Stepping Stones Coach River Crossings

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 02:16:00 +0000

It finally happened ... someone stole our identity - at least that piece of plastic identity that enables you to buy, and buy, and buy. So now, here we are plastic-less. My gosh - we actually had to go inside a bank to get money!

I forgot what it is like to write a check at the cash register - all that fumbling around for an ink pen (do you have a pen I can use?) ,writing out the check (can you tell me the date please?) trying to get a check approved (I can't get this to scan...let me just put this huge flashing light on, and call the manager over the intercom system) while all the customers behind me are ready to surge forward and take my place in line .

The biggest surprise of the day came when I realized the gas tank in my car was on empty and I had to go buy gas. Oh well, I will just pull into this Kroger gas station and use my handy-dandy checkbook and fill up. Nope - "sorry, we don't take checks". Huh, you can't pay for gas with a check any more?? ... When did this happen? I had to call it a day after that, it was just too burdensome to live a plastic-less existence. I've got just one thing to say to these identity thieves - Your a mean one, Mr. Grinch!

Time Tips To Go

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 10:35:00 +0000

"I'll get to it when I have time"... We all know how that goes - it doesn't. Each day brings a load of tasks and obligations that gets tucked away in the back of our mind, stacked in piles on the desk, or scribbled on a yellow sticky note. A sense of dread and a feeling of exhaustion begins to assail us, and we feel hopeless in the face of an increasing to-do list... and we have only considered tackling one of the tasks - not started it yet!

Do you remember the fable of Tortoise and the Hare. The tortoise (turtle) and the hare (rabbit) had a road race to see who could cross the finish line first. They each adopted different strategies. The tortoise chose the slow and steady pace. He put one foot in front of the other until he eventually put a turtle claw (paw?) over the finish line. The hare ran the race quick and fast. He got so far ahead of the turtle that he took a nap in the midst of the race. This proved to be a serious flaw in the hare race strategy. The turtle passed the hare up while he was snoozing and became the race winner ahead of the rabbit. Out of this fable emerged two Time Management Systems: Turtle Strategy and Rabbit Strategy. The key is to knowing when to apply each time strategy to get your to-do list down to a manageable size.

Turtle Strategy (Slow and Steady Progress): This strategy works best when you set aside blocks of uninterrupted time. You work on one task steadily, and complete large chunks of it at a time. At minimum, set aside one hour. Most people like to do a major task in at a least three hour time frame. Your really, really important work should be done this way. One of the major benefits is continuity of thought, and time to reflect and revise your efforts as you go along.

Use the Turtle Strategy when:

tasks are complicated, or complex
quality is important
thinking, evaluating, or revising is needed
extensive writing is involved
the outcome is critical
setting up/dismantling is time consuming

Rabbit Strategy (Quick bursts of energy): This strategy works best when you are doing autopilot tasks. When you are on autopilot you are doing routine work, that you know very well and does not require much thinking - just doing. Autopilot tasks will differ, from person to person, based on the amount of experience in doing that task. (I don't know how to fly an airplane - so of course putting a real aircraft on autopilot and leaning my head back to chat with the co-pilot is just not going to work out well for me!) In general, autopilot tasks can be done in about 15-20 minutes. Just a quick and easy burst of energy to gain some ground on that to do list. Some examples of rabbit strategy are: routine household tasks (one load of laundry, sort bills, take out trash), or at work (delete unwanted email, filing, quick phone calls).

Use the Rabbit Strategy when:

the task requires little effort
quality is not all that important
little rides on the outcome
it can be accomplished in under 20 minutes
the focus is on doing, not thinking

One your mark, get set (choose a strategy), and go!

Unlocking the Future, One Question at a Time

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 11:57:00 +0000

Recently I have been reading books about questions. Yes, it is true – such books do exist! Question asking is the strategic backbone of the coaching profession. Coaches are trained to lead with questions, at a time when many leaders are taught to lead with directives and commands. So what is the big deal about asking questions? Question asking places coaching-leaders in a position of humility. We don’t know everything about everything- and there is no point in pretending that we do! Question asking helps clients to clarify the assumptions that they make concerning how they live, lead, work, and serve, and thereby raises the awareness of new perspectives, and alternative courses of action which could be taken. And finally, asking questions unleashes learning. We ask in order to know something. We ask to learn, and to grow in knowledge, understanding, skills and action. Asking questions unlocks the future. Asking a question is like a key opening a door to a room full of possibilities just waiting to be discovered.

Try a little question test in your next conversational moment. Ask a very simple, open-ended question such as: How did you figure that out? and listen for the answer, you might be surprised by what you learn!

Lessons From the Oak Tree

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Sun, 25 May 2008 00:35:00 +0000

I have a picture hanging on the wall in my office. The picture portrays a massive, and leafy Oak tree growing on a grassy, and steeply inclined slope of a hill. The brilliant hues of an orange and red sunset filter through the long and gnarled branches of the aged tree. The powerful imagery of the splendid oak tree at sunset is even further magnified by the following words:

“Conviction: Every great oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who stood their ground.”

