My Reflections and more...

The Feast of Roses

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 20:44:00 +0000

I recently finished Indu Sundaresan’s “The Feast of Roses” and I thought the book made a really good read. It is not a literary masterpiece by any benchmark, but Sundaresan has done extensive research on Jahangir and Nur Jahan and it shows.

I have read the prequel, “The Twentieth Wife” too, but as a history enthusiast, this book held my interest more, for “The Twentieth Wife” is largely the love story of Nur Jahan and Jahangir, whereas this book begins with Jahangir marrying Mehrunnisa as his twentieth wife. Her ascent to power, at a time when women were regarded only as a commodity is extremely entertaining and interesting. She, of course, used Jahangir’s blind love to manipulate him and reach her ends, but we need to look at this through a glass tinted with time. This probably was the only way she could have done it and even that was unheard of, during those times. Women, back then, did not even have a say in whether her husband could marry some X or Y princess, or bring a lady to the harem. And in times like these, Nur Jahan was the last lady to be married by Jahangir, and I think this is a testimony enough for the lady that she was! And in the same breath, I need to take the name of Jahangir, who stood up to show his support for Nur Jahan and even granted her the privilege to mint coins under her name and come to the jharoka to listen to the citizens’ problems and offer advice. No Indian king seems to have accorded such importance to his queens (in the books that I have read, only Kundavai from Ponniyin Selvan comes close to the kind of power wielded by Nur Jahan, but being a Mughal queen must have made the feat much more difficult for her than Kundavai, who was a Hindu princess). And that very act is evidence of Jahangir’s monumental love, much bigger than the Taj Mahal built for her niece (Mumtaz Mahal was Nur Jahan’s niece) by Shah Jahan. As Dumbledore rightly says, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends”, Jahangir had to face stiff opposition even from the closest of his friends for the freedom and power he had bestowed upon Mehrunnisa. There is not a lot of evidence to show that Mehrunnisa misused this favour and I would like to believe that she put it to use the same way a king would have!

The book takes us through a lot of incidents of historic significance, without giving us the feel of a documentary. The abduction of Jahangir by Mahabat Khan, Shah Jahan’s cold blooded murders of his brothers, Khusrau and Shahryar (the third died on his own before Shah Jahan had a chance to kill him too), the Portuguese burning of the Indian trade ships due to the imperial court’s favour for the English etc. Interestingly, Mughal kings and queens used to own trade ships which used to be a source of their income in addition to the mansabs they enjoyed. And mercifully, ladies too were allowed to own ships and earn money!

Mehrunnisa’s characterization is rock solid with her arrogance and headstrongness never leaving her till her death. Why she wants power is never sufficiently explained, but that is a common human weakness and one does not need a reason to desire power. She doggedly looks after her self interests and the Emperor’s (I suspect that’s because his well being was the only chance of her well being) and Sundaresan has never shown her to be emotional or confused, just because a woman protagonist has to have some moments of weakness. I have come to like Nur Jahan, despite all her shortcomings, mainly because she broke free her shackles, did not allow the society to dictate how she must live, lived with only one purpose: to be the most powerful voice in the Empire and never ever felt guilty about her ambition. I would love to read more about her and I think she was truly a woman who broke the glass ceiling the way we know it today. It is a good thing that the post coincides with Women’s day! I could not have come up with a worthier subject!

But isn't happiness our natural state?

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 18:23:00 +0000

Like everything else in my life, this blog is unplanned. I rarely think of things to write about. They are almost always expressions of some overpowering thought needing a vent. My last post here was written on completing a year in my job. And the very same thought has been keeping me busy for almost a year! Strange but true. Whenever my mind is idle, it turns to the subject like a cow regurgitating its food to chew during moments of leisure.

But my treatment of it has become a little more mature. Like the prayer that says, "Give me the power to change things that I can, and the wisdom to accept those I cannot". Work is now no more very bothersome. In fact,it is the break that I take between doing things I like to do! And for that I have to thank my stars and office a gazillion times!

I have been coming home to something every single day: some days its the books I have read and re-read countless times: Harry Potter, Ponniyin Selvan or Gone with the wind. Some days its the new ones : The Kingkiller Chronicles (Very highly recommended for fans of fantasy), Thiruvarangan Ula, Made in America. Some other day its a movie I have downloaded in the morning (I alone have been using up 30 GB every month ;) ) or a series I have taken a strong liking to. Other day its some article on photography I had bookmarked in the morning or a scheduled show on NatGeo Wild. So, when I leave for work, I know exactly what I am going to do that night. And that keeps me insanely happy for the entire day (so much for calling myself unplanned, but yeah, if you prefer, I guess I am a very short term planner). There is some strange and positive energy thrumming within, all day, idling only during office hours ;)

I do wonder if there is any medical condition which is the exact opposite of clinical depression. But if there is, I am sure it needs to go untreated! A small voice keeps telling me that I am a misanthrope, who revels in living so much by myself, but I am sure I am not that. I have a family and a friends' circle that I love a lot, so in the steps towards self-actualization, realizing why I am so happy should be the next step :D

What is my deed worth???

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Tue, 17 May 2011 17:33:00 +0000

(*This may come across as a rant. If , like me, you too have very little tolerance for that kind of writing, kindly skip the post.)

One thought is using up a lot of my processing power these days. I keep thinking if I have wasted the first 25 years of my life and if what I have done so far is meaningful. To sum up the all these years, I have gone to school, earned an engineering graduate degree (which did not need 80% of what I learnt in school), worked for a couple of years as a software engineer (which did not need 100% of what I learnt in engineering), went to a B-School for my post-graduation (no engineering skills + no skill from the work experience needed), interned in an automobile group (which did not even need me going to the office) and landed up in an equity research job (which needs no engineering knowledge, but uses a little bit of what I learnt in the B School). So I have clearly run from pillar to post, searching for something I could not identify all these years.

The saddest part is I have not identified it even now. In the school days, I never was exceptionally interested in any particular subject. My interest in a subject during a year depended largely on the teachers. But when I was learning a few subjects (only a few!) in my engineering (Electrical machines, Power Electronics, Power System Analysis etc) I thought I had found my calling. I enjoyed these immensely and looked forward to the classes and the labs. While probably the right thing to do then was to take up a job in one of these fields, I was struck by the MBA Cupid and threw away my final year, when I could have done a useful project somewhere. To aid the so called MBA preparation, (basically going back to my school syllabus during my final year B.Tech!), I took up the first job on campus (a software company).

Again random learning there. Some ancient programming language, which was invented probably around the same time as valves was imposed upon me. I learnt the basics of that and SQL and became quite comfortable with my work and thought I was cut out only for that. MBA admission came knocking and once more left my terrain to enter a new one. And what I am doing after all this too does not evince much interest in me!! I am left high and dry and often wonder if learning itself is over valued. Most of what we learn is pretty useless for day-to-day-life or for work. Then why learn at all?? Learning is held at such a high esteem everywhere with companies stressing on continuous learning and what not, whereas in reality, our learning is limited to collecting an assortment of information with no use whatsoever. For example, I know mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell and how endocrine system is different from exocrine. So what?? Who cares? The next time something is wrong with my endocrine system, I need to consult a specialist who probably struggled in his school to do time-distance and geometry problems. Similarly I know how electric power is transmitted. Big deal! How does it matter as long as I cant do anything about the line losses? And how does knowing about it change anything I do?

The common explanation I get is we need to get exposed to all the fields, to be able to judge where my interest lies. Nothing can be farther from truth. Ok, after all these experimentation, I say my interest lies in agriculture research. What can I do about it?? I feel like Edison, having found 999 careers that don't interest me. But what is the recourse available??

I feel claustrophobic thinking. I feel my job is inherently meaningless. To me, today, the only criterion that defines meaningfulness of a career is what happens if I succeed/fail in the objective of my job. If I succeed, someone makes a couple of more millions, I fail and they lose a couple of millions. This is not something I care about. This is not something that I envisaged for myself. My definition may change, but, this is definitely not something that brings out the best in me. The worst part is more than 90% of the jobs I see around me are of similar nature. They have no bearing on anything material to human life or just life in general. If I jump from here, that would be mostly to land in one of those 90% jobs.

