Hello from this Side of the World

it's been a while

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 14:38:00 +0000

i know i haven't blogged in a long while ... the reason is because i'm head over heels in LOVE with the man of my dreams. almost everything has taken a backseat. but today i have been caught up on a few technical issues and want to document the solution so that i can look back later when the same issue arises and hopefully get to a solution quicker.

firefox, my internet browser of choice, is constantly getting updated and upgraded by its developers and constantly informing me that the version i'm using is old and could be updated. i hate to update firefox because undoubtedly one or more of the add-ons that i've downloaded aren't fully compatible with the newest version of firefox and that means the browsing behavior is a little off - a little squirrely - and that frustrates me very easily when i want to go online and do or search or read something quickly. since i have more than 20 add-ons it would take a lot of detective work and process of elimination to determine which add-on is the one that needs to be disabled to prevent the unwanted behavior or upgraded to a version that is fully functional with the version of firefox. this kind of work takes time and patience and when you're in love, this is not the way you want to spend your time and patience. so my best bet is to wait a little bit, like a few weeks, tolerate the unwanted behavior, then try to google key words describing the unwanted behavior and the version of firefox and hope that someone has already posted the same issues and a solution on some forum.

well today was the day i decided to go googling and low and behold, yesterday someone posted the solution to the same problem. i'm just documenting it here because i know i'm going to forget in the future how and where i found the solution and it's always good to know which add-on was the one that needed to be updated to be fully compatible with the latest version of firefox, and that add-on is Tab Mix Plus, one of my favorite add-ons, and its last official version, Tab Mix Plus v0.3.8.3, is not fully functionally with firefox 3.0.19. the makers of Tab Mix Plus published a patch called Tab Mix Plus Dev-Build 0.3.8.4pre.100606a which solved the problem. more details follow:

http://tmp.garyr.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=42158#42158

recording off the sound card and mic boosting

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 16:47:00 +0000

i'm recoding off the sound card and found these sites quite helpful.

http://www.zeropaid.com/news/7502/how_to_rip_music_from_myspace/

dreaming again

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 14:03:00 +0000

last night i had a very pleasant dream; one of hope and inspiration and excitement. i'm not ruined. one day it will all be very, very great. i promise to keep trying.

Who is for me and where the hell is he?

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 22:24:00 +0000

My weekend was quite eventful but unfortunately, not so great. I had my first Match.com 'horror' experience (I'll spare the details) so I've been taking a step back from everything to understand the lesson; ya live and learn and move on. It would be easy to give up on the process but I don't want to do that. However, if I never met another pathological liar (and his girlfriend!), that would be absolutely fine by me. I understand these dates from hell are a rite of passage for online daters, so I do feel a bit wiser, but I won't lie, beyond the hurt of being lied to (and being lied about), it depresses me to know that scumbags really do exist and advertise themselves as completely normal and available.

Ok, that will be the end of that.

Moving on with my new philosophy: expect nothing and just be myself. Not easy but already proving to be effective!

hello again

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 21:04:00 +0000

ok, so yeah, i'm just going to post like nothing has changed in my life, even though so so so much has changed. any self-respecting blogger would have done the proper thing to mark such a momentous occasion as leaving Korea after four years, two months, and seven days of living and working and traveling as a foreigner in foreign lands, but, nope, not me ... because that would take forever to be motivated enough to do that in a timely fashion. inspiration is a force that cannot be ... well forced. i've tried and end up writing shit.

so i'm going to sum up what should be one super chunky post dripping with sentiments and awe, with a simple summary: i'm stateside now. so, hello again from /this/ side of the world.

now i've got to go take the curlers out of my hair ... because that's what you can do when you don't have a job and live with your parents: curl your hair, with curlers.

Nov New Words

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:03:00 +0000

bourgeoisie The middle class.

[ this word was used in a magazine article as well as at the Andy Warhol Museum; I had heard of this but wasn't sure of the spelling. ]

epicurean Devoted to the pursuit of sensual pleasure, especially to the enjoyment of good food and comfort

[ this word was used in a magazine article that was describing restaurant food ]

impute To assign as a characteristic; credit: the gracefulness so often imputed to cats. See Synonyms at attribute.

[ cannot remember where I saw this word ]

Kleptoparasitism or cleptoparasitism (literally, parasitism by theft) is a form of feeding where one animal takes prey from another that has caught, killed, or otherwise prepared, including stored food (as in the case of cuckoo bees, which lay their eggs on the pollen masses made by other bees). Kleptoparasitism is also the 'stealing' nest material or other inanimate objects from one animal by another.

[ this word was used to refer to a bug that I was looking up but now I cannot remember what bug so now I'm thinking that I need to be more diligent in my record keeping if I want to keep track of such details… ]

monolith A large block of stone, especially one used in architecture or sculpture.

[ this word was used in a magazine article describing the booming apartment building in Bundang, South Korea ]

recency Of, belonging to, or occurring at a time immediately before the present.

[ this word was used in a match.com profile referring to his photos; I had never seen recent used like this ]

sardonic Scornfully or cynically mocking. See Synonyms at sarcastic.

[ this word was used in a match.com profile referring to his character ]

skullduggery Crafty deception or trickery or an instance of it.

[ this word my mother used in an email to me ]

daisy chaining network cables

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 18:59:00 +0000

when you have two short cables and one Linksys Cable/DSL Router 4-port Switch that's sitting in storage not being used and you want to have your computer connected to the internet but sitting across the room from where the internet modem is located, then you can use the Cable Router Switch as just a switch to daisy chain the network cables. yes!!! i love using what's around to get what i need rather than buying something new.

i came up with the idea this morning but used this link to help me figure out the necessary configuration settings:

http://www.computing.net/answers/networking/two-routers-daisy-chain-problems/26882.html

the keys points are to disable DHCP in that router which is only acting as a switch and use the LAN ports, not the WAN port.

i'm happy

update: when you have 3 network cables and two extraneous router/switches and you want to go even further across the room you can do so keeping in mind that both router/switches must have the DHCP functions disabled so they are acting as just switches and then my computer can have DHCP enable for its network connection (because it's going to get it's IP from the cable modem). and if you are using a router that was once in use before and you don't know the admin password, you need to hold down the rest button for a long time, not just 5 seconds, rather 15 - 20 seconds as this helpful reviewr, BooksandMore (Ky, United States), indicated for the Dynex DX-E401 router.

http://www.amazon.com/DX-E401-4-Port-Ethernet-Broadband-Router/product-reviews/B00078855W

can't wait contd.

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:47:00 +0000

i cannot wait to get home because my mom knows how to remove stains off anything. i have three pieces of clothing that i'm not giving up on until my mother calls it.

can't wait contd.

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:09:00 +0000

another thing i can't wait for is not having to beg an old lady for heat at night in the fall/winter, although i am thankful for the survival training and apparently my training has resulted in my preferring a much lower temperature at night than others generally do.

i can't wait to not to have to clean the drain after every shower i take too.

i can't wait to go home

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 08:46:00 +0000

I cannot wait to be surrounded again, for better or worse, by my own culture.