For some people, this saying brings a chuckle or even a belly-laugh. For others, it seems a rather abrasive statement. I invite you to consider the hidden message in the phrase. The word conviction means to have sense of confidence, a feeling of certainty, an assurance that something will take place, or a belief that something is true. A person who wishes to change some aspect of their behavior or improve their life circumstances must believe or have the inner conviction that change is possible. Like the great oak tree, they must stand their ground and persevere through the wind, rain, snow, and hail storms of life that will come. When a person is convicted that change is desirable, and possible they will have the energy and willpower to make adjustments, and negotiate around life obstacles to achieve what they desire.

How Wise People Learn

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 12:45:00 +0000

This week I received two very moving video clips. The first audio clip was posted on youtube and is about running the Ironman Marathon. The athletes that are highlighted in this short clip each have Type 1 diabetes. This means that their body does not make insulin and therefore they must manage their insulin levels on a daily basis through the use of insulin shots, or an insulin pump, healthy eating, and exercise. It is extremely challenging for an athlete to run the Ironman. Additionally, these athletes must manage a medical protocol as well as compete in one of the world's most challenging athletic events.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYI1fe7RMzQ

The other video clip which I received is about a young soldier stationed in Iraq. He wrote a song about his experiences in Iraq. The lyrics of the song indicate his gratefulness to God, that he is be able to live and raise a family in the safety and comfort of the United States. Upon his return to the U.S. his musical talent was discovered and he garnered a signing contract.

http://shock.military.com/Shock/videos.do?displayContent=161169&page=2

It has been said, that wise person learns and grows by reflecting upon not only their own personal experiences, but also the experiences that occur to other people. My blog message today concerns that bit of wisdom. Watch these two videos, reflect about what really touched your heart, and then go out, and do something about it.

Misery Loves Company?

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 11:38:00 +0000

The year 2008 started off with quite a bang. Despite a state wide drought, my neighbors set off enormous, and possibly illegal, fireworks. The direction of the wind caused the pyrotechnic display to shower down colorful, little, hot, sparks upon our house. That very same day, the used car which we had just purchased experienced engine trouble. Due to the foggy and misty weather, it took us two hours to take the car back to the car dealer for repairs. On top of that, our hot water heater in our home began leaking yesterday. Needless to say, the warranty on the appliance had expired. The appliance sales clerk, at the local building supply store, was a new employee. Because of the employee's lack of experience, the transaction to buy a new water heater took forever! By the way, to buy a hot water heater and get it installed to meet new building codes costs about $800.

I have listed my most recent complaints to let my blog readers know that the saying ‘misery loves company’ is probably on target. I feel pretty good dumping all my troubles out. But, how do the recipients of a list of troubles feel? Most people have some genuine interest in your dilemmas for a few minutes. They lend a listening ear, provide a bit of compassion, and share a few of their own similar stories and how they resolved the challenging issue. For most people undergoing difficulties, this little scenario of sharing their troubles lowers the stress load enough to go and take some constructive action. However, for people in misery who truly love company - this response is not enough. They will continue to weave the emotional drama with colorful details for quite some time.

As a coach, I often hear long drawn out stories of current or past events. Many times the stories are connected to even more stories. The next time someone brings their troubles to you, and stays around to endlessly complain, try using some coaching questions to unlock the pattern of rambling.

What really matters to you at this very minute?
What small action step can you take within the next 24 hours that will bring you some measure of relief?
What type of resources do you need to obtain to solve your problem?

image from: www.alibaba.com

Christmas Greetings From Our House To Yours!

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 22:13:00 +0000

The Christmas season seems to bring out cherished family memories. Here are my thoughts on Christmas past and present:

As I write this blog, my three college-age kids are making Christmas cookies in the kitchen. Our daughter is directing her older brothers in the classic art of Christmas baking. Their loud voices are mixed with good natured teasing, and joking. She, of course, takes it all rather seriously. The two guys just want to get it over with. That fact, of course, just irritates her all the more.

My husband is the "gourmet" of Christmas music. We have it all, and have heard it all - multiple times! Mannheim Steamroller is currently playing.

I remember growing up with seven children in the house. On Christmas morning the presents for ten people filled the space under the tree, the four-seat sofa, and even the surface of the small end tables. It won't look exactly like that here.

As a young adult my first Christmas tree had only twinkling lights and the Twelve Days of Christmas felt ornaments which I cut and glued together. My husband, then a college student, gave me a star to place on the top of the tree.

We have German ornaments on our tree, as reminders of our military years in Germany. This year we hung some new Glass Birds which my sister brought us back from her recent trip to Germany.

The homemade, ceramic, nativity scene, circa 1980, was made during a short Army deployment to Alaska. The shepherds wear bright orange and lime green -colors representative of that decade. Maybe one day we will repaint the figurines a more appropriate hue.

Carry out pizza is on the menu for tonight's Christmas Eve meal. This is unusual for us, and an emerging tradition perhaps? Later, our family will play the game Scene It? Which of course, I doubt that I have - since I am not much of a movie viewer.

