Reflections

Kaiti

2013-03-10T05:52:00.002-07:00

2013-03-05T05:54:00.000-08:00

Reading

2013-03-01T05:47:00.000-08:00

Morning

2013-01-17T05:33:00.000-08:00

Art Class

Erwin Bradley, January 10, 1960 - June 2012

2013-01-10T18:41:00.001-08:00

Today has been difficult, to say the least. Trying to choke back tears as I fumble through another day of teaching. It would have been his birthday today.

Only a couple of years ago we were all visiting at grandma's house. He coaxed his sisters to ride his motorcycle. I have to admit it was kind of funny watching my mom be the award older sister as he helped her fasten the helmet. Next it was my turn! I hopped on behind him and we were off; speeding through a scenic route. Since it was only my second motorcycle ride ever I was bit scared but I could also feel that I was safe riding behind him. It was fun!

Then grandma left us. That's when I last got to see him. We celebrated his birthday then too. The restaurant made him wear a silly sombrero. He blushed and we laughed.

There are other memories too. Memories from farther back, when I was just a kid. I remember the family reunion when he told us that his favorite hymn was I Come to The Garden Alone. Then there was the big thanksgiving in Salem, OR. Other scattered memories are there too; him pushing me in a swing, visiting together before grandpa died and again at grandma's trailer some time after. We have stories about him in my family; stories his big sister (my mom) told on him. I'll never be able to look at an ant with out thinking about how he ate one when he was little. He said it was kind of spicy.

It all plays before me every time I think of him. The past six months that has been just about everyday. I look at his pictures and wonder if the sadness will ever lessen? The only consolation I carry is that Jesus feels my pain too! My family and I are not the only ones who love my uncle Erwin Bradley. In fact, Jesus loves him even more. So tonight I cry a little more and know that Jesus cries with me.

2013-01-06T17:57:00.001-08:00

Hopelessness

2013-01-05T19:51:00.001-08:00

2013-01-04T19:48:00.000-08:00

Sabbath Rest

2013-01-03T19:56:00.000-08:00

Our First Tree

2013-01-02T19:41:00.000-08:00

Christmas Train

My favorite subject! Little Z!

2013-01-01T19:01:00.001-08:00

iPhone

So this is the typical January 1 post. You know the kind that promises to do better this year, blah blah blah. However, I just want to be honest from the beginning. I probably won't get things posted on a regular daily basis. Sometimes I might not even complete the activities on the days that it says they are for, but I want to try to take one picture each day. I want to try something new each day. So here is the beginning of many more experiments.

Snow Tales

2010-12-12T20:14:00.000-08:00

Today, the snow came. It looked like sparkly fairy dust against the grayish blue sky. As I limped through the field, flakey crystals blew across my face and I wished that it was fairy dust. I would fly if the snow was really magical. Then the sharp pain in my joints wouldn’t matter. I could flip and dance just as fast as everyone else. The cold wouldn’t bother me so much and I could simply delight in the glory of the falling snow.

The delicate fairy, the feisty cat, and the devious fisherman were waiting for me at the other side of the field. The fairy leapt nimbly about screaming with giddy delight. She left perfect prints in the snow as I scuffled along behind. Ahead I heard a gasp as one of the fisherman’s snow balls made its mark. When I finally reached the road I glanced up to see the fisherman duck and dive toward the snow as the fairy and the cat rushed forward in an attempt to make an icy end to his scheming.

We four were dressed like a wandering fairytale. We wore bright colored scarves, hats, gloves, layers and layer of clothes under our coats. Each of us filled a role in the grand adventure tale; the fairy, the cat, the fisherman, and the gimp.

My companions hopped over fences and briars as I clumsily stumbled over them. The woods were filled with snow laden evergreens and old dead trees suddenly made alive by the magic of winter white. We wandered on through brambles, rocks, and fallen log bridges. With each changing scene we stepped through yet another picture frame.

