The Mama's Thoughts

on faith... and a Thanks to Mom and Dad

2012-02-14T00:33:00.002-07:00

The house is quiet and the hour is late.  The living room is cold, and I am not ashamed to admit that I am wrapped up in my "slanket", loving every minute of the extra warmth it is providing me. My thoughts have begged me to put off sleep for just a little longer. Writing down what is filling up my heart seems appropriate on this, the eve of Valentine's Day.
Monday's are usually good days around here. I am productive (in an unproductive way) around the house, and I generally have a happy heart accompanying me throughout the day. I attribute that mostly to what happens the day before. Sunday. I am grateful for Sundays. They are a lifeboat of peace in the sea of busy days and short nights.  There have been seasons of my life when I wasn't a fan of Sunday. That was mostly because I was too distracted to really experience what the Sabbath was intended for. These distractions weren't always intentional; they were often just reflections of either the ages of my children or the amount of "serving" I was involved in.   Right now, though, Sundays have become a favorite day. One of rest at home, and of being encouraged through friends at church.

My kids love church and no longer cling to my neck at the nursery room door. My sweet older daughters love to bring their Bibles to church, and my little ones love to talk about what they learned.
Church is home for them. They've been there since birth. They feel comfort and love, noticed and remembered throughout the halls of the building.  It is a special, favorite place.
I have my parents to thank for handing down to me a love of church, a love of God, a desire for faith and a dependence on the Lord. Without the gift that they gave me, I wouldn't be re-gifting this treasure to my kids. If they had given in to what was easy (sleeping in on Sundays, a day "off" from getting kids ready), or buckled under what the neighbors thought, I might have missed out on the greatest joy of my life - the foundation of a love for God.  My mom and dad continue to be models for me of people of great faith, living what they have taught me over the years.
How thankful I am that my faith is the firm foundation of my life. Having faith does not guarantee easy circumstances or protection from difficult realities.  I am not better than anyone else because I have chosen to trust my life to the living, loving Lord.  Having faith, however, reminds me that there is Someone greater than me who is in control; that I don't have to have all of the answers. My faith reassures me that even when life is hard, and hurts so bad I think I will die, I don't have to make all of the ends meet. The t's that I didn't cross, the i's that I never dotted - they are covered by God's grace and His love. This is my faith. And everyday, it gets easier to trust. Not because I am anything great, OH NO. It comes easy because it is familiar and it is what I know; God proves Himself over and over to me.  Faith is what I practice and what I live. When I excercise a physical muscle, it gets stronger. The same is true of my faith. When life provides moments to choose to fear or believe, I must exercise my beliefs. The muscle of faith gets stronger. When I lack wisdom and can't rid myself of tiresome habits, I go straight to the One who can help me (time after time after time). The muscle strengthens more. I make mistakes, I throw faithless tantrums, and still, I can trust that in those weak places, I am loved and forgiven. I may not be book smart on matters of science or math; I know the depth of what I don't know about philosophy and economics is unmeasurable. But what I DO know, is all that I NEED to know. I know God, and I know Jesus, and I am learning daily how to rely on the Holy Spirit's power inside of me. I have questions and I have worries and fears, but as I exercise my faith, it is getting stronger. Stronger not because of who I am , but because of who my Heavenly Father is. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

So... my intention for my family is to continue this legacy of faith. Maybe even upping the anty on how valuable it is to us. Knowing that there are no guarantees of ease, or trial-free lives, but trusting that what I have given them in words will only be furthered with what I show them. How do we do this thing called faith? How do we live it out in the midst of raging hormones, dirty laundry and over-filled schedules. We take it one day at a time. and we PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. We determine to do  less whining, and more thanking; less worrying, more trusting. Have less anger, more grace. Recognize the miracles and resist the temptation to chalk things up to chance.   Get our butts to church every opportunity we can. Love and serve everyone who comes across our paths.  Measure everything in light of what we know is truth and give credit for ALL things to WHOM credit is due. Always.

Getting There

2012-02-02T19:35:00.002-07:00

We're supposed to get snow this afternoon and evening. It's supposed to come down hard and cover our warmish, brown, wintery ground. Three out of the four short people in my house are hoping for a snow day; the fourth not so much. She is worried that if the snow flies as promised, she will miss her pajama day. I don't know who to root for!!

Isn't it all about expectation and perspective? I base my hopes on circumstances that seem pleasant one day, and then change the next. I live for the completion of a project or the breaking of a habit, only to find that weeks later, it's no longer such a big deal. My heart breaks over and over at the silence where there once was noise; acceptance moves in to take the place of grief and eventually, I'm okay. I have been basking in the "being okay" lately. It has been freeing not to feel the pain of what once had me by the throat. What I really need to remind myself is that eventually, I "get there". Whether it is through the grace of time, prayer, diversion, or forgetting, I arrive at a place where it all evens out. It's the ebb and flow of accepting and trying and hoping and wanting. A place where the hurt diffuses and acceptance shows up. Pure desires, motives without manipulation and even though it comes up short, it's right and good. Is it bad for my kids to hope for a snow day? Is it awful for the one to desire her pajama day more than she wants a day off? Nope - it's hope that keeps us moving. Expectation that forces us into the next day. Wishing, wanting - it's part of LIVING.

