The Other Side Of Me

Breaking binds

2011-04-06T00:47:00.002+05:30

Break out,become a fiend

When the mob decides you to offend

never let go,just to defend

lest,have everything put to the end.

You face the lot ,too niggard

fright them off,or be a coward

flinch away from your state of haggard

and storm around like a blizzard.

Cross HIS limits,break the bind

unshackle yourself to leave these behind

mortality becomes an evil,never be kind

when you are left with zilch to find.

Draw the lines to the edge

quick,grab the sole wedge

too high is that ledge

break this world's thorny hedge..

An ode to nice guys

2011-03-07T23:59:00.002+05:30

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

The Golden Leaf

2011-03-06T01:06:00.003+05:30

I was recovering.Basking in the sunset , the tender yellow orange panorama of tints and shades,emotions and life around me . This was a distant ,well taken care of disease by me ,all the symptoms – All the prerequisites . ALL . …

I was never going to go through this pain again. I was never going to trust , I was never going to smile and never going to love like that. A bitch called destiny it is . A life called fate . ..And when fate recurs back ,it hits back soft with the helluva of emotions and the mental tartar inside your system . Seemed more like a dj night inside my head , with thoughts,decibeling over all and about . making me rethink of things.making me rethink of people . Making me rethink of situations. Was this my mode of reconciliation? So much at the cost of a little thought . My cerebral muscles could paralyse or swell some unfateful day considering the serious hullabuloo shadowing my mind.

Was I going insane or was I seriously recovering ? The one thing that did strike me by the warp was ..Notice. Notice was getting over me . Was I just a soul lost in the massive untrustworthy human racket in and around the place or was it me that was different ? Was it me ? How could it be that I was the one who was being noticed ? I had lost myself in the ocean of expression,deep , thought , dark but unnervingly trying to be pleasant to me ? Was this my share of basking in glory? I was , going to get over it . I was going to trust..I was about to learn..life ..tender..life ..promisingly was just about ..err.. love.Life could get just about beautiful . Sometimes , probably sometimes life puts me to thought . Sometimes , sometimes life is kind. Sometimes ..probably some of the coming times ..it would do me a lesson..somehow it would…The one that could turn a new leaf on me .

I am me. Distinct.Unique. The soul that I could be, The heart I am . The She in me . Realization and a little more of tingling wonderful romance of thoughts ..serene …inspiring.The golden leaf had turned over to me .

Period.

Sometimes a reason is not needed.

2011-01-11T23:53:00.000+05:30

Bagal waali aunty ne kaha hai,gali ke bacho ne kaha hai,Sabji waale bhaiya ne kaha hai,chacha chachi,office waalo ne kaha hai - Mummyjee cool hai :)

'Mujh se auntiyon waali harkatein nahi hota bhai,load padta hai.' - Maa

Never ever seen a woman like this , now a mother is a shallow word for her.So much substance in and around. A friend, a better friend,a better fellow teen turned gossip monger, a better better being with every passing day.Different - quite a lot.The critic,the shopaholic,the dont know what.Abb yaar substance is not about guide,phereindejjs aand philosophy.I live in a world governed by a woman - a woman.That toh she is. 'Betayji, bas aunty waala ilzaam na lagao' , unquoting her words.

A woman so cool,a woman so beautiful,a woman so bindass . A girl she becomes with my joys,uselessly giggling around and aimless drives with chocolate eating out parties for no reason,every night is a slumber party with her, every dinner - a celebration. A woman she becomes with my pains,healing every wound,nursing all my trouble- no big ordeal.

I really dont know why i'm writing this.No pattern,no reason,no order -just thoughts put together. Just a little space, a little important space for the woman i love.The woman who is a beautiful animagus of a girl,an elegant charming teenage bright swan,a mother :) This is for her . A thought.A space. A little love is necessary.

Chipped and twisted ..

2010-11-15T22:41:00.002+05:30

Chipped and twisted.

Life short,precise and overrated.Short ,interrupted.Irritable,cynical we make it . Overwhelming,brimming –we make it . Adorned and decorated with emotions ..a thin veil over the model,the model showcasing life . A sculpted figure,chiseled well and shaped,put across a view after putting in an element called life with every bit of plaster chipped and clay twisted into a figure , a figure called me ..a figure called you . Adding years to it , life is short ,chipped and very well twisted.

