gum

GUM: Then & Now

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Wed, 24 May 2017 19:13:00 +0000

As I reflect on GUM ending this year, it's also the end of a chapter for me. My youngest is 2.5 years old and going to preschool in the fall. As I drove away from church, there were tears as I thought back to when I started coming to GUM and how I'm "leaving" GUM.

I started attending GUM when my oldest was around 18 months. Previously I was serving in the nursery, and saw all these moms dropping off their kids who were around my child's age. Someone suggested that I actually join GUM instead of doing childcare, so I took that scary first step into a room full of women I only knew from seeing them drop off/pick up their children. I knew no names, I only knew them by whomever their child was. Little did I know that taking that scary first step was exactly the step God planned for me to take. My oldest is a stubborn, spirited child and his toddler years were very trying years. I had no idea what I was doing (I still don't) and if it hadn't been for the community I found at GUM, I would have felt so desperate and lonely. GUM gave me a community of moms who were right in the trenches with me. They prayed for me and prayed for my child.

As we were talking about answered prayers at the last meeting, I started getting emotional as I realized that the majority of people at my table have known me since I started GUM and all the struggles I went through with my oldest. A few of them had children the same ages as mine. Their first borns were the well behaved first born types :) I was the odd one out with the child who threw massive tantrums, who wouldn't stay still, didn't want to listen to me and was constantly running off. I often left park dates in tears as I carried my screaming child under my arm in a football hold b/c he would kick and hit me in order to get me to put him down. Despite that, I kept coming back. I never felt judged for being "that" mom. The mom who couldn't control her child and was just exhausted all the time b/c he was so spirited and challenging. The community I found at GUM was a safe place, a place where I could be honest about my parenting struggles and know that I was welcomed just as I was. Whether I had a good day or a bad day, when I felt like a mean mom who just yelled at my kid out of sheer frustration and helplessness, and when I felt like I was a great mom because my child was listening to me that day! They cheered me on when I had good days and encouraged me when I had bad days. There was not any "well I raise my child this way" talk. It was "You are the best mom for your child and we are supporting you". As other moms came into GUM along the way, the feeling of being included stayed. As our families grew, we all were learning how to parent each of our children the way God so uniquely made them. Every time I came to GUM, I was reminded that we are all in this together.

GUM was one of the first places I said out loud "I think my child (oldest) has ADHD and we're going to have him tested for it". In the grand scheme of things and everything out there, ADHD is so minor. Yet for us, it was a big step. It meant so much to have the support we had as we went through that. I never heard "well he's all boy" or any of the other numerous things I hear when I say my child has ADHD. They said "ok, we'll pray for you & that this helps you figure out where to go from here". As we closed out the last meeting, there was talk of how far my oldest has come and how he's matured and grown. It was also pointed out how much I've grown through raising this sweet boy of mine. I know that it was God's amazing plan for me to attend GUM hesitant and shy all those years ago, and I never dreamed I would have the friendships I do now. I thought I'd attend GUM for a year then say "peace out, I can't handle you guys". I was afraid of being judged and looked down upon. I felt that I would not be good enough and people would not want to be friends with me because of how spirited my child was.

Another aspect of GUM that stretched me and grew me was being surrounded by so many different personalities. I admit there were times I wanted to be like so and so. I admired their mothering style, or I would admire their talents and lament that I did not have that talent. So and so is amazing at this and wow I really suck at it. They won't want to be my friend. I have always been aware (too aware) of my flaws. A lot of times it stopped me from trying to reach out and start a friendship. I am thankful that I crave connection, because that is what made me attend PSA and MNO. Those things went beyond the normal table meeting to really connecting and getting to know other moms. I spent a lot of time in the early years just listening to the others (ha, b/c that's so easy for me to do) when I wasn't running off after my children, and by doing that, I was getting to know them based on how they simply were. I never felt pressured to have to join in - I was simply included by being there. I saw women who loved the Lord, loved their family and each other. Over the years as I went from being shy and on the outskirts to not being shy and fully immersing myself in activities, I learned a lot about who I was. Not just as a mother, but as a person. I felt safe to be me - weird, rambling, funny, quirky me. There were times I would think "I am the biggest dork, why did I ever say that? Why did I do that? They won't like me anymore" but I was still welcomed and loved for who I was.

I posted this before but I do love this excerpt b/c I do feel it describes GUM so well as far as personalities.

In our little group of friends, the people we do community with on a daily basis, there's a crafty mom, a servant mom, a musical mom and a teacher mom. All of the areas that best define my weaknesses are represented in this group. That makes us a powerhouse.

I could look at these women, each of whom is gifted at something totally different than me, and wish I could be more like them. I could spend my days wishing I could do a great job at reaching the hearts of my boys and be the fun mom. Or I could spend my days being thankful that God has surrounded me with friends who bring variety to my life. They fill my gaps, and that's an amazing gift from God. Why? Because we weren't meant to do life alone. God created us for community - created us to need each other to do life well. He created you that way too.

We weren't created to be good at everything, but we're great at some things. So let's vow to let God use us effectively in those areas, and fill the gaps with His grace and good friends.

Don't complicate your life by wishing you were someone else. Be good at who you are - who God made you to be. Know how God says you are, and trust Him to fill in the gaps. Let go of what you're not, and hold on to what you've got.

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For the mamas do not consist of one type but of many amazingly different kinds. If every mama was crafty, who would organize? If every mama was the life of the party, who would bring meals to the sick? But as it is, God has arranged the mamas, each one of them, as He chose. And they are beautiful, and reflect His grace, when they know it, and walk out life together.

- based off 1 Corinthians 12:14, 17-18

-- Hope For the Weary Mom, chapter 2, page 40-41

I would never have known and said "AMEN!" to the above writing if it had not been for GUM. My days of attending GUM every other Thursday are over :( Thankfully and joyfully, I know that the friendships I have cultivated over the years there are NOT over. Ladies, sorry, but I'm keeping you in the trenches with me ;)

Here I Am, Once Again

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 03:47:00 +0000

There are many times I sit down to write & decide that what I want to write is too honest, too vulnerable. The harder days of parenting. I'm afraid of criticism and "why would you feel that way?" comments. I want what I write to reach to others - to have other moms know that they are not alone. It could also be quite possible that I am the only one who feels this way. In any case, as I went through my morning I thought "this needs to be written about. If only for my own therapeutic purposes".

This morning was a crappy mom morning. We've all had the days where we're just done. Most of the time we 'blame' those days on our children's behavior. Been there done that. This morning ... it was ALL me. I was in a really awful mood. I woke up in a bad mood. I checked the calendar to see if it was PMS. Dang it, nope. Couldn't blame the hormones. My boys were not behaving badly, yet every little thing set me on edge.

I was annoyed when one of my boys didn't finish his breakfast & 5 minutes after I rinsed out his bowl, he asked for something to eat. I was annoyed when one of them took incentive to pour their own drink & spilled it, even though he cleaned it up without my asking. We went out to the store and they did well until the end where they were wrestling (when are they not wrestling?) - I was so distracted I hit the wrong button & cancelled the entire transaction. That annoyed me to no end. After we came home they were jumping all over me and I finally had enough. I yelled. I scared them and made them cry, which made me cry. Heavy, shuddering sobs. I sent the older boys to another room, I put the toddler in his room. I went to my room and just sobbed. Where your heart is pounding and you are breathing rapidly. I berated myself for being a terrible mother. I wondered why I had been struggling for weeks to just get something done. To do the dishes, do the laundry, enjoy being with the boys. I cried because I felt so bad for my husband who was picking up the slack because I had several bad headaches/migraines this month that sent me to bed as soon as he got home from work or stole the family day we had planned. I cried from the exhaustion of a toddler who is so demanding yet independent all at once. He is so similar to his oldest brother I feel that since I have been through this before, I would have experience and patience. Experience, yes. Patience - not even close. I cried because I feel like I am failing my children, who have this mother that just does not know what the heck she is doing. I cried because I could hear the comments of well meaning people who love me, but they don't realize their comments are doing more harm than good. I tried to pray and reassure myself how loved I am by our Creator, how much He loves my boys and how He has picked me to be their mother, how He longs to give me grace on the hard days. But you know what? sometimes ... sometimes praying doesn't work, as in you do not automatically feel better & move on with your day. Sometimes the only thing to do is cry it out. And believe me, it was not the last time I cried today.

I wrote a blog post - Stuck In The Doldrums - three years ago. I am right there again. I dislike being there. It is so encompassing and overwhelming. It's something that is so hard to get out of, until one day - you just do. When that day comes and the fog lifts, it's a beautiful day. I'm looking forward to that day. Maybe it'll coincide with the day my older two start school ;)

Here I am,
Once again
I pour out my heart
For I know that you hear
Every cry,
You are listening
No matter what state
My heart is in

You are faithful
To answer
With words that are true
And a hope that is real
As I feel
Your touch
You bring a freedom
To all that's within
In the safety of this place
I'm longing to...

Pour out my heart
To say that I love you
Pour out my heart
To say that I need you
Pour out my heart
To say that I'm thankful
Pour out my heart
To say that you're wonderful

Weariness & Hope

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Tue, 28 Jun 2016 19:27:00 +0000

June 20th:

Today was our first official day of summer. My oldest got out of school on the 9th, my middle was finishing up summer camp the next day & the following week was VBA. The next two weeks we have swim lessons. Add that to my youngest getting sick & being up half the night the last three nights ... I'm tired.

I know myself - I knew I was going to get burnt out because I have been going nonstop. Due to this, I tried to plan ahead. I told myself I would get up at 5:30 - do my quiet time, unload the dishwasher or run a load of laundry & generally just be awake when my boys got up. I started two weeks ago & I have managed to do this ... three times.

Sweet friends, it is the FIRST DAY OF SUMMER AND I AM DONE. I am weary. I am worn out. I declared loudly yesterday when I had all three boys hanging on me and clamoring for my attention, "I AM TOUCHED OUT!" For you mommas whose children have been on summer break longer than mine, I can only imagine that you are weary too. {I feel that I should add we've been busy and there has yet to be a day at home where we all stay in pajamas, watch more tv than usual, laze around, all that kind of stuff. I'm sure I'll recharge if we ever get a day like that anytime soon}.

Knowing I would feel this way, I picked up a devotional called Hope for the Weary Mom Devotional. I looked up scripture for the weary mom. I found a prayer (literally called the Weary Mom prayer, from the devotional). I looked up blog posts that encouraged the weary mom. I wanted to have these resources on hand for the days when I am just ... done. When I notice my tone becoming sharper, my patience becoming thinner, and exhaustion kicking in around 3 pm.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

June 28th:

I still remain touched out some days. I am still weary some days. I somehow manage to get up around 5:30 *most* every day (I have NO IDEA how I am doing this) Due to my youngest being 'quarantined' for over a week it gave us plenty of time to be home & my weary soul needed that. At first I was panicked at how I would survive a whole week at home with little social interaction, but my mom came by, mother in law was here for a visit and my nephew was born, so I was able to fulfill that social part of me.

