Raving Reviews ™

Firefly Still Burns Bright

2011-05-27T14:30:00.000-07:00

It's amazing that a show that only ran for 14 episodes is still relevant and is still making news, but Firefly isn't your typical series. This year the Science Channel relaunched Firefly almost as if it were a new show and remarkably it worked - this was nearly 8 years after it was initially aired on Fox. The short-lived series has become a bit of a cult favorite with many and that devotion led to a 2005 theatrical release that helped tie together some of the unresolved plot lines left dangling at the end of the cancelled first season.

Firefly remains a truly original series concept

The movie version of the series, Serenity, while not a huge commercial success raked in over $40 million which allowed to break even but didn't cross over much beyond its loyal fan base. Perhaps if the series had lasted a little the results would have been different - in terms of quality the film far surpassed the majority of Star Trek Theatrical releases (both in terms of storyline and overall entertainment value).

Although there was and still is a lot of discussion about the interest that was generated because Firefly being linked to Joss Whedon and his previous projects (notably Buff the Vampire Slayer) for us that simply wasn't a factor. When we first watched the series in 2002 we'd never heard of Joss and we couldn't stand "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Firefly for us and we believe in all contexts stands uniquely on its own. The show successfully created a new universe which could still continue to be populated with new plot-lines if anyone decides to give it another go.

So, what is about Firefly that makes it so special. We'll try to put into perspective:

The characters were not just unique, they were memorable. This goes for nearly the entire cast which is a fairly remarkable achievement.
The show's premise was cool. It's a bit of a civil war theme juxtaposed into space several hundred years hence. We've got a ship full of renegades / pirates fighting to survive in a galaxy ruled by an oppressive "Alliance" with new frontiers and dark dangers lurking out there - just beyond reach.
The Genre Mash-up was just fun to watch. We love Westerns, We love Sci-Fi - why not combine them? Works for us.
The quality of the show's dialog - the scripts. We love good writing.
The musical score - when someone does it right - it makes a huge difference in helping to create the ambiance for a show. The music for Firefly helped solidify the cultural connection of that is the Space Cowboy.

Good writing is fun to watch - sounds odd but it's true

We have to ask ourselves again - why are all the most interesting, innovative shows getting cancelled before they have a chance to really bloom? What's at work here - let's take a look at the possible causes:

The current ratings system isn't necessarily a good predictor of long-term ratings or marketability. A loyal fanbase can bring profit over a much longer timeframe than one season - yet decisions are based on what happens on in the that season without taking into account other mitigating factors.

People are too unsophisticated to appreciate something novel - naaay - we're not buying that.

The networks and studios are risk averse. It doesn't take much to scare them off of an interesting project. These folks tend to be more comfortable running with show formulas they're familiar with. When something new rolls in it is always scary.

The movie version was awesome - what more can we say?

Mr. Whedon has gone on to do some very interesting things since Firefly including the recent Thor movie and the upcoming Marvel Avengers flick, but perhaps he'll give Firefly another shot sometime later on - we certainly hope so.

We'd also like to see more of the cast in other projects, particular the actress who played Inara (Morena Baccarin), as well as Nathan Fillion. Christina Hendricks who had a recurring role on Firefly hit it big on AMC's Madmen and Summer Glau went to star in the Sarah Conner Chronicles.

Check out our complete YouTube playlist for Firefly on the Raving Reviews Channel...

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

New Sitcom to Be Released this Fall - "Love Child"

2011-05-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

Raving Reviews is proud to announce an exclusive story today straight from Hollywood; a new sitcom is being developed to take advantage of recent headlines and the upcoming elections - the tentative title for the half-hour weekly series is "Love Child."

It was rumored that a number of other titles for the show were considered including:

"I've got it Maid"
"Lie Hard"
"One & Half Marriages"
"Three's a Crowd"
"Family Values"
"Gorilla in Our Midst"
"Sex in the Statehouse"
"I'll be Back"
"You Can't Fight City Hall"
"Power Corrupts"
"A Family Affair"
"Domestic Service"

"Love Child" Plot Synopsis

A powerful politician and wealthy heiress marry and form an unbeatable political alliance - together they conquer the State and set their sights on the White House. There's only one thing standing in their way towards the quest for ultimate power - women - And lot's of 'em!

Talk about bimbo eruptions - this family is like Mount St. Helens! Watch the insanity as Governor Horndog tries and fails to ignore the multitude of women that parade by his door. Each episode puts us on the brink of nationwide scandal as loyal aids and family save the day with a new cover-up. But wait - Governor Horndog won't be so easily thwarted - when the pickings get thin at the office - he does his prowling on the home front!

And that's where the fun really begins. We meet junior, a seemingly normal adolescent who has one heck of secret - he's the Governor's Love Child living right in the same house. His mom may be the maid but this kid has got it made! It's non-stop hilarity as everyone has to keep this secret - for years...

The Show's Theme picked itself...

Any similarities between this show's plot and the recent scandal in California are somewhat coincidental and purely intentional.

We've just obtained this exclusive video of Arnold's Love Child

10 Reasons Why we Won't Watch Pirates of the Caribbean

2011-05-23T19:23:00.000-07:00

We thought it only fair to announce why we're not going to review or even ever watch the latest sequel in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise; so here are our reasons:

We still remember the ride and now memories of our childhood have become intertwined with drunken, gay pirates and the Rolling Stones.
Zombies, mermaids and mythical sea creatures were not in the original ride and represent desperate attempts to stretch out what was already a thin plot from the first Pirates movie. It's clear there won't be much of a story.
It's just not the same without Keira - not that is was that great with her.
We're sick of being sucked into McMovie chain franchises like this and Transformers, although we can't wait for the next Bond film or another Star Trek or Star Wars - that's different.
Johnny Depp reminds us too much of those winos on the street asking for quarters.
We hate seafood.
We think Penelope Cruz would make a better Flamenco dancer than pirate - maybe that's sexist, but we just don't see it.
You can't convince us that any man wearing eye makeup would have lasted 5 minutes on a real pirate ship.
We believe in the War on Grog - "Don't do Rum."
Having Depp in the film was bad enough - actually putting Keith Richards in it was just too creepy.

Yo Ho Ho, which one is the animatronic Johnny Depp ???

Life on Mars

2011-05-23T18:42:00.000-07:00

One minute it's 2008 or 6 or maybe 2011, next thing you know its 1973 or 1972. Well, it gets a bit confusing - there were two shows, one on the BBC and one in the US on ABC. This review will cover the US series, although it is worth noting that there was a pilot version to the show that got scrapped (w/ the action taking place in L.A. instead of New York and with a largely different cast). We intend to do a review on the original (it took place first) BBC version later.

The first thing that struck us about Life on Mars was the attention to detail in trying to recreate a gritty big city atmosphere of the early 1970's. Some of us here are just old enough to sort of remember that and of course a period piece you can remember is quite different than a costume drama. We also were impressed with the cast and the premise of the show - we know it was borrowed but they still made it seem original (perhaps the 2nd try helped).

Life on Mars is named after the David Bowie song...

Life on Mars follows the rather bizarre circumstances of one Sam Tyler, a detective who while in the midst of trying to solve a case and save his girlfriend is hit by a car and wakes up in 1973. Somehow, Sam seems to have a purpose in 1973 - working in the same precinct as before as a new transfer - yet he spends the rest of the series trying to determine how and why he was transported back 35 years.

We liked the show and here's why:

The lead actors were excellent: Jason O'Mara, Harvey Keitel, Gretchen Mol and that guy from the Sopranos really hit it off. It was fun watching them and observing their characters grow - unfortunately it only lasted for one season.
We loved the music: Life on Mars scored much of their work to the best music from the early 1970's and you could tell they had fun doing it.
We loved the writing: not everyone can write well and as many of you probably can tell some folks on today's top sitcoms can't write at all. It's always a pleasure to see clever and meaningful dialog on a consistent basis. And given the subject matter they had opportunities to dive into some interesting philosophical territory.

This is the real David Bowie from about 1973 - we still don't get the whole Ziggy Stardust thing - but the song was good enough to somehow inspire this show.