With all of the memories, traditions, and activities of today swirling around in my head, I remember the most significant aspect in all of this, the birth of Jesus Christ. We thank the Lord for all he has done for our family. Wise men still seek Him!

From our house to yours. Merry Christmas, Erna

Will The Leaders Please Stand Up!

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 12:01:00 +0000

Today's blog message is about leadership. Leadership is the ability to influence the future in some way. Many people assume that leadership is only about having a certain level of positional authority which allows a person to make decisions, and the power to tell other people to carry out the chosen actions. An example of this concept of leadership might be your boss declaring a strategic plan and then instructing the staff to bring it to fruition.

There is another way to think about the idea leadership: everyone can be a leader. What does this type of leadership look like? Leonard Sweet, author of Summoned to Lead, describes it this way: "Leaders are neither born nor made. Leaders are summoned. They are called into existence by circumstances. Those who rise to the occasion are leaders." (p. 12) I like to think about being summed to lead in this way: People become leaders when present circumstances, life experiences and deeply held values intersect. The special and unique combination of circumstances, experiences, and values provide the conviction to lead and platform from which to lead out of. When and how each person will lead will vary, but the potential to lead is always there. Those summoned to lead are morally obligated to make a positive difference in the lives of others, lead ethically and with integrity.

So...when the summons is called out, "Will the leaders please stand up!" - I think that they are talking about you!

Photo by Carl Kriigel, copyrighted, used with permission.

Crucible Lessons From Vegetable Gardening

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 17:59:00 +0000

In one of my previous blog postings I described the drought conditions and the weeks of 100-degree temperatures in Georgia. Agricultural crops have suffered greatly from the intense heat and lack of rain. Due to the water restrictions, even home gardens and potted plants had to wait for their allotment of water based on an imposed water rationing schedule.

With the water restrictions in mind, I planted small pots of flowers that could be easily grown with an irregular water supply. I also planted a green pepper and a tomato plant. My pepper plant grew only about two inches during the summer, and the medical words 'failure to thrive' entered my mind every time I saw the bedraggled, stunted little stalk of leaves. The tomato plant grew about a foot higher, but remained quite tall and lean, and failed to produce even one little flower from which a new tomato might emerge. During the drought and extreme temperatures, I often considered pulling up the vegetable plants and starting over again next year. But their little bit of green foliage brought a bit of color to the patio area and so they were allowed to remain. One day, weeks after the 100 degree weather pattern had passed; I noticed that both the pepper and tomato plants had flowered. Then the pepper plant produced two tiny little peppers and the tomato plant a little green tomato. After being subjected to extreme temperatures and life altering drought conditions, the two little plants began to produce - in autumn!

My plant observations led me to reflect upon human life experiences with all its ups and downs, toil, turmoil, pressures and changes. The book, Geeks and Geezers by Bennis and Thomas, refers to incidents of extreme pressure or change that people experience as crucibles. The term crucible is not a word that we hear used very much these days. A crucible is a little pot-shaped container which can be subjected to extremely high temperatures without melting or cracking. In a laboratory setting, metals or chemicals may be placed in a crucible. The crucible is subjected to intense heat in order to melt or refine the metal or chemical substance.

Being in a crucible experience is similar to my vegetable gardening story. First comes the refining fires of extreme conditions then later (some times much later) growth appears. Time spent in the crucible may be the catalyst to produce or refine: values, insights, talents, skills or abilities, clarity of purpose with new goals to act upon.

Oh, The Places You'll Go - With Shoes on Your Feet

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 10:48:00 +0000

Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away!

You have brains in your head. You have FEET IN YOUR SHOES.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own.
And you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.
You'll look up and down streets. Look'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
"With your head full of brains and your SHOES FULL OF FEET,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
- Dr. Seuss

I have always enjoyed Dr. Seuss books. For a person like me, with a rather serious streak, this is probably a surprising admission to many of my blog readers. Once, I even gave a Dr. Seuss book to my husband during our dating days. I feel compelled to qualify this: He was forestry major in college, and the book (The Lorax) had a passage about saving the Truffala trees! The genius of Dr. Seuss's writings is his linguistic mastery of made-up words and the very subtle weaving of life lessons into the story plot.

The 'shoes full of feet' passage from Dr. Seuss's book, Oh, The Places You'll Go, is especially meaningful to me. During the summer, I learned that there are Eastern Russian orphans who do not have shoes to wear to school. In fact some of them wear flip-flops year round, even in the harsh Russian winter. Without ‘shoes full of feet’, the children are not permitted to attend school. Shore of Hope, an non-profit charity which strives to fullfill the needs of these orphaned Russian children, asked me to participate in a shoe collection drive they were sponsoring. The shoe collection drive is just one of several on-going projects they do. After viewing their very moving website and video, I was off and running (in decent shoes - I might add!) to collect new and affordable shoes to contribute to Shore of Hope’s shoe collection efforts.

