King Under the Mountain

How to give your baby $1.4 million lol

2024-05-21T11:12:00.000-07:00

Consider setting up a Custodial Roth IRA for your little one(s). For the first 2 years of his life, contribute $25 a month in a S&P 500 index fund.

By the time they hit 65, their account should be about $1,408,762 (at 12% return, or $388,463 at 10%.)

A withdrawal rate of 5% gives them $70,438.10/year, or $5,869.84/month.

(Dave Ramsey Investment Calculator:https://www.ramseysolutions.com/retirement/investment-calculator)

It's worth even if they're grown up a bit:

Even if you split $25 between 5 kids for 2 years, each would have $281,752.40 at retirement.

A withdrawal rate of 5% gives them $14,087.62 per year, or $1,173.96/month benefit.

Just an idea for being able to give in a big way for a relatively small amount, which would help both your kids and grandkids when they have to care for them.

If you did $50-$100 for the first 24 months, that'd be incredible. And even if you only do $5/month, that's still a substantial blessing!

How to checkmate a calvinist with mind-blowing logic!

2023-05-27T15:25:00.004-07:00

Trap the king so he has no way to avoid being taken by one of your pieces.

10 Reasons You Should Stop Using Water Immediately! (#10 will shock you!)

2021-11-09T23:25:00.002-08:00

You probably use water every day without taking a second thought. After you read this, you'll never want to touch water again!

Let's get into it:

1. Water is addictive. Once you start drinking it, you can never stop. And then you die. Even people that try to be healthy and avoid water end up just drinking different forms of flavored water.

2. Bacteria multiplies by millions in water. It cannot live outside of a damp environment. Disgusting! Why would you ever drink that?

3. Every unhealthy person has consumed water. Think about it.

4. Every flood has been a direct result of water.

Also, have you ever seen a tsunami without water? Seems suspicious!

5. Water would prank call your grandma if it could. Think of your grandma and just say no.

6. Donald Trump drinks water.

7. Ocean waste wouldn't exist without water. Want to know why governments haven't saved the planet yet? Yep, they are addicted to water themselves. (See #1.)

8. Water drives up real estate prices. Ever notice how houses near large bodies of water tend to be more expensive? This wouldn't happen if it wasn't for water.

9. Water is a top ingredient in many unhealthy drinks.

10. Would you touch toilet water? Didn't think so.

Garius, Part II

2012-01-30T14:16:00.000-08:00

Once again, the story isn't called Garius.
2nd part, more to come later.

Chapter 2, Breaking Company

A group of knights sat around a table in an inn, the Inharmonious Harp. Mocking the darkening dreariness of outdoors, the fireplace crackled merrily. A trail of steam from a giant pot of stew tasted like it could sate hunger from only the smell of it. Other journeyers filled the room with merry chat. A bard thoughtfully strummed on a lute.

“And then the man said he forgot his toll papers!” one of the knights bellowed while he smacked the table with his fist. All the other knights laughed with him. He finished, “I assisted him through anyway, since we're supposed to help people free if it's their first time through the pass.”

Garius inquired, “Was that the fur trader that sold all those wildcat skins last winter?”

The knight answered, “Aye, I think so.”

Garius took a gulp of some hot apple cider from his mug and leaned lazily back in his chair.

Suddenly the door opened and in stepped a tall man in a dirty cloak. His boots had dried mud caked up the sides. He had slung in his belt a rapier. The man sat himself down at the table with the knights and pulled his gloves off.

One of the knights asked, “And how may we help you?”

“I heard of a great warrior with quite some capabilities. It's taken a lot of searching to make it this far.”

Garius answered, “And what would you need this warrior for?”

The man folded his hands, “Once I heard the news of the recent battle, I rode my horse as fast as I could from my village. Since then, I've been gathering all the information that I can, which led me here.”

Garius eyed him suspiciously, “That still hasn't answered my question. And I will give you another one. What is your name?”

The man lowered his voice, “My name is Jothan, my great-grand father's name was Darus. My father gave me a paper that should be read to the Invincible. The paper had been given to him from my grandfather, and I assume he got it from Durus. Which one of you is it?”

Garius waved, “Speak on.”

The man reached into a satchel and pulled out a paper, and read, “The tomb will only open when one of a strong and pure heart is ready to give his all for his brother. Inside you will have found a tool to meet the purpose of warding off any danger. Let him beware for those close to him, for his enemy will not be defeated until he has been utterly destroyed. Take the news not as a curse but as a warning.

Keep your sword sharp,

Darus, Knight of Paltros”

Garius frowned, “I will fight the goblins or any other monster that dares enter my sight. Anybody could have come up with a story warning against the danger of future war. Is there any way that I can know that this note you brought me is authentic?”

“Nay, but I do believe that it has been correct about past events,” Jothan shrugged.

“Darus did look ahead, no doubt, and I am glad for his concern. Have some coin for your troubles,” Garius pushed a small pile of sovereigns toward Jothan.

Jothan pushed away the coins, “I did not come here for reward. I came to bring the message, which I have. I really must be off, I've got much to do back at my house.” He stood up and headed out of the inn.

A knight asked Garius, “Do you think what he said was true? He was right about what happened earlier.”

Garius replied, “Yes, I do believe so. War is never over, so it could be obvious that I should be ready to defend against any enemies. If nothing else, it is a good reminder.”

The knight pressed on, “But he said 'beware for those close to you'. Is that not a good warning for your family?”
“Aye it is, but all my family is dead. Except for my younger sister. If she is in danger, then the rest of Paltros is in danger, and I will be ready to defend.”

A different knight added, “Well, then Darus must have prophesied that the goblins will return again for another assault.”

“And maybe the dragon too,” another knight added.