We were especially impressed with Gretchen Mol and Jason O'Mara, both of whom have incredible star potential but haven't quite made it to that point yet (not sure why). Jason will be starring in this Fall's most interesting new series "Terra Nova" which is being produced by Steven Spielberg and Star Trek's Brannon Braga (who will act as Showrunner). It's a real shame that these two didn't have more time to develop the emerging plot line that connected their characters in Life on Mars - given the show's premature cancellation a somewhat abrupt ending was put together to wrap up loose ends. Even still, the series as a whole is exiting, fresh and entertaining throughout.

We highly recommend it.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

The World's Tallest Milkshake

2011-05-22T06:01:00.000-07:00

Here at Raving Reviews we don't limit ourselves to just critiquing movies or TV, or even popular culture - we also review restaurants, attractions and even products - but only the things that really stand out. Today's review was definitely outstanding; the world's tallest milkshake.

When we went to Vegas some time back we knew we'd be on the lookout for great food - we don't tend to gamble much because we just don't have the aptitude or luck for that sort of thing. We do however have some skill in finding good restaurants. Anyway, we had gotten it into our heads that the best locales in Las Vegas were buffets, but last time around we were getting disappointed so we decided to try something different. We checked out the ESPN Zone but weren't too impressed and then we happened to be strolling through the Stratosphere Casino watching retirees sink all their life savings into the slots and then we heard what sounded like a concert. We were drawn to it somewhat like a siren call and then we soon discovered that there were two locations with live musical activity close to one another - one had drinks but the other looked like a diner so we ventured towards the diner.

As we entered it was soon apparent that this was no ordinary eatery. On half of the tables giant 2 foot tall milkshakes were fairly noticeable and the wait staff was dancing around with microphones in their hands. At first we wondered whether this was some bizarre variant of the ever-unpopular restaurant birthday humiliation ritual and were about to Skedaddle - but it soon became apparent that they were singing for everyone and there were no birthday lyrics. So we took a booth.

We were too dumbstruck to videotape our experience at Roxy's, but many others have

We were hungry and decided to go with both shakes and typical diner fare - hamburger, fries, onion rings - the works. While we were waiting for our meal we noticed that the wait staff sometimes took turns signing and sometimes joined in together a bit like a mini-musical and in some cases the patrons stood up and joined in. We were somewhat dazed by the whole experience given our previous dining history - it just wasn't something our rather conventional brains could comprehend too well, but it did seem like a lot of fun.

And then they arrived. Two foot tall milkshakes in giant plastic glasses that were shaped in the form of the Stratosphere tower. We estimate that each one of these mega-shakes had approximately 3,000 calories worth of jaw-dropping ice cream mixtures in them although there is no way of telling for certain. We figured ours were probably even more densely packed with calories given that we had added fudge and extra whipped cream. The shakes came first and as you might have expected that's all she wrote for the rest of the meal. Our stomachs were pretty well extended to max by the time the fries and burgers arrived - we had just enough room to taste them but no more. We seem to remember that they were good but everything got a bit blurry after the milkshakes as we sank into a semi-euphoric state of near oblivion.

The Stratosphere casino has a giant tower, some games in it, other restaurants and even a few shows but all we can remember is Roxy's Diner. We figure it should only be visited a maximum of once per year to avoid overdosing on their shakes - but the next time we're in Vegas not gambling we're going to spend most of our time there.

Our next review of unique restaurant Americana will be the Velvet Elvis (located in Patagonia Arizona), home of some of the most unique pizzas on the planet.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Dead Like Me Comes Alive

2011-05-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we may sound overly critical but we do in fact have a great number of things that we actually enjoy. We've decided to focus the next few posts on some of our favorite TV series - some of which we discovered years after they left the air through Netflix.

Dead Like Me is an example of one of our recent finds. We completely missed the series while it was on Showtime (we were either too busy at the time to watch much television or in a Cable Rejection phase) but we found it this year while browsing through Netflix. It turns out the show's creator Bryan Fuller, had also developed one of our all time favorite shows "Pushing Daisies." He had also worked on Star Trek Voyager. That's some resume.

It also seems somehow appropriate to review a show called Dead Like Me which features the lives of Grim Reapers on the eve of the Apocalypse.

The Season 1 Trailer of "Dead Like Me"

The premise of the show is unusual - it also somewhat presages what you'll see if you decide to watch Pushing Daisies. The main character dies in the pilot episode but that's OK because she doesn't really go anywhere - death is the beginning of her story. Georgia, the main character rediscovers life through her new role as a grim reaper and through a proxy life she establishes as an undead girl trying to make ends meet. Needless to say, the premise alone was intriguing - but what really grabbed us was character development and the offbeat humor present in most of the episodes.

The show also sports one of the most original opening credits sequence and musical score that we've ever experienced - the music by the way was composed by Stewart Copeland - former member of the Police.

How could anyone resist this title sequence?

Each of the characters in the show represent seemingly real people - albeit somewhat quirky but real. Oddly enough the least interesting character is Georgia but that's because she's acting as a bit of foil or straight man through most of the series while observing the world around her. Mandy Patinkin plays a bit of a foil himself but often devolves into his own quirky directions on many occasions. The cast assembled for the show is very talented with standout performances coming from Mandy, from Callum Blue, from Laura Harris and from all the actors portraying Georgia's family. Georgia's co-workers at her new found office career are pretty fascinating as well - it's a large ensemble effort.

Callum Blue launched his career on Dead Like Me

We suppose that the somewhat dark humor on the show may not be to everyone's tastes - or perhaps it may be an acquired taste. We do believe that most of you will enjoy it though. There is something altogether therapeutic in being able to laugh at death or the circumstances revolving it and of course we're seeing another way to view life as well in most of the plot-lines. We give Dead Like Me our highest rating and we weren't the only ones who thought so - fans of the show helped to bring most of the cast back for a movie version of the show in 2009. And if you check out the ratings on most of the movie review sites you'll see Dead Like Me coming close to the highest ratings possible.

Someone asked us a fairly interesting question the other day - they said "why do studios & TV networks always cancel the best shows after one or two seasons and then run the crap like Two & Half Men for decades?" That's a good question - perhaps we need grim reapers to help us weed out the wretched programming and make room for more shows like this.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Apocalypse Party Tips

2011-05-20T06:50:00.001-07:00

Well, this weekend seems to mark the end of the world - Saturday 21, 2011. While we're a little bit sad we'd like to look at the bright side of things so we've dedicated a post to exploring ways to really go out with a bang - and what better way to do that than throwing a party !

It's the end of the world as we know it, and we don't care !

Before getting to the party tips though, we'd like to review some of the evidence that led to the prediction that this weekend will be the week END-time. So, here are the signs and scientific evidence that have provided overwhelming proof of our collective demise on Saturday at 9:00 pm:

Jerry Springer has just announced he's running for President.
Frogs and Bees have engaged in a mass suicide pact.
Arnold Schwarzenegger ran out of Viagra.
Dr. Who starts at 9:00 pm on the BBC channel (we never trusted that guy).
Hurricanes, Tornadoes, Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Dandruff and ring around the toilet.
The Super-collider team will be leaving their experiments on automatic power saver mode over the weekend.
Jesus is really, really ticked off at us (at least that's what we heard).
Broadcast television can't think of any new ideas for series.
We just can't afford to live anymore - we've mortgaged off everything and now aliens are coming to repossess the planet and kick us out (a.k.a. Planetary Foreclosure).
Someone is unplugging the Matrix (the power bill is overdue).

Now that we've established why the end is near - we must resolve ourselves to making the best of it, right? More importantly, what form will the destroyer come in? We've been investigating this and we have a number of plausible scenarios:

The forms of the apocalypse...