The temperature of my emotions, how badly something hurts or helps, is measured sometimes by productivity, other times by stillness. Over the years, I have distracted myself into believing that I didn't really care when actually, I really DID care. I have stomped out hope and in turn, stomped out life. I thought I was fooling my heart but I was quite mistaken. This heart hasn't been fooled,but it has been freed. It has hurt and it has bled, and now, it is time to... MOVE ON. Sometimes, I lose perspective on a situation because of my own short-sighted ness. Other times, I actually need to change the channel on a situation in order for the perspective to gain clarity. I desire an outcome that I cannot control yet must accept. This has been a difficult challenge for me. Challenging, and a necessary step towards growth.

In my own rosey outlook kind of way, I am frustrated when my expectations are continually disappointed and I foolishly think that I can "fix" things. However, acceptance of NOW has moved in and I'm going to let it stay; rent free, permanent residence. I'm evicting doubt, sadness and self-pity. I'm choosing to embrace the freedom that accompanies the truth that has set me free.

Psalm 34:17-19

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

He delivers them from all their troubles.

The Lord is close to the brokenheart

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

The righteous man may have many troubles,

but the Lord delivers from from them all.

2012-01-30T20:10:00.000-07:00

Me and my Dad

My Dad is one of my absolute favorite people.

I love hanging out with him.

On a lighter note... ( and just a little bit of pocket change)

2012-01-26T07:19:00.002-07:00

http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/70-Willow-St-Brooklyn-NY-11201/30567363_zpid/#5

What a COOL place!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-26T06:58:00.000-07:00

One of the great things about moving along towards the end of my thirties, is that I am getting to know myself and how I "operate" better and better each day. This isn't that big of a deal, except that since my early 20s I have fought myself over who I was and how I did things. I wanted to mimic someone else's way of time-keeping, perform like first chair when I was in second, wished that I even cared to write a to-do list. I've envied that list-making gene that clearly didn't make its way into my pool. I've had my eyes on other people's papers rather than on my own for far too long. It is CLASSIC middle child syndrome, (me too! me too! me too!) wanting what someone else has. You would have thought that I would have grown out of it by now, but no - I still struggle.  What is becoming clearer and clearer to me is that the traits that I have wanted to rub off on me aren't the things that God intended for me to have, He intended those gifts for THOSE people. He has other perfect personality traits just for me that He wants me to learn about and love. Now into my 39th year of living, I am finding it so much easier to accept the way that I am, loving the person that God created me to be, rather than fighting it all the time.

For instance... I have spent the last 2 days performing what my dear Dad would call a "batch" on my house. (a batch is the opposite of doing things one at a time).  Because of my wrist injury and the inability to move with my cast, there have been things that I haven't been able to do over the past 6 weeks.  Added to that list of "can't dos" was the clutter and mess that always comes with the holidays and just the time spent indoors during the winter. I have looked around at the piles of papers and books, the overflowing mess of my junk drawer (which had taken over the drawer next to it as well), the cluttered pantry, the palettes of once-used cheap eye shadow cluttering my bathroom. I've known that this list (a LIST, for pete's sake... I made a LIST!) was just getting longer and longer and I've been waiting for the ooomph (that's what I call it) to come and push me to tackle what I knew needed tackling. Now, nobody else would have known that inside my house I had 3 trashbags (and counting) worth of garbage, mooching off of us, just taking up residence in our house. I keep the house clean and there's a place for everything, including junk and clutter (even THAT looks great in a pretty basket!). HOWEVER... 2 days ago, I GOT TO IT. The oopmh hit and I couldn't be stopped. Hours and hours of organizing and tossing and storing and filing and de-cluttering.  Rugs got washed, sheets got changed, cobwebs got attacked, piles got unpiled. I knew that I would get to it, it was just a matter of when the wave would hit me.   I am learning about myself that if I write on a list for next Thursday - 1.  De-clutter the house - that will be the LAST thing that will get done. I am much more of a wait for the wave of energy to hit me type of a girl. And hit it did, and we got it DONE. Well... maybe not ALL done, but a good chunk of it. For years, though, (YEARS) I have fought this part of my personality. I've told myself that I was "bad" because I was more spontaneous and implusive than my type A friends; "less than" because my written to-do list was blank; "not as good" because I couldn't stick to a plan but wanted to make the plan up as I went along. NO MORE... I have seen that BOTH personalities have their place. That an ENFP  has just as much value as an ESTJ (Meyers-Briggs personality categories). I can be spontaenous AND valuable. I can embrace my "wait for it" wave and ride it with pride that this is a good thing about who I am.

Our new camera broke.  It spent New Years at the repair shop, I'm sure whooping it up, setting reolutions and making goals to never break again. It came back yesterday. Now I will have pictures to post, so you don't just have to read my ramblings.

