Random thoughts of a (not so single anymore) Mom....

Where has the time gone?

2019-06-05T19:57:00.000-07:00

I did not realize how long it has been since I wrote a post! Seriously, 3 years...WHAT?!?

Anyway, I just want to say how much I love how the Holy Spirit works! A few times this week, I have heard one of the messages on Air1 that talked about Moses wandering through the desert for 40 years even though you could literally walk across that desert in a matter of months. It said that God told him that he kept testing them to test their faith and because they did not have faith, they had to keep wandering until they figured out they needed God.

The message talked about how it is important not so much how you act when you feel God's presence (like during mountain top experiences), but how you act when you do NOT feel his presence. It kind of hit me because normally I feel pretty in tune with the Holy Spirit and hear God's voice, but honestly lately I have felt pretty disconnected. Disconnected from God, my husband, my kids, my friends, my job...all of it--just disconnected.

So, on the way in to town today (an hour drive) I was sort of talking to God and thinking about a conversation I need to have with Roy, getting more involved at church, and reconnecting with friends. I got to town and met my friend to pick up the item I was buying from her and we chatted for a little bit. I have not seen her in forever--like a few years--and I realized I really missed her. It was great just having a few minutes to have a live conversation--like not on Facebook--and just truly CONNECT.

I left there and got a call from another friend who is going through some tough stuff. I was parked in my car at Walmart getting ready to go in and was telling her about a faith based counseling program that Indiana Wesleyan offers for free. The conversation with her was short but again it was just nice to connect. It was funny because I feel guilty often because although I love this friend dearly, months and even years go by sometimes when we don't talk. Not because I don't want to...but life just gets busy. She said she felt the same way and that she felt I was a true friend because I was one of those people that you can not talk to forever and then you pick up the phone and it is like no time has passed. It made my day to hear her say that!

I shopped for awhile in Walmart--like maybe an hour and when I came out to my car there was a lady in the car next to me (and she had been there the whole time). She apologized for "eavesdropping" but said she could not help but hear the advice I was giving my friend and asked me about Indiana Wesleyan and their counseling program. She said she sometimes gets asked to counsel people but doesn't know where to recommend that they go when it is beyond what she feels comfortable doing. She said she didn't really know anywhere that was faith based. We talked for a little bit, realized we have some common friends, and I thanked her for "eavesdropping" and having the courage to ask me about it. I told her I thought it was the Holy Spirit...and I really do think it was.

All of these things could be chalked up as coincidence, but I don't think so...This is exactly how I have seen God work time after time! I have been alive 47 years...and I would say I have had 47 years of faith challenges. I would be lying if I said I don't struggle to keep my relationship with God strong. If I am really honest....I struggle with keeping all of my relationships strong. I don't know if the people in my life would say that they think I struggle, but I feel like I do. It is so easy to get busy, self absorbed, distracted, unfocused....So, so easy....Staying connected is a challenge...I have definitely not mastered it, but I do know that I plan to be more intentional and thoughtful with my connections. I love how God uses so many different things that work together to get my attention. He is pretty awesome that way.

So, my question to you...where do you struggle? How does God speak into your life? Do you hear him and feel him? Are you in the desert too?

What if God Were Writing the Bible Today?

2016-03-13T16:10:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder who would be in the Bible today if God were writing it now? I sometimes think about that. Working with preschoolers, I find myself reading and studying the stories in the Old Testament alot. Sometimes the New, but mostly the Old. It is funny, I remember learning the stories when I was little, but they are different now than I remember. I do not think it is any kind of accident that God chose the people he did. We think of Noah and we remember the ark, but AFTER that there is a story about him being found drunk on the floor naked passed out by his son. We think of David and we think of Goliath, but AFTER he became king, he stole someone's wife and killed her husband. We hear all kinds of stories and think about the people who were a mess and then they found God (or he found them) and then they got it together. But, there are stories after stories of people who were a mess. The only thing they got right was loving and following God, but even when they had it right part of the time, they really botched it other times! Sometimes I feel like I have it all together and others I think whoa I am a hot mess! And even though I know about God and I love him so much, I struggle with stuff every day.

Life sometimes flips you upside down...literally

2016-03-12T20:02:00.000-08:00

Many of you reading this blog know that I had a serious car accident January 22 of this year. I had taken half of a Friday off work, as I do every year to help lead an overnight church camp for kids. It is one of my favorite things to do and it is at my most favorite place on earth. My kids were with me and we were about two hours into our drive--about 20-30 minutes from camp. The kids were both busy on their electronics and I was thinking through what I needed to do when I got to camp.

Out of nowhere, appeared a small patch of ice. I saw it before we hit it, but I did not have time to react correctly and it completely caught me off guard because the roads had not been bad at all for the two hours we had been driving. I screamed as the car went out of control. We went across the other lane of the road and into a yard filled with lots of large trees. The last thing I remember is that we were heading for a big phone or electrical pole and that we needed to get around it. We did manage to get around it, but just barely. It took off the passenger mirror where my daughter was sitting. Then I guess we started flipping frontwards three times. We landed right side up which I remember thinking was amazing. My phone landed right side up directly in front of my steering wheel. My son's door had opened and closed during the flips, but thank goodness only his iPad and phone went out of the car and not his hand, arm, head.....
This is a tragic story.... but the fact of the matter is that life often hits us out of nowhere. It might be a wreck or it might be a disease, divorce, cheating, theft, death, anything.... But often it is not expected. Even so, we have a choice in how we proceed and how we conduct ourselves and our beliefs. It is so easy to jump right to "why me God?", "Why now?". "Why this?". Well, to be honest... why not? I can look around every day and find 10, 20, hundreds of people who have it worse than I do. Why not me? Why them? Trust me...I would be lying if I said that I was not terrified and wondering what my future would look like. But I will tell you I was thankful I have a future to look at. I was thankful that my children were spared most physical harm.
I don't remember a lot of the next few days. I know that I rode in an ambulance with my kids to one hospital and that my friend Ellen left camp--even though I know she was needed there to come sit with me and my children while we waited for my husband and the kid's dad to arrive. I know they were cleared there and that I then went by ambulance to another hospital in a lot of pain. And then I was lifelined to Methodist Hospital. I don't remember anything from the moment I got off the helicopter until I was in the Neuro ICU. I do remember thinking that I was going to try to make everyone smile that entered my room. I think I was pretty successful with that one. That floor was sad and it was surreal to be there because the woman in the next room was brain dead and her family got notified while I was there. I could hear them praying and singing for a miracle for at least a full day. I don't think they got it. One or two other people died while I was there and everyone else was so quiet... they were incubated or just not conscious. I remember Roy and I were laughing about some things one day--I remember thinking "this is the joy that comes from the Lord--not based on circumstances but just on him". I am not sure I have ever experienced it like that before... but I did that day. That verse can be found in Philippians 4:4-5. It took on new meaning for me.
I am told that after the surgery, my first question was "Will I walk again?". The doctor said he wasn't sure... some people did but many never did again. I told him it was ok either way, and I am not sure he knew how to take it, although I now know he is a Christian too... so maybe he did. During this time when I wasn't sure I would walk and I could not feel my legs or feet, I remember not really being too worried about it, but being excited when I was able to wiggle my toes or feel my feet for the first time. This verse can be found in Philippine 4:6 (Don't worry). It was also during this time I remember thinking, "This is the peace that surpasses all understanding.". This is Philippians 4:7.
I had several setbacks. I couldn't walk at first. Then I couldn't urinate. Then I did go, but I couldn't control it. Then I couldn't go again for like two weeks... that was scary, but I still tried to look for positives and keep a sense of humor.
There were several things that happened that were very healing too. My old church really helped us out a lot and someone that I used to be great friends with before some trouble came to see me and it was just really healing for my soul. Philippians 4:8-9.
I have had to come to terms with a lot of things, needing help, bills, not driving, not teaching, etc. It has definitely been a one day at a time kind of deal. But, Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me.". I get a little stronger every day. I can do a little more every day. Today, I finished the first part of a college class I decided to take and I walked 1000 steps. Those are baby steps, but they are still steps.
This experience helped my husband see his first miracle. I bet he will see more. Who knows what else will come from this.... but I know there will be stuff!
Miracles happen every day... big and small. Keep your eyes open and you might just see one. And remember that you have a choice in every situation on how you handle it. It may just have a huge impact on your future or someone else!

