Are We There Yet?

It's Real, People!

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Wed, 13 Aug 2014 14:19:00 +0000

Today, and really for a while now, my body has not betrayed me. It is amazing to be able to see the sun shine and hear my kids' laughter and be able to enjoy them. To not want to sleep all day and avoid my husband. It's great to not feel so overwhelmed that I can't breathe. Today I live in a place of peace, but that hasn't always been the case. I certainly don't live my life waiting to feel the old familiar splashes of depression at my feet but I do live life aware that my body might betray me once again. And if it does I will be surrounded by a family who has loved me well through my past struggles.

I have learned how to manage what I can of my mental health. How to nurture my spirit. How to quiet my soul when anxious. How to care for my body. There is room for improvement in all these areas but the truth of the matter is sometimes the chemicals in my brain go a bit wonky and there is nothing I can do about that on my own. I have vowed to do whatever I can to avoid medication again but I can't say with 100% confidence that I will never need it again.

Why am I talking about this when I am not currently facing depression? Because I want to shine light on this topic. I am tired of people trivializing depression and not understanding that it is a complicated condition that can not be easily explained or fixed. Nor is it something to be ashamed of. Far too many people living life with mental illness, depression and many other diagnoses, are left facing it all alone for lack of understanding and compassion of others.

When one is facing mental illness there is already a sense of shame from not being able to get yourself together. Not being able to fix things. Not being able to be sane like others. The last thing a person needs to feel is alone or more shame because the general public is still a few decades behind in their approach to mental illness.

The last two times I faced depression I was surrounded by family who did everything they could to support me. They prayed for me, cared for my kids, kept me talking, were patient, held me and never let me not see the shoreline. I had friends that didn't make me feel shame but neither did they know how to support me. I appreciated them letting me be transparent but would love to have seen them walk more closely with me as I struggled.

People, mental illness is real! As real as cancer. We don't bat an eye to make a meal for someone battling cancer, but when was the last time you dropped a casserole off to someone in the throws of depression or a manic state? You would come and sit with someone's kids so they could sleep after chemo, would you come and sit with someone's kids so they could sleep from the exhaustion of facing the world when depressed? I get that mental illness can be scary, but Jesus doesn't want us to run away from the scary. We need to give Him our fears and be willing to stand with those struggling.

It can make all the difference and be a healing touch that no medicine or counseling can ever offer.

More Thoughts on Parenting

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 17 Jul 2014 20:22:00 +0000

From the moment you know you are pregnant you set out to protect that baby. Everything you eat, drink, how you medicate, the temperature of your shower, it's all to protect the baby. Then of course when the baby arrives it's all about what they will eat, how they will eat, how they will ride in the car, in your arms, in the stroller. It's all to protect them from pain and suffering. It doesn't end as they get older. You find yourself wanting to squash other precious children when they look at your kid funny, you scrutinize every TV show or movie they watch, you try and set them up for success so they don't have to struggle so hard in life in the future. It n---e---v---e----r ends! I can't imagine the things I will worry about as my school age kids approach their teen years-yikes!

Today I had this thought- I am trying so hard to protect them- why? Of course it's because I love them but a certain amount of pain and struggle is part of this world we live in. I can not protect them from everything and I don't even know if that is really my role. Perhaps my role is more to teach them how to deal with pain. How to face difficult situations and not fall apart. What would it look like to parent in this way?

What would it look like to be a child in this way? So often we expect Father God to be one of those parents who sets out to protect us from all pain and discomfort. To keep us from struggling too much. Maybe that's not His role after all. Maybe His role is more to prepare us for the difficult times we will inevitably face. Maybe we need to stop looking at Him and asking why or how could you and start asking OK, now what? How do I maneuver through this one?

Pain and struggle sucks but if I do my job right it won't destroy my kids it will help grow them to be better people. I bet Father God already knows this, well actually I know He does. Romans 5:4 says: Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Thoughts on Parenting

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 17 Jul 2014 20:21:00 +0000

Everyday, in my weakness, I fail my kids. I yell too much. I take things personally. I get impatient. I have ridiculous expectations and I model poor behavior by being too emotional. I can go on and on listing all my failures. That is one thing I have always been good at, seeing myself for what I am. An imperfect person with plenty of room to grow.

I used to beat myself up about my parenting. In fact it played a role in being swallowed in depression a couple of years ago. The thought of failing my kids was so great that it left me blind to reality. As I learned to accept my own humanity and how to really bask in God's grace I was able to see that I was not destroying my kids by being human. No, rather I get to show them what it looks like to be real and to make mistakes and how to say I am sorry. I get to show them how to forgive and how to share grace with others. People will always fail them in life. It's better they learn now how to forgive and show grace and how to accept that same forgiveness and grace when they are in need of it. Don't get me wrong, I continue to work on my behavior and I pray desperately they my kids will remember me with grace, but I know that it's not all a loss.

Lent as an American Christian

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 15:26:00 +0000

There is something about Lent to bring me back to blogging. Maybe it's the fact that I am stopping to do something with purpose or maybe it's that I need something to keep me be busy! But here we are on day 1 of Lent- Ash Wednesday if you will- and I am already full of thoughts. Like, how Lent always confuses me because I get so excited about it yet I hate it by sundown of the first night! How can I hold this time as so sacred yet despise it as well? I also find myself excited to hear what God wants to say to me this season. Because inevitably, when I set time aside to focus on His great sacrifice and acknowledge that He has bought me at a great price and I am not my own, I hear Him. I hear Him speaking to me. Speaking things He has been saying all along yet I was not listening because I wasn't desperate enough.

I think the power in Lent is the fact that I take time to practice something we as American Christians struggle with and that is Suffering. We suffer privately for fear of what others might think or because we are so prideful and don't understand community. When we are around someone else's suffering we get really uncomfortable and feel as if we should perhaps take our leave and give them their space. We avoid the suffering in the world around us because if we acknowledge it then we might have to do something about it. So suffering and death has become so foreign to us.

