I Am What I Am

[MY] Life

2012-05-18T01:20:00.000+08:00

Everyone got their own story. Everyone got their own experience. It's either creates a better them or verse vice. Yes life is full of waiting. Every steps of ours we are waiting for the result of it. We are eventually waiting and curious how our future will looks like. The life is tough that makes me tougher (unknown). How I used to blame the God for all my roadblocks. How I used to blame my parents for their pressure towards me. No matter who we are blaming, they won't be doing it for us. The future and the road are ours. We are the one going to face it. If one day I give up please forgive me, because I'm not as strong as you all thought I'm. No matter how I give up, it doesn't meant I give up fighting for a better future. I just taking a longer road and time to reach my better future. I can give up but please don't give up on me. Support me and lead me back to the road if I'm lost. That's all I asking for.

Warriors Or Trend followers?

2012-04-29T02:17:00.000+08:00

Ever since Morning of 27/04/12 I knew about a boy being kidnapped on his way to school.Well just a few more steps to take to reach. I'm worried and sad on behalf of his parents. I have to admit no more, that his kidnapping just occurred at the wrong timing. WHY? it's a BERSIH's eve. YES!!

The video above already explained part of the reason why he's being kidnapped. Where are the polices that used to be nearby the school area every morning? Answer: they are being recruited to duty at roadblocks or prepare to face BERSIH's peaceful protesters Ok maybe try not to put blames on the police.

People @ Fb users. Like I said at my fb post, within a palm of mine I can count how many people did shared about this missing boy's news. Included Yesterday (28/04/12) I add a bit of another palm of mine. TWO PALMS(actually just 1 1/4)!!! And whole day being floated with BERSIH updates. Not to say I don't care about the future of my country.Not to say I don't care about BERSIH!! but are you all (sharing fb users) a patriotic youngster @ citizens of Malaysia or just a trend follower? A boy is missing and the media + MOST of the people just focusing at BERSIH. While you all are updating about BERSIH, I keep on goggling about this innocent boy's news the whole day. Nothing new like BERSIH, no new pictures,videos or updates. YES HE IS STILL MISSING!!! I'm not being emotional at here. I'm not blaming anyone as well. It's just a feeling that I don't know how to be describe it out. It might not my job to find him as it's a police job to do so. But just BUT sharing it out might at least have the chance of finding him. From BERSIH 2.0 we already know the untrue side of the media reporting and the violence of the polices. Do 3.0 makes any different regarding the media and police? oh different pattern maybe and amount of participants. You all watching a BERSIH movie Part 1 (2.0) & Part 2 (3.0)? This missing boy story won't have part 1 or 2. He either safely goes back to his parents or die or being smuggle to other country as slaves. Come on people.

Wish to tell those BERSIH warriors that went for the rally. Watch "the Lady". If you get it correctly, you all will be thankful that we aren't like Burma.I shouldn't compare both different countries because differences in laws and etc? If so I hope people also don't compare how other countries can protest peacefully but not in Kuala Lumpur. Well it's nothing being mean or not, but it's just a human's nature. Everyone got their own rights and thinking over something. So am I. I not saying this entire post of mine going to correct,rational or whatever. BERSIH is nothing wrong but THE BOY IS STILL MISSING!!! arrr....I just don't know how to put my feelings into words that will look and sounds beautifully without any offences.

I'll like to conclude this post by saying, "Some bits or happening in life we missed out and too focus towards some thing that happening so BIG because everyone is talking about.Think about it with a peaceful mind that are you a warrior or a trend follower?"

p/s: salute to BERSIH warriors and condolence to the family of the death victims who died for this rally.

It's all about you

2012-03-05T01:48:00.000+08:00

Miss you again

Wish to hold your hand again

Wish to hug you again

Wish to kiss you again

Wish that just and might be fulfill in dream

Yes I'm tired

Yes I'm a bit stress

Yes I seriously hope you'll be here

Like how we used to webcam thru Skype

Everything is just past tense

My present is missing you

And

My Future is still blurr

Gnite

Never Gives Up

2012-02-08T20:16:00.000+08:00

In sponsorship

In Assignments

In FYP

In this final year

I need more positive charges to boost my ommmm~~!!

Orange Dot

2012-01-29T01:25:00.000+08:00

Have been following update of a blog recently.Thanks to my friend only I know about this blog.It's a true and touching blog.The narrator of the blog is a mother who just wish to speak to her son that already serving the GOD. From the very 1st blog entry till now I'm still waiting for updates everyday.From how her son was being brought to this world till the he got the deadly sickness. A mother's love that unlimited and hopes towards miracle that she believes that GOD will cure or lessen her son's pain. The son is good looking..lol..kinda wasted..*sorry for the humor part but it's true >.<*

If one day I do meet this mom at the street I'll go towards her and say to her "You are such a great and tough mother. Besides serving the GOD ,your son will bless you from wherever he is now and know how much you misses him. Smile and lives happily is the way to keep his spirit alive.God blesses you and your family".

