~* ♥ Secret Monologues ♥ *~

A Time and a Place

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 22:09:00 +0000

There is a time and place for everything.
A time for believing.
A place for hiding the fears.
A time for growing up.
A place for keeping safe the child within.
A time for letting go.
A place for preserving hope.

... the most difficult part is being true to yourself...

Sorrow

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 17:22:00 +0000

The scent of yesterday....
the freshness of the newborn Love
the soft touch of the wings of hope
the trust
the faith
the feeling of indestructibility
of finally belonging...

Where has it all gone?

Revery

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Mon, 26 May 2008 19:59:00 +0000

Just one day like any other given day.

Minutes flowing downwards like sand in a sand-glass.

Impressions passing us by.

Hopes and lost loves tenderly touching our souls as they continue their journey to neverland.

Every breath pushing us farther from each other.

Looking back to realize it was never real...

Business Trip Discovery :)

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Sun, 25 May 2008 07:50:00 +0000

For the last couple of days I have been away in a (biz) trip. I didn`t carry the laptop with me, precisely in order to be able to focus more on all that I did there.

I left with my direct superior. We traveled in a hurry, the road was long, the traffic was rather messy. We didn`t have any time to spend sight-seeing or shopping, as I would have wanted. I couldn`t convince him under any circumstance to go together for a walk. I noticed this with most men.... they are terrified when they hear that they have to walk... or maybe it`s just my bad luck to meet only this type of men? :)

The "business" wasn`t much... we went to a fair, prospected the market, introduced our services... it was my first experience in this field, rather interesting. Discussed with different people, shared opinions, learned how to smile to a stranger... and even got a job proposal from one of the people I was hoping to turn into our customer :)

All in all, it was a good experience. But the best part is that I got to know his other "self". The real one, I guess. The funny, friendly, charming self. The detached and relaxed one. The part I sensed he had, but almost never showed. The part that disappeared immediately the next day when we met back at work :) Nonetheless... I am absolutely pleased with my "discovery" and I`m looking forward to another biz trip together :)

Kiss me Goodbye...

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Mon, 19 May 2008 19:31:00 +0000

Nowhere to go and hide from all the incertitudes, from all the doubts that are hunting me. I turn my head and see a deep forest of "what if...?". I look around me and feel trapped. No guiding light, not a sparkle of hope. I run in circles and hurt myself to invincible walls. I`d scream but there is no one to really hear me. Questions and more questions battling in my mind like armies of soldiers. No time to rest, got to keep on trying. Trying to do.... what?

... to dare, to fight, to unchain myself. Maybe in another lifetime...

My Every Thought - Κάθε μου σκέψη

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Sun, 18 May 2008 11:44:00 +0000

In my eyes I close what I remember
and I don't let your image
to fade in the light

Every thought, every breath of fire
wears your glance
you're every thought, every secret trip
but I know that it's not enough to love you

Love was lost somewhere
in my soul's path
and I want you to know that my heart
has dressed up in black again

Every thought, every breath of fire
wears your glance
you're every thought, every secret trip
but I know that it's not enough to love you

In the silence, every little moment of ours

C-Real - Kathe Mou Skepsi

Burning Question

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Sun, 18 May 2008 07:20:00 +0000

... to stay, when all you really want is to go far far away.
... to cherish memories forever encrusted in your soul.
... to build in your mind the picture of what could have been.
... to treasure the traces of that single kiss that was never meant to be.
... to dream.
... to wait.
... to hope.

Is it Love?

Ask Hikayesi (Love Story)

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Thu, 15 May 2008 21:50:00 +0000

It was his love song to her. Ever since that summer, it`s been my love song to him. And it will always be - it`s like they say: the most beautiful love stories are the ones you`ve never lived or accomplished...