Sure, saying no to Coke (the beautiful caramel colored kind with the gentle bubbles that warm your soul as they travel though your body spreading caffeinated goodness) doesn't cause suffering, but it causes discomfort and yes in my first world culture an element of suffering. Because after all we Americans aren't accustomed to being told No. We want something- we buy it. We long for something- we take it. We crave something- we eat it. So, to take a month and tell ourselves NO. No, you won't eat that or No, you won't drink that or No, you won't enjoy that does bring an element of suffering. It reminds me that I am not my own. I have been purchased. Purchased with blood and suffering. How dare I value my beverage of choice over the King's suffering?

We American Christians love our freedoms in Jesus, but that freedom came at a price. A price we often jump over to get to the good stuff. Typical American culture, right? We are impatient and we are about a quick fix and immediate gratification. How about this year we take 40 days to delay the gratification of Freedom and Eternal Life and sit in the place of suffering. Not our own, even though I am feeling a bit lonely without my bubbly friend and it's only 9:00AM on day 1, but our King's. These 40 days makes that Easter morning all the more powerful and sweet and that is why I embrace this season of suffering and invite my American Christian friends to do the same.

The Rest of the Story

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sat, 25 Jan 2014 13:38:00 +0000

I have a friend who is an avid follower of A.A. and has often inspired me with his commitment and transparency. About a year ago I sat in a room with him and our spiritual community and listened as he listed off ways he was making amends. These were not simple little apologies but full on humble yourself and lay it all out there confessions to people he had wronged. Some people had no idea he had even wronged them and some it was so long ago it wasn't even an issue, yet he did it. What struck me was how this seemed to be effecting him and his growth. Almost like he could not move forward until he paused to make things right in the past.

For months now I have been longing to move forward and felt stuck. Felt like something was keeping me from the future plans in store for me. Then, I realized, I could not move forward because there was something I needed to take care of in my recent past.

The two of you out there who read my blog regularly might have noticed a slight shift in the tone of my posts this past year. Maybe not. I know I did and that is probably because I know the spirit they were written in. The posts themselves might not have been so bad if they weren't meant to be a message to some specific people. I had forgotten the phrase that had carried Rob and I through the a most difficult time of being beat up by other people's words, "It is better to be righteous than to be right". (Anyone out there remember hearing us say that? Or maybe we only said it to ourselves through bloody lips as we did all we could to stay silent.)

All I know is I recently needed to make amends of some sort and I did. It was met with grace and forgiveness and mutual understanding that we are all broken and in need of a Savior. Because I took to this blog with my feelings, perhaps never sharing the details but some of you knew what I was really saying, I have chosen to publicly post my apology here. I do this knowing that not everyone will approve but that is ok, I believe some people who read my previous words need to hear this as well....

If you would allow me a moment of your time to share the rest of the story as I wrote it in my journal this morning....

We were so hurt and broken as we limped out of Pennsylvania saying goodbye to ministry as we knew it that we needed a change. We needed God in a new way. He didn't lead us into the familiar but somewhere new- somewhere different. Everything about this place- these people- were different. He had removed the familiar to force us to open our eyes and our souls to feel again.

It was among these people that we experienced God in a new way. We found Him in relationships and in a new liturgy of sorts. In every conversation that challenged my traditional thoughts and practices I found God.

All through this strange land and time I always prayed that He would be my guide and if ever there was a time that this was not His path for me that He would let me know. I often asked- is it time to go and He would say- No, embrace it. So I did. It was beautiful as I felt myself coming alive.

For two wonderful years it was wonderful and powerful.

Sometime in January, just past the two years, I began to feel change coming. I ignored it as my own world was experiencing so much change of it's own and I chalked it up to my own personal chaos. At times this sense of change was so thick I could almost taste it.

Change. I could no longer say it was the place for me.

I stayed because the idea of leaving my community was unthinkable. Then my community began to leave and I found myself in a place that no longer looked like the place God had brought me to.

LEAVE- I can't- LEAVE- I can't- LEAVE- let me fight this last battle!

Old wounds torn open and I take multiple steps back in my healing and wholeness that He had given me in this place. As I stumbled away I splattered on those all around me.

Didn't I say change was coming? yes

Didn't I say leave? yes

Will you leave now? yes

God had given me a gift and at some point that gift became more important to me than Him. That led me to a place of anger, resentment and lashing out at His children when He had planned for me to leave and not be a part of the change. So, I left a beautiful place that I am grateful for in a way that did not show gratitude or love. I left for apparent reasons that had NOTHING to do with the true reasons that God had whispered to me months before.

So, I see that He is good and I, apart from Him and not. I am in need of His grace and forgiveness and I ask you for the same. I was supposed to be long gone before any of these things came about. I do not want to move forward until I stop and turn back to you and say, thank you for what this place has meant to us and I never meant to allow my pain and disobedience to taint it. Please, forgive me.

Perspective

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 12:19:00 +0000

It's Advent and although I am home now and jumping into making it a beautiful season for my family and I to celebrate, my spirit is still stirred by my time in Ireland. I continue to think of the island's history and what it must be like to live in an occupied land. What that must feel like and how that changes one's view of well, everything. Of course Ireland has been free for some time now and I am sure I can look at more recent occupied countries to dwell on but we don't always get to choose where our inspiration comes from.

When I think of when Jesus arrived on the scene I am keenly aware that the landscape of this world was as different from my world as it gets. Jesus was born to a man and a woman who were not free. Their country was being occupied the powerful empire of Rome and in their own home they had so little. Working their land for other's wealth, having no voice, being denied the ability to worship without ridicule, punishment and death having to be endured at the hands of these outsiders who trample on all that is sacred to that land. This does not look like my world. I have about every freedom I can ever dream of here in this land.

No one is telling me I can't speak my own language, school my kids how I want, worship in hiding. No one is taking the majority of my money and leaving me with pennies to survive on. I don't live in an occupied world. I am free. So, when I visit a country like Ireland who did endure being occupied by outsiders the good news of Jesus becomes brighter and stronger and truer.

I am able to see how here in our American Christian culture we think we have mastered this gospel but there are elements that will always be a bit less tangible for us as a land who has not been occupied. So much of the language of the gospel is lost to us because we haven't had to live under the tyrannical rule of man. Of course we are able to identify with the spiritual chains that bind us and yes some have experienced their own personal hell of living in a place of oppression but as a whole- it's a stretch.

