Windows to My Soul

Grace Biscuit: No More Hypochondria

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:33:53 PST

Some people develop a deepseated fear of germs. That's all they think about. Their phobia becomes so debilitating it interferes with everyday activities. Others realize that good handwashing technique is a reasonable defense against illness, so they wash their hands and go about their business.

Now, I can be naturally introspective. In nursing school, I had to learn not to freak out over stapholococcus aureus, or else I'd never be able to take care of my patients. Funny how we can become so introspective that we're constantly fixated on our spiritual health, too. Some try to make a life of repenting over and over again, then checking and double-checking their "flesh." This is not life; this is full blown spiritual hypochondria. As the saying goes, no rest for the weary.

I think chronic introspection turns into hypochondria because of spiritual insecurity. But our spiritual health questions and issues are settled in Christ! That's not to say we don't need a check-up now and then, but the Holy Spirit is perfectly able to convict with love and grace whenever He needs to, without any assistance from us. This frees us to rest in the Lord, worship, and receive from Him!

Grace Biscuit: Check Your Source

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:31:38 PST

Whether we've had many positive experiences with few rejections in our lifetime, or many rejections and traumas, God may have to take us through a breaking process if we're trusting self to cope.

The perfectionistic, driven, and competent person, capable of leading others well is no better off than an addict who tries to get her needs met through alcohol - if she's operating out of sheer need for approval or drivenness to 'git it done.' Whether our flesh is a little like the Pharisee or more like the woman at the well, getting our needs met apart from trusting in Christ is a dead-end.

We hinder the expression of His life in us when we live and move and have our being anywhere else. It's not our behavior, though, it's the source. Where are we placing our trust? Self-life or His life? Self will exhaust personal resources eventually. But grace supplies supernaturally all things needed...through Christ's indwelling life. We receive spiritual renewal in His Word. Out of this renewal His Spirit enables us to make healthy choices, turn from self, and flow in the motivation of His strength and power.

Grace Biscuit: Trusting His Life Not My Flesh

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:07:18 PST

We can stop worrying and feeling condemned over our flesh when we realize that God doesn't intend to "fix" it. God puts no hope in the flesh, neither should we! My flesh is lazy, jealous, impatient, and prideful. But His life in me is loving, kind, humble, patient, and longsuffering. Why waste any more time feeling guilty or constantly trying to fix myself? It's exhausting. What I do now is fix my hope completely on Jesus Christ and His grace. The more I rest in Him, the more the fruit of His Spirit is produced in me.

My flesh will never change, but His life, working in and through me, can be trusted. So, instead ordering another Christian self-help book on Amazon.com, let's remember that Christ's life in us will accomplish all that He purposes for us as we rely on Him. After all, He redeemed us from our old life (flesh can never fix flesh) to give us His! The power of His Holy Spirit enables us to stop all this preoccupation with "what's wrong with me" as we walk by faith, not by sight. Love you all!

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." ~ Psalm 73:26

Grace Biscuit: Guilt-free Living

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:37:34 PDT

When a baby is born, we're happy and rejoice! When my three children were born, I certainly cooed over them lovingly, thanking God for such precious life. I didn't look at them and say, "Hmm...I wonder what awful sinful past this baby had?

If we belong to God, He isn't saying that either.

Yet many of us, after being born into Christ, still kick ourselves and drag around a heap of guilt and shame. We worry we haven't pleaded enough for forgiveness, served God enough, disciplined ourselves enough, or think ourselves unworthy because of shame. Listen, none of us were worthy before He saved us! And religious works won't ever cleanse our conscience! But because God loves us, He provided a means for healthy guilt-free living; we just need to receive His provision. Only then will we serve Him with joy and out of this amazing grace in which we now stand.

"For if the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkling those who have been defiled sanctify for the cleansing of the flesh,how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?" (Hebrews 9:13-14, NASB, my emphasis).

God knew we'd get hung up with guilt, but One sacrifice provided the remedy. Isaiah 40:1-2 says that our iniquity was removed! We received double for all our sins!...not punishment, but cleansing; not condemnation, but acceptance, love, and joy!

Hey, that's some jelly for your biscuit today!

Grace Biscuit: Our Ability or His?

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:34:39 PDT

"If you wanna be blessed," the sweet little church lady told me, "you have to remember the ifs and thens of the bible." She loaded me up with preaching tapes on obedience, reminding me that if I did this, then God would surely do that. I was grateful. I mean, who doesn't want to be blessed? But in my naivete, I embraced old covenant teachings that kept me in bondage. I struggled for years to meet God's requirements in order to receive His promises. If everything depended on me, then I was breaking under the burden of it all.

What I didn't know is this: "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God" (2 Corinthians 1:20, emphasis mine).

Jesus Himself is the "yea and amen"... He fulfilled ALL the "ifs" and "thens." Resting in Him is the key, not our performance. Somehow I missed this truth and focused on spiritual rule-keeping. The grief, fatigue, and confusion eventually taught me that something was wrong. Even though I was very committed, I failed to see how abiding in His grace enables obedience. I was trusting in the cart to pull the horse.

What are we trusting? Our ability or His?

"It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God ~ that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption" (1 Corinthians 1:30).

Grace Biscuit: Touching Scars

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:38:39 PDT

Kirsten grew up in a Christian family and knew lots of doctrine; Jill did not. Kirsten judged others by performance and outward appearance. Jill came to the Lord from a painful past and emotional instability. Kirsten promoted spiritual disciplines and taught really good bible studies. Jill devoured the Scriptures, hungry to know God.

Kirsten continues to exercise her gift of "exhortation" often.

Jill touches people's scars with the love she's found in Jesus.

