The Aging Disco Diva

Today's Edition of Modus Vivendi

2014-03-12T08:01:00.000-05:00

Today's Modus Vivendi

2012-10-26T16:16:00.000-05:00

R.I.P Alexas Karras

2012-10-10T10:20:00.001-05:00

Sad news was received at the Disco Mansion. Alex Karras, former NFL player..... and in my opinion, a great, but underrated, actor passed away this morning.

Alex Karras, former NFL lineman, actor, dies at 77

"Alex Karras, the rugged lineman who anchored the Detroit Lions' defense in the 1960s, then went on to an acting career in which he starred in the sitcom "Webster" and famously punched a horse in the 1974 comedy "Blazing Saddles," died Wednesday. He was 77."

Here are some of my favorite Alex Karras movie scenes:

Mongo (Blazing Saddles)

I absolutely adored him in "Victor Victoria"

I first saw Alex in the made-for-TV movie "Babe" and was so impressed with his performance as George Zaharias that I became an instant fan.

Alex was married to the actress Susan Clark (whom he met on the set of "Babe") for over 32 years. They starred together not only on "Babe" but also in the sitcom "Webster"

The Diva is suddenly feeling so very old.

This Darwin Award Nominee Scurries Ahead

2012-10-09T17:05:00.001-05:00

Nothing quite tickles the Diva's funny bone like reading about some poor schlub's earnest attempt to win the Darwin Award. For those of you that might need a Reader's Digest Darwin Award review: The Darwin Awards recognize individuals who have contributed to mankind by ensuring that they will not pass on their dim-bulb DNA by eliminating any chance of procreation by doing themselves in, or self-neutering, via their own stupid actions. Kinda' like a jumping off a high dive board into the shallow end of the gene pool and drowning.

And folks....we have not only strong candidate for the October 2012 Darwin Award, I am thinking we had an individual who has made a real case to be the 2012 Darwin Award Winner of the Year. Well done sir, well done.

The 32 year old winner of a roach-eating contest sponsored by a Florida reptile store collapsed and later died after eating dozens of the insects and worms. And what, might you ask, was the priceless prize that was worth popping roaches like they were Milk Duds? A python.

"It was quite amazing, because it looked like he hadn't eaten breakfast, lunch or dinner. And the guy definitely wanted to win that snake, at least that's what it looked like to me, at first," witness Mason Kahzam said. He was grabbing the roaches "a handful at a time." "I don't even think he was chewing them at one point, he was more or less swallowing them," he said.

Florida man loses life after winning cockroach-eating contest

I suspect that if he had not died by roach, he would have taken his prize home and wrapped it several times around his neck after he splashed on some Eau de Rat Toilette... and he would be a strong candidate for the October 2012 Darwin Awards. Some things were just meant to be.

Watch at your own risk (images and language NOT suitable for youngsters or those with delicate stomachs)

What more can be said?

Liam is like a fine wine....

2012-10-08T19:16:00.000-05:00

The Diva loves her some Liam Neeson... he is a hot hunk of mature man. The thought of a nekkid Hulk Hogan makes me want to toss my cookies...the thought of a nekkid Liam Neeson gives me the kind of leg tingles that would make Chris "Tweety Bird" Matthews envious. Thanks to Ellen I don't have to rely all that much on my imagination. Liam is 60 years old and I adore every wrinkle on his shaggilicious body. Yummy does not necessarily mean a six-pack abs.

Mercy...it has suddenly gotten very hot here in the Disco Mansion. Oh my, I think I have the vapors coming on. Where are those dang flying monkeys and the gold plated silk hand fans they are supposed to be waving over my fabulous polyester-clad Rubenesque physique? Damn dirty apes have probably have picked the lock on my liquor cabinet and are getting sauced on Banana Daiquiris. Sigh. I think I'll watch that video again while I wait for them to sober up.

Today's Modus Vivendi

2012-10-07T21:23:00.000-05:00

Damn Your Eyes....Too Late.

2012-10-05T08:00:00.000-05:00

The Mayans were right. The end of the world must be at hand....how could a merciful God permit mankind to go on living....and suffering....after he has allowed Satan himself to unleash the hounds from hell in the form of a Hulk Hogan sex tape? Let that sink into your brain. Hulk. Hogan. Sex. Tape.

