Windows to My Soul

Update: Light for the Creative Soul

2012-01-18T00:26:00.000-05:00

Hi friends. To those of you who followed me to Light for the Creative Soul, thank you! I'd love to connect with ALL of you there since I'll be closing this blog down temporarily to edit my archives.

Come on over! I'll be sharing tips on writing, blogging, the creative life, faith, and lots more. Should I reopen Windows to My Soul (a real possibility), you'll be the first to know at Light for the Creative Soul. Meanwhile, don't forget to sign up via Google Friends and/or subscribe by email to get my posts on inspiration and more.

Awesome! ♥

Special Invitation to WTMS Readers

2011-05-16T16:30:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone! As many of you know, I took a little unexpected sabbatical and decided to switch over to Wordpress for all my blogging needs. Blogger, it's been nice, but sometimes a girl needs to change.

Thanks to each of you for six years of wonderful support here at Windows to My Soul. I cut my teeth on this blog, and in the process, made many special friends. Come visit me as we turn another chapter at Light for the Creative Soul. Lots of learning curve for me over there, but I'm ready. Come visit, subscribe, and leave a comment/suggestion when you have time. Please update your bookmarks and blogrolls.

Light for the Creative Soul

A Leaping in My Soul

2011-03-07T16:30:00.002-05:00

Spring is in the air and I've the allergies to prove it, but, oh, how I've needed the sunlight. How have *you* been?

Let me assure you, I'm alive and well. I did, however, lose my grip a few weeks ago and let all things creative go to the wayside. Blogging, especially. Wasn't sure WHAT was happening, but it was scary.

I'm pleased to announce that a friend has offered to help me merge all my blogs into one central location where I can more fully express the creativity that God is pouring into my life. Not quite ready yet, but I'll let you know. The word He gave me at the first of the year didn't make sense at the time, especially in light of the emptiness I felt, but His word to me was CREATIVITY. Go figure. If that doesn't sound spiritual enough for some of you, well, feel free to take it up with Him...{insert giggle here}...'cause I'm learning He's just full of surprises.

This morning I woke up with joy. Do you hear me? Anticipation. A leaping in my soul. Haven't sensed that in a long, long time, people. I don't think my family even realized how bad I felt.

Depression dries up the bones. Siphons out your hope. Then it pushes you right down a spiraling staircase, into a dark hole where you feel trapped beneath the planks of despair. Platitudes can't reach you. Bandaids don't help. Accusations only fuel the despair. What a panic I felt, not feeling able to write. Talk about paralysis. Fortunately - and I'll share more later - God led me through a series of symptoms, events, friends, doctors, reading material, and tests to reveal the source of my lethargy. I'm now working with a new functional medicine doctor to address some very real physical causes. Meanwhile, thought I'd let you know where I am with all this bloggerly stuff.

God has put my feet on a new path, and frankly, I'm tickled to see a little light shining again. I do hope you'll join me for the next leg of this journey and stick around for some of my more artful curiosities.

Looks like a CREATIVE year ahead, in more ways than one.

Happy New Year

2010-12-30T17:58:00.001-05:00

While I completely missed blogging about Christmas and all that's happened this past month, I've enjoyed getting to know many of you "behind the scenes" via email, Facebook, or meeting in person. Like many of you, I'm looking forward to a fresh start in 2011. One thing I know for sure - God is faithful.

So I'm popping in to wish each of you an abundant, grace-filled New Year and let you know that you've blessed my life. Thank you for your love and friendship, and for encouraging me to write. We have much to share on our journey together.

See you soon!

Bloggerly Thoughts

2010-11-30T15:29:00.003-05:00

It's a SONderful day!

I've been freed from having to blog in order to feel accepted, fulfilled, or faithful. While others jumpstart new blogs this fall, or design spectacular sites to promote their forthcoming books, I've sadly neglected mine. To all things there is a season, right? But let's get real. I don't yet know where God is leading me. I'm taking it one day at a time.

My freelance work picked up for awhile but I intend to enjoy the holidays. I've also dabbled in painting and art journaling, and find great joy in releasing the gifts He's given me.

My 8 year old granddaughter is getting baptized this weekend - we're so happy for her.

And you? What have you been up to lately?

Fall-ish Ramblings on Change

2010-10-11T20:53:00.000-05:00

Autumn is my kind of season. The fall sings with splendor - even in troubled times - and everywhere I go, I'm surrounded by chubby pumpkins and brightly-colored mums. Lush scenery works better on my nerves than Xanax, and a chill in the air promises a change is gonna come.

I drive home inspired, and pour myself a cuppa hot tea. Pondering, I'm thankful for my invisible real estate, resisting the urge to grumble about my earthly dwelling place. Our humble abode is small, too small sometimes, but it's home and reflects who He made me to be. I pull a chair from the kitchen table and decide to read, soft afghan across my lap. Here in this room, a sunny windowsill greets me with reminders of God's love every day: Friendship cards, green and living houseplants, running water, the scent of pumpkin-spiced candles and a verse perched in front of a flower pot that that says:

"O God, though the mountains be shaken and the hills removed, yet Your unfailing love for me will not be shaken nor Your covenant of peace be removed. You are the Lord who has compassion on me" (Isaiah 54:10).

The quiet moment slays me with revelation. He's here. And He's not going anywhere. Things around me may crumble but He won't be moved and He never leaves. And if Jesus won't be moved, then neither will I, for He lives in me and has this habit of girding me up in just the moment I need.

And I need.

But He makes all things beautiful in its time. Nothing can separate me from His love. I have one of those moments where His assurance rushes to hug me through the scripture. In spite of everything the world tells me, suddenly (and again) I know that He will do nothing but love me.

A change may be coming but He never changes.

And I'm fine with that.