“Then we will be prepared for them when they return,” Garius said. He thought to himself, “Perhaps I'll visit old Mrs. Anne's house before I go to the barracks. I haven't seen my sister in over a week now.”

The sound of rain swooshed against the roof. Garius's mug of cider only had a few drops in the bottom that were impossible to get to. He felt tired from the strain of the last few days, and staying up later really made no sense. He bid his fellow knights farewell, put on a cloak, and hurried outside. Everything was blurred and dark through the rain. Water rushed down the gutters, carrying twigs and leaves at a terrifying pace. People ran through the streets as if wild beasts were chasing them from building to building. Garius pulled his cloak closer around himself and hurried down the cobblestone road.

His foot slipped and he tripped on a stone. He fell into a group of people, knocking the three closest to the ground into a puddle. They landed hard with a splash. Garius lifted himself off the ground and apologized, “I am so sorry, I put myself in a bit too much of a hurry. Shouldn't have happened.” He held out his hand to lift out the unfortunate people he bumped into. They ignored him and got themselves out of the puddle.

Never meeting his eyes, one of them grumbled at him, “Your mother raised you well to be such an inconsiderate idiot. Oh wait, maybe you didn't have a mother.” The cloaked person spat on Garius's shoe and huffed off, a bit awkwardly as if his hip was bruised from the fall.

Garius stood for a while with his fists tight together. Those words stung. He had felt bad for knocking into the man, but then the man started to mock him. There was no way a random man could have known that he lost his parents when he was six, but then his parents' friend, Anne, took him and his sister in. Then he got mad all over again when he thought of the man saying Aunt Anne, (not really his aunt, though), had raised an idiot. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and tried to concentrate on something else. But only images of men being hewn on the battlefield appeared in his mind.

“Get off the road!” someone behind him in a horse carriage shouted. Garius shook his head and hurried down the street.

When he got to Aunt Anne's house, he gave the door six sharp knocks. While he waited, he looked up at a group of seashells he had hung from the roof when he was a young boy. An answer came, “Come in, Garius! Standing out in the rain can't be good for your health.” Garius cracked the door open and slid in to keep as much rain out as he could. He hung his cloak and sword on a hook. He trudged into the kitchen where Anne was cooking something. It smelled like oyster eggplant stew, which he was not very fond of. He was not very hungry, as he had just eaten at the inn. He sat down at the table and threw his legs out across the floor.

“How is my hansom man doing?” the cheerful lady asked.

“Oh, I'm doing fine. Just a bit tired,” Garius answered.

Anne said, “Well, I hope you are hungry. I've fixed some eggplant oyster soup. I would've fixed some more if I knew you were coming. Your sister is in her bedroom getting ready for dinner. She'll be right out.”

Garius looked at the muddy trail from the door to his chair with dismay, “Sorry about the floor, Aunt. I'll clean it up.”

Aunt Anne glanced at the floor, “Don't bother with it. I'm just glad to see you again.”

Garius leaned back in his chair and watched the fire dance in the fireplace. When he began to doze off, he heard a scream from his sister's bedroom. Instantly he shot up and ran to the door and rattled the handle, which was locked. He attempted to kick the door in, which ripped the hinges from the doorway. Something heavy was blocking the door from the other side. He could not pull the door into the hall, as the stone trimming around the door was too small to fit the door through. He rushed back into the kitchen and took the wood axe before running out of the front door. He circled the house to find four cloaked figures in front of an open window, one bound and being carried by the others. The bound captive was obviously unconscious.

“Stop!” Garius ordered.

“We meet again, mortal. Don't trip on your way over,” said one of the cloaked figures before lighting a torch and throwing it into the open window.

Garius sprinted towards them and swung his axe at the cloaked figure. The figure took hold of Garius's arm and punched him in the stomach. Then he pushed him away to the ground. By the time he stood back up, the cloaked figures had already disappeared from the scene. He rounded the house to see the three dragging his sister onto a horse cart. They shoved various nearby bags of vegetables over his sister to hide her and set the horse on a run.

A man came flying out of a house screaming, “Stop! Thief! That's my wagon!”

Garius threw his axe. It caught a wheel of the wagon and splintered several spokes. The wagon flipped onto its side and sent potatoes rolling across the street. The horse halted and began to pull against the reins. The three cloaked figures jumped spryly from the wagon. One of them effortlessly slung Garius's sister over his shoulder before they all took off. Garius pursued hard and tackled the closest one. As he fell to the ground, the cloaked figure's hood fell from his face. It was a man's face, but white as snow. The skin was tight against the bones. He had on a mask covered in ancient runes, much like the runes the Gremlins painted on their bodies.

“Stop knocking me down! I'll have to stick a knife in your gut,” the man sneered as he shoved a blade into Garius's side. But the blade stopped on his skin. The man threw a fist under Garius's jaw and knocked him back enough to free himself from the knight's grip. “Wait up, goblin scum,” the man said as he dashed to join the others.

Garius chased after them as fast as he could. The rain made it difficult to keep track of where they were. They were headed straight for the city gates. The masked man threw down shop stands to cover their pathway and make following more difficult. Bystanders took no note of the chase, as nearly everybody was running around trying to get out of the rain storm.

Finally the strange man and the goblins met the city gates. The gates were shut. Suddenly the man turned to Garius and struck him with a bolt of lightning. Garius felt the force wrack his joints as he fell to the ground. The man threw away a small charred staff, which appeared to be an ancient gnomish weather tool.

The man said, “Vandrodd the dragon has a message for you,

'Let the Invincible come accept my challenge. It takes more than a blade and a skin of steel to challenge me. None have had what it takes to survive my wrath. I fear no man, nor any thrall of the Great Citadel, as your kind call it. As you have taken the city from out of my grasp, so shall I take what is dear to you into mine. I have little patience for hesitancy.'”

