Ruth Nineke

Weekend Reflections: Change

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 13:47:00 +0000

Good girls go bad. Do bad girls ever really go good?

Sami Brady & EJ DiMera from Days of Our Lives

Last week, as I was doing my aunt's hair, I flipped on Days of Our Lives. I love this soap for two simple reasons: It's silly and soapy, but not too often over the top, and you can watch it three or four weeks apart and in their reality it's still the same day. Talk about stretching it out. Anyone that's ever watched this show in the past fifteen or so years is familiar with Sami Brady. On Thursday it came out that Sami had a hot night with her ex-husband, EJ. When confronted by her new husband, Rafe, she was all teary-eyed and apologetic. She kept saying she didn't have feelings for EJ, that she hadn't meant to do it. She might've even said she hated EJ. When Rafe asked her why she'd done it, what she was thinking, Sami spat out this gem "I wasn't thinking." He told her she'd ruined their family, there were tears on both sides, and the whole thing was more than I could really stand. I didn't get emotional, but the scene definitely was.

Ever since I'd found out Sami and EJ got it on I kept thinking: well, of course. They're both bad, so they love each other. I thought to myself, the soaps are always doing that shit though. The bad girl gets into some new sparkly relationship with some handsome man with a big heart and all this morality, and he's supposed to be her happily ever after. He's determined to love her and stand by her because no one ever really has. He's going to be there for her. And then the bad girl always does something "unforgivable," and Prince Charming of Right-&-Wrong goes all judgy on her ass and leaves her. But what did anyone expect?

Sami is the epitome of the soap opera bad-girl archetype. Soaps have a habit of introducing a character so riddled with issues that they will do or say anything to get what they want, and heaven help anyone who tries to stand in their way. These types of characters are obvious life-inspirations to me. But they clearly speak to the majority of soap viewers, or there wouldn't be so many of them (characters, not soaps) on air for so long. The trick is both writers and actors bring humanity to the single-mindedness of the "bad girl." Aside from the tears that often follow when she's found out, bad girls often have good motives. They actually care about the people in their lives, and their "enemies" are usually engaged just for sport, almost out of habit.
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Spotlight: Bushwick Community Darkroom Fundraiser

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:32:00 +0000

If you've read my Spotlights on Erik Meier, Kerri Lowe, or Broken Glow then you know I'm sometimes very fortunate to have photographic assistance from the lovely and superbly industrious Lucia Rollow. Last year Lucia, a graduate of Ecole Nationale Superieure des Beaux Arts, began a single occupancy B/W darkroom in the basement of her apartment building in Bushwick wiith the help of friends, family, and community members (in the form of small monetary donations, no doubt). In the past twelve months the darkroom has gotten so many users that it's often booked two weeks in advance and has a waiting list. Also, a growing interest in this art has created the need for classes and tutorials. As such Lucia is looking to expand the darkroom this summer. To get that done and to celebrate it's success so far she's throwing a Birthday Party/Fundraiser full of photography and GIRL ROCK, next Saturday (March 3) at Pinebox Rock Shop (on Grattan). Click this Eventbrite link for all the sweet deets! RSVP on Facebook too! ♥ Visit the Bushwick Community Darkroom Blog! My full Spotlight on Lucia & the darkroom is coming next week.

Hold On To That Feelin'

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 13:35:00 +0000

Your Presiden't Favorite Painting.

I'm on the road again real quick and wouldn't you know I've got nothing in particular to rant and rave about. Last year when I started this blog I'd tried to keep Wednesdays as my day off from the "fuck all that noise, I'm right" type of aggressive writing that I do. I wanted to keep Wednesdays nice and light, hopefully informative, and entertaining in a different way. I barely kept it up, but then again I haven't really kept up this blog the way I'd meant to. Oh well, on with it. Here's some stuff from across the web that I figure is worth sharing, presented without any direction. Though by now, I'm sure you can pick up on my implications ;)

Happy HumpDay. I'll be back after the weekend, or if something goes boom in the pop-culture world, or the aliens land... Love.

G.F. WATTS - HOPE
"It was reputedly painted at a moment of anguish, when the daughter of G. F. Watts’s adopted daughter Blanche died. This mood is not entirely absent in the painting and G. K. Chesterton wrote that the first thought on anyone seeing it is that it should be called Despair. But the title given it by the artist suggests something quite different; it suggests optimism. It is, in fact, Hope in Despair. An evocation of the human condition; the ability of people, at their lowest point to sense and feel a strand, a single string of hope that keeps them going, when all around is failing." - Source

6 THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM ALICE

1. Manage Your Personal Growth The most important metaphor in the story is one of growth. We see Alice grow from tall to short and from big to small. Growing up is about changing body size, dealing with ups and downs, and feeling confident or insecure about oneself. When Alice eats, she grows when she drinks, she shrinks. She soon learns to use the resources in her world to control her personal growth.

