The Minor Prophet

Title Change?

2013-04-02T14:17:00.001-04:00

So I can't seem to pull myself into getting rid of the blog completely, but to rather re-brand it. I think the name "The Minor Prophet" is outdated and doesn't fit what I'm about anymore. It's been around for a long, long, time, and it will feel strange to get rid of. Yet, perhaps it's time.

Options: Start something new to keep a space for me to write, no matter how occasional it is
OR
Re-name this site and begin a new journey.

No clue. Not that it really matters in the long run, but still, I guess since I've had it for so long, getting rid of the blog outright doesn't feel right, either.

Sigh.

Time to go away....

2013-03-02T10:51:00.001-05:00

It's been a long run, but perhaps it's time to put the blog away for good, rather than let it linger here in Internet's back storage room. I hate to stop it--it seems so...FINAL...--yet I don't see a reason for keeping it either. I know, I know, now this has turned into one of these self-aware blog posts that people hate to read. But no one is reading anyway, because I'm not posting! So I guess it's a zero-sum game.

I'll think about it a bit more and perhaps say a few prayers. But I think the time is up.

Josh

The "Friends" on Facebook

2013-01-18T12:17:00.000-05:00

Shoot me in the face.

What is it about Facebook that brings out the worst in us? I look through my Timeline, and yes, get caught up on a few things here and there that are good to read about--pictures of my niece, friends pictures of vacations, legitimate stuff. And then we get to the politics, religion, and general ass-foolery. And more than just get updated and informed, for fun, on Facebook I spend my time getting more and more frustrated on what I find there.

Yes, there are the reasonable solutions: get rid of it, block those friends or family members, etc. And maybe some of that will happen. But in the meantime, I wonder why it is that Facebook brings out this in people. Why they're so illogical, or unfriendly, or simply blind to the greater world around them.

If I tried to figure that out, I'd be here a long time. I'm not going to be able to.

So all I CAN do is deal with myself. I can try to pray for my own heart and my own reaction to all of it. I can try to teach my students and my soon-to-be child to keep an open mind, to be logical, to listen to the facts and all sides before making decisions, to be better human beings than I am.

Maybe if I can teach them to be better than I am, maybe some of it will stick. And maybe places like Facebook can be for enjoyment, catching up, for fun, rather than a hotbed of hate, misinformation, and anger.

Blessings,
Josh

Love, Not Arguments

2012-12-05T10:00:00.000-05:00

I just found this quote. I post it here because I think it sums up a lot of why I haven't posted much on this blog in the past year.

Blessings,

Josh

Five Hours. FIVE Hours.

2012-11-20T13:07:00.001-05:00

Nicole and I went to the hospital today for a checkup. Appointment time? 2pm. By the time she got to see her doctor, it was just about 5pm. We arrived home, after a huge cock-up with scheduling a new appointment, at about 7pm.

Corniche Hospital, Abu Dhabi. If we weren't having the baby there (because we have to), and if it weren't for Christian charity, I'd certainly have a lot more to say. And most of it starts with the letter "f". I wish we never had to go back. Of the terrible service I've had in the UAE, and I've had some pretty terrible service, this is just about the worst ever.

So that was OUR day. How was yours?

Blessings,
Josh

The Cave, the Light, and the True Light

2012-11-12T12:13:00.001-05:00

We're watching this tomorrow in class, and starting to talk about how the Allegory of the Cave applies to what we're about to discuss in Literature class.

A fun video to watch, and interesting to look at in view of what is the Light and what is the True Light of Christ that we speak about in the Church. Perhaps just as Jesus went down to Hell to rescue the captives, we our supposed to go to "hell"/the cave and recuse some people of our own. Even if it means death.

Blessings,

Josh

We're Having a Baby!

2012-11-10T14:12:00.001-05:00

I'd like to announce, officially, that my wife and I are expecting our first child, due in the spring. We're pretty excited about it, obviously, and I'm more than a little freaked out and nervous and fascinated and all the things a first-time dad is. So there it is, now you know. :)

Blessings,
Josh

My Students Are Wonderful and Frustrating

2012-10-28T14:07:00.001-04:00

I love 'em all. But man, reading through their essays, tests, and other odd-and-ends, I run through a whole range of emotions. On the one hand, I love them for their oddness, and quirky behaviors, comments, ways of seeing the world. On the other hand, I sometimes wonder for some if I've done them--or WILL do them--any good as their teacher.