Since we live in a metropolitan area, there exists a never-ending source of Super Wal-Mart shopping meccas. My college-age daughter and I went to every Wal-Mart, within a 20 mile radius of our home, to buy children’s shoes. We bought good sturdy footwear that we found on sale … I know that all you discount shoppers are familar with the joy associated with finding what you want on sale! We were giddy with excitement – finding and selecting the shoes for the Russian children was a lot of fun! My sisters living in Michigan, Ohio and North Carolina also took part in the shoe collection project. Next thing you know, we are sending emails back and forth to determine who amongst us had found the best shoe deals of all!

This personal experience provides the impetus for today's bit of coaching wisdom. Inspirational quotes can be found in a variety of literary sources, even in places that you wouldn't expect to find them such as in Dr. Seuss’s writings. However, it is inspiration combined with action that yields a meaningful life. With "FEET IN YOUR SHOES. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”

If you have an interest in joining the shoe collection or are interested in fulfilling the needs of the orphans of Far Eastern Russia, visit their website at http://www.shoreofhope.com/ . Tell them that the Stepping Stones Coach sent you!

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 10:27:00 +0000

According to drought experts University of Georgia, the area where I live is considered to be in the midst an "exceptional drought". The Drought Monitor (drought.unl.edu) describes our current drought status as a D4: “Exceptional and widespread crop/pasture losses; exceptional fire risk; shortages of water in reservoirs, streams, and wells, creating water emergencies.” An exceptional drought occurs about every 100 years. The fire risk was so high that the local 4th of July fireworks where cancelled and people were cautioned to stay within eye contact of their barbecue grills. This is in addition to the usual strict summer watering restrictions which are enforced by county water crews driving around in white pickup trucks. The temperatures in August have risen to over 100 degrees making walking outside the equivalent to a tour inside your dryer.

Needless to say, we were anxious to have some relief from the heat and a change of scenery that did not include crunchy and parched grass, withered flowers, and suffocating heat and humidity. We loaded up our Jeep and drove to Powder Horn Mountain located in Deep Gap, North Carolina about 20 miles from Boone. (Boone is the site of Appalachian State University, NCAA Division 1-AA National Championship, football team.) Our goal was to enjoy a weekend in a brand new log cabin named Laurel Lodge. Laurel Lodge, built by Michael Testerman and Andy Stebbins, is just one example of several beautiful properties they offer for sale or rent on Powder Horn Mountain.

The cabin was magnificent; beautifully furnished, a subtle scent of freshly laid logs, gleaming wood floors, high cathedral ceilings, and windows views of trees and deer! Deer came to nibble the Laurel leaves and green grass surrounding the cabin each day. The most spectacular site was the appearance of two stately does, four white-speckled fawns, and two young, velvet horned, bucks - all at the same time and within twenty feet of the kitchen window!

Our drought-free weekend also included a trip to Boone to visit an outdoor farmers market, local historic sites, and the outdoor, evening drama, Horn In The West. In our spare time (ha ha), we managed to play pool and ping pong at the Powder Horn Mt. Clubhouse. We didn't have time to go fishing in Bright Penny Lake, run screaming across the mile-high bridge on the Grandfather Mountain, check out the ski slopes, or see the ASU Mountaineers practice. I guess those things and more will have to be done our next visit to Laurel Cabin!

Sometimes a simple and brief change of scenery can be as refreshing as much needed rain. Try something different today even if for just ten minutes! Drive another route home, eat at a picnic table, sit on a park bench, shop at a new store, try a new recipe, or start a new hobby!

Many thanks to our hosts, the Testerman family. For sales or rental information, contact Michael through http://www.powderhornrentals.com/details.php?table=rental&mode=search&Start=10&Offset=10&id=33

Half Empty or Half Full?

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 21:16:00 +0000

There is a little test which is conducted to discover if a person is an optimist or a pessimist. The interviewer shows the subject an empty beverage glass. A liquid, such as water, is poured into the glass until the level of the liquid rises to the mid-level capacity of the glass. The interviewer then poses the question with only two allowable responses. "Is the glass half empty or half full?" If the answer is "the glass is half empty" then the subject is assumed to be a pessimist: someone who tends to see the negative, worst case scenario. If the answer is "the glass is half full" then the subject is considered to be an optimist: someone who sees the positive or best case scenario.

Some of you are probably thinking that this is a blog about learning to see the glass as half full and thereby finding energy and joy for the journey. Well...not this time! In today's blog, I want to bring to your attention a bit of leadership wisdom. How you tend to view the glass is your blind spot or bias.

Optimists are good at reading positive signs in organizations, people's actions, and situations. They see fresh opportunities, expect the best to occur, and anticipate warm and fuzzy behavior from all involved. Unfortunately, beneath their positive radar they sometimes miss subtle environmental clues such as the boss watching the clock, suppressed sighs being choked back, and tense body language. On the other hand, the pessimist sees chaos, looming obstacles, and quickly calculates a risk/benefit assessment. Pessimists generate backup plans, damagae control actions, and question just about everything. With their radar set low, they may fail to pick up environmental clues such as excited voices, emerging teamwork, and creative ideas.

For the purpose of this blog, I have painted somewhat dramatic and exaggerated pictures of the weaknesses of pessimists and optimists. The answer is not to become a fence sitter whose response becomes "whether the glass is half empty or half full - depends". Fence sitters rest on the fence until it becomes to painful to sit there any longer. When a fence sitter's discomfort reaches a crisis point they become reactive, not proactive and complications set in.

