a crush a day ♥ | men. race. relationships.

336. we weren’t playing

2012-01-26T07:09:00.000-05:00

I think that people don’t understand when they hear that a black woman is open to dating interracial or outside of her culture. Like they hear the words but they don’t think that anyone is actually serious about what they are saying.

I’m beginning to realize this because of a reality crush situation with a friend who is essentially blocking me from meeting her boyfriend’s guy friends. We have talked about dating before. She knows the kinds of guys that I like. What she didn’t figure is that the guy would be interested as well. Ladies, if you have this kind of situation where a girl is use to having you play the “best friend movie role” and then all out a sudden when you have your own boy situations she gets testy then please stand up!

This is my IR Dating Vault secret: the fact that a friend (who can be black or from a different race as you) finds out that you are open to dating interracially and then is okay...until she actually sees you dating guys from other cultures and those guys being attracted to you. You are not dreaming, ladies, this actually happens between friendships.

Here is my open-ended question: What is your IR Vault Dating Vault secret? Basically what have you discovered through dating IR that no one really has spoken about online?

Comment with hardcore, truthfully, vulnerable, sassy feedback! ***The best comment gets their own crush post featured here and major linkage to their personal site.***

Rules:

1) Sign in people! I won't be able to get back to an anonymous submitter.

2) Only 'a crush a day' family (i.e. people who follow the blog on the little sign thing at the top) at bloglovin' or on Facebook can enter! If you want to enter as well then join our Crushable family by using the Follow, Add or Like links below!

(Post opened for commenting until Feb 28th! 12am Eastern Time~~)

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335. ready to go, heartbeat

2012-01-13T13:55:00.000-05:00

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334. no limit to your love

2012-01-02T06:22:00.002-05:00

Here’s to the New Year and my blog anniversary January 1st! In 2011 there were a few changes to the blog direction and a lower post count because I was too busy living out what I was writing to update a lot (I hope all of you are living them out too!). I think that everyone has gotten the messages that I’ve always wanted to be surrounded by and so thank everyone for their support throughout the years. Let’s go make 2012 ours as well!

My favourite posts of 2011

1 I don’t give a F%$K!
2 Parker and Elisa I, II, and III
3 Comfort Out
4 Preference Etitquette
5 OWN it!
6 Fantasy Draft
7 Futuristic Lover
8 Do you want a revolution?

and bonus Papa Don't Preach!

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333. one man full unicorn

2011-12-25T16:00:00.000-05:00

After watching episode after episode of Braxton Family Values I still don’t have anything more to add to this post on their overall relationships from one of my favourite bloggers. But it feels like every other day, I hear about Toni Braxton talking about the new unicorn—I mean guy that she is dating.

On the Chelsea Lately show, Toni Braxton talked about the unicorn—I mean white guy she is dating:

"It's kind of nice, I can't deny it. Well, just because it's something different. The skin feels different. That's kind of nice. It smells different. Is that in my head? No?"

"But yeah, he's a really nice guy. He likes hiking. Black people don't hike. Is it called kayaking? See, I can't pronounce it. That stuff, too. Those are the differences, but other than that, it's pretty much the same because everyone's pretty international now, you know?"

After hearing Toni talk in such a way I wanted to talk more about the theory of normality that I want to move further into the blog for 2012. For everyone else dating someone outside their cultures, we understand that men are human beings and not unicorns. With the talk of IR mainstreaming, I think that there is going to be a few more of these unicorn-man dialogues. A quality guy treats a woman with respect, a sh*tty guy treats a woman like garbage, across cultures.

I think we should all just spread our holiday cheer and IR normality in the New Year. Happy holidays!

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332. i don't give a F@#%!

2011-12-03T03:17:00.001-05:00

An excerpt of Whoopi’s answer (which I love) on The View: Hot Topics: Is Interracial Dating Difficult?

It’s not. It’s not harder to. It’s not harder to. If you meet a guy that you like you can date him. There’s nothing saying that you have to date within your race unless that’s something that's engrained in you. And I say that (interruption from Women) and I say that because most of the criticism that I got and not so much anymore because people know that I really don’t give a sh--stuff. But I think it has more to do with what you’ve been told and what-where you want to be seen. You have to not give a f...(swallowing the rest of swearword for TV), to stand on your own and date who you want to.