We were going somewhere, none of us knew it, but we were. We were on an exciting journey. Each of us needed to reach where ever it was we were going. It was a desperate mission. If we were all younger, perhaps we would have known where it was we were going. But something breaks when you grow up; you loose the ability to discuss your grand adventures with your companions in the proper vocabulary. So the story remains half told.

Along a turn in the river the fisherman build a small fire. He carefully coddled it to life. Sweet smoke blew across the rock and our faces. We didn’t turn away. It was the sweet smoke that you wish to smell deeper. The sparks danced into the twilight like fireflies. They flew along with the smoke whispering their secret messages. It was there that we four would spend the night. Curled up beneath an outcropping of rock, the fairy, the cat, and the gimp curled into a ball under a thin blanket that would soon be insulated by snow. The fisherman would sit by the fire, watching the river roll by, carefully making sure it never went out.

As the daylight began to slip away we were forced leave our fairytale adventure. The elfin sized fire shown like a lighthouse as we rambled back into the forest. The trees reached out for us, to hold us a bit longer in their spell. We, I think, longed for them to seize us; to save us from returning to adult life.

Through the tall weeds, the prickly vines, a precarious leap over the stream, and a final scramble up the embankment lead us to the road. So we leapt, or danced, or sauntered, or limped our way home.

Today, the snow came. Now curled up on my couch with lebkuchen and a soy steamer, my friends sprawled out in various locations around my living room, I wish the snow could come everyday.

Surrendering Our Man Made

2010-08-23T11:23:00.000-07:00

Why do I worry about the future?

Perhaps because I'm a woman, and that's what we do.

Or maybe because I don't trust. A trait I inherited from my mother, who got it from her mother, who learned it from her mother... passed all the way down from my grandmother Eve.

I worry because of pride. I think, somehow that I can to do things better. I don't let go and let God. I've got my own plans for myself.

There is this secret desire inside of each us to be great! We talk about life purpose, but what we really mean is that we want to be something important. "My life needs to have meaning!" We say, deceiving ourselves into believing that our motives our pure.

As Christians we develop "high" goals of missions or outreach. "If I can just change others lives!" We gush with holy enthusiasm, yet in our hearts we are looking for self-glory.

I've filled my own life with my own man made dreams. In the name of God I've struggled to make my life more than it is. If only....I could reach that goal, then my life would be worth living! I've sought to accomplish something great. Over romanticized visions of the future. In the end, my desired dreams and self sacrifice added up to empty self-glorification.

By God's grace, I'm choosing now to lay down my man made dreams. Letting go of all my own ideas for my future. I want to be emptied. Let me now live a life only to Christ. That is the purpose for my life. No more grandiose ideas, no butterflies or rainbows, just me and Jesus.

Planning Fright

2010-08-03T09:49:00.000-07:00

Each time I tell someone I'm a teacher I feel confidant. Ya! I'm a teacher! It's great to say; to feel like you know something. I think, "Ya, I'm a real professional!" I can sit down at a table with other teachers to throw around the "teacher" lingo, a few buzz words here and there. I know what they are saying; we get each other.

But then ...

I sit down with my text books in front of me. I can feel the panic slowly to the pit of my stomach. "What am I doing!" My head is screaming at me. "What was I thinking! I can't teach! High school English?"

I think it's like stage fright, except different.

I stare at the list of things to cover: personal writing, subject writing, creative, writing, persuasive writing...the list keeps going. "I don't know anything! I'm not even a good writer!" The panic is getting worse. "How do I want to approach this? Will they just tune me out? What if I'm not creative enough? How do I grab their attention?" I only have one of my four classes laid out on the table and already I'm overwhelmed. "How to I choose what to cover and how and when and....."

I should know all this. I've been teaching for five years! Why can't I figure it out? Ugggg... looks like I might be doing some flying by the seat of my pants if I can't scrawl out even a basic outline!