Teacups & Tidbits: Only One Burden Bearer

2010-09-10T15:51:00.001-05:00

He opened my eyes. My role is not to relieve other people's pain.

Oh, but I've tried. Anything less, at the time, seemed uncaring. To care is to stop your own life and take on all their problems - I thought. I prided myself in never letting a soul down. Only I did. Time after time. Then came all the self-loathing. When other burdens became my life, I sank like concrete. Something had to give.

There is only one true Burden Bearer. He has liberated us from codependance and ushered us into a place of true compassion. Surely we bear each other's burdens, but not in our own strength, nor all alone.

My role is to identify with a person's pain. When I do that, it's like offering a 'cup of cold water' to the thirsty. If I start fixing, meddling, or worrying - I become useless. And sometimes the worry is about my inadequacy. I forget that in my weakness, He is strong. I forget that He's already taking care of them. So I'm free to be me. Free to relax. I can let the presence of Christ express Himself through my personality type and work through my own human-ness. We have this present help in times of trouble, remember?

No one needs another fixer to the rescue. They don't need a theologian. What hurting people need is love and acceptance; compassion that stems from Christ's love, not our need to be needed. To actively listen and let others release pent-up emotions is healing.

When people sense they're loved and accepted, their burdens become lighter because Jesus is there.

"We love because He first loved us." ~ 1 John 4:19

Teacups & Tidbits: When God Shows Up

2010-09-09T13:55:00.001-05:00

I'm a word-wrangler. I wrestle with phrases. And certain phrases drive me bonkers. Take for instance, the way we describe a wonderful retreat, worship service, or quiet time, when we say: "God showed up!"

Was there any doubt? And where was He before He decided to show up? On vacation? Lurking about until we prayed just right?

Forgive me. I don't mean to minimize the joy of sensing God's presence, but the way we talk in Christian circles is such a hoot sometimes.

It's easy to repeat a figure of speech without much forethought. I do it, myself. But what if our language revealed what we really believe - that if we don't feel His presence in some big powerful way, God must not be pleased with us, or He's far off in the galaxy somewhere? Oh, beloved, we have the indwelling Christ! Is He not near us all the time? We never have to beg His presence. He does, in fact, live in and through us, if we belong to Him.

Today's thought: Do we rely too heavily on feeling and sensing when it comes to the things of God?

"For in Him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28

More Teacups & Tidbits coming - a series of short reflections on our grace life in Christ.

Out of Distress & Into His Presence

2010-09-03T17:53:00.000-05:00

"Too often we have made the mistake of trying to find an answer to the distress instead of returning to the presence of the loving Father, where no answer is needed." ~ Michael Wells

God pursues us to bless us.

Sometimes we forget this when cancer treatments, mounting medical bills, and lack of support weigh us down. Maybe we wake up believing we've been targeted for adversity, and look for the other shoe to drop. Worst is believing that God has left us to dig our way out of a dark black hole with only a toothpick. Crazy? Well, that's why these kind of thoughts can't be trusted! They are lies, pure and simple. Yes, the devil may want to harm you but as a child of God, you are not defeated, and certainly never abandoned in Christ. If anyone reads here and thinks, "God doesn't give one flip about my life," please keep reading, and I pray He encourages your heart with what is true.

The truth: God wants to lift us up. He wants to see us through. He longs to show Himself in the thick of our suffering. How else can we, like the Apostle Paul, press on, that we may know {experience} Him, and the power of His resurrection"? (Phil.3:10).

Some believers have turned away and maybe slammed the door on faith for a time. They're fed up with things not going their way. Not that they stop believing He exists. No, not that. But His answers to their prayers - as they perceived them - did not come to pass. So many dear, dear people have shared their heartaches with me, and I've gone through a fresh batch of my own discouragement. Sometimes we have to stew in our own juices before we see what a self-defeating choice it really is. Why, we have the very Lamb of Heaven availing Himself to us - yet we shut Him out. About the only thing that produces in me is hopelessness, depression, and flares of self-destructive behaviors. The very root of our bitterness, if it comes to that, will choke us to death. And all our relationships will begin to sour as bitter venom oozes under pressure.

On the other hand! Our distress is ripe for the Lord's presence. Who of us, humanly speaking, has all the resources to overcome our own problems? Not I. Yet His presence far exceeds any feelings of mine that tend to fluctuate day to day. I respond by turning to Him (because I think it's the Holy Spirit who woos me to turn)...and I grow more conscious of His indwelling presence, longing to lift and do me good, encouraging me and renewing my mind by the truth of His sweet Word. There are times His love seeks me out so lovingly as to speak through a friend, and I'm stunned because I know it's Him.

Oh, but this summer.

Problems - big ones - snuffed out my desire to write, to persevere, to live. Dreams died; even dreams I thought surely the Lord had given me. People deserted me. Plans failed. Problems exacerbated. Even prior years of hardship couldn't inoculate me against the pain I felt so acutely this summer. After one particular blow by a loved one, I retreated - the pain cut so deep. I couldn't speak of it; I just forgot His purpose for me. Wasn't long before I accepted an invitation to morbid introspection, fault-finding (my own), then attended the biggest pity party in town.

Gosh, I had to get out of that place! It's the pits...of hell, I tell you. I turned to the only One who knows me, and the Lord Jesus Christ broke through the lies, the confusion, and the pain. He lifted me above the circumstances and people. He infused me with His love and renewed my hope. We never lose the need for hope.

So here I am. I enjoyed a sweet time getting to know many of you on Facebook this summer. I've become closer to you and thank God for your presence in my life. Every good and perfect gift is from above! Mr. G., of course, is recuperating from the last of his radiation treatments which ended earlier this summer, and also minor surgery a few days ago, but God provides and spurs us on.

