If it were up to me...

I'd get the job.

2012-01-31T10:29:00.000-08:00

This week, I'm prepping for job interviews for public librarian positions. I thought I'd share my own personal job search/interview rules, in case any of it is useful or amusing.

First comes the job search during which you must ask yourself some tough questions:

How desperate am I for a job?
Sometimes a really skeezy job is appealing because, well, you need a paycheck in a shitty economy. Other times, like if you are a librarian superstar or have a sugar bear who pays the rent, you can afford to be picky. In this case, you definitely have the upper hand during the interview. More on that later.
Am I willing to relocate?
You almost have to be these days. There are public librarian jobs out there, they're just WAY out there sometimes. Convince your family that Juneau is nice during the summer, or find a new sweetie who will relocate to Arkansas with you. Keep in mind that most public libraries are too poor to fly you out for an interview or pay relocation fees. Make sure, in an untacky way, they realize you are not expecting these things. If you find a nice library that will fly you out, HOORAY! That also means they must be pretty durn healthy, moneywise.
How secure is the job I'm applying for?
Do the state and local governments support libraries? Have there ever been layoffs? Have they recently reorganized and so many people have quit that they have openings?
Does the library have a thriving Friends group or Foundation? A healthy Friends group means community support and it could mean big money for your library that's easier to spend than public funds. On the other hand, some Friends are Frenemies and try to run the library themselves. (Side note: did you know that many Friends I know don't even have library cards? Strange, right? Some people just want to be involved in the community, some just know that libraries are important, even if not to them).
What do they want?
Read the job description carefully and work some of the ideas into your resume. See what databases they offer and become proficient in them. If you are a genealogy librarian applying for a children's position, make sure you learn your stuff by studying up and observing and talking to librarians with the position. Tweak the descriptions of your skills to fit the job.

Then comes the application, resume, and cover letter.
Seriously, people, don't mess this part up. As a librarian, part of your job might be to help people with their resumes, so you HAVE TO HAVE A GOOD ONE. Here are some tips:

No two of your own resumes should look alike. That means personalize them for the job at hand.
Don't get fancy. Libraries like to pretend they are cutting edge, but Skype interviews are as cutting edge as most libraries get. If you want to have a neato online resume, mention it in your cover letter, but don't send a link as a resume replacement.
Check your spelling and formatting and make at least four of your smart friends look it over. If you can afford it, hire a resume writer. Go to the library. Look up great examples and use their templates.
For your three references, choose one supervisor, one coworker, and one subordinate. It says to employers "I'm a good supervisor, I make my boss look good, and gee golly, my colleagues like me."
If they provide a mailing address and an email address, send your resume both ways.
If emailing your cover letter and resume, send the cover letter as an attachment rather than writing it in the email. There'a a better chance they'll print it out if it's an attachment. And save your files as PDFs to make absolutely sure they see exactly what you intend, rather than have an embarrassing doc conversion travesty occur.

When you finally get an interview, first, pat yourself on the back. This is a big deal. Probably jazillion people applied and they chose you to interview. The only person who can fuck this up at this point is you. Do the following and you might not ruin your chances.

The day before the interview:

Primp.
Fix those scraggy cuticles, shave your legs, trim your beard, exercise, eat some broccoli, get your hair or eyebrows done, etc. Just do what makes you feel your best, because during a terrible interview, you can at least rub your silky legs together and think, "Oh yeah, baby, I'm a goddess" (or a god, or whatever).
Read up.
Scour the library's website and familiarize yourself with their policies and offerings. Prepare some questions you can ask.
Watch train wreck TV.
Hoarders, Intervention, or Toddlers and Tiaras are shows that will instantly boost your confidence. Just imagine you are up against one of these weirdos and you'll do fine.
Don't be an asshole.
Go to bed early, don't binge drink, don't get into a fight with your partner, or get arrested. No one wants to hire someone who has face bruises or smells like the drunk tank.
Plan your route and your outfit.
Act like it's the first day of school and you'll do fine. But not the first day of high school, okay? That means not too much makeup, or any cologne or perfume, and don't show any cleavage, or look like a dumbass of any kind. Hide your cool librarian tattoos until after you get the job.