2. Be Specific About What You Want To Achieve “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?""That depends a good deal on where you want to get to." said the Cat. "I don't much care where" said Alice. "Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

3. Develop Your Identity The characters in wonderland continually ask Alice who she is. As a result, she questions her identity. When we have doubts about who we are and what we stand for, it affects our entire life.

- Source

Thoughts On Conformity, Group Think, Society, and the Collective

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 21:52:00 +0000

So yesterday things got a little hairy on Facebook, when on the Potion group page I commented someone's link with what was neither praise nor insult, but more like dry indifference. The artist's response began something like "well, I guess you didn't like it." Then I said, then he said, then someone else said... I was in effect told to be nice, and "grow up." The reaction of other members of the group was predictable, for both the group and my own life experience. People "liked" that I was told to grow up (1). People also seemed to agree that I ought not criticize a fellow artist on the public group page (2). I was sure to temper my responses with ♥ and corresponding likes as I saw fit. Eventually the initial post, resulting comments, and even the original content on the artist's site were all removed. This is a fail for everyone involved, and whatever principals they held regarding artist integrity, and freedom of expression.

First of all, I don't see what my growing up has to do with my right to express my opinion on someone's art, or the motivations behind their art. But if I'm going to promote freedom of expression then I have to accept that other people will express their opinions on my maturity level, my character, and my behavior in defense of their art, and as retaliation for my not blindly affording them the basic praise and validation which humans tend to seek outside of themselves. Cool. Here's the thing though: As an artist, as a super-pretentious creative individual, isn't it our responsibility to ourselves, our work, and our audience to create, and engage challenges head-on in the name of the fire that is creativity? Or is that an ideal unique to me, that has no place taking any form, albeit ill-executed on the public Potion group page? Okay. Cool.
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What Happens To Naughty Boys?

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 18:15:00 +0000

I just read a post on DListed about Nick Jonas and his beard quitting each other. Now Nick Jonas is legal, I think, so I'm not feeling too terrible about diggin his hot bod...but I'm not completely sold that he's completely sold on the kitty. He's just too clean and pretty, and holds that Chanel bag just too right for me believe he wouldn't be down for some dickin around....

And while we're on the topic...
I wish I knew more people who'd used strap-ons on their lovers, so I could ask them what it's like. I also wish I was serious enough to ever whip one out on a guy. I can barely be spanked without giggling, which usually just starts the whole thing back at the beginning. I need to have more exploratory sex and less sex based off simple, normal attractions. But the giggling...

Fucking Hipsters: L Train/Union Sq Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 03:35:00 +0000

This young person with shoes+socks, cart, plastic box, and bootleg DVDs NEEDS your help :) to get home.

Can I get a motherfucking break please? Can someone break me off a motherfucking Kit-Kat bar, here? White 20-somethings who probably went to college, and who obviously know how to read books have taken to begging (read: hustling) commuters for spare change in the subway. What? What? Is this necessarily a race thing? Well, maybe and maybe not. I've only seen one sort of mixed looking kid begging similarly. The black kids sell you candy. The white kids sell you your own pity...

Look, I get the whole economic fail that is everything. It's just so hard for this generation (and every other generation) to make ends meet. But things are rarely ever what they seem, or what they promise to be. Catch on that the thing you call Reality is not real, and that Logic is a joke, and the Government isn't here to protect you but to encase you, and the only breaks you're going to get are the ones you make yourself. Get off your ass and actually do something about your condition. No one's going to come and hand you anything you fuck...

But given that much, if these are my opinions, how much can I hate on these hipster-douches? I suppose only so much as my own personal Vanity allows. I mean I'm totally judging them because they're sitting on the subway right? Like, god... I don't doubt some of these assbags are homeless. I also don't doubt that's probably entirely voluntary. But these kids are fucking sitting around with dogs and signs asking you to get them home. How much is the fucking ticket you scab? I'll buy it for you.

Alas, before I get on with the f-bombs and the name calling, lets examine the facts of this performance in detail:

S&M: Rihanna & Chris Brown Solved!

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 19:48:00 +0000

Let these two clowns have their fun.

I'll pass on the fury of concern over these two muskrats. It just is what it is: Her box must be Christmas, his dick must be Magic. Maybe they are soul mates. Maybe the passion that burns between them (right...) is something more powerful than the rest of us working class mere mortals will ever truly comprehend or experience in our life times. Good for them. I'll be okay. Or, maybe, some bitches get their nuts from a punch.

