Random Cathy | life outside the lines

The secret to closing the gap between the life you have and the life you want

2013-06-17T07:24:00.000-05:00

I was eating breakfast Sunday morning before teaching my yoga class and began channel surfing. I paused to hear a man named Gary Zukav counsel a woman with an alcohol addiction. He told her that the gap between the life she had and the life she wanted could be closed by a series of responsible choices.

That phrase "responsible choices" has hung with me this week. Maybe because I also heard that thought from a second source.

I'm reading Norman Doidge's book, The Brain That Changes Itself. In the chapter on OCD it talks about effective treatments engaging new behaviors rather than spending time trying to undo the new ones. Doidge highlights that "Neurons that fire together wire together; and neurons that fire apart wire apart." Each time a person with OCD breaks the cycle and chooses something different than the obsessive behavior pattern, they begin to rewire their brain.

This isn't about "not" doing the obsessive behavior. It is about choosing something positive instead. For example, rather than checking and rechecking to see if doors are locked, check once with total focused attention, then the next time the nagging feeling hits, choose to do something pleasurable instead...like reading a book, listening to music...something that gives joy.

We tend to think of change as big steps, but realistically the only way to get there is incrementally. Each time you choose something different, your brain builds structure to support you. Each day you work out. Each time you pray or meditate. Each time you skip dessert. Each time you choose to stick with something you already have rather than buying something new.

The secret to closing the gap between the life you have and the life you want is a series of "responsible choices." The thing is that the choices have to focus on positive things. There is no momentum in choosing to "not" do the negative ones.

Adventures in Limits | Nancy's Story

2013-06-14T05:00:00.000-05:00

Nancy became the primary caregiver for a parent suffering from Alzheimers. As her time, resources and energy were being consumed by the needs, Nancy had to give up friends, her day job and her life as she knew it.  

“My friends might say I was a 'high-capacity' person--especially when it came to relationships. No matter who needed what I always made sure that every birthday was celebrated, sorrow shared or task completed. After my dad suffered a fall from a ladder (I still question the thought-process of an 80-year old trimming limbs away from the roof), my mom needed care. It was easier for me to move them from their home state to mine, where I could be part of their day-to-day lives.

Engaging the whole process of aging is daunting....nursing homes, insurance, surgeries for body parts that simply break down...I wasn't prepared for the sheer complexity of it all. In the beginning, it was almost like a second job. Work a nine-hour day, make sure my family was fed (or more often than not swing through a drive through), then get to the nursing home to visit my parents, talk with doctors, connect with the rest of the family about finances, medical decisions, etc. In the past, I had always tackled every problem by simply investing more of me...more compassion, more time, more energy...but what I discovered is that my resources ran out. I wasn't limitless. I started to worry that my brain itself had changed--unable to keep up with the normal demands of life. But what I came to learn is that everything has a capacity threshold, and I quickly exceeded mine.

Originally, I would have thought that this would have been limited to what concerned my folks, but instead it was everywhere...at work, with friends, in my personal finances... I was stunned at how tasks that had once come easily were now anywhere from a trial to impossible. I was tired. So very tired. And I couldn't handle the smallest of demands. It was as if I had overdrawn some internal bank account and the overdraft charges made it impossible to catch up.

There were radical changes. I couldn't perform to capacity at work. I found that where I had once been energized by people, I now craved isolation. I became hopeless about my future because aging was inevitable. I was "tunnel-visioned" just trying to survive the next hours' demands on me. I also became extremely aware of how inadequate I was on my own and went even deeper in my faith to try to get some semblance of peace and understanding as I found the tools and talents I used to rely on completely out of my grasp.

When my mom passed away and my father moved back to our hometown, it wasn't as if everything resolved itself. My landscape had totally changed. Relationships which I had put on hold while caring for my mom were altered or gone. I had left the job that I loved to start a new one with a less-demanding schedule. My husband had taken a different job with more travel to help resolve the gap in income. And most of all, the rapid pace that had left little time for thinking or even breath just stopped. I was left to sort out why I had quit interacting with the friends I loved and shared life with. Why the job I had poured my heart into was simply gone. To try to figure out why I was still so very tired and in need of healing when the withdrawals had suddenly stopped. Most of all, I was left to wonder why I didn't have the same strengths that I did when all of this started?