Sigh. I suppose these are the normal feelings of every teacher. I know I've always felt these feelings myself since I've been teaching. And I suppose if I'm to really care for my students the way I'm supposed to, then I'll always feel this way: on the one hand proud of who they are and their accomplishments, but on the other hand frustrated that they aren't at a higher level.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too nurturing, and that perhaps they'd get further if I was, well, not MEANER, but just more straight. But then I know this is not me, so I'm not sure I could really do anything else than what I am. I can always be better--more prepared, more willing to step out into the void of educational faith and hope for the best, invest my time and effort into my students....

I think that what makes me wonder at night is how much my personality hurts or assists them. How much of "me" can I get out of the way to be a better teacher? Or is it what makes me a good teacher is to have "me" in the equation?

Perhaps it is a spiritual thing. Perhaps like my involvement in the life of Christ, the more I focus on "me" the less like Him I get to be. But to be more like Him, I have to put all of "me" into the relationship: my skills, my failures, my fears, my hopes.

Late night grading. Late night musings.

Blessings,
Josh

Reading Corner!

2012-10-26T03:54:00.002-04:00

I realized that I'm in the middle of reading no less than 4 different books, not counting the ones I'm reading for teaching.

Lolita by Vladimir Nabakov
Brilliant, beautiful, disturbing, and shocking.

How to Read Novels Like a Professor by Thomas C Foster
A great insight into how books are written, and most importantly, how we can get the most out of reading them. Very interesting for book-nerds.

Sanctuary by William Faulkner
Only about four chapters in, but so far very unlike anything I've read before from Faulkner. I read that he wrote it to make some money, and his heart wasn't really in it. However, so far it's been a great read, and definitely the easiest Faulkner to read that I've come across.

The Orthodox Church by Timothy Ware
A history of the Orthodox Church written sometime in the late 1970's or early 80's. Very interesting to learn a history of the Church, especially the time of Communism in Russia. A recommended read for any Orthodox, or anyone interested in History or Church History.

Too much to read, too little time.
Blessings,
Josh

The Most Beautiful Music in the World

2012-09-03T12:54:00.000-04:00

I've posted a few times over the years about certain songs or pieces of music that strike me as being particularly beautiful and wonderful. I'd like to revisit that theme today, except make a list. I'd like to post up some of what I think is the most beautiful, wonderful music in the world. There are, perhaps, a billion things that I could post here, but I'll settle myself to just a few for now.

Still, I'd like the conversation to continue. If you find this post, or care to share it with anyone, please put in a comment on what you find to be the most beautiful music in the world. Really no requirements, other than that you find it to be the "most beautiful." Share a song title, a link, or whatever so we can hear what you hear!

Because of the nature of my limited tech abilities and copywrite worries, I'll really just post things that I find on YouTube. The visuals may not always fit the music, but I'll try to find the best possible combination. As always, please put on some headphones while listening. If the video says "HD", make sure to watch it in HD, or at least full-screen.

Enjoy! Let's here what you have to say!

Music 1: And Ending (Ascent)--Brian Eno
I've posted this one before. This beautiful new HD video to go along with it is stunning. Watch in full screen!

Music 2: Gentle Light
One of many many Orthodox choirs online, and perhaps not the very best recording in the world, but captures the spirit of it pretty well. I've heard a version of this song, many times, sung by monks up in Eagle River, MI, as they light the vespers candles. Imagine a church filled with this hymn, candles lighting up the evening light, the prayers sung and floating up to the heaves. The smell of bee's wax candles and incense lingering in your nose. It really is a bit of heaven on earth. Other music may come and go, but if I have this, I can be truly content.

Music 3: Santo & Johnny "Sleepwalk"
I've posted this one before, too. However, I can't let it go. One of my ultimate favorites. I hope the Voyager, somewhere on the edge of the galaxy, holding it's gold vinyl record of important sounds from Earth, has this song on it. It does us all proud.

Music 3: Twin Peaks Theme--Angelo Badalamenti
I've always liked stuff that's both a bit sticky sweet and a bit dark, too. This fits the bill perfectly. Try to imagine it not as just a TV theme song, but think of it on its own terms. Think of it as a haunted love story told in music form. For more insight--that's brilliant and amazing, and adds SO much more to the whole thing--watch THIS commentary on how Mr. Badalamenti created part of the music of Twin Peaks. It's beautiful in its own right. You'll see the similarities in theme to the song below.

