Written Thoughts

Hillsong Conference Europe 2013

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Mon, 29 Jul 2013 19:37:00 +0000

Hey peeps!

This week has been A.MA.ZING.!

Why?!
Well firstly our London team managed to pull off a 7 camera production in the main arena, a studio show with UCB and produce a TV programme alongside TBN. And on top of that, I received an extremely HUGE privilege to observe and learn from Sydney's best! Talk about being blessed! It's an honour because I would be representing our London team and to Direct 4 cameras on a Sunday with them observing in the 1st service after a possible last minute change of mind (which was a complete mess by the way) was a crucial point. Do you have any idea how NERVOUS I was? I had 3 Directors/Producers and the big guy, an Executive Director staring at my screen waiting for me to do my thing. The whole experience was just amazing! And to receive such huge compliments from not only my colleagues like Abraham, Patty, Sam and Francis but also from Steve (who hardly talks and was most definitely not being sarcastic), Rory and....*drum roll*, the Conference Director himself, Rich! I could hardly believe my ears when he said I was crazy good or something or other. But it was definitely along the lines of that. I couldn't believe it that I had to ask him if he were just saying that or not, and he wasn't JUST saying that.

Could you believe that? I MOST certainly can't!
I've only been directing properly since February! That's less than 5 months!
And you know what? That was all God!
I was just there doing the labour.

This experience definitely brought about moments. Rough at first but on Conference Sunday, it gelled much better. I will most definitely remember those times when Richard was just about to remind me to include the book on Cam 1 and nudged me and smiled just after I did it and before he could say anything. Or the time when he made a comment after he caught me waving away at Sam. Nor would I forget the Sharpie and the Trainee badge he used to remove his SIM. And if course bumping out to the wee hours on Saturday morning.

And this is living proof that Godly knowledge supersedes all.

Feeling blessed,

Signing out

His Plan, His Call

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 12:37:00 +0000

Hi everyone!

It's been a while now that I've felt distant from God. You know, the time whereby you just can't feel His presence no matter how hard you try. And the more you try, the further you feel He is...

Well, tonight changed ALL of that. Christine Caine was a guest speaker for 2 of the services in Hillsong. The 3rd one was alright, but it was the 6pm that just broke me. It wasn't so much as to the content of it, which was still amazing by the way but it was just that I know that that 'dry spell' was broken and it felt like the floodgates of heaven opened up.

She spoke about burning bridges that are hindering us from moving forward to where we're called to be and also about ploughing before we're even summoned. Like Moses, he was doing what he was supposed to when God turned up. And before He was called to lead a nation out from Egypt, he was tending to his flock! So many people want the easy route, something instant, getting the 'glory' before even doing anything. But this really brought back another message, don't despise small beginnings. Also, don't postpone the call using responsibilities as an excuse!

Another point she made was that we have to be ALL in! In all aspects of us, be it financially, emotionally, relationship-ly, whatever! And at the end of the service, she mentioned something which was probably about having bridges to burn. In all honesty there were some parts of the sermon which I couldn't wrap my head around but I just felt that perhaps, perhaps I have a bridge to burn? I stood up anyway and without any effort, I just concentrated on her words (which I do not remember much of, amazingly) and I wept. Like a baby!

It just felt like I could breathe again! Could feel again! And this time, I couldn't stop it! I could also feel something was pressing my forehead.

That was all good and well but it wasn't the highlight of my night.
It's just funny how God is so spontaneous and how he uses people. I bumped into Jewel in the foyer and after speaking for a bit, she could just feel His spirit surrounding the 2 of us. And not only I could feel it too but I saw it in her eyes in-spite of coloured contacts. That moment was just surreal and only of the supernatural.

Because there is no way I could've wept so hard, twice in one night. Absolutely no freakin way! Not only that, the way God was using her was so amazing! We may have met up once or twice but we never had any talk that was too deep or about anything apart from us. And the things she mentioned was just spot on.

Some of it was in relation to family, about how much He favours me and loves me so so much.
Also about getting me to really see that and absorbing it in my spirit. And how much He is smiling upon me, how proud He is of me. About healing, about joy! Which was really funny cause there was a prayer night I went to and David said he saw joy and skipping. And that was 2 years ago, ish? Way before I even met Jewel! Another thing she mentioned as well was not letting the devil speak lies into me, hence my self-doubt.

And also, about where God is taking me. That He is taking me to really really high places that I don't even know. And all I could think about at that time was the night in Coronet pretty much almost a year ago before last year's SummerFest when we ALL had to write down a message for another person and we would scrunch it up and pick one randomly. I had one that said "There are greater things destined for your life that you are not yet aware of. Trust me. - God"

Thing is, it wasn't just her who spoke that in my life, it was (to date) 4 strong Christians who prophesied into me but 2 who spoke very similar things, 1 was in my childhood (the pastor came to me randomly and told me I was going to go far in life) and another had a vision of me speaking to a sea of women like me. And all I could think of was "What?"

