The Real World of Maslow

So, yeah. It's been almost a year and lots has changed.

2018-12-06T18:07:00.002-08:00

Since moving to New England, I've not been able to place my finger on what has really led me to leaving my job in Virginia, the home I owned (with a VERY affordable mortgage), and the friends I acquired over the eight years that I lived there. What I do know is that every thing happens for a very good reason. There are always lessons to learn.

I moved here for a job that I thought I wanted. The pay was really good - so that was a nice incentive. However, I just never felt like it was what I wanted to do. It's what I knew how to do but I was disinterested in all that it was offering me. Normally, I could fall back into a routine that allowed me to have bits of personal joy. That came in the form of helping people learn new things, creating experiences, and planning (cool) events for all to enjoy. Well, I rarely got the opportunity to do that in the 18 months I worked at the community college. So... I bounced.

Where I bounced to is a private school that has a certain level of prestige. That was appealing to me with the hope of being able to do the things I enjoyed so that I could light up my quickly shrinking joy-filled heart. It's been nearly nine months. I had one shining moment in the form of planning Family Weekend. I really loved doing that. I got energized doing that. But, that's really about the only thing that put a little joy back in my heart.

It's been weeks since that joy was in my heart. I've been trying to find ways to put it back in. To fill my bucket back up so that I can be the one that fills the buckets of my staff. My bucket has been depleted. Okay, that was dramatic. It's has a few holes in it. One or two holes are leaking a little more rapidly than the others.

I've been introspecive for weeks. Are the problems that exist in the office due to my not knowing what to do to help change that? I decided it's not. Those dynamics existed before I got there. However, I feel some level of responsibility because the staff look to me for that leadership. While the responsibility lies with me to begin to address it, I don't know if I really ever wanted it. This is something I really have to continue thinking about. Life decisions are hard, y'all!

There is an on-going situation I'm dealing with staff-wise that is taking me through so many emotions. I've been questioning my move to New England almost since moving here in 2016.
My choice to leave a better paying job for a percieved better professional experience (that can be defined in so many ways). Wondering if I should even stay in higher education and student affairs in general. I've even toyed around with going back to teaching art. Actually, I'm seriously considering it. I do love art. I love teaching students and watching them learn new things. I love coaching people through decisions. I love creating. The brighter element in all of this is me having met my partner of two years here. But even that seems to be affected on some level by all of these things I'm trying to manage professionally.

I've watched several friends that I know from the world of student affairs leap into new career paths this year. There is something thrilling about that idea to me. What would that look like? What would it feel like? Would I get to go home at a regular time? Would I find myself with more time to take care of myself? That last one came up after I went to a doctor appointment today. They always ask if I'm exercising. I am not. I did when I worked at the community college, though! hahaha

On the brighter side of things...I started a candle business and it's going pretty well! I got a great raise from a company that uses me to produce graphic design projects for their trade shows - If I worked for them full time, I'd be making six figures! And my Etsy shop is doing pretty well.

This rambling post is brought to you by the letters U, G, and H.

Put One Foot In Front of the Other...

2018-01-10T17:03:00.000-08:00

The holiday season just passed and I totally forgot that I started writing this entry for my RE-ENTRY back into blogging. I wrote it in December of 2016. So, yeah, over a year when I wrote it and I realize I need to get back to it. I'll leave much of this post as it was when I originally wrote it.

I have PLENTY of stories, thoughts, situations I struggle with, and questions I'll pose to the readers. Still tryin' to self-actualizin' since '75!

The title of this blog comes from one of my favorite Christmas stop-animation movies, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". You know, the one that has the Winter Warlock having his cold heart warmed by Kris Kringle.

Anyhow, I was thinking about this blog. It's been 4 (now 5) years since my last post! Much has changed. For one, I left my job as the Associate Director of Student Involvement after 8 years and took on a new opportunity as the Director of Student Engagement. There's a good amount of learning, growth, skill refinement, professional development, and managing the unknown here. I went from working at a large four-year institution in a large metropolitan to working at a small community college in New England. Talk about cha-cha-cha-changes!

I thought it was a good time to get back to this blog. When I started the blog I was embarking on a job search that would take me from Las Vegas to the metro Washington D.C. area. That was over 8 years ago. Now I find myself exploring life in another state (full of people who aren't the best drivers but who are surprisingly friendly!).