2011-12-30T22:16:00.001-07:00

It started out as a "get away" As in - I want to get away from home and stay away until home looks like it should. Home is all 6 if us there. All 4 of my children, HOME, right where they belong. But... for a few days, where they belong is not where they are. They are away and SO... My sweet Patrick planned a tritp to take the "rest of us" out of town so what we could be away from what is normal as well. He wanted to take us somewhere new, where we could experience fun hikes, beautiful scenery, and continue the collection of stamps in our passport books. Also take us to a place that would distract this mama. If only that were possible.... I have loved our vacation, but my heart swings between guilt and happiness, vascilates between satisfaction and emptiness, relaxes with less all the while wanting more. The loneliness for my older two is only comforted by the company of my younger two. My heart is big enough to love all 4, no matter where they are. How else does this mama drive down a Utah freeway, enjoying the beauty and noise around her while her heart also drives down a Colorado highway towards hometown, hoping that blankies and such weren't left behind in a mountain cabin. I try to stay present with my smaller family, and still can't wait until I can share all that we have done with the WHOLE family. Will they feel left out?? Will they want to know where we have been and what we have done?? Will our pictures matter to them? Will they care asbout videos that star their younger siblings and not them? Today, little sister drew a picture for her 2 big sisters. "I want to show them what we saw yesterday", she says. "I know," I empathize. "I miss them too". And in a few days, we will conferge will all of our expeiences and we will have show and tell and we will reconect. Our snuggles will be tigheter, our patience for one-another's imperfections will be greater. And truthfully, I just can't wait for all of the noise. I'm so grateful for a husband who understands and provides. I am blessed to be known and to be loved.

Joy

2011-12-20T14:43:00.002-07:00

It wasn't like it was a weekend to go nuts over, BUT nuts I went!!

The agenda held events that we did as a family, AND an overnight date for me and my man, where we dressed up and had a few minutes to ourselves.

A piano recital and some Christmas caroling, ice skating and party going,

Christmas movies, sparkly drinks and family slumber parties.

Every moment fit together to make a holiday picture worth remembering.

We are 5 days from Christmas, we have 2 days left of school and I have about 8 more little odds and ends to wrap up before I completely finish my to-do list.

We have one more concert, one performance on Christmas Eve, and one birthday to round out this twelfth month of 2011.

December has been busy, but we have found Joy in the activity of this season.

Joy is what we try to pursue here around our house.

As we chase it down and grab onto the moments that fit the Joy-bill,

stuffing memories into our pockets, I am reminded

that the effort is always worth it.

Going after Joy in the midst everything else that goes on in our lives

isn't always easy or convenient,

but I am always glad

when I make an attempt at Joy; when I make a conscious effort

to celebrate, notice, remember, and delight in the things that are going on around me.

I always know that the Giver of all Joy is right there, ready to add the finishing touches,

the perfecting touches to any effort that I put forth.

He takes what little I have to give and makes it into something beautiful.

I herald with the angels...

"Glory to God in the highest!!"

Forgetfulness

2011-12-14T20:56:00.002-07:00

Sometimes I forget...

how blessed I am
what being "really tired" REALLY felt like
what using both of my hands feels like
that the petty stuff doesn't really matter
what a hot summer day feels like
that I need to take a deep breath
that even I need new undies
that an "I'm sorry" goes a long way
how fast the Christmas season goes by
how quickly time passes
how fast clothes get wrinkled
how amazing a long friendship is
how sad being alone was
how lovely the sand feels between my toes
how little the mess matters
the last time I stopped worrying was
what being relaxed feels like
what an empty heart really felt like
how kind people are
how lovely life can be when I focus on all of the good!

2011-12-11T21:54:00.001-07:00

Two weeks ago, I was innocently volunteering in the library at my kids' school. This time spent in the library is enjoyable to me, and you'd think it would br pretty harmless. UNTIL... duh, duh, duh...

a few books started to fall and I proceeded to catch them. Then - SNAP - pain, and now I have a wrist that is in a cast. I am trying to make some lemonade with these enormous lemons. I've been taking it pretty easy, relying on my sweet hubby, my wonderful kiddos, friends and family to help out in all of my daily tasks. I can do a lot, just limited; I am more than aware that there are folks out there who are in much dire sraits than I am. This is just my plight for now.

I have been drinking tea. Typically I dont like hot tea, but I have a new fav! To add insult to my injury, I came down with a stomach bug the past few days, and my usual coffee craving just sounded gross! One of my sweet friends brought this to me, and it just hit the spot.

Im reading this right now. I love having a good Chrismas book to read at this time of year.

On Saturday I was given the privilege of being the maid of honor at my friend's wedding. The Tuesday prior to the wedding, I hosted a shower for her. My house was so full of love that night! I dont have a fancy house and was a little intimidated about 20 people arriving, but the size and quality of my home was not the focus of the shower. Go figure!! I stress myself out about the dumbest things. My house is a gift. Literally. Years ago, my house was going into foreclosure. It was a desperate situation. A wonderful, generous, compassionate couple saved my house and gave me the money that I needed to rescue it. It was an enormous miracle, and I remind myself often that my house is a gift. The night of the shower, after I recognized my foolish heart, I was able to simply enjoy having Polly's wonderful family and friends here. My kids loved it too, They absolutely adore it when I start getting the house ready for a party. They helped me move furniture around and get food prepped.