I know I have dreams but that is definitely not of me. No way on Earth! He really changed my perspective in life and gave me an ambition way beyond when I was just a Christian by name. I still remember the time I came home from school/tuition and was still in my uniform and I just felt a burning desire to go into business. But not just to go into that field but to rise up to the top when I didn't even know who/what a bloody CEO was. And please note, at that time I had a great interest in Science, had a HUGE amount of self-doubt and negativity and was literally looking down on degrees related to business.

And in all honesty, even after that I wasn't sure about taking the Accountancy route because I figured if I were to go into the corporate world I might as well be a 'professional' so I took A-Levels Pre Med.

Well anyway, besides the point.

What is the point? I think this is just me sharing my experience and if you're reading this, Christian or not, know that God is real. You might be thinking, you don't know me so why should you trust me?

For me, all I can offer is my experience. Though I was brought up in a 'Christian' household, I never understood what it meant to be a Christian. And the single thing keeping me in this faith was that through my trials and tribulations He was my sole comforter. I cried myself to sleep for 2 years in a row and I could count the number of nights when I had no more tears in me. It was less than 5. But somehow, in the midst of it all I felt that it was meant to happen for a reason. And I still remember talking to myself sitting at the edge of the bed and staring up at the sky beside a window saying that I hate what's going on right now but I'm sure that this happened for a reason. And I was 13.

I never read a proper bible and only knew Sunday school stories and children's picture bible. But the very fact that I could talk to Him when I literally had NO ONE to talk to and honestly find comfort in the midst of all the yelling and hurt solidified my faith that there is a God.

So yeah, there is a God.
And He could do wonders in your life, but only if you let Him.

=),

Signing out

Do We Really Love Our Friends?

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 02:01:00 +0000

Hey guys!

It's funny how life has so many different seasons. One minute you're on a high and the next you'd be doubting yourself. Probably even questioning the things people do around you. And ever so often I seem to go back to square 1.

Do people really care?
And if not as much as it would ideally be, is this normal?
Will I ever find my true family?
Or perhaps, am I asking too much?

You know, on the surface of it all everyone seems fine and dandy. But does it really bother them? Do they notice it at all? Or perhaps the better question would be, is it just me? Maybe it's just the fact that I haven't found my 'family' whereas others have.

A very wise man once said:
"A brother may not always be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother."

And before you say anything, I'm not asking EVERYONE to be my family and be there for me in times of need. But at the end of the day, we all need that 'family'. And to add on, I did try to be a friend in the first place. But so far, that has just left me even more hurt.

Maybe it was because I had hopes, expectations.
And people may have a tendency to not do what you expect them to do?
We're all rebellious in nature then aren't we?

Think about this, what if it were you who pours in the time and effort, who initiates contact and who listens to their every problem. I get it that some people have more traumatic experiences and we should give our best to them. But the rest of us will have bad days too! And all we need is to be heard, loved and feel supported. Besides, isn't friendship a 2 way street?

Or am I too broken?
Are my thoughts even legit, so to speak.

But it's 3AM and...I feel like I don't know anymore.
Perhaps I should just cut the crap, and die to my self...
P.S. Ali, I miss you

Anyone going through this phase?

Signing out

Simple & Filling

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 00:38:00 +0000

Hey guys!

After a hard days work of reading. It's really great to have delicious food to look forward to. I'm really blessed that I have a Malaysian person living in my building who happens to know a thing or two about cooking!

What we decided to make was Fish Maw Soup with Pork Wanton and Spinach whilst playing childhood songs I grew up with in the background. And after, we kicked back and relaxed with a lovely chat and Lindt Chocolate.

Gotta love food!

A taste of Asia,

Signing out

People Are Funny!

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 16:32:00 +0000

Hey guys,

Things haven't been easy lately.

Classes are ending, exams are due in 5 Sundays and having my emotions and trust played on wasn't exactly fun at the time.

In fact on Monday just gone was my worst day of my entire life. I remembered the last time my head spun so heavily after hearing news of what my friends actually thought about me. That was almost 5 years ago...

I won't post details but long story short, how would you feel if a person you've only met 4 times feed you lies and judgmental thoughts about a good friend who has stood by you for about 2 years now?

I thought nothing of it at first thinking that I just felt she was over-enthusiastic about hanging with me. After showers of compliments on our 2nd meet up, she decided to test the water by telling me something she hope I don't already know about my friend. Asking me not to tell anyone.

That was the 3rd time I saw her.

By then, her hugs towards me have changed but not towards another friend of mine. The next time I saw her, she was already texting my friend and going through all the trouble of getting her a Frappucino only to go back in line to grab another one.

