Songs of the Salamander

Why Do You Bother?

2009-07-13T16:20:00.004+08:00

Apologies to everyone who’s been waiting for me to update this blog. I really don’t know why you bother. There are a jillion more interesting things on the Internet.Then again, if you really do need to hear me speak out of my ass on a regular basis you can join me on Facebook. For some reason, when you search “Randy Q. Villanueva” you get my profile page. In Japanese! Weird. The name's Squid

Doggie Blowjob

2009-01-08T23:07:00.003+08:00

I'm working on a couple of things so I don't have the time for Internet bedlam but what I'm going to show you is so bizarre I just had to put it on YouTube. What the fuck indeed.

Auld Lang Syne -or- Squid Embarrasses Himself on the Internet

2009-01-03T02:20:00.004+08:00

Without further ado:Here're the lyrics in simple English:Should old acquaintance be forgot,and never brought to mind?Should old acquaintance be forgot,and old times since?For auld lang syne, my dear,for auld lang syne,we'll take a cup of kindness yet,for auld lang syne.And surely you’ll buy your pint cup!And surely I’ll buy mine!And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,for auld lang syne.For auld

Ho Ho Ho!

2008-12-25T23:10:00.006+08:00

We all have different reasons for celebrating the season. Some are honoring the birth of Christ. Others are rejoicing in the mysteries of the winter solstice. For me, this is an opportunity to remember friends, both old and new, relatives, and everyone else who have made a mark in my life. Happy Holidays, everyone!

The Call to Arms

2008-12-15T21:50:00.014+08:00

Call me a cynic if you will but despite the myriad inspirational chain emails you get from less faith-impaired friends and relatives every morning telling you how we live in a wondrous and Christ-filled world just because some interesting but nevertheless primitive book said so, it is painfully obvious that the marrow of human civilization is exploitation. Not money. Not sex. Not even the pursuit

Prize-Winning Writer Ricky Lee Set to Build 'Writers Foundation'

2008-12-11T06:31:00.008+08:00

SQUID'S NOTE: I'm up to my balls with work but this is a truly important development for film and television writers. I'm posting a copy-paste article here for now (follow the link for the original source, I obviously didn't write it) and will be talking about it till your nipples fall off tonight or tomorrow morning (talking about it, not your tits falling off). Shai-Hulud calls and I follow.

Nitpicking

2008-12-05T20:02:00.018+08:00

I don't update this blog as often as I should for a couple of reasons. The first is Super Inggo at ang Super Tropa. The second is because I have too many side projects. By "side projects" I mean playing Evil Genius on my laptop and bitching about talent fees (sometimes both at the same time). I won't apologize, though. Spending an hour translating mind spunk into a blog post that will take you

Epiphany

2008-11-07T15:28:00.011+08:00

Apologies to spike_west.GOD: Anak…SQUID: Putangina! Ehe… sori… bossing naman kasi e, ginulat mo ako e—GOD: …mahal na mahal kita…SQUID: Talaga? Maski na ilang beses na kitang minura sa Internet? Maski na gumagawa ako ng Jesus LOL pictures? May sense of humor ka pala, bossing e. Marami kasing nagsasasabi na tatamaan daw ako ng lintik dahil sa mga pinaggagawa ko sa—GOD: …minsan kahit yung problema

The Boob Tube for the Noob Part II

2008-10-13T16:21:00.009+08:00

Persistent little bugger, aren’t you? Naturally, I’m just glad for the opportunity to talk out of my ass yet again:Ever curse a network executive 'coz your idea was shot?Gods, no. I have a reputation for having a bit of a long and arrogant fang but biting the hand that feeds you because you can’t have your way is idiotic. And it’s also suicide. You can bite back if they don’t pay you what you

The Boob Tube for the Noob Part I

2008-10-09T00:19:00.012+08:00

Coffee and cigarettes philosopher Esqueleto is teaching nubile young women TV Production now, God help us. He’s put up a blog where he encourages his disciples to post their thoughts. One student posted a few questions and and here’s my two cents’ worth:Is it true that artistas are picky people; that they better have this kind of food/water or else they walk out? Are they even allowed to do that

The Coin of the Realm

2008-10-08T06:44:00.000+08:00

I can tell you I earn a hundred grand a month cranking out television scripts faster than a teenager screws. I can tell you I blow most of that moola feeding my periodic table of illegal vices. I can tell you I’d probably be earning more than that if only I didn’t spend most of my nights in bacchanalian parties where-- with a certain panache that would put Giacomo Casanova to shame-- I pick up

An Apology

2008-09-03T14:41:00.002+08:00

There are two ways to approach the matter of writing:On one hand is the path of the dilettante. You read, you write, and that’s about it. Whatever comes out of your keyboard is good enough. You show it to other dilettantes and they politely tell you that you’re quite good and that you should be doing it professionally. You get enough comments like that and you actually start believing that you’re

The Tower of Babel

2008-08-26T00:05:00.007+08:00

The Internet, indeed, is the spiritual child of the hippie generation. As this techno-cultural phenomenon further evolves beyond any single person’s hands we see the Flower Children’s DNA all over the cyberscape like a shining Mandala: a testament to humanity’s innate desire for the common good. At any given moment throughout meatspace people are uploading their art, their humor, their software,

Thou Shalt Not Post Thy Stupid Poetry on the Innurnet

2008-07-22T02:47:00.004+08:00

For lack of anything worthwhile to say to the world, I hereby assault you with bad poetry.ARKANALumapit ka kaibigan at dinggin ang kwento koNangarap ang propeta na tayo’y naging aboAnino ng diwata ay nag-aanyong apoySa tore ng tahimik may kalis ng panaghoyLumapit ka kaibigan at dinggin ang kwento koBulong-bulong sa hangin na tatangis ang mundoSa duyan ng makata ang buwitre’y hihimbingMagunaw man

Holy Shit! More Doodles!