Seek First the Kingdom of God

2010-07-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

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How do we care for nature without worshiping it? We must cautiously walk the line between care for our world and embracing animism. “Nothing must come before the kingdom of God, including the desire for a simple life-style.” “The person who does not seek the kingdom first does not seek it at all.” (Schut p. 185 &186) If we put nature before God we cease to care and protect it; instead we move toward idolatry.
            This idolatry manifests its self in the subtle forms of animism, pantheism, Wicca, and New Age. All of these religious expressions begin by seeing nature as more than the created. Each of the beliefs has been woven into some Christians’ belief systems. Such worship is deadly to the true Christian walk.
            Satan does not wrap his forms of religion in unattractive vessels. His lies have some truth carefully mix in as to draw you unawares. Each form of nature worship holds the truth that we were made to care for our world. Yet it artfully wraps this and exalts the creation above the creator.
            When we fall for these kinds of worship we loose our grip on God’s principles. We can no longer find the true rest in a simple life. Contrary to scripture, we come to care more for the perceived “soul” of the natural world than for the hearts of the people for whom our Savior died. In the end, even our successful efforts to better that planet’s natural systems have failed.
            The best way we can care for the planet, is not to seek first global life-styles, but to seek first God. When we seek first our Lord, He cleans the inside of our hearts. The natural out growing of this process makes us the global citizens we should be. His love in our lives kills the selfishness that dwells within and guides us to give of ourselves in a life of simplicity.

Simplicity is NOT Optional

2010-07-18T11:17:00.000-07:00

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Simplicity is often presented a optional. It is one way of responding. While its true the ways simplicity manifest its self should be an individual question, for Christians, simplicity is undeniably mandatory.

Those who have gone before us (the “great cloud of witnesses”-Heb. 12:1) all walked lives of simplicity. There were rich men and poor men. Yet they were not obsessed with worldly ways or passions. They walked in simplicity before their maker and lived in harmony with world around them. Paul noted that he had not been burdensome to the church at Corinth. (2 Cor. 12:13, 14) He could not have done this had Paul not been living a life of complete simplicity. This is also true of more modern men of faith. It can be said of the reformers that “The simplicity of their lifestyle gave integrity to the Gospel they preached.” (Schut p. 157)

The questions that the Desert Fathers asked themselves: “What can I do without? …How can I lose myself? … How can I love God?” (Schut p. 152) are the questions we must be asking ourselves. These questions are essential. The answers will reveal to us what it means to walk a Christian path.

I fully believe that “We must once again ask what it means to live faithful lives in our day. But we must ask fully expecting to receive an answer and full expecting to be given the power to obey the call.” (Schut p. 157) The important part, however, or this asking is the believing and following through upon the answers we receive.

These are the questions I am myself constantly seeking to answer more fully. For me the answers are just now becoming clearer. If I am to follow the witness of those who have gone before me, to follow in the footsteps of Christ, I see a life of simplicity that demands my full devotion. I want a life where it can be said that my lifestyle pointed to the God of my heart.

Creation: A Reason for Sustainable Living

2010-07-15T10:17:00.000-07:00

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If our world was created by slow eons of time then it is nothing special. There would have been many climates and eco-systems that have come and gone. We would not be etching out a living on limited resources, but only a blip on the great continuum of time. Nothing can have inherent value if it is just the result of a lucky catastrophe.
The importance of simplicity, of conservation and restoration, of compassion is tied implicitly to the literal days of creation. “For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day…” (Ex 20:11) It was created perfect; a world that knew no sin. It stood before Him as a jewel. Each element, each day, God saw that His work was good. (Gen 1: 12,18, 21,25) Then in a crowning act, God created one more creature. “And God said, let us make man in our image, after our likeness; … So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”(Gen 1:26-27) Only after creating man did he add the word “very” to his observations. “And God saw everything that he had made, and behold it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.” (Gen 1:31)
Because our world issued forth from the mouth of God we have a duty to protect and care for nature. We have, as decedents of Adam, received a command from God to protect the world in which we live. “And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” (Gen 2:15) The duty is undeniable.
Further more; we have an obligation to the natural world as mankind brought in distress. “For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.” (Rom. 8:22) It was man’s choice of sin that caused the world to suffer as it does now. Thus we are compelled to care for it and to restore it as our Lord would have us to do.