Tinted glass

2010-09-22T00:51:00.000+05:30

Opacity .

Through the little eyes,a thousand dreams built ..a thousand lies leading to the dream,rows,joys and numerous methods of getting onto the saddle of life.Lines,forms,shapes and hues support a thousand different fantasies..build another myriad world,a world of hope,expression.A world of distorted and sparingly whims put together,loosely assembled yet sensible,expressionist dreams.Imaging a solid vivacious world,forms animatedly real-yet unknowingly and silhouettes..stark..solid ..opaque. A possible means..a real,vague,psychedelic means ,facettes of seeing a shell..hopefully a shell broken,a shell adjusted to.Shades,neons,evil,wicked shades of grey,shades of the sunshine,shades of hopeful azure,shades that form Life.Opaque,covered,solid..solid shall it be..less transparent,more real. More survivable to.

Peace be.Amen.

Through the ocean

2010-09-09T02:20:00.000+05:30

Open.Wide open.

Stark,Dry,Expressive,Unfulfillingly open.Reflections amidst a thousand dreams,wishes and desires tinkle; tinkle with hope,tinkle with the will to discover a new horizon.Black,deep,deep as it can be,misty,adorned with dense sheaths. A second experienced,a second passed, a moment blinked, a moment blinked giving way to the ocean of dreams waiting to be conquered.The dryness waiting to be quenched with the rain of wishes,the rain with a sweet gush of wind,the rain of willingness,a tryst with destiny..a tryst with my life,the ocean that i wanted to be, the sea that i wanted to conquer.

Closed.Plain simple closed. Illumination,glitter,shimmer,shine,life,destiny all await me.

Skies so blue,grass not so green

2010-09-03T02:45:00.002+05:30

Illumination,shimmer,bling - predominant and relevant. A farce what life was,a farce what it is. A farce , or more so it was,so it wasnt. Commotion ..malign. Life..commotion..grass yellow, somewhat green ..unfulfilled,longed for yet blue,blue enough. Wonderfully chaotic,crazy,sane,coy,a life adorned with gold sheaths and spoons,affluence and care spilling from rivers of bonds and love left behind.

PERIOD.

Grime,slithe,carelessness ..glamour and vanity aloof embraced by a life ..a life awaited for..a life that birth called upon..the birth of a hopeless dreamstruck designer.Straight on the face,harsh,reality driven.To come to terms with,to happily,forcefully and very willingly dawn upon a day,bright and bearably sunny as an ambitious professional.Days that pass,seasons that go and with every coming glow,every radiant beam of the ever glowing warmth giving sun,every first rain,the mild earthy smell ..will wait a life longed upon,a beautiful stream of thoughts and desires will meet its destination as a river to an ocean.

The sky will remain blue,will provide an undercover for us and hopefully the grass will turn green..soon i must say very soon.Let the rains drench us in the streams of hope,Let the sky remain blue,Let the grass turn green.So shall it be,so shall it be. Indeed.

Peace :)

There is always a way

2010-08-09T03:08:00.000+05:30

When you have let everyone down
When your pride just went down the ground
When every other step is a wrong
When odds are against and enemies are strong
When oour wanna give up and don’t wanna fight
When you have lost the sense of wrong and right
Remember my friend, there is always a way
There is got to be a way
Be determined and you will have your day

When all your sorrows will be taken away
When your prayers are unheard and emotions are unfelt
When you are down and there is no one to help
When you wish you could cry but tears wont come
They have been dried with constant fear of coming undone
When you are left stranded in your failure
When your vision never seem more blur
Even in times like these there is always a way out
There will be a way out
Just be certain and make your mind clear of all doubts
What you have sowed will always sprout
When you have given your best shot yet you are expecting worse
When you have fallen fae first and there is no one to quench your thirst
When you are all alone on your own
When you have failed despite leaving no unturned stone
When you are drained of every ounce of energy
When nothing seems to take you out of your misery
Yet there is always a way through
There will always be a way for you
When all that you have dreamt will come true
Your time will come when you will no longer feel blue
Remember you can do any goddamn thing you set your mind to
No one can help to chase your dreams but you
This fight is more from within than with the world outside
Just be strong, this life was never meant to be and easy rid
You might be down but you are never out
You might feel low but you must always be raring to go

Until we meet Again

2010-07-16T23:31:00.000+05:30

Finally, it’s time to say good bye in pursuit of our dreams.
But it only felt like a nightmare, when everyone departed in their realms.
It felt so unreal, how can we part our ways???
My query was left unanswered; I guess nothing was left to say.
It’s time we all bid farewell, move on in different lanes.
Like a scar piercing through my brain,
Till when can I bear this excruciating pain??
I guess it will be, TILL WE MEET AGAIN....