I'm happy to share my ramblings with you here. It's just my journey. The only light I have is whatever He gives me - He's never failed me. Hopefully, we'll address things that pertain to all of us along this journey of grace: Our union with Him, suffering, handling offenses, ministry, crushings, when teachings mature in the heart, why personal bankruptcy is good, loving difficult people, leaving the land of legalism to swim in grace, etc. Of course, these ideas are not in concrete. My plans are always subject to change, dear friends. But I trust God to guide us and give us what we need.

Love you, friends. We are truly blessed.

Thought for today: Doctrine is limited, but His life is not.

End of Summer Sabbatical

2010-09-01T16:47:00.000-05:00

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~ Romans 8:28 (NIV)

Happy September, folks - new month; new season. Time to crank up the blog press. I'm done with my unexpected sabbatical. Never thought I'd be gone more than a couple weeks, but hey, it's all good. God is working all things together for our good and His glory.

Stay tuned. A lot on my heart. And I think, just maybe, God put it there. ♥

Out of Sorts or Being Sorted?

2010-06-28T17:54:00.000-05:00

Blogging and writing for the public in general is such a peculiar thing when it comes to transparency. On one hand, we need to be real so folks can relate to us. On the other hand, the flesh is right there alongside us, eager to make a glowing impression.

I come to you today deeply humbled by people and circumstances, baffled by my own mixed responses, and disappointed for a future that can never be. I am broken to pieces by things I can't even begin to share here. Inwardly, though, I rejoice because of the change I sense being wrought in my spirit. This is growth and pruning I desperately need, that probably wouldn't come any other way.

Writing is tough when you're being sifted. Sometimes God takes away my voice. I also tend to write less when my thoughts are hampered by temporal feelings, giving Him time to sort me out. I'm learning to wait until He gives me the vision and the go-ahead.

Will you pray for me? Also please share your concerns so that I can join you in prayer. I love you all.

Healing from the Cancer of Religion

2010-06-14T13:55:00.015-05:00

NOTE: This is my 3rd attempt at posting a previous article that many folks said they couldn't read the first time. Having Blogger issues, I think. Please let me know if you can read this in your feed, and also here at the site. I rely on your input. Thanks! ~ VTG

The last couple months I've been up to my ears in research and nutritional protocols for healing cancer. Not surprisingly, it seems the pharmaceutical companies (and FDA) have nothing to gain by announcing a cancer cure. Particularly if changing our diet and lifestyle could profoundly impact the state of our health. And it can!

Of course, other factors may contribute to cancer but the standard American diet is doing us no favors. Interesting to note, where there's cancer, there's a compromised immune system. And where the immune system is impaired, there's usually a need to rid the body of toxins while boosting the system with antioxidants and healing nutrients.

And drug companies (as 'heaven-sent' as medications seem to be) only profit from our demise. They count on it. Which helps explain why certain entities mock anyone trying to complement (or replace) standard medicine with alternative, nutritional practices. They'd rather we live in fear and depend on pricey drugs.

But it's like I hear a voice crying in the wilderness, calling me back to health. We've abandoned preservatives, additives, artificial sweeteners, refined sugars, processed foods and dead enzymes - all in favor of wholesome fruits and vegetables. Am I fanatical? Only if I want to be healthy. I've experienced the difference these changes make in my own brain and body. Besides, I'd like my husband to live long enough to enjoy future grandchildren. But our hope isn't in a cancer cure. Our hope is in the Living Lord, who daily loads us with benefits for body, spirit, and peace of mind.

It's taken several illnesses, deaths, and cancer (twice now) in our family to open our eyes to healthier living. Up to now many of us have only feasted on dead food. There's no escaping the truth: God constantly provides healthier choices that we choose to ignore. This might be a strong statement but it's hard to deny the biblical concept of sowing and reaping. Did not God Himself set this creation principle in motion? We tend to dismiss it until dis-ease comes knocking at our door. Please don't misunderstand, everything God made for us to eat was good. . . until man tampered with it.

Daily our bodies are wearing out, but daily we're being inwardly renewed, if we abide in Christ and He abides in us. But nothing keeps us from experiencing Christ's Life like good ol' man-made religion.

Religion's food is hand-me-down traditions, recycled truths, and all the philosophies of popular spiritual men. Religion raises its leaders on pedestals, attaches value to rules and duty, intellectualizes, shames, manipulates, and keeps up appearances. It's a hollow mirage. Hungry followers crave bigger and better experiences: the next great conference, the next great speaker, or a new devotional book, spiritual retreat - you name it. But nothing about religion "completes" us. We might read and hear enough in our little religious circles to speak fluent Christianese before ever experiencing the indwelling life of Christ! I know; I've done it. The brokenhearted look to religion for healing but they get worn out; sometimes flat-out devastated. If we let religion become our life, we'll eventually fall flat on our faces, crushed and disillusioned with God.

But God doesn't let us down. The disease of religion lets us down!

I used to rely on churchianity to pull me through my struggles. Maybe you recall how I spent time on a religious treadmill, trying to whip myself into shape and keep up with the spiritual Joneses. I soaked up knowledge like a sponge, all the while stuffing my pain beneath a cooperative, smiling veneer. "Join this group. Sign up for this ministry. Get busy helping others and burn out for Jesus!" I was told. I finally got so sick of it, I wanted to vomit their advice AND their expectations.

Religion is a cancer that spreads if left untreated. It convinces us to put on our game face and camouflage our brokenness. It urges us to serve before teaching us to abide in the One who enables our service. And how can we heal if we can't be honest about our condition?

So there you have it. Guidelines and programs, ministries and books, conferences and bible studies, committees and choir practice - these things helped me cope for a few years. But trying to draw life from them only exacerbated the problem.

Jesus said, "Come unto Me". . . not . . . "come unto religion."