How Much Is Enough?

2010-07-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

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     Alan Durning poses the question “When does consumption cease to add appreciable to human satisfaction?” (Schut p. 91) Yet the question begs to be asked, does consumption every really add to true satisfaction? It does add to personal comfort and at the most basic levels sustains life. Perhaps, though, the answer of how much is enough can be found not by looking at amounts of “stuff,” but by considering the true source of satisfaction.
            We have become so hung up on consumption that we do not even know how to consider life outside of these terms. “Traditional measure of success … [have been] gradually supplanted by a simple, universally recognized indicator of achievement-money.” (Schut p. 91-92) We selfishly judge our success by those who are under us and those who are ahead of us. “Cars today are almost the exact equivalent of the great Gothic cathedrals…” (Schut p. 93)
            Durning even suggests that while Moses could count the ethical rules, now they are innumerable. (Schut, p. 97) Though, if we went back to counting by ten we would find the solutions as natural outcomes of our principled choices. Matt 22:37-39 “Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the lord they God with all they heart, and with all they soul, and with all they mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself.” These verses sum up the Ten Commandments found in Ex 20.
If we are searching and following these Ten Commandments we will find the answers to the question: “How much is enough?” As we follow the commandments we will become less and less inwardly, selfishly focused and more outwardly, selflessly focused. Selflessness, compassion, and putting Christ first and foremost will answer the questions that quantifying never can.

Compassionate Living

2010-07-15T10:13:00.000-07:00

I have been writing some reflections for the master classes I have been taking this summer. Seems such a shame to waste all my thoughts on an e-mail to an instructor, so I've decided to post a few here. :D
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            Is simple living synonymous with compassion? A case could be made that the choices made in simpler living provides for others to live better lives, thus it is a compassionate response. Yet I wonder, is it inherently compassionate? Or does the level of compassion resonate with the one choosing the simpler life? Can one choose a simple life and it have the opposite effect of compassion?
            My aunt knew a family in her church that lived a very simple life. They always wore the same clothes, week after week, to church. They had a mid sized family with three or four children, yet lived in a tiny cramped house. It’s not that they were dirty, just very simply. Their church community saw a need and began to support the family in small ways. Everyone assumed that the family did not have the means to provide a better life for their children and the family never corrected the view. Once the children had grown and left the nest, the parents left their poor life style and began to better provide for themselves.   It seemed that they were the “poor” millionaires. They had given their children a much lower standard of living than necessary. They took away resources from those who truly could have used them. Their choice for a simple life was purely selfish.
            Others may choose to live simply as a matter of “salvation.” They become self-righteous and look down their snub noses at those around them who do not choose to live as they do. They carry a martyr’s cross, their simplicity is their suffering. They are free from the sinful wants of this life. Or so they believe. Simple living is not intrinsically, compassionate living.
It is also most important to remember that “Global living doesn’t attempt to impose limits on others.” (Merkel p 16) Education and loving examples are powerful ways of encouraging a wider participation in compassionate life styles. “Lasting change happens when people see for themselves that a different way of life is more fulfilling than their present one. Eknath Easwaran” (Schut p. 11) If we attempt in any way to force people to comply, or share our choice of a simpler life, we will not be successful and only become counter productive.
            Compassionate living is a fundamental Christian life style. In Matthew chapter 25 Jesus shows that compassion is what separates the sheep from the goats. Those who enter into His kingdom are those who have: “done it unto one of the least of these my brethren,” (Matt 25:40). When one chooses a life of compassion, a life which embraces “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.” they will consider how each of their actions effect others. (dictionary.com) Thus compassionate living is synonymous with following Christ. It is inherently selflessness. If then selflessness inspires simplicity then one could suggest that a compassionate life is tantamount with a simple life.
            So one may choose a simple life out of compassion; yet simple living does not always result in compassion.

My Prude Manifesto

2009-10-18T07:41:00.000-07:00

The word prude originally meant a discreet, modest, excellent woman. To be prudent means to have discretion or economy. So I wonder, how has society turned this, word which should be desired, into an insult?