Pessimistic leaders and optimistic leaders are both valuable. We want those who handle our money to be careful, and aware of investment trends. Likewise, we want our physicians to assure us that the medical treatment they provide to us will enable us to live to see another day. Good leaders, both pessimists and optimists, understand that how they view the glass is both their strength and their weakness. Because blind spots, weaknesses and biases exist, leaders must work in cooperation with others in order to produce an full, rich, description of what is happening in their circle of influence.

The Balancing Act

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 18:42:00 +0000

County fairs, traveling carnivals and circuses are common sites during the summer season. I always enjoy the view of these types of entertainment at night. There is a sense of giddy excitement looking at the pretty, swirling lights on the revolving Ferris wheel, and the flashing, neon signs advertising funnel cakes, cotton candy, and the "throw the ring around the bottle" type arcades. The night view looks a bit less gaudy. The daytime sights tends to include trash on the ground, syrupy spilled coke with bees flying about and a startling view of the mechanically questionable rides!

The live performances are the best part of all. Remember those gymnastic balancing acts? Often there is a troupe of athletically skilled performers creating human pyramids, and tumbling in ways that defy human bone structure. Other times, a costume-clad man or woman holds a long pole in their hands and walks across a tight rope high up in the air. At larger and more expensive venues, there might be a water ski show including skiers demonstrating daring turns, somersaults, and soaring leaps off of wooden ramps.

What draws our attention? We are captivated by their ability to use balance in their routines.
People are attracted to people who can balance their lives. Good life balancers are able to allot time for relationships, career, volunteer work, recreation, hobbies, etc., and still get a decent nights sleep.

There is no secret to this balancing act, it could be this way in your life too. Balancing is all about setting limits and boundaries in order to maintain poise, steadiness and equilibrium in life. The spinning plates performer knows just how many plates he or she can keep whirling without one crashing down. There is a lesson to be learned from the summer carnival: if you can't keep all your plates spinning, it is time to set some down!

Photo courtesy of: www.smileto.ca/index.php?showimage=160

Where There Is A Will, There Is More Than ONE Way

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Sat, 12 May 2007 14:59:00 +0000

Our capacity to cope is tied to our willingness to choose. Our willingness to choose, is tied to our willingness to grow beyond our circumstances.

Life has a way of bringing difficult and challenging circumstances to us all. Plan A just didn't work out! We might even be on plan C or D or even E with our relationships, education, employment, or health. In such cases, it is common to be at the end of the proverbial rope. Our choices seem limited and our options seem few. We begin to make choices based on a position of - "I guess I will just have to...”

Let me introduce you to the paradigm shift. Paradigm is a fancy word for the framework of how we think and feel about how life should operate. It is sort of invisible rules for how we live our life. Our paradigm, or ways of seeing things, is what limits our willingness to choose and grow beyond our current circumstances. We can adjust our paradigm by adjusting how we think about things. Let me give you some examples;

I can't stick to a diet, might as well eat those cookies.
I decide what goes into my body. I can choose healthy food to eat.

I don't like my job; I'll be stuck here forever.
I understand what I like and dislike about my job. I will harness that information to improve my current situation, or to seek more suitable employment.

My uncle, mother, brother, sister, aunt, cousin, husband, wife, co-worker, boss; did this to me, and now all I can do is sit here and cry.
I learned that "x,y or z" is a personal value for me. I will look for interactions that allow me to express this value.

Here are some encouraging words from poet Robert Frost, to help you choose new roads to follow when you seem to be at the end yours. "Two roads diverge in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." Where there is a will, there is more than one way.

Our capacity to cope is tied to our willingness to choose. Our willingness to choose, is tied to our willingness to grow beyond our circumstances.

*Photo by Carl Kriigel

Wade In The Water

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 22:17:00 +0000

I visited Myrtle Beach last week and walked along the sandy, shell laden shore. The beach was empty except for some hardy souls which braved the strong winds of the day. Flocks of seagulls soared and swooped vying for a bread crumb or bit of ocean life to peck upon! I felt compelled to wade into the water. Really, how could I leave without doing so?? The water was cold and the tide surged quickly up over my toes and ankles and soaked three inches of my blue jeans. Despite the dripping jeans, it was rather invigorating...blustery ocean breeze, chilling water, dare-devil seagulls, salt spray, and a soft subtle sunset.

When we set a new goal it is sometimes in our best interest to 'wade in the water' to try things out. Wading in the water is a good option when a lot is at stake, the outcome is uncertain, your skill level is unclear, and alternative options beckon to you. Wading in the water is a test probe to determine conditions. Sticking a toe or an ankle in, is a lot different that running full force into the ocean, cutting your feet on sea shells and falling flat on your face into a foot and a half of salty water. Some people enjoy this type of thing!- but not everyone. For those who appreciate a more gradual approach in moving toward a new goal, wading in the water is a good choice.

How to get the most out of wading in the water.