My only hope for healing is through intimacy with the Person of Christ - not the myriad of books, speakers, activities, counseling, pastors, conferences, and websites I'd come to rely upon. Jesus also said:

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me" (Revelation 3:20, NIV).

In this passage, Jesus wasn't addressing the unbeliever, but the Laodicean church. For so long I took this out of context, thinking it to be a salvation verse. I taught it to my granddaughter this way. But here, Jesus is inviting us to sup with Him, to experience Him, to be intimate and open the door of our heart to Him in worship. In this way, through reading and hearing the words of Scripture, His Spirit speaks Truth to us in our pain and brokenness, renewing the reality and passion of His love for us. Through personal times of worship, we come confessing our utter dependence. We come expectantly, receptive, no longer needing to bury our deepest pain. Then He ministers to us by the power of the Holy Spirit, enabling us, healing us, and giving us His faith to persevere. This is the beautiful and mysterious provision of Christ in us, the hope of glory.

What, then, is the cure for dead religion? The same as brokenness: intimacy with Jesus. The only way I am being freed from my own brokenness is by responding to that gentle knock upon my heart's door, day after day, where Christ is given access to my need. I need Him! Little by little, He's pouring His healing power into me, penetrating and transforming my heart and mind with the Truth of His Word. He upholds me, undergirds me, surrounds me, quickens and indwells me. He's increasing His fruit in me while enabling me to live by the power of His life.

This is grace. This is life - His life in me.

Are you trying to heal and recover? Sick of religion? What avenues of healing have you tried but found wanting? Journey with me to wholeness. Will you open the door of your heart to hear what the Lord is speaking to you today? Will you make time to experience Christ through the reading of the Scriptures?

Lord, nothing will ever be life to me except You. I need You

Tea & Therapy: No Defense But Jesus

2010-06-07T13:07:00.001-05:00

Can we talk?

Realizing my own brokenness is changing how I relate to people. My responses aren't necessarily perfect, but His love is releasing me from the chronic need to defend myself and correct others. Such visceral reactions were red flags in my life. Think of them what you will.

Answering a critic is not a problem. Sometimes it leads to fruitful communication, especially when a bit of clarification is needed. But I've lost the desire to debate; I'd rather let others express themselves without feeling intimidated, or jumping in to correct all the time. In matters of truth, I'll calmly state my case and let the Holy Spirit do His thing. I can't change anyone's heart. I can't even change a flat tire! The Holy Spirit does a much better job at dealing with hearts than I do. Sometimes the very heart He changes is mine.

While trusting Him as my life, He's cultivating in me a teachable spirit. My knee-jerk reactions give way to genuine love and concern for others instead of taking every comment so personally. I need to grow in this area, of course, but nothing frees me more than simply accepting that I'm not always right.

The Cancer of Religion: How to Heal

2010-05-28T05:44:00.000-05:00

The last couple months I've been up to my ears in research and nutritional protocols for the healing of cancer. Not surprisingly, it seems the pharmaceutical companies (and FDA) have nothing to gain by announcing a cancer cure, particularly if a diet and lifestyle change could profoundly impact the state of our health. And. it. can.

Of course, other factors may contribute to certain cancers but the standard American diet is doing us no favors. Interesting to note, where there's cancer, there's a compromised immune system. And where the immune system is impaired, there's usually the need to rid the body of toxins while boosting the system with antioxidants and healing nutrients.

Yet drug companies (even as 'heaven-sent' as medications seem to be) only profit from our demise. They count on it. Which helps explain why certain entities mock anyone trying to complement (or replace) standard medicine with alternative, nutritional practices. They'd rather we live in fear and depend on pricey drugs.

But it's like I hear a voice crying in the wilderness, calling me back to health. We've abandoned preservatives, additives, artificial sweeteners, refined sugars, dead enzymes, and processed foods - all in favor of wholesome fruits and vegetables. Am I fanatical? Only if I want to be healthy. I've experienced the difference these changes make in my own brain and body. Besides, I'd like my husband to live long enough to enjoy our future grandchildren. But our hope can't be in a cancer remedy. Not really. Our hope is in the Living Lord, who daily loads us with benefits for body, spirit, and peace of mind.

It's taken several illnesses, deaths, and cancer (twice now) in our family to open our eyes to healthier living. So many of us feast on dead food. There's no escaping the truth that God constantly provides healthier choices that we choose to ignore. This might be a strong statement but the biblical concept of sowing and reaping remains true; God's the One who set this creation principle in motion. I've sometimes dismissed it until dis-ease came knocking at the door. Still, everything God made for us to eat was good. . . until man tampered with it.

Daily our bodies are wearing out; yet daily we're being inwardly renewed, as we abide in Christ and He abides in us.

But nothing keeps us from experiencing Christ's Life like good ol' man-made religion.

Religion's food is hand-me-down traditions, recycled truths, and the many philosophies of popular spiritual men. Religion raises its leaders on pedestals, attaches value to rules and duty, intellectualizes, shames, manipulates, and keeps up appearances. It's a hollow mirage. Hungry followers crave bigger and better experiences: the next great conference, the next great speaker, or devotional book, or spiritual retreat - you name it. Nothing about religion "completes" us. We might read and hear enough in our little religious circles to speak fluent Christianese before ever experiencing the indwelling life of Christ. I know; I've done it. The brokenhearted look to religion for healing but they get worn out; sometimes flat-out devastated. If we let religion become our life, we'll eventually fall flat on our faces, crushed and disillusioned with God.

But God doesn't let us down. That's the disease of religion.

In my own struggles, I depended on the trappings of churchianity to pull me through. You may recall how I spent time on the religious treadmill, trying to whip myself into shape and keep up with the spiritual Joneses. I soaked up knowledge like a sponge, all the while stuffing my pain beneath a cooperative, smiling veneer. "Join this group. Sign up for this ministry. Get busy helping others and burn out for Jesus!" spiritual leaders told me. I got so sick of it, I finally wanted to vomit their advice and all their expectations.