** Post update** 10/27/09: Great discussion in the comments section. Thank you for adding your thoughts and insights.

Grace Biscuit: The Real Gospel

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 08:35:57 PDT

Sin is so grievous, going to the very core of our being, our only real remedy for it is a completely NEW life in Jesus Christ. Maybe this is why grace is so often misunderstood. People fear that grace is "soft on sin." But looking at sin realistically causes us to see how utterly wretched we are apart from Christ, so much that we finally give up trying to fix ourselves, relinquish our pride, and put the focus back on Him. Otherwise, we could spend a lifetime frantically working some religious self-improvement "program"...applying principles, keys, steps, or some "ancient pathway" just because a Christian author or preacher said it's necessary for vibrant spiritual life. No use taking pride in superficial changes - sin can't be corrected like this. The personal struggle to muscle it out, wears us out.

No, the gospel is not just "Jesus for salvation," leaving us to shape up or ship out. His death was our sin offering. His Life is now our life! The real gospel, the whole gospel, is the gospel of grace - trusting in Christ to transform us. Because nothing else can.

Bite-Size Grace Biscuits Coming!

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:27:45 PDT

"Write down the revelation and make it plain..." ~ Habakkuk 2:2

Oh, how I'm enjoying this crisp fall weather! How about you? Do you enjoy a change of seasons where you live?

For the remainder of October, blogging here will be on the light side. Not less frequent or less filling, just shorter. This will free me to tackle a home business project that needs my attention, but shorter posts will also help us ponder one main thought at a time. As always, I welcome your feedback since this is an interactive blog. We're in this grace journey together.

May the Lord free us from whatever baggage we're still carrying. The whole nature of Grace is redemptive and freeing. He reconciles, restores and makes us whole.

Let's explore what this means and put it into bite-sizes! Are you with me?

Happy 5th Blogiversary!

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 16:07:24 PDT

Today marks the 5th Blogging Anniversary of Windows to My Soul. Can't believe it's been that long. This whole blog started as an experiment during a really low point in my life, but God has blessed me in the journey. Thank you for reading, caring, emailing, praying, for notes and cards. Your love and support has enriched my life. There is a sweet spirit in the blogosphere, filled with His goodness, truth, and grace. As long as I have breathe, I hope to write about Him.

We're traveling Homeward together, my friends.

Because of Him, carry on.

Trying vs. Dying

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:14:33 PDT

"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." ~ Romans 8:11 (NIV)

When I'm driving, cooking, or putzing around the house doing chores, my mind drifts to this grace in which we now stand. I'm SO grateful, more than words can say. Because if you knew how I've tried to escape the tyranny of my own self-life, you'd either chuckle or admit you've done it, too. All of us want to overcome sinful self, and grow spiritually. But thinking we can do this, in and of our own power, is misleading to ourselves and anyone looking to our example.

These ideas and activities don't work:

1. Denying self. Beef up my efforts; get self out of the dog-gone way so Christ can work, make sure I'm denying my affections on a daily basis.

2. Conquer self by doing more spiritual stuff. "Feed the white dog, not the black dog." Attend more church gatherings and bible studies, pray harder and longer, become more involved at church, start a ministry, lead a class, get on the prayer team, witness, disciple or mentor others, give more money, make sure I'm using my gifts, write a spiritual blog, etc.

3. More education and training. Sign up for spiritual conferences, workshops, sermons, tapes, videos, books; go to the right church, get a theology degree, train to be a counselor, life coach, chaplain, or apologist, etc. Learn all I can! Knowledge is power, they say!

4. Attend revivals. Confess, commit, care about souls more, pray for change, evangelize, make new spiritual resolutions, "get right with God" again and again.

5. Stay "cleansed" and forgiven. Make sure I'm current with God in regards to my sins. Confess every known sin to "keep short accounts." If I don't, God won't answer my prayers or empower me!

6. Grow spiritually. Aspire to the "deeper" life. Plod along and don't stop lest I become "stagnant" in my walk with Him. Keep the spiritual disciplines; do whatever's necessary to further my growth in the Lord. "If you're not growing, you're backsliding!"

7. Seek bigger and better experiences. Pray for more power, anointing, speaking in tongues, discernment, gifts, etc; travel near and far to 'healing' and prophetic conferences, meetings, or retreats, fast, etc. Keep the spiritual disciplines, follow the "ancient pathways," or discover "XYZ Keys to Spiritual Growth. "Don't wanna miss anything God has for me!"

These are some examples of many ways we've been taught to grow spiritually and deny self. Ironic, isn't it? The Lord says His yoke is easy, His burden is light, yet all this activity makes my head spin. When we focus on an area, trying to attain something, we lose sight of the Person. After several years, I realized I'd shot myself in the foot by, first, trying to hurry my own growth and, secondly, trying to keep up spiritual appearances. That's a lot of trying! Sheer exhaustion, growing irritability, and deep frustration about my many failures signaled something really wrong. The Lord didn't fail me; I had turned this Christian life into a chronic treadmill. Nothing destroys rest for our souls like striving to make something happen.

Abiding in Him is enough. He will work through any surrendered life, yours and mine, as we trust Him and believe in His finished work. Others may think I'm not doing enough to prove my godly devotion, but what a blessing to be freed from their opinion of me!

So I'm learning this, flesh can't improve itself for very long. It needs to die. If we've received the Lord's life, our old self DID die in union with Him on the cross. The old has passed, the new has come. The moment we trust Him and receive Him - the Gift of Grace - we become a new creation, raised with Him and blessed with His indwelling life. We're forgiven, cleansed, accepted, and empowered by His life to make right choices.

Yes, we have plenty (ineffective) ways to deal with the core problem of self, but God has only ONE way: His Son, Jesus Christ. At the Cross He dealt with us fully, and did more than pay for the penalty of our sin. He knew our flesh could never yield to good-intended resolutions or effort. Even educating ourselves about the Truth is not the same as being set free by Him. Jesus is truth. Why would He help improve our old sinful nature, the Adamic nature, when He can make us completely new in Him?

Our spiritual lives flow from His indwelling life, nothing else. There are no new revelations out there, folks, only Truth we need to receive and believe.

