about that, I'm still bitter on this one because I love this couple so much. Even after the break up, it is shown that they still care about each other and I have no doubt that if the show continued, they would have at least mended their friendship and perhaps found their way to each other again. In my head cannon, they did but in my heart of hearts, the cheating never happened because there is just no way that Adam cheated on Joan. They are too adorable together. So let's leave this list on a positive note, shall we?

There. Much better.

Basically, Jane and Adam are my number one favourite teen couple for life. I have never seen a teen couple dealt with so realistically, so naturally, and just so sweetly as these two. They are the best.

Indeed, Adam, indeed

And that concludes my Top Ten Best Teen Couples. I defy you to not be able to find at least one couple on this list that you like and if you seriously dislike all of these then it is my opinion that you have no soul and I bid you good day, sirs. Kidding aside, let me know what you think of the list and who your favourite teen couples are. I actually learned something about myself, writing this list. I'd never much considered myself as having a clearly defined type, for some reason I just didn't think about it but after writing this, I think it's pretty damn obvious that I do and I wonder how I never noticed this before. With the exception of Tara and Sean who are both blonde and one is a girl and I guess Nick who is more light brown, there is a very noticeable constant on this list, the dark haired goofy type. Yep, I am definitely a sucker for dark haired guys, especially if they are fun and goofy. It is no surprise at all to me that I ended up marrying a dark haired, goofy type. The more you know.

I hope you enjoyed reading and that you all have a fun Valentine's Day, whatever you happen to do with it.

Top Ten Worst Teen Couples

2015-02-05T09:00:00.000-08:00

So, with Valentine's Day fast approaching, I thought it would be fun to share a list of my favourite and least favourite teen couples, starting with the worst. I'm going to stress that I have not gone out in search of general consensus and opinions on this matter, this list is purely my tastes and opinions. I cannot speak for everyone's nostalgic teen experiences with couples they looked up to, only mine. I find it's more interesting to learn how other people viewed things rather than just reading the standard doting praise on the usual top couples.

I'm also going to warn you all ahead of time that this list will piss a lot of people off because I have some people's favourite couples, some very popular favourite couples on this list, but I remind you again that this is simply a list of my personal least favourites and I will explain why. Also:

Please?

If you have a differing opinion, which I'm sure a lot of people will, please do feel free to share it and explain why they are your favourite or maybe even offer a few of your least favourites on here. I love hearing different opinions, all I ask is that you do it respectfully and that no one name calls or gets personal. Though the people that do comment are super cool so I probably don't have to worry. With all this in mind I present to you first, my Top Ten Worst Teen Couples:

10. Harvey and Sabrina - Sabrina the Teenage Witch

They certainly do look cute together though

Now this one actually surprised me. I was all set to put them on my Top Ten Best list based on pure nostalgia alone. They were going to be low on that list because they were never my extremely favourite, I just remember swooning over them when I watched the show way back on ABC's TGIF and remembered wanting them to get together. Then I got the urge to do a re-watch of the series and....they did not hold up for me. Their will they won't they was very sloppily done. There were episodes where it seemed like they were dating anyway but then the next they were going on about how they couldn't tell each other they liked the other and you just wonder why it was so hard when they were basically dating anyway. Not to mention, I found Harvey to be such a non-character. He was basically just there to be "cute guy that likes Sabrina" and wasn't really a fully developed character in his own right. On top of that, when they did start dating, he really didn't stand up for Sabrina a lot. Her nemesis, Libby was continuously insulting her in front of Harvey and then Harvey would stupidly say how nice Libby was.

Duh...Libby's always nice to me

Or he wouldn't clue in that Libby obviously liked him and stand his ground that he was dating Sabrina. A person can't be stolen, they have to want to cheat to cheat but I completely believe that Harvey was stupid enough to just go with whatever girl gave him attention that week. To be fair, at about the third season, I think it was, he finally did take a stand with Libby and tell her off because he was dating Sabrina but it felt like too little too late. It was enough to keep them from being higher on this list but not enough to save them completely from the worst list. Especially since the show's worst offence was the fact that when they actually started to give him a personality, and make him seem interesting, they wrote him out of the show. Boo-urns Sabrina the Teenage Witch, boo-urns.

Minor, minor points for having them end up together, even if they only
brought Harvey back for like the last 10 seconds of the series finale.

9. Nicole and Carlos - Crazy/Beautiful

Anyone remember this one? Anyone?

I'm the type of person that actually really does enjoy watching bad movies because I usually find them somewhat enjoyable at what they fail to do or because there is a performance that is funny. The one thing I find unforgivable in a bad movie is being utterly and completely boring. That was this movie. The characters were completely uninteresting to me, and absolutely lacked energy and chemistry. Not to mention the entire movie felt so fucking long. I swear I actually fell asleep for a bit in the movie and then woke up and was angered to find that it was still going. I might have only passed out for 10 seconds but it sure made the movie feel like it lasted an eternity. I don't know, I just did not care for the plot and I did not care if these two got together or not. I also remember next to nothing about the plot and I'm going to flat out admit that I refused to re-watch this one to even find out if my opinion was still the same or not. From what I remember, it was your basic straight laced guy meets a manic pixie dream girl who shows him how to live and have fun (and also fucks up his life a bit but who cares because lurve! Amirite?). Boring, boring, boring and did I mention boring? Because that's really all I've got to say about this couple. They are saved from being higher on this list simply for being forgettable (themselves and the movie, not my experience at being completely, mind-numbingly bored). Next.

8. Liz and Max - Roswell

Horny yet?

This is not even close to the most unpopular opinion on this list but I'm sure it's up there. I enjoy Roswell and I like the characters Liz and Max, in theory. They are definitely more engaging than say Bella and Edward but they still fall into the category of being almost too in love with their love and angst. I find couples that are just so in love with themselves to be kind of annoying and while Liz and Max are not even close to the worst offenders on this list, they still have their moments. I also felt like sometimes they were a bit hypocritical. For instance, they were completely attracted to each other and for a while, thought they were being oh so noble by staying apart because of some unknown danger or whatever and that was fine for them to choose that. Where they lost me was the minute they started criticizing Michael and Maria for getting together while they themselves were kind of getting together. No, sorry, no but I dislike couples that judge other people for doing exactly what they themselves do because it's only special when they do it. Not cool. So, I feel they earned their spot on this list for being self-involved and full of themselves. Sorry, Max and Liz fans.

7) Xander and Cordelia - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I'm in the, I'm learning, small minority that actually likes Xander...most of the time. I also like Cordelia. I absolutely did not like these two together. While I do get the appeal of the hate/love trope and it can work in some instances, I just felt that these two were a little too much on the hate side for me to buy them actually wanting to be together, especially Xander. I'm not going to say they were completely awful together, they had their moments it's just that their bad moments were pretty mean spirited. One example of this would be in the episode Bad Eggs in a scene where the two are making out in a closet:

Xander: You know what? This would work a lot better for me if you didn't talk.
Cordelia: Well, it'd work a lot better for me with the lights off.

I don't know, maybe some people found them on equal footing, maybe they enjoyed their banter, or maybe they just ignored it and found their jabs funny without caring about the relationship part. I happened to find the lines like the ones above just a little harsh and made me uncomfortable. They get some better scenes and better development where they both soften a bit, especially after it is exposed that they are dating but I still couldn't quite shake the meanness these two slung at each other in earlier episodes especially the stuff Xander was slinging her way. I believe at one point he told her that he needed her help but that she had to put on something trashy...er. What the hell? If a guy I liked insinuated that he thought I dressed trashy he would have gotten his ass kicked to the curb. Some of their banter was fun and some of their moments cute, but their meanness just kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. I just expect a little better out of this show, which I adore.

Yes, please stay away from her
(image from Fanpop)

Dishonourable mention: Willow and Xander

These two didn't last long but man was it uncomfortable when they were together. I just didn't like them together, it seemed awkward and forced and worst offence of all, it happened at the expense of hurting Willow's relationship with Oz. You don't mess with Oz.

Great friends just no on the romantic side for me

Now to continue with the list:

6) Laney and Zack - She's All That

Only likes her when she changes for him

When I first watched the movie, I actually enjoyed it and when I watch it now, I still enjoy it if just to laugh at its silliness and my own silliness for swooning for it. That being said, I actually really don't like these two. Cinderella stories are all the rage, I know but I'm kind of in Joey's camp (see Dawson's Creek - Beauty Contest episode) on this and that's "if you couldn't see my worth until I put on makeup and a fancy dress, I kind of don't think you see my worth at all" Laney was a pretty girl, maybe not jaw droopingly gorgeous but she was not the hideous monster that the movie and let's face it, even Zack, tried to make her out to be.

So, strike one Zack writes her off because she doesn't wear heels and wears her hair a way that he deems awful. Strike two, he pressures her into wearing contacts when she clearly tells him that they irritate her (the movie kind of forgets this as she never goes back to wearing her glasses anyway) but still, in his eyes, she wasn't good enough for him because she was born with bad eyesight, a thing that she can't control, (and as a glasses wearer, seriously fuck you, Zack). Strike three, he kind of tries to make his friend out to be the villain just because he told Laney about their bet but Zack is actually worse because he's the one that came up with the idea for the bet in the first place and he mocked her behind her back too. He was no angel.

I was honestly kind of happy that she decided to go to the dance with Paul Walker's character, Dean, instead of Zack. Yeah, he was bragging about getting to have sex with her but I didn't get the impression that he was going to rape her or anything. So ultimately, it was her choice. She could refuse to go to the hotel room he got or she could choose to have sex with him. I disliked that Zack turned it into this "I have to save her virtue" thing because he thought she'd be "tricked" into it. It was especially hypocritical of him as he also tricked Laney. So yeah, I didn't really buy these two together or why Laney would ever forgive him and still want to be with him. The story just doesn't work as a romance where the leads end up together, Pygmalion had it right.

And now...the Top Five Worst Couples are...

5) Ryan and Marissa - The O.C.

They were pretty together...pretty awful

Oh my god, these two are awful! I adored this show when it first aired, I loved how over the top and cheesy it was and I actually somewhat liked Ryan and Marissa's tumultuous love affair at first. I think that was mainly due to Ryan and me just wanting to see him succeed because of his back story (not really for any character or emotion Ryan shows because Ben Mckenzie is just...kind of Kristen Stewart-y in that regard). The next time I watched it, I just couldn't understand what the heck Ryan saw in Marissa other than she was pretty. She is whiny, selfish, annoying, stupid, basic, and did I mention selfish yet? Because yeah, she totally is. I think I loathed her from the moment they got back from Tijuana and she jeopardized his future by begging him to skip out on his entrance exam to get into a prestigious school. Ryan was smart, he finally had a chance at bettering his life as he was coming from the slums and a criminal past but no Marissa and her whiny pants was sad because her mother was being mean to her so he absolutely had to drop everything that second to come and help her. Yeah, no. She's awful. She also blatantly ignored Oliver being a dick to Ryan and just out and out being psycho because she's too stupid to live. I just, I got to a point where I just didn't ever want these two to get back together ever again.

The show apparently agreed with me and killed her off

4) Cory and Topanga - Boy Meets World

He looked like Screech. Why did she like him?

I wasn't ever really as enamoured with this show as everyone else was but I did watch it and got mild amusement from it. At first, I was pretty sold on Cory and Topanga getting together and I enjoyed watching but then the show started to pretend as if they were soulmates and while I don't mind the concept of soulmates, I think I've made it quite clear that I absolutely loathe being told that two characters are soulmates. Especially when it's just shorthand for "we're too lazy to develop this relationship into something believable so we're going to throw a big word at you and pretend like that explains why they belong together" and then never show us why they are soulmates. I then got even more nauseated by this couple when the show decided it would rewrite history and tell us that they had been going out since they were 3. Fucking 3!! How disturbed is that? I mean, firstly, it was quite clear in the first season that Cory and Topanga were not together and that he thought she was freaking weird and wanted really nothing to do with her. This only changed when they moved into junior high and he decided that she got hot. So, the writers were insulting my intelligence and memory at that point but secondly, it is just really weird to tell us that two 3 year olds knew about romance and wanted to be together forever. I don't know, I just don't find things like that cute or endearing and it certainly didn't sell me on them being soulmates for life. Just no.

Seriously, she was weird and he didn't like her.
Does no one remember this?

3) Bella and Edward - Twilight (and its sequels)

My god...your breath stinks!

I tried to keep this list mostly to things that I had watched when I was a teen but I just couldn't, in good conscience, leave these two off my worst of list. They are geared towards teens so I think they absolutely belong here and to be fair, I would have loathed them just as much when I was a teen as you will find out later on.

You've all heard the criticisms of this series ad nauseam by now but, let me assure you, they are all completely legit. We have a girl who is just the most depressing thing ever, who decides that she'd rather be young and pretty forever than be with any of her family or friends, decides that no one is good enough to hang out with once she meets Edward, and who plays two guys against each other. She's awful. Then there's Edward himself, who is attracted to Bella because she smells delicious to him. Her blood is his drug, as he himself even tells Bella numerous times. So, his attraction is born out of the fact that he wants to kill and eat Bella. Ok.... Not only this, he breaks into her house at night to watch her sleep and this is before he's actually talked to her or really befriended her which just ups the creep factor as if it wasn't already maxed out before. Then when they are in a relationship, he pretty much tries to control her every move under the guise of needing to keep her "protected". I could go on and on about how wrong these two are for each other, how selfish they both are and worst, what horrible role models they are for young and impressionable girls. They are terrible characters in a terrible story and I'm glad that Twilight's popularity has died off.

"I only like you because you smell good"
"Yeah, well I only like you because you're hot and you can make me young forever"

Ok, here's where I start to get a bit unpopular but to people who have been reading my blog for a while now, this next one shouldn't come as a shock.

2) Dawson and Joey - Dawson's Creek

These two should stay far away from each other

Come on, you knew they would be on here. I think I've covered extremely clearly in my recaps why I dislike this couple but I'll try to sum up my feelings here. Basically, these two characters are awful together. They are a classic case of the writers being lazy and just throwing the word "soulmate" at the audience to let us know that no matter how much they fight, they are still meant to be together but then they fail to give us a reason or show us why they should be together and instead just illustrate the many reasons they shouldn't be together.

My biggest gripe with this couple is how obvious it is that they can't last, their independent characterizations make it impossible for them to be together. Joey wants to get out of Capeside and explore the world, she's adventurous, she's excited at new possibilities and she's driven even if she's not quite sure what she wants to do with her life. Dawson wants to make movies and has a clear goal to get to Hollywood and become a filmmaker but at the same time, is way more comfortable being safe. There was that episode where they visited a college and I think the scene where they talk at the end pretty perfectly sums up why they are wrong for each other. While Dawson was frightened by the experience and felt better being at home, Joey felt awakened and excited.

Joey longs for adventure and to get out of Capeside, Dawson longs to make movies. You could argue that Hollywood is "out of Capeside" but I just doubt that the Joey Potter we got to know would be happy living amongst the "plastic" elite of Hollywood as Dawson's doting stay at home wife. Even if she found a job there, the vibe just wouldn't be Joey and Dawson would be away for long hours every day or hell for months in different locations depending on the shoot. I just don't think Joey would be happy with a life like that. Now this is me predicting their characters' future but even on the show when they were together, they didn't mesh for me.

For one, Joey gave up a paid semester to France for Dawson, that means she gave up a very important part of herself to stay with him and the minute you give up who you are to be with someone, that spells trouble for the relationship. Of course, I was right because pretty much every episode that chronicled their relationship from that point on had them fighting. Then the hilarious thing is that they both become better characters and better friends to others when they are not dating. Why should I buy that they are destined to be together again? Because when they are together, they fight all the time and ignore their friends? Sorry, I'm not buying this soulmate thing you're selling, writers.

Sobbing is not going to change my mind, Dawson

Ok, here's where I get really unpopular. I just want to remind everyone that this is my opinion only and you are absolutely free to disagree with it. Let's just all remember to be civil. Ok, so my pick for the number one Worst Teen Couple is....

1) Buffy and Angel - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

This one is going to get me killed, I know it

Yes, you read that right. Yes, I watched this show religiously when it first aired, season 1 right through to the end and I still love it to this day. Yes, I am telling the truth. No, I am not a Buffy/Spike shipper either but this is worst teen couple which is why I went with her teen years when deciding.

So, why do I hate this couple? Well, for starters, I just thought they were boring and Angel was just not appealing to me. Secondly, I watched this show because I loved the concept. I loved that there was this young girl who could kick monsters' butts. She was the hero, not the guy as was usually the case back then. I loved the horror elements, the action, the funny dialogue, the only thing I just wasn't that into with it were the romantic relationships. That just wasn't me and where I was the one who was gushing about how cool the monsters were or how awesome Buffy was at defeating them, everyone else was gushing over the most boring aspect of the show to me, Buffy and Angel. So, my disinterest just kind of grew to bitter resentment from there.

Also, he's a vampire and he's conditioned to kill. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got a soul but for cripes sake, he killed a hell of a lot of people before that soul existed and fucking enjoyed it. I just don't buy the soul/no soul excuse as if he's a different person with or without one because you know what? Liam was a pretty horrible person too. I actually might have swallowed the soul/no soul thing better had he been shown to be a good guy before but that the demon soul took over and made him evil but, it didn't look that way to me at all. All I saw was an asshole guy given the gift of immortality and falling in love with the killing aspect so much that he enjoyed tormenting and torturing his victims before killing or turning them. I just....I couldn't be in love with someone who committed the atrocities that Angel did. Not to mention that the tragedy of their relationship was that they couldn't be together because if Angel experiences "true happiness" he will turn evil. Que? He was with Buffy a hell of a lot before and kissed her a lot...are you telling me that he is only happy with Buffy when he fucks her? Hot. Just being with Buffy doesn't make him happy, only sex does and that kind of always felt icky to me. Plus, I just always found it creepy that he was a 27 year old who was hanging around a sixteen year old girl and then making out with her, let alone a centuries old vampire. He was a creeper.

I probably wasn't supposed to cheer at this part, huh?
#sorrynotsorry

I don't get and have never gotten the appeal of vampires. Ok, I sort of got the appeal with Jerry Dandridge who was oddly arousing in Fright Night but I still wanted to see him defeated in the end. So, I do like them but I find them infinitely more appealing as villains. I mean, what future do you possibly have with a vampire? Nothing because either you grow old and die while they live or they kill you when you're still young and naive so that when you finally wake up and realize that you might not want to be undead and outlive all of your loved ones and have to drink blood and not experience the joys of food anymore, and possibly realize that perhaps, you do want children well, you're screwed. Actually, you're dead and there's no undoing that. The other option is that you stay together until you do grow and realize that you want more out of a relationship than staying out all night all the time and you break up with them. Ironically it was this thought that lead to me reading Twilight because someone told me that it explored those questions more deeply. Spoiler alert, it did not and I was pissed at that person for convincing me to read the first two books in that series before I rage quit.

Mayor: Yeah, and that's just one of the things you're going to have to deal with. You're immortal, she's not. It's not. I married my Edna May in ought-three and I was with her right until the end. Not a pretty picture. Wrinkled and senile and cursing me for my youth. Wasn't our happiest time. And let's not forget the fact that any moment of true happiness will turn you evil. I mean, come on. What kind of a life can you offer her? I don't see a lot of Sunday picnics in the offing. I see skulking in the shadows, hiding from the sun. She's a blossoming young girl and you want to keep her from the life she should have until it has passed her by. My God! I think that's a little selfish.

I may or may not have cheered for the Mayor when he made that speech too. Crazy or not, the dude was on point and I couldn't agree with him more. Buffy and Angel were doomed to failure. She may love him but they just weren't meant to be, in my opinion.

On top of these reasons, even if I buy into Angel being super good and not the same as Angelus at all or really the same as Liam, even still, I do not like them as a couple. This is my biggest reason. I love Buffy so much, she was a huge part of my teen years. I looked up to her and wanted to be her so much that I took karate lessons and actually earned my black belt (which is probably useless now that I've been out of training for over a decade...God, I'm old). The thing I admired about her was that she could handle things, she was the one who saved people, the world. Yet, when she and Angel got together she became just a bit less independent and a little more dependent on Angel to be there for her or sometimes even save her (she was worse for this with Spike which is why I hate her with Spike probably more than I do with Angel but again, teen couple). I hated that. I hated that she acted like she couldn't defend herself when he was around. She was the motherfucking slayer, she could handle her shit. They were also kind of mushy gushy and melodramatic about their love too. As evidenced in the episode Reptile Boy:

Buffy: When you kiss me, I wanna die!

I despise that line. It sounds like something that is more in place in Twilight than the smartly written Buffy but most of all I hate it because it felt like she was saying that she wants to give up being the slayer just to be with him and be a vampire and fuck that noise. I'm not behind this unhealthy attachment to a person thing where you'd give up everything you have in your life to be with them, everything that makes you, you. That's bullshit, it's weak, and it wasn't what I wanted to hear from Buffy. Anytime their scenes came on and they were discussing their relationship and whether or not they could do it, I basically felt like Xander in The Zeppo.

Yeah, can we not come back to that later?

Because I'm not interested. #heartless

Well, that's my Top Ten Worst Teen Couples list. Who are your least favourite teen couples? Feel free to share and discuss. Stay tuned for the special Valentine's Day post that lists my personal Top Ten Best Teen Couples...unless I can't out run those nice people running towards me with torches and pitchforks.

Gotta go!

Dawson's Creek - 314 - Valentine's Day Massacre

2015-01-26T18:15:00.000-08:00

Original air date: February 2, 2000

Welcome back to the recaps. When we last left off, Dawson had quit film class, Joey went on a date with college guy, Pacey acted in a play, and Jen avoided dating Henry. Let's find out what shenanigans the Creek gang get into this episode, shall we?

The episode opens with Dawson teaching Joey how to drive. Like most things, Dawson fails at it and for the second time in a recap, I have to tell a male character that they are no Lloyd Dobler.

Joey agrees

Pacey asks Joey if she's going on a date with AJ for Valentine's but apparently he's too busy with mid-terms. Pacey gets offended by the notion that AJ would rather do school work than take Joey out for Valentine's but Joey claims that she's fine with it as AJ is dedicated to his studies. Dawson and Pacey then invite Joey to the party they are going to which is hosted by Matt Caulfield. I love how they say his name like we're supposed to give a shit who this is. He's never been mentioned before now but apparently he's a douche because Joey expresses disgust that they are choosing to go to a "Matt Caulfield Party." Of course, Joey hates most things so...not sure how much that says about it. She and Pacey bicker over whether or not Dawson should go, as if he's their child which makes me laugh. Joey ultimately decides not to join them.

At school, Pacey and Dawson are looking over at the supposedly infamous Matt Caulfield who, urban legend has it, slept with six cheerleaders in one weekend.

Uh oh, he likes sex so he must be evil!

Dawson waffles a bit about whether he wants to go to the party after all but Pacey convinces him to take a chance and just go. Jack comes up to them and says that he didn't get the location to the party as it is completely confidential (how are people supposed to go then?) but he did get the password. Are you ready for what it is?

Because the Matrix was a big thing back then and therefore,
it must be referenced!

So, remember how last episode, Jen told Henry that she didn't want him to do anymore grand gestures? How she didn't need him to try so hard? Well, that apparently went in one ear and out the other because Henry is begging a blood bank nurse to take his blood even though he's already given lots and shouldn't give again for another 72 hours. He whines about how he has a date with an angel and how he worked at her favourite restaurant for two weeks to buy her dinner there, reserved the best table, and now wants to sell his blood so that he can buy her a gift. Look, Henry, it's sweet that you want to do all of this for Jen, it really is and I want to like you for it but dude, chill out. She's just a girl and she also asked you to stop doing shit like this because it makes her uncomfortable. Do yourself a favour and listen to her, for your own good and, you know, so you don't go into anemic shock. But if Henry actually listened to her, we wouldn't have a conflict for this episode and God knows this show needs more conflict.

More conflict, more! Get it all in there! As much as you possibly can!

Pacey, meanwhile, is talking to Doug about joining him for a ride along but Doug says that Pacey would be bored because all he is doing is casing the golf course in case there is a party being thrown there. Doug then asks if Pacey knows anything about a party and Pacey says he thought there would be a rager on Witch Island (SHOUT OUT TO WITCH ISLAND, THEY REMEMBERED IT EXISTED!). Then he walks away all pleased with himself but I'm not super clear on why. I mean, he thinks he's learned the location of the party but it's obvious that the cops are aware of it and are looking to shut it down. So, why does he want to go if the cops are just going to shut it down? Did he really think that Doug would take his word and only check out Witch Island and not the golf course that the citizen tip told him about? I guess so because Pacey walks away really pleased with himself for figuring out the location.

Andie informs Jack that her friend is coming to town to hang out with them. This friend is in fact, Jack's ex which makes him extremely upset and nervous about her arrival as his ex was a girl and he is now into boys. Andie tells him that it will be fine and all he has to do is tell her that he likes boys. Easy peasy, right?

Jen is getting ready for her date with Henry and is extremely nervous so Grams tries her best to calm her nerves. Jen, however, insists that she's not nervous at all, despite being obviously nervous. Hey, Jen, you're probably nervous because you know that you're going to end up being Henry's next victim.

Yes, I will continue beating this joke to death. He's creepy

Andie's friend, Kate, has arrived and is making small talk with Jack. She asks him if he has a special someone and Jack mentions that it's funny she should ask. Kate then bursts into tears and says that that is exactly what her ex said before he told her he was gay.

Womp-womp!

The gang meets up at the golf course and Andie introduces everyone to Kate. Kate then, extremely awkwardly tells everyone that she just broke up with her gay boyfriend and that she's super emotional because everyone just announces stuff like this. "Hey guys, I just want to let you know that I am extremely vulnerable right now, so please take advantage of me? Kay, thanks!" Guys really think girls talk like this, don't they? So, Pacey earns demerit points by telling Dawson to totally take advantage of this girl's emotional state and of course, this is where Joey shows up.

Pacey asks Joey what she's doing at the party that she intended to boycott (also, how the hell would she know where it is? They didn't think she was going so why would they have told her where to go?) and Joey tells him that she's there to make sure that Dawson doesn't go over to the dark side. Dawson pipes up and says that he can take care of himself. Sure you can, Dawson. Sure you can.

Jen opens her door to Henry who looks like he's about to keel over because of the lack of blood he has circulating his system. Jen doesn't know this but asks if he's alright to which he spouts some nonsense about being afraid to speak in case he wakes up to find that this is a dream. Jen assures him that this isn't a dream. and they head out. Henry presents her with a rose and tells her that he wants their night to be perfect. She pricks her finger and Henry freaks out.

Nah, not really but wouldn't that have been hilarious?

Jen says she's fine and insists it's just a flesh wound.

She said it, I couldn't not make this reference

The gang have paired off to drive around the golf course in search of the party, and of course Pacey and Joey are riding together, as it should be. Joey chastises Pacey for being obvious about pushing Dawson onto Kate. Pacey accuses her of being jealous but Joey claims she's just worried about Dawson. Pacey says he is too, which is why he's trying to get Dawson to let loose. Joey wants to know why having fun has to include going to parties and meeting new people. I don't know what to say to that.

Andie is paired with Jack and is trying to encourage him to tell Kate that he is gay. Jack doesn't want to because he doesn't want to give her a complex, since her last boyfriend was also gay. He says he doesn't want to hurt her all over again which is pretty reasonable but Andie scoffs at this and tells Jack to get over himself.

I don't know. I'm confused about this myself because she was
also freaking out about upsetting Kate not two seconds ago.

Kate is being a complete emotional wreck and basically the worst date ever as she goes on and on about her ex being gay and asks Dawson if he thinks she's beautiful. She also asks if there is anything wrong with her, since her ex called her an acquired taste. Girl, sounds like there was something seriously wrong with your ex. Who tells someone that? Then again, with the way she's acting right now...maybe the ex was right to say it? Because I have second hand embarrassment for how annoying she's being.

The gang meet up and they tell us that the party is straight ahead. So...why the need to split up? Oh, right. Conflict. They head over and the eponymous Matt Caulfield himself greets them. He asks why they are there if they didn't get an invite but before they can scamper off with their tails between their legs, he throws them a bone and asks if they know the password. Dawson obliges by quoting Keanu and looks just about as bland saying it.

Uncanny. Dawson could be the next Neo

They are allowed into the party on one condition, they must all have a shot. I love how the show presents this as the most dangerous, serious thing that Matt could ask them to do. It's one shot, people, and you're acting like your trapped in Jonestown and he's telling you to drink the Kool-aid. They act like this is serious shit but Andie and Joey both turn the shots down and Matt is cool with it and lets them stay so, I don't see the big deal here. Joey freaks when Matt offers the drink to Dawson because it's "not him" to drink. Pacey rightfully tells her to mind her business and let Dawson make his own decisions. Dawson gets mad as Pacey and Joey bicker over whether or not Dawson should drink and he decides to take the shot. Good for you, Dawson. Even though the show would have you believe that this is serious business and that Dawson is now evil or less innocent or something bad.

You had ONE shot? How could you!?

Jen and Henry are at the restaurant and Jen nervously tries to make small talk while Henry pretends that he isn't about to faint due to lack of blood. Jen notices that Henry is out of it and asks if she's boring him but he claims he's just resting his eyes. Jen jokes that Henry should just feel free to rest his head on the table and go to sleep. Cue Henry passing out.

Joey is complaining about Pacey to Andie who just laughs her off and tells her that she sounds like she did before she started dating Pacey. Joey looks incredulous to the idea but we all know what's coming and we all know she's gonna love it. Just as I predicted, Doug is doing his patrol of the golf course and pulls them over.

Dawson nervously talks to Kate who proceeds to be even more annoying than she was before by repeating everything he says and then pointing out how annoying it is that she's doing it. Yes, Kate, you are annoying and you are making me very happy that you are just a one off character. Anyway, Dawson asks her to go for a walk with her and she agrees.

Yes, yes it is, Kate

As Henry is being wheeled to an ambulance he gives Jen the present he wanted to get her which is a Hungarian Red ring. Jen tries it on but it doesn't fit and Henry starts spazzing out about how he's ruined everything. It was all supposed to be perfect, dammit!