It was such a wonderful weekend to celebrate my precious friend.

Last Sunday afternoon we made our anual trek up to the mountains to find our perfect Christmas tree. We couldnt have asked for a better afternoon! The experience was freezing cold yet magical!!

The house is now all decorated, the gifts are slowly being delivered, the holiday spirit is brewing. We listen to our favorite Christmas music wherever we are at.

Everyone has their favorite tune, and it is the background noise to everything that we do.

The girls are preparing for their piano recital where they will rock their

own tunes on the piano in a week.

Holidays and Family. They go hand in hand. Now, Im just going to have to try to figure

out how to wrap gifts with only one hand! It might be a gift bag type of year!!

Special

2011-11-29T14:09:00.001-07:00

The month of November is closing. We've kissed Thanksgiving goodbye and we've spent many moments celebrating our sweet Marky - moo. At 13 years old, my precious first-born is such a special girl. She is incredibly artistic. She is beautiful. She is courageous and intuitive.

I love listening to her process things. She is wise beyond 13.

She has fashion sense that would make Stacey and Clinton proud.

Music flows from this girl. She loves to sing and play the piano.

Her favorite store is I-tunes.

Her heart expands to include others and she has such a sensitive spirit towards people that she loves.

She loves God and delights in following Him with her heart.

I couldn't be more proud of who Marky is. Every day I am blessed by her presence in my life. I absolutely enjoy her as much as I love her. Marky introduced me to true love. She came into my life, and I have never been the same. My values are different, my priorities have changed. I see so much of life differently since I became a mother when Marky was born.

Thirteen BEAUTIFUL years is just the first layer of color on this portrait that God is painting of my lovely daughter. I am absolutely, completely in love with you, my dearest Marky.

You are a PERFECT first pancake!!

Happy 13th Birthday to you.

November ramblings - Try to keep up!

2011-11-17T16:40:00.000-07:00

We are half-way through our November. The days of late have been freezing cold with a wind that ignores your coat and makes its way straight down the front of your shirt, chilling you to the absolute bone. I am not a fan of wind. "I am not a fan" is Meredith's newest phrase to describe things that she doesn't like. I guess she actually listened when I corrected her whenever she said "I hate...", so she came up with this alternative. It's kind of funny when she says it. I have had an aching neck that has slowed me down the last couple of days. The pain has been intense and has forced me to take it a little easier rather than running around with both barrels loaded. I've had a hot rice pack hanging around my neck everywhere I've gone the last few days and just so you know, you can't move very fast with one of those clinging to you. I'm not exactly sure where I picked up this painful crick, but I'm feeling more sympathetic to people who carry constant pain around with them. I am NOT a fan of it. We celebrated our sweet Marky's birthday. Thirteen and wonderful. Thirteen and not-so-wonderful. This is how our days go. Up, down, back, forth. The ride is intensely rewarding and challenging all in the same. Every once in a while, I feel like I'm on Space Mountain... spinning in the dark. I take one turn at a time, praying like crazy that I don't fall out of my seat, hating that I can't see what is around the next corner. If I could see, if would probably scare the hell out of me and I would JUMP, so I close my eyes and hope, and trust, and try not to take anything too seriously. I am not good at that. I tend to take EVERY thing too seriously. I care WAY too much about WAY too many things. Can you say Control Issues???? After sabotaging 3 cameras over the last 2 years, and being without one for the past few months (have you noticed the lack of pictures on the blog?), we purchased a REAL camera. Now I just have to take a class to learn how to use it. I'm really excited about what this piece of equipment can do, but man - it's not a point and shoot that's for sure!! Thanksgiving is next week. We have family coming from Portland to visit us over the next week and then we will go out of town to visit other family. Having to being more still the last few days has caused me to look around. To listen to the sounds around the house, to soak up the hugs and compassion that my kiddos have offered to their hurting mama, to appreciate all that I have been blessed with. I'm grateful, so grateful.

Time

2011-11-06T13:38:00.000-07:00

I walk around my favorite store, on a typical search for treasure. I finger a pretty sweater and enjoy its autumnal shade of orange. I leave it neatly folded on the table, knowing with certainty that even though it is lovely, it is not what I'm looking for. I continue to meander, gazing at trinkets and baubles. I am a faithful lover of anything vintage, an ardent swooner over anything boasting chipped paint. My home and closet don't have many empty spaces in them. I only buy what I absolutely love, what jumps out and speaks to me. Today the merchandise is quiet. What I am shopping for isn't there. I walk past an old table, snubbing a charming necklace, ignoring a pretty green vase, barely appreciating the thread-bared edges of a tablecloth I'm sure would look lovely with my fall centerpiece. I see treasures from the past that beg to share their stories. Today I am too distracted to listen. The alarm on my cell phone rings, reminding me of the present. Daily responsibilities that have never gone unfulfilled. Places I must be for little people that depend on me. I leave the store, promising to come back when I am more attentive. I am confused by my empty arms, because typically, I leave with a treasure. A purchase not based on price, but about value and personal taste. Today, whatever I was searching for was not to be found.