I don't know how many blog entries to go but I don't hope it will end.Maybe the mother can continue with her family and hers current life.It's a non-fiction blog. Do read it and it's worth the time. =)

http://orangedansydots.blogspot.com/

Dream

2012-01-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

Bad dream I had this noon

How I quarrel with my friends

How heartbreak it is
How I cried in it and in reality

How difficult I trying to run away from it

I tried not to think about it

Indeed I'm scare it will come true one day

It's a dream that feel and looks so real

I dislike losing friends

My pasts are my experiences and fear

I learned and be more careful towards it

I'm sorry if I did anything wrong

I'm just a human that's still learning

爷爷我想你

2011-12-28T22:17:00.000+08:00

I'm fine here, how about you?

Non-officially I saw you 3days ago

Officially it have been 14years

Wander will be looking like your twin brother if you still alive?

Grandpa I miss you

Kiss

2011-12-17T03:41:00.000+08:00

Our 1st kiss was just a game

2nd kiss was accidental

3rd back to some daring game

4th and so on I did put my heart into it

Eventually you did took my heart away

~~Every kiss of yours still in my mind~~

~~Every kiss of yours melted my heart~~

~~Every kiss of yours took my soul away~~

~~Every kiss of yours now is what I miss the most~~

But what I miss the most is YOU

The old you, when we were close

EX-bff

2011-11-27T01:21:00.001+08:00

Do you have a bff? still by your side? Well what I have been through for a few minutes just now is freaking awkward to myself...there is a few second I'm trying to turn around and runaway...I don't know why I have such thought in my mind..someone that used to be my 1st bff appeared in the washroom and did a few sentences of conversations.. someone that I used to try my best to find her contact number/friendster/fb because I do appreciate this friendship.. but when see her I'm so lost & frozen.. because I don't know did she keeping memories of us.. it have been years.. she is the one that makes me takes friendship so important... she is the one that changed my life (partly) .. I don't know what I'm thinking now.. all sorts of things popping out my mind...still abit shocked with the situation just now.. well all I can say is I do glad to have that really really short conversation with you =)

what a day I had...life is full with surprises... =)

Double D

2011-11-24T16:48:00.000+08:00

I Dreamed

I Dislike

It shouldn't come as well

Looks and feels so real but it aren't

喜爱夜蒲

2011-11-20T03:50:00.002+08:00

Just done watching "系爱夜蒲“

Ignore all those boobs & bed scenes in it

The love story I buy =p

It might looks like those lame or same old love stories

At least it's a movie that's my cup of tea so...

WHO CARES

Besides those clubbing songs (sang by 24herbs )

Another 2 songs (below) I like it too

連詩雅 - ''I'm still loving you''

尊嚴-陳柏宇

Me Gusta Tu

A sentence learned from the movie

Ha...

Complicated feelings after watching this movie

I don't know how to describe how complicate it is

Keep repeating these two songs

It's simple yet meaningful especially "I'm Still Loving You"

Hearted this song for so long but today only watch this movie

Well doesn't disappoint me (except the lead actor can improve his canto)
Overall this movie not bad =)

2011-11-16T21:07:00.000+08:00

I know I shouldn't..

I know I mustn't...

BUT

I seriously can't control myself

I miss patting your head

I miss hugging you

I miss holding your hands

I don't know why I'm like back to the old me

I do hate this me

Cause I'm missing things that won't makes me better

Is just like talking to the air

I hate myself a lot

I hate myself consuming too much time into this

A feeling that no one can understand

IF understand also can't help

Is all depends on myself

Hope this feeling won't stay long

Just pay me this visit for these few days

Singapore Trip

2011-11-12T22:41:00.000+08:00

I'm glad i did managed to make it to this trip

I went Singapore seriously not for holiday

She is the reason why I'm there

I did hold back my tears for few times

Looked at her,the place she's staying and many more

But I'm happy because she smiles and laugh alot on that day

I tell A.Carol, A.Frances said the porridge not nice

The supervisor nurse heard and said don't believe what she said..

Patients like her just look at their expression..

I heard what the nurse told my aunt

A heart aching thing to be heard

If one day she refuse to eat they will put in the hose thingy

And if that day arrive they also will ties her hands up

It's to prevent her pulling it out due to discomfort

I really hope that day will not arrive

She doesn't deserve that way to keep her alive

I wish to stay longer but she needs to sleep

Hopefully this aren't the last goodbye

And I do miss you A.Frances

Is a short+tiring trip but is worth it

Self Protection

2011-10-29T01:00:00.001+08:00

Saw this..OMG how can it be so true...