And to top it off, by the end of our 4th meeting she has already gotten 3 numbers after only meeting the for either:

a) the first time

b) the second time

Talk about boundary issues??

She also tagged along without asking when I said I was leaving with my friends to go grab some food. That was when she told me even more about the friend she was talking about earlier saying how apparently he's only talking to her and about a fight he had with his friend and some other rather sensitive issues about him.

Still I thought nothing of it at first, I didn't know who to talk to so I kept it inside of me. The next day (Monday) I had a class and the friend she was talking about saw that I wasn't anything at all like myself and dragged me out to talk.

I of course didn't mention whoever was involved but only what happened.

I deliberated for another good 3 days before telling my friend.

And turns out, following your gut feel pays off!!

We discussed both sides of what we know about her and came to a conclusion that the girl has some insecurity issues. She asked my friend about me and he got her to say what she thought about me. Thankfully it's nothing negative but by the way a person phrases his/her sentence tells you what angle they're coming from.

When it comes to situations like these, I always evaluate myself and why I'm feeling this way first. But when a feeling THIS STRONG persists and when stories don't add up and when you've experienced firsthand that the person will say stuff just to make you feel better and admits that to a 3rd person..

And to top it off, told you that she hasn't signed anything to join a business but has already in fact handed it in a month ago...

That is a person I can't trust.

And when there's no trust, there's no relationship.

Why can't people just be honest?

Stay cautious,

Signing out

I've Had A Ponder

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 14:51:00 +0000

Dear . . . . .,

I've had a ponder; about people, about life.And the fact that how far people can change amazes me. It's been awhile now that I'm in the land of my upbringing and hearing of stories past only brings tears to my eyes. Tears of joy? Or tears of sadness? Maybe a mixture...
Hearing of how you used to care reassured me, at least for that one tiny bit.
That I was in there, somewhere in your heart.
But not after many moons have gone, and returning from a distant plain,
And seeing your ways of misbehaving.

Now I've no idea where to place you.
But more importantly where do you place me?

Never ending,
Signing out

And Let The Tears Flow Once Again...

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 15:05:00 +0000

Hi. . .

Seems like my recent posts are just sadistic.
*shakes head & sigh*
LIFE

So beautiful and yet it can be so painful.
How can I stop letting family matters be so personal?
I can't believe she actually said she would never forgive us.
Over something like throwing some souvenirs away.
It's times like these that I wish I never returned...
That I should've stayed away.
Then everything would look so much nicer, so much rosier...

But then, I may be living a lie.

Wishing I was back in London,

Signing out

We're All Broken

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 14:27:00 +0000

HEYA!

Lately I've been feeling... I don't know. Lack of care. Or more specifically, the emotion of caring.
I've been back home for a week now (in 24 hrs time). And I'm literally counting down the days till I fly back.

And I've been wondering why. Why don't I miss people? Why don't I have emotional bonds with people who are closest to me? Why don't I feel like I care?

It's only then that I noticed that I can share empathy, compassion and pain with people I don't know but when it comes to people I interact with on a regular basis? What then? Tough love?? Highly unlikely. I'm more inclined to miss what I do rather than real life people. Who care about you.

People who support you, people you talk to, people you do life with...

I remember I used to cry every few nights after flying back from KL just after the Chinese New Year saying I miss my aunts. Did I just suddenly use up all those tears?

I really don't know what to make of things back here. Love it or hate it, it was a part of me.
And like it or not, that's my...family. I've been trying to see how (or if) friends could substitute that. It's too soon to say. And on one hand, if everything were to be taken at face value, sure it'll be pleasant but it's just that. There is no deeper meaning to it. There is no 'satisfaction' towards that seemingly pleasant relationship. But if all our cards were to be shown, you can be sure of angry screams and loud cries and tears streaming from a broken heart.

I've just had a rather frank chat with my mum and it appears there have been more stuff I don't know about my dad. Just reminds me why I never bothered with guys in the first place. But on the other hand, I do believe there is good in everyone.

Or at least, I want to believe...
But everything around me just screams faulty.

God help me,

Signing out

Less Than 24 Hours Now

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 01:14:00 +0000

Hey how's it going?!

I had such a wonderful time! Just finished exams on Thursday! Somehow couldn't make it to CG but hung out with room-mie for a change. Wonderful dinner and had a free Venti Hot Chocolate from my usual Starbucks!

Had a wonderful walk with a friend around the neighborhood before heading off for team dinner the next night and it took me 3 buses to get there! But I am so glad to have gone to it. Just seeing everybody come together under one roof and just fellow-shipping with one another is just AWESOME!

Reached home around 1am?

Only to wake up late the next day to go shopping with a friend. Thankfully, we were both running late ;P Went to about 3 shops before going for dinner at what appears to become our usual venue. It feels so good to just talk. About friendship issues, family issues and well....LIFE.