Kayahan - Ask Hikayesi

Ours is a love story/ A bit like a black'n white movie. / Tears, hope and lust, /Ours is a bit like a flame...
Ours is a love song / A bit like a black'n white movie. /Like water and flame, (or) rose and prickle / Ours is a bit like a novel...
These roses are for you / This heart is for us. /Never feel sad and cry /You (shall) smile at all times...
Ours is a love song / A bit like a black'n white movie. /A bit like getting out to the light /From the sad autumn doors...
How beautiful were all what we have lived? / How beautiful huh? /Now neither you nor me can find those days (gone) /I think sometimes and say /"Itoo have made mistakes!!" /Both of us failed to realise the value of somethings.
[...]
We used to remember and laugh about the first day we met, /You used to ask me what you were wearing that day? / I never could remember... /I do now...
Our eyes met and we started.. / Just like in the movies!!!
[...]

Morbid Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:34:00 +0000

What`s worse when a loved one dies?

If that person was young - the regrets about the life time we would have had together/ the fact that he/she had the whole life ahead?

If that person was old - the pain that we have known him/her for such a long time, thus the retrospective of all the time spent together and the impossibility of the thought of going on without that person?

What hurts the most? The thought of what has been and will never be again, or the thought of what could have been but will never happen?

Tagged: 10 words

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Sun, 11 May 2008 12:32:00 +0000

Quite a while ago I received this tag from Aida, but somehow couldn`t finish my "task" on time. The idea is that I would have to write a message for the "posterity" (I guess) , no longer than 10 words. So I thought that I`ve always loved:

"Roads are for journeys, not destinations"
Anna and the King (1999)

I`m passing this on to Technodoll, Denize & anyone else who`d like to play along :)

Some sort of a Lost Paradise

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Thu, 08 May 2008 20:36:00 +0000

I was browsing through the net and discovered the web page of my high school. I can`t believe that it`s been 11 years since I fist became a part of it.

I loved high school. It`s a part of my life which I will always carry in my heart and cherish. Unlike the college years that I want to put behind and never speak about them again... I was looking at the pictures of the class rooms, of the library. Everything has changed, everything looks brand new and modern. But the essence is basically the same. It`s still that special place...

Looking through the staff list, I was amazed to discover that most of my former teachers are still a part of that place that shaped us. The "discovery" brought a lot of nostalgia with it. The classes, the personality and expectations that each teacher had from us, the tests, the grades... There were some names missing though. They must have retired. But when? What happened to them?... There are so many new names... New teachers, most of them young... I can tell, because many of them are either people I met there, who had the same age, (or maybe one or two years older), or people who were my college mates. It`s rather unbelievable... to see your colleagues and friends, people from your generation, working with the people that shaped your teen years, and to know that you could have been there too, if only you hadn`t made different choices...

No, teaching was never a part of my plans. Still, it would have been something else to work with people I cherished and admired, who are a part of the years I am so fond of. It`s been 7 years since I graduated from high school, still on every holiday I take the time to catch up by phone with my former French teacher, English teacher and maths teacher. I still can`t believe it`s been that long, they can`t believe that a former student still calls them after all this time. I wish I could go back...

If you need a good laugh...

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Wed, 07 May 2008 19:22:00 +0000

... check out this site: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

It`ll keep us quite busy for some time :)

Anniversary: 6 months!

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Tue, 06 May 2008 20:37:00 +0000

It`s been so weird and stressful lately that I wasn`t able to think straight :) Not that this thinking stuff would be something out of the ordinary :)

However for the moment I got it fixed and I am relieved to have finally made this page look a little bit "human". Maybe it`s no coincidence that today it`s our 6 months anniversary? :) The blog`s anniversary I mean :)

How do we feel? I don`t know. 6 months isn`t much. I just hope I will last another 6 months and during this time there will be people (yes, by "people" I obviously mean YOU) still willing to drop by from time to time, to read and maybe even comment the foolish nonsense that will appear in these pages. Thank you all for being here !

I give up!

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Sun, 04 May 2008 12:21:00 +0000

Somebody`s messing with my mind now... All day I`ve been trying to change my blog`s look, and here`s how it turned out! A total mess, because BLOGGER won`t save my changes. And when it does, it`s all messy.

I really really want a 3 column layout where I could keep my fonts & colors choices. Any suggestions?

Also please note that soon you might find me on Wordpress, because I don`t know for how long I will put up with this site`s mood... What do you think of it?

Grrrr.....

LE: Wordpress templates are all too similar and don`t allow customization. Where else could I move the blog to? This is way too annoying...