Blah! I'll donate your blood next time!

Dawson is trying to get with Kate because...hormones and she's pretty but certainly not for her personality. She continues to annoy the pants off me. He whines about the fact that she thinks he's a nice guy and she tells him that if he doesn't want to be a nice guy he should just stop talking about kissing her and just do it. Ugh. Just ugh with these two. Dawson gets all excited at the prospect that it is this easy and they go to kiss. Kate then pauses, politely tells him to hold the impulse, walks a little ways away, delicately bends over, and upchucks all over the ground. I've got to say, her body is very polite to her to give her so much warning. If I had been in her shoes, puke would have just shot out of my mouth and into Dawson's face...probably because Dawson was about to kiss me and not because I was drunk.

Sorry, Dawson. No girls want you

Jen complains to her Grams about how awful her date was but Grams just brushes off her concerns by saying that they'll have something to laugh about on their second date. I don't know, some dates can be so disastrous that you don't want a second date. I mean, how many times does Jen have to tell Henry not to try so hard before he'll get the point? I'd be a bit put off by his crazed ranting about how everything had to be perfect too because that's a lot of pressure to put on someone. Put yourself in Jen's shoes, would you enjoy a guy obsessing over how perfect everything had to be because you're just so perfect? Maybe the first time, maybe the second time, but then you start to feel like you have to make sure you keep being perfect for that person because they have put you up on this pedestal that is impossible for a regular person to live up to. I don't know, that doesn't sound fun to me. Grams suggests that maybe Henry did everything he did because he thought that's what she wanted him to be and Jen gets all ponderous. I call bullshit because she told him just last episode that he didn't have to try so hard and to stop doing grand gestures. Hang on, I'll even post the quote here. From Episode 313 - Northern Lights:

Jen: It's just that you've got to stop it with these grand gestures, these larger-than-life public declarations. I- You're like the Christo of teenage crushes.

Henry: Who's Christo?

Jen: He's kinda like a sculptor, he does these really large-- nevermind. It's just that you don't have to try so hard.

I've underlined the relevant text to point out the utter bullcrap the writers are trying to throw my way in regards to Henry and Jen's relationship. They keep trying to make out like Jen expects so much from Henry and poor innocent Henry just has to try so hard to get her attention but it's not her fault that he does these things. She has never asked him to, she has always plainly told him that she's not in to his over bearing crush on her and the fact that everyone is trying to make out like Jen isn't being clear with Henry or giving him enough of a chance is really grating on my nerves.

Meanwhile, Deputy Doug breaks up the rest of the party and finds Pacey hanging upside down, waiting for beer to be poured down his throat...or having just done it more probably as he doesn't clue in to the fact that everyone up and ran off and asks if he "did it wrong"

Through sheer contrivance, the only people Doug has managed to catch are the Creek gang. I'm not even sure how he caught Dawson and Kate who had walked away from the party but whatever, they are all here. Kate continues to annoy me by crowing on about how much fun this is and how totally ~~not~~ over her ex she is. Seriously guys, she's like so over him, for reals. Jack thinks that this is now the best opportunity to tell her his sexual orientation and she takes it...better than I thought she would. She comments that he was good at sex which he rightfully points out has no bearing on his sexual orientation and then she rounds on Dawson and asks if he's gay which is pretty hilarious.

Why do people keep asking me that? Is it because I have that framed
picture of Steven Spielberg next to my bed?

Kate asks if he's sure and then blurts out that apparently only gay guys will kiss her, even though she and Dawson didn't kiss because she was busy up chucking but really, she only said this so that Joey could then pick a fight with Dawson. Joey is incredulous that he kissed Kate, which makes Kate acknowledge that they didn't actually kiss because she vomited. Joey doesn't care and asks Dawson what the hell he was thinking. You know, if I were Kate, I'd probably despise Joey right about now. Like seriously, you be the girl that a guy tried to kiss and then listen to another chick question the guy's judgement because of it. Not cool. As annoying as Kate was, I still kind of felt bad for her in that moment.

Joey and Dawson argue until Pacey calls them out for being annoying (preach), then Joey and Pacey argue and Joey gets upset over how mean Pacey is being. The argument between Pacey and Joey is so much better because there feels like there is actual weight there. Joey actually looks hurt at the things Pacey says and while Pacey is frustrated, he also feels bad about hurting her but then can't seem to stop. He then says this:

Pacey: You didn’t do anything to deserve this. The drunken lout in the corner just pleads sheer frustration. I mean, honestly, do you have any idea how exhausting it is to exist on your periphery? To witness this perpetual dance that you two have – one week you’re soul mates, the next week you’re giving each other up for the greater good. I mean, do you think it’s possible that sometime soon you could make up your mind? Please? And the reverence that you two treat this little saga of yours with, is enough to make a guy wanna puke.

Have I mentioned how much I love Pacey? Because I do. He basically just vocalized how I feel about every couple on tv that goes on and on about how they're soul mates while also having to break up constantly because reasons but they are still totally in lurve! Make up your damn minds! Anyway, Pacey of course pukes after saying puke because comedy or something.

I feel even worse for Pacey when Doug comes to let everyone out, except for him. Apparently, their father wants Pacey to stay in a cell all night as a punishment. Really? Mr. Witter was apparently very bitter that he lost that Worst Parent in Capeside award to Mr. McPhee. I could kind of see a parent making this decision if their child was constantly getting in trouble but from everything I've seen, Pacey is a pretty good kid. You don't let your kid languish in a jail cell all night for going to a stupid party.Or maybe I'm just naïve, I don't know, it just feels wrong.

I want to give him all the hugs!

Jen goes to the hospital and apologizes to Henry for not telling him that she was more nervous about the date than she let on which is just stupid because she shouldn't have to apologize. She tells him that she was nervous because back in New York, Valentine's was the day that the guys she was with would take out the girl they really liked and Henry interrupts that he doesn't believe that for a second which is just insulting. Dude, she's telling you something extremely painful, something that obviously hurt her, shut up and listen and stop making her out to be this perfect thing. She's a person, a person with experiences, who makes mistakes, and who has been hurt, way worse than you ever have so just shut up and stop trying to make her perfect because she's not. No one is. Accept her for who she is and then she can maybe start accepting you for who you are. End of. Although, she does say she wants to keep the ring he gave her so...I guess she likes some grand gestures.

Jack asks Kate if she's ok and she actually manages not to annoy me in this scene. She says that she's kind of cool with him being gay because it lets her off the hook because their relationship ending was not her fault and nothing either of them can change. And before you think she meant that it was Jack's fault for being gay, she quickly tells him that he isn't to blame either. He says he knows and she asks if he does know because he seemed ashamed to tell her he was gay. Jack admits that he didn't want to hurt her because when they were dating, something had always felt a bit off and that his feelings were wrong. He felt that he would be disappointing her by telling her that. Kate has this to say:

Kate: In a million years, you could never disappoint me, Jack. Gay or straight, you’re a world-class human being. That’s why I wanted to see you – you take me back to this nice, safe place, where crushes never end and hearts can’t be broken. And I needed that this weekend.

Thank you for leaving this show on a positive note, Kate because you've annoyed me from the first moment you called Jack, "Jackers." They hug and it's nice.

This next scene is between Dawson and Mitch and I have pretty much zero interest in it. Basically, Mitch is pissed because Dawson has been acting like a tool this season, wrecking his boat, throwing huge parties with strippers at their house, ending up in the police drunk tank, etc.. Dawson tries the idiotic excuse of "I'm young, I'm supposed to screw up." which is true, in a sense, but has gotten to the point of being an excuse to be the biggest assholes you can be just because you are young. That is wrong and I'm tired of people using age as an excuse to be a shitty human being. Being young and making mistakes is fine, when they're your mistakes and don't endanger anyone else. You can't do whatever the fuck you want, when you know the consequences (and don't tell me that kids, even those as young as 10, don't understand what is right and what is wrong), and then get out of trouble just because you are young. That is bullshit. Mitch agrees and tells Dawson that if he wants to start acting like a kid, then he will start acting like a parent. He punishes Dawson by requiring him to help out at the restaurant Gail bought every day after school and on weekends until he starts learning responsibility.

Sucks to be you

Back at the jail, Doug surprises me by clueing into the fact that Pacey is acting out because he's bothered by something and asks Pacey if he wants to talk about it. Pacey says he doesn't but then starts talking because he clearly needs someone to talk to and he can't talk to Dawson. The show means that it's because he has a crush on Dawson's ex but in my head cannon, it's because Pacey has finally realized that Dawson is a shitty friend, who is usually incapable of listening to anyone else's problems. Anyway, he tells Doug about the girl he likes, without saying it's Joey, and mentions that she gives him butterflies. Doug tells him to never lose the butterflies and says that's what sucks most about getting older.

To go off on a bit of a tangent, I don't think losing the butterflies is what sucks most about getting older, there's things like chores and bills and crap that rate worse for me, but I will admit that it does suck to lose that feeling. It's funny that the thought never crossed my mind until I saw this episode again and I realized that Doug is absolutely right. Somewhere along the line, you do lose that ability and it was just the best feeling when you looked at that right person and they made you so happy that you just got that fluttery feeling in your stomach. I was lucky enough to marry the last person that gave me those feelings and even though I am still attracted to him, I still love him, and he still makes me happy, I have not experienced the butterflies in a while. I think because with time, comes comfort and security and the butterflies come from a place of nervousness and the unknown. So, while I miss the feeling, it's not like good doesn't come from losing it so it definitely doesn't suck the most about getting older. But I digress...

Back to the prison. Doug asks Pacey what he's going to do about his crush and Pacey goes all doom and gloom about how it can never be. Doug tells Pacey that there aren't a lot of people in the world with the ability to give you butterflies (very true) and that Pacey should tell this person how they feels or he will regret it for the rest of his life. Pacey then thanks his brother for the advice.

It's super sweet and I didn't think the writers were capable of writing a
moment like this between the Witter brothers. It was a nice
break from all the tired gay jokes.

The next morning, Pacey goes straight to Joey's house to apologize to her about his behaviour. Joey admits that she was worried about him too. The look Pacey gets on his face when she admits this is the absolute cutest face. He then gets all ready to tell her that he likes her but backs out at the last second to tell her about what she's doing wrong with driving stick and I want to be angry at them prolonging this, I just can't because this is just the cutest thing ever. The way Joey just smiles at him and asks him if he wants to show her now, and then Pacey smiles and says "yes." Then they show them in her truck and he succeeds where Dawson failed to show her how to shift gears. Then she gets super excited about the fact that she succeeded and it's just all adorable and the ending to this episode has to be one of my favourites so far because they ended on this adorableness.

Awwww

Congrats Pacey. You are the only male on this show to earn the
Lloyd Dobbler Seal of Approval.

So that was Valentine's Day Massacre and I have no clue why it was called that as no one was killed in this episode, though I half expected Henry too when he was spazzing about everything having to be perfect. I'm also getting really pumped because we are getting so close to Pacey and Joey happening that I just can't even contain myself.

Pictured, Blinvy

Stay tuned for the next episode, Crime and Punishment in which Joey paints a mural that gets vandalized and Pacey seeks vengeance on the person responsible because he's awesome. Dawson does something too but who cares, it's Dawson.

The Glee Re-Watch begins...and other blog news

2015-01-21T19:09:00.003-08:00

Alright, so I've been thinking as I am recapping Dawson's Creek and noticing all of it's flaws and perhaps, dated ideologies about love and women, and men, and gays, and...everything, that I would take a look at a current show and see how well it is dealing with many of the same issues but with a fresh perspective. Dawson's Creek aired 10 years ago so, how are we doing today? Have writers learned from past mistakes? Has continuity improved now that we've moved past the archaic and out-dated notion that you absolutely must be home at 7pm on a Tuesday night on the night that a new episode is airing and are able to view episodes whenever the fuck we feel like it?

Well, all that and more will be answered during the big Glee Re-Watch spectacular. I was going to get started straight away and just launch into the recaps but because I know I have certain feelings towards a character, I thought I should make this post to address the elephant in the room.

I need to, my house just isn't that big, guys

So, I am just going to come right out and say it. I don't really like Finn as a character. Actually, I liked him fine, in fact I liked all of the characters early on, flaws and all, but later on they all go through their periods of just being loathsome and I'm going to call them out on it. That being said, given the fact that the actor who played Finn tragically passed away before the end of the show I just wanted to stress that while I may say some negative things about Finn as a character, I do not mean any disrespect to Cory Monteith or his family in any way. So, regardless of how I feel about Finn, that does not reflect how I feel about Cory which is not really much of anything because I didn't know the guy. I'm sure that he was a very nice person though and again, I mean no disrespect when I criticize the show or the character he played.

With that out of the way, I can't wait to get started on the recapping goodness. I've already re-watched the pilot episode and my god, I almost cried because I forgot how great it was back then. It is such a different show now but I guess I'll get to that when I get to it.

In other news, the next Dawson recap is almost done and ready to be posted as well as some very special Valentine's posts that hopefully will just lead to fun discussions rather than my untimely death because lets just say, I've got some unpopular opinions. Stay tuned for my Top Ten Worst Couples and my Top Ten Best Couples which will be coming out next month. Until then, here is a cute and innocent kitteh:

Please don't kill me?

Dawson's Creek - 313 - Northern Lights

2015-01-12T19:50:00.000-08:00

Original air date: January 26, 2000

Well, the last time we left off, the gang came together to help out Joey with her ~~sister's~~ B&B. Only hers, Bessie who? Anyway, this week Andie's play is debuting with Pacey as the star. Will the gang band together to support them? Probably not but let's find out, shall we?

We open the episode at Joey's house again. So, is Joey's house the new Dawson's house for openers this season? I am not really objecting to this because it means less Dawson. Also, only Joey and Pacey are in this scene so this episode is looking up already. They are practicing for Pacey's big play and it's sweet that Joey is helping him out. She stops wanting to help when they get to a lovey dovey scene in the play. Pacey protests because he doesn't know his lines yet and Joey says this:

Joey: Sorry, Master Thespian, but the whole next page consists solely of cooing, tickling and lap-sitting -- three things definitely not in my range as an actress.

This is an extremely accurate assessment of Katie's acting talents on this show as well. She normally only excels at surly, snarky, and petulant. Thankfully, the charisma of Joshua Jackson brings out the niceness in her otherwise I probably wouldn't have been sold on Joey and Pacey.

Joey mentions that she can't go to his opening show and Pacey looks crushed which gives me feels because no one should crush Pacey like that. She explains that she's going out to a party to see the northern lights with AJ, the annoying jerk she met at college tours who magically became not jerky because Joey is awesome or something. I really don't get the appeal, especially when she has Pacey like right there but whatever. Pacey protests and claims that "college guy" is just making up the fact that you might be able to see the Northern Lights in Capeside to get into her pants. Or as he referred to them as "Potter pantaloons."

I love alliteration, sue me. And how do you not giggle at the word "pantaloon?"

Joey rudely says that she'd rather take her chances on stupid AJ and his northern lights party then go support her friend on his opening night because she's kind of a shitty friend sometimes. On top of that, you usually have to wait until really late to see the Northern Lights, so why can't she see his play and then go to the party? Right, because the writers need conflict in any way they can manufacture it.

The next day, Dawson asks Joey what she thinks about his decision to drop film class even though he had to beg and grovel his way in. Joey tells him he'll be bored in study hall which is even dumber because he dropped a class that would help him in his career, not to broaden his horizons but to sit around in what is essentially a spare period. Is study hall an actual thing in American schools? We just had spares where you could go to the library and study or you could do literally anything else that's more fun, like hang out and play games in the cafeteria. We were never forced to sit in a class and study. That seems stupid. Kendra, the Film dream Slayer, walks up to them and calls Dawson insane for dropping film class. Joey cuts out so that Kendra can yell at Dawson some more.

Well, this is awkward

Kendra asks Dawson what's up and if his weird behaviour has anything to do with the film festival. I don't get why she thinks that because he stayed in film class after the festival, he dropped it after their conversation where she said that if your only interest is movies, then you'll end up making movies about movies. Dawson claims he just needs to recharge his batteries but it sounds like he's just quitting to me. You can find other interests while still keeping up with your main passion, Dawson.

She berates him for not giving her a heads up which I was going to find weird until she drops the bombshell that apparently, they were partners in film class and they have to pitch a feature length film in their class together. I've said this a thousand times already but I'll say it again, Dawson is a douche! Way to leave her in the lurch, asshole. His response is basically a snide comment about how their teacher will probably get her an extension and another partner anyway and that she probably has the assignment finished anyway. She does but he's still a douche for just assuming she'd be ok with being ditched to do the project by herself, and the pitch is in front of the class. I hate public speaking so if I was ditched last minute to do an oral presentation by myself, I'd be super pissed. Dawson shows some insight by saying he doesn't have any ideas for the project anyway but Kendra ruins it by saying this:

Can people stop going on about how creative and original
Dawson is when he clearly isn't?

Oh, fuck you!

At play rehearsal, Pacey is having trouble remembering his lines and Andie is freaking out because Mr. Broderick is a no show. Jack comes in and takes Andie away to show her that Mr. Broderick is in the nurse's office with a possible case of kidney stones. He asks Andie to take over for him but she freaks out that she can't do everything by herself. Jack volunteers to help and Mr. Broderick passes his director's binder to her, telling her it's been her show all along. He then says this:

Mr. Broderick: It's yours now. And as the house lights fall over that magic place we call the theater, all I ask is that you give pause for a fleeting moment... and think of me.

Jack's reaction to this line is priceless

Jen is trying to catch up with Henry who is literally running away from her which is weird because I thought that they were friends now and he seemed totally cool last episode. As it turns out, he's avoiding her because he thinks she's trying to cancel dinner with him. Jen says she isn't but that she does need to postpone their dinner because she wants to support Pacey on his opening night. See? Jen is a much better friend than Jeoy, she's actually willing to change her plans to support Pacey. But in the show's universe, her doing this is bad because it means she's avoiding Henry. This is Dawson's Creek, where the only relationships that matter are boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Le sigh. Henry claims to be ok with the play thing and asks to go with her so that could be their date instead. Jen reluctantly agrees.

Bessie is trying to get Joey ready for her date and comes at her with an eyelash curler.

I like Joey this season, she's actually funny

Pacey arrives at the Potter's because he is freaking out about his bad read through. I barely hear their conversation because I was too busy aww'ing about the fact that when Pacey is stressed, he goes to Joey for help and she immediately tries to calm him down. She apologizes and says she sucks for not being there for him for his opening show. Pacey agrees that she sucks but tells her that she can get back into his good books if she agrees to attend the after party, he also points out that she'll probably need a shoulder to cry on anyway because the Northern Lights thing won't pan out which sounds awful but somehow Pacey makes it adorable and Joey (and I) chuckle a bit and agrees to try and make it to his party. Bessie comes into the room to announce AJ's arrival and this happens:

Awww, poor Bessie...I still laughed though

Pacey begs Joey to reconsider and bail on AJ and it breaks my heart because it's obvious to the viewer that Pacey likes her and we want to see him with her. He then warns her that the first thing AJ will do is pay her a lame compliment about how incredible she looks and it's a testament to how good an actor Joshua is that he can go from spouting diatribe about what a player AJ is and then flip to absolute honesty when he pays Joey the compliment. Anyway, he continues listen things that AJ will probably do, such as help her put her coat on and take the first opportunity he can at the party to get her alone. AJ arrives and indeed pays Joey a compliment and helps her put her coat on.

Can we skip AJ and just get right to these two making out?

At the party, AJ baffles me by first offering Joey a drink and then taking it away because it's alcoholic. I think the writers were going for him being gallant for not trying to get underage Joey drunk but then why the hell did he offer the drink to her in the first place? When the sky clouds over and the rest of the party starts to head inside, Joey wants to follow suit but AJ, as Pacey predicted, asks her to go for a walk with him. Joey looks a bit hesitant but she agrees.

Dawson arrives at the school to see Pacey's play when he's approached by Andie asking where Pacey is. She freaks out when Dawson says he doesn't know so he offers to go look for him.

He finds Pacey playing basketball in the gym, where he's clearly upset about Joey going out with another guy and missing his first night performing. Dawson, of course, thinks it's just nerves about the play. To his credit, Dawson is actually really supportive this scene. This just proves that Dawson and Joey are better apart. The last time he was apart from Joey, he became a better friend too, this is becoming a trend. He also spins the basketball on his finger which is pretty impressive.

Hang on, is he flipping us off?

Pacey chides Dawson for giving up his own dreams and what made him happy just to sit around in study hall with the unmotivated students. Coming from Pacey, that is saying a lot about how wasteful study hall is. Dawson claims he's just spreading his happiness around, instead of focusing it on one thing, which is stupid because he's not exploring another hobby, he's just sitting around like a lump during a free period. Pacey wonders how Dawson can be so chill when Joey is on a date with a college guy but Dawson is pretty low key about it. He says that it had to happen some time and motions for Pacey to go and get ready for his play.

Henry is looking around the auditorium and Jen waves him to the seats she's saved. Henry says that they were supposed to meet out front but Jen claims that she thought whoever got there first had to save seats. She also invited Grams along.

Awwwwwkwaaaaaarrrrrrrd

Pacey arrives backstage and tries to tell Andie to send out his understudy. She won't hear it and sends him out anyway. Pacey freezes on stage for a moment but he soon breaks out into the dialogue and has the audience laughing. In the good way, not in the "this guy is a disaster" way. Andie is thrilled that her play is going well.

On their walk, AJ and Joey share an extremely forced and awkward conversation where at one point, he brings up her dead mother as a possible reason why she's so driven. Thanks, bud. It sure gets a lot of girls in the mood when you talk about how their mother's death causes them to be focused on work. Smooth.

Talking about your dead mother gets me so in the mood, don't ya know?

He then starts talking about how sexy it is that charged particles are drawn to the Earth's atmosphere to create the northern lights (I'm not joking, this is pretty much his come on line) and they kiss. Then Joey gets super awkward and says she has to meet someone. They both go.

The play has gone off without a hitch and at the party, Jack gives Andie a bouquet and congratulates her and it's super sweet. Jen congratulates her too and she also tries to avoid the awkwardness of her situation with Henry and Grams. When Jen is left alone with her supposed date and her grandmother, she quickly bails to talk to Pacey.

Jen congratulates him on his performance and it's revealed that no one in his family showed up to see it. Pacey's family is the worst and I have so many feels for him after that line. Jen also points out that Joey is not in attendance and Pacey pretends like it doesn't bug him. Joey of course shows up behind them to ask who they are talking about but of course, Pacey and Jen don't say.

Kendra approaches Dawson at the party and asks him why he dropped film. He tells her that he dropped it when she told him about being passionate about more than just one thing. He then tells a story about when he was little and seeing Jurassic Park in theatres. About how these teenagers were making out and kid Dawson couldn't comprehend why they'd rather kiss than watch the movie and I've actually got a soft spot for Dawson on this one because I was definitely that kid who was completely enraptured by movies. Anyway, Dawson says that he's not the kid that brings dates to movies to make out but he's not the little kid he once was anymore, but something in-between where he overanalyzes everything to the point of not enjoying anything. Accurate thought is accurate, Dawson.

Joey tries to congratulate Pacey on his performance that she's heard was great but Pacey wants to talk about her date with College Guy. Joey babbles about how the sky had clouded over and some big technical terms about not being able to see the northern lights and Pacey correctly guesses that AJ kissed her. Joey says that she's not sure that she'll see AJ again anyway because he's just so much more sophisticated than her and other stuff. Pacey assumes that she's still hung up on Dawson but Joey says that she doesn't know if she'll feel the way about someone else that she used to feel about Dawson, indicating that she is over him. We all know she'll find someone way better than Dawson, very soon. Unfortunately for now, that person is AJ. Pacey points him out to Joey and tells her to go to him.

Aww, don't give Pacey a sad, Joey

Meanwhile, Henry has somehow got himself up in the rafters because it's what Pacey's character did in the play (the play in question is Barefoot in the Park which I've never seen and have no clue about the context of this scene). Anyway, Henry is up in the rafters and has decided that the best way to win a girl's heart is to embarrass her in front of a bunch of students, teachers, and parents by forcing her to repeat what he says or he refuses to get down. It's a stupid scene and I get it's supposed to be cute but I actually think it's a bit questionable. I think it's because the dynamic between Jen and Henry is that Jen has been shown to not be interested in Henry but Henry keeps persisting and trying to wear her down into dating him or guilting her into dating him and it makes me uncomfortable.

Plus, you know he's going to murder her anyway

Joey and AJ talk and he asks her if he did something wrong. Joey says he didn't and apologizes for running off on him because she was scared. He wants to go out with her again and she agrees but not before they talk a bit more about the northern lights. AJ mentions that he's seen them before and since it looks like they won't be seeing them, Joey asks him to describe them to her. He does and Joey says that they sound scary. I've heard lots of words to describe the northern lights before, beautiful, gorgeous, colourful, mesmerizing, breathtaking, for instance. I've got to say, I have never heard them referred to as "scary" before. That's a new one.

Super scary amirite?

Jack is helping Andie to clean up and mentions that he's sorry that their father wasn't there. Jesus, are none of these kids parents proud of them? It's like Mr. McPhee got wind of the fact that Pacey's entire family didn't show up to the play and felt that his title of Worst Parent in Capeside Forever was being challenged and skipped it too. Don't worry, guys, you all suck equally. Anyway, Jack congratulates her and asks if she's ok. He then points her towards Pacey and she decides to go talk to him.

She talks to Pacey and sympathizes with his parents not showing up. She then does something completely remarkable. When Pacey asks if she's disappointed in him returning to academic mediocrity, she tells him how not disappointed she is and admits that she tried to spruce him up. Then this:

Andie: But, uh, thing is, Pacey, I was wrong. There was never anything about you that needed fixing up. And there never was and there never will be, cuz you're perfect as is.

Amen, sister. Also, thank you writers, for actually making her liable for once this season. They had gone out of their way to just make her utterly horrible this season so far so it's nice to see her admitting to the flaw in their relationship and telling Pacey that he is fine just the way he is. Pacey learned his lesson about his hero complex last season so it's only fitting that Andie acknowledges her need to make everything and everyone around her perfect to fit the perfect life she pictures for herself. Kudos, writers.

Finally, some nice closure for these two

Henry and Jen talk and she tells him to stop it with the grand romantic gestures. She doesn't want him to try so hard. He agrees but I'm sure he'll forget by next episode and still act like an idiot. There is an art to grand gestures, Henry, and Lloyd Dobbler you aren't. Anyway, somehow this turns into Jen liking him again and they kiss.

We end the episode with a scene between Dawson and Joey which utterly bores me because I'm just not into these two. #sorrynotsorry Anyway, Dawson explains that he needed to see her because he felt lost and she asks him what he thought would happen when he dropped the class that was his one passion. Dawson says he didn't think, he just did. Then he notices the northern lights and Joey is irritated that she was waiting the whole night to see them but ended up only seeing them with Dawson.

Ah, his pain is my joy

I'm happy with stopping there because I find it hilarious that Joey outright tells Dawson that she didn't want to see the northern lights with him, despite the fact that the show was trying to go with a "she saw them with Dawson because they are soulmates" thing. We all know that's a lie by now so, I like my ending better. That was Northern Lights.

Stay tuned for the next episode where Henry does more stupid and over the top shit to convince Jen to like him, and the rest of the gang go to some stupid party. Oh, and Jack's ex, the one he had sex with, comes to town. Should be interesting, so stay tuned for Valentine's Day Massacre.

Dawson's Creek - 312 - A Weekend in the Country

2014-12-08T19:34:00.002-08:00

Original air date: January 19, 2000

Here we are back in the Creek. Last episode we got the drama of Andie and Pacey doing a school play, Jen and Jack going to a music festival in Capeside, and Dawson was his usual douchebag self while Kendra totally schooled him and his shitty "movies about other (better) movies." Let's see where the drama takes us this time.

We open the episode in Joey's room, unusually enough. She is pacing the room while Dawson and Pacey are watching The Big Chill. Thanks to contrivances, they are watching the exact scene that will be replicated later on, just so that all you kids out there understand what they are ~~ripping off~~ paying homage to later. The scene in question, is where the characters are dancing and singing while in the kitchen.

Anyway, Joey is freaking out because the B&B will be opening officially tomorrow but they don't have any customers. I have no clue how to run a business, let alone a B&B, but it seems to me that you should have started advertising the hell out of the place before you opened and been booking people for the projected open date. Then again, I suppose a lot can go wrong in that instance but it seems better than opening and then beginning to book people or generate interest. But, I digress.

The phone rings and Joey gets super excited but when she answers, it's a telemarketer. Womp-womp. I kind of love that she tries to sell her B&B to the telemarketer and gets hung up on though.

See how you like it, Telemarketer!

At school, the next day, we see Henry run into Jen, not literally though this time. He wants to ask Jen to go to a fancy restaurant that he's been working at to earn a free dinner. No, scratch that, he's not asking because then she can say "no."

I don't like where this is going

Really writers? This isn't cute or charming no matter how hard you keep trying to tell the viewers it is with your light/fun music. It's actually really creepy and sends a horrible message. I don't know, maybe I'm oversensitive and girls actually do like this type of thing and I'm the weird one but I just don't see this as cute. Like Jen said before "dating is a consensual activity." You do have to ask someone out and they have the choice to say "yes" or "no", that's kind of how it works.

Jack bumps into Andie and offers to help her with some computer thing she's having trouble with. Andie takes the opportunity to drop hints to Jack about moving back home. Jack takes this to mean that their father asked her to guilt him into moving back so he wouldn't have to ask. Judging by the fact that Mr. McPhee is the Worst Parent in Capeside for life, I can totally understand him thinking that his dad would do that but it's pretty obvious that it's Andie that wants him to move home since she storms off when Jack refuses. The writers want us to think otherwise though so, I guess we'll humour them.

Gee, I wonder why Andie is upset with Jack?

Meanwhile, the Potter sisters are in a bank looking to take out a loan but they don't qualify. They are offered the opportunity to remortgage the house as apparently they own it outright, thanks to their mother who left it for them. Joey laughs at the idea but Bessie wants to consider it and asks for the forms.

