Windows to My Soul

Comfort: Not Taking Any Scraps

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 21:27:09 PDT

"I, even I, am he who comforts you." ~ Isaiah 51:12

Friends come and go, but there is One who never leaves.

When others forget us, neglect us, or misunderstand us, there's still Someone as near as our breath. He's not just the Comforter, but the God of ALL comfort, and my God doesn't give scraps.

"We may venture to hope sometimes that little scraps of comfort may be granted to us. But we run away frightened at the thought of the all comfort that is ours in the salvation of the Lord Jesus Christ" (Hannah Whitall Smith).

I don't know if we're frightened of all comfort, as much as we don't believe we'll receive it.

I was never comforted much in my childhood, left to endure a lot of pain in silence. As an adult, it's easy to revert back to "nobody really cares" and pull back, trying to comfort myself. But this is the Lord's job, to comfort all who mourn. Those who don't need the comfort won't, of course, experience His comfort, but that's why I think it's good when we're afflicted. We then experience what we've read in the Scriptures - His promises, His comfort, His indwelling life, and, oh my - grace upon grace.

"But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us..." ~ 2 Corinthians 7:6

"For the Lord comforts Zion; he comforts all her waste places and makes her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song." ~ Isaiah 51:3

When I'm downcast or ambling through the dark, I remember He sees what I need. He understands every ache, every sigh, every tear, and wants to lift any despair. So many personal trials have placed me in the tender position to sense His Everlasting Arms. God's words may fall deaf on hearts that sense no need, but here in my aloneness, I'm ready to receive.

And so I'm reminded of words I underlined long ago: "God knows that it is better for us to need His comfort and receive it, than for us not to need it and be without it" (Hannah Whitall Smith).

I'm filled with need on any given day. We're all needy, whether we realize or not. And I think we're drawn into closer union with Him when we give up pretending, and receive every bit of His comfort. Not scraps of His comfort, so that we still go around with lack, but ALL comfort - just as He said.

"Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted." ~ Matthew 5:4

Because, eventually, life will take a turn from what we've known and loved. It might be hard to believe words of comfort then, but in my experience, God bends low to comfort because He's our Daddy. When we turn our thoughts to His comfort and let the power of His Spirit move through His Word, unbelief has no room to grow and comfort is ours to keep.

Husband's Surgery

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:51:01 PDT

Mr. G. had a radical prostatectomy for treatment of his prostate cancer today. Surgery went well - no surprises or complications - and we're grateful for the way this day went. As he begins his recovery, we're waiting on the pathology report to make sure cancer hasn't spread beyond the prostate. We might know as early as Monday. Thanks for all your prayers.

Losing but Gaining

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 12:25:55 PDT

"...this is the true grace of God. Stand fast in it."~ 1 Peter 5:12

It can be a frightening prospect to lose control and let God have His way with us when we're in crisis. But the Lord moves in gentleness and peace. He can be trusted. While we come to the end of our own soul-strength (giving up our panic-driven struggle to stay afloat) the Holy Spirit makes the life of Christ within us a deeper reality as we depend on Him.

The cheerfulness of others seems ironic when I'm lost in pain, or overwhelmed with the unfairness of earthly living. Aw, but that's all a moot point when my heavenly gaze is restored. What if no one understands my plight? The Lord is mine.

And yet this is a death process - losing my grip on earthly attachments, surrendering self. We talk so much about death and losses, but there's a profound resurrection: joy and peace in the One who longs to live His strong life in us.

If you're a friend to someone who is suffering losses, be sensitive and caring. Let the person grieve, lament, complain, even resist at first. There may be vocal despair as she comes to the end of herself. Our job is not the pep talk or reprimand. God bless the person who comes alongside us in heartache, praying when we cannot, loving us when we feel most unlovable, and ministering when we're nearly nonfunctional.

Feeling reduced of all strength, God meets us in our extremity. I find over and over again, no matter my trial, His strength undergirds me.

Personal Update

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 20:18:20 PDT

The grandkids arrived today so we're having Camp Gigi for a few days. Some of you asked about Mr. G. - thank you. He's doing fine - had a cystoscopy this week. No tumors or problems within the bladder or urinary tract. His doctor wanted to make sure there are no surprises the day of surgery (later this month) when they remove his prostate. So THANK YOU for praying. I appreciate all your comments and emails. Will post soon.

Smack Dab in the Middle

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 10:57:31 PDT

"I cry out to the Lord; I plead for the Lord’s mercy. I pour out my complaints before him and tell him my troubles. When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn. Then I pray to you, O Lord. I say, ‘You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life." ~ Psalm 142:1-3, 5

My mind has traveled all over the map lately, but two thoughts stick with me:

1. Anyone can point out something false or wrong, but to know what is true, I need revelation.

2. Unless I personally experience Truth, I'm only rehearsing religious sentiment or rheteric.

Take suffering for instance. I may be hurting and full of pain, yet able to recall what I know about God's love. But unless I start to experience His love and care in my circumstance, what I've known up to that point doesn't help me much.

Sometimes we learn much, but know little.

Epignosis: full knowledge; precise and correct knowledge (from the Greek lexicon).

"...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead." ~ Philippians 3:10-11

When we know Him, there is power in Him that undergirds us through difficulties.

If I'm discouraged, is it because I'm relying on something I thought I knew about Him? Am I upset because He isn't doing what I think He should do? What if I cast myself utterly into His care, much like the psalmist above, desperate to experience Him, in and through my circumstances, even if they never change?