There are great benefits, opportunities, and challenges to working at any school. I think I'm feeling that even more now since I've spent most of my professional career in a traditional collegiate experience. There are no sports teams, no real programming spaces, processes oftentimes feel archaic (1980s y'all!), the money is extra tight (tighter than pantyhose two sizes too small!), and everything needs to be blessed by everyone.

I plan to take y'all on my journey as often as I possibly can. I know many of you haven't had the experience of working at a community college. Some of you have yet to fill the shoes of a director position. However, I'm pretty sure that much of what I talk about though will be relateable and hopefully helpful. It won't be a "Whoa is me" type of blog. That's not my style. It's more of my journey to be the best ~~professional~~ human being I possibly can. Putting one foot in front of the other.

Signs

2012-04-10T06:21:00.002-07:00

I don't know how to explain it without just simply saying, "There are signs telling you what to do every day." More on that at some other time. :0) Signs. Signs. Everywhere are signs. Oh, and Oprah has always said you have to listen to the "whispers". Another sign?

Difficulties come when you don't pay attention to life's whisper. Life always whispers to you first, but if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you'll get a scream.

Oprah Winfrey, Stanford Commencement Address, 2008

Building the Dream

2012-04-04T06:46:00.002-07:00

Recently I went to ACPA and attended a session on unconventional leadership that was presented by Patrick Love and Tony Doody of Rutgers University. That was the first session in a LONG time that has made an impression on me. In the session they mentioned Fast Company as being a magazine that serves as a resource for them. Fast Company??? Student Affairs professionals learning how to do student affairs work from a magazine based on company practices and innovation? When you think about it, it certainly works. We're always looking for innovative ways to connect with students and our staffs. I used to get that magazine and no longer do. Now I'm thinking of subscribing again.

Oddly enough, a friend on Facebook shared an article he found on Fast Company's website this morning about "Overnight Success". I've been trying to build an art business for the last 6 years. I do okay with it but I could be doing a lot better. However, I'm slipping into a groove and hopefully things will take off even more. I keep trying new things and seeing what works and what doesn't. Building an empire takes time!

Speaking of overnight successes or the myth of such, did you know this?

The ubiquitous WD-40 lubricant got its name because the first 39 experiments failed. WD-40 literally stands for “Water Displacement--40th Attempt.” If they gave up early on like most of us do, we'd sure have a lot more squeaky hinges in the world. - Fast Company article

Who knew? Makes you realize that you just have to keep trying until you get it right. People will try to discourage you or change your course but if you have a vision - whether it's clear or not - as long as you believe in it you should go for it.

I was thinking about this in terms of working on a college campus. Sometimes we are given the green light to do something and that's a wonderful thing. Sometimes we have ideas and have no idea how to make it really happen. Other times we have ideas that are out of our scope of duties. How do you make an awesome idea happen whether in your own area or another area on campus? Ahh, this is where it gets tricky. I don't have an answer but my brain is always churning out ideas. So many ideas that I don't even have time to even begin to set the ball rolling on many of them. I just put them in my "back pocket" and save it for any opportunity that comes up.When you hit those opportunities you reach into your back pocket and yell, "VIOLA!!" That's when you look like the rock star you are!

When you have idea and you do have the chance to put it into action, do you over think it before you even get it off the ground? Trial and error programming is how I like to operate. I don't have to have all of the answers - I just need to know what I want in the end. That's what I aim for and for me it's successful because it looks just like I had imagined. In the world of activities on campus, I think imagery is everything with students. Does it appear fun? Does it blow their mind? Have they ever experienced anything like it? That's the realm in which I operate. This is something that was talked about in the Unconventional Leadership session.

One of my dreams/visions is building a site for Student Affairs professionals that will provide them with tons of nifty things. I'm being cryptic about it because I don't want to let the cat out of the bag. I need to make time to build it. After reading this article and pairing it with the presentation I attended, I'll start with it being simple and have ONE THING that blows the mind of the visitor and let it develop from there. All of the hits and misses will hopefully become an "overnight success".

More on this journey later.

What a Great Resource!