Along with Hope for the Weary Mom devotional , I started reading the book Hope for the Weary Mom. There was a chapter in the book that, to me, was so incredibly freeing and helped me release some of the standards I hold myself to. I got so very excited and was chattering away about it to my husband and sweet man he is, tried to be interested but his mind was elsewhere in project mode. You see, he's a doer. I'm a relator. I will explain this later.

Chapter 2 of Hope for the Weary Mom is titled "When You're Caught in What You're Not". We've all been there - looked at our weaknesses and compared them to someone else's strengths. This has been something I have struggled with for years. I felt like my weaknesses were just pointed out again and again, with nary any mention of my strengths. When I try to list my strengths, I come across as self deprecating. Rarely can I say "I'm good at this and here's why". It's more of 'yeah I'm good at this but OH MAN I AM SO BAD at blah blah blah".

In this chapter, they talk about the introvert/extrovert aspects of the personality, but they add in relator/doer. My mother is a doer. She's fast and she gets things done. If I need something, she's there and she dives in. My husband is a doer. He can stay home for the day while I'm out and when I come back, things are done. What the what?! It used to aggravate me to no end and make me feel like a failure that these two people clearly had something I did not. Why am I so bad at doing what they do - tackling things and just getting it done?

I notice all the doers in my friendships. The ones who just get it done. The moms who just seem to be on top of everything and aren't frantically texting another mom "is this today? I can't find my paper & forgot to put it on my calendar. WHAT IS TODAY!?" I see my weakness (not a doer), and their strength (a doer) and I berate myself for not being like them. Surely I would be a better person if I was a doer. My house would be cleaner, I would tackle all the things on my to do list (instead of just writing a to do list so I felt like I was a doer - never mind that most of it never gets checked off). Ladies, I have spent years trying to be someone I am not. I have spent years trying to turn my weakness into my strength. I can't. It's not how God made me. I am simply NOT a doer.

In contrast, I am a relator. I would much rather talk than tackle the dishes in the sink. It drives my mom bonkers (sorry Mom) that I am seriously standing over a sink of dirty dishes, talking away and not even bothering to do them. I crave relationships & relating to people. I stop in the middle of something if a quick text turns into a conversation. I love meeting up and connecting with friends, checking in with how they are doing. I love writing and reading. I tend to get emotionally invested in characters when I read books (which is why I hardly read anymore b/c I just can't put a book down and thus ignore my children while I'm reading). That is who God created me to be and I am slowly but surely learning that it is my strength. I cannot be someone I am not, no matter how hard I try.

This excerpt from the book reminded me of our lovely GUM group:

We weren't created to be good at everything, but we're great at some things. So let's vow to let God use us effectively in those areas, and fill the gaps with His grace and good friends.

----------

- based off 1 Corinthians 12:14, 17-18

-- Hope For the Weary Mom, chapter 2, page 40-41

My lovely GUM mamas, I pray that you take this to heart today. I pray that you are encouraged on your weary days & that God meets you in the mess. Grab this book, read it, hold the words close to your heart. I would love to talk about this book with you, and encourage you in what your strengths are.

Here are a few other resources of hope for our tired weary hearts :)

5 Scriptures of Hope (click on link to open)

10 posts for the weary mom

Happy Reading!!

Hands Free

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Wed, 20 Jan 2016 22:51:00 +0000

This post has been bouncing around in my head for a while. I have not been wanting to write about it because it is a daily struggle and a painful struggle that God has me going through as I truly search what is going on within me. When Mari talked about the one word resolution instead of multiple New Years resolution, "hands free" is what popped into my head. It may be two words (I am a rebel), but it means one thing.

A daily struggle I have with parenting is the need to escape. The more children I had, the more worse the struggle was. For years I felt so guilty that I needed to escape. What kind of parent was I that I would become short tempered and irritable over spending time with my children? The constant 'mom I need this, mom can you do this' and taking care of the youngest just overwhelms me, in addition to household chores, shuffling kids to/from activities, etc. I looked at other moms who just seemed to have a handle on it all, who loved spending time with their children and doing stuff with them. Taking my children out somewhere alone is totally doable. I'm usually quite frazzled by the end of it, but I can do it.

I got the iPhone when Jordan was 18 months old. That's my escape. Technology. When I need to shut down, but still be "present", I'm on my phone. I watch clips from The Tonight Show, I read articles, I go on Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, play games. I basically tune out. It's been a hard and painful thing to make myself aware of.

One day, as I sat in my bedroom in tears, completely overwhelmed and feeling the ever so constant mom guilt, I finally realized why I struggle so much. Ironically, the realization of it made me cry even more, because I felt like it sounded like an excuse. Please do not mishear me when I say why I struggle, because I am fully aware that we all struggle in our own ways. It took roughly 6 years to figure out why I seemed to have a much harder time than other moms, why I needed to shut down more often. My hearing impairment, my deafness if you want to be politically correct, takes so much out of me. I work hard to hear things. I get run down more because it is just exhausting. Sounds pathetic, but it is true. When I come home from church, GUM, HUB, or a group playdate, I am wiped. SO MUCH WORK to listen to all that was going on. I'm on overload. I want to shut down.

This has been said many times and it'll continue to be said - God made my boys loud because I need them to be loud. However, that does not mean that I hear all of what they say. My husband overheard my oldest say something quite unkind to my middle one, and my heart sank. How can I parent in that regard when I cannot overhear them talking? How often are unkind words being said? This realization hurt even more: how often am I on my phone, 'present' but essentially tuned out, when this happens? When I am physically right there, able to hear them, and this happens? Ouch. Gut wrenching realization.

I want to be hands free. I want to focus more on my children instead of tuning out on my phone when I get overwhelmed. It will not be easy and it'll be quite the journey. I will have to make a conscious effort every time to not turn to my phone. (and I get overwhelmed/shut down more than I care to admit). To be fully present and engaged with my children. It's one thing if I do not overhear something when I am busy doing a task in another room, but I am ashamed that it happens when I am sitting right there with them, but busy looking at my phone. I know other moms do it too - but other moms can still hear and process what is going on without having to look at their children. This is something God has put on my heart, for me & my family. I am stubborn. I know - I come across so sweet and kind ... but I am stubborn as a mule. I will stomp my feet like a child, pout and walk away when someone opposes me (okay, I only physically do that around my husband but in my mind I do it with others). Same thing happens when God places something on my heart & I wrestle with it. I do not want to acknowledge it, I know I am struggling and need to fix it. I just don't want to and you can't make me. So there. Hmph.

As always, God times it all perfectly. He had Mari speak at GUM about the one word resolution. Hands Free. Popped into my head immediately. My heart hurt because I knew this was not going to be fun. I like fun. I like easy. I am tired of struggles. Alas, I need to put on my big girl pants and deal with this. As I sit here writing this, I have the printable I handed out last year - Give Yourself Grace - on my desk. This is going to be painful, it is going to be messy, but God is going to use it to draw me closer to Him, and to my family. Through it all, I will choose to give myself grace. Hands free grace.

*If you would like to know what Mari talked about, here is a post from 3 years ago that roughly sums it up. New Year, One Word

Open Your Bible

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Tue, 24 Nov 2015 03:56:00 +0000

I have always had a hard time with quiet time, devotionals and Bible studies. I tend to move from subject to subject quickly and will quite literally get up to go do whatever was on my mind. Example: I will sit down to do a study, realize I'm thirsty and get up to get a glass of water. While I'm in the kitchen I will think the dishes need to be done so I start doing that. Then halfway through I realized that I never returned to my original task. I got distracted. This became more common once I had my boys because children are extremely good at interruptions and distractions. I also tend to get bored when there's a lot of reading (I swear my attention span gets shorter as I get older) or the same point is being made again and again. If I have to really think about a question or I'm perplexed, I tend to want to put everything on pause and move on to something else.

When I am able to focus on what's in front of me, I start doubting myself, especially with Bible studies and other people giving their responses. "Oh wow, her handwriting is really pretty and looks great in the book. Yuck, mine is sloppy and now my Bible study looks messy. I can't keep writing in this, people are going to notice my messiness and that's not a good Bible study person". "Oh, that was a great answer. My answer is probably wrong and makes no sense. How do they get these answers? Are they really good at listening to God and He supplies them with the 'correct' response?" I went to a Christian high school & college. I had Bible classes and papers to write on verses, context, etc. I still struggle with having the right answer, instead of being okay with writing down what I got from a specific verse or passage.

I have been letting so many things stop me from really opening my Bible and learning God's Word. There's a quote by Renee Swope (Proverbs 31 ministries) that encouraged me to try again at having a quiet time and go through the Bible.

I used to think being a godly woman meant getting up early to read my Bible and pray every morning.

The only problem is I don’t process thoughts or words early in the morning, so I’d beat myself up for being distracted and groggy. One day, God interrupted me with this thought: Renee, I made you. I know you are not a morning person. I know you like variety. I created you, so work with Me.

I felt like God was telling me to spend time with Him but not to put so much pressure on myself.

From that point on, my time with God has been more adventurous and enjoyable. Some days I sit with God and read or pray. Other days I go running and listen to my Bible on my iPod. Then I’ll pray and talk to God while I am walking back home.The point is I’m free now to spend time with God in ways that fit my personality, and I love it!

I loved this because I have always felt guilty for not having quiet time in the morning. I would read a devotional from She Reads Truth or Proverbs 31 ministries on my phone before I got out of bed, but I am half asleep and not fully taking in or comprehending what I am reading. It became a check list item - "read devotional. check. I'm a good Christian".

I found out that She Reads Truth was releasing a Bible study called Open Your Bible. I ordered it, somewhat on a whim, and really liked what I was reading as I looked through it. The writing style and how the authors have laid everything out makes this study enjoyable. I now look forward to doing a Bible study and I am opening my Bible.

Now, I am not doing this study first thing in the morning. I am not even doing it every day. I have found that right now, in my current stage of life, three mornings a week is what I strive for. I drop Lucas off at preschool, put Noah down for a nap, get my coffee and do the study. It is the only time when there are no interruptions, I am wide awake and able to enjoy the study and having quiet time.

The study is designed mostly as a group study, with four days of independent study. You may read that and inwardly grown "But I just don't have time". That was always what I thought too, especially since I tend to think of the Beth Moore studies. Those studies - really good, but definitely time consuming. There is a lot of thinking involved with those and my poor brain just cannot handle that right now!

Open Your Bible is short but still thought provoking. It is a great place to start if you are simply just wanting to dig into the Word and unsure of how to start.

'Is the Bible really for me? Are you longing to hear from God, aching to know who He really is? The beautiful truth is this - we can encounter the living God today and every day in the pages of His Word.

Whether you are a seasoned Bible reader or struggle to keep up with studying Scripture, Open Your Bible will leave you with a greater appreciation for the Word of God, a deeper understanding of its authority, and a stronger desire to know the Bible inside and out.