When I'm looking to Him, not just for pain relief - though He does comfort me - I find Him smack dab in the middle of it all.

"Then I pray to you, O Lord. I say, 'You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life.' "~ Psalm 142:5

Miscellany & Faith

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 29 May 2009 10:50:30 PDT

Quick update:

I'm way behind in Cyber-world but appreciate your comments, even in my absence. Hopefully, I'll post soon - my brain's been on overload. Mr. G. has a cystoscopy scheduled second week in June to rule out anything peculiar in the bladder, followed by prostate surgery the 25th. Thanks for your continued prayers.

Heard this the other day: "Legalism is focusing on our commitment to Christ, rather than His commitment to us."

Where is your focus today?

When I think about His love, and how He continues to meet my various needs, I'm blessed. It's a relief to rely on Him - instead of myself - but I'm definitely focused on His commitment to me.

And God is faithful.

What We Already Have

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 22 May 2009 11:27:52 PDT

"Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." ~ Mark 11:24

Something hit me as I read this verse today. So many times I've prayed for peace, patience, strength, victory - whatever- when all along they're readily available to me in Christ. Fear and pain may cloud this truth, but grace opens our eyes. There is keeping power in Christ to sustain us through the most difficult situations.

As I see this more and more, truth changes the way I pray. Instead of begging for these things, which are never given apart from Christ anyway, my prayers now acknowledge His Spirit's work in me. Confessing my need and dependence on Him is the first thing I do, trusting His Life to come forth moment by moment, grace upon grace, as I go about living.

The more we spend time knowing Christ through His Word, the more His Spirit increases our faith. His grace makes everything possible, even to believe.

Wondering how to pray for someone? Without knowing the particulars of anyone's circumstances, we can still pray like Paul prayed for the Ephesians when he said:

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spiritof wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." ~Ephesians 1:17-19

Trusting that the eyes of our hearts, not just our minds, will be enlightened all the more as we abide in Him, our very Life source and Peace in troubled times.

Cakes & Cancer

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Mon, 18 May 2009 22:22:00 PDT

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us." ~ 1 John 4:16

When I say we've been preoccupied with cakes and cancer at the Gaines cottage, it's no exaggeration. What a slice of life: the sweet, and the not-so-sweet. But no matter what I face or feel, it's okay. The Lord knows how I'm wired and what I need. He replenishes me, day by day, like water quenches thirst; like bread banishes my hunger.

When cancer strikes home, we can't ignore it. But we don't have to panic either. It does shift perspective. This isn't the first life-threatening illness we've faced, neither will it be the last. As I read through the doctor's question & answer book on prostate cancer, I know the real question and answer is trust. Not in doctors, or tests, or statistics, or healing, or well-meaning statements from friends - but abiding trust in Christ Himself.

Because to know Him in this trial is what I need most. It hurts to experience yet another health crisis, to watch my husband go through surgery again, to even ponder life as a widow. But emotions aside, God's peace is never so real as when He's expressing His love for me. Sometimes this comes directly from His Word, or through a friend's sensitivity in hearing me express my heartache.

So we rearranged our schedules to look at this cancer, gather medical information, and talk long and hard with doctors. We made important decisions. Although Mr. G's bone scan and CT scan were negative for cancer, his doctor reminds us that the only way to know for certain if cancer cells have broken through the "rind" or "shell" of the organ itself is surgery. Scans won't show cancer in its earliest stages. Still, we're thankful for the early discovery, and for an attentive doctor who makes himself very available to us. For those interested, Mr. G. has a Gleason score of 6 which reflects a moderately aggressive type cancer. His prostate is 2 1/2 times its normal size, and the clinical staging is not the same as the pathological staging, done at surgery. Hubbies, please get your PSA done. This is very treatable with early detection.

With all that's happened, I've been weary sometimes. Then again, I'm conscious of the Lord's presence in my life, of His faithfulness and goodness to my family.

I committed to a rather large cake project and blocked out most of this past week to focus on this baby shower cake. Turns out the whole process was nearly my undoing, physically - pulling strenuous all-nighters - rebaking layers that failed the first time around. Not fun.

I didn't purposely immerse myself into this confectionary craziness to cope with stress. I wasn't feeling stressed; I've just been tired. Actually, I used to freak out under less stressful situations than this. A few years ago I probably would have canceled on this cake. That's how my flesh copes - I pull back. What I'm trying to say is, "caking" wasn't nearly the creative outlet this time as much as it gave the Lord a chance to show His grace to me again. At one point I threw my spatula across the table and cried from sheer exhaustion. Other times the Lord soothed me. Sure, everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong, from icing 'repeats' to gummy cake layers. But God met me in my kitchen.

Oh, but I don't want to entertain you with my comedy of errors - let's see the cake, right?

PS - After all that, the cake was a hit.

Have Christ, Will Travel

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Tue, 05 May 2009 12:50:54 PDT

So many encouraging words and prayers! Thank you.

We're blessed in the storm. I've rested some, celebrated some, and contemplated this recent health crisis. Mr. G. is back at work. I can honestly say, I'm not wrestling. God is Mighty to save - how much more does He sustain His children when the winds blow, or the hail pours? Even when fear comes, He washes it away.

I'm His and He is mine, and not even cancer can separate us from the love of God through Christ His Son. Our lives are in His hands--we both know it. It comforts me to trust Him. And good sleep really helps my perspective.

