my salvation

Starting a new.

2013-02-23T08:33:00.001-08:00

I've decided to jump on the ol' Wheat/Gluten free band wagon. I know people will probably make fun of me and call me a hipster even more than they already do but that's ok with me because let me tell you it makes a difference. I went wheat free for two days and then screwed up big time yesterday. I woke up with a very swollen knee and full of regret for all the bad food decisions I made yesterday. I have an absolute love affair with bread, dairy and sugar but it is killing me. Not only am I diabetic and overweight but my skin and joints are inflamed and very angry with me, which is making life not so fun to live.

I had a friend earlier this morning suggest a video to me about juicing and inflammation. I heard about juicing from another friend recently on facebook and how it has heloed them and thier ailments quite a bit. So after watching this guys video on juicing and inflammation, I'm totally ready to start. I actually plan on going to Costco today and picking up a juicer. I'll be juicing green stuff like: cilantro, baby kale, cucumber, with lemon, turmeric, ginger and I'll add some aloe vera juice (blech) and/or some flax oil. I figure it's going to taste like crap so I'm prepared for that. Honestly, anything that will help me at this point I'm game for!

So any other suggestions, especially about juicing, like maybe how to make it not taste like crap are, are very welcome!

Wish me luck people!

xoxo me

bum knee

2013-02-19T10:12:00.002-08:00

So I decided to stay home again today. My arthritis is on another level, out of control and my left knee and foot are suer swollen. My knee is so swollen that I can't bend it and when I do it is excruciatingly painful. If I were rich I'd hire a chef, nanny and personal shopper for days like these. It's a little depressing really. I shouldn't have to deal with this at 33 and it's really not something that I want to have to deal with forever, even the thought of having to deal with it makes me super upset.

So I guess I'm going to try and cut out wheat and maybe all gluten from my diet and see if that works and along with that take some supplements. Wish me luck!

Time to play catch up.

2013-02-18T12:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes after reading another persons blog I feel inspired, more than usual, to write myself. After reading Cjane's new blog entry I feel that. Except I also feel like I probably have no business blogging ever again reading those words, so beautifully put. She's really amazing. I'm kind of obsessed and she DEFINITELY gets my "favorite Mormon" award, maybe even my favorite woman award (I heart Mormons)!

SO annnnyway,

Today is Monday, Presidents Day and I took the day off from work. Yay me!

I had the most amazing weekend with my most amazing boyfriend, the love of my life Mr. Eric Myers. We drove up to the mountains and went to a dance and boy did we dance, on Saturday evening, hung out with some cool Clampers and their women (widders) and then spent all day together Sunday. We went to a couple of Antique stores in Oakhurst then came home and relaxed together, it was heaven. I honestly can't think of anything I'd rather do than be with that man. He's home for me, as long as I'm with him everything else is ok and for the first time in my life I can be honest when saying I really feel like I'm with the person that I'm supposed to be with and more importantly who I want to be with. It's truly the best feeling I've ever had.

We thought this was funny.

My super cute antique store finds: Artichoke platter, napkins, teapot.

The End. Driving home..

My Blake will be starting his first day at Central Ca Autism Center on March 1st. Last week he had a couple of assessments at the center to see what his abilities are (which are many) and to see how many hours he'll be there. Since he is already in school 5 hours a day, they are giving him 15 hours a week. SO he'll be there about 3 hours a day after school. Not too bad. I'm a little worried that he's going to be extremely exhausted but I think it will be something that he's going to have to get used to. I'm very excited for him. He's a smart boy, he knows how to count, can say his ABC's, knows all his letters, numbers and shapes. He can say so many words now but there are still a lot of things he needs help with like talking in complete sentences and other little things I never even really considered until someone was asking me if he does them. It's pretty crazy.

Blake also started taking the bus two weeks ago and loves it! I've tried to get a couple of pictures of it just to have, it's pretty adorable and watching him smile through the window and wave bye as the bus takes of is pretty much priceless. I almost cried but amazingly didn't!

The first day I put him on the bus which was after he had already rode it a few times, he raaan out to it!

This was on Friday, he was waiting for the bus to come

This time was different though, he said "hold my hand" and I walked with him all the way in like that.

Picking a seat. His friend was in the seat he usually takes but he didn't have a meltdown, was just a little thrown off.

I love my boy soooo much. Especially when he does cute things like this! He also wanted to wear my vans and flip flops but those kind of pictures aren't as A.cute or B. good for black mail.

<3 p="">

Life Happenings.