Be clear what conditions you want to determine. What will you need to accomplish this goal? What kind of special resources are required? How much time will it take? Who will benefit from this? Where can I get the help I need?

Determine just how far you are willing to go. Set boundaries.

Consider the risks from multiple perspectives. Make an informed choice.

Set a beginning and ending date. Write it in red on your calendar and stick to it.

Evaluate what happened, what you learned, what you would change, and what your next steps will be.

Congratulations your feet are wet. Celebrate.

Follow the footsteps in the sand as they make a path toward the salty shore...then wade into the water!

* Photo by Carl Kriigel

No Neutral Ground

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 19:36:00 +0000

Today, I am struggling to find some words to write that would make some sense of the tragedy at Virginia Tech. I am struggling, because evil cannot be justified. Good things can be seen in the midst of evil, but evil itself remains evil.

"There is no neutral ground in the universe: every square inch, every split second, is claimed by God and counter-claimed by Satan." - C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis words aptly describe the unseen war in which the entire world is engaged in. There is a battle between God and Satan for the people God lovingly created. Satan will use whatever means he has at his disposal to accomplish the destruction of innocent lives. Satan's goal is to bring people to doubt that God loves. Well, you say, if God loved the students and faculty at Virginia Tech, why didn't he stop it? I don't know. It is a mystery, why some things are allowed to unfold.

Evil cannot be justified, so what is next... God says, "I will wipe away every tear." -Rev 21:4 The God of the universe, the one who keeps the planets in the sky, who causes the ocean tides to rise and fall, who creates babies in their mother's womb, who is able to give wisdom and skill to benefit mankind - That very same God, will, himself - Wipe away every tear.

There is no neutral ground...whose side will you choose to be on?

Photo: Copyright 2003-2007 image*after

The Elephant In The Room

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 23:49:00 +0000

My family and I took a trip into the city of Atlanta. We drove along a well traveled side street, past city blocks filled with an eclectic mix of bungalows, Mom and Pop stores, upscale homes, college student hangouts and large commercial shopping centers. Since we were driving within the city limits, with narrow vehicle lanes, the traffic steadfastly followed the posted 25 m.p.h. signs.

While we traveled slowly in a long line of vehicle traffic, I often glanced out the car windows to look at the variety of homes and buildings. Upon turning my head to the left, a most surprising site came into view. In front of a home, located no more than 100 feet from the roadway, stood two police officers crouched behind the trunk of their patrol cars with their guns drawn and pointed toward a small, white bungalow. Traffic kept moving forward at 25 m.p.h., as if this was business as usual. With our nerves pretty much gone, after seeing that view, we traveled on to our destination as quickly as the traffic flow allowed us to!

About 30 minutes later we returned along the same route in order to drive home. As we drove past the same home again, we were stunned to see the SWAT team in full gear standing on the front porch of the house, with their rifles pointed toward the front door!! Even more remarkable than that, was that traffic continued to flow past this home, which was located within a stone throw away, at its usual 25 m.p.h.. At the end of the block and safely tucked around the corner behind some large trees, we saw two T.V. news crew standing by.

This whole episode reminded me of the saying, elephant in the room. When a group is together and there is an obvious problem or need which should be addressed, and one or more members pretend it does not exist; it is as if a large elephant is in a small room and its presence is ignored, despite the fact that an elephant in a room is quite disturbing.

The elephant in the room is a normal part, but not necessarily healthy, aspect of group process. Certain norms, or "normal" ways of doing things emerge through group dynamics. An elephant in the room could be considered an action which goes against implicit or stated group norms, but its presence is being ignored. It could also actually be a group norm which has outlived its usefulness, but no one wants to be the one to say it.

When you talk about the elephant in the room, you disturb the elephant. It is virtually impossible to tell the elephant to get up and leave. Elephants have to be led out of the room; it takes thoughtful, considerate, patient action, and plenty of courage.

Image from: http://www.wildanimalspix.com/elephants.html

Kaleidoscope Days

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 15:00:00 +0000

Do you know what a kaleidoscope is? Many of us owned one as a child.A kaleidoscope is a tube which you look through at some colorful geometric patterns. The patterns are made with mirrors and small objects such as beads or chips of glass. The tube can be rotated causing the little objects to tumble around. The combination of mirrors inside the tubes and the little objects creates an ever changing pattern of colors and symmetries. As you turn the tube, the patterns and colors change before your eyes.

I have learned that life is a kaleidoscope of changing colors and patterns. When I lay my weary head on the soft pillow at night, I am certain of what I have seen that day, and what I expect to see and experience when I awake the next morning. However, when I awake, I discover that the kaleidoscope has turned and the beautiful design which I had become accustomed to yesterday is now replaced by an unknown pattern of unfamiliar shapes and colors. Too stunned by the change, I barely notice the unique attractiveness of the geometrics. At the close of evening, after finally achieving some level of contentedness with the multitude of nuances within the multifaceted pattern, I lay my weary head on the soft pillow. In the quiet of the night, I hear the tumbling sound of a kaleidoscope turning, another day of negotiation and change awaits me.