My heart rejoiced this weekend when our granddaughter Lexie (7) gave us a couple gifts. One, for me - a blue squeeze ball, shaped like the earth, with words stamped across: "He's got the whole world in His hands." Sweet confirmation that we rest in God's loving hands. She said when I get stressed, just squeeze the ball!

Then she gave Papa something special - a miniature car. What seemed at first a thoughtful 'guy' gift hit me later with its significance. Please know - I'm not one to go around digging for signs and meanings over every little thing, but our dear pastor had a pet phrase. Whenever trials hit, he shared how God's grace sees us through. In Him, and through Him, we can "drive on!" in faith - because great is His faithfulness! Well, Lexie's too young to know what her humble gifts mean to us. But the sweetness of God's love is how He personalizes our encouragement to reveal His ongoing presence in our lives. I love it. There's so much more...eventually I'll share.

Can't sign off before showing you this cake. Instead of blogging, I was dabbling in rolled fondant this past week. Lexie's momma turned 35 so I surprised her with a cow cake (she has the cutest cow collection!). Happy birthday, dear Courtney, mother of our precious two grandchildren. We love you.

What do you think? Moo-velous, right? Udderly delightful. Go ahead, now's the time for cliches! I wrote on the black cow patches: "Milk it for all it's worth" and "Herd you're older" and "An udder birthday!"

Thanks for reading, praying, emailing. Mr. G. celebrates his 60th birthday this Friday. Another special cake is in the works! If you'd like to send Mr. G. a message via email, I'll be happy to download it for him. If you're on Facebook, our snail addy is posted there on my 'info' page. But your love and prayers are more than enough.

We are so blessed. ♥

Growing through Personal Adversity

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:52:01 PDT

Fatigue had already set in when I pulled that last post from draft mode to edit. And then a bit more news hit.

Mr. G. has prostate cancer. A bone scan is scheduled early tomorrow to make sure it hasn't spread. We really don't think it has spread, but...

Before you tell me it's 'gonna be alright,' I'm familiar with all the medical routines and this particular prognosis. Still, if one more person tells me that prostate cancer isn't a big a deal, well - just prepare your ears for a deep cyberbelly groan. Because words like that don't register with me. That his cancer is treatable isn't even the point.

Hopefully, something here will help folks understand what not to say when someone you know or love is diagnosed with cancer. Hugs and prayers are, of course, always appropriate:-)

But when my mom had melanoma, everyone rushed to say she'd be okay. She died. Another person told me that our former pastor could beat his prostate cancer, but the Lord had other plans. Same thing happened with my father and others I've known and loved. All I know is, our lives are in God's hands. THAT comforts me.

Living in Christ is a daily dying, anyway. That way, when physical death finally knocks at our door, it holds no sting, it can't rob us of anything - it's the final surrender, that final transition before meeting our Savior, face to face.

So... my husband has cancer. Again.

Mr. G. is busy working and resolving practical matters around the house - not the least bit emotional that I can tell. You see, he's had his leg amputated due to osteomyelitis, a hole bored in his scalp to remove deadly melanoma, and less than 24 months ago he visited Emory Hospital, hooked up to a heart-lung machine while they sawed his rib cage open to repair a bulging aneurysm. Life in these earthsuits is fragile, people. But our hope isn't in our earthsuits. When it came time for Mr. G.'s kidney stone surgery three weeks ago, THAT was no big deal. To some extent, he views prostate cancer as just another annoying situation.

I don't. Not yet.

You've been reading and sharing with me long enough to know that we're no strangers to affliction. Honestly, my nerves are shot this week. I don't have to be strong. While responsibilities and decisions tug at my heart, I'm fully aware that Someone is carrying me. Not just figuratively, but literally.

G-r-a-c-e grows more beautiful with every sunrise.

Even since Monday, Christ has deepened my awareness of all that's important. I've cried, gone numb, laughed, and even enjoyed tea with a good friend yesterday who let me be Vicki. In one moment, life seems...well, so ordinary, mundane. All it takes is one diagnosis, one car accident, one disaster, to bring ordinary into deeper perspective, and hopefully, even more intimacy with Christ Himself. That's what I would hope for everyone who reads here. Because in this world, we will have trouble. But be of good cheer, Christ has overcome the world!

In parting, I leave you with a promise: His grace and peace will be multiplied in our afflictions. Rest in it. Count on it. Believe it.

Way Past Midnight

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 23:55:18 PDT

I’ve anchored my soul in the Haven of Rest;
I’ve pillowed my head on the dear Savior’s breast;
I’m trusting His promise of mercy so free;
Fear not, “For My grace is sufficient for thee.”
~ Lila N. Norris, circa 1913

It's late. I'm awake. And while many of my brain cells have checked out for the night, I'm still thanking God that in my weakness - He is strong.

That's all I know. In this lonely hour, that's probably all I need to know.

It's easy to feel discouraged when we can't get ahead in life. The economy has squashed more than a few American dreams. But it can't squash something we never put on a pedestal to start with. To get ahead is the American way, not God's way. It's all about perspective. As proof, the social networks and news media are all a-buzz about the very things that plant fear in the heart of man - issues with our economy, government, unemployment, weather, health scares, and so we lament. Our eyes slip off the horizon and back to clay feet.

This constant downward gaze is weary-making. We need to see Jesus. When life hits like a tsunami, tearing everything in its wake, we'll need a Rock, not fluctuating stocks or bonds. But even the daily grind gets to us when we're not being renewed regularly by His Spirit through the Word. I've been going through my own personal tsunami, things I'm not always at liberty to share here. But let me tell you, to walk in tandem with Him in tough times, led and fueled by His loving Presence, to know that He's keeping me - this is peace in a world gone mad.