You can see why Jesus was so controversial. (He still is but I wonder if it's for the same reasons.) He shows up on the scene, gathers a following and instead of preaching a message of overthrowing the occupying government He preaches on loving others and drawing near to God. He speaks of being free no matter what the situation is around you. He speaks of being children of a loving and powerful King. He speaks of being powerful by serving and of being great by being the least. He doesn't conquer evil by lording over a people but by giving His life for all people. This wasn't the message they expected and many could not accept it but those that did, experienced a freedom that could never be taken from them.

This Advent as I anticipate the celebration of the King's birth I will be dwelling on the circumstances of the world in which Father God chose to send the Rescuer as much as I will be focusing on what it means to worship this King. I will realize that I have it good and where life is not so good I can endure it without needing to overthrow it. My Rescuer has already set me free so there is no need to wrestle or fight or rise up.

Hope He has brought, Peace has been given, Joy is mine and Love is for all!

Worthy (Reposted)

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 11:08:00 +0000

(Reposted from last Advent)

Every year I watch the movie "The Nativity Story" and every year I am moved to tears. I popped it in as I fluffed my fake tree's limbs and it had almost come to an end and still no tears. But then in happened. The old, wrinkly, lonely, humble shepherds arrived to see the baby. Reaching out a hand towards the baby only to pull it back not wanting to soil the baby with his touch. Then she did it- Mary held him up to the old man and told him that the baby was a gift for everyone. He reached out and touched the baby, the gift, the savior. The tears began to flow and the prayers followed.

How can someone not feel worthy? Certainly people don't feel that way today? But they do.

I grew up in a home that was always full of worship and service. A home where I had no question of my access to the Creator of the Universe. No question of my value as a human being or a daughter of the King. In fact I remember very clearly my father reading through the Bible pointing out strong women to me. Not only women of the Bible but women in politics, and women of history. He made sure my sister and I graduated college. He made sure that our worth was known to us not only as children of God but as women. What a gift.

Watching that old shepherd reminded me that there are so many people who have not been told of their value. Told of their worth. Told that they can freely walk into the presence of the ONE TRUE AND ONLY GOD. There are no tasks to be accomplished, no offerings to be made, no payments to be paid, no journeys to be traveled. It's all been taken care of by a little baby who came to us for all of us.

I am worthy, not because of me, but because of Christ. He makes me worthy. He gives me value. He gives me hope!

What if we stop declaring to everyone who will listen that Jesus is the reason for the Season and start showing people that they have value and worth? What if we share this hope that we have? What if we feed the poor and declare them worthy of LOVE, what if we welcome in those all alone and declare them worthy of RELATIONSHIP, what if we welcome in those who have been beat down and declare them worthy of HOPE? I think somehow when we do this and share that we have this to offer them because of Jesus then they will understand the reason for the season.

Worship Fully-Spend Less-Give More-Love All

No Four Leaf Clovers

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Wed, 27 Nov 2013 18:15:00 +0000

When I think of Ireland I automatically think of all the images I have seen in movies and TV Shows. The happy, jovial people who are associated with a green land speckled with tales of leprechauns and fairies. Ireland is a place of dreams for many people. A place to visit, kiss a rock, drink a pint and take amazing pictures. I admit that I had a hard time understanding why my sister and brother in law felt a draw to a country that seemed so touristy in my opinion.

But here I am, feeling frozen to the bone as I sit in front of a roaring fire fueled by coal in a cottage on the coastal city of Galway. A beautiful place most recently made popular as being the partial setting for one of my favorite movies, P.S. I Love You. It is a magical place for sure! It's a place that you literally feel the history of the place is still with you. A place that makes me want to know more about the people who live here. As I begin to ask questions and flip through the library of books my sister has acquired to learn more about her new home, I quickly realize that our image of Ireland is far from reality.

There are no four leaf clovers to be found or happy little men singing it up in pubs on the country side. Rather there is a rich history of a people who have only been free in their own land for less than 100 years. A people who have suffered in their own land as others came to rob them of their freedom, dignity and resources. A people who have great pride in their country and history and rejects the stereotype that most media likes to portray.

I wonder why media prefers to play up these cartoon versions of the Irish rather than speak of the horrific famine that wiped out millions of people while the government continued to export more than enough food to care for their people. Why do they not mention how it was a small army made up of the people who rose up and ran out the British one last time less than 100 years ago? Why do we not see the strength of these people who have held onto their language and heritage in spite of those who tried to crush it out of them?

So with this new understanding of the history of the Republic of Ireland I have a few insights. Of course I am only an outsider who has had the privilege of visiting for just a few days so I am aware that I am certainly not seeing the whole picture but these are my thoughts:

When the Protestant British ruled this Catholic nation they treated the Irish with hate both for their nationality and their religion. Seeing that it was less than 100 years ago with ongoing strife, it is clear why this country may struggle to hear the Gospel presented by Protestants.
For so many years this country endured outsiders coming in to tell them how to live and when American missionaries come to this land to save the Irish and set up American style churches it can be a familiar tune that they have heard and naturally reject.
These people are worth the patience and effort of building relationships with to have the opportunity of sharing God's love in a real way.
Rather than coming to this land to share the watered down gospel of the US church this land needs to hear the empowering message of freedom and love that Jesus came and presented to a people who were living in their own occupied land. A message that started a different sort of revolution more powerful than they can ever imagine.
I am extremely proud of my sister and her family who have come here with a one way ticket mentality. Coming here to serve- literally....painting over graffiti, fixing up homes of forgotten elderly, painting the homes of single moms. Doing whatever they can to love a people who are not used to outsiders coming just to show love. They gather with friends who may still attend Mass but long to know Jesus in a new way. They are not rushing, pushing or trying to grow something. Rather, they are loving this city with all they have. Living by faith as they wait for promised support to come their way. Clinging to God and each other when the money is delayed but knowing that the suffering will come to an end because their Father has not forgotten them.

I have a new respect for this land and the O'Tooles who have come here to share the empowering message of God's love. If you would like to learn more about what the O'Tooles are doing in Galway please click here.

If you would like to purchase a calendar of beautiful photographs that Tim O'Toole has taken in Western Ireland for $20 please click here.