I have learned that life is a complex pattern of changing realities. Sometimes our expectations for today are fulfilled, sometimes they are not. The lesson in the kaleidoscope, is that change happens and we must learn to appreciate, negotiate and grow through life experiences. Here are some questions to ask yourself about today's kaleidoscope view.

What do I see in the big picture of life that is important? What should stay the same, what should be changed?

How are the parts of my situation connected to each other? If I move one part, what happens to the other parts?

What adjustments in the patterns of my life can I make which will increase my chances of achieving an important goal? How will the adjustment that I make affect the big picture of my life?

I know that some of you are thinking, ""Yeah, I really wish I had one of those kaleidoscopes to play with to remind me that I can find joy in the unknown, adapt to change, and solve the challenges before me." Check out EBay seller, kaleidowonders, they have a fun selection of kaleidoscopes!!

For those of you who want the kaleidoscope experience without buying anything. . . I suggest the following. (This is a drugs don't work experience) Get a person to help you with this! (Safety first!) Get in the center of a room, away from glass, mirrors and other sharp objects. Spin around about 20 - 50 times or so, take the blind fold off, and watch your home made kaleidoscope before your very eyes!

Many thanks to EBay Store Seller, kaleidowonders for this beautiful photograph. http://stores.ebay.com/Kaleido-Wonders

Legacy-Makers

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 23:42:00 +0000

"Great coaches do not tell people what to think, they point people in the right direction to find the answers. This self-restraint is one of the most difficult challenges of leadership."*

As a coach, I would have to agree with this statement. The most difficult task for a coach to do, is to withhold the answer that lies on the tip of the tongue, that you suppose would set the your client's world a-right and fill a gap in their knowledge! To some that seems rather a harsh thing. This is not to say that 'telling' never happens, but to 'not tell' is an act of intentionality and restraint. Here is the rationale behind that concept. Coaching is all about empowerment, learning, growth, choice and ownership. At the heart of coaching is leadership development of others. It is centered on a deep belief in the client's ability to grow through and past obstacles. As the client learns through challenges, negotiates problems, and takes proactive action toward desired goals a special dynamic begins to take place. The notion of what they are 'all about', what they value and what they stand for begins to emerge and clarify. The seeds of a legacy which they will ultimately grow and leave behind for others begins to take shape. In this regard, coaches' self restraint helps their clients to become legacy-makers.

Quote by Thomas G. Bandy, page 281, in Gary Collins book Christian Coaching

Authenticity: A Word for 2007

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 20:27:00 +0000

One of my college alma maters*, Lake Superior State University, released it's 2006 “List of Words and Phrases Banished from the Queen’s English for Mis-Use, Over-Use and General Uselessness.” The university is located in Sault Ste. Marie in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. As a small university, seeking to enlarge its enrollment base, it began producing the list in the mid-1970's. Just to entice you to look at their college website, I will let you know that, this year's list includes "gone, went missing" and "undocumented alien"!

The list reminds me of all the times that we use cliches, trite phrases, acronyms and text messaging in our daily discussions. Our passion and zesto for life are buried beneath such 'misused, overused and generally useless' and uniforming means of communication. True, they save us personal energy, and get the messaged across rapidly - but do they reveal the heart and soul of a person? What is even more disturbing is that that trite phrases allow us to remain anonymous. Who we are inside remains hidden and does not comes out.

What is needed is a list of words for 2007, which promote heartfelt and transforming conversation. I propose a list that begins with the word, "authenticity". Authentic conversations reveal the heart and soul of a person. Such conversations are genuine in emotion and thought. People who have authentic conversations take responsibility for how they feel and think. Authenticity is the foundation of healthy personal and organizational relationships. Without authenticity, you have lived the life of someone else's catch phrases. Life is too important to allow that to happen.

* Natural Resources Technology (Associate Degree)
http://www.lssu.edu/banished/current.php
*Photo: LSSU library

Words of Wisdom For The New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 02:10:00 +0000

During the Christmas season, Santa brings us gifts and Hollywood brings new movie releases. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas we saw a number of films which were based in whole or in part on the lives of people, Bobby and We Are Marshall are two that come to mind. These movies remind us that life is short and to live it with passion and gusto.

Once we reached our saturation level of large screen reality at the local cinema, we turned to our DVD archive collection at home for some uplifting holiday mood enhancement. The Polar Express was selected for for viewing because of it's superb animation. The movie focuses on the lives of a handful of young kids and their adventure to the North Pole via the Polar Express Train. Each child has an internal self-limiting belief which they must face in order to go forward in life. Words are not given to this struggle until the children are entering the train for their final return trip home. Upon boarding the conductor rapidly punches their tickets. Each child's ticket bears a single punched word which tells the tale of the challenge that was faced and overcome. LEARN, COUNT ON, LEAD and BELIEVE. These are words of wisdom for the New Year.

LEARN: Life is about learning and negotiating the terrain that lies before you. Learning and failure are polar opposites.

COUNT ON: We live in a world of people. Some times the people that you count on will pick you up - other times they will drop you. Trust anyways.

LEAD: Be a role model, a mentor and a leader for those in your circle of influence. It is the new 4-letter word.