City guards poured in and surrounded the area. The man unsheathed a sword and the goblin that was not holding Garius's sister pulled out a gnomish Fire Spitter. Torrents of blue fire roared through the air and instantly ignited a nearby group of guards. The three villains charged up a stairway to the gatehouse on top of the wall, incinerating anybody that got in their way. They slipped inside the gatehouse and locked the door behind themselves. Garius slammed on the door, ordering for it to be opened. A quick scuffle could be heard within, and then there was silence. The gate slowly opened enough for a caravan to drive through.

“Come out peacefully, there is no other way out of the gatehouse,” Garius ordered. By this time, three hundred soldiers stood ready in front of the city gate. A battalion of crossbowmen rushed out of a near barracks and readied their arrows. Out of a side window on the guardhouse, a long rope flew out down the outside wall. The hooded figures slid quickly down the rope, and took off for the woods. Arrows whistled through the air, but the rain ruined the arrows' aim.

Garius rushed down the stone stairway and ran out of the city gate, then halted. They were too far out for him to overtake them. He then realized he had left his sword and cloak in Aunt Anne's house. He leaned against the wall with an arm to catch his breath. “Get me my horse and armor,” he said gravely.

Short Story: Garius

2012-01-14T12:08:00.000-08:00

Well, that's not the real name of the story, but I haven't decided if the title would give too much away. And it may be a bit long for a short story, but I don't care.

It's darker and violent-er than I usually write, and it's pretty much just for entertainment, so far at least. It's high-fantasy in content. So don't feel compelled to read it if it's not your cup of tea.

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Chapter I, Wreck and Slaughter

Late afternoon fell. The sky bled bright red, and the shadows stretched long and wiry. The Grand Citadel, as people called the city because of its defensive nature, stood strong against an ocean of an army that was fast approaching. Black tides of spears and flashing swords advanced to the city from the east, bringing with them a sense of terror. Wicked growling and howling broke through the air in the distance. The form of a dragon glided over the swarm.

The city had a stone wall that boasted a stature of twenty feet high. Archers had already been placed along the walls for defense. Directly behind the gates every able man in the city that could fight was prepared for battle. Farther north in the city was the great citadel that had its own wall of defense.

King Erros pulled on his riding gloves, finishing his golden armor outfit. “Gather together the other knights, and tell Cedric to bring the army behind us,” he ordered Garius, his head knight.

Garius bowed, holding his helmet under his right arm, “Where should I tell them we are going?”

Erros shook his head, “To the graveyard, east of the city, just south of the forest.”

Garius asked in bewilderment, “Whatever could we do at the graveyard, besides add ourselves on top of it? The goblins may just throw our stripped bones on top of the ground if we were so lucky.”

Erros squinted his eyes, “The tomb of Darus holds an artifact that may hold our victory. The tomb of Darus does not hold the body of Darus. It exists to merely honor the fallen hero whose remains were never found. I wish we would have known the goblins were so close upon us, as we would have already been ready to get it.”

Garius asked, “What of the dwarves? Were they not going to come through their tunnel outside the city gates?”

“Well, do you see them anywhere?” Erros growled.

Garius bowed when he realized that the conversation was at an end. He hurried out of the hall to do the king’s bidding.

The city gates groaned as they slowly swung open. King Erros, followed by Garius and three hundred other knights, rode swiftly out of the city. They swung around to the east, and then curved around north, straight for the old grave yard. The city’s army issued forth from the gates like beans spilling out a hole in the bottom of a broken sack.

The impending goblin army was within a mile of the city by this time. They closed in on Erros and his knights when they saw the direction they were heading. The goblins did not know what reason they would be running for, but they did not want to give the horse riders a chance to do anything. The dragon dropped in low and soared towards the knights. Archers on the city walls shot at the dragon, but they missed most of their shots. The few arrows that did land merely bounced off its thick scales.

Garius grit his teeth together. He only hoped the dragon would target him or one of the other knights instead of Erros. He looked to his right at the black dragon and saw it flashing quickly towards him. He looked steadfastly forwards ahead toward the grave yard. His hands began to quiver unbidden.

The sound of crashing metal, shouting, and falling horses came from directly behind him. The dragon roared as he soared towards the heavens with a silver-clad knight dangling in his clutches. The dragon released the frightened knight who was silenced the instant he landed on the rocks below. Not thrilled by the cloud of arrows sent at it, the dragon veered back to his army.

The knights dismounted when they reached the graveyard. Trees were planted around nicely, blocking most of the direct sunlight. Old weather-beaten stones stood as a silent reminder of every man’s earthly destiny. Stone pathways lead around short and wide mounds. Several larger boulder structures for tombs sat in the sides of the mounds.

“Follow me,” said Erros. He stepped through a short iron gate that stood no taller than his knees. He hurried down a twisting path around the mounds. The pathway wound all around, but Erros knew exactly where he was going. Garius and the other knights followed behind rather puzzled.

Erros’s boots dug into a mat of muddy leaves as he suddenly halted in front of a large tomb. “This is it,” he mumbled as he wiped mud away from the door.

“What is it?” one of the knights inquired.

“The tomb of Darus,” Erros said as he continued feeling around the stone surface.

One knight looked on doubtfully, “It’s impossible to open. People have tried.”

Erros’s eyes got inflamed the way they did when he got flustered, “It will only open when eminent danger is upon the city.” He pulled a key out of a pocket with a flourish. He stuck it in the keyhole he had found and gave the key a twist. It got stuck. “Blast! Draw your swords men, for the need is at hand.” A resounding answer of metal ringing out of sheaths echoed.

