Blair Matthews

2011-02-13T22:02:00.008-04:00

For as long as I can remember it has always been Two-bit, Jamie, Mom and I. Dad left soon after Jamie was born, so I only have a few collected memories of him. But the after effects of his absents is something I will never forget. My brother walked around looking for him, asking everyone he saw if they knew where he was. Mom started drinking, she quit her part time job and gained two new full time ones. When we got old enough to ask where our father was, Mom would either change the topic or respond by telling us we didn't need the low life.

It's been apparent to me for sometime that I'm bound to live my mothers life. As much as people will try to deny it, the proof is evident. My mother was only fifteen when Two-bit was born, she dropped out of school so she could work to support him. Her parents kicked her out, and Dad walked out of the picture as soon as she told him. They got back together and married soon before I was born, and tried to get along long enough for Jamie to make her appearance. By the time Mom turned twenty-one she was divorced with three kids to take care of on her own. For as long as I can remember people have always told me I look like her, and that I act like her. And for as long as I remember it scared me. Growing up I would look at my Mom and see how unhappy she was, and I never wanted to end up like that.

I spent the better part of the week thinking a lot about my family. Unlike the other seventeen year old's in America I have a husband and two babies to think about. Life before was so simple, every action I made effected me and only me. Now there's three other people to worry about. I thought about all the effects growing up in my family had on me, and all the things I wish my parents had handled differentially. I never truly understood how young my parents were when Two-bit was born. In a way they both gave up a lot for us, but they were both also determined to keep their adolescent ways.

Over the years I would listen to my mother go on for hours on a drunken rant about my father, and how every man will always leave. I didn't grow up with the fantasy that fairy tales came true, Mom made sure of that. My biggest fear is that the cycle will continue, that Dal will leave for good. That's why when he called just after lunch and told me that he had just left the hospital I told him to come over to talk about everything.

I've known for a few day's that he didn't cheat on me, but I couldn't handle the idea of him having another kid. I hate the idea of him having a family with someone else, of having to share, of being second best. When he got to the house I listened while he told me that the test says he really is Carter's father, that Mia wants child support that we can't give her, and that he doesn't know what to do. When he was done he looked at me, trying to figure out what I was thinking.

I sighed as I felt the tears fill my eyes. "My only memory of my Dad growing up is that it use to be the highlight of my day was when he would come home from work. We would play games and wrestle until it was time for bed, he would always say that he could never live without his little girl. Then one day, he just stopped. A week later he left, he didn't say goodbye or anything. I don't want Blaze, or anyone else to know what that feels like."

2011-02-13T22:02:00.007-04:00

I was attempting to make breakfast and watch Blaze crawling around the stairs when the phone rang. I almost didn't answer it on time, so when I did I didn't bother checking the caller id. It was early so I assumed it would either be Jamie or a telemarketer. The voice on the other end of the line sounded scared and nervous, as if she was about to deliver someone the worst news of their life. She struggled in a hushed whisper to ask the question she called about. After a few failed attempts she managed to ask if Dally was home. Confused, I told her that I wasn't sure when he would get back. She left me a message. Six words that would make my biggest fear come true. It's Mia. I need child support.

You would think that after so many times, I would eventually get over the shock of finding out Dallas cheated on me. But every time is the same as the first. The walls feel like their closing in, the room starts spinning and it feels as though a part of me dies. There was only one person I could think of that could help. I immediately dialed the number, my hands shaking. She answered on the second ring, sounding slightly annoyed and groggy. I told her I needed her help and she told me she was on her way over. That's the great thing about my sister. No matter what happens, she will always be there for me.

When she walked in I was sitting at the kitchen table, with a bottle of Jack Daniels in front of me. Sighing she grabbed the bottle and poured the whole thing down the drain. "Blair, you can't keep doing this. Everyone knows your smarter than this, you know all the dangers. I'm running out of excuses to give you."

I didn't say anything. I waited as Jamie picked up Blaze and put him in his crib. Then she came over and sat down beside me. "You know I love you Blair. And I wouldn't nor am I giving up on you. But I'm inevitably expecting this more and more. I'm here. Dal's here. Caron's here. We're all here. You got food and a kid in your belly. You have a husband who loves you. Whats the problem? Because I don't get it anymore. It was different before."

I let her words sink in. I thought about how, throughout our lives Jamie, Two-Bit and I always had to find out about our parents mistakes the hard way. How growing up without a father damaged our relationships. But we always managed to help each other threw it. "I let myself think I could have the perfect life. The perfect family. The perfect husband. The perfect baby. I should have known it was an impassible wish. Nothing will ever be perfect for us."

"Face it, our family will never be perfect. But you have the rest, Dal is perfect for you. Blaze is the perfect baby, and you'll have another perfect one in a few months. That's what I'm trying to tell you. You have everything you've been saying you want, so why are you trying to ruin it?" She smiled, "It doesn't make since."

"He did it again. He went out and fucked another girl, and shes knocked up. How do I act like everything's alright when I know every time he goes out there will be another girl waiting." I looked up at my sisters face, fighting back the tears. "I love him Jamie! I've loved him since I was twelve, but I don't trust him."

We spent the rest of the day talking, trying to figure out what to do. About an hour before Dal was going to come home I gave Jamie some money to go pick up a pizza. She took Blaze with her, and said she'd call before they came back. I knew what was going to happen, and I didn't want to be alone after.

2011-02-13T22:02:00.005-04:00

There are three numbers on my phone that I know are always good for something at a moments notice. I call Sylvia first, knowing word wouldn't get back to anyone. It went stright to voicemail, but that was normal. She never answers her phone, so I leave a quick message telling her what I'm looking for. Then I wait. I wait for what felt like an enterity before deciting she's not going to call me back. I look at the other two named on the list, Kyle and Aaiden my step brother. Normally Kyle would be my next call, but he'd be harder to buy from now that I'm pregnant and he'd for sure metion it to Dal.
I'm less than a block from his place anyway, so I decide to walk over and see what happens. When I get there Andrew and Caleb were playing some lame wrestling game, and screaming at each other. Every part of me wants nothing more than to trash the place until I find a good hit, but I force myself to sit, to watch them for awhile. I have to play it cool, the brothers are good at see past phoney acts and they know me well enough to know my social habbits. In between rounds they fill me in on Bre, and Dim, and Kyle. Apparentally you miss out on alot when you stop talking to people for a week.
Finally Kyle stumbles out of his room, the moment I was waiting for. He's wearing jack daniels boxers and his hair has some searious bead head going on, he slumps down next to me on the couch and asks whats up. I smiled innocentaly and excused myself to the bathroom. Kyle's room is right beside the bathroom, so when nobodys watching I slip inside. The place looks the same as always; clothes everywhere, empty beer cans, old pizza boxes, random school papers lying around. It would probally take someone forever to find what I'm looking for, but lucky for me I know exactally where it is. I creep over to the closet and reach up into the far cornor of the shelf. I grab a bag with a couple pills in it, not bothering to figure out what they are. I stuff it in my bra then went back out with the boys.
Everything is the same, its normal. Its as if the last five minutes didn't happen. I didn't just break into one of my best friends room and take drugs from him. I sit for awhile longer, forcing smiles when needed and making what I hoped passed as normal small talk, the whole time waiting for one of the boys to catch on. Before I leave I glance back at the room, and for a spilt second I have second thoughts.
As soon as I'm out of sight from the house I run. I didn't stop until I was sure that I was far enough away from everyone I know. I grab the pills out of my shirt and downed them all at once. Then I fall in the dirt and wait for the pills to do their magic. To bring on some high, some effect that would take the pain away.
I black out after a couple minutes, and somehow end up alone in Dimitri's hospital room sometime after dark. I stand in the doorway, chills running down my spine though its not cold. I slowly walk over and sit in the chair beside his bed. He looks so broken, so weak and small. Nothing like how I remember him, always smiling. Right then I brake down crying. I cry and cry, I tell him how it isn't fair he here, it isn't fair for Blaze to be stuck in this shit, it isn't fair my baby is suffering for all my bad habbits, and that no matter how hard I try I will never shine in my mothers eyes. I sit there crying and talking to Dim until the sun started to brighten the sky. I dry my eyes with a tissue and kiss him on the cheek, telling him to wake up soon before Jelly has a break down. Just before I walk out the door I turn and smile. "We picked names, me and Dal. Cohen Dash for a little boy or Shiloh Ryder Landon if its a girl. I mean, if you don't mind having a little girl named after you"