My eyes! My eyes! I have been blinded!

You've been warned, click here if you are a masochist

Seeing a somewhat clothed Hulk Hogan rubbing suntan lotion on his own daughter's nether regions made the Diva fear she might toss her Neiman Marcus $250 cookies.

Click here for the Diva's original April 30, 2008 pearls of wisdom

But...seeing a buck nekkid Hulkster?

Doing the nasty? And it was videotaped???

Just kill us all NOW.

Oye Vey

Mitt Romney--Gangnam Style

2012-10-04T16:30:00.000-05:00

Ok, I don't care what your political lean is...this is pretty damn funny. The Diva has not laughed this hard since she walked in on Mick Jagger and David Bowie doing the...well...that story is for another day. The clip is definitely NSFW, nor for younguns'.... or for those who suffer from chronic "panties-in-a-bunchitis"

CollegeHumor’s Favorite Funny Videos

Cry Me A Salty River

2012-10-03T18:47:00.001-05:00

The Diva loves Sofia Vergara, she really does--Sofia is a strong, successful Latina, and heck, she has been known to wear Kansas State garb on occasion ... pero ¡Oye Chica! Don't complain about turning 40 girlfriend.

“Turning 40 is horrible. People that say it isn’t are full of s**t.” she shared in the November 2012 issue of Lucky Magazine.

You think turning 40 sucks? Wait until you turn 50 and your tetas are giving you ankle burns...wait until you turn 60 and they keep getting underfoot.

Cry me a friggin' river...now where did I leave my glitter support hose?

Read the Lucky Magazine Article

Hey--Ya got what ya paid for, Golden Globe Morons.

2011-01-17T12:39:00.002-06:00

Years of quaffing adult beverages and "studying" pharmaceuticals might have killed some of the Diva's brain cells but she has enough left to understand the old disco mantra: "You get what you paid for" If say, for example...I was a member of a Hollywood group that had the hypothetical name "Hollywood Foreign Press Association" and I wanted to host an Academy Awards Wanna Be show...let's give it the hypothetical name of "Golden Globes" and I hired Ricky Gervais to host the show then only if I were a complete moron and.....

......would I be upset and/or shocked if my host proceeded to do the very thing he is known for: lampooning, snarking and laughing AT you. GMAFB you morons. Now, if you hired say, Bill Cosby, and Bill snarked, lampooned and mercilessly laughed at you and the people who attended your vapid "awards" show then yes, you have a right to be upset and surprised. Bill Cosby has the reputation of being a somewhat nice guy who employs a funny, but gentle form of comedy. But you hired RICKY GERVAIS, you forking idiots. The man came right out and said last week that he was going to push the envelope “I’m going all out this time. I’m going to make sure they never invite me back." OK, now what part of what he said is considered cryptic or unclear?

Yeah, he was rude but he that is his shtick. And ya' know what Hollywood? Stop taking yourselves so damned seriously. You are entertainers. ENTERTAINERS. In the scheme of things you'all are just not half as important as some of you think you are. If all of you do not show up for work today lives still get saved, children still get taught, trash still gets picked up, mail still gets delivered, you know...life goes on. If anybody in the "real world" did 1/10 the sheyat that Charlie Sheen did they would have gotten fired. Immediately. After the first fork up. You want a second chance? You're forking me right? Entertainers get perks and special treatment coming out of their pampered asses so you know what? They need to sack it up and take some ribbing by a comedian.

“It’s going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking — or as Charlie Sheen calls it: breakfast.”

“Also not nominated 'I Love You Phillip Morris.' Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor — two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay. So, the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists.”

“Please welcome Aston Kutcher’s dad, Bruce Willis.”

“I’d like thank God. … For making me an atheist.”

Hey, HFPA, you knew what you paid for so quitchabitchin' already.

Camille, you ignorant...

2011-01-16T18:05:00.001-06:00

The Diva remembers back in the dark ages when SNL was actually funny. In one of her favorite skits Dan Aykroyd, in a Point-Counterpoint parody, says to Jane Curtain : "Jane, you ignorant slut!"