The inseparable pain of this separation, is this a part of our long quest???
How badly it hurts, the pain of it all, it’s better off left unexpressed.
The feeling piled up inside, smothering me, like any second i could burst.
Till when will it be like this??? Was I left alone to rust???
I guess I was stupid to even think so...
I came back to my senses, out of my-self-imposed woe.
Distance can never separate us; we will be connected even as we grow.
WE WILL MEET AGAIN, now this I definitely know.

This ruthless separation, is this a part of youthful exuberance???
I guess not, we are still together, separated maybe by million miles of distance.
Why am I being so rigid to the change???
It seems like only yesterday we were here, now its all so strange!!!
But never mind, now I am more than ready for this all,
Like a heavy weight lifted off my chest, the change it seem so small,
Why I felt like somebody just recovered from a big fall???
Because of the untold trust, 'We will meet again' that’s all!!!

Now I know we were meant to be together, we are inseparable.
Together, we are all like a wall of friendship, completely impenetrable
The feeling inside of me, it’s all so real now,
No matter where we go, we will meet again somehow!!!
I know it’s always hard to say good bye!!!
But it’s less harder when u know this feeling of friendship can never die...
So here is a good bye to all my friends
But only UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN!!!

Nothingness

2010-07-12T22:18:00.000+05:30

These days i sit in my chair and look at the weather ,do nothing ,check my fon over and over again . My A5 sized sketchbook lies on the table resting near my chair . Lethargically i open the book,look at all the sketches and think of painting one such picture that could describe me . Describe my nothingness. I sketch ,i erase,sketch,erase . and then after a hundred futile attempts put it back to the table.Back to rest .Then Look back and fall in the trance of my own world,casual glances at the rain and innocuous or obscure loud songs playing in the neighbourhood disturb my trance .Shake my head in an animated motion and bury myself in my thoughts so deep . It feels different, i feel light .Bones ,flesh nothing . And i have this feeling only if there was so much of nothingness! I am nothing, I came as nothing ..And i will probably melt into nothing !

Things I hear :D

2010-07-08T00:42:00.004+05:30

I'm seriously sick of hearing some things, I know u're elder , i know u're experienced but age doesnt buy you experience all the time and experience doesnt buy you brains ..Or is it that me being young is a dead darn crime :D They try to put all their stupid gyaans over us and wants us to say 'yes..yes' behind them..esp. it's for some people who are only 2-3 years older than us

Some ohh-so-very common things i hear from Mom,Daadi,Abba !

1. Barri hogayi ho,Umar k hisaab se behave kar lia karro
*No seriously i should start behaving like I am Eighty*

2.Who will marry you agar aisi hi harkateyn rahi tau ?
*yeah rite :D , good for me then ..i continue doing it *

3.So jaao,Dress up ho,bahar jaao,laptop use karo ,Iss there anything else in your life or not ?
*Mom you guessed it right ..NO*

4. Din main 24 ghantey hotey hain,jissmey se 28 main tau tum net pe baithi hoti ho :|
*seriously what kind of a comment is that* ?

5.Apnay Ird Gird bhi Kabhi dekh lia karro :D !
*kyun merey ird gird Ranbir Kapoor thori naa hai ? tau dekhti firoon* :(

6. Hawa paani,kitaabein and internet ..Din raat issi pe guzaara kar leti ho ..Kabhi Khaana bhi khaa k issey oblige kar dia karro :D
*Books,net tastes so much better than food * :D

7. Wow ,aaj hamaari kaisay yaad aa gayi tum ko ? Hamse baat kaisay kar rahi ho ?
<_<

8. Khair Manaye Woh Larka ..Who gets married to you !
*Makes a Face*

9. Logon ko milogi nahi,social nahi hogi tau kuch nahi hoga tumhaara !
*kuch karna bhi nahi hai*

10. How many times do i have to teach you ki ghar ka kaam kaisay kartey hain ?
=( =( ..

Does it take so much to a young carefree girl :O ?

BLAAH !

