Thinking Space

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Wed, 20 Sep 2023 09:31:00 +0000

Chapter 5- A Better Harvest

- “As you sow, so shall you reap”

Seven thinking skills

1. Every teaching has a context

2. Understand your behaviour

3. Accepting imperfections

4. Social norms are not the be-all and end-all

5. How to seek support

6. Dominant does not mean superior

7. Tolerance is a virtue until it is not.

After writing my book "Navigating Relationships" in 2020 and attempting to

promote it through videos on content related to skills that could be included in

schools and colleges, I realized the difficulty of creating a curriculum for

Navigating Relationships. While some colleges do incorporate 'holistic

education' into their curriculum, I have come to know that it is often perceived

as boring. I understand that not all students may understand the relevance, but

just like with other subjects, there can be an effort to make the syllabus

engaging. I want the classes to be not only informative but also captivating.

The seven thinking skills should be taught in each class, with increasing levels

of complexity, mirroring how other subjects are typically taught.

Now, let me delve into the first aspect that I've suggested should be taught. It revolves

around the response to a fundamental question that each student should ask:

'Should I blindly follow teachings?' Wait! This needs thought. I will come back

again on this in another post!

The Time for Everything

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Mon, 14 Jun 2021 04:20:00 +0000

There is a beautiful hymn sung in church, (based on verses from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8), about how there is a time for everything. I love that hymn, and I am convinced that, in addition to the time, the order in which God gives us his gifts, is quite removed from what we think as logically appropriate. We get things actually in the order of our emotional readiness and maturity, which may require some lessons that delay or reverse the order in which things should appear in life. As an example of receiving things in reverse order; it is common to see that people search for a person who can love them; they marry, have children, and yet being truly loved alludes them. When they give up on the concept of love, it happens...,with the discovery that to have love in life is actually about 'truly loving' and not all about 'being loved'. It is a reverse order of learning; where the proper order, as we believe, is to learn to love before getting married.

To give a personal example of delay; when I was in my teens, I had a diary with some of my poetry, which I lost in a movement to another place. That loss prevented me from indulging in any serious poetry for more than a decade as I was only thinking of my lost poems; until recently when I got a much needed push to write again. Now, I have an internet diary in which I can write without fearing it getting lost due to my movements, and now I even have a platform where I can share it unlike with the diary which I would have never shared. Moreover, I feel I have more emotional maturity and experience now to have a substantial topic for a poem. Everything has a proper time. You just have to send your wish to the universe, and it will take its time to set the stage perfectly, and then when it is absolutely ready, it will open its curtains on you. Remind yourself that the bigger and better the stage the universe is preparing, the greater can be the delay. The longer it takes, the further it will surpass what you had in your mind.

This poem celebrates 'the proper time'...Apart from that, it mentions the secret- regarding what should be followed as we chart our path in life : the secret is that it is the heart that should be followed and not the written rules of the world whenever there is a conflict in the direction pointed by each...

THE SECRET

The child sat up in bed that night,

and said the prayer so clear outright,

"Dear lord, I love you. I think I know

that you are near, watching me grow.

But I wish, I knew what you want of me,

'cause I waste each day 'with no decree."

Each day, she said the same one prayer,

but then one night, it got hard to bear.

As tears fell down and wet her bed,

her angel sat beside and said,

"Dear child, I'm yours, and very near..."

In her ears, she heard that whisper clear!

"...watching you, not waste a single day

as you end each one, with a time to pray.

Just a child, it is your time to be;

to sing and play and dance with glee.

Sharp your senses, make your heart ready,

for life's a path of discovery."

"As for that quest, the worry anew,

'What do I have in life to do?'

The answer dear, is hard to adhere.

It's to live a life without a fear.

With a humble heart, you should receive

all that your God has planned to give.

Not just the joy, but the miseries too,

and end each prayer with a true 'thank you'.

God sure will give all that you want,

but only when you've stopped to count.

God has an order, in which He gives,

and that will clash, with your planned motives.

You'll find seven heavens when you work your earth,

you'll find your love when you've lost its worth.

It's not when you ask, that you do get,

when the soil is ready, the seed can set.

So take God's gifts, when he chooses to yield,

and now a secret I will unveil...

What and when He gives, will cause turmoil;

your long held values, it will spoil.

Soon you will fear what gifts could cost,

as you unlearn..., all your values lost.

Now the secret is - 'It's not in 'deed',

it's in the heart, which you should heed."

"Oh dear," cried the girl, and woke with a scream.

"Thank heavens, it's nothing, nothing but a dream!

I wouldn't, I wouldn't lose all that I learn!"

But the secret revealed in her heart did burn...

"Follow not, oh never, all deed out of fear.

Follow me, your heart, to God I am near."

How To Incorporate Thinking Skills in Value Education Classes; Interview...

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Mon, 29 Mar 2021 14:20:00 +0000

Prudence (Finding Context to Teachings)

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Thu, 11 Feb 2021 08:56:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Thu, 11 Feb 2021 08:49:00 +0000

It is important to add Life skill classes for children, taught by counsellors. I cannot imagine why such an important topic is left out. We are taught subjects which may never be useful but not those skills that are certainly of use to one and all , and that too all through life!!!!

Lets ask teachers what they feel about this!!!!!

Navigating Relationships by Jerly Biju Chapter 4-Your Partner and You

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Sat, 15 Aug 2020 04:45:00 +0000

Navigating Relationships by Jerly Biju (3rd Chapter)

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Sat, 08 Aug 2020 03:59:00 +0000

Navigating Relationships by Jerly Biju - ( Chapter 2 Parents and Childre...

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Sat, 01 Aug 2020 01:53:00 +0000

Social Issues should be addressed by working at the roots. Things could be a lot better if the foundation is given more attention.