By this time, Cedric had just brought the main force up to the grave yard. Unfortunately, the goblins arrived at the same time. Arrows ripped through the air from both sides, striking many down. The goblins attempted to march with their wooden shields to make an impenetrable wall, but the men’s archers shot them down with their keen aim. An uncomfortable fifty yards stood between the two forces, which was closing quickly. A northern arm of the goblin army swung around into the grave yard and took the trees to their advantage. A company of swordsmen rushed into the graveyard to protect their king at all costs. The dragon still kept his distance to see how the battle fared.

Then a message echoed loudly through a relay, “The dwarves! The dwarves have come!” Next to the city’s eastern wall, an overgrown cave suddenly burst out with short but stalky warriors. Their armor shone like molten gold in a sea of sparkling silver. They continued to pour out of the cave until about twelve thousand had emerged. Twelve thousand dwarves was a farce compared to the hundreds of thousands of goblins and men, but their reputation made nobody underestimate them. They gave out a loud roar and smashed their weapons against their shields in unison.

Out over the valley thundered a voice, “Let the dragon taste of the steel of my axe!”

The dragon let out a shattering roar, “I shall taste the blood of dirt-mongering cave vermin! Let thy flea-ridden beards save thee now!” With that, he circumnavigated the Grand Citadel’s military and flew down upon the dwarves with haste. He belched flames upon the dwarves as he flew above their reach. The dwarves cried out as they ripped at their red-hot armor.

Poles and ropes were quickly relayed through the dwarven forces. Several engineers quickly constructed a net thrower in seconds, which was quickly set up and armed. “Let her go!” shouted a dwarf, while another pulled the lever on the machine. The net flew through the air and caught the dragon by one of his back legs, while a weight attached to the net pulled him down. The dragon hit the ground and was instantly jumped on by the dwarves.

“I shall not die, not by the hand of a dwarf!” the dragon spat as he thrashed at his assailants. He ripped the ropes off his leg with a swipe from his claws, and then sent a torrent of fire in a large arc around himself. With great force, he launched himself in the air. Several dwarves let go as fast as they could to keep themselves from dying from a bad fall.

The dwarven and men armies cheered as the dragon reeled back. But then he swooped down and began to tear through the men’s front lines.

In the graveyard, the knights and swordsmen stood fast against the oncoming goblins. The evil forces began to second think their offensive strokes against the knights. The knights cut down any opponents as easily as a knife can cut through water.

Then the goblins sent in their elite, the gremlins. The gremlins stood at a height of seven feet. Their strength was extreme; they could wield long sabers and wear metal and leather armor several inches thick. On top of their greenish skin they painted frightening blood-red patterns that had been designed in ages past. The gremlins instantly proved to be a problem for the knights. The monsters poured down upon them with an unquenchable rage.

With a mighty stroke of his sword, Garius clave through the helmet of a gremlin who tried to rush in on Erros. “Don’t give in men. Make them pay dearly for their hasty offensive!” Garius called out. Goblins darted madly around the trees, making their movement confusing at the least.

Suddenly a black arrow struck Erros through his throat. He fell backwards groping at the air in front of him as if he could grab onto something solid to stop his decent. Before he landed on his back, Garius caught his shoulders.

“No! This was not meant to be!” Garius cried as he propped Erros against the tomb’s door.

Erros gasped a few times, then managed to in deliberate breaths say, “Nay, nor was this battle meant to be. But yet it is. Lend your sword to my son as you have me.”

“Without your lead, the city shall fall,” Garius despaired.

Erros choked, “Then imminent danger surely is upon our city. Consume what lies inside, and then make the Great Citadel proud.” The king gasped for the last time, and then slipped into eternity. All of the built up stress in his body suddenly departed, leaving him in appearance to one resting in a peaceful sleep.

Garius began to weep amidst the turmoil. He was almost unaware of all the other knights guarding him from the malignant goblins. But then the door to the tomb slid downward into the ground. Garius carried Erros’s body inside, muttering, “Let them find another spot to honor Darus, for the tomb of Darus is now the tomb of Erros.”

He then saw a clay vial sitting in a small cove in the wall. It was a dull tan color with a wooden stopper. The dust had become rather thick on top of the small container. He pulled out the stopper and eyed the contents. He could only guess that it was some sort of liquid. “Erros was perhaps only desperate. But he has never gambled anything in the past. I don’t even know what this is made from,” he thought to himself. He then thought of the words of Erros. “He will not have died in vain. And I shall not refuse his final order he has given me,” he decided. He, as if he was still unsure, slowly brought up the vial up to his lips. As the liquid rolled past his tongue, it tasted sweeter than the Dimbleberries that grew in the valley. As soon as it landed, the liquid wrenched up his stomach. He doubled over and grabbed at his bosom. Suddenly his tongue went bitter. His forehead wet suddenly with a cold sweat. His limbs burned icy.

The initial shock and pain departed, leaving no negative marks behind. He felt charged with the energy of the sun, and more powerful than a bolt of lightning. He could hardly contain from throwing himself about madly. Rage quaked madly through his muscles. He felt as if he could dig another exit out of the tomb instead of taking the door.

By the time he burst out from the door of the tomb, most of the remaining knights were reeling back out of the graveyard. Behind him the door of the grave sealed shut with a stony grinding sound. Several knights were waiting for him outside.

One of them informed Garius, “The battle is sore against us. We are retreating back to the main army.”

Garius answered, “Then we must make haste to join the rest!” Between them and the main force was about a hundred yards and goblins dotted here and there. A line of gremlins already had stretched out in a line in their pathway so they could not get through.