What I want to as a response to Sherry’s pity party is that people have to stop thinking that it’s normal to be rejected because of your race when dating. If that is their issue then it is the other person’s problem. But other than race—sometimes a person just doesn’t mesh well with you because of their individual wants and needs. Or sometimes guys are just a$$holes.

Plus I am pretty sure that some guy out there would be checking for Sherry whether he is white or Asian (because she mentioned those races in particular) if she only believed. I really feel like when some people are talking about interracial dating they could insert white or Asian man or whatever other race man for unicorn and it would still make sense. We are not talking about talking to unicorns or gold pouring out of the rainbow here. Straight men like women period.

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331. the perfect fit

2011-11-30T00:00:00.000-05:00

Iwan Rheon's jaw line gives me life. I wrote about the show Misfits on the blog but you really have not lived until you watch ~~his jaw~~ the show.

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330. on the radio

2011-11-29T06:48:00.001-05:00

School, book writing, swirling and life > these things have kept me away from the blog but I have been following the stories around two books about interracial dating at the moment. The first one would have to be A Black Girl’s Guide to Dating White Men by Niki McElroy.

(Warning: Both interviews have swearing and adult content in them. The first one has racial adult content. The second one is more sexual).

First radio interview:

We are going to have to stop talking to non-believers. If you do not want to do interracial dating then...sit down in the corner! I think that talking to non-believers is a waste of time whether it is another black women or men. Rude Jude or Black Male Indentified Men or Women don’t need to be in the conversation either. Just take a note from Betty’s article For Black Women: When White Men Are Buddies With a “Brotha.”

~~• “F^&* a book!” > Education? What? I can’t with this sentence at all.~~
• Throughout the whole interview they made fun of her stance on dating.
• Bottom line: There were too many black men putting in their opinions on a book that does not concern them. Every single thing she was saying was derailed.

Stop talking to people who you’re dating does not concern; specifically, anyone other than yourself, (God if you believe), your guy, and your supporters.

Second radio interview:

The second radio interview had a lot of white guys who were calling into the studio compared to the first radio interview. I want to hear from white guys (who are not Black Male Identified like Rude Jude) who want to date black women. I want to know their stories. I always welcome stories from black women who date white guys. Non-believers are not in the conversation anymore. (I really don’t know who allowed them in the conversation in the first place).

From both interviews and what I want to continue into 2012 right now is that I want to hear from more white men (and other men from different cultures). Also with more black women who are on the same page.

What listening to both radio interviews reminded me is who needs to be speaking in interracial dating dialogues and who has been allowed to speak for too long. Let’s not derail our lives with drainers like the first interview and work on our own lives.

Disclaimer: I haven’t read the book yet just found that the dialogues to be interesting in comparison.

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329. we were infinite

2011-11-21T20:12:00.000-05:00

I’ve been watching a lot of dating TV shows in between my own dating life and reading a lot that has been going on online and finally wanted to write this post. No one said that interracial dating was easy. Dating isn’t easy period. Love isn’t easy as well. But the moment between love and then a breakup is where your heart beats and lives within. I think the most important part isn’t debating on whether black women should date outside their race but if black women are able to follow their hearts completely and love in all fullness and be loved fully.

***Don’t watch this video if you cannot handle tragedy. After I watched the video it changed my perspective completely***

Fiancé Stands by Quadruple Amputee: MyFoxDFW.com

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328. why are you still single?

2011-10-18T03:05:00.002-04:00

I was watching the premiere episode new show Why Are You Still Single with dating coach Siggy Flicker and thought nothing of it at first just something fun to watch instead of doing some studying but then one of the hopeless lovers, Rich (who had a voice like Elvis Costello) and was a cutie hipster type guy got set up with a beautiful yoga enthusiast who was African American/Puerto Rican. Honestly for me when picking the woman they snapped so stereotypically and picked her because they thought that she would put him in his place when he got overly dramatic.

WARNING TO ANYONE WHO IS WAITING FOR A BLACK WOMAN TO “SNAP” SOME SENSE INTO SOMEONE LITERALLY—GO EAT A CLIFF!