Navigating Relationships by Jerly : Chapter 2 (Summary)

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Sat, 25 Jul 2020 02:08:00 +0000

Navigating Relationships Chapter 1 Part 2 (Relationship with Your Self)

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Sat, 18 Jul 2020 04:48:00 +0000

Navigating Relationships Chapter 1 Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Sat, 18 Jul 2020 04:46:00 +0000

Navigating relationships by Jerly Biju - Special days

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Sun, 28 Jun 2020 07:13:00 +0000

What we take as granted in our life maybe something that others can never hope to have. We need to recognise the gifts of loving relationships that we have in your life. Look again ...

Navigating Relationships by Jerly Biju Youtube

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Tue, 16 Jun 2020 06:59:00 +0000

The right direction to point our finger

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Tue, 28 May 2019 20:46:00 +0000

It’s well past midnight but a thought has been turning around in my mind space in various forms, moving fast to maturity and relentlessly pushing to be born.

What is it? The spur is the constant pointing fingers that I notice.

The holier than thou attitude of vegetarians, religious fundamentalists and married women. The most recent catalyst to this thought was a judgement made of prostitutes and men who go to prostitutes. Wives hate such husbands and such women. But I want to ask-Is the world and people by nature perfect? I did ask - Why is there a system of marriage? It is to protect women and children was the expected answer. So, there it is; we all subconsciously know the truth that no relationship is safe in itself, but our conscious mind chooses to live in denial.

Let’s first think-why have people been educated and taught to behave in a civil way, and why are there laws and punishment? Religions did not exist when man was in the wild. The rules of relationships and marriage were different in the old times when population was much lower. If not for education and directives from religion given at a later stage of civilized living, given by our elders and ancestors, what could have been the result? The result would have been chaos- abuse of all sorts, polygamy, abandoned women, lonely lives willing to do anything to meet their needs, and what not. I don’t care to say it all. So let’s just thank society and religion that things are not any worse than what they are. That situations are not at its worst possible. It’s all happening under the carpet, but definitely not to the extent it could have if there had not been education, laws and punishment.

But let’s also face the crude facts.

The fact about why it could have been worse. We just shouldn’t deny that animal instincts are given in all. We know that ideally there should have been more women than men in the world. Why does nature decide such a ratio if it favoured monogamy? Clearly man is designed to seed many soils. Living in a civilized world it becomes easy to be judgmental about the wrongs in society and be shocked that there are such men who want more than one woman and forget how people are actually designed by nature. Population was supposed to be controlled by diseases and deaths and attacks from animals, not by preventing man from practicing sex until he gets married or by convincing him to be in monogamous relationships. People are liberating themselves from the shackles of norms and it irks the conservatives. There are problems from that but it doesn’t help being judgmental.

Instead, let’s look at the brighter picture rather than focusing forever on the darker one. Look at those men who follow their education and overcome their natural instincts and care for their woman and children and let’s rather applaud them for doing what might not have been in their nature, than forever admonish those who go astray.

Let's imagine how worse could life have been? I saw a video of how six survivors of a plane crash spent 24 hours in a forest. I realized that no matter how much I might love the forests, looking at them from the safety of my home, I have to accept that the forest is a place of fear and especially so at night. You cannot really sleep at night in the jungle (if per chance you land up in the wild) because if you do, you might become the food of some animal. But social structure as devised by our ancestors allows us to sleep at night not fearing animals; and walk about freely without fear in the day time, not fearing our own kind. Shouldn’t we then thank more than we crib?

We have to accept that the world is in itself a place with challenges for all creatures and let’s not demand a perfect world as if it were our birth right, as if instincts don’t exist, as if ones needs were easy to overlook or suppress because fulfilling it might sometimes mean taking what is another's. Let’s rather thank that we are given a reasonably safe haven in an actually unsafe world. When we start with accepting the truth, we will more easily learn to be happier.

Now, having accepted that the world is unsafe and imperfect and that we are actually given a more than fair deal by the social system, should we refrain from the liberty to point fingers?

For that we have to comprehend what is right and what is wrong. There is actually no rights, but there are the wrongs and then there is the lesser evil. For example, killing an animal for food is an unavoidable evil; plucking a plant for the same purpose is also acceptable as without having food you cannot survive. Whatever you do for survival of yourself and of your species is fair but whatever you do for your greed is unfair. As much as you take for your need is fair to take, as per natures law, but if you are a glutton, it is not appreciated by nature. If it were, there would have been wild animals that suffer from obesity. Well fed ones are easily caught by their predators before they could be called obese.

The same rule of moderation applies to physical pleasures as well. Animals usually have a mating season, they don’t mate all the time. Throughout the day, they are obsessed with the search for food to survive and so sex is not their primary thought. We, unfortunately, are well fed and with nothing much to do while sitting in front of our computers at work we may think of nothing but sex. Our effort for winning our bread is not as life and death a matter as it was to find food in the wild. So, that is the heart of the problem of excessive sex focus in today’s society. There isn’t enough hunger for food to push down that other instinct.

The wrong then is not being busy enough and overindulgence in pleasures beyond what could be called need. But in which direction does this awareness let us point our finger? When you are well fed and idling away your time for too long, instead of using that time looking at others and pointing at them, please point fingers at yourself, get some productive work to do, and remember that in each one of us the whole world resides.

What when you are cheated and lied to ..in your relationship?

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Fri, 30 Mar 2018 16:36:00 +0000

Today is good Friday. As the priest asked us to meditate on the wounds of Christ, I was set to thinking on what could be the most painful kinds of wounds and the most difficult lessons in life. And so I am here again after a long time with something to ponder in my Thinking Space.

There are those not so difficult lessons to master; people to whom you have done good may be the ones who ditch you. You may be misunderstood by your friends, humiliated for no fault of yours, deserted by those you expected to be with you. Piece of cake to handle. Okay, well, more or less...,particularly if you have experienced such things a couple of times, and if the relationship was not more than that of friendship. The thought that can help through, is that, if Jesus,despite being the purest of pure, in spite of the miracles he performed, was misunderstood by the masses and disowned by any of his disciples; we don't really have to lose our self- esteem over these things. People can be like that.