Garius led the charge. Any goblins that foolishly got in the way were instantly hacked down. Garius felt an arrow go through his armor on his back and touch his skin. “Quite lucky I am to have put on my heavy mail,” he thought to himself. The gremlins were now directly in front of them, barring the pathway. The gremlins swung their sabers and howled in rage. Garius threw himself at one and cracked down upon him with all his might. He felt his sword break through the metal on top of the gremlin’s shoulder, but the blade lodged in the leather underneath. While he was shaking the sword to dislodge it from the armor, another gremlin struck his neck with a clean slash. He felt the pain searing in his neck. But then it was gone. “Indeed, just a surface wound,” assumed Garius. He pulled his sword from the armor and landed a killing stroke on his enemy. The gremlins backed off enough for him and the other knights to get through to the men’s main army.

Once he was behind the front lines, Garius swiped the back of his neck with his glove, and then he pulled his hand down to observe the blood from the gremlin’s slash. But his glove was clean. He felt no pain, either.

Cedric busted out of the crowd to meet him, “Garius, are you injured?”

Garius weighed his sword in his hand, “Well, I seem to be fine. I should be able to fight.”

“Then the arrow in your back didn’t make it through your armor?” Cedric asked, knowing Garius to fight on to the utter end, even in terrible condition.

He replied, being slightly annoyed by the arrow rubbing on his back, “No, didn’t even feel it.”
“And Erros is dead?”

“Slain by an arrow.”

Cedric nodded dryly, “That is all, Sir.”

Garius moved back to the front line and fought. The fighting was brutal. The men obviously had more battle training than the goblins, and they were fighting for their lives. But the goblins still proved to be a fierce opponent, for such hatred and greed caused them to throw themselves recklessly into action. Catapults and ballista from both sides lobbed heavy weights of destruction across the field. Farther south from Garius’s position, the dragon was tearing through any men that were foolish enough to stand in his way. Half of the dwarves had fought their way up to the dragon. The dwarves stayed out of the dragon’s range and threw every insult they could conjure at him. The rest of the dwarven force spotted themselves throughout the men’s forces.

A minotaur emerged out to the front line in front of Garius. Being bewildered, Garius inquired of the beast, “I thought you were a peaceful folk?”

The minotaur raged, “My brothers are fools. Real power and riches come from conquest.” The minotaur stabbed at him with a giant spear, but Garius diverted it aside with his sword.

“In my experience, conquest brings death,” Garius replied as he made a vain slash at the minotaur, but missed his aim because of the sun glinting in his eyes off of a nearby dwarf’s shield.

“The only death I need is yours. Then I shall leave your brethren alone,” the beast spat while he sent the butt of his spear at Garius’s abdomen, but the minotaur misjudged the distance by several inches.

“I hate mercenaries,” Garius pondered for a short instant. Maddened by the thought, he leapt forward for a swift deadly strike. The minotaur instinctively took a large step and lunged his spear forward. Garius met the force of both their movements right on his face at the end of a spear. He fell backward to the ground dazed. The pain was immeasurable.

As pain quickly began to subside, Garius was shocked to see he was still on the same field. He heard the shouts and clanging around him. He saw the sun shining brightly down upon him. He waited for his spirit to depart from his body. Instead, he saw the minotaur suddenly appear above him tall like the large citadel in the city. The minotaur brought down his spear to Garius’s heart. Garius felt the spear stab his chest sharply, and he was sure it was the end. But in desperation, he thrust his sword at the beast with what little time he thought he had left. He managed to hit the minotaur’s calf, who limped back with a roar.

Garius was still breathing and his pain had disappeared. Then it dawned on him, “The flask I drank from! That must be why I’m not dead yet. Surely I must have skin tougher than the wall of a city!” He triumphantly stood back up.

The minotaur spoke gravelly, “I see you have already taken what was to be my reward and consumed it. My lust has brought me to ruin.” The hulk of muscle began to limp away into the goblin army.

Garius attempted to follow the minotaur, but was met with many sharp blades that blocked his way. He could not break through the goblins in his way. The pain of the blades pricking his skin became too much, so he backed off to the front line. He then heard a message speeding away across the mouths of the goblins, “The invincible one has come! The prophesy of Darus has fallen upon us!”

The message soon came to the ears of the dragon, who roared, “Come fight me! Thy skin may be tough, but I shall boil the blood in thy veins!” The dragon leapt up into the air and glided across the plain to where Garius stood. He sent a flame into the ground in front of Garius, sending goblins scattering on fire in every direction. He landed and sent a roar shattering through the air. “Thou art a fool to—“

Garius interrupted the dragon by slashing his leg. The dragon hunched down angrily and engulfed Garius in a blue flame. Garius could not see anything except the fire roaring into his eyes, so he kept his eyes shut. He felt the thread of his clothing dematerialize. His armor burned unbearably against his skin. He dropped down to his knees in agony, but the dragon did not stop.

After a short while longer, the dragon stopped and readied his eyes to feast on the burnt remains of the legend. But he was disappointed to see the knight on all fours, still in proper shape. His armor shone bright orange and sent steam into the air. His forehead was dripping with sweat.

Garius bounded into the air and brought his blade half of its length into the chest of the dragon. The dragon reeled back with a pained growl. “If the dwarves had not injured me so, perhaps I would engage with thee. I shall meet thee another day,” the dragon cursed angrily. He bounded into the air with a powerful thrust from his legs and retreated back over the mountains from where he came. The dwarves thundered enthusiastically, and the men soon joined them.

The goblins stood in shock at the sight of the dragon retreating over the plain into the distance. The dwarves and men rushed them. The initial slaughter was great. The goblins began to route terribly. None of their commanders could control them, so the leaders joined in the retreat of the throng. Late into the night, the men and dwarves slew many of them as they fled eastward. Many miles stretched the offensive against the goblins, until the men had become completely exhausted and could go no further. They had reached the borders of the Great Forest. The remaining goblins disappeared into the trees. They could be heard crashing through the forest for several minutes.