Joey is super pissed that Bessie is considering to put their family home on the line for the new business and bitches at Bessie that she isn't allowed to do it because Joey doesn't agree. Bessie rightfully puts her in her place.

You go, Bessie

Dawson then shows up at their home with a video camera, and it actually looks a bit creepy. Maybe I'm biased because I hate Dawson but seriously, he just appears from behind a bush with a running camera pointed at their house.

Yeah...that's it...

He's actually trying to be helpful by taking footage of the Potter B&B to advertise on the web, which isn't a terrible idea. Joey moans that they can't afford advertising and I would hope that Dawson is offering to do this for them for free. It also costs nothing to upload a video to...wait did YouTube exist then? I think it did. My loose Google search tells me that it did not so maybe it would have been costly to have a video file on the internet. Damn, those were dark times...

Lacey arrives to make everything better and to tell them all that he managed to get a well known hotel critic to agree to stay at the Potter B&B and give them a review. This is extremely sweet of him though very ill timed as the Potters are ill prepared to have a professional critic come and review them. Joey points out that they have no guests but Pacey has taken care of that and has contracted the help of the Creek gang, Grams, Jen, Jack, and Andie, and Mitch and Gail, to help.

Joey is not grateful so much as majorly pissed. Dawson is mad as well because of the parents thing but I don't give a crap about him or his feelings and am focusing on just Joey and Pacey this scene. It was apparently Mitch's idea to ask Gail to play married couple for the weekend anyway so there, Dawson.

Joey tells Pacey to call it all off because they are not ready for guests and professional critics and one bad review could tank their only chance at a viable business and now, leave them with no home. Pacey agrees to call everything off immediately but just as he's calling the critic guy, he's shown up at the door.

Womp-womp!

Dawson confronts his parents about their ruse and how hurtful it is to him to see them play acting a happily married couple right after they got divorced. Mitch and Gail are all, "We're just helping Bessie and Joey." but Dawson calls Mitch out and says that Pacey just asked him to help and didn't say anything about Gail coming along. He then storms out.

Joey deals with snobby critic guy as he snobs around the room complaining about lack of heat and private bathroom. Joey covers nicely about the heat being down because they are an environmentally friendly establishment but admits that there is only one communal bathroom. Yuck. I know places like that exist but I prefer having my own bathroom. 0 stars! Anyway, the Snob continues to be a dick to Joey and criticizes her for saying "Enjoy your stay" more than once. That seems like a rude thing to point out to a person, maybe they just really want you to enjoy your stay.

Joey feels like she's blowing it, regardless

Andie visits her brother in his room and jokes about being able to play brother and sister. She also drops more hints about Jack moving back home. It seems really obvious to me that Andie wants Jack to move back in because she misses him but Jack still thinks she's only pressuring him to come home on their father's orders. The writers think they are being clever so, shush. Let the writers have their fun.

Gee, I wonder why Andie is pressuring Jack to come home for their father!

Bessie asks if Snob is having fun but Joey snarks that a lemon never looks like it's having fun. Bessie tells her to be nice because the guy is just doing his job, so at least she's relaxed about it. Joey is just on freak out mode. Bessie asks for Pacey's help to turn down the beds but he's working on the overflowing toilet in the bathroom. I guess he gets the crap jobs for getting them into this mess.

Mitch confronts Dawson about the situation with Gail. He apologizes to Dawson and tells him that he just wants to be Gail's friend and cheer her up because she is apparently being turned down for jobs everywhere. Dawson is pissed off because he doesn't understand why his parents can be friends but divorced. He should count himself lucky that his parents aren't bickering constantly but I'm not a child of divorce so I don't fully get it. I guess this is pretty realistic for a teen to be pissed/confused about though so, good job, writers.

Bessie and Joey are trying to cater to Snob and explain their situation for a more favourable review, then this awkwardness happens:

Bessie! Your sister is right there! Gross!

Pacey says he has everything taken care of just as the furnace burns out. Snob points out that "handyman Witter" should check the furnace. Thanks for that, Snob.

Joey is trying to get the furnace working again when Bessie comes in and informs her that Snob has gone into town to eat. Joey ignores her and TV swears at the furnace. Bessie points out that swearing at the thing won't help and Joey sasses that flirting with it might. I thought this was leading to an argument about the flirting but Joey instead launches into a tirade about how hard it is to be sixteen to the woman who is trying to manage a new business, a baby, and raising her little sister because their mother is dead and their father is in prison, while her husband has to work out of town. Yeah, Joey, tell us more about how hard your life is, I don't think your sister understands hardships at all. But again, props for writing a realistic teen moment, writers. Bessie calls Joey out for wanting to leave Capeside so badly but putting in a lot of effort with the B&B and Joey gets snarky about how she'll stop putting so much effort in then.

Pacey, bless him, is out chopping wood for the fireplace because he feels responsible for the weekend and everything that is going wrong. Mitch comes out to see if he's OK but Pacey feels like a screw up. Mitch gives him a really nice pep talk and it's actually kind of sweet. I actually wish that Mitch was Pacey's dad in this scene. Dawson doesn't deserve a dad like Mitch. Yeah, Mitch has his faults but he's definitely better than Pacey's dad and Dawson sucks.

Dawson apologizes to Gail for freaking out on her and his dad. Dawson goes on about how weird it is that she and Mitch are still friends after getting divorced and Gail points out that it's kind of like him and Joey still being friends which is fairly legit. This causes Dawson's mind to be blown.

Whoops, guess I am a hypocrite

Andie and Jack have gone to the Lindley's to pick up a space heater for the Potters. Andie notices how ingrained Jack is with the Lindley's life, having his own type of milk and in jokes with them, and she gets upset because she wants that with Jack. She lets it slip finally that their father, Worst Parent in Capeside for life, also ignores her and tells Jack he's lucky for having a family that is so warm and together. Jack finally clues in and realizes that Andie is the one that wants Jack to move back because DUH! Uh, I mean-OH! How surprising! You sure got us, writers. Did not see that coming.

Of course we did! Obviously Andie misses Jack, they're siblings! Idiots!

Dawson is outside with Jen and she asks him flat out what he was so scared of when she told him about her past when they were dating. Um, he wasn't scared, he was a giant slut-shaming cock-bag. This was his problem:

And you never know when you might need to
have a sacrifice to the Gods!

Dawson bullshits about the fact that he was scared the unknown is always scary and that he was intimidated by her experience. That's one way of glossing over his behaviour, writers. Touché. Jen then asks if most other boys would react the same way as him and Dawson tells her that there is no way to know how anyone else would react but he actually admits that the way he reacted back then was wrong and apologizes for it! Holy shit! The only question now is, will he change? My money is on 'no'.

The men are trying to light the fireplace when Grams comes in and shows the men how it's done. Like a boss! Grams reveals that she's the one that used to light the fires in the winters after dinner. She then tells a story about her and Jen's Gramps and how he'd read to her in front of the fire. The gang then starts talking about their memories. And it's actually a pretty sweet scene, I wish the show would do more scenes with everyone hanging out because it's nice to see them getting along.

The important story is Joey's as she reveals that her mother had dreams of opening up her own B&B which is why it was so important to her that the B&B doesn't fail. She then surprises me by thanking everyone for coming to help them out and make her mother's dream a reality. Then she doesn't surprise me by being all mopey and telling everyone to go home because it's useless. Joey then notices that Snob has overheard her and she apologizes to him for the horrendous experience he's had and tells him that their B&B is probably awful but that her mother would have loved it. Gotta play that dead mother sympathy card, eh Joey?

Did I mention my mother was dead? Because she is.

The next morning, Joey wakes up to the smell of bacon cooking and chatter in the kitchen. She goes down the hall to investigate what is going on and walks into the scene from The Big Chill that they were watching and she was criticizing earlier.

Same music and everything, this must have really cost them

Also, I have my suspicions that the editor for this scene is a crack shipper for Andie and Joey because check this out:

Ohhhhh yeaaaaahhhh!
You are welcome, male/lesbian readers

Joey asks everyone what's going on and they urge her into the bedroom for breakfast. Snob is at the head of the table and is happily eating breakfast. Joey apologizes, like it's her duty to and not Bessie's, for the fact that their B&B sucks but Snob assures her that theirs is the warmest (meaning friendliest) place he's ever stayed and that the pancakes are delicious. Joey tries the pancakes and then compli-sults her sister on the fact that they are good but that she sucks at cooking so they can't be hers. I guess she's justified because they aren't Bessie's, apparently Bodie is back!

Yay! Bodie has been rescued from the room of forgotten side characters!

Although I don't get this reveal because the Big Chill montage clearly showed Andie and Jack cooking the pancakes. But, whatever, Bodie is back and that's awesome for Bessie. She deserves some happiness because she gets shit on a lot and has had to deal with everything Joey has had to and more but constantly gets forgotten about. Like in this episode, where everyone was worried about Joey and not about Bessie who is actually going to be running the B&B.

Bessie reveals to Joey that she found a guest book that their father had gotten their mother ten years ago which apparently Bessie had forgotten about until Joey mentioned it. Joey finally acknowledges everything that Bessie has had to do and excuses her for forgetting that their mother had wanted to open a B&B. They continue eating breakfast and Snob gives a toast to the Potter B&B and wishes it to live long and prosper because he's apparently secretly Spock.

Mitch and Gail are talking about the memories they shared the other night by the fire and Mitch says that it brought back another memory. Apparently, he wanted to open up a fish bistro when Gail was pregnant with Dawson. Mitch then claims that it wasn't really his dream, it was hers. He encourages her to pursue that dream instead of applying for more broadcasting jobs. This is a mighty convenient twist, writers. I think he offers her the warehouse he bought last season from Ta-mah-ra and was going to turn into a restaurant himself but the writers aren't too clear. I think they are being intentionally vague because they realized that for two seasons they did show Mitch wanting to open his own restaurant so it shouldn't have been a "forgotten memory" for him. Whatever.

Jen tells Henry about her jaded past because this is apparently the reason she was reluctant to date him. She is amazed that he's not disgusted or judgemental about it, you know like Dawson was when he found out? And I laugh because the psycho serial killer Henry is still a better person than Dawson fucking Leery.

Oh sure, I murder people all the time but I'd have to be
an absolute dick to slut shame the girl I like

Jen is amazed that he's taking the news so well because most guys would react horribly (just Dawson, Jen. Just Dawson.) but Henry, rightfully points out that her experiences made her who she is and that's why he likes her. OK, show, you are starting to sell me on Henry.

Dawson mocks Pacey for handling a camera but covers it by saying that he was just asking in general if he knew what he was doing. Dawson tells Pacey that he's changed and thanks him for "taking care of Joey" which is really kind of insulting but whatever. He then tells Pacey that he's gone above and beyond and that he's glad that he's there for Joey. Pacey jokes about how hard it is to look out for her and makes like he hates it but we all know the truth.

Jack tells the Lindley's that he wants to move back in with Andie and be with her because she needs him. They are concerned about his father because he is the Worst Parent in Capeside for life but Jack tells them that he wants to move back to support Andie. He then thanks them for being the best people ever because they are. He wants to give what they gave him to Andie, love and support. It's super sweet. I love these guys, best family ever.

Pacey goes to try and tell Joey about the furnace being repaired but finds that she's asleep on the couch. He puts a blanket over her and it is super sweet!

Awwww!

Then we get a montage of everyone, Bessie and Bodie with Alex hanging out, Jen and Henry hanging out, Jack moving back home, Dawson alone (as it should be), Pacey watching Joey sleep...no no no no no! Stop being Edward Cullen! You're better than that, Pacey. Tucking her in was cute but staying and watching her sleep is creepy. I am happy that we end the episode with the two of them though and it is getting really obvious that Pacey likes Joey which is getting me pumped for future episodes.

That was A Weekend in the Country, not a great episode but not a horrible one either. I liked the gang pulling together to help Joey out. I also like that Jen gets a guy who does not care about her past or shame her for it so the show is selling me on Henry finally. Here's hoping that Northern Lights keeps the good things going, especially Joey and Pacey.

Dawson's Creek - 311 - Barefoot at Capefest

2014-11-01T12:39:00.000-07:00

Original air date: January 12, 2000

Here it is, folks, the first Dawson's Creek episode of the new millennium and what do they choose to do on this momentous occasion? They bring back Henry.

Sigh...let's get this over with

We open up this episode at Capeside High, with Dawson and Joey walking to the film lab so that Dawson can rent a camera. Specifically a 16mm camera of which the school only has one but surprise! Kendra is back in the house and she is in charge of the equipment. Dawson makes a snide comment about the fact that she volunteered to be in charge of the equipment so that she could familiarize herself with it not being honest or something. I don't get Dawson's insult, he just sounds whiny because she is smart about being able to get herself used to working with expensive equipment while Dawson, who claims to be passionate about film, entered his homework assignment in a film festival and doesn't volunteer to work in a film lab. Haters gonna hate, Dawson. Kendra has way more drive it seems and Dawson doesn't like it.

Anyway, he can't check the camcorder out because Kendra has it checked out for like a month straight and while I am totally team Kendra and team IHATEDAWSONWITHAPASSION, it's really not fair for a teacher to let her have the camcorder that long when there are other kids in the class that might need it too. Special treatment because your daddy is the principal is not cool. But then again, Dawson doesn't get the camera to make another movie rip/off or Dawson's Creek2.0 which also makes him mad, so...

We cut to Jen and Jack who are grocery shopping together and being adorable and the True Soul Mates of Dawson's Creek. They argue over how much cereal Jack is allowed to buy and it's the cutest. Jack then bumps into Ethan, from the train and the way he greets him is very similar to the way Jen greeted him when they first met, which is adorable.

Jack: Uh, Ethan. From the– from the train Ethan.
Ethan: I prefer just plain Ethan.

Except Jack doesn't continue it like Jen did by saying "OK, Just Plain Ethan" which is good because that was annoying, sorry Jen. Anyway, Ethan says he's going to some music festival that Capeside totally always has every year but of course, no one knows about it until now. Ethan even bugs Jack for not knowing what his own hometown does. He tests Jack on his music knowledge, which Jack fails but Ethan asks him to come to the festival anyway. Jack is very excited about this.

I love them

Andie tries to meet up with a teacher named Mr. Broderick, sadly not this one:

Wouldn't that have been amazing?

Seriously, a character named Mr. Broderick who is the play director and they couldn't get Matthew Broderick? Sigh. Anyway, this Mr. Broderick went to the same school of crappy/bullying teaching that Cranky English Teacher from last season went to because Capeside only hires the shittiest of teachers, apparently. What I imagine the Capeside hiring adverts would say:

Do you enjoy bullying your students? Sleeping with minors? Ignoring the proper rules of education? Then come apply at Capeside High today! Where you can take out all of your frustrations, mid-life crises, and sexual pleasures on this generations youth, and we pay you!

Anyway, Andie tries to talk to Mr. Broderick but he's so busy that he just can't even with her right now. Seriously, he doesn't let her get her question out, he just continues to rudely tell her when auditions are. She finally blurts out that she wants to be his assistant director and Mr. Broderick is all "why didn't you just say so?" and I want to kill him already.

Dawson is mocking Kendra as he and Joey walk home and even Joey isn't having his whiny-ness because she throws down that she deserves to use the equipment too. I love it. Dawson then changes his argument by saying that he just wants the camera in a timely fashion which again, though I hate to admit it, is fair. If people are only allowed to check out a camera for a week, then that should apply to everyone, even the Principal's daughter. Anyway, they enter his house to find the living room completely empty. Gail explains that she's moved her stuff out and wanted to explain this to Dawson herself. Dawson says she doesn't need to explain herself and that he's OK with it but he's clearly not because it must suck to watch your childhood home be changed like this. Joey notices and asks him if he wants to talk, Dawson does not and sad pandas away.

Jack and Jen are walking around Capefest together because Jack wanted to go to meet up with Ethan and Jen is a really supportive friend. She tries to give him advice about not moving too fast and letting Ethan come to him. Jack wanders off from Jen to go find Ethan.

We are subjected to a montage of auditions which is thankfully not for a new movie that Dawson is making but is for the play that Andie wants to assistant direct. There's a lot of terrible people and then some guy comes in and reads the lines and...no he still kind of sucks but Andie is willing to go with him. Mr. Broderick claims that he already found someone for the role, that person turns out to be Pacey.

Andie is not impressed

Dawson actually goes to Kendra's house to whine at her some more for taking the camera and no, I'm no longer seeing your side of things, Dawson. This is just too annoying and too whiny to try to defend. Leave the poor girl alone and maybe talk to the film teacher about being more fair with the camera distribution. Before they can really get into an argument about it, Principal Green shows up and just blindly assumes that they are friends and invites Dawson to dinner.

Dude, learn to read the room

Back at Capefest, Jack has found Ethan who came alone and asks Jack if he wants to grab a bite to eat. Jack quickly agrees and we cut to them walking along the beach and talking. Ethan is disappointed that Jack didn't ask for his number on the train. Jack admits that he was nervous and then asks Ethan why he didn't ask for his number. Ethan says that he didn't because he could and that Jack needs to learn to ask because he's the newbie. I don't really understand this sentiment, you're either interested or not, why does Ethan feel the need to test Jack? Perhaps this is just something that I can't really understand because of the never having been there thing. Jack mentions that Ethan was the first gay person he's talked to unless he counts the Internet. Ethan doesn't. Ouch, Ben Street.

*sigh* I have to prepare myself for this next part of the episode because I loathe it with a passion. Just...hang on a sec, let me collect myself. OK, so we cut to Jen, who is having no luck putting up her tent, when she sees a guy with a burger. She asks where he got it and he points her in the direction of the vendor and says they are veggie burgers and delicious. I'll take my burgers with meat, thanks. Anyway, Jen walks over and who is cooking the burgers? Henry, of course.

Are we really sure those are veggie burgers though? I feel a round of
"God, That's Good!" coming on...

Jen is all smiles and joking when she sees him but he looks like he's thinking of how he can murder her on site and use her meat for his burgers with no one noticing. She stupidly asks him for help with her tent which kind of makes me angry at her. I mean, she doesn't like this kid, made it extremely clear and now all of the sudden she's all "tee hee, I can't put up my tent, help me?" and it bothers me. This is a shitty thing to do to people and the fact that she is oblivious as to why he's upset with her, also irritates me because he had a huge crush on her, creepy as it was, and she now kind of has that over him. One of the most humiliating and infuriating things I ever experienced was when a crush of mine shot me this shit-eating grin after he'd started dating someone and clearly wasn't interested but knew that I had had a crush on him. My crush dried completely up in that moment. So, in this small, small, short lived instant, Henry actually has my sympathy.

That quickly dries up the moment he claims she led him on just to stomp on his heart. I get his anger but in no way was that what she set out to do. She was misguided and careless with his feelings towards her, for sure but she wasn't some evil harpy intent on destroying him. He kind of wins me back when he calls her out for being smug about being on the requited side of unrequited love and calls bullshit on her "we agreed to be friends" line when they haven't talked at all and she knows dick about him. Then he tells her to put up her own damn tent. Good for you, Henry. You go serve your meat pies...er "veggie" burgers now and leave the show forever. Please?

Back at the Green's house, the most awkward dinner is happening. Principal Green starts bragging about Kendra being the best filmmaker ever while Dawson makes snide comments about not knowing anything about her movie. She snaps back that her project is between her and her crew and Dawson shoots back, and I quote:

Dawson: So in order to bask in the glory of this mind-bending idea of yours, I have to offer my services?

Fuck you, Dawson. Now, you think this would be the moment that Principal Green would clue in to the mistake he's made, but nope. He just suggests that they should totally work together and when they shoot his idea down immediately, he just laughs it off like they are just being the silliest things and don't want to jump across the table and kill each other. I don't get how he can be this dense.

You kids and your arguing. lol! Who wants dessert?

Back at Capefest, Ethan and Jack are still talking, specifically about sexuality and this show surprises me at how well it goes about it. Like, for this time (which sadly was not that long ago), this conversation is amazing. Ethan says that people want to define sexuality by who they sleep with but that it is more than that, Jack should know because he hasn't kissed a guy yet but he still knows he's gay. This is a great conversation and a great way to bring the issue of sexuality to their teen audiences. This show is sometimes questionable in the way it handles their non-straight characters but sometimes, they give us gems like these and I applaud the way they handled it. Anyway, Ethan notices that all of his camping gear is missing and freaks out.

Cut to Andie arguing with Pacey about quitting the play. Pacey doesn't want to because Mr. Broderick has guaranteed him a C in English if he does the play. Andie chastises him for going back to his slacker ways and then begs him to quit because this play was her way of getting over him, which she can't do if he's in the play and she has to deal with him. Pacey tells her she should quit but she refuses but he stands his ground because:

My God, he's adorable

Back at the Green house of awkwardness, for some reason Dawson is wandering around their house by himself and walks into Kendra's room. Dude, not OK! Kendra sneaks up behind him but for some reason, doesn't kick his ass for being in her room. Dawson is all perplexed that her room isn't movie geeky enough and she shoots back that his room is probably wall to wall Spielberg posters. Dawson weirdly responds by proudly confirming this and correcting her that his room is, in fact, a shrine.

If Dawson was a real person, I'd feel compelled to contact Spielberg
and warn him that he might have an Annie Wilkes level stalker after him

Anyway, Kendra points out that there is so much to be passionate about that it would be silly to focus on just one. Dawson counters that if you find something you're passionate about, you should immerse yourself in it. Kendra then shoots Dawson down wonderfully:

Oooh, sick burn!

You know, because all of his movies tend to be rip offs of other things? Like how he ripped off some of Psycho and probably a lot of Creature from the Black Lagoon for his first movie? Or how he ripped off Blair Witch with his stupid documentary? Or how he just rewrites season 1 to his liking? Sure, the last one is meta but seriously, Dawson does not have an original film in him. They get to talking about their parents' respective divorces and I kind of laugh that the show acknowledges how crappy a lot of the parents are in Capeside; when Kendra mentions she's making a film about dysfunctional families, and Dawson tells her that Capeside will give her a lot of material. Dawson finally lets loose about how he is feeling about his parents divorce. He has feels and runs out of her house quickly. Not before this happened though:

No, you definitely are self-obsessed

Jack and Ethan return to Jack's campsite to find Jen sitting on their flat tent. She is relieved when she sees them because they can help her with the tent. I didn't know tents were this hard to set up but then I've never been camping so I can't comment. Anyway, Jack tells her about how Ethan's stuff got stolen and that he needs a place to stay and then asks her to make herself scarce for the next few hours. Jen is like "fuck this, I'm out" and tells him she's going home and will pick him up in the morning. I support her decision.

Jen doesn't end up going home because she hears music and it is Henry singing Bruce Springsteen's No Surrender, and playing the guitar. I can't take this scene seriously because of Jen's face the entire time she watches him sing. I can't decide what the hell she's going for, wonder? fright? Boredom? Stoned out of her skull? I don't know.

You decide

Back at Capeside High, Pacey and the other students are rehearsing the play while Mr. Broderick keeps making ridiculous decisions on how they should play the characters. Like how they should be "Louder and angrier" and ignores Andie's suggestions. This guy is useless.

At Capefest, Jack and Ethan are inside their tent and talking a bit about how Jack knows Jen. Ethan then quickly says good night and Jack looks extremely disappointed because he definitely wanted something more to happen.

Now we get to the point of the episode that I hate. Jen is now a stammering idiot regarding Henry because he's just so deep now that she knows he's a vegetarian and plays acoustic guitar. So now she actually does have the hots for him which is completely and utterly stupid because he's creepy and he's been a jerk to her and it kind of makes it seem like...Jen is only into him because he's ignoring her. That's a horrible message to send to girls and guys. Don't like people who treat you like dirt or ignore you. It also perpetuates the myth that girls don't like nice guys but do like you when you are jerks to them and I hate that because it's horrible. I also don't get why she's hanging all over him when she supposedly isn't interested in him and knows that he likes her because that's really mean. He tells her to stop toying with him and just leave him alone. Please do, Jen, I'm begging you. He's so creepy!

Dawson is taking his posters off his walls when Joey enters through the window, of course. She asks him what the hell is going on and Dawson explains that he was at Kendra's house and what she said about passions and making movies about other movies. Joey immediately attacks and calls him a sell out which is entirely unfair of her because for once, he's taking some good advice about opening himself up to life and experiences so that he can make better movies. He's not going to make better movies, mind you but at least he's trying to better himself. He acts like a smug dick about not asking about "Mr. Ivy League" and Joey says that it's shitty of him not to ask. They yell at each other until Joey runs away and he looks upset. I'm not that invested in this, I'm waiting for the end of this drama and the beginning of the goodness.

Capefest, next day. Ethan suggests they do breakfast like nothing is wrong but Jack is upset because he wanted more to happen last night. Ethan is like "dude, I was tired so I went to sleep" and I concur with him for Jack to stop being a drama queen. Ethan wants Jack to ask for his number so that they can get together as friends and Jack is disappointed with this. Ethan says that Jack isn't ready so Ethan doesn't want to go there with him. Jack seems to soften a little to the fact that Ethan is a little interested in Jack but wants to be friends until Jack is more ready. Ethan gives Jack his number.

At another rehearsal session, Mr. Broderick is late and so Pacey encourages Andie to start the practice without him and show off her directorial skills. She hesitates but then goes for it and starts giving everyone better directions than just "louder, angrier!" and everyone excitedly starts rehearsing her way.

The part of the episode that really bugs me is now. Jen approaches Henry who angrily tells her where the stage is and asks if she's lost or something. Jen apologizes for being "careless with his heart" which, OK is valid. She then goes on to say that she hasn't liked someone the way that he liked her but that she'd like to and that if anyone is the younger and less experienced in that regard, it's her not him. Since she has acknowledged that she is less than he is, he immediately changes tune and excitedly agrees with her that he's much more mature and then starts being nice to her. Now, it was a nice apology but it's just the way he went from ice cold to completely warm and bubbly after she said something he wanted her to say...feels a bit manipulative and makes me uncomfortable. It kind of sends the message that if you make someone feel bad enough for not liking you when you are so obviously pure and nice and good, they will eventually start liking you back. That is not cool, writers.

It doesn't help that Henry looks like he's plotting her murder all the time

Mr. Broderick walks in on the students rehearsing and proceeds to congratulate himself for giving them "acting exercises" that finally got them to do the play right. Pacey is like "Dude no, Andie is the one that got us to act the scenes out right" but Mr. Broderick won't hear it because he's a Capeside High teacher and is therefore, the worst. He asks Andie for the set designs and she shows them to him but he's all "no, this sucks and is not what I wanted." She's like "yes, it is." and he's like "you are worthless, stop thinking, and do things the way I want them done now, little girl" or something to that effect because he's a tool. Andie runs out.

Pacey follows her and tries to get her to come back. Andie says she can't work with a douche like Mr. Broderick when things are hard enough, so Pacey offers to quit. She tells him that he can't because he's really good. He then tries to convince her to come back but she says no, so he just pretends like he said yes. The scene is charming because Joshua Jackson is just charm on a stick but also kind of frustrating because the writers are acting like "Pacey said yes and that he'll see her at rehearsals so she has to go now, lol!" and I'm sitting here like, she keeps saying no...no one is holding a gun to her head so she could just walk away if she doesn't want to. This doesn't bind her into doing it at all. Whatever, I guess she's still doing the play because Pacey said so.

Jack and Jen joke about their adventures the night before and they are so cute together. I love their friendship. Jack notices that Jen is in a pretty good mood, despite the fact that he sent her packing in the hopes of getting some with Ethan. Jen admits that she met someone but won't say who. Big mistake, Jen, you should definitely let everyone know that you were talking to Henry, in case you go missing soon and people aren't left with "She said she met someone" "some new friend" as the only leads in the case. Yes, I'm fixated on Henry looking like a serial killer. Can you blame me?

Look at this, it looks like she's scared of him because
he's glaring creepily at her

Joey returns to Dawson's now empty looking room to apologize. She has brought him a John Lennon Imagine poster because apparently they listened to Beatles albums when they were kids and Dawson wanted to be like John Lennon and write music. She tells him that he was about other things and she wanted to remind him of that. Dawson thanks her and hangs the poster, asking if she thinks it will help him to walk his own path. Joey says that he always walked his own path (debatable) but that he just needed to widen it a little. End episode.

Again, this is not a horrible episode, it's just kind of boring. There were a few bright spots but that was mainly with Jack and Ethan and Pacey and Andie. OK, and also Kendra schooling Dawson about how unoriginal he was because truth. The only reason I personally dislike this episode so much is the Jen and Henry stuff. I do not like that character, I find him to be whiny and self-entitled and I hated the way they handled bringing him back and making Jen practically beg him to give her the time of day. There was literally no reason for her to want to and I'm sorry but being vegetarian and able to play the guitar are not things that would sway someone into liking someone they didn't in real life That is just stupid.

Stay tuned for the next episode, A Weekend In The Country in which the Potter's Bed and Breakfast officially opens for business.

Dawson's Creek - 310 - First Encounters of the Close Kind

2014-10-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

Original air date: December 15, 1999

I'm just going to start this recap off with the one big complaint I have this episode, there is no Jen or Pacey in it. I know, I know, it sucks but fortunately, this is actually not a bad episode and we get a few gems as well. Let's get on with it to find out what we get.

We start off with Dawson watching his shitty Blair Witch rip off movie as Joey enters through the window because they're back to that again. She points out the weirdness of him watching his own movie over and over but he explains that he has to be prepared for the Q&A after the screening. Apparently Dawson has entered this school assignment into a film competition, presumably so that when it tanks (yes when, not if) he can just shout to the audience "Whatever! It was for a school assignment anyway!" because he usually reacts to criticism like a whiny teenaged fanfic writer. Also, why is he entering this film when he had that stupid Creek Daze movie that he made with the money he won from the film festival last time? Shouldn't he be screening that one, the one with the budget, albeit minor? Or did he just give up on that one because mean old Miss Kennedy didn't like it because she's mean and totally had it out for him?

