“How in the world does she have time for that?”

Your second thought is,

“She’s probably sacrificing her marriage or her children or her time with God.”

Whoa!  That was a quick leap from time management to outright negligence!

As I was writing my post on me management (and also my post for Homeschool Blogging on Sour Grapes Blogging), I realized that all too often we project our own feelings and weaknesses onto someone else and sometimes we end up acting downright self-righteous.

I’m not going to lie to you.  I’ve done it.  I’ve looked at another mom and said in carefully-hidden jealousy (*cough*),

“How in the world did she find the time to do that?”

Maybe she took a gourmet cooking class or clipped coupons and paid $2 for groceries last month.  Maybe she wrote a book or had a speaking engagement halfway across the country.  Maybe she created a stunning scrapbook or manages to blog at Starbucks every weekend.  Maybe she took a shower without 6 little voices talking to her the entire time.

Whatever it is she did, the moment we pass judgement is the moment we elevate ourselves to a pedestal.  Just because MY time bandits are X, Y, and Z does NOT mean Susie Homemaker down the street is squandering her time if she is doing X, Y, and Z.

We tend to get a little self-righteous when we see someone else doing the very things we can’t seem to do without sacrificing a massive amount of our time.  It feels unfair and in turn, we become unfair in our assessment of the situation.

But, what if

• God has that mama in the place He has her for a reason?
• God has you in the place you are for a reason?
• Her God-given giftings make it easier for her to do the things she does?
• Your God-given giftings feel crazy-difficult to her?

God created us each differently and has us each in different places all for HIS glory.  It’s not my job to decide if you are or are not where He placed you.

Ladies, we don’t know the full story, but God does.  If you absolutely see outright neglect or sin, then by all means address it…in love.  But, the first step toward contentment in your own life is stop comparing yourself to others.

God didn’t make me a couponing queen or a scrapbooking diva.  He put me 30 minutes away from a Starbucks and gave me 7 beautiful children, several of which talk to me during my shower.

I blog.  It’s where He has me…for now.

I want to leave you with a beautiful quote from Jamerrill Stewart of Holy Spirit-Led Homeschooling, FreeHomeschoolDeals.com, and the recently announced co-ownership of The Homeschool Village:

{Jesus} answered my heart’s cry with a ministry right from my farm house kitchen. He also has only increased this passion, creative ideas, and opportunity…I feel the Lord’s pleasure when I blog. Despite what some may say about the energy I put into my blogs, I am in God’s will. He confirms it. He multiplies my time. Jesus is mixed up in the middle of this with me.

PS – There is definitely a flip side to this Self-Righteous Mommy Syndrome called the Defensive Doing Too Much Mommy Syndrome.  You’re not off the hook!  Coming soon…

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In my post on affording the large family homeschool, I talked about using free stuff to homeschool.  One of the free things I mentioned was public domain works.  Now that I have an iPad these are a little more enticing to me.  I never wanted to use these before because I didn’t want to lug my 17″ laptop all over the house with me.  But having a much smaller and more portable device and the ability to use the Kindle app (works for PC too!) to store the books on Kindle until I am ready for them gave me the idea that I ought to search through my list of books for next year and see what I could find that was public domain.

By the way, we have decided to use Tapestry of Grace Year 2 for next school year, so the book list I was searching was from there and primarily for my junior high and high school aged children.  And yes, I promise to write a post about our choice to go back to Tapestry of Grace after all these years.

Please remember these books must be previewed by you, the parent.  Also be aware that you do not see HOW I use these materials in our homeschool.  I may be skipping sections, giving an overview of the work, or reading the entire book aloud.

So, here’s what I found!

I went with this version of Arabian Nights because one review called it the “sanitized children’s version”.

For those of you unfamiliar with the real “unsanitized” version of Canterbury Tales, this is not a book you read straight through.

Beowulf is not an easy read and I didn’t read it until I was in college, so I plan to skim sections with my children. There is a children’s version available, but not for free.

Not a light read I am sure!

This book, set in the middle ages, is one that I am very excited to be putting in the hands of my oldest son!

Frankly, I’m looking forward to reading this! I’ve heard it is a good read.

If you buy this in the complete version it is $.99, but if you get the two volumes separate, it is free. Go figure.

My oldest son will be earning a Government credit next year. This is part of that credit.

We own a hardcover version of this book as well (picked up from a used book sale!), but I wanted the opportunity for two children to read the book at the same time without needing to share the book.

In order to get Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God, I had to get this selection rather than just the sermon itself which costs $.99.

The reviews on this particular book won me over as this being the sort of thing I was looking for.

