Nankurunaisa

Forever.....................

2011-11-30T20:43:00.001-08:00

I was so happy,

Every time you smiled at me,

With a smile that melted away everything.

Hence I always wanted to be your sky,

And envelope your sadness.

Whenever you looked up, you would know you are not alone.

Even if you are far away,

You know you have a place to come back.

But off late the space between us has become too big.

Waiting for your honest reply,

Has made me lonely.

Although today is hard to bear,

Even when yesterdays scars remain,

I will work out with a heart that wants to trust.

Coz I can’t be born again.

But I can change as I go on.

Let’s stay together,

Forever.............

Written for :

Thursday Poets’ Rally Week 57 & Gooseberry Garden

Thank you Thursday Poets Rally for the Perfect Poem Award.

I nominate JAY for the next award.

Secret land of tears

2011-11-17T00:44:00.001-08:00

I see tears trying to cross your lovely cheeks,
They are rain upon the blinding dust of earth,
They glow like a pearl trying to water your soul,
If tried to hold, burns with flavors of emotions.

Here I stand waiting for you, to embrace you in my arms,
Allowing your tears to drop on my shoulders,
To kiss away your hurt, to remove your fear,
To show you that this world isn't so cruel after all,
To accompany you in a secret place, the land of tears,
And to hold you close - and never let go...never...let...go...

Written for :

Thursday Poets’ Rally Week 56

Thank you Thursday Poets Rally for the Perfect Poem Award.

I nominate Rachana Shakyawar for the next award.

Hallucination - 2

2011-09-20T00:55:00.000-07:00

I caught a glimpse of her; just in the moment she was trying to settle herself. She was a cute little girl who was travelling along with me to a place where I was heading for a dream. We got acquainted of each other. We had a lovely talk over stuff and everything seemed so uptight. We together enjoyed the whisperings of the ocean, the clickety-clack of the rails, the hum of the passing country side, the ringing flash of crossing lights and studying the names of the stations.

Drowsing, heads lolling, voices amplified and faded in the clickety – clack of the rails as darkness coated the windows. We also thought of having a slumber. Glassed with cold sleep and dazzled by the moon, out of the confused hammering dark of the train, I looked and saw under the moon’s cold sheet and noticed dark small trees that burn suddenly into flowers more lovely than the white moon. Everything looked so tranquil. Then we were stopped at a station for some time. I got down the train to enjoy my feet in the silent lighted yet deserted station. I had no words to describe the place, the way it looked and the way I felt.

And soon, so soon I noticed someone getting down the train. It was none other than that small girl. I called her name but no response. Listen, Can you hear me Laura? I screeched. Again there was no reciprocation. As I continued to call, she continued to walk along the more unlighted area. I followed her silently and crossed on to the other platform, where there was another train ready to depart.

As I stood there I held my breath, fearfully glancing up at her. My feet became numb, my heart started pounding. I stood fearful, confused, drowned, fallen, startled, furious, horror-stricken and many more. All the emotions urged to take a shape. I had so many questions unanswered, many broken. I felt all the longings turning away into silent stillness.

I could sense in her the terror of the shivery sea. Her eyes were fraught with full of resentment and bitter desires. I could hear the wild cries and a lot more horrid voices. It was so dark in the night where I could hear some footsteps too. She was surrounded by a very different aura which took my breath away. The winds blew fiercely and then it blew slowly. The trees bent uneasy, leaning to and fro. I was lost within strange fear.

This time again, I stood there glancing at her while she was settling down on one of the huge wheels of the ready to move train. And the train speeds on and the darkness grew and screams rented the foetid air. But she was not affected by its action or the wheels rotation. No matter how fast the wheel rotated, she was on top of the wheel unaffected. On the spur of the moment she gazed into my eyes and smiled. Her smile was sinister. I was in pain and grief and felt my eyes tortured. The train left and there I stood alone excruciated in the midst of the shuddery night.

I woke up from my dream with great anguish, perspiring. I was scared to death at this little fright, but I had to sleep on through the night, until I could see the sun on its peak.

First Kiss

2011-08-30T02:04:00.000-07:00

In the midst of our talk,
You seemed to glow, like heaven-sent,
You seemed so close that,
I felt the warmth, that your heart lent.
You smiled and winked, I took a breath.
I heard your heart, Beat in your chest.
Short I was in your warm embrace,
I felt a touch so soft and tender.
You leaned over and kissed me,
With a passion flowing free.
I leaned towards you,and closed my eyes.
I felt my knees go weak.
It made me feel , so reassured.
You left me wanting more,
And my soul free of pain .