In many ways I am still sorting much of this out, but there are a few things I have come to embrace. The first is that I have limits. I will never be able to deliver all of the things that people expect of me, but that doesn't mean I don't have value, it just means that people's expectations aren't always aligned with my changing calling and purpose. I've also learned to hold things loosely. Everything...jobs, friends, possessions, abilities. When all of the structure and resources around you seem to become quicksand, there is still something solid. For me that is my faith, which I came to a radical and abandoned reliance on. I've also learned to let go of the outcomes. As much as I want to see people get their desired outcome, that isn't in my capacity to grant. I simply have to show up and give what I have to give. And learn to be okay with the gaps."

© Cathy Hutchison 2012

Disaster Recovery

2013-06-12T06:02:00.000-05:00

This is a photo of our cousin's house in Moore, Oklahoma. Gary and Debbie made it out, but only by minutes when the radio announcer told them to get underground or get out.

I spent the week at meetings in NYC where I heard from firms who experienced 911 and Superstorm Sandy, and it occurred to me I should ask Gary his advice about things he wished he'd prepared ahead of time. This is what he said:

Hey Cathy, good questions. For one, I had always heard to videotape your possessions, room to room. Had actually done that MANY years ago on VHS, but that was like 15+ years ago. This is, of course, for insurance purposes, the inside contents part of a policy. We had to go through each room mentally and list what we could recall.

Keep important papers in a bank box! We left our house 5 minutes or less before we were hit--make sure you have wallet, purse with you. Identification was required for many days afterward to get back into the neighborhood. I did have my wallet as we left.

Always keep your insurance paid and up to date. And have the policy enough to replace what you lost.

While our cell phone service was out for hours and sporadic afterward, make sure you have a phone with you. These may seem obvious but when minutes are between you and death, obviously vital.

Also, have a bag with a change of clothes prepared, with emergency items like bottled water, flashlight, personal hygiene, etc. Perhaps kept in the car or closet. And wear comfortable shoes, I left the house wearing house shoes--that is all I had, the clothes on my back and no shoes.

Have a plan ahead of time, where to go or meet if coming from different directions.

Also, carry emergency cash as power will be out and keep gas in your tank.

Ready.gov had advice on building and maintaining a kit of disaster supplies. After hearing stories of firms that were prepared and firms that weren't, it was interesting to me the difference it all made. We live in a world where climate change is a reality. Taking a little time to prepare can make a difference.

What you want matters

2013-06-10T05:00:00.000-05:00

What you want matters.

But I'm curious if sometimes the gap between what we have and what we want isn't about being denied something but rather that we have a limited view of seeing how our desires can be fulfilled.

What if we aren't open enough to view creative possibilities or not patient enough to take the time to examine ourselves to find what the core desire truly is?

Could a desire for new clothing be less about the item on the hanger and more about the way we feel about our identity? If that is the case, could a change in vocation (or avocation) be more effective in meeting that need than the quick fix of a designer purchase? Could a single person's unmet desire for family be because protecting their heart is actually a stronger desire than the need to share their life?

I believe it is important to spend time with our desires. To listen to what something deep in us is saying and to try to figure out what it is that we truly want under the layers of whim and fancy.

Because make no mistake, our desires drive us. It simply seems more healthy to have them in the light.

Adventures in Commitment to a Calling | Justin's Story

2013-06-07T05:00:00.000-05:00

Justin left a traditional career path to put everything on the line to pursue his calling to support the arts and artists. When all of the “real job” doors refused to open, Justin was left to question if his belief in his calling was true or if he had jumped headlong into change for nothing. While he now has his “dream job” of building a complex designed to support independent artists, there was a long gap in the story before opportunity came for him.

I'd spent hours telling artists that the drive to create--this need to bring new creations into our world--was so central to their identity and their purpose in this life that, if they would simply risk and take the leap into that pursuit, there would be no way that they could fail. I had watched artists take my advice jumping headlong into these amazing projects and career changes, and watched them build new businesses and take their craft to fantastic new levels. But, here I was, 5 years into that very phase, behind on bills, family on the edge of losing our house, questioning everything I believed and had taught others to believe. How was it that, after coaching others and seeing them succeed, I was now in the middle of falling on my face as a result of taking my own advice?