Religion is a cancer that spreads if left untreated. It convinces us to put on our game face, and camouflage our brokenness. It urges us to serve before teaching us to abide in the One who enables our service. And how can we heal if we can't be honest about our condition?

So there you have it. Guidelines and programs, ministries and books, conferences and bible studies, committees and choir practice - these things helped me cope for a few years. Trying to draw life from them just exacerbated the problem.

Jesus said, "Come unto Me". . . not . . . "come unto religion."

My only hope for healing is through intimacy with the Person of Christ - not the myriad of books, speakers, activities, counseling, pastors, conferences, and websites I'd come to rely upon. Jesus also said:

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me" (Revelation 3:20, NIV).

In this passage, Jesus wasn't addressing the unbeliever, but the Laodicean church. For so long I took this out of context, thinking it to be a salvation verse. I taught it to my granddaughter this way. But here, Jesus is inviting us to sup with Him, to experience Him, to be intimate and open the door of our heart to Him in worship. In this way, through reading and hearing the words of Scripture, His Spirit speaks Truth to us in our pain and brokenness, renewing the reality and passion of His love. Through these personal times of worship, we come confessing our utter dependence. We come expectantly, receptive, no longer needing to bury our deepest pain. Here He ministers to us by the power of the Holy Spirit, enabling us, healing us, and giving us His faith to persevere. This is the beautiful and mysterious provision of Christ's Life in us, the hope of glory.

What, then, is the cure for dead religion? The same as brokenness: intimacy with Jesus. The only way I am being freed from my own brokenness is by responding to that gentle knock upon my heart's door, day after day, where Christ is given access to my need. I need Him! Little by little, He's pouring His healing power into me, penetrating and transforming my heart and mind with the Truth of His Word. He upholds me, undergirds me, surrounds me, quickens and indwells me. He's increasing His fruit in me while enabling me to live by the power of His life.

This is grace. This is life.

Are you trying to heal and recover? Sick of religion - or maybe just sick? What avenues of healing have you tried but found wanting? Journey with me to wholeness. Will you open the door of your heart to hear what the Lord is speaking to you today? Will you make time to experience Christ through the reading of the Scriptures?

Lord, nothing will ever be life to me except You. I need You.

From Sinner to Saint: Learning, Growing, Healing

2010-05-14T13:52:01.208-05:00

"I pray that out of His glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." ~Ephesians 3:16-19

God overwhelms me sometimes.

He's bigger and greater than anything I ever imagined. He's just beyond me to comprehend.

That's why I need His Spirit to reveal the Scriptures to me instead of all my spoon-fed theology. Thinking myself humble, I spent enough time dotting my pious "i's" and crossing my religious "t's," trying to prove my devotion to God. Along the way, knowledge must have puffed me up. I would study the bible, parrot sound doctrine, and cling to the need to be right. I pretty much lived and moved and had my being in the flesh.

Having received grace for salvation, I lived - ironically - by a set of religious rules and good principles. Hog-tied to the religious life, performance expectations drove me to self-loathing. No wonder. The Law puts us smack-dab under bondage. Scriptures like 1 John 1:9 kept me begging God's forgiveness over and over because deep down I didn't believe He'd really forgiven me. My emotions dictated truth. Had I understood my union with Christ, I'd have thought twice before calling myself "just a sinner saved by grace."

The moment I received Christ, He took me from sinner to saint. Out with the old self; in with the new. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17.

Even so, I wasn't sure what this meant. Our spiritual union with Christ certainly makes us God's sons and daughters. As earthly containers of His life, we're justified (just as if we'd never sinned), but sometimes we forget that being sanctified is a lifelong process. Over all, Jesus is our sanctification. But each of us are experiencing in different ways through different trials the practical outworking of His grace coming to bear on our lives. As circumstances press in on my life, I don't want to resist the Lord because I know His ways are good. Because of Him I keep turning in humility and trust, realizing who I am in Christ, but becoming more and more aware of His life in me.

Why do we hesitate to admit weakness? Pride, maybe. Fear. For so long I couldn't admit my own brokenness for fear of appearing less-than-Christian. I dreaded the pep talks I'd hear in certain circles, reminding me to speak only positive things. I couldn't express my heart. Not exactly an atmosphere for healing, if you ask me. We all need healing; we just might not know it yet. But our healing isn't grounded in positive words or the ability to pretend. Our healing is grounded in Christ. It comes as we experience His life as our sufficiency through thick and thin. We're not called to some masquerade. God has revealed the wonderful mystery of the Gospel to us, Christ in us, the hope of glory!

So we have His life. Are we relying on Him? If He gives us water, do we drink it? Or talk about it? Jesus is Living Water; we can't be nourished deep in our spirits unless we drink.

Are we unsure of our identity? Tripping over our flesh? Hurting? In need of healing? Jesus is our Remedy. Admitting our need to Him is the starting point. When we take everything to Him and rest in His care, we begin to experience the life hid with Christ. And we're continually being transformed by the renewing of our minds (Rom.12:2) while He fortifies our spirit.

There's a strange peace here lately. I've had my moments. I cry. If I could share with you why this recent cancer hit like a kick in the gut, I'm sure you'd understand. But I'm conscious of His presence with us, His goodness, and the way His Spirit comforts me at night. In this moment, I've no doubt He loves me and knows my concerns. Sometimes it's in the looking back, that I see what He's done. Trials are guaranteed, but what rich opportunities they become to experience the depths of His love in the midst of so much earthly uncertainty.

