Fractured Family Tales

Free Love

2013-05-06T10:44:00.001-05:00

It's been thirty six days since I last wrote. I can't even wrap my brain around that. So much has happened and yet so much has stayed the same. Stasha's listicles are exactly what I need to get going again.

Things I Love that are Free:

10. Cool breezes blowing through open windows as I sleep.

9. Hilarious & thought provoking texts from long distance besties.

8. Hugs and kisses.

7. Making a difference.

6. Thunderstorms.

5. Memories.

4. Sleeping in.

3. Time spent with people I love.

2. Losing myself in a book.

1. People watching.

Dark Tunnel

2013-03-31T00:07:00.000-05:00

I was holding the gigantic jar of artichoke hearts at Costco when my phone rang. My fingers fumbled as I tried to answer hitting end instead of answer. I called her back.

"Are you driving down a crowded highway?"

"No, I'm pushing my cart through Costco."

"We just left the hospital."

"How is she?"

"You don't need to come now, but you need to come soon."

Her words kept going in and out as if someone was pressing the mute button. She said she could hear me fine. I was in a dark tunnel going in slow motion as it all zoomed past.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I paid for my milk, asparagus and caesar salad kit.

oxygen. walker. home health.

Steering the metal shopping cart through the parking lot knowing the trip we're planning in August might not be for a vacation.

We discuss the logistics of me making the 1342.8 mile trip sooner.

I haven't even told the kids she's in the hospital. They are two states away with the other grandparents. I think they should know but I have to be the one to tell them. And I can't bring myself to tell them from here.

I am angry and sad and scared.

And I realize I am being selfish too.

She is the one living through this.

And dying.

It's time for Moonshine at Yeah Write. Read, connect, support.

Saturday Strange

2013-03-30T00:56:00.002-05:00

Six days ago my monkeys piled into Big Yankee's black Sonota and headed to the Golden State for a visit to the grandparents. It's been a roller coaster of a week.

1. My mom was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday. It is paralyzing to be 1300+ miles away. While she will likely be released in a few days I know it's only a matter of time.

2. We started looking at houses-to buy. It is both exhilarating and scary as hell.

3. I had grand plans to spring clean and organize the kids' rooms during their absence. If you consider piling random crap on their beds and shoving stuff under their beds spring cleaning then I have succeeded.

4. I hosted a Happy Hour tonight and when no one had shown up by 6:10 I started to feel like the awkward kid who didn't have anyone show up to her birthday party.

5. While I am use to flying solo due to Big Yankee's non traditional work schedule I felt like a square peg in a round hole at the comedy show tonight.

6. My jeans are getting too big. And I can't stop watching Sister Wives.

What has your week been like?

Altered

2013-03-26T18:21:00.001-05:00

I don't remember the exact moment we declared ourselves best friends but I do remember how it all started.

We were sitting at the dinner table, a brown circular faux wood with some type of slick covering. Mom never minded if we spilled and I doubt I even knew what a coaster was. My dad had changed from his professor clothes to his at home clothes-a white t-shirt and faded jeans from Sears & Roebuck. We were probably eating goulash or tuna fish and peas on toast and talking about our day.

My older sister had been invited to spend the night at Annie Mullins house. I would have been in first or second grade. I probably begged and pleaded about it not being fair and thought I should spend the night at a friend's house too. My mom must have explained to me how it is rude to invite yourself to someone's house.

In the end, my parents decided I could invite a friend to spend the night. We called Becky King first. She lived on The Lane and we played together somewhat regularly. Our moms were on committees together and always talked for hours and hours when they walked us over to one another's house. Her dad was a brain surgeon and she had a big brother. I always wanted a big brother. She wasn't at the spend the night with friends stage yet.

We moved on to Kelly Tucker. My mom was one of the Brownie leaders and her mom would stay sometimes to help with a craft. She had a little brother and was a bit of a bragger and bossy but I was willing to endure if it meant having someone SPEND THE NIGHT. She was going to see her Grandma in Louisville for the weekend.

I wanted to call Katie Adams because she lived a few houses down and she had a humongous jukebox in her bedroom. Her parents were divorced which I didn't really understand. All I knew was that someone gave her parents a jukebox for a wedding present and they didn't live together anymore so Katie and Wendy got to play records whenever they wanted. I couldn't call her though since Wendy was my sister's friend and my sister was spending the night at Annie's house and it probably would hurt her feelings.