At the interview:

Bring copies of your resume and a notebook and pen.
Smile, make good eye contact, shake hands like Baby Bear (not too firm, not too soft, just right). Have good posture.
Be prepared to ask good questions, even if you don't care what the answers are. Just be sure not to ask something you could easily find on their website. Possible questions include:
-Why is this position open?
-How long did the last person hold the job?
-Have there ever been redundancies in this organization?
-Can you tell me about the organizational structure?
If you can afford to be picky, don't be scared to ask some tougher questions to really see if it'd be a good fit for you. Just be sure to save the questions for when they invite them.
Once in a while, you'll get an interviewer who overshares. Maybe on the way out, she tells you about her son in Iraq or how she adopted a crackhead over on Belmont and is helping to raise her babies, or maybe a family member just passed away. In the event of a rare overshare, try your hardest not to become personally involved. Listen sympathetically, but try to end the conversation as quickly and politely as possible. You don't want to miss out on the job because she's too embarrassed to ever see you again.

Lethal weapons:

Emphasize that you are fantastic at giving good customer service. Whether your customers are patrons or staff, interviewers should love this.
Have at least one "I used my discretion and had this great outcome" story in your back pocket. Mine (a real example) goes something like this: "This guy who worked for me hated answering the phone and avoided it at all costs. When he did answer the phone, he was rude to the callers and sometimes handed calls off to others. Coworkers were getting angry and complaining. While trying to figure out how to approach him, it dawned on me that his hearing was poor and he might not have liked answering the phone because he had trouble hearing the person on the other end. I tested out my theory by scheduling him on another desk where he didn't need to answer the phone, but only had to help people face-to-face. His customer service skills improved instantly and his coworkers were happy, too."
Have at least one excellent customer service story. I have the donut guy story (which I preface with "now this one was really going beyond the call of duty...). At the very least, have a simple "I smile at every person because it might be the only smile they see all day" kind of sentiment.
Somehow throw in that you don't participate in workplace gossip. Employers love employees who don't cause trouble and this is a good sign that you don't. Also, don't participate in gossip!

So that's it. That's how I prepare. Tell me how wrong I am or share your own tips! And good luck with the job search.

but this time, it isn't.

2012-01-20T10:47:00.000-08:00

I can't do it.

I was going to write a post about all of the Fresno things and people I will miss. I've started three times. But this time, writing is not coming easily to me. Instead, I've made a wordless list of things that have meant so much. One thing I can always make is a list.

you'd amaze me.

2012-01-12T09:21:00.000-08:00

Next week, I am going to write about everything I will miss about Fresno. There is so, so much. But quickly, I have to jump in and say that I've been completely whelmed by Fresno friends' kindnesses and words and support and love in the two weeks since we announced we'd be moving. I cannot believe how many creative, quirky, funny-as-hell, and incredibly intelligent people I've met in the short time I've lived in this city. Some of my favorite people in life have been collected here; the words and mementos with which you leave me are piling up in my mind and in my chest. You all are keepers, and you are always welcome in my home, wherever it may be.

you'd heart the parts, too.

2012-01-10T11:53:00.000-08:00

my favorite parts of us

climbing under cold covers
doesn't bother me at all
because your arm never falls asleep on the job
and my head is cradled on your chest like a little bird’s nest
in the crook of a tree

our loony morning songs
a thread of butchered and bumbling lyrics
where one starts, another begins
combing hair, washing face, singing, singing
usually rushed but never too late for
our indecently delightful duets

walking with you hand in paw
hearts out in front
discovering parts of cities no one else sees:
men on horseback, absurd fonts and mistakes,
fields of twenty feral cats,
quiet kindnesses hidden in concrete

i’ve never wanted to dance with anyone, did you know?
with you, i dance til i’m breathless
you make me want to pull on my party shoes
and then kick and laugh them across the room

driving 'round,
little trips and giant ones
you are never annoyed by my directional delay
you say "just stay with me and you won't be lost."

you have it just right
there is love
wherever we go

you'd caption this.

2012-01-10T10:00:00.000-08:00

UPDATE! A lovely going-away-to-Saint-Louis present for Travis and me. Man, I'm a lucky unicorn.

