Carpe Diem

So...Now you're a Grandparent!

2022-03-31T16:47:00.001-04:00

So...now you're a Grandparent!

Now that I am a grandparent I can honestly say that being a parent is one of the hardest things you'll ever do; but in exchange, parenting teaches you the meaning of unconditional love. Proof of this fact is that every parent thinks their little bundle of joy as the cutest, smartest, most magical being the universe has ever seen; that first smile!; those first steps!; those first words!

Let's be honest...we all have the Best Baby!

This phenomenon gets even more emphasized when one becomes a Grandparent. A grandparent understands how holding a peaceful, sleeping baby can bring tears to your eyes; in the comfort of your arms, how is it possible to love so deeply? Though we know from a distant, foggy past that challenges will arrive, holding a baby close seems more like a dream you never want to end. Grandparents know that the moment you inhale their sweet baby scent that you can't hold those minis close enough; kissing their soft little foreheads and repeatedly counting tiny toes and fingers. Grandparents never tire of these phenomenons because the baby they are holding is the cutest, smartest, most magical being! See how it comes full circle?

In addition, these grandchildren can also make normally sensible people do the funniest things. Pretend to be a horse and crawl around on your knees with riders on your back? For how long? Ride up and down, up and down, up and down on the escalator and elevator at the mall? No problem. Pretend to be a patient and get pricked, prodded and poked? Your wish is my command. Allow them to "style" your hair and risk having a brush tangle? Sure! In fact, as they grow into little people, there is no limit to the surprises. Poop. Pee. Puke. Snot in your hair? Bring it on! These little pieces of DNA change our perspectives in ways that mellow, calm and humor us. And the words that exit their mouths (!) sometimes make their parents wish they could run sprints to cover those darling lips; parental exposure can happen in a heartbeat! It is a wonder to watch how they absorb, like a sponge, changing and assimilating everything around them; they become the greatest source of fascination and happiness.

In fact, no achievement is mundane; they are short of Einsteinian proteges.

So truly, at sixty one, I have a lot I didn’t when I was 25. No, I don’t mean cars, jewelry or any other material thing. I’m talking about the time I get to spend with my granddaughters. They are sweet and saucy, fun and games and their wild enthusiasm keeps me vibrant; I have a thrilling luxury. I don’t have to cope with the distractions and pressures of parenting and yes, although it may seem like a joke, you can give them back to their parents at the end of the day - after they've consumed ice cream, candy and cake!

I have no idea what my life would be like without these giggly, silly examples of what love and beauty is in an often uncertain world. And just saying…if you see my grandchildren, you’ll have to agree, they could be models, scientists, doctors, astronauts... because they really are the cutest, smartest, most magical beings. Carpe Diem.

2022-02-18T16:09:00.003-05:00

Change change

Ben Franklin penned the phrase that nothing is certain in life but death and taxes. It is true, there are certain occurrences that are common to everyone, ones that cannot be avoided: man cannot escape his mortality or paying his taxes. However, I would like to add another certainty: Change. You can be sure, although human nature is prone to feeling comfortable with constants, mostly unexpected and sometimes expected changes will alter our lives; sometimes with terrific outcomes and other times ruining even the best laid plans. With some changes we are overcome with excitement and happiness and others cause despair and frustration. Either way, change is here to stay. It was here before our beginning and will be here after we leave.

Although life requires us to be responsible, we must remember that even if we were to spend every spare moment on planning, preparing and prearranging, change is inevitable. Nothing will keep life from occasionally striking down our careful strategizing. Everything goes out the window. Time stands still, moments are flattened into immobility. No one is immune. It is a guarantee. But here’s another certainty. We are programmed to pick ourselves up when life becomes suddenly scary, blowing to bits our lives. It may take some time, but we can stand up and face our challenges. Sometimes it requires grieving, or change of direction, or even reorganizing whole segments of one's life; however, impossible it may seem at the moment, we can upright, adjust, modify. Change change.

By nature, some of us are methodical and set in our ways. Change is difficult for us. Being sporadic is discomfiting. But because change is inescapable, we have to stop trying to hold it at arms length. Perhaps we need to look at change differently. Maybe change is the fuse that propels us forward into a place that’s entirely new and different than we would go. Maybe there will be another person to love or another opportunity to search. Perhaps it allows for another variation of who we are. When we realize that everything won’t always remain as it is, we give ourselves a bit of breathing room.We begin to accept change for what it is: Growth to understand ourselves.

By all means, have a plan B in your back pocket, but don’t rely on that not changing also. If nothing ever changed in life, day after day, where nothing was different, we would never have an opportunity to advance or expand our heart and mind. Without realizing it, we begin to realize that change essentially means we are alive; the ability to experience new experiences, feel new feelings, be an integral part of life around you. Sometimes it is messy and sometimes it is marvelous, but we cannot understand the one without the other.

So the next time change drop-kicks you to your knees or elates you to dance for joy, try to take a moment and reflect on the stunning, new change and follow the direction it is taking you. Carpe diem!

2021-07-13T11:03:00.000-04:00

SOCIAL ANXIETY

I will admit it. I am socially weird and that is why I like to write. Writing is a way to expel the thoughts that are always ~~rattling~~ floating around in my head; my mind is always “on”. However, in social settings, I am usually the one standing alone in the corner of the room, staring out the window at some distant view or begging for a chore to keep myself busy, moving around the room to avoid conversation. I can be hard to approach and difficult to talk to. Sometimes I drift into my own thoughts and am unwilling to share them. This can cast me as being aloof, unsociable or even snobbish. But this is where I am misunderstood.

Do not get me wrong. I enjoy a good, deep conversation about important, complicated and complex things along with the rest, but if truth be told, I have trust issues. It takes a long time for me to “warm up” to people and by the time I finally find someone to converse with, it is time to go home only having to start this process all over again at the next gathering, usually with a new group of people. When I think holidays and parties, I am filled with a mixture of feelings ranging from joyous exhilaration to uncomfortable dread. I may seem all cool and collected on the outside, wearing a perfectly tailored look to appease whatever group I land up in, but inside? Not so much. Inside, I am Jello left out on the kitchen counter overnight; an ice cream cone melting on a sizzling day; a drooping flower that has not been watered in a month. In fact, it was brought to my attention recently that perhaps I have social anxiety.

To compensate for all this, I learned a long time ago to be my own Zen Pal. Now this may seem like a self-love that thinks no one can meet my expectations, but no. Instead, I have become my toughest critic: I expect perfection; I loathe laziness; I have a hard time being spontaneous. But by focusing on myself as a priority and how I feel, I can take a deep breath, remind myself to take things in stride and go with the flow. And if all else fails? Splurge on an ice cream sundae.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I know I am not the only one who feels this way. We all compensate in different ways, but we cannot be “Mr. Confidence” all the time. The bottom line? We all need to accept our strengths, our weaknesses and EVERYTHING in between. Even at age 60/70/80+ it is OK to be a work in progress. This past year has been a difficult one for many of us. However, growing confidence in one area allows us to move on and work on other areas. Let’s get outdoors and get back to living! Be kind to yourself, together we are incredibly resilient.

Carpe Diem!

2021-04-30T08:56:00.000-04:00

MUSIC TO MY EARS

Music is music to my ears. If you were to look at my playlist you would see anything from lullabies to Club, Soul, Classical, New Age, Gospel; it is a salad bowl of anything goes, in several languages. Of course, like most people, I sort my music into specific playlists, but when I am out walking, I listen to all my songs in alphabetical order so there is A LOT of diversity. “A Lovely Night” to “Zero”; Disney, Chicago, Rush, Earth, Wind and Fire, Big Generator. There is “Christmas Island” by Jimmy Buffet, (the song I’ve listened to the most: 292 times!) and “By the Light of the Moon” by D Simonet (that I still have not listened to).

This mix up is a result of the fact that I just plain love music. I am not much of a musical instrument player even though I took lessons in piano, organ and flute. But my mind is programmed to HEAR music. There is no such thing as “background” music in my world. For example, I cannot read a book while music is playing because I am concentrating on the musical instruments, how they are playing separately and/or the harmonious sounds…then just add a singer and I can do nothing else but be all ears.

It is a known fact that often, listening to music conjures thoughts or moods that one attaches to specific songs, melodies or words. For example: when I hear “Amazing Grace” I am back in my sandbox as a child, belting it out, “You are my Sunshine” is my marriage mantra, “Back to the Islands” transports me to St John where I love spending time with my family. “Better together” is for Eddie, “Mexico” for Brian and Melanie “Cheeseburger in Paradise” for Scott, “Hallelujah” for Matthew and Deborah, “Butterfly Kisses” for Kaitlyn and “How Deep is the Ocean” for Olivia and Avery. And for every birthday we must play “(They say it’s your) Birthday” (Beatles).