The Bible is sufficient and true. God's word is for you and for now. '

-- back cover of Open Your Bible study

If anyone is interested in doing this study with me, I would love to have you join me. This is not going to be a rigorous, you must do this or else study. The last thing I want is for anyone to feel "ugh. one more thing to add to my schedule when I am already so busy". I get that. I have been there. It is not enjoyable if it feels like an item to check off your to -do list. I want this to be a study that you genuinely want to do and look forward to it. Think on this, pray about it. Please let me know if you are interested. I promise, it will be relaxed and flexible. My goal is for this to be enjoyable, fun, getting into the Word and connecting with others. With all the holiday craziness, this study will not be starting until January. (I do not have time for a group study right now y'all, just keeping it real!).

Here is the link to look at Open Your Bible. If you order this in the next week from this link (before December 1st) you get a free Open Your Bible companion notebook and free shipping along with the study. Open Your Bible <-- click on this.

It is also available on Amazon Prime - although it is currently out of stock at this time (November 23rd) and there is no free notebook from ordering through Amazon Prime ... I think. I ordered through Amazon Prime and I didn't get one :( You can still order it & it will be shipped when they have the study in stock again.

Email, text me or send me a Facebook message to let me know if you'd like to join. I am looking forward to diving deeper into the Word & getting to know you ladies better!

What Would You Think ...

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Tue, 19 May 2015 03:07:00 +0000

I have had this post swirling around in the back of my mind for a few weeks now. I really enjoyed John Lynch's message when he spoke recently at COD & so much of it resonated with me. The honesty, the vulnerability. I loved the poignancy of him saying there's a mountain of sin and we feel like Jesus is on the other side. Instead Jesus is right next to us, looking at that and saying "we'll work through that mountain of sin, one thing at a time, when you are ready". (That's my gist of what he said, I tend to rearrange words that I think I hear) ;)

Are we ever really ready? I tend to shut things down quickly if I feel like things are getting too deep, or too close to home. If I feel myself getting emotional, I have the "talent" of zoning out and not fully listening to what is going on around me. Admittedly, it can be easy to tune out since it requires so much work to follow a conversation to begin with. As I listened to John Lynch's "what would you think" sentences, I thought ... what if? What if we allowed ourselves to do that? I have done it off and on throughout this blog, as I am a writer (meaning I love to write, I am by no means a professional writer) and it's how I process things. Try to get me to talk it all out in person and you'll hear me making jokes as soon as I feel the topic is getting too serious.

So. Here goes. My own what would you think statements.

What you think if I told you that I stay away from those who are "gaining" something I have really wanted? When trying to get pregnant with my second, I had to force myself to attend events where I knew I had pregnant friends who would attend. I want so badly to be happy and in some regard I am, for those who are getting what I have wanted for so long, but it is still a battle, a struggle, to genuinely be happy for them without being bitter over it.

What would you think if I told you I feel stuck a lot. Stuck in the doldrums. With three young children, life is ever changing, but it seems sometimes my circumstances overall do not change. It is not the monotony of the day in/day out stuff, but I find myself waiting and watching for bigger things. I wrote this in January of 2014.

I was reading Jen Hatmaker's Out of The Spin Cycle and came across this.

"We mentally live in tomorrow while simply managing today. We forget to relish the charms of the present, allowing them to be overshadowed by our daily challenges"

She goes on to use the verse Exodus 16:4 - The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day.

"As I watch my two boys growing up, I confess that I am waiting for the next stage. Not only in their lives, but mine as well. Heavenly Father, I pray that You help me to slow it down and enjoy the stage I am presently in. Enjoy my oldest who is almost 5 and my youngest who just turned 2. Enjoy where they are at, even on those difficult days {like potty training}. When I am constantly looking ahead and worrying about tomorrow, I am missing today. My soul has been weary for I have been looking ahead. I pray that this year I fully learn to rest in You".

This is a prayer I need to continue to pray, over a year later. I am still waiting for the next stage of what's to come. Not necessarily meaning what God has for me, but in my mind, my control - this is where I want to go next. Why is it not happening yet? I struggle with staying in the present, still.

What would you think if I told you I have a temper. My oldest has the same temper as mine. We both lose it often. He loses it on his brother, I lose it on him. Many times we cry and then I hold him tight and pray for Jesus to help both of us with the anger in our hearts. I am struggling to teach him how to control his temper when I have a hard time controlling my temper myself.

What would you think if I told you that when I am afraid God will answer "no" or "not right now" to a prayer, I don't want to pray about it. If I feel that He is going to force me to take a good look at my thoughts and actions about something, I won't pray about it. I am currently going through something now that God is slowly but surely pushing me to acknowledge and it is not easy. It means realizing that what I have wanted for the past 7 years, may in fact, not be what He wants for me. It breaks my heart and makes me mad. It makes me feel defeated and stirs up all the feelings I've been trying to ignore for 7 years.

What would you think if I told you that I get sick of "do unto others what you would like them to do for you" (or however that's phrased). I break down a little each time I reach out and am rejected. I struggle with treating others the way I want to be treated, then feeling ignored and wondering "does anyone even want to be my friend? I'm the friend that is just hovering around the edges of the circles, flitting around" I struggle with knowing that all I need is God, then hearing that He has created us to want to be loved and accepted by others. It's a constant - battle is not the right word, but a constant ping pong of emotions. He so deeply loves me and unconditionally accepts me, but He has also created me to want that from others. I am sure there is a deep theological meaning behind it all, but sometimes, a lot of the time, - it just freaking hurts. I lick my wounds, pull my tail in and retreat for a while until I feel brave enough to venture out again. I would like to think each time I grow closer in my walk with the Lord as He comforts me, but there are times I am just mad, hurt and sad and wonder "why?"

What would you think if I told you I see so many of my negative traits in my oldest and my heart breaks for him? I see so many of his father's positive traits in him, and I'm jealous. My middle one has his own unique personality where my husband and I look at each other and say "where'd he come from?" He's a chatterbox though - that he definitely gets from me.

What would you think if I told you that I make self deprecating jokes to deflect being hurt or to keep others from joking first? I read once "if you make a joke about yourself first, it takes the fun out of it for the other person". It is not as 'necessary' as it was in my youth, but I find myself doing it from time to time in uncomfortable situations.

What would you think if I told you I read Pastor Ed's blog post Loner Christians and realized - that's me. I am a loner Christian. I never formed true lasting friendships through the church. I was hurt deeply, my family switched churches a few times in my growing up years, and I never felt I had a "home" church. Sure, I participate in church and am a part of things, but if I feel hurt, if I feel like I was criticized or someone made a comment about my child, I withdraw. I have to force myself to attend sermons, HUB and GUM. Before COD, if I was hurt by someone at church or if I felt like I was passed over, I just stopped going for a while.

What are some of your "what would you think" statements? I am not asking you to post them here, but it's to get you thinking. What if, you opened yourself up and became more vulnerable? It's scary, and you may think you'll push people away, but I pray that you will be surprised and find that you are, in fact, accepted and loved within the community of COD. I pray that your vulnerability will deepen your friendships, your relationship with your spouse and your children, and your relationship with Christ.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10New English Translation (NET Bible)

9 But he said to me, “My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So then, I will boast most gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may reside in me. 10 Therefore I am content with weaknesses, with insults, with troubles, with persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ, for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.

Tempers & Apologies

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Sat, 25 Apr 2015 04:16:00 +0000

Tonight, I lost my temper. Just lost it. I yelled. I took stuff away. I used my "you better not mess with me" tone. I repeatedly said "I am done! JUST DONE!". I was almost in tears, I had a child in tears, and the baby was crying because of the pure chaos. {I was doing bedtime alone as my husband was gone. Otherwise, you can bet he would have set me straight & told me to go chill out}.

Anger. I forget it's a sin sometime. Human emotion. But when it rears it's ugly head, I am far too aware of how easy it is to anger and how hard it can be to calm down. I grabbed my iPad and tried to zone out, tried to ignore the crying and feel justified in my anger. "He talked to back to me. He is being defiant. He is deliberately going against everything I say and I'm just not taking it anymore. He'll have to cry until he falls asleep because I cannot go back in there".

"Give him grace. Go to him". NO NO NO. I'm mad, he's not behaving. It's been going on for several days and I AM DONE. "Go to him. Apologize. You know your behavior is wrong. You know you lost your temper and you need to let your guard down". NO. Good gracious, let me be. Stop this, Holy Spirit. NO. I am the parent. He needs to know he was wrong. I will not tolerate his disrespect.
"He is just a boy. Your job is to guide him and instruct him, show Him the way to Me. He is learning and does not have control over his emotions. You do" grumble grumble grumble. {Don't you hate it when you are being put in your place? I sure do} This conversation between me and God goes on for a while. Every time I start to calm down, the child seemed to do something to make me mad all over again. Or madder, since I never fully calmed down and repented of my anger. How hard is it to just stay in your room? My word! I was barking out the word 'no' for every request. Sadly yes, even the request to get a hug. I was simply not calming down.

Finally, my husband came home. He came home to me laying in the hallway playing on my iPad outside the bedrooms, ignoring crying children. I asked him to get the baby & rock him to sleep. I knew that he {the baby} would pick up on my tension and anger, as he had been the past hour, and he needed someone calm to get him to sleep. After some time, I was calm. I prayed, asking for forgiveness, asked for wisdom in how to handle the situation. I was trying to figure out how to lecture "lovingly". "Don't lecture. Don't try to talk to him about what you think he did wrong. Just apologize. Hug him. Give him grace".

I heaved a big sigh. Alright alright, grumble grumble. I walked into the bedroom, laid down besides my precious boy, and just wrapped my arms around him. I held him tight, whispered I am sorry. Told him I loved him. My actions were wrong. My words were wrong. It was not nice of Mommy to get mad the way she did. I said that I was asking Jesus to help me calm down and that I asked Him to forgive me for my sin, for being angry. And oh, that sweet boy. He wrapped his arms around me, kissed my cheek and with that childlike innocence and forgiveness, said "It's okay Mom. I love you".

I wrote a post recently about being selfish and how having children made me realize how selfish I am. Having children also made me realize how stubborn I am, how hard it is for me to simply apologize and say I am sorry. My husband has always been quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness, whereas I would sit and stew for quite a while. Even if I did apologize, it was not heartfelt. It was "I know I should say I'm sorry, but I'm really not" type of apology. The type of behavior you'd expect from a petulant teenager. Due to this, I do not make my boys apologize to each other if they are not truly apologetic. I know far well how easy it is to be forced to apologize, and how that carries over into the rest of life. I want them to have real apologies, not forced ones because Mom & Dad demanded it.

One of the greatest gifts of having children, to me, was learning how important it is to apologize. How to be truly contrite and know that it is okay, good even, to let your children know you are human and make mistakes. To teach them that it is by God's grace that we are called His children. I am thankful for that oh so wonderful spirited child of mine whom God has been using to knock me down a few (dozen) pegs and to truly repent, to mess up big time, and still be able to go and apologize to him. To show my children through my own messed up attitude and mistakes, that I cannot do this on my own. To point them to Christ, to the One who can do all things through us, if only we let Him. I am learning, always learning, to apologize. Daily. When it's a clash of wills, I have a very hard time backing down. I have a hard time giving grace.