Sufficient is His grace for the day.

Tonight I'm comforted. His grace really is sufficient. Not everything in this world is right, but I'm all right with the Lord. It is well with my soul. Sometimes I just have to preach the truth to myself and remember all His precious promises.

With that in mind, I'm ready for bed. ♥

Praying today that your grace, dear Lord, will make a way where there seems to be no way. I don't even know what I ought to pray, but your Holy Spirit groans in intercession for me. Thank you for being my strength, my sanity, my peace.

A Grace Awakening? Babette's Feast (edited)

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 10:19:43 PDT

For my readers at Light for the Writer's Soul , my apologies for this cross post. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do ♥

In recent years, few films have really held my attention. Fewer still have left a lasting imprint. Who am I kidding? I just don't watch that many movies anymore. But some movies ignite my heart with renewed passion for the arts and stir my sensibilities.

One such story - a Danish film from 1987 - is like this. It's quaint, artistic, endearing. Without a doubt, it's laced with rich spiritual symbolism - things I didn't catch the first time. Maybe I'm reading too much into the story but the beauty of Babette's Feast is that each of us can come away with an entirely different take. You have to admit, it's eye-opening, heartrending, but finally elevating. I love a movie that makes us think, explore, and appreciate.

Go here to read Wikipedia's synopsis.

Meanwhile, I see overlapping threads in the movie - of the human condition, of course, but also mercy in spite of our choices, longing for excellence vs. the status quo, sacrificial living yet legalism, acetism/aesthetics, and looking so much to the future that we miss the present. Mostly, I see g-r-a-c-e. Which made my heart ache with joy. When Babette spends her entire lottery fortune to create a culinary masterpiece for these staunch, rural believers who only ate drab boiled fish - a thought struck me. God's grace is lavish. He reaches out to us continuously to provide for us when we least deserve or recognize it. How often, then, have we merely tolerated our earthly existence while counting on Heaven, when Christ longs to be life to us, here and now?

The movie's powerful quotes speak to the human soul, such as the General's speech during the sumptuous meal:

"We have all of us been told that grace is to be found in the universe. But in our human foolishness and shortsightedness we imagine divine grace to be finite … But the moment comes when our eyes are opened, and we see and realize that grace is infinite. Grace, my friends, demands nothing from us but that we shall await it with confidence and acknowledge it in gratitude."

His revelation falls on deaf ears; at least they don't understand. They eat, repressing any compliment of the meal they're served, considering it a sin to enjoy such excess. They determine ahead of time to speak only of the old dean's sermons whose memory they celebrate.

Ah, but restraint gives way to grace because it's irresistable. Something curious begins. While Babette gives of herself utterly and freely, pouring out all her gifts and talents, she expects nothing in return. And the hearts of the believers are softened. Our hearts swell, too, to witness such a gentle reawakening of everything good. His good. ♥

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." ~ 2 Corinthians 3:17

Have you seen Babette's Feast? What parallels did you find?

Being Led by the Spirit of Life

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 00:01:27 PDT

"...because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." ~ Romans 8:2

Injunction: a formal command or admonition.

Seems logical to obey whatever injunction of God's Word we hear interpreted by pastors and teachers. Like the old Nike commercial, we're often told: "Just do it." Our flesh jumps at the chance to do right - well, sorta - but whenever I hear this kind of teaching, I run from it.

If your life has been like that Nike slogan all these years, all I want to know is, how's that working for you?

Because I can't do it. Thankfully, the Christian life is not about morality, willpower, or trying our best. This truth bears out as we finally admit discouragement with our own behavior. Sometimes, even as we're grasping truths that we're desperate to experience, our personal battles seem more fierce than before. But I'm here to tell you - we're living in the Promised Land when we truly believe that Christ is our Life.

Thoughts rush in: If faith is the victory, what kind of faith is it when I'm relying on myself to grow more or do better? Christ is already my Victor. I don't want to naively nullify His work in me by glorying in my failures. Look to Christ, I say.

Because if I keep confessing the same sins over and over again, trying harder "next time" rather than let the Lord deal with my self-life, I'm sunk. This cycle is burdensome. But His forgiveness is a fact - I rejoice in it. His provision for my relief (self addiction; bondage of self) is a fact, too - sometimes called the crucified life, the exchanged Life - simple reliance and trust in His life living through me. His grace draws us to His Life when we're sick and tired of ours.

In my last post, we looked at what it means to be Secure in Christ My Shepherd. Remember, our old man died with Christ. We want to turn from trusting in our very best (old man)...to simply trusting Christ's life to work in us. This is the enabled life. We don't have to advertise it, just rest in it.

Because selfers are never free. There is no place for perfectionism in the kingdom of God, but His life is perfect to will and accomplish through us. The God-dependent soul rejoices more and more because "the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus" has freed us from "the law of sin and death" (Romans 8:2).

Will you choose life - His life?

Lord, You have done everything to free me from sin and self. Today I turn from always looking to feelings for confirmation of Your work in me, as if self can produce real fruit - to trusting Your life within. I yield to Your life. I trust You to gently move and enable. I can't "do it," Lord, but You can, through the power of Your Holy Spirit deposited in me when I first believed. Amen.