It's the Holy Spirit who holds "self" to the cross, rendering it inactive, causing us to respond to His grace, day by day. This life in Christ is a beautiful, fruitful, loving life of peace and rest - no more striving for what is already ours. Open God's Word today and find the many ways He's provided for you through His Son. All we really need to do is take our place of union with Him. He does the rest.

(graphic courtesy of www.heartlight.org)

Christianity vs. Churchianity

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 17:49:53 PDT

For in Him we live, and move, and have our being …” ~ Acts 17:28

More and more I'm noticing a grave distinction between Churchianity and Christianity. I hope we're paying attention. May the Holy Spirit help me articulate this matter; may He give us discernment.

A friend came to me a long time ago and shared that she no longer seem to fit in with "church." I didn't understand. Mainly, she was concerned about changes coming from the pulpit, a departure from the Christ-centered messages she loved and needed to hear. According to her, the church had grown like crazy but something wasn't right. People were passing around the The Purpose Driven Life and pushing the importance of commitment, relationships, and community. It sounded okay at first, she said, but Christ was only given a nod now and then. She spoke up about her concerns, but was either ignored or met with a rebuff. Some friends left. After praying for several months she left, too, and let the Lord help her sort it all out.

Now, many thought ill of her for leaving... speculated about her faith... accused her of backsliding. But her time away from church became a wonderful turning point in her spiritual life. During that time she relinquished her need for the praise of people, she stopped performing for acceptance, and she grew to depend on the Lord like never before.

I've pondered this lately due to an article I read, remembering a handful of people who questioned my opinion of The Purpose Driven Life (Rick Warren). I can't speak of the man, but his writing is out there for the whole world to read:

"A church family identifies you as a genuine believer. I can't claim to be following Christ if I'm not committed to any specific group of disciples." (pg. 133, PDL)

"In my book The Purpose-Driven Church, I explain how being part of a healthy church is essential to living a healthy life." (pg.136, PDL)

Well, of course the person recognized as a church growth guru would promote church membership! That's totally expected.

But the organized church is not the Ekklesia, or Body of Christ. Only those who belong to Jesus Christ are the living Church, not the many seekers, the curious, or the folks who practice Christian principles or disciplines without ever coming to Christ Himself. When Jesus said He would build His Church, He wasn't talking about denominations, brick and mortar, or a "club" where we need to belong and pay our dues. Abiding in Christ is what leads to a healthy life.

The author goes on to say that God "created the church to meet your five deepest needs: a purpose to live for, people to live with, principles to live by, a profession to live out, and power to live on" (italics mine).

This just isn't true. While those may be benefits, our deepest needs aren't purpose and principles - plenty people have found purpose and principles apart from Christ. They may strive to imitate Him but they have yet to give up their own life to embrace His. What they perceive as the best of both worlds (having my cake and eating it, too) is really a sad deception.

Our deepest need is to know and abide in Jesus Christ. I can't back down on this. In Him we live and move and have our being, not the church. His purpose is that we know Him and relate to Him and trust Him. Out of His life flows every enablement. Once we taste and see that the Lord is good, we see the heresy of legalism, and want to trust, instead, in His indwelling life. If we're depending on the church (or others) to meet our deepest needs, we're sure to be disappointed.

The Purpose-Driven Life also says: " Satan loves detached believers, unplugged from the life of the Body, isolated from God's family, and unaccountable to spiritual leaders, because he knows they are defenseless and powerless against his tactics."

True, Satan wants us defenseless and powerless. But we're accountable to no one except the Lord. God's grace is more than able to keep us from falling. In Christ, we're clothed with His armour; in Christ we have power to overcome every temptation. It is a lie that we can't be a real Christian or make it spiritually if we don't belong to a local church. What of the many shut-ins in the world, sick and unable to attend church? Has the Lord cast these sick ones out of His own Body? Are they, as this book suggests, "unplugged"? What if we decide to leave church because of false teachings and no church in town is preaching truth? Think of believers in persecuted lands around the world who have to hide and meet on rare occasion, yet they have Jesus! No soul who claims the name of Christ is without His grace to endure!

I love the Lord. I love His people! But I want no part of "Churchianity." Please let me caution us about books today. Many promote a formula Churchianity and (knowingly or unknowingly) twist Scripture for their own benefit. They may even goad us with guilt. If we're naive, we buy into it. I've been naive, ya'll! That's why I write this.

Anyone can learn the spiritual ropes, the lingo, the behavior, and play to the system. Only God knows the heart. But true Christianity is not like this. Christ-ianity is about Blood-bought believers who know their Savior and their identity in Him - they rely on His Life-giving Spirit. Believers love His Word; they love people! But we're led by the Holy Spirit, not driven by desires. When it comes to fellowship, God may lead each of us differently. It really doesn't matter where we gather - in a church, a storefront, or each other's homes with only 2-3 present. We want to share in Christ's life together.

Where is your life and purpose? Are you trying to get it from church? Or following principles?

Life is in Jesus and through Him alone.

Cross Purposes for the Enabled Life

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 18:08:57 PDT

"But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you andguard you..." ~ 2 Thessalonians 3:3

Since my first baby steps with God - and surely as troubles hit - I lived to take up my cross and follow Jesus. It was my daily desire and effort. The "cross" that I heard about pertained to suffering under our allotted trials. Christ, after all, had suffered for me - the least I could do was suffer for Him - right?

That mentality had to change.

God doesn't necessarily want me to suffer, but when I do (because in this world we will have trouble)... He is life to me. Only Jesus can handle my adversities. I sure can't - not really.

But how often do we hear folks talk about a "thorn" in their side or some "cross" they must bear? I've repeated a lot of Christianese myself before really understanding. I'm still un-learning and re-learning.

God doesn't expect heroic efforts from me; neither must I suppress my hurt and pain to appear stoic or super-spiritual. What a relief! Because if you cut me, I bleed - just like you. But all He is, He is for me. Taking up the cross is not so much about enduring hardship as it is the daily giving up of my life for His life. Taking up His Cross means I no longer live, the old Vicki died, but Christ now lives in me. I'm responding to the Love that broke my bonds and set me free from self and sin. I trust in His work, not mine. I rely on His grace to live this enabled life.