2010-07-07T22:29:00.000+05:30

Didnt know what to write :D so i think i'll just make a random post on whatever i think round the clock these days :D

I love getting up late these days ..whiling away time ..doing nothing ..getting dressed for no damn reason,looking at myself in the mirror ..Smile,frown,smirk,cheer ..make all the faces possible .Yes i feel it is very important to look good ! Talk hours and hours on the phone with pranali :D Discuss the dirtiest stuff,paint and do all those things

I keep on thinking when i'll find my so called cute guy .Blame the weather .Highly Romantic and tempting .Rains seriously make you feel different.I can console myself by listening to velvety tracks and super cheesy movies with Shahrukh khan's famous pickup lines ,And put on songs and dance about on my bed :D with a chunni ..Filmy it is ..I know..But I do this ..and i'm a girl !

The sariyal NIFT People cant send me a call letter as to what my books with the course are concerned ..WORSE

I dont know if all ivy league Institutes behave like that , i seriously hate the Government of India for this now,Is this how u run one of the BEST institutes of India ? !

Get up,Tweet ..Make friends ,BLOG :D Life seems so restricted and predictable these days .Facebook suddenly became so interesting with frnds uploading charsi albums of hukkah parties ..BLOODY wannabe's and people putting up statuses like i love rain :D ..The games on FB gave me some real life .Restaurant city,Barn buddy,cafe world ..Seriously SAVIOURS to my boredom !

Think of buying a new phone,a new dress,a new bag,shoes,makeup,iron,comb and every possible daily amenity .That probably is the extent which i can go crazy to.

Found some life With Gaurav around :) My smiles are all back .the guy is a big support and a great friend.I dont know how i found him.I've done all possible things with him ..Drove around the so called dangerous part of the city at 3 am with the fellow, watched the same movie back to back with him ,a blissful rain dance and numerous shots of espresso at a time ..without getting tall-ied .You need someone who has to be crazy as you .One week of knowing him and we;re the bestest frnds possible.Life seriously is good. I thank god :D

Cooking- I seriously want to be a good cook.I have tried burning up my house twice .Dint work wasnt destined too maybe .Aloo gobi,Rajma chawal,Pasta,Yoghurt,Cakes :D Dum Aloo,Paranthas :D falana falana !

Make crazy plans and get unusual whims of a car tour of the city with my DSLR :D going about with the lens capturing stills of my city, the official program is a ten day shoot of the city :D i know that conveniently sounds sick,but surely its worth a try :D You get to drool along so many good looking guys in the city as well..but thats more or less something not what i'm concerned with!

Pray five times a day :D ..Like i always do :D

No thats it ..My mind doesnt let out more ..I'm really sorry for such a dry post ! I know that when i get desperate to write .I'm Hopeless.!

Pakka aagay se aisi gandi post nahi karungi !

Yet upon a whim

2010-07-06T00:44:00.002+05:30

Yet upon a whim the shattered ties
For all that mattered,for how time flies,

A life half lived,
A curse unbroken
Ohh the heart wrenching cries..
For hell that waits,For time that guiles..

Hope,a paltry void
The past laid bare
The sins catch up
The frost is shared...

The silence heard
The silence felt
All that is left all that is spared are
The eyes that brim,the eyes that stare

Betrayal--A deceptive word..
A hasty step,a hasty lie..
Deception..a word betrayed
For all he did,For how time flies..

It mattered not..it matters not,
Far away something dies,
A promise broken,a life cursed:
For all it wrought,For how time flies..

Far below a ray of hope,
A silhouette walks,a silhouette cries,
The shadow creeps,the dark engulfs,
For all it could,how dead it lies..!!!

Thats the way it is !

2010-07-06T00:31:00.000+05:30

We hold on to things the tighest
When we are forced to let them go-
We always want things a certain way:
When we know..they cant be so........

Dreams always last the longest
When they are further from our reach-
And lessons we can learn most from
Are often the ones we teach...........

The grass is always greenest
When it is on the other side...
And truth we preach to others
Are often those we can't abide.

We hold fast to things in a storm,
Which are most likely to blow away,
And yet we neglect taking screens
On a bright sunny day........

We spend our time trying to see things
When perspective is one thing we lack-
And we never appreciate what we've got;
Until we cant get it back........

We expect the whole world to give us a break:
And yet ironically we"ll find-
That when others come asking the same of us,
We"ll tell them they're outta their mindz....