2011-02-13T22:02:00.003-04:00

Have you ever had a day where things just never go right? Like someone up above is using you in some sick, twisted game to see how long it takes for you to snap. That was my day Tuesday.
It started with a sleepless night of tossing and turning. By the time I fell asleep, Blaze woke me back up just before dawn. He's been sick lately and combine that with teething and you get a sleepless baby. I got up to check on him, Dal worked the night before and had to watch him all day so I figure I'd let him sleep. When I picked him up out of the crib he was running a fever so I took a cold shower with him. The whole morning was a losing battle; Blaze wouldn't eat breakfast, fought me when I tried to change him, and didn't stop crying the whole time. By the time I got fed up he was in nothing but a diaper and covered in baby food. I put him in bed with Dallas and left, let him take care of his son's attitude problem.

My car decided to break down, so I had to walk across town at a time when no sane person would ever be awake. When I finally made it to work I was at least a hour and a half late. The place was packed with the breakfast crowd. Mom and Cris were running all over the place trying to keep track of orders and table numbers. I slipped out back for a quick costume change into my uniform before joining the shit show. I plastered a fake smile on my tired face before rushing over to one of my tables. I nodded and mumbled to myself as the family of five barked their orders at me. The father must have gotten fed up with the service or something, because when I came back with the food he started in with the bitching. I had a shitty attitude, the food was cold, he wasn't going to pay, I should learn to smile, I'm a stupid low life, etc. Something inside me just snapped. I started screaming at him to go to hell, then I dumped the bowl of oatmeal over his head.

I couldn't stand it anymore. My whole world was spinning. The walls were enclosing around me, crushing me into a tiny cube. The next few moments were kind of a blur, but the next thing I know I'm in the bathroom out back throwing up. When I was done I leaned up on the metal wall of the stall. It was cold, and felt good on my skin. I didn't want to move, I wanted to stay there forever, alone. That's when I heard her come in. She stood in the doorway telling me to get up. When I didn't listen she pulled me up and over to the sink to wash my face and hands. The whole time telling me I had to fix my attitude about work before I got sacked. I swear my mother means well, but knows how to piss a person off.

"You know sweetie, I'm only trying to help. But you have a horrible attitude. You can't work here for the rest of your life, what kind of life do you want Rhiley to have?" Her voice turned into an annoying buzz in my ears. My mind was racing. I had to tell her about the baby, I've put it off for long enough. When I opened my mouth the only thing that came out was a squeak. She kept going on and on. Then it just fell out. "Mom. I'm pregnant. Again."

After that I just blacked out. I remember her calling me a piece of shit, telling me that I was a stupid cunt, that I was a cruel person. Then I just started screaming. I didn't care about making a scene or keeping my voice down. The more I yelled the more weight lifted off my shoulders. The last thing I did before storming out was tell the manger to suck it and quit. My head was still spinning and I some how ended up at the beach.

I don't know how long I sat there watching the waves. It could have been minutes, or hours. But during that time I made one phone call. A call I swore I'd never make, not since Blaze was born. I waited for her to come, and when she finally did we didn't exchange words. I handed her a ten and she handed me a brown lunch bag. I waited for Sylvia to leave before spilling the contents on to the sand. I picked up the pipe and filled it. I just sat there until dark, smoking and watching the waves.

2011-02-13T22:02:00.001-04:00

Secrets. Everybody has them. People walk around everyday with millions of tiny secrets; the sweet old woman who lives next door who can't seem to lay off the alcohol, your high school Principal who's just a little too close with the school slut. It's every one's right to keep things inside, but when does that right get revoked? Some secrets are too personal to share, but to painful to keep. I don't have many secrets, and the ones I have my close friends know about. There are only two things I have never shared with anyone; one is a dream and the other one walked out of my life for good....or so I thought.

Last night I went looking for something to keep my mind busy. Dally was working the back shift, and Mom and Jamie had Blaze for the night. It'd been awhile since we've had any real girl time, so I decided to head to Bucks place to find Carson. She's been spending most of her free time there since they've starting hooking up. It's good for her, after all the zero's and low life's she's settled for in the past. I got there just as things were picking up, so I went right to the bar and started scanning for Mrs. Randle and Co. The bar tender asked me what I wanted, I told him I wasn't drinking. He pointed to a sign behind him that I knew far to well. It was the same sign me, Car, Kit, and Dawn made and forced Buck to put up around the same time we started coming around. We wrote down a half dozen 'bar rules', and he was pointing to the second one 'if you're sitting at the bar, you MUST be drinking'. I rolled my eyes and ordered a water. The bar tender had just set down the glass of ice water when she saw me.

"Blair Jessica fucking Matthews," I tuned my head to see her saunter my way. "Where have you been these last few months?" The black American Apparel mini dress just covered her ass, and I could smell her cheap perfume across the room. I glanced a look beside me as she sat down on the vacant stool, noticing her love for over done dramatic make-up hasn't changed. She rested her arms on the counter and smiled coyly as she looked me up and down. "I haven't seen you at any parties."

I sighed and looked deep into my glass looking for the answers. I was never the kind that was good at ignoring people, my mother said it was the reason for a lot of the fights I'd get myself coughed up in. Normally I would be up to playing any of her twisted mind games, but not that night. That night I was just so damn tired. "I've been busy."

"I've heard a lot about you lately." She leaned in closer, filling the small gap between us. I held my breath to keep from throwing up. "You know how people are. Always wanting to talk, never running out of things to say. You should hear some of the shit they've been spittin' about you. Blair Matthews, Tulsa's infamous party girl turned.....Mommy?" I turned to look her in the face. I didn't try to make a secret of the fact that I had Blaze, but I didn't expect low lives like her to know.

"So it's true." She raised an eve brow and half smiled. "So where's the little tyke? Are you teaching him the party scene early?" I clenched my fist. She knew exactly how to get under my skin. I turned away and drank the rest of my water. She leaned over and whispered in my ear. "Since you're free tonight, I have a bottle of xanax in my pocket. It'll be just like old times." She smirked at her memories. "Just me, and you. Picking over peoples medical cupboards, then heading back to my place to party all night. I remember Mommy Matthews was always good for the best stuff." She placed a kiss on my cheek, leaving a crimson mark before setting the prescription bottle in front of me on the counter.