Now if He's released me from my old life, why resurrect a corpse and gut it out - all in the name of Jesus? That's just crazy. Yet it took me years of bondage, pain, and failure before I was sick of my own flesh. I was tired of the trappings, charades, and "externals" of the so-called Christian life; a hunger grew. I began to see that His Blood took care of my sin, washed it away, and relieved my guilt and shame. But His Cross took care of my flesh (self life), delivering me from what I am (a sinner)! I stopped trying to live by rules and started trusting the life He had given me.

This new life emerged quietly, invisibly, but surely as I relied on the Holy Spirit to nuture His life in me. this continues as I read His Word, confess my constant need, and experience His faithfulness. As He becomes more precious to me, I've stopped relying on religious broadcasts and man's every word but I'm learning to hear the Lord's Spirit speak through the Scriptures for myself. The flesh resists opening the Word or praying, but His indwelling life draws me. Joy and need replace religious duty. Anticipation is sweet and God never fails to minister to me. I can trust He's working rather than try to make something happen. For one thing, He changes the tone of my prayers from incessant pleading to thanking Him for what's He's done. Satan loves to keep us trapped in a cycle of begging for what we already have in Christ, but just look:

"For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete..." ~ Colossians 2:9-10

So I can't expect or pray for the Lord to strengthen my old man - it's been crucified. I thank Him, not for devastations or heartache - of which we've all had plenty - but for opening my eyes through tough times to taste and see that He is really is good, for letting me experience going from strength to strength in spite of all my difficulties, for the assurance that He's doing His perfect work in me.

Because of His sustaining life, all that He's taken me through only strengthens my faith. This new life is permanent and free - no gutting it out. You see, to me grace is not just a doctrine - it's not cheap, greasy, or antinomian. I rest completely in it. I rely on it. God's grace motivates and sustains me. Grace has brought me thus far, and grace will lead me Home. No matter how He brings His cross to bear on my life, He is proving Himself faithful and true, again and again.

I trust Him.