2013-02-05T20:05:00.000-08:00

Today I got new glasses. I'm happy with them. I think I can see better and they're pretty cute too. My other ones were alll scratched up so in an effort to keep that from happening again I am going to try reallll hard to not throw them on my dresser at night before bed and instead put them in my cute little case. We'll see how long that lasts.

Here they are! I would have take a picture with them on me but that will have to come later, its not a good face day.

Tomorrow is a BIG day for my Blakey poo. Not only does he start taking the bus to school for the first time ever (he's only 3 1/2 people!!) but he also has his first of 3 assesments at Central Ca Autism Center. It's an ABA therapy program at Fresno State and he'll be starting there March 1st! He's already doing SO much better and has learned SO much just since starting school in August so I'm super excited to see how much more this is going to help him. He'll be going (based on the assesments) 4-5 days a week for 4-5 hours a day. I'm a little worried about how he's going to handle it since he's already in school for 5 hours a day as it is, but I'm sure it will just be something that he'll have to get used to. I worry for my little guy though and I hope he's getting ll the help he needs. He's the sweetest boy I know and with the right help I think he'll have an amazing future.

Feeding the Turkey Duck at the park last weekend

So, here's hoping that everything goes well tomorrow, it's gonna be a long day for Blake and I but I'm excited to get the process started.

Hope everyone else has a good week.

til' next time. xoxo

happiness.

2013-01-30T21:10:00.000-08:00

This was originally going to be a facebook post but as I typed my "status update" I quickly realized it needed to be more...

It all started with this quote:

"I must learn to be content with being happier than I deserve".

I happened upon it on my FAVORITE blogger CjaneKendrick's blog. She's amazing by the way. It's a Jane Austen quote from "Pride and Prejudice" and it's brilliant. Those words jumped off the page and hit me like a ton of bricks and immediately that seemingly simple quote had answered the questions I had been tirelessly swirling through my head all day.

Lately my life has been crazy and full of change. Some good, some not so good. All in all I truly feel like I'm very lucky, that I'm right where i need to be in my life right now and that I should be beaming with happiness and joy! I found an amazing man who treats me like I've always wanted to be treated, two children who depend on me and love me with all their hearts, lots of friends and family who love me, who are there for me when I need them and Blake is doing so good and learning so many new things. Most things are really great. Others, not so much. Being a single parent isn't all it's cracked up to be and I am finding it to be extremely difficult and exhausting and there are days that I can't wait until those little crazies are in bed so that I can have five minutes to myself or with my boyfriend before I pass out (literally). There are some other things going on too that are pretty stressful and no, life is not perfect but really, whos life is?

For the most part I feel like I should be happy... but I'm not. It's hard to even type that, to admit it out loud. I wouldn't say I'm "depressed" or anything like that, I don't need medication, something has just changed. I'm not overjoyed like I was, maybe even a month ago. Why am I feeling this way? I was asking myself this today. Whats wrong with me? Why can't I just be content?? I honestly feel that maybe somewhere deep inside my subconscious, I don't feel I deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to have a great life. Why do I not deserve it? I have no idea. I think much like the quote I need to learn to be content with being happy and even though I feel I don't really deserve it, maybe I do?

2013, A "to do " list

2013-01-23T19:31:00.003-08:00

I decided to come up with a "to do" list for 2013. It's not something I usually do or have ever done for that matter, but I have a feeling this is going to be a good year for me and I wanna try to stick to some of these small goals to make it even better. Maybe making them public will help me do it?!

1. Learn to Crochet and/or knit

This is something that up until recently I had little interest in. But lately I've been thinking about hobbies and the fact that I have very little. I love to be creative and crafty so I figured this would be right up my alley. Plus I can make cool stuff for myself and others! My Grandmother was and Aunt still is really good at it, so I figure it must be in my blood somewhere. I even decided to start a "stitch n bitch" so my friends and I can perfect our skills together while doing some hardcore girl talk!I can't wait to get started!

2. Get in shape

I really just need to eat better. My blood sugar needs to be lower, my cholesterol is high an I need to lose 15 pounds to be at the appropriate weight for my height. I'm not happy about it, I'd rather eat donuts, cupcakes and pizza every day like a true fatty but I just can't anymore.I realize that I'm getting older and I need to get healthy to make sure I'm here for my kids. Wish me luck!

3.Spring cleaning/organizing!

This is mainly a garage project but the house could use it also. time to get rid of some major junk.

4.Blog More

I'm working on it! It feels good and I love to do it but I'm a huge procrastinator so sometimes even when I have a half hour to sit down and blog I don't.

5. Bake More

I love to make cupcakes, cakes, etc. and don't do it enough. Although this my not be a good idea in regards to #2.