But as I look around I see a very difficult lesson that many are struggling with owing to the different nature of relationships in the current times. More often than not, relationships are no longer exclusive. Some with consent, some without, have more than one partner at a time. Cheating someone who has been perfect in the relationship is not so difficult, unfortunately. Lying, lying and more lying to someone trusting, loving, sincere and honest is also, sadly normal .

But Jesus says. who has not done these things, can raise the first stone.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.Luke6: 37

So, no, this post is not to judge anything. But I am here wondering, that if you have been cheated, how do you survive it? I see a lot many struggling to cope and I feel pained. After a lot of deliberation, I thought of writing this post and just hope to be of some help.

First of all, it is important to accept that it is not easy to cope with such a situation. You did your all, you don't know what was lacking in the relationship for the person to look outside of it. Maybe it was just to find a new thrill, a new exploration, a new chase. If in an open relationship, I guess people handle it, but in closed, exclusive ones? There is breech of trust. Getting out is one option, but if you want to be in for whatever reasons, how do you do that? Maybe everything else is perfect and you do not expect another new person to be less of a cheat eventually. What questions would help you decide?

One is, quite obviously, you surely have to have the other person, coming down on knees begging your forgiveness and telling you that you are wanted in their life. Giving assurance that they won't lie or cheat and that they would bring more transparency into the relationship is also important.

But last time he promised the same, when you had seen the beginnings of an affair? But he just hid it well from you this time around when he got connected again?

Hmm what then...?

So, you still want the relationship, in spite of these factors!???

If so, you have no choice but to LET GO. No I don't mean the relationship. I know you don't want to do that. But you have to let go the need to control your spouse/partner. There are things you cannot control, such as another person's honesty and sincerity to you, his feelings for another. You cannot be assured that a person who is used to lying, will turn truthful overnight. Even if they do, you may find it hard to give up doubting. No... saying how much it hurts you, condemning or expressing your fears and hoping the other would understand, may not help because still in no way can you be sure that he won't lie again. Lies in relationships are like that pus filled pimple that simply never seems to go, just keeps coming back. Some germs are incorrigible. So whats the point in incessantly begging for honesty?

Then what the hell can you do?

Exactly, we come back to it again. NOTHING. The only way is to let go of the effort to control the situation and take up prayer to God. Pray that your relationship gets over the mess. Pray that it gets strengthened with honesty and sincerity. But be your own self, do your own thing, be engaged in your own. Don't keep trying to make sense out of it, to find out why it happened; there is no reason. Don't convert 'keeping an eye on your spouse' into your job. Don't pester your spouse or partner with calls or messages, hoping to crowd out any possible lover or checking to know whether he is on call with someone. All this will only make you insufferable to your partner and it will also make your every moment a hell. It is not the loving thing to do to your partner (who probably is repentant ) or , needless to say, to YOURSELF.

Yes, this requires a lot from you, because the only thing in your hand is...... nothing, but to pray for healing in your relationship and to let go your need to control. It requires relinquishing a reliance on your own wisdom and trusting entirely on god.

It also requires humility to accept that you are not all important for the one you love and maybe never will be. He/she has not found you enough and it's more sensible not to expect that anymore (because you had been more than enough).

Yes, you have to be SUCH a bigger person .......But that's spiritual evolution; you are bigger than the way you started off. Possibly God loves you so much, he gave you a difficult lesson to master in your spiritual journey. And hey, you are not intended to suffer for someone else's failings, but you are expected to learn your invaluable lessons.

Yes, you have to hold your tongue from begging for honesty, your hands from checking his/her phone.Yes, it requires suffering alone and eating those words that you actually want to throw at your partner so that he/she would hurt as much as you do. Your ego is hurt, you may want to even opt out immediately. He/she made you feel so small and insignificant. True. but...

If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you. Even sinners do that. Luke 6:33

Never forget that life is transient and that"In every crisis there is an opportunity". Maybe it is your opportunity to grow or an opportunity for your relationship to deepen. So, check out your resilience. Be good. Don't hurt your partner just because you are hurting. Not the loving thing to do. Yeah, you may still end up doing that sometimes. Well, forgive yourself too.

PS- There is indeed the possibility that liars stay liars despite your prayers. They may stay blind to your pain when they resort to blame and other tactics or strategies to evade your questions or to hide facts from you. If you are indeed with such a self serving, habitual or pathological liar, prayers will help you find enough evidence for that sooner than later and will give you the resolve to dissociate from that painful relationship and to find your peace.........

The gate to reality

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Sun, 25 Jan 2015 17:09:00 +0000

Life, its issues, miseries and trials..are, but unreal.
Listen, to the trees, the clouds, the vast endless sky..so beautifully,
silently, speaking..what is real.

The words, the hurts, the diseases, the agony..all, indeed unreal.
The rousing of the sleeping spirit; the inner calm ..so tranquil,
through life's painful prodding.. is, deeply real.

Half asleep or wide awake; the body still slumbers, stays unreal.
but with the first stirring of the soul ....arises beauty
surreal..so real, ethereal.

All that was the world, was life, to the body... but dies with death, is unreal.
All that is gained, in spirit....through life, through death
..is real....is real...is real.

The Duality Game

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 12:25:00 +0000

Some philosophical thoughts were stirred up as I watched the movie 'Jumanji'. It is about two kids who start playing a mysterious board game in which the consequences were very real! Disasters and creatures were unleashed on them. Running away from the game made them suffer with the consequences for 26 long years of physical/ emotional wandering, until two other kids who moved in, carried the game to its conclusion.

The rule of the Game (that the first pair hadn't read) had been that all the demons unleashed with each throw of the dice could only be reversed if the game was ended by reaching its home and by calling out JUMANJI.

And so when the game ended, the two kids who started the game did come back to the same year and same age as when they had sat for the game; but there was a difference, that they were wiser than their age had been...

Isn't that how life is! We can run away and hide from what our actions lead our life into but it won't remedy the consequences...won't put back the demons we nonetheless unleashed. But if we make an effort to face our circumstances or brickbats or whatever; if we do our very best and survive through to the end, to our lives very end we would have truly concluded the game of life successfully. And moreover we would be a wiser soul for having played the game and competently!