Because we're His, we're dearly loved, protected, cherished, and secure - and highly favored. These truths wash over my heart every single time I read the Psalms. "Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits," I read in Psalm 103. His Spirit refreshes me. He sends hope and gives me refills as often as I need. I'm depending on His life at work in me, rather than a myriad of props and sources that only fail me in the end. All my inadequacies and needs do not irritate Him. Psalm 103 says clearly, "for He knows how we are formed." As a father has compassion on his children, so God has for me.

His grace goes deeper than anything I've been taught. In unexpected places, I find Him. In a cloud of misgivings, anxiety, and cancer, He parts the cloud and shows me Himself. I don't have to prove my love for Him, just accept His. The invitation to rest is too good to pass up. His lovingkindness is not wasted on me, either - I soak it in.

Today I rejoice because He takes me from healing to healing; and He giveth more grace...

Good Place to Be: The Rock & Our Hard Place

2010-04-26T14:45:00.000-05:00

Well, dear readers, April hasn't been a good writing month. But as the inkling stirs, the joy is indescribable.

Our world has been rocked on many occasions. Cancer is just another occasion. Each time, some spiritual vertigo hit hard, but as always, His peace followed. I surely thought our physical maladies would end by now. Naive? Maybe. But God's promises are still true. I tell you that, not only because the Scriptures remind me, but because the maladies give way to the Lord's sustaining love. Jesus is always faithful and true.

Mr. G. hasn't started radiation yet. He's doubtful about it now, and besides, the medical world operates slower than expected. With their full schedules, we're still waiting until May 3 for his radiology/oncology consult. By then, we'll know how to proceed. Since some of his cancer cells are rather aggressive, the urologist is urging radiation. Those of you on Facebook with me know I've spent the past couple weeks overhauling our diets to include the best nutritional therapies. Both of our immune systems need boosting, but particularly his, as radiation is very depleting and we need to starve the cancer cells. In many cases, changing dietary habits has thwarted the growth of cancer cells, so it makes sense to eat well. (Tip: sugar feeds cancerous cells) But our hope is in the Lord, not radiation. As He sheds light, we'll know what else to do, if anything. Some say we're in a hard place. Yes, we sure are, but we're between The Rock and our hard place, cushioned with an everlasting Love. In every way, that's the very best place to be.

Thank you for following Windows to My Soul! Thanks, too, for your concern and prayers. More to come. God bless you all!

Personal Update

2010-04-08T12:58:00.000-05:00

My husband’s beloved father took ill last week and, at age 89, passed the day before Easter in ICU. All of us were able to take turns being with him during his last few days, and he was alert almost to the end. While we're flooded with sweet memories of his healthier days, we're comforted to know that Papa will celebrate Easter with the Lord for all eternity now."It's the good Lord who takes care of me!" he said to us, not long ago.

Also, Mr. G. starts radiation next week as follow-up to his prostate cancer surgery last summer. His PSA is rising, so that’s not a good sign. Thanks for your prayers. He is feeling kinda raggedy as you can imagine.

Just giving you a heads-up, while we rest up....will probably post again in a few days. Blessings to you this beautiful spring!

Easter Changes Everything

2010-04-01T19:29:00.000-05:00

"For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!" ~ Romans 5:10 (NIV)

For years I celebrated Easter not realizing what the Lord had done for me through His death, burial, and resurrection. The love that will not let me go has boggled my mind. After 27 years, I'm still discovering the hidden riches of His grace.

This same grace answered before any of us cried out. He knew our deepest need, coming to us in an "earthsuit" to do what we couldn't do for ourselves. Maybe to some, Easter is about fire insurance; a ticket to the Pearly Gates. Jump on board before it's too late, we hear. No one who trusts in Jesus is ever turned away. But the less we really know Him right now, the more we're like tumbleweeds, rolling around, toughing it out on our own.

His life is better than that.

Christ, now risen from the dead, guarantees power and abundant living to those who have His life. He took the scourgings, the nails, the humiliation, and poured out his blood, so we could be reconciled to God. Not a soul was left out of His plan, but sadly, not every soul will receive His life.

This love-without-bounds is no self-improvement plan. When God saved me, He didn't improve me; He gave me a brand new nature. He freed me from sin and self because any improvement on "self" is still filthy rags. Oh, but my old life was swallowed up in His death, and a new life given. This is Christ's life living in me now, the One who loved me and gave His life for me. His Spirit takes me from "trying" to "trusting,". . . and sends my guilt packing.

How then will I live? Trusting self, or His Spirit? When I trust self, I'm gutting it out, hiding my faults, polishing my best facade. To trust in His life means I can live out of His resources, without the fear, shame, or condemnation; without all the baggage, lies, and false identities. Christ is my Life:

“When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory.” ~ Colossians 3:4

Has Christ's life been revealed to you, and in you? Do you realize we've been buried, crucified, and raised with Christ into a new life, not a law-based system? This revelation stopped me from applying principles which is self-effort, and instead, learn to live out of my union with Him. If we have His life, we have His strength. And the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is working in us who believe! \o/

I enjoy Easter and all that it means, but it's not what we know that counts - it's WHO. And knowing Jesus changes everything!

A blessed Resurrection Day to you! May it please the Father to reveal the life of His Son in us, and through us, for His glory.

The Quiet Rooted Life

2010-03-24T19:37:00.002-05:00

I don't think God expects big, flamboyant outer displays of faith from us. He knows we can't grow fruit before it's time. Some of us, though, rolled up our sleeves years ago, determined to muscle up faith and character. Yes, and we fell flat on our faces. But faith increases as we abide.

Oh, the quiet life, the inner life rooted invisibly in Christ, not encumbered by the ways of this world. This same life shouldn't become encumbered by the flesh, either, but we get stuck in our failings. We ruminate over these failings until we're completely disillusioned with ourselves as Christians. Good. It's about time!