This is not a "how to parent" post, because clearly, I am not a model parent! This is a mom, who is stubborn, selfish, hard headed and at times, hard hearted. By God's amazing AMAZING grace, I am blessed beyond measure with my children, and He is using them to teach me how much I need Him, day by day.

I hear the Savior say

Thy strength indeed is small

Child of weakness....watch and pray

Find in me....thine all in all

Chorus:

Jesus paid it all

All to Him I owe

Sin hath left a crimson stain

He washed it white as snow

Lord, now indeed I find

Thy power and Thine alone

Can change the leper's spots

And melt the heart of stone

For nothing good have I

Whereby Thy grace to claim

I'll wash my garments white

In the blood of Calvary's Lamb

And when before thy throne

I stand in Him complete

Jesus died my soul to save

My lips shall still repeat

Lean On Me

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Wed, 18 Mar 2015 22:45:00 +0000

I have a secret to share. Maybe it is not so secret because I am sure I've shared it before.

I am incredibly selfish.

Things got crazy here lately (crazier, I should say) and I got into a funk. Life was busy and I could not keep on top of things at home. When I was home, I just crashed. I did the bare minimum. I would get frustrated at the fact that I was constantly needed. I just want to read a book, I want to watch a tv show, or just ... sit, without someone needing something.

One afternoon, I was exhausted and the baby wouldn't settle down, the older boys were fighting and I was done. Depleted. I found myself looking at the clock every five minutes to see when my husband would be home. As so often happens, I started crying (it's how I roll when I reach the end of my rope) while I was trying to rock the baby to sleep (he's crying, banging his tiny hands on my chest and trying to fling himself out of my arms), and my husband comes home in the midst of it. He poked his head in the dark room and said hi, while the older boys ran up to him, demanding his attention. I wanted so badly to hand over the baby and disappear into my room. So badly. I wanted to take a breather and be alone to regroup. I started to get mad that my husband had not noticed how I felt. How dare he not come in and take the baby so I could take a break? Doesn't he know how hard my day has been? Doesn't he know how worn out I am?

In the midst of it, I look out in the hallway and I see my husband. Work has been busy and stressful, he's been working late to finish things, and he's also worn down. I see him as he plays with the older boys, giving them his attention when he too just wants to disappear for a few minutes. As I watched him, there was this quiet whisper in my heart. "Lean on Me. Lean on Me when things get rough, when you need a breather. I am the one who will sustain you and keep you going. Lean on Me". As I continued to rock the baby (thankfully, he had settled down & fell asleep) I started thinking about how selfish I was. I was letting myself be run down because I was not only depending on myself, but on my husband. I disregarded how he was feeling, how busy work had been for him. I was "dumping" the boys on him when he got home, not giving him a chance to take a breather before I started complaining how I felt.

Have you and your husband ever burnt out at the same time? It's not pretty. It makes for hurt feelings and harsh words. It makes for raw emotions. You are both coming from the same place (but yet different) and neither is willing to set aside their feelings to give the other what is needed.

This was going on that day that I was getting upset over my husband not helping me the way I felt he needed to help me. We were both burnt out and struggling. That whisper in my heart "lean on Me" forced me to look at my selfish thoughts and actions. I needed to lay my burdens down at the feet of the One who can carry them. I needed to get back into a devotional, get in the Word. I needed to show my husband grace, show him understanding. Here's the thing - backing down, giving up how I felt to better serve my husband ... not easy. I fought it. I dug my stubborn heels in and complained. Each time, God just kept saying - Lean on Me. Tell Me your worries, your complaints, your emotions. Give them to Me, then go and serve your husband.

It took time. As my attitude changed, I noticed that communication between myself and my husband was improving. We slowly started to emerge from that burned out state we were in, doing things together and with our children. I am learning to stop relying on myself or my husband so much. I am working on continually bring my emotions, thoughts and prayers before the Lord instead of putting so much pressure on myself to do it all, thus putting pressure on my husband when I felt like I was failing.

Proverbs 14:1

Every wise woman builds her household, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands

When those days are hard and my selfishness seems overwhelming, I need to bring it to You. I need to remember that this is a season. It is a season to train them, love on them, and guide them to You. It is a season that is not always easy and it can be overwhelming. When they struggle, I struggle. I look to myself and blame myself. I need to bring more to You in prayer instead of thinking I can just get through it if I figure it out. I do not want to be the foolish woman who tears down my house. I pray that I make my home a welcoming place for my husband, even in the midst of the crazy days where nothing seems to have been done & dinner is late, with the baby crying and older kids fighting. I pray that we continue to work together and build each other up, that we support each other on the hard days and rejoice on the good days. Above all, I pray that each day brings me closer to You, to my husband and to my children. I fall so many times in this walk of life, and each time You lift me up and show me the way to go. I know I will continue to fall, but I thank You for always being there to pick me up, refresh me, and set me back on the path to You.

When I Want To Run Away

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 23:28:00 +0000

There are moments where I want to run away. Actually, I hate running, so it would be more like drive away. Just get in the car, drive to Target, wander aimlessly & two hours later walk out with a cart full of things that I had no intention of buying.

My parents took the older boys Thursday night - Saturday morning. It was very quiet around here. Noah throughly enjoyed the freedom of being on the floor kicking & cooing away with no fear of having his (loving) older brothers get on the ground with him, getting all up in his face & giving him toys he cannot play with. It also worked out nicely because Noah had his 2 month check up, which meant shots. He's a trooper but he was cranky here & there. It was lovely to hold him without needing to put him down to tend to the older boys.

When I picked up the older boys, my middle one was not happy with me. He enjoyed his time at the grandparents, but he did not like that I did not pick him up when he thought I was going to get him. My oldest is used to it and loved that he stayed over at his grandparents for two whole nights, but he was a little too wound up.

As soon as I got home from picking the boys up, chaos erupted. My oldest dropped his backpack on the floor and did not respond well when I asked him to pick it up & put it where it belonged. He was sent to time out, which provoked a tantrum. My middle one was exhausted and hungry, so he was crying when I told him he had to wait before I got him food. The baby was crying because it was his feeding time. I stood there in the hallway, with three children crying in different rooms, and thought "I can't do this. I want to run away. What was I thinking - having children, especially having a third? I am in no way equipped to handle this". It was overwhelming to have all three needing me at the same time. Battle plan: grab a snack for the middle one. Go talk to the oldest, he just needs me to hold him & reassure him I love him even when I am not happy with his behavior. The baby will be okay, and he won't remember I let him cry for a few more minutes. Ready, set, go. And off I went.

Things had calmed down & I patted myself on the back for not running (driving) away and handling the situation. Then chaos again. As I was feeding the baby, I told my middle one to go to his room for his nap. My oldest now wanted a snack and I told him to wait. Go to change baby & realize he needed not only a diaper change, but a bath as well. Get bath set up and right as I'm about to get baby in bath, my middle one comes in to use the bathroom & go poop. So I put down a crying baby, help the middle one in the bathroom, tell my oldest yet again he has to wait (as he's standing there next to me with a snack in hand). Get middle one back to bed, tell him I'll lay down with him just as soon as I finish with the baby. Pick up crying baby & give him his bath. Realize as I'm washing him that he really needs diaper rash cream. Take him out of bath, put him down on the floor, hope he doesn't pee all over the place, and search for diaper rash cream. My oldest comes in again, snack in hand. He's getting frustrated (and I am as well) because I am not tending to his needs right at that moment. Get baby dressed and put him in swing, do the snack for my oldest, only to find out he doesn't want it as a snack now, he wants it for school on Monday, and could he have PB&J now. At this point, I just looked at him with exasperation. Once more I thought "I can't do this." I left him eating his PB&J, and went to lay down with my middle one who was supposed to be taking a nap. I generally do not do this, but realized that after being away for two days, he just needed me.

When chaos is erupting around me, I feel inadequate and incapable. The feeling of being pulled in different directions and each chid having a different need that in that particular moment, only I can meet. That's when the enemy sneaks in & whispers "You are a failure. You cannot do this" He takes the chaos, that seems insurmountable but really is only a few minutes, and makes me doubt myself.

In those moments when I want to run (drive) away and escape, I need to instead stop & pray. I need to remember the words from this post How Do You Do It? (written over a year ago)

I need Him to help me trade my doing for His doing.

I need His patience.
I need His joy.
I need His love.

You know, I needed God when I had one and two children. But, I had all of this stuff - books and gear and Grannies and know-it-all voices and I had me.

So I flailed about amidst all of that and tried to raise my children in the Land of I Can Do This.

But, God has whittled away all of that other stuff. He's taught me that He loves my children more than I do, and He loves to hear my voice calling out to Him and letting Him fill me with strength and wisdom and love and joy for my children. I don't have it. But, He does.

I just love that line -- "He's taught me that He loves my children more than I do, and He loves to hear my voice calling out to Him and letting Him fill me with strength and wisdom and love and joy for my children. I don't have it. But, He does."

Friends, when you have these moments, call out to Him. Let Him fill you up and renew your spirits. Afterwards, call or text a friend. I did that earlier - there's something to be said for knowing that someone else has been right where you are, in that moment of chaos. Then, go love on those children that are making you feel overwhelmed.

I'm going to take my own advice & go join in on the game my boys are playing :)

Proverbs 31:28

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Tue, 12 Aug 2014 01:52:00 +0000

My dear friends,

*I am not the greatest at encouragement in person, for I never know what to say. My thoughts are expressed best in writing so this is a letter of encouragement for you*

It is the eve of kindergarten. The precious baby boy/girl that made you a mother for the first time is now 5 years old & heading to kindergarten tomorrow. Where has the time gone? These young children who have molded us and taught us what motherhood is. We've prayed for them, laughed with them, cried over them, and held them tenderly as they learned to navigate this world on their own. Tomorrow is yet another step of letting go. Oh mommas, I don't know about you, but I find myself not ready for this momentous occasion!

There are some of us who have quiet and sensitive children, others who have loud and exuberant children. We each have our own worries and fears pertaining specifically to our child, and how they will handle kindergarten. Take heart. You, my friend, have done a FANTASTIC job of raising your child! They are all so dear and have specific strengths that they will bring to kindergarten and the rest of their school years. Our God is going before us, protecting their little hearts and soothing our momma hearts as we watch them walk into the classroom and grow up just a little bit more. We may shed a tear or two {or a steady stream of tears}, bravely smile as they turn back to wave, and ask God once again, to watch over our precious child for us.

Yesterday, as we were entering church, Jordan said "I like coming to church! My friends are there!". Yes, while I do hope he starts to like coming to church because of learning about Jesus, I am also so happy that he loves his friends and is excited to see them each week. I love knowing that he is friends with awesome kids who have awesome parents who have done an awesome job of parenting.

{Everything is awesome, everything is cool when you're part of a team, everything is awesome when we're living our dream!}

I am blessed and thankful to be walking alongside you in this journey of motherhood, especially as we are navigating new terrain with our oldest ones. I am thankful that our children are friends and will be growing up together. I have been praying for you & your child today, as I will be praying tomorrow. I cannot wait to see first day of school pictures & hear how the first day went!!