How this blog changed from thoughts of a single mom to a not-so single mom....

2016-03-09T10:59:00.000-08:00

I have been meaning to write this post for almost a year I guess, but I wasn't sure where to start or even what to say. But, I am going to give it a whirl now.

So, last year in February, I had decided that I was done dating. I was just going to be single forever and I was going to be totally content with that. I decided that I had been hurt for the last time and that dating just was not worth the trouble. So, on February 16, I logged into the dating site I was on to delete the account and be done with it. However, when I logged in there was a very nice and long, well thought out note from a man named Roy. I could tell that he had really read through my profile and had really put some thought into what he wrote to me. I felt like I should at least be polite and write back to him because of that. I really thought that would be the end of it. However, he wrote back again and again and we started talking by text because we really had a lot in common and I was just drawn to him.

Two weeks later, after talking for hours by text... but never by phone, we decided to meet and he came to my town and we met at Starbucks.

....I need to pause here for a minute in this story to tell you this.... for years I had prayed for a man who would pursue me. Who would be the one to lead things.... also, you need to know that through my life I have always wanted to receive flowers at work. There is something so special about that. I had only had that done once or twice before and we had discussed that.... Now back to the story.

So, we met at Starbucks and we talked for a couple of hours. He was a really neat guy and again, we had so much in common. I was just completely drawn to him.

The next day, I was at a hearing for education downtown with my friend Beva and I got a text from one of the teachers I work with showing me a picture of an amazing bouquet of flowers that had been delivered to me at school with a poem. Roy had ordered them at the local florist before our meeting. (Again, meaning--we had never talked on the phone or met when he ordered these). I asked him later what he would have done if we did not click at Starbucks and he said that he would have sent them anyway, just with a different note because he knew how much I loved flowers.

After that, we talked every day and saw each other as often as possible--he lived an hour away and we work opposite shifts. As time went by, I realized that he had every quality that I had prayed for over the years. I had written two lists of things that I hoped for in a future husband during my ten years of being single and I am not kidding when I say he had all of them.

In March, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. People thought we were pretty crazy, but I felt at total peace about it which is also not really the norm. My friends had often told me during the times I was dating that I should give guys a little more time or try not to just look for reasons to break up, but usually I would break up with all of them pretty quickly for one reason or another.

We decided on getting married in June. Again, many people told us we were crazy for getting married so fast, but it was just right.

Well, we did not get much of a "honeymoon period".   Roy's mom passed away just a couple weeks after our wedding and Roy really had a hard time with it. He then suffered some health problems that were really tough for both of us. It took the doctors several months to get things to a good place. We had two great weeks where everything was normal and then I had a really bad car accident with my kids in January.

We were heading to church camp, and hit a spot of ice out of nowhere. Our car flipped over three times and I fractured my back in 7 vertebrae and suffered a mild traumatic brain injury. My kids just had scratches and walked away.

This car accident totaled my car and I was in the hospital for a month. Roy had to make lots of decisions about my care and had to have a crazy schedule of being at the hospital with me and helping with my son and working. I have to say that he was my rock. Honestly, he put up with me being nasty to him at times when I was heavily medicated and frustrated. He put up with me being confused and scared.   Seriously, I cannot imagine what I would have done if I did not have him.

People may think we were crazy for getting married when we did, but I feel--no I know that God led us together for a purpose. He knew that Roy was going to need me and then he knew that I was going to need Roy. Marriage is not all about romance and happily ever after. It is about God joining two people together as a team to lean on each other. I love this man with all of my heart--sometimes in a mushy lovey dovey way.... but also in a way that means I would go to the ends of the earth to help him and do anything in my power to keep him safe and healthy and happy. I believe he feels the same.

January 29, 2015

2015-03-24T08:51:00.001-07:00

I am in a Beth Moore Bible study with some ladies and one thing from the lesson Sunday has been swirling and churning in my brain all week....it is in the story of Moses....it is in Exodus 33. I have read this story so many times, but I never got it this way. This is the part after Moses comes down with the 10 commandments and finds the people doing much wrong. He goes and talks to God and God tells him that he (God) is going to give him everything he has been promised--everything he has ever wanted--perfection--BUT God will not go with him because he is so angry with the wicked people that he is afraid he will destroy them if he goes with them. Moses tells him absolutely not...that if he has to go without God he will not go. It has been swirling around in my brain--what would I do given that choice? In my heart of hearts I want to be married--in a healthy marriage--to someone who will love me the way I love people. That is a big request and it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me maybe. So...if God gave me the choice of here is a fantastic marriage for you with all the love and happiness you can imagine but I won't be there...would I choose God? Would I be willing to remain single forever if that is what he asks of me? I say yes, but honestly there is this human fleshy part of me that just wants that so badly. I love that the Bible--written so long ago can challenge me today. It only drives me closer to Him (God). Guess why we call it the living word.

The Heart of Christmas- Matthew West- with lyrics

2014-12-17T20:46:00.001-08:00

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Well, today I am feeling this song...I really feel like most of the time I live in a way that if it was my last moment on Earth I would have no regrets. However, this past week, I have really been struggling with some decisions and how they have affected me and others. I have had a crash course in how fragile and short life can be and how everything can change in a moment. I feel like my whole life I have protected myself from hurt by pushing others away when I feel there is a threat of hurt or rejection....I find reasons to push people away that sound legitimate and maybe sometimes really are...but I guess I am wondering how often I actually push people away or leave a situation that may have possibly worked because I was scared. I don't know....I just know that my head is swimming...I am second guessing many life choices....this is an awkward time. I have no clue how things will end up...I just know that this song is resonating with me....

Wherever you are, no matter how far
Come back to the heart, the heart of Christmas
Live while you can, cherish the moment
The ones that you love, make sure they know it
Don't miss it, the heart of Christmas

When Life is a Roller Coaster....

2014-10-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

It is funny to me how often a particular Bible story will come up in my daily life during various periods of my life. When I was first single again and struggling with my sinful past, the story of the woman at the well kept coming up. When I was going through a really difficult thing with my son, the story of Job kept coming up. Recently, the story that keeps coming up is the story of Joseph--not Joseph, Jesus' father, but Joseph with the coat of many colors. He has been mentioned in conversations with friends and pastors, sent to me in email devotions, talked about in sermons, and talked about on the radio. Usually when this happens, I believe that I am to really dig in and figure out what the message is that I should apply to my life...so here goes.

You can find the story of Joseph in Genesis 37-50. Basically he was a kid who had it all and then was sold into slavery. He trusted God and ended up with a pretty cushy job in a leader's house. But, then the leader's wife wanted to basically have an affair with him and when he refused--she lied and had him thrown in jail for false charges. He remained faithful there and eventually went on to save Egypt and then reunited to his family. He saved many people. That never would have happened if his long chain of events had been different.

I started searching on Bible.com and found these main points about Joseph's life...