Well, whatever, he's airing his shitty school project rip off of Blair Witch because he's lazy and he doesn't realize what a horrible idea that is to do. Dawson is freaking out (he should be, his movie sucks) and Joey tries to make him feel better by saying that no matter what happens, this experience will take him one step closer to achieving his dreams. She then mentions that at least he doesn't have to spend the night with a stranger, which is a part of her college tour. I have no idea if college tours are a thing or if you actually do spend the night in a dorm with a stranger to do it, but in this show, it's a thing. I only remember going to day tours but then, the colleges I applied to were in my hometown. Dawson asks if she's nervous and Joey says this:

Joey: Yeah! But in a good way. I mean, I know we’re just visiting, but this trip kinda gives me hope. Maybe one day I will make it out of here.

Bitch, you need to shut up about this stupid spiel about getting out of Capeside when you turned down a semester in France! For Dawson! You had a chance to get out and you chose not to go, you don't get to whine about "never making it out" anymore when it was your decision to stay. God, look how much I've written and we're not even at the opening credits yet. We're in for a long ride, I guess.

We cut to the next day where Dawson, Joey, Jack, and Andie are all standing outside of a bustling college campus. I think that Andie is going for an interview to get into Harvard because that is pretty much her entire dream. Joey is going to go find her college sponsor, Dawson is going to register at the film festival, and Jack acts all shifty and says he's going to hang out and do the tours or something. They all go their separate ways.

Dawson is registering at the film festival and wait, who is that taking his registration!? Oh my god, it's-

Kendra, de vam-pire slayer!

This is amazing! I totally forgot Bianca Lawson was in this season for a bit! Hopefully Dawson doesn't spill something on her fav-rite she-irt because, as we know, it's her only she-irt. Anyway, she takes his information down, briefly mocks him for liking Spielberg, and then tells him that he didn't write down a synopsis for his movie. I am not shitting you, this is the answer he gives:

Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!

Oh my god, Dawson. That is extremely unprofessional, every director worth his salt can write a brief description of what their movie is about, if you can't do that, then your movie probably lacks...direction. Also story, plotting, and any interest whatsoever. No one fucking cares how great you think your movie is, they want to know what it's about and if you think you can get away with not writing a synopsis because "there's not enough room" to capture the gloriousness of your shitty movie, then you have no business being in the business and you certainly won't be taken seriously.

Now that I've finished laughing and ranting, Dawson continues to explain his masterful homework assignment movie and Kendra rams a stake through his heart. Not really, but in a better show...She does point out the obvious again for us though:

movie title drop!!

Joey is then shown entering a college dorm, only to find a guy sitting on the bed. He is needlessly rude to her before finally revealing that he is her college tour guide, A.J. Moller and that their "gender ambiguous" names must have gotten them paired together. He continues being rude by automatically assuming that Joey is going to start crying and offers her a bed. Joey doesn't want to stay with him, for good reason, and he tries to make her feel like shit for not wanting to stay with a strange guy in a college campus because apparently, this is what dorms are like. While I agree, that guys and girls can live together on college campuses, I still don't find this situation appropriate because she's a minor and there is a very serious risk for her to be taken advantage of. Yes, yes, not all guys, but would a college want to take that risk? Whatever, he challenges her maturity which makes Stubborn!Joey pop out and decide to stay to prove him wrong. Reverse psychology works so easily on her. Geez, all Dawson needs to say when he wants her back is "I bet you're just not mature enough to give us another shot" to which she'll jump into his arms right then and there and I will throw up in my mouth because they are the worst together.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Joey decides to stay and douchey college guy kicks her out of his room for the next two hours so that he can work on his assignment. I'm sorry but people who act like this clown with their homework are assholes. Just ask if she can give you some space for a bit to get your work done instead of being horrifically condescending and racist about it:

Racism is so charming...or at least, the writers think it is

Andie bumps into Jack and asks him what he's about to do and Jack acts all cagey for some reason. She suggests he check out an art museum and he agrees that he'll probably check one out. The minute Andie leaves, he pulls out this thing:

Ummmmmmm?

Ok, so this made me a bit uncomfortable because the writers have a history of kind of mocking gay culture and when I saw this I kind of went "they did NOT" But, I looked into this and it does appear to be a legitimate thing that I just was unaware of. I get that it can be hard when you're just realizing your sexuality and you don't really know where to go to meet people so I can definitely see why this is necessary. Reading up on it, made me feel a lot better about this scene and, shocking to say, this is something that the writers got right. Can you blame me for thinking that the show was being insensitive at first, though?

I don't understand why Jack was so secretive about wanting to explore the gay community because Andie has been really supportive of it. I guess he didn't want a repeat of her pushing him into something too fast like with the Ben Street debacle.

Andie excitedly walks up to the Dean's assistant to check in but the assistant says that her appointment isn't until March. That's super dumb, why the hell did Andie act like she was getting an interview then? Andie persists because her dad tells her that if you want something, make sure to be the first in line. Andie, your dad is the Worst Parent in Capeside for all eternity, don't take advice from him. She asks if anything might open up and the assistant is all "would you cancel your university interview at the last second?" Schooled.

Oh my God, this next scene is my everything. Dawson's movie is screening and people are not impressed and openly mocking it. It finishes and people flock right the fuck out of the movie theatre because they don't give two fucks what Dawson has to say about his tired rip-off movie. It's bliss, it's total joy, you have no idea how much his pain and tears bring me joy.

Yes, keep crying, Dawson

Dawson meekly gets up to the podium to answer questions and literally no one raises a hand. My god, this is just the best most satisfying moment the series has given me so far. One girl does raise a hand and asks where Joey is because she's hot. Look, we have to be reminded that Joey is the hottest girl who ever lived and that no one else compares, it's in her contract. Ok?

Cut to Dawson storming out of his screening like a giant baby. Kendra follows him out and actually tries to make him feel better. She really shouldn't have tried because, of course, Dawson bites her head off about it. As if it's her fault that he sucks at filmmaking and that his movie opened poorly. Douche. So, Kendra lets him have Mr. Pointy right in his heart and it is glorious:

Movie title drop again!

Ooooohh, ouch!!

This is where I'd light a cigarette, if I smoked

Dawson acts like a little bitch and sarcastically tells her how perceptive she is. She snaps back that he shouldn't patronize her. Dawson, being Dawson which is to say a giant asshat, condescends her further by looking down on her opinion because he thinks she is just a volunteer at the festival and not a true artist like himself. She tells him to fuck off but in cleaner TV words.

Cut to Jack waiting nervously for a bus. I'm assuming it's a gay bus or something? Because it seems to be all men getting on and the driver just has to ask Jack if he's "in or out"

Get it?

Dawson is moping on a bench when Joey turns up and asks him how his screening went. He whines about how horribly it went and how he shouldn't be a filmmaker, which is true. Then Joey starts to pep talk him and tell him how great he is and those mean "film brats" don't know anything. "Whatever, guys! He just did it for fun, ok?" Sorry, it's just, Dawson can not take any valid criticism of his movie. Ever. So, forgive me if I constantly picture him as a whiny, 12 year old, fan fic writer. Joey gushes about how he's great at filmmaking and I vomit all over myself because Joey needs to stop undermining his valid criticism and enabling him to remain a crappy, yet egotistical filmmaker. I mean really, he can just continue to crank out crap movies and then whine that everyone is just haters that are jealous of his genius work.

Andie is still trying to get in to see the Dean of the university and is sucking up to his assistant. The lady tells Andie about her seven kids and how none of them got into this university and how they all aren't bothered by it and turned out fine. I think she's supposed to be some kind of zen person for Andie to learn to relax about being perfect all the time.

Cut to Joey in a college class waiting for the lecture to start. AJ walks in and continues being a douche to her. In a surprise twist, AJ turns out to be the teaching assistant for this lit class and he has to fill in for the professor that day. Oh, Dawson's Creek contrivance, how I've missed you. Are teacher's assistants, who are undergrads, taking over the professor's classes a thing in the US? Because I can't recall that ever happening in Canada. If the professor didn't show, class was cancelled usually. Anyway, he starts a "great books" discussion and singles out Joey to ask her what her favourite book is. She says "Little Women" and he proceeds to tear her the shit down. It's kind of funny because she can be stuck up her butt but this is pretty damn cruel because he obviously wanted to humiliate her and I can't figure out why. It's so obvious that the writers have no clue why either, they just want to make him as mean as possible so that Joey can be reasonably upset with him. The problem is, when you don't give your character a reason for being so shitty to another character, my conclusion is that they are just a shitty person and I have no time for them which means, I don't buy into the drastic character change later.

Scratch that, the drastic character change comes in pretty much the next scene. Joey is storming out of class as AJ runs to catch up with her and ask her to wait up for him. She tells him off and he admits he was "a little harsh" and that he was just "trying to give her the college experience" Dude, no. You were not just trying to give her the college experience, you were trying to humiliate her. No one's college experience is getting humiliated for liking a book. That's ludicrous. Joey doesn't buy it either and proceeds to chew him out which makes him cower with fear and apologize sincerely and ask if he can make it up to her. Cue him falling for her. Just wait for it.

Dawson is sitting through a different screening where the audience is apparently extremely awed by the movie being shown. It is going over extremely well and earns a standing ovation. Dawson is confused by the movie, I think as here is his reaction:

D'uuuuh, I guess I should clap since everyone else is clapping

Everyone wants to know who directed it and who else but Kendra turns out to be the director. Suck on that, Dawson!

Dawson walks up to Kendra after the screening to whine at her some more. She says she needs a chocolate fix after her stressful experience and Dawson bitches at her that what she went through wasn't stressful, it was a love-fest. You're an ass, Dawson. I feel like I can't say that enough. She tells him that if the roles were reversed, she would have been happy for him.

YEEEESSSS!!! Everyone is!

Kendra, bless her soul, actually tries to start over with Dawson and be nice. She asks him what he honestly thought of her film and asks him to use constructive criticism only. Oh, Kendra...you naive, naive girl.

Dawson: I, uh, I thought your film was– was technically accomplished.
Nikki: Technically accomplished. That sounds like a nice dismount off the balance beam.
Dawson: Well, it’s better than derivative. Or unclear. Or not understanding your own material.
Nikki: OK. Maybe I was a little insensitive in my comments. I’m sorry.

So, not only is Dawson childish and vague with his criticism of her movie, he also whines at her about her actual helpful criticism and guilts her into apologizing for it. Dawson (writers), she has absolutely nothing to apologize for. Her criticisms of Dawson's film were completely valid and were not even mean but truthful. Seriously, you have Dawson show up to this film festival with a video project he made for a homework assignment, refuse to write down a summary because there was "not enough room", and then ask me to be upset for him because someone rightfully called him out on not understanding his own story? No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Just no all over this conversation. Kendra deserves better than this. Even what happened to her on Buffy was better than this. Dawson storms off even after she apologizes too because he can't stand it when people aren't basking in the glory of his genius and constantly calling him a "wunderkind". Barf.

Andie is pouring her heart out to the Dean's assistant as they drink coffee together. Andie tells her about how she wants to write about her mother and how she influenced her. The secretary, Fran, tells her that she should let herself off the hook for things which she can't control. She also says that Andie shouldn't beat herself up for getting over her brother's death when her mother couldn't. It's a nice scene for Andie.

AJ is suddenly trying to impress Joey because why the hell not? It's what every girl dreams of, right? A guy totally humiliating her in public and then making up for it in private. *swoon* This is the worst ever. When are Joey and Pacey going to be a thing? It feels like it's taking forever. Anyway, to make things up to her, he takes her to a secret library.

I'll just leave this here...

He shows her a first edition copy of the first volume of Little Women which was apparently also Louisa May Alcott's personal copy. They read from it and then Joey admits that her mother used to read it to her because it was her favourite book. This is why she named her Josephine. Screw Bessie, she wasn't the favourite, so she gets the cow name. AJ picks up on the "was" and Joey tells him that she passed away which makes him apologize and probably feel guilty. He then admits that his favourite book is The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, which I think we're supposed to find charming but I find it incredibly hypocritical and awful of him. It also makes me hate the character more. Seriously, don't fall for him Joey, he's a douche.

Jack walks into a bar and tries to order a drink. He's extremely, adorably, awkward and it's the cutest thing ever. Apparently a random bar dude agrees with me and orders a drink for him while chatting him up. He comes on really strongly which makes Jack freak out and bail on the guy once his back is turned. I kind of think Jack made the right choice because, for some reason, the guy was giving off major creepy vibes to me. I don't know, he was attracted to his shyness, then trying to get him to go somewhere else with him, then added the little "we can just talk and get to know each other..." I don't know, red flags went up. Run like hell, Jack.

Prizes are being handed out to the filmmakers and Kendra is obviously expecting to win. She doesn't and surprisingly, Dawson runs after her to tell her she was robbed. That he saw every film at the festival and hers was hands down, the best. In a shocking twist...Dawson actually becomes supportive and learns something! I'm shocked, check it out for yourselves:

Dawson: Well I learned that I have to dig deeper, and– and reveal more of myself in my work if I’m going to make a film that’s worth anything. You learned that film festivals don’t necessarily award the meritorious.

Nikki: (more calmly) I wanted to win, Dawson.

Dawson: Nikki. Your film just wasn’t technically brilliant, OK? It was inspired. It inspired me. It-- it made me remember why I got into film in the first place. Not to win festivals, not for glory, but to reach people. And you did, you made them laugh, you moved them. No matter what happens to me, I’m not gonna give up until I reach that goal.

You see? I didn't make it up. Dawson actually admitted his faults and was supportive. They part on good terms.

The next day, Dawson and Andie meet up at the train and tell each other about their weekends. Both admit to getting what they wanted and learning something but not the way they expected to. It's nice to see them talking and for how much Dawson pissed me off this episode, it's nice that he's actually able to end on a good note.

Jack is already on the train and saving seats for everyone. Mysterious guy with nice blue eyes comes and asks if he can sit with him. Jack starts to explain and then gets lost in his beautiful blue eyes and relents. The guy's name is Ethan and he is also headed for Capeside. Jack is happy.

Dawson bumps into Kendra on the train who is apparently also a child of divorced parents and she's going to live in Capeside with her father. It turns out, through contrived writing, that Kendra is Principal Green's daughter and she'll be attending Capeside. Dawson tries to talk himself up by saying that the film class is full but how he thinks he has "pull" with the teacher and can totally get her in. She's already in and is getting private email lessons from the teacher too. Dawson looks butthurt and it pleases me greatly.

Please do, Kendra. Dawson could use a good ass kicking

Jack is conversing with Ethan and is obviously interested in him. Who wouldn't be with those eyes? Anyway, Ethan is apparently just getting over a break up and is heading home to his parents for some TLC. He then reveals that the breakup was with a boy which gets Jack very excited.

AJ has walked Joey to the train. Apparently, they have been up all night talking and they are into each other now. *SIGH* I guess I have to endure this further but I still don't get what the hell his problem with her was in the first place or why she thinks he's such a great guy now. Whatever, she gives him her number and walks onto the train where she bumps into Dawson and Kendra. Dawson introduces Joey to her but Joey is too preoccupied with making moony eyes at AJ to notice or care that Dawson has made a female friend.

Dawson is not pleased

We end the episode with Dawson and Joey talking about their weekend in his room. Dawson is still whining about the festival and saying that he should go into fast food. Joey rolls her eyes at him and tells him to stop worrying about winning and just love what he does and learn to be excited about the process. Win for Joey. Joey then expresses her fear but ultimate excitement at the prospect of college, showing that she's finally ready to open herself up to new experiences. Ladies and gentlemen, we end the episode with a very telling quote that seems to show just how ill suited these two are for each other:

Joey: So is it just me, or– or does this room seem a lot smaller all of a sudden?
Dawson: Really? I was kinda thinking it seemed ... safe.

Joey wants to get out and explore the world and be exposed to new things and different ways of thinking, Dawson wants to hole himself up in his bedroom and be a kid forever. If there was ever a moment that so accurately showed why these two don't work as an endgame couple, it's this. And that, my friends, was First Encounters of the Close Kind. A little slow at times but I got a lot of entertainment out of the much needed calling out of Dawson this episode. Loved it.

Stay tuned for Barefoot At Capefest where Jack continues to pursue Ethan and the psychotic Henry returns to manipulate Jen with his icy demeanour into liking him. I'm not joking, that happens. Until next time, folks.

Dawson's Creek - 309 - Four to Tango

2014-10-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

Original air date: December 1, 1999

So, here we are at another recap and all I can hope is that this episode is more entertaining than the last one was.

It gets off to a really great start with opening on Jen and Pacey again. They are making out but then stop and say they feel nothing. Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but wasn't that the point? Or is it that they can't get aroused? It's probably that and yeah, they'll have a hard time having casual sex if they can't get aroused. Then I get creeped out because they have chosen Dawson's room to consummate their casual arrangement and just no. That is super creepy. What is with all of the characters sneaking in to Dawson's room to do things? Just the thought that someone snuck into my house and used my bed for sexy times without my knowledge and then I go to lie down and sleep on their love juices....

Excuse me

Ugh...anyway, lucky for Dawson, they don't get very far before he comes. Jen bails out the window while Pacey dives for Dawson's gaming console and pretends that he was playing Crash Bandicoot. Dawson asks him what he's doing in his room during a school day and Pacey acts really suspicious while spouting some excuses about how not everyone has the array of electronics that Dawson does. He then quickly tries to make an exit...until Dawson points out that Pacey is missing a shoe.

My God, he's adorable

At school, Andie is sitting at a table when Jack comes to join her. He is carrying a bunch of papers and Andie asks what's up. Jack explains that Dawson put the video of him and the football team on the web (I hope he asked Jack before doing that), and he's holding all the emails he got. Ok, this show was sooooo written by a bunch of old people who had no clue how "the email" worked. Seriously, who prints out emails? Old people, that's who. High school students would not. Not even back then. You're showing your ignorance of youth culture, writers.

Anyway, Jack explains that most of the emails are hate mail because people are tools. Andie finds one letter that is nice and is from someone else who is gay and went through sort of the same thing as Jack. The guy in question, took a guy to his prom. Andie is excited for Jack and says he should write the guy back because he seems nice. Jack doesn't know what to say and Andie tells him to Say Anything... because it worked for John Cusack. Yes, she really did reference that movie. Awesome.

A random guidance counsellor has called Pacey into his office. He mentions to Pacey that he's failing math which shocks Pacey and I've never understood this. Why are characters always so shocked when they hear this news? Don't they know that they haven't handed assignments in, gone to class, scored horribly on tests? Why are they always so shocked? Whatever, Pacey tries to shrug it off because he's gone back to his slacker ways and the counsellor mentioned that the other guy, Mr. Milo, told him about a girlfriend Pacey had. Pacey says that she's not his girlfriend anymore and storms out. The counsellor tries to tell Pacey not to let whatever's bugging him win and Pacey says that it already has.

Huh, I should do something but...my purpose has been served

Andie complains that her search on "the internets" has given her too many hits and Jack tells her that she can't search for such a broad topic, she has to "decide what you wants, what you don't want and then, you know, establish some restrictions." Ladies and Gentlemen, the writers trying to explain how to search for stuff on the internet. Don't worry, it just sets up Andie's remark about how it's kind of like deciding what you want in a romantic partner. Jack then suggests that she start her own website, "www.annoyingsister.com"

Uuuuuuummmmmmm...burn?

Andie then prattles on about how Jack should contact the email guy who's name is Ben Street, which sounds like a made up name to me. I don't know why, it just does. As Andie is going on and on about how Jack should seize the day, Jack is in shock because he's just gotten an instant message from Ben Street that says "Anybody out there?"

Really?

The writers have absolutely no clue how the internet or emails or instant messaging works. You would know who you were sending an instant message to, unless you are using an anonymous messaging site but you'd have to go on that site. So, the fact that Ben Street writes "Anybody out there?" is stupid because he's not looking for "anyone" he's looking for Jack. If he was just sending out a random message trying to get "anybody" in some magical randomized messenger thing, then chances are highly unlikely that the message would magically end up on a school computer that Jack was magically sitting at. You see how little the writers understand stuff like this? Now, what I can buy is Jack logging into his messenger account at school and Ben deciding to try and chat with him but then why not just say "Hey, Jack?" or "Are you on, Jack?" but clearly, this was a time when the internet was a new and scary place and writers just did not get it.

Not even on good shows

Anyway, Jack is completely nervous and doesn't know what to do at all. Andie tells him to respond and tells him to type something in before Ben gets bored and leaves. Jack slowly types in "hi" and then sits there, staring at the computer. Then Andie is all "you have to hit send, genius" and it's really cute but kind of confusing because why would he be logged into instant messaging if he has no clue how to use it. I'll just chalk it up to nerves though.

Pacey runs into Joey and tries to schmooze her by complimenting how she looks. She sees through him and guesses that he wants her notes for the class he missed. She actually does give them to him but tells him she needs them back by the next morning. Pacey then realizes he doesn't even understand her notes and asks if she'll tutor him. She refuses because he's done nothing but slack all semester while she's been working hard. Pacey claims that he was busy but Joey points out:

Joey: Busy, right. Pacey, you have a very undemanding part-time job, your
only familial obligation is to feed the dog everyday, and your social life
is basically a triangle consisting of you, me and Dawson.

Pacey has a dog? Why have we never seen his puppy? I want to see the puppy! Er, I mean, what a slacker. Pacey then begs her to tutor him because he's failing and he'll do whatever she wants in return.

Cue them at a waltzing studio and Pacey is unhappily dancing with an equally unhappy Joey. They are also dancing really far apart like kids would because they don't want to be too close in case of cooties. She complains that he keeps stepping on her toes and Pacey demands to know what they are doing at a dance studio. Joey explains that the studio offers a $1,500 scholarship to the high school student who best embodies the spirit of ballroom dancing and since the class consists of the two of them and then a bunch of old people, Joey is basically going to be given a scholarship no matter what. Pacey asks her why she didn't ask Dawson or Jack and Joey explains that they don't owe her like he's going to when she helps him up his math grade.

The teacher then comes over and yells at them for not dancing together properly, with ribcages touching. They then try again but Pacey keeps stepping on her feet so this happens:

Adorable!!

In Dawson's bedroom, he is cleaning or something and picks some books up off the floor. He then notices a condom there and since he's not getting any, he wonders where it came from. The funny thing is, he looks more confused than disgusted about finding a mysterious condom in his room. My reaction would be to drop it as if it's infected once I realize that it's not mine and that must mean that some strangers...or my parents (BRAIN BLEACH!!!) have been having sex in my room.

The next day, Joey tells Pacey to do some math problems from the textbook and that she'll look at them after school. She'll help him study math for an hour after school and then they will head back to the dance studio to do another lesson. They both agree that no one can know about their after school activity since ballroom dancing is really uncool and when they say "no one can know" that's when Dawson sneaks up behind them and asks what no one can know. Cue Pacey and Joey scrambling to make up something about Pacey being horrible with home improvements and that they need Dawson's help with the addition to the Potter's home. Dawson agrees to help but is clearly still suspicious as Joey and Pacey try to make an exit. Dawson tries to call Pacey back but Pacey makes something up about how he can't be late for class again and bails. Dawson then looks even more suspicious and if I've learned anything from the time that he walked in at the tail end of a conversation between Pacey and Jen in season 1's Detention, Dawson is going to get very jealous of Pacey right about now. Someone keep the basketballs away from him, please.

Back in the computer lab, Andie is excitedly looking over Jack's shoulder as he types, waiting to hear word on the Ben Street situation. Jack tells her that apparently the guy who Ben went to prom with was never his boyfriend and they just did it as a statement. Andie is pleased with this information and asks Jack if he's going to ask for a picture. Jack claims that looks don't matter especially since they are just writing each other and not going on a date. Andiie says "yet" and then points out that the guy has seen Jack so it's only fair that Jack know what Ben looks like. A librarian who was listening in mentions that she went on a date with someone from the internet once and they were hideous, which prompts Jack to decide to ask for a picture after all. Andie gets a bit...super creepy about it.

Oddly specific but at least she's not asking for nude pics...yet

At the video rental store that Dawson and Pacey work at, Jen walks in, looking rather mischievious and rings the desk bell for service. Dawson pops around the corner and this is her face:

Pretty much my face whenever I see Dawson on camera

Dawson doesn't seem to notice and happily greets Jen, who asks him where Pacey is. Dawson says that Pacey isn't working until Tuesday and Jen says that Pacey told her he was working tonight but that she must have gotten confused. Dawson says he wouldn't be too surprised because Pacey has been such a flake lately...says the guy that forgets his friends birthday. Dawson then asks Jen if there are any do-able faculty members since the last time Pacey acted all weird, he was doing Miss Jacobs. Jen asks Dawson if he thinks Pacey has returned to his older woman fetish which, no show, stop pretending that whole debacle was Pacey's doing because it was Miss Jacobs who pursued a relationship with a minor. Anyway, Dawson then mentions that he found a condom in his room after catching Pacey there earlier and that when he tried to ask him about it, Pacey and Joey were all huddled together like it was a conspiracy. Jen looks worried because she doesn't want Dawson to find out about her arrangement with Pacey but Dawson says he didn't get a chance to talk to Pacey yet.

Joey is trying to get Pacey to work but Pacey is restless and distracted. He then complains that Tamara and Andie trained him to equate studying with sex and now he studies but doesn't get sex so he can't get motivated to study.

Excuse me while I go hurl again

Joey plays into his theory by saying that all he needs is some able-bodied girl to help him cue up his Pavlovian cue for studying. Pacey confirms this and she tells him that's the worst pick up line she's ever heard. He claims hhe wasn't hitting on her and that he has some prospects lined up. Joey looks amused and asks him who and Pacey explains the situation with Jen while keeping her anonymous. He then asks Joey's advice on the matter and Joey says that if he really wanted to be having casual sex, he'd be having it instead of having a hypothetical conversation about it.

Jack and Andie are waiting anxiously at the computer screen because apparently, the only class they have all day is computer lab. I love how they get the picture to load, by the way.

More proof that the writers just don't get how computers work

I know they probably did this for dramatic effect or something but seriously, pictures didn't load this way. They still don't load this way. The writers are showing their internet/email ignorance again.Anyway, he apparently doesn't look bad and Jack agrees which Andie is all giddy about because he's finally expressing attraction for the opposite sex. Andie prompts Jack to ask him out but Jack is really nervous about it and isn't sure he should move so fast. Andie steamrolls over him and asks the guy out for Jack. Ben Street accepts. I still hate that name and I still don't know why it irks me so much, it just does. Maybe because it sounds more like an address than a person.

At the video store, Jen is helping Dawson make a Hitchcock window display when she spots Pacey across the street. She points him out to Dawson and then they both see Joey join Pacey. They both look super confused and Jen asks Dawson if he has a sign that says he'll be back in 5 minutes.

They walk into the ballroom to find Joey and Pacey dancing and looking happy because they are together and all is right with the world...sorry, I'm getting off track. Their curiosity satisfied, Dawson and Jen try to leave but the dance instructor pushes them to dance because contrived reasons. I mean, what dance instructor pushes random people into their class to dance, for free? Maybe she was hoping she'd get new clients or something? Anyway, she pushes them together and announces to the entire class that they are there. Joey and Pacey do not look impressed.

What bugs me about Dawson's Creek is that they can never just let couples happen organically. They were doing really good with Pacey and Joey this season, building up their friendship, making subtle little moments between them that I was thinking that they finally learned to just sit back and show the audience, instead of tell them. I was wrong. Because in this scene, the dance instructor becomes one of those extra characters that has to spell out who the couple we want to get together is and it annoys the pants off of me.

Penny: Right, see what I mean? See the hostility, the way they're wary with each other, not to mention the constant bickering and name calling. Now these two clearly are in the early stages of some screwball mating ritual.

Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Penny

I got that Joey and Pacey were starting to develop feelings for each other just fine, I didn't need some random guest character to spell things out for me. It's what I hated the most about the Dawson and Joey relationship, that they were constantly having extras tell us how connected they were instead of showing us, but luckily, I actually like Pacey and Joey together so I can try and ignore this scene. It's still annoying though.

Ugh, shut up, Penny! We get it!

Jack is getting ready for his date with Ben and is really nervous. Andie tries to give him a pep talk and I just want to note that she had to go over to the Lindley's house because Mr. McPhee is awful. If I were Andie, I'd want to live with Grams too. Anyway, she tries to give him a pep talk about it but Jack is freaking because if he goes through with this date, he's not just telling the world that he's gay, he's actually going to be gay. I don't really understand this logic because I was always straight, even when I wasn't dating but then, I didn't have to struggle with coming out in the 90s so maybe this is a legitimate feeling that a lot of gay folks go through? Andie tells him that if he doesn't go through with the date, he'll be gay but without a boyfriend. Not sure why Andie is so invested in this, but whatever.

Penny, the shit disturbing dance instructor, has decided that they are doing to play musical dance partners, like musical chairs but you switch dance partners when the music stops. She pairs Jen and Joey together and Dawson and Pacey together because...I have no clue. Drama?

Jen asks Joey when she and Pacey discovered their love of ballroom dancing and Joey gets all bitchy, saying that it was obviously just moments before Jen and Dawson did. Dawson confronts Pacey about finding him in his room the other day. Pacey is still going with his story that he wanted to use Dawson's fancy electronics and enjoy the Leery kitchen but then Dawson throws down about finding the condom in his room. Pacey makes an "oh shit" face but is bailed out of the awkwardness by the music stopping and he quickly grabs Jen as a new partner and twirls her across the dance studio.

Pacey tells Jen that Dawson knows about the condom and is freaking out. Jen says she already knows because Dawson told her about it. Pacey is freaking about Dawson being on to them but Jen isn't worried because she knows Dawson isn't on to them. She then clarifies that Dawson isn't on to her because he seems to have cast someone else as the female lead. They both glance over at Joey who is dancing with Dawson.

This next paragraph, I could literally just write that Dawson is being a dick and be done with it but I'll go into a little more detail just for you guys. He asks her the same question Jen did but Joey doesn't answer with snark, she actually tells him about the scholarship. Dawson has the gall to be all, "but why didn't you ask me to do it?" because he's the worst. Joey explains that Pacey came to her first because he needed help with math and since she needed help with this, they helped each other out.