2010-01-10T06:14:00.000-08:00

In Student Affairs, we're often doing team builders, get-to-know-you games, etc. I get tired of the same ol' same. You know how it goes, you see on the agenda that there's a cool sounding team builder - only to realize that it is the same one you've done before. They've only changed the title because at their old institution, or when they were in band camp, a boy scout, LeaderShape facilitator, etc.

In the past 5 or so years I've scoured the web for a website that would provide a comprehensive list. Well, today I've found it!

http://wilderdom.com/games/

The few activities I've looked up are well written and laid out on the page. There are even some links that lead to pages of activities in PDF form - perfect for printing and placing in your own activity encyclopedia! Why spend budget money on books when there are free resources on the web? :0)

Lots of different types of activities. Bookmark it - it'll come in handy one day!

Enjoy!

I'm Living in Zen

2009-04-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

It's funny how you can go shopping for one particular thing and come across something that seemed to be waiting for you all along. Like that shirt that you happened to see as you were making your way to the cashier. It's like it just wanted you to notice it as it hangs on the hanger and you can imagine it speaking to you. "Hey you! Yeah you over there! Come check me out."

Yesterday I went to Barnes & Noble to pick up the book, "Push" by Sapphire. I want to read the book because they've made a movie of it and I had heard about the story. However, that's neither here nor there. As I was making my way to the cashier, I browsed the Bargain Book section. I saw a book in this section that I had considered buying but never did - then I saw the price. "Hey, check me out! I'm ONLY $6.98", I could faintly heare as I passed by the shelf.

The book I bought was, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff".

Since I've started working at this new university I have to say that I have done my best to live a zen like life. It hasn't always been easy when those around you aren't followers of Zen. HA HA! It's not unusual for someone to quote me as saying on more than one occasion, "If they're not bleeding, vomiting, choking, or losing a limb then it'll be all right and it's not that serious." This is a philosophy that I've taken on in many aspects of life. One aspect in particular, event planning and campus programming really gets treated to this philosophy. Everything is going to be okay no matter how tough or unfavorable a situation seems. So, imagine me, in all my delight to come across a book that seems to speak to the very way of life that I try to live!

Some of the entries in the book are:

Make Peace with Imperfection
Don't Interrupt Others or Finish Their Sentences
Repeat to Yourself, "Life Isn't an Emergency!"
Understand Separate Realities
Turn Your Melodrama into Mellow-Drama
Remember 100 Years from Now, All New People

These are GREAT entries that can help someone to, "take a chill pill" and relax.

Doesn't it make you just wanna slip folks a Xanax sometime?

A Quote, Self-reflection and Being the Best You Can Be

2009-04-07T17:27:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while and there's good reason. I have been working like crazy! Transitioning into this new position (well not so new anymore) has presented some challenges, triumphs, confusion, and awakenings. I will have been here a year come April 18.

In this amount of time I have been promoted, bought a house, run two position searches, chaired several committees, worked my ass off to help create a shift in attitudes about programming, began the process of learning how to be a great supervisor, and continually learning to manage my relationship with each person I am in contact with at the university. Oh.... and let's not forget trying to find a social life outside of work!

This particular blog is about quotes and finding your way. I have been an avid reader of quotes and really pull inspiration from the words. Many people may read quotes and it's simply a culmination of letters that form words that create a statement they might find interesting. I, on the other hand, take quotes and weave them into my life. They become a mantra and I feel the need to share the "good words" and what they mean to me. The latest quote that I read was, "Don't limit your dreams. Make your dreams magnificent." I happened to read this quote at a time when I really needed it - because I'm pushing to make some significant changes to our welcome week program.

During ACPA, I attended a session on spirituality and supervising. It really hit home and helped me to reflect on how I try to share my spirituality with those around me - professionally and personally. So much self-reflection going on with me right now. It's given me the courage to push forward in many aspects. I won't ever say all aspects because that would be a serious lie! During this session I began to think about the kind of person I am. Am I authentic and living a life of as much congruency as I can muster? With this understanding of my own spirituality and attempts to live congruently, how do I supervise my staff?