1. God “broke” Joseph by taking him out of comfortable circumstances and stretching him. God often has to “break” us before He can use us.
I believe God does this with me. I do not like the "breaking" process at all...it can often be such a painful time for me. I get really frustrated with myself. I feel like I should be so much further in my journey than I actually am. I am just coming out of one of these times. I have been attending the same church for about 8-9 years. I have served in so many ways there and called it my home. I considered the people there family and for the last 3 years I was on staff there. A few months ago, I was informed that I was being "released" not because of anything I had done wrong, but because of some changes they wanted to make overall to the ministry. Not all of my thoughts or probably even actions have been pretty. In my head, I understand the changes and I am sure they will end up ok, but it hurt and not just a little bit. To be honest, I was completely devastated. I had moments where I was angry and others where I just sobbed my eyes out. I heard of rumors going around town that I was being fired because I was not doing my job and that really hurt a lot and was not true. I take a lot of pride in my work and that really upset me. I was frustrated with myself for feeling all of these emotions. I definitely felt broken down...and found that I needed to just fully trust God to sort it all out. In my head, I knew he was still in control and had a plan, but my heart was broken.
2. Joseph lived a life of integrity and was faithful to God in the midst of prosperity and adversity. He is a great example for us to follow.
I can honestly say that I have really tried to have integrity and be faithful during this transition. Tried is the key word. It was not easy...and again, I got really frustrated with myself. I really think I have made such progress in my faith and then when trials come, I disappoint myself. I guess maybe often what we know we should do and what we are feeling do not match up. During those times we need to be especially careful about the actions we choose. No matter what, our actions are totally within our control even when our emotions are not. I personally think that is good news.
3. There is no mistake in where God has you. Allow Him to use you where you are.
Oh this is such good news and at the same time, it is frustrating! I sometimes think, "God, what are you doing?!?!?!?" His plans so often make absolutely no sense to me and seem to be exactly the opposite of what I would choose. But, somehow--eventually most of the time they do make sense.
4. God is in control even when it seems that your world is spinning madly out of control.
Sometimes life does seem completely out of control! It is so easy to be consumed by what life here on Earth holds, but this is not home....this is not the final destination. We must remember that we need to look at eternity not just this time on Earth. There are things that here seem so unfair and terrible, but I have to remember that this life is temporary and short. I do not even remotely understand much of what happens here, but I try to remember that God can see the entire picture. I trust him to sort it all out and make sense for me one day.
In my recent situation, I did not have to suffer or wait long. God revealed a new path to me almost immediately upon me learning about the church situation. I can tell you that I feel totally confident that God has moved me where he needs to use me and that it is going to end up ok for all of the parties involved. I am thankful that it has worked this way. Several people I care about have not been so lucky. I have friends who have lost loved ones, jobs, spouses, children, etc. It is hard to know what to say to them because I am sure they struggle and ask God, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!" I don't know how to tell them that this is part of God's plan because it is terrible what they are going through. It makes my trials seem trivial. I don't have the answers for these situations and I will admit that these questions are difficult for me. I have to trust that someday I will know the answers and someday they will too...

Why doesn't she just leave him???

2014-09-11T14:51:00.000-07:00

I saw a post on Facebook today about the recent football player / wife story....it talked about Tweets from people saying why they couldn't / didn't leave their abusive spouses. It sparked something in me...I feel like I am someone who came out on the other side of this issue...and I want to share some thoughts....

So, when I was 20 I got married. Honestly, now I am not sure why I did it...I really wanted to be married and be a mom and have a "normal family"....I thought I loved him. I don't know, anyway...I did it--I got married. We were not together very long before things started to change. The abuse did not happen overnight though. First, it was little things like I did something wrong, I was dumb about certain things, I wasn't "cultured", he just slowly made me feel stupid. It was very gradual, but over time I questioned my intelligence, I doubted my worth, I took blame for things that were not really mine. Then he started getting angry and breaking things or throwing things or hitting things...not me, but things. I found myself trying not to make him mad...trying to do the right thing, trying to calm him down and then apologizing for making him upset. By this time, he had me convinced that I could not make it without him...that I would fail at whatever I tried...that I needed him. I knew that I had made a horrible mistake by this time, but I felt like it was my own fault and that I needed to just deal with it. I believed that marriage was for life and that I needed to make it work--whatever the cost. And--I believed that somehow I could fix things so they would not be like this forever--they would get better. He finally escalated to hitting me after about a year and a half of being married. He eventually started punching me in the arms and then in the face. By this time, I knew that he was crazy and that there was no telling what he was capable of. I thought about leaving, but I was terrified about what he would do. You see, when you are with someone like this--there are bad times, but there are also good times. They claim to love you and they often try to make up for what they have done...but when you leave them, they just do the bad stuff and there is no remorse because they want to punish you. One day he went completely crazy and started screaming and smashing everything in the house...he flipped the furniture, threw everything in his reach, smashed holes in the wall, and smashed the chandelier. That was when it clicked for me...I hid behind a chair waiting for him to get to me. He didn't, but I honestly was afraid that he was going to seriously harm or even kill me that day. I remember crying to my friend and saying I didn't know what to do. When I finally did leave, he really got worse. He stole my car and left me stranded at work. He chose a day that we had meetings off site--so I was stranded at a strange location. Then he kept breaking into my house and doing things to make me think I was crazy...like moving things around and changing my alarm clock from am to pm. He stole my journals and copied them. He mailed them to my boss and my friends and my pastor. He poisoned two of my pets and killed them. And while he was doing all of this...he wrote me love letters saying how much he missed me and how he wanted to grow old with me. I had a restraining order--but I could not prove it was him and I had no idea where he was because he was hiding. I really felt like I was crazy and sometimes I thought about going back just to make him stop. I finally ended up quitting my job, getting a different car, using a different last name, and moving to a really small town several counties away with a PO Box in a different city. That was the only way he finally stopped. He did finally stop and I have not seen or heard from him since--that was 1994. I looked over my shoulder for years terrified that he would find me. I still don't know what I would do if I bumped into him somewhere...Thankfully I never had children with him. I cannot even imagine what that would have been like.

It is so easy to judge men and women who are abused or mistreated by someone they are in a relationship with....We think "why don't they just leave". It just isn't that easy sometimes. It takes a lot of courage to leave an abuser. And it takes a feeling of self worth that many victims don't have. Often, people that are in an abusive relationship were abused as children--that lifestyle is all they know. I believe they want something different but don't know it is possible or even know where to begin.

I am so fortunate that I got out. I am so happy that my kids don't have to live through that life. I watched the face of the football player's now wife....if you look you can see the pain. She was probably made to do that conference. She did not want to be there. She probably doesn't feel like she has options. I don't know...but before we judge, how about we show some compassion. How about praying for her and for him. How about we not add to her shame and embarrassment?

Chances are that you know someone who is being abused and maybe you are even frustrated with them because they won't leave....How can you help them???

1. Don't judge them....they will leave when they are ready. It takes something clicking in their mind and until that happens...they won't leave--can't leave.
2. Help them build their self worth...encourage them...point out their strengths...help them find things they are good at.
3. Share God with them....teach them to pray and learn about Jesus who is crazy for them...who thinks they are amazing and smart and funny.
4. Help them come up with an action plan...have them put important documents in a safe location where they can get to them...insurance papers, bank accounts, birth certificates, marriage license, titles to homes and cars.
5. Help them set up a PO Box so they can get mail somewhere other than home.
6. Help them set up a bank account in their own name or maybe even in your name so their spouse cannot get to it.
7. Help them find a safe place to go...
8. Help them get things in order to file a restraining order when the time comes.

The biggest thing is to build their self worth so they feel they deserve better and then help them make a plan so they can break free. People can totally break free and heal and have a healthy life, but they have to believe it first. Instead of judging and getting frustrated with them...be patient and be that calm voice of reason that says "you deserve better and you can do this".

Forgiveness

2014-07-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness....I have struggled with this over the years....Holding grudges, playing the victim card, feeling bitter. I have prayed and worked for hours, weeks, years to forgive wrongs that have been done in the past. I am struggling with it once again. Forgiveness...In the past, I have said that you can forgive someone, but that does not mean you have to let them have a big part in your life or that you have to be chummy with them...But, now...I don't know... Does that philosophy align with God's standards? I want it to be, because I guess really I don't want to let this person back into my life enough to hurt me again. I don't want to trust them. I don't want things like they used to be because frankly i got hurt in a huge way. But, when I think about God and how he forgives...it isn't at arms length....when he forgives me, he does it in a close personal way. He forgives all the way and is a God of second chances. He forgives me when I mess up on purpose or not.