Come Sunday morning, I awoke to be at set-up for church. It's my last Sunday before I leave for break so ~~hell~~ heaven yeah I'm gonna be serving! It's my 3rd time Vision-Mixing/Directing cameras. (1st was doing a bit of the preach, 2nd was when Rory's hovering about and now this!) I did the morning services and thankfully I had such a wonderful camera team who have been on cameras while and were able to be proactive on their own to give different shots!

We even had good feedback from Rory!
'Cameras looking great with different shot sizes, he input some suggestions for preach and it was really engaging.'
*Highlight of my day*

The 6pm service I sat in was SMASHING! Filled with either the Holy Spirit or my emotions (or both). What a great way to be sent off! It was like God knows. Sat amidst the crowd, waiting for it to start. Just soaking in all that Production has set up earlier on in the day and thinking to myself: "I'm going to be away for 2 months" That was when more of reality dawned on me and I couldn't help but feel a tad bit sombre.

Got a lovely gift before parting with my dear friend for awhile. Shall open it on my flight. I then made my way to see a few more people...

Love-ly,

Signing out

One of Those Days...

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 22:36:00 +0000

HEY BEAUTIES!

Gosh, for the past week I had a few topics I wanted to post about. But the internet's not sorted out at my new place and somehow my time has just been actively taken up. Seriously! I've never been busier!

But in a good way though =)
I do enjoy being busy, having stuff to do
(and not let my mind get disrupted by rubbish thoughts)
Was in such a horrible mood yesterday. I won't get in the details of it all but it was due to a number of factors that made me feel quite down and even the smallest lil thing can set me off my usual smiley self.

BUT
It's a new day!
The sun may not be shinning but hey I'm still here; alive & well!

*Been sitting in front of silver darling..

watching the battery being drained bit by bit*

Guess I won't have a topic today...

Song playing round in my mind,

Signing out

Knowing Your Gifts

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Sat, 15 Sep 2012 22:42:00 +0000

HEYA!

How you doing? It's about a week now since I've moved into my new place (or has it been 2?) Either way, internet's not back on and hence my blogging has been pretty minimal.

Sitting in McDonald's below my flat, secular music playing in the background and I've just completed an online test on Spiritual Gifts.

But first of all:
WHAT are spiritual gifts?
Simply put, they are gifts endowed by the Holy Spirit.

There are those which are obviously spiritual gifts such as:
Wisdom, Knowledge, Faith, Healing, Miracles, Prophecy, Discernment, Speaking in Tongues & Interpretation of Tongues.

However some others are debatable.
From 'Ministry Tools':

Romans 12

exhortation
giving
leadership
mercy
prophecy
service
teaching

1 Corinthians 12

administration
apostle
discernment
faith
healing
helps
knowledge
miracles

prophecy
teaching

tongues
tongues interpretation
wisdom

Ephesians 4

apostle

evangelism
pastor

prophecy
teaching

Misc. Passages

celibacy
hospitality
martyrdom
missionary
voluntary poverty

The first test I did had 140 questions and in my results were a whole bunch of them. However my top 3 were Exhortation, Craftsmanship & Helps.
I found another test on Ministry Tools and my top 3 were Exhortation, Giving & Leadership.

This cast my mind back years ago to when I went on a youth camp by CCC. It was prayer and the pastor were praying for us. To be honest, I don't think I heard much of what he said but my friend told me I was going to be a servant. And I remember one of the boys laughed! I felt so low, I didn't understand what it meant and why my friend said it's actually an honour.

Fast forwarding, I really do believe that now.
Another one would be to feel compassion. I really do believe I identify with that as well. Also in terms of writing. I don't know if it's because I have an eye for detail or for whatever reason however I have received nice comments for my email updates in my CG.

Now, that all sounds great and that I do feel that within me (although I'm not too sure if 'Writing' is a gift?)
Anyways, that is besides the point.

What if I have another desire? A desire to be a leader!
Sounds like a cliche? Like someone everyone wants to be?
Well, it's pretty surprising when that thought first came to me.

How so?
Well, to be honest, I was a very Very VERY shy & timid person.
Even to family! I was so shy I'm not even kidding!

But look at me now! Not to blow my own horn but I just see how much God has changed me. Through my adversities (everyone will have at least one) he's mold me and made me to be more like Him! Now I talk easily to people and am krazy and just filled with joy and positivity and much much more humility than before.

Seriously, I used to be such a pessimist!
I NEVER believed in myself, have NEVER seen the bigger things in life!
Was so bitter, angry, jealous, filled with hatred...!
I WAS UN.A.TTRAC.TIVE!

BUT NOW!
Now I'm filled with compassion, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness... Ho! The fruits of the Spirit are blossoming in me as I'm realising the second I'm typing this out!