You must understand what I am saying. After all, who of us cannot say that at one time or another a song or snippet of a tune gets stuck in your mind? Over and over the melody rolls around inside your head. Yes, Willie sometimes “Always on my Mind” can be an experience. Music can move you to tears, send you dancing, relax your senses and soothe your worries. It lulls babies to sleep, reminds the elderly of younger days, inspires one to work out and searches for or has found the most sung about topic: Love.

Music resonates across all language and ages. It must be an important facet of life as the mediums used during my lifetime have spanned from records (they took up so much room) → 8 track tapes (what are these?) → cassette tapes (Walkmans/all those tapes!) → CDs (now coasters) → downloads/streaming (cloud anyone?). But this is just proof that music will always have an effect on us.

So go ahead. Turn up the tunes! Let your fingers snap, hands clap and feet tap! Carpe this Diem!

2021-04-15T09:04:00.000-04:00

SPRING SONG

As I write this in early March, it is a balmy 32 degrees Fahrenheit, the wind is spitefully brisk and biting and the need to go outside requires bundling up. Yet, although cold, the air is clear and crisp, the sun bright and the sky blue-blue. Slowly, the period of extended light has been increasing microscopically every day since winter solstice (as Eddie likes to remind me starting December 21) and now it is noticeably brighter at 6:30 PM!

I know, I know. This is nothing new and it happens every year, but the slow, small, subtle signs of impending Spring is a joy to me. Spring is almost here! Even before it has arrived, I can imagine the sweet smell of buds bursting open on the magnolia tree in the brilliance of more light; I can hear the joyous cadence of chickadees and robins calling one another to explore the new warmth; I can feel the vibrations of anticipation that adds bounce in our steps; I can see new beauty popping out all around waking up from the long, frozen, crusty winter. Blades of green grass shooting up! Iris’ peeping out of the dirt! Leaves slowly unfurling on the trees! The scent of splashing raindrops washing all things new! Spring is the season of renewal; new life; new beginnings. Who does not love Spring? Spring begs you to throw open your windows and draw up the blinds so the wonderful revival of weather can come indoors. The aromas, sensations, sights and sounds of Spring! If I had created the calendar, March would be the first month; the month that begins the year.

This reoccurring, exciting, anticipated phenomenon, Spring, comes every year regardless of what is happening in the world. Just when you think you have had more than your share of cold, bleak winter, Spring comes around the corner and embraces us with refreshing, reinvigorating revitalization. Sometimes it is earlier, sometimes later or sometimes Spring teases us with a day here and another there, but reassuringly, it always comes. It is this sense of expectancy that keeps us going during drowsy, frosty, chilly days; the ice will melt (!!) and the earth will thaw. Just as the word itself indicates, Spring will spring!

The good book says there is a season for everything, a time for every purpose under heaven. Spring is the season for healing, laughing, planting and building up each other. Dance a little, search a little, mend, embrace and love one another.

So, for the next few weeks I’m going to consciously pay attention to: warm rays of the sunshine on my face; the sound of crashing ocean waves throwing salty mist; gentle, shifting breezes with the fragrant smell of new buds sprouting; rustling leaves filling out the trees; chirping birds building nests for their young.

Breathe deep, my friends. Do not doubt the remarkable continuance of the seasons. Spring is near. Carpe Diem!

~ “Spring adds new Life and new Beauty to all that is” – Jessica Harrelson

The Power of Why

2021-02-08T13:40:00.000-05:00

A few months back I had the wonderful opportunity of spending a whole week with one of my grandchildren. It struck me during this time, that childhood provides a quality of specialness that nearly vanishes for the rest of life once one is considered “grownup”. As parents, we are occupied with the “busy-ness” of life and often miss the small moments that grandparents are granted: to see their offspring in a different perspective; to watch their grandchildren grow. Since becoming a grandmother two years ago my granddaughter has grown from a tiny infant to an active and engaged little person.

Coupled with all the endearing things small children can say, the question “Why?” becomes a recurring reminder that young children are constantly trying to figure out their surroundings. It is also a reminder that as older, smarter adults, we don’t always have an easy answer that will suit their curiosity. In fact, after a question is posed nearly 100 times on the same topic, in a 20 minute span, you want to throw Why out of the dictionary. (I mean how do you explain why, to a two and a half year old, the water has to do down the drain after bath time, where it goes and why the bar of soap doesn't also disappear!) But isn’t it true that without “Why” there is no purpose, no meaning for all the rest of life. The Whos Whats Whens Wheres are only defined by the Whys. Why puts things in context, it helps us understand the reasons for our behaviors.

Of course, a young child isn’t processing all this as they maneuver through life’s journey, but isn’t it amazing that they have figured out at such a young age the need to define their little world; they have figured out the power of why (aside from the fact that if they ask “Why?” enough times, Grammie’s probably going to go comatose and need a nap). As growing children, they absorb everything like a sponge and are clever enough to assimilate what is presented to them. (Disclaimer: one certainly must watch what they say in front of these pint-sized repeating machines – you might have some explaining to your own set of Whys!).

We can learn from these inquisitive youngsters. Equipped with the answers to Why, we can achieve the Hows. I think us “grownups” have to remember that we need to question more; hold on to inquisitiveness; look for new aspirations in life; don’t just rush through life, really focus on the meanings. Spending time with a young child sloooooows down your life; everything is looked at closer, longer and with a furrowed brow.

The clock is ticking. Time is precious. The childhood of my own children passed like a blink, I’m sure with each generation it gets quicker. Go ahead. Renew your eagerness for knowledge. You can never search too much. You are at an age where no one is going to question your curious intellect. Pry a little. Meddle a bit. Explore, analysis and question. Never stop questioning. Why – there it is again- would you ever do that?

Carpe Diem!

2021-01-08T11:09:00.005-05:00

LONG DAYS SHORT YEARS

The first time I heard the phrase “The days are long but the years are short” was from a 95 year old man. My initial reaction was, “How can someone who has lived this long think his time has been short?” This had quite the impact on me as, I thought, obviously, he has experienced this; he knows what he’s talking about. As we look over our own lives we can see how true this is: a mother who is trying to soothe a child that is teething, a tedious work day that just doesn’t go right, anxiety over a future surgery – these are long days. In fact, there are a multitude of events in Life that can suspend you in time for a day that makes them seem like forever; but when you look back each New Year, regardless of your age, isn’t it true you find yourself exclaiming “Can it be another year has passed?!”

Now that I’m 60 and have been married 42 years, I feel I’ve reached a milestone that loudly states Life is a hill and I’ve passed the summit; 95 doesn’t seem so far away in years. There’s so much to accomplish with (maybe) only 35 years left, and yet…the days often hold us back; encumbered with the distractions and busy-ness of “getting” through the day.

If only we could realize Now is Now and Now and Now. What I mean is, if we don’t see Now as Now, we will lose out on all the Nows of today; because it will be Now later too. Not taking advantage of Now now means it becomes then. In time, now is this continual gray area of existence that is sandwiched between what was and what is to come. Perhaps the trick to making the longer days more meaningful is seeing the gratitude of “what happened earlier” and the anticipation of “what is to come” as it turns into Now. Then we truly realize that the best Now is now.

Here we have it: 365 days that have passed where you realize you are still healthy and your family still loves you; and we have 365 (if all’s well) more sunrises full of possibilities to experience Now. Life can’t be tidied up into a neat little list of outcomes. No, Life is about living. Now. Growing, Learning, Discovering, Engaging. Think about your last New Year. Surely you had many interesting possibilities; many you had no idea you’d meet before the year began. Of course, no one knows the future, but you can keep your curiosity about Life open. You never know what’s around the corner.

Another saying from another dear 95 year old man I knew often said, “Time and tide wait for no man”. So find things that motivate you. Question everything (Yay! You’ve finally reached the age you can and get away with it!). Pursue experiences that bring out a more alive and interesting version of you. Don’t squander away the opportunity of Now. Don’t set the bar too high; remember the adage “One day at a time”. Stop waiting for your Life to begin and start making the most of the moments you are in. Now!

Carpe Diem 2021!

2020-12-03T08:53:00.000-05:00

COVID Year

The last days of Summer and Fall are bittersweet for me each year. Not only because Summer is my personal favorite season, but because with the end of the warmer, pleasant weather, we begin to hibernate and hunker down in our homes; of course, for most of us this 2020 Spring/Summer/Fall, that’s been the norm. I’ve always considered myself lucky to live in the northeast where our lives are defined by the seasons, but for most of this year, there was no distinction between the seasons; they seemed to blur into one big COVID 19 season. Summer, usually filled with travel excursions and bright, sunny fun-filled beach days and Fall, with its apple pumpkin picking has been different in every way; we’ve had to make the best of being isolated.

Humans are social creatures by design, however, this year many hours have been spent alone at home, often attached to our laptops/ipads/phones. This would seem like a silent way to spend our days, but the endless bombardment of news and gossip that often had nothing positive to give made many manic information addicts.