A Splash

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Mon, 18 Nov 2013 23:03:00 +0000

Growing up in New England, Fall was always my favorite season. The crisp air, the bright blue sky, the vibrant rich leaves forming canopies of fire or dancing on the street as if they were celebrating the season. The smell of fireplaces and the sound of crunching leaves. It screams of perfection to me! Beauty all around me in a million ways.

Moving to Houston was a no brainer for us. It was close to family, stablish economy and Rob had a job offer. The only thing holding me back? No Autumn. No colors, crispness, no true pumpkin patches. I had to ask Father for grace and strength to make a decision that was good for my family even though it was a sacrifice of beauty.

Three years later and I find myself on the look out for the colors because they are there. I have learned that there is always beauty to be found. I might have to look through the rain or glare of the relentless sun but it is there. A tree with a few orange leaves or a splash of red in the midst of the cattle grazing by the highway.

I realize that I may not have what I once did but it makes what I do have even more precious. I am learning that I can sit and long for the beauty of yesterday or I can embrace the new beauty of today.

Pros and Cons

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sun, 03 Nov 2013 21:51:00 +0000

My 7 year old daughter's Pros and Cons list for Homeschooling

Pros                                                            Cons
-I learn more                                 -More friends
-More time to read                         -Class Projects
-I can focus more
-More activities to choose from(art class, ballet,etc)
-More Family Time

I found this very interesting and encouraging to hear her view of things and to see the things she values. Now to figure out what to do with this info.

What Sending My Kids to School Has Taught Me

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Wed, 30 Oct 2013 16:31:00 +0000

I never set out to homeschool my children. It was never a conviction I had or something I grew up experiencing. I remember before we had kids we always talked about when our kids would go to school. We really started home educating because my little girl was too much of a smarty pants to not do something with her. A couple of years later and it became a good financial option as we could not afford private school and public school was one option we felt strongly against for our family. This year we have found ourselves in a position to send our kids to a private school that we are thankful to have found. It met the three criteria we had: strong academic program, prominent Biblical worldview and secure facility (which tends to be lacking in many private schools). So, we are wrapping up our first 9 weeks and this is what I have learned:

I now truly believe that homeschooling is the best option for us.
I was doing a great job teaching my kids.
I like being around my kids and learning with them.
Some people really do have a closed mind or attitude towards homeschooling for no founded reason.
Sometimes 2nd best has to be enough and it's ok that it's not perfect.
Giving your kids 2nd best is crummy.
My kids are brilliant and that has nothing to do with me.
God has a way of making up for what is lacking.
I now can better define to people why I value home educating over group educating.

Anyway, these were just some of my random thoughts. It's where we are today and I don't really know how long we will be in this season but it is what it is for now.

Stuck In the Middle

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sun, 22 Sep 2013 21:54:00 +0000

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you,
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
Stuck in the middle with you.
-Steeler's Wheel

For 30+ years I was part of a culture that wasn't perfect but definitely significant. For the past 4 years I have been questioning and rejecting much of that culture. Looking at it from different angles and seeing all the things I don't want to be part of anymore. I found myself in a subculture of the world I had always known. It was challenging and resonated with so many of my longings and beliefs. But soon that subculture began to look more and more like all the rest and it was no longer for me. Still beautiful in many ways but not for me.

So now where do I go? Do I return to the original culture knowing that there are no perfect places and I should just accept it for what it is? Do I move forward to a totally new culture but I fear that will end like the last two in disappointment and frustration.

I know there are no perfect places. I feel stuck between two worlds and I am not sure how to proceed. My belief system drives me in every way and now that my beliefs are all topsy turvy I am feeling quite uneasy. How is it that a culture so flawed was a place I personally experienced great joy and amazing outcomes all while being disgusted by the system itself? Now I feel great contentment with the system but wonder if I will ever see the same amazing outcomes?

Which way is right? Right for us? Right for our kids?

I'm feeling stuck...

So, I am trying to focus on the things I know. Trying to let go of control and allow Him to lead. Quiet myself long enough to hear His voice and allow Him to lead me. Somehow I don't think all of this matters as much to Him. In some ways I think it's much like parenting. Nursing vs. Bottle Feeding, to spank or not to spank, homeschool or send to school. No one can say exactly which one is RIGHT! It's more like which one is healthiest for our family and brings us closer to HIM. The early church was flawed yet beautiful. It was beautiful yet flawed. I think if it was a matter of right and wrong we would see it more clearly defined in scriptures. I think the make up of the church was in part purposely left to our imaginations. I definitely don't think the majority of what we see occurring in church today is how it was defined and I think that is where I get frustrated. When churches- a culture- tries to make their agenda or their plans gospel! I don't see 90% of today's church experience anywhere in the Bible so maybe we shouldn't be so dogmatic about it all.

I want to walk in freedom. Freedom to be who He created me to be and worshipping in a way that pleases Him. So, maybe I will just keep breathing and listening and worshipping and seeking. I don't want to miss a moment of Him while trying to figure this all out.

You Didn't Miss Much

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sun, 22 Sep 2013 20:53:00 +0000

So here are some of the status updates I wanted to post while I was away from Social Media these last two weeks....

I keep thinking of status updates! I have no one to tell. Nor do I have anyone I can tell that I don't have anyone to tell.

Really?! I got up at 5:00AM to pray and found that Sam was already up!

Food is like a friend who is nice to me to my face but if I turn around and look at my ass I see that she's been making fun of me behind my back all along! Not cool!

It's not even 8:00PM and it's getting dark!

Desperately missing New England this season!

Wow. It's not even eight and its dark

Savoring moments...

Is it really savoring if I am still thinking of status updates?

Nothing like watching my daughter show me off at school when I met her for
lunch.

Girl time! Her first pedicure!

Sometimes I feel like a foreigner and other times I wish I felt more like one.

I refuse to believe this is all life has to offer

I am more and more convinced that God created me to enjoy life as opposed to
struggling and building things

Wow! I almost blocked out that we have 3 more years of this.

Dunkin Donuts and Aldis in one morning. If it wasn't so muggy out I might feel
like I was up north again.

Beautiful time of worship with the body of Christ this morning. Love my family!

Ok AMC enough with trying to shove your new show down out throats!

My heart is racing! It's like they saved the best for last!

Am I the only one who thinks roadside memorials are a bit tacky?#yesIsaidIt

For the past 2 weeks the 10 day forecast says we will be in the 80's. lies,
lies,lies!!!!