Again, we own this in hard copy, but I wanted to give both my older children the chance to read this at the same time and not have to share a book.

As for the other books on my list, I am saving up Amazon gift cards from being an affiliate and as Swagbucks prizes. I’m starting to list what I need on PaperBackSwap as well with the hopes I can find some there for cheap too. I also plan to utilize my library as much as possible!

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The very first thing you have to do any time you realize you have done wrong is repent before the Lord.  Humble yourself and say you are sorry.  Then, go to your children and ask their forgiveness as well.  It’s hard and no one likes to do it, but it is oh so necessary.

We have to take responsibility for our actions as mothers.  I’m not allowed to yell at the kids just because I had a bad day.  Yes, it happens, but it’s not excusable…ever.  I’m not perfect, nor do I expect others to be perfect, but when you mess up, you say you’ve messed up.

And no matter if your children are young or old, you start at the same place to repair the damage…Scripture.  What is the root of your troubles with your children?  Is it anger?  Is it inconsistency in your own life?  Perhaps it is bitterness or discontent.  Scripture speaks to it all.

But knowing what the Bible says is not enough.

Years ago, while reading Teri Maxwell’s Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit, I realized that you cannot possibly PRETEND to be a Spirit-filled mother.  You cannot try harder and do better for very long without falling flat on your face…again.

For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
Matthew 12:34b

You can’t just read all the passages about the particular issue you are dealing with and then put those into practice as if they were a formula to live your life by.  You have to be living and breathing God’s Word…day in and day out.  The abundance of your heart has to change before the overflow will reflect that change.

So, that is my advice to moms who know they have messed up.  Repent, tell your children you are sorry, get into God’s Word and beg Him to fill you up with His goodness and mercy so that you can do nothing but overflow the love of Jesus to your children.

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Don’t forget your 10% off coupon code to The Modest Mom:

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She has some brand new items including Undercover Mama Nursing Tanks!  With your 10% coupon this is a fabulous deal!

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Congratulations!!!

If you would like to own these wonderful missionary audio dramas, you can find them at BrinkmanAdventures.com!  As I mentioned before, it is donation based, but please consider donating more than the shipping because the work they are doing is something well worth the investment!

Have a wonderful Mother’s Day Weekend!

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There was a time I made yogurt, bread and tried new things often.  Then I had a child with a disability and parents that needed assistance and there just wasn’t a lot of time for food preparation.  But people still needed to eat, and I needed to feed my growing, large family frugally!

My method comes from martyred missionary Jim Elliot’s widow, Elisabeth Elliot.  As far as I know, she does not have a lecture or an article on cooking, but one of the many things that helped me was her method of problem-solving, which was to ask

“What do I have in my hand?”

This is how Mrs. Elliot handled most challenges that came into her life–that and prayer. There have been many times I’ve stood in my kitchen or been helping a child with schoolwork and the Father has given me an idea!

For breakfast, the children are somewhat on their own.  We like baked oatmeal, especially with a few chocolate chips thrown in.  Did you know that leftover oatmeal can be transformed into an oatmeal bread?

In my opinion, oatmeal or peanut butter cookies have to be more nutritious than most boxed cereal.  If you have the time and ingredients, make a batch several times larger than  you need for 2 days.  Then form the dough into logs, wrap in wax paper, tinfoil and finally put in a zip lock bread.  You have instant  “slice and bake” cookies!

If you have extra time, and eggs are on sale, make a bunch of egg burritos (eggs, sausage, onion, green peppers etc).  Assemble in a tortilla, being careful to fold the ends in neatly.  Wrap each individually and freeze.  When we make waffles, I often make enough to freeze for a future breakfast.

Since I endeavor to make Sundays a special, celebratory day, that is when we usually do our “meat and potatoes” meal.  We usually also have our nicest dessert of the week.  It is usually whatever meat has been on sale, and I figure about half again as much as we will eat.  That means if I normally need 3 pounds of roast to feed us, I will try to buy a 4.5 or 5 pound roast. This also gives us a little leeway to have guests.

This is our normal progression for various meats:
Beef Roast- Beef and Noodles over Potatoes,   The next day it’s transformed, with a few cans of veggies (or leftover veggies), an onion and can of tomato sauce into soup.  I try to buy or make rolls or some type of bread to go with the soup.  (What is wonderful is if you can make bread bowls!)  The soup from last night, perhaps thinner and with a few more additions, usually feeds us again for lunch.

Pork Roast or Pork Chops-  These usually become a stir fry or rice/veggie/meat casserole the next day.  Then, with some creative additions, it too becomes soup or stew or I just add more veggies and rice plus cream of mushroom soup for a casserole variation.