Music 4: Ludwig van Beethoven--"Moonlight Sonata"
This is nearly perfect, and if this is the only thing humankind ever did with art, we'd be doing pretty darn well. Another one I'd like sent across the universe for others to hear. Enough to make the hardest heart melt.

Music 5: Pink Floyd--"Wish You Were Here"
Overplayed? Perhaps. Overcovered by bad bar bands? Oh yes. But that's because it's so damn good. Rediscover it here. Remember the first time you heard it? REALLY heard it? Remember how it made you feel? Only the best songs can do that.

Music 6: Simon and Garfunkel--"April Come She Will"
Another re-post for me, but can't be helped. Enough here to tear your heart out. Of course, a bunch of other S&G songs would fit here, too: "America", "For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her," and on and on and on...

Music 7: Nirvana--"My Girl"
A cover of an old blues song (I think), this knocked the socks off all of us of a certain age expecting a certain thing out of Nirvana, and getting this. Perhaps this is the song where punk grew up. Perhaps it gave us all a bigger perspective on life. Either way, listen to his scream in the last chorus. Kurt would end up killing himself just 6 months later.

Music 8: Frank Zappa--"Watermelon in Easter Hay"
Sorry for the vulgar language at the beginning...it's Frank. What can I say? Solo starts about 1 min in.
Another re-post. Listened to this again this summer with candles going, lights out, with my wife and my mom. No matter what else is going on, this song creates a special moment, frozen in time. I've heard, though I don't know if it's true, that Frank Zappa considered this one of his best pieces ever.

Music 9: The Beatles-"Long, Long, Long"
Some prefer "I Wil", or maybe "Because." This one is my favorite for "most beautiful" (though, Side B of "Abbey Road" is in the running as well). Simple and haunting.

Music 10: The Palate Cleanser...Because a pop song can be beautiful, too!
The Beach Boys--"God Only Knows"
If this doesn't put a tear in your eye, and smile on your face, at the same time...well, you're better than I.

Well, what do you think? Let's hear your suggestions! Share away!!

Blessings,
Josh

From Father Stephen's Blog

2012-09-01T13:29:00.003-04:00

Generosity is fundamental – but it only lays a foundation. St. Maximus the Confessor taught that “man is a microcosm”: we are the entire universe gathered into personal form. If the physicists are correct, the largest number of elements within our bodies were formed in the furnace of the stars. In the words of pop-singer, Joni Mitchell, “We are stardust.”

At the same time, we are the universe gathered into conscious form. In human beings, the universe has self-understanding and can speak. Our ability to speak is perhaps the most profoundly human thing we do. The universe exists as a gift – there is no necessity in its existence – it is created out of nothing. But in the words and volition of human beings, the gifted universe can freely offer itself back to the Giver. It is this cycle of Giver-Gift-Giving that is the heart of all priestly existence (and the true heart of the Christian faith). In Chrysostom’s liturgy the priest prays:

Therefore, I entreat Thee Who alone art good and ready to listen: Look down on me, a sinner, Thine unprofitable servant; and cleanse my soul and heart from an evil conscience; and by the power of the Holy Spirit enable me, who am endowed with the grace of the priesthood, to stand before this, Thy holy table, and perform the sacred mystery of Thy holy and pure Body and precious Blood. For I draw near to Thee, and bowing my neck I implore Thee: Turn not Thy face away from me, nor cast me out from among Thy children; but make me, Thy sinful and unworthy servant, worthy to offer gifts to Thee. For Thou art the Offerer and the Offered, the Receiver and the Received, O Christ our God, and unto Thee do we send up glory, together with Thy Father, Who is from everlasting, and Thine all-holy, good, and life-creating Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

Amazing stuff. See the full and original post here.

Blessings,
Josh

When did the Internet get boring?

2012-08-29T13:40:00.001-04:00

I'm not sure what it is, but lately, there just seems to be the same three sites to check on the Net, and that's about it. I go to my Tumblr, my Google+, and perhaps my Facebook, and I'm done. But I still want to look around more, so I go back and cycle through them all again. It's bloody boring.

Is there something new to take up my time? Something I'm missing? I'm just really bored with the Internet.

Perhaps the change really came when I got my iPad, and cooler apps were getting created to find stuff on the net. These I use all the time: Flipboard, Zite, Instagram, Twitter, etc. Maybe they've taken away the stuff that I used to use the Internet "proper" for.