All this self-examination hinders spiritual growth - it sure doesn't help. Unhealthy introspection keeps me stuck in self-mode. Pouting about my weaknesses gets me nowhere fast. But there's always the choice to pick up, go on, and live and move and have my being in Him. Troubles, like dark clouds, block our view of Him sometimes, but He's not behind some far off cloud anyway. He's smack-dab in the middle of all our situations and distresses while we're busy listening to our feelings. The Lord who once dwelt among us, now dwells within us, friends, and He'll enable us to stop clutching at the self-life if we're sensitive to His stirrings.

Let's come out of ourselves. . . and go back to abiding.

The seed of faith is a gift, after all. We didn't manufacture it or think it up one day. To exercise faith is simply to believe God. But growing in His ways takes time.

We don't "see" all the shoots and buds of faith in progress. But our loving Father, through His indwelling Son, is tending the soil of our hearts until we grow up in Christ. He uses all kinds of storms and blustery weather to show us Himself. The life of Christ, though hidden, is alive in us. Others may witness a tenderness in us, enabling us to bear with the faults of others. The more we turn to Him and let His Word refresh us, the more Christ's life seems to well up, breaking all our defenses. Little by little, we let go of personal griefs and earthly longings. His loving patience causes us to abandon the harsh, critical spirit so we can move in compassion towards others.

So what if you've messed up? Keep turning to Him. You are blooming where you're planted! - quietly, slowly, but as surely as the Son rose again. Circumstances try all of us. Difficulties may put our heart-soil to the test. But they compel us to trust the Master Gardener for all we need.

How thankful I am for the mystery of this hidden life in Christ. Though I don't understand it, I know there's no need to fuss about my failings, which is my flesh and not the Christ-life. Ups and downs will come and go; moods change; and we all go through seasons. Through it all, I want to let the Cross go down deep, and not resist His life working in me.

Let Jesus use the weeds of failure to show us how much we need His life!

He supplies all we need - He supplies Himself!

Out in the Deep With Christ

2010-03-22T16:28:00.000-05:00

One day, I was rumaging through paper piles in my little office when a rather plain thought stopped me in my tracks. You never learned to swim because you've never cast yourself fully upon deep waters."

So startled was I by the truth, I sat down and wept.

The people close to me know that I can't swim. Sometimes they joke about it, but they understand the history behind the fear. When I was 17, a guy threw me overboard while we were enjoying the lake that summer day with his family. I had thoroughly enjoyed their boat and hospitality until they thought it good fun to force me to swim.

Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle - not fun. I gulped tons of nasty water, flailed my arms about wildly, and took mental snapshots of the bottom of that lake. Death seemed so imminent until somehow I popped up, gasping and horrified at all the laughter. The memory dims with years, but I never cared to swim after that. Nope. I've spent most of my life making "safe" choices, avoiding large bodies of water.

Okay, so I managed not to drown. But I've never experienced the sheer joy and freedom in being able to glide across a large pool of water. I watch others swim like a fish, and wish I could, too.

Well, Spurgeon once wrote:

"The sailor trusts himself to the sea. When he swims, he lifts his feet from the bottom and rests on the buoyant ocean. He could not swim if he did not wholly cast himself upon the water."

See the metaphor here? What keeps us from living by faith and appropriating grace? Today I'm reminded to trust God as He's revealed in Jesus, and cast myself fully upon Him, not holding back. We can't learn to swim if we won't let go. We can't learn to trust, if we won't abide. I have never been able to walk by faith as long as I'm clinging to all that I feel. Today His voice to me said: "Be not afraid, only believe" (Mark 5:36).

I find treasure out in the deep. It's okay that I can't see what's ahead; grace undergirds me through all kinds of difficulties. I trust His life. And while I've set sail from the shores of unbelief, past those shallow waters of safety, I'm running into uncharted waters (for me, anyway) but that's okay, too. Beneath me are the Everlasting Arms, guiding me past the rocks and snares.

He won't let me drown because He's my strength, from beginning to end. He's your strength, too.

One-Day-At-A-Time Healing

2010-03-16T18:53:00.000-05:00

Even though I'm freed in Christ from self and sin, and rejoice in my new identity in Him, my healing hasn't come easily or instantly. Maybe because I've been a bit of an artful dodger instead of living out of my union with Him.

If we're only able to trust to the extent we intimately know someone, I'm afraid for many years I didn't know Jesus very well. I belonged to Him, and my salvation was secure. But I had only begun the knowing.

Funny, but the more I know Him, the more I sense my need. To my relief, the only thing grace requires is a need. "The bigger the hole, the more grace there is to fill it," someone once said. True. And so this same grace reveals through pain and troubles, just how broken I really am.

This is not something the unwounded life, the self-sufficient life, can relate to. Only the broken heart cries for healing, not ashamed to admit sheer need of the One who loves and gives, protects and heals.

Yet we're slow to wait on Him, distracted by many things. I, for one, have turned to others for remedies before I ever let Him feed me the mystery of His hidden manna.

But in turning back, I find that He works in quiet, little by little, revealing Himself, dissolving self-focus, increasing His vision; healing and satisfying need where the heart is surrendered. This is my one-day-at-a-time healing, where I'm conscious of His presence, His Spirit drawing me to the written Word, to worship and offer up my need. There in the quiet, I'm nourished. There too, I'm baffled at any prior resistance, knowing full well the need is too great to ignore Him.

All these years I collected quite a library of truths in my head from the Bible, desiring to change; eager not only to escape any trifle or pain - but to cover it up, and appear oh-so-spiritual and do for others. I certainly believed (and still do) that "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free," but a cerebral study of truths couldn't heal me, only Jesus.

My healing comes the more I know and experience Him as my life. No shortcuts. The regurgitated spiritual food of others can't sustain me, only His manna will do. And in my brokenness, powerlessness, and weakness... Jesus rises up strong in me.