Yea..that person I KNOW becomes that person I KNEW

How sad is it in life...

Saw the below quote or whatever you name it...

Maybe some people just aren't meant to be in our lives forever. Maybe some people are just passing through. It's like some people just come through our lives to bring us something: a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn, and that's why they're here

Well eventually don't know since when I truly and sincerely understands everything..

I might be slow to do so..

I might took too much times to understand it...

BUT

At least I stop wasting time these times of mine anymore...

What I believe and holding on previously...

I can say I learn to let go...

I learn to stop being that stubborn...

I'll love myself more...

Preventing myself suffer anymore...

On the other hand...

I'll protect myself more...

Heartbreaking

2011-10-27T22:19:00.000+08:00

I wanted to say "I'm sorry" to the elderly eventho I'm not the one doing the wrong things....I felt so useless and seriously pity them... Their hope,hopes that time will change something and God will gives them back their son... I feel tired for them and I also feel heartbreaking for them... Look at how they grow older and older everytime I come back... Things and recent behavior makes me giving up on him... I do feel telling him or asking him " Why do you come back if you decided to run?" .. Will this black sheep turns white? How many percent that can ensure one day he will regret what he is doing? When will he really learn to appreciate? When will he know the meaning of "responsible" ? Can I just hit him for once to wake him up? I don't mind putting a knife at his hand and call him to stab me if those stabbing can really change everything.. His every moves and behavior now is just like stabbing me time after time... Dear God,they don't deserved such things at this stage in life...

Unreachable

2011-09-22T00:29:00.002+08:00

Everytime when it's getting nearer...

Things just screw up..

Trying to reach you like a neverending road...

The road is so long and have no reaching point..

How disappointed and sad I am..

How can such mistake happens?

How long I must wait for that day?

How can I reach you and give you a hug?
I will appreciate every second of mine with you if I really can make it..

-Emotional night-

小皮 and the gang

2011-09-18T18:14:00.001+08:00

Hi...let me introduce you all to 小皮~ XD

小皮 reached Kampar at 7+ am~

A sudden message at 4+ am for my bed in Kampar..^o^

Went to Batu Gajah to meet up with Esther...

A simple and nice meet up

Thanks for the treat as well =)

Brought 小皮 to Kellie's Castle..

Keep on posing only...

Here the owner of 小皮..

The accompany of 小皮..=)

A simple and sudden appearance of both of them...

Ouw~ 小皮 is sad because is time to leave...

Is the end of the trip~

What a sudden appearance early in the morning by both of them..

What a tiring day for me as well...

Didn't really sleep a night before...

Don't think did good in my paper...

Just pray for the best...

Somehow I did have a nice day...

Can say it's an escapade during final...

Unplanned plan always works...

Nice to see you two... =)

Challenge

2011-09-17T03:03:00.003+08:00

Show encrypted text

Remember

2011-09-15T14:30:00.001+08:00

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Birthday Surprises

2011-09-14T05:12:00.002+08:00

I realized that ever since I changed my course I don't have the time for my friends' birthday~ am I really that busy or just that I'm just being lazy? I do misses those time I always give my friends surprise during their birthday~ now everyone are just busy with their working life~ is that one of the factor I'm not giving them surprises? I do and I really do misses those moments...here are a few~

Purposely went back Taiping to celebrate for her..and it just my 1st semester in foundation..

Another year of surprise when all the way from Kampar to UUM..Thanks for the cooperation and information from some friends only I know the way to UUM...I'm so daring to explore my way to UUM...><

Celebrating with her coursemates as well... ohya is her 1st year in UUM.. =)

Ha~ this is another crazy surprise.. all the way to her camp site with the help of Benny and Kinex... travel to KL-Seremban and waited at the station for about an hour to be picked up... buy a cake and some kfc then off we go her camp site... then with some help of her uni-mates there goes our surprise...waited at the kitchen for sometime and watching those kfc hungrily...

What a successful birthday surprise and tiring travelling day for me...But glad everything did goes smoothly =)

Haha...another year of surprise..not only from us but also from her parents that doing her a surprise birthday party as well.. We played some game to ask her find everyone of us that is hiding surrounding her house(except me at the back of her dad's car >< )..

Thank God she managed to find me...>< from a bright day I waited till the sky turns dark...lol...

yeah~ another successful birthday surprise.. =)

Haha~look at the cracked cake...what a waste for a secret recipe cake... I remembered Jen and I hide at one of the sofa and when she comes we just pop out... another trip to KL for such surprise...