I know everyone gets into this Jerry Mcguire-ish situation, esp in the mid twenties. But the effect of this quarter life crisis is largely under-estimated and absolutely under-expressed. I am robbed of the interest to read/try anything new. A big "Why this?" flashes in my mind every-single-time I think of anything.

Help me do anything worth doing. Ideas invited! But please, no learning new things like dance, art and blah for the sake of over-rated learning. Also, do let me know how you are coping with your quarter-life crisis (Assuming you are single, otherwise, quarter life crisis would have been too-minor-a-distraction for you to have noticed!!)

Memories That Bind. And Gag.

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 21:07:00 +0000

They say familiarity breeds contempt. But mine is a curious case. Familiarity bred no contempt, because time robbed the familiarity. If I say familiarity is knowing what you eat, what you wear, what you do and what you think. But my definition surely lacks substance. I m sure it should be much more than that.

But looking at yesterday, I would still say you were familiar. Even though I don’t understand what it completely means. I thought you were with me when I laughed, when I cried, when I read, and hell, when I slept. You knew the passage I loved, you knew the soap I used, and you even knew the last movie I watched on my laptop. I used to be worried sick when you were not well, I always knew the joke that would make you laugh and I could tell in my sleep when you had to go to the tailor to collect your dress. If this is not familiarity, I don’t know what is.

Time hurts as much as it heals. Especially when I have too much of it and you too little of it. It makes me wonder who would want to listen to those stories I used to bore you with. Of course, wondering has produced no results so far. But I know you are caught up in no such web of trivial needs. You adapt and you adapt fast. And I try something neutral between admiration and resentment, but settle closer towards the latter. It is not your fault that you have a new pair of ears to fill in and it is definitely not your fault that we are looking at different things: you at the future and I at the past. The divergence is strangely unable to obliterate the memories I cling to. The ones I know I should not. But if you offer to erase them for me, I would politely decline. For I know they would be the only reminders of you, in the next many days to come… As Adichie says, “Heart is where home was”, and home is where familiarity is.

(Image Courtsey: http://fineartamerica.com/featured/the-loneliness-of-abuse-leisa-collins.html)

Celebrations: Expected and Not-so-expected!

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 19:56:00 +0000

Well, well, well, its double celebration for me today!! India wins that elusive world cup and Google decides to feature a photograph taken by me :) :)

https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/featured?feat=featured_all#

My mood is lifted from its nadir suddenly :)

The Wreck and the Steadfastness

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 19:51:00 +0000

As Japan battles the after effects of the disastrous quake and the tsunami, one cannot but wonder why nature chooses Japan to unleash her fury every now and then. As a country which worships nature, as people who revere everything from water to mountains to flowers, you would think Japan must be deriving a lot of benefits from the resources bestowed by nature. But facts point otherwise. Despite a 70% forest cover, this country decided not to exploit its forest resources for economic gains, may be due to its deep rooted Shintoism, and imports most of its food, energy and other raw materials. And from the rest 30% of its land (for context, Germany seems to have 30% forest cover, US 33%, India 21%, China is still hoping to reach 20%), Japan grew to be the second largest GDP in the world (until very recently) emitting 4.5% of the total carbon emissions of the world (2007 figure, but could not have changed much), against China at 22.3% and US at 19%. Must not be a co-incidence that the carbon emission protocol is named Kyoto protocol!

I am not aware of how industries in Japan achieve this, esp with the country among the leading automobile exporters of the world (I am actually hoping for a discrepancy in the figures, given I have taken it from various sources). But that cannot dispute how environment conscious its people are, for here is look at how most people live (from NPR):

“He and his wife, Hitomi, don't own a car. They have a solar panel on the roof. They collect rainwater in an old whiskey barrel to water the plants, and they don't use dish soap. Shibata's biggest luxury is a wooden Japanese soaking tub, which he built himself. He sits in the tub after he has thoroughly scrubbed himself. After the soak, the bathwater is recycled — and reused for washing clothes. The process is facilitated by a simple hookup. Shibata guesses that about 5 percent of Japanese use a pump to send water from their bathtubs into washing machines. After the clothes are washed, Shibata does what most Japanese do: He dries his wash on an outdoor clothesline. Most Japanese don't own clothes dryers. Their clothing hangs on television-antennae-like racks that twirl around on their railings. "You get to see lots of clothes hanging. ... Don't see that in America. Space is very valuable here. If you can do without something, you do without it.”

The philosophy of Shinto must be largely responsible for the consciousness of environment and minimalism in everything they do. Shinto in its absolute sense is not seen as a religion by many as there are no Gods as such and only spirits called Kami. They are sacred spirits which take the form of things and concepts important to life, such as wind, rain, mountains, trees, rivers and fertility. Humans become kami after they die and are revered by their families as ancestral kami. It is touching to see that among things important to life they count trees and rivers rather than iPad and Facebook. In fact there is a story behind origination of the well known word ‘Kami-kaze’. In the 13^th century, there were two failed attempts by the Mongolians to invade Japan under Kublai Khan. During the first attempt, close to 1000 vessels were sent to Japan with Mongolian warriors and when the Japanese Samurais were close to losing, there was reportedly a huge thunderstorm with torrential rains, which forced the Mongolians to go a little further into the sea to anchor for the night. In the morning, more than 300 vessels had drowned and the survivors turned back the vessels to their motherland. Not happy with the failure, Kublai Khan attempted to capture Japan once more, and sent around 3500 vessels to fight Japan for the second time. To be safer, this time the fleet was divided into two, one from Korea and another reaching from China. The Korean soldiers arrived first and were held back by Japanese for 50 days near the coast and as the Chinese reinforcement arrived to support the Korean fleet, a second typhoon lashed the coast and nearly all the reinforcement ships drowned again. Probably this was the last attempt by Mongolians to invade Japan, for they developed a fear that Nature Gods (Kami) were helping Japanese, and Japanese themselves called the typhoon Kami-Kaze, wind of the Gods.

But probably even nature suffers from certain fallacies similar to human beings – being lousy to those who love you, and realizing their value only if you are close to losing them! For no other explanation would justify why the nation suffers, time and again at the hands of mother nature. But I am sure its just me and not a majority of Japanese who must be thinking this way… I read Guardian’s blog, calling Nature cruel and insensitive, while the few Japanese reporters’ blogs I read said that they respect nature more than ever now, for it shows that how-much-ever footprint we claim to leave, her footprints are always larger and more long lasting. Revering what destroys you is unique and a not-so-human quality and puts them among the most spiritual people in the world. Probably this gives them the excellence they demonstrate in everything they do and admiring them is pretty much all one can do from here. Long live the nation!

Dhobi Ghaat - Depressing Diaries

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 19:40:00 +0000

The hottest topic doing rounds among the Hindi speaking and movie watching junta is "Dhobi Ghaat".

"Did you like it? What a trash", "Oh, you did not like it? I found it very touching" - I cant remember the last movie which polarized the audience to such an extent.

Its very tough to like a movie in which the director plays the least important part and the audience has the maximum work to do. It does not build the characters, it does not give the story enough circumstances to develop, it even does not give the actors enough lines to speak! As viewers we need to think and understand why someone behaves in the way s/he does. If Aamir keeps flinching every now and then and gives a very wry smile, we need to surmise that he is driven by angst. If the dhobi's client is jealous about him getting close to Shai, we should guess that her husband could not probably satisfy her and the dhobi is sleeping with her for money. If the investment banker in her sabbatical gets very emotionally connected to Aamir after a one-night-stand, you should think of it as a girl who probably never got any time to do it (but my my, isn't she an investment banker?That explains it!) and hence falls for the first guy, who despite behaving like a prick, manages to touch her emotional chords. Then comes the 'I-am-unhappy-with-my-marriage' female. She creates these random video diaries for her brother because she has nothing better to do and ultimately commits suicide before even posting them on the internet or wherever. Surely, this is realism in a cruel city like Mumbai, isn't it? I mean what are you living for, once you know you husband is straying?? If only the unhappy Indian women understood this simple solution!! And as if these depressing characters were not enough, we have a neighbor whose role is to sit on the chair and stare at the ceiling. Then the parents who come to meet their daughter once and are not concerned about the neighborhood she lives in. The brother of the dhobi who had underworld connections (don't all Mumbai slum dwellers have such connections? Surely they do!) and gets killed by a henchman. How did these people help in conveying whatever she though about?? Or did we go for an 'as-is' process mapping?? We could have as well stood by the window overlooking any slum in Mumbai and observed and understood Mumbai diaries better. Of course you cannot ask for explanations from her. She is too busy creating the next plot.

