Follow Your Star

DD307 Project Available Online

2012-01-11T21:48:00.000-08:00

This is the second piece of work I'm publishing recently, also associated with my undergraduate work. This is a short qualitative study I did for the Open University course DD307 Social Psychology. The ebook version includes full colour renditions of marked up interview transcript (thematic analysis) and it is invaluable for anyone completing such work at undergraduate level to study the kind of format required. This submitted work received a level two (good) pass.

Happy 2012

2011-12-31T22:00:00.000-08:00

I'm in Krabi ... in the rain. I might stay here or go to the beach. Not sure. May all be happy in 2012 and forever.

First Book in Ten Years

2011-12-21T01:39:00.000-08:00

Just published my first book in, many, many years. It is a collection of all the work I had to do over a two year period at The Open University to obtain a Creative Writing diploma. All types of writing are covered, and grades and tutor comments are included, making it useful for anyone starting writing courses at this level.

Results, and Starting Again.

2010-08-26T01:51:00.000-07:00

As planned, I finished my last academic courses. I went back to Europe with a ticket I booked six months in advance. Results: English: grade 2 pass psychology: grade 3 pass Now I'm back in Bangkok, thinking my next move.

Nothing

2010-05-14T03:42:00.000-07:00

I hate blogger.

Still Here

2010-04-30T02:05:00.000-07:00

I just checked the last time I wrote here and was shocked at the gap.

I'm still here, in Thailand. It got better, my last essay was an A.

But I've had health issues, which in turn sparked a mid-life crisis. It's all a bit overwhelming, as I have a trip to the UK for the exam booked, I have to finish both courses by mid-May. The cheap hotel in UK I usually stay in has been taken over by a chain. I have no place now, and I need/am thinking of accessing health services... and don't know how. I mean, if it was a long illness (hopefully it isn't), I can't afford to live there, where would I go? It's things like this getting me down. Usually I don't mind being a homeless wanderer, but then I had these health issues and it all seemed a bit shaky.

But I'm still here. I'm leaving to the border with Burma tomorrow to renew my Thai visa. Then I'll be back to see if it's possible or best to renew my full passport in Thailand. Then I shall try and go away for my birthday on the 6th. Then hopefully I can focus my mind enough to at least finish both courses (my niece forgot to post an essay until the last minute so I don't know if it was accepted or not), then I just start the long trip south to the airport in KL and very sketchy plans as to where to go or how this will work out. If I get through it all, there's definitely a life-review and changes coming!

I think I learned recently, that, ... cherished solitude and simplicity become isolation and lonliness when things get harder.

2010-04-30T02:02:00.000-07:00

2010-04-21T02:43:00.000-07:00

I want this

Good News for a Change

2009-06-30T05:39:00.000-07:00

I just got the result back concerning my first course at university.

76% - Grade B - Good Pass

It took me a year and a half... but I'm, me!, I am the first one in my family to get a university qualification. I have an Undergraduate Certificate in Social Science, and letters after my name Cert Soc Sci (Open). Just needed to share!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Compulsory 'Education'

2009-06-16T04:45:00.000-07:00

I've stopped believing in compulsory education.

I think I stopped believing in it a long time ago, but it's such a no-no, like saying that you don't believe in equality or democracy, that the thoughts didn't materialise in my mind.

But... I was listening to a psychiatrist on Radio Australia who described compulsory education as eleven years of involuntary detention, and that's exactly how I felt about my schooling. It, the school, was full of unprincipled, violent people in charge breaking the spirits of children who didn't want to be there.

Though here I am as an adult doing a mature degree and loving it.

How about letting children leave early with certain conditions. One, they can pass and get a certificate in basic literacy and numeracy, and in addition, either their parent's consent OR they can find a job.

But, they still have the right to eleven years of state education. So whatever years they have left, they can take as vouchers and use whenever they want.

Let them out into the world, the real world, party, party, party, fun, fun, fun... for a couple of weeks, then two years of burger-flipping on minimum wage. Then they can come back if they want and get more qualifications. And they will, motivated and focused. Yes, it will cost more as they'll need living costs paid until the vouchers are used up. BUT, it would be cheaper in real terms, because previously the state was paying for an education they were hell bent on refusing and wouldn't have finished, no benefit to them, no benefit to the state.