I'm also looking forward to telling my poor family many stories of my time in Korea, like the story of the Korean man who took me for a Russian prostitute ~ a story that just cannot be told in any other way than in person. A retelling of his behaviors and what he did to me without a visual demonstration would be tiresome to understand if told through only written word.

I also cannot wait to return to a life of anonymity among colleagues at work.

I'm not looking forward to re-training myself to guard my belongings from opportunistic thieves and I will always fondly remember how comforting it was to live in a country where you could leave your cell phone on the bar and go dancing and come back (days later!) and it still be there.

I'm not looking forward to hearing English spoken all around me. A natural counter measure for living so many years in a country where English is hardly ever spoken is to completely tune out Korean chit-chattery while isolating and amplifying any English sounds that happen to be within ear shot, because they are just so rare. I'm not looking forward to retraining myself to ignore the English discussions going on around me.

I cannot wait to get back into a culture that has more bans and restrictions on public smoking; to get back into a country where less than 99% of the entire male population smokes.

I cannot wait to be able to do for myself; make calls to get business hours; inquire about service details, check for availability, order pizza

I will miss public transportation of Seoul and I will loath raging road hogs of the US.

I will miss being able to walk around at night alone and not be even slightly worried for my safety. i will miss the complete harmlessness in walking past a group of teens which is like the kiss of death in the US, to walk past a large group of teens all by yourself, you would have no idea what squirrely idea one of them might get and then with peer pressure and a desperation to be accepted by the group a dare could end up a crime. you never know who's on drugs or who's carrying a gun in the US. here in korea you can walk around with the confidence that no one is doped up on drugs or packing any heat.

I will dearly dearly dearly miss Korean food, and gimbab which you can pick up at the drop of a hat at nearly every corner block in Seoul for 2.50$ and eat it as an entire meal. But the truth is that I haven't been eating as much Korean food as I desire. All the friends I have left in Korea don't like Korean food and good Korean food restaurants don't serve single patrons because #1, they want to keep the tables open for a 2 or more person party who will buy more food and because #2, they put a lot of work in serving each table, especially with the banchan. HeeJoo and I went out for dinner at least once a week which I loved but she lives in England now. Nobody at work cares to go to a restaurant because they love the fact that the company cafeteria provides 3,000 Won subsidized lunches and dinners so they always prefer to eat there. I cannot eat there anymore because I have identified the cafeteria food as the source of my digestive issues. They use some ingredient which I cannot digest. Lunch at the cafeteria at work means by 5pm I'll be buckled over with intense gas pressure, bloating and abdominal pain. So, I haven't even left Korea yet and I already miss Korean food.

i cannot wait to go back home where the official documents that i don't read and sign are written in English and where there is more than a half-inch space provided for ramming my loooooooooooong signature into.

i cannot wait to go back to a country that understands the use of a person's last name is a way of showing respect. here, they don't even make an attempt to give a shit for your foreign alphabet soup of a last name. you are susan, period. and that's how they will make your name plate for your desk: "Susan". until you ask them to kindly print your full name on the dang thing, just like everybody else's name plate in the company.

Oct's new words

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 01:31:00 +0000

it was a slow month for new words

concertmaster - I think I came across this when I was doing my blog post about an orchestra
somatization - I read this word when I was reading "Date or Soul Mate?" by the co-founder of e-Harmony; this would be a characteristic on the "can't have list"
treasure trove - omg, I was trying to write this and it took me ages to get the word trove! I tried very hard to believe it was "trooth" wtf?

body thought

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 13:28:00 +0000

this is a combination of stuff i wrote a long while back and stuff i wrote today.

thoughts on my body:

it's the same one that i've had, more or less, since even before puberty.

i remember seeing a photograph of a prepubescent me at the beach in my bathing suit and thinking i looked like an uprighted rectangular block propped up by two sticks (those would be my legs).

no curves, no waist, just hips upon which the rest of my body was evenly stacked.

and i vaguely remember thinking that my body would eventually undergo a foretold womanly transformation.

i'm here today to tell you that i own that same body in that picture.

yes, i've undergone a transformation -- there's more fat here and there -- but there's only so far one can deviate from genetic predetermination. no amount of dieting or exercising will shrink my pelvic cavity, for example. i could lose all the fat and muscle in my body and from the side look as thin as a piece of paper but the moment that you turn the perspective and view from straight-on, there would be those same childbearing hips.

having seen bodybuilders on TV and studied the shape variations of the same muscle in different bodies - muscles that have been trained to look their absolute best - looking distinctly different from person to person has lead me to trust that genetics has more to do with determining our looks, such as the shape of our hind ends, than diet and exercise do. in fact, the frequent stair climbing and dancing that i do has done something incredible to my butt ~ it put a muscle inside it. not just any muscle, but a big butt muscle. and that butt muscle is looking exactly as it genetically should, whether i like the way it looks or not. my but is big because it was born that way.

i don't know how or when or why i became so very butt-obsessed, but i am. i am terribly self-conscious about the size and shape of my rear end. i never leave the house or any bathroom without checking to see if there is any way i can fix my clothes to try to minimize its appearance. i think all clothing manufacturers have conspired against my butt too, making clothes that do not give me enough room back there to sit or bend without pulling in material from all other directions. i have even paid a therapist to talk with me about my big butt. and after she realized how futile her anti-big-butt-statements were she let the pendulum swing the opposite direction, accepted my way of thinking and suggested that i appreciate the benefits of my big butt, such as having a better chance of avoiding hip fracture at an elderly age and living longer. that day my therapist also mentioned another client of hers who was so desperately in fear of anyone seeing her in her bathing suit that it was holding her back from living a normal life. so her assignment was to go over to a neighbor's house, in her bathing suit, and ask for some sugar. and she did it. and her life went on. and this debunked her unfounded fears that life would end if people saw her in her bathing suit so she was able to drop her distorted view of her body and carry on as a normal functioning person of society who plays with her kids at the pool in the summer. although i'm no where near ready to serve up a platter of my butt to my nearest neighbor, i'm always trying to reason with myself that my butt is exactly as it is supposed to be. it's taking me a long time to get it.

the irony of coming to a country where i knew and expected to be unfortunately bigger than most other women my age is that when i stood naked in front of a room full of korean woman of various ages (at the public bath houses) well of course most of the time i got the full on stares of wonder and unapologetic curiosity -- and /that/ takes discomfort to a-whole-nother level; being naked and stared at like you're an alien that has landed from outer space, but there is just so very little variation of shapes, sizes, colors between the people of korea that if you throw in one slight variation it must stand out like a sore thumb to them -- but anyway, in some cases i got multiple (as in, not once, not twice, but several) compliments (on several different occasions at several different places) such as, "ooooh, S-line" and "너무 예뻐요" (so beautiful).

what? this body doesn't look like an uprighted rectangular box to you? please, do go on ...