A concept that Dawson will never understand

Dawson of course has to push the issue and ask if that's all she and Pacey are because again, he's the worst. The music stops and Pacey quickly grabs Joey for a dance partner and whisks her away. Pacey quickly explains to Joey that Dawson thinks that they are doing it. Joey is confused as to why Dawson would think that and Pacey admits that normally he wouldn't but that certain events may have been misconstrued. Cue the music stopping and Dawson grabs Pacey as his next partner.

Dawson asks Pacey what's going on and Pacey explains that Dawson has the wrong idea. Dawson acts like a whiny bitch which makes Pacey completely school him by saying that it shouldn't matter to him who Joey is seeing, whether it's him or someone else because Dawson and her aren't together and he's the one that wanted a break. He has no business butting into her personal life and getting butt hurt over guys being into her because newsflash, she's gorgeous and guys are going to want to date her and she's probably not going to wait for Dawson forever.

You said it, Pacey

After completely owning Dawson in every way, Dawson still persists about the condom he found, which makes Pacey rage!quit and storm out of the dance studio. Jen hurries after him. Jen talks him down from his anger but Pacey is also upset that their fuck buddy arrangement has yielded zero fucks thus far. Jen comforts him by saying that they are hesitant because society tells them they should be and Pacey seems to take comfort in this. They cuddle together and then decide that they might try it out after all, which is weird because it's not like the coatroom is that far from where everyone is dancing and the class has been going on for a bit so it may end soon so...privacy is in question here.

Meanwhile, Jack is walking up to the restaurant when he spots Ben Street inside. He looks at him for a while and then completely bails on the entire thing.

Dawson and Joey leave the dance studio, only to walk into the coat room to find Jen and Pacey making out. Joey has put two and two together and knows now exactly who Pacey had the fuck buddy arrangement with and she is pissed (because she's totally jealous it's not her with Pacey). She proceeds to yell at both of them while Pacey insists that it's nothing. I'm kind of sad for Jen in this scene, because she looks a little hurt by Pacey so quickly saying that it's nothing. Joey doesn't believe Pacey is like this and starts to accuse Jen of starting the whole thing. Pacey, thankfully, snaps her off that train of thought by saying it was as much his idea. Joey isn't having it and bails. Dawson follows her.

Jen is confused by Joey's overreaction to them kissing but Pacey explains that she knows about their arrangement because he went to Joey for hypothetical advice. Again, I feel really bad for Jen because she looks so hurt and asks him why he went to Joey for advice about them. She asks Pacey what is it about Joey that makes guys flock to her for advice.

This may actually be a sound theory...

Pacey tries to explain to her that Joey just happened to be there and it's not like he could talk to Andie about this since they are exes and then, funnily enough, he asks her if he should be talking with his brother about it. Jen points out the obvious, he could go to Dawson since they are supposedly best friends and this is his reaction:

Jen, you of all people know why he can't go to judgemental
Dawson for advice. He's the worst

Then Jen calls him out by saying that he's probably too afraid to talk to Dawson about his sex life, since the girl Pacey currently likes used to be his. Pacey still isn't getting who she's talking about because he points out that Dawson just found out he was messing around with her, so Jen has to spell out that she's talking about him and Joey. Pacey is incredulous because Joey can't stand him, of course, he never says anything about him not liking her so clearly he's repressing his feelings because of his last rejection by her. At least, that's what I'm reading into this scene. Anyway, Jen points out that it isn't going to work out between the two of them and they part on good terms. Thus endeth the weird fuck buddy story arc.

Jack walks into Grams' house to find Andie waiting for him. She excitedly asks him about his date and he admits that he flat out bailed on the guy. He said he got to the door and saw him but then he saw a straight couple and felt shitty about himself because he wanted to be like them, so he bailed. Now he feels like a failure and a coward. Aw, I want to give Jack a hug. Andie reassures him by saying that he is very brave but that fear is sometimes life's way of telling people that they are not ready for certain things. She tells him that when he is ready, he'll walk through that door. 'Kay but poor Ben is sitting in the restaurant like a chump right now. I hope Jack writes him an apology or something.

Dawson proves what a shitty human being he is by saying that the Jen and Pacey pairing was inevitable because:

Dawson: Pacey's brooding, disillusioned, tough guy persona was destined to collide with Jen's fake sexual bravado. It was inevitable.

Hey, Dawson? My fist is destined to collide with your Nice Guy, judge-y face! Although, in a surprise twist, Dawson actually becomes less judgemental about the whole situation than Joey. While Joey is railing against how wrong it is, Dawson reasons that he can understand their need to want some type of comfort in whatever form that took. He says that he couldn't do it himself but he can understand the want for someone to be there to hold because you are lonely. This is the most tolerant Dawson has been about anything ever. Joey gets a thoughtful look and then says she has to get her jacket because she stormed off without it and says good night to Dawson.

While getting her coat, Joey notices Pacey watching the dance class. She walks over to him and he tells her that nothing happened between him and Jen and Joey rightfully says that it's none of her business anyway and then apologizes for overreacting to the whole thing. I love season 3 Joey, you guys. I love her. Pacey tells her that he and Jen have called it quits on their fuck buddy experiment and Joey looks happy about that (because she wants Pacey). She then grabs him to leave but they are stopped by the dance instructor who tells them that things have been tight and there's no scholarship. Joey looks disappointed so the dance instructor offers her six months of free lessons. Lady, this might be why your finances are so tight. We end the episode with the adorableness that is Pacey and Joey which makes this probably one of the better episodes I've seen this season.

The absolute best way to end an episode

That was Four to Tango. I have to admit, I'm kind of glad they got rid of the fuck buddy subplot, it felt really awkward and forced and I really like Jen and Pacey as strictly friends. I'm looking forward to more of Pacey and Joey though, it is really the highlight of this show and saves this season from being a train wreck.

Next up is First Encounters Of The Close Kind, in which most of the gang heads up to Boston to get a feel for the college experience, Dawson is showing his Blair Witch ripoff at the film festival, and Jack tries once again to gay. Pacey is sadly absent which could have made the episode completely unwatchable for me if it weren't for the fact that we get a very special guest star to make up for it. Stay tuned.

Dawson's Creek - 308 - Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

2014-09-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

Original air date: November 24, 1999

I'm going to level with you guys, writing this recap is going to be a huge chore. It's not that this episode is bad or anything, it's just that, coming from the high of the gloriousness that was last week's episode, this is just boring. It's slow and listless and really feels like a half hearted attempt to try and give closure to Jen's half-sister dilemma without really addressing it because the writers got bored of the whole film noire/Eve angle they were going for at the beginning of the season. So, they gave her a stupid explanation for being in Capeside, realized that it raised too many questions and should have involved Jen, so they churned this episode out to shut us up. I don't know whether that's exactly how it happened, mind you, but it sure as hell felt like it. So, without further ado, on with the recap.

We start the episode...not with Dawson at all!! This is awesome! Ok, maybe this episode isn't so bad. No, we start with my favourite characters, Pacey and Jen. They are shopping for a thanksgiving meal and Jen asks Pacey not to let her forget to get creamed onions.

My thoughts exactly. That sounds revolting!

Anyway, Pacey is upset because he thought Jen had called him up for sexy times and Jen apologizes but says that Grams' Thanksgiving dinner takes precedence over their would be sex lives. It's sweet that Jen is putting Grams above her own wants, yes that's what I took away from this scene. I also took away that this is setting up the problem that they will have being casual sex partners, they aren't ready for something like that and Jen's stalling is kind of proof of that. This is especially driven home by the fact that Jen laughs at the thought of them being intimate.

Yeah, they're better off as friends

Dawson walks into the kitchen, past Mitch who is watching football in the living room, to find Gail baking in the kitchen. Gail asks for Dawson's opinion on the pies since she wants them to look perfect for Grams' Thanksgiving thing. So, the Leery's have been invited to this as well. Dawson assures her that they are perfect and asks her how apartment searching is going. Gail looks worried and asks if he minds her staying in the guest room, Dawson says he doesn't because it feels familiar. Mitch comes in and tries to take some pie but Gail stops him and they banter for a bit until Dawson awkwards things up by mentioning that this is like an episode of The Waltons. Gail tells Dawson to go change for dinner because her and Mitch are now completely uncomfortable.

Jen comes home with the groceries and finds Grams nervously trying to tell her something. Since this is tv and not real life, instead of just asking Grams what she wants to tell her, Jen pretends like she knows exactly what Grams wants to tell her by saying that she promises to think of something to be thankful for and that she'll clean out her closet so that the guests can hang their coats in there. This is all so that Jen can be completely shocked when she goes to her room to get ready only to find her mother there.

Drama!

Bessie and Joey are in the kitchen of their own house and Bessie is complaining about her lack of culinary skills. Uhhhhhh....why do you own a restaurant then? Why are you going to open a B&B? I guess you could argue that Bodie does the cooking but he's been absent for so long that I'm starting to think he split town and Bessie is a single mom now. So, who's going to cook for your guests if you suck at it, Bessie? Anyway, they reminisce about what a great cook their mom is and mention that they are happy that they are going over to Grams' place for Thanksgiving.

Gail checks on Dawson and mentions that she saw Helen Lindley (Jen's mom) in town and wonders what it means. Dawson says he can't guess and then Gail asks if he thinks they are talking about Eve. Huh, so I guess Dawson told his mom about the whole Eve thing? Anyway, Dawson says probably not because he never told Jen about Eve because he's a gutless tool. Gail is surprised by his restraint which is kind of hilarious but Dawson reaffirms my suspicions by saying he is just gutless. I'm pretty sure this scene just exists to remind us of the whole Eve is Jen's half-sister nonsense.

Grams tries to talk to Jen about the fact that her mother is in town but Jen is rightfully pissed and doesn't want to talk to her. Grams points out that it might be good that Jen's mother arrived because now she and Jen can finally discuss their feelings. Grams says that she's super proud of Jen and how far she's come since she got here 14 months ago. Ok, so season 1 and 2 are supposed to be one year and this is the second year. Sorry, I just needed to point that out to myself because the timelines on this show are kind of hard to follow. Jen agrees to at least go back to the house and greet the guests.

I love softer Grams

At the Lindley's, Pacey arrives at the same time as Andie and Jack do. He's taken aback because Andie and Jack weren't supposed to come but it turns out, their father bailed on them again.

Jack: Well, that was plan A, but he got stuck in Chicago. You know, any other dad would find a plane, train, automobile … anything to see his kids. But not Joseph McPhee.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Joseph McPhee, the worst parent in Capeside indefinitely. Seriously, Andie and Jack might as well get emancipated because they live sufficiently enough with no parents around anyways.

Pacey and Andie awkward a bit and then argue over who should go and who should stay. Jack tells them both to get over themselves and stuff it because it would be rude to not show up when Grams was nice enough to invite them all. I don't know whether I agree with this logic, especially since it might result in everyone being subjected to their unbearable break up tension.

Joey remarks to Dawson that it's weird to see his parents together again but that she's happy for him that they are getting along. Dawson looks moody about it. Grams gathers everyone inside while Jen offers to take everyone's coats.

Jen heads upstairs with the coats, only to run into her mother again. Helen asks Jen to zip up her dress and says how beautiful Jen has become. Jen looks a little uncomfortable with the compliment. Helen then says that she has something for Jen and takes out a felt case from her luggage. She opens it to reveal a pearl necklace that apparently had been given to her from Grams and she wants to pass them down to Jen. Jen says thanks but no thanks to the pearls because she'd have no where to wear them in Capeside. Jen's mom tells her to save them for a special occasion but Jen says that she taught her that pearls lose their lustre if they're not worn. Jen points out that pearls are like people in that regard, they shouldn't be hidden away, they should be held close and cherished. She then peaces out.

I'm out, bitch!

Dawson and Joey ask Jen about her mother but Jen is really ticked about it and complains that her mother has done nothing but stare at her with a mild disregard since she was thirteen. Cue Joey being mopey about the fact that she doesn't have a mother. I know, I'm mean about this but Joey does bring it up at any opportunity she can. However, in this instance it is justified and she's a lot more humble about it, so yay for character improvement. She points out to Jen that time is short and that she should at least try and talk to her mother and resolve things before it's too late.

Dawson takes it upon himself to talk to Jen's mother and to introduce himself as Jen's ex boyfriend because it was super imperative that Jen's mother know that she dated Dawson. Dawson is a tool. He also tells Helen about Eve and basically tells her to tell Jen about it. Helen is obviously taken aback by this and says that since Eve left town, there is no reason to tell Jen. She then leaves because who the hell wants to be stuck in a room with Dawson Leery?

Pacey talks to Jack about Andie while Andie talks to Joey about Pacey. Pacey vents about how much he's hurting over the break up with Andie while Andie confesses how much she regrets hurting Pacey and how much she's hurting now because of it. Joey does her best to comfort Andie and it's really sweet. I wish this show would focus more on friendships, especially female ones.

The gang has finished their thanksgiving feast and are going around the table and saying what they are thankful for. Since this world revolves around Dawson and his friends, they are the only ones shown giving their thanks. Most of the thanks go smoothly, until we get to Jen.

Jen: Let me think. Well, I– keeping with the theme I guess I’d like to give thanks for second chances. For the opportunity to try and rebuild bridges once thought beyond repair. And for the promise of many more Thanksgiving’s to come.

This causes Helen to walk away from the table in a hurry. Grams starts to follow her but Jen offers to go after her instead.

Jen catches up with her mother and apologizes for upsetting her, claiming that she was just being honest. Helen claims that she wasn't upset at all but just thinking. Sure, you ran off from the table and caused a scene just because you were thinking and not upset. No, apparently Helen was just super happy that Jen has such great friends and thinks that she did the right thing sending Jen here. Jen counters that "sending" isn't the way she'd put it and points out that as good as friends are, they still aren't family. Helen admits that Jen is right and says she's sorry she wasn't there for her.

Jen then gets very upset and it's really heartbreaking and I wish that I liked this episode better because of it. She confronts her mother about why she never called or wrote letters and how much it hurt that she shut her out. Helen claims that she wanted to and tried but ultimately didn't. Jen then says this:

Right in the feels

Helen tries to say that Jen didn't really do anything wrong which doesn't jibe with the whole, being sent to live with your Grandma in Capeside thing. Helen says she will try and explain everything.

Dawson confronts his parents about their chummy behaviour because he can't stand it anymore. I'll give this to him because it's very teenagery and also kind of justified considering how confusing it would be to have your divorced parents living together and getting along so well but for some reason not getting back together. He demands that they be honest with him about what's going on.

Cut back to Jen and Helen. Helen has just finished telling Jen about Eve and Jen is rightfully pissed. Instead of her mother sharing her past experience with Jen and helping her through her own troubles, Helen instead became a hypocrite and pushed her away. Helen insists that was more to do with her father which kind of paints this picture of Mr. Lindley in my mind where he's this rich socialite and Helen is trying to be his perfect wife and has to hide her past from him at any cost. It's kind of sad and I think I'm right because Helen is just a really blank person which Jen calls her out for. Jen says that Helen is afraid of being alone because the day she is, she'll have to look inside herself and find what Jen's known for years, that there's nothing there.

Joey goes to talk to Dawson and asks him how his conversation with his parents went. He tells her that their divorce was made final and that they are officially no longer married. He apparently told them "congratulations" in probably the most self-righteous way imaginable because he's Dawson and walked off. He does concede that any decision at this point is probably a good thing but that he's still upset. Joey understands and Dawson asks if they can just hang out and talk for a while.

Jen has decided to use her anger to finally break into casual sex with Pacey. She is dragging him out to a back shed so that she can fuck away her anger which can be a fairly solid plan with the right person. Pacey sees through her desire and asks her how things went with her mother. Jen tells him that her mother was basically like her but still punished her for it and Pacey tries to make her feel better by telling her that sometimes seeing your parents as people can be a bit liberating. Jen starts to cry and he comforts her because he's awesome.

Aw, this is why they work better as friends

Jen goes back to confront Helen and says that she promises not to spill anything to her father because it's not her place but she does not regret anything that she said to her. Helen says that it's ok because she deserved it. She then begs Jen not to make the same mistakes as her, marrying a cold man because then she'll wake up when she's 40 and be clouded with regret. Jen asks her why she doesn't just divorce him and Helen explains that when women like her get divorced, they get forgotten by all the other socialites and just disappear. Jen then realizes that she was sent away not because Helen hated her but because Helen hated herself. Helen apologizes for not telling Jen that and making her feel unloved but says that she doesn't have to worry that Jen will turn out like her because she's already so much stronger. They hug, Helen leaves and Jen asks her to call sometime.

Jen then finds that all of her friends have stayed and it's really sweet. She apologizes to Pacey for throwing herself at him but Pacey shrugs it off and says that it's not every day a beautiful woman throws herself at him. She then thanks him for being a gentleman enough not to let her go through with it.

They rejoin the group and they all remark about how cool it is that they all ended up as good friends. Joey then throws some foreshadowing down by saying that she's sure they'll find some reason to be estranged soon enough. But right at this moment they are friends and it is kind of nice.

Besties!

You know, I wish they'd done more to build these characters as friends because it would create some more meaningful and interesting dynamics then just who's dating who. I wish they'd hang out as friends more often on this show.

Despite a few bright spots in this episode, Jen confronting her mother and the gang hanging out, it's just really forgettable to me. Nothing really of interest happens here. To be honest, when Dawson said that the divorce was final, it didn't come as a shock to me, I thought they'd already gotten divorced. Jen and Pacey are still dancing around the idea of a fuck buddy relationship but really do work better as friends so nothing new there either. And the Helen situation was weird. She came down suddenly because her husband was on a business trip but why did she never try to come before if she was so against what her husband thought? She didn't come to ask Jen to come home so why did she come? Really, the only reason she was here was so that they could quickly close out the Eve subplot that had already died out. It was rushed and boring and wasn't nearly the dramatic payoff that I would have liked. It smacked of the writers saying "There, see? We addressed it! Now get off our backs about the Eve thing so that we can get back to relationship drama!" Therefore, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner just falls flat as an episode to me and it bored me.

Exactly

Let's hope that the next episode, Four To Tango will be a lot more interesting.

Dawson's Creek - 307 - Escape From Witch Island

2014-09-16T10:27:00.002-07:00

Original air date: November 17, 1999

Guys, I am super excited to be recapping this episode for many reasons. 1) I love ghost/spooky stories and always welcomed the scary specials in shows with open arms, 2) This is so horribly done that it's awesome and it leads to humiliation for Dawson so yay! and 3) It is such an obvious rip off/cash in of the popularity of The Blair Witch Project that the episode itself points it out to us on multiple occasions. If we point out that we're aware that we're ripping something off, it totally becomes an homage! Also, it's kind of hilarious that they once again air their "scary special" well after Halloween. Gushing out of the way, let us dive into, Escape From Witch Island.

We open the episode in...holy crap! Dawson still has that movie store job? I forgot almost completely about it. Was it shown at all last season? Crazy. Well, apparently, Dawson still works at the movie store and Joey comes barging in looking for a copy of The Crucible. Joey's been a bad girl who has forgotten to do her reading amidst the whole B&B building at her house and helping her sister care for Alexander (you remember, the illegitimate baby Bessie had with a black man?) Dawson is confused because he's a shitty friend, unlike Pacey, and didn't realize that she wasn't working with Creepy McSexualharasser anymore or that she and her sister were turning their home into a B&B. In turn, Joey didn't realize that Eve had left town and it's kind of hilarious that this is the only thing that she doesn't know about Dawson's life. Like, she's been going through shit with her boss hitting on her constantly, then firing her for basically not dating him/interfering with him getting some with Andie, and that she is working with her sister to open a B&B. Whereas the most interesting thing that happened to Dawson that Joey didn't know about was that his sexy fantasy girl has skipped town.

Stay interesting, Dawson

So, Dawson tells Joey that there may be a way to get out of writing a paper on The Crucible and that is if she helps him, Pacey and Jen make a movie. Joey is hurt that she wasn't invited in the first place but gracefully moves it along and asks what the movie is about. Such an improvement on her character, season 1 Joey would probably have lashed out at him or something and then sulked in Dawson's closet. Dawson tells her that he is making his movie on witch trials that happened in their own backyard on a place called Witch Island. Ooooohhh, spooooooookyy.

YEP!

I love how painfully aware the writers are that they are just ripping off a popular movie that they think if they mention it, it absolves them from the laziness of ripping it off in the first place. Either that or they think the audience is so stupid that they need to be told what movie they are trying to make the episode like and be reminded of it constantly throughout the episode. You decide. Either way, I am posting a screen grab of every time the movie's name is dropped for my own amusement. With that aside, Joey agrees to tag along and the episode gets on its merry way.

After the credits roll, we are treated to what Blair Witch did at the beginning of their movie, interviews with locals about the incident. Principal Green is the one who sets up the legend by telling us that in 1692, thirteen young girls, teenagers, were banished to a small island off the New England coast for practicing witchcraft. One year later, a fire broke out on the island, killing them all. Oooohhhh! We also get Mitch telling us it was a make out spot and Gail telling us that the island was where she and Mitch fucked for the first time (but with cleaner network TV language) and Dawson gets uncomfortable much to my amusement. Loving this so far. Then we get Jen name dropping again:

Me either, Jen

Joey admits the movie scared her and Pacey bugs her about being a scaredy cat, nice that they've kept that consistent with her character. Also this:

Awwwwwww

Then we get Dawson name dropping:

He would think that

Then we get the four of them bantering about witches. Jen says she thinks the witch trials were just a way for men to punish women who were sexually free and then Joey snarks that it's good that Jen lives in a time where she is free of persecution. Uhhhhmmmm, not entirely true. I mean, yeah, we don't get burned at the stake anymore but women are still slut shamed hardcore to this day, by people like Dawson. Jen takes Joey's bitchiness in a playful manner and jokes that she would've been burned at the stake by now. I guess this means they are kind of friends now? I don't know, Joey's comment was pretty damn catty though.

Dawson asks Joey to help him set up for interviews and leaves Jen and Pacey to talk about why they've never dated. Pacey says it's because they never needed anything from each other. Jen was over experienced and needed someone like Dawson to ~~slut shame her~~ be virginal with her and he needed someone who would push him to become a better person. It's pretty sound logic, I suppose and Jen is impressed with his deconstruction skills.

Andie is being annoying and pushy with Principal Green about the whole Head of Discipline Committee stuff. She says she has some ideas she'd like to run past him. Not interested in this subplot because the writers have made me dislike this character. I'm sorry, Andie.

Dawson yammers on about how happy he is that they get to do this again and Joey is all super excited and happy as well, until Dawson reveals that he's talking about making movies not them being friends again. Joey is hurt and Dawson stammers that he's missed the whole "let's make a movie bug" that they shared (Jesus, he's selfish and is still making things about him and his movies) but that he's glad they're friends.

Joey is sad

I think this moment right here totally justifies the series finale. Also, don't worry, Joey. You're going to have a much better love interest this season.

Dawson interviews Grams and Bessie about Witch Island next. Grams is completely doom and gloom about the whole thing which I'm torn on. On the one hand, it does seem to be in character for her to think that the girls were "harlots" who totally deserved to be banished to the island and that the Lord punished them for their sins via fire but...what about Jen? I thought Grams had softened at least a little bit towards Jen and her past? I don't know why it bugs me because it does seem that Grams really does believe that the girls were witches but I guess her use of the word "harlot" saddened me.

Bessie tells the story of a kid in her high school who went to the island and disappeared. Saying some people figured he just got wasted and drowned while others think the witches got him. This is backed up by a girl who tells them that a bunch of kids have gone missing at the island but she doesn't think it was the witches that got them. She believes that it was the CIA or NSA because she's clearly a government conspiracy theorist.

The gang is at the dock and ready to be taken out to Witch Island. Dawson wants to interview their boat driver but he'll only do it if Dawson answers his questions. The guy then pulls out his own camcorder and asks Dawson what his movie is about. Dawson tells him that he's making a documentary about Witch Island. Then Dawson asks what the guy is making a movie on and he hilariously responds with "I'm making a documentary about all the people making a documentary about Witch Island." And I just laughed and laughed at that because Dawson is the most uncreative person on Earth and the show just proved it for me. Also

Another Blair Witch plug!

The guy then weirdly tries to scare them off about the island, saying that they shouldn't get caught there after dark but then tells them to get aboard anyway. Alright.

At Witch Island, they are greeted by a girl called Wendy. She is a tour guide from the Capeside Historical Society and...hold up. So, this island is a popular hang out spot but it's also a historical site that also has a gift shop? You'd think that they'd close the place off and have security in that case. Otherwise people would be vandalizing a historical landmark and possibly stealing things from their business. I don't understand the logic of this place.

Anyway, Jen and Pacey head off to the gift shop for snacks and to check out the souvenirs. Wendy then confronts Dawson and asks him if he's making a movie. Side note: does Dawson not have to get boat guy and Wendy to sign a consent form to be able to film them? Does he not have to get permits to film on the island? Also this:

I'm going to have to start counting this up because this is getting ridiculous

Wendy then offers to take them to the cemetery because apparently, the townspeople bothered to make these girls, who were banished for being evil witches in their books, gravestones. Yeah, sure, I buy that. Also, Dawson gets snippy with Joey because Blair Witch was just a movie but his film is real. Also,

See?

In the gift shop, Jen finds a spell book and a spell for luring the object of your affections. Pacey scoffs at the idea of the spell working and Jen says she wants to try it out. She says she'll try it out on him since he is in no way attracted to her and Pacey very quickly agrees to that assessment, which hurts Jen's feelings. Pacey then tells her that she's gorgeous, just not his type which makes her feel better. Jen agrees that Pacey is not her type either, than they trade barbs over their failed past relationships. Pacey bugs her about dating Ty the "bible beater" and Chris Wolfe the "skirt chaser" but Jen's shot is much harsher.

Jen: This from the guy whose last two relationships have ended with the girl either leaving town to avoid prosecution or cool out in crazy camp for the summer.

Ouch! That's gotta hurt.

Back at the cemetery, Joey proves how super smart and special she is by proving she can count. She points out that there are only twelve graves when there were thirteen witches. Wendy is super amazed by how super smart Joey is because no one else has ever picked up on this fact. No one. Only Joey was smart enough to notice. Mark this down as stage one in Joey's transformation into the most perfectest Mary Sue of Capeside. She's mostly good this season but she definitely devolves into the writers' dream girl.

Anyway, Wendy explains that the thirteenth girl is named Mary Waldeck and her body was never found. I still find it odd that the townspeople cared enough to look for them...unless I guess you could say they wanted to make sure they were dead but then why go through the trouble of making gravestones for any of them? I guess you could say that the Historical Society created the cemetery as a tribute but then why not include all girls and just write on her tombstone that her body was never discovered? This makes no sense to me. But, whatever, just go with it. The story is that Mary was an orphan and was adopted by a family with a son. She and the son fell in love, the parents were icked out by this because they wanted them to be siblings, labelled her a witch, and shipped her off to the island so that their son would meet someone else.

Now, the interesting thing about this story is that it kind of parallels Jen's back story. Look at this line about Mary:

Wendy: One night, Mary and William were found in bed together. This did not go over well with the god-fearing Bennet’s, and in the blink of an eye, Mary was no longer their daughter. She was a witch.

Is that not exactly what happened to Jen, minus the whole adopted sibling as sex partner and being labelled a witch? She was caught in bed with a guy and she was no longer her parents' daughter, she was a slut and had to be shipped off to Capeside. This could have been a very powerful scene for Jen to be a part of and to help her in her struggles with her past but nope. The writers aren't smart enough to realize that they wrote the same back story for a ghost story nor to actually use it as a way to explore an actual character's past. Nope, let's have her be a side plot in this episode and never mention the similarities. Lazy writing, FTW!

No, you want to know what they think this parallels? Why, Dawson and Joey's relationship of course! Joey points out that they are soul mates torn apart by circumstance and that this is what his movie should be about. Dawson ignores her and asks Wendy where the fire started. Wendy tells them it started at the church so Dawson asks if she'll take them there. Now, this is the really hilarious part.

Wendy: No. Because I never ever go into the woods. And if you kids are smart, you won't either. But if you do decide to go, we do have maps in the gift shop.

You...you're a tour guide and a historical worker who's job it is to take people to see the sights on the island and explain the history but you've never gone to the church where the fire actually took place? On top of that, you won't risk your life to go to the church but you're perfectly willing to let teenagers go alone and possibly damage a historic landmark because you're too scared to supervise them? You suck at your job, Wendy.

Back at the gift shop, Jen has made her spell because apparently, this gift shop comes stocked with every ingredient you need and a cauldron to mix it in. Weird. Both she and Pacey drink the potion but before they can really see if it works, Wendy interrupts and is super pissed that they are doing this. Guess you should actually supervise the people who come to the island then. Idiot. She then grabs a map and shoves it at Dawson and Joey and then says this:

Wendy: Here, this will take you through the woods and to the church. And, oh yeah, don't get lost because it's very dark, it's very dangerous, and there's an excellent chance that you will never be seen or heard from again, okay?

Liability? What's that? Now, take this map and go through the extremely dark and dangerous woods to a historical site that I refuse to go to and try not to get killed. Worst. Tour guide. Ever. This is laughably bad and is clearly just a way for the writers to only have our main characters at the church, despite the fact that it doesn't make a lick of sense.

The four argue as they make their way through the woods. Joey thinks that William forgot about Mary while Dawson thinks that if they were meant to be, they found a way to each other. They bicker with each other until Jen calls them irritating. Thank you, Jen. Pacey then leaves the gang to find a private place in the woods to go relieve himself. Sorry, I wasn't going to trouble you with that detail but it sort of comes into play later.

Back at Capeside to Andie's unimportant and forgotten story. Seriously, did any of you remember she was in this episode? Well, it has nothing to do with what's going on with the main four so of course you did. It also serves to make her more annoying as she is passing out slips to every student in the hallways for nitpick-y wrongs they've done. These infractions include, wearing spaghetti straps which is laughable because all of the main girls have worn them at some point on this show, a guy hanging pin up girls in his locker, and a guy who has sideburns. Sideburns. Riveting stuff, guys.