Yes, did Alysha seem like the kind of person who snapped at people? No! Do I know anyone in my life who does the same kind of snapping without trying to be ironic? No! Black women do not snap like that. Stereotypical morons do.

I liked the way that Rich described her though like “elegant” but then he opened his mouth and ate some of the left part of his foot and said weird. But then again, at the end of the show Alysha did opt for another date with Rich as well because she liked hanging out with him.

What I wanted to talk about for this show other than the snapping is that I have changed my mind again! Gosh, I think I might be going postal but the FAQS of IR dating like... “Do you date white guys/Asian guys/Hispanic guys?” or “do you date black women?” are so 1000 and late! I have gone out with guys in both regards and now I totally get to change my mind. I’m not interested in a guy who wants to race check me before we go out.

Is that my final answer? Yes!

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327. comfort out

2011-09-30T00:30:00.000-04:00

I am not a believer in change-who-you-are-for-a-guy memo of self help books. I’m more of a become-even-more-you!

This is totally the inspiration behind this particular swag on post. Comfort is a feeling that anchors us to our present reality. I realized that when my friend asked me to go to an Oktoberfest event in a town that I have never been to.

I said “yes” of course for the new experience but then I started looking up the bus schedules and everything seemed like a lot to plan... Do we do things that are easy to us? Most of the times we do.

But I remember the first time I went to a indie concert which my friend which for the most part nowadays, I am the only attending black person or black woman or maybe one of two that are at these functions. Now I am use to it so I just grab a drink and dance to the music.

“Comfortable doesn’t just happen, you adapt from feeling uncomfortable.”

I want to see more black women everywhere (thinking of safety as well of course) going to mostly white/Asian/Hispanic etc events and just having the most fun ever. I am not talking about the women who already do this in their daily lives but the ones on the edge of a new event. Don’t hold back and experience everything cool. And if you meet some cute boys there then...mingle on!

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326. parker & elisa act III

2011-09-27T15:38:00.003-04:00

I had a lot of thoughts about this episode and the three part arch when I started watching this series. I wanted to talk about how the relationship between the characters Parker and Elisa but characterization became more important than the relationship. The way in which Brandy’s character Elisa Shayne on Drop Dead Diva struck a deep cord with me but I didn’t fully realize why until I read some comments on the same episode and thought about it more. Watch the final episode here.

***SPOILERS***

Brandy/Elisa’s arch on Drop Dead Diva in plain terms (or harlequin presents terms) is about a secret baby. She had her ex-boyfriend and current boss, law firm owner Jay Parker’s baby eight years ago even though he cheated on her and they broke up on bad terms.

This really could have turned into a bad episode of Maury with all of the: “YOU ARE THE FATHER!” drama but it didn’t and it completely shifted my emotions.

The secret love plot came down like this:

• After figuring out that the boy was his son he yelled at her in a crowded hospital (where their baby could hear because of course his hospital door was open).

• Yelled at her in his office AND THEN,

• He wrote her a check: “that ought to cover it.”

But this is where is got tricky...in the middle he is remorseful and thinks that he has ruined everything and his previous girlfriend/fling/current complication comes into the room and tells him it isn’t too late to “do the right thing.” Then after Parker finishes with his emotional roller coaster he mans up and tries to find Brandy/Elisa and Eric his son but then he finds out they have went to Chicago so...he decides to leave everything and go after them “for however long it takes.”

TEARS CANNOT EXPRESS THE EMOTIONS (I have every time I watch that scene)! Everything up to that moment felt really extremely raw because even though her decision was a hard one Brandy/Elisa was never written as a character who would not tell Parker he had a baby and then try and test him to see if he was “good enough” to meet his son. She was presented as a woman who maybe did not know how to say he was a father and certainly could not trust in him to be mature enough for a child in the past but she was maturing as well by seeing him as a man.

But how everything was going down was freaking me out because this is basically a “secret baby” scenario but black women do not get “secret baby” scenario or theme we get the “baby mama drama.” and I was waiting in the edge of my seat to see if there would be an unwanted switch. The difference is in “secret baby” scenario the woman is always looked up to as being the one who still loved the man and her baby and raised him before returning in need of help without strings to the lover who scarred her.

In “baby mama drama” scenarios the woman comes out of nowhere demanding money for a baby that the man isn’t even sure is his for whatever reason. This woman is looked at as a gold digger and a untrustworthy woman.

