My OCD Life

Speakman's Book

2012-07-13T07:20:00.000-07:00

Got the book by the 'Speakmans' today, okay so I don'y normally go for those books that claim to change your life, but after seeing them cure phobias on 'This Morning' I thought it was worth a go and they also appear to have a lot of experience of life coaching and CBT. Will let you know what it's like, who knows maybe it will change my life.

Going to touch my baby's hand!

2012-07-09T03:00:00.000-07:00

I have decided to start to push past my comfort zones and increase my exposure to OCD issues. Today I am going to let the cat in for a while (she's been living in the shed since the baby came) and I am going to touch my daughters hand. I haven't touched her hand since she was born (don't worry I still cuddle her, play with her and pick her up) It's just that I have cuts on my hands from washing them too much, so the skin dries out and spilts and I am scared of giving her AIDS if I touch her hand and she then puts it in her mouth.
Will do it today! I am actually looking foward to it!

I no longer have OCD.

2012-07-08T02:03:00.000-07:00

I have decided to no longer have OCD (easier said than done). It upset me the other day when my husband told me he thinks he will be dead by the time he is 50. He claims it's not all the stress I put him under but I think differently, so that's it! I am no longer going to have OCD!

I am worried about things poisoning my loved ones but ironically I am probably more likely to send them off early through stress!

So when my husband wanted to take the baby off to his Granny's farm, I really did not want her to go, I said yes. There was one condition, he had to take the cot. He was orignally talking about them both sleeping in the bed! I don't think this was a lot to ask. Rang them this morning and they are both still alive, just glad I wasn't there to witness all the muck, not to mention the dirt and dust in the house. Looking foward to seeing them both later, I think this was a good move foward.

My Poor Husband

2012-06-29T04:37:00.001-07:00

Had a dark moment last night. Thinking about how my OCD impacts on my husband, I know he still loves me at the moment, but I wouldn't blame him if he fell out of love with me. I am not the care free person he meet at university. When I look at him I can see all the stress, both emotionally and financially, I put him under and it makes me sad. He was always such a care free, happy person but I feel I am sucking the life out of him- must try harder to overcome my OCD for my families sake!

So hard when my mind thinks but if you don't do this or that you will give them a disease!

Alcoholics Blood. OH NO...

2012-06-28T03:43:00.005-07:00

Well we got on the bus, had a nice walk through town and we were on time for the doctors. Next minute a drunk, old man (obviously an alcoholic) fell down a step behind me and cracked his head on the floor, OH NO BLOOD!

I am a trained first aider but my first thought was,
"aaahhh blood I don't want to touch him!"
Luckily for me two youths behind me jumped to the rescue and as I donated a baby blacket they applied pressure to the wound and rang an ambulance. I know I would have done the same if no one else had been around but would have freaked afterwards.

Still had to wash hands about 5 times afterwards, but didn't panic, so I don't think it was too bad.
What amused me was the ambulance man asking who's the blanket was, would he think I wanted it back?

Hope the guy was ok. Now worried my daughter has HIV but sure this feeling will ease with a bit of reflection. Wonder what will happen next time I go to town!

Poo in changing room!

2012-06-27T03:47:00.001-07:00

Was dreading taking the baby into town for the first time on the bus, would I dare to change her nappy in the baby changing unit? Then disaster struck - she did a big poo! From past experience it was vital to get her changed immediately before it leaked! Couldn't bring myself to use the baby changing facilities as worried she might contract something so opted from TK Max's changing room.

Managed to get through the ordeal although my nerves were shot!

Luckily no poo on the floor. But the assistant defo knew what I was up to...
My husband thought it was funny, had a good laugh about it later.
Going in on bus again today, she hasn't had a poo yet today..... HELP!

Good Soap

2012-06-25T02:16:00.001-07:00

Wash your hands a lot? try Pamolive moisturing soap (the yellow one) it's great for dry, cracked hands and of course don't wash hands as much, that goes without saying. Manged to get through work yesterday with only 2 handwashes after going to the toilet. RESULT! Have to go baby crying.

2012-06-01T03:38:00.003-07:00

Feeling very positive today. Life is hard but good! Going back to work tommorrow and really looking foward to it. Going to get the best sales figures of the day- I am determined!

2012-05-31T03:01:00.001-07:00

Sometimes feel guilty for worrying about OCD when there are people out there with life threatening diseases, have to remind myself that my mental illness isn't my fault and that I have an illness too! Even though it's weird!

Whey hay Sunny Day!

2012-05-30T02:57:00.002-07:00

Why does a sunny day always cheer u up? and helps my dry hands to heal (also trying not wash them as much)- Note to Self- Don't wash so much, I am not conducting surgery!

In The Beginning.....

2012-05-18T07:55:00.000-07:00

Well this is all new to me. I have set up this blog as a sort of therapy to help my battle with OCD. I have just had my first child, a beautiful baby girl, and although I am loving motherhood it also comes with new OCD issues. Thus a new chapter in my life begins.....