GOD IS GOOD!
Anyways, back to my question.
If I'm gifted with a servant heart, what of my desire to be a leader? It's a burning desire, that I'm (still) too timid to act upon =(

What about it then?

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts,

Signing out

Going Expectant

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Mon, 27 Aug 2012 09:15:00 +0000

My fast lasted up until the night before I went for SummerFest. The first 3 days were horrid! I could hardly think straight, I felt my stomach yearning for food (actual food, solid food) and my body was just so weak! But it was like, on the 4th day onwards, it just felt a whole lot easier!

My objective is still an ongoing one. It takes time to know the voice of God, especially when it comes to that "small still voice". It takes time, but you know what? His sheep knows His voice! So it's just a matter of time and some trials and errors now!

SummerFest was awesome! Speaker was great but the BEST PART was that the Holy Spirit was just mooooooooooooving in our midst! Oh gosh! Something that I've never dreamt of in happening here! It was so good. I actually prayed for a stranger, and it was weird! It didn't go as well as I hopped it to be but hey, you gotta start somewhere!

Main themes talked about were on perseverance, being a generation who is not only great with public declarations but also great in private devotion, 5 things we NEED

What I got out of it?

After that prayer session, some people were probably expecting this great thing to happen in my life! Which is great! But sometimes, God has other plans in mind. So, what I feel I got out of it is:

1) Friends
This goes in line with something that I've been subscribing to (occasionally reading =P). And that is environment matters! You are the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with!

You need to know who your friends are. You need to start forging deep, strong friendships. You need friends who would seek you in the wilderness and drag you out of it! You need friends who love you and know you. You need an encourager in your life!

Question is: Who is my encourager?

2) You are NOT alone!
We are all in a divine relay! The guy who passes on that baton is cheering you on! And it's amazing what having a "home advantage" can do for you. There is a crowd of witnesses up in heaven cheering you on!

I think for me, this was one of the things that hit me the most. Don't think I've ever realised it but I've always felt I'm in this alone! I know I used to feel that way since I couldn't share my problems with anyone but lately I'm opening myself up more but I never realised I still felt alone.

Yeah, I wept. Like a baby at this point! And some girls were around me so they laid hands on me. I felt slightly better but was still weeping. It was during prayer at this point and after I just looked over at Alex and just felt compelled to hug her...

I ended up crying on her shoulder instead. Imagine, a 5 ft 7-ish sobbing on a girl almost a head shorter than you!

But let me tell you this. It. Felt. Good!
Which brings me to my 3rd point.

3) You are LOVED!
I guess you kinda know it mentally. But what about physically or emotionally? Or just having a revelation of knowing that you ARE loved? Even when I was crying away, it was great to just feel a hand slip in in my palm and a presence on my back. It was just so good to know that in the midst of it all, they notice you and show that they are there for you.

I think that's my love language. My ultimate love language, is physical touch I think.

4) Get desperate for Him & seek Him with ALL your ♥!
When I came back after SummerFest. I just felt that I may not be hearing Him so clearly because I'm not seeking Him with ALL my heart! Remember how that time during the prayer session a week from SummerFest? I knew that at THAT point I wouldn't know what to write down. But I knew I had to write something down! It was at that point, I was desperate for God. And it was at that time that I felt I had to calm my mind and just out of nowhere, I sorta heard sorta saw in my mind 2 words: Don't worry.

Deuteronomy 4:29
But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.

1 Chronicles 22:19
Now set your heart and your soul to seek the Lord your God. Therefore arise and build the sanctuary of the Lord God, to bring the ark of the covenant of the Lord and the holy articles of God into the house that is to be built for the name of the Lord.

1 Chronicles 28:9
"As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a loyal heart and with a willing mind; for the Lord searches all hearts and understands all the intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever."

2 Chronicles 11:16
And after the Levites left, those from all the tribes of Israel, such as set their heard to seek the Lord God of Israel, came to Jerusalem to sacrifice to the Lord God of their fathers.

Psalm 119:10-11
With my whole heart I have sought You; Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments! Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You.

So yeah. I think I was missing one key ingredient. Seeking with all my heart!
Thing is, how do you know you're seeking Him with all your heart?

Something to ponder on,

Signing out

Day #03

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 23:34:00 +0000

Oh. My. Days!

It's my 3rd day now. I didn't go in to work, was supposed to be studying but just felt today was really unproductive and was in a partial daze. Surprisingly, I'm not as hungry as I usually would be. I can feel a tad bit jittery at times but there's no way in hell that I'm going to give up!
HELL TO THE NO!

It was reaching 7pm when I felt like I didn't feel like going to Prayer Meeting in half an hour. I even felt like I was resenting it. I was seriously battling the desire to just stay at home. Come to think of it, it was exactly the same thing that happened whenever there was Connect Group.