"So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy". John 16: 22. This is the way Jesus, has called us home.

The world we live in, is the game and the world we are called to, is our home. That is the duality of our soul's existence.

Every duality has a divide, a barrier of differences and every duality has a pulling force as well, that seeks to end the divide. Something like the longing for home for the man out on a journey...or the longing for love, as with the duality of man and woman.

The divine consciousness forms a duality when it has existence in its creation. This division is into two poles which has a mutual pull that tries to end the divide.

It is the pulling force of love, the longing for home..... the call to be whole again.

The rule then, is to be strong and hold on; to hope, faith and love till the very end....

The Light Within

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Sun, 08 Dec 2013 09:23:00 +0000

I heard a story in church a few months ago that answered some very crucial questions I had been having. Today I am in the frame of mind to share them.

Can we be available to everybody? Is being available and ready to help someone be a wrong decision in the larger scheme of things? Sometimes do we have to refuse and become bad to be in fact right in a larger scheme?

Here's the story that will help us compare our situation and take a stance.

Many years ago in a little village on a rocky seacoast, there was a lighthouse. A new lighthouse keeper was once appointed from that village. He was a good man whom all the villagers loved and often sought help from as he never said 'No" to any request. He was given a limited amount of oil every month, enough to light the lamp to full flame for a month.
It so happened one month that a relative who lived nearby dropped in one night and said his son had an exam and the lights were out..could he spare him some oil
The man wanted to help his relative and gave him some oil
Soon one after another followed with one genuine need or other and the kind keeper didnt feel it right to deny them help..

But by the month end there was little oil to run the light to full flame. The light was dim.
One fateful night three ships crashed on that rocky beach and thousands of lives were lost.

Such an event had never happened since the lighthouse had been constructed.
When the keeper was questioned by the authorities he admitted that the flame was low as he had given some oil to needy neighbours
"You were given just one Job, to keep the light burning of your lighthouse, you can never compromise your job to light a few people's lamps.
In keeping a few lamps aflame for few hours you compromised the lives of thousands of people"

The lightkeeper realised his great folly but too late

The moral of the story is that we have to know what our job really is. Some decisions call us to deny our help and availability to a few but it might in fact be for a relatively better and more enduring good, that which is our real calling. Our first and foremost responsibility is to the light within us. If any circumstance makes our flame, our good light any lesser, we make life hell for those dependent on our light.

Somehow this story helped me become sure of some decisions of my life and I hope it would help others too.
Keep your lights burning

CAREFUL!!...about that 'weak spot'

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 05:57:00 +0000

I recently cut my finger very badly on a piece of glass...., following which I would hit my finger again and again at the same spot. I am sure you also have noticed this in your life as well….The weak spot is under attack. I became very alert to this phenomenon. Initially, I thought I was just getting more aware, when actually I might be frequently hitting that spot in my finger otherwise as well owing to my general clumsiness. But I noticed it would get hit in very unpredictable and out-of-the-ordinary ways.

Why does that happen? The weak spot has to be protected with extra care, as there do seem to be some powers that seek for it.

'Elimination of the weak'? There do seem to be some energies that work on eliminating the unfit. The weak deer of the pack is left behind and is caught. The shark is said to be able to smell even a drop of blood in the ocean and come for it. Somehow the weak spot does seem to have a vibe that brings to it the powers that attack on it and eliminate it. It is a blind power. But it can be surmounted. When the inner strength rises to the challenge, it can indeed subdue these forces.

Nobody can ride your back unless it is bent. You might say that you weren’t weak and yet you were dominated upon. Think carefully, you might not have noticed that weakness. Sometimes one's goodness can become a weakness…rather, one's gullibility. Have you noticed how the manipulative people don’t even trust the most straightforward person, and how the good man trusts even the wilest one? It is trust that can be betrayed not mistrust. This can be said of an individual, and it can be said about a nation. India as a country is weak because of its tolerance. It's an easy going attitude towards many things that makes it the target of terror forces time and again.

One has to learn to see objectively, rather than see others as we see ourselves. Innocence on its own is not always a virtue; one has to learn to be wise as a serpent even when innocent as a dove. One needs to learn toughness, hardness and decisiveness. When the eliminating energies begin to revolve around you, use its prodding to bring out the insurmountable power within you that is above all powers. Become more, and rise above your weakness. Then you would be fit enough to survive.

It is said that one's past life sins are responsible for the tragedies of the current life. I cannot believe that when I consider Abel who was the son of the first man Adam. He was murdered by his brother Cain. He was a victim of jealousy. His was obviously a first birth and his past life sins can definitely not be responsible! I had been looking up the regression session readings of some people. A farmer’s earlier birth had been of a chemistry professor. A poor girl's earlier birth had been of a preacher in church…It is then not always a progression to a better birth!!?? A sage in one mythological story was born in the next birth as a deer because he had got attached to a deer during his final years in the forest!!

It may not be just about desire and attachment though. Maybe the life of a chemistry teacher failed to teach somethings that the life of a farmer could? To get a clear idea of anything, we need to see life from different perspectives, we need to see life through different kinds of eyes. Death can only kill the body. Just as in a play, there is no real loss, but only lessons gained, buried in the spirit, which need to be tapped into and opened to reach our own fullness by gaining this complete view. Each life may show us a different aspect of a bigger truth; such as 'a different part of the elephant,' but if we stay blind we will not see the tail to be a part of something bigger.

With each episode in life, we are meant to open our eyes..wider...., and connect the links to get the whole picture. With each attack on us, we are meant to recognise our weak spots, and are supposed to eliminate them one by one until we are unconquerable.

'Saying- A place to say it...

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 05:20:00 +0000

Are these mountains or mole hills?

"Each man is cause for his own misery" is what Vipassana teaches. WAIT A MINUTE before interpreting this statement! It is explained further with example as follows- A person speaks harshly to you. His anger was a projection of his own suffering. You feel hurt by it. Your hurt feelings are your own reaction and so each person is creating, generating his own unique brand of suffering. Indeed a person's feelings of hate, anger, hurt are all generated by his own body. He can control it and give himself a different reaction, by understanding, by confidence, by clarity and if an action is required take action- a pro-action not a reaction.