It was meant to be an artsy, lovey-dovey photo showing off the awesome contrast of our skin, but man! get a load of that fantastic farmer's tan! It looks like Travis dipped his forearm in paint, or someone Photo Shopped another arm into the mix. First, I showed Travis: "Whoa! Look how creepy your arm looks!" and then, naturally, posted it online.

The next day, SW Parra posted this Caption This cartoon on FresnoBeehive.com. I loved it right away because of the unicorn factor, but then I saw Lisa's comment: "This is so obvious, can't believe someone hasn't said this yet...This is a caricature of Travis and Gina! Duh!"

Then, yesterday, look what I got in the mail!

Travis made secret arrangements with S-Dub (as we affectionately call him) and the next thing you know, the lovely original is in our possession. And now it's framed and on the wall, just where it ought to be.

Thanks, S-Dub, for the illustration, but also for each new Caption This. I'm quite addicted.

you'd come along.

2012-01-03T08:13:00.000-08:00

There is big news in my life.

Since my return to the library in August, something I thought would make me happy, work has been cheerless. I've been behind the scenes versus surrounded by the public. Sitting all day instead of rushing about. The same (important, but not-for-me) tasks day in and out. Scowls and whimpers and silence in the hallways from people whose jobs have been turned upside down like mine. Fourteen (and counting) burned out light bulbs above my desk that no one will replace, no matter how many headaches I get. My blog was suffering. And on.

I went to school so I could work in a profession I love. I had that in my previous position (my first professional position!) and I'm determined to find it again.

This Fall, I started looking for jobs outside of California. California is not kind to libraries right now. Believe it or not, there are a ton of library jobs out there. You just have to be willing to fight the competition, uproot your life, spend at least $5,000 in moving costs, drug your cat, break your lease, wonder if the new man you love would want to come along.

But these are the things you must face when you are unhappy. You don't sit around and wait for something bright.

So I looked and applied and interviewed and had a second interview at a public library that seems just right, in a city 2,000 miles away (that happens to be my hometown), in a position that needs someone who is a passionate youth advocate, someone who respects each person as they walk in the door, someone who isn't afraid to try or speak up.

The interview was flawless. I never think that. Interviews dislike me as much as I dislike them. But this time, words flowed from my mouth that I didn't even recognize, I didn't stammer or um, a wonderful feeling enveloped me as I sat and spoke with the three smiling women, one of whom was compelled to side-hug me when I was taking leave.

By this time, my beau and I had talked it over. He's ready to get up and go, too, and no, there is no question--he won't let me go alone. He visited the city with me when I interviewed. He fell in love with it (and I fell more in love with him) and that was a wonderful relief.

But still, I haven't heard a whisper about the job.

Meanwhile, I've become more and more disenchanted at work, fantasizing about giving my notice and starting fresh somewhere new (and familiar). My beau did what any loving, wonderful, giving, generous man would do: he got a job offer first.

I breathed. Really?
Really, he said.
You rescued me from my job?
It's a fresh start, he said. I'm so excited to do this with you.

He said my demeanor changed immediately, but he didn't have to tell me. We leave for St. Louis in just a few short weeks. There is so much I will miss about Fresno, but that is a post for next week. For now, I'm excitedly planning and packing and singing along to this new song, full of a little something called hope.

I'd get a new iPhone.

2011-12-02T10:34:00.001-08:00

The tackiest thing I've ever done is beg my friends to chip in for a new iPhone. It all started on Sunday morning when I tweet-complained about my dinsosaur iPhone 3G.

A friend asked, why the hell, since I've had the thing since July 2008, have I not gotten an upgrade? Well, I was patiently waiting and saving for the newest one which came out in October, but the month before, I had a huge, unexpected car repair bill. Huge as in $2000, had to borrow money from my boyfriend, and resurrected three different "I've-promised-never-to-use-you-again" credit cards to cover it. After my pathetic lament, one Twitter friend jokingly offered me $2 toward a new phone. Another friend offered $2.50. Instead of laughing it off, I took them up on it. And then I asked for more.