How is it that 20 years later I am transported to seeing my mom standing in the
doorway upon hearing news about me every time I blow dry my hair?!

I can't stop thinking about Walt and Marie and Jesse this morning.

I think the actress playing Holly should get an Emmy! She totally made me feel
what she was feeling as she said her big line... Mama? And don't get me started
on that telling look she face the fireman! #emmyworthy

Getting ready for Waffles Under the Stars tonight!#cares

Shout out to Nathan, Bert and Kehinde for all of your help tonight at Waffles
Under the Stars! We served close to 70 neighbors tonight!

Not Too Tight

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 05 Sep 2013 02:11:00 +0000

The longing for a child- a daughter- defined me for so long and then I was given my Malinda. My beautiful little auburn headed girl with the freckles on her face. So brilliant that I can't help but think that God took extra care in making this one. With her sensitive spirit and her passion for discovery. He desire to please and her ambition to try. I adore her. I hold tightly to her. I dream and I plan and I fail her.

I remember when she was just a baby hearing the tender but clear voice of my Father- her Creator - telling me- if you hold on too tight she will squeeze out of your hand. Like sand at the beach.

Some days I worry and focus on her future so much I can forget to cherish the now. Forget that the now forms her tomorrow. I have been convinced that she will run away and reject me as soon as she is old enough and as I am focused on this I make myself unavailable and harsh.

I refuse to allow myself to get lost in my own head and my fears. She is my Malinda but she is His daughter. He has a plan for her and part of His plan was to make me her mom. So, I have to trust that He knew what He was doing and just go with it.

I will say the wrong things at the wrong time and I know I will yell too much. But I will love and hug and laugh and say I am sorry as often as I need to. If the day comes that she needs a break from me, there are days I wish I could have a break from me, I will give her that space knowing that she and I will be ok and God isn't finished with either of us yet.

Nameless

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sun, 18 Aug 2013 19:32:00 +0000

So many great stories in the Bible of people who did great things. People who faced major decisions of faith and whether they would trust God in life changing moments. We know the names of these great people and we should be careful not to forget them. These snapshots of their lives teach us so much about God and our own humanity and how the two interact.

One of my favorite classes to teach is on the women of the Bible. How women were viewed, their place, their stories. Fascinating to me. Even after teaching the class several times in different venues there is one woman whom I have barely thought of more than in passing that I really long to be like.

Want to take a guess at who she might be? Was she a queen or a warrior? Did she help disciple great teachers? Did she feed and clothe the poor? What's her name??? I wish I knew. In fact I know very little about her except that she was a mom. A mom perhaps too busy to go and listen to Jesus but not too busy to pack her son a lunch.

Ever wonder where the food came from that fed the 5,000 men and their families at the hands of Jesus? We know a little boy had a lunch, but where did he get the food from? Was he the only one prepared? My little boy may only be 5 now but I find it hard to believe that even in a few years he will have the forethought to pack a lunch for himself in case he gets hungry. No, that little boy had a mom. A nameless, faceless woman in this story who set her son up to be used by Jesus to touch thousands of people.

Although we don't see her attending this gathering of people on the hillside, she was there making a difference. I wonder if she wanted to go and listen to the Rabbi teaching these revolutionary things but couldn't because someone had to stay home and keep the house or other children. I can't help but wonder why she didn't go with her son that day. Maybe she was ill, not interested, too busy or had a husband who didn't want her to go. All I know is she didn't go. But her son did.

Why didn't more people pack a lunch that day? Why did she?

I have no clue what the world will look like when my son is grown. I have no clue what he will encounter when he is not with me. My hope and prayer is that I am equipping and preparing him to have all that he will need to be used by Jesus. I want to be like that mom who couldn't be there with her son but loved him so well that he had something to offer and that he was willing to give it all away.

It makes me wonder what I am setting my son up for.....

A Little More

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 15 Aug 2013 03:09:00 +0000

Although my last post really expressed the emotion and frustration I feel towards what we call church it really doesn't begin to express all of my thoughts on this topic. There is still so much to say.

Like, I really really really love the church. I love the gathering together of people who come from all walks in life to worship the one true God. I love that Jesus came to save the world and His dying on the cross was only the beginning. He left the rest for us, His body, to do. I love the common struggle and the common joy of dying to self and walking in freedom. I love the moving together as one unit to make Jesus known by showing love and meeting people right where they are. I love the rich history we have of men and women who pressed in and dared to take the Almighty God at His word. I love this! I love knowing that I am not alone in this journey but rather I can stand shoulder to shoulder (or in my case shoulder to elbow) with fellow sons of God!

I guess what I am feeling is disappointed and let down. I feel as if I have peeked behind the curtain and saw too much. I wish I could go back to the way it was before I asked questions. Ignorance was bliss, yet lacking. If only I had not dared to ask why or how. Why are we struggling to keep or get a building? Why oh why did I ask How is having a Christian fitness center really going to make a difference in people's lives? Asking those questions have led to more and more questions and in no way do I think I have it all figured out. I guess all along I expected a little more from the Body of Christ. A lot less of man and a lot more of Jesus. We are HIS body after all.

What should the church look like? I am not really sure.

What I do know is that God can work in and through all kinds of systems and groups of people. I am ok with this, sort of. I mean I would much rather be operating at full capacity, wouldn't you? I just really want to see the church (as in you and me) start asking questions and start taking our eyes off of ourselves and tradition and start looking at Jesus. Stop focusing on building a church (as in an organization) and start doing what He commissioned us to do. Stop taking the easy way out because you are worn out. You want to pay someone a salary- fine just ask yourself why? Why does this person need to be paid to do stuff we all should be doing? You want a building? Fine just ask yourself which is more important- spending money and time and energy on a building or spending money, time and energy on the streets with people? I just think we can all give a little more thought to what we are doing.