The casualties to the Great Citadel were great. Many mothers were bereaved of their own sons, and many new widows mourned in the streets. The dwarves began to ceremoniously carry their fallen back to their place to be properly buried. Bodies of goblins lay numberless across the plain, all the way from the Great Citadel’s eastern wall to the southwestern end of the Great Forest. The Great Citadel’s army tended to their dead first, and then began the feat of gathering the goblins into piles to be burned.

As he helped heap the bodies of the goblins, Garius gazed across the field as the sun began to rise. The stench of burning flesh drifted in the wind. A feeling of a glorious solemn victory set heavily upon his soul. The battle had been won. But the dragon still drew breath.

Character Sneak Peak: George

2011-09-25T22:53:00.000-07:00

Another character from my story.

Sneak Peak: George the Jester
George the Jester is a bit taller than the average man. Sometimes (a lot of the time) he doesn’t bother with his appearance. His hair under his stereotypical fool’s hat is usually an unroyal mess. Oftentimes he “forgets” to shave even. His clothes are nothing special, as he wears normal peasant fashion (besides his unusual headwear).
Much about the court jester is unknown. His age is unapparent, but he seems to be at least middle-aged, though through his actions he often seems younger and more immature. Where he came from is also unkown, but most assume he showed up from the streets of Stonewell, where he either was a worker or a beggar. Others assume he came from a royal family, guessing that was his only way to get into the royal courts.
He has only been in the castle for several years. The king keeps him around almost as much as he does his advisors, since he adds humour and takes stress out of certain issues. George can crack a joke or poke fun at about anything in an instant. Arguing with him is absolutely pointless and hopeless, and usually ends up with the other person unvoluntarily cracking up. His mischievous and slapstick humour capabilities are sometimes inconcievable. Yet sometimes in passing sarcasm, the king is shocked in his wisdom and knowledge on certain matters. Amid his immature face he takes in his “work”, his moral fabric is strong. He refuses even a drop of any intoxicating beverages, claming he doesn’t want to cloud his “sharp mind”.
He has become a somewhat close companion to the king, who sometimes even takes him on trips to take the dullness from the long hours of travel. Yet he keeps his role quite well, making close friendships difficult at times. He easily maintains his position as the court mascot, keeping on the good side of people easily, though at times his sarcasm might be offensive if taken seriously-- which everybody knows he is not.

sneak peek into a story I started a while back.

2011-09-22T23:05:00.000-07:00

I go in moods with writing and not writing. And today I feel like it. As it goes, I’ll be writing in my “story” some more, maybe even finish it someday in the future sometime. I probably only have about a third of it left to write, as I’m guessing.
It’s kind of a medievalesque fantasy story for the sake of entertainment, I suppose. But I do try to throw in good morals in where I can. Meanwhile, here’s a short bit about one of the characters.

Sneak peek: Raak
Raak is about average in height, but he is strong and well built. His hair is brown, and well kept. He keeps his face shaved clean if he can. But most strikingly are his eyes. Under his thick, black eyebrows, his sharp eyes seem to cut through anything he looks at. His authority lies thick in the air about him. Yet he is quite kind in manner.
He serves under the king of Arnamad as the Captain of the Guard in the capital city of Stonewell. He began under the current king’s father, but through an unfortunate turn of events in the last few years, the former king left the throne open to his son by inheritance. He maintained his position in Arnamad since the king saw no reason to replace one of his best men. His loyalty in service to protect the king and keep peace in the city is unmatched. As a detective, he has rooted out some of the most dangerous criminals out of the land. But when danger is too high, he is not afraid to use force. He doesn’t let nonsense get in the way of his job. His courage is far above most mortal men by far, which makes his foes tremble and doubt if he is even a man. Also his skill with a sword and military tactics are almost unmatched by any other. He has stood up to beasts and monsters worse than even nightmares could imagine.
Under his command is the guard of Stonewell, split into various groupings according to their uses (such as bowmen, swordsmen, and spearmen). Most of the business he does is in Stonewell, but when nobles travel, he often provides protection for them.

Shrooms!

2011-06-03T22:04:00.000-07:00

So it all started about three months ago in march. I got a glass jar and filled it with layers that mushrooms like. (They're very picky to their environment.) For the nutrition layer I got some compost from the compost pile, since mushrooms eat from the dirt, and can't get stuff from the sunlight like green plants. I got a few Agaricus Bisporus mushrooms from a salad after dinner. Yes, I did eat my salad. Agaricus Bisporus is the kind of mushroom that you probably see on pizza or think of an average mushroom. Anyway, I bury the mushroom stuff up and keep them in in their picky little environment they like. (Think of the ideal environment a monster under your bed would like, and you're probably pretty close.)

Humble Beginnings:

Anyway, as the story goes, nothing comes up for weeks. I kinda give up on it, and some other plant starts growing. So hey, I'll try and grow that. The leaves pop out after a while and it appeared to be either some melon or squash. I figure it's probably cantaloupe.
Then today, we find a mushroom growing in the dirt. I was rather shocked, since nothing showed up for nearly three months, and the mushrooms were from the grocery store (the ones that are picked prematurely), which are kind of hard to grow from as I've heard. I figured it wouldn't work in the first place. So I actually did it, ha.

Awwww, it's so cute! (ok nevermind it isn't really.)

It's aliiiiiiiiive! (hangin' out with the melon thing.)

The end.