Yesterday I was playing Rihanna's single Talk That Talk (ft Jay-Z) on repeat. I'm love-hate with her. I really liked her last two records. I really don't care for this new one. But the track opens with Jay and it's got that continuous drum thing going on. And I'm a sucker for drums so I bumped it all day. The lyrics are pretty basic: she wants him to talk dirty to her. She wants him to tell her how he wants it and she'll get it right on the first try etc, etc. By the time I went to bed last night it dawned on me that what happened three years ago was probably a really big misunderstanding. The two love birds had probably been getting freaky in the Lamb and Chris went in extra tough because Rihanna loves that Rude Boy shit, and he missed her safe-word. And by the time it was over her whole face was pummeled and somebody called the cops. I'm super-cereal when I tell you I think that's what really went down.
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Sister Christian, What Are You Saying?

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 21:18:00 +0000

So I'm reading this book, The American Sexual Tragedy, which is some psychoanalytical survey of sexual attitudes in the 1960s. It's a repeat of a survey done in the 50s. I just finished the end of chapter 1 - The Beautification of Beauty. That chapter alone serves up hella delectable food for thought, though nothing you couldn't figure out without a scientific study. For instance, modern media is full of images that make people insecure. Then there's this gem of information - unhappy women with psychological disturbances were found to have physical insecurities which in many instances tied directly to their unhappiness.

WHAT?

Stop it!

It makes me wonder why I act so crazy as I do. Cause, let's be real, I'm fucking pretty! But then again there was a really good point made about how all that emphasis on looks can also fuck a broad up because she can become so empty inside, and so resentful of not having any real sense of worth after having succumb to all the physical pressures. I mean, FOR SHAME!

Surely, I can recall with ease how they loved me when I was young because I was fair, and had "good hair." Oh they dolled me the fuck up they did. But then again my mother was batshit - though I'm still not entirely sure why - and she liked to fawn over my looks while at the same time managing to punish me for them. I have my theories... Anyway,

This song... I used to listen to it and think the singer was advising me to stop running around like a hussy. I thought the song was one of those "you gotta live right" type of ballady things. Then I saw the video. I almost feel like he is telling her to stop being a good catholic girl because if she waits too long to give it up he wont wait for her...

I AM SO CONFUSED!!

MOTORING!

Love Will Make You Cray.

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 19:03:00 +0000

I know I put on a good game with all this talk of my "amorous feelings" and how I can spend two days listening to Robin Thicke and wind up in a super romantical headspace, but let's take a moment to be honest: Love is for the birds. I don't want to make any bold blanket statements like how everyone I know who is in a relationship goes batshit, or actually seems very unhappy. But...

I just cant seem to wrap my mind around the point of these things. Why would you subject yourself to one person who more often than not is probably going to treat you like shit because they're insecure? Let's be serious. Committed relationships require compromise and understanding. And after all that rose-color sex wears off you're either going to wind up in constant disagreements or in a state of extended silences. Or my personal favorite, the back-and-forth see-saw of "what are we doing here" and the "i think you like me more than i like you" or the "i'm not ready for a relationship."

Why don't you just not do it?
Why are you doing it?

Some people want to get married. Some people want to start families and have babies. I can't hate on them for this. Though you already know where I stand on babies. But if you want a baby, then I want you to have a baby. And if you want to get married and buy a house and make your babies there, then I want you to have that. But if babies and the house and the marriage is the end goal, then couldn't you just plug anybody into the equation? If you already know what you want then why would you put up with and endure someone who's not giving you that? Because you think one day they will? I guess. That's you, but not me black. I just don't understand how or why you would endure or try to cajole and persuade and convince, or wait out for the other person to feel the same way you did and want the same things you wanted. Must your love, your relationship be a fucking a project?
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Stop Your Whining

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 21:55:00 +0000

Seriously guys. Again? Do I have to explain this to you again?

Look, the government is retarded. People with money form companies to make them more money, and they pay money to keep their system of making money in tact. It's really all just a game and a joke. Money isn't real, but it is. We all need it, cool. And it sucks that people die for it. It sucks that it's not evenly distributed. But you know what else isn't evenly distributed? Fucking knowledge. Get a grip.

What is all of the fussing and fighting about? Because of rights? And our bodies? And religious non-freedom? And they're fucking with the food? Bro, chill out. All of these things are happening and it's retarded and it's not right and I feel you, I really do. Injustice is a thing and it sucks. But in the grand scheme of thing there is (-) and there is (+) and the whole thing is just an equation in need of balancing. And one day we're all going to die and none of this is going to mean anything so stop clinging so hard, and start fucking enjoying yourself.

So I guess you could stress out and protest, and write and read and share articles and memes about how Time magazine in America will have animals on its cover, but every other issue around the world has "The Most Interesting/Dangerous/Powerful/Whatever Man" on their covers. I guess if that's working for you then you should do it. If that makes you feel better you should do it.