All this has made me a bit melancholy about the last 9 months; can we have a do over? Can’t we relive 2020? Farmer’s markets, boardwalk strolls, ice cream trips, outdoor concerts…they just don’t seem the same with a mask on. In our family, we celebrated, from the “safety” of our homes the birth of a granddaughter, seven birthdays –one 60th milestone, one 2 years-, a 42^nd wedding anniversary and a Retirement after 33 years. It all seems like such a loss that we weren’t able to celebrate these milestones with the pizazz they deserve.

Yet, the one thing that I have learned through all this is a realization that most of life is simple and often we make it busy and complicated. What may look like repetition: a bunch of dull, uninspiring, lackluster things we must do over and over and over again is actually the necessary movements of Life. What may seem mundane and boring should actually be viewed at as moments of Gratitude.

Let me explain. If you are bored and nothing “exciting” is going on in your Life, that means, you still woke up to another day of possibilities. That means your loved ones still love and appreciate you. That means you are healthy enough to put your two feet forward. So when we lay our head on our pillow at night, we should reflect on the amazing things we have in the midst of ordinary.

So chin up! It’s time to re-focus and look forward with a sense of anticipation. Somewhere in the near future we will have a special sense of renewal and inspiration. Like in the wake of a tragedy, it will be time to re-group and reflect. If we all take a deep deep breathe, perhaps we can spend some time cherishing the times we can be together; because, as we have experienced in this year, Life as we know it, can change in an instant.

Although there is a place for quiet breaks in Life -they point to a learning that requires patience and time (and yes! We’ve done our time!)- they too must end so we get back to practical existence. These months were not ordinary Life but we can once again look forward to living Life fully.

~ Carpe Diem!

Mirror Mirror...

2020-09-24T12:49:00.000-04:00

Mirror, mirror on the the wall…When is the last time you looked in the mirror? This morning while getting ready for the day? A glimpse when passing through to another room? While quickly brushing your teeth? And what did you see? Of course, I’m not just asking about a precursory glance at your vanity (fine lines, under eye circles, dark spots); because often we detect only our flaws in the looking glass. Instead, I’m asking you to interpret your inner self; the real person, the real image. What did you see? Did you recognize the likeness of yourself?

We all know that inside each of us lives a small voice that tells you who you really are. You can fool everyone around you, you can dress, look and talk the part, but you can never fool that nagging knocking inside your heart that exposes you. Can you look that mirror image straight in the eyes? Go ahead. Gaze at your visage. Lean in. Closer. Contemplate yourself for a moment. Is this the person others see? Were you faced with a trustworthy, honest, hard-working person? Or a cheating, lying fraud? It’s best to be honest with the (wo)man in the mirror so you can really reflect on the reflection. Do you pass the mirror test? Are there things you want to change? After all, the portrait looking back at you is a representation of your character.

Sometimes, to get the real perspective on an image, we need to change the way we look at things. You know that the mirror on the side of your car reading “Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear” is a safety warning that things are not always as they seem: perceptions. That is why I ask: Are you showing the world an imaginary misrepresentation or a genuine, authentic, bona fide depiction? Is your mirror distorting and magnifying or a clear concise witness of who you are?

Next time you come face to face with the mirror, don’t look for visual perfection, but learn to love the vision you are gazing at and be true to yourself and others. This will help you rise to all kinds of challenges; without altering your true self.

And of course…..Carpe Diem!

Pink Power

2020-07-14T09:06:00.000-04:00

Think Pink!

Prickly pink roses, sweet sour grapefruit, juicy watermelon (with seeds please), plump raspberries just off the vine, sugary whipped cupcake icing and strawberry chia smoothies. These are just a few of the favorite things that come to mind when I think pink. Pink is undeniable my favorite color; it has a strong emotional influence on me; a joyful vibe. Those who know me know that I will pick a pale pink shade over every other color choice for most anything: Pink watch, pink shoes, pink umbrella, pink clutches, sweaters, skirts and blouses. If I could have a pink car, I might consider it. But truth be told, I have to have some consideration for those who choose to live with me and bear this obsession. Obviously, a pink house, or all rooms painted pink may just be taking it too far. There are times when I must sacrifice for the good of all and get the inspiration I need from nature: elegant peonies, clematis, tulip and hibiscus flowers; stately cherry blossom and magnolia trees.

It is said that pink is the color of universal love, representing friendship, affection, harmony and inner peace. I couldn’t agree more. If red is the color of passionate love, then pink in all its delicateness must be its sweet side; a combination of red’s aggressive boldness softened by white’s pearly hue. In fact, in psychology, pink is the sign of Hope suggesting you can even empower yourself with pink!

There are some in my family that have this same passion for the color green. I’ll be the first to omit that without the contrast of other colors pink cannot stand out and shine in all its beauty. But there’s no denying that pink is the superior color; the Queen of all things magnificent; splendid, glorious and grand(And because pink would never be condescending, it does this in the most gentlest of ways).

Since studies have confirmed that exposure to large amounts of pink can have a calming effect, I wonder why anyone would even consider refuting the power of pink. Who could ever turn away from the texture of cotton candy dissolving in your mouth, seeing the blush cheeks of an adorable baby, the taste and pop(!) of fun-chewing bubble gum, hearing the oinks of mud happy pigs or the nasal honking of exotic flamingos? When I smell, I even smell pink all around me: like a fruity jolly rancher or tall glass of pink lemonade.

Of course, the shade of pink can make a difference; for some, pink is too feminine (Essie Ballet Slippers), too pale (Benjamin Moore Pink Bliss) or too bold (Valspar Very Berry) . But this just proves that pink is “sugar and spice and everything nice” in between. Pink is Versatile! Creative! Euphoric! Vivacious! Pink is Awe-inspiring!

Wouldn’t you agree that pink is a bubbly, animated, cheerful color? For most of us, most days, that’s exactly what we need: Happiness! Peace! Joy! Just sit back and imagine all things pink and I think you may realize pink is your favorite color too…

Now, how do I convince Eddie to get that pink mini coupe?

Carpe Diem!

Garden Gladness

2020-06-03T09:08:00.002-04:00

GARDEN GLADNESS

It’s that time of year again when all things thought of are of a garden variety. It’s as if all of a sudden, unexpectedly, Spring and Summer arrive together in full radiance. Our calendars tell us what time of year it is, but the abrupt, gradual and deliberate pokings of plants as they emerge from their sleep is a new phenomenon year after year. And even though the anticipation of “garden time” is a dream during winter, the without warning – all at once euphoria of working the soil becomes intoxicating.

I first picked up a garden hoe, as is often the case, by accident. When we bought our first home, Eddie and I were fortunate enough to have a small plot of dirt and we squeezed in as many plants as the earth could take. We had grand ideas and many a night you could find Eddie in his Dutch wooden shoes, weeding and watering; me, tying, pinching and picking. We got a fair share of beans and tomatoes which we ate, shared and canned; the next season, I may have gone a bit crazy when the annual Burpee seed catalog came out. But over time, I got to recognize the plants, flowers and shrubs of many varieties. And being this was pre-YouTube era, I got my instruction from flower and garden horticulture books (which I cannot bring myself to throw away even though I seldom look in them anymore…but that subject is for another day). And now? I have lots of pots…small ones, large ones, odd shaped ones, plastic, ceramic, clay and wood pots; window boxes, iron hangers and even cactus living in wooden shoes. I fill the pots with geraniums, marigolds, begonias, clematis, hibiscus, succulents and herbs of all kinds. This is why I love garden weather. Because the deck, the yard, the garden…they all become an outdoor oasis escape full of intense color (Pink! Red! Orange!) and beauty.

One caveat of gardening is that things don’t always thrive or turn out the way you want them to. Often it is an experiment of sorts. Sometimes it means trying and failing (or learning as I prefer to think), making mistakes and working through it. This is not a lack of success, vain attempts or setbacks and defeat! No! This is the glory of gardening! Processes that eventually prove effective. A plant doesn’t work here? Strengthen it by moving it there. That flower doesn’t bloom in a corner? Move it to a sunnier, flourishing spot. Anyone can do it and everyone can have their own ideas as to how it should be done. You are the artist and the garden is your canvas. Know your greenery and the garden universe is yours!

When I see the butterflies, American Goldfinches, and hummingbirds quietly resting on the porches and hear the Northern Cardinals call out one to another, I inhale deeply the pleasant flower scents; some tall, some small, some open, some tightly closed. A little garden corner world can be anyone’s Happy Place. And as for me?

I’m still enjoying some Garden Carpe Diem.

Life Lessons

2020-05-15T09:08:00.000-04:00

LIFE LESSONS

Now that I’m going to turn 60(!!gasp!! how did I get here? It’s just a number, right?) I thought I’d share a few safeguards that have steered my course. And yet, there are still plenty of things I want to do. I’ve just got to get my skates on now and do them…

1) We only dance on this earth a short time; make it matter to the last note.

2) The open doors are not behind you, they are in front of you. Choose to open them and choose carefully.

3) Say ”I’m sorry” anytime you think you’ve done wrong; don’t wait for it to be pointed out to you.