The only saving grace of this ill-conceived, ill-executed, but well - marketed film is the background score. It is very haunting and stays with you long after you leave the theater. To some extent, the dhobi guy too has depth in his character. Otherwise, it was not just Aamir who felt pained throughout the movie (and he did not even have a valid reason except for his self proclaimed, "I like pissing people off") , it was each and everyone of us for having wasted good money and time on something this amateurish.

As far as the media reviews are concerned, I m 99% sure they dont want to be the one who has not understood the movie. So like the stock markets "hoping for the last fool" the critics pretend to have understood what was never conveyed and pass on the risk to the unassuming audience, who largely are made to feel that they are not qualified enough to understand and comment about elitist cinema like this. The truth is, cinema is as non-elitist a medium as one could get. Everyone can surely understand it without the need for a guide.

The Cosmic Discotheque

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 17:30:00 +0000

There was a power cut yesterday night. Went to the terrace. The sky was a brilliant blue. More black than blue, but you could still make out the blue hue in it. No stars. no moon. No other light nearby. Felt extremely liberated under the cosmic canopy. Thoughts just got blocked out of my mind. I probably lost my comprehension. My cognizance. Felt insanely happy I think. Can't recall the last time something moved me so powerfully. So effortlessly. Wanted to run down and get my camera, but stood riveted.

Wind howled like crazy and then was the time for some brilliant fireworks in the sky. Purple light rays cut through the dark blue sheet; Mildly in the beginning and more savagely later. What started as a point of light in one corner became a silver bolt travelling monstrously across the expanse. Branches of white light appeared everywhere and it looked like a divine discotheque. Purple, white, blue and grey crackling the clouds all around me. Raw power emanated from everything above me! I found myself almost wishing for a lightning to come and strike me. Was thoroughly exhilarated by the dangerous beauty. Am now reminded of the disconnect I have with everything around me. Need to spend more time in nature's company :) ! That is my resolution for today.

Half of a Yellow Sun

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 20:17:00 +0000

Some days back we had this terrible class on investment banking where we had to give a presentation on some restructuring strategies for a company. We thought we had done our homework and in fact all the groups had done some good analysis. But we somehow did not strike a chord with the Prof who was ill tempered right from the morning. The diatribe which followed our presentations would go down as the worst I have faced in my academic life so far. Every small mistake was highlighted and the presenters were torn apart with criticism. The whole class heaved a sigh of relief when it was 6:30, time for the class to get over.

Five minutes later, the entire finance batch was in the bus going to the city! Everyone wanted to put the day behind them and have some good time. So we went to the city, laughing all the way about some of the comments made in the class. Only when we reached the city did I realize that I had no idea where to go. I just wanted to be out of the campus and did not think for a minute as to where I should go.

Then I thought I would go to the Naturals Ice cream bar in Aundh as its one shop which never fails to cheer me up. And when I reached Naturals I saw a new Crossword store next to it. I went inside on an autopilot and started browsing. There was this book in the new arrivals which caught my attention, “Half of a Yellow Sun”. The book has been written by an African writer by the name Adichie and has won quite a few awards for fiction in 2007-2008.

I flipped the pages and read some lines here and there and got mesmerized by what I was reading. But when I saw this line, “Is love the safety I feel in our silences?”, I knew I had to buy the book. There was just no walking away from it!!

What followed the purchase is too short to be described. I read the book. I did nothing else! I remembered nothing else! The two and a half days is the shortest 60 hours of my life! I was sucked so deep into the characters and the situations and was laughing and crying along with the lead characters in it.

The plot is simple. The story is set in 60s Nigeria against the backdrop of the Nigerian civil war. There is this Odenigbo, charismatic and rebellious professor in Nsukku university, then there is Olanna, his wife, friend and philosopher who is very pretty and very human, in the sense you and me can identify with her most of the time, and lastly there is Kainene, Olanna’s twin, enigmatic, moody and distant. These three have very complex relationships with each other and Richard, Kainene’s boyfriend and a white journalist.

Most of the story is told through the eyes of Ugwu, the domestic help of Odenigbo. Odenigbo’s family loves Ugwu as their own son. The best part of this novel is the way in which human weaknesses are portrayed. No character is shown in black and white. Everyone is shown to be human in more ways than one. They display fear, arrogance, haste, regret, love, humour, joy, hope, despair etc in such a way that you want to reach out and comfort them when they are sad, kick them when they act superior and curse them when they kill their love. You root for their happiness right from the start as the love story between Odenigbo and Olanna is one of the most beautiful I have read in the recent times. There is a betrayal, then follows the hurt, then the revenge, then the realization that their love Is still alive, then their next realization that now their love is not going to be above suspicion, and their resignation to that fact are all told in such a gentle and touching tale that you cannot escape shedding some tears every now and then.

Kainene is portrayed as someone who is a hard nut to crack. Her own boyfriend is enchanted but pained by the enigma she is to him and some of her dialogues are so profound that she goes down as the most favorite character from this book (and most of the others I have read). She is a challenge to people near her and no action of hers in unjustified, but none can be justified either. The bitterness she shares with her twin because she is way prettier than her might remind you of people from you past who made you feel uglier than you really are! She bowls you over with her courage and frankness and if I need to ever have a role model from the books I have read, it would undoubtedly be Kainene. She later mellows down and revives the bond with her sister but before you can rejoice, there comes an important twist in the tale.

There is a very subtle humor which runs throughout the book despite the serious backdrop and surprisingly quite a few places make you laugh aloud too!! The premise for most of our so-called civil wars is very beautifully explained and you don’t amateurishly think anymore that language and land are stupid reasons to fight a war. What is happening in most of the African nations is plain legacy of the British rule and Nigeria civil war is no exception. But what is exceptional is hearing the story and justifications through an insider’s voice. War time diseases, war time love, war time cooking etc make you count each of your blessings twice.

Just to reiterate, don’t miss reading this book. You will be glad that you did when you finish this. Some philosophical thoughts and melancholy will haunt you a few days after completion, but then it is what makes this book so special. You connect with it. Totally! An emotionally honest book which makes you feel liberated from invisible bondage once you read it.

Next to read – Adichie’s Purple Hibiscus ! If there is one person I would like to meet right now and talk to, its Adichie. I have completely fallen in love with her words. And don't for a moment feel that I have reviewed this book. I am not qualified at all to do that. I just have tried to introduce this book to as many as I can and may be give an outlet to the satisfaction I feel ever since I completed this book.

Yet Another Day, Yet Another Walk…

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 21:13:00 +0000

It was a chilly morning. As usual I had got up in time for the morning walk. It was snowing mildly and I made a mental note to carry my snow umbrella as I unleashed Timmy. He snuggled against my legs to drive away the chillness. I bent down and held his cold snout against my face for a minute and gave him a peck on his forehead. I put on my muffler. We went out and locked the door behind us and started our walk along the usual route. The road was deserted as sun's rays had not yet penetrated the thick clouds to lick away all the snow.

I stopped at my favorite coffee shop to buy a strong cup of black coffee and a salt less croissant for Timmy. Obama was smiling at me from a wet tabloid and I gave away the change to get myself a copy. Timmy snorted. He knew that he would be on his own now as I would drown myself into the tabloid. He tried to release himself from my grip, but knowing him as well as I did, I had anticipated this and had tightened my fist around the leash. I let him guide me as I started browsing the front page. We passed the familiar smells of morning blossoms near the joggers' track and the sounds of the snow crunching under the spikes of the early morning joggers.

I kept telling myself not to expect him on the track. He had been married just for a week and there would be no reason why he would come out for a round in this hostile weather. Was it the reason for me to choose a walk now despite the cold? I did not want to answer it. I knew he was married but was just not prepared to meet him yet. I tried to read carefully what Obama planned to do with the troops in Afghanistan and Iraq. I realized the futileness of the attempt and lowered my hand exasperatedly. Timmy gave an excited woof and got back an equally cheerful yap. My heart started racing. No! "Dear God, Let it not be Saber. Please", I prayed fervently. And uselessely.