Psalm 25:11 (NIRV)

Lord, be true to your name. Forgive my sin, even though it is great.
Proverbs 10:12 (NIRV)

Hate stirs up fights. But love erases all sins by forgiving them.
Proverbs 17:9 (NIRV)

Those who erase a sin by forgiving it show love. But those who talk about it come between close friends.
Proverbs 19:11 (NIRV)

A man's wisdom makes him patient. He will be honored if he forgives someone who sins against him.
- Exodus 34:7 (NIRV)
  
  I continue to show my love to thousands of people. I forgive those who do evil. I forgive those who refuse to obey. And I forgive those who sin. But I do not let guilty people go without punishing them. I punish the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren for the sin of their parents."
- Genesis 50:17 (NIRV)
  
  He said, 'Here's what you must say to Joseph. Tell him, "I'm asking you to forgive your brothers. Forgive the terrible things they did to you. Forgive them for treating you so badly." ' Now then, please forgive our sins. We serve the God of your father." When their message came to Joseph, he sobbed.
- Deuteronomy 15:1 (NIRV)
  
  At the end of every seven years you must forgive people what they owe you.
- - Matthew 6:14 (NIRV)
    
    "Forgive people when they sin against you. If you do, your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you.
  - Mark 11:25 (NIRV)
    
    And when you stand praying, forgive anyone you have anything against. Then your Father in heaven will forgive your sins." The Authority of Jesus Is Questioned
  - Luke 11:4 (NIRV)
    
    Forgive us our sins, as we also forgive everyone who sins against us. Keep us from falling into sin when we are tempted.' "
  - Colossians 3:13 (NIRV)
    
    Put up with each other. Forgive the things you are holding against one another. Forgive, just as the Lord forgave you.
  - - Psalm 86:5 (NIRV)
      
      Lord, you are good. You are forgiving. You are full of love for all who call out to you.
    - Matthew 26:28 (NIRV)
      
      This is my blood of the new covenant. It is poured out to forgive the sins of many.
    - 2 Corinthians 2:7 (NIRV)
      
      Now you should forgive him and comfort him. Then he won't be sad more than he can stand.
    - Numbers 14:19 (NIRV)
      
      "Lord, your love is great. So forgive the sin of these people. Forgive them just as you have done from the time they left Egypt until now."
    - I am going to have to keep working on this....I think I am supposed to forgive all the way and embrace this person....I am not sure at all how to do this...but maybe in time my human heart will be able to fully do this...What about you...Who do you need to work on forgiving? Have you been able to fully forgive those who have hurt you and what does that look like?

I'm Only Human

2014-04-09T14:16:00.000-07:00

Human by Katy Perry (click here to hear the song)

One of my friends posted a song on Facebook earlier....Human by Katy Perry....I really like that song. It got me thinking about this whole thing called love and life. As a single gal, it is proper to say that you are not "looking" for a husband. If you are looking for one....it makes you desperate and it scares people. As a single girl, we are supposed to be strong, independent, I can do anything girls. It is not good to show weakness or complain too much about how things are. And, seriously--you never admit that you are looking for a husband....Well, guess what...that is just kind of not realistic. Don't get me wrong--I do not think that every single girl is looking for a husband, but guess what--if they are...it isn't necessarily a bad thing. I can really only speak for myself, but I know a lot of single women and from what I can tell, many of us feel the same and struggle with the same things. If I am really REALLY honest, yes I would like to have a husband. And, at the same time--the thought of having one terrifies me. I am staring down the barrel of an empty nest and it does kind of scare me sometimes. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. Do I have a full and rich life--yes I do. Do I have tons of friends? Yes, I do. But, there have been years--literally YEARS where I have not been touched, held, or kissed. YEARS...There are studies that show what that does to babies--they can die from it. It is no picnic as an adult either. I have done my share of dating too...and to be honest, sometimes that is even less fun than being alone. Here is what I know....I am only human. I do the best I can most of the time. I want to be loved and desired. I would like to someday find a man who thinks I am the best thing that he ever stumbled upon. Someone who would fight to have me in their life and would fly to the moon and back to be with me. That is a tall order...I seriously do not expect perfection...but I do expect some serious effort. My nature is to be a fixer and a planner. But, I have learned that I don't want a fixer upper....and I have learned that although when you are married you should stick with your spouse through hell or high water....that when you are dating you should listen to those red flags. If you see someone that treats you great, but treats other people impatiently or with disrespect...guess what will happen eventually...You will be on the receiving end of that. If someone is constantly making negative comments about people...eventually they will do that about you. Dating is the job interview. When you are hiring for a job, you do not expect the perfect person, but if you see major red flags or character flaws you are not going to hire that person. If you are hiring a sales person--you don't pick the guy who is so shy they cannot even introduce themselves. If you are hiring a nanny--you don't pick the one who cannot stand children...Why is it different when we are dating? I think being really honest and saying "this is not gonna work" is actually the kindest thing you can do if you find yourself in that situation. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than to end up in another bad relationship. Guess I am done rambling for now--that is why this blog is called Random Thoughts of a Single Mom...sometimes they are pretty random!

We've Been Duped!

2014-01-06T13:49:00.001-08:00

This morning I made blueberry muffins from scratch. They were amazing! And honestly, they did not take any more time to make than if I had used a mix. We have gotten so used to using boxes of mix to make food items, that we have come to think that it is the only way to cook. It has been long enough that most of us don't even know how to make things from scratch. Real food is cheaper, it tastes better, and it is so much healthier! So how do we get back to cooking? We need to try some real recipes and cook from scratch. We need to teach our kids to do it. I thought I would post links here to some "from scratch" recipes that I like to use. Give it a whirl and let me know what you think!

Blueberry Muffins--Tip, use frozen blueberries and roll them in flour before adding them to the batter.

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/To-Die-For-Blueberry-Muffins/Detail.aspx?event8=1&prop24=SR_Thumb&e11=blueberry%20muffins&e8=Quick%20Search&event10=1&e7=Home%20Page

Pancakes--I added a little bit of vanilla.

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Fluffy-Pancakes-2/Detail.aspx?event8=1&prop24=SR_Thumb&e11=pancakes&e8=Quick%20Search&event10=1&e7=Recipe

Brownies--
http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Best-Brownies/Detail.aspx?event8=1&prop24=SR_Thumb&e11=brownies&e8=Quick%20Search&event10=1&e7=Recipe

Once A Month Cooking--Christmas Cookie Style

2013-12-27T19:58:00.001-08:00

My food posts are always the most popular! A couple of weeks ago my cooking gals got together and made TONS of cookies and candies. We each paid about $20 and we took home loads...So here you will find the grocery list, the recipes, and pictures.

Grocery List:

Baking Supplies

Beverages

Cereals

Dairy, Eggs and Milk

Herbs and Spices

Snacks and Sweets

We added melting chocolate aka almond bark in both milk chocolate and white chocolate and pretzels to our list.

Recipes:

Buckeyes http://allrecipes.com/recipe/buckeyes-i/detail.aspx

Sugar Cookies http://allrecipes.com/recipe/the-best-rolled-sugar-cookies/detail.aspx
Oatmeal Scotchies http://allrecipes.com/recipe/oatmeal-butterscotch-cookies/detail.aspx
Peanut Butter Fudge http://allrecipes.com/recipe/easiest-peanut-butter-fudge/detail.aspx

Peppermint Bark I change this to use the melting chocolate (white) instead of the chocolate chips.... http://allrecipes.com/recipe/holiday-peppermint-bark/detail.aspx

Chocolate Chip Cookies http://allrecipes.com/recipe/original-nestle-toll-house-chocolate-chip-cookies/detail.aspx

Toffee http://allrecipes.com/recipe/best-toffee-ever---super-easy/detail.aspx
Glazed Pecans http://allrecipes.com/recipe/texas-glazed-pecans/detail.aspx

Chocolate Covered Pretzels Melting chocolate, dip pretzels in and then sprinkle with peppermint or sprinkles

Let me know how your cookies turn out!

Tonight I went to Prison...