Modern society does not value discretion or modesty. The more careless and unguarded you are the more desirable. Freedom is spelled in the giving away of all caution. The less attached to values or civility the more admirable. While claiming to be enlightened, they are still searching for peace. Void, they have gained the world and all it's logical knowledge. They are set "free" from the confines that have bound previous generations.

Looking at the wreck of broken unhappy people this philosophy has in it's wake, I don't care much to prescribe. So call me a prude. I'll bear the title with pride. It's true. I am committed to the values that so many scornful call prudish.

My value is not found in how much I can flaunt, nor in the brightness of peacock feathers. It is not found on the latest catwalk, nor in my ability to stick-it to fashion. However I am committed to bear my self with dignity. To modestly, tasteful, care for my body.

The depth of my mind is not measured in the amount of human babble I can consume. It is not found in the diversity of philosophy. My mind is expanded by the lessons from the one who gives all breath. The literature I choose to consume delves into the mysteries of the universe as given by the ruler of all that is and is not. There is no higher pursuit!

My character is not counted by the number of exploits I achieve. I cannot be judged by the onlooker. Instead, it is only found by my intimate connection with the Prince of my heart. Only He can rule upon the state of my affairs. Only He knows me.

Here is my true value, my ultimate prudishness. I hide myself in the Savior. His wisdom is of the highest quality. I seek to be a discreet, modest, excellent woman, by His grace.

The Inherent Value of Human Life

2009-04-09T23:26:00.000-07:00

{Recent conversations with people have lead me to consider the value of human life.}

What value does a single life hold? It has been said that if you add up the monetary value found in one human body the total would be about $4.50. This doesn't really make you worth very much. At that rate you are certainly replaceable. (http://www.coolquiz.com/trivia/explain/docs/worth.asp)

Beliefs about the value of human life boil down to two systems: contingent value and inherent value. Contingent value makes the value of a human life dependant upon variables. Therefore the value is conditional. On the side of inherent value, life's value is a quality that cannot be removed. The value of human life is permanent and consistent; it cannot be separated or changed. Inherent value simply is.

Contingent value has a long history and finds many supporters in various philosophies. One characteristic that these groups share is the desire to impose their own pursuits upon others (to elevate themselves or their group to some advantage). These form their own variables upon which they measure the value of a life. The ancient Greek Stoics found value through virtues. Those who did not poses these "virtues" were not considered worth as much. Those who were ill, maned, disabled, orphaned, etc were considered unable to posses these "virtues" and were thus not valuable.

The Stoics, however, were not alone in their philosophy. Many ancient peoples placed similar conditional value on life. The ancient philosophers valued "virtuous men." These men of virtue were mostly comprised of the educated, or those connected by specific kinship or state citizenship. Confucianism taught the suppression of individual differences for the greater common good. Value was here placed upon the group good, leaving the individual little or no value. Hitler taught that value could be based upon a person's European blood line.

Fundamentally, contingent value leads to oppression. Slavery, caste systems, the Holocaust, and mistreatment of the disabled, ill, or orphaned all arise from the belief that the value of human life is dependant upon a set of variables.

Taken even further, to the ultimate result, contingent value does not allow society to react to ones personal choices which may effect the quality or status of life. This means that anti-drug or self mutilation laws have no basis. What one chooses to do to or with ones life is based upon their own set of variables. Variables by their very nature can change. Thus we can also not speak against murder or genocide when they are based upon dependant variables. "Without inherent value in human life, at most these acts would be socially impolite or culturally distasteful, but never objectively wrong." (http://talk.thinkingmatters.org.nz/2008/the-inherent-value-of-human-life/)

Inherent value also has a long historical tradition. The Hebrews, and their forefathers, were the first to assign unconditional value on human life. While the Hebrews believed in just punishment of the guilty, the Talmud taught that innocent life should be guarded, even at the cost of other lives. The Torah also held that all life should be valued while the quality of life should never be a factor in its preservation. Jewish tradition mandates the preservation of all life (Jewish legal sources call this pikuach nefesh). One source puts it this way "When one destroys a single individual, it is as if that person destroyed the whole world. (Sanhedrin 4:5)" (http://judaism.about.com/library/3_intro/level2/bl_war.htm)