it wasn't until it just kept happening that i began to see myself through the eyes of these other women. the first time it happened was actually in Thailand. i was in my bikini out next to the pool and a bunch of korean woman walked by and started talking about/to me in korean saying these things. they see an S-line. i see a box. hummmmm, why the disconnect? i suppose this being a country of walking sticks it's quite rare to see my kind of hips on a person in real life which they may have only ever seen in Baroque art. i may not be able to find clothes that fit me in this country but i have never had a korean ajumma look at my naked body and tell me i need to eat more kimchi and vegetables. which, believe you me, if they think you're fat, they will tell you. they will say, "you fat. you eat more vegetables. korean food number one. make you skinny. eat korean food." i know this because i have heard this brutally honest opinion delivered on a number of occasions.

~~~

regardless of how well i have convinced myself that a skinnier-sue would be a happier-sue, which is something that i've been telling myself for about as long as i have been aware of my body, i have finally debunked this myth.

it's those damn days when you feel uncomfortable in your clothes and can't find things to fit your shape well (tight in the thighs and loose in the waist or fine in the waist and not enough coverage in the rear), or when you have to unbutton your clothes after you eat or when you can see in the mirror that tire bulging out from under your clothes, or when your clothes ride-up most uncomfortably in between (the front of) your legs, or when you wear something nice and then get up from sitting and all the creases that have been made in the fabric that has gathered up and been pressed in the swallowing fold created where your legs bend at your well-fed waist making you look like a fool in ill fitting clothes ... because of all of those damn days filled with those damn reasons, i just can't help but to think that comfort and ease and beauty and happiness are linked up with body weight.

yes, i want to be able to squat or sit with folded legs in my lap without feeling like i'm squeezing sausage out of it's skin. is that too much to ask? i want to bend over and pick up something i dropped without feeling like i'm about to sever my body in half. i want to be able to kneel without the back of my pants being yanked down exposing my underwear. skinny people have the luxury of not ever needing to want these things, so it seems to me.

here it is, the lesson that has taken too long to learn and which will undoubtedly be too easy to forget: skinny does not equal happy.

do you want to know how i know this for a fact? i was skinner last year than i am now, yet i was not any happier than i am now. i was no more satisfied with my body then, than i am now.

i used to be so disciplined about what i put in my mouth but that was before i started working full time. after i started this job i gained about 6 pounds. sitting around for 9 hours a day and killing time by drinking calories is just a "deskies" way of life. i hate this way of life. i hate it, i do. i really enjoy the work but i hate living on someone else's schedule. in this way i know i could never, without great sacrifice, adjust to having a baby or even a husband as the simple fact of eating when i'm not hungry, or not eating when i am hungry, feels so suffocating.

regardless, the skinny=happy theorem doesn't demonstrate to be true, and i'm not sure that it ever has. my own thoughts have been lying to me for so very long. what's going on here? when i see skinny i think happy. why? and why don't i see skinny when i look at myself? and how do i achieve that feeling of body satisfaction and happiness that i was so sure would come to me once some magical amount of my weight was lost: find better fitting clothes? walk around naked? destroy all mirrors? have a double hip-replacement? get butt reduction surgery? never drop anything or if i do, buy another one to replace it? the answer is still unknown to me. in the meantime i think i need to let it sink in that skinny does not equal happy, that Natalie Merchant's "these are the days" is true, and that Baz Luhrmann's "you're not as fat as you imagine" is right.

HSP and HSS

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 08:54:00 +0000

An HSP who is an HSS (High Sensation Seeker) also will find ways to have lots of new experiences, but won't take a lot of unreflected-upon risks.

from Wiki

HSP

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 06:29:00 +0000

I'm compelled to talk more about this, even if I'm talking to myself.

I am astounded and astonished at the familiarity of these descriptions of the HSP – Highly Sensitive Person. The "coming-home" feeling I get when I read this list (below) is more than inspirational. I feel like I'm reading about my best friend, someone I know oh so well, through and through.

I'm always saying, "No that's okay. It's not your fault, I startle easily." I've watched the video performance of Rach 3 by 백혜선 about 50 different times and it /still/ causes me to stop in my tracks to intently listen to its passion, and I get Goosebumps and sometimes cry spontaneously at its grandiose conclusion without knowing why I cry, just that it's my natural reaction. I cannot tolerate coffee because my heart races and hands shake. These are things that I already know about myself and here they are all collected in a list of other truths about me.

I can hear the first bus come through our neighborhood at 5am when no one else does. My sleep is so easily broken by my own unconsciously intentional processing of sounds that I spend 10% of my sleep each night hearing noises, 20% of my sleep trying to ignore the processing of said noises and willing myself to fall back asleep. So difficult this process can be that when I'm awaken I spend about an additional 10% of time stressing about hearing more noises and not getting the sleep required for the next day. So, for example, my noisy housemate might have noisy sex for 12 minutes but to me that equals almost 1 and a half hours of sleep disturbance. I'll still be processing the sounds and stressing about having heard them and wondering if/when I'll hear them again while my noisy housemate has already peacefully and blissfully entered REM.

I smell smoke when no one else does. I'm hot when no one else is. I'm cold when no one else is. I'm irritated by irritating noise when no one else is. I pick up on odors that no one else smells. I collect details that no one else notices. And now I know I'm not crazy or neurotic -- I just happen to live among people not like me, raised in a country where sensitivity is scoffed and devalued. (My mom might also be an HSP.)

This new resource on the HSP touches right to the very core of my being. I cannot explain why I'm having such a profound reaction to discovering that there is such a thing as a Highly Sensitive Person and a highly sensitive nervous system. I just know that I'm so utterly satisfied and elated that I'm not alone. And I'm even excited to know that educated and learned people know about me and apparently have studied people just like me and have written research papers and books about the study of my inner me. I'm not queer to them. They understand me. This is so comforting.

Once a good friend told me he was a Tortured Artist. That never made any sense to me; I thought it sounded foolish too, but today, right here and now, I know, if he believes to his core that he is a Tortured Artist they way that I believe to my core that I'm a Highly Sensitive Person, then I finally get what it meant for him to say such a thing about himself to the world.

This news might be inconsequential to some, boring to others and perhaps foolish to all but discovering the existence of the Highly Sensitive Person is a defining moment in my life. And I know exactly what I want to do now: I want to embrace all that I have tried to wash out or reconfigure of who I am.

The following is a list of common truths among Highly Sensitive People, pulled from the resource cited above; this list could have been made about me and me alone:

I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input.
I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment.
Other people's moods affect me.
I tend to be very sensitive to pain.
I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days, into bed or into a darkened room or any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation.
I am particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine.
I am easily overwhelmed by things like bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens close by.
I have a rich, complex inner life.
I am made uncomfortable by loud noises.
I am deeply moved by the arts or music.
My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.
I am conscientious.
I startle easily.
I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time.
When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment I tend to know what needs to be done to make it more comfortable (like changing the lighting or the seating).
I am annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once.
I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things.
I make a point to avoid violent movies and TV shows.
I become unpleasantly aroused when a lot is going on around me.
Being very hungry creates a strong reaction in me, disrupting my concentration or mood.
Changes in my life shake me up.
I notice and enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, works of art.