I struggled the most with how the decisions I had made were affecting my family. Risking a major career transition based on a dream put my family in a very vulnerable position. We were living in a one-bedroom house with 4 people, eating beans and rice more times than I want to remember, and I had to own that we were at that place because of decisions I had made. It hurt to know that. All I wanted to do was go back and change it all, but I knew that we had to work with what we had.

For people who are going through change, I would say that it is likely that you have more people around you who love and support you than you realize. These are the people that you need to be sharing your dreams with. If you are not being intentional about vocalizing your direction, nobody will know where you are going. Ask your friends to help you process your goals and to help you make the connections you need to realize your pursuit.

Second, don't condemn yourself for doing what you need to do to make things work while working towards your dream. I spent countless hours focusing on where I wasn't, wishing I was doing something else, and losing sight of the process. Take time to integrate the experiences you collect while on the way to your dream. Your time in customer service will actually make a difference when you are engaging a potential customer on the sale of your first $2000 piece. That assistant manager position at the smoothie shop will help you when you have to deal with a difficult employee on your first contract as an arts consultant. There is always space to learn if you will make it.

Third, never lose sight of your dream. There were plenty of times over the last few years where I questioned my decision to change paths. The consequences of that decision were long-lasting, and I don't think I was as aware of them as I should have been. Finding yourself in the middle of those consequences without keeping the dream in view can lead you down a path of self-doubt and self-sabotage. So, don't forget why you are doing what you are doing. Remember to set aside time to stop, contemplate and evaluate your progress and direction, and ultimately to remind yourself that you are not crazy. You are you.

Hopefully, living in a world of constant change will bring out a part of the human experience that causes us to be more engaged in our circumstances, rather than disengaged. If the change is too overwhelming, people will choose to check out of the game. But if we can stay in tune and engage in a dialogue with the change, we can learn how to adapt and even becomes agents of the change we want to see in the world.

© Cathy Hutchison 2012

Stripped by God

2013-06-05T05:00:00.000-05:00

David-the-Artist-Pastor sent me a poem a few weeks ago that has stuck with me. I thought it was beautiful and open, so I wanted to share...

STRIPPED BY GOD

What would happen if I pursued God --
If I filled my pockets with openness,
Grabbed a thermos half full of fortitude,
And crawled into the cave of the Almighty
Nose first, eyes peeled, heart hesitantly following
Until I was face to face
With the raw, pulsing beat of Mystery?

What if I entered and it looked different
Than anyone ever described?
What if the cave was too large to be fully known,
Far to extensive to be comprehended by one person or group,
Too vast for one dogma or doctrine?

Would I shatter at such a thought?
Perish from paradox or puzzle?
Shrink and shrivel before the power?
Would God be diminished if I lived a question
Rather than a statement?
Would I lose my faith
As I discovered the magnitude of Grace?

O, for the willingness to explore
To leave my tiny vocabulary at the entrance
And stand before you naked
Stripped of pretenses and rigidity,
Disrobed of self righteousness and tidy packages,
Stripped of all that holds me at a distance from you
And your world.

Strip me, O God,
Then clothe me in curiosity and courage.

--Cynthia Langston Kirk

Unlearning limiting beliefs

2013-06-03T05:00:00.000-05:00

In some ways, I think it is easier to unlearn the big lies. Like the boy in 7th grade who calls you ugly. Though it hurts your heart and in 7th grade you believe it, as an adult you can build enough love in your life to look at that and see it as a lie.

But then "ugly" is a big message.

I'm becoming increasingly aware of more subtle messages I received in my formative years that may, in fact, not be true.

For example, my family always teased me about my cooking. So much so that I stopped trying. My first week of marriage, when I realized I was absolutely on the hook for this cooking thing now that I was a wife, I bought 7 boxes of Hamburger Helper because it had directions and would tell me what to do.