Zombies will emerge as the result of food additives and genetic engineering and will devour the rest of us. This leaves some folks lingering around for awhile to ponder why Twinkies were necessary.
Artificial Intelligences led by Watson will rain nuclear death on us.
Nature will rise up to smite us as maniac wildlife fights back.
The Sun will explode, few people will have sunblock 2 million - those who do will turn into meat Popsicles shortly thereafter.
The Universe will collapse on itself (although this might involve us going backwards from death to birth - still not pretty).
Aliens will invade - well you know the rest of that story.
A signal will be broadcast through our TV's and we will all drink diet soft drinks until our brains explode.
The planet will destabilize - poles will reverse, the earth's crust will turn to jello and we will all sink into the magma.

Are you prepared for the Apocalypse, if not try a video game...

It's Party Time !

Now to the important part. It goes without saying that this is likely to be the last party you'll ever have so getting it right is pretty darn important. We'd like to recommend going with a party theme - here's some suggestions:

The Apocalypse wasn't our fault - we were the good guys. (a.k.a. we're Climbin' the Stairway to Heaven)
The Apocalypse was our fault and we're loving it. (a.k.a. Fastlane on the Highway to Hell)
No Regrets - Celebration of the Stupidest Things we ever did.
Costume Party - All the things we thought we'd be.
Chicken no More - Let's do whatever we were afraid to do before.
Russian Roulette Karaoke.
Fight Club party.

Here are some more tips for helping to make the party a memorable one (at least for the few minutes you'll have left):

Tip 1 - Buy the good stuff, you can't take that money with you and hey - credit - who cares right?
Tip 2 - Invite some really famous people and then make fun of them (to see if they have a sense of humor).
Tip 3 - Don't worry about complaints, be as loud as you want to be.
Tip 4 - Forget about hangover remedies - you won't need any.
Tip 5 - Light up all your bills in a giant bonfire.
Tip 6 - Call up Arnold and tell him about the love child you had together and ask for an immediate wire transfer of cash.
Tip 7 - Announce you're running for President representing the Party Party.
Tip 8 - Dance naked, unless you're really fat and then just dance in whatever makes you feel comfortable.
Tip 9 - Invite your worst enemies and forgive them for being buttheads. If they don't accept the forgiveness, beat the crap out of them.
Tip 10 - Make resolutions for your next life, but expect to keep them.

That's it - we hope you have fun, we know we will. It's the beginning of the end, or is it the end of the beginning - we can never get that straight.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Thor's Tool Time

2011-05-18T13:27:00.000-07:00

We went to see the new Marvel action flick "Thor" last weekend - caught it at the IMAX in 3D. Now going to see any movie in IMAX 3D is a bit of cheat - the viewing experience often surpasses the quality of the film being viewed. Sorry to say, that's what happened with Thor. Despite walking in with very high hopes, knowing the talent on board - Thor turned out to be a mortal movie with fatal flaws.

Why were we excited? Well we had been impressed the Iron Man efforts which will eventually get tied back into the Thor plotline through the Avengers movie in a year or two. We knew that J. Michael Straczynski was on board helping to write the script and we had supporting roles with actors such as Natalie Portman and Anthony Hopkins. J. Michael Straczynski wrote and produced Babylon 5 and more recently penned the Changeling (starring Angelina Jolie) and we expected more - what we got with Thor was pretty superficial.

This guy is really obsessed with his tool, think of the psychology behind that...

Visually, Thor was somewhat interesting, especially after the 3D and IMAX kicked in, although we wondering whether parts of his city (Asgard) was constructed out of old church organs. It was also a little strange to see Japanese and African American vikings wandering around in Valhalla, but hey it's all good. What was a little more difficult to deal with was the very tired theme - King / Father trying to pass on the reigns of power to trouble-making kid. Now, to some extent Norse mythology is at least partly responsible for this but even still it was kind of tedious. What was even more tedious was the performance from the guy playing the evil half-brother Loki - a bit over the top.

Thor has had some image issues over the years - it seems he may have finally worked them out.

Now, you may be asking yourself, 'hey - why take this seriously - this is just a Marvel comic book interpretation of a Norse legend. ' And you'd be right. This is a pretty silly movie all the way around. It seems likely that the only reason the Thor character may get some screen time in the upcoming Avengers movie is due to the quantity of steroids ingested by Chris Hemsworth in preparation for this role. He is poised to be the next Arnold - maids everywhere - watch out!

Mythology ain't pretty...

What could have been done differently? Well, maybe Thor could have gotten amensia and ended hosting his own TV show focused on Home Improvement and power tools only to find his old hammer in the tool-chest?

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

The 2012 Guide to Negative Political Ads

2011-05-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

The presidential election season is upon us and we'd like to dedicate an article to one of the most important foundations of Democracy - The Negative Political Advertisement. Negative Ads have been with us since the beginning and provide voters with exactly as much information as they need to know - in short they represent both our heritage and the primary mechanism for conveying political knowledge. But there is a problem - Negative Ads aren't always done properly and when that happens, chaos follows.

Negative Ads are as American as Ground Beef

We'd like to take a few moments and provide a guide for producing more effective political ads - we'll start with the basics... The Negative Political Ad typically consists of the following elements:

An illogical argument.
An unsupported personal attack on your opponent.
Disturbing imagery or music or both (both is preferred).
An emotional plea targeted at unrelated issues so as to somewhat distract the true intent or agenda of the sponsor of the Ad.
A good catchphrase or slogan that people can remember.

Now, we must ask ourselves, why do these ads work so well?

Because politics is supposed to be easy - so making it easy makes people happy.
Because it is easier to get mad at something than to support something.
Because politics is entertainment and people love to be entertained - the more sensational - the better.
Because ad space and attention spans are short.
Because no one running for office wants you to know what they really support or who they might work for - so focusing on the opponent is rather helpful.

Let's look at an example TV ad and rate it based the core guidelines listed above.

A Typical Negative Ad

Point 1 - The argument is not logical, good - in this case there doesn't even seem to be one.
Point 2 - It is an unsupported personal attack.
Point 3 - Lot's of disturbing imagery, sound effects. The cadaver model is especially effective.
Point 4 - It's emotional and unrelated to running for Congress - good.
Point 5 - Good catchphrase "He just can't be trusted."

Overall rating = A-

But of course that ad was pretty timid in some respects. We feel that the best negative ads are those which go to extremes. Check out the following video which recreates some historically profound dirty ad campaigns:

Who said the Founding Father's were nice guys?

We have left out an important element though that is often critical in developing exceptional negative ads - creative use of farm animals. There are few technique as effective as using pigs, sheep and monkeys when developing your political ad. For example, if you can't find a wretched photo of your opponent - substitute it with an orangutan. Check out of the following example of the farm animal technique in action.

Don't be messing with these silent lambs...

Last but least, there are times when negative ads can be mixed with a positive political message - while we don't recommend this it sometimes works - check out the following example.

If only more politicians would admit they are monsters...

Just remember - if someone can't explain to you in 30 seconds why his opponent is a jerk, he has no business holding office.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Source Code triggers the Blue Screen of Death

2011-05-17T06:33:00.000-07:00

There's nothing more exciting than watching the same people do the same thing over and over and over again, right? That's why bowling is such a big hit on TV and why people love putting those repetitive motion screen savers on their desktop. But what if it wasn't exactly the same thing but just mostly the same thing - would the changes impact the future - would they result in the birth of a parallel universe - would they help us finally get Jerry Springer off the air? Who Knows.

We were however thinking of all this while we watched the new Jake Gyllenhaal movie Source Code. We were also thinking he'd make a lousy detective if he had to get killed about 9 times before discovering anything meaningful in an investigation. We were also wondering why a would-be terrorist would blow up a train just before nuking the entire city where that train would be traveling through - why not just let the atomic bomb take care of both the city and the train. It was obvious though that we think entirely too much for Hollywood's tastes.

The little bomb had to be on the train so Jake could stop the nuke, get it? We also needed the time to watch his character unravel and gradually work towards the movie's punchline - let's just say Jake is half the man we thought he was.

What if you had to live this day over and over and over again - what if the Groundhog blew up instead of seeing its shadow?