My ChipIn was born. I promised personalized photos of my weird doll Johnny Slouch, ridiculous reader's advisory services, haikus, and the chance to curate Quotes of the Week. Did I really expect anyone to contribute? No, I don't think so. But then the very first donation came in: $10 from a sarcastic librarian I'd met once at a conference. Ten whole dollars! And then another $10 from my sister-in-law who I haven't called back in ages. And another $10 from one of my beau's oldest friends. And then $10 from a darling former coworker and friend from my days at the Public Health Department. It was really happening!

The first day, $111 of the $199 requested came in. When I woke up Monday, I felt a bit ashamed and silly about the whole thing. These nice, wonderful people, some of whom are struggling financially, are generously giving me money toward a phone? First world problems, indeed. Then $15 rolled in from a friend, along with the message, "I don't want your prizes, but could you pet sit for me?" Of course! Another friend demanded to pick me out an app "no matter what it is, okay?!" Yet another wanted to be the first recipient of a text message from the new phone. Almost to my goal, I continued on. And the contributions kept coming. $50 from one of my oldest friends (fifty!), $5 from someone I've never met, $16 from a close friend who I'd just snarked at online.

It took two days to reach and surpass the goal. Enough to cover taxes and the upgrade fee, even. I am going to pick up my phone tomorrow and I am beyond excited. My friends know how much I love blogging and technology and posting weird updates on Facebook and Twitter, so this is a dream come true.

What a funny experiment. Thank you so much, everyone! Truly. I promise never to beg again.

you'd LOLOLOLOLOLOL too.

2011-09-11T18:05:00.000-07:00

There was this:

And then this was born: http://khu.sh/usersong_4e6d57b6c248b

Thank you, Jesus.

I'd find it.

2011-08-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

untitled

scraping through this day
this year
too much has been stripped away.
self-pitiful glances in mirrors
but mostly too embarrassed to look.

can’t help but notice you chose a blue vase
for our funeral flowers.
i gave them away to the receptionist who has never been sent a bouquet,
that she might find joy where my sorrow begins again.

you don’t like them, she said, not a question.
shook my head no. never asked for them. never wanted them.

scraping through these thousand year days
knowing there is an end
there is an end
where is the end
there is an end

it'd make me stronger.

2011-08-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

a memoir of a marriage (inspired by alice walker)

i can no longer remember how many dollars and hours it's taken me to get here
but i remember you patiently listening to me read aloud college papers on suffragists and a horse named Blue
always my first listener, you offered me direction and shine

i can’t remember how many times you met my grandfather
but i remember how you held my hand when he tried to put his key in the elevator button
your hand on my elbow when i swayed

i don’t remember the name of that dark stretch of highway
that invited three deer into the street before us
(three! we might've died in the belly of the night)
but i recall feeling quite alive as you worried over me,
tucking away a strand of my hair even before you unbuckled your seatbelt

i can no longer remember the sweet and sour of your mother’s voice
but i remember after, holding you hard when you tried to claw at your face, feeling suddenly stronger than anything
and then gentler, when you crumpled up in my arms

and now is this bottom place

my favorite author writes “healing begins where the wound was made”
that it’s never too late to understand the meaning of earnest speaking and fearless listening
that to remake your world,
you've got to stare it in the face

she writes
the way forward is with a broken heart

and i repeat it aloud
the way forward is with a broken heart
the way forward is with a broken heart

and i write
to the husband of my youth:
i send you my sorrow and my art

i'd take you there.

2011-07-08T18:53:00.000-07:00

orchard view drive

that's the purple people patch
we used to shake its hand as we passed by on the way home from school
where i jumped on that boy's back
for hitting my older brother
his hair silky in my girl fist

and on the corner
where the sound of cello
must still seep through branches and chances
my oldest friend dragging the horsehair bow
hiding in a trio of trees
we made up stories and nicknames and things that breathed
where, later, i saw dancing indian shadows
and tasted aluminum on my lips

and there!
there is the creek in which i threw that peanut butter and butter sandwich
my grandma made me
she wouldn't use the Smuckers jam like i wanted
because my mother had scritched out the SM, replacing it with an F
(what kind of mother does that? she asked)
i felt so empowered throwing that mess into the water
sticking up for my sick mother
even as my stomach growled
i didn't feel the guilt in the roots of my teeth
until i moved away

and here, the dark woods, this is where i wished so desperately for a changeling to flit down and claim me and my little brother and sister
muddy kneeprints where all that i messed up washed up
or maybe i just did the best i could

i can never live here again
but i can show you where it is

you'd follow.