Honestly, I often considered the supervision of professional staff to be similar to student leaders I've mentored and advised. If you put trust in them and build a strong relationship they will amaze you with what they're capable of accomplishing and be more than willing go above and beyond the call of duty. They just need the tools and the green light to "dream magnificently". The other difference with professional staff is that they have more experience in their area of responsibility coming into the job - but still have things to learn. Hmmm... Don't we all have things to learn from one another?

I look at life as an ever developing, ever changing journey. I look at working in higher education as a journey of personal and professional growth. Who could ask for a better, more developmental, accepting environment to ever work in? Making mistakes is par for the course - but keep in mind, the practically the entire course is par 2! You might get a hole in one, but if you don't - NO WORRIES - you have another chance - and sometimes your supervisor might give you a mulligan. Taking chances are what we should be encouraged to take, right? Or is it like that on all campuses where we are given the green light to take risks?

Evolution of humans took many a sunset and a full moon to occur. While the evolution of a staff and individual staff members may take only a fraction of that amount of time, it does still occur slowly the they move toward stronger Student Affairs professionals. We happen to work in a field where we all learned about development and the quote of "meeting them where they are" has been spoken and heard many times. Is that quote just another bunch of jumbled words arranged to mean something with regard to a staff member working with students or is it something we need to apply to supervision of staff, interactions with members of our campus, members of the community or the citizen you might encounter on your weekly trip to the grocery store?

Being the best that we can be in any particular moment is probably the most that anyone can really expect from someone, ultimately. If you want better responses/results/outcomes then you have to teach and mentor. A quote from Maya Angelou that I love is, "When you know better, you do better". As I continue to learn my job - I will do better. As I begin to know my staff better - I will supervise better. As my staff continue to stretch and grow they will continue to be better professionals and human beings. As I begin to understand myself better - I will be a better "ME".

Sadly, this is the end of my stream of consciousness for tonight! But I'm BACK.. Dear God I'm back! There'll be more to come because, damnit - There is a LOT of "stuff" to talk about... and well, I have time to write again. :0)

I am Overcome with Emotion...

2008-11-04T21:11:00.000-08:00

There is no single emotion at this particular moment that can express how I feel right now. It's almost as though you can feel the world changing just as soon they announced Barack Obama has been elected the next President of the United States.

People who are reading this may not get the true magnitude of this moment. As a black man whose parents lived during the civil rights movement, whose family has roots in slavery, who never once thought he, nor his siblings, parents, grandparents and extended family see anyone other than a white man elected President has overwhelmed me with emotion.

This changes everything and hopefully improves many things. No longer will children of other races feel limited in what they can accomplish. No longer will any black man or woman have the excuse that we can't change anything or do anything.

When I was a kid I never thought I could be President. I always thought white men were the only ones allowed to be in that position. I remember seeing Geraldine Ferraro be on the ticket in the 80's and thinking that pairing would never win because in my history books it had only been white men who were the President and VP. Watching the mini-series, Roots, only solidified that concept because that may have been Alex Haley's story - but it resonated so much deeper with black people.

Then I begin to think of all of the things that will speak to the world. Even the little things such as visiting the White House and seeing Obama's Presidential portrait among all of those white men. Or people seeing pictures of the new First Family and having a new perspective of black Americans. New lessons to teach our youth. New lessons to teach our older generations. There are probably many other things I can list about the lessons we'll learn from this moment on. One of which being, this is no longer an America for white people that people of color just happen to live in - It's an America that can begin to say it's truly the land of opportunity for ALL citizens.

Yes We Did!

Negotiating Kindness?

2008-07-26T21:10:00.000-07:00

Tonight I just felt moved to write something.

On a regular basis I notice people, who for whatever reason, find it inherently hard to be nice. It's as if they have to justify being nice and make the decision based upon a negotiation they decide on within their mind. Tonight I witnessed a friend who is in a constant flow of anger. Every single time I've hung out with this friend there's an angry moment. I chalk it up to personal unhappiness. I could be off the mark because I don't have a counseling license - but I did get a degree in counseling!

It all brought to mind how it's just amazing to me that some people will go out of their way to be mean when it's way easier to be 1.) kind and 2.) generous. It's not just a Natalie Merchant song! Maybe they don't really go out of their way. Maybe in the beginning they did and over time it has just become the only way they know how to respond?