Just remember that whatever you fill your mind with is what you will fill your life with. So as long as your consider your rights encroached upon, as long as you believe the government has gone mad and is out to get you then you will perpetuate that. And you will stress out and you will worry and you will feed the beast with your fear and your anger. I mean I guess there's stuff to be said for anger. But let's be real, aint nobody about to take to the streets and die for this shit. Nobody's willing to really fuck shit up Egypt style over it. Stop acting like you are cause you're not. We're Americans and we're complacent. We created the police state. We caved to fear, we handed them control by blindly believing the government would do its job of serving us, when we knew all along that the United State government does whatever the hell it wants. Slavery, Womens Sufferage, Civil Rights, Native Americans, Rodney King, etc, etc, etc.

Exactly when did you think this country was going to change? Oh wait, don't answer that.

Anyway look. If they take birth control away that sucks. I'm sorry. Maybe you should just wear a fucking condom or swallow instead. I don't know what else to tell you.

Weekend Reflections: I Wanna Be Your Lover [And But] Nothing Means Anything

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 18:18:00 +0000

smoochies on the beach at dusk seem kinda cliche, but i'd probably be into it. duh, i so would.

I don't know where these amorous feelings are coming from but they've been overwhelming me for a while now. First, I was born.... hahaha no. But seriously, at the start of the week I was working on my latest project - Money Tastes Like - and I was outlining a series of flashbacks between Caitlyn and her boyfriend, David, covering their first meeting, and consummation. So naturally I had to tap into some past experiences. You can't very well just make up an entire story, let alone a scene between lovers with out any experience on the matter. (Which now that I think about it is probably why I get so much action. It's all for the story. Duh.) Anyway, so there I am recounting some better moments in my mind, and scribbling them down, getting in the zone.

Then on Wednesday I started on a project for a colleague of mine, Saleem Clarke of DreamWriteNow, doing edits and layout for his upcoming release, Cupid's Infiniti. So I figured what better way to get into the zone for a book of love haikus from the point of view Cupid, than a playlist of every song in my library with the word "Love" in it. Oh, Girrrrrrl. I mean we're talking tracks like Lil Wayne - How To Love, Ke$ha - Ur Love Is My Drug, Robin Thicke - Wanna Love U Girl, Make U Love Me, Love After War, Would That Make U Love Me, Lady Gaga - Love Game to Queen - Crazy Little Thing Called Love to Billy Ocean - Lover Boy and Love Zone, Phil Collins - Easy Lover, Robert Palmer - Addicted to Love, Good Charlotte - Victims of Love, Fergie - Clumsy, Cher Lloyd - With Ur Love, Gwen Stefani - Serious, Beyonce - Love on Top... You get the idea. I'm the most susceptible person I know. It was soap operas, love songs of the 70s, and romance novels that made me want to become a writer in the first place.
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No Backsies

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:47:00 +0000

Brody Jenner: hottest serial dater alive. Why even do it to yourself with one of these...?

We can't very well back-peddle our way through life, why even consider it in Love?

So last week I had this little episode where I wound up on the phone with this guy I used to see and we'd arranged to meet up at some point in the coming days and catch up. And when I hung up the phone I was all sorts of confused as to why I'd even agreed to that. There were a few resulting thought confusions: I kept remembering our hook-ups; I briefly considered this other guy that I'm currently fanning the hots for, and I wondered at the legitimacy of those hots if I could so easily be overcome by returning hots for a previous beau. It was all very stupid. And you know why? Because people rarely change, and they certainly don't do it 4 - 6 months. When you pull the plug on a situation, when you respond to your gut and you get out you've got to give your gut some credit. Not all boys are worth the noise. The world is full of them and there are hot ones all over. Why settle for the lames? But I can't really talk shit right, because I did date this guy for a while. So I have to acknowledge that I have a sweet tooth for attractive losers - in other words I am of questionable tastes, and a sucker...yeeesh!

If I'm going to rationalize this (which I'm going to...) I guess some part of me hopes to validate my poor taste by inspiring some sort of transition in a lame. Wouldn't I just looooooooooove to be the reason you stopped being a bum, and got a shot of ambition up your ass? Wouldn't I just love to know that it was because of me that you became reliable? Stopped lying? Got your shit together and behaved like an adult instead of a 9 year-old. Oh, I'm not meaning to sound bitter, and this could really apply to anybody... I'm just so over it! On the one hand I recognize I'm nowhere near emotionally mature enough to even consider what it means/takes to be in a serious committed relationship. Even the sequence of that combination of words gives me uneasy feelings. But I do like companionship, smoochies, face-time, excitement, projects, brain fireworks, etc. I don't know what the happy medium is, but I sure am tired of always ending up in sucker situations with the wrong dudes. Urrrgh. Safe to say, this time around I've learned that lesson: You can't go backwards and expect to move forward.

Anger Becomes Her

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 05:13:00 +0000

I don't know man. I'm over here trying to evolve, pretending like I'm making some sort of progress in understanding things... But really, I don't know.