Written for Gooseberry Garden and Thursday poets rally

Confession

2011-08-03T03:33:00.000-07:00

I view the world,
as a vale of tears,
confesses my eyes.....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do I need a reason?
to make a confession,
during any season...

Written for:

Just fear

2011-08-03T00:53:00.000-07:00

The fear races through my mind,
aching my heart for the alarm of it,
making my emotions difficult to capture,
causing my eyes cry painfully,
and making life more miserable to lead.

           Fear

   Fear

           Fear

           I ask,

Is there no escape ?
no doors to walk out of ?
no windows to go through ?

Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Is there a way to cease my fear ???????

Flaw

2011-07-04T05:12:00.000-07:00

Find me a person
who could love me
with all my flaws

Written for:

Angel of smile

2011-07-04T05:01:00.000-07:00

A beautiful smile on her lovely lips melted away all the pain. She was loved by everyone for her appealing smile, which they said was therapeutic.People savored her presence, said talking to her taught them a lot, helped them cherish every single moment in their life, changed their life drastically. They said they could never find someone like her and no one could ever take her place. They said she cared so much that she forgot to keep a little for herself. Everyone wished to have her in their lives so that their life became meaningful and soulful. She was admired for everything she was. She was said that she awakened their souls and made them reach for more , she planted a fire in their hearts and brought peace to their minds.

But they failed to realize that her smile was a wall which blocked out everyone to see the real her. She seemed so strong but daily continued to break, she seemed she was always there and had no problems of her own, she always held back tears until she was off the phone. She was a hollow shell filled with emptiness. She longed to feel the calmness. She was not heard behind her smile. She was in darkness like there's no escape. Feelings so heartless, things were just never the same. She always muttered,

Behind my smile is a hurting heart
behind my laugh I’m falling apart
look closely at me & you will see
the girl I am - isn’t really me

Her heart still aches in sadness and secret tears still flow. What it meant to lose , no one will ever know.

Never Happy

2011-06-15T23:13:00.000-07:00

We want to be happy. But the mind will
not let us. It delves deep into memories.
It digs deep into desires. It gouges out
old wounds. It leaves us wanting.
No matter what we have.No matter
what we receive.No matter how much
Or what.No matter how content we are.
The mind has its own mind.
Never silent.
Never satisfied.
Never happy.

Can you save?

2011-05-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

Here I lie
On my bed
With the pills
In my hand.
My head throbs,
As I try to recall.
My heart beats rapidly
Inside my chest.
Panic erupts;
And memories flash
Before my groggy eyes.
I pray with tears
For the last time ever.
Pill after pill;
I swallowed until
I became nauseous.
My head falls into my
Shaking hands.
The pills numb me
From this hell.
I pull my hair,
And grind my teeth.
What went wrong?
I don't want this.
I want out.
Hot tears fall,
As I break down
Once more.
I just want to be saved.

I received the Perfect Poet Award from Thursday poets rally and I hereby accept this with gratitude.

Sunrise

2011-04-29T00:09:00.000-07:00

He climbs higher in the sky,
shimmering and warm,
A new day has been born.

Every sunrise is a blessing,
gift for just today,
Embrace it before it fades away.

What are you bringing me,
I pray,
Of sorrow or of joy today.

Written for:

Freedom

2011-04-19T07:22:00.000-07:00

Free to feel the warmth of life
Rejoicing every aspect, we get to learn
Enjoying the life with a view of clarity
Enduring through all the responsibilities with a smile
Dance and sing at any time of the day
Out of the box thinking with a chance to glow
Meet your freedom , have a mutual understanding

Written For Poetry Potluck Week 31:

Whom would you choose?

2011-04-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

Two voices sounding in my ears.....

A Mellow voice once said I love the way you are and would accept you the way you are.

Another voice said I too love you the way you are but would want you to get better.

Well The first enunciated, I would never ask you that coz I know that, come hell or high water ,its all in you and whether I cite or not you would ameliorate.

Then the second said If I myself, the person who loves you so much , don't spill the beans about your flaws , then how would you improve and who else would utter it?

I trust you altogether, that you would always strive to get better, Whether others recount about your flaws or not, muttered the first.

Well you are an wonderful person no doubt, but there are few things which you have to work on and which you cannot find it thyself , hence you need someone who loves you to guide you, sighed the second husky voice.