Four days later, I recall that shopping experience. At the end of a day of to-do's and to-be's, I have one final task. I need to change all of our clocks. It is "DayLight Savings", and there is no choice but to comply with the directive to set the clock back one hour. An extra hour... a gift. After I finished up with resetting the microwave (I never remember how to do it!) I settle onto my bed with my book. I read for a few minutes, and as I lounge, a pleasant feeling covers me. It is a blanket of peace, the scent of contentment hanging in the air around me. I think to myself "This is IT! This is what I was looking for on my shopping trip! " TIME. Minutes that are not completely filled with things that need attention or energy. Sometimes my heart is searching for something that cannot be purchased at my favorite store. What I was really needing that afternoon while I was wandering around was some TIME!! I was so grateful to drink in that extra 60 minutes last night, knowing that although most of the USA was participating in daylight savings time right along with me, it felt more like a personal gift with MY name on the box.

2011-10-17T14:26:00.000-06:00

Today is a windy, fall day. The leaves are falling onto grass that is still green, thanks to our Indian summer. Earlier this morning, we had rain. It wasn't cold, but it was wet. And it was nice to be a little cooler. I, who loves summer more than anything in the world, might just be ready for the weather to turn cooler. To back up this declaration, I put flannel sheets on our bed this morning. You won't be able to accuse me of having favorites!!! However, I might just need to go try out one of those spray tans as every speckle of color left over from our summer has disappeared from this body.

I've been savoring pictures lately. Last weekend, we took a trip to my mom and dad's house for our annual family photo session. All family members were excited to make the journey east and actually were "up" for taking pictures. Everyone obliged me in the outfit I picked out for them, and with happy smiley (mostly!) faces, we documented another special time together. My dad is so wonderful to do this for us, and I love all of the pictures that he took.

For the past week, I have soaking up each photographed moment, memorizing the look of my kids at their present ages. The pictures tell a story, of a family put together over time, glued together by hope, touched up with love and making it through each day by faith. Faith that WE were meant to be. Believing that every bit of every one of us matters. That our pieces and parts, genuine and imperfect, make the whole package of a family. Our family. A package of 6 people wrapped up together; un-returnable and non-exchangeable. We are committed to finding out what's best in each of us, and putting up with what is worst. I look into the eyes of the people I love in these pictures and gratitude surges through my heart. Gratitude that extends far beyond the minor annoyances and hurts that inevitably swirl around being in relationships. I am thankful that I get to be the mom and the wife.

As late-October approaches, we are gearing up for the busiest season of our family. Opportunities to make memories and laugh together. Events over-crowd the schedule horizon, weekends are marked up on the calendar from here until after New Years. I long to be present, aware of each moment that comes my way. I want to embrace both the challenges and the celebrations. The package it all adds up to be is the greatest gift of my life. Our home and our family - so grateful.

Have you ever...

2011-10-06T20:42:00.000-06:00

...missed someone so much that your HEART aches???

...hugged someone so hard that you made them grunt??

... been lonely even when there are many bodies around you??

... loved a new song so much that you turned it up LOUD all day long???

... ignored the baskets of laundry needing to be folded so you can take a little nap?

... shopped for shoes just because??

... stayed up late into the night reading a book so good you couldn't put it down??

...planned an outift for the next day down to the earrings?

...thought about running away... just for an hour?

....eaten ice cream without ANY guilt???

...just sat, and enjoyed the silence???

...wished that you could transport yourself immediately to be with someone you love??

...prayed so much for ONE SIMPLE thing???

...been mean even though you knew you should have been nice?

...bought a pair of boots just because they were SO cute?

...smiled - just because...

Thankful Tuesday

2011-09-27T21:43:00.002-06:00

Tonight I am thankful for:

*love

*new books

*beautiful fall weather

*Target

*a fun football game

*finished laundry and clean sheets

*an excited 5th grader

*all of my faithful friends

*the book of Jonah

*caring parents

*school hot lunch

*a programmable coffee pot

*that I get to be the mom

*Tuesday and Wednesday nights at home

*the mercy of my Heavenly Father, which is new every morning

2011-09-17T11:29:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting in my garden on a quiet Saturday morning. I can hear the asters and mums reminding me that they have beauty too - just because they don't bloom in June doesn't mean they can be overlooked. Near to me is a pot of pansies and petunias that avoided being eaten by grasshoppers or scorched by the hot August sun. Their scent and color are providing an extension of summer - my first love. However, coming in at a close second is Autumn. The briskness in the air assures me that fall is peeking around the corner. I love the falling leaves, and I love the coler. I truly appreciate (are you listening?) the fall flowers that splash my garden with color.

Fall means that soccer is here, and for my little guy, that is the best season of the year! It brings ECO-week for my 5th grader. She can't wait. Middle school football games are the highlight of my oldest daughters week. Meredith can't wait to wear her jeans and new sweaters. All over the house we are filled with delight that this beloved time of year is upon us.