Timmy freed himself in a flash and ran towards Saber. Both bit and smelled each other as if to convey how irresponsible we were to have kept them apart for more than a fortnight. I gathered my courage to look up and away from Saber. "Does the crooked grin ever leave his face?" I thought wearily. There he was, standing and smiling at me, as I wondered if he had been really away for fifteen days. The lines near his eyes were the same, the blue i-pod clipped to his t-shirt was the same, and the white tick mark on his black tracks was just the same… There was only one change though. He had company this time. From a little distance, she looked every bit as pretty as someone like him deserved to have. And I had no wish to observe her closely. Words escaped my mouth as I cursed myself for being so impolite towards his wife. "Hi!", I said feebly and extended my hand towards her. She smiled brightly as he introduced me to her.

I was afraid that the tears stinging would somehow escape my eyes. I looked away in the general direction of Timmy and Saber and remarked dumbly, "They have missed each other a lot, haven't they?". "Sure looks like it", he said. "Saber was terribly bored during the marriage too. No one could handle him smoothly. I managed to find some time for him in between the ceremonies, but I wished you were there."

I looked at his face to see if there was more to his words than what they conveyed. No clue. Inscrutable as always. "Huh-huh", I said perfunctorily.

"If it were not for the emergency bug fix, you know I would not have missed it for anything".

His face clearly showed that he did not buy one word of what I said.

Suddenly the alarm in his watch started ringing loudly. The same Sonata No. 28. He absent mindedly switched it off. My stomach lurched. Was he too unable to sleep? Or did he get up before the alarm to meet me? It would not have been difficult for him to guess the extent I would go to avoid him, at least presently. Or did he even realize that I had a reason to avoid him? I felt unsure as always.

"I have told her a lot about you" he said and put his arm on her shoulder lightly.

My shoulder seared like molten iron.

"I hope it was something nice!"I said.

"Of course!" he said. "I told her that you could beat me in the 800m dash we used to have sometimes".

I could not believe that it was all he could tell about me to his wife. I glanced at my watch. I could not bear to look at him directly.

"Let's give the dogs five more minutes and then we can move on" he said evenly. Damn! If he could understand the dogs so easily, what could have been so difficult about me??

The unspoken words formed a lump in my throat and obstructed my breathing.

"Is that all you could tell her about me?"

He beamed mischievously. Blood rushed to my face. I became conscious of his wife's presence. I did not want her to notice me. Him, he anyway does not…

Damn him.

He never extracted from me what he was to me. And he had always kept me unsure of what I had been to him.

He looked thoughtful. Probably he too was cursing me the same way. Or probably it was just wishful thinking.

"What are you thinking about?" I would have asked him under normal circumstances. But I reminded myself that he was now a married man and not eligible for receiving my un-identifiable passes at him.

"If you are free this weekend, why don't you join us for dinner?" his wife offered.

"Good idea. She will come. Wont you?" he said.

I felt like Scarlett O Hara for a minute. I was prepared to throw myself against a married man and ask what he felt about me. I gripped myself and said "I would love to! I will give you a call to confirm"

He looked sincerely happy. I felt sure this time that I had not mattered to him in that sense. Else would he not be experiencing the same conflict within? But here he is, genuinely happy about my coming.

It made me feel slightly better. After all, the decision not to open up without knowing his side was correct. I would have made a fool of myself.

"See you both then" I waved. He took out a hand kerchief from his pocket to wipe his forehead. It was the same he had picked up from my track pocket a few months back. Had he preserved it? Why? Was it his idea of some kind of indicator?

I felt dizzy. I was tired of such mental jigsaws.

"Come on Timmy", I violently pulled poor Timmy and started walking in the opposite direction, leaving him behind. His glance burned hot on my neck but I never turned back. Tomorrow is anyway another day…

Ruminations of a restive mind !!

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 19:03:00 +0000

She: I wish we get time to do more of this. It is so refreshing.

He: Yes. Let s make a vacation planner for the next 5 years and stick to it.

She: Cant you get rid of that IT lingo at least on a cruise??!

He: You are losing focus. We were discussing about how to replicate this in the coming years!!

She: God forbid your language! You are driving me nuts!! Yeah, lets plan about it once we go home.

He: I don’t feel like going home! The damn release 3.2 is going to eat all my time :(

She: Release 3.2? What is it this time??

He: It is a web based conflict management tool. For peaceful resolution of conflicts between spouses, work teams, friends, room mates etc.

She: Heh??

He: Yeah. We identified the gap in the market for a tool like this. What basically our research found is that people are losing the ability to argue and fight gradually. Due to time and distance constraints, people tend to ignore even if there is some kind of misunderstanding with someone. So what our tool aims at is to enable people to create groups with various intimacy levels. For example, intimacy level 1 would be between Work teams and intimacy level 5 may be between spouses or very close friends. Based upon your group’s intimacy level, you would get an array of emotions to choose from.

She: So what do you do once such a group is created online?

He: Well, if the groups are in place, we have a visibility window which would indicate to people if you are online. And you presence would be indicated to them in various colour codes, each one for different kinds of moods – Euphoric, Tense, Sad, Lonely, Weird, Loving and so on. The best part over here is you can tell the tool who is behind your mood, let us say anger and that person alone would be able to see that you are angry. It would help in fast resolution as the person knows s/he is responsible for it (justifiably or unjustifiably) and hence would make at least an attempt to pacify you - which we believe is the step missing right now majorly because of distance separating people.

She: Don’t you think people would prefer just talking and clearing things face to face?

He: No. Have you observed in offices how people use IM to talk to even cubicle mates? Let us say your friend in Mumbai is mad at you for forgetting her birthday. Now you have no clue you have forgotten it and hence would have no way of knowing it otherwise. Or let us say you team mate had to give you a preliminary research report on which you had to carry out further analysis. But the guy took an unplanned leave and left you to curse him whole heartedly. Now if he could see on his mobile screen that you are seething with anger, it would definitely have an impact at least the next time he thinks of such crazy ideas. Don’t you think so??

She: I see you point. But still I don’t understand how this could help in conflict management between spouses.

They obviously know the other person is happy or upset. Don’t they?

He: Yes. But let us say, for argument sake, I am jealous of you being overly friendly with some guy. As a gentleman, I would try to dismiss such trivial thoughts from my mind. I would not be able to discuss this with you without me being turnip-faced. It would be much easier for me to just change my status to a jealous code. Only for you to see! I don’t even have to explain who the guy might be. You will immediately know right??

Or let us say you had to shop alone for the groceries because I was busy and you were very irritated about it while you were in the store. You might forget about it when I come home.. So if you could just change to “irritated” in the shop, even if you forget it, I would definitely remember and ask you about it immediately or after I come home. And we could avoid this incident happening again.

She: You know what, you are right about the groceries part :P :P! But I think you have a good idea here.. But you need net on the go right?

He: Yes. We are thinking of launching the mobile as well as the web version of it simultaneously.

She: Sounds good to me!! How did you get the idea?? We don’t even fight that often!!

He: I was watching Alaipauythey (Saathiya to the Hindi junta) the other day and I realized that 90% of the problems they had were because of not coming out with minor irritations and expectations. I felt that if such a tool could be provided, it would strengthen relationships to a great extent. I discussed with my friends and they too felt excited about it.

She: I wish I had the too, now. I would have changed my status to “Bewildered”.. You could not bother discussing it with me??

He: Haha !! You were too busy during that time and we never had a time like this to share things in open. Well, not for long.. We ll soon be one soul in two bodies!! :D

To Be or Not to Be

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 06:47:00 +0000

"It was raining outside. There was not much for him to do. He was tired of reminiscing now. He wondered if he should go back to sleep. The nagging headache too was bothering him. Probably a visit to the doctor was imminent. He must tell his parents about it. Coming to think of it, he realized that he had not spoken to them for nearly a week. In fact he had not even been busy. They had not called him and he did not have anything important enough to call them up and tell. He was worried that it was fast becoming yet another thing he was getting used to.