BJU Banquet 2011

2011-03-03T22:34:00.000-08:00

Well it's been two years since my first blog post, which happens to be about the BJU banquet two years ago. (I thought it was only one until I just checked.) A lot of us teens filled up one of the tables. At first all we got was a little pretty plate of salad. Well, and some cheesecake, but I figured it was best to save that for later. Then they brought out a plate of meat and potatoes.
After some time, they started their program. One of the team sung a nice solo, and then another of them gave a devotional. They played a short movie thing to support BJU. I've already forgotten exactly went for the rest of the program, as it is no longer fresh in my mind. Afterwards, of course, we stood around talking. It was great to see friends again and be blessed by the BJU team.
Warning: I don't know how exciting this post would be to read, but I thought I'd warn you after you took the time to read it. ;)
At least it was a somewhat short one this time. Are you still reading this? (imagine a stick-out tongue sarcastic face that can make you shrug off any sort of petty personal offense as sarcasm here) (because it's faster than typing :P) (yes I'm still typing) (and obviously you're still reading) (no, of course I'm not bored)

Rude Relish

2011-02-14T19:59:00.000-08:00

You have your hot dog, and you just finish putting the ketchup and mustard on. Then (assuming you want pickle material on your food) you grab the relish bottle. But it's nearly empty, with barely any left in the bottom. That's a problem too, that it's all in the bottom, not at the lid. To combat this problem, you begin trying various methods to get the remaining relish to the lid where you can access it (I'll leave this to your imagination). Then other people around you start giving you funny looks, but thankfully you manage to get a satisfactory amount of the green stuff to the lid. You open the lid and turn the bottle to your hot dog and give it a little coaxing to get out. All that comes out is some watery liquid that you'd never drink under any circumstances, soaking up nicely in your once dry bun. With a minute amount of frustration, you take the lid off completely to see if the relish will come out. It doesn't. So you begin to throttle the bottle, and all of the relish plops out on one spot. All you have to do now is spread it out across the bun.

I don't know the moral to this story, so if anybody knows, please let me know!

Supreme King of Procrastination

2011-02-03T22:23:00.000-08:00

I've successfully put off writing in my blog for over a year.

We all have enough time to do what we need to, right? Seems that there never is enough time for whatever. I kind of categorize procrastination in two categories: The lazy, and the downright lazy.

Lazy - This is when you just amble around doing things before you get around to doing what you should be doing. Because you have to get it done anyway. One task leads on to the next, and before you know it, there's not time for what your main focus should be on. Woo-hoo. Because we all know that checking if your brother in college said something on facebook won't take very long. And then you have to wash the breakfast dishes, and lunch is already over. And then, oh-no! Time to unload a load of firewood. And so-on and so forth.

Downright lazy - Very similar to the first, but you're not trying to trick yourself into thinking you are doing something useful with your wasted time. Because it's so much more fun to watch the fly smack its head in the window over and over than to finish up the last of your homework. Or maybe it's less taxing on the brain powers. It's easier just to wait till tomorrow when today will be yesterday, which will have already been over.

Simply put, becoming a pro-crastinator is a very easy skill (if you wish to call it that) to achieve. It's just a nice big word that sounds a lot better than "lazy". Or maybe it's being lazy with good intentions?

Here are a few sayings I've found regarding procrastination:

"Procrastinators unite! Tomorrow."

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."

"Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday."

"The sooner I fall behind, the more time I have to catch up."

"The two rules of procrastination: 1) Do it today. 2) Tomorrow will be today tomorrow."

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow." - Mark Twain

"Someday is not a day of the week."

Happy procrastinating! Er, maybe that didn't sound very flattering.

Even though this post is mostly sarcastic, I'll finish off by saying,

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

See if you can find this verse. I'll give you a clue: it's in Philipians.

$20

2009-12-20T22:59:00.000-08:00

The other day I put my hand in my pocket and found a twenty dollar bill. I concluded I should check my pockets more often.

If it takes about three seconds to put one's hand into his pocket, feel a bill, and pull it out, that would make twenty bills a minute. Sixty minutes exist in an hour, so multiply twenty to sixty, and you come out with 1200 bills an hour. If you work a 40 hour work week, that makes 48,000 bills a week. If you multiply this by 52, which is how many weeks are in a year, you come out with 2,486,000 bills a year. Multiply this number with how much the bills are worth, which in this case is $20, you would make $49,920,000 a year.

But nonetheless I am too lazy to check my pockets that often.

Galkin Meetings in Elko

2009-10-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

A few days ago... last week, we went to Elko, I beleive the day was Thursday. Arrived there in time to play some games at the youth activity there(some being quite rough, still feel it), then went inside and ate lots of pizza. Then we went up stairs and listened to the message. They did one special music before the sermon then Will Galkin preached on salvation.
Went to the hotel afterwards, went swimming in the pool, got back to the room where most of the guys stayed, and drank MD Voltage and went to sleep after talking amongst ourselves(joking may be a better way of explaining it.)
Woke up the next morning(amazing I know) about 7:00 and went across the street and ate pancakes. Then stayed around the room doing school. Ben, Klay, and I got bored and went outside to the street and started playing instruments for a little while. Ate frozen burritos, oreos, and MD. Watched lame cartoons that played the same thing over and over and over.
Finally we went back to the church a few minutes early. When it was time, they did a youth activity tic-tac-toe thing in the basement, then went up stairs for their "Irish" concert.
We sat in the front row on the right(don't know why people are scared of sitting up front or whatever), and they started playing some Folk songs, then a few traditional Irish, and then they started their concert.
They played "sacred Irish" songs, including "Be Thou My Vision", "O Love Divine", etc etc. Being there, I think, is more enjoyable then simply listening to a disc.
Once the concert was over, Will Galkin stood up and gave a sermon on salvation, and several people made decisions that night.
Afterwards, when people were starting to leave and the group started packing equipment up, Klay, Ben, and I got our instruments out(since the previous night they had invited us to perhaps play with them after the concert) and played some. Most of them were busy taking stuff down, but the accordianist played with us, and Christy Galkin played a little with us too. I didn't do much playing, since Klay mainly doing his bestest fastest gnarlyest playing, which left me to watch(gladly!)
That night stayed at somebody's house from the church, next day ate a little breakfast and made it back home about half-past-ten a.m.
Goodnight!