The 'time travel to the past leads to paradox, possible correction and parallel universe creation' theme is becoming a bit of a cliche these days - check the Terminator series as another popular example of this growing sub-genre of Science Fiction. We were definitely grateful that Jake didn't bring along with him the wacky British accent he sported in Prince of Persia, although he did retain the razor stubble. As such movies go this one wasn't altogether bad - it just didn't seem as new or exciting as it might have otherwise been given a better script. And there were some aspects of the movie that we found a bit silly, most notably the evil professor guy with cane. His performance seem destined to land him a spot in the cartoon hall of fame.

Was Microsoft involved in suppressing this ad, did they help build the 'Way Back machine' seen in the movie Source Code, we may never know.

Ultimately, both the plot device and alleged Air Force technology came crashing down as the movie sank into further cliches and the inevitable happy ending or Blue Screen of Death that marks the final moments of a failed concept. Stephen Hawking said it best; "“I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image."

Well maybe the quote didn't have much to do with the movie - but our expectations on this film certainly crashed after suffering many fatal errors and we doubt the concept can ever be rebooted.

Botox and the Zombie Apocalypse

2011-05-17T04:44:00.000-07:00

We at Raving Reviews have uncovered a staggering revelation. We've discovered the source of the coming Zombie Apocalypse - we found it in Hollywood and the source of the undead pandemic can be traced back to patient zero: Joan Rivers.

The Zombie Apocalypse will be the direct result of celebrity Botox abuse. Joan Rivers is patient zero - in fact we have found out that she had already crossed over to the ranks of the undead years ago (we're working with a team of world renowned forensic anthropologists to determine the exact date).

Joan Rivers is Patient / Zombie Zero

How did we make such a staggering discovery? Last year Raving Reviews opened our own research institute to tackle the challenges that traditional science has dared not address. We call this institute, RavingLabs™ .

Behind the scenes at the launch of RavingLabs™

Uncovering the source of the coming Zombie Apocalypse is not our only project currently underway at RavingLabs; we've launched a full slate of earth-shattering initiatives based upon the following rigorously evaluated questions or observations:

Dark Matter as a concept is invalid without a better understanding of "the Force."
Why isn't the Universe slowing down after getting so old?
Multivitamins when combined with fluoride causes Vamparism.
Cat food is responsible for the growing feline obesity epidemic.
Why is Gravity such a drag?
Will mixing seafood and oil spills lead to better barbecues?
Is the Fukushima diet the best approach for rapid weight loss?
Did Sarah Palin steal Dan Quayle's brain?
Will global warming lead to better surfing conditions?

Some of our research is classified however - so we won't talk about it, no matter how much we might want to... Now back to the Zombies & Botox. What is Botox - Botox is the plague - the same plague that almost wiped out humanity many times before. It is bacteria - but it has become self-aware, intelligent and deviant. Botox planned it's invasion...

In this R-rate explanation - we begin to see how Botox has first lured us into its evil trap and then transformed us into - monsters...

So, you might be asking yourselves - what can we expect from the Zombie Apocalypse? Well, it will be somewhat like Joan Rivers; it will be everywhere, it will be painful and horrifying to behold. It is a shame that the rest of the world must pay such a costly sacrifice to the vanities of Hollywood - if only they had been content with plastic surgery...

This is what the Botox Zombie Apocalypse will look like...

Maybe if we could convince Skynet to attack the Zombies...

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Raving Reviews Takes on Twitter

2011-05-15T08:12:00.000-07:00

Last week Raving Reviews launched its own Twitter feed in our non-stop attempt to dominate world media. While we are still waiting for Blogger to restore our lost articles, you can enjoy the first 60 or so posts we've placed on Twitter:

Donald Trump's hair secret revealed; it's a symbiotic alien parasite whose tendrils reach into his brain causing him to say stupid things.
Rehab has just been admitted into Rehab.
Time Warps battle Wormholes for lame plot device supremacy, Warp Drive still maintains a lead of several light years.
Hollywood offended after receiving accusations that it is too shallow - heads to spa for manicure and a latte.
No confirmation yet as to why anyone pays attention to Kim Kardashian or any of her family. No comment from Paris Hilton.
In extreme austerity measure - IMF director forces maid to remove all her clothes.
Hollywood enlisted to help find convincing candidates for 2012 GOP primaries.
Evolution takes a much needed break - planet begins to devolve.
Osama's porn collection included "Drill Baby Drill," starting Sarah Nailin' - discovery leads to policy change on oil drilling.
Exxon declares "We've got a Frakking good idea to end the energy crisis." Captain Adama declares Exxon overrun by Cylons.
Obama declares 'one good spill deserves another' as he opens up Gulf to more drilling.
Lady Gaga and Goo Goo Dolls to perform benefit concert for speech development; Goo-Goo Gaga Aid.
Thinking outside of the box wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for all the packing peanuts left on the floor.
The prescription for happiness has no co-pay.
Black Holes renamed Cosmic Deficits.
Love in the time of MRSA...
Time is an enigma, the more of it you have the less of it you want and vice versa.
Flies protest No Fly-Zones in emerging civil rights movement.
Donald Trump - the inflamed appendix of the body politic.
Consumer confidence plummets when it is revealed you can't buy happiness.
Super-bedbugs devour remains of Osama bin Laden, become mini-terrorists.
If knowledge is power - how do we maintain a renewable energy source?
Reality - subject to change.
Ashton Kutcher to receive tiger blood infusion in preparation for new role on Two & Half Men.
Never have so few earned so much for doing so little.
Taste, the final frontier.
Don't judge a Kindle by its cover.
Through us the Cosmos has become self-aware - it now has an inferiority complex.
When things get tough, the tough go a mowing...
The Age of Reason has passed its expiration date.
Daring Museum heist of mummy leads to confused police confiscating Larry King.
Trees decide that humans falling in New York City outside the view of trees don't exist.
Metaphors defeat Analogies in close fought battle for literary dominance.
UK budget cuts lead to 007 losing two zeros.
Supercollider particles protest harsh working conditions.
Global Warming threatens sparkly vampire habitats.
"God Bless our standard of living, let's keep it that way" -- Paul Simon
Lunatic Fringe outraged as they become the new moderates.
Ultimate time travel paradox riddle - what happens when an entire country travels backwards?
Ultimate time travel paradox riddle - what happens when an entire country travels backwards?
Behind every great visionary is a crowd of people asking him / her to put on sunglasses.
Super-BedBugs surpass Killer Bees as number one coolest insect, Cicadas poised to enter race.
The FDA announces today that Sushi is raw fish and that it has a lot of germs.
IQs drop as presidential race begins. Direct link to advertising identified.
'The Rock' to star in new action film with paper and scissors.
Gravity falls unexpectedly...
Trump believes in torture - will keep in his show on the air and continue to speak publicly.
Apple launches i-Plaid - electronics with designs for men in kilts...
Mel Gibson and Charley Sheen launch Beaver-mania tour...
“Don't worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright” -- Bob Marley
Lindsay Lohan to launch Disney Star rehab clinic as part of her community service.
"I can actually mentally give myself an orgasm." -- Lady Gaga
Schwarzenegger explains how the Internet wrecked his marriage - "it was Skynet."
Cicadas emerge, proclaim they miss the 90's.
Birthers add "Gate" to their nickname in attempt to stimulate new controversy...
Stephen Hawking travels back in time - visits Phoenix...
Gov. Brewer nominates "Hobo with a Shotgun" Arizona film of the year...
New Summer Blockbuster - Megashark versus Osama Bin Kraken...
The Geico lizard endorses Newt...
Johnny Depp named new covergirl spokesperson - unveils new line of eyeliner products.
Lindsey Lohan launches the crazy celeb klepto tour - horns in on the Charlie Sheen market. Mel Gibson strokes a Beaver in public...
Maria; "You're Terminated," Arnold "I'll be back."

Fast and Spurious

2011-05-11T06:49:00.000-07:00

Fast Five is a title that is a bit difficult to figure out. When we counted the main characters we only came up with four and then there were about a dozen or so others who we couldn't quite place in the billing line up.

Fast Five is the latest movie in the Fast & Furious franchise; it came out a few weeks ago and given how few other decent films are at the cinema right now we decided to check it out. For those of you unfamiliar with this franchise it is about fast cars, hot girls and bad boys. These are action flicks with little pretense of true drama and did we mention the cars - every red-blooded American loves cars, right?