2013-12-20T20:04:00.000-08:00

Well, tonight I entered a place that I never thought I would go. PRISON. Yep, you read that right. I went in, took off my shoes, jacket, jewelry, etc. I emptied my pockets and got waved over with a wand, patted down, and then went through the metal detecting machine. And then, I got locked inside the big wire fence. You are probably wondering why I would do this....I did not commit a crime. I did this voluntarily...so why...why...why would I go to prison. Well, for my son. My son did something really stupid this summer and landed himself in trouble. One of the consequences of this trouble was that we had to attend a program called "From the horse's mouth." It is a program where the kids who are in trouble and their parents go to a prison. There are inmates there who talk to the kids. They share their story and they make the kids tell them why they are there. On the night we went, our two inmates were both convicted of murder. My son sat next to one of them who had been in prison for 20 years. I cannot tell you how hard it was to be there as a mom. Who would ever imagine a scenario where a mother would voluntarily sit her child next to a murderer? Well, I would do it again in a minute. The man who spoke to the kids killed someone when he was fifteen--just two years older than Alex and exactly the age of Emma. He had been in and out of juvenile detention many times. He was convicted as an adult at 15 and put in the harshest prison in the state. He described what that was like and showed the kids pictures of what the prison really looks like inside and all sorts of injuries--bites, stab wounds, cuts, beat up faces, etc. I was impressed with this guy. He was articulate and he didn't really sugar coat it. But, during his time in prison, he has gotten his GED, an associates degree, and a bachelor's degree. He has about 7 years left. The other man, who also murdered someone, didn't have as much to say. He did really tell the kids that prison was not somewhere they wanted to be. Anyway, it was actually a really good program. It was very intimidating for me as an adult and probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but it was also very interesting and thought provoking. Currently, most kids that are on probation of involved with probation or court in Putnam County and Brazil. They just started offering this for parents to take their kids on their own without it being required by court. I highly recommend this program. If you are a parent and your kid is giving you trouble or is getting out of control, this is a great wake up call. If you don't live in Indiana, I would bet that there is a program like this somewhere near you. You could call the local probation department or prison or State Police to find out more. If you are in Indy and you want more info, send me a note and I will get you the info.

Patience of Job? Maybe not....

2013-08-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

So, recently I have been reading and thinking about Job. You know, the guy in the Bible. He is the one who God said would remain faithful no matter what Satan did to him. God let Satan take everything from Job...his money, his family, his reputation, everything. Satan wanted him to curse God, but Job did not. So people talk about having the patience of Job...putting the credit on Job...But, I think I have a different take on the whole situation. Now, when we hear / read the story it tells how Job lost everything. And it talks about how Job remained faithful to God. And it talks about how Job got rewarded greatly for his faithfulness later in his life. But, here's the thing. I don't think it was Job...I mean, kind of it was...but really I think it was God. I think God had made himself known to Job....REAL to Job. I think God had spent time with Job and let him see who he really is. And, the thing is that no matter what Satan took from Job or did to Job, he could not take that "realness" from him. Maybe Satan himself did not even realize that. So, then the next question comes---does God reveal himself to us today? Does he show US his "realness"? I believe that he does...but I also believe that many of us just miss it somehow....I am not sure why that is--if it is us or him. I know that for me personally God has made himself very real. I have seen miracles--not just one, but multiple times. I have heard his voice--not actually a voice, but more like a thought in my head that is somehow different but very clear. That has happened several times and each time it has been very clear, but very unusual. Which leads me to my next thought....a few people have mentioned Job to me in recent months because of the various trials that I have been through. They (trials) have come in waves and seem to be relentless. I can kind of relate to Job....I get angry at times and weepy at times. Other times I feel confused or scared. But, through all of this stuff...I am not sure I have ever felt closer to God....It is difficult to explain or understand, but there is no doubt in my mind that he is real or that he is present. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me and my family. I can feel his presence in the middle of all this and am often reminded of his blessings and care of me even during the drama. I have no doubt that these troubles will end and I know that somehow all of this makes sense in his plan. I know that he has good plans for me and for everyone who believes. So, going back to Job....I am guessing he felt the same way. But, I bet if you asked him what he thought of people saying they have the "patience of Job" he would say that they are putting too much emphasis and faith in him and not enough in God. I bet he would say that God was so real to him that he never doubted him and that he knew somehow it would all make sense someday. So, where are you in this walk? Are you noticing all of the signs God is leaving for you? Are you giving him the time and attention to let him reveal himself to you? Are you open to the idea that he is real and is a God who absolutely adores you? Ask him to open your eyes and mind to his presence. I have no doubt that he will reveal himself to you and become so real that nothing can make you ever doubt his presence and love for you.

Betrayal

2013-07-13T22:11:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, one of the parts of this life is that friends will betray us at times. Obviously not all, but some. It has happened to all of us from time to time. I recently had this happen. I had a very close friend...we had been best friends for a long time and we both know all of the ins and outs of each others lives. We have shared very intimate details of our lives with each other. Well, something happened and she shared some of those things with another person. It should not have happened and it broke my heart....but it reminds me of a lesson I taught at church camp this past winter. We should trust God even when people betray us. That was the title of my lesson and the story was the tale of Judas. I am guessing most of you know this story, but just in case you don't--here it is. Judas was one of Jesus' disciples. He was in Jesus' inner circle of friends and people he trusted. Judas got jealous and greedy and decided to betray Jesus by handing him over to the Roman guard. He took a few silver pieces in return for this. He told the soldiers which one was Jesus by kissing him on the cheek, which was a sign of affection between two very close friends. This was the ultimate betrayal. Ultimately, it led to Jesus being crucified on the cross...but it also led to the gift of salvation being made available to all people. So, here is the thing....Jesus knew that Judas would do this before he chose him to be a disciple....before he was born even. He knew. And, still he chose him. He trusted him. He shared with him and taught him. He loved him. Even though he knew how it would end...he still chose him. And, Judas realized that he messed up shortly after it happened. He actually ended up taking his own life. Now here is the other crazy thing....What Judas should have done was repent and ask for forgiveness....his eternal future probably would have ended up differently. But, he didn't. I believe that Jesus would have forgiven him. I believe Jesus used this betrayal for good. So, even though it hurts deeply when we are betrayed, it is best to forgive and to love and trust people even though they might hurt us. I plan to keep living that way.

Life's little detours....

2013-06-08T11:07:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago I went on a trip and followed the directions given by the gps. I figured it would get me where I needed to go....so I was driving and the interstate that I was on turned into a regular road and then ended. The GPS then put me on a long (very long) back country road that weaved around and around in the mountains with multiple one car bridges and little bitty roads. At one point there were actually port-a-potties along the route and portable stop lights. It was a little weird at times and seemed like we would be "lost" forever. But, the GPS did eventually get us where we were going and guided us along the way. It reminded me of life in a way. So often, life comes at us and we end up on some path that seems random and does not make sense. We hit potholes and wander seemingly lost. We have twists and turns and bumps in the roads. It is funny to me how we handle these crazy routes. Some of us freak out and cannot handle it. Some of us just kind of roll with it. And, I think most of us are somewhere in the middle. Which one are you? I think that I tend to roll with it and know that I will end up where I am supposed to be, but I also grumble and worry a bit along the way. I also think that I find a way to laugh and find the humor in it. Maybe this would be an interesting people study....I think eventually I want to be the kind of person who doesn't worry at all and completely trusts God. I think I am getting closer to that and I think he has really been working on me a lot for the past couple of years. I feel like maybe I am closer to being that way than I am to not being that way if that makes sense. I have not really enjoyed the whole process of letting go, but I do think it is important and worthy of doing!

Proverbs 3:5-6

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

⁵Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
Do not depend on your own understanding.
⁶In all your ways remember him.
Then he will make your paths smooth and straight.

Heart of Glass

2013-05-03T21:42:00.001-07:00

Walls

You say that I have too many walls
Surrounding this heart of glass
You need to understand that they are there for a reason
Without them I could not be safe
Without them I would be too fragile
But, they are not permanent fixtures
They can come down
You just have to show me that you are safe
And that you won’t smash my heart if given the chance
You will have to take those bricks down one by one
Slowly
Just as they were put up one by one
There is so much in there that I would love to share
But I don’t find too many who are worthy
Or patient enough to find the real me
Will you be the one to carefully remove each brick?
Do you really care what’s in there?
You say, “Yes, of course!”
That is not enough….
Show me

I wrote this in 1986! Crazy to think how long ago that was...and crazy to think how much this still applies today....