His Passion vs. Our Zeal

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 10:54:41 PDT

Pray for the Atlanta-area drenched by flooding rains. Schools are closed, roads & bridges washed out, and trees falling in the sludge. We're okay - just wet carpet.

~~~~~~~~

If you've discovered Facebook, you quickly learn a few things. First, you must manage it, and not let it manage you. Second, it's easy to get overwhelmed with the many "causes" and "groups" that people invite you to join. Every. Single. Day. Some have left Facebook due to overload. Most of us learn to exercise our delete key.

I've enjoyed connecting with extended family, friends, old classmates & coworkers, my blog readers, and other like-minded writers. Social media is useful for ministry, too. The Lord has crossed my path with a few who are hungry for the grace message, and I'm always grateful to give and receive encouragement. Still, when it comes to all these groups and causes, I'm sunk. They ALL tug at my heart but I can't possibly join them all.

So I don't. But, moving beyond Facebook...

How many of us have given our lives to good causes? After all, we live in a crazy world - needs are everywhere! And we loathe child abuse, pornography, sex trafficking, drugs, violence, governmental corruption, and every injustice. Anger against such things can easily rise up and drive us to action because we want to set things right. Believers in Christ, as well as nonbelievers, can be found alongside each other, working hard to carry out justice and mercy. But should anger be our motivating factor?

Sometimes we lose focus.

My old pastor, now with the Lord, said he never lifted any banner from the pulpit, except the Banner of Christ. He was a wise pastor, but not everyone agreed with him. Took me all these years to understand. Many times we confuse our human zeal with Divine passion. Enthusiasm for a cause is not necessarily the same as a passion for Christ. Anyone can fight hunger, give money, help the poor. One person might do these things out of deep love for our Savior. Another person does the same because he thinks it gives his life purpose. Personal motivations are varied and many. But we don't have to rally folks around a cause; the Shepherd leads His own.

Causes are good - don't get me wrong. But it seems we're more gullible when we're not rightly focused. Besides, the flesh - our human efforts - can only produce so much fruit. Synthetic fruit, at that. Real passion is fueled by Him, giving way to greater and long-lasting fruit. These are the works propelled by His love. This is energy that completes the task and doesn't burn out. It's not pressured or guilt-induced, either.

But we aren't energized unless we receive from Him.

Our passion must be for a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Through this vital relationship, we discover where He wants us instead of following the crowd. We're fed and focused. We're led, not driven. No one has to "pump us up" over a good cause because the Lord releases His passion in us.

Oh wow. Do you realize what this means? Knowing Christ prevents us from getting caught up in other people's dreams, causes, and agendas... because we're rooted and grounded in Him. I don't know about you, but I wasted too many years doing what others wanted me to do. "It's a good cause," they said. Yes, they're ALL good. But their passion is not necessarily my passion. I follow His leading, not theirs. Because, once we encounter the Lord, we're filled with His passion, even like Jeremiah the prophet:

"But if I say, 'I will not mention him
       or speak any more in his name,'
       his word is in my heart like a fire,
       a fire shut up in my bones.
       I am weary of holding it in;
       indeed, I cannot."

Jeremiah 20:9

Lord willing, I'll keep writing and raising the banner of Christ. Some friends, family, and relatives might not understand or even support me, but the call of God is strong. In Jesus, there is sweet security, provision, passion, and faith.

And zeal may wane, but passion flows from His heart to ours.

It's Not About the Trappings

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 13:18:14 PDT

Today some of my writing can be found at Laced With Grace . Thank you, Iris.

Also, a new post is up at Light for the Writer's Soul.

This week I'm reading in 1 Corinthians, and already two glorious truths set my heart ablaze:

"...so that you are not lacking in any spiritual gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Cor.1: 7-8).

And then:

"God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord" (v.9).

Our tendency as believers is to gravitate towards bigger and better experiences, even signs, wonders, visions, prophetic utterances, and anointings. Like someone told me not long ago, "I don't want to miss out!" Indeed. Well, I've been charismatic and not-so-charismatic, and like everyone else, I've done my share of retreats, conferences, workshops, and classes, hoping a particular teaching or experience would benefit my spiritual life. Same thing with books and sermons. After awhile, none of these things satisfied anymore so I stopped running after them. Friends thought I'd lost my religion.

They were right.

But I wonder, when we become so consumed with spiritual activities, does it indicate some kind of emptiness we feel inside without them? Could it mean we aren't really satisfied with our relationship with the Lord?... maybe even disappointed?

Before we think He's not enough, we need to know that none of our spiritual activities will do one whit to sustain us when our world starts to fall apart. We might not realize it, though, until we've nothing left but Jesus.

If He's not enough, what sustains you? Who and what? Your spouse? Your kids? Your job? Your good reputation, house, talents, ministry, church? Your health? These are surely blessings, but they can't sustain. They might not even last. It goes back to what I read this morning in 1 Corinthians chapter one. The truth is pure and simple:

"He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus..." (v. 30a)

Mr. G. and I visited his 89 year-old father in the nursing home the other day. We rolled him outside in his wheelchair to enjoy a little fresh air on the porch. After all he's been through, with the loss of his health, home life, wife, and three dear sisters, he's always smiling, happy, glad to see us. He described his typical day, smiled and patted me on the arm, saying, "You know, Jesus takes care of me." He said Jesus takes care of him when nobody else is there. I choked back the tears. Here's a man more content than I've been on many occasions when I've had everything I need and more. Because of a head injury in his youth, he never learned to read or write, but he could fix cars like nobody's business. Papa Gaines says "the good Lord" gave him that ability. No doubt. He used to keep our clunkers running, back in the day. At 89, he has no more cars to fix. My father-in-law lost everything he once enjoyed, but he's come to depend on the One who loves and cares for him.

Jesus is Life. There is no life in other things, not even in things about Jesus, as good as they might be. We sometimes confuse the two. Our life must be rooted solely in Him and not the trappings. My prayer today is that we become sick to death of anything and everything that distracts us from being with Him.

He is faithful. He sustains us. He is Life to us.

The Crumbling of My Religion

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 18:43:05 PDT

"If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you." ~ Romans 8:11

I was never any good at living the Christian life - not really. But, oh, how I tried! I read my bible and a ton of spiritual growth books, listened to good preaching, prayed, memorized scripture, had 'accountability' partners, attended bible studies, sang in the choir, joined intercessory prayer groups, witnessed, gave away bibles, handed out tracts, homeschooled, trained as a lay minister, opened my home to anyone who was hurting, and traveled near and far to Christian conferences, workshops, and spiritual retreats. I was all about living the Christian life. But you know what? None of that made me a better Christian.

