WittyCracks

Brain Teaser

2014-09-10T08:52:00.000-07:00

A man lives in a small house with a farm as his back garden and has a river beside his house. On the other side of the river is a shop. One day he visited the shop. he bought a chicken and Fox for his farm and bought a bag of corn to feed the chicken on.The man can only take one thing and himself across in the boat. With out killing any animals or letting another animal eat an item or animal, how will the man get across?

See answer below (after the cut)

Bring the chicken across. Bring the fox across. Take the chicken back across. Bring the corn across, then bring the chicken across.

9 Hilarious Facebook Photoshop Failures [PHOTOS]

2014-01-08T08:03:00.003-08:00

#1 She Got Everything Right.......Almost

#2 Different Backgrounds? How come they have two different backgrounds?

#3 Check Out Her Hands. Clearly the picture has been photo-shopped

#4 Disappearing earphones? Wonder why he tried to photoshop that one

#5 Not Buying It Next time you photoshop your picture, please pay attention to the details

#6 Arms? His real arms would have been so much better.

#7 The Mirror Issue....Well she forgot

#8 Sunglasses... Pay close attention to that smudge

#9 Yes, He Does. He does photoshop his pictures

Do You Think She's Floating? Look Again

2013-11-11T10:32:00.003-08:00

EYE TEST: What Number Do You See?

2013-10-31T03:23:00.001-07:00

'I Was Carried Away By The Aroma', Housewife Caught Stealing Meat From Neighbour’s Pot

2013-10-18T08:56:00.001-07:00

A housewife in Sapele, Delta State, identified as Oghenero (surname withheld), reportedly got her fingers burnt yesterday, when she allegedly attempted to steal a piece of meat from a neighbour’s soup pot.
It was reliably gathered that the woman, a mother of three, gained access to the soup after the neighbour who was preparing it left it on the fire unattended and went into her room to get her GSM phone which was ringing.
The light fingered housewife was said to have moved into the kitchen while the other woman was speaking with her caller but was caught by another neighbour who had been watching her movement from a distance.
Confirming the incident, the neighbour identified as Mrs Mouka Felicia, said the hot piece of meat fell from the thieving housewife’s mouth after she was slapped by her brother-in-law and she allegedly confessed to have been carried away by the aroma emitting from the pot of soup.
Family sources said the latest incident is not the first as the woman has been involved in several cases of petty stealing for which her husband threatened to send her packing.

HILARIOUS: Nigerian Comedian, Saka's Message To All Single Ladies On Twitter

2013-10-18T08:53:00.002-07:00

Saka, the popular comedian, also had some thoughts for ladies who are very selective.

The Difference Between A Husband and A Computer

2013-10-16T15:04:00.002-07:00

Girl Orders Boyfriend To Kneel In The Street & Slaps Him For Cheating [SEE PHOTOS]

2013-10-09T06:52:00.001-07:00

See more Photos below after the cut........

What Marriage Does To Strong Men

2013-10-04T19:59:00.001-07:00

No!...Not You

2013-10-04T19:51:00.001-07:00

The Missed Call of Nature

2013-09-27T17:26:00.002-07:00

6 Most Awkward Moments Married Couples Face!!!

2013-09-16T10:42:00.001-07:00

If you think marriage is all about those beautiful romantic moments, you need a reality check! Married life is a kaleidoscope of moments, some romantic and some embarrassing and awkward. But yes, it is these 'Oops!' moments that add the much needed spice to a marriage. Years down the line, these moments will make you burst into laughter. After all, the kind of bond you build with your spouse largely depends on moments that are less than perfect.

If you are already married, you will relate to this list. In case you are not, there are some moments that you might want to avert! So, take a look:

1. Awkward kiss
The awkward kiss tops the list, and is experienced by almost everyone who is married. The awkward moment when you are about to kiss your partner, she/he suddenly moves and you plant the kiss on the nose instead. There are so many variations to the moment; each of you might have experienced some version of it sometime or other.

2. Loud fart
Oops! Another very common awkward moment is when you fart really loud. It just gets more embarrassing when you are in a more intimate position with your spouse, especially in the beginning stages of your marriage. However, as you continue living with your spouse, in happiness or despair or those farting moments, such moments don’t seem awkward anymore. Read more after the cut.

3. Called the wrong name
Calling out your spouse by an ex’s name is not only one of the most awkward moments, but also a major goof up that you can make. The scenario can be even worse, if you do it while making out. In fact, such a moment is downright catastrophic!