To paraphrase this a bit...."Camille, you ignorant slut"

Camille let it "slip" that her soon to be ex, Kelsey Grammer, might or might not be a cross dresser. "Oopsie, giggle, giggle, I don't want to get my padded ass sued Howard, so I cannot confirm or deny" She generously opined that Kelsey probably was not gay...but...ya' never know because well, she is such a prize that only a gay man would not be interested in bumping nasties with her silicon and botox nether regions.

Every time you open your silicone injected yap Camille, an angel, in a fit of rage, goes postal in heaven. Next plastic surgery you have should involve permanently shutting your gab up. Seriously. I could care less if Kelsey got it on dressed in a hot pink satin bustier and f**k me stiletto high heels while singing show tunes. If it does not involve minors or animals then who the hell cares what he likes in the bedroom? And more importantly why are you telling us what might or might not have gone on? Ich nast. Shut your pie hole.

Whew, the rumors are false

2011-01-07T13:12:00.001-06:00

The Aging Disco Diva is back after an unexpected hiatus.

Great News! We can all rest easy now that the following has been cleared up:

"Rumors that former Sen. John Edwards is engaged to Rielle Hunter, his mistress and mother of his daughter, are false, two sources have told NBC News."

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/40962757/ns/today-today_people/

Well, isn't that special? No engagement and it has been less than a month since Elizabeth has died. What restraint.

Which is creepier? The rumor... or the fact that the rumor can be so easily believed because these two human beings are slimier than a Moco Monster with a head cold?

The Diva has her eyes on you two Fockers.....

The Pinstripe Bowl Game

2010-12-27T19:38:00.000-06:00

The Diva will be off visiting the granddiva and granddivos and will not be blogging for a day or two. I am not sure if those damn flying monkeys will try and post using a purloined iPad, because ya' never know what they will do while I am away. I will be back in the mansion in time to watch my beloved Wildcats play in the stadium of the much hated (by me) Yankees. The Cats will be up against the Syracuse Orangemen in the New Era Pinstripe Bowl Game Thursday afternoon.

I do have a live stream of Pinstripe Bowl Game tweets on the left side of this blog.

For your viewing enjoyment:

Go Cats!

May/December...nah, try 20th century/21st century romance.

2010-12-26T16:01:00.001-06:00

Hugh Hefner has announced that he is engaged to be married to a Playboy Bunny who is young enough to be his great-granddaughter. Hugh was already 60 years old before his intended was born.

I am sure it was love at first sight.

The 24 year old adores the every breath the 84 year old Hef wheezes.

Why, what she tweeted just proves the purity of her motives and love! ""Hef and I are TRENDING on @twitter!!!! WOW!!!"

Yes, she is so excited 'cause they are trending on Twitter....Isn't that what every newly engaged gal thinks about?

Happy Festivus, Diva Style (Purple Pride Edition)

2010-12-23T13:38:00.005-06:00

Happy Festivus, Purple Pride Edition

Today, December 23rd, is Festivus-- one of the Diva's favorite holidays. What other holiday not only allows, but encourages, public bitching?

The Airing of Grievances:

The tradition of Festivus begins with the Airing of Grievances.

"I got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you're gonna hear about it."

1) Which one of you flying monkeys is selling photos of the Diva to TMZ and the National Enquirer? Dambit, if you're gonna profit off of my fabulousness while I am spreading Holiday cheer around the neighborhood you at least need to split the money.

2) Dear much beloved, and respected, Coach Snyder--it is not a sign of weakness to experiment with playing other QBs on our roster...honest!

3) Curtis and Jake, what can I say? I hope looking GQ was worth being in Coach Martin's dog house. Sheyat, the Diva adores fashion but not enough to have this p.o.'d at me until the end of time:

Festivus Miracle:

For my Festivus Miracle I want a 2010 New Era Pinstripe Bowl Championship trophy. EMAW.

And for your viewing enjoyment:

Remember to celebrate the Festivus for the rest of us!

Disco Christmas Light Show

2010-12-22T17:28:00.000-06:00

The Diva and her flying monkeys just love Eurotrash disco music and when you can combine it with Christmas lights....well, life does not get any better...unless you add some Godiva chocolate covered champagne bonbons served by nubile "Hunky Claus"

Ho Ho Ho takes on new meaning...but back to the Disco Christmas Light Show:

Enjoy!