While these things seemed key to my spiritual life, having gained a little knowledge, I found myself nit-picking doctrine when I could have been more loving, or trying to set people straight when I could have listened better. Knowledge sure puffs up. Pharisaical attitudes aside, my religious endeavors just didn't satisfy. It was a constant treadmill...do this, do that. Don't do this, don't do that. I heard about grace, but feared the scrutiny of legalistic eyes. In my fervor to live right, I hid my problems. What started with spiritual zeal, ended miserably in exhaustion. Before I knew it, my facade melted, giving way to a resentful woman who had stockpiled a lifetime of pain and rejection.

It wasn't until I fell broken beneath the weight of this inner pain and travailing, that I began to see Jesus.

Jesus. I love His name. Hardly anyone around me ever speaks it. But Jesus delivered me from my religious ways. His plan all along was for me to live His life, not mine. His life is pure, organic, and flows from the Vine. My life was plastic, superficial, a mere imitation. His strength lasts; mine doesn't. What will it take for us to finally embrace His life and stop trying to impress others with our imitated versions? For me, it was failure, humiliation, brokenness, and pain. Religion can't fix that. It covers it up. Or, it becomes too burdensome to continue.

God spoke to the crumbling of my religion the day I decided to stop the charade. The Gospel is not a call to do something, but to belong to the One who's done it all. It's the exchanged life that Hudson Taylor wrote about so well - my life for Christ's life. The same resurrection power that lifted Him out of the grave now lives in me. Christianity is not a matter of adjusting my behavior, like so many teach, but about letting Christ Jesus manifest His light and life in me. This is rest. This is freedom. This is g-r-a-c-e.

It's a theme that bears repeating, Christ in us, the hope of glory.

Operating Out of His Resources: Rest

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 18:42:33 PDT

"...for whoever has entered God's rest has also rested from his works as God did from his." ~ Hebrews 4:10

Hope you enjoyed a restful Labor Day weekend! Labor Day makes me think, so here's something to ponder: Are we doing in order to be, or being in order to do?

If that doesn't make sense, let me phrase it differently. After coming to Christ for our very salvation - which He provided completely - have we forgotten His work of grace and slipped back into laboring for His approval? Maybe we're just struggling to live the Christian life - period! Hard, isn't it? Well, I don't think laboring this way was God's intention.

I'm going to be bold here. Maybe God doesn't want us to work for Him, live for Him, witness for Him, or put Him "first" on our to-do list. All those things seem honorable but imply a lot of labor on our part. The whole problem with thinking we can do anything for God... by trying harder... is a sure road to defeat. Trying harder to do more (performance religion) sets us up for inevitable failure and disappointment.

Why? Because "self" is the steam engine here. Self is the problem!

This Labor Day I thought of parallels and irony. Seems we won't stop laboring "for" Christ sometimes until we've been leveled by hardship, afflictions, or personal suffering. Fed up and burned-out, we come to Him saying, "Lord, I failed you...I can't do this. I need You to do it through me!" (and all the angels said AMEN).

That's when we've run out of steam, exhausted our all, and come to the end of self. If this happens to you, don't tie a knot at the end of your rope and hang on! Slip into His care. Confess your need. It's His grace to us when we discover we can't live the Christian life. Self only gets us so far by ruling the center of our lives even though we might be doing wonderful things "for" Christ. But our desperation - mine and yours - is for Christ to be Life to us. If He's our life, we'll learn to operate out of His resources, instead of our own.

The difference between doing "for" God and having Him do through us, is the difference between a lifetime of struggling and peaceful living.

So, rest, for me, is letting God live His life through me. He's my new Sabbath - not just for Sundays, retreats, or Labor Day - but from now on. This rest isn't a lazy, passive lifestyle, but Life flowing through a surrendered heart that recognizes her Source. If our righteousness is like filthy rags, we don't rely on self-fueled efforts but ask His Spirit to equip us, enable us, and do the work through us. It goes back to abiding, because our commitments, zeal, and well-meaning attempts to live right aren't enough - never will be. I'm so thankful God allowed many circumstances in my life to reduce me to nothing... because only then did I see Him as my everything...my Source for living.

Abiding in His life is resurrection life. It's a life that says, "I no longer live but Christ lives in me." As I reckon myself dead to sin and self, He has every opportunity to express His life through me - and does.

This is true rest for the weary - not worrying if I'm "doing enough" to make Him smile, but trusting His life inwardly and knowing His love for me was never based on my performance anyway. PTL \0/

( graphic couresty of www.heartlight.org )

Underneath It All...Grace

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 07:51:57 PDT

"Fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ." ~ 1 Peter 1:13

My heart leaped inside me today while reading the Scriptures. It's been awhile since I've felt this. For weeks it was like being brain dead - eyes moving across the page, nothing penetrating my cloudy thoughts, or so I thought. But duty doesn't bring me to Him. With hope, I'd return, day after day, to the same marked-up bible, planting myself before Him in full acknowledgment of all my hidden needs - needs hidden from others, sometimes from myself, but never from Him. This is where spirit cries Abba, to be heard and comforted, but more and more, to be changed and healed. Sometimes I don't even know my own need, but trials persist, flesh can't cast out flesh, and my heart aches for His touch.

The Cross, someone once said, is not a place where folks eagerly gather for fellowship. Many of us would rather be dragged kicking and fighting than lose all confidence in self. But I've nowhere else to go. I've tried every escape hatch, to find my own demise. There's a better Way. But let me tell you, it's not our doing, to crucify self. Life will present plenty opportunity to surrender as He gives grace. As soon as I've cried in my despair admitting defeat, He swept me off my clay feet and into His strong arms. You see, His death on that Cross was my death; His resurrection also mine. Life everlasting with Him doesn't begin with Heaven, but right now. Believing and receiving from Him is the radical portal to true life and deliverance. That's all we do - believe and receive. He's done everything else.

So I'm rambling. And grateful. In spite of earthly sorrows, which we all have, I'm learning to trust Christ as my life, and not myself. He's my stabilizer, in spite of moods and feelings. Feelings can lie to me, morph my problems out of proportion, and con me into looking away from Him, but lies need to be put in their place. So much in our mind is "skewed" when we're depressed.

So wave bye-bye to depression with me. The Son has risen with healing in His wings; His wonderful truths are singing in my heart again. And I thank you for journeying this little piece of road with me.

If a season of darkness threatens you with fear and insecurity, hold onto what you know is true.

Because Jesus is holding on to you.

Moving Past Depression - Part 4

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:28:01 PDT

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10-11

When I'm depressed, I turn to the Psalms. This book of the Bible addresses mental and emotional pain more realistically than anything I've found, not to mention the personal comfort received from God's tender ministry to me. I can't imagine life without His healing words. Words convey a lot, but His words are LIFE. They feed me with hope when I can't see past the darkness that cloaks my mind. Others may shake their head and move on, but God whispers my name in the Psalms. He breaks through my fog with His love.

These last few posts pertain to biological depression, an off-and-on trial of mine for 27 years now. Thankfully, there's less stigma these days, but still a lot of scripture quoted out of context by well-meaning folks. Depression isn't necessarily a failure of faith. The symptoms do seem spiritual, and we want to turn to God first for our healing, not as a last resort. We need Him. And nothing causes us to cry out faster than slipping down that black abyss, or feeling like something has taken over our brain, sucking the life energy out of us.