Cowboy trip poetry ferron w/ out mustard

2009-06-15T21:31:00.000-07:00

Hrrm...
Lots has happened in the past... while, but all I'm going to post is about a trip to somewhere far far away... because I'm too lazy to type anything else. Left for a cowboy poetry gathering in Ferron UT on Friday, spent the night in SLC, then arrived there the next day. The food was good, then they started music. Jeff Gore did five songs, then Ron Ehman did several cowboy poems, then Jeff Gore did about two more, then Caleb and my dad yodeled two songs, then I went up and sung a redition of "Amazing Grace" w/ Caleb, Ben, and Leanna. Then Clay (Klay? idk) played a few songs, Jeff Gore played more, and then we left for our trip back and arrived safely home at about 4:30 in the morning on Sunday. The show was quite enjoyable. Its a lot more fun to actually be there than here a song off of a recorded cd. Actually stayed awake the whole next day.
Hope that wasn't too boring to read; bored me almost to death to write it.

Craig Colorado missions trip '09

2009-04-13T21:21:00.000-07:00

Internet's been down and been busy, and this will be kinda prompt.

hmmm... about two weeks ago, I think, we left for Craig, and the trip went as trips go. We arrived there and stayed at a parsonage where the pastor of the church down there lives, a house with two sides, and we stayed in one side. My family sung several times, and all the youth put together a song and sang it once, and then again the next night. Several other people did do specials, and they let a bunch of missionary pastors preach (including my father). Every day they did a thing, like bowling (which we did twice), wagon rides, pizza party etc. etc. I'm tired of typing now. haha

2009 BJU Friendship Banquet

2009-03-14T18:35:00.000-07:00

So yesterday we went to the BJU Friendship banquet thing. We left our house, at about ten thirty a.m., I should say. Some of the teens from our church rode with us in our van. The trip was quite like many of our other trips between SLC and NV, but I managed not to become too bored in general. I did a little writing, and wrote somewhere around six pages, and then just listened to part of an audiobook the rest of the way there.

When we arrived in Salt Lake at the hotel where they did the banquet thing, I was more than glad to be out of the back of the stuffy van. We walked inside, talked with some people, then flocked over into the banquet room. We must have arrived earlier than the majority of people, for after a few minutes, people started arriving in hordes.

Suddenly, everybody was taking seats for themselves, and so did I. At first I thought I had been stuck at the wrong table. Joel was at the table with me, yet my brother Jed was trapped between us. Several other people sat around the table, like my brother Caleb and some guy that was on the banqueting team, named something like Andrew Newton. He was the sort of fellow that might have discovered something fundamental like gravity. He was friendly. Most of the meal he spoke with Caleb about important college stuff. I remembered him from before the meal, when he was going about the room meeting with people. On the far wall they had a projector going through a cycle of about thirty pictures of BJU for the greater part of the meal.

Stephen Jones gave a little intro before we prayed and started eating. At first it looked like all we were going to eat was a little plate of salad, and then a slice of cheesecake. Then I remembered I hadn't eaten lunch that day. But to my rescue, they brought out another dish about halfway through the meal that had some meat on it. It had some rice and baked vegetables on it, but the veggies were'nt the most impressive I had ever had. There was this sort of giant pork french-fry thing with a gravy mote around its girth sitting on the plate.

Partway through the meal, Joel leaned over and said jokingly as only he can do, "I think I've been stuck at the wrong table." I said nothing in reply, probably for the better.

About when I started into my cheesecake, they started a slide show thing that showed why it is so awesome to be at BJU. There was a "u" that kept flying around the screen. After that, some BJU lady sang a few songs and gave a testimony, then Sir Andrew at our table gave his testimony. Steve Jones said a few more things and had a card drawn from a pile, and somebody won something, but I know not what it was, nor do I really care. There was a quick fluster about donating, and Joel picked up one of his three forks and said, "Well, if these are silver..."

Mr. Miller, I think, then prayed and everybody was dismissed. Everybody started clambering out of their chairs and the room was soon full of blabbering on every side. I went around and talked with a few people. Steve J. seemed to be friendly enough. I talked with Mr. Young from Elko, and when he talks, it is very animated. At the end, I joined up with Ben for a while, then kind of wandered around with one of the youth that came from our church, George. We meandered around both inside, upstairs, and outside the building. When we went upstairs once to find the room that the young kids stayed during the banquet thing, we walked by the elevator and the door opened. Some guy said "Woops, wrong level," and closed the doors again. The rest of the time we stayed downstairs and outside. Elise had decided to bring some kind of slim paper holder thing, full of papers, to show some of the people. I'm guessing it was something she had been working on. I had a quick thought about bringing in my massive notebook binder thing, but I decided against it. Ben talked with Steve for quite a while, about stuff, no doubt. The banqueter team at the end of the meal gave out 2 gb flashdrives at the end. I decided to find out what the music was like that they put on it the next day, but all I found on the drive was a few shortcuts.

The whole banquet was a bit different then I expected, for when I walked in, I didn't expect it to be set up so fancy. A bit too fancy for the likes of me, though.

Soon we decided to leave, and so we did. I finished another page or two then tried to go to sleep, but there was no possible way to. We arrived at home at about 3:00 a.m. I had no trouble falling to sleep that night... er... morning. I did enjoy it.

Preamble

2009-03-14T18:18:00.000-07:00

I will be getting on sporadically. Don't expect too much, and forgive me if I get

a bit lengthy. I may omit some last names, but I assume that you will know who they are.