Have I changed or has the face of the Internet changed? Didn't we all used to spend hours on it surfing around and looking all all kinds of wild stuff? What happened to me/it? Did we all just get too old?

Any insights?

Blessings,
Josh

Summer Wedding

2012-08-08T11:58:00.001-04:00

So here's what I've been up to this summer...

I just got married on Sunday, August 5th, to the most wonderful girl I know or will know.

Been a bit busy with wedding prep, visiting with friends and family, and all that jazz. I'll have something up soon about it all.

Anyway...back to enjoying life with my new bride! :)

blessings,
Josh

PS. Thanks, Biff, for the picture! We love it!

How I Met St. Francis

2012-07-14T10:11:00.000-04:00

How I Met St. Francis

I met Father Francis this morning,

The bees buzzing from flower to flower

in the raspberry bushes.

English Dance

2012-06-20T05:42:00.001-04:00

Some of you may or may not have seen this yet, so I thought I'd post it here for fun.

This is a video we shot last week in our English Department office. As you see, we had a lot of fun.

Hope you enjoy!

blessings,
Josh

Melancholy

2012-06-11T04:20:00.001-04:00

For as long as I can remember, I've been attracted to things that are melancholy in nature. Whether it be paintings, music, books, movies, or tv shows, the things that stop my attention are the ones that don't outright kill you with sadness, but slowly squeeze your heart.

In melancholy, as far as I define it, there lies an element of hope, and an element of sadness. The two can't be separated from each other, and I don't know where the one begins and the other ends, other than to think the hope lies in the end of the sadness, and the sadness is there knowing how fragile the hope will be.

And in some ways, it's also what drew me to Orthodoxy. In the singing of the hymns, there is triumphant joy, and there is also an element of sorrow and tears. We weep for our Lord's pain and suffering and death as we rejoice in his resurrection. We, along with the rest of creation, sigh with deep groaning as if waiting for the birth of our salvation to fully realize itself. We wait outside the tomb with Mary and the other women, holding perfumes and ready to clean the body. Yet (YET!) at the very same time, we know the outcome, and we celebrate it. It's mesmerizing to me, and it's one of the reasons Orthodoxy has felt more true to me in the past few years. This may not speak to everyone else, but this speaks to me.

One of my favorite stories ever--and I first read it as a young child--was a Hemingway story called "The End of Something." I posed it here when I announced my divorce many years ago now. There was always something about that story that made sense to me. It's still the stories about misfits, problems, people in pain that call to me. The Dostoevskys, Hemingways, even Kierkegaards, all have a melancholy to them that I find irresistible.

In the music I listen to, the ones that make me pause the most are those that have these same qualities. Take this song for example, which I just "discovered" today. I'm not sure how I've missed it all these years, as I KNOW I had to have heard it before, but maybe I wasn't ready to really hear it yet.

What is it about all this that makes me attracted to it? I'm not a somber person, I don't think, and I don't walk around speaking gloom and doom. Yet these speak to me more than other things. Are any of you like that?

Did I get it from my mom, my dad? My sister isn't the same way. Maybe it's unique to me. Either way, it's something that, while annoying at times, is something I've come to love and appreciate about myself, and, well, if you know of something sad and beautiful and lovely, tell me about it!

peace and blessings,
Josh

Welcome, Hypocrites

2012-04-13T13:10:00.000-04:00

I find this under the title of "Easter is just around the corner! :D":

The joy of being orthodox, its Good Friday, Easter is on Sunday, painting eggs with mama, trying to kick everyone else’s ass with my lucky egg. it should be a good weekend. Happy Easter for Sunday to all my Orthodox peeps <3

Not a bad sentiment, I suppose.

The title of the girl's blog? "F*ck-whores". Of course, there's no * in the real one.

I find this amazing that one good sentiment can be posted on a blog titled that. Doesn't she see the disparity? I mean, really?

...
Today, Friday, marks the Orthodox Good Friday (we're a week after the rest of you this year). Yet I'm hardly in the frame of mind or attitude of one who's savior has just died. I'm hardly ready for such a miraculous event as the upcoming Easter in two days. My mind and attitude has been to places it shouldn't for one fasting and getting ready to celebrate the biggest part of the Christian year.

I am a hypocrite.