This belief is illustrated by the story of David and his punishment of the messenger who brought news of the death of King Saul. The messenger claimed to have happened upon Saul while he lay wounded on the battle field. Saul called out to the man and asked him to end his life that he might no longer suffer. The messenger hoped that by claiming to have taken the life of Saul himself he would secured for himself favor with David who's life had been relentlessly sought after by Saul. David, however, valued the life of Saul and was greatly distressed by the news of Saul's death. "And David said unto him, How wast thou not afraid to stretch forth thine hand to destroy the Lord's anointed?" (II Samuel 1:14, KJV) It was obvious that King Saul would have eventually died of his wounds or by the hand of the enemy army which was in hot pursuit of the Hebrews. Yet David was horrified by the messengers boldness to judge the King's life worthy of being cut short. The messenger himself died for his confession to the crime of murder.

Beliefs of inherent value where later shared with Judeo-Christian believers. These beliefs that all are of an equal inherent value were developed and expressed in a variety of ways. One example of the expression of this belief can be found in the United States Declaration of Independence. "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness." (http://www.earlyamerica.com/earlyamerica/freedom/doi/text.html) They believed that this value could not be taken away and should be preserved.

These two schools of human value are connected to the believers notion of God. Contingent value is connected to a lack of belief in God. The ancient Greeks and other philosophers, while they often believed in some form of deity, did not hold great personal connection with these deities. Their gods where not personal creators who loved and cared for their creation. Some cultures held that they themselves were smaller gods working their way to divinity. Many of the more modern embracers of contingent value do not believe that there is any divine being or purpose for humans. They hold that humans sprang from eons of evolution and have only accidentally achieved their modern state. By this humans cannot have inherent value because one is only an accident, survival of the fittest. So by these standards life's value can change based on the conditional variables one chooses to place upon it.

In inherent value ones life is locked with a creator God. The Hebrews and their forefathers, as well as those of Judeo-Christian thought, hold to a personal God. Genesis chapters one and two describe the creation of man in the image of God. Again, in Genesis 9:6 this connection is referred to when condemning murder. "Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man." (Genesis 9:6, KJV)

25 Random Things

2009-02-19T21:10:00.000-08:00

I compiled this a while ago and like the silly randomness of it so much I thought I worth posting.

1. My favorite two animals in the whole world are cows and hippos. (They are just too cute!)
2. My hair has naturally been black, blond, light brown with chunky blond highlights, auburn, and medium brown with auburn flex. All this without the aid of chemical dyes.
3. From childhood through my teens I was extremely shy. My biggest fears were strangers and guys. Working as a colporteur, however, freed me. (To this day I'm not sure what possessed me to do maga books.)
4. I love going to school and hope to return to college soon. (Learning is so invigorating!)
5. I hated math until I had to teach it. Now I have a strange fascination with the subject. (I've even checked out library books on the topic.)
6. In the eighth grade I felt burdened to choose a career and spent several weeks in prayer over the subject. I choose teaching then and only strayed for about three weeks, during high school, when I considered nursing.
7. My life time aspiration is to be a renaissance woman. (Maybe I will do nursing after all.)
8. My favorite college classes where: Research Design and Statistics for the class itself and Christian Beliefs for the company.
9. I no longer eat an American styled breakfast, instead I choose a large salad or steamed vegetables.
10. Currently, my favorite food is beans. Any kind of beans really. Bean make everything taste better.
11. Earthquakes scare me more than hurricanes or tornadoes.
12. Blood does not bother me. However, a story about blood will totally gross me out.
13. My childhood best friend and I used to stay up late into the night to discuss how to live the most practical lives.
14. At different times in my life I have acquired small vocabularies in Norwegian, Spanish, Korean, and Tagalog. (Except for Spanish, however, I never attained more than a series of lists and phrases.)
15. I'm horrified by most of my childhood fashion statements.
16. If I had my way, I go live in some third world country and run an orphanage; loving as many children as I could possibly get my hands on.
17. The last time I played dress-up (then also known as settlers and Indians) with a group of kids I was 16 yrs. old. I found, however, that I had lost my childhood imagination and it no longer worked for me. I was also much less excited by the mud pies and slug stew than I had previously been.
18. The older I get the more I realize how much I love to love children.
19. Despite my extreme lack of skills, I really like soccer!
20. I still have a childhood fantasy of digging myself a cave in the side of a hill and living in it. (Maybe kind of like the fawn from Narnia.)
21. Christmas mistletoe is still hanging in my kitchen. *kiss kiss*
22. Some of the best friends I've had I've never meet in person.
23. I set off the fire alarm in my college dorm room microwaving licorice.
24. I like turtles, however, I find empty turtle shells gross.
25. I have tried durian fruit twice. It smells like a cross between the outhouse and smelly underarms, but doesn't taste all that bad.