So in that context“One cant clap with one hand” is definitely a statement guilty of being used in wrong places. The saying has a context and cannot be used everywhere. Where as per what vipassana teaches, we are all guilty of clapping with one hand, or in other words we are always slapping ourselves!

Taali ek haat se nahi bajti (One cant clap with one hand) is a saying we hear often. It is one saying which has often irritated me by its thoughtless usage. I am irritable, I get irritated with stupidity. If I am angered by a person using this saying and I slap him; would he say he was as much responsible for my having slapped him? After all no issue arises from one party? But really wasn't my anger my own problem. He was just using a saying what he felt was right, which I felt was out of context! I have a right to my feelings, my irritation, my anger, but in my anger I am not allowed to sin.

Recently the above saying was used by a spiritual guru for a horrifying abuse case. In one's own lust aroused with or without provocation, one is not allowed to hurt or kill another. Lust is an individual's own problem, just as anger, as greed- the three gates to hell.

A same girl walking the street may be ignored by one guy, admired by another and assaulted by a third. The girl completely dressed or semi naked does not make the difference. What makes the difference is how cultured the guy is. In fact it has been observed by women, that completely clad girls are evaluated by many guys as being “not confident” and weak and may be more prone to be 'taken for a ride' rather than their ‘confident’ boldly dressed sisters. Also it is a fact that many guys are more attracted to or aroused by completely clad women (in fact like those in burqa) because of the ‘mystery’ factor. Each man is provoked by different things and each man reacts to provocation in different ways. Even to the same 'provocation' every man reacts in different ways, (or may not find it to be provocation at all!). All issues arise in our selves. As Buddha implied-Someone may be trying to give you something BUT it is up to you to take it or not.

We find ways of coping with our issues or our faults. Self reflecting people analyse themselves, realize their faults and change for the better. People with evasive attitudes and pride find someone to blame and think that removing or harassing them will heal their own pain or issue. Hitler coped with his issues of inferiority, rejection, failure etc by blaming. His attitude was his fault. Punishing the Jews for what arises in him was his weakness. Rather than dealing with his inferiority etc in a mature way by self analysis he targeted his hate and issues onto a group of people. Would punishing and eliminating the Jews remove the miseries his own body, his mind was generating? Nothing can be blamed on provocation. Our action reaction or pro-action may have causes but nothing can justify an ill deed done on another; at best we can express our view or advice.

The truth is I LOVE sayings, quotes, some are my very favourite and I use then often but I understand that to each saying there is not just a place, a context…but also maturity. But yes I err sometimes too. I tell my eight year old daughter 'Baal ki khaal mat nikalo' (Don’t try to skin a hair). She asks me what it means and I tell her that it means 'don’t try to find issues where there are none.' Once as I was making ‘paranthas’ (cooked dough) in the kitchen I told my five year old son (related to some issue at the moment)- ‘Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill’ He is too young to understand as much English and he thought it was some abuse so he reflexively abused me back saying 'muli ka paratha YOU'.(Which means -'It's not me, rather you are a radish parantha') Mountain, molehill, muli…indeed they sound similar!

Sayings are good and useful to explain something briefly and are like unforgettable tablets that can be preserved by the hearer; but they have to be used at a right place, context, and maturity or it would be more harmful than any good.

By the by I am sure you agree that I was advising my kids as every mother should? Neither of them understood it at first, but one tried to find out what I meant and another, the 'younger' one got agitated and reacted to assumptions.

And another thing before I wind up; please try to recognize the baffaloes and bulls before you advice, as it might not only be futile but also could be dangerous for you. I am not trying to discourage or scare you, but you know..there are these SAYINGS...

A Promise Has Two Ends

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 05:22:00 +0000

I was reading someone's post today, expressing gratitude towards her husband for being beside her not just in her best but at her worst too, and being with her all through...

Considering what we usually read in the papers about marriages, this was a refreshing read; but again not all couples are happy, and many end up getting separated. Are they wrong in the eyes of God? I have held different opinions over time on this topic, and currently it so happened that in our daily family prayer time we have been reading the old testament and it has been revealing to me new and surprising lessons every day. One particular lesson I shared in an earlier post (titled- In Love and in War) and now I intend to share another lesson that I learnt.

The lesson is- A Promise has Two Ends. If one end of the promise is not kept, by rights, the other end of the promise is made null. It can be withdrawn! This is what I gathered from the story of Solomon. God promised David, Solomon's father, that if he and his descendants obeyed God, their family line would rule forever. Solomon showed a promising spark when he prayed to God for wisdom, and as a result, God blessed him, not only with wisdom but also wealth. However, with time, he turned disobedient. He began to get obsessed with gaining more and more riches at the expense of his subjects. He made the subjects unhappy in his rule by making them work for him without pay, and charging excessive tax. Solomon didn't keep his promise to obey God. By rights, the whole kingdom could have been taken away but still God’s love being greater, his promise to David was held good. Nonetheless, it was only in name. Ten of the twelve tribes of the kingdom were taken away from under the rule of Solomon's descendants!

There are two ends to every relation. A plant wilts without water; animals move in search of food. No living thing stays in a place which provides nothing for its survival, health and happiness.

Trees that don’t bear fruit are cut down by the farmer, however many years he might have tended it. A bird abandons the nest on a branch if the branch is shaken incessantly. That is a rule of nature; it is not promises, therefore, it is usefulness and responsiveness that survives. When God can't help those who won't help themselves, how can a mere mortal stick to non responsive relationships?

God's mercies and grace indeed fall on the person who shows promise, a spark; but stays only on the one who obeys him. The blessings stay on the one who uses those blessings, converting the spark in him/her to a fire in the service of God. There is the story where the servant who invests all the talents given by the Master doubles it, and receives as reward from the Master 'all of the talents from the servant who did nothing with his share'. A grateful heart is essential to recognise all the blessings in one's life in the form of family, friends, health or wealth, rather than having to lose them to be able to recognise them. By not being grateful or aware about God's blessings, a person unwittingly pushes those blessings away.