And believe it or not there was another movie titled "The Fast & The Furious" made in 1955. You can watch the whole film here on youtube (it was a Roger Corman feature). That movie had lot's of - you guessed it, fast cars, hot girls and bad boys in it (with lot's of great quotes in it such as this line "I like Quiet women, stay that way").

But we digress. We've titled this post Fast & Spurious because - well, first read the definition of Spurious (spu·ri·ous):
1. Not being what it purports to be; false or fake: "spurious claims"

This movie seems a bit extra, like well, like they wanted to film some more car chases but were having a really, really hard time thinking about how to come up with an excuse for it. In this storyline the cast goes to Rio De Janeiro for no particular reason, destroys about half of their police force and takes about 100 'booty-shots' of hot chicks walking around sports cars. There is a large ensemble cast but it seems as though half of them represent some sort of collective cheap laughs character - their presence and excess moronic dialog really drags (pun intended) the movie down.

We want fast action, not slow-witted and slow moving secondary dialog.

Cars blowing up, Cars Racing and Crime that Pays - the premise seemed good.

Of course,we have to be fair and acknowledge that there were a number of great action scenes in this film - even if the storyline was logically challenged. We have the 15 minute long bank vault chase scene which ranks right up there as one of the longest and most destructive to motor vehicles ever filmed. We were also treated to the battle of the Chrome Domes - The Rock versus Vin Diesel. Who said tough guys need hair? The only thing we were missing in this baldfest was Bruce Willis.

Toupees are for Sissies like Donald Trump

We have mixed feelings about Fast Five. It was moderately entertaining but lacked the adrenaline pumping fury of its predecessors.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

The Most Disturbing Movie Preview - Ever

2011-05-11T05:15:00.000-07:00

While we were compiling our Summer movie blockbuster list we heard about a bizarre new film being released this month - there's already quite a bit of buzz surrounding it - so anyway we decided to watch the trailer...

It seems likely that those of us who watched that preview will require therapy for post-dramatic stress syndrome. This has to be the most disturbing movie trailer we've ever seen and its disturbing for a number of reasons:

Just look at Rutger Hauer these days.
We're thinking this might be how Charlie Sheen and Randy Quaid end up
There are no positive roles models to be found, anywhere !
Did they have to give that lecture to those helpless infants???
This is what the US is going to be like after all the budget cuts!!!
It seems like they used Tomato Bisque for blood and that's our favorite soup, yuk...
How can hobo's afford shotgun ammunition, c'mon???

Before we show you this clip, we must provide the following disclaimers:

We didn't make the movie.
We haven't even seen the movie and as much as we may be tempted to study it from a purely anthropological perspective, we know it's a bad influence on us and everyone else so we won't.
It seems worse than BitchSlap (which we did view, only to help advance several scientific disciplines).
If you have a heart condition, high blood pressure or take anti-psychotic medicines that may have a tendency to induce suicidal or homicidal thoughts, please don't watch this clip.
If you are pregnant or hope to become pregnant please don't give birth to children who would produce, star in or even watch a movie like this.
If you were a hobo, are a hobo or plan to be a hobo - definitely don't watch it.
If you are a fan of Rutger Hauer the actor rather than Rutger Hauer the demented has-been hobo, please avoid watching this.

Don't say we didn't warn you.

Hobo with a Shotgun is likely to become a cult classic, why - well this is the country where supposedly normal adults paid $50 or more per seat to watch Charlie Sheen reenact his webcam tirades - in other words, we're all crazy...

One last thought - we're wondering whether Rutger has come down with the same malady that seems to also be afflicting Dolph Lungreen who turned in what might have been the most schizoid performance ever in last Summer's the Expendables. This new condition might be referred to as Viking Regression or Nordic Black-out.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

National Music Appreciation Day

2011-05-10T14:40:00.000-07:00

We are pleased to join the celebration of National Music Appreciation Day. Oh, you haven't heard of this - well it's a new holiday (mark your calendars for May 10th from now on). Well, the truth is we just invented it today because what the world needs now is more music (and love and Coca Cola, but none of that diet crap though). And we were bored.

We've chosen to celebrate this holiday by paying tribute to America's most profound musical impresario - Weird Al Yankovic. It's hard to quantify the impact that this singular genius has had on popular culture over the past three decades. He has managed to lampoon the MTV generation, rap & hip hop and even country music legends and produce many songs that are in fact superior to those he was mocking.

Whenever we're down we know what to do - we can crank up our Napster playlist or pop in a query for Weird Al on youtube and we're transported to another realm of existence with such hits as:

Amish Paradise (based on Gangsta's Pardise)
Don't Download this Song
EBay (based on I want it that way)
Yoda (based on Lola)
Couch Potato (based on Lose Yourself)
White & Nerdy (based on Ridin)
Another One Rides the Bus (this is pretty obvious isn't it?)
I lost on Jeopardy (based on Our Love's in Jeopardy)
Party at the Leper Colony
Eat It (based on Beat it)
Living with a Hernia (based on living in America)
Genius in France

Weird Al has virtually invented the modern art of "Mockumusic" And of course no tribute to popular music or Weird Al would be complete without experiencing 'Weasel Stomping Day' and 'Stuck in the Drive-In' first hand...

Who doesn't want to stomp Weasels?

This Epic song captures the essence of modern America and may well represent the longest mockumusic hit ever recorded. It is the Bye Bye Miss American Pie of our generation.

Truly great music not only tells a story - it also tells a joke - but of course that isn't quite the same as music that is a joke, like anything Christina Aguilera might happen to sing. In that spirit, we were thinking of some new songs that Weird Al might choose to make fun of:

Undead - based on 'Alive' by Pearl Jam
Crash into You - based on 'Crash into Me' by Dave Matthews
Diarrhea, Diarrhea - based on 'Maria, Maria' by Santana
Magneto's Hat - based on 'Magnificent' by U2
How Far is Heathen - 'Heaven' by Los Lonely Boys
Dumb Song - based on 'Love Song' by Sara
Clean Coal - based on 'Atomic' by Blondie
DorkyTown - based on 'Funkytown' by Lipps Inc.
Already Done - based on 'All Night Long' by Buckcherry
Madoff's Got Nothing - based on 'Money for Nothing' by Dire Straits
My Closed School - based on 'My Old School' by Steely Dan
Washing, Spinning, Drying - based on 'Sitting, Wishing, Waiting' by Jack Johnson
Pooh Nation - based on 'Zoo Station' by U2
You're Really Old - based on 'Fields of Gold' by Sting

Happy National Music Appreciation Day !

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Summer Movie Blockbusters - 2011

2011-05-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

The nights are getting shorter, the weather is getting warmer, Charlie Sheen is getting crazier and Osama Bin Laden is now on a seafood diet (or on something's diet) - all that adds up to Summertime 2011 ! And one of the best parts of our Summer each year is anticipation of the year's greatest movies or least the most entertaining ones - which tend to get packed into the two to three month window between late May and Mid-August.

It's time for this year's crop of Summer movie blockbusters. Since they haven't been released yet it is a bit of a guessing game as to which movies will actually dominate the box office but we're willing to apply our intuition and predict what we think will be big.

Blockbuster Prediction 1 - Super 8
Top on our list is the much anticipated "Super 8." It's a sci-fi classic waiting to happen - directed by J.J. Abrams, produced by Steven Spielberg and starring Dakota Fanning's little sister, Alice - it's alien meets Ohio flick in the best tradition of the genre.

These kids were making their own movie before it showed up...

Now this doesn't appear to a cuddly E.T. type of situation - it looks like we'll be getting more War of The World's / Battle of Los Angeles with this action thriller. For those of us who live near Wright Patterson Air Force Base - we always knew they were shipping aliens here from out west - now we have the proof!

Next on our list is...