Called

2008-12-18T08:16:00.000-08:00

Recently I was given a personal challenge to pray a prayer of purpose. I've heard it said that you must be careful when really asking something of God. My prayers of "Where would you have me? How would you have me live in the now?" ended with direction I never expected.

When we ask God to show us purpose we probably expect something with flash or passion, something significant. There must be some great meaning or ministry, etc in plan for our lives. Answers to these kinds of prayers should be definitive; an explanation of where we are going. Or, so it would seem. The answer to my prayers was consistently -- suffer.

Suffering is not something we usually seek. In our humanity the last thing on earth we want to experience is suffering. Discomfort is unpleasant! In fact, at the threats of hell fire and brimstone some have become Christians to avoid suffering. But to truly follow Christ, suffering is unavoidable.

The call to suffer seems strange at first. After listening to it and staring into its face, I have come to see suffering as the call of the Christian. In Matthew 10:22 Jesus told his disciples that they would be hated because of Him. Some, though, may never experience much opposition here. While this is an important point for a Christian to contemplate, the call to suffer goes much deeper.

"Then Jesus said unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross, and follow me." Matthew 16:24 (KJV) The cross, the ultimate symbol of suffering is Christ's call.

Deeper still, the call to suffer is not mere pain or even the act of sacrifice. Paul warns that it is possible to even give your life away and yet have it be of no profit. (Corinthians. 13:3) The only way to avoid this is to do the hardest thing in all the world, to completely give up oneself to suffer. The daily inward surrender of ourselves is the suffering to which we are called.

In Hannah Hurnard's allegory Hinds Feet On High Places, the character Much Afraid is given two companions. Sorrow and Suffering, as her companions, to help her reach the High Places. Without these two, poor Much Afraid could not have accomplished her destination.

After Nathan the prophet condemned him, David lamented his state, "Behold, I was sharpened in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me." Psalms 51:5 (KJV). By very nature he was sinful. All humanity has the same nature. More than just mere inclination and tendency, self living is entwined within us.

While our hearts are so inherently self-centered and evil we are told, "Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:5 (KJV). Christ is love and selflessness. Just to acknowledge our nature can be difficult! Giving up our self will is painful. "...mortify the deeds of the body..." Paul tells us (Romans 8:13 KJV). As a natural human, I really don't want to mortify anything connected to me! Yet that is exactly what we need.

A few days back I was praying for wisdom to respond to an irritating situation. Nothing I tried seemed to work. I knew I was not in the wrong, so I used "righteous indignation" as an excuse to defend myself. Quietly God brought to my mind the picture of a silent Christ. He stood before His accusers, listened to outrageous accusations, and received torture in silence. He did not seek to vindicate Himself. He always let go of Himself. Yet these moments of silence are some of his most glorious.

Christ's life, free from self, is our example. For us to surrender to selfless living is to suffer. Any small surrender of one's will is difficult. If we then are not daily surrendering, and therefore suffering, we are missing the Christian calling. If we find that we are not suffering then perhaps we should examine our lives to see if we are truly surrendering to love.