I find it unpleasant to have a lot going on at once.
I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations.
I am bothered by intense stimuli, like loud noises or chaotic scenes.
When I must compete or be observed while performing a task, I become so nervous or shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise.
When I was a child, my parents or teachers seemed to see me as sensitive or shy.

Two additional resources, more academic in nature, of the Highly Sensitive Person's Sensory Nervous System, by Clint Clark:
The Highly Sensitive Person or the HSP Sensory Nervous System (Part 1 of 2)
The Highly Sensitive Person or the HSP Sensory Nervous System (Part 2 of 2)

Some great bits and pieces from the above links are:

An ultra-sensitive nervous system is susceptible to overarousal from stimuli, either too much or too little (bored), including physical pain internally and over processing cognitively (analyzing and trying to solve a problem or wrestling with an emotional issue or a fear). Until my sister told me that I was over processing cognitively, I was not aware that I was over processing cognitively. Up to that point I had assumed everyone else thought about the same things I did with the same degree of intensity.

Although sunglasses can reduce intense or glaring light, they can also reduce visual clarity, (because we are looking through glass), and therefore reduce the picking up and processing of subtleties. This is so true about me; sunglasses block the sun but I feel like they block my ability to process information. I have always thought this.

Listening to something too softly to be understood, listening to music with words that are undistinguishable, or "walls of undistinguishable sound" such as crowd sound (people all talking at once), reduces the picking up and processing of subtleties within each situation. I have had to ask people to repeatedly repeat themselves and they think it's their English skills which are lacking but I assure them that I cannot hear what they are saying when there are other noises around. My ears pick up all foreground and background noises, and try to process them all at once but what happens is that I cannot hear either the background or foreground information. All sounds come at me with the same level of magnitude so it literally is just like a wall of indistinguishable sound.

A large "empty" open space such as an indoor arena can create overarousal (too little going on), whereas a large crowded space can also create overarousal (too much going on). Many HSPs find that one on one, with one person at a time, is optimal. This is exactly true about me. I much prefer one-on-one time, than one-on-many.

Being too close to a person while in conversation can create overarousal, whereas being too far from a person (such as talking on the phone) can also create overarousal (not enough information due to a lack of visual information). This is precisely why I don't like talking on the phone. If I cannot see you I feel like I cannot understand what you are saying; or that the barriers are too great and I lack any interest in trying to overcome them to achieve successful communication. I'd prefer to plan a date and meet you in person than talk over the phone.

Freedom is very noticeable and cherished by HSPs and they will go to great lengths to find it. They are very sensitive to control of any kind or "being pushed" and need to be allowed to practice what is optimal for them compared with non-HSPs. I think I wrote exactly this in my last match.com profile. As soon as I feel like I'm being pressured by a friend to do something I go numb. The last friend who pushed and pressured me I dropped like a hot potato and I haven't looked back, for my own health it had to be done. She was a non-HSP.

~~
I always thought, with much disappointment, that I had a problem staying focused and maintaining attention but now I know that I'm not focus-deficient, there's just not enough bandwidth to process all the information that my highly sensitive nervous system so rapidly and ferociously consumes. Lower performing process threads are terminated and the connections are returned to the pool for use with tasks of higher importance and intensity.

HSP's cannot turn off their sensitivity. They can regulate the information coming into their sensory / nervous system by removing or reducing the stimuli, but they cannot turn off their sensitivity.

AMEN

I excitedly look forward to learning more about HSP, their strengths, their contributions, how this enhances their relationships and heightens physical sensations, how they cope day to day and what they do for fun. I have never wanted to belong to a club, but if there were an HSP club, I would so want to belong. Those are my people.

Welcome to the House of Sue

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:32:00 +0000

OMG, welcome to a day in the life of Sue. i found this online link about sensitive nervous systems and it was like reading my inner genetic code! seriously, if you ever wanted to know what it was like being me, this is it. this is so uncannily it! here is my genetic code:

Feel emotions more strongly than others.
Feel overwhelmed by noise, crowds, stress, chaos, bright lights, and/or physical discomfort. [i'm constantly squinting and covering my eyes and having a scrunched face in reaction to bright lights ~ always! and i hate hearing people yelling or screaming on the radio; i can handle crowds but the minute they start talking or yelling to me all at once i want to crawl in a hole and cry; and if my mother has said anything about me it's that she doesn't want to be around when i give birth because i don't do pain. and she's right, as much as i'd like to think that i'm tough, i don't do pain well.]
Find that alcohol, drugs, medications and environmental pollutants have a greater effect on you than others. [and i'm convinced this is why i never got into drugs or have a preference for regular alcohol consumption]
Have low self-esteem due to feeling “weak” in comparison to others.
Feel lonely and like an outsider because you are so “different” from the non-sensitive norm.
Have a highly developed sense of empathy to the point that you feel others’ pain intensely. [this is something that i actually told my therapist but she told me, 'no, the pain you carry is yours' and her response didn't then, and never has, resonated as right for me. but this single bullet point is resonating like a bell tolled inside my head]
Be so sensitive to the moods and personality of others that you can “read” them but often find this exhausting and need much time alone. [there's that glorious word combination: time alone]
Find that violence, cruelty, and anger disturb you greatly. [cannot watch violent movies and get sick to my stomach when i see abused animals; the video about debarking makes my knees weak]
Have trouble dealing with conflict. [if my life were a book, this would be the subtitle]
Often need to withdraw from people and the world to recover. [i have been called a hermit and been made fun of for staying in my room a lot, well a lot is from their point of reference, not mine]
Find that other people can see you as too “intense” and/or “serious”. [i think that i've been told this a time or two and the funny thing is that i can see my intensity in the frame of reference of others]
Suffer greatly from things that other people take in their stride, such as the hassles of traveling or commuting.
Relive and replay events and experiences. [sometimes i cannot imagine a better way to spend down time than to relive the past ad nauseam]
Have a vivid imagination and varied interests and so tend to try to do too many things or do too much because you find so much so interesting.
Not handle time pressures well. [if my life were a book, this would be the title]
Be highly observant and note small things, details and changes. [people have said how crazy my observational skills are; i notice and memorize all the shoes and their positions in the foyer and can therefore easily know who's home and if someone has left; i also notice, not by intention, the regular habits of those i work with like JaeEun's regulated bathroom breaks -- like i can tell you at what time she goes to the bathroom and washes her cup clean -- and i noticed who is in the office and who is not, not by choice, i just know by the fact that i'm living and breathing and unconsciously continuously recoding and updating these small details; and one of my favorite things to do whenever i go home is to look around the house and see what has changed since my last visit; also, i freakishly know exactly how i've left things and can tell with spooky accuracy when something of mine has been used and returned by others; like i can tell when a book is not sitting in the same position as i left it]
Sometimes feel raw and exposed and battered by the world.
Have trouble with employment unless you can find a job that doesn’t overly stress you. [if my life were a book, this would be on every page]

Rach 3

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 11:24:00 +0000

this is a follow on from the last post ....

i have since fallen in love with Rach 3 and when i need a punch of inspiration i watch (백혜선) Baik HyeSeon's performance of the Finale Alla Breve (3rd movement) with the Russian National Orchestra. i stumbled upon it one day a while back and downloaded it and have watched it repeatedly. Here it is (broken into two videos) on YouTube:

... [searching for the links on YouTube for you] ...