What I mean to say is that, although we should strive to keep our promises, it need be only as long as promises to us are kept. While I have always believed that a 'man' is only as good as his word, I also believe today that a promise does not a stand without the other end held good.

A Christmas Carol...

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 06:07:00 +0000

Christmas brings out fully the little child that I really am. I have always loved Santa. In my growing up years I read about the history behind this man called Santa. Santa Claus or rather Saint Nicholas was a historic 4th-century saint and Greek Bishop of Myra (part of modern-day Turkey). He had a reputation for secret gift-giving, such as putting coins in the shoes of those who left them out and is known in particular for secretly providing money for the dowry for three impoverished daughters of a pious Christian (he visited their house after they had gone to bed and left three bags of gold coins in three stockings left over the fireplace for drying). Many miracles were attributed to his intercession, and because of that he is also known as Nikolaos the Wonderworker! His feast day is 6 December and it later got tied up with the Christmas traditions.

Christmas season is indeed magical. When my kids hope for Santa to come in his red dress I tell them that Santa always loves to give gifts secretly so he sends his gifts through someone and whenever we get something that we dearly wanted that nobody knew about, then it is Santa’s gift.

All through my childhood I believed that Santa sends me a gift on christmas…and I still believe it! I have often got gifts around Christmas time that nobody knew I wanted, sometimes even I didn't know until it arrived its winding way to me!

My best Christmas memories are of Halwara Punjab where I was part of the carol troop when I was about 11 and 12 years old. It was fun visiting houses and singing carol songs all through the Christmas season.It was a magical time indeed. I was very proud to be the one holding baby Jesus. There was only one problem. When we got into the coach after each house visit, the Awesome Santa became just a normal man when someone adjusted his make up for him! That’s really a deflator for a child who wants to believe the Santa is real!

When we moved from there I missed the Christmas fervor in every other place. Missed singing the carols with a proper troupe…

From the year 2007 I had been thinking that it is the new born Jesus who should be getting a gift from me and not vice versa and so I was trying to gift baby Jesus something on Christmas. It was my book. Such a silly childish thought! So nobody but I knew of this Christmas co relation of why I only tried for a publisher once a year and that too as the year was ending. I worked on my manuscript as the Christmas season approached and would try usually for just one publisher and ... fail and work on my manuscript again. It became a cycle and I was thinking Jesus would take my book when he would be fully satisfied with it. The book would grow as I re read it each year end and edited it adding new insights.

But as six years passed, in my heart maybe I was beginning to suspect that Jesus didn't really appreciate it too much or want it on His birthday! This September after my book became an e-book, I wasn't even remotely thinking of anything for December but coincidentally my husband gave my book into print in the Christmas Season without being aware in any way of my little secret! I was surprised and happy for more than one reason when I came to know of it a few days ago. Evidently Baby Jesus did want the book in print on his birthday, but from my Husband's Hands?! Who knows His mind or ways....

When I was tired of trying to gift something to Jesus, I got it as a Christmas gift to me instead!

SO I have no gift to give this Christmas or do I? A few days before December 1st, my daughters instrumental music teacher gave me the musical notes of Christmas carol songs! (Maybe he felt I would be interested in them as I had taken from him notes for some church songs a few months earlier.) It was a surprise, so I felt that playing the carol songs on the synthesizer was what baby Jesus actually wanted as gift from me.

As I play a different carol each day of this December I am reminded of the times with the carol troupe. Travelling each day together as troupe to some different locality, different people in different houses. How I loved observing it all. I remember also that I particularly observed the strumming on the Guitars. I remember how I fell in love with instrumental music. Didn't I always want to play the songs on an instrument? As I play them each day of december I am still not sure - it is a gift from me or again a gift to me?!

WISH YOU ALL A MAGICAL CHRISTMAS

...In Love and In War

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 07:16:00 +0000

Santosh Vichivara, the 19 year old who lost his life protesting eve teasing, and other guys like him; this post is for you. I wish you would learn the art of self preservation while standing up for your causes. The world does not gain anything from losing people like you who can stand up for what is right no matter what the consequences. So you are doing us a favour when you also take care not to lose your life in the process. The young blood takes risks, the mature are cautious. I wish people could be more balanced whatever the age, taking risks indeed ... but with caution!

There were 30 to 35 people outside the gate of his housing complex where this incident took place. If he knew at least 10 of the 35 in the crowd and convinced them to move in, as a faceless crowd against the five erring teenagers, maybe he would have protected the girl and preserved the fine specimen of a man that he was. Stealth, shrewdness, planning and foresight are essential in a war for justice, not just courage.

A friend once told me that in ancient India, an aspiring King was supposed to learn 64 arts; two of which were deceit and theft. I was surprised and so he asked me 'How would a king learn to recognize a thief, a treacherous person etc if he himself does not know the art of stealing, lying and cheating!" That hit home. The Wikipedia is not as colourful in its descriptions of the 64 arts but I would rather go with my personal 'encyclopedia'; that is, my friend's knowledge.. Indeed these are arts, and are important for even the eventual victory of good over evil!

The ethics of war are different, even the Bible shows that very clearly. I want to take the example of the story of David. Saul was chosen by God to be the king of Israel to bring peace by ruling justly. This message of God was conveyed to him by Samuel. But later Saul changed and was more and more unwilling to listen to God's orders (given through Samuel ) and began to do his own wish. So God chose David as the next king. Samuel was again supposed to give this message to Jesse’s son (David) but Samuel expressed to God his fear of being killed by Saul for this act. To this God told him “Don’t worry, Saul doesn't have to know. Give a feast in Bethlehem and invite all Jesse’s family to come” Stealth was employed by Samuel in carrying out what was required; for his 'self preservation'!