We tell everyone whats wrong in this world.
And we do nothing to make it right,
We complain about families falling apart:
But do nothing to keep them tight;

We preach about loving our neighbours,
and teach right from wrong-
But we never set good examples for them
When real chances come along.............

We complain about not having enough
Time in our lives-
Yet if we were given more hours in a day:
We'd use up all that too!!!!!!!!!!

We desire to be close to all those we love,
Yet all too often look on from afar..
And when it comes to the truth,
Do we want to change .........
Or remain forever as we are................????

T

Serenity

2010-07-02T20:26:00.002+05:30

As I look
Beyond the ripples of my reflections
To examine my inner self;
The ripples begin to fade . . .
As the reflection lays beside me
Grasping my hand,
The inner warmth shields me
And the vision of my reflection appears
I see you. My Friend.

Heart break

2010-07-01T23:26:00.000+05:30

He had always been this guy ...i remember seeing him at mutual friends parties,looking at me ..both of us catching shy glimpses of one another ..those 8 seconds of the stare were beautiful ..there was this spark...there was this feeling ...when i'd already feel like looking across the room at a cute boy catching glimpses of me ..moving his ohh so attractive gaze away and then affixing the same beautiful tantalising eyes on me ..I was scared. The next time we met was another such mutual friend event , i couldnt move my eyes off the way he was cutely binging on his food.I was young ,i dint know ,maybe it was just attraction . This started happening again , my hots for the guy got very well deep buried as i started concentrating on the thing i was supposed to do ..Study .I did still notice the same cute guy,yes the same one who was uncontrollably gorgeous to look at ,who cutely binged on his plate of salad and the one who used to give me all those top looks..
Another day, the one tht was dreamier than all possible days was this one on a rainy day,where i was being the victimised by rain,tormented,and afraid girl ..i saw this huge big black SUV stop where i was waiting for the alwasy so late driver :) Well i do have to thank him for the consequences..The Shiny mysterious black SUV door opened ..Lending me a hand was the guy ..the same guy ..lets call him Mr X,since a name is important .. i could see a beautiful,warm skinny ..shiny hand approaching mine ..i stared ..he looked back ..he was reciprocating every possible feeling i had for him ..i felt good ..The touch and the warmth in the grip of his hand was beautiful ..i felt the comfort as well as the discomfort sitting next to Mr X. The more warmth i felt being around him ,the more cold i got in the inside..
Then came the big day,the day that mattered to me the most :) , he confessed his love to me ..i had lost myself to him long back,but this made me realise yes i was the one ..Life seemed pink ..i fell in love with almost everything and anything that came before my eyes,yes it was love,true love ..i could feel the wind brushing by my hair ,giving me the most pleasant caress,the sweetest touch possible ..he admired art, my guitar teacher,my inspiration to write and always criticised or praised ..so he became my ultimate reason to live ..life had turned a totally new page ,everything was so sunny,so on the tracks of it .He drew me beautiful sketches,took me out for the most beautiful and peaceful ten minute walks.Every day seemed never ending with him . I was doing well in my life ..my school,my college,my interns ..all really well ..what more could i have asked for ..

Life gives u a whip of reality ..when things are going just the way they should be ..he left ..he left ..left like he never existed ..Left giving me no news ..the reason for me to live no longer existed ..the reason for me to smile ,sing and dance all washed at once ..i am sure he loved me ,i am sure i loved him ..i am sure we could have made a life ..i know i was young ..i know he was understanding ..why did he leave,when ..why me ? why did he not inform ,call or msg me ..? is he alive ? what must he have gone through? did he really love me ? did he not use me ? A thousand good and not so good to feel about questions hovered arnd my head ..I still look for him heartbroke and quite very hopeful ..yes i lost trust ..i lost trust in love . I lost trust in life..I lost trust or maybe he did ? Till this day i dont really believe of the existence of love ,yes i' m still looking for him ..and i do believe i will find him some day ..but that has to been soon before i lose my somehow built hope in expressing myself also ..he gave me the inspiration..he gave me the reason ..this one is for him ..if at all he comes across this ..I still love him and i always will ...and true love cant be overwritten upon ..its on the pages of life :)

I cry my heart out

2010-07-01T00:11:00.003+05:30

All throughout the never ending days.....I go on
Without showing a single sign of pain....never do I frown
With a smile so fake plastered on my face each and everyday
That it even deceives me.....I've forgotten how to do the real thing anyway
And after hiding all this from you...its under the sheen of stars that I finally confide
The sad happenings of my life......the thorns i had to bore along by my side
Its under them and the gaze of pale moonlight.....
that i cry my heart out......alone in the night!!!!!