With all the kids in school, this mama is trying to find her rhythym. I love the enthusiasm with which my kiddos come home to me, showing me that it is necessary that they are all in school. I love enjoying the house being tidy for more than a few minutes at a time. I love the moments of quiet that have been gifted to me. HOWEVER, I haven't yet settle into a routine. I don't know where God wants me to be used, where He needs me to be an influencer. I keep waiting for a knock on the door with a package to arrive that contains clear directions on what is next. Should I work? Should I serve more? Do I have to bake? How many times should I straighten up the house? How many hours should I volunteer at school? I am apprehensive at getting over-extended because I have relationships that I want to nurture, and now I have time to do that. Lunch with one friend, knitting with another, Bible Study with a group of ladies from church, coffee with a mentor, prayer time with other special friends, alone time reading. These are the things that are filling my days and I want them to be enough. I want the Lord to be pleased with how I use my time. The kids come home in need and by 4:00 every afternoon, the crazy starts. Is it okay that from 9-4 there is a peace flowing, establinshing a foundation for the afternoon busyness?

As I sit here in the quiet, asking these questions, I feel in my heart that peace is gift. "Go after that" is what I sense. I will ponder what that means as we leave soon to attend Michael's soccer game. He is so good. It is so much fun to watch him finally have his own thing. Last week, his sister's (and me, who are we kidding!) were the loudest group of cheerleaders on the sideline. Unfamiliar with his name being yelled at the top of our voices, he frequently looked at us like we were NUTS. I later explained to him that we were cheering for him, telling him that he was doing a good job, not yelling at him to get his attention. His shirt has 2 sides to it and that intrigued him alot last week. All of the boys were overly-interested in the fact that their shirts were really 2 in 1. Hopefully by this week, their focus will be more on the field and less with the complexness of their jersey. Keeping 5-6 year old boys focused for 45 minutes - WHAT a task!!! I'm looking forward to the game to see what happens.

First Week of School

2011-08-30T07:30:00.000-06:00

There are moments, as a mom, where you take a step back and observe your kids through eyes of wonder and fascination. I watched each one of them express their individuality all week long. Through their clothing choices I see their creativity, as they tell their stories I understand what they value. When they describe their favorite moment of the day, I get a glimspe into their talents and interests. I love hearing what makes them tick, what makes them laugh, what concerns them. I see through their eyes how their classmates have changed, how their teachers' hair looks, how cute their best friend's outfit was. What a fun week this was as the kids met new friends, hugged old friends, said hello to former teachers, and embraced what will be a great, fun and challenging year for all. I rode the emotional roller coaster up and down, back and forth and have settled down to accept that although our summer fun has ended, and ALL of my kiddies are growing up, there are many great things to look forward to as this school year unfolds. Sentimentality aside, I'm so excited for all that they are going to experience this fall and in the months beyond.

First day of 7th grade for Marky

First day of kindergarten for my baby boy!

My sweet Maddie-girl started 5th grade.

Meredith Grace started 2nd grade.

Daddy with his girlies.

My boys!!

Believe

2011-08-27T20:46:00.001-06:00

We prayed for a miracle after I realized I lost our camera.

I should believe when I pray, because I really do pray to God. THE GOD.

And our camera was found and returned to us. I am SO grateful.

This is my favorite picture taken on vacation.

We are relaxed and happy.

If I could bottle this feeling, I would.

Thankyou, Lord, for bringing our camera - our memories - back to us!!!

2011-08-18T21:09:00.000-06:00

In cleaning out the van yesterday, I came across a "baby wipe" container. The flat ones that are portable and go everywhere with you when you have kids under the age of 3. It was empy, but it had the power of a time machine. Took me back to the days where I never left home without a box of wipes, a diaper and some ready-made formula. I reminisced for a second about how wonderful those days were when my children were contained in car seats and strollers, happy to be carried and pushed from store to store. But then I remembered how lovely it is that my kiddos can walk, talk, potty, poop, feed their own mouths and drink their own drinks. The greener grass on the other side of the middle school colored fence all of the sudden lost it's luster. Tonight Patrick and I went to Kindergarten open house, where we sat in kidner sized chairs and listened to a teacher talk to us for the FOURTH time - HOW CAN IT BE FOURTH!!!! - about the policies and perks of Kindergarten. It is absolutely unbelieveable that we have been through this discussion 4 times now. Michael will go to kindergarten on Tuesday. He is very excited and a tad nervous too. His biggest cheerleaders are his three sisters. They are so excited for him to join the "school team". Michael and I talked while he was in the bath tub tonight. He had a lot of questions about what his classroom will be like and told me that he was a lot excited and a little nervous. Normally, I just send the kiddos to take baths or showers. They are amazingly independent and capable when it comes to bathing... but every once in a while, I need to be needed, so I give the kids a bath. It's fun to take a giant step back in time and wash their hair and rinse it with a pitcher that I have had since my very first baby shower. They can do it themselves: I have taught them how! I love that they are able and somewhat self-sufficient... but there comes a time when a mama just wants to go back to what they are sure of. What I am sure of is that I can bathe, rock, soothe, and calm. I have practiced, tiptoeing and stomping through the early stages of raising babies and frankly, I am good at it... However, I feel insecure about the new territory that is ahead. Teens and pre-teens. Sweet and wonderful, moody and temperamental. If only I could lay them down in their warm bath and sing sweetly to them, calming fears and driving away the worries of the day. But what I am skilled at is in the past, and I am now on to a new curricullum. Working on a degree that I fear has no specific coursework, only the common threads of prayer and faith year after year, minute upon minute. What a warm bath used to soothe, now will take wisdom and encouragement. I am committed to the project, yet fear I have so much more to learn about patience and stamina; I come to the end of myself so quickly. The Father reminded me earlier this week when I was feeling so very lonely and unequipped... "I am with you. I will never leave you or forsake you." and THAT is MY warm bath. My comfort and MY security: the comfort that these days, months and years have just as much value as those early years. The years that I gave baths and rubbed backs have vanished and been replaced by attentively listening and intuitively scoping out the truth. And yet... they are both important. Both foundational. I cannot do it alone... I am so THANKFUL - He is with me. What comfort.