2011-06-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

Quotes of the Week has moved to its own separate page! And it's about damn time, right? Please like and follow http://www.quotesoftheweek.net/. Also, consider checking out my other blob of photo curiosities, Overlooked, Underloved. Thanks for reading!

she'd IUD.

2011-06-06T19:36:00.000-07:00

Since my layoff at the library, I've accepted a job at the Department of Public Health. My job there is as an administrator, supporting public health nurses who do field work. Our department focuses specifically on the health of mothers, teen parents, babies and young children. In order to familiarize myself with all of the different nursing programs, I've been shadowing nurses on home or site visits. So far, I've visited day cares wishing to be accredited, mothers of premies and SIDS victims, mothers in high-risk situations (domestic violence, poverty, drugs), and I've sat in on the Child Death Review Committee. It's been fascinating and eye-opening to say the least.

Today I went along on a couple of appointments with a nurse who is charged with the task of helping teen parents become healthy, educated, and successful at parenting. On the first visit, I witnessed the following exchanges, which shocked the hell out of me:

Nurse: “Do you give the toddler fruits and vegetables to eat?”
Teen mom: “As soon as I get it, he eats it, so I stopped buying it.”

Nurse: “Are you still drinking a lot of soda?”
Teen mom: “I cut down. I drink about four a day, but they’re small. Like 20 oz.”

Nurse: “Do you have any questions about birth control?”
Teen mom: “Well, I heard the hormones make you puke. When I was pregnant, I only threw up once. I’d rather be pregnant.”
Nurse: “Not all women experience nausea.”
Teen mom: “Well, I also heard that they make you fat.”
Nurse: “That’s why you really want to watch what you eat.”
Teen mom: “I already told you, I can’t do that.”

Nurse: “You should get out more. Take the toddler to the library.”
Teen mom: “Too far.”
Nurse: “Make a day of it! It’s better than being cooped up here all day.”
Teen mom: “He’ll just tear the books.”
Nurse: “Then you watch him and teach him.”
Teen mom: “I saw someone I knew at the library once. I don’t want to see their face.”
Nurse: “—“

Nurse: “Do you want me to tell you about the IUD? It’s implanted in your uterus and-”
Teen mom: “I don’t want anything up in there!”
Nurse: “You won’t even notice.”
Teen mom: “No, I don’t want no DUI.”

- - -

The other teen mom we visited had 3 kids. She’s 19. Two of her kids are six months apart because after the first birth, she got pregnant again right away and had the baby three months early. She lives in a 3BR apartment with 5 adults and 8 children.

This life is crazy.

you'd keep doing me right.

2011-04-28T15:53:00.000-07:00

"There are better things on the horizon."
"When one door closes, another one opens."
"Now you're free to find your dream job!"

I get it. I know why some people have said these things to me during the last few days before my layoff. And I can tell when they don't want to talk about it. I can tell when they are thinking, "I'm glad it's not me." I can tell they don't think I'm listening when they talk about the librarian who will replace me.

In general, we are a society that doesn't know how to act when something bad happens. We are more concerned with loss than the lost. You just have to look at our funerals to see it--sterile, hushed ceremonies where we muffle sobs and whisper; a casket or urn which is not only a container, but a monetary representation of our love for the dead; absurd salt-shakers of dirt so we don't get mud under our manicured fingers; a perfectly polite luncheon which feeds bodies, not hearts; the vague vocabulary (loved ones, passed on, dearly departed, pre-planned); medicated widows who cover their faces with black lace. We say the same things our neighbors say: "I am sorry for your loss," "Let me know if there is anything I can do," "She's in a better place now." There is no raw, outward emotion that captures the sadnesses and gladnesses that make up the human condition.

But there are alternative ways to grieve. And there are alternatives to banal expressions of sympathy. And here's the thing: though I've been bracing myself for well-intentioned but trite phrases said in passing, I've only heard a few. Most of the people in my life have surprised the hell out of me.