Distant thunder brought him back to reality. He vowed to himself that he would find time somehow this month to make a visit home. He needed some space to clear his head. Wasteful thoughts had been practically clobbering him down. The glorified education was filling him with murderous rage. The futility of the learning, the philosophy behind the course, the vainness of the whole exercise mocked at him as they had been doing for a long time now. He did not want to know how to multiply money. He wanted to know how to create money. For those who did not have it. Reinvestment of the investment felt disgusting. It did not have the nice ring to as one meal-a-day to two meals-a-day. Rice with water to rice with dal was what he wanted to know about. But nobody near him knew about it. The course refused to talk about it. He wanted to kill himself for letting IRMA pass by when it came knocking.

He did not want to be a huge failure of an MBA earning peanuts when his class mates would be running corporations. He did not want to remain wistful seeing people LIVE life. But he did not want to work towards creating wealth for those who probably did not need it. Need it as in NEED and not WANT. He was torn between the niceties of life which come at a price on one side and the happiness which comes from obeying one's inner command on the other side. He did not want to travel the road not taken. But he knew he would have to return back to it sooner than later. What he would miss lest he treads the conventional path was clear to him but the question of whether he would miss them enough to give up the life he had dreamt of while growing up taunted and tossed him. He was troubled by his own double standards. He wanted to be rich but he did not want to do what pays money. He wanted to live in Mumbai but wanted to work for uplifting the villagers. He wanted to travel the world in a cruise yet wanted to make sure no kid goes to the bed hungry. If wishes were horses, he would have owned a million stables by then."

What I personally feel is that he is making the situation too complex for himself. He has a lot of time on his hand. All he needs to do is soul-search and come up with wishes which do not contradict each other. He just needs to steel himself and make the single major decision of his life: to be or not to be. If he decides not to be, he needs to have the maturity not to be guilty or attach any moral strings to it. If he decides to be, then it is important to stick to it and work smartly towards the cause, come what may.

To be or not to be??

Betrayals !

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 16:38:00 +0000

Whether it's because of fate's design or my own error of judgement, I cannot still decide. But in the last one week, out of the four books I read (read bought n read!), 3 were disasters and the fourth was tolerable. Yesterday and today, I had been wasting time on Chetan Bhagat's "3 Mistakes of my life" and Arvind Adiga's "The White Tiger".. While I had no expectations from Chetan Bhagat, I expected the Booker winner "The White Tiger" to be a treat.. Especially when it is a self proclaimed dark comedy, my kind really..

White Tiger is a real page turner..no doubt. But I guess one keeps turning pages in vain, to find something which strikes a chord.. in search of something which makes sense to the reader. Tough luck there though !! What starts as a lower class servant's rants continues throughout the book, trying to deride India for everything it has either changed or is in the process of changing. The protagonist coming from Bihar calling it the darkness is understandable.. But thats where the connect ends. What do you make out when a driver gets enchanted by the life his employer leads and decides to mudrder him and better yet, justifies it throughout the book ?? Set in a first person, we cannot but look at everything from Balram's viewpoint but even then we don't get convinced that there is a real motive for the murder. Having portrayed the master as an exceptionally kind and friendly being, Adiga does not even give us the benefit of doubt that probably the ill treatment has blown off Balram's fuse. A man's ambition to go ahead in life is commendable, more so when he is from a so called suppressed class of India. But by creating a character who is so out of reality, by not having any emotion (except for being horny), or any true relationship(family or friends), the character remains directionless throughout. All he wants to do is become free from his slavery and the means is of little consequence to Adiga.

More enraging is the false protrayal of India to the world. Where the heck do we still have malls where men without shoes or T shirt are not allowed to enter? Or which village has bonded labour these days forcing children to skip school and work?? And do we ask somebody with a surname Halwai,"Are you not from the caste which makes sweets?? What are doing here as a driver?". I mean, it so set in the past.. Yet the same India is shown to have Sahara Mall in Gurgaon.

Common baths, Common sinks etc are a way of life in India. It does not apply just to the a driver from the Darkness. . So many young men and women in India live in hostels far awya from home sharing everything from baths to clothes with strangers.. Adiga makes too much out of these everywhere.,. Obviously India cannot provide a duplex apartment to a school drop out from Bihar.. I doubt if America can too. Balram has reasons enough to count his blessings and has not a single valid reason for contemplating the murder of his master for a second. Yet that is what he does.. Calling himself the White tiger, an animal born only once in a generation it seems..As much as I have read, White tigers are results of genetic mutation and has nothing special to its credit.. We have white cockroaches too in fact.

Predictably, the dark side of Delhi is explored completely.. And all the while you keep wondering what makes him overlook everything that is good about India and falsely claim a lot of things which stand out due to their artificiality. May be because everone is so overwhlemed by the Indian growth story and to be heard over the crowd you need to shout something which is different. And so the inexperienced and ignorant Adiga chooses to bring down India's image with falsity and exaggeration.

And when I came to know that it had won the Booker, I had a moment of self doubt where I thought that my verdict has gone awry.. But internet told me that almost all the Indian critics have lambasted the book and almost all the white critics have found it very exceptional (balm to their white ego).. Check out the links for polarised views and you would know what I mean.

http://www.hindu.com/lr/2008/11/02/stories/2008110250010100.htm and

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/09/books/review/Kapur-t.html?_r=2&oref=slogin

When I was opening the book , " 3 Mistakes of my life", I was sure I was making a mistake too.. His books are better left for times when you are travelling in a crowded bus with an annoying uncle asking you about why you are working out of Tamilnadu when there are so many software companies in Chennai or why you studied in Jaipur when TN has 236 engineering colleges. But being the loser I am, I had no company but this book 2 days back. I challenge you to find a single Indian parent, who after reading this book would let his/her daughter go to tutitions peacefully. Hitting on a professor's daughter, hitting on a student/best friend's sister.. I dont know what would come next in Bhagat's novel..hitting on ur own daughter?? I don't know what makes him stoop so low?? Does being the most widely read English author in the country makes him dilute the content for the masses? Or is it the lack of the content itself? India's own Mills and Boon is how he can market himself successfully. A new pair, but the same old mindless love stories under the guise of something new everytime.. It is entrepreneuship this time!!!

The book is a collection of all the incidents which shook Gujarat in 2000 - 2001. The Bhuj earthquake, the Godhra carnage everything has been brought in to lend credibilty to the narration.. which unfortunately does not happen. The story is so hollow and so pea brained. A kid in a story writing contest might come up with a story like this.. Yeah, but for the censored parts he is becoming the face of... We expect more from an IIT IIM grad.

The third was something the shop keeper shovelled into my throat. Some debut writer about IIT life (not one more plz!). It s called "Anything for you ma'm". The lesser said about it, the better. Someone aspires to be like Chetan Bhagat too :P !!

The fourth is by my favorite author Mary Higgins Clark. "You Belong to Me". A good thriller .. Only that I guessed the killer right after he was introduced to the reader and I kept turning pages in vain hope that she would somehow twist the story and my guess would be incorrect. Alas! What pleasure reading a suspense novel when you know who the serial killer is !! t least I expected better motive for the killings but she let me down there too.. Pretty lame ending.But stands out compared to the remaining three.

So Shantaram and Sea of Poppies are waiting to be read.They won't disappoint me for sure ! The only book I have enjoyed in the last three weeks is Stephenie Meyers' Twilight . A dracula love story. Quite a page turner. And quite dark too. But the second part is so badly written. You's think the dracula himself was forcing the author to come down with the sequel. But wisely I did not buy it but managed to download the ebook!

My gambles have gone horribly wrong. Hope its the time for pay off :) !

Catalyst on a boring day :)

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 07:19:00 +0000

The smirk is back.

There is a leap in my steps.
Constant flip flops inside
Some violent somersaults too!

The Tamil song in repeat mode
Dusting memories of yesterday..
The beauty of the lyrics
Creating a musical cascade within..

The key has been found
The lock has lost its value now!
The gush is exciting and familiar
Started on no less than a fourth gear!!

The constant hum disturbs hardly
Rather energizes oddly,
To match wits and class
To raise brows and smile!

An alert spine and a quick pulse
Sweaty palm just inches away
"Fantasy", you say?
"Most probably", I say!

Web is a blessing
Allowing me to stare at you from here!!
Much the same way I had
Without your blushing acknowledgment though :D

"Its weird", don't you say?
For a line to throw open the flood gates
But how do I care?
It brings me joy from nowhere!