Chicken…oh the possibilities!  – Leftover chicken can of course be a stir fry, or a chicken and noodle casserole.  One favorite lately is to mix in a large cream of mushroom, large cream of chicken and warm in the crockpot.  They children like it served over mashed potatoes, noodles or bread.  Then of course, that can become a casserole or a soup.  We purposely cook more chicken breasts so my daughter can make chicken salad, which can be served on bread or lettuce.

Another supper or lunch is the old-fashioned stuffed potatoes.  I often make extra potatoes with our meat meal.  The extra potatoes can be reheated, hand mashed (you don’t’ want them whipped), placed in a cake pan and lathered with butter or margarine.  Leftover veggies, meat, and cheese are then layered on and broiled.    A current favorite is “pizza potatoes”.  I sparingly add spaghetti sauce, possibly some pepperoni, sausage or hamburger, and a layer of cheese.

We do try to keep some chimichangas from Sam’s or some frozen pizzas in the deep freeze.  This is for times when I don’t have time to cook, need a break, or we are super busy.  Self-control must be used so you don’t raid those when you don’t need to. Remind yourself that your stash has to last for 2 weeks or a month-whatever your shopping style!

Popcorn, apples with peanut butter and fruit, or cheese tortillas are an easy lunch.  We usually use popcorn instead of chips as it’s healthier and less expensive.

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Above all, seek God’s Kingdom and His Righteousness.  Just as one can be a lover of money–whether they have any or not–so we can be so obsessed with every noodle we eat or asparagus we wish we had that that can become our god!  We certainly don’t want to be counted along with those whose god is their stomach!

And when you don’t know what to make, stand in your kitchen, calm your heart, and ask the Father what you can make with what you have in your hand.

Monique Stam has been Terry‘s helpmate for 24 years.  Their ten children, 4 daughters followed by six sons, are ages 5-22.  While Monique‘s career has been her home and family, she has a degree in Sociology from Wheaton College, IL. As an only child, she has had many adventures learning the ins and outs of home educating a full house.  The first of her booklets in the Learning Series is expected to be available in the fall.  Join her at her sporadic blog www.journeyintojoy.blogspot.com.

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As a mom, I was thrilled with the quality of the audio dramas and the fact that the main characters are a large homeschooling family.  I was also thrilled to see my younger children playing “Missionary Boot Camp”!  It proved to me that what they were hearing was really penetrating their little hearts and minds.

Every single one of my children from 14 down to 19 months listens to these and almost all of them can quote them forward and backward (that’s how many times they have listened to them in the past several months!).

Since we purchased our 15 passenger van we have been without a CD player in the vehicle, but I’m considering finding a way to economically install one with good speakers so that we can listen to these while on vacation.  Listening to audio dramas on family vacation is a tradition I sorely miss and these would be perfect!  And I found out recently the Bultmans are getting ready to write Season 2!

I would also encourage you to contact your local Christian radio stations and ask that they carry the Brinkman Adventures as a summer special.  More than 70 stations already have them slated for play!

And if you know any good, true stories of missionaries who are currently serving, Brinkman Adventures would love to hear from you!

My dear readers, it is the Bultman’s prayer that these missionary stories get into as many people’s hands as possible.  You will find they truly have a heart for missions and for the Lord’s work everywhere.  Even though they provide their CDs on a “pay as you are able” basis, please, please consider donating more to help further their work.  And don’t miss the opportunity in the giveaway widget to download the first 3 episodes as their gift to you.

May you be blessed as our family has been blessed
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As part of my husband’s job, I sometimes take the wives of the potential executives out and show them around the the town and help them to get comfortable with the surroundings.  Introvert that I am, this is NOT a comfortable thing for me, but I do it because it is helpful to my wonderful husband.

One thing that is really difficult for me is knowing enough about the schools in the area.  I have a generalized knowledge of the schools, but we have never moved to a new city and looked for a house in the “right” school district because we have never had our children in public school.

In certain crowds, the fact that we homeschool can be a huge obstacle for people.  I find myself in repeat conversations with other moms over things like socialization and academics the moment I divulge the fact that we homeschool.  Even my children have found themselves in conversations with adults over the lack of socialization for homeschoolers.  {Yeah, think about that one for a second or two…my children talking to an adult about socialization…hmmmm….}

But, I cannot pussyfoot around the issue.

God called me to homeschool my children and I can do nothing else.  My children are neither ill-socialized nor academically backward.  But truth be told, those things are not my goals.  I don’t fill pails, I light fires!