I had some words with a friend the other night. I'd wanted to talk calmly, but she called me out for being a bitch then hung up the phone. (I'll admit I had pretty shitty timing, but everything's clearer after the fact..) Then I went in via text. Then I called my besty for life (bc when you've known each other longer than you haven't you have to stay friends...) and he came through to calm me down - more like keep me out jail.

I don't feel good about how I handled it. But I do feel certain that our friendship was on it's way out anyway. And here's the thing, I'm not gonna be the one who comes at you on some one, and two, and three and four about my "feelings" and that time when, and that other time when, and this time when... I'm just not that person. Period. I usually do speak up on something that rubs me wrong, and for the most part people can tell what may or may not fly with me. And you know, I know there's something to be said for "talking about your feelings," but my problem with that is everyone is likely to disappoint someone at some point, so why would I give anyone more ammo to hurt me. If I even start "opening up" then you've got the cheat sheet. Fuck that.
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Oldies & Goodies

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:18:00 +0000

My best friend forever, Edmond, got me an ice pink i-pod Nano for Christmas because he's a G who hearts me even though I don't do Christmas and even though I threaten him about 333 days out of the year. But still, right, mad cool! Anyway, I was sliding around on the icons menu and saw Radio, and tapped it! To my wonder the flipping Nano is a flipping walk-man! Who knew?! Did you know?! I didn't know. So I'm back in NY for the week and I've been locked into the 101.1 CBS FM for the past two days, because apparently I'm like 60 or something. But whatever you know, the oldies station never lets you down..
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I Used To Be Afraid of Myself

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 19:53:00 +0000

The only way to truly be a Free Spirit is to Free your/my Spirit

I'm currently reading The Lens of Perception by Hal Zina Bennet. Hal is a healer. His books are written to help people connect to their spiritual nature. Lens is a pretty trippy read. It explains how there is another world inside each of us that's just as real as the external world we're playing a part in. This internal world is our Perception. Hal suggests that learning to work with that world and pay attention to our insides is our greatest asset toward fulfillment in the external world. It's basically very simple hippy/new-agey type philosophy. You know, the kind I like.

The book talks about dreams, and spirit guides. Hal promotes having conversations with characters we dream about, or that we hallucinate. In effect he recommends talking to ourselves. I've been reading the book, and comprehending it easily. And I'm not trying to downplay or mock the material, because I actually do like it and believe it. But I haven't set out to try any of the exercises he's outlined for channeling any of my own characters, etc. I realized why today.
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The Opposite Sex Has Always Promised To Be My Undoing

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 17:55:00 +0000

My life is soooooo hard!
sooo hard!

I'm being completely sarcastic, because my life is truly a thing of radical awesomeness...but men, I swear. I'm the most successfully single person I know. I have a penchant for keeping my status this way. I fall for dudes pretty regularly, I run head first at a fella who sparks my fancy, and I know how to get what I want. The trouble is I never know for sure what I want, or how long exactly I'll want it for.

Relationships seem nice, on the surface, or in my mind's eye. I like the idea of banging on Friday or Saturday night, and waking up Sunday morning with some smoochies and what not, reading and relaxing in bed, and then getting on with life. I like cuddling on the sofa. I like texts through out the work day. What I don't like is not liking your friends. I don't like you not having any ambition. I definitely do not like you constantly being surrounded by lots of girls and making no effort to indicate to them that your johnson is very well attended to, thank you very much. I don't like watching my guy flirt with other people, or hanging out with that one girl friend he knows has a thing for him... I don't like broken promises, or faulty plans. I don't care much for excuses. I like honesty. Keep it real and I'll do the same. I've had the head games and I don't like those either.

I find I dislike more things about relationships than I like about them. Did that come out right? Yeah, anyway...
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Somebody That I Used To Know

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 22:34:00 +0000

Somebody!

Be prepared for this to read like the diary entry it is. My search for knowledge and meaning has led me to understanding that sometimes truth is made up of two seemingly contradictory parts. I suppose it can even be made up of many parts that appear to contradict each other while maintaining integrity. For instance:

1. Nobody is perfect

2. We are all perfect

1. Nobody is perfect. No one has it all figured out. No one that you know, respect, love, hate, admire, or judge has it all figured out. Not me, not you. No one always gets it right, and no one is without their share of issues, troubles, secrets, and fears.

2. We are all inherently perfect. The human was perfectly designed and developed to survive on the planet it inhabits, born with all the physical and mental faculties to overcome any sort of adversity, and manifest any set of destinies it so desires. (If you need reminding of this fact, just read up on the systems of the body. Or consider every knick-knack and gadget invented in the last 300 or so years.)
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The Headlines

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:26:00 +0000

Explosives: How shit gets done.