6. Read more books

I would like to read at last two, maybe three. They may be only autobiographies but at least I'll be reading.

7. Travel More

I just wanna go places with Eric really. It's my favorite thing to do.

8. Do the Fresno Autism Walk

I missed last years so cant wait to do it this year and hopefully raise lots of money for a cause thats now very near and dear to my family and I.

Well, there it is. There are a few other things I would like to do this year, much bigger things I would like to do but I think I will keep a few things to myself.

On a side note:

It's crazy how much more you appreciate a child's ability to talk and communicate once you have a child who is unable to do it. I'm so very proud of my son. He has improved SO much just in the last month. I see a new light in his eyes and I'm so excited for the months to come and all the new things he will say and do. He talks more and more everyday and even though he has a lot of work to do in other areas his ability to communicate improves daily. He truly amazes me.

We've been going to our favorite park a lot lately and Blake loves it! We usually pick up cousin Jude and Auntie heather on the way. We're lucky because in January here it's still sunny and warm enough to be outside most days. Maybe not so lucky in July when its 110 degrees though.

Park Pics:

Til next time.
xoxo

Better late than never! (New Years/Birthday post)

2013-01-12T10:44:00.001-08:00

First, let me just say that this blog has taken me FOREVER to write!! Hopefully it makes some sort of sense. I've found that stopping and then starting again does not produce good results but I'm not much of a "writer" anyway, so whatever. I mainly do this as a way to journal with pictures and to get all of the thoughts that pile up in my brain on a daily out of my head (at least a little). So anyway HERE is the blog that I started a week ago and finally just had time to finish..

I've been dying to blog lately but have been SO busy. Busy in a good way mostly. My life is so full right now and I truly for the first time in my life feel like "the lucky one". I am also finally feeling half human again after being consumed by whatever this horrible sickness is that's been going around. Thank goodness for antibiotics!

So Happy New Year! I spent my new years eve in Long Beach with Eric, his BFF Haig and his lovely girlfriend Marissa. We rang in the New Year at a place called "Alex's bar" while watching The Aggrolites perform. It was a great night filled with dancing, drinks and love. I can honestly say that a year ago I never would have imagined that Id be ringing in 2013 with the man of my dreams, in Long Beach, watching the Aggrolites play. It's mind blowing what a difference a year makes.

Alex's Bar has a photo booth so OF COURSE I had to partake.

I don't know who that dude is on the left. Photo bomb!

Marissa, Eric and Haig

Happy New Year!

New Years day was spent driving around Los Angeles. We drove through Beverly Hills (which I'd never seen), went to Melrose and had breakfast at Vienna Cafe which was delicious but has the worst service EVER, it was so bad that it was comical. After that we decided to head over to The Grove and check out the shops and Farmers Market. There were so many different little shops and yummy smelling food at the farmers market, I cant wait to go back!

Eric at the farmers market in an actual phone booth! HOLLYWOOD

CBS Lot

Add caption

After hitting up the Grove we drove up to the LA Observatory at Griffith park. My favorite thing about that place was the amazing view!

The Observatory from the bottom


Eric and I in front

Marissa and I at the top! The Hollywood sign was behind us.

Even higher up! It was SO beautiful up there.

And so ended our First full day in LA. It was awesome. That night we at at Jimmy's deli and then went to Barney's Beanery for a couple early birthday drinks. They were super nice there and one of the bartenders was an actor who I actually recognized, it was strange. He was wearing a shirt that read "death to hipsters" or something along those lines so he and I hit it off instantly! ha.

The next day (our last day) was my birthday so Eric took me to the Santa Monica Pier, which I loved. Being able to see the ocean for my birthday was really cool AND I even got to see a dolphin! After that we ate at a neat British pub and headed home! I think one of the most favorite parts of our trip was actually the drive home. We made a couple of stops off the grape vine. One was at this water education center which had an observation deck with a really pretty view, I forget the name though and the other was at Fort Tejon to see the grave of Peter Lebec who was killed by a grizzly bear. There is a Clamper monument there so Eric was excited about it. It's a neat park where they used to have civil war reenactments and such but I heard that because of funding they don't do much there anymore.

SANTA MONICA

WATER EDUCATION CENTER/PIONEER LAKE

FORT TEJON

Peter Lebecs Grave

Clamper Monument

Gravesite

Cant wait for the next adventure!

Happy Weekend!

December. A catch up blog.

2012-12-30T12:20:00.000-08:00

Wow, I can not believe that this month is almost gone. It's been an AMAZING month spent doing all things Christmas. We made sugar cookies, walked Christmas Tree lane, drove down Cindy lane (which is so cool) twice, saw Santa and went to Christmas parties galore!