What happened to you?
Also, I refuse to believe Sideburns is a high school student

Oh and Belinda makes an appearance as she seems to watch Andie and get some sort of idea. What it is, I have no fucking clue because she doesn't talk at all and there is literally only this scene and one last one at the very end of this episode so both this subplot and the Belinda appearance are pointless.

Back at the church, the gang learn that the townspeople built the church so that the girls would find God. They sent a minister every Sunday but the girls teased him so much, he stopped coming. Both Jen and I agree that we could hang with these girls. Jen wonders absently if Pacey loves her yet, because of the potion while Joey...maybe discovers that the girls were murdered? She says that men treated the island as a brothel and the Churchies didn't like that, so they took all the girls into the very church they are standing in and lit it on fire. t don't know, this episode is very confusing. Like, clearly people have been in here before because there are a shit ton of candles and if the island burned down, and it started in the church, then I'm assuming that someone came and rebuilt the church and included all of the information. Which means, that it should be common knowledge that the girls were murdered but Joey acts like no one knew this before. Also, if this is clearly part of the island's attractions, since someone must have rebuilt the church recently, then why the hell wouldn't it be included in Wendy's tour? You get my confusion?

Dawson decides that it's time to go back to the boat since it is starting to get dark but Pacey hasn't returned yet (see? Told you it was kind of important). Jen offers to stay and find him and tells Joey and Dawson to head back to the dock to make sure that the boat guy doesn't leave without them.

Joey and Dawson argue all the way back to the dock. Joey calls Dawson out for being an absent jerk and a shit friend because he doesn't know anything going on in her life, nor does he seem to care about asking but just assumes they are still friends. Dawson apologizes for being distant but insists he thought it was what they needed. Before they can get too into it as to actually start discussing things, they hear the boat motor start up and run towards the docks.

Boat Guy is happy to see them and urges them onto the boat. Joey explains that they can't leave because they got split up from their friends. Then Boat Guy calls them stupid and says he told them not to get caught on the island at night. Dawson assures him that they'll be back any minute but Boat Guy pretty much says "fuck that, you guys are on your own. I'll be back in the morning to pick up your corpses." Like, what the hell kind of business does this guy run? No one questions him bringing people onto the island and leaving them there, especially if they've gone missing? If I were a cop, he'd be the first person I'd question and he would be a top suspect on my list of suspects. "Oh, so another group of kids went missing and you brought them there? Why didn't you bring them back? Oh, you were too scared to wait a couple of minutes? Are you a coward or a serial killer?" Hmmmm...

Boat Guy and Henry are in cahoots!

Jen and Pacey are walking through the woods with a flashlight, trying to find their way back to the dock and Jen says this:

Jen: Yeah, I know. I gotta say, the idea of a wholesome, biblically-themed meal this evening with Grams isn't sounding too gosh-darned unappealing. I'd even consider saying grace. But instead I am traipsing around some haunted forest with the likes of you.

Good job, writers. You have raised another major plot hole in this episode. What about everyone's parents? Where the hell are they and why wouldn't they be like, why didn't they come home? What? You left our children on the fucking island!? Well, since I, Mitch, have a speed boat, I will be a man and go get the kids so they don't freeze out there in the dark. This episode is so gloriously stupid and poorly thought out.

Anyway, they get to talking about their failed love lives and come to the conclusion that love fucks everything up. They also agree that sex is good. Thus begins the very weird sub-plot of Pacey and Jen attempting to be fuck buddies. Let's chalk this up to the writers trying to be more risqué with the series to draw ratings with the younger viewers.

In the gift shop, Joey is reading from the diary of Mary Walbeck. I don't know how such a thing was obtained if the island caught fire but nice touch that the author (or compiler?) is Wendy. Anyway, Joey reads some line about Mary not hearing from William and wondering if their bond was an illusion and then Dawson is all butt hurt and asking if that's what Joey thinks of them, that their bond was an illusion.

Exactly, Dawson

They bicker some more about their relationship and Dawson asks what happened to her romantic side that believes love doesn't die and Joey responds that she offered herself to the boy she loved and who she thought loved her and he rejected her. Dawson doesn't want to deal with that so he just spouts off that if they are meant to be, they will find their way back to each other. Joey doesn't think that will happen and reads another of Mary's diary entries that talks about how her bond with William is growing weaker by the day. Then a bell starts to ring. They assume that it's Pacey and Jen at the church, calling for them and run off to find them. And for some reason, Wendy is still there.

I'm scared of the island and yet I live here. I'm perfectly willing to let teenagers
risk their lives to go to a church that I supposedly don't go to but obviously
studied because reasons! I also don't lock any of the buildings at night and let
everyone wander around my gift shop, free to take anything they want despite
the fact that this is how the island probably makes its money to
keep everything taken care of. I'm awesome at my job!

They all meet up at the church but none of them rang the bell. The bell is ringing on its own. Scratch that, there is no bell! Dun, dun, DUN!

Shit just got real!

Joey says she is sufficiently "wigged" and I laugh because that is such a Buffy thing to say and then I think that she could handle this ghost witches nonsense much better than anyone on this show could. Then I thought, "Wouldn't it be cool if Buffy showed up right now and saved them all?" and my brain spiralled into a much better episode than what I'm watching right now because it would totally kick ass if Buffy showed up on the supernatural episode of Dawson's Creek and she'd punch Dawson for being a slut shamer, and would totally get with Pacey. Oh my god, Puffy! Their shipper name could be Puffy! This is just writing itself. And...OK, I'll get back to the actual episode now. Still...

Oh my god, yes! Somebody made this a thing! I love you, Internet.

Apparently, not long after being wigged, Joey is comfortable enough to chill and start reading more diary entries. Jen asks her how it is and Joey explains that Mary just got a letter from William. Mary wrote that William promised to take her away and the anniversary is the same day that the gang is on the island. The last entry is that one. How convenient. Joey remarks that love isn't enough and that William probably played her for a fool and then got with some main lander instead. Jen gives her a much needed reality check.

Jen: And I hate to be the one to burst this whole subtextual bubble that you're living in, but do me a favour, Joey. Don't let somebody else's love life dictate your own.

Exactly! Especially since Mary's banishment works far better as subtext for Jen's life but whatever. The writers hate Jen for some reason.

Pacey asks Dawson why he's not filming anymore and Dawson explains that he's not feeling in the mood to film. He then asks Pacey if he made a mistake. Pacey's response?

And I laughed forever and ever

Dawson clarifies that he means that when he told Joey that they needed time apart. Pacey, being a better friend to Dawson than he deserves, tells Dawson that he wears his heart on his sleeve and that when he made the choice to be apart from Joey, he was just following his heart so he can't have made a mistake in that regard. It's sweet but kind of stupid. I am of the opinion that Dawson has no heart and is in fact, a robot. Just my opinion though.

Later that night, after Dawson and Joey have fallen asleep, Jen and Pacey discuss their plans to be fuck buddies. They test things out by kissing. It's kind of awkward and I can't wait for this to be over. They work better as friends but again, that's just my opinion. They continue kissing until a loud noise interrupts them.

Suddenly, the church erupts into sounds of screams, chanting, and the place lights on fire. They scream and try to get out but can't. A large fireball bursts through a window and everything goes quiet again. The gang quickly run outside because now they can get out for some reason and race through the woods. Due to contrivances and time constraints, there is a boat that is magically at the docks. Who put it there? Who knows? But the plot says a boat is there and the gang pile on it and get the hell off the island, leaving the poor sucker who brought the boat over on the island. Fuck him/her, he's not in the main cast and we'll never mention it again or go over if someone is missing. I think we're made to think the boat guy did it but he was shit scared of being at the island after dark so why would he come back instead of just waiting for them and taking them home at the start? This whole thing is just a big pile of dumb.

The next day or next week or whenever the hell the paper was due, Dawson is showing his film to the class who are staring at it in utter awe and it makes me want to gag. Stop feeding his ego random classmate extras! Principal Green does me a solid by saying this:

A Dawson diss and movie title drop in one!

A girl in class points out that there are two people on the docks watching them leave in Dawson's video. Dawson rewinds the tape and is somehow able to zoom in, even though it's VHS because this was the 90s, bitch. Principal Green is called away to a "situation".

The situation is that Andie has given practically every kid in school a citation and is handing out detention like candy. Oh and Belinda is standing next to her and I guess has joined forces with her but who the fuck knows because she never says a word. Principal Green yells at Andie for giving all of the kids detention based on out dated rules from the 1950s and tells her to dismiss everyone and see him in his office. Belinda, scamper back to the room of forgotten side characters, where you belong.

Jen pops by Pacey's work...hey he also still works at the video store. I guess they are going to bring that back. Maybe. Anyway, she has not been deterred by their disastrous and unexplained interruption of their first foray into fuck buddy town and wants to continue with it. Pacey agrees and they shake on it because neither one of them wants to do it yet.

Dawson and Joey bicker over whether the people on the docks are the ghosts of Mary and William or just Wendy and Boat Guy messing with them. That would be epic and I'm inclined to agree with Joey that it was just those two dicking them around. It would at least somewhat explain why they were so cavalier about the gang supposedly risking their lives. Yeah the fire at the church thing was weird but it's not like anyone is going to talk about this episode past this or explore it further. So, sure I buy that Wendy and Boat Guy staged a fire show and were playing recordings to spook a bunch of kids for their own amusement. Whatever.

Dawson apologizes to Joey for taking their friendship for granted and for being selfish enough that they could just easily pick up where they left off like nothing happened. Joey thanks him but says it was partly her fault as well. Which is true, she's the one that dumped him epically last season. They agree to be friends and to take things slowly.

Joey then mentions that they are never going to solve this "X-File" (because that was also a thing back then) and Dawson suggests that they go back for a sequel. Joey is not for that idea and says this:

Spoilers, it does not open well and I can't wait

Thus endeth the episode. Well, that was Escape From Witch Island and while it was not a strong episode, by any means, it was a very entertaining and memorable episode. I was looking forward to this one from the start of these reviews because it's one of the ones that really stuck out in my head. The Blair Witch Project was name dropped a total of 7 times this episode and it makes me kind of excited for the No Doubt episode in season 6. How many times will they name drop No Doubt, do you think? More or less than The Blair Witch Project? Place your bets now.

Next up is Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? Seriously, guess. Who's it gonna be? I'll give you a hint, it's not Eve or Belinda because they've been banished to the room of forgotten side characters.

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!

Dawson's Creek - 306 - Secrets and Lies

2014-09-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

Original air date: November 10, 1999

Welcome back to another Creek recap. Last episode was rage inducing and I thought this one would be too but it more just makes me sad. Let's take a look and see why.

Jen is complaining to Dawson about being made Capeside's homecoming Queen and how she's turning into her mother. This is apparently horrific to her because she doesn't want to be just a vapid high society girl. Dawson, to his credit, actually tries to make her feel better about her situation. They run into the school's guidance councillor and he introduces Jen to all of the previous homecoming queens. I seriously didn't realize it was such a huge deal that all past generations of homecoming queens came to meet the new ones. That's weird. Americans have weird obsessions with high school stuff.

Anyway, one of them is named Constance Freckling and is the oldest living "HQ" which apparently entitles her to be like the president of homecoming and throwing homecoming dances or something to do with organizing it. I guess she's rich and has a huge house that she offers up to the occasion. Jen is less than thrilled.

I hope you don't try to shock me with your
sexy, non-religious, and rebellious ways

Pacey and Joey are at her place and talking to Bessie about the fact that they are turning their home into a bed and breakfast. Now, they are adding an addition or something but I'm still confused because I thought they lived in a hovel that was so tiny that Joey couldn't have a bedroom. Am I just making that up? I thought she'd complained about having to be in the living room or something. Whatever, now their place is big enough to house them and to have people stay the night or weekend. I'm guessing the addition will be the extra bedrooms needed but if I'm right about Joey's living situation then burn on her. Guests get bedrooms before Poor!Joey.

Pacey asks Joey if she's alright because he's an awesome friend and way better than Dawson in every way. Joey admits that she's nervous about opening a bed and breakfast and really wants it to work out as they are putting most of the insurance money into it. I guess they've decided to completely abandon the Ice House? She also mentions that she does not want to ever go back to working at the marina. Pacey asks her what happened with her creep boss and Joey says that it's a long story because she clearly doesn't want to tell him about Andie being stupid enough to date said jerk. Because Pacey is awesome, he calls her out on her half lie and forces her to tell him about it and Joey admits that it's Andie and Pacey has a sad.

Awwww, I want to give him a hug

Dawson walks into his kitchen to find his mother there. He asks her what brings her back to town and she admits to being a former HQ from an "undisclosed year in the late seventies." Mitch teases her a bit and they make awkward conversation until Gail mentions that she's going to need a date and asks Dawson who looks extremely uncomfortable as his father is standing right there.

AAAWWWWKWAAAAAAARRD!!!!

Pacey and Joey are sitting together at lunch when Andie just comes and joins them like it's no big she cheated on Pacey and inadvertently got Joey fired from her job. Pacey bails quickly and Andie asks if Joey told him about Rob. Joey admits that it slipped out over breakfast which piques Andie's curiosity but Joey explains that Pacey has been helping her and Bessie build the bed and breakfast that they need to open soon so that they can barely scrape by. Andie immediately comes back with that it wasn't her fault that Joey got fired and then gushes about how much she likes Rob. Why? He was an asshole to your supposed friend, Andie. Joey tells Andie that she can do whatever she wants.

Preach

Jen goes to visit Miss Freckling to basically tell her that she didn't really ask to be an HQ. Miss Freckling shoots back that she didn't ask for Jen either and that most girls who come through her door are super excited to be where she is. I kind of have to agree. I mean, some girls want nothing more to be HQ of their school, so I hear, it would suck if the person who won was all "Wah! Why am I an HQ? This is stupid! I don't want to do this!" Jen, you're not being a very good sport about this and if you really didn't want to be an HQ, couldn't you just have declined the title and given it to someone who really wanted it? But no, plot contrivances dictate that Jen must go through with it because it's funny to force her to do something she doesn't want.

Jen hears a loud bump upstairs and Miss Freckling explains that her handy boy, Hank, is setting up twinkle lights on her roof. I'm just going to show you a shot of her house:

Check this behemoth out and note how high the roof is

Kind of got a feel for its size now? Ok, so Jen basically leaves after Miss Freckling gives her a talking to about bucking up, showing poise and wearing a bra which made me laugh because yeah, these girls hardly ever wear a bra on this show. It's very noticeable. Jen leaves in a huff and this happens:

Yikes!

Ok, look at the house and then remember, it was specifically said that he was on the roof putting twinkle lights up. He totally should not have come out of that fall completely unscathed. That just makes no sense. However, Capeside logic dictates that we are just supposed to laugh at the zaniness and forget about the laws of gravity. Also, Hank is apparently Henry. Joy.

He screams at her that there are bees and tells her to run for her life and literally all I can think of is this:

Not the bees! Not the bees!

Pacey and Joey are hanging out at her place, fixing up the addition when Bessie comes in with the phone. She says it's for Joey and that whoever it is sounds upset. Joey answers and we hear Andie crying on the other end and asking for Joey's help.

She was at Rob's house for a party and so Pacey and Joey arrive there to find Andie crying outside under a tree. Pacey and Joey get her to tell them what happened to make her upset and Andie claims that Rob attempted to rape her but failed. She tries to tell them that it was no big and that she just wants to go home but Pacey isn't having it and runs into the house to find Rob.

Take that, you creepy fuck!

Apparently Jen and Hank/Henry have been hiding from the bees in a greenhouse for some time because they ran away in daylight but it is now night time. Jen admires the flowers and Hank-ry tells her some of the names which sound suggestive. This makes Jen laugh a bit and teases Hank-ry. She complains about Miss Freckling but Hank-ry explains that she's just lonely and that the HQ is one of the only things she has in her life. That is fucking depressing. He also tells Jen that Miss F was looking forward to meeting her because he told her all about Jen. Why does that sound creepy to me?

Anyway, we cut back to Pacey, Joey, and Andie. Joey is trying to convince Andie to go to the police but she refuses because she insists nothing really happened anyway. Joey then tries to convince Andie to stay over at her place because she shouldn't be alone. Wow, Joey is a super awesome friend this season. Good job, Joey. Andie doesn't want to though and Pacey offers to take care of her.

We cut back to Miss Freckling's house where Hank-ry has taken Jen back in to see her. He's all, I bumped into Jen outside and convinced her to come back in and I expected her to be like "My word! That was four hours ago, what the fuck were you two doing?" Because that's what I would've asked if I were her. She is in Capeside time too though so she seems unfazed by their re-entry at night time when Jen clearly left when the sun was up. Jen and Miss Freckling make up and begin to plan the HQ gala. Jen then mentions that Hank-ry will be her date.

Don't do it, Jen!

Pacey has taken Andie to his boat and she mentions that the name for his boat is ironic. Not sure why but I guess because she figured he didn't believe in it because he broke up with her...because she cheated on him? Whatever, he explains that he brought her to his boat to show her that he's ok and is trying to make something beautiful out of his heartache. She says she's not ok and is not over him and wants to get back together. Pacey is all "nah, not doing that again." but Andie is insistent that they belong together and keeps putting the moves on him. He keeps turning her down because he knows it's not cool to do this on the same night she supposedly almost got raped but Andie's just like "well if me getting almost raped gets us back together then I'm cool!" Which raises some major red flags with me. Pacey caves and they end up kissing.

The next morning Andie is all super happy and chipper about what happened and wants to know if Pacey is feeling the same way. He claims he is but you can tell that he's unsure of them getting back together so quickly.

Rob goes to Joey's house to plead his case which makes no fucking sense because why does he care what his ex-employee thinks of him? It makes a little more sense when he asks her if Andie has gone to the police, I guess he wanted to get info on how fucked he might be. He admits that he did knowingly sexually harass Joey but that it's totally different from sexual assault. Joey tells him he can draw his own line in the sand if he wants but that both are against the law. She tries to slam the door in his face repeatedly but he keeps grabbing her and begging her to believe him that he would never force himself on a woman. He'd have an easier time convincing Joey of this if he wasn't constantly forcing her not to leave by grabbing her.

Exactly

At the HQ gala, Miss Freckling is apparently quite satisfied with the way everything is going. Dawson and Mitch are talking when two characters that we'll never see again come up and start talking to them about Gail's job in Philly. She tries to retreat but not before the bitchy woman blabs about the fact that it was absurd that Gail was fired for being too old for the pubic to relate to. The characters then disappear into the land of forgotten side characters having served their sole purpose for being. Dawson asks his mother what the hell happened in Philly and why she didn't say anything about it.

Jen and Hank-ry enter the party looking completely stupid or perhaps they were going for rebellious? I don't know what look they were trying for but all I can see when I look at Hank-ry is Austin Powers.

Yeah, baby!

Miss Freckling is upset with their attire and demands they go change. She admonishes Hank-ry for dressing the way he did because no one should dress up like Austen Powers. No one. Jen says that she put him up to it and smugly says that she hasn't seen anything yet. Cue the drag queens to enter and Miss Freckling's shocked face. Oooooh, Jen is shocking old people with her crazy sexual, non-god-faring ways again!

Andie and Joey are talking and Joey asks if she's told her dad about the almost assault. Andie is weirdly nonchalant about her almost rape and acts like it's completely no big and that she doesn't need to tell her dad because nothing really happened. Joey is as confused by her behaviour as I am and she tells Andie about Rob coming by her place to plead his innocence. Andie accuses Joey of siding with Rob but Joey says she isn't but wants to make sure that they are doing the right thing by not going to the police. She feels awful about not reporting Rob herself because then maybe Andie wouldn't have been hurt. Andie then says, in the creepiest way possible, that maybe all of it happened for a reason and that something good came out of it. Joey is like "what the fuck are you talking about?" and Andie explains that she and Pacey are back together as of last night while giving the creepiest look possible.

Her stare gives me the wiggins. Her whole attitude, lately, does

Back at the HQ gala, the drag queens are performing "It's Raining Men", naturally, and Hank-ry worries about Miss Freckling being pissed at him. Jen claims that he won't be in trouble because deep down, she's sure that Miss Freckling "gets it". Homecoming Queens or Drag Queens, they are all just people playing dress up. She then asks Hank-ry to dance. Meanwhile, Miss Freckling is doing the most awkward toe-tap of all time:

Of all time!

Andie stops by where Pacey is working on his boat and gives him a skipper's hat. Pacey starts to talk about wondering whether he'll be able to fix the boat again and Andie acts all concerned because they are really talking about whether they can rebuild their relationship. She asks him to stop with the boat metaphor and Pacey admits that he thinks they made a mistake last night. Andie says they didn't because she felt super happy about it. Pacey says it felt like he did the wrong thing and Andie accuses him of punishing her. He tells her he isn't but that maybe she slept with that guy because it was her heart's way of telling her that she and Pacey aren't meant to be. Pacey then admits that his heart is telling him that she isn't the one for him either. Andie gets understandably upset and runs off as Pacey tries to apologize for hurting her.

Jen apologizes to Miss Freckling and admits that she was trying to shock her. Miss Freckling is cool with it but wants to clear things up about Hank-ry. Jen tells her it's just a crush but Miss Freckling says that he likes her a hell of a lot but she can tell Jen doesn't feel the same way. Jen admits that she doesn't like Hank-ry and Miss Freckling tells her to stop leading him on then. She knows that's the path that will lead to Jen's body being dragged out of the creek.

Because, as we've discussed, Henry is a serial killer

Jen confronts Hank-ry and basically tells him that she does not like him in that way. He tells her that he's in love with her and both Jen and I laugh at that because he barely knows a thing about her beyond, "she's hot." He protests a little bit but Jen basically tells him it's never going to happen and then Hank-ry runs off ~~to plan her murder~~ crying.

Gail finally tells Dawson about Philly and the fact that she was fired and was too ashamed to admit it. He encourages her to talk to Mitch about it all because she could use a friend. That feels a little too...like Dawson is only encouraging her to do it in the hopes that they'll get back together but it is nice, I guess. Gail is not too keen on running back home but agrees to talk to Mitch about everything.

Andie confronts Joey and accuses her of telling Pacey that she made the whole story up to get him back. Joey didn't and tells her that she hadn't seen Pacey since they dropped her off. Andie doesn't quite believe this and basically admits to making everything up just to play into Pacey's hero complex and win him back.

I think I just might be worn out from all the raging last week but I just can't be as pissed as I want to be about this. Morally, lying about a rape or even an attempted rape is so wrong because it basically gives ammunition to people that like to give actual victims of sexual assault a hard time. It is completely, undeniably, unquestionably a reprehensible thing to do and I have lost all respect for this character but at the same time, it's also extremely sloppy writing. This is a girl who has severe mental and emotional problems to the point that she was sent to a specialty home/hospital thing to take care of it and while it is mentioned in this episode, it is only mentioned by the guy who is definitely a creep as a way to knock down her accusation. In reality, her behaviour the past few episodes should be a major red flag to all of her friends and family that maybe she should be sent back to the hospital because she just doesn't seem ready to be out and on her own. So, in that regard I do feel bad for her.

So, while I want to be angry, at this point, I am just tired. Exhausted with this show and it's treatment of women. Rob was set up to be a complete prick and completely capable of forcing himself on a girl but instead, once again, the girl is the villain here because she was just lying in order to get her boyfriend back. I think this is a pretty irresponsible storyline because instead of using this storyline as a way to get her some much needed help, it is basically one big "see? Women lie about rape all the time just to get what they want" and nothing more. Rob is innocent which is laughable because he has been extremely inappropriate with both Joey and even dating Andie in the first place. But that is wiped away because Andie was this big, crazy evil mastermind who lied about everything. I could almost get behind this reveal and the whole thing with the PSATs if the writers had been willing to address her mental issues again, other than using it for their gross creeper character's excuse as to why she'd be lying. They needed to take the time to have Andie be like "I'm not ok, I think I still need help." but instead, they'll pretend like none of this happened in the next episode. So, I'm just tired at this point.

We get it, writers. Women are evil

We end with a montage that sees Jen sitting with Miss Freckling and the Drag Queens, Henry walking alone and looking like he's either sad or constipated, Gail and Mitch talking, and Joey consoling Andie. The end.

That was Secrets and Lies and you know what? I actually don't mind this episode that much. It's more boring than anything but I'll give it that it focused more on characters I actually don't mind and less on Dawson which was nice. I remember being really happy that Jen finally settled things with Henry and that he would be gone but unfortunately, I was wrong. He does come back. Also, how stupid was it that Miss Freckling called him "Hank"? It was obviously just so we'd be all surprised when it turned out to actually be Henry. Blah.

After these last few episodes of boredom, rage and sadness, I am super stoked for next week's episode. You have no idea how much I've been looking forward to it. It's terrible but it's memorable and actually entertainingly stupid so it will be a breath of fresh air to me. Stay tuned for the hilarious Blair Witch rip-off that is Escape From Witch Island.

Dawson's Creek - 305 - Indian Summer

2014-09-03T10:59:00.000-07:00

Original air date: October 27, 1999

I'm just going to start off this recap by saying that this is Eve's last episode. Yeah I know, spoilers, but I just need to get this off my chest now because it sets up the rant that is to come later about her character. Remember, this is her last episode ever. EVER. She never comes back. So, with that in mind, onto the recap.

We open the episode with Dawson and Pacey hanging out in Dawson's room and watching movies. Film noire, to be exact. They really want to hammer in the theme they were going for this season and spell out for the audiences what type of character Eve is supposed to be. Dawson starts mouthing off about not understanding film noire by saying that the main character is stupid for not seeing that the femme fatale is setting him up for a fall.

You decide

Anyway, Pacey leaves and that's when Dawson notices a flashlight beam inside the Lindley's home. In a shockingly smart move, Dawson calls the police to report this. Then he goes over to investigate because clearly, the Lindley's either aren't home or are extremely heavy sleepers. He makes it to the house when the skulker jumps out of the window onto him. It turns out to be Eve.

Oh joy, it's her again

Dawson demands to know what Eve is doing lurking around Jen's place. Eve tries to put on the sexy thing by claiming that she and Jen are having a torrid lesbian romance but Dawson isn't having it. She gets annoyed that she can't distract him with girl kisses and moves on to threatening him about the PSAT thing. I don't see how it's a threat because it was such a non issue in the episode it was featured itself. No one can prove Dawson had it, no one knows where it went, thus no one can even say if it existed in the first place. Dawson didn't even take the test so how would anyone believe he'd stolen it? Then Eve says this:

Eve: So feel free to get all boy scouty on me Dawson, but you should know, I'd get quite the perverse little thrill out of making things profoundly uncomfortable for you and the rest of the Sweet Valley High extras you call your friends.

Get it! Because she was on Sweet Valley High and now she's making a reference to it but in regards to Dawson's friends!

You said it, Troy

Dawson caves into his penis and covers for her to Doug. He claims it was just Jen sneaking in the window but like, shouldn't Doug asks the Lindley's if they are alright? Are they not home? Did I miss something? Whatever, Doug buys it somewhat and leaves and Dawson goes back to his room to find that Sweet Valley Eve has disappeared.

The True Soul Mates of Dawson's Creek are lying on a blanket and looking at the stars together. Jack tries to get Jen to admit she'd rather be doing this with someone else but Jen insists she's happy right now. She likes hanging out with her best friend and thinks it's truly important to have one. Yeah, back off, Jack. All she's wanted since she got on this show was a friend and she's been burned several times on that front. Just let her be happy to have you as a friend and stop pushing boyfriend stuff on her, especially if you think said boyfriend should be Henry because no. Some sprinklers suddenly come on and interrupt their discussion.

So cute!

At Joey's gas jockey job, she has to endure her boss hitting on her again. Just take a look at this:

Rob: So Potter, what do you say, you and me at the movies tonight?
Joey: Oh joy. Is this the part of the work day where you get inappropriate?
Rob: That depends on what your answer is.
Joey: My answer is … ask me again in two years when I am legal.

No, no, no, no, no. So much "no" in this exchange, I can't even. Writers, this isn't a "quirky", slightly annoying thing that Joey has to deal with. This is serious sexual harassment and of a minor, no less. This is the creepiest thing the writers have put in this show since the Ta-mah-ra/Pacey relationship except worse and no, not because it's an older guy on a younger girl. Both are wrong but this dude is flat out threatening her job if she doesn't go on a date with him and is making overt sexual advances to a minor and she has to point this out to him but he persists anyway, claiming she'll be jealous if he gets another girl.Then he sprays her chest with water while she's telling him to stop! THIS GUY IS INSANELY CREEPY AND I WANT HIM OFF THE SHOW NOW!!

Dawson begins his hunt for Eve and it goes no where. The strip club owner doesn't cooperate because a)Dawson is underage and therefore should not have been in his club and b) if the girl in question is also in high school, then she wouldn't be working for him or he'd be in serious shit. He also finds out that she was never enrolled at Capeside High.

Guys, I love Jack McPhee, I really do but this episode he is pissing me right off. He is talking with Henry who is freaking out about Jen coming towards them. Jack then tells Henry to just ask her out and I'm not impressed because this makes him a shitty friend to both Jen and Henry. He talked to Jen about this and Jen expressly said she had no interest in him. He should just tell Henry to move on but no, he keeps pushing Henry to ask her out, thus blatantly ignoring what his best friend told him and knowingly sets Henry up to be humiliated.

Not cool, Jack

She comes over and tells them that the ice cream man is outside but then offers them both a lick of hers. Excuse me while I hurl. I can kind of get her offering to Jack because their friends but she doesn't even know Henry that well. Why would she do this? It's just gross and unsanitary and...I may have issues with sharing food, OK?

Anyway, Henry complains that he can't ask her out because he gets too nervous to talk to her and ugh! Jack tries to set something up where they will just happen to be in the same place at the same time and just no. Jack, you are killing me! Why are you being such a shitty friend to Jen? You two are my True Soul Mates of Dawson's Creek! Why do you insist on hurting me?

Dawson asks Doug for hypothetical help on investigating which is an incredibly stupid idea considering he called the cops about a break and enter and then insisted that nothing was the matter and is now asking how to find someone. Doug then tells him to check the laundromat because everyone has to do laundry at some point.