Inspiration....

2013-04-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

I am going to attempt to write this post without hurting anyone's feelings....it is going to be tricky, because there is alot of pain in my past....but I think it needs to be said...so here goes...I grew up in a home that was broken. When I was very little, my parents fought all the time and our home was loud and scary alot. Then my parents divorced. They hated each other and honestly to this day, they kind of still do. Even after the divorce, home was hard. There was still alot of yelling and fighting and well, just bad stuff. I say this because it is the truth....but I will also say that I now believe that my parents did the best that they could at the time. I think they both had a lot of pain in their past and that they struggled. I think they have both grown over time and I love them. I do not have any bitterness or anger toward them and I realize that sometimes we have to learn from our mistakes and that unfortunately sometimes kids have to suffer through that. I will also say that I think God was with us through that whole time and took care of me in other ways and that he used all of that experience to shape and mold me. OK, so here we go. Growing up I never felt good enough. I felt like it did not matter what I did or how good I was....It was never enough. I felt like a failure and a mess. I felt like no one really wanted me to be me and that I needed to be a perfect little peacekeeper. Every report card I ever got said that I talked too much and did not work up to my full potential. I have been used by guys, betrayed by friends, lost jobs for no fault of my own, failed at marriage....Anyway, the bottom line is that I have always felt like everyone would leave me one day...like it would just take me saying or doing one wrong thing and things would end. I have felt like it did not matter what I did, how good or kind I was that it just would not matter. I have felt like I am too high maintainence or stupid or unloveable or difficult. I have felt like if people really knew me...all of me.....that they would not like me. That was my past....but recently things have been happening that blow my mind. It seems wierd....not real, awesome, but not real....People are listening to me. They are wanting to hear what I have to say. They are wanting to share my story. They are telling me that I inspire them to do things. This change has taken place over several years. I guess I do feel different. God has been molding and shaping me over time. He has seen me through trials and has turned me upside down to shape me. I so want to be the kind of person that inspires others....that encourages others, that God can use to change lives. I want to be that person. To some extent, I guess I am becoming that person, but it often catches me off guard. It surprises me. It is a nice and wonderful feeling, but I still feel somewhat undeserving and quite flawed.....I will also say that I feel loved. I have the most amazing friends in the world. And my church has been my home for several years. I have leaned into God and even when things have gotten hard, I have trusted God. This last year and a half has been one of the most difficult times in my life. Everything has been turned upside down. The plans I have made have failed. And my faith has been tested. I have tried to really depend on God and my faith during these trials. He has never wavered or failed. He has provided for every need. I have wept to him and yelled at him and laughed at / with him. I have relied on scripture when nothing else made any sense. And he has been faithful to me. He is using me in ways I never imagined and it is just the coolest thing ever. I am certain that my trials are not over and that my faith will continue to be tested. I hope that I am able to continue to touch lives and that God is able to do his work through me. I hope that I truly am inspiration to others and that they are drawn closer to God by what they see in me. Anyway, I am not sure that I said everything here in the exact way that I wanted to....but hopefully it helps someone or speaks to someone that needed to hear it. I spoke in front of the church a couple of years ago and said that the plans the world has for us....the story the world has for us is not God's plan for us or God's story for us....and that is so very true. So, hear this....God's plan for you is not the plan the world tells you....Your story isn't what the world says....God has wonderful plans for you and he can take any brokenness...any ugliness and turn it into something beautiful and amazing! Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE." Trust that, believe that....because it is so true!

Feelin' It....

2013-04-02T18:08:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog, I made a committment to myself to be real...to really share the ups and downs of this single life that I am in, in hopes that in some way it will help or encourage others. I have to say that the happy upbeat messages are the easiest. The ones where I am struggling are not so easy. My history or track record is that when things get painful emotionally, I shut 'em down. I turn all of my emotion off...I am very skilled at this, as I have had quite a bit of practice throughout my lifetime. But, when I got divorced, I started counseling. At that time, I truly felt nothing. My counselor, Char, pushed me to open up. She kept pushing until I did. One thing sticks out to me in particular...she was talking to me one day and asked why I would not let myself feel anything--why I would not allow myself to cry. I told her that I was afraid that if I let it out...if I started crying, that I would never be able to stop. I told her that I felt like humpty dumpty and that if I let it all out I would be broken to pieces and there would be nobody around to help me put it all back together again. It was a true feeling and I felt completely alone. I was scared to death. I finally did open up and I did let it all out, and it ended up being ok...since that time, I have tried to be real. I have tried to allow myself to feel emotions, even if they are painful. But, there are times like now where my instinct tells me to stuff it...bottle it up....put it away....and make my heart safe. I am not going to do that this time.
So, here is the thing....several months ago I met a guy. Actually, I met a couple of guys, but one stood out...I wrote about him before. Well, I spent alot of time with this guy and...well, I developed strong feelings for him. I think I actually started to love him....but those feelings were not returned. It seemed like there were feelings on his part, but maybe I was just reading into things. Anyway, after several months of hanging out together, sharing experiences, and introducing our kids, I felt like I did not want him to date other people. He did not feel the same. It has really confused me. The thing is that we spent hours and hours together. We talked about everything and I mean everything. We have had several evenings where we have talked for 5,6, 7 up to 10 hours. You just don't find that every day...But, somehow he did not feel the same...So, now we are done--moving on. It hurts. It hurts bad! I have cried more in this last couple of weeks than I can remember in the past few years! I am fine when I am busy, but when I stop and have a moment alone, I lose it. I hate feeling this way and my instinct is to stuff it, hide it, run from it....but I am not. I am trying to just feel it and work through it. My instinct is to not date at all and not take the risk of getting hurt. But, I am not going to do that either. I truly still believe I will be fine if I am alone forever, or I will be fine if someone comes along to walk beside me. So, hopefully, this crying stuff passes soon. Anyway, I guess that is enough sharing for today. :)

Keeping it Real....

2013-03-27T19:29:00.000-07:00

Today's post is going to be more real than usual....meaning stuff I don't really say out loud usually...Here is the thing, I have grown so much over the years, particularly in the last 5 years. I am happy. I have a great life. I have wonderful friends and amazing kids. I am able to help lots of people. I am so thankful for all of that. I typically project this image that I have it mostly together...and for the most part, I do. I just sometimes have these moments (and they really mostly are just moments) where I wonder if I am still broken inside. I guess maybe we are all broken inside to some extent....I feel like I have lots of friends, am well liked, and worthy of being loved....I really do believe that. But, I also have this part of me that always wonders when the other shoe is going to drop. I have this nagging feeling that everyone could leave / turn on me at some point--like if I mess up and do that ONE thing they will leave and I will be all alone. I sometimes even FEEL that way with God. I KNOW that is not true in my head. And he has shown me over and over that it is not true...But, it is still in there....I don't want it to be, but it is. I hate that part of me. I want that Chelle to go away never to return, but somehow all it takes is one betrayal, one person's rejection, or one wrong word. It is so frustrating to go backwards. I get to a point where I feel like things are going well...I am strong, etc. but then one wrong word, one rejection, and I am right back to the beginning. So, where is this coming from? The truth is that I found a guy that I liked. I started off good and slow and then opened my heart and dropped my guard. I did not use my best judgement and I got disappointed. I have said that someone can only hurt you if you let them...and it is true....But, I let him. It is crazy how one small hurt happens, but instead of feeling just that one hurt, you feel all of the previous hurts over again. Anyway, tomorrow is a new day. I will focus on the one who will never let me down and that will be sufficient.

Jason Gray--Remind Me

Pray Without Ceasing

2013-03-20T19:32:00.000-07:00

1 Thessalonians 5:12-22

12Brothers and sisters, we ask you to have respect for the godly leaders who work hard among you. They have authority over you. They correct you. 13Have a lot of respect for them. Love them because of what they do. Live in peace with each other.