While there are people who have a gift and talent for cooking, most of us can actually learn via trying things out and seeing what works and what doesn't. But if you have a limiting belief of "I can't cook" then every failed attempt—or even just an average meal—becomes "evidence." Whereas for a normal person, it is simply an instruction in how to improve for next time.

Lately I've begun exploring things I believe about myself to find where the walls are, and then freely going beyond them just to see what will happen. ("Freely" in that I feel liberated as I step past that boundary. There is A LOT of fear walking up to the line the first time.)

Limiting beliefs are subtle and can take some work to find. One of the reasons I find things like Project 333, spending fasts, yoga, and reading "dangerous" books (dangerous = different than mainstream thinking) valuable, is that it they challenge the walls. They uncover those limiting beliefs even when you aren't looking for them.

So, what about you? Got any limiting beliefs you need to ignore and go beyond today?

Adventures in Change | Tara's Story

2013-05-31T06:00:00.000-05:00

When Tara’s husband, Pete, was struck by pancreatic cancer, they began fighting an enemy they couldn’t see or touch plunging them into a world of daily wins and losses. Just a little over a year after he began exhibiting symptoms, Pete died leaving Tara to build a new life. How does a girl who married at 19 figure out who she is and how she fits into the world being just herself?

It really sucks to lose the war. And believe me, when you are fighting cancer you feel like you are in battle. Then, my entire life changed in one moment. Everything I had known and was familiar was gone the moment he died. My role as a wife. My role as a parent. As a lover and a friend. Everything changed. My identity was completely wiped away. In that moment, I thought who am I? What am I about? I’ve spent the last two years trying to figure that out.

I’m a strong woman, but I felt so alone and dark and afraid. All the firsts were the hardest. The first Valentines day, then all the birthdays, then our daughter’s wedding, then the birth of our first grandchild--a whole a cluster of “first” family things without him. I walked our daughter down the aisle at her wedding. Saw the birth of our first grandchild. I kept wondering if he could peer into this from heaven.

In May, after Pete had been gone a few months, I was invited to a widow’s luncheon and I was struck by how much people want to categorize you that way. How much some want you to own that identity. WTF. How depressing. I just kept thinking, “This is not me. I have a push up bra on.”

There is still some rawness to it. I still have anxiety. I still wonder what my life will look like in a year. I still wonder if no one comes along if I will be okay with that. But I’m also discovering me.

One of the things I discovered about myself that surprised me is just how wild I can be. Adventurous. I’ve done some good stuff, but I’ve also done some stupid stuff.

I discovered that Pete kept me grounded. I never knew how much he balanced me. How much he kept me in check with his quiet gentleness. One of the things about Pete is that he always knew what to do. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in the floor and thought, I don’t know what to do. I also realize now how much he loved me. I knew he was faithful, but I never really understood what that meant until he was gone.

I did go to grief counseling, but so much was cliche. They just seemed to tell you so much you already know. I kept thinking, “I can’t cuss here and I really want to.” My anger at God has been red hot. I have struggled through this whole thing. I cannot tell you some of the things I have shouted at the heavens and I am not through that yet. I do not feel judged or shame or guilt. I think it is healthier to be honest.

Discovering what I want has been a process. Not the cliche ‘ I want to be happy’ but the specifics that have to do with who I am. In the past two years, I’ve found I’m varied in my love of life. Perfectly content at the house, but just as content traveling the world.

I’ve discovered I really like a glass of wine at night.
I’ve discovered that I am sexy and hot.
I’m funny as hell.
I know what it is like to live from the inside. What’s in my soul. I love my kids, my job, my life....
I never knew how much I liked me.

I don’t feel in control, but I’m not sure I’m supposed to be. I just know my life is what it is and I’m content to the degree that I can be in this process. Sometimes it is brutally frightening and sometimes immensely satisfying just being me.

You told me you didn’t want stories that wrap up with a bow. Hell, there isn’t a bow big enough for this.

© Cathy Hutchison 2012

Simple Vegan | Fruit Infused Water

2013-05-29T05:00:00.000-05:00

In Texas, temps can get pretty hot during the summer. One of the things I've gotten into recently is making fruit infusions.