4. A walk in the toilet
The relationship that a husband and wife share is definitely quite intimate. But, your spouse walking in the toilet, while you are using it, could be an awkward moment for both of you. This is one visual aid that you would definitely not want in your memory banks. Keep doors locked well and save yourself from the embarrassment.

5. Kids march in during make-out session
So you are not only married, but also have kids. That does not mean that romance is dead. However, a kid marching in while you are making out passionately is a definite awkward moment. So, make sure you have complete privacy before indulging in some steamy action!

6. The in-law talk
Imagine, you walk right into the house foul-mouthing your in-laws to your spouse, thinking she/he is the only one in there. But, you are unpleasantly surprised, or rather shocked to see your in-law emerging from nowhere into the hall. Bingo! I guess, 'speechless' can be the only reaction in such a scenario.

[A Must Read] Gbenga Adeyinka's Most Embarassing Moments

2013-09-15T06:50:00.000-07:00

I have had two most embarrassing moments. The first one was back then when I was in the university. I was sleeping on the bed with my legs wide open.

I didn’t know my trousers were torn and my ‘Mandela’ was free. My room mates girlfriend knocked and I was feeling too lazy to open the door so I shouted and told her to come in.
She came in with two of her friends, all females. My room mate came in about five minutes later to tell me to ‘park’ well because my ‘Mandela’ was free in the open.
Professionally, I have been embarrassed as well. I had a concert for Star in Ejigbo, Lagos and I drove to Ejigbo in Oyo State and started looking for the venue of the concert only to realise that the event was actually in Lagos!

[PHOTOS] Flowers Shaped Like Manhood Spotted Outside Hotel

2013-09-14T04:04:00.000-07:00

Proudly standing to attention, these phallic-shaped plants have been causing smirks and giggles.
The unfortunate topiary was installed in front of the site of a new Premier Inn being constructed in Woking, Surrey.
A reader of the Get Surrey website took the photos of the tall plants next to two ball shapes and said: "It has us all in stitches..."
However, the hilarious horticulture has since been chopped - with the balls removed by a workman.
A hotel chain spokesperson said: "It turns out the plants were actually not part of Premier Inn at all but were owned by the developers, so [they] were not our responsibility and they have now moved them.
"We cannot comment on this as they were not ours."
The new hotel is due to open on October 14.

Thanks to Facebook

2013-09-09T10:12:00.003-07:00

20 Best African Stand Up Comedians 2013

2013-09-08T11:16:00.001-07:00

A list compiled by popular comedy site Officiallaughs.com listing the top 20 best stand up comedians in Africa, has been released. The cute guy above (left) is apparently the best in Africa, followed by Basketmouth (right). See the top twenty below and tell us if you agree...

1 Trevor Noah (South Africa)
2 Basketmouth (Nigeria)
3 Michael Blackson (Ghana)
4 Riaad Moosa (South Africa)
5 Klint The Drunk (Nigeria)
6 David Kau (South Africa)
7 Daliso Chaponda (Malawi)
8 I Go Dye (Nigeria)
9 Eric Omondi (Kenya)
10 Eddie Kadi (Congo)

See the remaining after the cut.......

11 Loyiso Gola (South Africa)
12 Ali Baba (Nigeria)
13 David Kibuuka (South Africa)
14 Kasambwe Mpulamasaka (Zambia)
15 Nik Rabinowitz (South Africa)
16 Foxy P (Nigeria)
17 John Vlismas (South African)
18 A Dot (Nigerian)
19 Daniel Omara (Uganda)
20 Gbenga Adeyinka (Nigeria)

A Must Do: Try this Personality Test

2013-09-07T07:53:00.000-07:00

Select a shape below that appeals to you the most and then scroll down to read about your personality.

Read more after the cut below

These shapes were developed by a psychologist. They have been tested worldwide, over a period of several years. As feedback was received from research, the color and/or form of each shape was
carefully adjusted, then tested again, until what was left was a highly successful set of shapes. These represent the nine basic personality types.

Shape 1

Introspective
Sensitive
Reflective
You come to grips more frequently and thoroughly with yourself and your environment than do most people. You detest superficiality; you'd rather be alone than have to suffer through small talk. But your relationships with your friends are highly intensive, which gives you the inner tranquility and harmony that you need in order to feel good. However it is no problem for you to be alone for extended periods of time, without becoming bored.

Shape 2

Independent
Unconventional
Unfettered
You demand a free and unattached life for yourself that allows you to determine your own course. You have an artistic bent in your work or leisure activities. Your urge for freedom sometimes causes you to do exactly the opposite of what expected of you.
Your lifestyle is highly individualistic. You would never blindly imitate what is "in"; on the contrary, you seek to live according to your own ideas and convictions, even if this means swimming against the tide.