Couple questions I have swirling around my head tonight:

What would happen if every paid pastor gave up their salary for one year and sent it overseas to drill wells for clean water?
What if we sold our buildings and used the money to feed the hungry? Or as one church I know did- they gave up their larger space to turn a smaller space into a coffee shop in which all the proceeds go right back into the community locally and globally?
Or better yet, what if all the church buildings opened their doors to the homeless to have a place to sleep and eat? What if we turned our buildings into a center designed to get our willing homeless neighbors back on their feet?
What if we dared to spend the majority of the money we collect on the people who really are in need?
What if we all became a foster parent to a child in need?
What if we stopped telling people that Jesus wants them to be rich and happy and start telling them that He really wants us to give it all away?
What if we purposely moved into a neighborhood or apartment community for the purpose of making Christ known?
What if we stop looking to our government to take care of the poor and we start to do it?
What if we stop telling people what is wrong with their lives and start loving them and making it easier for them to know Jesus.

These are the questions I would love to hear discussed at a business meeting. These are the things I dare to ask tonight.

Here I Go.....

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Tue, 13 Aug 2013 12:32:00 +0000

Ok so, it's 5:00AM and one of my little ones needed something! Ugh why couldn't it be 1:00AM?! Then I could have gone back to sleep but now I am awake so I guess I will troll onto Facebook and see if any of my exciting friends have been up and about while I slept. I stumbled upon a post that so resonated with me that I not only shared it on my own page but I posted a rant and began to unleash all that I have been feeling lately and quite honestly for years. Typing it all on my little phone made it seem longer than it was but I realized that it was turning in to a blog post. A post of things I need to say and have wanted to say for a while. So start by reading my little post and even the article that riled me up this early Tuesday morning and then meet up with me...

What's so uncool about cool churches?

I always assume only my family and closest friends read this and know who I am but I feel the need to set this post up a bit for the off chance that someone else reads this. So, here I am 35 years old married to a perfect for me man and raising two children. I love Father God and His entire family (at least I think I do. I am certain about loving Father God and I am trying to love all His kids too.) I grew up in a typical spirit-filled church pastored by my parents in a small town in New England. I was a good church kid who had her problems but overall I didn't get into much trouble. I went to Bible College where I learned how to pastor and how to love people. You know, studied it in books and such. Then off we went, Rob and I, to serve in churches. We found ourselves feeling really out of place. Time and time again we felt like failures as we would leave a place after a short time but then we realized....we weren't failures we were just trying to wear a tacky Lycra suit that wasn't designed for us to wear. We found ourselves rejecting what church had become. All this talk about buildings and fundraisers and mission statements and growing bigger and council meetings and better sermons and bigger salaries and shinier faces and blah blah blah it had made us sick. Literally! I found myself so out of sorts that I believe it played a role in the depression I experienced when it all came to a head. SO we walked away from it.....ministry as a career.

Ok, so I shared all that because I want people to know that I am not some angry anti established church type crazy person. I grew up in the church and I tried to embrace it all- so much so that I chose a career in it. A career that I was willing to do for free at times because I so believed in it.

But today I say- ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! If I could scream this I would! ENOUGH!

Enough of ruining the image of Christ's Bride! We have prostituted ourselves out so much that I wonder if we even resemble the girl He fell in love with! With our fancy songs and our slick creative media driven teachings and our fun hyped up kid's programs trying to convince kids that Jesus is fun when really He is hard and messy and dirty (and full of LOVE). With our sign up sheets on ways to "serve" and our making it easy for people to feel comfortable and millions of wasted dollars on salaries and programs and buildings and garbage! Did we learn nothing from the early church?! At least we could have learned something from Schindler's List.....STUFF DOESN'T MATTER! PEOPLE DO!

If we want these things then fine but can we stop acting like they are in place to draw people in. They are in place for us! For our enjoyment and comfort. I take my kids to VBS and I let them have fun dancing to those songs and I hope somewhere in there they grabbed hold of a nugget of truth but if I leave it at that I would be wrong. That was fun and entertaining but I need to make sure they know that following Jesus is about going where it's uncomfortable and showing love. It's about dying to yourself and living unto Christ.

I believe this yet I struggle with my own choices. My desire to move into a house with a yard so I can have more space and time with my family as opposed to purposely living in close proximity with people so I can have a close up look at what people's needs are and be available to meet those needs. It's always going to be a struggle. Our comfort and our desires will always be there hollering and grabbing for our attention. I just pray that the church is a catalyst in helping us stay focused and holding us accountable on what really matters. Sadly, that's not the message I am hearing or seeing.

I want to be part of a group of people who study God's Word and spend time at His feet worshipping Him. A place that we come together to encourage each other and challenge each other to live out what we are reading. A group of people who say we need to make sure other people are experiencing this same love and freedom that we are and then partners together to do so. A group that pools their resources and gifts and touches the world around them without getting bogged down in the extras. To me, a building, a paid leader, sign up sheets and comfortable settings are not needed when you live this out.

[My little disclaimer: I am not personally attacking your church. I do not imagine to have it all together. I do not think church is bad, just broken. I do not think your church is not doing some good. These are my beliefs. I LOVE THE CHURCH- if we are talking about the church as being people not a place. I am not a trouble maker and I want people to like me, but this is my blog so it's my little corner in this world to express myself. Be nice.]

Under the Chuppah

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Fri, 12 Jul 2013 04:11:00 +0000

Broken, hurting, lost identity. It's how we found ourselves arriving like refugees to Texas. Knowing what we left behind but so unclear on what we were walking into. Life! Father, please send us somewhere with life. We need to be somewhere we can learn to live. Somewhere we can come alive. He heard us and guided us up I-45 until we found our way to Ecclesia Clear Lake. It was ok, it was close enough but not the life we longed for, until we found our way on Galloway St. Walking in late with a smiling Kim who is always late. We squeezed onto the big red sofa and clung to each other feeling so vulnerable and curious.

A discussion was being had and people were real. People were brutally honest and no one flinched. We shared, they listened. Life. We tried to stand off but they wouldn't have it. We tried to leave but they said no. We sat back and cried and they let us. Life. It was on Galloway St. on the big red couch where we began to experience life. It's where we laughed, it's where we cried, it's where we had knock down drag out arguments on how we can live out what we felt God was calling us to do.

Let's live life together they said. We said no. It's not for us.

They moved us, they supported us, they left us to stand on our own two feet to be dependent only on God.

Yes, let's live life together.

So under a Chuppah held up by our best friends we agreed to live life together.