Flying Monkeys Blog

2010-12-22T00:36:00.001-06:00

The Diva is allowing her flying monkeys to test drive a blogging app on her iPad... Well, truth be known they grabbed the iPad whilst I was passed out, I mean napping, and I think they took it to their office Christmas party.

Sigh... I am still trying to find the damn iPod they got a hold of when I was partaking in some Octoberfest activities..

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Steve Landesberg (Detective Dietrich) Dies

2010-12-21T11:53:00.001-06:00

The 70s and 80s were, at least for the Aging Disco Diva, the golden age of TV sitcoms. One of my favorites was "Barney Miller" with a great ensemble cast that showcased the talents of Hal Linden, Abe Vigoda, Max Gail, Ron Glass, Jack Soo, Gregory Sierra and Steve Landesberg.

Not to be too macabre, but who in the hell would have thought that the seemingly forever ancient Abe Vigoba would have outlived Jack and Steve? It was so sad to hear that Steve passed away yesterday.

Captain Beefheart has passed away.

2010-12-17T19:42:00.000-06:00

Oh the Diva feels so old. Another musical pioneer from her youth has passed on. My um..unusual...taste in music was honed while listening to Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention,

and Captain Beefheart and The Magic Band.

Frank died in 1993 and the Diva just read that the Captain died today. Yeah, I listened to bubblegum and disco but it was balanced out by the unusual sounds of other, more musically challenging, artists. Both of these musicians battered their listening audiences with raw emotions and more than a little whimsy.

RIP

"Ptomaine, Ptinsel and Ptoddies" Coming to a bookstore near you!

2010-12-16T16:14:00.003-06:00

The Aging Disco Diva is going to take a break from her tireless musicology research for a day

and is turning her attentions to the culinary arts so that she might educate her gentle readers in that area as well.

Here, is special, special clip featuring the owner of "Season's Eatings" and his famous family recipe. The Diva loves this particular gastronomic delight so much that she has included in her upcoming holiday cookbook "Ptomaine, Ptinsel and Ptoddies"

Mmmmmmm...I like the way they glisten.

"Wedneck" Wednesday?

2010-12-15T16:10:00.003-06:00

The Aging Disco Diva is diligent in her serious research endeavors. In her continuing quest to expand her readers' Holiday musicology knowledge money and time are no object.

Sheyat....time to schedule another root touch-up at the Rue De Merde Beauty Salon....

But I digress. Here for your edification is today's highbrow Holiday classic:

Wow, somebody done been to the Wal Mart!
Man, this is the stuff I got for Christmas.
Well you cleaned up! Whadya git?

 Giterdone!

Tittalating Tuesday: The Diva's Killer Fruitcake

2010-12-14T15:49:00.000-06:00

In keeping with the Diva's mission to expose her world-wide audience to high brow, classical Holiday music I have spent hours engaged in serious research.

Sigh...I double checked--all the cameras in my Flying Monkey's cell phones have been disabled. Those damn sinister simians must have a camera hidden somewhere in the mansion. "Find camera" has has now been added to my bucket list.

Anyway.....today's cultural epic is:

Grandma's Killer Fruitcake

The holidays were upon us
And things were going fine
‘til the day I heard the doorbell
And a chill ran up my spine
I grabbed the wife and children
As the postman wheeled it in
A yearly Christmas nightmare
Has just come back again

Chorus:
It was harder than the head of Uncle Bucky
Heavy as the sermon of Preacher Lucky
One’s enough to give the whole state of Kentucky
A great big bellyache!
It was denser than a drove of barnyard turkeys
Tougher than a truckload of all-beef jerky
Drier than a drought in Albuquerque
Grandma’s killer fruitcake!

Now, I’ve had to swallow some marginal fare
At our family feasts
I even downed Aunt Dolly’s possum pie
Just to keep the family peace
I winced at Wilma’s gizzard mousse
But said it tasted fine
But that lethal weapon that Grandma bakes
Is where I draw the line

Chorus

Bridge:
It’s early Christmas morning and the phone rings us awake
“It’s Grandma, Pa, she wants to know, how did we like the cake?”
“Well, Grandma… I never!... We couldn’t!... Unbelievable, that’s for sure!
What’s that you say? Oh, no, Grandma! Please don’t send us more!”