Many expressions have been wordless: small, handmade gifts and carnations and freesia in colors that fit. The notes I've received, in all of their original and genuine and angry glory, will stay with me:
"This just ISN'T RIGHT. It doesn't make sense. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" (which is, of course, how i really feel)
"I will miss your smile and enthusiasm." (i'm speechless)
"Wouldn't it be something if this place just disintegrated behind you when you shut the door. You made this place!" (i do love hyperbole)
"Surely something smart will happen soon." (cos this isn't it)
"I know this was your dream job. You've worked so hard to get here." (it was, and I did)
"Not only is the library losing you, we are all losing you." (and i'm losing it and i'm losing you, goodbye, goodbye)

And the acknowledgments. And the silent embraces. And the dinners and drinks. And the stories.

I'm a librarian because I believe in libraries. I believe in helping people. I like trying to make things better. But even without my favorite job, I know how lucky I am.

layoffs wouldn't sting so much.

2011-04-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

With my last day at the library approaching, I just sent my first All-Staff email in a long while:

As my days here wind down, I wanted to write a note to tell you all how much I’ve enjoyed working for Fresno County Public Library. This was my first professional librarian position. When I accepted the job, I was ready for a new adventure. Fresh from library school, I Google-mapped the journey from my home in Savannah, GA, to Fresno, a place I’d never even visited before. 2,500 miles later, I pulled up to Woodward Park Library and thought, “Wow. This is nice!” And when I met my new supervisor, Martha, I thought, “Dang. She is great!” And when I started meeting my colleagues and Friends members and my wonderful teen volunteers and I began making friends and connections around town, I thought, “How did I ever get to be so lucky?” And I was lucky. And I am lucky. Thank you for being a part of this experience, which has been absolutely fulfilling for me.

I wish you all luck with the reorganization. I hope some of the stress and uncertainty lessens soon. I’m not sure what the future holds for me, but I know I’m not done being a librarian--I’m just getting started.

Best wishes!

it'd slow.

2011-04-12T18:50:00.000-07:00

fay weldon was right

nothing happens and
nothing happens and that's when
it all happens. fuck.

you'd see.

2011-03-30T15:37:00.000-07:00

Sunday, my heart exploded.

Sunday, my little dollcat Mister Stubbins died.

He'd developed a strange breathing pattern a couple of weeks ago and had been to the vet several times without a real diagnosis. He was supposed to go back Tuesday for exploratory surgery, except Sunday morning he took a turn for the worse and was barely breathing and limp in my arms. Instead of an invasive surgery that his old body might not have been able to handle, I opted for euthanasia.

Sunday, the fourteen years I got to spend with Stubby stuffed up my nose, turned my eyelids into little pillows of skin, and smashed me to the floor.

Sunday, my beau did everything right to comfort me. He drove me home from the emergency vet and held me all day and brought me things when I needed them and didn't say I word when I needed that. He was the best thing for my grief.

Sunday and Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday all of my friends and family poured their love on top of me. I'm buried in love.

Today, three blurry days away from Stubby, I gathered up all of the pictures of him, chose my favorites and posted them on a single web space. It's more for me than anyone else, but for you too if you want to see what made him so utterly mine. I find myself scavenging for online scraps of my boy, hurting for photos lost in a move or lost to a fizzled hard drive.

I thought it would hurt too much to see pictures of him this soon, but it's feeding me and giving me focus and helping me get through the pain.

Today, I don't feel alone, but I am lonesome for my friend. We were together for so much all the way through to the first injection which put him to sleep. I couldn't stay for the rest.

He looked young and clean and beautiful and his rattly breathing quieted. Now I breathe for us both.

http://misterstubbins.tumblr.com/

you'd volunteer at the 'brary and help a sister out.

2011-01-20T15:30:00.000-08:00

Today at the library, I: found a shoe in the book drop, was called 'sir,' stopped a kid from putting a DVD case in the DVD player, set up a press conference in the magazine area, got hit on by an amputee, found two lost kids (siblings, both on opposite ends of the library), was given a plate of cookies, asked a woman with an (uncaged) rabbit to leave.

we'd go.

2011-01-06T14:07:00.000-08:00

room

what if i take the chain off
throw open the door
rip it from its hinges even
and invite whatever may come

and you can kick down the walls
melt the steel bars perfectly spaced
chop up the fence
holding us in safe

and no matter the weather
we should glide out together
let us clomp the plaster and silver and glass underfoot
the world our giant room

you'd lub him too.