I met the love of my life 7 weeks ago and he has made this month very memorable and special. I've never been shown this kind of genuine love and kindness before and it feels (for lack of a better word) amazing. He's funny, lovable, sweet, kind and so cute. Just an all around beautiful person and I hope to marry him someday, yep I said it, marry him.

Us on Christmas, this is my favorite picture of he and I.

Christmas has come and gone leaving my house full of spoiled children, pine needles, a few extra pounds and lots of love. I'll miss Christmas, it was special this year spent with lots of family and friends, mostly Eric's friends but they're pretty awesome so I'm happy to call them "freinds".

I think my favorite part was waking up with Bella and opening presents on Christmas day, just her and I. She loved it and I relished that hour spent with my first child, my only daughter and will hold on to that memory forever especially because when Blake woke up the Christmas joy was put on hold, he had decided that this year presents were not "his thing". So instead of opening them he would throw them and have a freak out. I eventually opened them for him and would sit them somewhere in his general proximity in hopes he would want to play with them when he was ready, which he did. Three christmas' equals A LOT of freak outs. Hopefully next year it will be better. Maybe presents wont be the enemy.

Pictures to prove it (a lot, because a lot happened):

Making Sugar Cookies

Grace and Blake

My favorite thing. All full of awesome vintage christmas things.

wrestling!

Nephew Jude

Mom and Bella

Maddie, Brennan, Grace, Blake & Bella

Someone got a cell phone!

Note and half eaten goodies left by Santa.

Papa (my dad) and Bella

My favorite gift, Cake Stand Eric got me.

I got Eric a license plate. ECV! The top reads "Captain Vespa" which is his Clamper name. (I'll explain later)

Christmas Eve

Lil Ladies, Bella and Celena

My love and I.

Good times.

As of right now Blake and I are sick AGAIN with a horrendous cold. It's horrible. I'm supposed to be leaving tomorrow evening to Long Beach and LA for NYE/my birthday with my love. So I'm reallllly hoping to feel better by then. I'll actually be gone from both children for 2 1/2 days! I've only ever left Blake for one night, so I'm a little scared but extremely excited! Wish me luck in feeling better for tomorrow!

Hopefully I'll blog about our LA adventure when I get back!

Happy New Year!

xoxo me.

And so it goes..

2012-10-06T10:21:00.001-07:00

There have been some major changes in my life the last few months. Nothing that I wish to get into too much here. I haven't done any blogging. I haven't even read anyone else's blogs. You see, blogs tend to portray the perfect side of life, the parts that are full of joy and happy moments and I was in no mood to see others enjoying their perfect (or seemngly so) lives.Even the crafting blogs which I followed religiously, became completely unappealing to me. I decided today though that I need to get back to "me". I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and realize life could be much, much, worse. I actually have a pretty great life. Two amazing children who love me with all their hearts, a loving family and amazing friends who are always there for me, peace and freedom and another chance to find the love that I know I deserve. So I'm ok.

I tried to post pictures from Bellas party but something is up with the photo upload so I'll get to that tomorrow hopefully.

Happy Saturday! xoxo Tambra

weekdays...

2012-06-06T17:15:00.002-07:00

It's only Wednesday?? This feels like the longest week ever and it's only my second day at work. I long for the weekend if only for two days, to be able to stay in bed an hour longer, not get dressed right away and to actually see me kids before 4:00 p.m.

Today when I got home I could tell instantly my lil Blakey was sick. BIG sad face :( !! He was lethargic, had a runny nose and those sick, sad eyes. My Dad said he had volunteer to take a nap today so that was the fist indicator he wasn't feeling well. Guess it wasn't just car sickness.... anyway, it kills me to not be able to stay home with him. I absolutely cant though because of impending time off that I need to take. It really sucks being a working mom, especially when your kids need you.

In happier news, I started making the banner for Bella's birthday party yesterday. I love this theme so hard!! I cant wait to cut more little cute anchors, sailboats, whales etc to affix to EVERYTHING!

Here's a taste:

Day trip!

2012-06-04T20:43:00.000-07:00

We took a quick day trip to Bass Lake today. It's soooo pretty there. We didn't get going until about noon because we had some errands to do (a lot). Bella had school so it was just Blake, Emett and I. I wished Bella was there but it was a good opportunity for us to spend some one on one time with Blake. He slept most of the way but kept waking up and crying... I thought it was weird but didn't know what it was but was suspicious that he may be car sick. We made some stops off the road here and there to look at the big casino (from the outside), one of Emett's childhood homes in the mountains and the Pine's resort (mainly because we were trying to get to the lake). I day dreamed about one day being able to rent a cabin there and have a family vacation during the summer. It's so beautiful and smells like new air up there. We couldn't figure out how to get to the lake for the life of us but as soon as we gave up to head back home we found an entrance!