Mom got out the PTA directory and we started going through the list. We were almost to the end of the alphabet when we landed on Abby. My mom knew everyone and everyone knew her. She was room mom, PTA mom, Brownie Scout leader and gymnastics teacher. We called Abby and our moms talked. I don't remember how well I knew Abby before that. I don't know if we played together on the playground or sat next to each other at lunch. I don't know if we went to each other's birthday parties.

All I know is that our lives and many others were forever altered by our friendship.

Check out the birthday party at Yeah Write

If You Give a Mom Twelve Hours

2013-03-25T00:09:00.000-05:00

If you give a mom twelve hours alone she will:

Spend forty five minutes on the computer doing nothing of significance

Then she will realize she should use her time wisely so she will go to the YMCA

When she gets to the YMCA she will think it's a good idea to spend ninety minutes on the treadmill even though she has barely seen the inside of the Y for the last two weeks

She'll leave the Y and realize she is thirsty and in desperate need of caffeine

So she will stop at Helmart to buy liquid gold and then she will realize she in hungry

and she'll buy six tomatoes, a cucumber, and some crackers but forget the liquid hand soap that has been on the list all week

When she gets home she will make herself a Big Salad and decide she deserves to sit on her @ss for awhile to recover from her workout

After watching mindless tv she will remember that she would like to be somewhat productive today so she will search for her hot pink important notebook to write a to do list

While searching for her notebook she will find a Target gift card from her birthday (in September)

Finding the giftcard will remind her that she needs to buy her nephew a birthday present so she'll go to the mall

Going to the mall will remind her how much she despises going to the mall

So she will go to her Happy Place (HELLO TARGET!) and wander aimlessly for nearly two hours (while still forgetting the liquid hand soap that has been on the list for a week)

Wandering aimlessly for two hours will remind her that she needs a meat thermometer which she finds on clearance for $5.98

When she buys the meat thermometer she will hear her stomach rumble and realize that she is hungry and doesn't possess the emotional or physical strength to endure the grocery store

So she'll drive to her favorite Thai place and see the CLOSED sign which will remind her that she has never eaten at the Thai place before so it probably isn't her favorite

When she realizes it isn't her favorite she'll drive home and decide to order pizza so she doesn't have to leave the comforts of her own home

Ordering pizza online will irritate her when she discovers a $2.50 delivery fee

The delivery fee will remind her that there's never a vacation from saving money so she will limp her over exercised, tired @ss to Pizza Hut

Walking in to Pizza Hut will remind her that the 70s are alive and well and she will start singing "Ah-ah-ah-ah Stayin' Alive!"

Singing the popular 70s tune will spur the realization that she ain't gettin' shit done today!

SOC: Free

2013-03-24T00:12:00.001-05:00

I can barely keep my eyes open but am waiting for Big Yankee to get home from work. Cranky doesn't even begin to describe me if I'm woken up soon after I fall asleep. Sleep is such a struggle for me. My brain doesn't want to shut off. In fact it goes into overdrive the second I shut my eyes. When I first started Ambien it made a WORLD of difference. I could function and had the energy to get through the day. But I worry that I NEED it to fall asleep now and the worry just makes it harder and harder to sleep and thus the vicious cycle.

The kids are leaving tomorrow for a week and I have VERY mixed feelings about it. I'm thrilled for them to spend some time with family but I just think it's too long for them.

Joining Jana for a five minute brain dump.

How Could I?

2013-03-23T02:23:00.003-05:00

I can see the pictures of the cousins posed in front of the swing set. Me in my purple Ocean Pacific skort, coordinating plaid purple and turquoise shirt, white leather Keds and purple socks. My would be hip jutted out to support his not yet toddler body.

He was at the Moose River-a place he had been thousands of times while growing up. He was with a group of friends. He was on the swim team.

The glider rocker Big Yankee had just assembled was the only piece of furniture in what was our dining room.

The current was just too strong. It kept pulling him under. One of his friends managed to grab a hold of him once--but then the rough waters ripped him away.

Out of reach.

Big Yankee called my work and explained what happened. That I wouldn't be coming back that day.

He stayed as long as could but eventually he left for work. We'd be having our baby soon and he needed to save up his vacation time.

I sat in the glider on the blue chambray cushions, clutching my pregnant belly as tears fell.

How was I suppose to welcome my baby into this world when my aunt and uncle were having to say goodbye to one of theirs?