OH SNAP! I just found the first movement posted 1 week ago on YouTube, thank you ProfessorHigins. so i will try to gather all the videos of all movements of the Rach 3 performed by this talented woman. people, if you're like me you'll be shocked as H E double hockey sticks that this piece is over _40_ minutes long. The woman is playing the piano for over 40 minutes. An athletic performance~

I bought tickets for myself and a friend to go to an orchestra last month. There I got to see Mahler's Symphony No. 1 performed by 13 principals of the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra and 100, hand selected up-and-coming young Korean musicians lead by Swiss Charles Dutoit - Conductor of the Philadelphia Orchestra and the Royal Philharmonic - at the Sejong Center for the Performing Arts last month*. only three pieces were performed. when we arrived i grabbed a program and saw that the performance was split into a 40 minute segment and a 60 minute segment separated by an intermission. i quickly assumed that there would be one piece performed in the first 40 minute segment and then the last two pieces would be performed in the last 60 minute segment. WRONG. Mahler's Symphony No. 1 is a 60 minute piece. people i sat there, in the second row and watched an entire orchestra play music for 1 firggin hour. no commercials.

it.was.amazing.

OK, enough jibber jabbering. without further ado ....

The Rach 3 by 백혜선 and the Russian National Orchestra
(i ♥ youtube)

NOTE: if you watch nothing please at least spend 8 minutes on the first video of the Finale Alla Breve. towards the very end is my favorite part but you cannot experience its richness and sadness without listening to the part that leads up to it. ^^ and then, once you've seen all of the first video of Finale Alla Breve, you've got to see the second one where she kicks the piano's ass. no kidding. this woman is burning calories, let me assure you of that.

Allegro Ma Non Tanto
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJO6gU_xM7Q - 8 mins

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i76_lJq9HI - 9 mins

Intermezzo Adagio
[not yet posted :-( but this is an 11 and a half minute movement]

Finale Alla Breve
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9esulkAKjk - 8 mins

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QRuLZ7bcGM - 5 mins

*it's so hard to talk about classical music. none of the words are short and easy. there are like 22.3 words to describe one event. it's nothing like being able to say, "tonight, live at Wolftrap, Pink" which everyone can get so easily. with classical music you have the original composer, the bizarro nameless names like "No. 1", "No. 2", "No. 3", etc. which the composer's called their pieces, which by the way are broken down into 3 movements, which themselves have their own names, then you have the names of the performers performing the composer's piece and then there's the guy that conducts the whole thing (and don't forget about mentioning his credentials and where he's from) and if there's a concerto piece (music written for an orchestra and a solo instrument, for example a piano concerto or a violin concerto) then there's the name of the concerto soloist and his/her credentials, and then there's the name of the place where it's all said and done, and then there's the name of that specific musical event. whew. a dissertation is needed just to tell people what the hell you spent your money on! ... but so well worth it!

september's new words

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 10:31:00 +0000

alla breve - I discovered this word when I was learning about and listening to Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 (aka "Rach 3" mentioned to me several months back by a piano friend)
intermezzo - I discovered this word when I was learning about and listening to Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 (aka "Rach 3" mentioned to me several months back by a piano friend)
Vomeronasal - I discovered this word when I was reading something about human pheromones
adagio - I discovered this word when I was learning about and listening to Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 (aka "Rach 3" mentioned to me several months back by a piano friend)
allegro - I discovered this word when I was learning about and listening to Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 (aka "Rach 3" mentioned to me several months back by a piano friend)
finale - I discovered this word when I was learning about and listening to Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 (aka "Rach 3" mentioned to me several months back by a piano friend)
abut - I just knew this word but want to add it to my monthly dictionary for some reason
amine - I discovered this word when I was reading something about human pheromones
apocrine - I discovered this word when I was reading something about human pheremones
contradistinction - I don't remember where I found this word but I think it was used by one of the translators
Fungibles - I wish I can remember where I came across this word, but I don't; seems like I heard a male voice saying this word, maybe it was something I was listening to - a book on tape; also, something about a house fire comes to mind; strange how the mind links things up but, at the moment, isn't making a direct connection
Odorant - I discovered this word when I was reading something about human pheremones and deoderants
one-off - I always thought that it was "one-of" as in "only one of something" so I was curious when i heard people say "one-off"
otolaryngology - I discovered while making an appointment at an ENT hospital

something beautiful

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 06:34:00 +0000

a book about finding love
a corner spot at a quiet cafe with my green tea
a lovely cover of the Beatles' Michelle softly filling the air
memories of a great night dancing

i love love love this moment. i must write.

everything and anything seems within reach.

last night i danced with a man who made me feel like a violin on which he was playing the most sensual music. the dance was bachata.

bachata is not the fast passed twisty and turny and flary and styly dance that is salsa. bachata is like "dirty dancing" i guess many would say. it can be very slow, sensual and intimate. but it can be very clinical and platonic too. it all depends on the frame, open or closed. to give an idea of what sensual bachata can look like go here, but the bachata music in this video is a bit faster than the one from last night.

so this bachata guy, i'd never seen him before but i was delighted to dance with someone new. the dance started out with an open frame, then quickly he pulled me in until the space between us disappeared. he began to move, and me along with him, in rhythmic back and forth sways. no words had been exchanged - only a hand offered and accepted - yet instantly i trusted him. his command of the dance identified him as a professional, or at least someone who knew what he was doing, and in every way that a woman can surrender to a dance, i surrendered. i let go of everything else on my mind so that i could just feel the dance; absorb the flow and be the beauty he created in the way he moved my body around the floor. at one time it occurred to me to open my eyes and gain some composure but when i did the image that flashed back to me was the mirrored reflection of how the shape of his muscular back couldn't hide beneath his cotton shirt. i closed my eyes again.

when it was over i was breathless (sinusitis?^^). the way he expressed the dance, the way he treated the dance, it was so moving. i don't know who he was and he left shortly after we danced.

and that was just half the night!

later Max and i finally danced! Max is considered the best salsa dancer (well at least among the salsa social dancers in Itaewon) and indeed he is very skilled and incorporates stylized eye-catching and crowd-pleasing moves in which he creatively involves the woman so it never looks like show-boating and always seems to put a surprised smile on the woman's face. it's genius. i've been seeing him and watching him dance for maybe a year now and last night, probably because i was one of very few woman at the club, he asked me to dance.

this is a guy that all the girls want to dance with. he's very 'cliqued-in' with his crowd. i never got through the barrier even though his crowd and my crowd overlapped. so i was ecstatic to dance with him at long last. i screwed up lots but don't even care because he was amazing. he danced at a higher level than i. and he was all "Banana Split with Whip cream and a cherry on top", and I was all "Pure and Natural Vanilla single scope". unlike Max, i have almost no natural affinity for adding "styling" which is probably because all the styling moves scream, 'hey everybody look at me!', though i definitely have my own unique style of movement, just as every woman does. and, since it was a new lead for me, i couldn't get all his cues. at one point though we both threw back our heads at exactly the same moment in time and for two seconds we were perfect mirrors of each other as though we had agreed before-hand to do that. i wonder if he felt the little tinge of magic that i had? anyway, no matter. it was great.

i just realized why i picked 'violin' as the analogy for the bachata guy. i can remember now that when we were dancing so close, he ever so slightly and gingerly touched his lips to the crease of my neck. no one has ever done that and when it was happening i likened it to a violinist using the chin pad to secure his instrument with which he makes something beautiful.

the seam ripper

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 05:55:00 +0000