(on the way up)

(walkin down to the lake)

(The back of "The Pine's Resort")

As soon as we pulled up Blake yelled "Ocean!" (ADORABLE). He was excited to get out of the car and explore. We ran down to the shore. He dipped his toes in the water and smiled, he was really happy. He and Emett skipped rocks and whatever else they could find to throw in, which Blake loooves to do. We actually had to take our big pool down because all Blake wanted to do was throw stuff in it to watch it float, so he was in to it.

To add to the amazing view were a flock of geese and their babies walking around... they were so cute.

(Skipping Rocks)

It was an amazing time. We had to head back home after about an hour. We got in the car and had driven for abut 10 minutes when Blake puked. I'm not sure if he had gotten car sick or what since he seems fine now but it was gross and I felt so bad for him. We did some damage control/clean up and continued home. As soon as we got out of the mountains it got reallly windy and reallly dusty. It turns out there was a dust storm in our town and the wind was super strong which is typical for this area.

So that was our day.. it was a great one. The End.

xoxox Tambra

Zoo's, Wedding's and Kid's parties Oh my!

2012-06-04T08:53:00.001-07:00

Things I did this weekend:

Went to the zoo (It was 104 degrees, not a good idea).

Took Bella to her Dance recital at the beautiful "Armenian Home".

Target.

Went to a beautiful wedding!

Party at Chuck E. Cheese's.

Lots of Laundry.

Grocery Store.

Here's some pics to prove it:

(looking at the Elephants, his favorite)

(waiting for Bella at the "Armenian Home" wish I had taken a picture of the scenery)

(The bootiful wedding of Brandon and Jen)

(Having fun at the wedding)

(My sister and nephew Jude, High fiveing Chuck E.)

Choo Choo!

2012-05-29T17:55:00.000-07:00

I'm FINALLY getting around to posting some of the pictures from Blake's "Thomas the Train" birthday party. A part from him not taking a nap before and being a little tired and cranky, it went pretty well. I didn't do a ton of decorations but I think I did ok in that department, I didn't want to go over board. There was a lot of stuff I forgot to take pictures of but that is pretty much inevitable.

On the cake table or "desert table" there were red choc covered marshmallows, Thomas shaped candy pops, Hershey kisses with special "Blake and friends" labels and Thomas fruit snacks.

The cake turned out moist and cute. I'm actually glad I made it.


(yummm!)

Blake and all the other kids had a great time jumping on the trampoline! Thanks Papa for the great gift!!!

He even opened the rest of his presents on it!


(He got lots of really nice gifts, a lot of Thomas stuff!)

We had a small "coloring station" set up which he seemed to like

We also had a train pinata but he wasn't too happy about everyone hitting it!

(Trying to rescue the pinata)

(Bella's turn)

All in all it was a great party and I think everyone had fun! Now lets hope this next year goes by much slower!!!!

xoxo Tambra

Party Time!

2012-05-25T08:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't felt like blogging too much as of late. I guess there isn't anything I feel is worthy of blogging about. However, today is Friday and I thankfully have the day off! WOOHOOO! Tomorrow is my baby's 3 rd birthday. It's a pretty big deal around here and so we're throwing a pretty BIG (kinda) party. A party which I'm doing almost everything by hand (I'm crazy). So I pretty much had to take today off to get started on the cake etc. I cant wait to post pictures of the big day on here! Hopefully I remember amongst all of the birthday chaos to take some!

Well have a good day, wish me luck!

xoxox Tambra

Blake on the day he was born

It gets better all the time

2012-05-17T18:24:00.001-07:00

You know when you write a whole blog post and then accidentally delete it? Yeah that just happened to me... anywho..

Blake will be three next Saturday. I know everyone says this about their kids but, it's hard to believe. He is my BABY! The last three years have just flown by. Fuh-reals. He's really taking on the new "big boy" act too. It seems like only yesterday that he couldn't do really anything for himself, was barely talking or communicating at all. Now, such a different story. He wants to do everything for himself. He uses the potty more, tries to get his own snack or drink from the fridge. He is also talking more and more every day. Emett tried to make a list of all his words the other day and ran out of room at 80! That's amazing for a little boy who was barely saying anything just months ago. There are so many little things that I notice daily, that I have hoped and wished he'd do like any "normal" child would. Like sit with me for more than 5 minutes, lay down next to me and watch tv, stay still while I read to him at night, be affectionate towards me, call me "mommy" or Emett "daddy" (he called Emett "da"). These are all things I have noticed in just the last week. It's great and I'm so happy for my baby.