4) Small things, done consistently, add up to big things in the long run.

5) No shock lasts longer than 48 hours ~ there’s too much appetite for the next shock.

6) Love is not a word of four letters following one another, it’s a verb; it is unconditional, it requires attention and needs consistent practice.

7) Oh! What a difference a day a day makes; only 24 little hours can change your life.

8) Remember the Sabbath Day. God gives us 6 days to work and play and only one day for Himself. If you honor Him, He will honor you.

9) Be Flexible. Change is OK. Life=Change. Change=Knowledge. Knowledge=Life.

10) Stop sizing yourself up against the Perfect Person. There isn’t one.

11) “Leave the gun; take the cannoli” ~The Godfather

12) Always kiss your spouse Good Night; what better way to end your day?

13) “Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you.” ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

14) Be Patient in Adversity and Thankful in Prosperity ~Heidelberg Catechism Lord’s Day 10.

15) Never underestimate the power of a long, strong hug.

16) Life is too short to be judgmental ~ “There but for the grace of God go I” ~John Bradford

17) You are not always right. Yup. You read that right. In fact, let me repeat it: You’re. Not. Always. Right. The sooner you grasp that concept the better you’ll be. Other perspectives are refreshing.

18) Things happen. Learn to let the things you cannot control go.

19) Listen. Really Listen. Stop. Put your phone down. Open your ears. Use eye contact. “God gave us two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we talk” ~ Epictetus

20) Give Respect. Get Respect. You don’t beat respect into people, you earn it.

21) Take a moment each day to dwell on the bounty and gracious gifts you’ve been given.

22) Always greet your family with a kiss and never let them leave without saying “I Love You”; it may be the last time you see each other.

23) Pick your fights. Not everything is worth fighting over. Which leads me to…

24) Silently, exercise forgiveness of those who hurt you; for your own liberating health and well-being.

25) If you want to learn humility, fear, patience, concern, sacrifice, worry, happiness, joy, laughter and fullness of heart all rolled in one, have a child.

26) “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away.” ~George Carlin

27) Be courteous. Leave hostile in the gutter where it belongs….so it doesn’t become us.

28) Every day is a new day (Tabula Rasa). Turn the page: yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn’t come. Use it wisely. New beginnings. New opportunities.

29) Think Twice before you act (speak) in anger.

30) If you have your Health and the Love of your Family, you are rich beyond measure; everything else in Life is a bonus.

31) Don’t cut what you can untie.

32) Don’t settle for the hamburger when you’ve been having filet mignon all your life.

33) Pray without Ceasing. Life can literally bring you to your knees and often than not, that’s where we belong.

34) Hold the door for a stranger; we all have a story.

35) Pick up after yourself. One thrown gum wrapper can add up to a whole community of waste blowing in the wind.

36) “To thine own self be true” ~Hamlet/Shakespeare; each of us is unique.

37) Silence often speaks louder than words.

38) Take your pillow with you wherever you go, it can be the difference between a good night’s sleep and a long, yawning day.

39) Keep moving; it will keep you from a muddled state of mind.

40) Don’t be afraid to say “No”. Never, ever compromise your beliefs or standards ~Watch the movie ”Hacksaw Ridge” for inspiration.

41) Keep Smiling; it is a contagious gift you can give away for free; it’s catchy synergy.

42) If you want rainbows, you’ll have to endure the torrential downpour of rain.

43) Children are brutally honest, sometimes downright ruthless. The lesson? Don’t sugarcoat Life. Learn tactful kindness.

44) Keep it Simple, Silly (KISS). Life is too complicated; see the humor in the mundane.

45) Inspire a Mind; sometimes creativity trumps the rules.

46) When all else fails take a long, hot soak in a tub full of bubbles and lock the door.

47) Life is a Journey not a Destination; sometimes a detour on the wrong path reminds us to better ourselves and gives occasion to find the right path.

48) Develop a Gratitude Attitude

49) Character is who you are when no one is watching; you can’t hide from the reflecting mirror.

50) The days are long but the years are short; if you don’t think this is true, ask anyone over 60.

51) There are no failures that can’t be turned into a lesson, a strengthening of character.

52) Sometimes doing Nothing is More; getting lost in moments can give a small measure of Peace.

53) Making your bed Every. Single. Day. It is a Life Changer; this legendary skill creates a positive peace of mind.

54) Basking in the free aromatherapy of a garden is a stress cure and inspires healthy habits.

55) Savor dinner time: create a dish, uncork the wine, grab a linen napkin, play some tunes in the background and enjoy the best part of the day.

56) Keep On Traveling!

57) “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” ~Dr. Seuss

58) A good, hearty laugh that causes your belly to hurt is the best form of exercise.

59) I’ll Aways want to be Eddie’s Girl.

60) Seize opportunity EVERY DAY. Carpe every Diem!

Seize the time you have together with your loved ones.

“Time and Tide wait for no man.” ~Geoffrey Chaucer

List Makers

2020-04-27T08:55:00.001-04:00

LIST MAKERS EVERYWHERE ~ REJOICE!

For most of my life I have been in fast mode. Often, I need to be reminded to slow down as those around me cannot keep up with the pace; from the moment my feet hit the floor in the morning, it’s off and running. Most days, before 8:00 AM I have put together breakfast, packed lunches, planned dinner, scrolled through and returned a few emails, played a game or two of Words, scrolled through other social media, stepped on the tread mill for a quick run, showered, thrown in a load of laundry, put out the garbage, made the bed and put away the dishes from the night before. And all during this Energizer Bunny routine, my darling husband sits relaxed with his morning tea with a “stare-y eyed” look on his face.

Now I know this may sound crazy, but I actually love doing no less than 5 things at once; and pride myself at being able to do them with perfection. Single-tasking is torture for me. I find it difficult to just sit in a chair and gaze into space. Even on vacation I feel the need to get up at the crack of dawn and see as much as possible within driving distance. While some love the idea of rocking in a hammock or lounging in a chair, eyes closed, I dream of what books I can read off my to-be-read list.

Because this feverish pace suits me, I am a perpetual List Maker. I have lists for Everything. I make a list for the groceries, what items I need to finish my taxes, what bills to pay and when, who I need to call. My Christmas list starts as soon as Christmas is over. And believe me, this is only a small list of the lists. Some may think this compulsive;

I like to think of it as methodical.

Or, systematic. Most people who know me think I am very organized; I’m the one people call when they need something done ASAP and efficiently. I’m the family reunion organizer, the party planner, the behind-the-scenes form processor; usually under duress and under an impossible time frame. And I’ll admit, my dedication to lists sometimes has me jumping up in the middle of a conversation to check on a status; however, it is because I write these lists that I am able to uber-speedy my way through most anything thrown at me. It’s comforting to know I can always go to a list and work out the answer. In fact, when I don’t assign a task to a list, I sometimes wake up in the dark of the night wide-eyed, with a gnawing, incessant ticker tape of unfinished tasks running through my head.

We are all good at something. I may not have the talent to bake anything other than an upside-down, half-baked, lopsided cake, or have the coordination to Zumba my way around the gym but give me the challenge of preparing a project and I’m off and running. Disclaimer: Truth be told, ~shhhhhhhhhhh~ I really write lists because I fear I will forget something; when I start forgetting where I put my lists or have to make a list to find a list, I will know that it has gotten out of hand.

Until then…..Carpe Diem!

Move (Forward)

2020-03-05T14:02:00.000-05:00

It’s around this time in March that I begin to feel foggy in the brain. It’s as if everything is stalled and moving at a lethargic pace. It’s still too cold to take a walk and the days are still short enough to pass for winter darkness. I find if I don’t start moving I lose focus; all tasks get put on hold. If I wasn’t forced to go to an office for employment I might be tempted to stay put in my cabin; which could mean days on end without

ever going outside.

Yes, I’ve faced the fact more than once that I cannot accomplish anything in that state of mind and need to “get out”. Although my Fitbit reminds me to get up and move every 10 minutes before the hour ends, I have to physically and mentally motivate myself to “go” somewhere. On such days, the preparation to make a trip to the supermarket or the act of mailing a letter can seem like climbing Mount Everest. Yet, I know that once I get myself in gear and the door closes behind me that my focus will change to the world around me and distract me from the confines of my hibernated state.

When oxygen starts pumping the heart and the brain; muscles move and energy is produced; the five senses heightened. It’s as if I have come back to life! Clarity surfaces! We all know that it’s not good to sit for long periods of time and certainly not for days and weeks on end. Movement is a core element of health; the more sedentary you are, the quicker the aging process. This is the primary reason why fitness trackers are experiencing such popularity. Those little gadgets are trying to empower and inspire you to live a healthier, more active life. You have to keep moving at intervals; we are born with two feet. Use them!