What will I do with the seam ripper? ... and other important decisions about my life.

Before getting to that I want to say how incoherent this writing will be and how it will fail to express all the thoughts and decisions and considerations I’ve weighed which have brought me to this very point in my life. Add to that the fact that I almost never know if I’m making the right decision. Add to that the sadness and longing that always seems to follow me every time I leave something behind.

Fragile, reactionary, emotional, sensitive, hopeless, pointless, aimless.

If this is who I am, then so be it. And yet I feel a tiny flicker of excitement of something different, a new opportunity, a new chance, a new experience. I just know in my heart of hearts that I have not lived enough to stop experiencing something new.

This could possibly be the longest way of saying: “I’m ready to leave Korea.” I always knew that I’d know when I was ready. And now I know. I’m ready. The only goal that I’ve set so far in this regard is that by the time I turn 35 I will no longer be living here.

Just writing that takes my breath away and has caused these miniscule droplets to well up and moisturize my eyes.

For the first time I don’t want to make a list. I just want to accept my feelings and decision without providing details to back up my thought process, though I expect leaving to be hard.

After four years of establishing a life and creating close bonds with amazing people, it’s hard to break that connection, which leaving will undoubtedly do. Yet, the miracle is that I did meet those amazing people who have enriched my experiences in ways that one could only live through to understand.

And after finding a job and filling a role and providing input and becoming important to a process (and this says nothing of the family mentality that working groups have, especially the working family to which I have belonged for the past year) makes it very hard for me to get past the guilt of breaking expectations and leaving behind responsibilities. Yet, the blessing is that I did find that perfect job in Korea for which I had been endlessly searching, made great money and adapted to the Korean working culture.

And then there’s myself and my own self-doubting which is always tossing and turning between the known and unknown. Yet, the reality is that I did move my entire life from my home country to a foreign country four years ago, and achieved my dream of living and working abroad and even studying and mastering a tiny bit of a foreign language.

And so I press-on thinking of the two reasons that stand out far ahead of the rest for wanting to start a new phase of my life …

This needle-in-the-haystack hope lives strong in my fantasy but has been repeatedly proven wrong in reality; well as much as it is possible to prove a possibility and a reason for hope, wrong. Let’s face it – it’s not going to happen in this haystack. Slowing becoming an impossibly unrealizable dream is meeting someone here who ignites hope and possibility; someone with whom there is an undeniable match; someone with whom I can spend the rest of my life. At this point, I see inspiration for finding my needle everywhere else but here.

Next … how much difference a day of health and wellness makes when you have been sick for nearly 4 months straight!? I have sinusitis and enough to say about that for an entire separate discussion, so I’ll just greatly oversimplify everything to save energy: Korea is making me sick.

There it is. The top two seam rippers. Amazingly, the 3 things I love the most about Korea which have kept me here, I still love about Korea: the food, the safety and the opportunity to travel easily and cheaply to other Asian countries.

But I have achieved what I set out to achieve four years ago when I sold my house and everything in it and bought a one way ticket to Korea. And my life in Korea could not get any better than it is and it’s completely saturated with cherished friends, memorable moments, cultural awareness and once in a lifetime experiences; the stuff of great stories and enough anecdotal material to make the book that I just might write one day, touching. Now my goals are different. I want to be healthy and I want to find my someone special. A new environment is in order.

In deciding to leave Korea I’ve made a very huge decision that was difficult and emotional; however, even more difficult and potentially more emotional will be the several smaller decisions that I’ll be making to get from this point in my life to the next. If you think someone couldn’t (or if they could, wouldn’t) attach meaning and emotion to such an insignificant item as a seam ripper, then 안녕하세요. 만나서 반갑습니다.

august's new words

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 08:02:00 +0000

these are the new words that i've come across and researched since last month. click the link for the definition

Audiation - read about this when I was researching sight-reading
Sight reading - heard about this word from my friend who says that she has this ability
trove - was trying to write "treasure trove" but kept thinking it ended in a "th" sound like this, "throuth"
metasyntactic variable - found out that the common computer dummy variable "foobar" is of this kind - who knew there was a category for these names!
cogitate - this is a word that I came across in the book Travels on the dance floor
concerto - was doing research on orchestras and came to find out the distinction between the two
echidna - my colleague told me about this word, that it's /kind of/ similar to a hedgehog but is not related

echidna - Kingdom: Animalia, Phylum: Chordata, Class: Mammalia, Order: Monotremata (egg-laying), Family: Tachyglossidae

hedgehog - Kingdom: Animalia, Phylum: Chordata, Class: Mammalia, Order: Erinaceomorpha, Family: Erinaceidae, Subfamily: Erinaceinae

frangipani - read about this word in the book Travels on the Dance Floor
homily - this is a word that I just simply wasn't sure of the spelling so I added it to my word list
monotreme - this is another word that a colleague mentioned in our discussion of hedgehogs, echidnas, platypus
offal - this is another word that a colleague mentioned in our discussion of hot dogs
quell - this is a word that I didn't remember how to spell so I added it my list
semaphore - this is a word that I came across on my editing of database manuals; this is a common DB term

/if/ i were to slamdunk

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 08:47:00 +0000

/if/ i were to slamdunk, i suppose something like this might just be 100% satisfying.

thanks dad for sharing your wisdom^^

lyric of Lily Allen's F*** You Very Much

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
and look a bit harder
cause we’re so uninspired
so sick and tired
of all the hatred you harbor

so you say it’s not okay to be gay
well I think you’re just evil
you’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces
you’re point of view is medieval

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch

do you get, do you get a little kick out of being small-minded?
you want to be like your father
it’s approval you’re after
well that’s not how you’ll find it

do you, do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful
cause there’s a hole where your soul should be
you’re losing control of it
and it’s really distasteful

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
and look a bit harder
cause we’re so uninspired
so sick and tired
of all the hatred you harbor

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch

changing country in youtube

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 07:53:00 +0000

to change the country setting in youtube, login and then click on "south korea" (to access the country menu), not "english" (to access the language menu), and then click on "worldwide" (since US or UK is not in the list strangely enough) and then you can upload and post comments, and by you i mean me, since i am for whom this post is being posted <-- does that even sound right? *speaks to self in head* 'since me is for whom this post is being posted' *ears hurting!* anyway, with south korea set as the country, uploading and posting of comments are not allowed as blogged about here

sometimes it happens

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 12:19:00 +0000

sometimes i make mistakes.

i try to live my life not making mistakes, doing right by my morals, and relating to others (friends, family and random people) in a fair and compassionate and respectful way.

but ... i don't always get it right.

and when i don't get it right, i feel bad.

today i feel bad.

today i feel bad because i responded to someone in such a way that i think, in hindsight, was not a very nice way to respond. in turn, his reaction was not very nice, and in fact, it was quite hurtful to read his critiques about my personal character and a prophesy that i'll never be happy and a declaration that he would see me again "NEVER!".

and then i felt like a bad person.

i could have responded in at least 3 other, more diplomatic and gentler ways when i declined but the reason i gave for my decline was a brutally honest one and, thinking on it now, i realize that it didn't serve any purpose other than to be mean. i have to admit to myself now that at the time, i guess i wanted to be mean to this person by saying something that was not nice, even though it was a reflection of my true feelings. and today i feel pretty crummy about it.