I listened the other day to someone talk first in the morning about a church trip that was very meaningful and special, and then later on in the day listened to the same person get excited about getting mindlessly drunk at a party.

I rail at these things; they piss me off. But when I look at the state of my own soul--as I did recently getting ready for a time of confession--I find blackness, and fear--just as much as I find around me. I am no better. I am no different.

Some of us have sins that are outward, and some of us have sins that are inner. I think sometimes those with us that have more inner sins are the worse off. It's hard to change the way you think.

Our lord died today on a cross, and we mourn for his death. We mourn that the one we thought would come and save us is dead in a cave, growing cold, stiff and still. What happened? What did we do wrong? Look the icon above: look at Christ's mother in complete inconsolable sadness. Look at the one with her arms up as if to say, "What happened?!"

None of us are no better than others, except for the saints. And I'm not sure about you, but I'm ready to take some pretty strong from those that have gone before and have succeeded. I'm ready to listen to them. I'm ready to learn from Mary's sadness and learn from her success.

Let's gather together, us hypocrites. We say one thing, and do the other. We talk of love but hate. We talk to life but celebrate death. We are all the same. We are human.

Welcome. We're all among good company.

Though He lies in the tomb, perhaps He can hear us still. Perhaps He can feel our tears. Perhaps He knows what the problem with us is. Come with me and let's break the habits, shall we? You're welcome here. If a sinner like me can be loved by God, then there's hope for all of us. And today, as He lies in the tomb, we need all the hope we can get. Even us hypocrites.

Blessings,
Josh

Sweaty Palms, Confessions, and Some Russian

2012-03-22T12:53:00.000-04:00

I attended the Russian Orthodox Church in Sharjah about two weeks ago with Nicole, and friends Wayne and Marina. It was a long service--about two hours--and it was all in Russian. Thankfully, being Divine Liturgy, I was able to follow along in my English service book, and pretty much knew what part we were on most of the time.

On the right of the cathedral, tucked in a corner in front of the right side of the Iconostasis, was the confession station. A kindly-looking gentleman with a balding head and white beard stood patiently while a long ling of tight-skirted, high-heeled Russian women and black-suited, slick-haired Russian men waited in line for their confession to be heard. It lasted though the length of the service, and people kept adding to the line as they entered church.

The communion was over, and only two people stood in the confession line. Nicole and Marina convinced me to walk over and see if he would hear my confession, though I didn't know Russian. I meeked my way over and stood in line, behind the only remaining woman. My palms were sweaty. If this worked, this was to be the third confession I've ever given. I still wasn't sure the ins-and-outs of what to do or say, and what to kiss and when and how to bow or ask for a blessing or whatever. This Orthodoxy stuff is nothing if not complicated and full of rules and conventions.

The lady came out, head bowed, face quiet. The priest peeked around the corner and saw me. I walked up.

I asked him quietly, "Father, I only know English. Will you still give confession?" He smiled, nodded a few times and said something to me in Russian. Before I knew it, my head was resting against the Gospel, and his stole was over me.

I let it out. I told him what I knew, my voice hitching while trying to be quiet, and trying to talk about the terribleness of my sin. I told him. Told him of the anger, and the nasty words and thoughts, the judgements, the specifics of what I had done wrong. I told him all I remembered, but it seemed awfully inadequate. I suppose confession always is. How can you really remember everything? How can you really say everything you need to say?

When I was done, he blessed me with the cross, and spoke in Russian. I got up, and he helped me arrange my hands in the proper receiving manner. He smiled big at me, and said some more things in Russian. I kissed the Gospel, the cross, and I might have kissed his ring. Honestly I don't remember. I was still nervous, confused, and completely relieved.

I stepped down and smiled. It was over. I had been wanting this since I got here in August, and it finally happened. Now I knew I could do it again, and take communion, and that things would be back on track.

Did the priest know English? I'm not totally sure. Perhaps enough to understand what I was saying--for the most part--and the fact that I wanted to say it all. I think he could read more in my face and body language than he could understand in my words.

Perhaps that is enough. Perhaps that will always be enough.

I guess God sees our hearts as well, and knows what we want before we can figure out how to ask for it. I suppose he sees when we're in pain, and knows how to take care of us before we realize we're suffering. I suppose when the Spirit prays for us in groanings that don't sound like human speech, He's really telling God what we can only say with nervous palms and hitched voices.