Passing the jug at Yeah Write 101

Dark Skies

2013-03-20T20:34:00.002-05:00

It was October 1979 and my Aunt Sharon had cancer. I didn't really know what cancer was but I knew it made her very, very sick. Aunt Sharon was married to my mom's oldest brother. She had a dining room with a tablecloth and a china cabinet where we ate sometimes. Freshly baked cakes always appeared when we visited. She wore skirts every day and her blonde hair was always just so. She never raised here voice even when there was a house full of loud cousins.

She was in and out of a hospital 769 miles away. She couldn't take care of her children. Mom said she was very tired. She couldn't cook dinner or fold laundry. She couldn't do the things moms do. Her boys were in high school. Her daughter was in third grade- a year younger than me.

Mom bought an airplane ticket to New York. In all of my nine years, I'd never known my mom to fly on an airplane. She took my little brother out of kindergarten and called in favors from friends and neighbors. We piled into our white station wagon and drove them to the Cincinnati airport. I don't remember how long she was gone or what we did while she was there.

It was still dark outside when the black wall phone started ringing and my bedroom wall vibrated. I heard Dad's hushed voice. My sister and I were already crying when he came in to tell us. Even now we recognize those heartbreaking bad news phone calls before we pick up the phone.

I packed the dark blue vinyl suitcase my Gran had gotten me for Christmas the year before. It was my favorite color. I wonder if she knew then I would need it to travel to her daughter in law's funeral?

It was dark and cloudy when Dad drove us to school. He walked with us through the empty halls. Mrs. Jeter handed gave me a folder full of work I'd be missing and gave me an extra long hug. We weren't sure yet when we'd be back.

I cried and cried and cried as Dad drove along I-75 North. It was dark and rainy. They sky was crying too.

I puked all over myself and the backseat somewhere in Ohio or maybe it was Pennsylvania. Dad pulled over to the side of the road and cleaned me up the best he could.

We rolled down the windows and I rode in the front seat the rest of the way. Squashed between my sister and my dad.

After an extremely long hiatus I am joining the talent at Yeah Write.
Write, read, vote.

Big Yankee Rocks

2013-03-19T00:12:00.000-05:00

Linking up with Stasha for another week of Listicles. This week's topic is Ways in which my husband rocks.

1. He returns library books and goes to the post office and the bank and Costco and does our taxes and takes care of car repairs. ALL THE TIME.

2. He is a grill master.

3. He made HUGE sacrifices for our family such as living more than 1200 miles away from his wife and children for a job.

4. He makes and decorates all the birthday cakes!

5. He vacuums, does laundry and makes beds. He even matches the white socks-of which there are thousands and thousands.

6. He calls my mom to talk about college basketball.

7. He loves my big hair -now and then!

8. He {sometimes} reads my blog.

9. Big Yankee appreciates my smart assery.

10. He LOVES us ALL!

Old School

2013-03-17T01:15:00.000-05:00

In case you aren't already aware I am always late to the party. I have the best of intentions but intentions don't write or publish a post. Last week I came across Miss Elaine-ous Life's Old School Blogging meme and I HAD to jump on the bandwagon. It's too late to officially link up but I am still joining in the fun.

What were you doing 10 Years Ago?

It was 2003 I had recently been promoted to Social Worker II in a public service agency where I worked full time. Except that my doctor had put me on limited duty because I was pregnant with Baby Deuce and having some issues. I was only allowed to work twenty hours a week and I would come home and take a nap every single day. We lived in California and had a 1 1/2 year old son.

What 5 things are on your to do list?

fax mileage for company car

exchange clothes at Children's Place
buy groceries
go to Y
start looking at houses for sale

What are 5 snacks you enjoy?

nachos

chips, salsa, guacamole

bruschetta

chips & dip

Cheeze It Snack Mix

Name some things you would do if you were a millionaire

pay off ALL debt for myself, siblings & several amazing, hardworking friends

invest & insure that we would never have to worry about finances again
create a charity benefiting at-risk children birth to three

Name some places you have lived

Kentucky

California

Oklahoma

Missouri

New York

Kansas

Idaho

Name some bad habits you have

procrastination

trying to take on too much
staying up too late
not taking good care of myself
losing things

Name some jobs you have had
transcriber for parenting research center
at-risk pre-k teacher
scorekeeper at youth basketball games
housecleaner
parent educator

Isn't It Lovely?