Much love,

Stacy

Who I Am

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Thu, 10 Jul 2014 18:31:00 +0000

There is a memory from fifth grade that has always stuck with me. Our PE activity involved a relay or sprints or ... something to do with running. Afterwards, a group of us were asked to stay back. The group that was asked to stay back was being asked to be on the track team. I remember the teacher saying "If anyone does not want to be on this team, you may leave". I raised my hand, said I was not willing to be part of the team. They asked me to reconsider, as I was the second fastest runner in the school. Again I said no, and I went back to my class. Not once have I regretted that decision. You see, I ran fast simply because I hated running and wanted to be done with it.

The reason this memory is still with me is because it was one of the few times I was true to myself, to who I was. It was one of the few times I was not trying to be someone I wasn't just to please others.

Growing up, I wanted to be liked so badly. You know the friends you had that you were never quite sure who they were, because they seemed to be whomever they thought someone wanted them to be? That was me. It continued all the way through college, even into the first year of my marriage. My husband knew me well, but I was still trying to be who I thought he wanted me to be. A dear friend from college bluntly told me one day

"You and I started to become better friends when you stopped saying yes to everything, stood up for yourself and said no, and did not let yourself be a doormat that people stepped on".

That one sentence changed so many things for me. I was a better friend because I said no sometimes? I was a better friend because I stood up for myself? I did not have to be a people-pleaser to be someone's friend? It was hard for me to wrap my head around after so many years of essentially trying to be someone else.

As I grew in my relationship with my husband and my friends, I was becoming more confident in myself. Then I became a mother for the first time. It started all over again. I tried to be the mom I thought I should be and ignored my instincts on what I thought was best for me & my child. My oldest was born 3 weeks early, he was tiny (just over 6 lbs), and we struggled with nursing. The comments started from the very beginning. He's small, are you feeding him enough, is he on formula b/c that'll bulk him up, wake him every 3 hours at night to feed him, and on and on and on. The confidence that was slowly building up was being stripped away with every "well meaning" piece of advice and comment. Insecurity rose and I doubted everything about myself not only as a mother, but also who I really was. For someone who wanted to be a mother her whole life and was good with kids, I was constantly feeling like I was told what a terrible job I was doing. It was harder as my son grew older and he was a little spitfire.

The same applied to my relationship with Christ - I was trying to be the good Christian, when I felt I was so far from it. There's a worship song from my high school or college days that talked about not needing everything right before coming to God. {If anyone knows the song I'm talking about - let me know! I know it's not Come, Now is the Time to Worship} I thought I needed to have everything "right" in my life before I felt I could come to the throne & ask for what I wanted. For someone who felt like she was always being told what she was doing wrong, it was very hard to come before God and accept His mercy and grace.

It may seem silly to say that I fully started gaining a true sense of self at the age of 27, when I started attending COD and became involved with GUM. {Cue the waterworks - thank you pregnancy hormones!}. While I still was slipping back into being who I thought others wanted me to be, I was turning to God more and more in those times and asking Him for His strength to be who He created me to be. I learned to be vulnerable and to start letting people in, to share my struggles with motherhood, and sharing about my walk with Christ. I learned that sometimes I had to say no to certain things in order to move forward to something else, as hard as it may be. It's still not easy for me to say no (except to my boys when they ask for something else to eat, after their snack, for the millionth time as I am writing this).

The confidence of who I am in Christ is increasing, giving me the strength to say no when it is needed, to be secure in the friendships I have, to be the wife He called me to be for my husband, to be the best mother I can be for my children, the mother He has called me to be, and to let go of things that I cannot control. It is not always easy - I have days where I want to shut down because I feel like I just cannot do it. A harsh word overhead from one child to another, a "well meaning" comment from someone, when I feel left out from an activity, when my children have to be disciplined more often because of their behavior, and sometimes, something as simple as dinner not turning out the way I wanted it to. Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning and I am reminded that I am His.

Your mercies are new every morning

So let me wake with the dawn

When the music is through or so it seems to be

Then let me sing a new song, old things gone

Every day it's true, You make all Your mercies new

-- Mercies New, Nichole Nordeman

Strong Willed Children

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Sun, 08 Jun 2014 23:16:00 +0000

As I read Amie's post the other day - Train Up A Child - my heart went out to all the moms who have those wonderfully strong willed children. My heart goes out to them because I am a mom of a wonderfully strong willed child! If you have been at my GUM table or been a part of my HUB group, I have shared the struggles of raising my oldest, and you will also know how sensitive I can be when we go through hard times with him.

Currently, we are on the 'other end' and seeing the reward and results of those hard years of parenting our strong willed child. {this is an ongoing parenting challenge, I'm illustrating that we are seeing the rewards and realizing that we must have done something right, with God's guidance!} It started at 18 months and I was not seeing any progress or encouragement until around 4 1/2 years old (he's 5 now).

Those 'early' years were hard and full of desperate prayers. I read parenting books - Dare To Discipline, Creative Correction, The Strong Willed Child, and Bringing Up Boys. Each book left me discouraged and wondering why I was still struggling with my child. People gave me advice on what worked for their children and surprise, what worked for their children was not working for mine! Many times, too many to count, I left a play date, the park, store, church, you name it with tears streaming down my face because my child was not behaving. Was it embarrassing? Yes. Did I take it personally and berate myself, telling myself it was my fault? Absolutely. I felt like a terrible mother who had no control over her stubborn, strong willed, energetic child, and surely everyone must think the exact same thing. I felt judged and became defensive.

I am not here to give advice. I am not here to placate you. I am here to say "There will be a day, someday, when you realize that your strong willed child is maturing and making better choices. You will look back & see that the battles have lessened. You may cry out of the sheer wonder that God has been answering those desperate prayers, even when you could not see it."

Almost two years ago, I posted my first blog for GUM. Two years ago, I clung desperately to this saying. Tears flowed as I tucked this into my heart and prayed that God would continue to walk with me & guide me as I struggled with raising a child who seemed determined to defy me at every turn, who lacked impulse control, and no discipline was working. I honestly wondered at the end of those hard days, does he know how much I love him, when I've been so frustrated and upset with him all day? Now, almost two years later, through challenges and trials, God has been showing me that ... absolutely, yes. I am the perfect mother for my children.

Dear mommas in the midst of the hard days with your strong willed children, hold tight to this. Cling to this. I promise, again, there will be a day when you see all your hard work and desperate prayers being answered.

"This is your life - and you - you are the perfect mother for those children. God knew when he blessed those kids to you."

*I want you to know there are still times that are hard when boundaries are tested and defiance is rampant. The most recent was the transition from end of school to summer. Yeesh. That was fun.*

Faith To Rest Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Tue, 01 Apr 2014 18:35:00 +0000

It is an interesting thing when you ask God for something & He says "ok, here you go". I knew faith to rest would be a big part of my life this year - it was a feeling that God put on my heart. It meant giving up control and trying to figure out what would happen this coming year. Nothing has been working out the way I wanted it to. NOTHING. Which of course, is exactly how God works.

I mentioned that I was deciding where to put my oldest in kindergarten. Two things happened. One, there was an academic summer program that would further prepare him for kindergarten, taught by his current teacher whom he loves and adores. I missed the deadline. No academic summer program. Second, my husband and I decided to transfer him from the school he "has" to attend to another school. You guessed it - missed that deadline as well. Now we have to wait until school starts to find out where he's going (I still turned the form in, just in case). In the midst of frustration and feelings of failure, I was reminded that the only thing I can do is pray. Pray that whatever school he goes to, he's blessed with a fantastic kindergarten teacher. God is in control, I'm not (clearly, as I missed two important deadlines).

Another thing that happened which God is using as faith to rest is I became pregnant again. What a blessing! I was not anticipating this to happen so soon, as it took a year to get pregnant again after my first miscarriage. The first thing I did after seeing the positive pregnancy test was to look up when my third trimester is. August is the start of the third trimester. God, you are really really really teaching me to rely on you. Why does it matter when the third trimester is, you ask? I learned in my first pregnancy that I faint in the third trimester. I fainted while driving to my doctor appointment & crashed my car. After that, it was a unanimous decision that I would not drive in the third trimester in future pregnancies . (Yes, I also fainted in the third trimester in my second pregnancy). School starts in August -- my oldest will be in kindergarten and my youngest will be in preschool, and I cannot drive them. {I am ever thankful for my parents who will be helping me out with taking the boys to school!} For me, pregnancy doesn't affect just me - it affects my entire family. From laying on the couch in the first trimester because of "morning" (all day) sickness {doing the bare minimum to ensure my boys are fed & safe}, to not driving in the third trimester, this momma has zero control over her life.

Faith to rest. Trusting in God, working on not beating myself up with guilt, and giving up the silly idea that I am in control. No clue where my child is going to kindergarten? Pray. Knowing that my family has to go above and beyond to help out during my pregnancy? Pray, pray, and pray some more that God sustains them through this time.

What is your faith to rest? Is God using things in your life to show you what He is going to do in order for you to practice faith to rest?

Faith To Rest

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Mon, 20 Jan 2014 20:03:00 +0000

When I heard "faith to rest" my first thoughts were: Rest? I have two active boys at home. Rest? I feel guilty if I sit down and there's a pile of laundry behind me. {I admit I have gotten pretty good at ignoring the pile of laundry that needs to be folded}. Rest? There are moms in GUM having babies. There's CareCalendars to set up & meals to make! Rest? It's impossible.

I knew that it was not just about physically resting. I knew there was more to it, but I admit that is what I was focusing on. My sister in law put it in perspective for me:

"sometimes 'rest' is not the same as doing nothing. or having free time. It's more like a state of being. Finding ways to nourish your soul or being purposeful about the things you do do, so that you are not so spread out that you are not able to find rest in the middle of it all".

One of the first steps I took to work on "faith to rest" was to start journaling again. I have not done it since my college years and I forgot how much I enjoy journaling. It should not have been a surprise since I have always been able to express myself best through writing. Journaling is very raw, emotional and open for me - it forces me to deal with things I would much rather not deal with. When I am praying (not journaling), it is easy for me to shift focus and not think about the things God places on my heart. When I journal, I cannot 'escape' that easily.

A couple months ago I began to feel discontent and weary. For months my husband and I had talked about the possibility of having a third child. He said yes, I said "NO". Over time I would think one day "yes I'd love another" and other days {especially the hard days} "hahahaha ... another? yeah right! I can barely handle these two crazy boys that drive me up the wall". We came to a point where we said "okay, we'll stop using birth control and see what happens". To my surprise (yes, I was truly surprised) I got pregnant almost immediately. I full on hit panic mode. No way, this cannot happen. I was not thinking I would get pregnant so quickly. I'm not ready. Then I miscarried. For the second time. {My first miscarriage was between the boys}.