It is my belief that if everyone just treated others with kindness - things would be so much better. If you spend a lot of your energy being angry then it doesn't leave much time for you to be in any other state of mind. The "ups" in your life are fewer and farther between. It all makes me think about God and just having faith in the thought that the life you live is just a journey that the Higher Power (if you choose to have faith that there is one) has provided. No one is out to get you. No one is out to steal from you. No one is truly out to hurt you maliciously, etc. (aside from common criminals). But if you've put that kind of energy out there - you BEST BELIEVE it's coming back to find you. It's the boomerang of life known as karma.

So imagine putting out nothing but good, positive energy. Being supportive. Being a good friend. Being a good parent. Being nice. Choosing to be happy. Living life as if it were the BEST gift you've ever received (because it really is).

In the purest sense - it's all about kindness. Think about that the next time you throw out your boomerangs.

When Opportunity Meets Preparation

2008-07-05T20:14:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been thinking about my experiences in the field of student affairs. I have been contemplating how, when, and why I'd like to write this entry. Sitting here now makes my eyes water because of the amount of gratitude I want to share with everyone who has helped to carry me to this point in my life. It's amazing to me to think that I have been in the field for 7 years! What's even more amazing is reflecting on all that I've learned in those 7 years. While it may seem obvious to most that with 7 years of doing a specific type of job gives you a certain level of expertise, I'm here to talk about another. The unofficial mentor.

When I say unofficial, I'm talking about those individuals that you see and think, "Wow, I want to learn how they did/do it!" and you don't necessarily discuss with them your intentions. This all comes to mind with my last work experience at the University of Nevada Las Vegas. I have a tremendous level or respect and gratitude for having worked with the people I've had the opportunity to engage in dialogue and share experiences. This is not to discount my other experience as a hall director in Georgia. Having spent 5 years at one institution, I feel compelled to speak directly of this particular experience.

In 2003 I began my journey at UNLV. I really had little knowledge of student affairs theory, of what it meant to attend a national convention, let alone which one to attend, and I had yet to put together a proposal, official document, or otherwise for a university and/or its upper administration or even a national publication. I was indeed, green and sometimes green with envy because of my new colleagues seemingly extensive knowledge of the theories I had never fully understood or even studied. I'll be the first to tell anyone that my masters program was not terribly enriching.

It's not easy being green. I learned that during my first year when I was passed up for a merit pay increase, when everyone else who was also new around me received one. At that moment I sought out my first unofficial mentor. Since I had become friends with him, I would ask questions on how to improve and jokingly tell him that I was indeed on the same fast track to success. I definitely modeled some of my professional choices after him and it paid off. The next year and each year thereafter, I did receive merit. There were other unofficial mentors in the Division of Student Life. The level of support, those valuable teachable moments, and trust meant a great deal to me. I truly feel that I would not be in the position I am now poised to take on had this journey and your guidance not been a part of my life.

Some of the things I've learned are:

professional ettiquette
writing minutes
running meetings
indulging my creativity
taking risks
learning how to honor commitments
learning the importance of being on time
student affairs theory
how to be developmental
working smarter not harder
having rich diaglogues
goal planning
creating a vision
creating event binders
being thorough
playing devils advocate
knowing how to say no
knowing when to say yes
being stern when necessary
"playing nice"
the value of inclusivity and collaboration
the constant use of student affairs lingo
walk the talk
how to do bigger and better events
report writing
assessment
the value of autonomy
becoming a better writer
drafting "official" documents/emails
being "collegial"

Leaving UNLV was a really difficult choice especially with so many unknowns with taking on a new position. I remember the conversations I had with our Assistant Director and Director on why I wanted to do a job search. The only thing I could really speak to was that I needed a change from the job I had been doing for the last 5 years. I knew that role like the back of my hand but something kept telling me to move on. I resisted and even drafted a "new duties" document to outline how my position could be better utilized.

Now I sit in my new home in Virginia, reflecting on this journey and sharing it with my readers. I didn't mention the names of individuals because they deserve to be recognized for being great professional role models and helping me go from a green newbie to a seasoned professional on a more personal level.