"You aren't angry....I can see" after an argument you say....
Ahh!!! If only you knew about the storms underneath the calm bay
You keep on stabbing me straight at heart.....a million times
Sometimes by your harsh words....and sometimes its your mere silence that strikes
Yet still I cant tell you about everything that goes on deep inside....
Afraid that it might break us......you'll no longer be by my side!
Now that the darkness has come.....so far away...out of your sight
I cry, once again......all alone at midnight!!!!!

I don't know till how long I can keep my self under this burden....a mask
"I don't know why I don't end it for once and for all".... I ask
But i get no answers as usual.....no reassuring replies....
You are not there.....never there....to listen to all my woes and cries
Its high time I realize... if I don't break out of this soon....i'll be worse than stone
No emotions will be left to show.....but also no longer will be this need to moan....
Still I cant let the colors of my life.....not even the grey ones...leave me and fly
but i all i can do about this.....is stand alone under the diamond studded sky in night...and cry!!!!!!!

Piggy bank tales :)

2010-06-29T17:08:00.001+05:30

Kabhi tu koi din aisa hoga
jab mairi jaib mai paisa hoga
gaari hogi bangla hoga
jeevan ka sapna pura hoga
100 rupai ghar sai milai
par 100 rupai sai kia milai

100 rupai k laakhon sapnai
liyeh dil mai chal diye
100 rupai ka yeh note adhora
kaisai hoga maheena pura

100 rupai ka yeh note anokha
jo na hosaka kabhi kisi ka
100 rupai, mairai 100 rupai
100 rupai, mairai 100 rupai
chai bhi peeni hai, paan bhi khaana hai
yaad mai oski sutta bhi jalana hai
piyar bhi nibhana hai tu milnai dur jaana hai
paidal chal k kiraya bachana hai

kabhi tu koi din aisa hoga
jab mairi jaib mai paisa hoga
kabhi tu koi din,
kabhi tu koi din…
Bivi hogi bachai hongai
woh din bhi kitnai achai hongai
aisa paisa hai yeh kaisa, bewafa jaisa
sapna jo dekha kabhi hoga pura

kabhi tu hoga!!!!
Kabhi tu koi din,
kabhi tu koi din….
Kabhi tu koi din aisa hoga

kabhi tu koi din,
kabhi tu koi din….
Kabhi tu koi din acha hoga

kabhi tu koi din,
kabhi tu koi din….
Kabhi tu koi din aisa hoga

kabhi tu koi din,
kabhi tu koi din….
Kabhi tu koi din, paisa hoga

This iconic song by zeest :) is the story of every teenager ..as i step out in the world all on my own i reminisce the days back in time ..when i used to go to the potter to get a *mitti ka* piggi bank ..put in every penny that was left after mom used to give me money to buy candies :) ..penny each penny counted :) i remember of a 10 paise coin the size of a big bindi :) being given to me by ma :) ..those flowery aur polygonal shaped 20 paise coins :) and the crisp 1 re note :P ..all went into My mitti ka piggy bank :) A time when i used to run off straight to my room when somebody wd give me money as Eidi or Aashirwaad :) ..The colourful envelopes and over insistent relatives saying .."betaaa le lo" .
Then came the 10 rupee note culture :) where i cud think of my own little world of candies,comics and balloons in a Beautiful 10 rupee note :) ...more i save ..more my piggy eats :) ..Innocence ruled every mischief ..It was an official license to go out wd frnds and not spend that crisp out of the bank 10 rupee note ,come back home and eat saying *Ma khanay ko achcha nahi mil raha tha* ...and then rushing towards the room with the NOTE saved :)..Looking at it with the utmost glee and then neatly folding into three and pushing it through the earthen pot :) ..