I have no complaints and no demands . You are the best I have ever found and would love to see you ameliorating and I know you would earn felicity in you yourself growing without taking the lending hands , said the first.

Second whispered, What is the point in having a loved one when he is not able to chasten you? Neither would I ever rant and rave.

Then the first said, A person who loves you will unremittingly be by your side at all times.
~~(support you even tho you are not perfect and support you at any time.)~~

Invariably there I am for you to hold on in your tough times. But Firstly I must see that you don't get in to that tough times ever . That's what is me, said the second.

I would love to see your heart flying with wings and if the wings are broken I am here to lend you my wings, mumbled the first vox.

I would never let your wings break to begin with, suspired the Second vox.

The cock crew and I was awakened by this strange dream...

PS: I would like my readers to share their thoughts on whom they would choose in such a situation.. It would be great to hear from you guys.......

I received the Perfect Poet Award from Thursday poets rally week 47 and I hereby accept this with gratitude.I thank everyone for this giving me this award.

Here I say Hush !!!

2011-03-28T05:19:00.000-07:00

This is as quite as it gets
hush down now, says my heart
countenancing all the thoughts to h_h_h_hush......

Written for:

Wings

2011-03-14T01:54:00.000-07:00

I want to spread my wings,

do a thousand things,

I have never done before...

Written for:

Waiting for you!

2011-03-11T00:34:00.000-08:00

Waiting for you wondering if you will ever understand just how much of me belongs to you...

Why does god burden me with so much strife??

2011-03-09T23:52:00.000-08:00

This has been tormenting me since a long time. Hence I stared looking for answers every where. I found a very captivating story from one of the books I was reading. It related a brief tale narrated by the Buddhists. Not only me many out there have the same question in their minds still probing for an answer. Isn't?? Hence taught it was worth sharing this story. Well the tale goes this way:

There was a small village. A young boy went to a nearby river to play at the edge of the water. As he was playing, he heard a cry for help….’Oh, please save me, please save me!’

Looking around, he found a crocodile caught in a net; unable to escape, the crocodile cried out pitifully to the boy. The boy, however, was reluctant to save the crocodile, feeling that if he saved it, the crocodile was sure to eat him up. But the crocodile pleaded with him, tears streaming down its face, and said,’ Honestly, I promise u that I won’t devour you. Please save me!’

The boy, convinced of its sincerity, began to cut the net that imprisoned the crocodile. No soon was its head free from the net than the crocodile grabbed the boy’s leg in its jaw.

Now it was the boy’s turn to cry out in tears, ‘Hey, you dirty croc! Is this fair?’ The crocodile responded philosophically, ‘What to do? Such is the way of the world! Such is life!’ and continued to devour the boy.

The boy was not worried about dying. What he could not accept was the total ingratitude of the crocodile and its philosophy.

While his leg was slowly sliding into the jaws of the crocodile, the boy looked at the birds on a nearby tree and asked:

‘Is the crocodile uttering the truth? Is this the way of the world-full of injustice? IS this how life goes where words are not honored?

And the birds replied, ‘We take such care to build safe nests on the top of the trees for protecting our eggs. Yet, snakes come and swallow them. We concur with the crocodile that what it is saying is totally true. There is injustice in the world.’

Then the boy saw a donkey that was grazing on the banks of the lake and repeated his question.

‘While I was young, my master loaded soiled linen on my back and extracted maximum amount of work from me. Now that I am old and feeble, he has abandoned me saying that he cannot feed me. So there is nothing wrong in what the crocodile is saying. Such is the way of the world. There is injustice and unfairness in the world and such is life!’ said the donkey.

The boy, still unable to accept the explanations finally noticed a rabbit and repeated his question. The rabbit said ‘No, no! I cannot accept what the crocodile is saying. It is utter nonsense!’

Hearing this, the crocodile became angry and wanted to argue with the rabbit, even while holding the boy’s leg in its strong jaws. The rabbit protested, saying that as the crocodile’s mouth was choked with the boy’s leg, it was not able to decipher what the crocodile was trying to say. The crocodile laughed heartily at this and said, ‘I am not a fool! IF I let go, the boy would run away!’

‘Now you are really stupid! said the rabbit.’ Have you forgotten how strong your tail is? Even if he runs, you can smash him with just one mighty lash of your tail!’

The crocodile fell for this and releasing the boy, continued its argument. The rabbit screamed to the boy, ‘RUN! RUN! Don’t just stand there!’ and the boy took his heels.