Yes, we live a life far outside the norm, but as Kevin Swanson says,

The Bible has no law against being weird.

 

How do you handle the socialization discussion?  Are you shining a light for Christ in your interactions with people who are defensive about your choice to homeschool?  Are you okay with being weird?

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The only thing we can do is practice ME management.

This hit home for me because here on Raising Arrows I often talk about Time Management.  I have an entire category on Time Management.  And even though, I am a huge advocate of balancing your life and managing your home, I’m know there have been times when I have blamed “not enough time” for my own laziness or lack of balance in my day.

Heidi suggested making note of your “Time Bandits.”  These are the things that if not kept in check will rob you of your time.  These are not things like changing diapers or cooking, but rather the “unnecessary extras” of life.

I want to take this thought a bit further and suggest your worst Time Bandits are those you actually LIKE to do, but that end up stealing time away from you if you don’t approach them caution and balance.

Now, I’m not one to say if it’s a Time Bandit, you have to stop doing that activity, because I believe God gives us talents and leanings and gifts and within those is where we often find our hobbies and pastimes.  So, I do not believe that if you are easily lost in paint and canvas for hours on end that you must never get out your paints in case you end up squandering an entire day.

So, what do you do when you lack ME Management in those areas of your life that tend to take over?

1.  Pray for God’s hand of balance.  I do this with my writing.  I can easily get lost in writing blog post upon blog post.  I have always been like this.  Words on paper (or screen) are beautiful to me and I enjoy the crafting of them.  But, they are also a weakness and the only way I can keep them in check is to ask the Lord to keep me in check.  He is faithful!  He keeps me balanced through my husband, my children, and sometimes even the entire shutting down of my computer!

2.  Have a plan before you ever get started.  Before you ever set foot in the sewing room or pull out the scrapbooking papers, give yourself boundaries.  Set a timer if you need to.  In many ways, it is freeing to know you are going to work this long on something you enjoy and then move on to something else.  Plus, you avoid the guilt of “overdoing” it.

3.  Give God the glory!  I have found that the more worshipful I am in an activity I enjoy, the more likely I am to keep that activity in balance.  If I am writing for Him, then the chance of ME getting mixed up in the deal is rare.  Praise Him for the things you do well, praise Him for the little things you enjoy, praise Him for the time He allows for you to do those things.  Everything you do in your day is worship.  Worshiping the right Person keeps your priorities in the right place.

So, what “unnecessary extras” do you enjoy?  Are you in a season that lends itself to being able to enjoy those things?  Do you see your hobbies as a chance to worship and give glory to God?  How has the Lord kept you in check lately?

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Here’s a mom who has taken a God-given talent and used it to create a God-honoring business.  I am pleased to have Caroline of The Modest Mom as this month’s Welcome Home Sponsor!

All month, she’s offering a 10% off coupon code:
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And The Modest Mom now has little girl’s skirts!  So, hop over there and pick up some of these beautiful skirts and accessories today!

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Congratulations, Sherri!

If you didn’t win, you can still order from Sweet Hairlooms – you will LOVE these products!

I’m off to spend a lovely weekend with my family!  We’re buying an ice cream maker and groceries…what more could a girl want?!

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Amy's Great Grandparents

Dear Readers – I asked Anna from Learning Littlebits to guest post after I read a lovely comment she left on my post Caring For Yourself – The Me Time Myth Revisited.  I loved what she had to say and wanted her to share her heart here.  She told me she had intended to write a fun little post about what We Time looks like in her family, but as she prayed over the post, it took a very different turn.  I love it when God works like that and I pray you will be immensely blessed by what Anna has to share.

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The beginning of 2011 brought my family some difficult challenges.  We found ourselves in a place we did not want to be.  This caused me to ask, “how did we end up here?”

God’s word tells me that “I do not have, because I do not ask.” (James 4:2)  So, I asked God to show me why my family was so disconnected, why were we hurting so badly, and why were we falling apart?

God is faithful and He answered, with this:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

•  Was I patient and kind with my husband and my children?
• Was I arrogant and rude?
• Was I irritable and resentful?
• Did I delight in seeing my husband or my children do wrong?
• Was I bearing all things, believing and hoping for the best for my husband and children?
• Was I enduring all things for my family?

God showed me the problem; the problem was me!

I was shocked because I love my family!  I take care of them everyday.  I cook, clean, educate.  I kiss boo-boo’s, change dirty diapers, wipe runny noses. How could I not be loving my family?

As I continually meditated and prayed over 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, it was clear I was not loving my family.  I was going through the motions.  I was taking care of my family out of duty and obligation; not out of love.  I woke up every morning not looking forward to the day ahead.

