I'm Forever Yours, Faithfully

2011-04-14T02:14:00.019-07:00

As a musician, singer/songwriter, and live performer, I can readily identify to the song "Faithfully." As there was a period when I lived with a lady whom I considered my wife, while I worked as a musician and singer at night.

The city of Olongapo, where I live, is a unique city. Although the Philippines is significantly a religious and conservative country; at the time, when this incident occurred, because of U. S. military bases, the city was almost under the control and influence of the United States. As I mentioned in my blog: "Filipina Beauty", in Olongapo (at the time) there was an interplay between two cultures. The women of the city, particularly those who roam at the street and work in nightclubs, are somehow morally free or somewhat liberated. Filipino women are conservative, basically. But when an environmental mellow creates a certain tendency and allows a certain leeway, which make it easier for men to interact with women freely; it is easier for a man to find a many little romances. In my case, I am a musician; and music is a powerful medium that appeals to almost everyone.

I will not narrate how I dealt with women when I was not committed to one of them. I already had explained that in one of my blogs: Filipina Beauty . Rather, what I will tell is when I become a man with a spouse.

Like most married man, I love my wife; and I will not do anything that would make her unhappy. No one told me; but in my experience and in my heart and mind, I know that in a relationship, to have an unfaithful partner is the source of great misery. And I will never inflict it upon anyone, specially to the one I love.

The woman of my choice is kind and loving. She already had suffered so much for choosing someone like me. It would be too devilish to consider adding more.

Like me, she is also a musician. In fact, she is a better musician than me. She can play guitar and piano, she can read and write musical notation, she sings like an angel, she earns higher wages than me, and she is my first music teacher. Aside from her awesome talent, she is also beautiful, kind, hard-worker, intelligent, loving. But unlike me who preferred to remain in a city and never cared for other concerns other than my music; equipped with her beauty and talent, she travels abroad. And it was in that separation that I experienced great pain and yearning. And it is unfortunate that although I am in misery, I still have to work and earn a living by singing. Practically expressing my pain through music, which was at that time, was also my obsession.

Music has always been my therapy, my sanctuary, my release, my source of joy, my friend, my strength, etc. When I play on stage, some of my goals are to release my sorrow, to travel and leave everything, and to stop the world from turning because it brings me misery. Most of the time I was able to attain my objective and the effect was wonderful.

A friend of mine once told me that there is a song “Only the Lonely can play”; and although I never had listened to it yet, I do believe that what it implies is that one of music's primary purpose is to entertain and nourish the heart of the unfortunate. That is why when a person is lonely, he or she is closer to music. Remembering this, the more I am convinced that “Strength is gauged by its trials” because it was at this time (when I am unhappy) when temptations were so eager and so strong.

Again, in one of my blogs, “Stage Fright”, I had mentioned that musicians are the most passionate men on earth. And what more if the fickle mind is so restless, always wanting to enjoy, and could not find complete satisfaction. Moreover, what more if young, attractive, and restless girls of the night are everywhere; in the nightclubs, hotels, restaurants, resorts, and other establishments which are designed and equipped with ambiance and things that invite and enhances romance. These atmosphere and enjoyment paraphernalia are enough to shake even the faith of a saint, what more the faith of a lonely man. (I am saying this to give you an idea of the predicament that I had gone through whenever she is far away.) Some of my friends willingly fell into the trap that I tried hard not to fall into.

I personally believe that in this age of fast travel and communication, the challenge of a modern man is not in having countless intimate relationships with the opposite sex, but in maintaining, nourishing, and protecting a single real one. The quote: “If you are in Rome you should do what the Romans do” is practical and convenient, but for me, this precept is superficial. I am a born rebel that don't easily conform with a given system, I am also a loyal follower of things that I learned to love. I am from a school where a teacher taught me a phrase that I cannot forget: “Amor Vincit Omnia”. Indifferent as I am, I found this maxim more thrilling, challenging, truthful, and universal. In this dictum ever-since dwells my faith.

For me, to have faith is to invite and expect something from the unknown a reward, which is far beyond and greater than all the worlds can offer. No number of words are appropriate and enough to describe the importance of such reward, which only the faithful could understand. But I am certain that indeed my teacher was right. And I am glad and thankful that I believed her when she said that, “Love Conquers All”, for if real happiness is the goal, this is the guiding line and the only way to truly find it. -arlenkalifuentes