Dawson follows this advice and sits outside the laundromat. Pacey calls Dawson out on being obsessed while Dawson rants about how he needs to find out all about Eve (movie reference just like in the show!). Pacey convinces him to give it up and just watch a movie together but then they spot her buying ice cream and follow her.

Back at Joey's job of dealing with inappropriate, would-be statutory rapists. Her boss continues to harass her but then claims to have found a different date, to try and make Joey, a teenager, jealous. Uhm...who's the adult here? Anyway, the teen in question that he found to date him is none other than Andie because the writers are having a field day absolutely torching her character and making you forget why you ever liked her in the first place. I mean, this guy is so over the top creepy and is obviously still hitting on Joey and I'm supposed to believe that Andie sees none of this and just dizzily goes on her way after he objectifies her supposed friend? Yeah, Andie said Joey was her friend, not that you'd know since they barely ever share any screen time together but if she says she considers Joey a friend, then she should have been appalled that Rob, the boss, stuck money in her friend's shirt pocket and tells her to "buy something pretty".

Preach, Joey

Meanwhile, at the park, Jen arrives for her ambush date with Henry who is practicing what he's gong to say to her. He claims he is just there to hang out, like her but Jen says that she's actually waiting for Jack. Henry then mumbles that Jack can't come so he sent him and Jen looks rightfully pissed.

Jen: You know Henry, I know you're new at this being all of uh, I don't know what … fourteen?
Henry: Fifteen.
Jen: OK, Fifteen. Dating is a consensual activity that usually involves some sort of pre-arrangement. Next time don't skip the part where you ask me.

Thank you, Jen! Yes, absolutely she should have been asked, not pushed into dating someone she had zero interest in. Major fucking foul, Jack.

Pacey and Dawson have apparently tracked Eve until night time and manage to follow her to a boat. She gets changed sexily because that's really the only purpose this character serves, to be sexy for the male audience, and then leaves the boat again. Pacey goes to follow Eve but Dawson decides to do a little break and entering himself. He sucks at it and gets caught but not before he finds and pockets a picture of a blonde haired woman.

Doug, is apparently the only cop ever on duty in Capeside and he works all hours of the day and night. I think that Doug isn't actually Pacey's brother but a robot that his dad created to be the keeper of law and order in the town. Doug Witter is...

Robocop...Capeside Edition!
Yes, I actually put Doug's face in there

Anyway, Doug sarcastically asks Dawson if this is more research for his screenplay but Dawson tries to tell him that it's his friend's boat. Doug then asks if he's friends with 80 year olds because it's an old couple that owns the boat. Dawson then tries to pretend that he got on the wrong boat but Doug isn't buying it and thinks Dawson's friend is exactly who they are looking for.

Pacey arrives and begins his usual schtick of making jokes about Doug being gay to which Doug says:

Doug: Little brother, your obsession with my sexuality is just … plain weird. Look, do I have to talk to dad again, huh?

Word. I love you, Pacey, but Doug is right. This is just getting weird and it's not funny or sensitive to the actual gay character on the show. Remember when I said that this show actually did a pretty good job with it's character coming out as gay and may even have handled it better than Buffy? Well, I take that back. The coming out might have been handled a little better but everything after is kind of questionable. Anyway, Pacey's plan works because Doug yells at them that he's not gay and tells them to get lost. Pacey knows the robot's weakness is his blatant homophobia.

Joey tries to warn Andie about Rob being a skeev which Andie really should have picked up on, given she was there for the whole "buy something pretty" incident. Andie is being wilfully ignorant and insults Joey about being inexperienced with guys and being closed off to new people. No, Andie, Joey is just closed off to obvious statutory rapists.

Joey decides that she should use her date crashing abilities for good this time and sits with Andie and Rob at the movies so that Rob can't make a move on Andie. Andie tries to tell her to leave but Joey tells Andie that she can psychoanalyse her in the morning and be mad at her all she wants, she will not leave her alone with Rob. Holy shit...is that Joey being a good friend?

I'm liking season 3 Joey so far

Jen storms home and confronts Jack about his douchebaggery. Jack says he was just helping out a friend and that he thought it would be romantic. What about Jen? Is she not your friend, Jack? She told you she wasn't interested in Henry, it doesn't matter how nice you think he is, she isn't interested in him. They have nothing in common. Being nice doesn't mean you deserve to be given a chance with every girl you think is hot, you have to, you know, actually click with the person you want to date and they have to click with you. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH THIS SHOW PERPETUATES THE NICE GUY THING!!! IT PISSES ME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF!!!

Sorry, I just really hate the "Nice Guy" thing

So, why is you being a general nice person not enough? Well, I'll let Jen explain this one for me:

Jen: Oh yeah, he's a real nice kid. He stares at me like I'm a pornographic fantasy come to life.
Jack: That's because he's infatuated with you.
Jen: Well I'm not infatuated with him, and I told you that a thousand times and you didn't listen to me. You took his side.

Two points, you can be as nice as hell but if you are horrible at interacting with girls and stare creepily at them, THEY WILL NOT BE INTERESTED IN YOU! That is a major turn off for most girls. Also, once again, the girl has a choice in who she dates. If she says she isn't interested, she isn't interested, end of. I hate this subplot and I hate that it made my favourite soul mates get into a fight and I hate Henry and I just hate everything right now and I haven't even gotten to my Eve rant yet!

Oh god, my stress levels are rising just thinking about writing about this next scene. Eve has broken into Dawson's room and demands her picture back. Dawson demands answers from her first because he's a douche who feels like he's entitled to know about her so much as to steal her property and hold it ransom which, by the by, is like a thousand times worse than anything she's supposedly done to him. In fact, Dawson yells at her about ruining his life and wrecking his father's boat.

My reaction exactly

YOU WRECKED YOUR FATHER'S BOAT, DAWSON!! YOU DID!!! She was just giving you a blow job, god knows why, and you couldn't handle driving and getting sucked off at the same time. YOU shouldn't have taken your father's boat out. YOU should have slowed down or stopped when she started to give you a blow job. YOU were in control of everything in that situation and most importantly of all YOU WANTED THE BLOW JOB! Suffer the consequences of your own damn actions, Dawson! Oh my god, I hate him so much!!!

Anyway, Eve explains to Dawson that the woman in the picture is her birth mother who she's been trying to find. They exchange some pleasantries and Eve gushes about how nice Dawson is and I want to vomit. She finally leaves and Dawson is all smug about how he cracked her and discovered her secret. WE NEVER SEE HER AGAIN. I want you to remember this because we are very quickly getting to my Eve rant.

Jack apologizes to Jen for setting her up on a date with Henry but states that he was just trying to do her a favour. Jen tells him that she doesn't want a relationship, that she's happy with the way things are. She says she's had plenty of boyfriends but she's never had a boy who was first and last her friend and that is all she needs right now. She then calls him out and says that it's him who's lonely for a relationship and that's why he was pushing her so hard. Jack admits that he is lonely but that there is no hope for him finding a date in small town anti-gay, America. Jen lovingly tells him that he will find love and it will be amazing.

Yay, my soul mates are back!
Never do that again, Jack

Joey and Andie confront each other the next day and seem to make up a bit. Andie informs Joey that Rob was a perfect gentleman but Joey isn't buying it and neither am I. Especially not when he walks up and says this:

Rob: Yeah, I know. So last night, quite a threesome. Only next time I want to be in the middle.

This guy is so gross, can he leave and never come back, please? Anyway, he asks Joey if she closed early to go to the movies, Joey says she did because it was slow and Rob fires her. Because he's a dick and a sexist pig and I hate him and I will seriously punch something if the writers ever expect me to feel sorry for this lame wad.

What she said

OK and now we get to the end of the episode. Dawson is bringing an air conditioner over to Grams' because they are still having an Indian Summer which every character has mentioned in this episode. This is just a loose way to explain why the characters don't need to wear jackets in the fall, and it always seems to be warm in Capeside, so I ignored it. Anyway, as Dawson brings in the air conditioner, he spots a picture on Grams' coffee table. It's the same woman as in Eve's photo. He asks Grams who it is and she says it's her daughter, Helen. Dawson asks if it's Jen's mom and Grans confirms this by saying that she only has one daughter. Dun, dun-

I'm sorry, what? The big reveal about the mystery of Eve and what she was doing in Capeside is that she's Jen's half sister? She's Jen's half sister!? Well what the fuck was she doing stalking Dawson for all this time? What the fuck, writers?

OK, so there's this thing called the Bechdel test and what it does is rates whether a movie or show involves at least two female characters who talk to each other about something other than a man. I don't put too much stock in it, I don't avoid things that fail this test because a lot of my favourite shows and movies would probably fail it some way but this storyline right here? It is an absolute, disgraceful, failure of this test. You mean to tell me that I had to sit through this girl swishing her stuff for Dawson Leery of all people and giving him head only to find out that she's Jen's half sister? The two girls never once shared screen time. Never. Not once.

Why the hell was she in Dawson's story? Should she not have been asking him questions about Jen? Should she not have been focusing all of her time and interest in Jen and locating her mother instead of wasting her time being nothing but a sex fantasy for Dawson fucking Leery? This story is absolutely insulting to its female viewers. To make us believe that a girl who is trying to find out who her mother is would waste time dicking around with boys is demeaning. This is a travesty of a plot and a fail of a reveal and a waste of a potentially really great story for Jen, all so Dawson could have a sexual encounter. Fuck you, writers. Just fuck you. That was a waste of my time and a waste of a pretty dramatic reveal as the writers promptly drop this storyline. I think we get one more episode that kind of deals with it but as I said, Eve never returns and never gets a chance to interact with her goddamn half sister because the writers wanted her to be Dawson's sex bot instead.

One for you, one for you, one for everybody involved
who thought this storyline was acceptable

This rage-inducing episode was Indian Summer. It sucked. It's up there as worst in the series for me along with Tamara's Return. See all rants above as to why.

Stay tuned for the next recap, Secret & Lies, where Andie reaches her peak of horrible and I start to not care about her at all. You win, writers.

Dawson's Creek - 304 - Home Movies

2014-08-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

Original air date: October 20, 1999

Eve isn't in this episode! Hooray!

We start the episode in Dawson's room as he's preparing to make a non-fictional video. Pacey is asking him what made him change from fiction to making real life stories and Dawson explains that his mom is asking him to get her some raw footage for a human interest story that could be aired on her news show. Dawson thinks this is his chance to get his foot in the door but I doubt it because news is an entirely different field than movies and people don't usually notice camera work or who does the camera work on news stories either. Dawson seems to think otherwise and is excited about this opportunity. He has chosen to do his story on Jack McPhee because he's gay and plays on the football team and that was just crazy and unthinkable in the 90s.

He finds what he thinks is a tape of his mom's work but is actually old home movies of him and Joey playing as kids. This makes me upset because it reminds me that someone commented on my blog that there was apparently a scene written of Joey interacting with Pacey as a child but it was never filmed and I can't find the script anywhere. I want that script, dammit!

Who cares about Dawson and Joey?

Grams chastises Jen for "degrading" her school colours by wearing fishnet stalkings with her cheer leading uniform. Jen says it's her form of protest against people sexualizing cheerleaders which makes no sense because she's just playing into the sexualizing aspect so she's really not getting any message across against it. As much as I usually love Jen and Grams, this scene totally just exists as a "Jen says something sexual around Grams and Grams gets shocked" moment that's supposed to be funny but it's kind of tired at this point. Skip it.

Pacey sneaks up on Joey and they banter about how much they hate all the school spirit that's going on. How come I love it when Pacey and Joey banter but hate it when Dawson and Joey do it? Answer, because Dawson sucks and Pacey is awesome. Fact. Anyway, Pacey asks Joey if she wants to cut class and come with him somewhere. She asks him where but he refuses to say and she feigns disinterest. He leaves her to think about her offer to follow him. She debates with herself but of course she follows him, because he's Pacey.

I love them

Dawson is interviewing Jack about football when Coach Mitch interrupts and tells Jack to get to practice. Dawson says that he can interview Mitch while Jack practices but Mitch shuts him down, on account of he's the coach and needs to actually watch the practice. Dawson whines that his project is due tomorrow but Mitch tells him to get an extension and deal with it. I kind of laugh because I just love it when Dawson doesn't get his way.

Henry is showing off his Doug Flutie mouthpiece to the team when Jen and the cheerleaders walk up and asks what they're going on about. Jack explains to her while Henry quietly shows her the mouthpiece. She's disgusted that it was in some strange guys mouth and walks away. Henry then creepers about her to Jack and says he has to do something to get her to notice him.

Jack, stop mocking Henry or you'll end up on his kill table

The cheerleaders reveal to Jen that she is the prize in a silent auction they were running and that as the prize, she has to kiss whoever wins. That's insanely creepy and Jen agrees, tells them all off and quits. Huh, not that I disagree with her stance but just last episode she was going on about fate and Jack becoming a football player meaning something so he should stick with it. Why doesn't the same rule apply to her?

Kind of hypocritical of you, Jen

Andie bumps into a man in the hallway of school who turns out to be from Educational Testing Services. She immediately acts as guilty as possible and asks him if someone cheated which the tester does not tell her but asks her to tell him where her Principal is. She tells him and has a completely guilty and worried look on her face.

Pacey and Joey are walking down a dirt road while Joey whines about the fact that she risked her future to cut class with him, only to be dragged to the post office to pick up a package and then carry said package through the wilderness. It's not really the wilderness, it's a dirt road, Joey. You have a very clear path you are following, you're not just wandering through the bushes. Then Pacey says this:

Pacey: Oh, God. You know, did you ever stop to think about how much hormonally charged energy you waste on these quick quips and the biting banter? Your life would be considerably more productive if you would just take some more, ah…oh, what is that? More, ah … action! If you took more action.

I just...I just love him so much. You see? This is why Joey needs him, he calls her out on her bullshit and keeps her in check. Dawson would have just laughed like a dope and probably ignored her. I want to also note that Pacey is not being a jerk about it, he's just telling her to stop over thinking things, so no girls still don't like jerks over nice guys and Dawson is still not a nice guy.

Pacey then tells her that she should stick out her thumb to hitch them a ride because girls get picked up more than guy hitchhikers. Joey calls him a sexist but Pacey says he's just a pragmatist but I can't get down on him too much because then he starts referencing, literally my favourite rom com ever, The Sure Thing. I LOVE PACEY SO HARD! I WANT TO CUDDLE HIM AND WATCH THE SURE THING WITH HIM FOREVER!!!

Joey sticks out her thumb to hitch but wouldn't you know it, the person who stops to pick her up is Principal Green. Why was he driving down a random dirt road in the middle of a school day? Because the plot says so and Joey and Pacey needed to get caught.

Awww, even when he's in trouble, he's still a gentleman

Dawson tries to get his dad to do an interview but Mitch still refuses until after his game. Dawson whines that he has to get it done so that he can get it to his mom. Mitch is confused because he didn't realize Dawson's interview would go on TV, he thought it was just for school. Dawson whines that he told his dad this but Mitch says that he doesn't want the interview to go on TV because it might ruin their chances of winning. Dawson complains that he waited his entire life for this opportunity and Mitch shuts him down gloriously by mockingly asking "all 16 years of it?" Then Mitch refuses to do the interview and Dawson is a sad panda.

You know how Joey has gotten better this season? It's really only when she's with Pacey because the minute she's with Dawson, she gets as infuriating as ever. She snipes at him but he ignores it and asks for advice and she says "What else are dumped ex-girlfriends for?"

YOU dumped HIM, Joey! Why do you insist on forgetting this? I know you wanted to get back together and he turned you down but still, you were the one who dumped him. Let us all remember:

Anyway, Dawson asks for her advice about the issues he's having with his father and she tells him that it's up to him to decide what he's willing to do and what he's willing to lose to get what he wants. Right now, Dawson going ahead with his story might kill his father, Joey retorts that according to Freud, that's what sons are supposed to do. Which is stupid and outdated and not good advice. Joey, go hang out with Pacey again, you've got more improving to do. Dawson thanks her by giving her the tape that he and Pacey found at the beginning of the episode.

The cheerleaders pester Jen in the morning while she's just waking up (not cool, Grams. Give the girl some warning), and ask her to reconsider the kiss. Jen says she quits and that's that. They don't care that she doesn't want to be on the squad because another girl has already been upped to Head Cheerleader, they just want her to reconsider the kiss as someone donated $500 but only wants to kiss Jen. I think we all know who bid the money, it's really obvious.

It's the pig, isn't it?

Jen reluctantly agrees because it's revealed that they are raising money for orphans and she would look like a jackass if she didn't go through with it. Ah, guilt pressure.

Andie is confronted by Principal Green in the hallway and is asked to come by his office on Monday for a "disciplinary matter". He is needlessly cryptic about this which is hilarious when you find out why he wanted to meet with her. His vague descriptions, of course, freak Andie out and she looks like she's going to hurl.

So, Principal Green has finally decided to punish Pacey and Joey for skipping class. You remember that he picked them up the other day but I guess said nothing to them until today? That's weird. Anyway, he has decided that instead of just, I don't know, giving them detention or something, he wants to give them a stupid punishment. Pacey and Joey look horrified but we don't know what it is until later. Side bar, do high schoolers really get in this much trouble for skipping class? I cut class all the time, you were never in trouble for it (if you kept your ditching to under 10 times). I guess Canadian schools are a bit more lax in attendance once you hit high school than in the US?

Jack bumps into Andie and mentions that he went through with the interview with Dawson. She suddenly goes all doom and gloom about making the wrong life choices and screwing up the future and it's funny because she's talking about herself but Jack thinks she's talking about him. No, scratch that, it's not funny. It's just awkward and kind of selfish of Andie to put all of this onto her brother when it's her who feels guilty and should since she cheated on her PSAT. So, chalk this up to the further character assassination of Andie McPhee but hang on, it gets worse in later episodes. This is nothing.

Dawson's interview with Jack plays on TV that night and he was even douchey enough to interview the opposing team's coach, thus totally giving away Capeside's secret weapon. Jesus, Dawson, that's cold. Why would you think that was OK? I don't even care about football and do think that Dawson had the right to fulfil his own dream but there was a way to do the interview without mentioning how good Jack is. Just focus on his adversities about being gay and being on the football team and don't mention how good he is. Then, you both win because back then, the other team would have probably been douchey enough to not see Jack as a threat because he's gay. But, whatever, Dawson and Mitch argue about it and Mitch says this gloriousness to Dawson:

Yes, yes, yes!

Oh my god, yes! I've never liked Mitch as much as right now

The next day, sure enough, the team is getting their ass handed to them and the opposing team is gunning for Jack. Dawson sheepishly asks Jen if this is his fault and Jen, bless her, bluntly tells him that it is. I love her.

Pacey and Joey are arguing in a change room about their punishment. Apparently, they have to dress up as the team's mascot, a mule. Pacey begs her to let him be the head and Joey obliges after he mentions that he gets sick "in the back seat". At the same time, Andie is practicing this long-winded confession/apology thing to Principal Green in a mirror.

Mitch is trying to rally the troops during the halftime to try to get them to score before the game ends. Dawson enters the change room with a bucket of black paint and tells everyone that they have to turn their weakness into a strength. Mitch asks what is with the bucket and Dawson says:

Dawson: We'll start by obscuring everyone's numbers, so the other team can't find Jack.

Uhhhh, isn't that cheating?

See, I don't know much about football. Yes, I'm your typical girl that finds sports just completely boring but even I felt like that was not a thing that was allowed. So, I consulted my husband who does watch NFL all the time, if this was legal to do. He tells me no, no it isn't. They would most likely be asked right away to wash off their jerseys or forfeit the game and the coach would probably get a fine and/or suspended.

But wait, this is only phase one of Dawson's cheat-eriffic plan. Phase two is that the cheerleaders are going to put a shit tonne of make up on their faces to make them hard to distinguish. My husband tells me that this probably wouldn't be illegal to do but would be completely impractical because the minute they start playing and sweating, the make up would probably run and get into their eyes. So, this would be completely impractical regardless of the rules. But who cares? They're writing this for girls and we don't care about stuff like rules, we just want to giggle at jocks wearing make up! Why bother trying to write something accurate if it's just a silly drama for girls to swoon over, right ladies?

Tee-hee! Make up on boys is silly!

Also...

This line makes me uncomfortable. Highly questionable, writers

Anyway, Capeside ends up winning and the Principal gives Mitch accolades on his "imaginative game play" which I think he means "completely underhanded and cheating game play" but whatever. Everyone's happy.

Andie confronts the Principal and demands to know what he wanted to talk to her about. He laughs and says he wants to set up a student disciplinary committee and he wants her to be in charge of it. She quickly accepts and doesn't confess to cheating on the PSATs. This is still not the worst thing she'll do this season, the writers have more character assassinating to do.

Jen is waiting to see who she has to kiss when, big shock to no one, it's revealed that it's her stalker, Henry. She questions how he got $500 and he tells her he sold that gross Doug Flutie mouthpiece he was showing off at the beginning of the episode. Jen is actually sort of touched by this and she kisses him. Jen tries to send everyone off after but Principal Green first reveals that she has been chosen as Capeside's Homecoming Queen, much to Jen's annoyance.

Andie tells Jack that she told him everything would work out fine and that he didn't need to worry. He tells her she's making his head spin because she's acting like she wasn't predicting doom and gloom earlier. Jack...your sister has severe mental problems and a history of manic depressive behaviour. You should be extremely concerned about her massive change in moods right now. But, the writers just want us to laugh it off as cute and silly. Look, the writers really blow chunks at dealing with serious mental problems, they just really shouldn't have tried to tackle it.

Everything's fine now! My erratic behaviour is now cute
and not a sign of serious mental and emotional imbalances! Whee!

It is revealed that Pacey and Joey were not the ones in the mule costume but a couple if random nerds were. So...that was a waste of a plot point. I guess it was just to stall them getting to their destination sooner in the episode so that the "mystery" of where Pacey was taking Joey could be held until the end of the episode.

Want to know where Pacey wanted to take Joey? To a boat yard. Pacey purchased a boat that is completely run down but he is determined that he can get it fixed up so that he can sail the world. Joey points out to him that the boat is too small to be able to do that but Pacey is not discouraged. Then this:

I just love them so much!

He then reveals what was in the package, it's a plaque that says "True Love" on it. Pacey says that's what he's calling the boat and asks if it's too schmaltzy. Joey says it is but that it's also sweet. Bitches love True Love.

Fact

They start fixing up the boat together because they are an awesome team who help each other out like that.

Unfortunately, the episode doesn't end there. We have to endure another Dawson scene. It's a scene that I might have been OK with, had Dawson apologized to his father but no. No. This is Dawsonland and he is always right in Dawsonland so, naturally, Mitch is the one apologizing. Dawson whines that he was just thinking for himself, like what Mitch taught him to do. Mitch responds by telling Dawson not to let anyone stand in the way of his dreams, not even him. I'm here thinking that Dawson is the most selfish person on the face of the Earth and I can't believe no one is calling him out on it. Also, he's a big fat cheater and so is Mitch for going along with Dawson's stupid idea. They suck. Now I'm in a bad mood and I want to punch them for not ending on the adorable Pacey/Joey scene. You know what?

Motherfucking re-write, bitches! This is how the episode now ends.
Enjoy

So, that was Home Movies. A little bit of a forgettable episode to me. I really don't like the Henry/Jen stuff so that didn't interest me and I sure as shit wasn't interested in Dawson and his whining about making a movie and I really don't care about football (and neither did this show until Varsity Blues became a thing), so basically the only thing I enjoyed was the snippets with Joey and Pacey. I shouldn't be surprised, I really only ever watched the show for Pacey.

Stay tuned for the next recap, Indian Summer, in which Eve returns to be (you guessed it) mysterious and sexy, Andie gets worse, and Joey seriously needs to report her boss for sexual harassment.

Dawson's Creek - 303 - None of the Above

2014-08-17T11:28:00.001-07:00

Original air date: October 13, 1999

Ok, to start off, I hate this episode. It's probably not the worst the series ever put out or anything and it's not horribly written, I just hate it because it is just one giant pile of Dawson acts like an absolute asshat to everyone while everyone pretends that he's such a great guy and that it's so out of character for him to be this way, only it isn't. Guys, Dawson is a character that I loathe with all my heart, he is everything that I hate about self-proclaimed "nice guys" and just everything that I hate in general. In fact, I'm going to go so far as to say Dawson Leery is not a nice guy, he pretends he is but he's not. He's a self-righteous, self-involved, asshole to the highest degree. Now that I've got that off my chest, allow me to show you why:

We start off this episode in Dawson's room, only Eve is sitting with him and they are not watching a movie but *gasp* television. Now here is where the writers delight in giving us a bit of meta humour because you see, Dawson doesn't like TV. Nope. Dawson thinks that it's a bunch of "pablum used between beer commercials." While movies are art. Uh-huh, like his movies, guys, his movies are pure art and not at all just a simple creature feature and teen romance crap.

The show throws a bit more meta at us as Dawson starts in on Felicity which is the show they are watching which was a show that actually aired on the WB along with Dawson's Creek. So, in Dawson's Creek universe, Felicity as we know it, exists. Interesting. Dawson complains about the character Felicity and says this:

Dawson: All right, you know what? Take Felicity, for example. I mean, if you've seen one hour of whiny, over-analytical teen angst, you've seen them all. Don't get me wrong, she's pretty, but what kind of a heroine is she? She's indecisive. She's basically paralysed by some romantic notion of the way things are supposed to be. If you ask me, she's kind of chatty.

To which Eve responds:

ZING!

I've never seen Felicity, didn't interest me when it came out, but I'd wager that Felicity is not as big of an asshat as Dawson is. Eve loses me when she claims Dawson is a hero because no. Dawson says that she should have seen "last season" because he was not and I completely agree but probably not for the same reason Dawson or the writers are going for. He continues to complain about the fact that television is too perfect and doesn't test the characters or make them learn.

You're describing yourself and only yourself again, Dawson.
Also, you're far from perfect but you certainly think you are.

Eve claims that this is where she comes in. The "character" who shakes things up and tests the hero's limits.

Eve: Don't you know that's where I come in? You know, second season, shake things up. Screw with the status.

No, we're in the third season, Eve. Get your facts straight...unless the writers want us to forget the first season happened? I can't blame them, I mean, they tried to make Ms. Jacobs a sympathetic statutory rapist and just no. Anyway, cut to the opening credits just as they are about to kiss.

The next day we see everyone in the gang, save for Pacey, studying hard for their PSATs. Joey has a stress dream about it but it seems more like it's about her whining after Dawson so, I didn't pay much attention. Her dreams this episode make no sense. Anyway, Principal Greene is holding a PSAT prep class and is testing the students on their knowledge. I'm not sure how PSATs work because I live in a country that doesn't have them, so I don't know if it's normal or not for a principal to be holding the study sessions for them or not. We'll just go with Capeside logic on this one and roll with it. He calls Joey aside to talk to her.

Pacey and Andie bump into each other in the hallway and Andie kind of acts like a bitch. It makes me sad because they are kind of trashing her character. Here's what she says to Pacey:

Andie: Don't worry, Pacey. This isn't going to be one of those horribly awkward "hope-boy-didn't-mean-all-those-hurtful-things-he-said-during-the-breakup" moment.

Ok, two things wrong with this. 1) Andie, you cheated. You were the one that broke the trust in the relationship. Don't guilt Pacey out because you fucked up and didn't like the consequences to your actions. 2) Pacey was not all that mean to her during the break up. We all saw it, I quoted it in last episode's recap. Go read it and tell me if that was overly mean or not. I don't think it was. He said truthfully that he didn't think the relationship meant as much to her as it did to him, he gave her forgiveness, he just said that he couldn't forget what she did and couldn't go back to the way they were before which is fair enough because she cheated. This scene irritates me so let's move on.

Principal Greene informs Joey that she has a chance at a National Merit Scholarship and Joey reveals that she's aware and very stressed out about it. Principal Greene asks if she's feeling under pressure and Joey reveals that she couldn't sleep again last night. Except that we saw her dreaming last night so she clearly did sleep but I'm nit-picking again. I know she probably meant didn't sleep well so we'll move on. Principal Greene then tells her to take the evening off and do something fun to try and relax a bit about the test.

Joey runs up to Dawson because she's a moron and is still hung up on him and asks him if he will hang out with her that night. Unfortunately, Eve shows up and Dawson reveals that they have plans already. He tries to invite Joey to go along with them but Joey is not a pathetic loser and declines.

Jack is practicing football by trying to run through a gauntlet of players while holding onto the ball. He fails and complains that the team is being hard on him for being gay. Mitch tells him that they are singling him out but not because he's gay, because he's the new person on the team and hasn't proved himself yet. He tells him to run it again but he still fails.

Joey asks her skeevy boss if he'll give her the night off so that she can study and he skeevily agrees while telling her about how he paid some "brainiac" to take his PSAT for him. I don't know why he'd think that would impress her but he clearly thinks he's being Mr. Charm instead of Mr. Sleaze. She thanks him for giving her the night off and says she owes him one and her boss takes the opportunity to welcome a sexual harassment lawsuit by saying she could let him take her out for a post-PSAT celebration. Yeah, because then an employee feels like they can say no. This guy is gross. I forget his whole role in this season but I swear to Gods I will punch each and every Dawson's Creek writer in the face if they try and get her together with this guy, no matter how brief.

She tries to brush him off but he keeps pestering her until finally she has to be like "Can I just say no?" to which the guy is all "Yeah sure" but walks away all butt hurt about it. Sexual Harassment lawsuit a-hoy!

If you have to ask if you are allowed to say no,
there is a serious problem here

Dawson is reading in his room when Eve arrives on Joey's creeper ladder. She gives him an apple because they really want to drive home how much of an evil, jezebel, temptress Eve is. Do you get it yet? Women are evil and men are saintly and good just being preyed upon and lured astray by the evil harpies. You know, I love this show for all it's cheesiness and drama and it is usually fun but every once in a while, I fucking hate this show and how it depicts women.