I was impatient and rude to my husband and children. I was rude if my husband was late home from work. I would snap if I had to keep addressing the same behaviors over and over in my children.

I was irritable and resentful.  I resented the fact that my husband would get to leave everyday and go to work (okay, in my mind it was more like a vacation at the office), while I slaved all day at home.  I basically made my family feel guilty for being alive.

I did delight in seeing my husband and children do wrong, because I could use it as a weapon against them, to make them feel more guilty.

I spent my days trying to find ways to escape and when I didn’t get time to myself I would become bitter.  I felt my husband should do more, my kids should appreciate me more.  I became all about me.  I thought only of myself, not God, not my family, just me.  My focus was not on serving others, but on how others could serve me.

I was not enduring for my family.

ENDURING Lasting; continuing without perishing; bearing; sustaining; supporting with patience, or without opposition or yielding. (Webster 1828 dictionary)

Every wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands. Prov. 14:1

The notes for this verse in my ESV Study Bible state, “Sinful people sometimes become highly irrational and foolishly destroy the fruit of many years of work.”

That was me.  I was the foolish woman tearing down my own house.

I had forgotten to love;  I forgot that I rise each morning to care for my family because of love.  Not because I expect something in return.

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Philippians 2:3-5

I must have the same attitude as Christ Jesus…..Jesus died on the cross for my sin because He loved me.  Sacrificial love…keeping no record of wrongs….no resentment…just love.

Amazing!

It’s been a year since God taught me this lesson and our lives are changing for the better.   We are a family being transformed by love.  I rise every morning with the same goal in mind… to love my family well.  To love cooking for them, cleaning up after them and educating them.  To love kissing boo-boo’s, changing diapers, wiping noses.  Just to love, no score keeping, no resentment just smiles and love.  By God’s grace it is getting easier everyday to break the old patterns.

The desire to love led me to “We Time”.  This is time to connect with my husband and children.  A time they have my attention to share what is on their hearts.  It is the desire to spend time with others instead of myself.

So what does “We Time” look like at our house?  It’s very simple really.

Marriage “We Time”

•  Go out for lunch or dinner.
•  Take a walk in the park.
•  Talking over morning coffee before the kids wake up.
•  Pick an interest and enjoy it together like fishing, target shooting, hiking, cooking etc.
•  Crawl in bed early so you have time to snuggle, pray together and dream together.
•  Keep a journal in the nightstand filled with questions to get to know each other better and fill in the answers.
•  Ask your husband how can your pray for him, or what can you do to make his day better?
•  Couch Time, spend 15-30 minutes together on the couch together.  The kids can play quietly, but they are not allowed to interrupt this time between mommy and daddy.
•  Send love notes.  I like to send little emails to my husband throughout the week to let him know how much I appreciate him.

{I would not recommend watching movies or TV often this is to be a time for conversation and bonding.}

“We Time” with Children

• Take a child or two shopping, treat them to lunch or ice cream and talk.
• Take a walk or bike ride as a family or play kickball together this is cheaper than joining the gym *smile*.
• Learn a craft or skill together.
• Have a child help you prepare supper, this is a great time to talk with older kids as sometimes they open up better when busy doing something.
• Keep a journal for you and the kids too.  They can share their favorite bible verses with your and their prayer requests.  You can share special stories with them from your childhood or any special memories you have of them when they were little.
• Look through family scrapbooks together.
• Study the bible together.  Share with the kids what your learning.
• Saturday morning donut breakfast, my kids personal favorite.  We get donuts from a local donut shop and sit around the kitchen table talking.

{This of course is not an exhaustive list.}

“We time” will look different for each family, it’s just about relationships and spending time together.  It’s about creating marital oneness, family bonds and being an example to my children on how to put others first.

Because of we time my family enjoys being together again.  Our house is filled with laughter and my teenagers don’t hide in their rooms anymore, they like to hang out with mom and dad.

Here is the great paradox, when I became purposeful about “we time” I became a better “me” and became less interested in escaping my family.  But, my family now wanted to give me some time for myself.  Now, my husband brings me a cup of coffee and says, “go spend some time setting your goals for the month, I’ve got the kids.”  Or my kids will clean up after supper so I can relax in a bubble bath.  This is the best kind of me time because it is given to me in love as a gift.

Anna is happily married to Brian, her middle school sweetheart and spends her days laughing and learning with their 7 kids.  She loves a good cup of coffee with a piece of french silk pie and is obsessed with cloth diapers, books and office supplies.    She shares her thoughts at Learning Littlebits.

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