It has long been known that physical health and mental health are inherently interconnected. As a result we see how movement not only gets us out of the house, but it can reduce anxiety and depression and improve your mood, boost your self-esteem, minimize stress and get you thinking clearly! Not to mention better circulation, stronger bones, deep breathing respiratory and improved metabolism! So you can see how Life=Movement. Movement=Life. A simple equation really; but, it seems, one that is not easily incorporated, especially during the long bleak months of winter.

Movement is essential for a healthy Life. So to escape your muddled state and become more intentional about moving, here are a few suggestions:

1) Window shop at the mall and then take a few extra loops around the perimeter (Leave your wallet in the car if you get tempted to spend).

2) Put on some favorite music and dance; you can incorporate this with cleaning the house.

3) Take a yoga or resistance band class with a friend; you’ll also get the benefits of

socialization and learning a new skill.

Try to make movement a priority.

Soon it will be Spring and we’ll be out and about!

Until then: Carpe Diem!!

Unforgettable You

2020-02-27T15:14:00.000-05:00

Let’s all make this New Year undeniably different! An unforgettable year! Unforgettable you! As you know, I am not one to take on New Year’s resolutions; however, the New Year is a nice place to begin taking a look at how you can be different in the coming months.

Where do you begin? First of all, it’s important to remember that we are not all alike. We think differently, we process things differently, we look different. As a result, this equates to a uniqueness in each of us. This is not a bad thing. Too many of us have been fed the notion that one has to do what the popular opinion is; to conform, to fit; that standing out makes us pushy or arrogant. Yet, if we were to look back in time, the people who changed human progress and development were often controversial; they didn’t have time to worry if they were well liked or “appropriately” adapting. What made each of them successful was that they understood Dr. Seuss’ quote: “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”.

Most of us are afraid to be different. We’d rather live our life like water-downed lemonade. But when we aren’t true to ourselves, we are diluting our power to make a difference for ourselves and others. Not all of us have to stand out in such a way that we win a Nobel Peace Prize or get written up in some famous magazine. No, staying true to ourselves can be influential to the smallest person in your life. Perhaps you are a good listener. Or are you able to see the humor in all situations. Is patience your strong point? Do you have unequaled energy? Leadership guidance? Be objective about yourself or ask others what they like best about you. Then make a mental list called, “My unique Qualities” and store them away for days when you catch yourself falling into the idea that you need the approval of others. Those distinct qualities represent who YOU are. Once YOU recognize WHO YOU are, you become like a tart, yet sweet glass of lemonade on a hot sticky day: Refreshing.

Think about times you have been with family or friends. Weren’t the most fascinating interesting conversations those where everyone did not think alike? It’s important to remember that the thoughts and opinions of others should be valued. Not all of us may agree, but it is thought-provoking and stimulating to listen to what others think. Once you are able to accept the fact that not everyone agrees with you or you with them, you can listen objectively to ideas. Perhaps they will be the very ones that spark a difference in your own life.

Remember, there’s no “right” way to live. What brings one joy is a curse for another. And as we go through Life, our joys are often shifting, changing. Don’t be afraid of this. The important thing to be aware of is what gives YOU joy. What makes YOU comfortable with who YOU are? What gives YOU the confidence to be different? There are different ways to live; different ways to pursue our goals. And when you need a little reminder and encouragement to be different, read Robert Frost’s poem:

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves, no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Go ahead… make 2020 the year you walk a different path by being yourself with no excuses.

~ Carpe Diem!

Foodie

2019-08-08T15:49:00.001-04:00

Foodie: To Beat or Blend?

What exactly does the term foodie mean? Does it mean you savor all food and the experience it offers: the taste, the aromas, the visual presentation? Does it mean you have favorite chefs that you follow, cooking styles and methods that are written down or does it mean you like to experiment on your own? Do you eat to live or do you live

for the sense of eating?

Now, I’m no Hunter-Forager. My idea of hunting is going to the Butcher and pointing to the cut of meat I want; or stepping into my garden and snipping an herb here and plucking a vegetable there. In our home, dinner is a chance to tickle the taste buds; a bit of a hobby. Side by side, meals are put together that are delicious, comforting, and healthy all rolled into one. We don’t mind complicated recipes and aren’t afraid to substitute one ingredient for another. We love to try different combinations from all ethnic groups and seldom eat the same thing twice in a month’s time. Gastronomes that we are, you can imagine then that dinner demands a slow, relaxing, relishing time to eat it.

We have a dinner pact: I pick the menu, make sure we have most of the ingredients and have a basic recipe in mind. Then, at dinnertime, we cook together. We mince, chop and sauté often whipping up incredible sauces as an afterthought to compliment the meal. I’m a true believer in the concept that if you can read you can cook (the fact that I didn’t even know how to boil an egg when I got married is proof of this). Anyone who says they can’t cook just isn’t being fair to themselves. Start simple. Then start simple again. Once you get comfortable, try changing just one ingredient. Then two. Before you know it your creative juices will have you simmering, julienning and flambéing with the best.

What? Did I hear you say your kitchen is too small? Too old? Unequipped? I don’t believe it. Of course, we would all love to have a dream gourmet kitchen with all the bells and whistles: marble countertops, every smart gadget known, double near-silent dishwashers, spice drawers and huge refrigerators that house every condiment needed at a moment’s notice; all complemented by an immaculate garden right outside the kitchen window. [Sigh] It all sounds so Martha Stewartian. But alas! Instead, builders grade is what most of us have to conjure up delicious dinners and store our wares. It’s Magnificence verses Functional. Perhaps the Great American kitchen is a myth. Because truthfully, who has the additional room for the latest fad gadgets? Instant Pots, Air Fryers, Standup Waffle Machines. Google “Deluxe Breakfast Machines” or “Breakfast Sandwich Makers”; I think you’ll agree.

The whole secret to creating a dinner that will get those sensory cells hungering (Sweet! Salty! Sour! Even Bitter!) is to look at and familiarize yourself with your menu ideas for the week, shop for your ingredients, decide in the morning BEFORE you go to work or play what you’ll have and Voila’, 50% of the work is done; now all you have to do is put it together with love. It’s really that simple if you get yourself into the routine of doing this. With good ingredients, a few sharp knives, a sturdy cutting board and a couple of pots and pans, most meals don’t take more than 20 minutes to prep.

Don’t let anyone food shame you…..anyone can do it.

So, pat yourself on the back, uncork the wine, grab a linen napkin and savor your next dinner!

Carpe Diem! Or perhaps in this case, Carpe Noctem!

GARDEN MADNESS

2019-07-01T10:04:00.000-04:00

Don’t tell anyone, but today, for a few moments, I stood in the middle of my garden in bare feet. Yes, squishing dirt and pebbles and maybe a worm or two between my toes. I know, it sounds dirty and gross; but it felt wonderful ~ a stress cure ~ like child’s play (think mud pies, blowing bubbles,splashing in puddles). Standing there, I looked again at the beauty of a garden. I really can’t even take credit for all the balance it provides. Sure, I work the dirt, spread a bit of mulch and drop in a few seeds here and a planting of varieties there, but the real sense of calm comes when you stop a moment and look at how the garden grows.

When I was younger, I thought gardens were for senior citizens and farmers who had a lot of time on their hands. I thought gardens meant nothing more than a labor-intense, continuous, tedious, endless chore of weeding and watering. I was wrong. Gardening is not for Sissies. Gardening is a Science. In fact, those “old people” and farmers who passionately garden? I wouldn’t mess with them. They know what they’re doing.

Now that I’m “older”, I understand that long gloves, floppy hats and pruners are standard tools for the trade of a gardener and that cultivating can be done with relative ease in between the rest of Life’s duties. However, once one gets caught up in a garden and all its glory, you begin to wonder why anyone would want to rush through the experience. Where else can you unabashedly hum on the top of your lungs your favorite tunes and breathe in fresh air while clearing your mind? In fact, I can get lost in my garden at times; I subconsciously solve problems by letting my mind rest in a lazy, peaceful, soothing way. My little planned 10X10 plot is my little connection to nature; where plants offer condolence, joy, harmony and give back a bit of love: the colors (!) the textures (!) the smells (!) And who would dare argue that anything tastes better than what you’ve grown in a garden? Just biting into a juicy tomato, cutting cucumbers and zucchini or adding herbs to a summer meal makes one appreciate what nature can give back.

What a delight to the senses a garden can be!

Maybe it’s the idea that plants are alive, giving you a sense you are interacting with a life source. And as a result, you, the nurturer, tending and coaxing the little sprouts into healthy maturity, reap the benefit of the vitamins and minerals we need for a healthy existence. And as an added benefit, your sweet-talking (yes! I talk to my plants!) assurances encourage them into willingly releasing their essentials oils for our well-being; free aromatherapy in the garden!

On sunny days, I love to bask in the garden with the warm rays kissing my neck. It is a welcoming place, a tech-free environment where birds sing, bees buzz and butterflies soar; the physical energy of weeding, watering, trellising and pruning gives me zip-pep-and-go while relaxing me at the same time. What an oxymoron! This is just how a small patch of earth can inspire healthy habits.