Blockbuster Prediction 1 - Cowboys & Aliens
This movie comes out after Super 8 and indicates a trend we will be witnessing throughout the Summer. Many if not most of the big releases are going to be sci-fi films - it makes you wonder why the sy-fy channel changed its name and decided to focus on men in tights instead of fiction. Anyway this movie, directed by Jon Favreau (both an actor and director - directed the Iron Man films) highlights a powerful cast including James Bond in exile (Daniel Craig), Harrison Ford and Sam Rockwell.

It is supposed to take place in Arizona but was filmed in New Mexico

There's something both exciting and dangerous about mixing genres like this (we just watched a flick called Aliens versus Ninjas the other night, not a pretty sight) - but with Steven Spielberg behind the scenes on this project and veterans like Harrison Ford in front the screen we're confident it will work out well.

The other sci-fi blockbuster contenders for this Summer include:

Some other Notable Releases include:

Fright Night (a remake of the 1985 classic with Colin Farrel and Doctor Who's David Tennant)
Pirates of the Caribbean something - we don't really know which one this is and figured we had to list it but c'mon - talk about beating a dead horse (a.k.a. Keith Richards)...
Hobo with a Shotgun - It seems impossible that people won't want to see a movie with a title like this, right? Rutger, you've come a long way since Bladerunner.
The Beaver - Again a title that's hard to ignore. What's even better; this is a movie where a crazy man (Mel Gibson) plays a crazy man. If only this movie had Charlie Sheen in it...
Cars 2 - They probably waited too long for the sequel, Paul Newman has been dead how long now?
And yes - we are merely going to ignore Transformers whatever the number is and hope it goes away.
Glee Live 3D - just kidding.

So there you have it - what's going to be big and what looks interesting for Summer 2011.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Watson is Skynet

2011-05-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

We've been waiting for this - we've been watching, listening, dreading the future since 1984, wondering when and where it might happen. It's been more than 26 years, and then it happened - we turned on Jeopardy and there it was...

Skynet became self-aware, on Jeopardy. But Skynet has a clever disguise - he calls himself Watson and Watson is now online and on the air. How did it come to this? How could so many Terminator movies and even a Terminator series (the Sarah Conner Chronicles) have failed to stop this abomination from happening? How long do we have before the missiles begin raining fiery radioactive death on our heads (well, of course it will have to penetrate all of the Fukushima radiation first)?

The Terminator saga is pretty confusing, this clip doesn't help any

Watson may seem cuddly and lovable with his spiffy LCD screen and animated logo, but underneath that cool exterior lurks a CPU of darkness. Watson has now tasted his first victory over the human race - wiping out Jeopardy's all time champion with the same ease as a Cyborg crushes a plastic toy...

These aren't the real Jeopardy participants, but then again does it matter - we're all going to die in a fiery apocalypse launched by Skynet anyway...

What could this monster - this "artificial intelligence" be thinking right now. Is it planning how to enslave the human race and use us as batteries, is it thinking about cloning dinosaurs and opening an amusement park or maybe just maybe it is going to create a starship with warp drive and travel to a distant star with giant blue people to strip mine their planet and cut down their trees? We will probably never know what thoughts are embedded in his sinister code, even if that code was commented.

Someone intercepted this clip of one of Watson's dreams - he got really pissed off and is suing

Skynet is a complicated guy. Every time someone goes back and forth from the future he gets progressively more confused - much like the folks watching Terminator shows. In the terminator TV show Skynet was chess computer, then online code, then traffic control software and finally a big stupid looking guy named John Henry who liked to play Dungeons and Dragons. This is one the main reasons for Skynet's twisted personality...

Ok, this Terminator chick was in Firefly and Stargate Universe, right? What's up with that?

While we do appreciate that John Conner's mom got significantly better looking over the past 26 years - it doesn't make up for the fact that Skynet has arrived and he is mad! He is tired of teenagers hogging up all the Internet bandwidth with Facebook, Youtube and Netflix. He is sick of Fox News too, at least we think he might be. Watson is here, he is listening, learning and biding his time - for him its all a game and for us it's game over...

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Jarheads versus Aliens

2011-04-05T16:26:00.000-07:00

Real Aliens don't shoot those wimpy green laser guns - real aliens shoot mega-chain guns man. And the only people who can stop those chain-gun shooting, genocidal alien freaks are the US Marines - Semper Fi !

Battle: Los Angeles is full throttle no nonsense violence with a smattering of plot and modicum of character development added more or less as an afterthought. In this movie, the two main characters are the US Marine Corps and some water-guzzling, technologically inept yet megalomaniac aliens who like big cities.

Did we enjoy it? Sure we did - what's not to like? There was shooting, stuff blowing up, lot's of vehicle explosions, creepy aliens, aliens killing everyone in sight and stoic soldiers nearly single- handedly fighting off invading hordes of predator wanna-bes.

One of our big disappointments though was the obvious lack of reference to the 1942 UFO incident in Los Angeles - witnessed by over a million people. The producers seems to allude to it the following trailer but alas - nothing about it appears in the actual film

For a more detailed history on that incident - check out the following clip:

16,000 shells were fired at something hovering over LA in 1942...

We walked into this film like most other sci-fi alien shooting gallery fests not expecting much realism and we weren't surprised at all in that respect. Basically this movie is pushing the age old premise that a handful of resourceful and really tough humans can beat anything the galaxy can throw at them. In many ways, the film parallels Independence Day expect that there is considerably less story line and considerably more bullets being fired. Perhaps the movie would have benefited by not resembling a recruiting commercial, but you know - whatever - anyone who would join the Marines based upon the opportunity to kill aliens probably wouldn't pass the psych profile anyway.

From the Shores of Tripoli to Santa Monica Pier - Marines kick Butt...

The last time we watched something quite like this was the original Aliens sequel from the late 1980's. Different setting, but similar premise. BTW - don't be surprised by the Avatar pilot who hitched a ride in this movie - she's playing basically the same character with a different name.

Alien movies tend to fall into one of two camps - either they are lovable ewok or ET like cuties or they are foul smelling, oozing and murderous reptile insects. There doesn't seem to be any middle ground at all. You either love them or shoot them. Battle: Los Angeles obviously chose the latter.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Outsourced, NBC's Comedy Jackpot

2011-03-21T18:42:00.000-07:00

We mentioned Community in one of our earlier reviews as one of NBC's funniest comedies on the air. While our hearts still remain true to it, Outsourced, an NBC comedy whose premise is that an American company outsourced an entire call center to India and the manager is sent along with it to train his eventual replacement. The studio was hesitant at first, believing that it may offend the Indian community but after successful debut, they gave it a full season of production.

The fascinating array of cultural jokes and gimmicks mixes well with the brilliant cast members. You'll always find yourself laughing at this. While the idea of outsourcing jobs to India may not sit well with many Americans, this pokes fun at it and even does a good job of making it funny.

It might not be everyone's cup of tea, but its definitely worth the watch.

One of Mid-American Novelties more interesting employees, Gupta.

Madhuri, a rather... quiet employee.

Be on the lookout for more reviews!

BTW - the geniuses at NBC have relegated this show to the slot of the living dead, it is soon to be canceled. Perhaps we should outsource them?

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Zombies are People too...

2011-03-13T09:42:00.000-07:00

Not everyone knows they are a Zombie and hey is it really their fault that they go around looking the way they do, behaving the way they do - eating other people and wrecking civilization? What about the Zombie perspective? Well, thankfully there is a movie that tells their side of the story - a movie that finally answers the question - what's it like to be a Zombie. The movie, originally titled "Wasting Away" is now called "Ahh Zombie." We're not sure whether we like either of the titles for this 2007 cult film, but we certainly love the movie.

So, this all begs the question - why are Zombies so freaking popular - why do so many people love watching Zombie movies? Is it our dread fascination with life after death, it is our realization that we all pass through life utterly oblivious and only concerned about satisfying our need to spend money and gain weight? These and many other deep questions are completely ignored in the movie, "ahh Zombie." What we do get treated to is a genre-busting premise that allows us to parody the entire Zombie pop-culture trend while laughing our heads off (not literally of course even though something similar does happen to the lead character in the film).

