Serendipity

There and then again

2009-02-12T15:53:00.000+08:00

It's still the same as it was.
Those same feelings. Still a blast.
Swirling in my stomach, playing with my mind.
The laughter, the smiles, over nothing at all.
The clock turns so slow, and this heart feels so hollow.
Tell me this isn't the feeling
that I'm supposed to be enduring.

There and then again... hoping,
this time it'll last till the end.
Asking if and when, the stars appear
I'd have your hand, to stop my tears

And I know somehow, though I don't know why
that forever will begin with you,
only you will do.

Sudah waktunya

2009-02-10T14:45:00.000+08:00

Ia bersuara lagi, berbisik penuh arti
dekat-dekat di telingamu
Ia menundukkanmu, tersipu-sipu
dan seulas senyum tercipta
Ia nyalakan tiap sudut cakrawala
bergetar dua lutut itu
Ia tutup luka yang lalu
lagi jantung hatimu degap-degup
Ia tak lagi sembunyi, tak lagi sanggup
namun kau sukai segenap hadirnya

Meski,
tersisa resah di dada.

Lalu kubilang,
percaya saja, wahai penjaga-penjaga

Hari ini fajar kan merekah
dan kau kan temukan cinta.

When do I fall?

2009-02-07T11:00:00.000+08:00

When I run straight home
just to lie in bed and write him a message?

When I wake up early
secretly waiting for my phone to ring...?

When my days feel longer
and slower, thinking that he's nowhere closer......?

When the crowd is all about silence
and I break in his absence...

When my sleep no longer matters
staying awake with him throughout our darkest......

because somehow he is,
he'll be
till the end,
my place of rest.

or will he?

Kutemukan (sudah)

2009-02-07T01:03:00.000+08:00

ada perihal itu
yang tak bisa kutangkap
dengan kata
dengan lidah yang kelu

dia merayap sesuka hati
terselip dalam benakku
di antara degup yang bertalu-talu
dia tak mau pergi

perasaan.

sekadar perasaan.

tentangmu...

Tersebutlah Fajar

2009-02-02T23:04:00.000+08:00

Seharusnya,
tak usah kau persulit itu kata
tak perlu kau jerang terlalu gesa-gesa
Meski waktu kita tidak lama

Bukankah kau ingin
tenggelam dalam segenap pikiranku?
Lalu mengecap manis getir
s'gala yang kurasakan, apapun itu

Bukankah rindu bersanding
sepanjang nadi ini berdenyut
Cinta yang takkan kering, takkan terasing
mengucap setia tanpa jenuh

Bukankah...

jika jauh ke depan kau lihat aku
jika sampai tua ingin menggandengku
hari ini takkan terlalu lama untukmu
kau kan sabar menunggu

Kar'na terkadang,
hati dan pikiran bisa usang juga
sedang kita kemarin mimpikan cerah
di bentang cakrawala

(Tuan, engkaukah secercah cahaya?)

Dalam diam

2009-01-31T11:37:00.001+08:00

yang tak bisa
kujelaskan dengan kata
meski berulang-ulang
termenungkan

tak sanggup
kuungkap lewat degup
jantung ini satu
enggan membisu

tak pernah
kurasa seresah
perih hati
menanggungi

semua yang tergores
kemarin sempat robek

walau ingin terbenam aku
dalam tulus perasaanmu

sungguh tiada nyali
sekadar mengulang perih

(jadi)
mengertikah kamu
saat aku membisu?

Tak ada jawaban

2009-01-31T11:34:00.001+08:00

seolah kau dua pribadi
berbeda
setiap kali
jumpa

sekonyong hati
terbelah dua
tak terpungkiri
tak kuasa

tak terperi
tak terpikir
...resah

pesakit-pesakit cinta,
di mana kau cari
jawabnya

jika tanya ini
serasa berdosa?

You just don't

2009-01-17T04:27:00.000+08:00

You've said those phrases, yet denied your sentences.
You didn't put it in words, but I can read the immersed.
Helpless me in between your lies. Clueless me, all mystified.

Wasted my heart. Again.
Wasted my heart. Again.

It was not love, was it?
For love knows no fear (while I was afraid to death).
For love knows no limit.
No such thing as 'Enough is enough. We're finished.'