2013-03-16T00:41:00.000-05:00

Kathleen's turning ONE today and she's giving things away! Run don't walk to Michigan Left and you will be awestruck by her words. We "met" through Yeah Write which is THE place for talented and supportive bloggers and writers and storytellers.

Not only was I selected to receive this sensational award but I also get to nominate five lovely bloggers.

And since I am indecisive and each of you are amazing and clever and supportive I'm nominating EVERYONE!

In addition to recognizing other bloggers, I am also supposed to list 15 random facts about myself as part of receiving the One Lovely Blog Award. Here goes:

1. I attended two different universities, three different times in two different states.

2. I've lived in seven different states.

3. I have 85 84 partially finished posts in my drafts folder.

4. I find it challenging to finish things sometimes.

5. My very first memory memory is of death-saying goodbye to my Papa. He died thirty days before my 2nd birthday.

6. I have twenty-two first cousins & several more if you count the ones by marriage-which I'm not sure if you do.

7. My siblings and I were the only ones who didn't grow up in New York.

8. My friends use to call me Tin Man because I NEVER, ever cried-not even when watching Terms of Endearment. Now it seems like I cry at the drop of a hat.

9. I often think I have undiagnosed ADHD/ADD.

10. When I was younger my dream was to adopt 81 children and live in The White House.

11. I LOVE college basketball but I don't watch it nearly enough.

12. I've never been to see a movie in the theater by myself and I have no desire to do so.

13. My mom and dad are my heroes.

14. I have a fear of heights that has only gotten worse with age.

15. One of my most interesting jobs was driving a shuttle van of international university students and their families to Walmart and the grocery store. I was paranoid that I would leave someone stranded at the store.

Last Book

2013-03-11T23:36:00.000-05:00

I love the concept of 31 Day Challenge but I am too disorganized & time crunched to play everyday so I'm dong the best that I can. Perhaps there is a 15.5 Day version for some of us? Today I present Day 11 the last two books I read.

I am probably late to the party on this one but I LOVED it! Very Catcher in The Rye -teen angst, high school hell. It was a fast read that I managed to finish on a short plane ride. I laughed, I cringed, I read. Not sure if I will see the movie since I usually like the books better and end up disappointed. Anyone want to weigh in on the movie?

Read this one on the flight home and found it powerfully written. I definitely want to learn more about the prison camps.

Summary from GoodReads:

IN THE DARK DAYS WAR, A MOTHER MAKES THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE

Lucy Takeda is just fourteen years old, living in Los Angeles in 1941, when the bombs rain down on Pearl Harbor. Within weeks, she and her mother, Miyako, are ripped from their home, rounded up—along with thousands of other innocent Japanese-Americans—and taken to the Manzanar prison camp.

Buffeted by blistering heat and choking dust, Lucy and Miyako must endure the harsh living conditions of the camp. Corruption and abuse creep into every corner of Manzanar, eventually ensnaring beautiful, vulnerable Miyako. Ruined and unwilling to surrender her daughter to the same fate, Miyako soon breaks. Her final act of desperation will stay with Lucy forever…and spur her to sins of her own.

Bestselling author Sophie Littlefield weaves a powerful tale of stolen innocence and survival that echoes through generations, reverberating between mothers and daughters. It is a moving chronicle of injustice, triumph and the unspeakable acts we commit in the name of love.

What Is That Smell?

2013-03-10T22:29:00.001-05:00

Kerry is the woman behind the topic for this week's Listicle topic.

Smells I Love:

10. ocean

9. chlorine

8. pizza

7. dinner on the grill

6. garlic

5. REAL Christmas trees

4. summer nights

3. chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven

2. new cars

1. freshly made salsa

If this list is any indication I am hungry!

What are your favorite smells? Any strong opinions on my favorites?

Childhood Memories

2013-03-05T23:07:00.003-06:00

Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.

~~Haruki Marukami, Kafka on the Shore

Climbing the gigantic tree in our front yard and playing office. Although I didn't realize it then I must have been scared of heights as my office was the lowest branch.

Sitting on a piece of lumber on our basement stairs to steady it as my dad sawed away.

Listening to my mom read Make Way for Ducklings.

Spending the night at my best friend's house and taking over the guest room as we set up our entire paper doll collection.

Fishing with my grandpa when we went to visit them in New York.

Making dollhouses out of magazines and shoeboxes at my Gran's house when I got to spend the night all by myself.