I just wish my kids weren't growing up so fast...


(Bella and Blake May 2009)

(Me and my lil's)

(Right before first birthday)

(Newborn Blakey)

(Blake's 2nd Birthday)

Mothers Day

2012-05-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

Since today is Mother's Day I decided to share a little about my Mother.

My mom was born in Germany to a German Mother and American /Jewish father who was an American soldier. She moved to the US when she was an infant and at age 3 her mother left her father and remarried another American soldier whom my mother thought was her real father until age 13. My mother actually never got to see her biological father again as he passed away suddenly from a heart attack shortly after she had reconnected with him. That left a huge hole in her heart. My Mother has several brothers and sisters all of which are half most she has never met. She went to boarding school in England and was in love with "The Beatles" during that time but she has always had a love for music which has very much rubbed off on me. When I was a kid, she and I would drive around in the car and sing to whatever played on the radio (mostly classic rock) and she never cleaned house without having the radio turned up loud! As a kid she lived in several different States and one other country until her family finally settled in good ol' Fresno California where she attended high school. She married for the first (and only) time at 19 and divorced soon after. She was with my father for 11 years but didn't have me, her first child, until she was 32. She was a "single mom" most of my life after leaving my father when I was 3. My mom did everything she could to take care of me and my little sister and has always been (for the most part) a loving and caring mother. I love my Mom and even though we have had some ups and a lot of downs I hope she knows that I love her and I will never forget all the years she took care of me and and how hard it was for her to raise me by herself and make sure I never went without.

(My Mom as a child, playing in her backyard)


( 3 years old)

( 18 years old)

(My Mom and Dad)

(My Mother, her Grandmother and myself the day I was born)

(My Mom and I circa 1984)

( My mom had this poodle skirt made for me because I wanted to be "50's" for Halloween)

(1996)

Love you Mom, Happy Mothers Day

xoxo tambra

Weekend Rundown

2012-05-12T12:20:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was a 3 day weekend for me that started on Friday. It was oh so nice, but since last weekend was a 3 day and this is a 2 day weekend it is zoooming by.
Here's what I wish to get accomplished this weekend:

Clean my house. Mainly scrub the bathtub/shower and mop the kitchen floor.

Take Bella to her dance performance.

Work on some kids birthday party projects

Laundry.

Purchase foood and drink for Blake's party.

Try to relax.

Have a good weekend!

Xoxox tambra

GIVE AWAY!

2012-05-09T20:46:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone!

Erin over at Carosello is doing a really cool give away in honor of her birthday! She's giving away store credits to 3 different shops (including hers) that total $150.00! Soooo make sure you go over to her blog and enter to win some great stuff!

Enter here!

xoxo Tambra

yaawwn!

2012-05-07T19:37:00.001-07:00

Man, Im sure tired. I cannot believe that it's only Monday.. this is gonna be a slow week. Life is pretty busy and stressful lately. I have two big birthdays coming up, Blake's third and Bella's tenth! I have a problem with wanting to make things bigger then they need to be but I figure my kids are only little once and I love to do the crafts and planning for the parties. Only problem is the vision usually ends up being way too expensive for my budget so then I stress out about how I'm going to make it all come together. It's ridiculous but I love doing it.

making blake's birthday banner

another banner

We went to Blake's last "IEP" appointment today. No new developments. There was a little boy today at his class though that reminded me SO much of Blake. He even looked just like him from behind. He seemed a little less verbal than Blake but has many of the same autistic behaviors and mannerisms that Blake has. He even had a special blankey he carried around. It was funny.

On Sunday we went to my step sister's house to hang with the kids for a couple hours and we had a nice time. I was obsessed with her Cricut paper cutter! Oh my gosh, it's great! The kids had a great time with each other as they always do, picking strawberries and bouncing on the trampoline. Our children our months apart (both sets) so they are pretty close, especially our older ones and my kids LOVE it at Auntie Alicia's, even Blake is starting to ask to go over there now! Heres a couple pictures:

Blake and Grace bouncing on the trampoline


picking strawberries

Hope everyone has a good week!

Awkward.

2012-05-05T10:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Friday and I had the day off from work, It was grrreat! I got to stay home with Blake on a weekday which meant it was just he and I from about 8:45 a.m. until about 3:50 p.m. Getting to hangout with Blake alone is so nice and I think he liked it too. Usually Blake isn't the clingy type. He doesn't want to cuddle or sit by me hardly ever but yesterday he wanted to be with me every second and I loved it. Id wished every day could be like that.