After this happened, I became unsettled. Through journaling, I realized that so much of my feeling unsettled was ... I have no clue what or when the next stage in our lives is. I like knowing what is ahead. You go to school, get into college, meet the "right" guy, get married, have a family. Nowhere did I plan for what has been happening over the past couple months. Should we have another? Do I want to go through all this again? Where should our oldest go to school for kindergarten? Should I homeschool for maybe a year until we can move? We would love to move but can we afford it? This house would be good for our family and it's in a great location, but is it the right house for us? --- Discontent. Unsettled. Weary. Faith to rest was not happening for me.

I was reading Jen Hatmaker's Out of The Spin Cycle and came across this.

"We mentally live in tomorrow while simply managing today. We forget to relish the charms of the present, allowing them to be overshadowed by our daily challenges"

She goes on to use the verse Exodus 16:4 - The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day.

Holidays

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Mon, 02 Dec 2013 22:21:00 +0000

It's only December 2nd and I am wiped out. Depleted, Exhausted, Run Down. November was a crazy month for me. I had family staying with us, I cooked & hosted two birthday dinners and Thanksgiving. You know what I learned in that crazy month of November?

Hospitality is not my gift. Nope, not at all. No way jose.

Ok I already knew that, let's say I re-learned it. Hosting people, parties, holidays, etc stresses me out. When I'm asked why I do not throw big parties for my boys for their birthdays, my answer is always the same "I do not like it". It turns me into a crazed control freak and makes me snappy ... and mean. I do also not like to cook for a lot of people. I can cook, but I am slow in the kitchen. So much pressure to have dinner ready at a certain time for others. When my husband's family stayed with us, I don't think I stopped cleaning the kitchen table & countertops. When almost everyone got sick, my stress level rose & I ditched my 'it's green' cleaner (a gal can try) and grabbed the Clorox and bleach. Cleaning = control. If I can keep the kitchen clean, I'm in control. If I can make sure that the floor is crumb free & we are not crunching things beneath our feet, I'm in control. Toys contained in the play area - check, we are not tripping over things, I'm in control. It is hard for me when I have family staying with us. I love them and love spending time with them, but I do not relax. I think I spent one evening relaxing with the family & enjoying their company. Just one. {and let's face it, it also does not help that I had PMS and cried over the most ridiculous things like having someone else eat the leftovers I was planning on eating for lunch one day ... }

Ladies, do you know who I became? Say it out loud if you know it - I became Martha. Now maybe Martha's gift was hospitality, I don't know, but I do know that she grumbled and complained. Just as I did (probably more than Martha). Just as she did not take the time to enjoy being with Jesus, I did not take the time to enjoy being with the people around me. You can bet that if I was not relaxing and enjoying the people around me, I was not enjoying time with Jesus. My time with Jesus was desperate pleas saying "I know I'm being this way, I know I need You to not be this way". See the problem? I was not actually taking the time to be with Jesus & working on not being a crazed control freak. I just hurriedly prayed it as I moved on to the next thing.

As I look towards the month of December, with one birthday dinner to go (and you can bet I'm not having Christmas at my house!), the advent season with all the activities to do with your children and those "perfect" Christmas decorations, I am learning from November. {This is me, telling myself this and you, if you need to hear it} Slow it down. Enjoy. Relax. Spend time with Jesus, spend time with family and friends. Have a nothing day and let some of the not so important rules slide. Be present with your children instead of running around making sure everything looks perfect or that the gifts are bought early and wrapped under the Christmas tree that may or may not be slightly titled that no one notices but you.

I love this prayer I read from Martha Bailey's post - Holiday Martyr

Dear Father, only You and other women can understand the stress I feel during the holidays. I confess that some of it is self-induced because I have succumbed to culture’s view of Thanksgiving and Christmas instead of the real reason why I celebrate. May this holiday season not be defined by my meltdowns but by my ability to know and choose what is important. Give me a friend who will help me know when I am being unrealistic in my aspirations. I don’t want to be a Holiday Martyr. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

"Give me a friend who will help me know when I am being unrealistic in my aspirations."

Can we do that for each other this season? Let's be the friend who says "it's all good. Your attempt to bake cookies failed when your little one dumped cinnamon all over the floor and your oldest one tried to turn on the mixer, sending cookie dough flying everywhere. It's okay. I'll laugh and cry with you over a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine). The holidays are not about perfectly baked cookies made by perfectly behaved children. It's about loving Jesus, being thankful for Him and what He's done for us, and loving our family and friends, to the best of our ability".

Take What You Need

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Wed, 16 Oct 2013 23:36:00 +0000

The theme of the women's retreat this year was Take What You Need. Rest, Hope, Peace, Love, Faith, Strength, and so forth. One of the challenges was "what do you need?" or "What do you think you need, but Jesus is telling you that you need something else?".

I stepped out of my comfort zone in attending the retreat. I also put walls up so I would just have a good time and not be emotional. "I'm good, I don't really need anything. Just time with friends & away from my chaotic life at home". One of the things I love about our Heavenly Father is that He meets you right where you are, no matter how determined you are to not be affected. We had three great speakers and a wonderful worship leader. Each speech left me convicted and determined, each song touched my heart. By the end of the retreat, God met me & broke down my walls so I could truly receive what He wanted to teach me.

Amie did a great job of summing up the speeches we heard over the weekend on her blog.

Lindsay (Willmer) gave some great illustrations that were super helpful because I am a visual learner. It's easy for me to tune someone out accidentally and start thinking about something totally unrelated like something interesting someone else said earlier that day. It really helps me focus when speakers have pictures and props.

Lindsay's theme was "let go and let God." She brought a bunch of stones and written on the stones were things that steal our focus from Jesus like fear, worry, money, relationships, to do lists, loneliness, housework, job stuff etc. She piled them in the hands of one volunteer.

Use your imagination and picture those things written on these stones =)

She could barely hold them all. Then in another volunteer's hands, she placed just one stone and written on it was "Jesus." There is no room for Him when our hands are filled with all of those other stones.

She had great suggestions to get rid of the "stones" that continued to steal our focus like placing verses in our pockets that we could look at throughout the day when we feel one of those other stones creeping up and taking over our thoughts. Also, simply saying to ourselves, "That thought is not from God, that's me talking" when we start thinking thoughts that are not healthy and really not helpful. She shared the example most moms can relate to. Having a pity party can really be distracting but so easy to do because as moms, we have so much to do and it never ends and we feel defeated and discouraged so much of the time.

But really taking charge of our thoughts and ending the damaging ones before they get the best of us is really the key. And obviously, it isn't something that happens overnight but eventually we will get better at putting those stones down and just holding onto the one that matters.

Lindsay also used this verse a few times to remind us that God intends so much more for our lives than pity parties and distracting stones. "I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." John 10:10. God has big plans for us but we have to "Yield and relinquish fully to God and rely on His power." (from Lindsay's notes)

The next speaker was Shelly (Schaller). Shelly gave me the best spiritual metaphor. Christ is our anchor. An anchor can be used in calm or rough waters. It is used in storms to keep the boat from capsizing. It is used in the harbor to keep the boat from drifting.

After hearing from both ladies, it was hard to pinpoint exactly what was distracting me from being a one stone girl and keeping myself anchored to Christ.

To read more from Amie's post go to Stones & Anchors.

What Amie (and I, as well) did was to write down the distractions in our lives and all the stones that we kept trying to hold onto. For me, it was freeing in a way to see these thoughts written down and realizing what I was holding onto. It enabled me to pray over it and lift all those distractions up to God.

Another speaker this weekend was Barbara (Alley) who spoke on devotional/quiet time. Do you know how refreshing it is to hear "do your quiet time when you can, any time of the day". I loved it! For years I felt guilty because I did not do well at getting up early in the morning & spending time with Jesus. It got worse when I had children because I would get so frustrated with the constant interruptions, because no matter what time I tried to get up in the morning my children decided to wake up at that time too! I also loved hearing all the different ways and times women had their quiet times with Jesus. Life gets busy and guilt over not making that time to be with Jesus can overwhelm us. I know that's the case for me. One of the ways I worship is just singing (in my head, sometimes out loud if no one is around) whatever song God has placed on my heart. For someone who talks up a storm, I am not so good at talking up a storm to God. I tend to have very quick short prayers, but songs - man, I can sing the same song (or portion of a song) constantly as long as it's on my heart. Quiet time is communicating with our Heavenly Father, however we do it, whenever we do it.

When I started writing this blog, this stanza (line, verse?) was resonating.

So take me as you find me

All my fears and failures

Fill my life again

Take my stones. Instill in me again and again who I am in Christ. Let my thoughts be Your thoughts and not the thoughts of others. Be my anchor. Meet me where I am. Fill my life again.

Leadership Team/Mentor Moms

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Fri, 20 Sep 2013 14:21:00 +0000

Hi ladies! For those of you who are unable to attend GUM (overseas) or did not make it to the first meeting, here is the flyer that was passed out.

Elizabeth Gregorich

I have two boys. Levi is 4 years, Silas is 21 months and baby # 3 due in January. GUM is a place I can be real about being a not so perfect mom, laugh about the funny things and pray about the tough things. I am encouraged in the role God has given me and blessed to share with other moms too. I love being a wife and mom. I stay home with my boys. I love this church and learning more about the Lord from His Word and fellowship with others. Sometimes I have to force myself to talk, because I’d much rather listen. My husband makes me laugh. He can be a goof sometimes. My children make me laugh. When other people laugh really hard, it’s hard not to laugh with them.

Mari Higerd

I have 1 husband, Gabe, and 3 girls, Caroline (6) Annabelle (5) and Grace (3) with one baby on the way due in February! I've been part of a MOPS/moms group/GUM since Caroline was a baby and would intentionally throw up each time I dropped her off - true story. GUM has been my hands down favorite. I don't think I would have survived these 6 years of motherhood without the understanding ears, laughter, and good food :) I love all the moms in GUM and can't wait to get to know everyone even more. I can't remember what I used to do in my free time, but I'm a football fan (Go APU!) and a thrift store shopper.

Manda Robinson

I have one child, Ezra, who is 2 ½ with baby #2 due in Nov. GUM (for me) is a place that I can vent my insecurities about motherhood and get prayer and encouragement for them. I love working part time as a Physician Assistant and balancing that with being a mom/wife. I enjoy art (other people’s, not my own), organizing, baking cupcakes, and trying new things. Things that make me laugh are puns and my son’s dancing.

Stacy Thompson

I have two boys. Jordan is 4 ½ years and Lucas is 22 months. GUM is where I am able to share the good, the bad & the ugly, and to know that I am not alone in this journey of motherhood. It is a place of safety, honesty, advice, laughter, love, encouragement, and prayer. I am thankful that we have mentor moms who have traveled this path before us & can guide us, listen to us and tell us “it may not seem like it now, but you’ll make it through the hard times”. I love to read, get together with friends and family, go for walks, and bake. My husband and my boys make me laugh every day.