Eventually, I had to put on my shoes and go back to the busy-ness of Life. But, oh! What wonderful madness moments are spent in the garden! And don’t worry. I rinsed my feet before getting into my nicely-made-this-morning bed.

Carpe-Diem!

Summer Serendipity

2019-06-05T08:46:00.001-04:00

SUMMER SERENDIPITY

Writing this on a warm(ish) day, I’ve come to the conclusion that, for me, Summer and Serendipity are synonymous. Serendipity is a mysterious, charming word that means making desirable discoveries by accident; good fortune; luck. Wouldn’t you agree there’s a bit of magic that happens between the months of wintry cold temperatures and days of climbing under a blanket waiting for the apple blossoms to arrive? It’s as if suddenly, the sun shines through, hibernal malaise can flung away and warmer weather and longer days can be greeted with a hug and a smile. Throw open the windows! Let in the soft billowy breezes! There’s a certain anticipatory joy when, surprise (!), the floor is warmer under bare feet!

I could easily live in endless, sun-baked, sensational Summer somewhere, but then, without the gripping, raw freeze of winter, I may not experience this same Serendipity. After all, how does one understand happy without sad, pleasure without pain, warmth without cold? Magic. All of a sudden, after pulling a cardigan just a bit tighter layered over endless amounts of clothing for months, the mornings get lighter sooner, the birds chirp louder again, sunlight pours brightly onto the kitchen counter, radishes/snap peas/leeks can be planted (oh my!), the ground turned. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll hear the faint, singsong jingles of the overeager ice cream truck echoing down the street luring old and young

alike to its sweet treats.

And then there’s the promise of daffodils, lilacs, hydrangeas, roses; the yearning for farm-picked strawberries, juicy Jersey tomatoes, sweet corn on the cob and mouthwatering watermelon. Or the moment the grill cover is tossed from its protective state, exposing the barbecue waiting for the perfect burger or sizzling steak. Tell me this isn’t Serendipity. There are so many moments to love in Summer; so many

warm nights to feel alive.

One beauty of Summer is you don’t have to leave your back yard to feel its magic. You can kick off your shoes, feel the grass between your toes, sip a thirst quenching drink and bask in a sultry, lazy picnic dinner on the patio. Another is the beach: the radiant sunlight, endless and timeless crashing waves, lunch under an umbrella (be careful not to get a sandy sandwich) swimming in the salty sea. Do you like to ride a bike? Doze in a hammock? Catch lightening bugs with your grandchildren? Listen for the sound of the cicadas and singing peeper frogs? The magic of Summer: little gifts

we receive unexpectedly.

Perhaps it’s the sunny weather that encourages a brighter, more optimistic outlook during the Summer months. Perhaps it’s because we get out more in the fresh air, spending time with nature and family. Perhaps we feel freer to travel home and abroad, discovering things outside our living spaces that allow for adventure. Yes! I’ve come to the conclusion that I love everything about the Serendipity of Summer!

Welcome back Summer! I’ve missed you!

Carpe Diem!

Bed Makers

2019-03-01T11:30:00.003-05:00

BED MAKERS

Can making your bed every day be a Life Changer? Is it possible that there might be more to the legendary skill of pulling together the covers and sheets and repetitively going through the motions of piling on pillows every day?

I can remember from my earliest youth always “making” my bed and the ritual has carried through well into this old(er) age of mine. Although I thought I instilled this habit into my own children, I must come clean and admit that (Gasp! Horrors!) when I visit their homes I see unmade beds in the middle of the day! Therefore, let me make an argument in defense of the art of assembling our beds each and every day so all will understand why I think mastery of this good habit is vital.

To begin, there is the obvious reason for completing this task. We buy lovely 600 thread sheets, beautiful coverlets and assortments of throw pillows. Doesn’t it make sense to gather them together into a clean, beautifully put-together area that affects a calm oasis away from everything else? Dishes in the sink? Toys on the floor? Paperwork piles in the office? All becomes inconsequential because no matter what happens the rest of the day, you know there is at least one tranquil place you can go to ~ a retreat of sorts ~ one you’ve created; stress reduction all around. Thus, a made bed sends the cheerful message you care about yourself and those you live with.

Think about it. You spend roughly 1/3 of your life in your bedroom. The appearance of a well-made bed encourages you to keep the rest of the room tidy, which in turn has a surprising serenity to it. Surely you understand that it’s hard to be relaxed and secure if everything around you is in disarray and rumpled; keeping it organized can have a positive effect on your mood, on your mind, on your health and happiness.

Now don’t get me wrong, a properly made bed doesn’t have to be completed with military precision ~ “corners squared, covers tight, pillows centered under the headboard” per Admiral William McRavan ~ in his commencement speech to the University of Texas ~ (although you have my absolute admiration if it is!) but a neat cursory covering of the bed’s undergarments will do. When I put together my bed for the day, I believe I am starting the day off with a sense of accomplishment. It may seem like a mundane chore; it may seem small; but this simple task can set the tone for the rest of the day, encouraging you to achieve other more detailed decisions. It sets in motion a sort of domino effect, a chain reaction that kick starts, bolsters and increases your productivity. Impressive results can be effectuated by simply taking a minute or two to pull up the sheets and comforter and fluff a few pillows. See how the idea that the little things in life matter?

Now I know that some of you are thinking I’m a tad bed-obsessed. Why, you ask, should I bother to take the tedious effort to dress and decorate my bed only to mess it up again at the end of the day? Fair enough. You can find the answer in the book "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. According to the author, daily bed making becomes a habit that gives you a sense of taking charge and further claims that habits cumulatively lead to "a greater sense of well-being"; which, if you were to determine to make your bed every morning, you would see how developing one good habit can often lead to others.

Now here comes the best part. There’s a simple pleasure when entering a welcoming sleep environment in pulling back the covers each night. At the end of a hectic day, there is a peaceful ahhh(!)mazing feeling that cannot be achieved if one has to first sort out the sheets and blankets and find those tossed pillows that have made it under the bed (most likely covered in dust bunnies) before getting into bed for a well-deserved rest. It only takes a few moments to create this positive state of mind. I know this may seem a bit oversimplified, but that is the point: small steps, large results. Can making the bed be a Life Changer? See for yourself and once you’ve tried it, tell me…is there anything better than that “Welcome” feeling you get crawling into a soft, clean, comforting bed and falling into a deep restoring sleep?

Carpe Diem!

Judging Covers

2019-02-05T09:39:00.001-05:00

JUDGING COVERS

I think we have all heard the old adage, “Don’t Judge a Book by it’s Cover”; a metaphorical phrase which means "you shouldn't prejudge the worth or value of something by its outward appearance alone."

And, I think we’d all have to admit, we do judge the books

in our lives by their covers.

Let’s start with the simplest example: the library. Now I know that for many, the library ~ that quiet sanctuary of reading ~ is an antiquated venue. But let’s imagine for a moment that you were to visit one. If, when you step into the aisles of reading suggestions on many various subjects and don’t know what topic or author you want to read, what do you do? Look at the printed images or phrases on the cover? Do they catch your attention? Do you associate with the visual? Is it something you want to spend a day or more reading about? Do you go based on reviews by strangers who don’t know you?

And how many of us have done so only to be surprised one way or the other? A beautiful leather cover with a snappy title can ensconce the most boring, obtrusive book. And sometimes, a plain, nondescript publication with a simple title can be most exhilarating. Marketing the exterior, not the content, is a prevailing trend. In fact, interior decorators are often known to buy expensive-covered books to create a warm atmosphere in homes; the prime importance being that they match the room’s décor. I read recently of a wealthy businessman who purchased 13,000 antique books he will never read just to create a library look in his renovated home; those books were only for show.

Focusing on outward appearances may be a pleasing way to decorate a home, but it’s a dangerous way to live. This book cover analogy can be applied to how we interact with other people in our lives: our relatives, our neighbors, even strangers. Although I understand that first impressions can be lasting ones, in order to find the core of anyone, the preconceived notion that the “cover” people wear reflects who they really are, must be removed; outward appearances are often an overlay of what lies within. There is an old proverb that says, “Outward appearances are not a reliable indication of true character." Too often, we react to people instead of responding to them; defining them by their exterior before exploring the content.

Think of each person you interact with on a daily basis. Everyone has an unfolding story to tell if you take the time to hear them. And although the stories of our lives are variations of the many stories already told, each one is personal. Make an effort to learn about the subject at the heart of other people. What makes them tick? What interesting ideas do they have? What do they think on subjects that interest you? Go ahead. Strike up a conversation with someone that goes beneath the surface.

Carpe Diem!