This feverish excitement in all my joints
And the accusing heart making "its points"
No doubt are crossing bounds, but..
No complaints if I m entertained a few more rounds :)

To Bombay, With Love

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 18:10:00 +0000

The semester is coming to a close and this is to everything I have given up for it!
This is to those good days at work
The bad lunch and a fruit plate
The cheap, sweet tea
The tons of gossip to go along with it
The dingy apartment
My dirty bed without a cover
Books with yellow pages and faded prints
My laundry bag full of CAT material
Far yet close room mates
The late mornings
My love affair with The Times of India
Long baths with loud 9XM
Expensive deoderants
The leisurely Saturdays
Juhu's clay and calmness
Corn and groundnuts
Little Italy and New Yorker
The mystic ISKCON
PVR and Crosswords
Our own Bombay Blues Thali
Goodluck's upma
Fat Wallet
Breathtaking Bandstand
Tawdry bric-a-bracs
Sweaty locals
Stolen rides on the first class
Paan Spit and Pirated CDs
Wada Pav and autorickshaws
Shopper's stop n FabIndia
Mochas and Subway
Impulsive purchases
100 Rupees t-shirts
The 200 auto-fare on them
Rare visits to South Bombay
Wanderings along the Causeway
Second hand book stores
Fast food next to the urinals
Magnificent theatres
Concerts and Pop shows
Ogling at the mischievous couples
With a sigh of longing and a relief of staying clear
Occasional crushes in office
Of them moving on
And me too...
The monstrous city
Its neon flashes
Incessant rains
Wet dupattas on my chair handle
Night stays with friends
Oshiwara
Ahura Centre
Wet afternoons & Curd rice
DDLJ and K3G
Radio Mirchi and Red FM
Love Guru
Monthly drama for paying rent
Cold conference rooms

The feel of the I-card around my neck
Dirty puppies
Myself
Life..
What was and What is.

What is luxury for you and me?

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 18:00:00 +0000

Two days in a workshop called 'Luxury marketing' has made a style averse me more averse to it! Though the seminar was supposed to be 'marketing luxury' in all the segments one can think of, it was very heavily dominated by this one particular brand - Louis Vuitton, towards which I was apathetic till a few days back, and towards which I am allergic today. Watches, Bags, shoes, perfumes, hand-kerchiefs, goggles and many such petty items took a disproportionately large amount of attention. I love all these, no doubt. But there is a huge question as to whether these deserve the money they charge from the consumer as well as whether it would at all give me any kind of satisfcation if I break my head to position them as a superior offering to the Cindy Crawfords ( for the sheer lack of knowledge on anyone more recent) or Mahendar Singh Dhonis of the world. Even if someone pays me my weight in gold as my monthly salary (which would leave them with no operating profits I am sure :)! ) I would never ever go into this for the simple reason that I can't convince anyone to be fooled by this when I am as unmoved after 16 hours of listening to this, as ever. I am not a communist, no way! But there are definitely a lot of better ways in which one can spray such money around. Though books win hands down, travel, photography, musical instruments, new gadgets are far better a way to spend money and reap benefits. Whether I keep my smelly leather wallet inside a Louis Vuitton bag or the fake Diesel bag bought near Andheri Station, it is not going to affect the way I feel about myself. Damn it! Why do you need a stupid bag or a shoe to give you confidence in yourself? Why do I need to announce that I have arrived, by tip toeing on a Prada Pencil heel?? How can I someone to define me by what they see on my body? Do you neot have anything to be proud of yoursrlf other than the shoe you own?? Is Paris Hilton the smartest person alive?? What has the world come to? HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO SNOBBISH & HOLLOW?? AND WHY?

I am not trying to act a noble soul, but it was just beyond my tolerance to sit through a thing like this, listening to people selling 3.2 lac watches. I felt cheated from within, when I thought, "Why did I CHOOSE to learn all these?". Learning new things are interesting, but this wasn't. If I have that kind of money, I know a hundred good ways to spend it. Thank God for the social consciousness my family has put in me. For all I care, 'Luxury' to me is having confidence in myself, irrespective of how I look or what I wear. And hearing the definition over and again that luxury is anything that is 'Exclusive', I really know that my self-image is a huge luxury. Not many seem to have it. At least, we were shown only those kind of people for 2 whole days. Sick.

My real luxuries are as follows:
1. Good books. Getting them as and when they are released.
2. Leisure time with your family & friends.
3. Being able to reach home whenever you are needed.
4. Knowing what exam you have tommorrow.
5. Coffee and Hindu in the morning.
6. A husband who loves literature. Tamil & English.
7. A healthy family ( a huge luxury. I know how an illness has an avalanche effect in terms of bad mouthing your family members.)
8. Good food.
9. A job which satisfies you by challenging you everyday.

That more or less covers most of my luxuries. Though not in the exact order they are in my mind. Of course, that would be too foolish to give the order ;) ! Knowing me in and out is a definite luxury I cannot offer to everyone !

A Prisoner's Diary - Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 19:25:00 +0000

Looking back at the three months spent here..
Losses:
1. Family & Friends (very important). Haven't spoken to a lot of them even once during the last three months. Not having too many friends here does make matters worse. I miss the camaraderie of being a part of a closely knit group. I have been used to it both in college and work :(
2. Good food: I never ever imagined that I would miss the food I used to cook !!! But I do. The food we get is remotely fit for human consumption. And Bombay has given me the taste for good food... I have immensely enjoyed eating out there.
3. Time for reading good stuff: I read all the day. But enjoy a mere 5% of it (optimistic estimate). All those nights spent reading some real good books, where I used to wonder if the dawn swallowed some hours of the night. Those classics and thrillers, M&Bs and fantasy seem a distant dream these days.
4.Time for myself: Time for walks, taking leisurely baths, praying quietly in a temple, sitting idly in the beach, listening to a distant bird or simply lying down staring at the roof..
5. Sense of doing something: As long as I dont know why I am here, there is not a lot of sense cribbing about this. I used to enjoy my work at TCS. I used to feel that I am doing something which is of direct use to someone and indirect use to me. I might not have admitted this before but the only thing which had dissatisfied me there was the absence of a clear growth path for people (Please God, let me not sound like someone who has read a lot of HR :D). My only hope hanging loosely is that my close friend and my cousin find the finance subjects very interesting and there is no reason why I would not soon.
6.Weight: A quite a lot of it. Dont ask me how much!

Gains:
Enough of cribbing. Now to the gains.
1. Stamina: I have developed an amazing stamina these days. I work for the whole day and still have the energy to lie down with a novel before sleeping however late it be.
2. Assignments: Not a gain in the conventional sense, but a gain nevertheless :) :) !
3. I am thinking hard.... hmmm...hmm..Laptop probably?! Can't think of anything else to fill in here. Hopefully, the days to come might provide me with something.

A day in the passing !

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 06:15:00 +0000

1 WAC submission

2 FCQs

Both core subjects tat we came to know now!

Inspite of being told yesterday that we have a language and core subject.

Had to attend the first class without getting attendence :) ;) !

Huh!! The grind is getting stronger day by day :) :) :) !!

A Prisoner's diary - Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 11:21:00 +0000

Its more than 2 months since I gave any attention to my brain child :) !

Most of you know what I have been doing in the interim, and for those who don't, here it is! Lured by things I cannot articulate coherently, I started preparing for various MBA entrances and got through where I am holed in right now. And believe me when I say that these two months have been the busiest days of my life so far. One thing which comes close is the initial training or ILP as they call it, sponsored by TCS. I now realize what a child's play it had been!!!

My typical day starts sometime between 7:30 - 8:30 and goes on till 2 without any kind of break. Why? Because I need to spend my break time in our library. No. You are wrong :) ! My library does not stock best-sellers. Bring your eye-brows down. I will tell you what happened. Actually, we are serving a detention. Me? Can I ever break a rule to be given detention?! Nope. At least I won't be stupid enough to get caught. But what happened was some kind souls in our batch decided to go to the city guns blazing and asked their friends to give them proxy attendence. Big deal?!? Yep. In a management Institute. Its not engineering days anymore. Cool. So, here s the whole batch serving a detention of clocking in 20 hours in the library every week.