"I gave that crap up. Along time ago, when I told you to stop coming around." Even as the words left my mouth I couldn't stop checking the bottle out. There was an Itch inside me, begging me to just reach up and grab the bottle. A pill or two doesn't mean I've fallen back into my old habits. Besides, just because I decide to spend the night hanging out with her doesn't mean I've decided to go back to her. "Come on Matthews," she whispered. "It'll take the edge off. And I have plenty more treats if you want".

"I meant what I said the last time. I'm done with that shit and I'm done with you, Sylvia." I took one last look at the bottle before walking away. Carson wasn't gonna show, and I needed to be alone in a safe place. Far away from anything that will fix the craving that was now growing in the pit of my stomach.

2011-02-13T22:01:00.007-04:00

I met Dally my first day of school. It was at the end of day, and I went outside to wait for the bus to come. Two-Bit was standing on the curb with a small group of boys he'd been hanging out with since he started school. I went over and my brother intoduced me to Darry, Soda, Steve, Johnny, and Dally. All the guys were going over to play football with Mr. Curtis when he came home from work. When I asked if I could go Dal looked at me and said that no girls were invited. I made up my mind then that I hated him. It didn't last too long though. When I started hanging out with Kit, I learned that he wasn't all bad, and had some pretty useful traits. Over the years I learned to love Dal's wild antics and he went from being my brothers friend to being the one who I missed when he got locked up. The first person I'd think of when I woke up and the last when I fell asleep. I'd find myself looking for him as soon as I walked into a room, talking about him for no reason, and getting jealous of all the girls he'd bring around. I fell for him by the time I was 14 and would make up excuses for Tibbs to invite him over, or tag along on guy nights.

I never wanted to settle down, and if someone told me that Dallas Winston would be the one to convince me to do so I would've laughed in their face. I always figured that if anyone was more wild and reckless then me it was Dally. He never liked little kids, and never stayed with one girl for too long. When we first started dating I never expected it to last long. One of us would mess up or let our comitment issues get the best of us. Even when I found out that I was pregnant with Blaze, I never dreamed of getting married. When he asked if I would marry him, my first thought was that he must be joking. But then it sounded like the most natural thing in the world. He was the one I thought about all the time, the person I went to when I was upset, he makes me feel safe, and I never want to be with someone else.

Our wedding day really was the best day of my life. I know it's cliche to say that, but there has never been another day when I felt so securely in the love of all the people closest to me. I had no misgivings, iffy-ness, or nerves about marrying Dal. The whole day was just a blissful blur of support and beauty, and I wouldn't have changed a single thing. To say that Dally is the best thing that could have ever happened to me would be an understatement. I think all of the people who know me personally would agree! Part of what I love about him are the quirks that make him uniquely Dal. Even though some of these things are annoying sometimes, and we've had our fair share of ups and downs there won't ever be anyone I want to be with :)

2011-02-13T22:01:00.005-04:00

Here's a little known fact about Blair Matthews. I have shitty luck when it comes to doctors. Sometimes their giant douche bag's who judge every little thing about me, or ignore what I have to say because I'm a kid. Normally I'm lucky and I get my family doctor though. He is the worst kind of person. He judges me, and is a total pedo. When I was pregnant with Blaze he loved listing off statics about pregnant teens and kids of pregnant teens. So you can guess how excited I was when Dal, Blaze and me all had to go to the hospital on Friday for a doctors appointment to figure out how far along I am. The first thing the doctor had me do is take a pregnancy test, because he "wanted to make sure I really am pregnant again and not just waisting his time". After a few more funky tests he told me they needed to do an ultra sound. I hate having some pervy doctor put jank that looks like lube on my stomach, there's nothing 'fun' or 'magical' about it. I don't care what anyone says, it's just plain creepy. The doctor said I'm three months pregnant. He couldn't believe it at first, apparently there's 'no way someone can be this far along and have no idea'. So congrats to be, my doctor officially thinks I'm an idiot. But what can you do? He asked me if I wanted to find out if I'm having a boy or a girl, and shot me a dirty look when I said no. Apparently I failed his preggo lady test when I wanted to be surprised in 6 months. I really need to get a new doctor -.-

This post is really shitty but it's like 4:30am and I just remembered that it was Monday. I want to post every Monday. Next week will be better :)

2011-02-13T22:01:00.003-04:00

This morning I woke up with major cabin fever. It's been about a week since the doctor let me come home from the hospital, and ever since then Dallas has kept me on house arrest. The most I've walked in five days is from my bedroom to the kitchen and back. When they let me out of the hospital, the doctor said I need to get lots of rest and not to over work myself. Dally had made sure that I followed both those orders, no matter how much I complained. The only problem with his plan was work. He had to go back to work tonight, so I was going to be all alone with Balze until he got home in the morning. I swore I'd stay in bed and wouldn't have people over, but as soon as he left I grabed my phone and called Kit.

Kit: Yo Matthews, whats cracken?

Me: Kit. I'm pregnant.

Kit: Like for real?

Me: Like for shiz.

Kit: How do you know?

Me: Dude, I took like six pregnancy tests today.

Kit: How the hell did you generate enough pee for six pregnancy test?

Me: Well the doctor might have mentioned something about it before I came home too....But I didn't believe him so I had to check it for myself.

Kit: Holy shit child. That's like your wight in liquid!

Me: Not the important part Curtis! I'm going to be a teen parent again.

Kit: Did you tell Dal yet?

Me: -laughs alkwardly- No. I kinda just left the tests in the bathroom for him to find on his own.

2011-02-13T22:01:00.001-04:00

November 19 at 1:45am I received a phone call that nobody every wants to hear. I had worked double shifts at Lace, picking up the late shift to make some extra money for the holidays. The only thing on my mind was crawling into bed and sleeping for a couple hours before waking up to start my second job at the Dingo. I had just gotten out of the shower when the phone started ringing. Knowing Alexandra was asleep I hurried to answer it. Before I picked it up I glanced at the caller ID but didn't recognize the number.
"Hello, may I speak to Mrs. Matthews please?" The woman on the other end sounded as sleep deprived as I was. Along with lack of sleep I detected hints of sorrow in her voice.

"It's Ms. Gorden, and I am Laurie."
"Ms. Gorden, this is Annie Myers. I am a doctor at Brookhaven Hospital. I'm sorry to inform you, but there's been an accident." My mind races. My mind goes down a mental list of where my family is. Keith - at his apartment with KitKat. Blair - at her house with Dallas and Rhiley. Alexandra - upstairs in her bed sleeping. Jack had left this morning with Aiden to go back to their house. Everyone was where they should be, so they must have the wrong number.

"Hello? Ms. Gorden? I'm sorry to inform you that your daughter Blair has been in a car accident earlier this evening. Her and her son, Rhiley were admitted to the ICU a couple hours ago. We need you to come down to the hospital to fill out some paper work."
"A-alright" I can barley sputter out the words. "I'm on my way."