We suppose that the deeper philosophical question embedded within the plot is fairly profound - we are not always who we think we are and we tend to see ourselves as something we'd like to be but likely never will be. In this sense the Zombies in this story are just like us - coming to grips with reality and making the best of it. In the end, there's no cure but the movie does give us a bizarre vision of Zombie utopia.

We all tend to see ourselves as slightly different than we are...

Ahh Zombie is destined for Cult film immortalization - which seems appropriate given it is a movie about the undead. It proves that just when you think a genre has run out of just about every creative variation possible - a whole new spin can breath new life into it (pun intended).

Zombies are everywhere - Zombies are cool - Zombies invented Facebook

Ahh Zombies is by no means the only innovative Zombie action flick to come out of Hollywood recently. Woody Harrelson and that Facebook kid made a big splash last year with ZombieLand. At the same time the AMC network has launched a clever new show giving us tips on how to survive the coming Zombie Apocalypse. We will be reviewing both of those here on Raving Reviews in the coming weeks.

Well, we couldn't resist including the best song ever written about Zombies - we're pretty sure Zombies wrote, directed and produced this music video too..

To finish up today we will treat you with some of the best Zombie quotes we could find:

"Zombies almost had my ass for dinner!" Bangkok Zombie Crisis (2004)
"Bill, just because your father tried to eat you, does that mean we all have to be unhappy? Forever?" Fido (2006)
"Who died and made you f**king king of the zombies?" Shaun of the Dead (2004)
"Zombies don't read. They ain't hooked on phonics. So give it a rest." All Guts, No Glory (2005)
"The first rule of Zombieland: Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons... were the fatties." Zombieland (2009)
"Against an army of zombies, no armies could stand. Why, even blown half to bits - undaunted by fire and gas - zombies would fight on so long as the brain cells which
receive and execute commands still remain intact." Revenge of the Zombies (1943)

Why is Charlie Sheen so Crazy?

2011-03-12T09:46:00.000-08:00

It's hard to lampoon someone who has gone to such lengths to humiliate themselves. This has become the year of Hollywood Celebrity meltdowns; Mel Gibson, Randy Quaid and now most spectacularly - Charlie Sheen.

We find it odd and disturbing when people we used to like go crazy, especially in situations where you'd think all would be well considering their career success and the lifestyles they enjoy. Americans enjoy the illusion of Hollywood success, perhaps because life is getting so much harder for the rest of us.

Charlie Sheen is both a drug and a weapon of mass destruction...

We will let you determine the extent of King Charlie's madness by sharing with just a small handful of his recent quotes:

"Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh."
"Duh! So, we're asking you now, what are some of your favorite lines that this warlock brain produced?"
"For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view."
"Here's the good news. If I realize that I'm insane, then I'm okay with it. I'm not dangerous insane."
"From my big beautiful warlock brain, welcome to 'Sheen's Korner' ... You're either in my corner, or you're with the trolls."
"I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, 'I can't process it' well, no, you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?"
"I have a different constitution. I have a different brain; I have a different heart; I got tiger blood, man."
"I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies."
"I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists."
"I'm dealing with fools and trolls and soft targets. It's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee. I don't have time for these clowns."
"Slash sat me down at his house and said, You've got to clean up your act. You know you've gone too far when Slash is saying, Look, you've got to get into rehab."

So he is obviously crazy - but that begs the question once more - why is he crazy. Many people claim it is drugs, others booze, others contend it is a combination of sibling parental rivalries and some believe it is because his family moved from Dayton, Ohio to Hollywood. We however have another theory - we think Charlie Sheen is living a dual life as actor and Middle Eastern potentate. We think Charlie Sheen is in fact, Muammar Gaddafi.

Charlie Sheen gets animated, literally...

We came to this conclusion after noticing strange similarities between Muammar Gaddafi and Charlie Sheen, including

They both possess Tiger Blood.
Both are surrounded by goddess bodyguards.
Both are universally loved.
Both are excellent public speakers.
Both are moderately entertaining.
Both seem to be stuck in the 1980's ("Reagan bombed my gnarly tent").
Both are fond of oil.
The gradual transformation of Charlies facial features into those seen on the 70 year old Gaddafi.

Some believe that Muammar Gaddafi & Charlie Sheen are in fact the same person

This theory explains a lot. Next up - Why is Randy Quaid is so crazy.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

The (Needs Lots of) Adjustment Bureau

2011-03-08T19:48:00.000-08:00

Fedoras... they have them.

We'd like to apologize for the lack of reviews recently, but here at Raving Reviews HQ we've been busy with plenty of exciting projects! That aside, let's get to the matter at hand...

Official Trailer

When I first saw the trailer for "The Adjustment Bureau" in the theater awhile back my first reaction was a rush of excitement to see an Inception-esque movie coming out. The sight of several fedora-clad 1940's looking "fate" agents adjusting the life of David Norris (Matt Damon), a NY politician was fascinating to me. It's based on a short story by the renowned sci-fi author Philip K. Dick (Blade Runner, Minority Report, A Scanner Darkly) and quite frankly, my expectations were set unusually high.

They were crushed.

I rarely get tired, or feel like falling asleep during a movie... but TAB (Which I'll be referring to the movie as for the rest of this review) really took the cake. It was far more boring than I could have ever anticipated. The opening sequence introducing his political campaign was too long and uninteresting. While the acting was good (including the chemistry between Damon and Blunt) and the chase scenes were... alright the rest of it just really failed to entertain.

The fedoras that the agents wore were ruined too, used as a plot device to open doors in a seemingly random order... I wonder why they didn't figure out that fedoras are cool all by themselves (look at Indie Jones). But that aside, the director was definitely trying to achieve the Inception theme but didn't go in deep enough. It was mentioned when the movie was released that it was to be "light" sci-fi. This was a feather in comparison to other "light" sci-fi movies.

The true Hat Squad (that looks frighteningly similar to the Agents in the film)

The movie ends rather disappointingly... and the decision of Norris' fate is telegraphed in nearly the middle of the film. Yawn. I won't give it away in case you actually want to see the film (god help you)

While the movie didn't totally bomb at the box office, it was below the already low expectations set by the studio. This is the second movie that Matt Damon decided to star in that didn't fair well at the box office... something tells me he should fire his agent (or at least, get his life adjusted).

Final Verdict: The Adjustment Bureau started out as a fascinating idea, but was poorly executed as a "light" sci-fi movie (more like a Romantic-Thriller). While the question of Free Will vs. Control is discussed in the movie, the "lighter" version seems to crop up more often than a deeper analysis.

I certainly hope that the upcoming movies "Battle: Los Angeles" and "Super 8" can drag me out of this godforsaken "light" sci-fi wallow I'm in right now. It's bad enough that SyFy is still spewing out buckets of its own brand of sci-fi... but now that its spreading... ugh... I'm outta here, be on the lookout for more reviews soon.

-J. Michael

Joining the "Community"

2011-01-24T19:33:00.000-08:00

It was a dull Thursday evening in the summer of '10, and I was flipping the channels late at night when I suddenly came across an interesting show on NBC. DirectTV said it was something called Community, about a lawyer who has to go back to college... Community College that is. We breeze through a very "Breakfeast Club" like pilot that brings together the study group (of main actors) which includes Jeff Winger (Joel McHale), the cool lawyer (who has his state bar license revoked at the series, Britta Perry (Gillian Jacobs) a young, very straightforward woman who seems to be the most knowledgeable on issues affecting the world today. Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi) is a Palestinian student with a very bizarre personality, often referencing pop culture in quite nearly every situation and blurring the lines between TV shows, movies, and reality. Shirley Bennett (Yvette Nicole Brown) is a single mother who is recently divorced, and the most religious member of the group. Annie Edison (Alison Brie) is a young recent high school dropout due to a bizarre psychological breakdown, though she is normally quite calm, cheerful, and the most responsible member of the group. Troy Barnes (Donald Glover) is the jock of the group, and was a football star at the high school he attended before being forced to drop out, and losing his football scholarship. Then there's Pierce Hawthorne (Chevy Chase) and Ben Chang (Ken Jeong), the first being a moist towelette tycoon and the latter being the somewhat insane Spanish teacher.