The concept is a simple one. In fact, you've probably seen it in the lobby of hotels. You simply dice a little fruit, put it in a jar of filtered water, and let chill. I like to let it chill overnight to give several hours for the subtle flavors of the fruit to permeate the water.

The new twist I've discovered is adding herbs into the mix. The jar to the left has a sliced orange and some pineapple sage I picked from my garden. Light and refreshing.

Performing a schedule audit

2013-05-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

For most of us, it isn't just our closets that are cluttered. Our schedules are cluttered too.

My friend, Phill, mentioned the other day that he and his wife had gone through their schedules and done an "energy audit."

The idea is that they both have really demanding jobs--which means in the hours they are not at work, they can't afford to engage in things that take more energy than they give. It burns through the already stretched resource of time and personal energy.

Every activity was evaluated based on whether or not it energized or drained them, then the hard decisions were made. Nothing was off limits. Family events, church, even long-standing activities that served each of them personally.

The result is a schedule that feeds them and gives time and space for their love for each other.

This is counter cultural to the way most live. We measure our worth by busyness. When people need us, it makes us feel valuable. There is a high in running from activity to activity. It takes real courage to say no to others who need us and prioritize our families. To protect the time and energy needed to create a home--the space and refuge that only we can give to those closest to us.

Adventures in letting go | Bess Ann's Story

2013-05-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

Bess Ann and her husband Kerry sold their 2200 sf dream home and 90% of their possessions to reform their lives as modern-day nomads. Bess Ann talks about the process of change...

“At first it was just a conversation about wanting to see the country when we retired. I wasn’t a camper and had never stayed in an RV, but Kerry and I found ourselves talking often about ‘someday.’ As we went to RV shows and met snowbirds, we found that many of them were limited by health issues and money. We wondered what it might look like to purchase an RV in the ‘now.’

With changes in the economy we knew my husband might get caught in a layoff, so we put money back. By the time the layoff actually happened, we had found an incredible deal on an RV and made the purchase. We thought we would make some short trips while Kerry looked for another job. [Note that Bess Ann offices from home.]

Later that summer we went to Park City Utah and Yellowstone for six weeks--which was beautiful. We came home to Texas where it was 115 degrees. The house had been shut up and it was miserable. We wondered if we really needed this much house. The market was bad so we started with a “let’s just see.” Within a week we had an offer at the asking price. We looked at each other and said, ‘we’re doing this.” Then I immediately thought, but wait, we aren’t ready.

We realized that if we sold the house and traveled full-time Kerry would officially be retired. Storage for our belongings seemed an albatross, so we put 90% of it in a garage sale keeping only some original artwork and memory items. It was really hard to start selling things, but there was a point where I realized...”this is just stuff.” Once I came to terms with it, it was very freeing. I realized how many things thought I needed that actually got very little use.

I didn’t expect the struggle of leaving what we knew. We both grew up in families that stayed together and lived in the same geographic area. What we had seen modeled was what most of us grow up to expect. You get a house, a car, a truck, a few vacations and you work until you are 60. Selling it all and moving into 350 square feet...all mobile...was a huge departure from what we’d always been told was normal. We decided ‘normal’ is overrated.

The biggest thing I’ve learned in the process is where my values are and what I’m trusting in. I’ve learned that the world won’t fall apart if I let go. I’m a planner, and it has been difficult to allow the plans to go. But the reality is that we are in a self-contained motor home. If we are two hours late or two days late...it doesn’t matter. We create structure where it is important...getting up at the same time, sharing meals together...

Being this mobile let’s you know who you are. That things can change around you, but not change you--the you that exists when you peel away all the layers of the onion. I’ve also learned that change may be hard or different, but that doesn’t make it bad.

Another neat thing I’ve learned in meeting people across the country is how different we are, and yet still alike. That’s a little flower that keeps opening up for me."

© Cathy Hutchison 2012

Reporting on Change

2013-05-22T06:00:00.000-05:00

In my professional life, I work as a writer. With posts on everything from SEO strategy for beginners to developing leadership skills for an emerging culture, my focus is usually on a world world in transition.