I scream for Alexandra to wake up as I pull an overnight bag from the hall closet. I start filling it with the things that will be needed, still yelling until my youngest is standing at the top of the stairs; hands on her hips, scowl on her face, hair full of bed head. "This had better be good Laurie. There's a football game tomorrow, so I have early cheer practise. If you make me mess up I swear to go-"
"Go get changed. We need to go to the hospital," At this her expression changes from pissed off to confusion.
"The hospital? Mom what's going on?" I quickly give her the jot note version of the phone call, then tell her to go change. Once we get in the car I tell her to call Dallas and Keith. To tell them both to meet us at Brookheaven.

When we arrive at the hospital the doctor tells us both Blair and Rhiley are in surgery, but we will be able to see them in the morning. Alexandra waits in a small plastic blue chair when the nurse takes me away to file papers. The saspence is too much, I ask her if she knows anything at all about my daughter and grandson. She's hesitant, then tells me that after the surgery Rhiley should be fine. Just a little sore, but would be out after a couple of days. Then she tells me that Blair suffered more searious injouries. That she was put into an induced coma so she wouldn't have to suffer from the extreme pain. She told me they are not sure when she will wake up.

Matthews, Blair Jessica.
Vehicle Collision
12 Ribs broken (5L/7R)
4 Ribs cracked (4L)
Arm broken (R)
Lung punctured (L/R)
Internal bleeding (Massive)

Winston, Rhiley Blaze
Vehicle Collision
Broken arm (L)
Whiplash (Major)
Broken leg (L/R)

-Lourie Gorden

2011-02-13T22:00:00.003-04:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN / BLAIRDAY! Yea, yea I know its crazy late but they save the best for last right? Halloween has always been my favorite holiday (quite possibly because it's also my birthday? Hmm....) and this year I spent the day making memories and new traditions with my little monkey. After trick-or-treating just after 5:00 I dropped him off at Mom's place for the night. She wasn't working and she told me that she wanted some one-on-one time with her grandson. If you want to know how I spent my night go check out Soda's blog, he posted about it. But today I'm posting about more important things, like my wedding!!!! So here's the line up....

Bride: Blair Matthews

Maid of honnor: Carson Randle

Brides maids: Jamie Matthews, Brooklyn Cade (even though she insists on calling me Blairiekins -.-), KitKat Curtis, Angelica Winston

Groom: Dallas Winston

Best man: Sodapop Curtis

Grooms men: Two-Bit Matthews, Kyle Brumley, Johnny Cade, Dimirti Ryder

Flower girl: Jasalin Ryder

Ring bearer: Rhiley Blaze

Mom will be the one who gives me away. I'm not inviting my Dad or Aaiden, they don't deserve to be invited. I don't think Dal wants his Dad to be invited either, but its his choice. We also figured out a date, incase anyone didn't pick up on it from the facebook page.

Date: December 31 2010

Ceremony: Trinity Episcopal Church

Reception: Buck's bar

My ring

2011-02-13T22:00:00.001-04:00

Last Friday I had plans with Mom to go back over to her place to not only see Dad again, but to meet my step-brother Aiden. My parents didn't tell me much about my new found brother; only that he's 20, a college dropout and works as a bartender at a club he owns with his friend. I was going to meet them around one, that way Jamie would still be at school when they came over. Mom told me that Jamie knew Dad wanted back in the picture, but since my sisters extreme views on our family tend to not be the best all of the time, she figured it would be best to leave her in the dark about Aiden for awhile.

I left Blaze with Dally around noon and headed over to the DX to visit my three favorite mechanics, hoping to catch them just in time for their lunch breaks. When I got there it was busy as normal. Apparently the tramps still cram themselves into the small shop to try and make a move on Soda, even knowing he's married. Unfortunately Dimitri and Steve were just as busy, with cars lined up around the side of the lot that needed to be fixed and no sign of their tool boxes. I ran into the garage and grabbed a coke from the cooler, then went back outside to wait until the crowd died down. I was sitting on the curb by the pumps when an old F150 pulled up in front of me, and a blonde guy gets out.
"Just fill the tank, I don't care how much you put in." He said, not even bothering to look my way. "Pump your own damn gas." I muttered, before taking a drink from my bottle. "What'd you just say to me?" The guy turned and shot me a dirty look. But as soon as he saw me his facial expression changed. "Oh sorry darling, I thought you worked here." "Do I strike you as the type of girl who pumps gas for a living?" I got up and headed over to the shop.
He followed me inside, walking way to close for comfort and talking about being new in town. "So what do people do for fun around here anyway? Besides stare at your fine ass." I rolled my eyes, but didn't say anything. I guess spending all my time with you guys made me use to crappy pickup lines. "Hmm...there's drinking, fighting, fucking if your not to drunk....Its a real happening place." I walked to the back of the store and started flipping threw one of the magazines. I saw Soda watching us out of the corner of his eye, making sure the guy didn't get out of line. The guy stood in front of me, a smirk covering his face. "Well then what category do we fall under?"
"Oh honey, I don't even have to think about that one. My boyfriend, he gets real jealous if I start bring around new guys. I'd hate for him to mess up your little pretty boy face." I flashed him my best innocent smile, and tried to walk past him. That's when he grabbed my arm and pushed me against the wall. "Oh honey," he looked around. "I don't see any boyfriends here." I tried to push him off me, but he grabbed my hands and held them above my head, pinning me to the wall. "Besides, what he don't know won't hurt him." Suddenly the whole store went silent, I looked over the guys shoulder to see Steve, Soda, and Dimirti standing behind us looking pissed. "I think it'd be best if you left the girl alone." Dimirti said. "Aww man, she likes it rough. We're just having a little fun." I felt the guy's grip tighten on my wrists. I winced in pain, knowing I was going to have bruises there later. "Let my Friend go, and get the fuck out of my shop" Soda practically screamed. Finally when the guy didn't get the message Steve lunged at him, and slugged him across the face. The guy let go of me, and left cursing up a storm. I thanked the guys, and asked them not to tell Dal. The last thing I wanted was for him to end up jailed for killing the new kid. I left about an hour later, to go see my Mom.
I walked down to Mom's house, and knocked on the door. It was strange to see a guy open the door insted of one of my siblings, but Dad smiled and motioned me to come inside. "Aiden!" He yelled to someone in the kitchen, "I want you to meet your step-sister....." "Blair." My brother finished for him as he walked into the living room. "We met earlier, at the gas station. The DX I think."

<--Dad

<--Aiden

2011-02-13T21:59:00.001-04:00

When I look back on this past weekend it still seems like some crazy dream. On Saturday it started out normal enough, the gang was all hanging out at the Curtis house. Dally said he wanted to spend a couple hours alone with me so Soda and Katie said they'd watch Blaze for us. We walked to the park, but the whole time I could tell something was up with Dal. He kept zoning out and acting strange. I was saying something about seeing all the kids around us playing in leaf piles, when he zoned out again. Naturally the only response would be to take two hand fulls of leaves and chuck them at him. Everyone at the park gave us dirty looks as we attacked each other with leaves, and got even more pissed off when we started making out in some kids leaf pile. Finally I got fed up and asked Dal what was up, and that's when he got down and took out a little black box. The first thing that went threw my head was 'Is he crazy? We're only kids.' Then I remembered all the things I love about him. How happy he makes me, how I always feel safe when we're together. When I'm with him everything feels right, and nothing is ever as bad as it seems. I didn't have to think, I didn't need to consider anything. I smiled and kissed him before answering, Yes :)

2011-02-13T21:58:00.004-04:00

I was told to post. I was told to let all my feelings go and write them all down. But what good will it do to tell the world how it hurts to even beathe? That I can't get out of bed in the morning. That I can't even stand to be in my home because everywhere I look, I see him. Pictures on the wall, his toys laying on the floor. A basket of clean clothes and blankets I washed for him.