For love is kind, it is patient,
endures long,
and never gives up.

Else, it's not love after all,
merely a surge of emotion. Just like yours.

~ So, don't ever say you love me again... you just didn't mean it.

The Not-so-fairy Tale (edited)

2009-01-16T12:50:00.008+08:00

A dainty damsel locked herself in the tower. She went out once in a while, to answer when the Great King called; to slay dragons and to save minions - for dragons exist to devour, people like us, people like her.

The first lad came knocking at her door. A very young guy with great spirit and sense of humor. But someone said, "I don't think she's there." He waited and waited, till he couldn't wait another minute. Time and distance brought him away, or perhaps he never meant to stay.

The second one stood outside. Sheepish and shy, no ride nor stride. He didn't dare to knock harder, thinking that she wouldn't bother. He walked away without words to say. Nothing was left of him, nothing was worth remembering.

The third one knew his strategy, as he decided to approach her door and set her free. He observed and said all the right things, to have her come out saying, "Come on in". Yes, into the tower she let him in. But he wasn't ready to stay. In a blink of an eye he went his way.

The fourth one said hello like a friend, but it was not exactly what he meant. Casual, caring, and warm. She opened the door when he came, but he was mistaken as merely... a friend.

The fifth one was there to save the day. Charming, handsome, and all ready to win some. He knew the trick and there he was, making his way without a fuss. Until someone said, "This is not going well." So she opened her door again, only to let him leave in vain.

One of the five returned from his journey, came to find her among the many. To pick up pieces left behind, start anew with forever in mind. But what seemed like it was meant to be was never made for eternity. In the end, it just withered away like yesterday.

The sixth lad arrived late, or rather too early. The vacant room still stored memories of her last adversary. It had caused her a battle wound no one could cure. So he chose not to wait, left the heart of it unsaid.

People come and people go. So she began thinking, she started pondering. Are all the men out there the same? They would try, but they don't give it all. They would knock, but they can't answer the call. They would stand, but they'd refuse to fight; don't even mention the word sacrifice. Was she not worth the fight, was she not worth the while?

Oh... that doesn't matter, to her I whispered. All is good. All is well. All is perfect in its time. You need not a brawny knight, nor a prince on a white horse ride, to define who you are and who you aren't.

And the fingers of time kept turning and the past kept fading. The scar remained, but not the pain. No longer was she expecting for a knight to come knocking. But there he came, the seventh one back then. Hoping he could be the last, worked too hard but scared he was. "Will I ever make it? Will she ever accept it?" he asked. Until the wind blew the chance away to a place too far from today.

Yet this time around, the ground was all too familiar. The set wasn't all that peculiar. She kept her calm, kept her smile glowing. Happy to be inside the tower waiting. Always prepared when the Great King call her, in those times of need, those finest hours. To slay dragons and to save minions (for dragons exist to devour people like her). Surely as the sun will rise, a help will arrive. A knight will come to fight alongside. He'll come knocking at her door again. This time, incessantly. This time, to stay. This time, for eternity. This time, won't fail.

(Love fails not.)

Bertahan

2009-01-14T15:19:00.001+08:00

Kadang terjerumus dalam formula
yang dicipta manusia
atau pengalaman yang seharga
peluh dan air mata

Meski sesungguhnya tetap rasa
yang punya kuasa
tetap hati yang bicara

Dan cinta mulai berubah
tak lagi arif, tak lagi bijaksana

Dan engkau mulai terjatuh
berdirimu tak lagi teguh

Asalkan miliki dia, dunia kan terus berputar
Bintangmu takkan habis berpendar
Asalkan ada di sisinya, selangkah sejajar
Takkan pupus harapan, takkan pernah pudar

Kar'na sesungguhnya tetap rasa
yang punya kuasa
tetap hati yang bicara

Tunggu!