It benefits everyone.

1 - The ones that take the offer to leave, do so, have a taste of freedom and responsibility, then come back motivated and get qualifications they wouldn't have obtained otherwise. 2 - The ones who don't take the offer but stay for eleven continous years have an environment removed of those who resented being there, less disruption. 3 - Same benefit as for two for the teachers. 4 - The state would, over time, have more qualified people.

Yes. BAN compulsory education.

There is Nothing to Defend and No Story to Weave

2009-06-10T03:09:00.000-07:00

People spend a lot of time defending themselves. I don't mean physically, with swords or kung fu blocks or something. I mean, in an unexamined consciousness, there is an assumed sense of self, a kind of 'essense of you' inside the mind. This is who you are and this is what's happened to you; so you have a self and a story. If someone critisises this then it needs to be defended. Someone suggests that you don't work as hard as you might say. The initial reaction is defensive. Perhaps you consider this statement in the light of the self's story, i.e. what's happened in your life so far, and decide that this isn't true, and so argue. It's not just the story of your self that needs to be defended or it's qualities. Your self also has values and opinions. When you hear a contrary one, you feel you have to state your self's position, to defend it or evangelise it. But if you close your eyes and look for the 'self', there's just ever-changing consciousness. Maybe that's disconcerting, so you try harder to locate self. Perhaps sit down daily for an extended period looking for the permenent 'you' inside your mind. The most you can find is an awareness in the passing moment that has access to memories of what has been previously percieved by the senses begining a few years after consciousness became aware in the body. This gives rise to a sense of a self with a story existing in the mind when you choose to think about it. But a memory isn't a self. When you stop thinking about it, the mind goes onto something else. So many interactions between people or thoughts in the mind are trying to weave a story about a self that doesn't exist. Like two silly people spending their whole lives arguing over a ball of wool and during the fight it gets all unravelled and now there's no ball, just a long piece of string and they are confused as to where the ball went. It's gone, they're just left with the world and the rest of their lives.

... a long while

2009-02-02T06:19:00.000-08:00

Is it really eight months? In some ways it seems much less, in others more. But I haven't been idle. I have, finally, started my degree. I first started trying about eighteen years ago, taking night classes, but was talked out of it by a careers advisor (she said the maths would be too hard). I have just two exams to go, then I'm done. I have a 76% average, which is considered a good pass. This is in social science, but I've also started a comuting course. About four or five years and I should have done it. It's a lot of work though, this is why I haven't posted. I stayed in Thailand for six months, as I was carrying everything I own in the world right down to my birth certificate, and I wanted to archive my pictures and work so I didn't have to carry it, then I traveled back to Hong Kong by land. I got as far as Hanoi but had to go back as I couldn't get the visas! That makes it the second time I've failed on the Hong Kong to Bangkok attempt Never mind. And that's what I've done. Everything else goes well (apart from the economy). Though there's a 'YES, WE CAN' president. Usually I don't follow politics. But I read something he said about not 'valuing our security over our ideals', and that sounds promising. I have ideas for more regular posts, many involving pictures, but it all depends on time. I'll try, inbetween following my star.

Birthday Post

2008-05-05T17:46:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday today (don't ask!).

And I have the best present in the world... I'm back, writing this from a cybercafe in Wanchai, Hong Kong.

Yes, I ended up being trapped in England for five weeks! But I did attain my objectives:

1 -- I legally changed my name, and thus all associated ID's. I am now called Jaydin A. Starr.
2 -- Got a new 10 year biometric passport.
3 -- Started university studies. Legally enrolled and heading to a degree.
4 -- Formally took the Buddhist (Zen) precepts at Throssel Hole Buddhist Abbey.
5 -- Stopped smoking.
6 -- Have left nothing behind me (i.e. I'm carrying all my possessions in the world).

I've been here nearly a week, Oh, so nice to get back.

Here's a picture I took a couple of days ago. By pure coincidence, I was sitting in a fast-food restaurant when they ran past with the Olympic torch (honestly).

Afterwards there were loads of Chinese people waving Chinese flags, though most of them had been specially driven in from Guangzhou. I took this picture of a girl waving a flag patriotically. I like it because her friend taking a picture of her has a Manchester United shirt on.

I'll try and post more interesting things soon.