I wish I could write that Bob was wrong, that all I have to do is go to a somewhere office and pick Blaze up. But I know I can't. I know I'm not perfect, and I know that I make alot more mistakes then most new moms. Honnestly, everything Bob said about me was the truth. I do party alot. I do enjoy sex. If you ask me what my favorite drink is, I'd tell you anything with whisky. I smoke more pot then cigerattes, and spend way to much of my paycheck on clothes to wear out. But with that said, I got a job to support my son. I moved out of my house because I know its no place for a baby. Blaze is always fed and clothed and happy. I always make sure that when I go out he is taken care of by someone who loves him and is responsible. My son never see's me drunk or high, and my apartment dosen't even have so much as beer in it. I changed my whole life, and I know that no matter what happens Blaze is safe.

That night, I was forced to chose between the two things my life consists of. My baby and my family. Bob told me that I either give up the trust of my family or lose my son. A year ago, I would've told everyone that I hated kids and would've chose the gang. But now that'd be a lie. I could relive that night a million times and everytime I'd do the same thing. My whole world now is Blaze, and if that means turning my back on the gang I will. I wont apologize or bull shit anyone. Blaze is 100% my focus and he has always been.

I guess the whole point in me writting this, is that I'm not perfect. I've never tried to be. But apart of me is perfect, and he is my whole life. If I had to chose between anything else in my life or him, I'd always chose him in a heart beat. I'd kill and die for my son. But I know I'm imachure and I know I make many mistakes. And because of all this I lost my son. And I lost my life, because without Blaze I can not....And will not move on. I will not grow. I will stop being, because my reason for being is gone.

2011-02-13T21:58:00.003-04:00

2011-02-13T21:58:00.001-04:00

Today I had the day off, so me and Blaze went to go visit my Mom. We got to the house just after lunch, and she called to us from her bedroom. She was still in her pajama's and hadn't even gotten out of bed. She sat up when I walked in, and motioned for me to sit on the bed. "Jesus Ma, you gotta stop drinking." She forced herself to smile, but it turned out weak and tired. "Sure sweet heart, just as soon as the government starts giving us more money." I laughed, "Yeah, yeah. So why'd you call me today?"

"Honey, I need to tell you something." She turned and held out her arms to take Blaze. He looked from me to her then smiled, so I passed him over. "What is it Mom? Is everything okay?" I have a habit of jumping to the worst possible conclusion, so my mind was racing. "It's about your Daddy. He....He um wants to come back into your life." My stomach drooped. "W-what do you mean?" "He called me a few weeks ago, before then he sent letters. He's been thinking about this for awhile, and we talked it over. I think it'd be good. For you, for Alexandra, for Keith. You kids could get to know him again."
I didn't know what to think. I'd had this conversation a million times with Jamie. She always said she hated Mom for Dad leaving. That she must have done something, because he was such a great guy. I'd always told her that Dad was a prick and left because he knew he'd have a better life without us. Now that he wants to see us, I felt myself trying to think of reasons why I should let him. I was happy without him messing things up, I'd closed that chapter in my life. "No. I don't want to see him. He's not my Dad, he's nothing more then a drunken bastard who managed to knock you up." Mom sighed, "If you wont do it for you, then think of Blaze. You're taking away his relationship with his grandfather." I grabbed Blaze back from her. "Don't you dare bring him into this. That man doesn't even know about Blaze. And that's how its going to stay." I stood up to leave. "Blair, honey....Please just......Think about okay?" I nodded then walked down the hall.

I left the house totally torn. When my Dad left my life totally fell apart. I know its cliche but part of me always blamed my Dad every time something went wrong in my life. The thought always crossed my mind of, "What if he stuck around? Would I be doing this?". As I walked carrying a sleeping Blaze in my arms, I wanted to protect him from that pain. I want Dal to be in his life as much as possible. I wanted to keep him as safe as possible, away from all the dangers a broken heart brings you. Suddenly I knew exactly where I needed to go. The one place where I always felt safe, where everything always made seance.

When I got to the building, my mind kept thinking of all the pain my Dad brought to my family. He's the reason my Mom's such a mess. He's the reason Jamie hates us half the time. He's the reason Two-Bit doesn't trust anymore or ever put himself out there. There was just so much I couldn't figure out, but the main was why. Why after all this time did he want to see us now? What right did he have? I knocked on the door. The tears rushed to my eyes, and I fought to keep them back. The door opened just as the first tear rolled down my cheek and I feel into Dally's arms.

2011-02-13T21:57:00.001-04:00

I left Buck's knowing things were bad. I had just done the thing that made me hate Dal the most, to someone who didn't deserve it. I called Jamie because I had to talk to someone, but she was in class. I went home anyway, because I didn't want to run into anyone. If I was lucky Mom'd be sober enough to talk to, if not I could just swipe some shit from the liquor cabnet.
I had just sat on the couch when my cell rang. I checked the caller id and felt my heart sink, I answered it and waited for Kyle to tear me apart. The whole time he was yelling at me the only thing that kept going over in my head was a conversatation we had awhile back. I kept getting jealous when he'd be at parties talking to girls. He told me I had to trust him, because he trusted me when Dal put moves on me. Nobody has ever really trusted me with things before, people just expected me to fuck up so it wasn't a big deal. The whole time I was on the phone with him, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I just sat there and cried until he hung up.
That's when I noticed the pill bottle on the coffee table. It was one of Mom's persciptions to help her sleep. I picked it up and counted the pills. Only two left. At that moment Jamie came downstairs; hair dripping wet, eyes bloodshot, looking compleatly out of it as she almost fell down the stiars. I jumped up and started screaming at her. I knew she was the one who took Mom's pills, and if she kept it up she was going to screw her life up. Just before I stormed out I mentioned that Kyle dumped me.
The next day I had plans to hang out with Brooke. Little did she know it was so I could get some payback for the whole clown thing. I met her at the DX and told her I needed to grab something from my Mom's work for her. So the two of us walked across town to Lace, and the bouncer Cornor let us in around back. Brooke's never been to the club before and when she got inside I almost died when I saw her face. Her eyes were huge and her face went beat red. "Blair! This is a strip club!!!"
Just then the music started playing and someone walked on to the stage. "The must be the new guy." I said smirking. "THERES GUYS HERE!?!" Brooke almost screamed in horror. Then she reilized who it was, "AUSTIN!?!?" I started cracking up. She turned to me, looking scared out of her mind. "WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING UP THERE?!" "Didn't he tell you? He's replacing my Mom for a couple months so she dosen't lose her regulars." I didn't know someone could go as pale as she did as quickly as she did. I know Brooke well enough to know that she didn't fully believe me, but part of her questioned it.
"Okay Austin, I think she's going to be sick if we keep it up any longer." I laughed. He jumped down and walked over to us. "Bookie are you okay?" He asked huging her. She stood there, trying to figure out if she should be pissed or laugh. I walked behind the bar and grabbed Austins payment, just as Brooke managed to say something."You sold me out for a pizza?!" "Sorry babe, but clowns freak me out too." He laughed and grabbed a slice.