And yet, there are parts of the world that aren’t transitioning. In fact, most professionals I encounter feel stuck between the innovation in their hearts and the immovable status quo. So what do you do, when you see the possibilities of a world in change, but feel powerless to change in your current context?

One of the challenges of being caught between worlds is that we are actually part of the problem. We have old ways of seeing that we haven’t yet been able to overcome. These ‘blind spots’ can hold us back and keep us from visualizing the path forward in the places we work, organizations we are part of and the families we live in.

And as much as I’d like to serve as a Sherpa to lead through these blind spots, the reality is that I have them too. We are all “building the bridge as we walk on it.” One thing I am certain of—however—is that becoming aware of where change is possible is a great first step; and simplicity, creativity, compassion, technology and an openness to change in ourselves are powerful tools to bring about change in our current context.

I spent a year in my professional world asking people to tell me their stories of navigating change. The criteria was that I wanted to catch people before they were resolved. I wanted to talk to people within three years of the change. The stories were moving and engaging. So for the next several weeks, I plan to share some of them here. Stay tuned each Friday for "Adventures in Change."

And I don't even think it is crazy...

2013-05-20T05:00:00.000-05:00

I've realized lately I've become a stereotype of sorts. I love yoga. I live on plant-based foods. I adore my Smart car, minimalists, and almost anything that is eco-friendly.

A few weeks ago, I hung out with a superfoods-enthusiast/coach who taught me how to use my dehydrator to make raw breads. I told her how much I'm enjoying meeting people with similar interests. She told me it was because yoga had raised my vibrations and I was drawn to people with high vibration levels.

Six years ago, I would have lifted an eyebrow at that—well, if I could actually lift one eyebrow. But now, the idea of energy or vibration levels no longer seems crazy. It makes sense to me.

You don't have to be a yogi, raw foodist or "eco chic" to experience high vibrations. We've seen it in people who live close to nature. Artists with passion. People with deep devotion and faith. I just never had vocabulary for it.

Science tells us that matter is mostly empty space—vibrating energy. Scriptures tell us of a world spoken into being. (Sound is vibration). Yoga speaks of prana. Martial arts of chi.

Many of the natural foodists focus on the vibratory pulse that not only affects our being, but the energy of those around us. Living things have a lot of vibration, but dead things do not (apple vs. a table). They focus on eating raw foods—which have a high vibration level. However, food isn't the only thing that affects our energy level. Prayer and meditation also change the frequency at which you vibrate. Exercise can change your vibration. Spending time in nature...

I love it that we don't have to stay in the same place. That we can do positive things to actually can raise our vibration levels. We aren't stuck.

And even if "vibration levels" sounds crazy to you, you probably do believe in a capacity for growth. In which case means we aren't stuck either.

Realizing stuff about yourself...

2013-05-17T05:00:00.000-05:00

Yoga is often referenced as a path to self-realization. And while that sounds lofty, it is actually pretty simple. When you are quiet enough, you notice things about yourself that you may not have noticed before. I've been having this experience more and more lately.

Many of the practices in yoga focus on building agni.

Agni means fire. And while it is responsible for drive, willpower, etc, it is also about digestion. The thing is that yoga doesn't differentiate what you digest. Agni is as responsible for the digestion of emotions, learning and thoughts as it is for food.

My personal practice at the moment centers on building agni, and on the mat the other day I had a huge realization about myself. I rarely take time to savor.

Not food. Not ideas. Not emotions.

I've always had this sense that time is short, so I move at a rapid pace to be able learn, experience and get as many things done as I possibly can. The downside is that it takes time to digest the things we take in.

Digestion needs to be slow. You have to give it time.

I'm realizing it is important for me to slow the pace to savor more. To pause long enough to fully digest information, experience, and well...food. It is something that must become part of my practice.

An observation...

2013-05-16T11:02:00.001-05:00

Of love and isolation

2013-05-15T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Oh it's so typical, love leads to isolation. So you build that wall..." - Phil Collins

Ever been to a family gathering that was awkward? I've had the odd experience this week of both being part of these exchanges in my own family and of hearing others share their stories. (Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas all seem to be petri dishes for this phenomena.)

As the stories have swirled around in my head, I can't help but look for the commonalities, and this is what I've discovered.