2010-12-29T14:30:00.000-08:00

Look who I got for Christmas! His name is Slouch. He came with a blog, a Facebook account and a Twitter feed. His been very busy since his arrival.

He likes to play Peeksies with Stuffy.

He enjoys working out.

Here he is with Stubby, about to venture out into the rain.

He was looking for a family and I'm so happy he found me!

she'd've found her way.

2010-12-22T15:32:00.000-08:00

maybe she

maybe she's a changeling
never meant for this world
with its crumbling towers
bodies flying from the sky like paper birds
with its blue bell witches' gloves
poison to the touch

didn't her tiny body rebel in this climate?
where the ice is all wrong and animals perish nimbly
and humans are king?

she even looked other-worldly
her hair blue-black like a crow's feathers
skin as pale as a song sparrow's speckled egg
as pale as brown can be

maybe she was just meant to show us the colors we were missing
or to turn our world into gold
cos she did

all she was was light

I'd find my match.

2010-12-17T12:36:00.000-08:00

So last weekend I went to several antique stores and drullery shops but I didn't find a West Coast baby doll to ~~replace Edgar~~ add to Edgar's Army. I did find some interesting individuals, but each came with a set of problems:

Sipsy had been in the embalming fluid for so long, she'd grown gills and can't leave the jar. She sort of whistled when she talked and her pursed lips were quite distracting. Plus, she didn't really get the whole Edgar thing anyway.

Happy bloody fingers baby couldn't come home with me because he liked to collect dead, jointed, or amputeed babies. I just don't need to have fetishist lying around the house all day.

I love Slouch, in his smart corduroy pantsuit and painted-on hair. I offered to take him home, but he wouldn't have it. He wouldn't even say why. I might go back and try talking to him again. The pink-haired darling in the back seemed suspicious-maybe if I brought them both home...

I'm going to continue my search over the next week. Wish me luck!

I'd fill my heart with mutant love.

2010-12-10T14:44:00.000-08:00

This weekend, I am on a mission to find a West Coast baby doll to rival the awesomeness of Edgar. Edgar! Do you remember the sweet little darling? Just in case you do not, here's what he's all about:

Start with his Myspace profile (I can't believe it still exists. At one point, he had more friends than I did). Then refresh your memory with some old blog posts about him, including the time he sent me a lovely present from Australia, our fun trip to St. Louis, and the time I received the most wonderful birthday present of all.

I do hope I will find success this weekend. There's a crazy little space in my heart that needs to be filled! In the meantime, why not write me a poem about Edgar like my friend Judith did?

you'd come closer still.

2010-01-09T18:21:00.000-08:00

new

from underneath covers
i watch you undress in the slanted light
and my breath quickens as you slide into bed

all thoughts of my day fall away
when your hands find my neck
and our lips meet

with the weight of your body on mine
i arch into you, shudder,
can barely keep my eyes open
for the feeling of utter aliveness

and i can’t hear my throaty pleas
my clamor for you
cos you hold me so high
unwind me
fill me up
pull me down bring me round surround me

as fire bursts through stone
you make it so easy to fall
and i crash below the surface

and when i come up for air
an urgent slowness greets me
it’s not like coming down, the way i crave you still—
it’s like we’re just getting started

and just when nothing seems to make sense
and the dizzy feeling makes me want to throw up
(in a good way)
suddenly i feel everything so clearly
everything is in its place
just so
and we belong

Best of 2009!

2009-12-16T17:40:00.000-08:00

And now, ladies and gentlemen, here is my Best of 2009 list.

Best Regretsy Item

Best News Story

Best Film

Best Haiku

Best Vacation

Best TV Show

Best Lolcats Caption

Best Album Cover (I don't have a fav album)

Best Twitter User

Best New Technology

Best Scandal

Best Reference Question

Best Web Site

Books (by genre)

Best Novel in Verse

Best Shivery Book

Best Memoir

Best Children's Book

Best Sequel to a Blog-into-Book

Best Graphic Novel

Best Queer Lit

Best Sequel

Best Zombie Book

What are your favorites?