Secure in My Shepherd

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 22:46:06 PDT

"I give them eternal life, andthey will never perish, andno one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father,who has given them to me,is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one." ~ John 10:28-30

Sometimes I write quickly only to realize the next day that a little clarification is needed. Take for instance my last post.

Is it true that believers will depart from the faith?

It may certainly appear that way, but from everything I read in the bible, Christ is our Keeper and Sustainer. Not only do the Scriptures testify to the keeping power of God's grace, I've experienced this for 26+ years. Were there times of "prone to wander, Lord, I feel it"? Yes. There were times I didn't even realize I'd strayed, only to feel the guiding tug of His gentle staff again.

Real faith perseveres by the workings of His grace; those deceived by a false faith will depart from Christ sooner or later. . . they never really knew Him. (Could this be why so many drift from good expository preaching of the Word to embrace a more sensual, entertainment-type church atmosphere? Oops, that's another post). Even though the subject of our eternal security is hotly debated at times, it boils down to one thing: We're either secure in Christ, or we're not.

Our standing with Christ is never revoked whenever we've failed in the flesh. If it were so, I'd not be writing this today. The more pressing concern is this: Are we trusting Christ for our redemption and sanctification, or are we trusting ourselves? Rest assured, our behavior (or lack of it) will never determine our standing with God. Our assurance is in Christ alone and what He's done on our behalf. His faithfulness never fails. That's why I say with great joy, the welfare of the sheep is with the Shepherd: "He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake" (Psalm 23:3).

Praise the Lord!

When it comes to truth, I don't trust opinions or theories. I need to know what God says. In these times of increasing apostasy, deception, and abandoning of the gospel, I remember folks in the bible who fell away, too - even Judas. Anyone who departs from the faith has not truly belonged to Christ:

"They went out from us, but they were not really of us; for if they had been of us, they would have remained with us; but they went out, so that it would be shown that they all are not of us" (1 John 2:19).

Also, see Hebrews 10:39:

"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls."

I used to read the Scriptures, plucking out phrases that supported my notions about our expected behavior - verses that caused me grief over the years because, try as I did, I couldn't do right for very long. For awhile, I couldn't see the enabled life of every true believer in Christ, clearly described in His Word. In my brokeness, I turned from trying to receiving, and that has set me free from so much junk. None of us need congratulating for persevering thus far. We only persevere in faith because Christ, the guarantee of the new covenant, has linked us inseparately with the God of grace. How wonderful to know the One who supplies and undergirds! Dear friend, faith itself is a gift.

Yes, many will abandon faith, chase a different gospel, embrace a different Jesus, eat at the table of deception, and love the world more than Christ our Redeemer. Many who kept company with us will fall away when hardship comes if they've never known Him. But if we belong to Christ, "let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith" (Hebrews 10:22).

Once again, we aren't made secure because of our good works. Neither are we in danger of losing our salvation (being ripped out of Christ) when we do wrong or fail. That may ruffle a few sanctimonious feathers, but our eternal security is settled, according to His Word. We didn't earn our salvation; neither can we lose it once we're His.

Praise God who never changes or revokes His promises! Praise God who will keep us and lead us Home!

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justifiedby his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward asa propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith." ~ Romans 3: 23-25

"He entered once for all into the holy places, not by means of the blood of goats and calves but by means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption." ~ Hebrews 9:12

"In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him,were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit." ~ Ephesians 1:13

"But we ought always to give thanks to God for you,brothers beloved by the Lord, because God chose youas the firstfruits to be saved,through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth." ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:13

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world." ~ 1 John 2:1-2

Set Free to Live

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:56:37 PDT

Although we're living in a time when many are departing from the faith, or simply discouraged, we have a true and living hope in Christ.

As I've been reading God's Word and praying, these thoughts strike me:

* Even though I professed faith in Christ for years, I didn't always experience Him as my life.

* Because Christ is my life, His overcoming power is also mine as long as I see (believe!) the self life is crucified and His Spirit in control. My focus is Him, not my weaknesses.

* I don't have to fear the enemy. Satan oppresses me when I'm again controlled by self, but he can't defeat the life of Christ in me!

* The more I yield to God's working in my life, the more He frees me from this self-bondage and causes me to walk in His ways.

* Dying to self (surrendering to Him) is not just about death... but my resurrection to Life. It's not about my "carrying" a cross (grudge, grudge) but understanding that my old life has been crucified - passed away. The new life I now live, I live in Him.

* If I'm not abiding in Christ who is my life, then I'm living as though dead. And death is separation from the Source of life. Oh, but I have Life!

* So I'm saved by faith, kept by faith, and now I'm able to love by faith "because He first loved me" (1 John 4:19).

Do you long for real life? More freeing thoughts to follow. ♥

Dead, Buried, and Resurrected

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 16:53:45 PDT

"We were buried therefore with Him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life." ~ Romans 6:4

This has been one of the most meaningful Easters to me personally as I think about the death, burial, and resurrection of our Lord. Some still debate whether or not the Jews crucified Jesus - what a moot point. I know in my heart that He took those nails for me. He died in my stead, painfully, yet willingly, to bring me to the Father - all because of my sin. There was no other way. "God hath provided the Lamb."

"...but God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).

Christ's resurrection is now my resurrection. And while I rejoice in His atonement for me, salvation - lest anyone misunderstand - is not just fire insurance. Salvation is about experiencing Christ. God's heart towards us from the very beginning has always been loving, all-encompassing, making every provision. Not only has He delivered me from the penalty and destruction of sin, He did away with my old life so I could finally experience His.