Life, Father, please surround us with life. He heard us and he led us to a Funky group of people who taught us how to live life by sharing in their struggles, their victories, their tears and their stories.

The tears are flowing tonight as I know my time on Galloway St. is over and I won't get to squeeze onto the big red couch of my dear friends, my sparring partners, my truth speakers, my pastors for along time.

Life if flowing and although it doesn't feel so good tonight, I know it's going to be ok because the giver of life has a plan and He knows the path we are taking....if only it was north on I-45.

Pass the Breadsticks

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 04:15:00 +0000

What is it about Lent that makes me want to blog? Somehow I made it this far through Lent without blogging but in the end, here I am. This Lent has not been as dramatic as last year but I am in a different place this year and I am not sure I could handle anything too intense. So, I have had pockets of revelation and it has all been good.

Tonight we were supposed to attend the Maundy Thursday service. We had every intention of going. Then 6:00 rolled around and Rob wasn't home from work yet, I was overwhelmed with everything that had been neglected this past week and for some reason the kids seemed louder than usual (which has nothing to do with the chocolate they have been eating out of their Easter eggs). So, I sat down, hit play and listened to Lent by the Brilliance. I just sat and soaked it all in.

His death- His love-My failures- My freedom- His calling my name- Him- Him

By the time Rob made it home I just wanted to be with the church right there in my home. We talked about pulling out our Resurrection Eggs and maybe grabbing dinner- possibly at Olive Garden at Malinda's request. What we found ourselves doing was so much more precious and real.

Sam really wanted to have communion so he helped me pour the Juicy Juice Fruit Punch in his blue Ikea cup and placed a slice of Honey Wheat sliced bread on a plate. He carried it into the room all while explaining to me about it representing Jesus' skin and blood.

Malinda decided to pull out the Jesus Storybook Bible and her Message Bible. She proceeded to read the story of the Last Supper to us and when it came to the part of Jesus washing the feet of His disciples something precious happened, the kids wanted to act it out. So Rob got a bowl filled it with water and proceeded to wash our feet while speaking blessings and words of love and affirmation over each of us.

The best was hearing Sam tell his daddy "I love you, daddy, you are like Jesus because you love me".

After we were all washed up Malinda lead us in taking communion. Did I mention how excited Sam was? He insisted on serving us the bread. Malinda read the scriptures and we each served each other the bread and juice. It was both powerful and humbling to hear my little ones declare that Jesus had died for me.

Then we read the following..... do you see it?

They sang and went to....that's right OLIVE GARDEN! So, who are we to argue with scripture?! We sang "God's Not Dead" and headed off for some bread sticks!

It was an amazing night of worship with the church!

Worthy

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sat, 01 Dec 2012 16:09:00 +0000

Every year I watch the movie "The Nativity Story" and every year I am moved to tears. I popped it in as I fluffed my fake tree's limbs and it had almost come to an end and still no tears. But then in happened. The old, wrinkly, lonely, humble shepherds arrived to see the baby. Reaching out a hand towards the baby only to pull it back not wanting to soil the baby with his touch. Then she did it- Mary held him up to the old man and told him that the baby was a gift for everyone. He reached out and touched the baby, the gift, the savior. The tears began to flow and the prayers followed.

How can someone not feel worthy? Certainly people don't feel that way today? But they do.

I grew up in a home that was always full of worship and service. A home where I had no question of my access to the Creator of the Universe. No question of my value as a human being or a daughter of the King. In fact I remember very clearly my father reading through the Bible pointing out strong women to me. Not only women of the Bible but women in politics, and women of history. He made sure my sister and I graduated college. He made sure that our worth was known to us not only as children of God but as women. What a gift.

Watching that old shepherd reminded me that there are so many people who have not been told of their value. Told of their worth. Told that they can freely walk into the presence of the ONE TRUE AND ONLY GOD. There are no tasks to be accomplished, no offerings to be made, no payments to be paid, no journeys to be traveled. It's all been taken care of by a little baby who came to us for all of us.

I am worthy, not because of me, but because of Christ. He makes me worthy. He gives me value. He gives me hope!

What if we stop declaring to everyone who will listen that Jesus is the reason for the Season and start showing people that they have value and worth? What if we share this hope that we have? What if we feed the poor and declare them worthy of LOVE, what if we welcome in those all alone and declare them worthy of RELATIONSHIP, what if we welcome in those who have been beat down and declare them worthy of HOPE? I think somehow when we do this and share that we have this to offer them because of Jesus then they will understand the reason for the season.

Worship Fully-Spend Less-Give More-Love All

No Need to Wait

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 05:51:00 +0000

Not long ago I went through an amazing Lenten journey that opened my eyes and ears to what God wanted to do in me. How He wanted to teach me how to live a life I was created to live. A healthy one...a comfortable one....an active one. A life full of accomplishments that seemed to be just out of my reach and not meant for me to ever live.

I was obedient.
I worked.
I died.
I lived.
I LOVED IT!!!!!

Then those dreaded waves of depression crashed against me with such force that even though I tried to hold strong I soon succumbed to their mighty pull. It didn't take long before I was almost right back to where I started. Right back to the discomfort and old routine. I made excuses and blamed the medication, the withdrawals, the stress, the depression, the election...ok maybe not the election, but you get the picture. None of it was my fault.

None of it was my fault, I had good reason, right?! Then why did I keep hearing a voice asking- what about Lent? What about what Father had said? What about living a life of freedom and honoring the sacrifice Jesus made? What about enjoying what God designed me for? None of that had changed. All the excuses in the world amount to one thing.....blatant disobedience. Blimey- that sucks!

I can't wait for Spring to experience Lent all over again. It's now....it's tomorrow....it's ongoing.

You Have a Little Something on You.....

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 21:10:00 +0000

So have you ever bleed all over someone and then afterwards you feel kind of funny being around them because you can smell the faint trace of your own blood still on them. You feel all embarrassed and a bit ridiculous for sharing so much of yourself. That is exactly how I feel. Now that the bleeding has stopped and the healing has begun, I feel a bit icked out by the fact that I shared so much of myself with others. Maybe that is why speaking with a counselor is so nice. I don't have to face him at a potluck or over communion.

It's hard to want to move forward with things but know that they all know. They all know I bleed, that I struggle, that sometimes I hold on for dear life and pray for peace. They know that as incredibly strong as I can be- I am also so very fragile.