2011-02-13T21:56:00.004-04:00

Friday night. Everyone loves Friday nights. Schools out for the weekend, and its time to party. Dal took Blaze for the week, since he was on vacation. So since I didn't have to worry about a babysitter, or a baby for that matter I didn't think twice when Brooke asked if I wanted to go to a party at Bucks with her, Kyle, Austin, and Dawn. We got there just before eleven and even by that time people were drunkenly stumbling out of the door when we walked in. I headed straight to the bar with Dawn to get drinks. I got a rum and coke, and Dawn started flirting with a guy she knows from school and he got us a round of shots. I told Dawn I was going to look for the other guys and took off.
I found the three of them in the middle of an intense beer pong competition. Kyle and Austin were tied against two members of Shepard's gang. The first few games weren't too exciting, until the boys started getting buzzed and missing every shot. I couldn't stop laughing, every time it was someones turn they'd brag about their skills and every time they missed Brooke would rip them up. In the end, Brooke got hold of the ball and made the winning shot for our Brumley's. To celebrate the tree of us forced her to try the keg, and see if she could do a keg stand....that part didn't go over too well :P
Sometime around two in the morning Dawn came stumbling over to where me and Brooke were sitting. She could barley walk in a straight line, and once she saw us a huge smile spared over her face. "Man! I want McDicks!" She yelled. Apparently this was the best thing I'd ever heard because I turned to Brooke nodding, "Ohmygod, dude lets do it!" It took a little more back and forth from me and Dawn, and two "Please"s before Brooke finially caved. By the time we left it was safe to say that me and Dawn were both smashed and Brooke had a pretty good buzz going on. Aparentally some guys next to us heard we were leaving and decited to come with us. As we left Brooke kept saying we should find Austin and Kyle, but we couldn't see them and Brooke knows better then to fight with two drunken girls.
We were hanging out at one of the tables eating chicken nuggets making fun of the mob of drunken idiots that were trying to order, when one of the guys we walked over with came over and told us that the mangier called the cops. Brooke instentally went pale and looked like she was going to throw up, so we took her outside. Thats when we heard sirens and seconds later saw the car pull into the parking lot. Dawn and Brooke took off running into the woods, I was just behind them when a cop grabbed me.
He took me over to the other guys he caught. I knew some of them, like the guy who played beer pong, and Curly was there too. It would've taken an idiot not to notice that every person standing in the circle was either drunk or stoned. The cop started going over a list of reasons why we shouldn't drink in public or under age at all, then surprisingly he let us off with a warning. After he drove off I look around for the girls, but they were long gone. I turned to Curly and we shared a beer he had in his pocket, and laughed at how stupid cops are.
It wasn't until we walking back to the party that I started to feel confused. The whole time I kept feeling dizzy and really tired. Once we actually got back to the party Curly started to notice that I wasn't feeling well. He told me to stay where I was and went to go get me some water. Just after he left my chest started to feel really heavy, almost like I couldn't breathe.
"There you are!" Kyle yelled over the music as he hurried over to me. "I've been looking for you everywhere, Brooke's freaking out and said something about you getting arrested..." I didn't hear the last part of what he said because suddenly everything around me went black, and the last thing I remember before passing out was my legs giving out and crashing to the ground.

2011-02-13T21:56:00.003-04:00

She came over sometime after midnight. I knew as soon as I heard the knocking on the door that something was wrong. The person behind the door was frantic, knocking so hard I thought for sure they'd leave a hole. I opened it to see my sister standing there looking, well to put it lightly, like pure hell. Her hair was a mess, makeup running down her face, and eyes so red they were almost glowing. I didn't have time to think, because as soon as the door opened she fell into my arms crying. I carried her into my apartment, and set her down on my couch. "What the hell happened to you Jamie?" Was all I managed to choke out, still in shock and half asleep. It had only been a few hours since I'd left her room, after spending the day helping her pack for her week long college thing. She was perfectally okay then; sure she was excited and a bundle of nerves, but nothing close to the mess that was laying on my couch, head in my lap, crying so hard it made it hard for her to beathe.
It was close to five minutes before she had clamed down enough to tell me what happened. She had went to a party with Brooke, and they were having a good time when Tim went over and tried to kiss Jamie. She blew him off and they left, but I guess when she told Johnny he got upset and drunk and madeout with another chick. So they broke up, and Jamie made up her mind not to go to her college thing, and everything was falling apart. At first I wanted to beat the crap out of Johnny, I mean that's what I would've done to any guy who broke her heart. Then I just wanted to calm her down, and protect her from anything that could cause her more harm. I tired to sooth her enough so she'd stop shaking. I held her and talked to her while she cried.
Finially I asked her, at that moment what she wanted more then anything else. She told me she wanted out. Now I don't know exactally what that means to everyone, but to me that means she needs a break from everyday life. So I jumped up, grabbed Blaze's diaper bag and chucked some clean clothes in it. Then I grabbed a basket full of my clean clothes and threw it all in my car. On my last trip out, I grabed my purse and my sister and locked the door behind me. I started my car and we drove and talked. And drove and talked. And just to change it up some, we talked and drove.
We talked about everything. School. Work. Life. Johnny. Kyle. Blaze. Mom. The gang. Anything we could think of. Just before sunrise we pulled into a pancake house called Matthew Canuck's Waffle World and ate our weight in strawberries, maple surp, chocolate chips, and banana nut. We had fun laughing at the waitress who was dressed in a really bad Mounty costume who kept telling us to make sure B kept quiet (even though he was sound asleep), and making fun of the truckers who tried to hit on us. We laughed until our sides hurt, and then joked some more. Hipped up of caffine and sugar we left the car in the parking lot and went on an adventure around ass crack nowhere.
By the time the sun had come up, and we were so tired we could barley walk we found the bigest shit hold motel we could and got a room. We both passes out as soon as our heads hit the bed, and I'm pretty sure we slept for a whole day because when we woke up it was lunch time the next day. We packed up and started to drive home. We drove without talking for awhile, until finally Jamie said, "Thanks Blair. When everything fell apart you were the only one I could think of to turn to. Mom's never there, and Tib's is always out or drunk." "Well kid, it's just you and me. It's always been that way." I never thought of how true that statment really was until I said it. Sure me and Two-Bit are closer in age, and I got along with Mom for most of my life. But when I think about it, it's always been just me and Jamie. She lived with me when Mom got locked up, I was the one who took care of her before we started school, and even after. I always turned to her with my problems and in turn she came to me. We've been threw it all togeather, and I know we'll always be that way.