2011-08-17T22:10:00.000-06:00

My dad, Pop-pop to my kids, sent a package through the post office to my dear #2 daughter.

The conversation that I had with her this morning went something like this...

Maddie - "I can't wait for the mail to come today!"

Me - "Well, sweetie, Pop-pop said that he mailed it just yesterday, so it might come tomorrow."

Maddie - "Why? Pop-pop said I should get it today!"

Me - "Well, sometimes you can't count on the post office."

Maddie - "I'm counting on Pop-pop, not the post office."

Isn't it great when you have someone in your life that you can really count on!!!

Someone you believe is even more reliable than the post office. It just feels so good.

2011-08-10T22:47:00.002-06:00

I am choking the summer life out of the days. I am not ready to give in to the school schedule yet. I want to hold on to late nights, late mornings, pool days, relaxed lunches and even mosquito nights. I'm just not READY yet!!! School starts in 11 days. ELEVEN days to continue our memories, enjoy the relaxed pace that summer allows. We've finished shopping for pencils, cute skirts and awesome jeans (that honestly we won't wear until later September.). We have labeled lunch boxes and backpacks, dated new planners and mentally set out our first day of school outfits. BUT....

The towels are still begging to be wet,

the bikes still wanting to be ridden.

Pillows wanting our soft heads to rest longer and

summer jammies wanting to keep us cool.

Please don't end too quickly, sweet Summer.

There's still more fun to have!!!

You are my favorite time of year and I just

can't say goodbye.

Florida Summer Vacation

2011-08-09T02:23:00.002-06:00

It felt a little bit like coming home. The palm trees welcomed us and waved to us from

the hot Florida sky. We were familiar with the landscape and temperature. The humid air didn't take us by surprise this time. We knew our way around and in no time at all, we bound ourselves to the reason
for our travels - VACATION!!

Unhurried, unplanned, numerous hours with no agenda. Our plans were simply to relax and make memories. This was our fifth visit to this vacation spot. With no hesitation, we proclaim it as one of our family favorites. Braided in with our very familiar spots were a few new places.

Anna Maria Island was a new, wondrous location to bask in the warm gulf water, play volleyball on the soft sand, and be awed by the beauty of the setting sun over the ocean.

We plaited our old favorites with new favorites, resulting in a perfect combination. We fished, we ate good food, we drank yummy tropical drinks, we searched the shore for perfect shells.

Each of us tried to capture as much as we could from every

sun-soaked hour. We woke up expectant and went to bed happy and tired out.

Six days didn't feel like enough, but we enjoyed

every moment of sandy feet under tables, wet towels littering the floors, sweaty sunscreened faces,

dripping bathing suits exchanged for sundresses and tank tops, empty tummies topped off with

delicious Gumbo Limbo fare.

After a day of smooth travel back home (and one lost camera), we have all declared

that we cannot wait until we get to go back...

once again.

We love you Florida!

2011-07-15T09:32:00.001-06:00

One of my favorite little books is

"Miss Rumphius"

It is a tale of a sweet lady named Alice, who spreads

beauty around her

and makes

the world a more beautiful place.

The kids and I read it all the time.

Largely because of this story, the lupine has become one of my favorite flowers.

It borrows a tropical vibe from flowers grown in a much wetter

climate than ours, yet still offers vibrantly colored blossoms spurred on by our

hot

Colorado sun.

When we were in Aspen last weekend, I was delighted to see

fields of lupines all around the town.

Every corner we turned brought another variety and color

of the flower.

As we walked around I was reminded of

Alice Rumphius

and one of her purposes in life...

to make the world a more beautiful place.

She spread seeds of lupines so that

they grew all over the hillsides that surrounded the places

that she lived.

She shared this beuaty with others as they got to

enjoy the flowers that she planted.

What if she had sown weeds? Or nothing at all?

What if she had not had a purpose that involved anyone but herself?

She wanted to bless others

and make their world a more beautiful place.

I want nothing less for my own life.

Galatians 5:22-23

commercial break

2011-07-13T22:48:00.000-06:00

We interrupt this summer

with a

broken arm.