Through the Lord, I'm learning to stop 'jerking' from crisis to crisis, and rest in radical trust. Underneath are the Everlasting Arms. Amen!

Have Buds, Will Travel

2010-03-08T19:33:00.004-05:00

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away... Oh, wait a minute - that's another article:-)

Let's start again.

Once, when I thought I understood the Christian life, I wrote a lot of devotionals about dying to self. I encouraged others to keep dying to self, which probably triggered some misconceptions, if not downright confusion. People got frustrated. I got frustrated! After all, we all thought (and had been taught) that dying to self is the key to victorious Christian living.

But is that what the bible really says?

I don't think so, and I'll tell you why.

As believers in Christ, we've already been crucified with Christ (see Galatians 2:20; Romans 6:6). Yet we keep struggling to do what He's already done. I think it's because we don't understand our new identity. Why else would we continue to lament, berate, and beat up something's that already dead?

Old things have passed away, y'all. Would Jesus die for us, only to abandon us in a struggle to decrease or improve self in our own strength? Self can't be improved... Jesus didn't die to improve mankind. He saved us from our sickness and sin by transplanting NEW life into us. I love this, because it means I don't have to patch myself up anymore - just let His life generate in me.

Some may still ask, so what are we to do then?

Believe! Receive! Because He's done everything for us.

Romans 6:7 tells us to count ourselves dead to sin... and alive to God. ""

"We know that our old self was crucified with Him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him." (Romans 6:6-8, ESV).

This new life we live ... is Christ.

We live with Him, in Him, and through Him. And He lives with us, in us, and through us. We don't have to wait until Heaven to experience this reality. What we struggle with may be old thinking patterns, but even so, He renews our minds through the Scriptures, if we let Him.

I don't really have to understand how He does it, but I trust Him, and rest in Him ... like a branch draws sap from the tree. ♥

Grace Walk Radio

2010-03-03T15:14:00.000-05:00

Happy March, dear friends. I'm posting a widget for Grace Walk Radio to see if it works okay on this site. Will also place it on the sidebar. Let me know what you think. Blessings!

Captured But Free

2010-02-19T16:28:00.002-05:00

I used to think that if I read my bible, attended church, and avoided "big" sins, I was a good little Christian, prepared for the worst. All the while, I was clinging to myself without realizing it.

Fast forward some years later, and I have to admit...at times I am still clinging to myself.

But God is faithful.

He brings me to a peculiar place where I have to stop everything until I'm calm and yielded again. I know better than congratulate myself for even realizing this, because my flesh runs contrary to all His ways. It is His Spirit that gives me light... and Life.

Be thankful for the path that leads to brokenness, for only then will we discover who God truly is...in our darkest hour...when we feel hemmed in.

I think about recent losses and stumbling through grief. Two friends have died, one expected, and the other a complete shock. One has gone silent on me, one is preaching to me, one needs me, and my own three sisters are habitually preoccupied just as I need a tender word. But in God's providence, all these things serve me well. Very well. So I dare not complain. You see, I'm learning who the Lord is... in my loneliness. He sends blessings from unexpected places, not always the places and people we seek.

My moods do change, and they say there's a pill for this, but only God's love pierces my heart's darkness. Where before I felt abandoned, neglected, and totally misunderstood, today I woke up like a little bird whose cage doors were flung wide open! I'm captured by His love, and free to soar above all that ails me. He refuels me just as the need increases, and reminds me - the door to this cage of mine was open all along.

I am better off this way.

Tea & Therapy: Hardening of the "Oughteries"

2010-02-04T20:37:00.001-05:00

Ever get that naggy feeling that you ought to be doing more for God? Maybe you heard a rousing, robust sermon last week but instead of sensing the Lord's encouragement, you struggled with guilt. After all, we're saved to serve...right?

I would say 'welcome to the club' ...I just can't go there anymore.

If you feel the Lord's withholding His favor until you get up to speed, I've got some news. He was never displeased with you in the first place.

The rule keepers want us to doubt. They don't want us to enjoy the peace we have in Christ. Rule-keepers analyze, debate, judge, and sometimes condescend. Yep, they take pride in avoiding sin and appearing righteous. I guess you could say their whole identity is wrapped up in that. But as we're rooted and grounded in Christ, we see the futility (and sickness) of self-righteousness. We might also think religious folk make life doggone miserable, but only if we give in to the hardening of their "oughteries." Religious guilt is a trap. Don't fall for it. Jesus didn't live with it; neither should we.

Just as Jesus lived and moved and had His being in the Father, so can we. We don't abide by rules, regulations, ought-to's, and shoulds. We abide in Him. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty, and we can trust His Spirit. No more weighing and measuring, worrying and comparing. Write this truth down: It pleases God for us to enjoy His life and receive from Him all the grace and energy we need. What He calls us to do, He enables!

So, next time you catch yourself thinking, "I oughta be doing more - surely God's not happy with me," or when someone tells you what a Christian ought to be doing...just STOP. Don't operate out of guilt; let grace operate in you. We've no need to prove ourselves to anyone. Nor do we need to earn God's approval. Our identity in Christ is sealed and settled. It's not about what we do, but who we are - redeemed children of the Lord Most High. Even if we mess up - and we DO mess up - it doesn't alter God's love. So, get off the treadmill. No more struggling for worth and value. In Him, we're accepted, and free. In Him, there's no room for "oughts" and "shoulds"

If we never did another thing for God, it would be all right! Can you rest in that? This truth won't bide well with religious folk, but that's too bad, because it is well with my soul. And each day brings plenty opportunity for all of us to trust in His life.

Careful, brothers and sisters, whose voice you heed, lest you develop hardened oughteries. The cure is an intimate life in Christ. A life that flows from grace, not guilt.