Still Going, and Back for a While

2008-03-02T23:52:00.000-08:00

Well, I've crossed from North Thailand to Guangzhou, just above Hong Kong. I'm flying back to England on 14th March. Only for three weeks; don't worry, I'm still on the search for simplicity and Nirvanah.

I'm actually going up to take the Buddhist Precepts formally (Jukai) at Throssel Hole Buddhist Abbey in North England, while I wait for a new passport. I'll also sell the absolute last of my possessions, change my name by deed poll and hopefully be back there the start of April. I thought I'd put up a couple of recent pics.

This was the view from my room in Dali, China, north of where I entered.

Don't worry, I'm eating well. This was a simple eggplant dish. Goddam ambrosia.

This is on the way to foreigner street in Yangshou. I was back there about ten months ago; very nice to get back, and of course a lot of people remembered me.

All the pictures are here (Google album)...

Thailand to Yangshou 08

Not sure if I'll be able to post while I'm in Europe. Maybe I'll find Nirvana while in the temple and can come back with perfect wisdom? Either way, please be lucky in your own searches for freedom and contentment. I'll post more answers as my life uncovers them.

Self and Manifesting Kilesas

2008-02-09T23:51:00.000-08:00

This is a map showing the three main delusions of Buddhism, greed, hate and delusion. The idea of the diagram is, after a long time observing the mind, it's possible to see many repeating varitions in thoughts and daydreams, on the same themes. So the self exists in the centre of the diagram. The are various fantasies in the mind, they are bason on aversion to something that happened in the past, or a desire for something to happen in the future etc.

There are some examples from an observation of my own mind. At the bottom left, it says 'school, starving and psychopath'. I've noticed there's a mental sequence that often plays, seemingly without my volition, in my mind, and it's about people, 'teachers and educators', being sadistic to me, cruel and hurtful (something that happened daily) and the fantasy continues (usually without my awareness at that point) to myself being at the same age and having decided not to eat anymore, I'm starving to death and free of the torment.

There's also a rarer fantasy, of myself at that age being diagnosed as having a psychopathic illness. I don't, incidentally! I don't even eat meat for pacifist reasons. But in the daydream, I've been diagnosed as dangerous, and the people around me are fearful and stay away from me.
So these two habitual fantasies, are based on aversion to the past.

But there's another daydream which starts often, which is being falsely accused of things I haven't done, usually by policemen, and going through the criminal justice system.
The word 'injustice' has been highlighted, because this is something that runs through all of them. In my past, there was this sadism and cruelty to me, and I've obviously carried it and now if fires avoidant type daydreams concerning my past and projections of the same basic emotion of pain I don't deserve as an aversion to a possible future.

The emotion this mindlessness causes fuels energy to the self which weaves the story of my past and future around itself and projects expectations onto other people and the future itself.
The idea of the diagram itself was to try and make some sense of the insight one gains into the self after an established mindfulness practice bears some fruit. Possibly the patterns that emerge can be linked to the life situation that one has created.

Although presently, I'm not sure this is a great idea. One has to bear in mind that the idea is to extinguish the self and be free of suffering, to pay to much attention to the mechanisms of self might in itself give it too much energy, and I'd be 'discovering myself with psychology' rather than 'freeing myself with Nirvana', thus it's not a practice I've continued.

Present Moment Magic

2008-02-09T23:50:00.000-08:00

A map showing how staying in the moment, rather than focusing on desires in the future or lack in the past, increases presence and assists manifestation of positive desires.

Magic Sensation Map

2008-02-09T22:38:00.000-08:00

I made this map well over a year ago. It shows my idea for a new sensation-way of practising/manifesting magic. It's quite involved but I'll try and explain how I drew it.

At the top left there are two little figures with 'sensation map' written by them, and dots over the figures. This is based on my observations that:

The energy that manifests magic is the energy of emotion

The energy that prevents manifestation is the energy of emotions

The energy that creates our past and future is the energy of emotions

The energy that creates positive manifestations in the future is positive belief and expectation

The energy that creates negative manifestations in the future is negative belief and negative expectation

All emotions have a corresponding energy

The emotions felt in our body in any moment are experienced in physical sensations

Therefore, the system of magic I came up with involved making two human figure diagrams, one positive and one negative. While practicing magic, positive expectations (and thus karma/the future) were noted on the positive diagram, and the energy moved from the body to the diagram. The same was done with any spontaneous negative emotions/expectation. My system also made use of a 'storage system', basically, a small bottle of water carried permanently, to move negative sensation/emotion into moment-to-moment when it was noted.