Ars Poetica

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Sat, 03 May 2008 06:37:00 +0000

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.
And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
They somehow already know what you truly want to become.
Everything else is secondary."

Steve JOBS

Old Age vs Myself

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Fri, 02 May 2008 12:53:00 +0000

I feel bad. I feel like sometimes I am such a bad person, but somehow I also find excuses for myself and my behavior. I know, it`s sick!

I went to visit my grandma today. She is 80+ and my mother`s mother. She lives alone. Ever since my mom died (she was her only child, imagine the tragedy in her heart!), my grandma has always felt like she needed to take my mother`s place. Needless to say it`s impossible. Needless to say that every such attempt is annoyingly useless. However, it`s been almost 11 years and she still won`t give up. Besides the fact that I now have a certain age and my own opinions, her ideas are terribly old and without a hope of being accepted in this century (this was mean, I know!).

The main idea is that, although most of the time she has trouble calling me by name, every time we meet (and I made sure it happens very rarely) she has something about me to criticize. Just after my mom died, she had a problem with me dying my hair, wearing make up etc. It`s rather understandable, since I was only 15. However she still has a problem with the same things, plus the clothes that I wear, plus my choice of not eating meat, plus many other things. There isn`t a time when I visit her that she doesn`t throw these things in my face. She acts as if I am all alone in the world, and she must guide me through life, giving advice at every step I make. And what pisses me off the most, is that she can`t accept the fact that I`ve been in a relationship for the last 4 years. My grandma is still living in the past, hoping to arrange for me to marry with some guy or another, whose grandparents are/were her acquaintances, or just because she might have heard that he is wealthy (as if I didn`t have where to live or a well-paid job).

Sounds like a crazy family? Well then, maybe I made myself a little bit clear about why I avoid seeing her. However, I thought I`d check on her today. I had been there for 5 minutes when she started her speech about how I am going to die of malnutrition because I am not eating meat at all (of course, in her opinion, every minor headache or serious health problem is invariably due to the fact that I don`t eat meat!). Then it continued with what I was wearing, how I never get out of jeans to put a skirt on etc etc. I snapped, slammed the door and left. I`m just tired of hearing the same words of reproach, I am tired of asking her not to do the same thing over and over again, I have no patience for this sort of things any more, I`m tired of her treating me like the needy child I never was ... I know it`s wrong of me to react like this, maybe it does make me a bad person, but I am tired, I`m really tired of trying to lead a normal life, trying not to feel different or inferior to those who have normal families, who have a shoulder to cry on and someone to give them strength ...

They say that old age is really ugly and depressing. Being young and realizing that you have no patience with your old ones isn`t a piece of cake either...

Je t`aime

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 21:32:00 +0000

Je t'aime pour toutes les femmes que je n'ai pas connues
Je t'aime pour tous les temps où je n'ai pas vécu
Pour l'odeur du grand large et l'odeur du pain chaud
Pour la neige qui fond pour les premières fleurs
Pour les animaux purs que l'homme n'effraie pas
Je t'aime pour aimer
Je t'aime pour toutes les femmes que je n'aime pas

Qui me reflète sinon toi-même je me vois si peu
Sans toi je ne vois rien qu'une étendue déserte
Entre autrefois et aujourd'hui
Il y a eu toutes ces morts que j'ai franchies sur de la paille
Je n'ai pas pu percer le mur de mon miroir
Il m'a fallu apprendre mot par mot la vie
Comme on oublie

Je t'aime pour ta sagesse qui n'est pas la mienne
Pour la santé
Je t'aime contre tout ce qui n'est qu'illusion
Pour ce coeur immortel que je ne détiens pas
Tu crois être le doute et tu n'es que raison
Tu es le grand soleil qui me monte à la tête
Quand je suis sûr de moi.

- 1950 -

Paul Eluard

*Thanks to Denize who reminded me of this poem I used to love...

The Right to Live, The Right to Kill

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:18:00 +0000

I don`t know what you, in your corner of the world, are up to, but where I live they are getting ready for Easter. And by "getting ready" I mean - of course - spending lots and lots of money in supermarkets, cooking lots and lots of traditional food, half of which will obviously end in the trash.