With all the stress and strain of daily living, it's a wonder we're not ALL clinically depressed. Human grit can only get us so far. In my life, it's been the Lord, not determination or temperament, that's brought me safely through deep waters. Granted, I may have needed more 'time-out' than others, but does that mean my faith is weaker?

The self-righteous call depression something we bring upon ourselves, a sign of weakness, failure to obey God. I've no problem conceding to weakness, but blaming a person for their pain just lacks compassion. In my weakness, the Lord has proven to be my only strength. Depression is so scary - so debilitating - sometimes the only thing that's kept me sane is the reality of His presence with me. Even when I'm not able to sense His presence, I remember His Word that reminds me that He's not abandoned me in the least. And finally, the brain-storm begins to ease.

Yes, brain illness teaches me a kind of God-dependence that has to dismiss what others think. God has allowed an affliction in my life that's tried my faith over and over, yet I'm here to declare His faithfulness...until that time He calls me home.

Meanwhile, I'm thankful for Cymbalta. It improves my quality of life so that I can get about my Father's business, spreading the reality of His love and grace. . . one word at a time.

Grace for Depression - Part 3

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 21:53:58 PDT

"In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free." ~ Psalm 118:5

The darkness of depression is a prison. But God has shown me the way out. He hasn't freed me from medication, but His grace raises me above this thorn-in-the-side. I really have to take care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Since the causes of depression are sometimes complex and multi-layered, my first resort has to be the Lord Himself, for several reasons:

1) I rely on His unfailing love.
2) Medication can't make me whole.
3) Only He has the wisdom to sort me out.
4) In my weakness, He is strong.

When I don't comprehend my own need, God does.

But true clinical depression isn't the same as sadness, feeling down, or negative thinking. Those come and go. It's not about character flaws, a weak personality, laziness, or self pity. It may look that way, but the word 'depression' gets tossed around lightly when we don't really understand. More than a mood or emotion, depression is relentless, debilitating, scary. It's waking up in the bottom of a pit with no air. It's moving in slow-motion with tears welling up for no reason. Depression hurts. It's a desolation that cuts to the soul with despair and hopelessness. And even though stress and personal loss can trigger a depressive episode, it makes no sense when life seems fine.

I've often thought my brain must look like a tangled mess, the way depression feels. Surely there's a balance between making and using all these little things called neurotransmitters. Experts say we use brain chemicals up more vigorously when we're under stress. No wonder some of us need a boost of medication.

Yet some focus on causes: Is it a lack sunlight, or vitamins? Exhaustion and stress? Self-absorption? Anger? Unforgiveness? Difficult circumstances? Spiritual oppression? Sleep deprivation? Sin or wrong choices? While folks debate, I just want out of the hell-hole.

Afraid to open up to each other because of judgment, we keep silent. What a beautiful thing when a friend embodies the love and mercy of Christ. After all, if I'm thirsty, will you tell me to read my bible more, or give me something to drink? If I'm bleeding, will you bring me a bandage, or tell me to pray harder?

Medication has helped my recovery from depression; it's a gift of grace. Still, I don't hang my hope on pills - they don't always work. Depression, in all it's blackness, has been a strange, sort of 'veiled' gift in that it's humbled and made me desperate for God. When I don't have the where-with-all to cling, He carries me, His Word a salve to raw pain, quickening His life-giving Spirit in me. Nothing - not even this melancholy visitor - can separate me from the love of God. For the only person who steps into this pit to enter the pain with me is the Lord, and for that I'm forever grateful. Little by little, He draws me out, wipes the tears, and restores my soul.

I once said I'd never be depressed again. Never say never. The important thing is, depression does not determine my relationship with God. Just reading the Psalms reminds me how safe and secure I am in Christ - no matter how bad I feel, how deep the pit, or what others think.

Because of Him, I've experienced something more relentless and chronic than depression itself - and that is His amazing and unfailing love.

God is my strength and my portion forever.

Where It Began - Depression Part 2

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 12:40:00 PDT

"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation." ~ Psalm 13:5

The Lord first delivered me from the darkness of depression in 1983. It came through a cup of coffee.

Shortly after the birth of our third child, we had moved across town. My new next door neighbor invited me over for coffee one morning. She was friendly, hospitable, and kind.

Through her soft-spoken words I soon realized we were worlds apart. She seemed to know the Lord intimately, and exuded a peace and humility of heart. I had no assurance of a right standing with God at all. My one claim to spirituality was my Catholic upbringing, which left me torn between guilt and uncertainty. I knew about Jesus, sure. But in my mind's eye, sin and good deeds were things to be weighed on some huge cosmic scale at the end of life. To please God, I tried to do the right things. Inwardly, I worried how to spiritually raise three children when I, myself, had drifted so far from the Catholic Church. Drifting from religion was a good thing, but I needed a relationship with my Creator. Not knowing how to get there, I told Kris about my depression.

She explained how sin had separated all of us from God. An alarm went off in my heart: I don't want to be separated from God. I had no problem realizing my sinful nature, but the eyes of my understanding were opened as I heard that Christ didn't shed his Blood on the cross to save a generic world - He died for me, to pay for MY sins - past, present, and future. I wanted, I NEEDED - to have this incredible gift being offered to me; I wanted to know this amazing God. No rosary, catechism lesson, icon, or benediction could ever save me. So I went home that day and let go of my ruminations and despair, asking God's forgiveness for living life my own way. As I prayed to receive Christ's life and surrendered my own, the depression dissipated. A hunger to know Him replaced the emptiness I had carried inside.

I threw my antidepressants away. Not that I recommend this, but with my new-found joy, I recovered quickly, seeing no reason to ever be depressed again.

Twenty-six years and a few depressions later, I'm still learning. Some of my depressions required medication; some did not. But always, I've needed Jesus.

May I share some of His grace with you about this topic? More practical helps for depression soon - for those who asked.

Brief Update

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 17:05:04 PDT

"It is God who arms me with strength..." ~ Psalm 18:31

Didn't mean to leave you hanging - will get to Part II shortly. The last post seem to hit a familiar nerve with many women. I'm blessed from your input, and eager to encourage you.

It's been 6 weeks since Mr. G's prostate cancer surgery. He's back at work this week. Still adjusting to the work pace, fatigued, bladder issues, but thankful to be making progress. Next step is the PSA (prostate-specific antigen) test next month. If all is well, it should read "zero." If the PSA is still elevated, more treatment will be needed. Thanks for your prayers and emails. God's peace softens the journey, and we know our lives are in His hands.

Meanwhile, I'm reclaiming my position as domestic engineer around here after letting so much go this summer! The desire to write is coming back, and the Lord is showing me His love in sweet personal ways. I bet He is doing that for you, too - are you paying attention?