The practice was, the sensation maps were used daily, the water transference constantly (whenever the negative sensation was noted). After one moon cycle (well, half actually), i.e. new to full moon, then the energy was released and grounded respectively, the negative by burying and the positive by burning.

The bottom left part of the diagram shows the idea was also to keep moment-to-moment consciousness in the present motion by focusing the the pure sensations.

Bottom right, the modalities part shows what to do with negative memories/thoughts, i.e. locate where they seem to be in consciouness/the body and transfer the energy to the water/away from the body. The mental pictures can be lessened by making them smaller or darker in consciousness. The 'ten possibilities' part means, once the negativity has passed, the practice was to dwell on, or come up with, at least ten positive possibilities contrary to the proceeding negativity, to reorientate the mind to positive/negative energy/sensations for later transference to the map.

Top right of the diagram shows the ethics of the system, i.e. make sure that magical goals/intentions have Nirvana/end of suffering as an ultimate goal and are within the precepts.

Yes, this was a very involved practice, and I'm practicing a much simplified and improved system now. All I can say is, it worked for me. I'm sitting here typing this in the situation I hoped to create. Watch this space for further additions/explanations/instructions on my method.

Chinese Rat Year Objectives

2008-02-07T23:50:00.000-08:00

First post of the Chinese New Year. I've been working on a plan of what I hope to achive over the next two years. It's called 'The Dharma Willing Plan', as we live with impermanence and I can't be certain I'll even be here tomorrow.

But if I am, then I have a plan, or the work I want to do, study etc. It's a huge plan, with contacts, addresses, things to find out. It's colour coded, so contacts are one colour, steps to take are highlighted, bold and another colour, information I need to find out is another colour again. It'll be ongoing, as I change course and edited as lesser goals come and go, but the broad direction, dharma willing, remains the same. It's good to have such a general direction, as it ensures that the little mundane things I do here and there today are in keeping with my overall objectives, and it's also somewhere to store useful pieces of information, possibilities and contacts as I go along.

I'm posting just the first bit, rather than pages of meaningless contacts and phone numbers and questions, just to give the idea. The plan starts with pure objectives. Some of it uses a bit of personal code so it won't all make perfect sense.

Why don't you write up your lifeplan like this, broad goals, helpful contacts, more info needed. It's good direction.... something to think about!

Dharma Willing Ongoing Chronology

Put where more information is needed in lime green.

Orange indicates a choice needed to be made.

Blue is something to be done/a step/action.

Objectives

Writing

The Magic Buddha

Write a book about magic and magical thinking in the practice of Buddhism
Publish
Market
Submit to agents and publishers

Strawberries

Write a book about romantic obsession and spirituality
Publish
Market
Submit to agents and publishers

The Drifters Guide to Education

Basically all the research I've done myself, concerning studying without a permanent address, corrected and rewritten. Published as a free or nearly free ebook.

Marketing/Web site

Run and maintain a regular newsletter
Run and maintain a regular podcast
Complete and sell an audiobook via podiobooks
Have ongoing inspirational pictures for sale and as a standalone website

Studying

Start studying at university level
Obtain at least a university diploma
Obtain a degree
Honours

Residence

Establish some permanent link to a country, via residence visa/nationality

Travel

See J or at least go to Japan to lessen the obsession, with reality.
See Korea, Japan and Mongolia
Do the Trans-siberian trip
Do a trip to/from Europe via central Asia. Possibly one big loop eg. HK to London and back again, tied it with exams.
Do a bus/rail pass journey of Europe to see as many countries as possible there

Spirituality

Free myself of romantic obsession
Strengthen practice
Visit a monastery at least yearly
Become a stream-winner
Find Nirvana

Timeline

Go to HK
Go to UK
Start studying
Back to Asia. Overland to Bangkok and back, studying, and complete The Magic Buddha and Strawberries. Commence and establish podcast and newsletter.
Submit work to agents/publishers.
Three last Far Eastern Countries - cure J obsession
Start second university year
Finish second year
Back to UK by land via central Asia. Exams.
Doctor. Tests.
Take stock and decide next move. Options
- Finish Degree
- Ordane
- Work
- Live from writing
- Move/stay in one place
- Alternative