but i have to get over it somehow. it happens, we all make mistakes. every week at church Father asks the congregation to call to mind their sins of that week so it must be a weekly occurrence for some folks, haha. so yeah, sometimes i get it wrong. i cannot dwell on it for too long. i didn't know it, but apparently i had some unresolved hurt feelings from that past relationship that manifested itself in that text message. truth is, i'm mad at that person for having hurt me but i never had the chance to address it with him because i just swallowed my hurt and tried to ignore it.

anyway, this post is just a way for me to let go of that feeling; feeling like i'm a bad person. i'm not. i was hurt and in the absence of closure, i hurt back. it's perfectly normal. but, next time i hope to be more aware of when i'm reacting to a past hurt or reacting to the present moment.

dance with me

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 16:35:00 +0000

I just finished reading Travels on the Dance Floor by Grevel Lindop; a true story about the author’s travels around the Caribbean and South America to learn and practice salsa. He traveled to:

Havana, Cuba
Caracas, Venezuela
Bogota and Cali and Juanchito, Colombia
Panama City, Panama
Puerto Rico
Dominican Republic

His last stop on his nearly 2-month long journey was Miami, Florida before returning to his home, and his wife, in England.

He arrived at each city with minimal arrangements prepared beforehand, preferring to use the local Yellow Pages to find salsa instructors and asking around town to find the popular spots for dancing salsa and then he’d just show up and inject himself into the surroundings by getting a drink, watching the dance floor, and asking a few ladies to dance. I especially enjoyed his telling of these experiences for several reasons.

I found it fascinating to hear the pre-thoughts and logic that went on in his head while he surveyed the scene to try to figure out the type of salsa to which the patrons were inclined. In addition to that he scanned the crowd for danceable women, calculating the right and wrong times for approaching. The rejections were many it seemed, but he could clearly see when an opportunity was there for the taking, and he took it many times. It’s fascinating that all this pre-thought has taken place before a hand is extended to another. A man cannot assume that all women show up to dance, even if dancing is always the reason this woman shows up. The next hand that comes my way I can appreciate just a smidgen more for knowing the mental energy that was spent to get it there.

Maybe it’s because he’s a poet or extremely observant or perhaps for some other completely different reason, but his description of the women he met on this journey was unusually extensive and quite impressive. He was able to describe hair texture, skin color, the look of the eyes, the personality in an expression, clothing styles, body shape, the way their body felt to be moved and the way their body felt against his own. It was descriptive but not graphic. It was honest but not degrading. It was thorough but not stalkish. Through his writing I could sense an appreciation for every woman with whom he danced. I could sense his enjoyment in appreciating women, as though it were a pastime. And for some reason, this makes me happy.

So reading about how this guy pops in a plane and flies over to some country that I’ve only ever seen in movies (cue ‘Romancing the Stone’), then finds the place loved by the locals, walks in and then asks complete strangers for their hand in dance, inspired me to do the same, on a smaller scale. Last night, after work, and then after the gym, I set off for a salsa club in Itaewon (which some Koreans believe is like going to some other country). It was not my usual night, and not my usual hot spot. I was headed for the second in command; the runner up to Caliente, a placed called American Latina. Though I’ve been there several times before, this time I was going under different circumstances. This time I was going alone, with a determination to dance salsa with someone new.

Before getting to the story I want to point out the boldness of this idea. I may not have been hanging on for dear life in the back of a taxi in the Dominican Republic or bribing my way out of a police inspection in Venezuela, but I was on an adventure facing risks that were the first of their kind. Having been to American Latina before, I knew it was a safe place for my bag to be unattended while I danced, I also knew the layout and the location of the emergency exit, I also knew that the bartender and owner would recognize me, and I also received no less than 5 compliments on my blouse earlier that day at work. That’s 4 checks for safety. Now for the risks which made this adventure a bold one. I had no idea if any of my salsa community friends would be there and flying solo is just not what girls do~ with whom would I go to the bathroom? Check one for risk. I had no idea whether or not my ex-boyfriend, who likes to salsa on Friday nights (it was a Friday night, btw) would be there or worse yet, would be there with friends or even worse, would be there with a new girlfriend. That counts as at least three checks in the risk column. My adventure was highly safe as well as highly risky and I had no back up plan; I was simply betting that my ex would not be there and that I’d see someone I knew or make a new friend along the way. I must have been feeling lucky.

So I’m on my way to Itaewon going over The Grevel Lindop Plan: walk in, find a place at the bar, order a drink, scan the crowd, enjoy the music, watch the dancing, wriggle rhythmically in my spot … and, my own twist on his plan: wait for someone to get the hint.

As I’m getting off the bus I can already feel the attention my aloneness is calling as the eyes of a very tall Nigerian (I guess this because almost every African I’ve met in Itaewon is from Nigeria) follow me down each step off the bus onto the street and continue following me as I walk over the curb and onto the sidewalk where he happens to be, walking in the same direction as I. His eyes are still watching, I can see from corner view, as I pass him trying to gather the confidence that I know I’m going to need if, when I walk into American Latin, only a block away at this point, I see my ex. At least I’ve got on the right blouse, I thought to myself; it would be a crime ~not~ to go out tonight wearing this blouse, I further reasoned.

There I was, on the third floor, just about to open those silver doors which couldn’t stop the music from leaking out and down the stairwell. Rather positively I figured one drink and one dance was a reasonable goal for the night. I pulled open the door. I walked in the way I suppose Grevel did – thinking that I’d just leave if something wasn’t hitting it for me (music, crowd, or atmosphere), with a no-harm-no-foul attitude. Immediately I noticed that it wasn’t crowded. It was dark, as usual, but I could see that there weren’t that many people there, which was nothing strange for this place at 10:30 on a Friday night. I spotted a seat at the bar, said hi to the bartender and owner, walked up to the seat scanning the crowd just quickly enough to see that it didn’t include my ex (whew!), plopped my big bag on the bar stool with an ‘oh-it’s-been-a-long-day-now-I’m-ready-for-a-drink’ way about it, took a look at the menu, pulled out my change purse and ordered a Corona. Half my goal already accomplished in the span of 3 minutes. I had better slow this thing down, I cautioned myself, remembering the comical 2.6 seconds I spent at the Long Bar in Singapore's Raffles Hotel, each hurried swig of my alcoholic beverage taking down with it the knots in the back of my throat of embarrassment for being a singleton at what could possibly have been the busiest bar in the world at that moment.

Pacing myself this time, I spent the next 5 or so minutes texting friends, which probably gave the impression that I was busy waiting for or organizing a group to join me. Then I spent the next 5 or so minutes watching the dancing and checking out the potentials. I saw a tall Korean guy who danced quite well and considered asking him for a dance but he seemed to be on a double date with his friend and by the looks of it they were paired up tightly for the night. I thought if I continued to make excuses for not asking someone new to dance with me, then I had better make myself look approachable if I want to be asked to dance. So I bounced in my seat to the rhythm of the song and tried to look friendly while I held my beer and waited.

I didn’t have to wait long. The owner asked me to dance! It was a salsa song so I was happy to oblige. Although he is a small man, and although his salsa style is not the same as I learned, and in fact our dancing was very mismatched, I had a great time dancing salsa with someone new. Afterward I asked what style of salsa he dances and he told me that it’s Colombian and that he used to work in Colombia for 10 years. I was curious to know more, ‘Was it Bogota or Cali perhaps? Or maybe it was Juanchito’. Grevel’s travels were still fresh on my mind. But I thought for now, the less conversation, the better; I’ve got to look and be approachable.

After a few more dances, some with friends from the salsa community and some with the owner and none with the tall double-dated Korean, I decided that I had gotten all that I wanted to get out of the night. My goals accomplished, I grabbed my bag, said goodnight to the bartender and owner and to my friends and then walked out the same way that I had walked in, alone. It was 11:30, my "risky" adventure ended, and I was headed home earlier than the bus drivers!
~~~