Honestly throughout the whole episode I was thinking that Brandy/Elisa probably had Parker as her first love and didn’t even have any other man after that just taking care of his son and thinking of him...HELLO, game changer?

Yes, if Drop Dead Diva’s creation of Elisa Shayne was available for all black women our image in the media would never be the same period. I could hug, kiss, and even marry the producers/writers of Drop Dead Diva at this point because in a guest star they have done the kind of portrayal that I have been waiting for in 2011 for black women.

It was confirmed the moment that Parker tried to hand over the check and Brandy/Elisa holding back tears said: “Do you think...(that I was here for money)?” She trails off and has to leave before she breaks down and cries.

There was no scene of “boy, please don’t put that money in front of me!” or any other stereotypical things. She did not fight or break things or beg him. She owned up to what she did and then after he started acting a mess—she left his office holding back tears. Tears in this case in very important because it signals Brandy/Elisa as someone who has to be protected instead of fought no matter what for the audience so when Parker realizes his fault and leaves the audience is still on Brandy/Elisa’s side.

Side note: just as a side note in the beginning of the episode when Brandy/Elisa owns the kiss from the episode before and even says that she kissed him first. I LOVED HER! Plus Brandy always looked flawless during the arch and I want to see her back on the show playing Elisa period!

This is the kind of stuff that we need on TV. Brandy also read the character and love the way she was written. I think that black actresses should do more to control their images like this and if there is no work then the indie route can bring success like with The Misadventures of an Awkward Black Girl. I’d rather have few good media representation of black women for now as we work to create our own images as well then have lots of stereotypical representations and just work with them.

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325. parker & elisa - act II

2011-09-25T22:49:00.002-04:00

This is a discussion of Brandy’s second appearance on the TV show Drop Dead Diva. Watch episode here.

***SPOILERS***

Act II or rather episode 3:12 of Drop Dead Diva and Brandy’s second appearance on the show was rather simple. Parker gave her a job and his current girlfriend/fling/complication found out that he gave Brandy/Elisa a job and then started in with overworking her and giving her meaningless tasks to do even though she had to go home early for her child.

I could kiss the writer’s of this show because at that moment I thought: “dung is about to go down people are going to make Brandy/Elisa blow her lid on Parker’s girlfriend.” But Brandy/Elisa did nothing of the sort. She graciously accepted her work even though she was disappointed and then after finding out about his girlfriend’s foolishness Parker saves Brandy/Elisa from her work.

Did anyone else love that part of the episode? Honestly, black woman are sometimes the damsels in distress. I am all for being strong and whatever but sometimes I want to have a chance to be saved as well because the story books tell us that the desirable women are the ones you have to save therefore, let men save black women on TV!

Anyway also I think that Brandy/Elisa calling Parker (her boss and ex-boyfriend) by his first name Jay was very familiar and kind of exposed how comfortable they were together in the past. Plus, when he brought her food, I wanted to kiss him myself.

The kiss that they had should have been a close up but I loved that they kissed!! Even though I think Parker is the kind of man who cannot have an attractive woman in his arms without kissing her, Brandy/Elisa’s character is given so much compassion and sexiness even though she is a guest star. I think this is an important lesson for media representation since the producer is a fan of Brandy and wanted her on the show: “get in where you fit in!”

P.S. Brandy’s hair and makeup was flawless during the episode!

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324. parker & elisa - act I

2011-09-25T22:15:00.001-04:00

Where are my Brandy fans at? I had to make the screen caps by hand for the ending of the episode for her first appearance on Drop Dead Diva. I am going to talk about the whole episode so everyone who did not watch 3:11 Ah, Men of Drop Dead Diva please go watch the episode and then come back and join us.

***SPOILERS***

The way that black women are portrayed in entertainment (TV and movies) in interracial relationships is very interesting so I want to talk about the episode in detail of course but first I want to use Elisa (Brandy’s character) on the show and how she acts towards Parker as a framework of the post.

Brandy/Elisa is presented a woman who is very care taking of everyone around her since her father passed away and she became a nurse to help him but in retrospect her physical appearance isn’t one that is completely frumpy Mammy. Throughout the whole episode she looked very lady-like and put together.