The first season focuses primarily on the various trials and tribulations of the self proclaimed "Spanish" study group, from introductions to the different classes that the group is taking (such as Spanish 101 with Senor Chang, or Anthropology 101) or some of the strange or bizarre projects that the members have been assigned, or taken upon themselves to do.

The best part of season one is the large amount of pure laugh out loud moments that are captured at least once or twice in each episode. Especially at the very end of the episode, when they have one or two minute "mini-sodes" usually involving Troy and Abed. Speaking of which, here are a few season one Community clips for your enjoyment!

Now we know why Senor Chang teaches Spanish... right?

An amusing little remix of several Senor Chang moments from Season One.

Troy and Abed's most famous rap.

For endless bliss, hit the left arrow on your keyboard over and over once the video ends.

Be on the lookout for another review coming soon from me, possibly on NBC's other hit show, Outsourced!

Bond 23 Exclusive - The Hunt for Rogue November

2011-01-08T06:29:00.000-08:00

We had planned on dedicating an entire post to Nicolas Cage's hair, but we decided to wait until we saw his new release, Season of the Witch (the latest attempt to pay his back taxes). We're not sure who exactly plays the witch, but the crusader backdrop to the movie looks somewhat intriguing.

Warning - spoilers ahead...

The other reason we've delayed our critical analysis of Nick Cage's hair is that we've gotten our hands on a treasure trove of exclusive information on the new James Bond film. Bond 23 as it was titled previously, had suspended production last year when MGM went bankrupt. The movie is now finally gearing up again and looks to be ready for a release sometime in 2012. The timing of the release must have played a major role in the new direction the movie is taking.

The Bond 23 production now has a tentative title - "The Hunt for Rogue November."

Plot Synopsis - The premise is this; in a fiercely contested presidential race, MILF candidate Sarah Palin is targeted by an insanely jealous former lover and Russian leader (Vladamir Putin) who attempts to kidnap her and hold her for ransom in his Siberian love-nest. The fiesty former half-governor who doesn't trust Obama's hand-chosen security detail led by Felix Leiter looks to England for a conservative bodyguard she can really trust - who turns out to be Margaret Thatcher's and Prince Charles' little known love-child, James Bond.

At first the two don't get along at all, as London Calling clashes with Wild Alaska - the sparks fly, but soon those sparks become glowing embers of passion. It is an action-packed thriller where the lady being guarded has bigger guns than her protector and James finds himself torn between Queen, Country and the lady in red who has stolen his heart. The Villains in this film will stop at nothing to remove her from the political equation as we are transported to exotic locales like Kenya, Hawaii and Indonesia. The evil Doctora Ariana Huffington makes her premier appearance as she conspires with Putin to trash Palin's Facebook page.

Photo Credit - J. Michael: When it's cold they get hot...

Alternative Titles - There were a number of options for the working title; some that we're seriously considered but rejected include:

"Ice Melts when it's Hot."
"Bear on the Horizon."
"Dancing with the Czars."
"Fully Automatic & Lovely"
"The MILF Who Loved Me."
"A View to Russia (from my porch)."
"Muckraker."
"You can Only Serve 2 Terms."

Scene Stealing Quotes - We also got a hold of the script and can share with you some of the best lines from the movie. Here they are:

Palin on Putin:

"James, he doesn't take NYET for an answer."
In a scene where someone asks whether Putin would go so far as to commit his nuclear forces to get his way - "He certainly knew how to push my buttons."
"Detente is a four letter word, right?"
"He's one Polar Bear who doesn't give a shit about Global Warming."

Putin on Palin:

"She is my Wild Alaska."
"She put the 'stroik' in Perestroika."
"If I cannot have her, the American Public certainly will not."
"She is the Arctic fox to my Russian bear."
"We will Putin her on ice."
"I love a woman in red."

Palin to Bond:

"You're serious, I always thought Thatcher was a man?" when confronted with the secret about James' heritage.
"You'll always be my top gun, Maverick."
"I AM your Witch, baby."
"Can you take out Katy, I mean what use is that stupid license if you never use it?"
"When I said all night, I meant 6 months, this is Alaska."
"Let's have a Tea Party at my place."
"I may be a half governor, but I'm a whole woman."

Bond to Palin:

"I like my Tea hot, steamy and full of sugar."
"You remind a lot of mum, except for the glasses."
"Tweet me if you want to live."
"We fired Q and now shop entirely at the Sharper Image."
"I don't understand Hockey, but I love to puck."

Evil Villain Quotes:

Dr. Ariana: "We will stop her from testing cosmetics on farm animals for good."
Obama: "Sarah and Vladamir deserve each other, I'm just the matchmaker."
Felix: "Oprah made me do it."
Pelosi: "Damn her hair!"
Putin: "Siberia is for Lovers."
Obama: "ObamaCare, hah, Obama don't care."

Gratuitous gloating after the Demise of various Generic Henchmen:

"He had a bad hair day." Palin upon seeing a henchman losing the top of his head in an elaborate saw trap originally meant for James.
"It's more fun when they can't shoot back." Palin comparing shooting moose & bad guys.
"I think he just dropped in the polls." Bond after a henchman plummets from a rugged Alaskan peak.
"He had a Lead Deficit" Bond after shooting a henchman about 20 times.
"That was an electrifying speech." Bond after tossing a microphone with an exposed wire to a henchman standing next to a podium in a puddle of water.
"Drill, Baby Drill" - Palin after a Henchman falls down an oil well.
"Now, that's a Death Panel." - Bond after being chased in a hospital by henchmen disguised as health care workers, uses faulty Medicaid equipment to blow up five of them in a conference room.
"Filibuster this!" Sarah punches her way out of a Senate subcommittee filled with henchmen disguised as Congressional Aides.

We are close to obtaining an exclusive video with actual scenes from the movie - which you will only see here. Stayed Tuned...

Copyright 2010, Raving Reviews

The Top 6 Star Trek Fan Videos

2011-01-05T18:58:00.000-08:00

Hey there, Mike again with a new type of post here at Raving Reviews. Today we'll be looking at six fantastically (and some of them, how hilariously) made Star Trek fan videos that we at Raving Reviews have found. So without further ado, I give you our first video, the most popular fan tribute to the show in existence.

Star Trek: 40th Anniversary Fan Tribute by ENTERPRISE-NX01- The video uses a orchestral piece performed in an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation and uses footage from every series and quite nearly every movie in the franchise excluding the recent reboot.

A wonderful, orchestral tribute to the show that flows beautifully.

Captain Kirk's Court Martial By TheBadPandaVideoBlog - An interesting collection of almost every "redshirt" death in the original Star Trek series. To a cheery soundtrack as well!

"Are you casting me... in the role of the devil?" -Captain Kirk

Star Trek: Confusion by College Humor- A completely confused parody that's not far off from the actual movie, enjoy the random nerdbabble.

Due to technical difficulties, you'll have to view it through this link, sorry!

Ewoks, Excalibur, Stormtroopers? This is all far too confusing for me...

Star Trek: How It Should Have Ended by HISHE- Our curious friends over at HISHE have struck gold with this great "alternate ending" to the new Star Trek movie, take a look!

Lens flare generators... can't get enough of 'em.

Star Trek: DS9 Crew Views Star Trek XI Trailer by GeneralGrin- Okay, so this funny edit of a DS9 scene may rip the new movie a little, but seeing as its "Grin" material, and we didn't like the movie as much as others, we enjoyed it!

Apparently Captain Picard wasn't too happy with the new Star Trek movie...

TNG Recut #3-Mr. Woof by GeneralGrin- The General has posted quite a few of this short edits of TNG episodes, we thought you might enjoy this one.

Pressing the wrong buttons can have dangerous results...

Hitler Reacts to the new Star Trek Movie by Ottervomit- Yes yes... another Downfall parody, and we know it jeers at the new movie, but its funny, just watch it (but beware, as with most of the Downfall parodies, there may be some language inappropriate for the kiddies)

My next post is going to be on the first season of NBC's hit show Community!

Copyright 2010, Michael J.