Reforming Resolutions

2019-01-02T13:59:00.001-05:00

Reforming Resolutions

Ahhhhh. The Holidays have passed. And for most, not without getting our tinsel tangled and our falala jingles jangled. And here we are. In a New Year, with a new set of ideas for the future. As you know by now, I am not a fan of resolutions. I view them as vicious, cyclic listings of our perceived shortcomings, where, in fact, trying to improve ourselves in just a few weeks only brings us to the realization that we either a) don’t want to give up what we resolved to do or b) like feeling bad all over again this year for not trying. When resolutions even dare present themselves into my mind, I abstractly throw them to the gutter and stomp on them! Why? Because I cannot remember the last time a New Year’s resolution has really helped!

For example, we all know eating more fruits and vegetables, taking some meditative time for ourselves and staying active are good for us today, and in the long run. Yet, I cannot help thinking that instead of making proposals and propositions with ourselves, we should simply strive to be happy. No guilt. No shame. Just Happy. After all, isn’t that what we are really hoping for each other when we give a Happy New Year’s congratulation? Not a “new year new you” ambition but a Happiness wish for the future.

In order to do this, perhaps there are a few things we need to “Get Over”:

Get over the fact that you’re not going to lose those last 10 pounds. If you’ve been trying your whole life to look like a model or gym trainer, now’s the time to look in the mirror and accept who you are. Stop choking down salmon and kale if you can’t stand the taste. Unless your health is in jeopardy, it’s time to embrace the fact that as we age, our bodies change. Buy something to wear that looks good on you ~and makes you feel good~, not something that fits the 10-less pound person

you might never be.

Get over the fact that you’re not methodically organized. If you aren’t color-coordinating and micro-coding every item in your life with Post-it notes and Sharpie pens, you probably aren’t ready to start now. Tackling old photos you’ve tucked in a shoe box is one thing, alphabetizing the spices in your kitchen pantry and spacing hangers in your closet exactly an inch apart is not for everyone. You’ve gotten this far in life and are still surviving. Unruly piles or accruing messes get done better if done in small doses. Find your system and stick with it.

Get over the fact that you won’t ever run a marathon. Yup.

Most of us will never feel the weight of a gold medal around our neck. If you don’t like to run, don’t. If yoga’s not your thing, don’t sweat and Ommm through it. Instead, walk, swim, golf, dance, play ping pong, shuffleboard, tennis; just do something! Stay active. It’s not only good for your body,

but also for your mind.

Get over the fact that more is better. There comes a time in life when it’s time to put away the idea that reaching for more equals a successful, happy person. It doesn’t. It’s time to stop forcing ourselves to be something we’re not. It only makes you miserable. Go ahead, pat yourself on the back and be content with the surplus you already have.

Get over the fact that you’ll never cook like Rachael Ray. I admire anyone who is cooking their own meals, especially if they live alone, because it takes creativity. But don’t think buying all the ingredients for a meal you’ll only cook once (and possibly not like) will somehow be a game changer in your culinary world. Eat to live and enjoy it. It’s even OK to order in once in awhile.

I understand the idea of a fresh start and a new calendar, but it’s not the first day of the Year that holds the power of change. Instead, it’s about whether or not you’re excited about what each day brings. Once we accept ourselves and resolve that happiness is to be desired more than uprooting and modifying ourselves, we may just find that everything else falls into place; like a bonus. You might even be surprised to recognize that you’re quite resilient after all.

Seize the day to be the best you.

Happiest of New Years to a Happier You!

“The Potential for Greatness Lives within each of us” ~ Wilma Rudolph

Social Aniety

2018-10-02T08:43:00.001-04:00

SOCIAL ANXIETY

Today, like most mornings, after preparing breakfast, lunch, snacks and grabbing my liquid energy, I sat down to relax in my favorite comfy chair for an hour before joining the throngs of workers getting ready for yet another day at “the office.” First there’s Instagram: a family of 5 all smiling at the kale/beet snack mommy made, a friend strolling the streets of Croatia, another biking in sunflower fields. Then on to Facebook which has its own show of sailboat sunsets, swimmers in Caribbean waters and weddings, food, and… just about anything. Even “old school” texting and emailing is adding ways

to send photos and clips.

No doubt, social media plays a huge role in the lives of most people. What once was gossiping over the garden fence, to dialing up the princess phone, to texting has now elevated to an all out competitive session that can be cropped, edited and filtered so that even the sorriest-looking, mundane donut can be have the appearance of a French croissant being eaten at a street café

in the middle of Venice, from your own back yard.

It is indeed a media-saturated age that has everyone desperate to be perceived in the eyes of the world as the cutest, wittiest or most energetic; trying to make anyone and everyone they can “green” with envy. But in reality, often, there is a stark contrast between: what is truth and what is touched up. Let’s face it. Even the most confident among us feel a stab of jealousy (I wish that were me) and anxiety (am I doing something wrong?) at times scrolling through the lives of our “friends”. (A topic for another day…the drive for likes generated by the amount of people one can accrue to their account!) Mind you, all this is happening even though we all know, because we all do it, that posts are carefully and critically edited to create the incredibly perfect scenario. It’s hard to remind yourself that highly selected and filtered photos can be deceiving. Mental health professionals call it the compare-and-despair factor.

Unfortunately, social media anxiety has risen to epidemic levels. Sure, we’ve all compared ourselves to our peers in the classroom and later on as adults, but not all of us felt the need to “keep up with the Joneses”. Today, sadly enough, the comparison is world-wide all via a touch of the screen; the “neighborhood” got bigger and the stakes larger. People begin to label themselves in a negative, unhealthy way that forces anyone using social media to constantly monitor the way they present themselves. This is serious since it’s a fact that since social media, self-esteem has dropped in all age groups (Google: negative effect on self esteem and social media; you’ll be surprised).

Think about it. Although the world is constantly surrounded by/with instant interaction, people have never felt more alone (Google: social media and lonliness). Look around you at your next outing. What does everyone seem to be doing? Holding a mini computer to their faces. Times are sad when you see two people dressed up for dinner only to be engaged with their phones instead of each other. And this doesn’t even take into account the effect all this media is having on the next generation.

The truth of the matter is that we all crave attention. But instead of this constant one-up-manship, what people really need to recognize is that it is not an external existence that shows how smart/successful/accomplished – you fill in the blank- you are, but an inner feeling of contentedness. No amount of filter or cropping will cover our flaws; instead, we need to accept ourselves for who we are. How you feel about yourself and how you perceive yourself

is directly related; heart and mind.

So. Where does one draw the line? What is a healthy balance (since we’ll not fool ourselves into thinking social media is leaving the internet any time soon)? First take a look at how long you stare/spend time looking at everyone else’s “perfect” life and recognize if you are obsessed with striving to look just as good if not better. Then honestly think about how this makes you feel: Happy? Or Depressed and Emotionally depleted. If this is you, it’s time to take a break. Perhaps limit your internet time. Do something else. Take a walk. Read a book. Invite a friend out for lunch (no phones at the table). Visit the library, the beach, a museum. Remember. The noise in your head can be louder than the noise on the street. Giving yourself a digital Sabbath each week –just one day living for 24 hours without checking devices – could be the solution to re-balancing

(a reboot) ourselves; Ahhh, a routine that allows space for breathing.

Go ahead try it. I’ll see you on the towpath…Carpe diem!

Garden Gratification

2018-07-12T08:58:00.002-04:00

GARDEN GRATIFICATION

Like many gardeners, I like to start planning (even if it’s just in my mind) my summer vegetable/flower gardens in the coolness of winter. Watching seedlings sprout somehow brings a sense of expectation; a hope that Spring and warmer weather is just around the bend. Yet, after the danger of frost, transplanting those seedlings is when the real work begins: digging, pruning, weeding, watering, and guarding against pests large and small; cultivating a garden is a lot of work.

For example, weeds. We don’t like ‘em. We don’t want ‘em. But they are always there. In fact, sometimes they grow taller, stronger and fiercer than the actual crop we want to reap. Being the controlling type, I’ve learned early on that you simply cannot control a garden; it controls you. If it rains for a week and the sun suddenly shines, you run to tend it. If little insects or chipmunks try to take possession, you lovingly screen it. If there is a drought, you’ll stand for hours with the water hose tangled around your ankles, no problem. A garden is a bit like having children; it forces you to reorganize your life. But, after a crazy, nerve-racking day at the office, nothing soothes the mind more than working the soil and breathing in the solitude. As a result, I’ve come to look at those weeds as survivors and as I pluck them from my garden, I envision the idea they are just trying to find their way into the world of horticulture. After all, with all that attention, who wouldn’t want to be in a small plot of Utopia?

When you garden, you leave behind all technology (Facebook! Email! Instagram!) and learn to converse with the simple pleasure of listening to bird song, feeling air movement and smelling outdoors fragrance. Yes, pandemonium and clatter are replaced with hushed, tranquil quietness. The garden becomes a small bit of area that only the care taker occupies; a selfish sense of space. Why do I say selfish? Because once you have found this, it is a pleasure you don’t readily share with others for fear everyone will want to do it and then it will be all commotion and hullabaloo. Yes, once discovered what contented peace a plot of growing vegetation can bring, even the glimpse of an aircraft disturbing airspace solitude can cause a frown of irritation.