Is that all? No. Last Saturday, we had a FCQ and the second half of the classes got cancelled. Benevolent professors are a rare breed indeed !!! Having been quite regular to the library the past week, some 15 of us decided to go and watch 'Jaane tu..'. Some 15 minutes on the way to the theatre, came that howler (just reminiscing about those old days spent reading Harry Potter) which said, 'Batch Meet by You-know-who @ 4:15 pm'. Huh?! We were in the cmapus from 11 to 4 and no one had any idea about the batch meet which was to take place. But a half day off is so rare here that we decided to cary on..Anyway, it would have been useless to return. At 5:15 someone relays the breaking news: 'The batch has been grounded for 2 years!!!' What? What for?? No one knew. We spent some frustrated minutes using all the swaer words from our repository. On ourselves.To have been stupid enought to come out. Again came an angel's voice over the phone,'Don't worry. We have not been grounded after the batch-meet. Grounding was supposedly in place from last week itself'. Wow!! We all jumped up. Then realised that either way it meant that we are not to step out of the campus. This place can do strange things to your reasoning. May be bacause, you see weird reasoning by people all around you.

So, what now?! We fought our case on the grounds of being unaware of the rules and tried to use the instrument of logic and reasoning as much as we could. But defence counsel could not match the reasoning prowess of the prosecution. So, here we are, with an extended detention of 32 hours per week!! As I am writing this, I am already feeling better from within. Of letting the outside world know about what goes on inside a concentration camp:) ! I might be dealt with for spreading infamy, but your head throbs as long as it stays just within you. So its OK I guess. Have a quiz in some 15 mins. Then back to the library. hahaha :)!!

'V' for Vendetta ??

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:46:00 +0000

Scorching heat
Freezing cold
Gutsy typhoons
Shattering quakes

Magnitudes are beyound your imagination.
Triggers are beyond your comprehension.
Dont try to get even.
You wont be spared to regret even!

Thresholds have been crossed
Treasures have been lost
Reckoning is not far away
Unless you plan to mend your way.

Respect nature.
Acknowledge the right to life.
Live in harmony.
Ratify your need & not your greed.

Bring down the abuse.
Listen to the warnings.
Observe the anomalies.
Fear the ramifications.

Care about something other than you.
Be in harmony with the things around you.
May be.. Just maybe there is still time.
To stop the jaws closing around your neck and mine.

Myths Galore !! Come forward to bust !

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 13:54:00 +0000

Today (April 7) is 'no-honking' day in Mumbai. This has been given a very wide publicity by the BMC and so far the raods have been a lot calmer than the usual.

A few repetitions of a good initiative like this will make people horn less by habit. Everyone will learn to steer themselves in busy roads without blaring the horn.

At least,people now know what controls noise pollution. The general problem with today's environment related drives is that the focus is on the damage we do instead of the remedial steps. Everyone panics but noone knows what needs to be done.

As a teenager I have often wondered 'How can water be wasted?' whenever I hear the slogans for saving water. In Chemistry and Biology, I had been taught that water follows hydro-cycle, ie. water keeps changing forms. So I used to think that even if I used more water than was necessary, it was sure to reach us back again. Only when I was doing my undergraduation did I realise that huge amount of power is wasted in purifying and pumping water. Water cycle makes sense only when local reservoirs store water and the same is supplied to the nearby areas. So isn't educating people about how wasting water has an effect on power shortage and inturn fuel shortage a part of such campaigns? Similarly, I thought that leaving the mobile charger switched on will not consume power as it is not a closed circuit!! As we know, little knowledge is indeed dangerous.Unless the mass is educated , the situaton cannot improve. So, everyone needs to be aware of the following two things:

1. Any green house gas unnecessarily emitted is going to accelerate global warming.
2. Any unnecessary action which consumes fuel is going to deplete us of it faster than we think it will.

So let all the campaigns bust the common myths related to environment. Like eucalyptus sends the water table down and hence should not be allowed to grow near residential areas ! It is better to have an eucalyptus than nothing at all!!! Or inter-linking of rivers will solve our water problem and bring heaven closer home! Lets give all this ideas a break. Let's educate whoever it be,if we see that we can improve their awareness a bit. Little drops make up the ocean, cliched though it is!!

Loan waivers - wisdom or whim ?

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 15:19:00 +0000

Long before Freakonomics became a rage, Swamionomics was quietly making waves among the TOI readers.. And I am reading a lot of stuff on what an election winning budget the FM has produced and how its a win-win for the government and the farmers. Is it really? Swamionomics begs to differ and I most certainly agree with him (I hate sops - whether on such big a scale or something as small as a new responsibilty without a pay hike :) )

Following are the points which do not justify the waiver:

1. It has grossly over estimated the number of farmers who are under debt. It has estimated that half of Indian farmers do not/cannot repay the loans, which can hardly be the case! Moreover, not everyone is fortunate to get a loan sanctioned from the government. There will be a huge percentage of farmeres dependant upon the local money lenders.The figure expected to be benefitted is 500% of the actual figure and hence will convert into only 20% of the votes it is expected to win!

2. Due to the above mentioned point, there is no relief for the farmers who are actually needy but have acquired money from the lenders. In fact, there is a potential danger of the these farmers turning their votes against the incumbent goverment due to plain resentment that the goverment has favoured a few over all of them.

3. Loans are written off only for small farmers, those who own less than one acre. Most of the Indian farmers stay in joint families and the land is jointly owned by everyone within that family. When calculated, this will turn out to be quite less than one acre/head. But this cannot be shown and utilised for the waiver due to which a large portion of the farmer population has been left out. This sector is also going to turn against the government.

4. Those who struggled to repay their loans regularly would feel cheated. Punished for their honesty. Need I say, whom these will vote for?

So all-in-all this budget has waived off loans without any foresight. It has not learnt from the previous lessons too. The last time this was done on a massive scale, farmers reportedly found it very difficult to secure a loan from any bank as banks wanted themselves covered from all sides, lest they see a repeat telecast of this!! Again, farmer dissent :) !

The bell tolls for thee !

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 08:31:00 +0000

One thing got me pretty interested last weekend.. And kept me thinking throughout this week too!

I got a chance to attend a concert by the Isha Yoga Centre's 'The sounds of Isha'.

This is not the run-of-the-mill music group who practise for a month before every stage performance and are so clearly aware which song would go for that coveted 'Once-more' chant !! They were all amateur singers who are mainly volunteers with the group and have a common interest but not traditional background in music. A mixed group with one from Lebanon, two from the US, two from North India, two from South India, and one from some Arab country. And their instruments too were created at their own backyard: the kitchen pots had become one or the other kind of percussion instrument (of course the string instruments were not created by them!).

Believe me when I say this amateur group churned out wonderful, wonderful music for two hours without once letting the tempo down. And the songs did not fall under any of the catgories you can think of:

1. One song was in Arabic thanking the Guru and celebrating the Guru - disciple relationship.
2. One song was in Tamil celebrating Rain and forests (a folk number)
3. One was in Hindi about rain and water again.
4 One was about train and journeys in general (named S3 after the compartment in which they created it).
5. A classical rendering on Lord Shiva (because he is the yogic guru)
6. The rest were instrumental not coming under any genre : folk or metal or classical or whatever it may be

I was impressed for many reasons:

1. They have not learnt music.
2. They do not get time to practise unlike the other musicians.
3. The diversity ofthe group and the way the the people from US sung Tamil songs without any accent you associate them with. Or the way the Tam guys sung Hindi songs again without any accent spoiling the song.
4.The theme of the concert. Revolved mainly around mother nature and rain and forests. A very interesting theme for a concert in my opinion.

As is well known, I am a pessimist and the biggest agnostic you would come across. I don't connect with people who believe in Gurus and human deities (inspite of (because of!) being brought up in Kanchipuram known for the Shankaracharya lineage). But Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev makes me sit up. I am stirred up by his speeches. His reasoning. His logic. His charisma is overpowering. It draws me to him inspite of my inner protests that I don't know much about his idealogies or philosophy. But my dreams were dominated by him for three consective days after the concert. I was seeing him play football, hearing him talk to the kids, seeing hime plant saplings !! And I wondered if he is a hypnotist.. Then I realised mass hypnosis works only when you hear someone's prolonged speech;that too only if you are made to concentrate on it intensely.