Sweet Life

2011-07-11T20:42:00.000-06:00

I came out of the stinky, mountain outhouse just in time to hear the elated shouts of a fellow hiker.

We had arrived at the trailhead minutes before rested and ready (or so we thought) to take on this steep wilderness. Honestly, I judged her; this noisy NorthFace-outfitted female. I thought that she should have been quieter, less enthusiastic. More reverant towards the mountain that was watching over us; less disturbing of other mountain travelers. I was wrong. If I had known what I would know 6 hours later in the day, I would have embraced her squeals, encouraged her boisterous whooping! I would have popped the bubbly and hoisted her up on proud shoulders, slapping her on the back for enduring moments of exhaustion and exhilirition.. I didn't know then, as I tsked tsked at her, that I would be COMPLETELY empathetic to her celebration a mere 1/4 day later. I didn't know that I too would be celebrating a physical victory in finishing, an emotional achievment in not giving up; looking for someone to slap ME on the back with pride in my accomplishment. If I'd only known... and soon I would.

"Let's go stay in Aspen for our anniversary, honey!" Mrs. Henricks said.

"Sounds like a plan, but I'm going to make you work for it."Mr Henricks answered.

"Okedoke" Mrs. Henricks naively answered.

I was not fully prepared for what the "work for it" really entailed. Even when we approached the trailhead to the mountains of Grays and Torreys I was still green as to what it really meant to climb a 14er (that is what a mountain that is very tall is called; the 14 standing for 3 1/5 miles straight up into the sky.) I began the hike in a tank top and thrice rolled up shorts, and returned in my winter hat, gloves, rain coat and shorts pulled down as near to my ankles as they would go. Between wardrobe changes, I sloshed through water, fell through snow, tromped over mud, felt my lungs and calves burn, and basically reached the edge of my physical capabilities to keep moving in a forward manner. I haven't ever done anything harder than what I did on this mountain.

The elevation alone was enough to cause tears and make turning around seem pleasing. Add to that my inexperience with mountain climbing and my desire for more comfort than the outdoors could provide and there I was, a girl that had to reach to the very bottom of her bootstraps in order to keep walking. Slowly, I was beginning to understand the exuberance of the shouting girl 4 miles down the trail. Along the way up to the top, we saw beautiful wildflowers, bedraggled mountain goats, marmits (what the heck is THAT?), pikas (again?? WHAT?) and truly magnificent scenery around us.

About half way up, I felt the urge to give up and sit down. I told Patrick that he could keep going and I would catch him on the way back - nice of me, huh! At that moment, he started counting steps and suggested that we just go 50 more steps and take a break. "Okay - did that feel alright? Keep going? Sure... let's do 50 more. Okay - how are you now?? Can you keep going? 50 more and we will take a break." If my man hadn't helped me with his landmarks, his breaks, his announcements of what was coming up, I wouldn't have made it to the top of either of these mountains.

Because we didn't hike at the normal, suggested times, we truly were the only the ones on the mountain. We felt lucky to have the storm clouds hold out as long as they did before dumping their little, tiny ice pellets on us, late in the afternoon. These ice pellets were small yet quite painful as they smacked against the bare backs of our legs. The wind waited on us until we summited the top of the first peak, then it blew us over to the other peak and hurried us along towards our ascent. By this time, we had consumed all edible treasures that we had brought with us. It was shocking to me how delicious our dried-out raisins and ordinary pretzels were. When you are as hungry as we were, even a regular granola bar takes on gourmet characteristics. After celebrating the conquering of both peaks, we began to make our way down the mountain. At one point, my darling husband questioned whether I was okay with where I was walking.

I answered "Sure, why?" And he said "Oh, just wondering if that 100 foot drop off of snow was bothering you at all". It wasnt until then... I wouldn't have made it across that terrifying spot if it hadn't been for the reason that there was just no other choice but to keep walking.

That was the only way down - Patrick had refused my request for a piggy back ride. As we got further and further away from the tops of the 14,000 foot peaks we kept turning around glancing at the summit, exclaiming to each other "I can't believe we were just up there!!" I was feeling even more like a kindred spirit to the woman whom I had earlier dismissed as crazy. We were going to make it! I could feel it in every painful downward step. With about 1/2 mile to go, Patrick announced "I can see the truck" and I have never been more in love with that man... or the truck. The finish line was close. Although we were not as loud as our fellow hiker, we were as happy when we finally reached the end of our hike. We had accomplished more together that afternoon than we had in a very long time, and we had definitely worked for the luxury of the rest of our anniversary weekend. With sore muscles and satisfied hearts, we celebrated the 8 years that we have been married. We toasted our future and embraced with thanksgiving all that we have been given. We laughed and played and enjoyed "just the two of us".

Ours is a Sweet Life. It is not a perfect life. It is not a trial free life. It mimics the mountain that we climbed together - steep ups and crazy downs, drastic climate changes, challenges that we approach hand in hand, beauty and fear side by side. Our life is colorful and wonderful, and we live it from the top to the bottom. We do it together which is the sweetest part of all.