I'll go back, and maybe I'll still be sweaty. Maybe I still won't know what I'm doing. But I think the priest knows what's going on, and I know that God knows. I'll rest on those truths for now.

Blessings,
Josh

Musings...

2012-02-11T12:07:00.001-05:00

Khalidiya district at night, Abu Dhabi

Two things hit me today, and I wandered around my area of Abu Dhabi smoking my pipe and drinking coffee, letting the two different ideas wash over me. I'm just going to leave them here and let them speak for themselves. Do with them what you will.

Evidence #1:
Lines from "Franny" section of Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

"Well, as I said, the pilgrim--this simple peasant--started the whole pilgrimage to find out what it means in the Bible when it says you're supposed to pray without ceasing. And then he meets these starets--this very advanced religious person I mentioned, the one who'd been studying the Philokalia for years and years." Franny stopped suddenly to reflect, to organize. "Well, the starets tells him about the Jesus Prayer first of all. 'Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.' I mean that's what it is. And he explains to him that those are the best words to use when you pray. Especially the word 'mercy', because it's such a really enormous word and can mean so many things. I mean it doesn't just have to mean mercy." Franny paused to reflect again. She was no longer looking at Lane's plate but over his shoulder. "Anyway," she went on, "the starets tells the pilgrim that if you keep saying that prayer over and over again--you only have to just do it with your lips at first--then eventually what happens, the prayer becomes self-active. Something happens after a while."
...Alone, Franny lay quite still, looking at the ceiling. Her lips began to move, forming soundless words, and they continued to move.

Evidence #2:
"When We Fell" by David Bazan

With the threat of hell hanging over my head like a halo
I was made to believe in a couple of beautiful truths
That eventually had thee effect of completely unraveling
The powerful curse put on me by you

When you set the table
When you chose the scale
Did you write a riddle that you knew they would fail
Did you make them tremble
So they would tell the tale
Did you push us when we fell

If my mother cries when I tell her what I discovered
Then I hope she remembers she taught me to fallow my heart
And if you bully her like you done me with fear of damnation
Then I hope she can see you
for what you are

When you set the table
When you chose the scale
Did you write a riddle that you knew they would fail
Did you make them tremble
So they would tell the tale
Did you push us when we fell

What am I afraid of?
Who did I betray?
In what medieval kingdom does justice work that way?
If you knew what would happen
And you made us just the same
Then you my Lord can take the blame

So different, yet somehow tied together in my heart and mind.
Have you read Franny and Zooey? It's amazing. Pick up a copy today and read it. You'll thank me later.

blessings,
Josh

How I Quit Caring About Evangelical Christianity

2012-01-25T12:42:00.000-05:00

Storm's a-brewin'...

Something changed. My nights are filled with different things. The "blog" tab in my Safari browser remains un-tabbed. My History folder is filled with Tumbr and email accounts. But nary a blog can be found most of the time. Google Reader is good enough for 90% of the things I'm looking at, all checked off my list in about 10 minutes of viewing.

Prior to the summer, I read a lot of blogs, I participated in discussions, and I was interested in what was going on with the Christian Evangelical world. I read great blogs like Modern Reject and Rachel Held Evans. With one foot still in the Evangelical world, I saw the storms brewing and I wanted to learn about them, I wanted to debate them, I wanted to add to the noise and the the moments of brilliance. I wanted to watch that storm brew and then break hell all over the earth. Who doesn't love a good storm?

But over the summer, something changed. I could blame it on the lack of time with my new job, or my new marriage, but I don't think that's it. I just quit caring. The world of Evangelical Protestant Christianity just suddenly became not on my radar anymore. I look at Modern Reject and Evans' blog and just don't feel the desire for the same topics anymore. They're good blogs. They've got cool stuff. It's just like I'm staring at something in Chinese now.

What happened? Some sort of switch was flipped. Was it my baptism? Is it God telling me to focus on other things? Is is lack of time?

I don't know what's going on, but things I used to read about and be interested in just seem empty to me. I know that there is much good work--socially, theologically, psychologically, and spiritually--to still be done in Evangelical Christianity. Lots of good stuff going on. But it doesn't swing for me anymore. The fire's out.

I don't have answers, and may never have them. Perhaps they'll come in time. For now, I observe the change, and wonder what it means for me. It's a strange new world I'm now living in, full of Saints and holy things and the mysteries of God. It's a joyous and a frightening place. But it's a place I've now come to know as "home." I'm happy to be home, and the storms that rage outside my house just don't seem to worry me anymore. And maybe that's a good thing.