David murdered Goliath and the whole world applauds that feat. Obviously murder was the right thing here as it was for eventual good. Killing enemies was the right thing to do in a battle (love your enemies?) David made an enemy in King Saul and his life was forever in threat and he had to even live as an outlaw. He had to think where he would be safe. There were occasions when his hiding place was surrounded and he was on the verge of being killed, but he escaped. He lived many weary years of hiding from the king. During this time, he went on raiding expeditions (looting?!)with Philistines (who were enemies of his land Israel, and so he had to ‘pretend” to be an enemy of Israel). If he had not 'cheated' them in this manner he would have lost his life and Israel would have lost its future king.

Those were different times, the era of kings and the rules were different, but have the rules of war really changed? Indeed they haven't. Even for our individual battles, we often have to employ all our wits and all forms of arts. Dire circumstances almost invariably call for dire measures!

Now I want to move to another aspect of this story. From the time Samuel whispered in David’s ears (at the feast) that he is going to be the king, his life changed, from a carefree live, enjoying all the joys of the natural world as a shepherd, to that of fear for his own life. God had promised David that he would be king, but there were so many tribulations before that really happened! Although he lived a life of fear of being murdered, all this tribulation would have prepared him, strengthened him to be a strong and wise king. I was reading a book “Urantia” that had episodes of how Jesus managed the issues in his family, as a kind of father to his brothers. It dealt with many difficult times of his life before he had to face the ultimate difficulty of 'knowingly and bravely' moving towards his torturous death. Life is not about just the end result. It is the whole journey of strengthening, of slowly and steadily becoming stronger and stronger; enough to handle the responsibilities like of being a king, or of being a sacrificial lamb.

It's God's love for us that makes him allow miseries in our life so that we could refine all our skills and also be able to think and take sound decisions. He just doesn't seem to bat an eyelid as we wail our lungs out, because he knows we can survive the misery and grow in strength if we use all our latent capacities. The one who sees every trouble as an opportunity to grow gains from everything and the one who blames and is angry with life loses the opportunity for personal growth and lives in constant misery and anger. Troubles are like falling into deep waters. The one who trusts would 'let go' and so float over the waters, the one who doesn't, and fears or resists the waters, drowns. We can forgive God for allowing misery in our life if we can trust him, if we realize that to God ‘all is fair in His love for us’.

What a person is dealt with is part of life, it could be through one or another’s hands or maybe through their own mistakes, but what they do to get over problems or rise above the situation is up to them. In this growth process, we are allowed to make mistakes because we learn from them and grow more in wisdom. In fighting the battles in life we may do things we wouldn't in normal situation. David too did not always feel right; he often felt unworthy when God helped him and was kind to him (Interestingly, he never questioned God for the misery that he was put through!) Our body, our life, relationships, and all forms of arts are never mastered without some mistakes during the learning process. We may commit errors of judgement, mistakes, or may even take dire measures as we learn the best ways of winning a battle for the eventual victory of good, for winning a life that promises both worldly joys and heavenly happiness. We can forgive ourselves and so would God, because... all is fair in the 'Just' War.

Indeed when the purpose is 'ultimate good', all things do seem fair; be it in Love or be it War! Not just 'fair', but perhaps 'imperative'. Only if a good man can protect himself while saving another, would he be able to inspire others to similarly stand up for a good cause.

The Incomparable Factor called FRIENDSHIP

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 10:14:00 +0000

As I entered the college auditorium, there was an extempore going on. The topic that a third year student was presenting was - friendship. Such a simple yet difficult to explain concept that I started wondering what I would have spoken?

A friend – brings to mind someone who cares, respects, and understands us, who wants our company and whose company we enjoy as well. Someone on whom we have no rights, who has separate responsibilities, but we come together to share some moments of togetherness.

It's been years since college. What happens when we meet those friends from those college times? I feel it like time travel. We travel back to those times, those little moments shared together. The dancing on the hostel bed and getting caught in the act by the warden. The trip to the lake with a friend a day before an exam, the teasing, the laughs, the smiles. We suddenly realize how little moments have in fact not been forgotten but were etched into the memory to be brought out unexpectedly when we connect with the people from those times. Connecting again to the fun, the excitement, the unique joys of college years that we traversed together.

That’s what friends hold. They represent the memories and the experiences, the lessons from the shared time period. The advantage of friendship is that it is neither a too close relationship nor a too distant one and so the mutual expression and expectations are on a mean, neither too little nor too much. While close relationships of family as well as love relationships have their own value, these may hold a lot of expectations and demands attached, that can, in fact, make for each individual's burden! It is friendships again, that aid in carrying these burdens...of earning, of succeeding, of managing a home perfectly and efficiently, and so on. Such little comforts of sharing are what friendships provide.

Can you share ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING with your family? Since family is so close, they are often affected by what we have to reveal. But there can be friends we can share anything with, without causing them discomfort or arousing any possessiveness or anger. In fact, a good friend can be a better listener than even a counsellor who hardly knows us.

Also, family may take us for granted. The closer we get, as in a love relationship, the baggage of old relationship, personal issues, hidden facets; all are more and more expressed, and the result is that often close relations become more a challenge than a joy. Not that close relationships cannot become a joy, but it is only possible when they have the right amount of 'friendship factor' added to it, in other words, enough closeness and enough distance that prevents the disease called “taking for granted”. In other words, it’s important to be a friend first in every relationship, remembering that no matter what the relationship, we can't own anybody; it helps to truly care, no matter what is shared or expressed.

I read recently, that in a study, it was found that it is not success, relationships or even religion that contributes most to the happiness quotient of any individual, rather it is true friendships. I could really agree to that! Friendship, a relationship with the right amount of closeness and the right amount of distance is an equilibrium relationship, and so, no doubt, is incomparable.

There... I have finally spoken, on what I began considering years ago, listening to an extempore, on the incomparable relationship - friendship, and I am happy that today, I can finally say, I don't just hope to make friends with people I like, I do take the initiative to hold my hand out to those I appreciate. Not all may take the extended hand, but there are those who do, and never let go. I am blessed to have some such GREAT friends!