2009-01-12T21:29:00.000+08:00

mengapa hampa, oh kahyangan?
mengapa beringsut ke dalam gelap?
bukankah benderang langit di kakimu?
mengantar riuh di jantungmu?

mengapa gundah, bidadari?
mengapa tunduk wajah pelangi?
bukankah dewata nyanyikan rindu
senandung merdu di telingamu?

mengapa begini sepi?
mengapa terbaring sendiri?
mengapa terkatup dua matamu?
lesap lenyap dibuai mimpi...

sudahkah menyerah?
sudahkah lelah?
penantian ini sudah berakhirkah?

tunggu...
tunggulah barang sejenak lagi
utaskan sejengkal saja sabar
sisihkan sedikit saja waktu

demi satu kisah ini,
kisah abadi ini...

takkan kubiarkan kau pergi,
bidadari.

Mungkin?

2009-01-11T02:00:00.000+08:00

Mengapa mengumbar kata-kata
jika cinta yang kaurasa
kan sendirinya bercerita

Mengapa mengobral janji-janji
jika rasa yang kaucinta
kan sendirinya bernyanyi-nyanyi

Mungkin sesungguhnya,
jantung ini berdentum keras
untukmu.

Mungkin senyatanya,
Aku tengah tutup mata,
tutup telinga.

Mungkin takut lengah aku
Mungkin segan jatuh
Sebelum kau siap menangkapku.

Bukan elegi

2009-01-06T20:20:00.001+08:00

Tengah semarak angkasa
dalam gempita bersahutan;
langit terbelah dalam serpihan
lalu kembali gelap

Tengah sobat berjabat tangan
kekasih bertukar kecupan;
langit terbelah dalam serpihan
lalu kembali gelap

Tengah terbit sebuah tanya
tentang sunyi yang menyiksa;
langit terbelah dalam serpihan
lalu kembali gelap

Tengah mandul tanpa jawaban
bangunkan aku dan sadarkan
tanpamu, aku ini serpihan,
tanpamu, aku kembali gelap...

Obviously oblivious

2009-01-04T21:15:00.000+08:00

Was it too complicated?
Or was I?
Too difficult or too simple,
perhaps both.

Too simple a girl that thinks
too difficult a thought
till she's lost
in her labyrinthine mind

Too amused herself
in a path too tortuous
till she's gone
nowhere to be found

Pity you never hear
her heart throbbing
palpitating erroneously
for you

Pity you never learn
Pity your obliviousness

Else you'd find her
where she's been standing
all along.

Kangen

2009-01-04T02:16:00.001+08:00

Titik hujan enggan lagi bicara
'palagi nyanyikan cerita
aku engkau, kita

Desibel-desibel yang terlalu
sunyi, tak seperti detik di sisimu
tak seperti berisikmu
ceracapkan segala kisah
yang ada di kolong langit

Telinga ini tak lagi
berguna
lidah ini berhenti menari
bola mata ini enggan bergulir

Mencarimu, sekejap saja
meski hanya seucap kata

Atau, biarpun bisu
beri aku
serengkuh pelukmu
segelak tawamu

Sembuhkan aku
dari rindu.

Jera

2009-01-01T20:59:00.002+08:00

lalu-lalang
sperti ramai jalan
kemarin malam

teman sekali lagi
kau miliki aku
dan hati ini yang
pernah terbelah
dua

teman sekali lagi
kau pupuskan aku
dan jiwa yang memekik
tanpa suara
insyaf
jera

keburu dingin
dalam absen
dekapanmu

Having faith

2008-12-30T18:23:00.003+08:00

"I don't see you today. Neither did I few days before. Normally, I should be all dry and broken. But somehow I don't feel that way. Somehow I feel okay. I don't feel right, but I feel that you're near. I can sense your eyes staring at me, carefully, lovingly... and for now, I think that's enough. For now, your distance is enough strength for me to go on. Well, I don't feel excellent or ecstatic without you close to me. How could I be? You're my every breath. But by any means, I know that you have a plan. And this time, I know it for sure. Not a single strike of doubt.

Even if I'm tired of waiting, even if I'm scared and anxious walking this desert alone... one thing will hold true, that I will be here for you. All willing. Wholly surrendering.

Because I know there will come a day...

there will... "

Kemarau

2008-12-29T22:44:00.000+08:00

Bertanya ku pada kemarau,
tidakkah turun air barang setitik
sedari pagi?

Yang ditunggu-tunggu dipanggil-panggil,
tidak menyahutkah
usai mendengar?