Amie Wagenbrenner

I have two girls. Mya is 4 years and Winter is 2½ years. GUM keeps me sane. When I get home from a morning with other moms, I feel refreshed and recharged. It also helps me remember that I cannot do it on my own. I need Jesus. I love to be around people. I hate staying at home which doesn’t make me a very good stay at home mom J I adore my girls and I feel so blessed to have married such an amazing man. I’m pretty easy going unless I’m driving or my house is a mess. I love to sing and dance and I’m into health and fitness. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. I’m fairly neat and I don’t like knick knacks or chotchkies that clutter my house probably because I grew up in a super messy small home. I tend to like sarcastic humor and burps and farts have always amused me.

Aileen Jones

I have been married to my very funny husband for 36 years. I have a son, 26 & a daughter 30, & a very new son-in-law,29! GUM is my very favorite ministry. I love everything about it, and often feel I get more out of it than the mamas! I am a mid-50's woman who loves God, my family and travel! I am fascinated by people and love getting to know new people I meet! I also enjoy gardening, exercise, baking and reading.

Cindy Kinnoin

I have been married to my husband, Carl, for 28 years. We have three children: Jill, who is 25 and lives in Santa Rosa, Laura, who is 23 and is earning her teaching credential at Cal Poly and Zack, who is 20 and is a junior at Cal Poly Pomona. I attended a mom's group when my children were preschoolers. I couldn't wait to go. When I left the house, I didn't walk, I ran to moms! I needed the love, encouragement and community of other moms going through the same things I was. It was such a blessing and a lifeline for me. I am so looking forward to being a GUM mom mentor this year. I like to travel, garden, decorate and hang out with my twelve-year-old Boston Terrier, Chessie.

Kathie Speck

I have been married to Dave for 32 years. We have two children. Our daughter, Stacy (30), is married to David and has two children, Jordan and Lucas. Our son, Kevin (28), is married to Kristen. Stacy and David attend COD and Kevin and Kristen attend Grace Church of Glendora. I love to read and ride my horse, Comanche! I feel so privileged to be a mentor mom for GUM. Being a mom of a pre-schooler can be both an amazing joy and overwhelming. To see young mom’s interact with each other and to strengthen their walk with the Lord is a blessing. Watching them laugh, cry, pray and draw closer together is a gift God has gives to us “old women” Feeling blessed!

How Do You Do It?

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Fri, 09 Aug 2013 23:10:00 +0000

If you have not read this post - read it. Go ahead, I'll wait.

http://www.shortstopblog.com/2013/08/to-moms-of-one-or-two-children.html

What did you think? It was a breath of fresh air to me. There are days when I feel overwhelmed and think to myself "Moms of multiple children {and by that I mean more than 2}, you are amazing". Moms of one and two, you are amazing too! As someone who wonders if I will ever get a handle on being a mom to two and {ouch} being told that I really can only handle two, this blog post truly spoke to me. My favorite line, the one that convicted me?

You know, I needed God when I had one and two children. But, I had all of this stuff - books and gear and Grannies and know-it-all voices and I had me.

I have so often found that when I rely on myself ... things collapse around me. I measure myself by impossibly high standards, standards that I have imposed on myself. It does not help when my failures are pointed out to me or when I get dirty looks in the grocery store because my child is having a tantrum.

I can not tell you how many times I have walked out of a store or left a park because my child is simply not listening and then throws a tantrum when he is disciplined. Embarrassment turns to anger and anger turns to me reacting more harshly than needed. There have been times I drove away with him screaming & kicking in the backseat with tears streaming down my face.

I had me. I looked at my screaming tantrum throwing child and measured my worth of a mother by his behavior. I looked at the toys scattered around my house and the dishes in the sink and I measured myself by the state of my house. I had me. My high standards and my doing.

I need Him to help me trade my doing for His doing.

I need His patience.
I need His joy.
I need His love.

I love what she wrote above. This needs to be read daily. I want to write it on a post it & stick it to my children's foreheads {only b/c I cannot read it if it's on my own forehead!} so that when I look at them and get frustrated or exasperated because I have me ... I am reminded.

I need Him to help me trade my doing for His doing.

Being a mother is not easy. It is hard no matter how many you have, no matter how experienced you are. We cannot do it on our own. We need God. We need each other.

Stuck In The Doldrums

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Fri, 17 May 2013 18:20:00 +0000

Tomorrow it will have been seven weeks since my oldest fell out of a second story hotel window. We spent four weeks "taking it easy" at home. Before he fell, he had preschool three mornings a week, church, AWANA, soccer and play dates. I went from having a schedule to keep my very active child busy & burning off energy to ... nothing. My days turned into full days at home with both boys, finding myself saying 'no' far more than I would have liked, and racking my brain to come up with creative ways to keep my oldest entertained while being limited in what he could do. Throw a few other things in the mix and it wasn't long before I became stuck in the doldrums - a dull, listless, depressed mood; low spirits.

Have you ever felt this way? It's not something we talk about as mothers. When we are out & about, we put on that 'mask' that everything is just fine! Oh sure, I said I was tired and things were not easy, but we're doing fine! It took some time before I realized that I was stuck in the doldrums and I was not fine. It frustrated me that I felt this way. I had just seen, once again, what an awesome & mighty God we have! I should be feeling elated, joyful, thankful, blessed. Instead I felt overwhelmed, exhausted, mentally, spiritually and physically depleted. My daily prayer was "Please let me get through today without shutting down. Just give me the strength to do the dishes. Do just one small load of laundry." I would get the boys fed, clothed, etc, but the rest of it ... I felt so overwhelmed that even one small task was daunting.

Jen Hatmaker wrote this:

Here is the bummer about the doldrums: the very efforts needed to lift out are the same things you’ve lost energy for. The simplest remedies feel like weights drudged up from the bottom of the ocean. Your mind knows to do them, but your will refuses to cooperate. Which makes your mind furious and mired in shame, which makes your will dig its heels and wallow, which makes you realize you are turning on yourself, you are your own worst enemy. No one can oppress me like myself.

I am still working through it. Some days are better than others. There are days I sink right back into it and I am overwhelmed by everything. I am learning to give myself grace and to know that this takes time. It was so easy to cling to Christ when I was in crisis mode and with all that was going on, He was in control. It's the big things that are somehow easier isn't it? The little things, like the aftermath of that big crisis, those are when it can become hard to keep pressing forward and holding fast to that promise that Jesus is with us.

Christ suffered for us. He is suffering with us. Whether we deem it big or small, it is not for us to compare our suffering to others. That takes our focus off of Christ and onto ourselves, it minimizes what He is working on in our hearts and our lives.

In Christ alone my hope is found,

He is my light, my strength, my song;

this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,

firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

My Comforter, my All in All,

here in the love of Christ I stand.

Happy Mother's Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Sat, 11 May 2013 16:24:00 +0000

May 24, 2010

I was watching the movie Motherhood yesterday and in the movie, the mom has a chance to submit an essay on what motherhood means to her. This got me thinking, especially as I watched Jordan and thought about what it meant to be his mother. What does motherhood mean to me? Keep in mind, that my life as a mother has only been in existence for 14 1/2 months :)

Motherhood is complex and full of emotions. Motherhood is something that you will never fully understand yet at the same time, you will embrace it completely without hesitation. The fears you had before your child was born is replaced by the fears you have as your child grows into their own. You learn to step back and watch as the child you love so dearly learns to do things on their own, even when it means watching them step off the curb and face plant onto the asphalt parking lot (true story, happened today). Motherhood is full of joy and laughter, tears and heartache. The tears in the beginning when you felt so overwhelmed and unsure of how to take care of this precious little one that is utterly dependent on you. The joy in being a mother, when others delight in your child. The laughter that bubbles over when your child laughs with you, for a child's laughter is the most beautiful sound. The heartache in knowing that no matter how much you try, you cannot always protect them from being hurt.

It's when a chubby little hand reaches for yours, in complete faith that you will guide them in the right way, and be by their side as they learn to navigate the world on their own.

Motherhood means days where you just want to get in the car, drive who knows where , turn the windows down and blast some music. Then there are days when your little one squeals in delight when they see you and comes running into your arms to give you a hug. The smile on their face makes up for the days of teething, sleepless nights, spilled cups on the floor, tripping on toys everywhere you step, and massively poopy diapers.

Motherhood is a journey - it's not easy but it is by far the most rewarding journey I've ever partaken in.

New Year, One Word

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 01:35:00 +0000

When someone asks me about my New Years resolutions, I cringe. Hemming & hawing, I half heartedly come up with the typical ones. Lose weight, eat healthier, wake up early & have quiet time, spend more time with my boys, blah blah blah.

One morning in late December I was reading a devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries. As I read it, I felt like it was written specifically for me. Did this lady know me & how I work? It felt like I could have written this devotional. (Looking Around)

"the crux of my problem was waiting for everything to be perfect before I moved forward. If I didn't feel I could do something "right," I often didn't do it at all. If I couldn't control each move, or the outcome, I waited rather than began. And that meant a lot of things sat either un-started or unfinished."

When I was done reading the devotional, I scrolled down to learn more about the author. I came across this:

Lose the long list of resolutions — all your sweeping promises to change — and do something about one thing this year instead of nothing about everything. In Rachel Olsen's newest book, My One Word, she and co-author Mike Ashcroft lead you in choosing just one word that represents what you most hope God will do in you, and focus on it for an entire year.

I had stopped making resolutions because I did just that - "nothing about everything". There were many un-started or unfinished projects because I was waiting for things to be perfect. I lack confidence in my ability to do things & do them well, and many times I refuse to do or try anything. I (unwisely) measure myself against others (friendships, motherhood, personality, etc) and fall short every time. I focus on my weaknesses and not my strengths. This results in a lot of wasted time.

Inspired by picking one word instead of making resolutions, I went to the My One Word website & read the three steps to choosing one word. I spent a few weeks thinking over the devotional & what my one word could be. Mostly, I prayed for God to search me & know me, to show me what I needed to focus on this year.

"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts"

Psalm 139:23

The word that God has put upon my heart is INTENTIONAL. Intentional means done with intention. Intention means a determination to act in a certain way. I pray that God will teach me to find and acknowledge my strengths, to use them for His glory. A prayer I have had for many years, that has yet to be completely answered, is to think before I speak! Many times when I am uncomfortable in a situation I just start rambling. I want to be intentional in my speech, my thoughts, my actions. Live a life that is intentional(ly) pleasing to God in all areas.

In addition to picking a word, I also picked a verse to go with the word intentional.

"Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress"

1 Timothy 4:15

As I end this post, I leave you with a question:

What is your one word for this year?

I would love for you to comment and tell me your one word!

One. Step. At. A. Time

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 19:17:00 +0000

There are many things I do not like about having a disability, but every once in a while, I use it to my advantage. When I need to decompress, take a moment to myself, shut the world out, I take out my hearing aids. Then ... silence. Complete silence. This is me, at my most vulnerable point. This is where I say "okay, here I am, coming to You, laying everything at Your feet". When life gets overwhelming. When I feel stuck. When the little one is waking up 3-4 times a night screaming his head off & I feel so helpless because I cannot figure out why. When finances are rough. When insecurity, jealously, greed, or bitterness rears its ugly head. When my heart is heavy with hurt. I take off my hearing aids, meet God at my most vulnerable point, and pour it all out.