Nah not just I'm the one always give them surprise..at least..yea at least for once they managed to surprise me...haha..suddenly all in my room while I'm sleeping...thanks to my roomate Ms Chong Choy Wan..lol...so happy to see all my beauties..indeed that's the time I need them the most...yea having some sickness back then... =)

A trip to Ipoh for dimsum~ and is a FOC meal for me...hehe..such a memorable birthday...

Lunch at secret recipe and don't know who's creative idea that every slides with different flavor of cakes combine be my birthday cake.. too bad the trip is short only... I remembered Lili have to catch a bus to back KL and yet she haven't buy bus ticket.. and everyone is tired as they travel kinda early from Taiping to Kampar... thanks gals...indeed is a most memorable birthday I ever had.. =)

Dear friends I'm sorry I'm not able to give you all surprises like I used to be... I think I did said to someone before don't expect every year I managed to give her a surprise.. as when used too many times someday sure one day will out of ideas how to surprise people... I'm not good just lucky to be able to give you all for the past few years... IF I'm more capable how I really wish to continue giving you all till the day I really not capable anymore~ DIY presents and cards aren't there for you all also anymore... see I know I'm getting more and more lazy~ >< is all just the mood of it aren't there at the right time.. But at least I'm glad that I did managed to do so and touches your heart... =) I ask for no return but a thing called FRIENDSHIP... so a lame and something I always say to you all FRIENDSHIP FOREVER... at least we still maintain this for years already... wait till we all gets old and I still hope I can say these 2 words to you all... =)

菇 Night~!!

Life Brief Candle

2011-08-24T01:04:00.001+08:00

I always like to receive emails from my aunt..

Sometimes too busy till i forgotten to email her..

I really can't wait for their visit in October...

Also can't wait to pay another aunt a visit at Singapore..

Received an email that contain her pic yesterday...

I'm so glad to see her smile...

At the same time i'm so heartache to see her current look..

I can't believe my eyes when i saw those pictures...

Neither my mom and i think so is my dad...

Really hope October arrive as soon as possible..

I can't wait to see her in person...

To talk, snap pic and even hug her....

Is time for me to return my love and care to her...

I remember how she loves me when i'm small...

Dear Uncle Edmond,

I know you are blessing and protecting Aunt France from heaven

If possible I wish to pay you a visit at your grave as well

Your sudden leaving us last year still a shock to me

Life is fragile indeed

God blesses everyone around me

Reminisce

2011-08-23T22:17:00.000+08:00

248days

What is the counting for?

Well it's the days of life in Kampar since by ex-housemates gradu...

Today i did a detour to walk passed a house after dinner...

My steps are slower when i reach there...

Viewing from the pouch till some view inside...

Time flies and it have been 3years already...

Look at how it looks like when it's in 2008

Such a peaceful neighborhood back then

Well I do remember

Again will like to Thanks For the past 3years

I Will Not Say Goodbye

2011-08-20T21:28:00.001+08:00

I dislike every time i have such dream..maybe i dislike is, it's almost the same similar scene that i keep on dream of..i don't know how to describe how i dislike it.. maybe is the unknown or sign of the dream that i forever don't get it...or maybe part of me still regret with it.. i didn't tell my mom..because i just don't know and don't like to talk about it.. it might have been 9years but is this called haunting or what? maybe i think too much...yea is the best answer and solution for what i have dream of...nah~ forget about it ba...yes it's what i keep telling myself every time...but i wish to have a conversation more...at least let me have a few words or maybe a word of "Hi"..

2011-08-02T18:09:00.000+08:00

AMNESIA

maybe i'm sensitive with this word...

once hear it,it strikes my mind...

how are you?

is the 1st greeting i wish to say to you...

i totally no idea how do you do at there...

still counting down the day to go visit you...

i'm going to get myself a Instax camera for you..

Dear aunt...

I don't know what to say...

I just wish my blesses will reach you...

May God always be there for you...

I LOVE YOU

2011-07-24T01:30:00.000+08:00

I don't mean to rise up my voice..

I don't mean to pretend didn't hear anything...

Sorry I expressed wrongly my inner feelings...

Sorry if everytime i did it hurts you...

If only you know how much I LOVE YOU...

If only you know how much I CARE...

If only you know how much I WORRY about you...

I'm not that kind of person will show my true feelings...

You should have know me more than other people..

I might saw history repeat...

I don't believe this is karma to you..

I admit i'm selfish and heartless act of mine...

Because you don't know how i dislike to hear those things...

I just wish to have happy weekends everytime i'm back here...

Maybe you don't know how much I used to HATE to be back...

But you are the reason sometimes i come back...

Stay with me till you can..

It might be a fact or future thing i have to face..

But sorry not now...

I don't wish to face it all now..

I used to imagine but till now i don't have the answer for it..

I don't know how will i react if that day really arrive...

I LOVE YOU..

Is the 3words I hardly tell u face to face...