When Darkness Moves In: Depression

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 22:17:16 PDT

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." ~ Psalm 42:5

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength." ~ Isaiah 40:31

Despondency. Lethargy. Malaise. Depression. When four symptoms converge to snuff out my life, maybe it's time to say something. Too many suffer in silence.

(For the record, this post addresses clinical depression caused by organic brain illness or chemistry imbalance, but depression can be complex with many areas needing attention. Whatever the source of our depression, God is our Sustainer.)

There are two age-old mantras still circulating when it comes to depression: The "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" pep talk, and the ever-popular "God helps those who help themselves."

For the depressed person who already feels like a failure, platitudes sound like guilt trips. True clinical depression is not just the blues. Symptom-wise, it can feel like the flu, with real physical symptoms that present with fatigue, achiness, change in appetite, inability to concentrate, insomnia (or sleeping too much), as just a few. Depression, with all its sadness, anxiety, and feelings of hopelessness is frightening. Panic attacks and irritability are sometimes part of it, too. I once overheard a person say that depression sounded to her like a very convenient cop-out from life. While I understand why she'd think this, it's an insensitive response from someone who's never experienced depression.

What DO we do when darkness moves in? When icy panic strikes the heart for no good reason...when, try as we may, it's hard to dress ourselves in the mornings, and rolling out of bed is the most exercise we've had all week.

I'm still. coming. out. of. it.

* Tip-of-the-week: If you run into someone who's depressed this week, it's okay not to know what to say. A little compassion goes a long way. But the platitudes have to go. That is, if the depressed person even chooses to confide. Half the time people don't recognize a depressed person. I've lived for years hiding these episodes from friends and family. ♥

In our weakness, He is strong. I empathize with the weak and count myself among the weakest. For too long, I hid in shame because of the way my brain does or doesn't function. God is able to heal, but He hasn't healed me - not in the way I'd prefer. But, oh, what I've learned in the darkness, people. One post can't tell it all.

Paul had a thorn in his side; I do, too. I've prayed and trusted Christ for 26 years, yet this 'thing' is still with me, albeit in lesser degrees and for shorter periods of time. I'm thankful for those lesser degrees and shorter periods of depression.

Still, there's too much stigma in the Christian community, the last place I expected. Surely we remember the friends, classmates, coworkers, relatives, neighbors, and acquaintances we've all known who can no longer speak for themselves. Or am I the only one who's lost a friend to suicide? These were the souls who needed help but didn't receive it or turned from it in their despair - I don't know. Some of them suffered ridicule and misunderstanding. More than likely, many of them had brains just like mine.

Every form of mental/physical illness has its stigma, I guess. Especially depression. If only believers would educate themselves about depressive illness so they could better minister to people who are suffering. But the stronger ones still want to teach the weaker ones "how to overcome depression" by praying more, reading the bible more, reciting scriptures, claiming promises, attending church more, and - if I'm not mistaken - pride themselves in not getting depressed. The 'weaker" believer may feel convicted, suffer guilt, and determine to do better, thinking God is displeased. But it's those days, when crawling through quicksand, we confess our desperate need and trust He's keeping us. Some of us need to keep taking our medication, too. Then slowly we do the next thing, whatever it is, whatever He gives us the strength or direction to do. These are times we need to talk but few are willing to listen who really understand. Sometimes God seems silent and far, far away. Prayers fall flat and depression's grip grows tighter. During these "episodes" it's hard to think, sleep, or concentrate - only tears come easy. So we let ourselves cry and tears become our new prayer.

No matter how it feels, we're not alone.
Depressed people need to hear the truth, to open the Psalms and have His Spirit touch their heart where it hurts. Because it does hurt. It always hurts. But the Lord never leaves or forsakes us, not even when darkness muddles our thoughts, when the fear of getting worse tries to suffocate our heart.

"Deep call unto deep..."Psalm 42:7

There is much to say about depression, even more to say about the Lord. This isn't an exhaustive study on depression, just my experience of God's grace while walking through it. Stay tuned...part II will come. I'm just too pooped to type anymore.

Oiling the Rusty Blog

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 11:54:17 PDT

"Underneath are the everlasting arms." ~ Deuteronomy 33:27

I'm a little rusty, as far as writing goes, but I'm coming back. Thanks for hanging in there.

Comfort: Not Taking Any Scraps

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 21:27:09 PDT

"I, even I, am he who comforts you." ~ Isaiah 51:12

Friends come and go, but there is One who never leaves.

When others forget us, neglect us, or misunderstand us, there's still Someone as near as our breath. He's not just the Comforter, but the God of ALL comfort, and my God doesn't give scraps.

"We may venture to hope sometimes that little scraps of comfort may be granted to us. But we run away frightened at the thought of the all comfort that is ours in the salvation of the Lord Jesus Christ" (Hannah Whitall Smith).

I don't know if we're frightened of all comfort, as much as we don't believe we'll receive it.

I was never comforted much in my childhood, left to endure a lot of pain in silence. As an adult, it's easy to revert back to "nobody really cares" and pull back, trying to comfort myself. But this is the Lord's job, to comfort all who mourn. Those who don't need the comfort won't, of course, experience His comfort, but that's why I think it's good when we're afflicted. We then experience what we've read in the Scriptures - His promises, His comfort, His indwelling life, and, oh my - grace upon grace.

"But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us..." ~ 2 Corinthians 7:6

"For the Lord comforts Zion; he comforts all her waste places and makes her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song." ~ Isaiah 51:3

When I'm downcast or ambling through the dark, I remember He sees what I need. He understands every ache, every sigh, every tear, and wants to lift any despair. So many personal trials have placed me in the tender position to sense His Everlasting Arms. God's words may fall deaf on hearts that sense no need, but here in my aloneness, I'm ready to receive.

And so I'm reminded of words I underlined long ago: "God knows that it is better for us to need His comfort and receive it, than for us not to need it and be without it" (Hannah Whitall Smith).

I'm filled with need on any given day. We're all needy, whether we realize or not. And I think we're drawn into closer union with Him when we give up pretending, and receive every bit of His comfort. Not scraps of His comfort, so that we still go around with lack, but ALL comfort - just as He said.

"Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted." ~ Matthew 5:4

Because, eventually, life will take a turn from what we've known and loved. It might be hard to believe words of comfort then, but in my experience, God bends low to comfort because He's our Daddy. When we turn our thoughts to His comfort and let the power of His Spirit move through His Word, unbelief has no room to grow and comfort is ours to keep.

Husband's Surgery

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:51:01 PDT

Mr. G. had a radical prostatectomy for treatment of his prostate cancer today. Surgery went well - no surprises or complications - and we're grateful for the way this day went. As he begins his recovery, we're waiting on the pathology report to make sure cancer hasn't spread beyond the prostate. We might know as early as Monday. Thanks for all your prayers.