I do not walk away with answers. I do not walk away with everything solved. All that I pour out at His feet, it's all still there. There is not always some great spiritual awakening or revelation. I do not walk away convicted & ready to tackle everything. My heart may still be heavy and burdened. Tears may still be flowing from my eyes.

I do walk away with the knowledge that I am not alone. My God is with me & for me. He is there, walking besides me. one. step. at. a. time. That is all He asks of us. To walk with Him in all we do. That knowledge, that reassurance, gives me peace & strength. Just one. step. at. a. time.

Too many times I try to do it all on my own. When I allow myself to take out my hearing aids and become vulnerable, I let down my many walls & simply lay it all out at His feet. He never fails to meet me there.

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
Then what could stand against.

Chris Tomlin - Our God

September GUM Flyer

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 00:30:00 +0000

*Introducing the mentor moms & leadership team*

Patti Anderson

I have been married to Norm for 40 years. We have four sons, Doug, Dan, David and Michael and have three daughter in laws. Nancy, Francina, and Susan. We have 6 ½ grandchildren; Jack, Ryley, Matt, Morgan, Cameron, Lea & the next one due is in February. GUM is so so dear to my heart. 25 years ago I was visiting friends in Boston & their church had a mom to mom program. I loved it. It was so biblical as in Titus. When Lindsey brought it up to me, I was thrilled. I was involved for several years then had to drop out for personal reasons. Now I am back & love love love it! I love the Lord, Norm, the boys & the little short guys so much. I laugh easily & cry even easier. I love to entertain, cook, the beach & our Oregon home. Children make me laugh. My husband is very funny though he does not mean to be. Dirty jokes make me laugh. They should not but they do.

Paula Johnson

I have two children. Daniel is 18 and leaving for college (Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo) on September 12^th. Carolyn is 16 (almost 17) and a senior at Charter Oak High School. GUM is a lifeline to our moms of young children. I remember being at home alone with young kids, most of my friends were working and our families didn’t live close. The bible study I was involved in at that time saved my sanity. It was my spiritual and mental lifeline. This is what I see GUM being. A safe place for moms to come, to be loved, supported, prayed for and to not be alone. I’ve been married 21 years (in November) and my husband is my best friend. I love camping, music, playing hearts with my family at the Awanee, and watching my kids sporting events. I work part time at Charter Oak High School in the high-functioning autism class. My kids make me laugh, also British humor.

Aileen Jones

I have two kids; a daughter 29 & a son 25. GUM is quite frankly my favorite ministry! I love everything about it & receive a lot of satisfaction & pleasure from serving the mamas! I am an outgoing middle-aged woman who loves God & my family! I really enjoy getting to know people, Bible Study, gardening, baking & reading. My husband makes me laugh (often!). It really doesn’t take much to crack me up.

Sherry Spradley

Steve and I have 3 children. Brenda, who is married to Charlie. They have Elliot, Libby, and Ollie. Daryl who is married to Becky and they have Natania and Claire. Daniel who is married to Allison. GUM has been a wonderful chance for me to be able to be with young moms and hopefully share some of my successes and failures as a mother. I love the prayer time together. I am an introvert, loyal and dependable person who loves the Lord. I love to organize things and rearrange my furniture. I now have arthritis and fibromyalgia that affects my life more than I would like but God is helping me through the hard times. Things my grandchildren say and do make me laugh and so can my husband.

Elizabeth Gregorich

I have two boys. Levi is 3 years, Silas is 9 months. GUM is a place I can be real about being a not so perfect mom, laugh about the funny things and pray about the tough things. I am encouraged in the role God has given me and blessed to share with other moms too. I love being a wife and mom. I stay home with my boys. I love this church and learning more about the Lord from His Word and fellowship with others. Sometimes I have to force myself to talk, because I’d much rather listen. My husband makes me laugh. He can be a gooft sometimes. My children make me laugh. Especially Levi, now that he can talk. He says things like: “There’s Spiderwebman!” (Spide Man). Also, when other people laugh really hard, it’s hard not to laugh with them.

Amie Wagenbrenner

I have two girls. Mya is 3 years and Winter is 1 ½ years. GUM keeps me sane. When I get home from a morning with other moms, I feel refreshed and recharged. It also helps me remember that I cannot do it on my own. I need Jesus. I love to be around people. I hate staying at home which doesn’t make me a very good stay at home mom J I adore my girls and I feel so blessed to have married such an amazing man. I’m pretty easy going unless I’m driving or my house is a mess. I love to sing and dance and I’m into health and fitness. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. I’m fairly neat and I don’t like knick knacks or chotchkies that clutter my house probably because I grew up in a super messy small home. I tend to like sarcastic humor and burps and farts have always amused me.

Manda Robinson

I have one child, Ezra, who is 21 months old. GUM (for me) is a place that I can vent my insecurities about motherhood and get prayer and encouragement for them. I love working part time as a Physician Assistant and balancing that with being a mom/wife. I enjoy art (other people’s, not my own), organizing, baking cupcakes, and trying new things. Things that make me laugh are puns and my son’s dancing.

Stacy Thompson

I have two boys. Jordan is 3 ½ years and Lucas is 9 ½ months. GUM is where I am able to share the good, the bad & the ugly, and to know that I am not alone in this journey of motherhood. It is a place of safety, honesty, advice, laughter, love, encouragement, and prayer. I am thankful that we have mentor moms who have traveled this path before us & can guide us, listen to us and tell us “it may not seem like it now, but you’ll make it through the hard times”. I am easy going and laugh easily. I love to read, get together with friends and family, go for walks, and bake. My husband makes me laugh every day. Jordan is at the age where his imagination has really kicked into gear & he cracks me up with his antics. Lucas is now babbling away and when he laughs, I cannot help but laugh with him.

noreply@blogger.com (Stacy) — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 17:28:00 +0000

This is not the blog post I had in mind for my 'debut' post, but it's something that God has been pressing on my heart today. So here I sit, listening to what God's saying and willing myself to follow through on what He's telling me to do. This means ignoring the dirty dishes in the sink, the crumbs underneath the kitchen table, the piles of laundry that need to be folded, the toys that are begging to be put away (only to be pulled out again fifteen minutes later), and letting the little one hang out in his crib *he's supposed to be napping*. Is it just me or do you struggle with the moments of "slow it down, listen to what God's saying, and just focus on that. Follow His instructions NOW - not later, not after the dishes are done, the laundry is folded. Because by then, you'll be distracted and realized that you brushed Him off yet again, only to do something that could have waited".

This morning was rough. Both my boys were overtired which resulted in tantrums & crying over every. single. thing. I was rushing to get the big one ready for school and found myself barking orders at him in short clipped sentences. Things were going downhill & all I wanted was to get him to school, put the little one down for a nap, and get to the above mentioned to-do list. After I dropped the big one off at school (tears and all), I came home, put the little one down for a nap, logged onto FB (for just a quick moment) and there God met me. In the moment of quietness (only a moment, for the little one is letting me know he's unhappy that he's supposed be napping), I read a link my sister in law posted. After reading that blog post, I clicked onto another blog post, and then someone posted in the GUM page. Between those three things I read, I had tears in my eyes & my heart was convicted. The first blog post I read was titled "Dear Mom On Hard Days", the second "Dear Sweet Mom Who Feels LIke She Is Failing", and a wall photo about this day being a gift. I felt like all three summed up how I was feeling. This line especially, made the tears spill over & my heart feel hope.

"This is your life - and you - you are the perfect mother for those children. God knew when he blessed those kids to you."

The dishes will wait, the laundry will wait, the crumbs on the floor will wait (or be picked up by the crawling baby). God will meet you where you are & give your soul what it needs. Reassurance, on those tough days, that you are the perfect mother for your children & God knew that when he blessed those kids to you. While I am still tired & weepy, my spirit is renewed. I pray dear mamas, that this post & the others that I am linking below, will renew you as well. This needs to be said again, read again, and held onto tightly.

"This is your life - and you - you are the perfect mother for those children. God knew when he blessed those kids to you."

Dear Mom On Hard Days

Dear Sweet Mom Who Feels Like She Is Failing

Now, I'm off to pick up my baby boy & snuggle him tight. He needs his mama more than he needs a nap. (Let's face it, I wanted him to take a nap so I could get the chores done!)

Laundry Signals

noreply@blogger.com (SPKarenO) — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 18:01:00 +0000

Hi Mamas. I have some sad news. My dryer caught emphysema and died a couple weeks ago. It was painful for all of us, especially when my children had to hall loads of clean wet laundry around the corner to their cousins house to borrow their healthy dryer. Those three days were long ones. But it's okay, no condolences needed, we're over it now.

Why the callous attitude, you say? Well this new dryer has revolutionized my life, and I'll tell you why.

First let me introduce you to the beast. Let's call him Sal. As you can see Sal has is a lovely shade of...tan. So pretty, right? He's not much to look at for sure, but he does work!

Sal came to us from the garage of some wonderful friends who live a couple blocks from us. Sal was peacefully waiting for a new family to take him home and put him back to work. Our friends picked Sal up at the Sal-vation Army thrift store for about ten bucks sometime in the mid 90's (make note of the red Salvation Army sticker Sal still wears). Where Sal was prior to that no one knows.

Sal has worked hard for many a year, and after his rest in our friends garage, he was ready to get back to work drying our jeans and socks and sheets and softball uniforms. Sal's barrel is smaller than my old machine and this was quite a bummer of a realization when I discovered we'd have to wash smaller loads in order for them to dry in one load. Grateful to not have to tote laundry somewhere else or make a hasty purchase I wondered how I'd stay on top of all the laundry my household generates.

On the plus side, Sal was state of the art back in his prime. Made by General Electric, Sal is a Five Cycle Dryer with Automatic Dryer Control - Extra Care and Signal. Did you catch that? Signal. Translation. LOUD BUZZ noise at the end of the cycle. Now this isn't a new feature to me. My old dryer also had an alarm. It was an awful sound and like most of you, it was turned off. And here's where Sal has changed my life. Sal's signal can not be turned off until you open the door of the dryer!

At first, I was not thrilled about this new sound merging into our lives. I can no longer throw another load in before bed, because the signal will wake the household. This was really going to cramp my style! But Sal just isn't the cramp-your-style-kind.

I had always thought I was pretty on top of my dyer cycles. I listened for that low rumble sound with the clicks and clinks of the clothes spinning in the dyer and when it had stopped I'd change over a load. Efficient, right? Wrong! I have discovered with Sal's immediate and quite alarming signal, I change over more laundry in a day. So much so, I haven't had dirty laundry in the two weeks since Sal was installed in my laundry room. I find myself searching for towels and changing sheets much more often than previously, simply because I have an empty washer and dryer.

And there you have it. Laundry revolutionized. So today, on this sunny Wednesday, I challenge you to TURN ON the dryer signal. If your dryer is too far away to hear it, use a kitchen timer. Seriously. It will change your life. At least your laundry cycles!