2011-02-13T21:56:00.001-04:00

So a few nights ago, I asked Jamie if she wanted to come over to have some one on one time with Blaze while I went out with some friends. I picked up two girls I use to reek havoc with at school. We decited to go to bucks, you know like the old times. I don't know how long it'd been since I'd been there, but as soon as Buck saw me he ordered a round of shots and got the party going. I texted Jamie when I started to get buzzed, just to let her know that I wasn't going to be home anytime soon. She said it wasn't a problem because she was having a blast. So I spent the night dancing, and drinking, and smoking, and smoked just a little bit of pot. It was close to four am when I started to make my way home.
I was passing the park when I took a detour. I stumbled over to the swings and just sat on the for awhile. The sun was just comming up, and I finially understood why Pony is so into them. It was so cool just to sit there swinging and thinking and watching. Suddenly I noticed that I wasn't alone anymore. I watched as a red mustang pulled up and four soc guys got out. "What do we got here, boys? Looks like some greaser whore." They walked over, wearing their lame ass pants and letterman jackets, walking with an attuide thinking they ruled the god damn world. Normally I would say something snarky at them, try to piss them off before giving them the shame of being beat by a girl. But that night was different. I don't know if it was the drugs and alcohol talking, or if it was my subconscious talking for me, but what came out of my mouth surprised all of us. "Do what you want. I don't care anymore."
"Get her!" Soon after I heard that, I was tackled to the ground. Tears were furiously falling down my face. "Looks like we're gonna have some fun." One of the socs was holding my hands above my head; two were just standing there watching; and the one that had talked was sitting on my hips. He was way too heavy. I was struggling to get free, but I couldn't. They were too strong compared to me. "Don't worry baby, it won't hurt much." He laughed and ripped open my shirt. I started screaming. I felt his hot, dirty lips kiss my neck. I tried to get out of his reach when his hands moved down and started trying to undo his jeans while kissing my chest.
"I wouldn't do that if ya know what's good for you." The socs stopped what they were doing and looked behind them. I followed their gaze. Darrel. Darry was here to save me. The head soc went after Darry. He could easily take him. With a few punches, he was down. With Mr. Supersoc down, his henchmen seemed to be frightened. They grabbed their leader and ran towards the mustang that was parked on the street.
He took me back to his house. While I took a shower he grabbed some of Kit's clean clothes and left them beside the bathroom door for me. Once I was all cleaned up I walked into the kitchen, where Darry was cooking breakfast. I sat down at the table, and just broke down. Darry came over and put a hand on my shoulder. "Come on Bee, it's gonna be ok."
"No its not. It's all fucked up. Mom spends all her time with her boyfriend now that shes out, he drives trucks. I don't remeber dad, but from what I gather he's not worth remebering. I'm the fuck up. Jamie's got it so easy. She's got a scholarship, and is gonna get married and have babies and a white picket fence and apple pit. And Tibbs is going to live happily ever after with Kit living in Mickeys house. And when I look at my future it just comes up blank. I'm going to have some deadend job, and hang out with stoners, and raise my baby, and become a small town lifer. I really am just some greaser whore, not worthy of love"

2011-02-13T21:55:00.002-04:00

So heres what I found out about life, in the past week or so.
-Boys suck and can't be trusted
-People always change
-Things never go back to how they were
-You always have to keep moving on
-Okay, not all boys suck :)

So I broke up with Tim the day after I slept with Kyle. To say the least he was pissed, but whatever. I should've noticed when all my firends didn't approve that I was making the wrong choice. But I mean no worries, I took care of that problem.

My mom got out of jail on Saturday afternoon. We all piled into my car and went down to the jail house to pick her up. She was standing out front by the time we got there, and she looked so sad. I almost didn't reconize her when I saw her. Sure, there were the normal changes; hair longer, thiner, taller. But the things that made her my mom were gone. Like the sparkle in her eyes, or the smile that took up her whole face. She just seemed like a compleate stranger to me.

We had a family dinner for mom the night she came home. Everyone pitched in to cook it and then helped to clean up after. It was so strange, before she got locked up the house was always dirty, with dishes in the sink and laundry overing the livingroom. We were happy. Now were........different. Incase you don't know, I don't like change.

I moved out. Got my own place. Its in Dally's building, so Blaze can see him more and its not to far from all you guys. I've never lived alone, always either with my family or some room mates. I kinda like knowing everything there is mine, and I make all the rules. I plan on having wild partys soon, it'll be great.

So I made it facebook offical but not blog offical yet. I broke up with Tim two days after I hooked up with Kyle. Not because I liked Kyle, or because I didn't like Tim anymore, but because I felt guilty knowing that the drugs wernt the only reason why I hooked up with Kyle. I wanted to. So blah blah blah, call me a hoe. But I made it right by telling him and breaking it off. And now I'm with Kyle, so I guess it all worked out for the best right?

2011-02-13T21:55:00.001-04:00

*I'm taking a break from the 7 Days of Blair Updates for awhile, I'm tired of putting off regular posts*

Last night I headed out to a party Ari had at her place. It was pretty dead when I got there, but after an hour more people showed up and it became a good time. Tim couldn't go because Angela was going on a date and he wanted to be there to mess with the guy. Anywho, I went over and started drinking and talking to people. I was talking to Jamie and she told me that she got a letter from Mom the other day saying that she was getting out of jail this weekend. She also told me that she visited her in jail a few months back, and that they've been keeping contact. I don't know why, but something inside me snapped. I told her I needed to go to the bathroom and slipped out the back door when nobody was looking. I needed to cool off, have some fresh air, and get my feelings in check. I got to the park and sat down on a swing and played in the sand with my foot. Suddenly someone slammed their hand down on my shoulder, it scared the crap out of me and when I looked over my shoulder I saw Kyle standing there laughing.
"Jeasus Blair, I didn't mean to make you cry" he laughed. My hand flew up to my face and I felt the salty water cover my fingers. I was about to whipe my face when I stopped. "Fuck it."
Kyle walked around to face me and saw how red my eyes were. "Fuck Blair, what happened?" I was caught off gard. It's been MONTHS since anyone has asked me that. Since it seemed like anyone gave a damn about me. So I told him. I told him everything, about Tim and Dal and Mom and hating my life and wanting to die and missing Carson. And he just stood there, not saying a thing, and listened. When I was done he pulled out two joints and offered me one, I took it. We smoked and talked and after awhile he leaned in and kissed me. After a bit of making out things kinda got out of hand and we ended up having sex right in front of the swings at the park.
Then today, I get home and get a call from Candie. She tells me how she has a crush on someone in the gang. When she finially tells me, its Kyle. About an hour ago Elena invited me to her work, we talked and ate ice cream. She told me she and Kyle had a thing, and that she loved him and wanted to ask him out, but wanted my oppion. So to sum it up; I cheeted on my boyfriend because I got high, then found out two of my good friends are crushing on him. This is Dal and Bre all over again, only I'm the homewrecker. FML

2011-02-13T21:53:00.000-04:00

7 Days of Blair Updates; Day 2: Tim Once upon a time, in a far away land (okay, not so far away), lived the Princess of Tulsa. She was often accompanied around the kingdom by her best friend, the Prince of the Shepard's. When she was in eighth grade and he was a freshman in high school (around that time anyway), it seemed everyone around them, friends and family included, was having sex. The Prince and Princess didn't really know why it was such a big deal, but so many people were talking about it. So one day, while they were alone at his house, they decided to end the curiosity and see what the big deal was, by going up to his bedroom. It wasn't anything exciting the first time, so they tried a few more times (ok, more then a few), but it was no different. They gave up trying and just ignored the other's stories. They gave up trying to figure it out (she did at least) and moved on. They were friends and that (for the moment) wasn't going to change. They lived happily ever after (okay, not really). The end.