It's at this moment I decide if I value community or not. Am I in a healthy community that can handle the reality of who I am and still love me? Is it a safe place that won't pull out the blood stained shirt and remind me of my past struggles? Is it a place that will quietly wash the blood away as they pray for me and celebrate the healing? Celebrate the growth and give God the glory when I dance in the morning light?

I somehow already know the answer, even if the questions like to linger.

Thanksgiving 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 13:35:00 +0000

So, as usual, the daily thankful posts have begun. This year I feel less inclined to attempt a daily thankful report but I did think that it would be fun to share 30 reasons I am thankful for my best friend, Rob. This sounds way more fun to me. So here, we begin...in no particular order.....

#1- He is hilarious! Not all the time, in fact many times I cringe at his jokes, but I do find him to be funny!

#2- He is incredibly creative! If you have never had the opportunity to read his poetry your life is seriously lacking! He has even been published and I plan to start a blog for him to share his work with others. Beyond the poetry, his imagination and creativity makes for the best Lego creations, drawings and bee bop tunes.

#3- He has never no not once ever made me feel like a failure at housekeeping, cooking or keeping my girlish figure.

#4- He is adventurous! He may not pursue adventure but if it presents itself to him (through careful plotting on my behalf) he is game!

#5- He is an amazing father! He has been hands on the entire time and never fails to give his all to the kids.

#6- He makes the BEST Eggs in a Basket and he can work magic with bacon!

#7- His height! So when you are under 5ft by a good 1 1/4 inches it is beneficial to marry a tall man. (I will warn you though it makes for large babies!!!!)

#8- He has never forgotten an anniversary, my birthday or even my favorite flower. Each month he lets me know we are one month closer to the next big day.

#9- He doesn't run a way when I am mean, sad or bossy.

#10- He doesn't worry about impressing others. You can take him or leave him- he's ok with that.

#11- I can hide behind his distaste for healthy foods and act like it's his fault we don't eat better.

#12- He never and I mean NEVER complained about having cancer! He fought it with all he had and came out with some great scars and tats!

#13- He wouldn't let me quit hoping for children.

#14- Although he hates the process of moving he is not afraid of change and moving to a new home, city or state. Maybe we should try a new country and see how that goes!

#15- He will take the blame for something stupid I do just to spare the painful embarrassment, because after all he doesn't care what you think of him. (see #10)

#16 He treats my parents with great love and respect!

#17- When he hears Father God speak- He moves! He left one career path without knowing exactly what the future holds for us and has been working his buns off for his family as he seeks out what this new future holds for us.

#18- His buns!

#19- That he loves visiting NYC almost as much as I do.

#20- He is loyal and trustworthy.

#21- He is smarter than most people I know but he does not feel the need to flaunt it.

#22- His laugh is amazing.

#23- The way he likes to surprise us with little gifts.

#24- The way we have stood together in the face of pure evil and the confidence I have knowing that he doesn't run when things get ugly.

#25- How he doesn't take himself or much of anything too seriously!

#26- That we can laugh together.

#27- That I know unless one of us dies we will grow old together!

#28- That he goes along with some of my goofy plans.

#29- That he always!!!!! Puts the toilet seat down and now my son does the same! LOVE IT!!!! I almost don't know what to do when faced with an open lid at someone's home.

#30- His kiss, his embrace, the way he says I love, the way he loves me, the way he forgives, the way he still holds my hand, the way he knows when I need to be alone, the way he trusts me, the way he prays for me, the way he makes a sandwich out of just about anything, the way he will watch girly movies/tv with me, the way he picks up his dirty clothes minus his socks, the way he is Rob..my Rob....always and forever!

Homeschooling Amy

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 17:33:00 +0000

Schooling your children at home is both challenging and a whirlwind of crazy ups and downs full of fun times and tantrums. I love it....most days. There is so much growing and learning going on around here and the best part is- my kids are learning some things too.

In the last few weeks I have learned new things about Lewis & Clark, the physical maps of the U.S.A. and how Sam plans to take over the world with his Legos and toy cow. Perhaps the most difficult lessons have come as Malinda and I read her book for Bible Class. It's a book highlighting heroes of our faith. People who dared to believe God and take Him at His word. People who gave their lives to serving Him.

Today, we finished reading about Amy Carmichael. A woman who left her home in Ireland and arrived in India at the age of 27- never to return home but live and die in India taking care of hundreds of children rescued from a life of temple prostitution. When a young woman wrote to Amy and asked her what life as a missionary was like, she responded by saying

"Missionary life is simply a chance to die."

I can't help but think....shouldn't this be true for all of us? Unfortunately we get so comfortable and focused on our own lives and our own comforts that we forget that there is a world of hurting people all around us and far away. I am blessed to have been brought up by two parents who weren't content to live a small life. They dared to peak over the fence and saw what was beyond our borders. It's one of those values I insist on sharing with my children. I would be so sad if they grow up with a care for the rest of our world...but I digress.

Lately, I have had my own personal struggles. (I don't like to share about my personal life a whole lot so I know that might come as a shock to you.) Struggles that have found me spending far too much time looking inward rather than outward. Far too much time wasted on one person and not invested in the world around me. I think that is one of the biggest annoyances of all this mess I have been dealing with lately. The time, the energy, the focus, the passion all wasted. As I continue to plod along and feel wholeness again I desire to die. Die to myself- die to dreams- die to plans and live as if I believe God's word.

I am fully aware that I do not have to live in some exotic land to die to self and live out God's plan but I have to ask....am living a missionary's life?

I am reminded of a video my dad posted recently. It was something like.....

Kind of makes me think.....

As much as I love my life right now.....I have to remember it's not my life to love. I surrendered my life a long time ago....or did I?

Today's Happy Place

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sun, 07 Oct 2012 15:36:00 +0000

Day Oct 7

68^°FHigh

Mostly Cloudy

Chance of rain:: 20%

Mostly cloudy. High 68F. Winds NNE at 10 to 20 mph.

Today.....I am in my happy place! Cool Fall weather for 48 hours. Going to pick a pumpkin or two. Decorate the apt for the season. Get to spend time with amazing kids tonight at ECL!!