Aside from ascetics and the consumption of produce, there is a deeper, more gratifying reason to wanting a green thumb. According to research, black hands can increase your serotonin levels; contact with soil and a specific soil bacteria, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of serotonin in our brain and we all know the lack of serotonin causes depression. Getting your hands dirty is emotional, physical and mental therapy! Not to mention sunlight (vitamin D) and fresh air (mood booster)!

The only problem is, once committed to a garden one does not easily retreat back to the noise of Life. I often have to be called several times into the house from my garden, begrudgingly, leaving all that isolated seclusion behind. Yet, it’s nice to I know I have a special place I can go to where the sights, the smells and the sounds bring relaxation and reduce stress.

So the next time you stop to uproot that obstinate weed, indulge it a gentle tug, you can’t blame it for wanting a piece of all those benefits.

The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finding Peace

2018-06-26T13:33:00.004-04:00

Finding Peace with Yourself

I’ve been known to get stuck in my ways and buck at anything that diverts me from methodical routines and well devised plans. So when my ideas are upset, I often resort to figuring out just what went wrong. It is as if my organization, conceptions and preparations are being assaulted. My personal world tilts and skews; I take it very personally. As a result, I have also been known to over think things… on occasion.

I suppose part of ruminating comes from a deep sense of finiteness, which causes us to be overly logical about many things. For example, I am fixated on managing my time. Seldom will you see me just staring out a window (although I’ve been told such behavior can be very meditative); in my mind, there are so many books to read and schemes to figure out. I manage my time from dawn to dusk (and if I had it my druthers, it would also include dusk to dawn…who needs sleep?) with precision and exactness by using lists and post-its. Everything is categorized into mental groups; unrelated, immaterial and besides-the-point details do not qualify. As a result, on a subconscious level, I recognize I am asking myself, “What if I don’t get everything done that I’ve put on The List?” A continuous pressure then builds by the end of the day, causing me to implode. So much to do (!) and so little time to do it in!

Should I consider this a flaw in my genetic makeup or a product of learned behavior? If I pick the former, I can blame all my ancestors before me, which gets me off the hook…after all then, I can’t help my behavior. If it is to be the later, I may have to learn all over again to CHILL OUT because the danger with this rigor is that I may come off as blunt, direct and obsessive (I prefer to think of it as Focused).

So if you’re like me, you’ll love the tabula rasa theory (a blank slate existing in its original state) that allows for some margin of error, or in this case, list reboot…after all, tomorrow is a new day, one that begins with no mistakes or lists in it and we can start over if we must. Ahhhh….a blank page that has been wiped clean. In fact, starting brand-new is often just the thing we need. Such thinking takes the pressure off and reminds us to remember: spontaneity can be freeing and refreshing. Yes, it’s permissible to change The Plan (of course, only if you have one to begin with); that way, the joy isn’t taken out of every moment. We then realize finishing The List (and who does that ever anyway?) doesn’t necessarily bring instant happiness. Besides, tabula rasa doesn’t mean forever blank…instead, it allows for a new day, new lists. That’s Life.

So after some more ruminating, I’ve come to realize that sometimes Life’s diversions, unsettling and painful for us methodical types, are often ways of redirecting us into other paths we would never voluntarily go on. Seize those opportunities!

“OBSTACLES ARE DETOURS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION”

Eddie's Girl

2018-05-26T06:00:00.000-04:00

I've posted this before, but it's worth repeating.
As I get older and the longer I'm married, the more I realize that each year is a gift.

I’m one of the fortunate ones. After 40 years of marriage, my pulse still quickens and my heart pumps harder when I’m with my husband, Eddie. It’s not hard, though, to love him. Everywhere I go, the women all love him and the men find him slightly silly and sappy.

I don’t know if it’s because he once cooked me a heart-shaped meatloaf for Valentine’s Day, or rented me a convertible for a day to drive to “no where”, or rowed me around the lake in Central Park on my birthday; he just knows how to make the special days memorable.

But when it comes down to it, it’s the everyday things that endear Ed most; drawing us closer as the years go by. Each morning starts with freshly ground, whole bean, prepared the night before, brewed coffee. And after we leave for our respective occupations, the occasional “I’m just thinking of you” call keeps us connected. These “ordinary” gestures are reminders of his daily thoughtfulness.

In addition, he is not ashamed to say he loves me; often. Or that I am beautiful; and I instantly feel so. He begins each day whispering in my ear a quiet, drowsy-eyed, “Good Morning” – good to begin a new day together - and ends each one with, “I hope I see you tomorrow” – because we both know, first hand, sometimes tomorrow never comes.

And even more often, Ed’s actions speak louder than his words. The way he looks at me, unexpectedly reaches for my hand, or softly pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. He can speak wordlessly to me from across a crowded room with just a wink. He has cried with me, sighed with me and prayed with me. He tickles, teases and spoils me. When life gets me down, he knows how to turn my up-side-down, in-side-out fears and emotions into calmness; always there with a listening ear and an understanding heart. In his arms I feel secure,
enclosed in warmth.

As a result, many a hug has cheered me and convinced me to go forward. It is because Ed has such a selfless attitude that he is able to bring out the best in me. And his kiss…..well, it’s bliss. For me, Ed is like a ray of sunshine and I like the flower that leans towards him. Naturally then, it a no wonder that the song, “You are my Sunshine” is a favorite of ours.

In this age of liberation for women, I like it when he holds the door for me or carries the groceries into the house. I consider him a gentleman when he pulls my chair out at a restaurant or offers his hand when stepping out of the car.
Chivalry isn’t dead with Ed.

Together, we tackle chores around the house. There are no “his” and “her” lists because we are a team. As a result, often, Ed washes the dishes while I tackle the bills, he bakes up batches of muffins and I hedge the bushes. Our lives revolve around each other. Although we have our separate interests, we always consider each other when making plans; it is a courtesy that has grown out of mutual respect.

Perhaps all this is possible because Ed is comfortable with himself. As a result, he freely shares his feelings and isn’t afraid to laugh at himself (and believe me when I say he takes his share of jabs). His humor and silly side keeps me laughing. We’re not just partners in a journey. We’re friends who share smirks and giggles. This side of our relationship allows us to continue our “courting” throughout life.

A few years back, Ed announced that Friday nights are official “date night”. Together we have had picnics in our bedroom, tea parties by the lake and stargazed in the grass. We compete in bowling, Monopoly and chess. We dine for two with only candlelight on the deck, combine pizza and a movie or just eat ice cream for dinner.

Since our children have grown up and gone their respective ways, I am often asked if I have experienced “empty nest syndrome”. And I always answer, with a smile, that I will never be an empty nester… because I’ll always have Ed.

It hasn’t always been this easy. Married at 18 and 23, most of our friends and family didn’t think we’d last. Labeling us as too young and immature, they were sure we would be a statistic in no time. But they underestimated our commitment to each other. Then we added four children to our home. Sneakers, sports and college tuition kept our funds just above our earnings. But we always remind each other that we are fortunate. We have love and health; everything else in life is a bonus. Early on, as a joke to keep us going, Ed would ask me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” And I’d always answer, “Eddie’s girl.” It is our mantra and makes us smile.

Often throughout our marriage he has asked me to “marry” him because we couldn’t afford expensive rings and would joke that as a result, we weren’t “properly” married. Recently, after all this time, he came home, got down on one knee and “proposed” to me, presenting me with a beautiful diamond ring. He has a romantic side also.

However, the old cliché “Opposites attract” is true for us. Ed is a laid back, “whatever happens, happens” spontaneous kind of guy. His clothes lay where he takes them off, he reads several books at once, and his schedules don’t include looking at a watch. On the other hand, I am methodically driven, time obsessed and structured. Although we have had to learn the game of “give and take” over time, being with Ed is like being with the other half of myself. The side that needs to slow down and enjoy this beautiful life we have been blessed with.

That is why my favorite time of day is when we arrive home after work and share our day with each other. Whether we’re snuggling on a rainy day, catching the last rays of sunlight on our deck or walking around the block, talking with Ed helps me put things in perspective. Together, we often tackle and conquer the problems of our little world.

In fact, I’m convinced if there were more of Ed to spread around the world that it would be a better place. Often you can tell how kind a person is by the way they react to small children and animals. Ed is not above getting on the floor, making funny faces or blowing bubbles with the youngest child in the house. And the birds in “our neck of the woods” are ceremoniously fed. Ed keeps a watchful eye on the feeders and provides ample birdhouses for nesting; true signs of a compassionate individual.

Yes, our life together is a comfortable one. If I had the opportunity to exhort the young-to-be-wed, I would tell them they can also live a love story if they put “Communication”, “Respect”, and. “Commitment” on their priority list. With these three ingredients, love falls into place. Naturally.

I’m so grateful to share my life with this man who is so willing to give me such a big part of himself. And, of course, you know by now, that I will always want to be

Eddie’s girl.