The most disturbing thing for me however, is all this unnecessary killings that are performed in the name of God. For the past few days the smell of death was everywhere. At least that`s how I felt. Millions and millions of innocent lambs killed because of tradition. My amazement is huge and almost endless whenever I notice the amount of murders committed in the name of religion, which actually should teach us all how to live in peace with each other.

I`ll never understand the need to kill such sweet and innocent animals (I`m not referring just to lambs now, but to animal kind in general). It was understandable in the very very old and dark ages, when survival was conditioned by hunting. However, it is supposed that the human kind has come a very very long way, it presumably evolved. It is proven that we can lead a long(er) and healthy(ier) life with a vegetarian diet. Unfortunately, from some points of view we are still as primitive and barbaric as we were in the beginning...

Moreover, I can`t stop thinking about people who work in slaughterhouses. People who not only deal with death, but they bring it, cause it, play with it - call it as you`d like - day by day. What kind of souls do they have? To see the entire despair in an animal`s eyes, right before taking its life?! To go through this several times/ day. It kind of makes one numb, doesn`t it? It makes one see animals as objects, without soul nor life (most of the people already see them like this anyway...). And day by day, one gets used to it. The sight of blood becomes natural, the fear and screams of despair are just an inconvenient in getting the job done.... and then what? Might as well apply the technique on people - there is no difference after all, right?...

In times like these, I`m beginning to think that I`m either profoundly unadapted to life, or I came into this world as a part of the wrong species....

True or False?

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 19:22:00 +0000

Well, call me a romantic but I figure that
if you can't imagine your life without that someone in it,
if every day would be diminished if you weren't with her,
then you'll know.

Self portrait

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 18:45:00 +0000

You know how they say that it is not polite to ask a woman`s age? Well, like some of my "siblings", I`ve never had this problem. To me age has never been - and hopefully will never become - something which needs to be hidden, or be kept a mystery :)

However, lately I have had the following problem - whenever I am asked how old I am, it takes a while before I figure it out :) Like the other week I was at the doctor`s for a sore throat, and she wanted to give me a prescription. She asked "How old are you"? And I answered "Twenty... erhm...five?". Yessss, with the question mark!! And then I thought "Oh, I am pretty old" :)

I don`t know why, but for some reason, I feel younger than I am. Or at least I like to think about myself in this way. In my mind I am still stuck at age 21-22, when all that mattered was to finish school and find an interesting (and of course - well paid) job. When it was way too soon to be thinking about and/or planning serious steps like marriage/building a family/children etc. "I am too young for that. There is still plenty of time!" I said to the curious who wanted to know whether these "serious" stuff entered in my future plans. And I really believed it. And they all agreed.

However, now it`s all different.... Because I am asked the same questions, I give the same answers, yet I get no support back. In my mind, I still have time. But I look around me and see that most of my generation has moved on. Most of them thought it was about time to assume such responsibilities. So where am I going? Do I still have as much time as I believe I do? Or it`s time that I acknowledged my real age and take decisions accordingly before it`s too late? Am I how I see myself, or am I the one that the others see?... And how old am I, anyway?...

Cat wants cake!

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 07:31:00 +0000

This sweetie pie is hungry for something sweet.... Reminds me of myself & PMS :D

About fear and other demons

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 19:53:00 +0000

Every man is afraid of something.
That's how you know he's in love with you;
when he is afraid of losing you.

My torture, my love, my hope and despair...

Thought of the day

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 20:15:00 +0000

Isn`t it funny how we are all complaining that love and feelings in general aren`t as valued nowadays as they should be? How we all suffer because we can`t find someone with high spiritual aims, but meanwhile we strive to gather more and more money so we can afford more and more material things?...

Test: What Kind of Animal Are You?

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 11:57:00 +0000

OK, it`s Saturday, it`s week-end... we should all smile a little bit... any maybe this cute test will help :) I found it at Jojo`s, and was surprised to see that the results are pretty accurate :)

I am an A P E ! :))

This is actually fun. Look up your birthday and see what you are. Don't forget to scroll down to see what it says about you. Enjoy!