Holly Hobbie lunchbox and first day of school pictures.

Sitting on the brown braided rug in our living room and watching Brady Bunch.

Playing "wilderness" in our backyard.

Spice cake with coffee frosting for my birthdays.

Day #4

Random

2013-03-04T22:47:00.001-06:00

Today while reading Wendy Nielsen's fantastic blog I discovered Tiffany's blog challenge. I think this is EXACTLY what I need to get back on the blogging train. I am starting out a few days behind but will combine a few and catch up.

Me-New Year's Eve 2010?

Five Random Facts about Robbie

1. Macaroni and cheese disgusts me.

2. I'm not much of a hugger-except for a small, select group of people.

3. I've sprained my right ankle at least 44 times in the last 24 years.

4. I've wanted to be a foster parent since I was seven years old.

5. I am so directionally challenged that it's frightening.

What Makes Me Proud

2013-03-04T12:44:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile since I've taken part in Monday Listicles but I'm ready to go all in and starting off with some bragging.

Ten Things I Am Proud Of:

10. Solo parenting in some form or another for sixteen months. It was one of my biggest challenges and it wasn't always pretty but we all lived to tell about it.

9. My work and the difference I make in the lives of babies, toddlers, teen moms & other at-risk families.

8. Friendships I have with amazing people. Some who've been by my side much of my life and others who are new to the scene but all of them make me laugh and hold me up.

7. Losing ten pounds since January.

6. Surviving five lay offs/job losses between us in under four years. With the help of family and friends we managed to stay afloat and are paying down debt & in a MUCH better financial position than we were a year ago.

5. I'm proud of being a Mom to three hilarious, sweet, challenging, intelligent children. Parenting isn't for wussies and I am proud that when I get knocked down I dust myself off and try to do better.

4. My cooking skills. I may not follow recipes or cook chicken cordon bleu but I've got quite a selection of often requested dishes. An Executive Chef recently declared my chili to be the best he's ever eaten."

3. My perseverance-without it I wouldn't be where I am today.

2. This little ol blog might not look like much to anyone else but it's very meaningful to me and writing here has helped me through some difficult times.

1. Being a part of Monday Listicles!

Reasons

2013-03-02T00:55:00.000-06:00

Top ~~Ten~~ Five Reasons I Haven't Blogged This Week:

10. It's not easy being the assistant to the CLO (Chief Lego Officer) when we are still building birthday gifts from January.

9. I've been too busy celebrating my ten pound weight loss to form sentences. My steady weekend diet of birthday cake, nachos, and margaritas has paid off.

8. I've been sleeping-which means Ambien-which means I am grounded from the laptop post meds.

7. I had to to take some time off work yesterday to go grocery shopping. Yes, it has been THAT kind of week.

6. I spent Friday night doing my part to deplete the 48 oz. bag of Cheeze-Its I purchased the previous day.

Soon

2013-02-24T01:03:00.000-06:00

This roller coaster started with the callback and I worried about something more and then I was relieved.

I slip my right arm out of the top as Olga pushes buttons and looks at screens.

She doesn't make small talk and wants confirmation that I am not pregnant.

She hands me a clipboard and says sign here.

I check the boxes.

No I am not breastfeeding.

No I am not pregnant.

She lifts and shifts and positions me just so.

My hair is in the way and it will show.

Searching the depths of my gigantic black purse for a hair clip.

Twisting my too long curls and clipping it out of the way.

Does Olga even notice?

Don't breathe she says.

My eyes shift upwards to the window arch -admiring the dark stain of the wood.

Trying not to think about why I am here.

Time stands still and yet twenty minutes have passed.

We're done she says.

Don't change in case we need to do an ultrasound.

I grab the door handle, pausing for a minute to remember which way to go.

Why do I always get turned around inside, outside and everywhere?

You'll know something today she says quietly.

You'll know something very soon.

Relieved

2013-02-23T01:55:00.003-06:00

It started with the Callback and I worried about Something More.

It's Thursday.

Tears streaming down my cheeks.

Sitting in the recliner with Stinkbug stretched across my lap.

Eating cookie dough straight from the Nestle roll as if it were an ice cream cone.

"I just can't do this tonight" I tell him when he walks in the door at bedtime.

Text from a friend whose calls I'd ignored all day.

I have nothing left to give.

She invites me for coffee but I have an appointment I text back.

She thinks it's for work and I don't correct her.