Thankfully, I finally decided to go anyways though I was late. We were mainly chillax-ing and playing a game while waiting for Alex and Denise. By the time we got round to the real agenda, 2 other girls have left. But it was really great. We talked about expectations for Summer Fest, wrote down names of people we want to see saved and we spent 2 minutes searching for words of encouragement from God; to pass on to others.

Now, at this point, I was thinking "Oh crap. I've not learnt how to hear from God yet. What should I write? What should I write?" But I figured I'd give it a go either way. So I spent that time, just thinking in my head "God, what should I put down on this piece of paper?" At that moment, I could feel my mind clouded with thoughts? And I just felt like I needed to shush it out.

And as soon as I felt that, I just thought of 2 words. Don't worry. I don't even remember if it were images or purely an impression on the heart but it might've been both? Anyways, I thought to myself "Seriously? 2 words? Are you sure?" I tried searching if there are any others that I could put down. And I thought of, be still. But I finally put down the initial 2.

We jumbled it all together and I picked one. The second, no, the microsecond I read it I just felt it was for me. It says this:

"There are greater things destined for your life

that you are not yet aware of. Trust Me.

- God"

One of the girls went first. She talked about what she got and so did the next girl. Then it was my turn. I didn't know what to say at first, said I didn't want to get emotional when I read it. But then I broke down after saying 1/2 sentences. Basically, after that I was just tearing and Denise hugging me as everyone else shared their message. Ling asked if I wanted to share and was encouraging me to do so.

I finally did after becoming more emotionally stable. But then I broke down again. Then we went into prayer. The 3 lovely strong women of God were surrounding me and just praying over me. Such strong encouraging words. Words of love and just words from God.

Stuff about...

- Being bold, stepping out in faith

- You are going to be used!

- Month of August, number 8 for new beginnings

- Eyes fixed on God!

- You are destined for great things

- No more excuses!

- Glory to God

- Compassion, kindness & love

- Seeing things that people don't normally see

- Testimony

- Confidence in God

- Reflection of Christ

- Having something to give

- Die to yourself

- The world needs you

- You got purpose

- You are precious! God sees you
- That you will be heard! You will have a voice!

- Do NOT FORGET!

And you know what?

The devil really has been trying to keep me asleep. Really.

Because looking back...

I HAVE been giving myself excuses

I HAVE been doubting myself

I HAVE been saying that I'm not worth much

I HAVE been looking & comparing with other people

BUT! I never realised it! I N.E.V.E.R. did!

And one of the worst things is being kept in deception!

But you know what! God has a greater plan, a greater purpose!

He delivers us from evil and He's going to use us in such a massive massive way!

Coming expectant!

Signing out

Day #01 & Day #02

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 00:41:00 +0000

DAY #01

It hasn't been easy, at all! Gosh, trying to separate a South-East Asian bred person from food is like separating a child from its favourite toy!!

I could feel my hands starting to tremble and my eyes were really droopy by the 2nd half of class. I bought 2 packs of fruit from Sainsbury's for lunch and I was still feeling the same.

On a side note, class was really good though. Teacher was pretty entertaining, class size is getting smaller, I'm starting to see more Asians (particularly from SEA v^^) I've yet to read more of the word though...

DAY #02

Went out today, and it was NOT easy! Had just bagels and I have to admit, with milk. And since we're being honest, I went to a friend's barbeque and ended up eating T.T

To be honest, I'm ashamed of writing that. Because it seems weak and I know I'm stronger than that. But hey, it's not by our might nor by our power but by His spirit. After all, being a Christian isn't about being perfect or strong. Rather it's about recognising you're weak and that you need Christ in your life. To be filled by the spirit and led by the spirit.

Just to recap:
Objective is to achieve spiritual breakthrough. I want to be able to hear from God, to know more of Him, to know of the plans He has for my life revealed to me bit by bit!

P.s. Can't wait for work to be over!!!!

Believing for a breakthrough,

Signing out

Back On Air!

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 12:34:00 +0000

Hey all you lovely people!

It's finally Summer time here in London! So awesome to see the sun after like what was about a month (or more) of downpour which ended just before the start of the Olympic week!

Hope you're having a brilliant Summer (to those residing in the Northern hemisphere). My Summer has been basically...work. But in a really awesome way. I finished my exams, was actually planning to relax for a bit but out of the blue, a HR lady from an events company who was looking for an intern approached me and asked if I was interested.

To be honest, I was rather skeptical at first. Mainly because I didn't know the company nor the event that I would be working on. But after much research (Googling) I concluded that this event IS huge and that this role WOULD push me out of my comfort zone and after about 7 weeks in, it did not fail meet my expectations.