Shape 3

Dynamic
Active
Extroverted
You are quite willing to accept certain risks and to make a strong committment in exchange for interesting and varied work. Routine, in contrast, tends to have a paralyzing effect on you.
What you like most is to be able to play an active role in events. In doing so, your initiative is highly pronounced.

Shape 4

Down to Earth
Well-Balanced
Harmonious
You value a natural style and love that which is uncomplicated. People admire you because you have both feet planted firmly on the ground and they can depend on you. You give those who are close to you security and space. You are perceived as being warm and human. You reject everything that is garish and trite. You tend to be skeptical toward the whims of fashion trends. For you, clothing has to be practical and unobtrusively elegant.

Shape 5

Professional
Pragmatic
Self-Assured
You take charge of your life, and place less faith in your luck and more in your own deeds. You solve problems in a practical, uncomplicated manner. You take a realistic view of the things in your daily life and tackle them without wavering. You are given a great deal of responsibility at work, because people know that you can be depended upon.
Your pronounced strength of will projects your self-assurance to others. You are never fully satisfied until you have accomplished your ideas.

Shape 6

Peaceful
Discreet
Non-Aggressive
You are easy-going yet discreet. You make friends effortlessly, yet enjoy your privacy and independence. You like to get away from it all and be alone from time to time to contemplate the meaning of life and enjoy yourself. You need space, so you escape to beautiful hideaways, but you are not a loner. You are at peace with yourself and the world, and you appreciate life and what this world has to offer.

Shape 7

Carefree
Playful
Cheerful
You love a free and spontaneous life. And you attempt to enjoy it to the fullest, in accordance with the motto: "You only live once."
You are very curious and open about everything new; you thrive on change. Nothing is worse than when you feel tied down. You experience your environment as being versatile and always good for a surprise.

Shape 8

Romantic
Dreamy
Emotional
You are a very sensitive person. You refuse to view things only from a sober, rational standpoint. What your feelings tell you is just as important to you. In fact, you feel it is important to have dreams in life, too.
You reject people who scorn romanticism and are guided only by rationality. You refuse to let anything confine the rich variety of your moods and emotions.

Shape 9

Analytical
Trustworthy
Self-Assured
Your momentary sensitivity represents that which is of high quality and durable. Consequently, you like to surround yourself with little "gems," which you discover wherever they are overlooked by others.
Thus, culture plays a special role in your life. You have found your own personal style, which is elegant and exclusive, free from the whims of fashion. Your ideal, upon which you base your life, is cultured pleasure. You value a certain level of culture on the part of the people with whom you associate.

Source: www.davidpbrown.co.uk

One Last Drink

2013-08-31T15:58:00.000-07:00

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, Tattooed biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, with his fist in my face.
As I burst into tears the biker says, "Come on, man," "I didn't think you'd CRY, dude I was just messing with ya"

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. Everything has gone wrong, I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a cyanide capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!

Akward Angle

2013-08-31T15:56:00.002-07:00

[A Must Read] Very Funny Misunderstanding

2013-08-28T07:25:00.001-07:00

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more.

She filed a court case on him. In the court the man's defence was :-

When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.

She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon - The unknown boon"..

I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which read :-"William's stick did the trick"..

Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read
:- "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident"..

The case was dismissed.

The judge fell off his chair laughing

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."

She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.

Warning For Grandma

2013-08-24T04:34:00.000-07:00

Funny Application Letter

2013-08-21T06:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Sir,
APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT

I refer to the recent death of the technical Manager at your Company, and hereby apply for the replacement of the deceased manager.

Each time I apply for a job, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case I have caught you red-handed and you have no excuse because I even attended the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead and buried before applying. Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his death certificate.

See Picture of the actual letter below

What Are You Looking At? Apply Some Speed

2013-08-17T08:49:00.001-07:00

The Hallways

2013-08-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

Crazy & Funny Definitions From Witty Cracks Dico

2013-08-09T16:19:00.000-07:00

POLITICIAN
A subtle one who will shake your hand prior to elections but shakes your trust thereafter.

BOSS
A Superior whose timeliness is unquestionable. He's early when you're late. You're too early, when he's late.

OPTIMIST
An unrealistic fellow. who while descending freely under gravity, from the 'Statue of Liberty', tells his deluded mind halfway: 'I won't get have a single scratch!'

DIPLOMAT
The tactical one who tells you to run into Hades in such a manner that you start looking forward to the deadly trip in a lively mood.