Ambien induced sleep-as they've all been the past thirty days.

Friday morning.

He takes the kids to school.

We decide to take separate cars.

He has to leave for work by 11:30 and we don't know how long this will take.

At the stoplight I see his missed call.

Glance in my rear view mirror as he points to his cell.

School has called and Stinkbug doesn't feel well.

What should we do?

This appointment is NOT an option. There will be no rescheduling.

I can't wait any longer.

He follows me to the Woman's Imaging Center so he'll know where it is.

I stand beside his car-talking at the window.

I take a deep breath and force open the door.

The reception desk is vacant, yet I hear a voice.

I check in, sign some releases and pick up a magazine.

Willing myself not to think too much.

My name said in a thick accent.

Her name is Olga and I follow her through the dark wooden door.

She is pleased that I remembered not to wear deodorant.

Opening goes in front and there are robes if I am cold.

I change and hang my clothes in the locker.

Olga returns and asks me to follow her.

She is polite but no nonsense.

She doesn't make small talk.

We'll be taking images of the right one today she tells me.

She sanitizes the clear plates and adjusts the machine.

I didn't know this.

I am both relieved and concerned.

Overwhelmed

2013-02-21T20:46:00.003-06:00

Life has been kicking my ass lately.

I kept thinking things would improve dramatically if I could FINALLY get some sleep. I kept telling myself it was because I was exhausted. Everything is magnified when you are sleep deprived. I finally went in for a physical and started Ambien. The first few nights were AMAZING and I felt like a new person. I had the energy, brain power and patience to make it through the day. Not only was I surviving but I was thriving.

Somewhere along the way that vanished into thin air. I am EXHAUSTED and things are falling apart around me. I cannot seem to keep up with ANYTHING. My car is a wreck. We don't have clean socks. We ate pancakes and corndogs and canned soup for dinner last night. My lunch consisted of gnawing on beef jerky and guzzling a coke in the Kmart checkout. Peanut is growing out of her clothes overnight and I don't have the time or energy to shop.

I know this is all a part of life but I am just not coping with it very well right now.

Linking up with Shell

Something More

2013-02-16T01:39:00.000-06:00

It is 11:59 and I can't sleep. Or I won't sleep. This, despite being utterly exhausted and choking down Amazing Ambien.

Sitting in the brown micro suede recliner with a navy blue summer blanket covering my legs willing my brain to turn off. Damn brain has a will of her own!

I came out here to read. My abandoned paperback mocks me from the end table. A phone call on Wednesday punched me in the gut in a way I never could have imagined.

I went in one day last week for a mammogram. I think it was a Monday. It didn't seem that significant-just another item on my never ending to do list. I moved some appointments around and went in to have my boobs squished.

It wasn't that unpleasant. We talked about snowmobiling and Sun Valley and her most recent vacation as she shifted my girls into position. At her suggestion I met with the Breast Care Coordinator who showed me models and websites and pictures of various types of cancer. I walked out feeling knowledgeable and empowered though I didn't realize I'd been lacking.

I went about my day and the next day. Working, picking up kids, shuttling to soccer and piano, punishing them with personal hygiene demands to take a bath and brush their teeth. The constant frenzy of activities and responsibilities and life. I didn't give my boobs a second thought. That it would come back anything other than normal never crossed me mind.

I am the person who always says "we'll worry when we know there's something to worry about."

But the shock did me in. Consumed me

Sometimes I don't think about it at all. It's as if there isn't even a possibility-as if none of this ever happened. Sometimes I drive down the street crying because Tim McGraw's Live Like You Were Dying is blaring from the radio.

I sit here googling words and combinations of words I barely heard.

This time next week I will know something. Something more than I do now.

Friday Fragments Do Over

2013-02-15T00:00:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time I featured my favorite reads of the week on Fridays. And then life and work and kids and marriage and laundry and soccer and ~~eating raw cookie dough~~ monopolized my time and I didn't read as much. And since I wasn't reading I wasn't sharing. And it sucked and I drifted further and further away. Or is it farther and farther? I have no freaking clue. I am easing back into this sharing thing and hope you will check out some of my favorite reads of the week.

-Farmer's Sidekick by The Outlaw Mama

-7 non-Valentines by Robyn of Hollow Tree Ventures

-I need to know where I got it so I can return it by Erica M of Yeah Write Fame

-Fringe by Rachel

-The girl next door by Erin Perry O'Donnell

Now it's your turn to share a favorite you read or wrote this week!