But anyways, we're nearing the end of August, my classes are starting on the 13th (in 3 days time) and....we've got SUMMERFEST just around the corner! I didn't fully make use of Summer Retreat last year so this year, I've decided to turn that around. I literally decided this like yesterday? But yeah, in the lead up to SummerFest, I'm going to be doing a Daniel fast.

From today to Sunday, I'll be preparing my body to go on a fast (seeing as how I've NEVER fasted food before =X) and from Monday 13th August I'll be doing a solid Daniel fast for 10 days.

And to keep this space updated! As well as for self-reflection I'll be posting every evening on comments, feedback and the likes.

So do check back if you're interested about a Daniel fast. It's ok if you don't know what a Daniel fast is (I didn't until just about last month). But I found 2 helpful sites by Jentezen Frenklin and another site by a lady.

Be sure to check them out!
And if you want to know my motifs for fasting, I'll be doing another post on it!
Feel free to post questions!

Feels good to be back!

Signing out

Update!!

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Wed, 09 May 2012 15:54:00 +0000

I know this blog's been on a hiatus for quite a while now.
Heck I didn't even realize Blogger had a new look!
Yeah, reality's got a hold of me at the mo.

Kinda up to my neck with exams but I will try to keep posting.
Definitely once everything's blown over. xD

Anyway, someone shared a podcast with me and I thought I'd share it.
It's really good!

So yeah, please do check it. It's only been a few days that I've discovered it.
Do click the link below:
*Coffee With Chris*

P.s. Catchy huh? =)

Until then, take care my loves!

Signing out

WHY?!?!?!

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 21:33:00 +0000

W.H.Y.

The 3 letter word I can never seem to escape. Ever since life started becoming like a reality TV show, all I ever scream out loud to myself is that 1 syllable. WHY?

I know going through life's heartaches is good for you. And trust me, I've tasted the victory. And it IS GOOD! But somehow when you're still going through it, and if you're just relying on your own strength to carry you through the day, the process *pause* is not a pleasant one.

And somehow this time, this time.... heck I don't even know what I'm about to say anymore!

"Why can't I have what they have?" Referring to people who seem to have a bunch of close friends whereby they do life together and everything just seems so easy for them. I'm aware I usually say "if you focus on what you don't have, you'll never be happy. Just focus on what you do have and build from there".
I'm also aware of the fact that everything may not be what it seems. But this time round, it just feels like everyone else is having a real easy time connecting.

I get it that you gotta invite people out and just meeting up once a week in a social gathering type of environment will not be enough. But I need to play catch up with my books all the time! I need to prepare as exams are coming soon! I think, the real question on my mind is "Can I do both??".

"Can I have both???" Growing up, I was somehow brought up thinking that you can't get everything in life. That there will always be something going wrong. Which is true as well. Christianity teaches us that God doesn't want bad things to befall us. He doesn't make bad things to fall upon us. But He will allow it to happen to us so that we are always kept in check. That we'll always need Him. And also so that He can be our knight in shining armour. He just wants us to want Him, need Him and rely on Him.

Anyhow, I want both. I need both. I want to have amazing, mind blowing grades and at the same time able to devote myself to spending time with the people around me. To ACTUALLY foster proper relationships.

It's all harder than it seems though. I have been trying to set my weekends aside just for people but somehow, my Mondays and Tuesdays never work out as well as the bare minimum (yet) and I'll feel guilty of wanting to enjoy myself on a Saturday.

So many battles within.

How do I deal?

* * * P A U S E * * *

Now, looking back at what I've just written (and not to mention my previous post as well). Somehow it reminds me of the importance of:
1) Always focusing on the greater things in life
2) Never give up, never give in!
3) Just keep pressing forward!!

Gosh, I never knew "blogging" can be this effective a therapy session.

Am I dealing or am I coping?

Signing out

Being Thankful & Keeping The Positivity!

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 23:28:00 +0000

It's amazing how a tiny change in your outlook on life can determine how people will look at you, how people are able to relate to you and how many close relationships you're able to foster.

I've been battling a whole lot of negativity in the realms of my mind in 2011. I've just moved into a new place and trying to rake up friendships from here and there. Went to church, hung out after classes and the occasional drinking sessions. But somehow, I've always felt that I couldn't really fit in and probably never will. That people are just being fake whenever they have a smile plastered on their face. And being all too familiar with that awkward silence when both parties are trying to think of something to say.

But it was in the new year that I've decided to just say "No!" No to all the negativity, no to thinking that people are just being fake , no to feeling like no one'll ever understand me and just keep on saying no to the devil for he is the source of all things negative.

And since then, I've never felt so much happier and contented with my life. I'm now able to garner close friendships, share problems and give them advice, help them through their tough times and just wake up in the morning and the first thing I'll do is praise Him and thank Him for another wonderful day ahead!

Even tonight after CG, I'm getting an inch closer to building that relationship with my fellow members. All those thoughts about how people treat Asians/foreigners differently are now gone! And I only have Him to thank.