Paras pertiwi sudah meranggas
kar'na awan pun tak sudi singgah

Maka bertanya lagi ku pada kemarau,
b'rapa lama pula kau kan tinggal?

Dan bersahutlah kemarau padaku,
'Bukankah kau yang bekukan waktu?'

'Jerat di tanganmu lepaslah dahulu,
relakan dia yang pergi...
demi musim berganti.'

Knock knock

2008-12-27T02:08:00.000+08:00

Chance shouldn't be for anyone who comes knocking at your door.

You should give it only to the one who has walked a thousand miles;
someone who knows where he's been and has done what it takes to be next to you,
someone who knows where he's going to if he ever gets your hand,
someone who knows your worth and appreciates every inch of truth about you,

someone who falls at your doorstep, exhausted,

but still has the courage to knock.

Paused

2008-12-27T01:37:00.000+08:00

Because I don't want to explain myself
or to have the obligation to do so
Because I don't have the answer
or any reason to love or to hate you

Because I don't fancy saying goodbyes
or walk out the door without coming back
Because things are still a mystery to me
although I've learned a million of them

I don't know if I'm ready
or if my time has already passed

And I hate it when people speak
about you and me and everything in between
as if they care, as if they know what's going on

I'm just taken aback
I was never a good judge of character
So I'll just keep quiet
I'll just be the coldest

I don't want to try
I don't want to fight anymore

It's exhausting...

Tanyakan ksatria

2008-12-26T14:19:00.002+08:00

Terbersitkah
lagu lama
di benakmu?

kala mentari benam tadi sore

teringatkah
kan jeda
yang tercipta?

aku yang resah
tangguhkan segenggam rasa
rindu raih jemarimu
susuri belantara

meski tinggal sekuncup asa
dan seranai tanyaku

Terbersitkah
lagu lama
di benakmu?

__________________________

dan kau kunjungi
aku dalam mimpi
jawaban tiap tanya
t'rima kasih, ksatria!

Catching a cold at Xmas time

2008-12-24T13:07:00.002+08:00

This hell of mine
is freezing cold.
My heart aches
and my head thumps.

I don't think I'm going.
I don't feel like staying either.

Maybe I'll just dream myself to bed.
Bring me somewhere I couldn't be

Hoping that next year would see
a better Christmas.

You know that...

2008-12-22T13:14:00.001+08:00

you're still a boy if you're still counting how much that you should spend to get the girl of your dreams. But you're a man when you start counting how much you must save for a lifetime commitment with her.

you're still a boy if you're still thinking how happy you will be when she is next to you. But you're a man when you start asking if she'll be happy growing old with you.

you're still a boy if you're willing to leave your world behind just to be near hear. But you're a man when you start walking the extra miles to bring your universe to her door.

you're still a boy if you spend your whole nights dreaming about her. But you're a man when you start making your dreams a reality for the sake of her future.

you're still a boy if you do each and everything she says as if she's a princess. But you're a man when you start treating her as your queen, her words are your counsel, yet the leadership is in your hand.

Then, until, never

2008-12-22T12:55:00.000+08:00

How many days, weeks and months?
I hate counting down
when it starts with too many
numbers and
memories

Too far a distance
too heavy a doubt
perhaps
I should be forgetting

If you I've never had,
the hands I never touch,
keep coming back to me
Should I still be counting?

____________________

Oppa,
you take good care,
we'll meet someday
I won't stop counting
down to the end

Angel

2008-12-19T22:49:00.002+08:00

Someone called me his 'lovingangel' once, although... I guess it was just some sweet talk to pull me down falling. Hate to admit it, but after a while I did fall, head over heels. In love? I never know. Perhaps. But I totally got over it.

Few years after that, a colleague started calling me angel as well. This time, it wasn't triggered by any hidden agenda. This person just loves to call me angel until now.

And finally, this morning, a Christmas e-card popped by. It was from an old friend, and I was deeply touched by the message.

Well... although I can never see myself as an angel, I am still grateful receiving all these. Maybe it means that my random act of kindness is somewhat meaningful to someone. Or even if it isn't the case, I'm glad that when people remember me, they don't see a devil in disguise... *grin*