Eve reveals that she also has brought him the answers to the PSATs. Dawson claims he could never use it so Eve is like, you must know someone who can use it and then tells him that the apple was the metaphor but the test answers were the real thing. Then she's all, bye!

'Kay, I've set up your dilemma for the episode. See ya!

So, of course, Dawson then takes it to his friends because he's a complete douchenozzle who wants to do bad things but still remain virtuous in his own eyes, so that they can decide for him what to do. Why does he do this? Why, so that when shit hits the fans, he can blame his friends because super just and righteous Dawson Leery would never do anything bad, he just brought it to his friends and they backstabbed him because they are all awful while Dawson is a saint.

So, yeah, they all argue over what to do with it and if it's real. Pacey goes to open the envelope but Andie chastises him about going back to his old ways which is way harsh. Then Pacey shoots back that maybe she'd like to open the envelope since cheating is her thing these days. Ouch, right in the feels. Jack wisely tells Dawson to not open it, take it back to where ever he got it, and pretend that none of them ever saw it. Good plan. Jen says they should take a peek and they argue some more until a fire alarm goes off. The Principal is hovering so Dawson is forced to leave the PSAT test answers in the classroom. Not sure why, lots of people grab stuff with them during fire alarms but I guess he didn't want to draw attention to himself.

When they come back inside, the test answers are gone and Dawson is freaking out. Thus, we have our mystery for the episode, who took the envelope?

Joey is distracted while working at the gas bar and over fuels a boat. Her boss, Rob, yells at her and tells the people that the gas is on them. Joey thinks it's not a huge deal that she overfilled the boat and just says, some gas spilled. OK, Joey, but spilled gas can be dangerous so it kind of is a big deal. Rob says he's taking the money out of her pay and that her night off is cancelled. The money is justified the reneging of the night off is not. Joey tells him as much and accuses him of treating her like crap because she dared turn him down for a date. He pretends like he has no idea what she's talking about. This is so wrong and is so sexual harassment but I have a feeling that the show is completely going to gloss over this.

Jen is bandaging up Jack's ribcage because she's an awesome friend while Jack complains to her about being on the football team. He tells her that he is going to quit and Jen tells him that he can't and gives him a pep talk because she's an awesome friend. I love these two. Jack tells her that her pep talk was cheesy.

Never diss Jen's advice

Dawson and Eve have gone back to the school at night to try and look for the envelope again. Dude, it's gone, someone obviously took it. How stupid are you? Just as I ask this question, Dawson answers by whispering to Eve as they are hiding from a security guard who is searching the room that they are in. Although, at that point, I'm not sure who's stupider, Dawson for talking, or the security guard for not being able to find two students who are hiding under a freaking table and whispering back and forth.

Dude, they are right there! And talking! Your flashlight beam is on them!
How are you not finding them!?

Eve finally has to point out to Dawson that someone took it and that someone is in his group of friends.

After the break, they are all sitting in the Principal's office and being berated for cheating. I'm super confused because how the hell would he know they were the ones who had the test, what the hell did I miss? Then Joey gets up and walks over to the fire alarm and pulls it and I realize it's a dream. The weird thing is, the dream seems to be from Dawson's perspective. Joey seems to be doing something uncharacteristic of herself and he's questioning her and is confused. So, you'd think this is Dawson dreaming, right? Nope, it was Joey's dream. Dawson's Creek writers suck at dream sequences, I hope they quit doing it.

Dawson gathers his friends in a circle and tries to get whoever took it to step forward and own up. Good luck, Dawson. No one is going to step forward and endure your derision. Further point, Dawson is all worked up about nothing. So what? The test went missing, not your problem anymore. No one can prove it was yours unless you were stupid enough to write "Property of Dawson Leery" on it. Although, honestly, I wouldn't put it past Dawson to be that stupid but going on the assumption that it was an unopened envelope just randomly sitting on the table, I don't think it could be traced back to him.

He probably wrote his name on it

Joey agrees with me and tells Dawson to just let it be lost. Dawson is all wound up about it though and demands to know who took it. Joey then chastises him for being completely under Eve's spell which is stupid, it's Dawson who's being the douchenozzle here, not Eve. Anyway, Dawson says he's left his locker unlocked and whoever took the test has until the end of the day to slip the test back into his locker. Ok, I'm starting to think that this isn't about Dawson wanting to do the right thing, but Dawson being butthurt that he can't use the test to cheat anymore since someone took it from him. Seriously, why can't he just let it be lost?

Andie pulls Pacey aside just to be a bitch, apparently. She gives him a box full of things he gave her and basically says she's cutting him completely out of her life since he dumped her. She's a lot crueller about their break up than Pacey was, IMO, and it makes me sad because the writers seem really intent on torching her character this season.

Henry gives Jack some pointers about running through the gauntlet and tells him to come up with a mantra to chant in his head so that he can stop thinking about getting through the gauntlet and just get through it. Jack thanks him but questions why he's helping him. Henry reveals that he wants to win a football game and he's convinced Jack can help with that and also...because he wants to get with Jen. This is such a creepy thing to me that it just furthers my belief that he's a serial killer. Just look at this:

Henry: I dream about her, Jack. Every night, heavy dreams about, about … about her lips, her breasts, her legs. If she would just allow me near her, just smell her sweet smell, maybe even kiss me, or take me in her arms, deliver me from suffering and falsity it would prove that there wasn't anything bad, or … or anything empty-hearted in this world that couldn't be corrected.

And tell me you don't see this:

Well, I'm certainly terrified that you're going to carve Jen into
pieces and keep her body parts in your freezer....

So, Jack knows that Henry is talking about Jen and basically laughs in his face and tells him he has zero chance with her because he's a lowly freshman.

You just made the list, Jack!

Pacey shows up at Joey's work and at first she's all pissed that he's messing around at her work, drunk but then she realizes that somethings wrong and asks him what's up. He tells her that Andie gave him a bunch of stuff back and said she had to cleanse him from her life to keep her sanity. He trips over himself and the box falls in the water. Pacey then asks Joey to call his dad and tell him that he's hanging out with her. Joey agrees and Pacey watches a picture of him and Andie float down into the water.

Their 'ship has officially sunk, guys.

Dawson goes to check his locker, confident that the test has been returned while Eve is all "lol NOPE!" She's right and Dawson is all pissy until she tells him she will tell him who took the test. Instead of telling him though, she puts it on him and asks who he thinks took it. Dawson claims he doesn't know and she says that he does because it's whoever he was thinking of first but doesn't want to think it. Then she basically pushes the thought that it's Pacey because of course, Dawson would think it was Pacey.

Dawson confronts Pacey at the gas station and asks him to give the test back but Pacey says he doesn't have it. Dawson doesn't believe him and accuses him of being a shitty friend (look in the mirror to see what a shitty friend looks like, Dawson). Pacey fires back that a friend would believe his friend when he tells him something. He then laughs and tells Dawson that he finds it amusing that Dawson is so hell bent on figuring out who took the test when it could have easily been him. Dawson didn't throw away the test or give it back to Eve, he brought it to them. Dawson whines that he wanted to consult the people he cares about to figure out what to do but really, he shouldn't have needed to do that unless he was considering using it himself and just wanted some validation from his friends. Dawson is the worst. He continues to be the worst by continuing to badger Pacey about taking the test and calls him weak and self-motivated.

Pacey asks which he's supposed to be and Dawson shoots back that "You are what you are, Pacey" Fuck you, Dawson. You are the worst friend. Pacey calls Dawson "self-righteous son-of-a-bitch" which makes me love him even more than I already do. Then Dawson jerks it up by telling Pacey he's cold hearted for not taking Andie back after she cheated on him. Pacey counters that at least he didn't send her dad to jail (but he probably should have because seriously, Mr. McPhee is the worst.) and Dawson counters that Pacey just drove her crazy.

I want to watch this forever

Dawson punches back and that's when Joey comes out asking them what the hell they are doing. Pacey is, of course, the bigger man and says that it's his fault and apologizes while Dawson just stands around being douchey. Joey tells Dawson that this has to stop and then tends to Pacey because fuck Dawson.

Joey talks Pacey down from his anger towards Dawson, which is sweet even though his anger is 100% justified. He sulks about how Dawson thinks he's a loser even though he thought he'd earned his respect. Have we been watching the same show, Pacey? Or were you just too moony over Andie to notice Dawson's belittling of you at his birthday party last season? Because Dawson has made it very clear that he needs you to be a loser so that he can feel good about himself because he's an awful human being who is worthy of neither of your time. Joey paints a different picture which is, I'm sure, what the viewer is supposed to see and that is that Dawson is of course super guilty about wrongfully accusing Pacey. But I don't think he is.

Now we come to the part of the episode that really pisses me off. Get ready for some patented Dawson Slut-Shaming. Eve finds him and asks if he got the test back, Dawson says he didn't but did get a black eye. She asks what happened and he pissily responds that she did. He then accuses her of knowing what would happen when she gave him the test which is all kinds of stupid because I think the only thing she would assume was that he would grapple with the decision to cheat or not on his own, not that he'd bring it to his friends and that it would get stolen. I guess that is what we're supposed to believe because she claims he's threatened by the fact that she opened him up to how the world really works and moves in to kiss him. He pushes her away and says this:

Dawson: Eve, if the purpose of us spending time together was to get to know each other, you know what? Now that I know you, I don't really like you.

Now, fair enough because I don't really like her either but not for the same reason the writers want me to. So, this episode has been really heavy handed in painting Eve as some kind of evil Jezebel but you know what? I'm not buying it. Is she a stupid character? Oh god, yes and annoying too but what has she really done that's been all that evil?

- crashed Mitch's boat...no wait, that was Dawson because he couldn't handle driving and getting head at the same time. He should have stopped the boat or he should have not taken the boat out at all. She never asked him to take his father's boat, it was actually Pacey's suggestion but still, Dawson did not have to take it. That was his choice. Nope, not her fault.

- threw a party at Dawson's house...nope. It was Pacey's suggestion again but Dawson agreed to it and threw it so that he could get the money to fix the boat that he crashed.

- sex during an assembly...no wait, it takes two to tango and they didn't even get that far before they were caught. He can pretend she tempted him and forced him all he wants but he wanted to have sex as much as she did and even went and got the condoms for it. Also, sex is not a bad thing.

- stole PSAT test answers and gave them to Dawson...this is the only legit thing she's done wrong per se but did she really get him in trouble for it? He had options, she didn't hold a gun to his head. She gave him the test to see what he'd do with it, which is a little weird and a bit manipulative but it isn't evil. Dawson could have easily said no thanks to the test, he could have taken it and thrown it out but he didn't. Some part of Dawson wanted to use the test which means that Eve was right, he was morally not pure. Sure, Dawson isn't the type to track down test answers and actively cheat but given the right circumstances, everyone is capable of cheating.

So, of the things she's done so far, there's really only one thing she did that was bad but didn't really mess up Dawson's life. Dawson messed up his own life by bringing the test to his friends, obsessing over it being stolen, and accusing his friends of being thieves. Eve didn't tell him to do any of this, it was all Dawson's doing and it is really pissing me off that Dawson is pretending that she's this she-devil who forces him to do bad things. If anything, the one who pushes Dawson into doing things that are bad is Pacey but still, Dawson can always say no. Eve's character annoys the pants off of me because she's solely there to push Dawson to do "bad" things but still let Dawson be the "Nice Guy" the writers want him to be because clearly, it's all that skanky Jezebel, Eve's fault that he does these things, obvs.

Ugh

Let's move on to something less upsetting. Jack's football practice is going on and he's pumped because he figured out his mantra to say in his head to clear it of thought. That word is "fug" which is weird but whatever, it seems to work because Jack finally makes it through the gauntlet and everyone cheers for him. Yay for Jack but just about the most amazing and uncomfortable thing happens after this.

Henry sees Jen cheering for Jack and decides that he's also going to use Jack's mantra to get up the courage to ~~kidnap and torture her~~ ask her out. The most unintentionally (or possibly intentionally?) funny thing about this is that he's running at her and yelling a word that sounds like "fuck" and it just makes him look so psychotic.

I am literally terrified for her life right now

Look at the terror in her eyes as he runs at her, it's like she knows that he's going to chop her up into bits and feed her to his pigs.

Yes, you will be a fine meal for my pig

The next day is the PSATs and just as they are about to start, Dawson gets up, hands his test back and walks out of the room. Pacey follows suit but not before this:

Pacephine for life!!!

Anyway, they did so as an act of solidarity or friendship or something. I don't really get why Dawson walked out but I guess Pacey felt he had to in order to prove that he didn't take the test. Dawson sucks. I guess it is only the Practice SATs but still, seems like a stupid thing to not take the test for. Anyway, Dawson says this:

OMG!!

WTF!?FORESHADOWING!!!GENIUS!!11!!!1!!11!!

We close off the episode with the test beginning and it is revealed that Andie is the one who stole the test. DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!! So, we are continuing to torch her character. Great. Also, when you think about it, it makes her indignation that someone in their group of friends "breached trust" earlier seem all that more calculated or just downright hypocritical. The writers probably didn't want us to think that hard about it or were hoping we'd forget that. They clearly wrote those scenes as a way to keep us guessing who did it but it just makes Andie seem more awful that she was acting all indignant to cover her tracks. But, whatever, we are clearly supposed to dislike Andie this season and it makes me sad. I think there could have been a way to break them up and get Pacephine together without completely torching Andie's character but oh well.

And that was None of the Above. Get ready for more of Dawson being a douche (wild guess) in the next episode, Home Movies.

Dawson's Creek - 302 - Homecoming

2014-07-30T09:41:00.000-07:00

Original air date: October 6, 1999

OK, so here it is. The episode that both upsets me greatly but makes me happy because I was a girl split between two ships. Although, I at least had Pacey and Joey potentially getting together to get me over the heartbreak of the end of Pacey and Andie. I can't even imagine how much people who hated the idea of Joey and Pacey hated this episode. Shall we dive right in?

We start the episode with Pacey telling Dawson how excited/nervous he is about getting to pick Andie up from the um, did they ever say what the hell she was going to? An asylum? A psychiatric facility? A mental home? Well, he's going to pick her up anyway and apparently Joey is going with him. Dawson is psyched about that, so just file that one away for later, Dawson is happy that Joey is out of his hair and hanging out with Pacey.

Pacey asks about how things are going with Sweet Valley Eve. Dawson claims that she disappeared after the big party that landed him in trouble with Mitch. He even tried looking back at the strip joint but apparently she didn't work there anymore because she was just a temp.

That's a very good question, Pacey

It's one that the writers will not answer because writing is hard and they want her to be a cool mystery for Dawson so shut up! This was just for homework anyway and they don't care if you like it or not! Where was I? Oh yeah, Dawson is complaining because he wasn't able to get any with Eve and now he can't find her. Pacey goes on a rant that screams that the writers only view women as virginal girlfriends or slutty sex kittens meant to be objectified and since they've had sex, that is all they want and fucking love being used for sex. Ugh, Dawson's Creek writers, ugh. We've got a long way to go with Eve but we're not at the point that really pisses me off about her character yet so I won't go on a long spiel, I'll just say, I hate her and I hate that the writers just want her to be a sex object.

Shock of all shocks, Dawson is pulled into a closet by none other than Eve, leaving Pacey to wax poetic about how much Dawson can use a girl like Eve since she's tainted goods and is perfect for objectifying and for the sex with no meaning (FUCK YOU WRITERS!!) to himself. She and Dawson then make out in the closet and she welcomes him to the school and welcomes the audience to the opening credits.

And welcome to the opening credits

Dawson asks Eve what she is doing at Capeside High School and she claims she is a student. Even Dawson doesn't buy that. Do you see what I mean when the writers just want to make her a big mystery but don't actually want to write anything that makes sense? How the hell was she working in a strip joint then? Why the hell wasn't she in school before? She claims she's a senior but what the hell? I guess if she was left back she could be 18 but how old do you have to be to work in a strip club in the States? Like it could be 18 but don't those places serve alcohol? Wouldn't you then have to be 21 to work there? Then again, they are continuously letting 16 year olds into bars in Capeside, maybe she could have fooled them but she would have to have a valid ID unless the club is really shady I guess. I am putting way too much thought into this when the writers clearly have not. I'll stop now.

So, Eve is now a student because why not? She kisses him again and then claims she is late for bio. Dawson tries to get a last name out of her but he bumps into his father and the Principal. They ask him to put together a video trying to pimp out the football team, which are apparently a bunch of losers. Dawson tries to protest but Mitch makes it clear that Dawson is doing this favour for him because Dawson owes him one.

Go Mitch!

Meanwhile, what's this? Mr. McPhee is back in the picture? Apparently, he was feeling bad about being named Capeside's Worst Parent last season, being beaten out by both a drug dealing loser and an abusive fuckwad who both came off better than him and is trying to make things right. He's apparently moved his business to Capeside so that Andie can stay where her friends are. So...why did he sell the house then? Remember, that was why Jack had to move in with Grams and Jen? Are we going to address that? No? OK, Dawson's Creek Writers.

But anyway, now that Mr. McPhee and Andie are back, I guess that means that Jack can move back home, right? NOPE. I guess Mr. McPhee realized that he really liked having a trophy of any kind and is going for the Worst Parent of Capeside Award for the second year. That's right, Mr. McPhee has decided that it would be better if Jack stayed with the Lindley's. Why? Because he's a horrible person who is uncomfortable with having a gay son and has decided to cast him aside. How fucking horrible and how the hell is Grams supposed to deal with that shit? "oh great, you're back so I guess Jack will be moving...you want him to stay here still? But...he's your son...I...you're horrible!" Jack rightfully calls him out for being the biggest tool on the show.

YES! Because you're horrible!

You win. You win Worst Parent in Capeside again. I don't even have to keep watching this season. You just win it.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! My spirits are lifted with this next scene! Do you remember last season when Joey wanted to go visit her dad in prison and Pacey took her there? Then when they were there, visiting hours were over but Pacey helped her get in anyway? Well, the tables have turned my friends! Pacey can't get in to see Andie to pick her up because visiting hours are over and he complains to Joey and then this:

Too adorable!!

Joey then talks to the nurse to distract her so that Pacey can sneak in to find Andie. This is when Joey became awesome, you guys! I did like her in the third season! I did and do!! Although I groaned at the fact that her distraction story is all about Dawson. Ugh.

After agreeing to make the Principal's football recruitment video, Dawson runs into Eve again. He tells her he is done chasing after her because he spent all of last year chasing after a girl and he refuses to make it a habit. For some reason, Eve still finds this somewhat charming but in reality, talking about how much effort you put in for your ex and how you're not going to put the same amount of effort into the new girl would so not work in your favour.

In Dawson's World, however, it totally turns Eve on because not being over an ex is hot or something. She's wild and carefree while Joey is small town, therefore she is all about the sex! She wants to have sex with Dawson bad because...I don't really know exactly.

Every day is your day in Dawson Land

Meanwhile, Pacey finds Andie's room and opens the door to reveal Andie on her bed talking with some mystery guy. Unlike last time, this mystery guy is not a figment of Andie's imagination, he is very real and Pacey is very jealous of it. Andie acts hella guilty so you know something is up with this because she's more awkward about Pacey being here to pick her up than happy about it. Joey comes in at that moment and excitedly greets Andie, this makes me sad because Andie very well could have been Joey's friend but this show refuses to let the girls be friends and with the way things are going to go this season, they aren't going to be friends at all.

Joey mentions that if they don't get going, she may be forced to stay so Andie starts packing her things. Pacey gives Joey a worried look because he can tell something is up. It's super cute and my Joey/Pacey shipper side is all "YAYYYY!!" while my Andie/Pacey shipper is all "Noooooo!"

I think "YAYYY!!" wins out ever so slightly
because look at them!

Jen is lamenting to Jack about being made head cheerleader and the fact that the cheerleaders are all starting to dress like her and only want to do sardonic cheers. Jack thinks it's funny but Jen is in hell because she didn't want to be involved with the school at all. As they are talking, footballs continuously fly their way because the players really suck but Jack catches them all and throws them back.

Jack then complains about how his father doesn't want him to live with him and Andie because his father is the Worst Parent of Capeside. Jen says she knows how it feels to have parents that don't want you and Jack tells her that at least she has Grams. Jen throws back that he does too and he has her. Awww, you guys, I can't even deal with how cute their friendship is. They are the best thing about this show. Anyway, balls keep flying their way and Jack keeps catching them with ease and throwing them back.

At the same time, a freshman kid, named Henry, is begging Mitch to be allowed to play but Mitch isn't having it because he's a freshman but probably also because he'll kill you on site if you cross his path.

Because he's a straight up murderer

Like cold blooded fucking killer who dresses in Dexter's kill suit

Have I made my point yet? Sure, both Funny Games and Murder by Numbers came out after this season but he still looked creepy to me and like he could be a serial killer, these movies just proved my theory that he makes a better psycho than a love interest. Basically, he always creeps me out whenever I see him thus destroying the supposed sweetness of his story arc this season. Now Henry is ruined for you all too. You're welcome.

We then have to be traumatized further by witnessing Dawson purchase condoms. Although, kudos to the show for showing a guy be responsible and picking up birth control himself. Very cool. However, it is a very awkward situation to watch because people start helping Dawson with his condom choices and it's weird and I don't think I have ever encountered people giving me advice about which condoms to buy but then I haven't bought very many. Maybe this is more a thing that happens to guys?

I really wish it wasn't, Dawson

Pacey acts like a jealous douche as he tries to get information out of Andie about who Marc is and why he is there. Joey tries to warn him about prying too hard but Pacey ignores her and presses anyway. Andie asks him if he is jealous and Pacey admits that he is because Marc got to spend all summer with her when he didn't get to. She is moved by this and they kiss. Yay! or Boo! or Yay? no boo? I-I don't know how to feel!!!

Why must I like both couplings!?

Back at football practice, Henry is finally being allowed to play and he really wants to impress Mitch. So, how does he go about doing this? By asking Jack to be a ringer for him. I don't understand, is this to prove that Henry is a good player or that Jack is? It seems like a weird way to prove yourself by bringing a really good player onto the team who also isn't a freshman and therefore might steal your spot but whatever. This is his plan and it works. Henry throws the ball and Jack catches it. Yay!

The next day at school, Jack finally gets to say hi to his sister and she is happy to see him. Pacey interrupts their reunion to ask her on a date. Andie says that she wants to hang out with everyone which is supposed to seem odd but really, she just got back so I can't begrudge her wanting to spend some time with her brother and friends. Wait, this show hates friendships except for Jen and Jack because they're awesome. But she would still want to hang out with her brother maybe. Sorry, I'll stop yammering. Jack says he's going to a pep rally with Jen and Andie gets excited and wants to go, leaving Pacey to be all pissed because he wanted alone time with Andie and she's clearly been avoiding it and is not that happy to be back with him.

Mitch officially asks Jack to be part of the football team because he and Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer were really great together. Jack is hesitant because he's gay and apparently that means he's not allowed to play football but Mitch says that's stupid because it is and he persuades him to give it a chance.

Dawson bumps into Jen at the pep rally and she spots his stash of condoms. She is impressed by the new Dawson and asks him who the lucky girl is. Dawson refuses to tell but he asks her for advice. Her advice is kind of awesome:

Jen: Let's say that you have an ice cream sundae right in front of you and you have no spoon. Now, it's a hundred degrees out and you're starving. Now, do you lick the ice cream or do you bite right in?

Dawson: Bite right in.

Jen: Too fast. See, first you have to watch the sundae, admire the sundae, then, just before it's about to drip, you let your lips lick around the exterior, savouring every inch. You want that sundae to last a long time... ...but not too long, because then the sundae ends up all over the table instead of in your mouth. But Dawson, if you remember one thing, let it be this...If you don't get the whipped cream all over your face, you're not doing it right. You see what I'm saying?

Dawson is confused as hell because he thought girls existed to pleasure him and didn't consider that he'd have to try and pleasure the girl. This is why Jen is awesome, because she pointed out to him that women want to enjoy sex too. This is also why Dawson sucks because he's always only thinking of himself and what he will get out of things. Boo, Dawson.

Pacey, Andie and Joey show up and are watching the pep rally. They are all surprised to see that Jen is now a cheerleader and Jack is on the football team. In fact, this is Andie's reaction:

Look, the writers aren't very sensitive about mental issues or knowledgeable...
Also, can we discuss how dire that hair do is? Wow, hair people,
what did Meredith do to piss you off so much?

Anyway, the pep rally continues as the team is introduced. Henry's name is called and he bumbles onto the stage and falls into Jen. I think this is supposed to be their meet-cute but since I'm predisposed to think of him as a psycho killer, it looks more like he's plotting her murder:

Go on a date with me or I'll stab you!!!

Pacey is fed up with Andie constantly brushing him off and refusing to be alone with him, so he grabs her by the arms and leads her out of the auditorium. Shit is going to go down and I'm still confused as to how to feel. On the one hand, their end means the beginning of my very first ship on this show and I'm so excited for that to happen, on the other hand, they are about to end and they were so cute together. Can Pacey just have all the girls? I know, I know, illegal and stuff but damn it, that man just has chemistry with everyone.

Dawson starts to play his video about the football team when Eve shows up. Dawson, being the true nerd that he is, wants to watch his video instead of getting it on with Eve. Eve just tells him that's a lame ass excuse and pulls him to her anyway. Why the hell does she want to be with Dawson though, seriously? The guy has zero charisma.

Pacey and Andie are outside and he demands that she tell him what's up. Andie doesn't want to talk about it but agrees to tell him only if he lets her say everything she wants to and not talk until he's done. He promises that he will let her talk and so she tells him that her and Marc were extremely close and shared all the same fears and yadda, yadda, yadda, Pacey guesses that she had sex with him and she says she did but regrets it. She begs him to forgive her but he just walks away. I really hate this because I can see both sides. Andie is completely regretful of her mistake and I guess I can see why it happened, but I can also see why Pacey wouldn't be able to forgive her because it hurts when you trust someone and they betray you. *Sigh* This is it, the end of Pacey and Andie and it has always somewhat tarnished my joy of finally getting to see Pacey and Joey together because damn it, I loved Pacey and Andie too.

Why must shipping be so hard and confusing sometimes?

Dawson and Eve try to get it on but Dawson accidentally hits the button that lifts the screen up and exposes them to everyone including his father and Joey. They bow to the cheering audience but it's clear Dawson knows he's in trouble. Eve tries to get him to leave with her but Dawson refuses and wants to get a ride home from his father. God, he sounds lame right now. He admits to Eve that she is just sex to him and that he wants his first time to mean more. Eve confesses that she wanted to have sex with him because she looked into his eyes and saw an old soul. That's weird but Dawson is flattered by it so win for him, I guess. She tells him her full name is Eve Whitman but refuses to give him her number and she disappears again because she must remain the appealing mystery sex girl.

Joey talks Pacey into talking to Andie and trying to forgive her even though he is really mad at her. She gives some really great advice about it too and it actually sounds like she's acknowledging her own mistakes and learning from them. Here's what she says:

Joey: You think that just because the two of you were together what she did hurts more? It doesn't. There's no difference, Pacey, I mean... Look, she's sixteen years old and so are you. We talk like we know what's going on, but we don't. We don't have any idea. Look, we're really young and we're gonna screw up a lot! You know, we're going to keep changing our minds and ... and sometimes even our hearts. And through all of that, the only real thing we can offer each other is forgiveness. And I couldn't do that. Or at least I did it too late. Don't let yourself get so angry that you stop loving because one day you wake up from that anger and the person you love will be gone.

Like, holy crap. Whole new Joey. I'm really liking her so far this season. I knew there was a point in this series that I liked her and of course, it's when she's with Pacey. Pacey makes everyone better.

I will keep posting this and you will all like it!!

Ugh, it's another Mr. McPhee scene where he basically just commands the Worst Parent of Capeside award yet again. Grams told him to get his ass down to the school to see his son because she's awesome and somehow, Mr. McPhee screws it up. Why? Because now that his son is a strong, manly, football player, it is acceptable for him to come home. Fuck you, Mr. McPhee. Jack tells him off for the same reason and points out that it shouldn't take a football jersey for him to accept his gay son. Mr. McPhee tries to agree but realizes how much of a douche he comes off as and backs down. Jack throws him a bone by asking his father to ask him to come home again sometime. It's quite sad, because he clearly wants to go home but wants it to be because his dad truly wants him there, not just because he lived up to some symbol of masculinity in his dad's head.

Pacey talks to Andie again because the show wasn't done ripping out my heart with their earlier scene. They had to go and make Pacey say this:

Pacey: Whether or not I can forgive you, Andie, is not going to be what keeps us apart. What you did... Our relationship was like this beautiful thing, and I don't think you ever realized how powerful it was. You changed my life, Andie, you were that person for me. You inspired me to be a man that I'd only ever dreamt about being. When you first started to get sick, it dawned on me that I might not be that person for you. I can never go back to loving you the way I did knowing that my love wasn't strong enough the first time around. I could always forgive you, Andie, but I will never forget.

But then Andie has to say this:

And then Pacey shuts her down with:

Right. In. The. Feels.

Dawson and Joey also talk things out but it's boring and I don't ship them so I tuned out. Basically they are OK with each other and agree to not date or try to date for a while. They also agree to branch out and meet new people. They also get a bit pretentiously annoying with this:

Oh dear God, I hope not. The world does not need multiple Dawsons and Joeys, especially not together because they become horrible people when they are together. Seriously. Just no. No. What a horrible thought. End episode.

So, this was the episode that ended one of my favourite couples and I do think it's kind of unfair. I hate that it made Andie out as the bad guy just so that Pacey could be sympathetic when he moved on to Joey. I hate that it kind of went against Andie's character to have her cheat, she just did not seem the type at all. And I hate that they are over when they only had a season together and I hate that I know there is no future rekindling of this relationship because I know (spoilers) she gets written out of the show. I don't think it was fair to her character and she kind of goes downhill from here too which is sad. This show basically torches every female character except for Joey which also makes me sad. However, I am excited for Pacey/Joey so, at least I have that to look forward to.

Next episode is None Of The Above. Find out if Sweet Valley Eve will steal Dawson's V-card from Joey, if Henry has plans to take Jen to his kill room, and if the Pacey/Joey friendship will continue to blossom.