At first Parker is like: “she is my crazy ex-girlfriend from eight years ago” but I think through her actions and very demure way of acting makes him feel protective over her through the episode and then in the end when he offered her a job, I wasn’t surprised in the least.

I think that I love this portrayal of Brandy because she wasn’t ever portrayed as an evil ex-girlfriend/secret baby mama (it just felt like a woman who had lost her parent who needed help). Plus, by the end of the episode I felt like Brandy/Elisa still loved Parker because she hugged him even though he offered a friendly handshake. I loved that vulnerable moment.

I love this character because it makes it feel like black women are capable of the kind of longing that other women are even for bad men. I have longed for guys who aren’t good for me as well, I don’t just jump on that “F#$K! MEN!” bandwagon and I feel like media makes black women the poster women for that kind of response anyway and I’m not down with that.

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323. papa, don't preach!

2011-09-05T02:11:00.000-04:00

This summer I turned a milestone age that made me think a lot about my life and past and as my younger brother would say: “the past is the past when it becomes irrelevant.”

Right now I am crush free (of course in reality crush terms) and I am just getting ready for another semester of school while I start up my second blog for romance writing. When it comes to all the boys I’ve loved before I have no regrets in the decisions that I have made that have brought me up to this point. I read this interview with Mavis Staples civil rights activist and singer about how she had a proposal from Bob Dylan when they were young:

Q: So what about this marriage proposal from Bob Dylan?

A: (Laughing) That doggone Internet, they in everybody’s business. Me and Bobby met when we were teenagers and we were together a lot when the Staple Singers were doing folk festivals. When we weren’t together, we would write each other letters and talk on the phone. One day after Bobby and I had just met, my father and I were standing in line to get lunch, and from way in the back of the line, Bobby yelled, “Pops, I want to marry Mavis.” And Pops yelled back, “Don’t tell me, tell Mavis.” We went on into our 20s, and it was my fault that it stopped. I was so young I thought Dr. King might not like that, me marrying a white man. Later on, Pops told me that was foolish. He said, “Haven’t you been listening to what that Dylan kid is saying — ‘How many roads must a man walk down …’ Don’t you see all the white people marching with us?” I often wonder if we’d gotten together and had some kids … they’d be some poetry-writing, singing kids, wouldn’t they?

(QUOTE)

I thought that I had said everything that I needed to before the new university year and thought about everything that I needed to...but that interview just got me. Honestly, this blog is about showing crushes in order to show that it isn’t a weird out of the ordinary thing for black women to like men of other races. It is normal period. But how serious it proving that point is just got to be over and over again through reading that interview. Do not let a crush be regret in life. If you want to then don’t let anyone stop you!

In rawer terms: It is your life, your crush, your relationship, your marriage and your bedroom--YOU RULE IT!

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322. rule of law

2011-08-29T19:02:00.000-04:00

A fan on the Facebook page wrote:

Some might be interested in the last two or three episodes of Drop Dead Diva. Brandy Norwood will guest star as the former wife or girlfriend of the owner of the law firm. Also, check out Suits because the owner of this law firm is a black women and she is very powerful. The three men in the firm are always vying for her approval. It is fun to watch.

For Drop Dead Diva: Brandy's character is an old flame of Parker (Josh Stamberg) and seeks out his legal advice when her father's life insurance company refuses to pay out his policy. (Quote)

Watch Suits here and catch up on Drop Dead Diva here before Brandy appears on the show starting on September 4th.

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321. escape from beckyville

2011-08-23T01:43:00.000-04:00

Anything can happen on Heliotrope Boulevard. In Escape from Beckyville: Tales of Race, Hair and Rage, go inside a futuristic Los Angeles where female wraiths prey on black women for their hair, southern maids possess superpowers and black women live in fear of being stopped by the Rage Patrol. Ten dysfunctional divas – all named Jones – struggle to survive among the chaos, as they deal with their own insecurities and their relationship to "Becky." In these ten twisted and provocative tales, Nicole D. Sconiers tackles issues of race, hair and rage in witty, haunting and terrifying ways. -- from the about page.

GET THE BOOK! read more about the author here.

P.S. I will be buying copy and writing a review about this book soon.