14Brothers and sisters, we are asking you to warn those who don't want to work. Cheer up those who are shy. Help those who are weak. Put up with everyone. 15Make sure that nobody pays back one wrong act with another. Always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.

16Always be joyful. 17Never stop praying. 18Give thanks no matter what happens. God wants you to thank him because you believe in Christ Jesus.

19Don't put out the Holy Spirit's fire. 20Don't treat prophecies as if they amount to nothing. 21Put everything to the test. Hold on to what is good. 22Stay away from every kind of evil.

What does it mean to you to pray without ceasing? I have read that verse many times before and it always made me feel bad....that I was not praying enough...not carving out enough special prayer time. But I think my view has changed on this...I now believe that it is more of a constant connection with God. Not necessarily out loud formal prayers, but maybe more of a thought. Somewhere along the line I have become tuned into God. He is always right there with me and I can feel him...I know he is there. From the time I wake to the time I sleep I feel like I am connected. I may just see something and say a quick "God help them". Or it may be a sense of fear that grips me and I say "God help me or give me peace". I do not often have long drawn out prayers, but I have small sentences, phrases, thoughts throughout the day most of the time. I think that is what Paul meant. It could be different for other people....but for me that is what I think. I would love to hear your thoughts on this...

Paul is not referring to non-stop talking, but rather an attitude of God-consciousness and God-surrender that we carry with us all the time. Every waking moment is to be lived in an awareness that God is with us and that He is actively involved and engaged in our thoughts and actions.

Read more: http://www.gotquestions.org/pray-without-ceasing.html

For Christians, prayer should be like breathing. You do not have to think to breathe because the atmosphere exerts pressure on your lungs and essentially forces you to breathe. That is why it is more difficult to hold your breath than it is to breathe. Similarly, when we are born into the family of God, we enter into a spiritual atmosphere where God's presence and grace exert pressure, or influence, on our lives. Prayer is the normal response to that pressure. As believers, we have all entered the divine atmosphere to breathe the air of prayer.

Unfortunately, many believers hold their “spiritual breath” for long periods, thinking brief moments with God are sufficient to allow them to survive. But such restricting of their spiritual intake is caused by sinful desires. The fact is that every believer must be continually in the presence of God, constantly breathing in His truths, to be fully functional.

Chelle's Diet

2013-03-17T19:27:00.001-07:00

So, over the past twenty(ish) years I somehow managed to gain over 100 pounds....Not really something I am proud of. There are many reasons....two kids, my thyroid got sluggish, depression, several bouts of bronchitis and pneumonia which caused me to need steroids, etc. So I tipped 200 in January of 2012 reaching a high of 210! I never dreamed that I would get that big and it really made me sick. I felt powerless and like there was no way I would ever take it off. I kind of settled into it I guess...Well, in June of 2012, I went to Brazil on a mission trip. I have talked about it changing my life in many ways, but my weight is the most recent result of that trip. I remember when I was on the trip, I complained about my weight all the time and was just disgusted with myself.

Katie, another girl on the trip, said "well, do something about it." We actually talked about it quite a bit and she shared the story of how much weight she had lost and how she did it. When I came home from Brazil, I had lost seven pounds. I decided to try some of the stuff from that trip and it has really worked. I have tried many diets and failed. This doesn't feel like a diet....so here goes.

When we were in Brazil, we ate three meals a day and a snack. We ate cake (yep cake), cheese, meat, and fruit for breakfast with some sort of juice. We had noodles, rice, meat, veggies, and fruit for lunch. We drank pop with it. For dinner, again noodles, rice, meat, veggies, fruit, and pop. We also had dessert like cake or flan with dinner each night. Then usually in the later evening we had a snack. It might be a cake or flan or a smoothie. Throughout the rest of the day we drank water and lots of it. There was no food out in between meals and we were busy, so I didn't just snack all day. I think that one thing that happened was that my stomach shrank back to a normal size. Our stomachs should be about the size of our fist. I think when you eat and snack all the time, you stretch it out over time. Also, all of the food on the trip was cooked from scratch. It was fresh stuff. So, what I do now.....
1. I eat what I want when I want--if I want a cupcake, I eat a cupcake. But, it is ONE cupcake and it isn't like every day. I never feel cheated or like I am missing out, so I don't feel the need to sneak food.
2. I eat until I am full. Sometimes that is five bites and sometimes it is a full plate, but the second I start to feel full, I am satisfied and I stop.
3. I try to eat mostly foods that are cooked fresh--from scratch. I try not to eat out alot. Since I have been doing this, fast food tastes gross to me. I mean so gross that I take a bite or two and throw it away. And, real food has so much flavor! Veggies and fruits are full of flavor. I think when you eat junk, you kind of coat or dull your taste buds which makes junk taste good. But, when you detox from the junk you really start to taste things.
4. I gave up pop in the last month or so. Again, every once in awhile I have one. The first four days were aweful. I had gotten into a habit of drinking lots of Mt. Dew. So the first four days without it, I just wanted one so bad! Well, on the fourth day I caved and bought one. I drank it and guess what...it didn't even taste that good. I didn't even finish it. I have found that when I have pop, one pop might last me several hours and that may be all I drink all day. When I am drinking water, I drink alot more. Like 6-7 or more bottles a day. That makes me go to the restroom more which I think flushes all the garbage out. Again, now that I am in the habit, water tastes really good to me.
5. I just started adding a little bit of exercise. I am just doing about 15 minutes a day on the wii fit. I tripled the amount of weight lost in a week just by adding this bit.
6. I try to weigh myself every day. I use the wii fit and I can see the last year on the graph on it. I also post about the losses on facebook. It gives me a bit more incentive to keep going and makes me feel accountable.

Again, the bottom line is that I don't feel like I am dieting and this is not hard. It was a little hard at first, but being on the mission trip was a good way to start. I have made lifestyle changes that I feel like I will be able to maintain for life.

Once A Month Cooking March 2013

2013-03-03T11:27:00.002-08:00

Chicken and Dumplings: We ended up not making this one. I messed up when making baggies of food. I made two batches of the italian chicken for each person. It looks really good though.

http://www.budgetsavvydiva.com/2012/03/crock-pot-chicken-dumplings-recipe/

Lasagna: Each pan of lasagna takes about 9 noodles (I do not precook the noodles). I take about a pound of ground beef and brown it with onions and garlic. Drain off the fat and then mix in one or two jars of spaghetti sauce and one to two jars of water. (I use equal parts water and spaghetti sauce) In another bowl, mix one container of either ricotta or cottage cheese (we used cottage cheese this time), one large bag of mozzerella, one can of parmesan cheese, some garlic salt, basil, oregeno, and a couple of eggs. Put a layer of the spaghetti sauce on the bottom of the pan, add three noodles (cover the pan), add some cheese mix, more spaghetti sauce, noodles, cheese, sauce....keep going til you get three layers of noodles. Top that layer with a good amount of sauce and then cover with more mozzerella cheese. Cover with foil and freeze. When you are ready to cook, you can put it directly from the freezer to the oven, or you can thaw first and then bake. If you thaw first bake around 350 for about an hour. (Til noodles are soft) If you cook from frozen you can up the temp to 400 and it will likely take around 2 hours.

If you are making this in bulk, just multiply ingredients by the number of families or lasagnas that you want to make.

Manicotti--About 7-8 manicotti tubes will fit in one pan. Mix one-two jars of spaghetti sauce with one to two jars of water (the water helps the noodles get soft). In another bowl, mix one container of ricotta, one bag mozzerella, on jar parmesan cheese, garlic salt, basil, oregano, and parsley flakes. Put a small amount of sauce in the bottom of your pan. Stuff each tube with the cheese mixture and lay it on top of the sauce. Pour the sauce over the top of the shells....it should cover them. Top with a bag of mozzerella cheese. Cover with foil and freeze. When you are ready to cook, you can put it directly from the freezer to the oven, or you can thaw first and then bake. If you thaw first bake around 350 for about an hour. (Til noodles are soft) If you cook from frozen you can up the temp to 400 and it will likely take around 2 hours.

If you are making this in bulk, just multiply ingredients by the number of families or manicotti that you want to make.