January 01 - 09 ~ Ass
January 10 - 24 ~ Slug
January 25 - 31 ~ Cockroach
February 01 - 05 ~ Parasite
February 06 - 14 ~ Bullfrog
February 15 - 21 ~ Skunk
February 22 - 28 ~ Snake
March 01 - 12 ~ Ape
March 13 - 15 ~ Cockroach
March 16 - 23 ~ Slug
March 24 - 31 ~ Parasite
April 01 - 03 ~ Ass
April 04 - 14 ~ Snake
April 15 - 26 ~ Slug
April 27 - 30 ~ Skunk
May 01 - 13 ~ Slug
May 14 - 21 ~ Bullfrog
May 22 - 31 ~ Cockroach
June 01 - 03 ~ Slug
June 04 - 14 ~ Skunk
June 15 - 20 ~ Ass
June 21 - 24 ~ Ape
June 25 - 30 ~ Parasite
July 01 - 09 ~ Slug
July 10 - 15 ~ Ass
July 16 - 26 ~ Bullfrog
July 27 - 31 ~ Parasite
August 01 - 15 ~ Ape
August 16 - 25 ~ Slug
August 26 - 31 ~ Skunk
September 01 - 14 ~ Bullfrog
September 15 - 27 ~ Parasite
September 28 - 30 ~ Ass
October 01 - 15 ~ Ape
October 16 - 27 ~ Skunk
October 28 - 31 ~ Snake
November 01 - 16 ~ Cockroach
November 17 - 30 ~ Parasite
December 01 - 16 ~ Ass
December 17 - 25 ~ Ape
December 26 - 31 ~ Bullfrog

If you are an Ass : A very loyal and sweet person. Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble, and down-to-earth!! That explains the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed. Popular and easy-going. You have a little group of dignified friends, all of them being quality-personified.

If you are a Slug : Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder people seek your company and look forward to include you for all get-togethers. However, you are sensitive which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!

If you are a Cockroach : Quite contradictory to your name, you are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation wherein you are required to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at one place for a long duration. You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive work from people. You love being loved and when you receive your share of limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!! Well, well... Hence some people could even take an advantage, flatter you to the maximum and get their work done. So be careful.....

If you are a Parasite : An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.

If you are a Skunk : You are near to perfect and nice at heart! . The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people. You, too, love peace. You wouldn't like to retaliate even to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one's back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give, and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what remains the best trait of you guys.

If you are a Bullfrog : You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends! and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware, it is easy for you to fall in love....

If you are a Snake : You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.

If you are an Ape : Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quick as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique. You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!!

Off the track - confession

noreply@blogger.com (~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 07:37:00 +0000

We`re all on and off the track. Judging from the past few days or more, I`ve mostly been off the track with no way out... I`m still hanging out there in between. I guess everybody has such moments when they doubt everything in their lives, caused by one thing or another.

I had several reasons to feel that way. Taken one by one, they may not seem much. But all together, they caused such a pressure on me that I couldn`t handle... First it was my health, which sent me confusing signals. I have already written about the (bad) genes that I may or may not have inherited. And believe me, to be almost 26, and to be told that your biological clock started ticking, is really not such an easy thing to digest... Then, it was the relationship, the only thing that kept me on the surface, the one person that made me feel normal and at peace with myself. The thoughts of being left alone, of losing the balance, losing the equilibrium that I had never had before... There would be so much to say about what this person changed in me, about how I grew since I met him. The negative side of this is that I cannot see myself go on without him. I guess it`s that inner fear of being left aside, of seeing the loved ones go that from time to time shows its ugly face... I couldn`t say if I have always had it in me, or if it started with my mom`s death. But what I know for sure is that IT IS THERE and will never disappear... And the third reason was related to work. To the job & position I worked so hard for and gave my best. I`m beginning to have doubts about my choice. It hasn`t been one year yet, and already I feel that it`s not for me; maybe it`s these changes that keep coming, how they all want things to go better and better, pushing me up to start from zero again... and I don`t know if I can do it. I don`t know if I am able to build something again, to give it all, and then leave it aside, because they want more and more...

3 reasons - 3 important aspects of my life, all going down at the same time. How would you feel in my shoes?...