I had a Dr. appointment yesterday and was a little nervous abut having t take him with me because he can be pretty loud and ummmm well for lack of a better word, unruly. He was actually listening to me though, I would say "Blake come this way" and he would follow me, which was amazing.Yes, he kept opening and shutting the door and was demanding "COLORS" very loudly but once I gave him my phone to watch Bella's dance video he was silent for a good 20 minutes which was just long enough for me to see the doctor.

Something happened yesterday though that was kind of awkward and I realized that it would probably happen over and over and over for a long time. I felt I had to "explain" that Blake is "autistic" to my doctor. I wouldn't have normally felt the need to say this but he was trying to talk to Blake and he wanted nothing to do with him. He completely ignored him so for some reason I felt the need to say " oh, he has Autism, so he gets really into things (the video on my phone) and wont pay attention to much else". I guess I could have went on and on about how he doesn't talk much and so he probably wouldn't have said anything to him regardless. but I stopped there and the doctor just gave a little awkward giggle and said "oh, okay" or something to that extent and that was pretty much it. I don't know if this is what I should do or whatever but it kind of makes me feel better to justify why he isn't communicating with someone so I will probably continue to do so.

Anyway, Im off to do my Saturday duties! Have a wonderful weekend!

Autistic-Like

2012-05-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

Today we met with Blake's teacher to go over the findings from his "IEP" (Individualized education plan) appointment we had a couple weeks ago. Basically a few people from the program he is at right now assessed him to see if he would qualify for special education, including speech, etc. His teacher told us that there are three major areas they asses: Cognitive ability, Speech and Social skills (the ability to follow direction etc). His Cognitive ability is very high which is great but his speech and social skills are lacking, he also has "autistic like" behaviors so he is qualified to receive special education services. On Monday we go to another meeting to talk about this more "in depth" which is something we will do once a year for as long as he needs these kinds of services. It was nice to talk with his teacher today. I got to ask a lot of questions which I hadn't really had the chance to do yet. He gave me some pointers on how Im supposed to discipline Blake when he is doing something he shouldn't and some other helpful advice as well. I always feel so mean when Im telling him not to do something because I feel like maybe he cant help it, maybe he doesn't know any better but I know he still needs to be corrected and his teacher was able to tell me how to do that. I gotta be honest, I never in a million years thought we would be going through this. I never thought one of my children would have any learning disability let alone Autism and Im still trying to get used to all of the changes that are and will be taking place. Dealing with a crazy toddler is hard as it is, but imagine the toddler has infinite energy, can't follow simple commands like "come here" and has no real sense of communication. It is all consuming and sometimes it's really hard. I feel so sad and scared for Blake. Everyone says "he's smart, he'll learn, he'll get better" but how does anyone know? What if he only progresses to a certain point and then stays the same, what if he never functions "normally"? I will say that I already see some (all be it small) improvement and I am optimistic for his future.

Mermaids are real.

2012-04-29T09:53:00.002-07:00

I love my kids. Oh, have I said that before? I may not be the best mother in the world, I make A LOT of mistakes and say things I regret, I have a foul mouth and not much patience but I try really hard every day to be more like the mom I want to be because man do I love these kids.

Last night Bella really wanted to use the lap top to watch you tube videos. I'm always hesitant about this because I know there is a lot of stuff on there that she should never, ever see but shes pretty innocent and I know shes not trying to watch anything bad so I said "okay". This morning I went to get the laptop out of her room and when I turned it on it was still playing one of the videos. It was of two little girls talking about their bunny rabbits. It was cute... and all the other videos she had watched were about "real mermaids" (shes been on a quest to find a video of a real one). So when she got up this morning and came to tell me something about "Blake has muffin all over the couch", I squeezed her and told her I loved her and asked her if she was looking for mermaids all night, to which she replied "Yeah! How do you know?". I love that she still believes things like this exist. She is just starting to question Santa and the Easter Bunny and I'm dreading the day she doesn't believe anymore. BREAKING NEWS!! Bella has just informed me that she found a "spell" that will "turn her into a mermaid" during her internet search last night. She wrote it down and has informed me that she tried it this morning! Umm, maybe letting her look at you tube wasn't such a great idea! The things she does and says sometimes are so cute I wish I would have blogged or kept a journal her whole life. 

Yesterday Bella had her "nursing home show" which is like a practice show for her big performance in June. It went pretty well. My only criticism was she needs to smile more. As soon as I can figure out how to post the video I will. I need to get it from my phone to here! HELP! but for now here's a picture of Blake and Jude in a double stroller! Funny.

It's Satttturrrday WOO!