Beef with mushrooms--You can just dump this one into the crock pot when you are ready to cook...I will serve this with noodles or rice.

http://www.laaloosh.com/2008/06/21/beef-tips-in-mushroom-sauce-crock-pot-recipe/#.T5R9Yw01lHG.pinterest

applesauce--you can freeze or just put in the fridge and eat.....Ours never makes it to the freezer. We did about 40 apples this time. We added a whole bottle of honey and only used about 3/4 cup sugar. We also added cinnamon. Once the apples are cooked and soft, just dump some of the apples and the liquid from the pan into a blender and mix it up....Adjust the consistency by controlling how much of the liquid you mix up with the apples.

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/sarahs-applesauce/detail.aspx

Italian Chicken--We just take a ziploc gallon freezer bag and put 2-3 chicken breasts in it with one pack of italian dressing mix, a can of cream of chicken soup, a block of cream cheese and about 1/2 cup water or chicken broth. You may have to add a little bit of water or broth on cooking day, but it should be pretty thick. On cooking day, just dump in crock pot for 4-6 hours. Shred the chicken into the sauce--it will be very tender. Serve with rice or noodles.

Taco soup

In each bag put some ground beef (we cooked ours with onions and garlic) , 1-2 can tomatoes, I can black beans, I can kidney beans, I can corn, taco season, dry ranch dip, onion. Dump in crock pot and cook all day. Top with sour cream and tortilla chips.

Chicken and Rice soup

http://hezzi-dsbooksandcooks.blogspot.com/2013/02/11-freezer-meals-prepared-in-1-day.html

BBQ--We bought 3 huge pork roasts. They were on sale $1.99 a pound. We cooked them in a slow cooker for about 8 hours with some chicken broth. Meat was very tender. We shredded it without the broth....and then added bbq sauce. Bag it and freeze. You can reheat in slow cooker or microwave.

Enchiladas

http://www.jasonandshawnda.com/foodiebride/archives/1239

Roast with veggies--We took beef roast and cut in chunks. Added potatoes in fourths, onions in fourths, baby carrots, a pack of onion soup mix, and some water (about a cup). Just put all of it raw in gallon freezer bags. On cooking day, dump in crock pot and cook 6-8 hours.

Pancakes--we cook these and then freeze on cookie sheets individually. Once they are frozen you can bag them in gallon freezer bags...You can just thaw and eat or microwave. We added frozen blueberries to them this time. (If you dust the blueberries with flour while they are frozen and put them in the pancakes that way, they don't make it all blue.)

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/fluffy-pancakes-2/detail.aspx

apple bread--we add brown sugar and cinnamon to the top of this....

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/apple-bread-2/detail.aspx

banana bread--we ended up saving the bananas for next time. We peeled them and put them in a bag in the freezer.

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/banana-banana-bread/detail.aspx?event8=1&prop24=SR_Title&e11=banana%20bread&e8=Quick%20Search&event10=1&e13=A%3aSearch%20Results-List%28control%29&e7=Home%20Page

pineapple bread--we added brown sugar to the top.

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/pineapple-bread/detail.aspx?event8=1&prop24=SR_Title&e11=pineapple%20bread&e8=Quick%20Search&event10=1&e13=A%3aSearch%20Results-List%28control%29&e7=Recipe

We bake all of the breads and let them cool. Then we wrap them in foil.

You should make labels with name of food, date, and cooking directions and put them on the ziploc bags before you fill them if you want the labels to stay on.

We had a lot of extra eggs. We cracked them and put 12 in a bag and froze them.
We also froze extra sour cream, ricotta, cheese, and butter. As long as they are just used in recipes, they will be fine, but the sour cream and ricotta will change in texture from freezing.

We had four people cook this time, but we made two extras of everything for two families that need some stuff. Our budget was $150 per family. I went over a little, but we had quite a bit left over for next time. We also made two full extra sets of food.

How Often Do We Grieve Things That Are Not Ours?

2013-03-03T10:51:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about this....How often do we grieve something that is not even ours in the first place? It could be a job, a relationship, or something else.....I don't know if this is a girl thing, or a guy thing, or maybe an everyone thing...Maybe it's even just a Chelle thing! I know that I personally get something in my head...It could be a job that I want or a guy that I think I want to move foreward in a relationship with or so many other things....I find myself upset and the bottom line is that those things were never mine. How do you grieve something you never had? Putting it in this perspective has really helped me. When I get it in my head that those things were never mine in the first place, somehow it makes it easier to just let go. Why do we hold onto all of these desires? Do we not trust that God will give us what we need when we need it? Do we always need to get our way or be in control...I like to think that I am in control...I like to plan out my life and get really disappointed and upset when things do not go the way I think they should...but then I remember that I am just like the small child who maybe wants candy or some other thing that is not good for them....Sometimes it is ok to be told no. Sometimes that is really the best possible outcome for a situation. Sometimes there is something better just around the corner...oh to just be patient and trust and wait. That sounds so easy, but it is not EVER....I am working on it. I suppose that all you can do is try each day to understand better and to try to be better than the day before.

Camp Lessons....Not just for kids!

2013-02-03T07:41:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I helped at a Winterfest event. It is so funny....I teach at these events, but I find-probably like alot of other teachers--that the lessons are often as much for me as the kids!

Trust God No Matter Who You Are--For this lesson we studied the Roman Guard that had great faith in Jesus....Jesus called his faith amazing! Can you imagine amazing Jesus? I cannot fathom this! This guy was probably the last person that you would expect to have great faith...but he did. The world tries to tell us that we are not good enough....it tries to throw all of our past and our mistakes and our history in our face...but guess what. The world's story for us is NOT the story God has planned for us!

Trust God No Matter How You Feel--We often don't feel it....We don't feel worthy, it isn't fun, it makes us different. The story here was Jesus and Lazarus. Lazarus got sick....they sent for Jesus. He took his sweet time getting there. Lazarus died in the meantime and Jesus did not get there for three days. This story reminded me about Becky. I can really imagine how Lazarus' sisters felt when Jesus didn't make it in time and then performed a miracle. The point is that God is in control all the time...whether we feel it or not, we need to trust him.

Trust God No Matter What Other People Do--This story was about Judas. It was interesting getting ready for this lesson. Jesus clearly knew what Judas would do even before he chose him as a disciple. He KNEW. He knew the whole time he was teaching him and hanging out with him. But, he still did it. He still chose him and hung out with him and taught him. We are always going to be surrounded by people who disappoint us. But, we cannot blame that on God. We cannot use other people and their failures as an excuse to not trust God. An interesting side note came up during this lesson. We talked about how Judas felt so bad after he betrayed Jesus that he gave the money back and killed himself. We talked about how this was another big mistake he made. What he should have done was ask God to forgive him. We all mess up and sometimes we feel so bad about it that we reject God or pull away. That is not what we should do! We need to draw close to him and really trust him during those times.

Trust God No Matter What Happens--Jesus died on the cross. God's plans pretty much NEVER look like I think they are going to! Seriously, just about never....I am sure that when he died on the cross, the Roman's were excited. I bet they thought "woo hoo! That was easy." And all of Jesus' followers probably thought, "Wait, what just happened here...this isn't right. This isn't how this is supposed to go." But, clearly God had it under control and had something very special up his sleeve. What an amazing thing. It is so easy to get bogged down with life when things do not go the way we think they should...but me must remember that God is ALWAYS in control.

Trust God No Matter Where You Are--For this lesson Jesus met the disciples on the beach and cooked them breakfast. This was the third time he had revealed himself to them and somehow they still did not recognize him immediately. They figured it out pretty quickly though. I think it is easy to be a Christian when you are on a mission trip, or at camp, or in church. But, we sometimes forget when we are out and about. It is alot harder when people are looking at us funny or they are doing fun things that are things we should not be doing. The tempatation is great. We have to trust that God is still there and will help us if we ask. I think we also need to remember that God shows up different ways and keep our eyes open to recognize him when he shows up. It may be a song or a friend or a Bible verse or even a thought that pops into our brain....