Are you experiencing His life today?

Because there are two purposes of the Cross - our redemption from sin, of course, but also our deliverance from the putrid self-life. Through His Blood, I'm cleansed and forgiven. Through His death on the Cross (because I died with Him) my self life is put to death. Self doesn't yield all that well to self-improvement tactics, resolutions, or my own attempts to crucify self. If anything, it causes it to flare. The flesh only yields to our co-crucifixion with Christ:

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20).

It took years and YEARS for this to become real to me; I was too busy trying to live right. When I finally "saw" myself crucified with Him, the lights came on and the shackles gave way. A heart hunger grew out of desperation because I was sickened by my own ways, pain, failings, and increasing struggles. The flesh had done me no favors. But the Holy Spirit shows me this: It is finished! Really! I can't improve upon my own human condition, why beat my head against the wall, wrestling and trying so hard? I died with Christ. I'm dead!

And what do dead people need? Life! Christ is my life. I've reckoned myself dead to sin because that's what God says about me - I'm dead to it. And if you've received Christ, you're dead to it, too:

"We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin" (Romans 6:6).

Good reason for a loud halleluiah, don't you think? To know that, through Christ, we have no more 'past life' before God - all is forgiven. Neither does any sin count against us in Christ because in Him, there is no condemnation. Oh, but this new life! That's what I want...that's what I need! What do I do to experience Him?

Believe. We couldn't add one thing to the finished work of Christ if we tried.

In the words of the Apostle Paul:

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:31-32).

May the truth of His resurrection fill us with exceeding great joy, for in Him we now live and move and have our being. If anyone here wants to experience His healing forgiveness of sin, to experience His life-giving Son, to grow in grace and peace - just turn to Him even now, ask and receive. Your old life will pass away, and His new life in you will begin.

Because as far as God is concerned, it's all about you. That's why He sent His Son. That's why He suffered, died, rose again, and now lives within each believer through the Holy Spirit. He's here for you. He's here for me. Always!

Happy Easter.

Recuperation is Good

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 16:15:38 PDT

Yesterday Mr. G. had some surgery, so I'm taking care of things at home this week. I hope to post again soon but might be unable to answer emails as quickly this week. With family coming in a few days, I also need to do business with a mop and broom.

Thank you so kindly for your prayers and patience.

No Tunnel Too Dark

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 19:43:38 PDT

"The Lord is my LIGHT and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" ~ Psalm 27:1

We live our life in cliches. Maybe we hear or say something meant to console, yet the very words we speak (or hear) can often contradict truth. My little brain gets stuck on stuff like that.

Now, I don't want to split hairs (yet another cliche) but this phrase echoed in my mind recently: "I'm just waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel."

Oh yes! The end of the tunnel! All of us relate to that familiar sense of "coming around the bend" of a long and difficult trial.

But what about the light? Are we really trapped in darkness until our trial ends? Of course not. We may not understand or 'see' why we're facing a hardship, but we're not alone.

As I mulled this over, the Gospel of John blew me away again:

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." ~ John 8:12

And here, in the Psalms:

"For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock." ~ Psalm 26:5

Sometimes my tunnel has been His shelter. Yet again, I'm encouraged:

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path...I am severely afflicted; give me life, O Lord, according to your word!" ~ Psalm 119:105 & 107

His word gives life. . . and light - no matter what tunnel we're in.

Christ IS life.

Lord, you have given us life according to your word! In you there is no darkness at all. Thank you for the forgiveness and cleansing of our sin through the Blood of Jesus, your Son. In you we now live and move and have our being. Thank you for delivering us from darkness!

Will Rededication Bring Victory?

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 14:13:48 PDT

Happy Friday! I pulled an older post from my archives today and edited for clarity to address the matter of "rededication" since someone asked about it:

A friend rededicated her life to Christ all of five times over the years, each time trying harder to live for Him which resulted in more frustration than the time before. Out of sheer exhaustion, she gave up. "I can't do this anymore," she told me. "I can't keep rededicating my life to God. Nothing changes! I don't even think I can live this Christian life!"

Amen to that. Little did she know her life would change once she actually surrendered her life to Christ and stopped trying so hard. The enabled life is not a struggle.

Are you living an up and down Christian life, frustrated by a seeming lack of progress or spiritual growth? Maybe you're standing in your own way. Because God isn't holding a measuring stick, and the Christian life is not a self-improvement program.

Life in Christ has nothing to do with rededicating ourselves or doing our best to live for Him; that very notion contradicts grace. To experience His life, growth, and sufficiency, we renounce the self-life (after all, we've been crucified with Christ), and start trusting Him as our very life.

I remind myself of this very thing: Victory in the Christian life doesn't come by trying harder. Victory comes by trusting.

We can trust His life is sufficient.

Blessed in Bloggityville

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:07:36 PDT

People visit "blogs" for different reasons. Many surf here, read, and move on - that's fine. Others pop in because they're my friends and want to show support. I sure appreciate it. Those who stick around for longer than a season express a real desire to grow in grace after discovering legalism to be deadly. Others are confused spiritually and need truth. Together, we want to appropriate all that Christ is for us, and I'm thankful to be a part of this journey with you.

Whosoever's heart is tender and broken, the Lord beckons. Even as I share with you my own journey and experience of Christ, I'm aware that many of you are feeling pain and great conflict in your own lives. Keep looking to Him as your Life and Source. I'm always praying the Lord will give me words regarding this hidden life in Him.