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320. kiss the chef

2011-08-20T02:54:00.000-04:00

I am addicted to watching the Food Network, I mean I can watch hours and hours of Food Network shows but a show and host I love that isn’t on Food Network is new show Rocco’s Dinner Party from my man Rocco Dispirito. I want to have his babies and feed them classic Italian Food forever.

Okay, so I searched a little bit about his background and yes, my husband grew up in the ‘hood which makes him that hot man with a past who can also cook so you want him in your kitchen ~~and the bedroom but you can’t figure out which place you want to moan more in...~~

He makes me think below the belt so I am going to stop now. You all should check out his new show: Rocco’s Dinner Party if you’re not watching it already. Plus see the way that he flirts with model Damaris Lewis on the fourth episode of the first season.

To watch more, visit rocco dispirito

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319. preference etiquette

2011-08-20T02:01:00.002-04:00

I have talked about preferences before on the site here but never elaborated on the etiquette of preferences.

You do not have to apologize or explain your preference.
You do not have to insult other people in order to have a preference. Especially not black women or else you will get mauled.
You do not have to fill a quota of people outside your preference in order to have a preference and prove that you are not self hating.

I think that these three things really encompass what having a preference is about. It’s about YOU! Not about anyone else.

Sweet Rant: I really don’t get upset when I am not the individual preference of people or if black women in general are not their thing. I just tell them: "step aside for the cute guy behind you to come through." What gets me mad is when people add the “black women are not my preference because of XYZ stereotypes or dark skinned women are not my preference because of XYZ.” STOP MAKING UP EXCUSES! If you have a preference use etiquette because through showing respect for others you show respect for yourself. Or just shut up with your hater-ade and love who you love without bringing other people down.

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318. on the edge

2011-08-16T08:04:00.000-04:00

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317. pretty little heart

2011-08-11T18:37:00.001-04:00

In July, the open ended reflection question contest winner was SweetIntent from the blog Some Like It Sweet who asked:

Why is that most IR blogs, sites, books...etc are written by the BW and not the other way around? BW are starting to open up to IR and helping other BW with the Idea that prince charming might come a few shades lighter but I have yet gotten the same memo from the WM in regards to BW?

I think that it’s because guys just date who they want to date while we women are making a movement towards this. If a guy wants to date a black woman he just will without any declaration.

However, the guy both of us can agree on is her chosen crush who declares through song and interview what his preference is. He is Robin Thicke (a certified White Guy Who Does!)

He is coming out with a new album (and not a second late because I have been burning out my ITunes playing his old stuff).

Here is a sneak peek of his new song Pretty Little Heart.

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316. don't matter

2011-08-09T13:18:00.000-04:00

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315. be my haven

2011-08-08T23:27:00.001-04:00

Vinessa Antoine acts on the second season of Haven and plays the character:

Evidence "Evi" Ryan - Evi is an old flame of Duke's as they are apparently married. She is aware of Duke's past on the shady side of the law and is not averse to working outside the law herself.

I got a comment a while ago to check this show out but did not until just now. Eric is super hot and my girl is Canadian hailing from the same city I do so I will support this! You should too!

Link: Watch Haven

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314. kiss me beneath the milky twilight

2011-08-04T00:11:00.007-04:00

Link: HELP EXTEND THE SEASON!

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My Comments...

~~I think this episode should be entitled MY FIRST INTERRACIAL DATE LOL!~~

Just wear something pretty and flirty. I loved her in the red dress at the beginning.

Ex-boyfriend Dude, GET AWAY! You can’t pull up a chair at a date—there is no such thing as third wheels!

LMFAOOOOOOOOO! @ THE SINGER! LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO @ SPOKEN WORD ARTISTS! X 3

White Jay, I love how hard you tried but no need to make a political statement on a date. Just seriously go to a concert, go to a bar, get sushi (yum!)—JUST DO YOU!

I think the bottom-line is just do you both for the guy and girl (and REAL TALK HERE: try not to be in large crowds of ignorant/narrow minded peoples). If you need quick dating tips here.

313. i get lonely too

2011-07-29T06:46:00.000-04:00

Link: Website

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312. baby damn those jeans

2011-07-25T23:27:00.000-04:00

Link: Lucas Kerr model

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