Callback

2013-02-13T14:20:00.000-06:00

kitchen table littered with this morning's leftovers.

curious George bowl full of Lucky Charms sits untouched.

a black stapler.

a piece of notebook paper-walmart list carefully written in red by my nine year old.

a black pony tail holder especially for thick hair sits on a lonely Lego valentine written by my five year old.

graph paper detailing MineCraft Skyblock Suvival painstakingly created by my eleven year old.

sitting down at my laptop- a can of coke and a hot pink water bottle on either side.

ringing cell phone.

a number I don't recognize.

her name is Margo she tells me.

she is a bit shocked when I ask her how she is.

people don't do that much anymore I suppose.

it's me who is in for the real shock.

words are fuzzy.

head buzzing.

ears ringing.

underwater in slow motion.

words I recognize but can't put together.

mammogram, abnormalities, density.

more views, ultrasound, radiologist.

transferred to the receptionist to schedule an appointment.

shaking so hard that my old school spiral bound calender keeps slipping from my fingers.

first available she says.

thursday at 3:30?

can't do it. no one to pick up my children.

friday at 10?

yes.

somehow my finger finds the END button.

shaking and sobbing.

it could be nothing.

but what if it isn't?

Sharefest time!

Linking up with Shell

Oh No He DIDN'T

2013-02-11T09:11:00.000-06:00

Dear Big Yankee,

I know we don't really DO Valentine's but on the off chance that you read this and opt to get me something to celebrate our love I'm going to save you some time and money. Thanks to Stasha's Listicles I've compiled a list of what NOT to get me this year.

-conversation hearts- horrible chalky tasting tooth breaking evilness that I will chuck at your head if you have the nerve to gift me these.

-cheesy stuffed animal. Sock monkeys are the only permissible stuffed gifts.

source

-dozen roses-I'm not a fan and I cringe at the $$ wasted. I much prefer some random flowers from the local Farmer's Market.

- professional massage
The whole strangers not touching me would make this pretty miserable. I require a few drinks pre pedicure and I'm guessing I would have to get FUBAR for a massge. Let's just say this has potential to be a very horrible, awful gift.

-kindle, ebook or whatever you young people are reading on these days. I would be pissed and confused and wound't be able to work it. I want books whose pages I can turn.

-tattoo-speaks for itself

-granny panties

source

-jewelry-I don't wear much and what I do is sentimental so please don't bother.

-one way bus ticket

I managed nine so I'll call it a win.

Breathless

2013-02-09T01:05:00.000-06:00

We were parked haphazardly in a gravel driveway.

If I rolled down the windows and listened hard enough I could hear the faint notes coming from Mrs. Duncan's piano studio. My oldest son was playing.

The Nissan quest transformed into a rocket. StinkBug pushing buttons, adjusting dials and barking out orders. We were just about to land on the moon when my cell phone rang.

Seeing the number and bracing myself.

It would not be good news.

They don't call at 5:30 on a Thursday night to talk.

Taking a deep breath and stepping out of my van. Trying to to say a casual hello despite a huge lump in my throat.

Cars whizzing by on the two lane highway behind me. StinkBug pounding on the window yelling for me to get back in the rocket. We hadn't landed yet. I wasn't wearing my space suit.

He tried to sound casual. To downplay the situation. That's what my parents do. It's what they have always done.

She'd had a cold for a few days and he finally convinced her to go to the walk in clinic. My mom is nothing if not stubborn.

It hadn't been easy to get her there. She couldn't breathe without her oxygen so he loaded up her tank. I can picture Mom trying to give detailed instructions on how he should do it.

Even though she couldn't breathe on her own she had to control something.

Dad putting it down in the hallway just as he got to the garage door. Probably once more before loading it into the back passenger seat of their blue Ford Escape.

I'd helped load it when they were here in August. They'd driven more than fourteen hundred miles to our new home. He couldn't believe how effortless I made it look. I had joked that I'd been lifting weights and I was thirty years younger than he. Truth is, it was heavy but a seventy-two year old man shouldn't have to carry his wife's oxygen tank.

I didn't bother to ask why they didn't call an ambulance. They don't do that kind of thing. They wouldn't want to be a burden.

When my parents arrived at the clinic they were told to go directly to the ER. The hospital would be expecting them.

Passin' the bottle with the fabulous folks at Yeah Write!