2008-07-09T23:24:00.004+08:00

Won't win me any awards but they're not too bad, I think. Some of these drawings are from my sketchbooks when I was still in college, a time when I was more inclined to do stuff without expecting to get paid for it. Others are from my notebooks, which is why you'll notice handwriting peering through the paper from the pages beneath it. Scanner's dead and gone so I took pictures using my webcam

Writing for a Living Sucks Part VI: Kalashnikov Blues

2008-06-13T02:02:00.007+08:00

Consider the Avtomat Kalashnikova model 1947, a beast made for sound and fury:Anyone with a nominally decent grasp of the action movie genre would know it as the AK-47, or possibly as the Kalashnikov. Fully automatic, it spits out 7.62 millimeters of pure death at a rate of 600 rounds per minute and with a maximum effective range of about 400 meters. The M67 projectile that erupts from the its

Veritas

2008-06-05T02:28:00.004+08:00

What I’m supposed to be is a wordslinger, a son of that tribe of men conversant with the strange secrets of the universe, an oracle in the wilderness acquainted with the esoteric voices that spring from God’s vast belly, a hierophant who brings the great unwashed closer to the sacred and arcane truths of the cosmos.What I’m supposed to be is a storysmith, a Zen musician of mortal emotions, a

Super Inggo at ang Super Tropa Trailer

2008-04-20T15:21:00.010+08:00

There are two major reasons why I haven't been posting very often:1. Super Inggo at ang Super Tropa.2. I'm a lazy bastard.Since the second reason doesn't put me in a very good light, let's just stick to the first one. And that leads me to a trailer of the show below. Note, however, that this isn't the trailer shown in cinemas after the movie SupahPapalicious, starring Vhong Navarro and Makisig

The Pursuit of Awesome

2008-04-01T18:43:00.005+08:00

I entered the world of television writing with an intellectual boner roughly the size of a small child. Had it been something visible and tangible, I would have made a successful career starring in pornographic movies. At any rate, it was the turn of the millennium, I was young, and like most upright citizens of Geektopia, my head was crammed full of strange and wonderful things drawn from years

Dusty Old Farts

2008-03-13T00:31:00.006+08:00

I never had much of an opinion regarding Malu Fernandez when she started getting flak last year due to an article she wrote for People Asia Magazine that revealed her low regard of OFWs. I don’t actually read lifestyle articles since I think the culture vultures who write them are a lame bunch of dilettantes trying to supplant lack of talent with their ditzy enthusiasm in the more decadent arts

Rambling

2008-03-08T02:07:00.010+08:00

To be perfectly honest about it, I’m a dude with quite a few weird kinks. One of them is this obsession with zombies and how to deal with them. To pass the time on the train I take to plotting how I can execute the man in front of me should he start exhibiting symptoms of zombie virus infection (a ball-point pen through an eye socket and up the undead brain). In the likelihood of an epidemic of

Writers and Bad Attitude Part I: An Axe to Grind

2008-02-04T02:37:00.000+08:00

Television writers and bad attitude come together like ugly white tourists and Asian prostitutes. I honestly don’t know of any writer worth admiring who hasn’t got one at some degree (a bad attitude, not a prostitute… most employed television writers don’t have the time to fraternize with after-hours merchandize). Attitude comes with the package, methinks. Any writer worth his salt has raw

Squid on the Crunch

2007-12-01T01:09:00.000+08:00

You must understand that as a professional writer I am of the greedy, unscrupulous sort. If you wag enough bills in front of my face I will write the vilest, most disgusting piece of offal ever conceived by the mind of a television brainstormer. Most mainstream writers I know retain a modicum of their youth’s artistic principles and so would debase themselves in the worship of Mammon only low

Writers on Steeerike!

2007-11-12T13:25:00.000+08:00

Now there’s a sight you don’t see everyday: film and television writers putting down their keyboards to brandish placards behind picket lines. It might sound crazy but it’s true. The Writers Guild of America (WGA) has been on strike since last week and wordslingers are digging trenches deep enough to mean they’re planning to stay in them for the long, cold winter. The main issue, of course, is

More on Bullshit

2007-11-06T04:29:00.000+08:00

Some time ago, I wrote a little piece about bullshit and how the University of the Philippines wallows in it like a scat porn star. One of the comments I received was this:Anonymous said... November 6, 2007 12:50 AMdear dear.your entry here sure hurts the UP community.I just wish that you didn't state UP as a "bullshit generator".UP has given tons of contribution to our country.It's really,