Only when it tried to raise its tail, did the crocodile realize that it was still entangled in the net. As the boy ran away, it glared at the rabbit in a terrible rage.

The rabbit smiled sweetly and quipped, ‘Now do you understand? Such is the way of the world! Such is life!’

In short while, the young boy returned with the villagers and they killed the crocodile. A dog returned with the villagers and they killed the crocodile. A dog that came along spotted the rabbit and started chasing it. They boy screamed at the dog ‘Hey listen! This rabbit saved my life. Do not attack him.’ But alas, before the boy could intervene, the dog had chased and killed the rabbit in a jiffy!

The young boy unable to bear the tragedy cried and said to himself, ‘What the crocodile said was true. Such is the way of the world. Such is life!’

I guess we cannot fully understand many aspects that cover our lives. Unfairness is a part and parcel of life. Such is the way of life. Can we teach ourselves not to be victims of unfairness and confront it with the understanding that the mysteries of life cannot be fully understood?

Such acceptance of unfairness would give us the maturity to live life wisely. Don't you think so??

Friendship in life

2011-03-07T05:52:00.000-08:00

The clock ticked 6, when my thoughts said that I had to head back home.

"Well I guess I got to take an off for the day as I have some work back home", I said.
Abruptly there popped up a duffel bag in my friends hand in front of me.

What's in there?
Is it a new pair of jeans for yourself?
Or is it a collection of some strange things?

But, there came no answer from Akin. The bag still popping in front of my eyes.

"Well dear this one is for you", said Akin's voice.

My eyebrows raised in astonishment."For me, Well its not my birthday", I grinned.

He grimaced by saying ,

"It doesn't seem to get any better...
But it doesn't seem to get any worse either.
So, I am thankful for you."

My words were unspoken and the silence was shared. I accepted the token of gift and started off from there.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts started lingering in my mind. They were mixed and baffled and dint no, on which thought to land up.I was just a complete mess of thoughts.

Is he not going to talk to me anymore?For what did he thank me?Does he want to part ways?Did I do anything to hurt him?A lot of things just perplexed me.

If that's what he wants,fine. But I know its heartbreaking and really difficult to deal with.But I knew this would happen some day soon.And the hard day had arrived I solaced myself.

I palpated may be he would be better off without me..Had to avoid cliches. Harked back all the retentions which clinged to my heart. Those were the days which brought smile on our faces.Those were the days we were brain-sick. My nerves started crumbling. I felt my dreams dissipating.

The whole evening was just fraught with the thoughts of all the days we relished together.At long last I took my phone and stared dialing his number.

The ringing sound was heard assuring the established connection.

A very pleasing voice said "Hello dear, whats up?? ".

I stuttered, "Just... dono... called... up...".

Damn, what am I supposed to speak, Am I doing the right thing by calling him up? My hands were balled in a fist, my joints ached, The smooth curve on my lips was bewildered to appear.

"Are you there", he suspired.

My emotions were erupting with fear dominating, but dint wanted to whine.

"Hey are you alright", came his voice again from the Electronic equipment.

"Well I just wanted to unfold my thoughts, just listen to me, up your headphones",I screamed which raised from the base of my spine like a snake.

After a moment the silence was broken with my words, "I can't hold it anymore" and there I went on and on spilling the beans.

Sob with fear and restlessness had started . Wanted to be embraced in his arms.

There came not even a single word from the other side which made me stop for a while.

"Are you done dear, Or anything else left out which u wanna say", Akin muttered.

Anger seized abruptly hearing to those words. I wanted him to watch the tears streaming off my face, So that he could understand the way I was feeling.

Tardily the voice started moving across the wire once again to reach me which said "Listen up dear, U have all got me wrong and u are distressing for nothing".
"I am never going to say farewell , that's a promise from my side".
"The smile on your face should never fade away".
"Being your friend I will do anything to see that smile on your face forever".

Just those last words which felt which came from the bottom of his heart made me keep my emotions at check and made me wallow in joy. Tears were turned into twinkles in my eyes.

The thoughts which had made me frantic with anger, frustration and mixed emotions just vanished in a moment. Felt like I was out of an eternity.

Now I taught I could have peaceful sleep, with full of musical beep.

I went out to take a sneak peak at the beautiful moon which made my heart tune to the sparkling of the stars.I felt as if my friendship had survived the test of time.

I learn t that Friendship doesn't ask for more its a very sweet relationship between two blossoming hearts.

