Picture Perfect Beauty

For the photographically challenged...

2011-09-28T09:25:00.000-07:00

So the Big Day is finally here and since there is a pretty good chance you belong to the 99.5% of the population who wasn’t blessed with being a lucky genetic freak (i.e. a model), you might feel some anxiety about your pictures.

The good news is that even supermodels don’t look like supermodels without a few tricks up their sleeves, so here are the top 8 tips on ensuring you look like the Ravishing-Goddess-Of-Love that you are!

1) Don’t be cheap- i.e. hire a professional

Sometimes the sun does shine in the darkest places and Aunt Gertie might snap a front-page worthy picture on her disposable, but on your wedding day random luck is not what you’re after. This is the one time you must look good, so hire a professional for all aspects of your day starting with hairstylist, makeup artist and professional photographer.

2) Trust me, I know what I’m doing

You may think that picture with you leaning on your hands and wistfully glancing in to the distance was a cute, but by gosh, looking cute is not what you’re striving for on your big day. Radiant, Enchanting, Lissome and Languid is more like it so trust me. I’ve spent years training how to make people look good, after all.

3) Be nice

It is your day and I know it is an honor to help you look drop-dead gorgeous so you’ll get some leeway here because you’re probably nervous. However, if you choose to throw down, you just might find your up-do strategically imploding or your behind having been captured from a not so flattering angle. Not that an ultimate professional would ever do such a thing but, ahem, I’ve heard of such things having happened.

So now that we got all that out of the way here are some model-worthy, instantly glamourizing tips for looking picture perfect for posterity:

4) Do the Twist

The only thing that looks good photographed head-on is a pile of logs and my guess is that’s not the look you’re going for. To capture a positively elfin-like waist and best boobs a memory card can catch try turning your feet to one side and twist your upper body towards the camera. If you’re really feeling adventurous or have a booty worth bragging about, you can even stand with your back to the camera and just turn your head. Just don’t strain your neck in the process.

5) Know your angles

We all have a masculine and feminine side to our faces: to find yours grab a regular sheet of paper and relocate in front of the nearest mirror: Move the paper back and forth in front of your face exposing one side at a time: your feminine side has a higher arch of the eye-brow, the eye itself is slightly larger and tilts up more that its sister and the corner of the mouth is higher. Chances are you’ll want to turn this side to the camera on your wedding day which means you’ll also want to part your hair on that side for maximum exposure. Parting your hair the other way and leading the way with your masculine side will come in handy if you have to scold somebody or tangle with the good-ole-boys club: this side lends you authority!

6) Your Mama was right

Straightening your posture is the easiest way to loose 10 pounds in your picture… the problem is it is not so easy to do it right. To practice: sit up straight in a chair, suck in your belly and imagine your head being pulled by a string straight to the sky. Then pull your shoulder blades back as far as they go; when it starts to hurt and you want to quit you’re about 90% there. Pull your shoulder blades back a little more, lean forward about 6 inches (While keeping your posture) and there you have it.

7) Double trouble?

If you’ve been hitting the starches a bit hard and there’s a bit o’ wobble or a downright double chin where the first one ends, try this easy fix: Press your tongue as hard as you can against the roof of your mouth. This will instantly tighten up the jiggly parts and lift up any jowls as well! Now, for 3 extra points… SMILE!!!

8) Tuck it!

The optimum feminine face is an oval but yours not so much? The solution for perfecting your pose is to tuck down your chin; Imagine how a swan would do it, which is slightly forward, THEN down. Instant Grace!

Now all you have to do is combine all the above; and were in business.

Pretty Dirty: The Joys of... Waiting

2010-07-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

Pretty Dirty: The Joys of... Waiting: "In case you didn't already know, there are few things in life that I'm personally worse at than waiting....Also if you've ever bought a hous..."

The Joys of... Waiting

2010-07-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't already know, there are few things in life that I'm personally worse at than waiting....Also if you've ever bought a house, you should be well aware that the process is about nothing but.

As the the latest project is snailing towards its intended closing date I can attest that all the stars that need to be aligned can and will provide many an opportunity to go slightly off kilter, and more than likely will put a monkey wrench in your plans.

Appraisals, approvals, crafting your budget, scheduling your contractors, coordinating start times, insurances, all make for a huge 7-ring circus that is not for the faint of heart but alas- there is light at the end of the tunnel;

Despite getting off to a rocky start with the sellers agent (who through some underhanded trickery caused us to temporarely not be under contract on the house, and also get the doors stolen off the freaking property!!!) it now turns out that they themselves are holding up the process- due to unpaid grass liens.... I mean, could things get any more lame than that???

The good news is that we DID get the appraisals back today and based on it could actually qualify for WAAY more moeny on the construction end of it (45M more to be exact), and as an investment choice it is turning out to be a stellar choice, a fact that is making Henry a very happy camper indeed.

In case anybody is interested in seeing the lovely project in its infancy, you can look it up on Google Maps at 2026-28 Peniston st.

And, Yes, I realize we are about to own one house on "GeniTalia" and one on Peniston.

Pretty Dirty Indeed

2010-07-06T10:50:00.000-07:00

So this would be the very first post on my new blog Pretty Dirty, which, contrary to some of you nastier minded folks out there is NOT about frottage in its extremes, but a way of sharing the good, the bad and the ugly on two subjects close to my heart that at first glance aren't exactly related.... the Bonfire of Vanities known as the "Beauty Industry", and its polar opposite world of Construction.

Coming off a 11 year stint of countless champagne fests, thousands and thousands of frequent flier miles, swanky hotel rooms, fashion-weeks, "Making the world more beautiful one model at a time" and fixing up a good few properties "on the side" as a dirty little secret, it is time to put keyboard to screen and start documenting.

Personally, I think this makes for a fabulous combination and should you disagree...well....I really dont give a damn.