I titled this post, "When Opportunity Meets Preparation" because honestly, I was watching TV and someone said it on a show. It was in reference to luck and it made me think of my situation and how, during the last 7 years I was being prepared for my new role. If you recall my previous posts, I did a job search. I went on two campus interviews and for whatever reason, I did not fit their needs and I'm okay with that. It's the fit with an institution and the department that you'd be working in that's most important. It was on the third campus interview where I seemed to find a fit and they did, too. Fast forward to the present and by the end of this month, I will no longer be in the position I was hired for. After two months on the job, I was offered the opportunity for a promotion and the opportunity crossed paths with my preparation!

Going back to the position I had in Georgia, a book that a Dean I worked with gave to our housing department has been ever influencing in how I do my work. The book is, "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz. It's a quick read and a simple concept to digest and implement into your life. Be sure to check out the link to read the what those agreements are.

I say all of this for two reasons, to show my appreciation for the professional development I received from my UNLV family and to let you, the reader, see how it all comes together when you're ready for it. To develop as a professional takes mentoring in the unofficial or official versions. I doubt that any of the people aside for one who I am friends with, even realized they had that type of influence. It's always the little things that add up to be really important. Just watch how people work and do their work - you'll be amazed at what you pick up. And those times when you get reprimanded, can also be those influential moments that stick with you forever and create a stronger professional. If you don't ever make mistakes, how can you ever grow? Had preparation not met those opportunities in Georgia and Nevada, I would not be prepared for the new professional opportunity I've accepted. I plan to pay it forward to each green newbie whose opportunity crosses my path.

Thank you to everyone who has played a part in my experiences, whether you saw your contribution in this entry or not, everyone has had a part in helping me be who I am as a professional and friend today.

With sincerest gratitude,

Gotta Unpack During this Summer "Vacation"

2008-06-08T17:52:00.000-07:00

The students are on summer break and you find yourself in your office, chillin' - literally. I know how the air conditioning is in some places. :0) As I was chilling with my new supervisor, I have a moment that moved me closer to self-actualization. I thought would be worth sharing with my readers.

During the meeting we were talking about skills I've acquired since being a professional. I guess I never fully thought of everything that I either A. am capable of doing or B. can do with my eyes closed and one arm tied behind my back. Seven years have passed since I started working in student affairs and I've updated my resume many times but I never really comprehended what I am capable of doing.

How many times have you thought about the tasks that you do every day? Probably not as often as you could - and when it comes to interviewing for positions, you probably leave the interview and think, "Damn, I forgot to mention this.. " I know it has happened to me.

This summer you may be preparing to go on a vacation and spend some of that economic stimulus check. Before you begin packing, let me suggest "unpacking" all that you've accomplished personally and professionally. What lessons were learned? What skills were honed? What new skills were acquired? What is your full list of skill sets? What areas need more attention? This activity could be jotting down a couple of things each day. Your brain won't recall everything at once - so start the list on your computer and save it. Add to it. I will be that you feel more accomplished.

Some important skills can be:

Managed several budgets.
Mediated conflicts between students and or staff.
Dealt with a difficult ___________.
Planned activities for ___________.
Became more well versed in risk management.
Handled a crisis involving ________.

The list can go on. You may even have to do this for your end of the year reports. There may be things you haven't included on those reports that may not be important for that particular document. However, that doesn't mean it's not important for you as a professional. This list is to help you feel accomplished.

In addition to the things you've accomplished in the office be sure to include things you want to accomplish in your personal life. Add things you WANT to accomplish during the next 12 months personally and professionally. Kind of like your own "Bucket List" which coincidentally comes out on DVD and BluRay on Tuesday! I created one and I'll share it here. It's more personal than professional, but you get the idea.

Take notice that this is NOT a list of what I want to do.. but what I will do. If I don’t get to everything, that’s okay - at least I’ve done something. Ideally, I’d like to have 366 things to do. Things is green are what I've done /am doing. Things in orange are things that are in the works.