Sometime last month my sister thought I’d be a good idea to come home from school, kidnap my son, and kick me out of the house for the night. She said something about me needing to become a kid again and have some fun. I went to the Curtis’ house, thinking that Kit or Pony would want to hang out for awhile. Surprisingly nobody was there; apparently everyone was busy on the one night my sister chose for me to have a social life…
Not wanting to go anywhere, I chose to take advantage of the operatory to snoop around and find some dirt on my favorite family. I was half way through snooping threw Kit’s super secret top drawer on her night stand, when I heard someone clear their thought behind me.
“Wow, Matthews. I never took you as the breaking and entering type.”
I stopped what I was doing and jumped, looking towards the doorway. “Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to sneak up on a girl like that Shepard?”
“You’re the one going through Mrs. KitKat Curtis’ privet things.” Tim smirks at me.
“How else am I going to keep up with thugs like you? Tomorrow I’m going to start grand theft auto.” I reply coolly.
“Blair, c’mon. I ain’t that bad.”
“Says who?”
"I ain't been nothing but nice to you since we were kids."
"Yeah, and then you ditched me. Real nice, Shepard."
"I didn't ditch you!"
"Oh, I beg to differ! And what about that time that you found me trashing my room and you tried to calm me, but you were thinking those dirty thoughts!"
"No, I wasn't!"
"You definitely were! I felt that tiny thing in your pants that you call a penis!"
He looked taken aback for a moment and I smiled to myself in triumph. "It ain't like that, okay?"
"Sure Shepard. You just happened to get turned on at that exact moment without any prompting. That's real believable."
"C'mon, Blair. You know I'm not like that."
"No, I knew you weren't like that. I can't say that now. I don't even know you now!"
"Whose fault is that?"
"Not mine, that's for sure."
"I think we both know that's not true. We both did it."
"You're the one who went out and got all tough," I said, making air quotes around the word tough.
"You could've stayed with me!
"Oh yeah, between the rumbles, gang business, and all the whores you've picked up, there would've been plenty of time for you to be with me."
"I would've made time for you. You were my best friend. You didn't have to leave me hangin'."
"Excuse me, but I think it was the other way around. You left me. You're the one who had to go out and start a gang. Apparently having just me wasn't good enough for you. You needed other tough guys to watch your back, right? An innocent, weak girl couldn't do that for you."
"But you could do so much more!"
"Like what, keep you're sexual needs satisfied."
"Blair, it was never like that! I never wanted that from you! You were my friend! I cared about you! I would never, ever use you for that."
"So what, I'm not good enough now for you Shepard? I thought you wanted me pretty bad earlier, but I guess things change!"
"You are unbelievable! First, you complain about me supposedly having feelings for you, and now you're mad because I don't want you for sex! You're so fuckin' complicated!"
"I'm complicated? I can't even understand you're language anymore! Gang fights, blades, easy lay? What do all these words mean?" I said, sarcastically. "Seriously, could you try and explain them to me because I-"
I was stopped by Tim's lips pressing against mine. I melted like I knew I eventually would. I knew I wouldn't be able to resist him for long. Oh god. I pushed him away. "What the hell was that?"
"Sorry, you were rambling. Couldn't listen to it anymore. Only way I knew how to shut ya up."
I was a whole lot calmer when I spoke next. "You know you shouldn't do that. I could jump you any minute," I said, smirking and still kind of breathless from that kiss.
"I wouldn't mind. Go right ahead," he said in a joking manner and opened his arms wide. I knew he didn't mean it in a suggestive way. He was his old, joking self at the moment.
I giggled and walked to him, wrapping my arms around his mid-section. He closed his arms around me. "Nice to have you back, Timmy."

And that was that. Ever since we've been going out. It's werid, becuase Tim's one of Dally's best friends. It's like one of those retarted love triangles you see all the time on tv. But Dallas has Bre, and now I have Shepard. I love knowing that when things get too hard I can turn around and he'll be there waiting to make it all better.

P.S

Tim's younger sister Angela started a blog, hit her up at http://angela-shepard-blog.blogspot.com/

2011-02-13T21:52:00.000-04:00

I'm re-opening my blog. I like having people care about what I have to say, though I'm not sure how many of you still care. I've changed some of the things that are important to me. I've learned that I can't care so much what people think. I can't try and get them to conform to what I want them to do, everyone's going to do things I don't agree with, and I have to accept that. I'm not going to worry about posting all the time, and who comments on my blog, or how many comment I get. I started my blog, not because I wanted to get 100 comments, but because it was fun, and I liked seeing what people had to say about me. I've learned I can dislike some people, without having to bring it to their attation every chance I get, but I'm also not going to let people walk all over me. This isn't something I just woke up one day and went 'oh I get it now', I've always known this. It's just, for some reason I didn't prove that on here. I know some people are probley going to be pissed about me comming back, but I'm not doing this for them. I'm doing this for me. It's just an extra perk if some of you still welcome me back too :D7 Days of Blair Updates; Day 1: BlazeI can't believe how big Blaze has gotten in only two months. He can't hold his head up yet, but his smile is just sooo cute it makes up for it. It's unreal how much I love him, he finds a new way to make me smile every single day. When he was first born, I still wasn't sure if I wanted to be a mom. I didn't know if I could do it, and to be honnest, I was scared shitless. But now, I see him sleeping, or playing, or crying, or laughing and I know that he's what I live for. I never knew I could love someone this much. My most favorite thing is when I get him out of his crib in the morning and he has a huge smile on his face when he sees me. It melts my heart! He’s also found his voice and coos all the time. I can't wait to have full conversations with him, and hear what his thoughts are. His diapers have Sesame Street characters on them and he hates when he gets the Elmo diapers! Don’t ask me why, but the kid hates Elmo. The other day Two-Bit watched him when I went out. I came home to see the two of them watching Mickey. I rolled my eyes when he told me that B "Loves Mickey almost as much as he hates Elmo". I swear, I don't know how a greaser can love a mouse as much as my brother.

2010-04-27T12:19:00.000-03:00

My blog's being stupid, so I made a new one.
http://blairmatthewsblog.blogspot.com

2010-04-15T23:13:00.020-03:00

He's here. Rhiley Blaze WinstonBorn April 18 at 12:02 amWeight: 3lbs 6ozAfter the rumble I thought I got off lucky because out of everyone I walked away with only some brusies and small cuts. But that night I started feeling stick, I down played it because I didn't want to think anything was wrong. Kit knew, and wanted to take me to the hospital right away, but I convinced her to wait until the morning. The next day I lied and told her they had gone away. The whole week I had pains, and only really mentioned them every once in a while to Carson or Jamie. Last night I was at a party with Kit when I started to feel really sick. The pain was so bad that I couldn't hide it and Kit forced me to go to the hospital. The doctor said all this medicial garbage, then told me that there was some complacations so I had to have an emergency c-section.They said he's okay now, but since he was born so early he has to stay in the hospital for a while. He's hooked up on machines for everything; breathing, heart rate, eating, to keep him warm. I can't even pick him up and hold him. It breaks my heart that a stupid decition I made hurt my baby and now he's living on machines. It kills me to see him like that, though I know its for his own goodEveryone keeps asking who the God parents are, so I thought I'd tell ya'll. We chose Soda and Katie, as well as Carson and Darry. I don't know if its werid to have two sets of God parents, but I have two, so I guess Blaze will as well.