I found this video on YouTube while I was searching for Colombian style salsa. This is called Swing Latino (and is nothing like the owner’s dance style), and I cannot figure out if Swing Latino is the name of this dance group, name of the musical group that plays the kind of music you'll here in this video, or if it is a name of a movement. This from Wiki: "Nowadays the Cali Salsa dancing style is revered on the international arena as one of the hardest and most energetic, displaying fast complicated footwork. Recently Colombian dancers have become World Champions year after year and the style is becoming more popular and admired among Salsa professionals worldwide; with the most prominent salsa school being 'Swing Latino' driven by the dance choreographer 'El Mulato'."

Careful, you might just loose your breath watching these dancers look fantastic and amazing. Take a look at the way these dancers perform. It’s very attractive. It's very fast. Blink, and you'll miss half the show.

Random Facts About Me

noreply@blogger.com (Soo) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 00:42:00 +0000

I complied this list a long time ago; January I guess. It’s a list of random facts about me that I think most people don’t yet know. I’m not sure why I wrote this list 6 months ago or why I’m now putting it into a blog post but today is TmaxDay2009 and all employees have the day off work so that we can attend the public introduction of Tmax Window which doesn’t start until the afternoon. I wanted to spend this morning hiking Namsan but it’s raining so I’ve decided to do this instead.

Random Facts About Me

I’m usually the one that motions we should go if we’ve finished our meal and the restaurant is full and new people have come in looking for a place to sit.
I have an expensive head: braces, LASIK, Accutane.
I used to be addicted to self help books.
I don’t like having a group’s attention. I value one-on-one connections.
When I was little I dreamed of being a dancer in a chorus line but only recently (last year) started taking dancing lessons for the first time (Ballet, Swing, Lindy Hop, Jitter Bug, Salsa, Tango).
I like my job, finally.
In 3.5 years time I’ve been to China, Japan, Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, Hong Kong, North Korea and have had to have more pages added to my passport.
I secretly wish What Not To Wear would find me and help me express my underdeveloped fashion potential.
I aim to respect myself, show respect for others and have responsibility for my actions.
I hate long unfriendly stares; they make me mental.
I had my first car for 10 years; my first house for 7.
I miss Reece’s Peanut Butter cups. Rolos, 100 Grand, and York Peppermint Patties cannot be found anywhere in Korea.
Online companies which do no ship internationally could be making big bucks on me, but they suck instead.
I only eat red meat when I have the craving for it, which is about 4 times a year. I crave chicken nearly everyday.
I feel slightly self absorbed making this list.
Sometimes I have to wear ear plugs to get a proper night’s sleep, and then wake up with throbbing pain in my ears.
Friends who put pressure on me to do something get moved off the friends-I-can-count-on list.
I like enjoying the arts (orchestras, classical music, live cultural performances, art galleries).
I think there is a-whole-nother life of experiences in store for me. Perhaps centered around volunteering and I believe one day the right vehicle for that experience will find me.
I’m an internet junkie.
I have no tattoos and 3 traffic violations (all different; never got caught breaking the same rule twice!).
I’m not sure when I will return to the US permanently and the disappointment that causes friends and family really saddens and burdens me.
I have this bizarre feeling (desire?) that my husband will not be an American born citizen. Or maybe it’s that I want to meet my husband while traveling ... ?
It means a lot to me that my immediate family members and my brother in law have visited me in Korea.
I’m living the life I had imagined having for myself.
I used to love roller coaster rides as a child but developed motion sickness and now can’t do them, nor can I be a passenger in a moving vehicle on windy roads, or read on a bus.
I remember the day that I found out that my mom loved my dad. I remember the day that I found out that my dad loved my mom.
Generally I don’t care about celebrating birthdays and holidays. My parents made them so memorable that I’d like to keep them as wonderful childhood memories.
I’ve always liked fruits and veggies, even in college where we had the freedom to eat french fries everyday.
I still have and use every day the blanket I had as a baby (though sometimes I question its age and authenticity).
I avoid confrontation.
I feel a Central European Adventure is in my future. I want to go to Slovenia, where my father’s mother is from.
I go to church for several reasons, none have anything to do with religion or believing in a god.
I used to work for a professional pet care company as a dog walker and pet sitter.
I try to save for my retirement.
I’m emotional and sensitive.
I need 8 hours of sleep every night to function.
It takes me forever to spell hierarchy and itinerary.
I live with an 83 year old Korean woman.
I think all Louis Vuitton bags are ugly and wouldn't buy one even if it was free.