Sticking to this good feeling,

Signing out

It's Funny. . .

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 02:46:00 +0000

A bit of a turbulent ride it has been, just today alone. But rather eventful and thus, contented I must say.
From the rather "usual" dramas, accompanied with the battle against the negativity to
waking up from a pleasant dream, having a great laugh and having a nice unexpected surprise (or two).

Eventful indeed it has been.
But oddly enough, I ended the day with Proverbs 9:7-8
Odd because of the falling out, odd because in its own way it describes the situation.

And after trying to do some research on this verse, I stumbled across a website:
Choosing A Good Husband

----

"He who corrects a scoffer gets shame for himself, and he who rebukes a wicked man only harms himself.
Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; rebuke a wise man, and he will love you."

----

Thinking, thinking, thinking,

Signing out

Kissing You Goodbye

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 22:23:00 +0000

t h a n k y o u f o r e v e r y t h i n g ; )
f i n a l l y s e a l i n g t h a t l a s t a n d f i n a l g a p b y t h e l i t t l e c o r n e r i n m y h e a r t
i c a n f i n a l l y l e t g o o f e v e r y l i t t l e b i t o f y o u
i c a n s e e y o u m o v e o n w i t h o r w i t h o u t s o m e o n e n e w
w e h a d a g o o d s p r i n t , w e h a d a g o o d r u n
b u t b o y w e l l n e v e r m a k e i t t h o u g h i t w a s f u n
i m n o t h e r e a s y o u r s e c u r i t y b l a n k e t
s o d o n t f l a t t e r y o u r s e l f
t h i n k i n g y o u r e s t i l l h u r t i n g m e
t h i n k i n g e v e r y t h i n g s t i l l m a t t e r e d t o m e
i o n l y w a n t e d t o m a k e i t t h a t t m u c h e a s i e r f o r y o u t o l e t g o
t h a t s w h y i l l n e v e r l e t y o u k n o w
i v e g r o w n n o w a n d s o s h o u l d y o u
s o i f y o u e v e r f i n d t h i s
t h i s w o u l d b e m y l a s t s a y
m y f i n a l g o o d b y e
a n d f r o m t h e b o t t o m o f m y h e a r t
i h o p e y o u l l f i n d e v e r y t h i n g y o u r e l o o k i n g f o r

So long and have a great life,

Signing out

myRecipe: #7

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 12:34:00 +0000

Another dark rainy day it was today. Feeling quite lazy, quite hungry I got out of bed. Excited as I thought about what a fun night the four of us are going to have at Guanabara.

And I thought I'd just whip up a fast, simple lunch of Porridge with Meatballs!

Boiling with excitement,

Signing out

myRecipe: #6

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 14:19:00 +0000

Another casual day at home for me and am having something I threw together. Haha, sounds like an outfit instead of lunch. Oh well, at least it looks edible and colourful! So that's always a bonus.

This is my...pasta salad!

Going through music,

Signing out

History In A Bowl

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 22:07:00 +0000

As I sat down to have my usual bowl of cereal with muesli, Weetabix and the occasional Strawberry or Banana, I thought to myself how DID corn flakes come about?

We all know that it comes from corn but nothing much after that.

After doing some research, I've summed up some 'fun facts' about corn flakes:
1) Development of corn flakes started when a team of Seventh-day
   Adventists were looking for new food to adhere to their vegetarian diet
2) Corn flakes have an anaphrodisiac property and lowers the sex drive
3) The idea came when Kellog and his younger brother, Will Keith Kellogg,
   left some cooked wheat to sit which had gone stale and being on a strict
   budget they decided to continue to process it by forcing it through rollers.
   And instead of obtaining long sheets of dough, they obtained flakes of
   corn which became popular among their patients

And that's the story for today!

Good 'ol bowl of nutrition

Discovering new things,

Signing out

Stuck Inside

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 13:31:00 +0000

I woke up to the sound of rain drizzling and a cold gush of wind sent shivers throughout my body as I reached to close the window and turn the heater on. I reached out to grab my cardigan which lay by my side.

With the lights still off, I sat beside the heater absorbing every bit of warm breath it gave out...

My 'Wholesome' Italian Brunch

Staring out the window,

Signing out

Hallelujah!

noreply@blogger.com (レベッカ = 레베카) — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 22:17:00 +0000

What a wonderful day it has been. Audrey just got her tongues and 2 weeks ago she gave her life to Christ! Somebody say Amen!

Haha, never been this ecstatic about someone coming to Christ and at times it just seems odd (in a good way though).

And to celebrate, Tom bought us pizza and wings! Was starving when we got back home we so by the time the pizza arrived, we literally stuffed it down! A whole pizza gone in minutes!

Dealing with a stuffed tummy,

Signing out