I’m still developing my personal philosophy and belief system. So far these are some truths I agree with:
We are part of an infinite and interactive Universe. Everything is made up of the same thing, and everything makes up the one thing. Truth is perception is choice.

That being said I’ve taken a stance of objective humor toward everything. When personal situations call for it I quickly and clearly establish my boundaries. My speech is much shorter-winded than my writing. I’ve found people are simple and comprehend shorter messages better. On a more impersonal scale, in terms of World events and Headline news I’ve resigned that the collective human consciousness must just love confusion and bullshit. And the whole thing is a joke. I mean, it has to be!

Let’s look over this week’s events:

The former Governor of Mississippi granted over 200 pardons before he left office. Rednecks are in an uproar. Okay, that was harsh…but they are. Because holding onto anger, grief, and you know “righteous indignation” is a much better way to live than exercising compassion, forgiveness, and release. Bury that horse in the ground. Come on, man.

The Marines who whipped their dicks out and pissed on the dead have been identified, charges are possible. Hilary Clinton’s got long hair now. It’s cute how she’s femmed up since not winning the democratic nomination, and taking position as Sec. of State. Good for her, but she actually looks more like a lesbian now than she ever did before. Whatever, this is besides the point. (Also, mean, right? Or just my honest opinion….) Anyway, Clinton said in a press conference that the matter would be investigated and that anyone involved would be held accountable. That’s nice. I like lip service. I really do. It feels good to my sense of denial, as I’m sure it does the rest of the country.

But let’s touch the subject matter a little deeper. We created a war for a myriad of debatable reasons. We recruited young people by the howmanyeverthousands, and the prevailing mantra of this country is we’re right, us against them, we’re better. These are ideals that are engrained generations deep. But how much better are we really? The kids aren’t very well educated. The wealthy who have good schooling, also have too much entitlement to ever consider “serving” their country in any way that counts. A hefty portion of those people who do serve quickly succumb to group think. There is no class and honor to any branch of the US military. The last good fight was won in World War II. That was the last time these states knew Unity.

And you’re telling my chares are possible? This guys pissed on the dead. I don't care who the dead are, you don't do that. Part of being "better than" your enemies is actually respecting them. There is an art to war. The US is like a 3 yr old fingerpainting war. This is what we're hanging on the fridge of the World. God job! Charges had better be mandatory. Charges had better be imminent. I doubt it…. But they ought to be.

Also, a top Iranian scientist got carbomed to his maker. That’s got to suck. A few weeks ago the US was talking trade sanctions, or some other related bullshit. Basically Iran is not allowed to explore nuclear science because we don’t like them. This is some straight Sidney Sheldon Windmills of The Gods shit. Who knows who blew that guy up? But everyone needs to take a giant chill pill and stand in a corner.

Is any of this stuff really worth it? I mean, how did the world get like this? Are any of us really removed from any of it? Can we be? Or did we actually manifest this insanity? And do we or don’t we perpetuate by ignorance and side-stepping?

I get a little incensed by the news sometimes. But I spent a few summer volunteering with special needs individuals. Getting mad at retards for doing retarded shit only makes you look and feel retarded. I guess we’re all just a bunch of dumb humans.

Enjoy some Buddha quotes from BrainyQuote.com

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.

In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true.

Weekend Reflections: I Can't Seem To Understand It

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 19:40:00 +0000

I'm just sittin here, watchin the world, thinkin bout stuff...

I've gone on a self-inflicted hiatus. A writer's hiatus. Sometimes I get this way. I have to reestablish boundaries between myself and my mission (writing) and my inclination toward distraction. I'm super sociable, and I like to drink and smoke and kiss dudes. But let's be real, just because it's easy to engage in these activities doesn't mean they actually satisfy me. Hooking up and raging only barely even inspire me. Not to get too conceited, but my mind is the most fascinating place I like to past time. (that makes me sound a little cray, no?)

I like reflecting. I enjoy contemplating. I love feeling thoughts float in and out of my brain; memories and speculation. My absolute favorite topic to ponder is purpose. What is the point of anything? Why do I do what I do? Why do I want to do what I want to do? Why am I alive? Is there a point to any of it? Why did you go to school, and get a degree? Why do we have jobs? Why do we vote? Why do countries go to war? Why do people fall in love? Why do we die? What is the point and purpose?

I am not kidding you when I say this is all I ever think about all the time. Oh, and yes, I know: I think too much. (No such thing)

I like to party and drink and sex it up when I need a break from thinking. But my purpose is to think and and write, and I can't very well be productive at both drinking and raging, and thinking and writing. I can not give both equal focus and succeed. I value one over the other (writing), it's just that the other is easier. But it's not in my mission to do the easiest thing. It's in my mission to challenge myself and love what I do.