2012-04-28T09:29:00.002-07:00

I'm so happy that today is Saturday and NOT Monday. Last night I ventured out to see a friends band play and ended up seeing many of my oldest and dearest friends. It was just what I needed.

(The Gyrators, look out Jeff do his rock stance!)

Today I'm going to relax until noon when I take Bella to her dance practice. Today is the start of her nursing home shows that her dance studio puts on for the month before their big performance. It's a great idea actually, they get to practice and entertain all these sweet senior citizens who are left in these sad places. So at 2 today she will perform her little dance in front of an audience and she seems pretty excited about it! I'll post pics later!

Also I forgot to share photos from when my mother and I visited my grandmother:

(Myself and my Grandma Laura)

(Mom and Grandma)

Hope everyone has a happy Saturday!

<3 Tambra

Mommy

2012-04-26T17:05:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE nightmare that one of my children died. It was vivid and extremely painful. I woke up so very thankful that it was only a dream. I'm not sure I could or would survive something like that, the loss of one of my children is my greatest fear. I read blogs on the internet of women who have lost their children suddenly and my heart just breaks for them. I hope that I will never have to feel that kind of pain.

I think the child parent relationship is the most genuine and meaningful relationship there is. The love is unconditional. I always wanted to be a mom. One of my favorite things to do when I was a child was to play "house" or "mommy" with my dolls. I used to think about what I would name my own, real children someday and found myself day dreaming about what they would look like. Being called "mommy" always brings a smile to my face. Blake has only said "mama" a couple of times and it's never really been directed towards me and sometimes that breaks my heart a little. I know he knows who I am but I almost wonder sometimes if he really does know I'm "mommy". I'm the person who gave birth to you and I love you unconditionally. The reason I bring this up is today when I was headed back to work after my lunch break, I was walking up the stairs and I could hear a little voice coming from a car that was in the parking lot. The child was a little boy yelling out the window "yay! Mommy! hi!" over and over. He was so excited to see his mom. When I looked up the person who was coming down the stair was someone I knew. She was all smiles and laughing at how cute her son was. I smiled back at her. Then I remembered that her son is only a few months older than Blake. My smile instantly turned into a frown and for a second I felt like crying. I cant wait for the day Blake will look at me and say "mommy". Sometimes I forget how different he really is from children his age. I think, "he's not that behind" but then things like this happen and I'm reminded of just how serious it all really is.

(Blake eating some fruit snacks)

(Do you HAVE to take the huge dolphin?? Apparently the answer is YES!)

Monday.

2012-04-23T22:17:00.000-07:00

It's 9:00 p.m.after a very long Monday and I'm watching "Dancing with the Stars" while writing this so let's hope it doesn't sound like gibberish.
Here's a break down of my day:

6:10 a.m. Woke up.
It took me about 10 minutes to convince myself to actually get out of bed though.

7:00 a.m. Got to work.
"Work" was in compete disarray because they installed new cubicles this weekend. It took a good hour for everyone to get situated and start working which is coincidentally when I had to leave for Blake's appointment at an "Autistic like" preschool

9:00 a.m. "Autistic Like" Preschool appointment for Blake.
I really didn't know how I would feel about this place and to be perfectly honest I was worried it would be horrible. I pictured wild children running around and basically just complete chaos. I am happy to report that it was exactly the opposite. While there was the occasional "fit", this place wasn't at all like I had imagined. The kids were semi quite and pretty well behaved. They were all engrossed in different activities when we arrived, all of which are specific to an Autistic child's learning needs. It was clean and the staff seemed really nice. The director was extremely knowledgeable and I felt comfortable around her instantly. What I like most about the program is there are only 9 children in the class and there are at the very least 1 adult to every 2 kids. I was going to go and visit a regular "head start" preschool also but I think the best decision is to have him start at the "autistic like" program. So in August when my big boy starts preschool he will definitely be going there. The director explained to me that if he is doing really well that they will integrate him into regular preschool there because they are one of the few schools with both on campus! I'm so excited for him. I cant wait for him to start in August!

10:30 a.m. Back to work.

3:30 p.m. Go off work!

4:00 p.m. Picked up Bella from the bus, came home, did mommy stuff

5:30 p.m. Grocery shopping
The only good thing I have to say about this is that it only took about an hour with all four of us in the grocery store!

7:00 p.m. Dinner

8:00 p.m. Children bathed

9:00 p.m. Children in bed

almost 10 p.m. "me time". Stick a fork in me, I'm done!

HAHAHA I JUST saw an "Oscar Meyer" commercial in which a husband says to his wife "can I quit my job and start a blog?" funny.