Each person has an idea in their head of right and wrong. To be sure, there are some things we all agree on—like maybe the 10 Commandments—but in areas of how people live day-to-day life, there is a great deal of variety in terms of what people think is rude, what is appropriate, how business should be done, lifestyle choices, politics, yada, yada. We are infinite in variety and life experiences, so it makes sense that we would vary in this, yet because we have a singular point of view, each person operates as if their standard of "right/wrong" is THE standard.

Kathryn Schulz, author of "Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error," has a brilliant illustration in her Ted Talk. She asks the audience how it feels to be wrong. They shout out a few answers: embarrassed, failure, just feels bad, etc. She pauses and says, "No. That's how it feels to find out you are wrong. Being wrong feels exactly like being right."

Most of us are wrong about a great many things. But to us—unless it is staring us in the face—most of us walk around feeling like we are right. The problem occurs when we engage the people in our lives by making sure that they are right too.

Something profound happens when we let this go. When we begin to engage people from a place of acceptance rather than a place of correction. Love occurs.

And this is the thing. Love is what all of us are looking for. In that deep part of us. From our hearts. In fact, we are absolutely starving for it.

When someone offers us correction instead of acceptance, we build walls. Our hearts can't handle "I can only love you if you are this."

There are many places in our lives where this is simply the way things are. At work, in school, even socially...our very being is judged and either accepted or rejected on a daily basis. Most of us get up each day, don our emotional bullet-proof vests and operate at a fairly high level in this place. But in our marriages, with our parents, and even with our closest friends, we have to be able to take those off.

This judgment challenge is even worse in our churches where people say, "The Bible is the standard" so that they create rules which are defended at the expense of love. Most don't realize that what really occurs is that their interpretation of the Bible becomes the defended standard—as evidenced by the infinite variety of denominations and interpretations in the Christian church alone.

It takes a great deal of humility to remove oneself as the standard of right/wrong and to offer ourselves as a gift of love to those around us. Thing is we have to do this openly and with a whole heart, because if we do it from a place of pride it becomes this sort of sick martyrdom that will mitigate the joy that is an essential characteristic of freely flowing love. (Not only that, but people can detect the lack of authenticity in a heartbeat.)

While most of us can identify the way others have forced us to create walls, we miss that to unlock it, we have to be willing to lay aside our own judgments of others and offer acceptance. This doesn't mean that any behavior is "okay." We still remain the arbitrators of how we allow other people to treat us. However, if we are honest, most often we don't limit our judgments to our own personhood and interactions. Instead we feel qualified to judge everything from a person's clothes to what they eat to their interactions with others. And even if we don't comment, just simply holding those views speaks volumes.

To be fair, some people will never be "safe" people to be around, and families are steeped in such patterns of behavior that it is often difficult to pave new roads. However, if we embrace love and acceptance as the power over "being right" it changes the game. And the Spirit of Love is there to offer help for the asking.

©Cathy Hutchison

You have magical powers

2013-05-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

When I was a little girl, I wanted magical powers.

So. Bad.

You see, I was certain they were real. After all, I had been told the fairy stories and had seen the Disney movies.

I've learned as an adult that we all have magical powers. That at any given moment we can make something special and unexpected happen. It only requires cultivating the creativity to see a moment, and the courage to take the risk and act.

The magic is small, but powerful. There is one defining rule however. The magic always has to be used for someone other than yourself. You might...

Purchase a latte for the store clerk who woke up too late to get coffee.
Randomly tell someone in your life they are beautiful.
Leave a piece of real jewelry that no longer has meaning for you in a park with a note to the person who finds it.
Smile.
Pay for the order in a drive through for the person behind you.
Take someone else's cart back to the grocery store for them.

With every magical act, you change the world we live in. The power is yours.

Um....about that spending fast

2013-05-10T05:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, so you know how when you are on a diet and you decide to eat a cookie, and then after you eat that cookie you decide "ah, what the heck...I'll just finish the bag"?

Yeah....this month, the spending fast has been kind of like that.