BON APPÉTIT!

Manic Monday: The Diva Got Run Over by a Reindeer.

2010-12-13T15:34:00.000-06:00

Well, not exactly...though the Aging Disco Diva is a Grandma..... and has been known to indulge in the holiday spirits 365 days a year.

Damn Flying Monkeys....I thought I disabled the camera in their cell phones....though I must admit I do look slimmer in that photo.

I tried to find the Mormon Tabernacle Choir version, but alas...could not.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd left her medication,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack.
There were hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now were all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.

It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig.
And a blue and silver candle,
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.

I've warned all my friends and neighbours.
Better watch out for yourselves."
They should never give a license,
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

Enjoy!

Soles4Souls

2010-12-12T16:25:00.000-06:00

Michael Franti is an amazing musician and person. I saw him several times visiting with Craig Ferguson on the Late, Late, Show and he was always barefoot. I figured "Well, he's an ART-TESSSE" But that is not the reason why. Here he explains why he has not worn shoes in over ten years:

The organization is "Soles4Souls"

So dig around in your wallet or your closet and donate. Hmmmm....the diva has a fabu pair of 12" platform shoes...it will kill me to give up one of my babies, but it is for a good cause...

Here is another song from the Diva's iPod play list: "Say Hey (I Love You)" by Michael Franti and Spearhead. I am including two versions...the original and the lip synced one from my favorite Scotsman, Craig Ferguson:

I say hey, I be gone today
But I be back around the way
Seems like everywhere I go
The more I see, the less I know
But I know one thing, that I love you
I love you, I love you, I love you

Now I'm not a highly metaphysical man
But I know when the stars are aligned
You can bump into a person in the middle of the road
Look into their eyes and you suddenly know
Rocking in the dance hall moving with you
Dancing in the night in the middle of June
My Momma told me don't lose you
'cause the best luck I had was you.

And here is Michael spoofing Craig spoofing Micheal LOL:

Cockroaches for Charity

2010-12-11T14:08:00.005-06:00

The Diva believes in charity. My favorite charity is the Diva Relief Fund (our telethon is to die for Dahling...Elton John sings a few songs, Naomi Campbell slaps a few workers, Josh Duhamel sends a few text messages and everyone wears sunglasses at night)

This is a time of the year for us to give thanks for what we have, and to give to charity...but DAMN:

"Murphy, a pet store employee, will attempt to set a Guinness World Record record by putting hissing cockroaches in his mouth for 10 seconds. The record attempt will raise money for the Harris Nature Center."

Holy Fork dude... next time you want to raise money for charity just write a f'ing check or volunteer to man a Red Cross kettle.

The Aging Disco Diva

Today's Edition of Modus Vivendi

Today's Modus Vivendi

R.I.P Alexas Karras

This Darwin Award Nominee Scurries Ahead

Liam is like a fine wine....

Today's Modus Vivendi

Damn Your Eyes....Too Late.

Mitt Romney--Gangnam Style

Cry Me A Salty River

Read the Lucky Magazine Article

Hey--Ya got what ya paid for, Golden Globe Morons.

Camille, you ignorant...

Whew, the rumors are false

The Pinstripe Bowl Game

May/December...nah, try 20th century/21st century romance.

Happy Festivus, Diva Style (Purple Pride Edition)

Festivus Miracle:

Disco Christmas Light Show

Flying Monkeys Blog

Steve Landesberg (Detective Dietrich) Dies

Captain Beefheart has passed away.

"Ptomaine, Ptinsel and Ptoddies" Coming to a bookstore near you!

"Wedneck" Wednesday?

Wow, somebody done been to the Wal Mart! Man, this is the stuff I got for Christmas. Well you cleaned up! Whadya git? Giterdone!

Tittalating Tuesday: The Diva's Killer Fruitcake

Manic Monday: The Diva Got Run Over by a Reindeer.

Soles4Souls

Cockroaches for Charity

Wow, somebody done been to the Wal Mart! Man, this is the stuff I got for Christmas. Well you cleaned up! Whadya git?

Giterdone!