A friend is someone you can be alone with and have nothing to do and not be able to think of anything to say and be comfortable in the silence.. ---Sheryl Condie

Doldrums

2011-01-11T22:07:00.000-08:00

Solely she sits in despair,

Without divulging the reason,
In the winter doldrums...

Written for:

Goodbye!!

2011-01-11T06:29:00.000-08:00

After those times of yearning, of hoping, of caring and of longing…
All those things I cared for; all the love I gave for;
All those times I thought he cared…
Yet, the day comes for me to know
That I was so blind to see...

Didn't know I was so worthless in your eyes,
was just another wound formed with lies,
Whenever I learn this I get mad it hurts me so bad,
And you don't even care,
I don't know why, I just want to cry...

You set the hopes high,
And all of a sudden you try not to see the hopes,
You think I can dance according to your tunes every time,
If so you are wrong my dear....

When I am hurt I feel like dirt,
And my spirit's bruised and battered.
I do not know why it has to be so,
I really wish it did not,
But the way this has been going,
it is basically shot...

Well may be now I should just say goodbye,
As I will not allow the hollow feeling in my chest,
"Why am I being rejected again?" overboard or hurt me,
I know I can make my own space,
and will try to make a brand new amazing magic me...

These are the final words I have to say-
I love you, but goodbye.

Journey begins

2011-01-11T02:03:00.000-08:00

My journey begins here, Now

To the shore of absolute freedom,

Seeking to encounter serenity.

Though my journey is not going to be easy,

My thoughts will direct, My way in the journey,

My virtue will be the fodder for my thoughts

Hope this journey becomes a stepping stone,

On the path to greater things,

With my footprints in the sand.

Written for Poetry Potluck Week 17:

Celestial

2011-01-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

You embellish the sky in the night,

Along with the gleaming stars,
Pleasing all the souls which await you.

Written for:

What Am I?

2010-12-21T22:38:00.000-08:00

I am someone fraught with self-belief,
And haunted by self-doubt.

I've got all the answers,
I've got nothing figured out.

I like to be myself,
I hate to be alone.

Sometimes I'm million colors,
Sometimes I'm black n white.

I'm up and I'm down,
But that's part of the thrill,
Part of the plan,
Part of all the things I am....

I'm an angel, I'm a devil,
I'm sometimes in between.

I'm as bad as it can get,
And good as it can be.

Sometimes I'm miserable,
Sometimes I'm pitiful.

I'm special, I'm beautiful,
I'm all extremes,
Try figure me out, you never can,
There's so many things I am......

I Paint...............

2010-12-01T05:06:00.000-08:00

I paint while roses and violets fade,
Lost in the world full of magic and thought,
My brush like a feather glides,
thus making my own paradise....

I paint to let my heart out,
In corner spaces or open fields,
to let my visions by night and day....

I paint to make my dreams alive,
Lingering in the dream world,
to let the dreams come into existence....

I paint to make someone feel happy,
In their presence,
to bring smiles on their face....

I paint to bring the dead alive,
With a heart not to forget them,
to make a difference in others lives...

Broken heart

2010-11-29T05:43:00.001-08:00

I feel empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. I don't want to laugh, because I know it's not going to help, but I don't want to cry, because it will just make me feel worse. I feel like my heart is falling apart, but not only that, but I know soon my life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. I don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to me, it feels impossible to stop loving him. And everyone wonders why if he hes hurt me so much, then why do I still love him. That's the confusing part, I don't know why, I just do, and the people who hurt me the most, are normally the ones I love the most.

And then, after a few weeks, I finally feel a sense of relief, like I'm getting happy again, but I know inside that I'm just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, I'm back to where I was an empty soul and teary eyes. I thought I got over him, but really, I just stopped showing it. And I can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on my heart that are there forever. And no one understands how I feel, and how deep I am hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different.

They don't know the true pain I feel and carry each and everyday now, so I learn that basically I am alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm me, and suddenly I just break down, right there, because I know I've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and I'm to the point where I don't care who see's. Because I've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, I know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring him back, if I ever even had him in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, I finally pull myself back together and keep going. My throat starts to clench and my eyes burn with the tears I'm trying to hold back. Everyone says, "It will be okay…” But I know it won't. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And I look back on all of the hurt I had from this, and I realize that people are horrible. I'm still hurt, but I've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks I am okay. So now every time I see this person, I know I still love him, and I feel a slight tingle in my heart yearning for him to love me, screaming out, but for some reason he doesn't hear it. And then I sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this..