Kilesas, Greed, Hate and Delusion, Covering Our Wounded Heart

2008-02-06T23:47:00.000-08:00

How the three root kilesas of greed hate and delusion conspire to hold us back. Inside is the suffering in our closed heart, and that is denied with delusion, and there's delusion within about what we can do about that pain, and so we project greed, based on denying the fact of impermanence, into the world, and have aversion to things in the world, based on the delusion that a self exists seperately from things it perceives.

Karma, Intention, Magic and Spells

2008-02-06T23:36:00.000-08:00

This sketch shows the different components involved in a 'spell' in western magical beliefs/new age theories. I think it ties in to the first line of the Dharmapada and Buddhist ideas of Karma and intention. How exactly it ties in I don't know... but I'm starting to get ideas about it.

Hindrences to Meditation 2

2008-02-06T23:28:00.000-08:00

Self-explanatory diagram (improved) of the hindrences to concentration.

The Hindrences to Meditation

2008-02-06T23:20:00.000-08:00

A fairly self-explanatory diagram of the five Buddhist hindrences to meditation.

Healing Repeating Thoughts

2008-02-06T23:07:00.000-08:00

This starts top right, as a person begins meditation. Soon thoughts and feelings arise and break concentration. These are mundane thoughts, for example something that was on TV or a minor worry. But usually each of these thoughts would become a thought-CHAIN because you give each one energy and allow it progress into another.

However, because you're meditating, you don't do that. You merely observe each thought, without pushing or pulling; just allowing, and allow it to fade (it will; it's impermanent like everything else).

Dropping down in the diagram, a little concentration is established, and in the peace of the mind, without the usual pushing resistance or mental noise, all the repressed thoughts, secret agendas, forgotten hurts and future fears arise from deep in the mind. Again, allowing not pushing, each one comes and goes according to it's impermanent nature. Finally, there's some peace in the mind.

As you take reign of the mind, you can choose what to give energy to, such as following the precepts and making life simpler, rather that just letting the mind do all it can to weave a story around the pain it's hiding.

Freeing Feelings from Ego-Story

2008-02-06T22:38:00.000-08:00

I made this a very long time ago and can't remember exactly what I was thinking when I drew it. I'll explain it retrospectively as best I can.

It starts at top left number one. We have our feelings in our heart in the centre, and our feelings can make us feel vunerable or unsafe, so we make up a lot of story about identity and sour grapes pretending we don't want what we do or things didn't hurt us that did or how other people did this or that to us; basically any diversion for us to focus on, any complicated story, so that we can focus on that rather than the pain in our vunerable hearts.

Over to top left, number two. We give up the story and just admit, yes, I worry no one will like me, it hurts when I'm rejected, I feel stupid when people laugh at me, it seems other people are better than me. So there's just pain, sadness, as sensation in out bodies and mind, and we live with it, but can still have best wishes or positive thinking for ourselves.

Down to bottom left, number three. Once we let go of our stories and feel our pain, we can see the pain behind other people's stories and can become more compassionate and practice loving kindness.

Bottom right, we hopefully, become free, happy and open.

Concentration

2008-02-06T22:26:00.000-08:00

I don't remember where I read it, but there was a description of developing concentration in meditation, which described it as 'becoming like a cat intently watching some prey... ready to pounce at any moment'. That really resonated with me... and that's kind of how it is.

You are on breath, concentrating on breath I mean, and each period of concentration is just a few seconds until you're off thinking about something else. But then you become like that intent cat... or cat full of intent. You make a resolution that you WILL do it, and energy and presence comes forth, and you're watching yourself watching yourself watching yourself, just waiting for the slight wavering of resolve or the first little glimmer of a thought. What you are actually doing is letting go of absolutely everything other than being here and breathing right here and now, with full energy, and that is meditation; and meditation is that, and nothing else at all.

I don't particularly like the sketch. If I was a better artist, I would have made a cat staring intently at itself in a mirror? So, I'm not sure how I'll redraw it digitally to convey what I was trying to say... but I love a challenge sometimes.