Blessings,
Josh

Lenten Fast! Come join the discussion!

2012-01-16T13:36:00.000-05:00

I'm putting together a G+ page, a Twitter account, and posts on my blog during the Lent season to gather resources, information, helps, suggestions, stories, pictures, or whatever.

If you're Protestant, Catholic, or Orthodox, you're welcome! If you're going to practice some form of Lenten Fast this year, then come on by!

Google+: https://plus.google.com/100717374051583092980
Twitter: @LentenFast

Join the discussion!
The page isn't quite live yet, but it will be as we approach Lent. Add it now, and spread the word! :)
Thanks y'all.

Blessings,
Josh

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2011-12-25T08:33:00.000-05:00

Here in Michigan, celebrating Christmas with Nicole and my family in the snow and low light. It's lovely to be back again, to see friends, to relax in what to me seems like a normal way, and to be away from the craziness of the UAE for a while.

We've spent time at churches, going up to the monks in Eagle River for a few services (5:30pm on Friday, and then 5am on Saturday!), and last night attended the 7pm service at my old church, Grace United Methodist Church. It's been a great time of preparation and celebration.

And now my Nativity fast is over! Here comes the dairy and meat again! :)

I'll leave you with this, a profound statement about the birth of the Savior that I find compelling every Christmas season:

A strange and most wonderful mystery do I see: the cave is heaven; the Virgin the throne of the cherubim; the manger a room, in which Christ, the God whom nothing can contain, is laid. Him do we praise and magnify.

The Lord has sent redemption unto his people. Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Blessings and Peace,
Josh

"Pray for your enemies..."

2011-11-19T04:17:00.001-05:00

I realize that all this time, as I've been praying in psalms and hymns for my enemies, I have also been praying for myself.

blessings,
Josh

Hey Jude!

2011-11-18T00:10:00.001-05:00

We saw Paul McCartney in concert this week. My life is now complete.

Regards,
Josh

Fear of the Real

2011-11-10T02:30:00.001-05:00

"It is when the individual's faith is weak, not when it is strong, that he will be afraid of an honest representation of life."

--Flannery O'Connor

I'm working on my new novel for NaNoWriMo, the November novel-writing competition. You may remember I did it last year and completed my first book. I'm working at it again, and am "behind" the goal that I should be at, but I'm hoping things will pick up soon.

Anyway, I've come to a bit of a stuck point in my book. I know what I want to write, but I'm afraid to write it. I'm afraid to write it because it's shocking, and, let's be honest, I'm afraid that my writing will reflect poorly on myself.

Silly, I know, for someone who teaches writing in school, for someone who really wants to make the writing thing work in his life. Yet there it is.

I'm afraid to be real.

The same problem that I'm having writing is the same problem I've had with this blog, the same problem I've had in my personal journals. That my demons, the dark ideas or sins or even the things I think of that don't have anything to do with me, will be exposed for everyone to see, and that makes me nervous.

This summer I had my first confession. Before getting baptized into the Orthodox Church, I had confession with Father Greg. The first confession of my life. I was hot, I was sweaty, and my voice shook. Yet I lived though it, and another a few weeks later, and in the long run I welcome it. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders. It was a time to let someone else know my sins, and to get support from them and a reminder that God is good and He forgives.

Writing is a sort of confession, even fiction writing. I'm sure the best fiction writers would agree, and it's hard not to read some of the greats, like Hemingway or Dostoevsky, and not see their own personal struggles and flaws in the stories they tell. Was it hard for them to be so honest about bad people, and nasty subjects? Or does it get easier the more you write?

Oh, I've tried to change things around in the book to make it more palatable, to make things more accepting. But my inner Flannery O'Connor, my inner critic, my inner Mr. Josh Teacher is shouting "NO! Don't do it! Be honest!" And I keep coming back to the bare fact that I have to write things that I find uncomfortable. Why? Because it's the honest thing to do.

Our sins are real, our joys are real, and it's my job as a writer to tell that truth. It's a made-up truth to some extent, as I'm creating these stories out of the air, but the elements are true: that humanity is broken, that we have Grace to save us, that some of us fail and some of us don't. Life is both beautiful and hard. I have faith in that, but I must express that faith in my writing, as Flannery would advise. So:

Back to the writing.

blessings,
Josh