The "spending fast" (and yes, I feel like I have to put quotations around it) has made me aware of my spending habits and what I buy. It has made changes in the way I spend money. In that way the exercise has been really worthwhile. But, what I found is that I'm unwilling to not buy something when it is supporting a change I want to make in my life...like the composter, the produce bags, or the meditation cushion I bought this month. With that said, I also know that I also often buy these types of items and they don't work out the way I thought they would, so they end up at Goodwill.

It is with a good bit of chagrin that I declare an end to the boldly proclaimed spending fast. What I started with much enthusiasm in January is now defunct.

Tsk, tsk, tsk...

Just do it

2013-05-09T05:00:00.000-05:00

Multitasking vs. Mindfulness

2013-05-08T05:00:00.000-05:00

I've become keenly aware lately of the difference in multitasking vs. mindfulness.

Most of us are multitaskers. We know how to get a lot of things done at once. The thing is that it creates a bit of a fragmented existence. As our attention is divided and we strive to keep up, whole days rush past in a blur as our hands do one thing and our minds are someone else. It creates stress.

Mindfulness requires our full attention. We focus on—and enjoy fully—whatever we are doing at a given moment. Rather than having our thoughts in the past or the future, we focus on the present.

Here is the weird thing I've discovered. When I do this, it seems that time expands.

I don't actually get less done. Instead, I am more focused and can enjoy what I do. I have time to savor my food, enjoy a drive, have a conversation, complete a task. Each time I find myself getting caught up in old patterns of rushing, divided attention, stressful thoughts, I simply bring myself back--usually with a focus on my breath.

I always thought that multitasking made me productive. Now, I think it just makes me stressed.

This is an ongoing journey for me.

Perspective

2013-05-06T05:00:00.001-05:00

I am convinced that one of the reasons God does not oppose our infinite variety of opinions is that He allows our understanding of Him to unfold.

So He watches as we put Him into little boxes that we can hold in our hands and study.

I am convinced this is so because if we truly grasped the nature and depth of His great love for not only us but those around us, we couldn't bear it. We would be terrified by our smallness.

Besides, we prefer being evenly matched. It gives us a semblance of control.

The need for exposure...

2013-05-03T06:30:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure that there is real forgiveness without exposure. The need to cover up our sin is as instinctual as Adam hiding in Eden after the fall.

There is honesty in exposure.

I makes us acknowledge things as they really are without the usual stories we tell ourselves.

There is something about the painful moment of honesty that allows healing to begin. Forgiveness which hovered right out of reach seeps in.

There is no forgiveness without confession.

And in the end, honesty is a small price to pay for freedom.

Giveaway! Project 333 Microcourse Winner

2013-05-03T06:00:00.000-05:00

And the winner is Kristy!

I will connect with you via Facebook to get the details and send access info for the course.

Still time to enter | Project 333 Giveaway!

2013-05-02T10:30:00.001-05:00

Still time to "like us" and win Project 333's Dress with Less Microcourse.

What is a microcourse?

micro-schedule: learn something new in a week or less
micro-investment: always less than $20 (or in this case free to a winner)
micro-inbox commitment: all course material delivered in one folder via one click download

To enter, all you have to do is:

Like Random Cathy on Facebook.

Or, if you've already done that, then simply leave a comment at: https://www.facebook.com/randomcathy
The winner will be selected on Friday at 6:00 am and announced then. I will contact you via Facebook to get your e-mail address to send the download link for the course!

Simple Vegan | Cream of Mushroom and Spinach Soup

2013-05-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

I threw this together based on stuff I had in the house and it wound up super tasty and satisfying. The Vitamix made it very creamy.

2T olive oil
1 medium onion
1 pint of mushrooms
2 cups vegetable broth, heated (or 2 c boiling water with veggie bullion)
1/2 can of unsweetened coconut milk
2 handfuls of spinach leaves
2 t of thyme
Salt if needed

Heat olive oil in skillet, then saute onion until almost clear. Add mushrooms and continue to saute until really fragrant. Once onions are completely clear and the mushrooms are browned a bit, transfer entire contents of skillet to a high-speed blender.

Heat vegetable broth (I used a microwave) and add to blender along with coconut milk, spinach and thyme.

Spin on high setting until creamy. Taste and add salt if needed.