However you stumbled upon Windows to My Soul, and for whatever reason you choose to follow this blog or visit occasionally, you're welcome here. Don't feel your comments have to be polished or always positive, or that you need to comment at all. I do enjoy hearing from you, whether by comments or email.

While I could blog about more entertaining subjects, nothing in all the world matters as much as this hope we have in Christ. No matter what our circumstances are, I pray we'll see our need for Jesus.

So, don't be surprised if this little blogspot isn't very political, entertaining, or appropo for the rest of the world. Rest assured there's no hidden agenda. I'm not trying to sell product, win friends, raise money, drive traffic, prove something, or make God smile. And if you find I'm not much of a joiner in the blogosphere, it's only because the Lord has called me to a specific work here rather than promote other teachings and activities. Still, I dearly cherish the fellowship I have with many of you.

Christ is my life. This writing is my personal expression of His life in me, even as I learn, grow, and abide in Him. Thank you for encouraging me with your kindness, and for sharing your life with me in emails, cards, and letters. I'm overcome with gratitude today. I'm praying for you.

Please pray also for me. ♥

* graphic courtesy of graphics by irene

Seeing, Needing, Receiving

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:49:19 PDT

"...and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." ~ Ephesians 3:19

Maybe the way we begin to appropriate a truth is to see what is already ours in Christ, then recognize our need for it.

I notice this while reading, again, the first three chapters of Ephesians. The Apostle Paul is not asking us to do anything. He simply declares all that is true for us in Christ Jesus:

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him" (Eph.1:3).

What is wondrous - and sheer relief - is that I needn't labor for what is already mine. I merely see my need, confess it, and stand ready to receive His loving provision. This is not formula, but truth! Oh, the toiling and conflict I've suffered before learning deep within that Christ is truly my life.

Knowing this changes the way I pray. No need to beg naively for what is already mine. I just believe, trusting - His job is to pour out the grace. Even a mustard seed faith grows the more we abide! My desperate need plunges me before Him daily, to reach out and receive from Him. There's just no other way. If I wander off, looking for pain relief instead of letting Him minister to me inwardly, well - no use blaming Him when my own measures fail. And yet I rejoice in my failures because through them, He's become all the more precious to me.

At some point we have to stop admiring truth and walk in it out of need and desperation. This is a good thing - to be weak. Only then do we long desperately to experience Christ.

And so it goes. Seeing, needing, and receiving - this life in Christ.

"And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God." ~ Ephesians 2:8b

Listening to Him Sing

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:44:41 PDT

"He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." ~ Zephaniah 3:17

In spite of inner and outer turmoil at times, the Lord is quieting me with His love. In spite of past wrong choices, He delights in me, enables my steps, and meets my innermost needs - no looking back. But I realize something else. It's one thing to taste the grace of God, but another thing entirely to be so established in Him that His grace is manifested more and more in my character and habits. That's my prayer. It's happening - slowly, but surely - but not because of anything I'm doing.

When we finally abandon the notion that God is only pleased with us when we work hard for Him, a stronghold is broken - and release comes. It's about time, wouldn't you say? Grace means relying on Him to enable us for our secondary callings, but our primary calling is always to Himself. In the overflow of His life in us, we're enabled for service. "Having made peace through the blood of His cross" (Col.1:20), we're given everything we need to live - no need for all the self-imposed guilt.

I'm presently deleting and unsubscribing from old email newsletters, devotionals, and miscellaneous 'forwards.' Much of it I never get around to reading anyway, but when I do, my heart grieves that so many still perpetuate a works mentality. Too many focus on what we need to be doing for Christ, rather than emphasizing His life in us to accomplish and enable.

You see, "it is finished." That's why those WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) bracelets don't make sense to me. Imitating what I perceived as the Christian life years ago kept me in miserable bondage. Anyone can imitate, but Christ's life flows through the one who abides in Him. No use trying to act like Jesus, I tell my sisters in Christ - that's a burden. Spend time with Him in His Word. This is how His life is nurtured in us - not by effort, commitment, or personal devotion, but abiding.

Do you desire His pleasure? Don't consecrate your "self life," promising God more devotion. Instead, receive His Life... and just yield to it. The Lord already loves you and is ready to meet your needs.

And remember, no matter where we find ourselves in this growth process, the Lord rejoices over us with singing. ♥

Seasons to Celebrate

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 18:51:04 PDT

It's spring, and the Gaines season of birthdays, which I really enjoy, and even though our youngest son, Richie, didn't get a cake from me in February for his 27th (his wife provided cheesecake!) I managed to pull a few things out of my baker's hat for March.

So pardon me for showing off my cake creations. A couple friends asked if I'd made anything lately, so it made sense to post these photos until I settle down to write. We're having a rather medical week, but all is well!

<--Happy Birthday again to Richie, pictured here with his bride, Ashley.

<--- A fisherman cake for Adam's 31st birthday. Since he's pre-diabetic, he couldn't really eat the chocolate cake, but at least he knows we love him! Happy birthday, Adam (pictured with wife Heather, our daughter). You're a good catch!

Lexie's wish for her 7th birthday was a "tiara" cake w/two tiers. She scanned photos at Cake Central and asked me to make something with pink and purple, her favorite colors, with strawberry flavored cake. She loved the cake! But mostly {wink} the "tiara."

Enjoy. I'll be back soon.