I think "Purpose" is both subjective and universal. I have a few personal theories on truth, nothing really original. Rather a combination of things I've read over the years. I think there is a oneness, and infinite ways of perceiving it. Boom. I don't think there's any point in getting wound too tightly over anything, because nothing is permanent anyway. Like for instance my anxiety...When I get antsy - as I've been for the past three weeks - I hate it. I know I'm feeling insane. I'm struggling to write. I don't want to socialize, I can barely follow a clear pattern of thought. I'm incapable of doing anything because I'm unmotivated, and even less inspired by any of my half actions. I feel like an empty mass, devoid of motion and passion. I know of course that the feeling will pass. It always does. But it requires some action, and some thought.

It's hard to think up actions when you can hardly think straight, but my hunger for Purpose fuels my journey. I can not idle. I don't know how. At my most frivolous I'm just trying to entertain myself and see if I can't find a point in the trivial. The whole thing is really whatever I want it to be. I'm sorry if this didn't make sense. I just wanted to try and explain where I'm at.

Fun Is Thumping. I Like It.

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 16:56:00 +0000

The Set-up: I live in Bushwick. Went into the pizzeria, MTV Hits was on. Saw this video. Slow motion, action, lots of visual mess, hipster hair cuts, consistent thumping, borderline emo belting, talk of youth, and drinking. I was sold. Also, band name: Fun.

I'm going to see them in DC in May.

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Fiction Preview: "Tastes Like"

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 14:53:00 +0000

Here's a snippet from my latest endeavor, Tastes Like (working title). Get the full 500 over at Poems&Tales

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are delayed due to train traffic ahead of us. Please be patient. Thank you for riding with MTA, New York City Transit.”

A familiar computer-generated male voice crackled into the crowded fourth car of a downtown local 6 train. With the push of a button the conductor had, presumably, alerted all the crowded cars of that train at the same time. It was 8:15 on a Thursday morning in the beginning of November, and save for the homeless man asleep in the second car, with plenty of space to stretch his swollen legs and to whom the message did not apply, none of the commuters’ patience was in need of petition. The homeless man barely stirred at the automated audio. He stirred instead at his own dreams. He wasn’t on his way to anywhere. He was already where nearly everyone else on the train wanted to be – asleep.

It would be an estimated average of fifteen hours before they got there.

More at Poems&Tales

Mob Wives: Season 2 Premier

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 14:17:00 +0000

You already know I've been waiting all *bleeping* fall for this!

Cast photo (Like Dynasty in this bitch!) from the Facebook Page

If you haven't seen this show yet, I'll bring you up to speed as best I can. Four frenemies (who were either born into the mob, or married to career criminals) live on Staten Island, smoke cigarettes, and drop F-bombs roughly every two minutes.

If you have seen the show but missed the season opener I'll spoil it for you - Renee had plastic surgery. She got her whole body redone, and she does look a little nicer. But because she's a total drama queen, she was crying and writhing about the pain, and tried to sit up after surgery - thus ripping all the stitches in her back. She lost a lot of blood, had to have a transfusion, and was in the hospital for something around 16 days. (You know this shit would never happen to Kris Jenner) Anyway Renee recovered but wound up all types of butthurt that Carla didn't call her while she was in the hospital.

I mean, I sort of feel her on this. Because your friend's supposed to be your friend - especially considering you got her on TV, considering your cousin executive produces the show and all. So like, yeah, the other broads should kiss your ass. I feel you. But, remember that time you invited her to your house and then told her you didn't like her boyfriend and then proceeded to fist fight with her about it? I mean, why should she call you while you're in the hospital? They told you not to get plastic surgery anyway.

Moving along... the real juice that's all anyone cares about is Drita & Karen. So naturally, having survived her "Plastic Surgery Nightmare" Renee throws herself a celebration of life/birthday party. I mean, she babbles on about friendship and positive vibes and all this stuff, but makes a point of not inviting Carla - going so far as to tell Drita that Carla is not invited. Meanwhile we all know Drita and Carla are super homies like that. But okay. Positive energy and friendship #YoureDoingItWrong.

Year In Review: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do (Not Really)

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 00:34:00 +0000

Is it really though?

I don't know why it's hard for people to be honest. I don't usually have a hard time saying what I think about anything; myself or other people. And I don't lack tact either. I'm a writer for crying out loud, I know how to say things nicely. On top of that I'm usually very considerate of other people's feelings. This doesn't prevent other people from taking issue with my expression though. (A lot of people rather I didn't talk so much, especially so honestly, all the time.)

Sometimes I look at a social "situation" and its solutions seem obvious: just walk away. Not everything is permanent. And I don't think everything is fixable, or possible. Okay, well I do (or I'd like to). But I'm equal parts realist and idealist.