BELIEVE: "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

See ya' around in the New Year! The Stepping Stones Coach, Erna

The photo is copyrighted by K. Jeb Kriigel, Get Real Productions, and used by persmission. For more outstanding train photos contact Jeb at: kjkriigel@aol.com, or http://www.oscalemag.com/pix/contact.html

Fall On Your Knees

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 12:10:00 +0000

O' Holy night, the stars are brightly shining

It is the night of our dear Savior's birth

Long lay the world In sin and error pining

'Til He appeared and the soul felt His worth

The thrill of hope, The weary world rejoices

For yonder brings a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees

Oh, hear the angel's voices

O' night divine O' night when Christ was born

O' night divine O' night, O' night divine

What really matters today? I am not talking about the comfortable things of life (peppermint mochas, new puppies, fast cars, electronic gizmos, leather jackets and the like...) I am talking about those things that the very core of your being cries out for. Perhaps things so dear and close to your heart that you dare not to mention them to another person. What do you hope for, and dream for that lies beyond human effort? What do you wish to change but cannot? Fall on your knees, before the Mighty God. Simply tell him your story in living color. Like the song above says, "He appeared and the soul felt His worth. The thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices. For yonder brings a new and glorious morn." Fall on your knees. The Mighty God is with you!
***
Graphics from http://www.creativeladiesministry.com

Military Families: The Hero's Journey

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 02:15:00 +0000

I was listening to Christmas songs on the radio today and heard some military service members give greetings over the air waves to their families living in the states. Some of the military voices referenced being stationed in Iraq, Germany and other far flung posts. As one servicewoman gave her greetings to her children living stateside, her voice broke with emotion.

As the spouse of a retired Army career officer my heart goes out to our military families. When a person is in the military service, the whole family serves. All members bear the cost of the transient life style. Each family member gives of themselves in a multitude of uncounted and unacknowledged ways that allow the "mission" to be accomplished.

Robert Quinn writes in his book Deep Change, " The hero's journey is a story of individual transformation, a change of identity. In embarking on the journey, we must leave the world of certainty. We must courageously journey to a strange place where there are a lot of risks and much is at stake, a place where there are new problems that require us to think in new ways."

I thank military families everywhere for their sacrificial service to the United States of America.

Graphics by http://www.heavengraphics.com

Ready Or Not, Here I Come

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 12:16:00 +0000

George Bernard Shaw once wrote, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." Those two phrases are worth reflecting upon. "Life is about finding yourself " viewpoint positions us as seekers. If I just look hard enough - I will find the true me. It is the posture of a victim of life's happenstances. It is the hide and seek of childhood, only you count to 100 and then go off in search of yourself! As you look here,there, and everywhere; failure and discouragement haunt you. Finally when exhaustion sets in you begin to yell, "Ollie, ollie, oxen free" to signal the end of the game of finding yourself. According to Wikipedia, these words may originate from the German phrase, " Alle, alle auch sind frei" which translates as Everyone, everyone is also free". Interesting hmm.... that the game ends with freedom.

The second viewpoint, "Life is about creating yourself" implies that I am the architect and builder of my life. The beginning words yelled during the game of hide and seek are more appropriate for this stance, Ready or not here I come! You may not be ready and I may not be ready, but the game of life has started. A focus on creating your life implies a sense of freedom to learn and grow, make adjustments and adaptations and then learn and grow some more. It gives permission for trying on things and not liking them, for admitting that it wasn't what you expected, and for saying I really like this and I am going to add this to my life.

Okay, hike up those blue jeans and tie those tennis shoes 'cause I'm gettin' ready to count to 100...

When The Cold Wind Blows

noreply@blogger.com (Stepping Stones Coach) — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 17:53:00 +0000

It is freezing cold in Georgia today! The view outside is composed of brilliant hues of yellows and deep red leaves. As the cold wind blows, dried and crinkled leaves scatter wildly down the winding street. The heat in the house has been turned on and it slowly circulates from one room to the next. Our old black lab has come inside to lay by the fireplace and the cats have found warm areas of streaming sunlight to curl up in. I am thinking about what I could bake in the oven. My thoughts turn to cookies, pie, or pasta to warm us up inside and out.

Hmm... Just a month ago we were cutting our thick green grass and sweating in the ninety degree heat - just waiting for this day to come! Perspective. How rapidly it can change. When the cold wind blows in your life what are you prone to do? Become cynical, bitter and dried up as the autumn leaves do? Circulate slowly from one person or place to another looking for a source of help? Lay down and have a good long nap and hope that life is better when you wake up? Give into emotional remedies such as comfort food or an assortment of other addictions?

Perspective. That is one way to look at things. Here are some other ways: Dance joyfully in the cold wind with other like-minded people joining in with you - celebrate that you are capable of changing colors, enter rooms with the expectation that you can warm it up with your contribution and personality, limit your down time and focus on what you can do and not what you cannot, find a way to embrace and celebrate what life has brought you.

Take a deep breath and go out to meet your challenge. Learn, change and grow. You will be happy that you took the effort!