The grown up times followed when the innocence of candies,balloons,comics and icecreams had faded off :( but that earthen piggy had been there untouched and unbroken for a huge 8 years ..this was the time when the poor thing was getting neglected :) ...a credit card i had ..an account with some 10 grand money,all mine ..time when all it matters was chai,frnds,fun and masti ..the same that was some years ago but this one heavily overshadowed by flashy leather gear ..bags ..designer jeans ..the wackiest possible stilettos and hunky dory bikes and sexier cars .Rock and roll,drugs,booze,sex high on the agenda..Usage and application of grey cells nil :) ..Every passing day ..the rich daddy helped by putting in some more grands in the account and the ward spending off all possible so that the green lot that the old fellow earned wouldnt decay ..life was on a high..till One unfortunate day ..had a look at that mitti ka piggy at the back of my window ..Stared hard ..tried to recall who i was ..yes i was the girl running after a icecream cart,the one coming home and running to the piggy ,the one walking to school to save daddy's cars petrol ..a sense of deja vu ..changes your life ..it did ..for the good :) ..
Yes i was the same old daddy's girl ..somewhat gone bad :(
Kehtey hain naa *jab paisa bolta ha, niyatein badalti hain*

That very day i found who i was :) i was A girl who liked what she had to ,who knew what she wanted ,who was free ..not the one bound by what others wanted her to do :)
Till this very day,the earthen piggy lies untouched :) i bought a new one since its been too full for the piggy to accomodate more..yes a nice new piggy bank !
And yes i found out that i loved :) mango dollies ..i still do ..Love !

Arms of the angel around me

2010-06-24T14:45:00.003+05:30

Arms of the angel around me
Sheltering me from wind, from sun, from sea
The soothing voice of my angel in my head
Her hands catching every tear I shed
The angel that protect me from gloom
Who is pure as the silver moon
It’s you, my momma, my angel in disguise
A blessing from the lord….the most pleasant surprise

Your finger was enough to assure me
That you won’t let go, whatever it may be
You’ll stay with me forever, within me like a flame
To inspire me, guide me in this twisted life game
It’s your strength that empowers me inside
The calmness of your lap, your welcoming arms open wide
Momma, you are the source of the warmth that I crave
You don’t know how much I thank the universe for what I have

Epitome of beauty, love and sacrifice
These mere words are not enough neither precise
To tell you how much you mean
World is nothing compared to your sheen
Its your mere presence, the fueling power
Your heart of gold, and the love it showers
All I need to make my day is your mesmerizing smile
That’s all I want to say to thank you for making my life worthwhile.

Just a few more days

2010-06-24T00:02:00.003+05:30

Just a few more days and I will be alone
Alone in the walk of life, standing by my own
Do I leave my friends behind and walk ahead?
My life, my laughter, my smile….all shed
Is this a price I am willing to pay?
What is it that I am hoping to find this way???

Just a few more days and I will be out
Out in that cruel world, where no one will listen even if I shout
The days won’t be the same again carefree and wholesome
Even the tension of the coming exam don’t appear so troublesome
But the real test lie next more realistic and frightening
Would I be able to prove myself?? Rise above shining…

Just a few more days and I will be grown
Responsibility hanging on my shoulders, my face molded in a frown
The days would be a burden stretching longer and longer
I will break down one day…till when can I act to be stronger???
What will I get moving along this darkened alley?
Not those beds of roses surely…nor the sweetened hue filled valley.

But who knows what these just few days will bring…
A nightmare waiting to be broken tied on a string
Or this might be just a misconception….nothing true
My life wouldn’t change so much if I can be myself through and through
I’ll stay in touch with my loved ones, always be a friend
No matter where life takes me or how many times my ways bend.

That price you ask I will never pay!!
I’ll do whatever it takes to make them stay…
My life is incomplete without them….completely astray
Nothing can come between us….not even just a few more days!!!!!

MOVED ON

2010-06-23T23:51:00.001+05:30

I loved a guy who loved someone else,
I hated her , nobody cared but myself,
She was not right for her, he fancied her nevertheless,
I had to let go , I was smothering myself, dejected and depressed.
I was left heart broken , made to suffer the insufferable,
The reason was myself, the pain it seemed incureable.
From that day on,
I decided to move on,
To be on my own and just carry on,
To subside this pain i had to move on !!!

I tried hard to break free, only to end up where i began.
Why i still loved him ??? somethings are better off left unexplained.
I loved him and it felt like a curse,
I was told to ' never expect but be prepared for the worse'.
Unprepared, i was falling and falling , with nothing to hold on,
ohh this moment that i strayed on,
I have got to make it my choice to move on,
I had to find a reason to carry on,
I had to move on !!!