I now want to go to Vellinagiri hills. To see the Dhyanalinga he has painstakingly built. To drown in the experience as told by those who have visited it. When I think of what the group is doing, I feel belittled and worthless. There are so many of them working for the wellness of the society. Many of them are from abroad and don't even have any obligatiosn to give back anything to this community. Global warming is a every day terminlogy for each one of us but we wont raise a finger against it. And here they are planting 8.5 lakh saplings in a single day. In the quest to restore 30% of the forest cover of Tamilnadu by 2012.They conduct rural health camps to treat those who have no access to healthcare. They open schools in villages where children have to travel a lot to attend school.What do they stand to gain? Only the satisfaction of having done your best towards achieving what is good for the world.Probably that pretty much compensates for everything they are deprived of (If at all they feel that they are).

For once I think I understand what professional satisfaction means. Doing something which you not only find interesting but which also makes a miniscule difference to someone's quality of life. Not in terms of automating it or making it easier, but in terms of uplifting those lives where only your contribution actually made the difference!

I am having a strong urge to join hands but I have to wait and watch if this is going to pass or if it is with me to stay. If it does, my MBA would be put to a good use (assuming sooner or later I would be one) !!

Bogged by Boredom

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 14:36:00 +0000

I have been questioned a lot about what my orkut title means:

'CONSUMED BY ENNUI'

Consumed is defined as 'To destroy totally; Ravage' by dictionary.com
Ennui is defined as ''Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from excessive boredom' by the same source.

Listless is the word to describe me right now! Bull's eye !!!

Saw Taare Zameen par today and as is the general case with me, wondered if I have some kind of disorder which prevents me from proper planning and execution of things.
I mean, if planning can be so tough for somebody, need the execution be brought into the picture?

Clueless about what I am doing ! Got a call for SCMHRD and the inteview is on 31st Jan. Normally, I spend 2 hours with the newspaper everyday, reading all the editorials, letters to the editor, sports column, business updates.. You name it and I read it.But from the day the call came, I have been running away from the newspaper.. Have not read a single page completely !!

To top it, I have not attended 4/7 lectures TIME has planned for the SCMHRD call getters!What the heck is going on with me? Weird is the word to describe me..

And then work! God ! I groan at the very mention of the word.. When I thought it could not get any more monotonous, it proved me wrong and has pushed me into an unimaginable rut. I postpone going to the office till 1 pm everyday.Without having anything to do at home either.. The false sense of importance the organisation tries to induct makes me weary. The novelty and the sense of security you feel once you realise that you are learning, wears off once you realise that the path from there is obscure..

If any of these sound to you as the ravings of a depressed soul, visit some of my earlier posts !! You would know how I sound when I m actually depressed. This is some crazy mood. I want to be alone the whole day..n probably not do anything at all.
Without anyone to disturb me . In fact,there are very few people from whom I have been taking calls too.. Small talk with people is tiring me. Just in touch with some real close people from around a month. Not trying to undermine anyone's importance in my life. It s just that I don't want to upset anyone with my absolute lack of interest in the conversation.

The only two songs I enjoy these days are:
1. Tere bina from Guru
2. Lemontree from Fool's Garden

Do they give you some kind of insight? (After all,Bush's collection in his ipod led to all kind of pyscho analysis on what kind of a person he was! :P )

Watching NDTV Indians of the Year on NDTV side by side. Wonder how people like Rahman and Viswanathan Anand have managed to do the same thing for so many years with so much of perfection, improvisation and passion!! Or do they have personal pyschiatrists :P??

Need for Change - Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Restive Mind) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 14:23:00 +0000

There are four basic classifications under which any movie made in India(bar Malayalam and Bengali) movie would fall into:

1.Love story (most obvious!): Has a lot of sub classifications based upon the theme: Triangular, Rectangular, Suicidal, Mutual, One sided , Sacrificial, Adoloescent, Perverse, Lecherous, Psychopathic,Tragic and/or the combinations of two or more of the above sub classifications. Two general categories under which all of them come under are melodramatic and illogical. Backdrops may vary.Village,City and College being the most common ones.

2.Cheap Horror: The likes of Kaal, Gauri, Darna mana Hai etc. Horrible background music (supposed to scare you but end up giving you headache), heroine with open hair, spirit of a dead girl(guy is a bit uncommon),an eerie house with cobwebs are a must. Do brisk business when people get bored of Classification 1 movies.

3.Gangster/Action/Hero oriented flicks : The third genre. Robin Hoods lauded on the screen. One girl would understand the scoail cause the hero is fighting for and would fall in love with the guy to get herself or her family killed.Sometimes the hero's family too might be blown up. The whole movie would rest upon the hero's shoulders and if you are lucky enough you might have a 2 line story!!

4.Forced comedies: The last genre. Movies like this would concentarate on just one thing. Making you laugh ! In the quest, they would overlook a ahundred things. Story, Logic and sometimes heroines too!!! Mainly hero and his gang based (all bachelors) with almost no scope for the heroine. Bizzare situations and incredible twists would be forcefully introduced to let director include all the jokes he(and probably we too!) had ever read in books/Internet . Dhamaal,Dhol,No entry etc are typicals!

You want to scream in desperation when one more of any of the above is released. You wonder why we refuse to give this media the respect it deserves. Or why the whole industry takes your logic for a ride or grossly underestimates the intelligence of an average movie goer like me. Is the industry lacking thinkers? Or the people to back them? Or is the audience at fault? Think how many movies have been released with any of the following as its subjetcs:

1. A troubled relationship between a husband and wife as normal boredom sets in after years of togetherness. And how they overcome/succumb to it.

2.How a small town winner goes for something big and realises that probabaly he is not what he was hailed to be back home. And how he overcomes the digust he develops towards himself and conquers what he wwants to. The theme being the battle within himself when his understanding of his abilities seem to fail badly.

3.How an insecure marriage creates a dominating mother who interferes with the childrens' lives crossing all thresholds and how the children are caught between the efforts to understand/sympathise with the mother and setting their lives right.

4.A bed-ridden blood relative and the family's ordeal.Or a mentally challenged adult son/daughter. The principal care taker wavering between love,guilt, anger and desperation. Caught between hopes of the patient's death and guilt for hoping so. Fade away of the all the happy memories spent with the patient which return back after death to haunt the care giver.

5.How home feels different for a someone trying to settle at home after a long stint abroad/away. How loneliness anchors itsef within the person making him view normal family obligations like having a meal together everyday, a burden.

6. A kid disovering for the first time that its parents are not as infallible as it thought them to be. How the kid's world falls apart when it comes to know something from the past like the affair his/her mother had before marrying its father. And how it lives with it till the right age when it realises that nobody is perfect.

7.Any science fiction with a believable story line. Not some aliens jumping on earth in prety much the same shape/size as we are.

8. Sibling rivalry between the children even after growing up.Circumstantaial actions of parents notwithstanding.

9.How a couple's life takes a turn when presented with situtions on which both have polarized views.Something like acceptance/non acceptance of bribe along totally practical/plausible terms. Not the moral sermons we are used to.

10.Short films describing something close to our hearts..Like a first painting a teeneger sells and the satisfaction of the experience. Or the first stage performance of a girl without facing hurdles. And the aftermath.I mean the normal day-to-day joy we all experience. Instead of everything coming your way after a struggle.

11.Historical/Mythological flicks portraying the characters in the real light. I mean showing the characters grey. Not either black or white. Grey the way each one of us is.

12.A collective effort pushing an organization to its peak. The differences and the co-operation without heroism where one is always the star.Basically an organization's story instead of an individual's.

13. The lives of a gifted and a slogger (ability wise). How both stay at the top but by differnet means. One slogs while the other uses his natural gifts. How the slogger takes in his stride the appreciation heaped ion the gifted even though the achievement of one is no less than the other. In other words realising self and be at peace with it while constantly aspiring for more.

14.A scoial worker's sufferings as family does not share the same conviations as he does. A normal fmaily and not the saas-bahu scheming family with pretty normal emotions and arguments.

Many of the above things might not make for a three hour movie, but who wants a mindless three hour fiction when you can have a sensible/sensitive one and a half hour treat! Just the story without imaginative songs in outrageous costumes in exotic locations. No Thanks! We would watch Travel & Living if this is what you are trying to do.I am desperate for meaningful cinema. All the more after coming to Bombay as Bollywood is thrust on me wherever I go !!