The One Experience We All Need

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 10:43:23 PDT

"We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope..." ~ 2 Corinthians 1:8b-10

"Oh, are you one of those codependent, n-e-e-d-y people?" she blurted out. I held my breath, slightly jarred by the comment. The term codependent was all the buzz those days. Guess she thought I needed her (very) unsolicited advice. I nearly dropped the phone when she said, almost haughtily, "There's counseling for that, you know."

In all fairness, she didn't know me.

I'd narrowly escaped ending my own life that year, for one thing. Counseling was mandatory after being released from the hospital, so I'd already swam in a boatload of self-help/recovery sewage. What now grieved me was how far I'd strayed from God, looking for pain relief. When God opened my eyes, I prayed for forgiveness, a fresh start, and a way to break from some really bad counsel. A few months later, our house sold and we relocated across town. That removed me geographically from the wrong counseling, all right, but it also took me away from close friends and my dear little church family. It hurt. But the Lord was removing some props, undergirding me, and drawing me closer. It was all good - I just didn't know it yet. The bad counsel I'd received had truly worn me out; I was desperate for God like water.

Fast forward to new 'church lady' on the phone. After minutes of conversation, she thought she had me pegged. Or maybe she had her own issues that day. Poor lady didn't need to hear my problems. She was scouting for volunteers at the new little church we'd visited.

Still, I shared how displaced I felt in a new community and a new church, without friends or family - somewhat normal feelings for a major transition, especially for someone just beginning to recover from a clinical depression. As soon as I mentioned depression, the woman's tone changed. She grew noticeably impatient, dispensed quick advice, and needed to go.

Isn't this partly why we hide ourselves? We hide our weakness and pain. We hide our fear and lack of faith. We don't want to come across too needy, or not spiritual enough, because of what others might think. Yet we need so much to be heard and understood, accepted and loved, even as we're learning to trust God in our weakness.

It helps to remember that the burden of pretending is never a yoke that God puts on His children. It may be spiritually 'uncouth' in some circles to admit feelings or needs, but it's hard to heal in these environments. People who haven't experienced a brokenness themselves may not understand brokenness in others. As a sympathetic Christian psychiatrist once explained to me, "People can smell neediness a mile away. In fact, if they see a needy person coming down the hall, they'll run the opposite direction."

But I'm here to tell you, the Lord runs to us when we're hurting.

Once the Holy Spirit communicates by revelation, His unchanging love for us, once we hear Him speak to the broken places deep within us, the reality of His love starts to change us. The reality of His presence will uproot whatever superficial trappings we've clung to so far, revealing them for what they are, while He shows Himself to be our firm Foundation. Healing doesn't happen overnight, but the stirrings of His grace will call us to an intimacy with Him like nothing we've experienced before. These same stirrings of grace cause us to drift away from feel-good experiences that only temporarily assuaged our pain anyway, and more towards this growing intimacy with Him that starts to heal us at the core.

Because either our needs are met, or we experience pain. It's just that simple. No use feeling shame over the way we're made. God totally gets it. That's why He meets our most critical needs through Christ. And while we live in a fallen world with imperfect people (who sometimes resort to shame, guilt, manipulation). . . God never relates to us like this.

The more I know Him, the more I'm realizing it's not the hurtful people or dire circumstances in my life that cause my pain. Pain is the result of my unmet need. Our hearts cry out in different ways, but pain is universal, and God knows us individually. That's why He already made Divine provision through His Son, but also through healthy relationships and resources that put us in the path of health - mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

Christ Jesus relieves our pain as we experience Him. This personal intimacy begins simply by opening our bibles, pouring out our pain, need, and brokenness, and relying on Him to renew us daily with His Spirit as we read the Scriptures.

Having the life of Christ nurtured in us daily is the ONE experience we desperately need.

What Has Freud Done for Us Lately?

nursewriter@gmail.com (Vicki) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 08:15:29 PDT

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:7, (NIV)

One aspect of neurosis is that we want to feel something's true before we'll believe it. The neurotic even distorts truth to justify irrational thoughts and feelings. It's a trap, but we've all done it to some degree. When we let feelings control us, we start to feel 'tossed about,' overwhelmed, and even despairing. That's not to say it's abnormal to feel, or that we should suppress all emotions - we can't. But have we learned to distinguish between our mind and our emotions? For example, we can be saved (forgiven of sin, with the life of Jesus living within us), but if we dwell on feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, or inability, we're soon wrecked by doubt, questioning our faith.

Maybe we're stuck because we've never gone beyond knowing Christ as Savior and Lord to knowing Him as life.

So here's a question. How can we grow in relationship with God (or anyone else) if we continually believe lies and distortions and focus on self? Is there a remedy for this? Is it psychotherapy? I don't think so. Mental hospitals are filled with folks who don't necessarily have organic brain disease, but whose disturbances relate to deeply imbedded and unhealthy coping patterns. Psychotherapy might help. . . if the goal is to strengthen self and help a person cope. This begs another question. What, then, is our goal? 1) to cope by becoming a stronger person, or 2) to be transformed?

I'm choosing number 2. But that's because I cheated. . . I already tried therapy. It only postponed my healing because I was taught to rely on myself to get better.

The best place to start is by opening our bible, confessing our need, and letting the Holy Spirit renew our hearts and minds. "Apart from me you can do nothing," Christ reminds me (John 15:5, NIV). Psychotherapy helped strengthen the very defense mechanisms that got me into hot water to start with. Anything that teaches us self-reliance will always be a substitute for the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

But hey, Freud won't tell you that. ♥

graphic courtesy of Snapshots of Joy