Flashes of your memory , flesh they peels,
I had to transform my nerves to iron, my heart to steel.
I waited and waited, hoping that time will heal.
But in vain, wound were too deep to start afresh,
I felt as i was brushed aside like trash.
she was not the kind of person to rely on,
But he was too lovestruck to wiegh the pros and cons,
he had made his choice , now its upto me to move on,
All alone but i must carry on,
Leaving everything behind i had to move on !!!

Now we are still friends but we are just friends,
And thats okay, i will still be there to lend a helping hand,
Be there for you, but things are just so defferent,
I have learned how 'A broken can be mend ',
Times have changed and i don't feel that way,
But i will still be there for you come what may,
In times of trouble i will be there for you , to pray,
When everyone has turned their backs on you, i will be the one to stay,
Remember, when you need me i will be just a block away !!!

Now that i have moved on !!!
That moment has finally gone,
that i hopelessly strayed on,
Its nothing for me to cry on,
I have regained the strength to carry on,
Gathered a will and determination so strong,
Remember dusk is always followed by the dawn,
Now things have changed and my life will go on,
Now that i have MOVED ON !!!

i'm a Woman !

2010-04-23T04:03:00.000+05:30

INDIA IS A land of culture, traditions, love, and modesty. There are in fact numerous such things which makes our society unique and which makes us stand out. As a modern welfare state there is a definite space provided to all citizens and the bonds of love are stronger. However, India has picked up a wrong path and delineated from its moral obligations. There is little appreciation for the people who speak truth, and people are set to be committed to their own ideologies and principles nurturing their self-interests. One bitter reality, which has subsisted on the delineated views, is the lacking indifference towards the women in the society.
Nature has not been that much partial as the people in this country are for the women. Women’s capabilities are measured against the power that never flowed and accumulated in the hands of the other gender. Life is not a bed of roses for women in this country. Every woman has but to pay the price of dedication, passion, her attitude and the way she wants to live. Sonia Gandhi is a great example. She dedicated herself and worked for the nation but at the end of it she was still considered as foreign. Her dedication, which nobody can deny, has received little appreciation and like others she is paying that price. Jessica Lal, Priyadarshini Matoo and hundred others have to pay the price. This lopsided system allows the power to play with their lives, suppress them and keep them low.

When women are contributing in all spheres of life then why does society keep them low? Despite taking bold measures they are forced to keep mum, their contributions are never recognised and they have to bear all kinds of abuses and violations. Even today the rate of atrocities and torture, sexual harassments at workplace, sexual abuse and day to day eve teasing that women facing all over the country and beyond the borders of this country, is tremendous and to the magnitude we can hardly believe.

There are foeticide cases reported from all over the country and the rate of abortion is still high, especially in metros. Although some laws and privileges have come in force but not much has been implemented so far. The irony is that sometimes when justice is been served it almost kills the very own soul, which seeks the justice.

There has been much done but superficially and far less has been implemented truthfully. We need to take an initiative to make this world a shared one and an equal one. Throughout the history women have paid the price and are still paying it. Imagine how life will be without this beautiful angel.

from my heart :P

2010-04-04T16:56:00.003+05:30

~Can I Love You?~~

I gave my heart to you
I set my standards high
I laid my eyes on you,
I laughed and cried with you,
I told you my hopes and dreams,
My Love and Fears.

My tears I shed all over your shoulder.
In the end,
I came to see that you were
the only guy I could ever trust.
When I see you,
my face lights up with aspiration, and happiness.
When we talk, I can feel the load unload
with soothing words from you.

I have the feeling of love in my heart.
In my mind, I say "You don't mean a thing. "
In my words, I say "You are just a friend. "
But in the deep end of my heart,
I think of only you

When I tell you my expectations of a guy,
You tell me never to fall short of what I want.
But only one thing stands in the way -
You are a friend.

Can I still love you the way that I do?

Now that you're gone

2010-04-04T16:55:00.004+05:30

~Now That You're Gone~

Now That You’re Gone
Now that you’re gone, I realize
How much you meant to me.
My loss is wide as a starless night sky,
And deep as a stormy sea.
I miss the comfort of your sweet love,
Your absolute devotion;
Now I’m a fountain of endless tears,
A pool of sad emotion.
They tell me I should move on with life,
That time will heal my pain;
I smile and nod and agree with them,
While I slowly go insane.