Chemtrails- What could they be for?

noreply@blogger.com (Jerly) — Thu, 01 Nov 2012 10:25:00 +0000

I had no plans to write about something which might just be a conspiracy ‘theory’. But I have my reasons now for writing this. Its months since my friend Fher first told me about Chemtrails. Fher a Filipino is not from the long list of countries which are supposedly getting 'sprayed with toxic chemicals'. But then recently I got a comment with the greeting 'Aloha' which is Hawaiian greetings; on my post on self sketch. This topic of Chemtrails was again brought to my note by this blogger. Hawaii is a place which is supposedly under chemtrail spray. Now I had to sit up, get out of my skepticism and scan out the news to understand what might be going on. I looked through all the info on this from the net.

The term Chemtrails specifically refers to aerial trails allegedly caused by the high altitude release (into the stratosphere by planes) of chemical substances not found in ordinary contrails(condensation trails left by planes), resulting in the appearance of characteristic sky tracks. This activity of aerial chemical spraying is suggested to have started in mid 1990 and it intensified by 1999.

Proponents of the chemtrail conspiracy theory say that chemtrails can be distinguished from contrails by many features like their long duration, persisting for as much as a half day (contrails of planes dissipate in less than one minute). They extend from horizon to horizon and the trials then spread out like clouds (unlike contrails). They even form grids whereas commercial aircrafts do not cross each other's flight paths in Xs and grid-patterns at the same altitude.

Normal contrails come from the engines and wingtips of high-flying aircraft. They do not stream from the tails of airplanes equipped with wing-mounted engines. Chemtrails, on the other hand, have been observed through high-power telescopes and binoculars to be streaming from tanker tailbooms pointing downward at a 60-degree angle. (The planes are observed to be painted white without any logos or identifications.) Contrails do not make people sick, whereas hundreds of eye-witnesses have become ill within hours of watching chemtrails woven over their heads. Many have tasted and smelled something metallic or corrosive in the air. Lab analysis of the 'fall' have revealed in some cases biological agents and in other cases high amount of aluminium and barium.

Supporters of this conspiracy theory speculate that the purpose of the chemical release may be for solar radiation management (geo engineering) , population control, weather control, or biological warfare/chemical warfare. According to them these trails are causing respiratory illnesses and other health problems. It is changing the pH of the soils and is also destroying the indigenous plants, rendering them weak.

These chemtrails are supposed to contain heavy metals like aluminum and barium (or pathogens) which are sprayed into the stratosphere all over many of the NATO countries including most of America, UK, Canada, France, Germany, New Zealand , Australia (I am sure all of us have relatives in some or all of these places) to supposedly reverse the effects of Global warming.

Who could do this? According to the theorists it is the government. Why would any government want to foul its own lungs and land. That’s nothing short of foolishness!

The problems with these chemtrials according to those who have brought forth the issue, is that it is raising the content of many heavy metals that is making the waters and soil toxic. Aluminium is indeed toxic and its ill effects are not a matter of possibility. It is real! Alzhieimers is caused due to accumulation of Al in brain cells. (Alzheimer cases are said to be rising) Al is also flammable and can cause forest fires. In affected areas the soil tests are claimed to be high for aluminium and barium, the values being thousands of times higher than safe limits.

What can we conclude? Assuming that all this is truly happening, the chemtrails could be to block solar radiation and these could be trials of a control measure for global warming. It could also be trials for biological warfare where pathogens are claimed to be used.” But if it is so, the governments are grossly over reacting to the global warming scare. It is like creating a monster to combat a dog. We are creating a worse scenario. According to the precautionary principle which is one of 26 principles for guiding national and international action which was adopted in the 1972, Stockholm conference- "uncertainty (lets say of climate change damages) should not be the reason for inaction". BUT it does not mean taking any action at such a large scale and for such a long duration spanning decades without taking account of the cost benefit. The cost of control should not be worse than the benefit! No citizen of any country should tolerate such irresponsible use of power

Another possibility considered is to make it difficult for any indigenous crops to survive so that people will buy seeds that can grow in high Al soils. This is also absurd as how many people will have such purchasing power? However much the supply of such genetically engineered seeds, it wont be sufficient for the whole earth and for all types of plants and especially at buy-able prices!!

The next point is, the air any individual or government spoils; is the very air he or they are going to breathe, so why would any government do it unless they knew of some danger to all life that had to prevented at all cost. Here comes the topic of radiation from some brown dwarf that threatens life on earth and to prevent its far worse consequence of annihilation of life, we stop the radiation by barium and bear its side effects . But then what about those who claim of pathogen sprays? Are they just stray cases? Is it mostly barium and aluminium that is being sprayed. Since this spraying started in 1990's, then the brown dwarf radiation threat has been known for 2 decades now. But in the 90s it was very difficult to trace a brown dwarf. It is only more recently that many have been located, so a scare of brown dwarf from as far back as the 90s is not possible. There are also no signs of drastic changes to the earth system in terms of increased radiation content. Are the governments being fooled then to spray on themselves such chemicals with false stories?

Then comes the topic of mind control! There was a lot of chemistry Jargon in the net related to how barium and aluminium can be used to "download mindcontrol" onto those under this chemical atmosphere. The purpose of mind control is to make the people a slave to orders! There are also rumours that the Jews; who might be mind controlled, are everywhere in all governments and high positions and multinational companies and news agencies and they are in turn using mindcontrol to rule the world.

But on the other hand, if those chemicals could really effectively control minds there wouldn't have been such a furore over the spraying. Nobody would have bothered to object to chemical sprays as they would have been ordered not to protest to the spraying!

Since as yet it has not been possible to know what is the truth, whether all such information on web about chemtrials can be dismissed as fabricated. Still going by precautionary principle, it is only possible to be aware as both individuals and as governments. All governments should be alert to avoid any persuasions to experiment on its people under any pretext. It should be remembered that it is better to give in to the clockwork of the universe that created us and which so has a right to decide our end; than to destroy our earth by our own hands out of undue paranoia.

Chemtrail conspiracy theory true or not, we can still keep in mind that- "To avoid an 'open well', that 'may' be in front lets not run backwards blindly over a precipice!"