Ideally, we're all honest human beings who are able to consider someone else's emotions as though they were own. Ideally, we wouldn't lie to one another, or make willfully selfish decisions based on passing whims when we knew those decisions would have longer lasting effects on those close to us. Ideally, we would each believe the best of ourselves, fulfill that best image, and reach our universal higher potential - peace and happiness. Realism says - I'm not alone in this perspective, but I'm not part of an overwhelming active majority either. Realism says people build walls, people act like they don't care when they do. Realism tells me that some people are famished for attention and affection. Realism forces me to inspect myself with the same intensity I choose to judge others. (Because the idealist in me retains that we are reflections of the same basic images, because we're not actually separate from one another).

But how do people reach resolution when honesty becomes absent? And how much honesty can exist in silence? Though, it is interesting to consider that silence might be the most honesty two people could share.

Last year I cut ties with people left and right. I don't have a problem doing that - but I might. My habitual severing of ties might actual represent some emotional retardation, right? Either that, or I just know what I'm willing to deal with and what I'm not. Talking points when people grow apart, or see situations from opposite sides, seems a waste of time to me. Emotions are good and great and all; everyone loves to feel love, and to feel fondly for people in their lives.

If the good feelings are still there, great. But when they've left, at the point you realize the "love" is gone, is it really worth the arguing, fighting, tears, and bullshit to get them back? Must we really feel anguish to earn happiness? How do you know which people and which situations are worth the turmoil and upheaval? They can't very well all be. And if it was easy to fall into love or friendship, if this occurred naturally, wouldn't it seem late to attempt to "work it out" after the fact? Isn't the time to work on your relationships while you're in them? Isn't everyday, every interaction, the time where the building happens? And the opportunities for growth are all over.

Every time you dismiss what's important to someone else, every time you deny your ability to empathize with you partner, every time you ignore what they haven't said is another mile between your relationship and the good feelings that came so naturally.

Breaking up isn't that hard to do. Walk away. The world is full of people, half of which may love you, half of which may hate you, a portion of which will love you and learn to hate you, and some you will hate and learn to love. Let's not talk it to death or suffocate it inside our knuckles, shall we?

Spotlight: Broken Glow Is A Band of Bros

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 23:21:00 +0000

Broken Glow will be playing NYE @NXTLVL in Bushwick. $5 at the door. Invite here.

Garrett, Brenner, and fan

Broken Glow is a real rock band. When I think of rock I think of the guttural feeling that good guitar playing can stir inside of me. I think of hard hitting drums that don't overwhelm the sound, but work with a song to make me understand its lyrics and feel a message that's more than just words. It seems more and more ridiculous to me to try and capture ideas and experiences like this by way of letters, when the truth is unless you like to rock you won't understand what I'm talking about.

The boys in Broken Glow - Brenner, Garrett, Paul, and Andrew - love rock music. They appreciate blues and jazz, classic rock, metal, and grunge. They even appreciate Beyonce for the instrument that is her voice. Music is their passion. It called to them, they answered, and making rock and roll is their life. Each of the guys maintains a full-time job (because, let's face it, that's the world we live in. and boys gotta eat.) while committing 100% to their group; rehearsals, recording, gigging, and touring.

It wasn't always such a solid arrangement. According to Paul and Garrett, in 2008 they played for seven months without a bass player. Brenner would argue, but he can't actually remember. From their start in 2008, Broken Glow has gone from five members to four, been through about four bassists, and switched their rhythm guitar/back-up vocalist to the position of front man. Earlier this year founding member John made an amicable departure from the group. He still comes to shows whenever he can; his support for his friends and their sound is evident.

Broken Glow's lyrics are in your face; powerful and relatable. Their songs manage to melodically kick life's ass, and provide you with sweetly placed breaks, hits, and solos. In an inde-scene where experimentation is lauded, and very much appreciated and enjoyed - don't get me wrong - it's still good to know that when I want to head bang, real rock & roll is not dead.

Children Are An Irresponsible Byproduct of An Irresponsible Society

noreply@blogger.com (Ruth N.) — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 18:36:00 +0000

In a world where hunger, poverty, illiteracy, war, and corruption are active situations we have yet to completely eradicate- as opposed to distant concepts we might consider - it seems nothing short of irresponsible to me that people continue to procreate. Having children these days is a lot less biology and survival of the species, and little more than vanity. I understand that we're biologically inclined to continue the species. But this is a basic notion that gives us very little credit for our decisions. It's obvious that we don't just fuck to make babies. A lot of us fuck just to fuck. It's not all science and basics. We're more advanced than that, wouldn't you say?

It would also seem to me that we're equally inclined to kill one another. It would be naive to expect that humans got to live forever. But is it really naive to expect us not to go about encouraging and increasing serious, life-threatening conflict with one another as often as we do? Each and every single member of the human family owes every other member of the family the same rights to liberty, and health that they expect to enjoy. If we're not living in the type of world where we remember this truth, and practice it, then neither of us has any business bringing a new member into the human family.
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