Maybe if we would stop to listen we would all hear Christ whisper to our hearts
-- suffer.

10-14-04

2008-12-16T07:43:00.000-08:00

I recently came across a series of quick writes I did in 2004. The are a little bit ruff, but I thought one of them was worth publishing. So hear it is, unedited, in it's original form. Faith (10-14-04)

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Most of the time it's hard to just trust God without any evidence of what has been promised. It's easy to loose sight of the ultimate goal. Our small finite minds barely see past our noses. Through the glasses of faith we must grasp what is there just beyond our own sight. I often wonder, "God, what are you doing with me!" I like to have things figured out, I like goals and plans. But God simply calls me to take steps in faith. He has promised to supply all my needs. God does not call the equipped, He equips the called; or so they say. Yet I often stop to wonder, "How Lord?!"Things aren't lined up as I envisioned. You can plan and strategies, and have all the common sense in the world, yet in the end your ideas are never what really is. All logic may be employed to your cause; still nothing remains with in your control. So you must let go and let God. "I trust God; yet help that which I don't trust!" Moment by moment you must lay aside personal ambitions and ideas to grasp with the hand of faith. Our faith, that often so whithered and weakened hand, is strengthened only by exercise. "But how long Lord" I question. "Just wait." comes the patient answer. ... "Why not now? Why must I wait?" "I know best, wait" He answers. Oh the agony of faith!

Faith may very well be one of the most agonizing exercises of the Christian walk. It is as if you are standing on a precipice, blindfolded, and you are told to step forward onto the bridge. To your knowledge there is no bridge. Your senses tell you there is nothing before you. Still you must take the step.

"Take an unseen hand? What Lord?" We question His infinite wisdom. Trust in that which is not? No, it's there, we are assured, yet you cannot see it. Keep walking? But it maybe a long time? "Yes, it may. Trust me." He whispers. Hold on, don't give up! The time will come when we shall see the fruits of our faith. He has said it and so it shall be.

Bitter Sweet Satisfaction

2008-03-19T07:32:00.000-07:00

(Job Satisfaction-Part 2)

From the full mustache and the deep voice, it was obvious that puberty had long since past him. Still the boyish tangle of hair and his melancholy eyes spoke more of the years he'd fallen through the cracks. His folder told me that his school career is almost through; the system that somehow failed him is about to launch him into adult life.

He bent over the notebook paper, his brow creased with effort. "Spell want." I told him, and watched the large squiggly letters form. W-O-T. He relaxed waiting for the next word, while my heart broke. If he couldn't spell want I knew he couldn't spell caught.

As he sat before me I wondered who it was that first noticed he wasn't getting things. Had they just passed him by? How many failed papers or years of struggle had it taken for someone to reach out to this one? I felt angry! Here he was; there wasn't much time for him now. He had years of ground to cover and so little time.

Glancing over his profile I noted that he was "too old" for his grade. "Why hasn't anybody done something!" I wondered. Clearly he'd never even been given a second chance at a grade. The No Child Left Behind Act had been in effect when he was still in elementary school. "A lot of good it did him!" I send a silent angry vibe out to all the politicians. People trying to "make education better" who have never met kids like him, never had to sweat over a child. Here was one that all the politics hadn't done a thing for! They spout the catch phrases and wax eloquent over philosophy while hard working kids still don't make it.

Later, as we poured over a lists of sight words I again wondered how he's made it all these years. "Pro-pro-pro..." he sighed from exhaustion. "You've got that part, look at the rest." I encouraged him. "C-c-c," "Remember that c says /s/ here." "Cess.. pro, cess - process?" "Good!" As I looked forward over the list I could see numerous problems ahead: silent e's, long and sort vowels, digraphs. All cracks that he had fallen through.

Somewhere in the midst of counting all the rifts in his education I realized that I was happy. "This," I thought to myself, "is why I went to school!" So, for the first time, in a long time, I'm happy to wake up in the morning and head off to work. My student helped me realize how truly satisfying a job can be.