1. Create a framed piece of art each month - this counts as 12 things.
13. Exercise at least 3 times a week.
14. Do a photo shoot each month to hone my craft - this counts as 12 things.
27. Learn how to use Illustrator effectively. 28. Learn how to use Photoshop effectively. 29. Cook my own meals 4 days a week.
30. Plan a my weekly dinner menus in advance.
31. Limit my spending on frivolous things.
32. Create a bracelet to remind me to not buy frivolous things.
33. Try my hand at building whimsical wall clocks - I’ve always wanted to do this.
34. Utilize my sewing machine at least 4 times this year - counts as 4.
38. Save $50 into my savings account each month.
39. Get a Roth IRA
40. Really try to sell my artwork and make money.
41. Buy lighting equipment and build my own photo studio.
42. Learn how to create flash animation and menus.
43. Create my own stationary.
44. Write actual letters and mail them to people I haven’t talked to in a while.
45. Pay off all debt.
46. Write a blog each week - there’s something worth writing about all of the time.. you just have to think about it. - HA.. this blog isn't this particular one.. it's not appropriate for this venue. if you think you wanna see - let me know .. but be warned!
47. Walk 10,000 steps each day - that can’t be THAT hard can it? I'm pretty close!
48. Read two books this year. One book has been read - The Color Purple
49. Take more risks in meeting people.
50. Date more often.
51. Keep a tidier office.
52. Show my appreciation more often.
53. Attend church at least once.
54. Find a new job. YAY! I have a new job at George Mason!
55. Make more time for myself.
56. Drink less soda.
57. Travel out of the country.
58. Visit family.
59. Keep a sketch book and USE IT.
60. Do something nice for someone each week - counts as 52.
113. Know when it’s time to leave the office.
114. Practice playing the guitar. Does Guitar Hero count?
115. Buy clothes that are the right size.
116. Eat less junk food.
117. Create an art portfolio.
118. Go hiking. The Grand Canyon Rim trail! Yeah Baby!
119. Go to the movies at least once and not get popcorn. Saw "Meet the Browns"
120. Display my artwork in some prominent location.
121. Each week look for items I can cross off from this list.
122. Drink less coffee. - Im actually drinking more now.. ugh..
123. Volunteer for some charitable organization.
124. Re-read The Four Agreements and live them to the best of my ability.
125. Write down my dreams - they can be the biggest inspiration.
126. Start loving myself more.
127. Attend a Meet Up Group meeting
128. Find ways I can make a difference at work.
129. Stay out of office gossip.
130. Be more inclusive with regard to people at work.
131. Encourage people to be the best "professional" they can be.
132. Believe in myself.
133. Continue to add to this list.

It's good to revisit your list at least once a month - at the beginning of the month is best. This way, you can plot how you will be able to cross off new items.

Feel free to share some items from your list in the comments - I'd love to see them.

What I Wish I Would Have Known in Student Affairs

2008-05-16T17:04:00.000-07:00

A while back I came across a blog that stated, "20 Things I Wish I Had Known When Starting Out in Life". I then started thinking about the things I wish I had known about Student Affairs. There are quite a few things to mention that most people probably picked up in their graduate programs. However, one of the things I've always understood is the importance of humble, friendly, energetic, and willing to do the work.

Below is a list of things I wish I had known prior to getting into this field. Feel free to add your own "I wish I would have known" comments. This could be fun!

1. Know more about the process of getting hired. When I was on the verge of graduating with my MA, I had no idea what the time-line looked like in order for me to get a job. I really didn't start applying for positions until May - and as you know.. that's WAY LATE! Luckily I found a position as a hall director. Those two years were great - but I definitely didn't know what to do as a hall director because I had only lived in the halls for a semester myself. HA! I guess with the willingness to learn and do the work you can do anything. It's called SURVIVAL!

2. What exactly do you do at an ACPA and NASPA and why would you want to go? I had heard about these two student affairs organizations but I never really grasped why it was important for me to be a member. It didn't help that the first institution I was employed with didn't go to either of these conferences - so there went another two years of not knowing.

3. Be your (professional) self in Interviews and RELAX! Wow, I just got this not too long ago. You don't want to force yourself to fit a position - you want to give the interviewers a sense of who you are and they'll decide if you're a good fit. When you do this.. you become less nervous. Just make sure you're prepared.

4. Have a general idea of a handful of theories. Some people in student affairs like to talk theory. I'm not really one of them - but I can at least give you a general idea of some of the most used ones and hold a conversation. In my early years, this wouldn't be the case. I had theories class - but I skated through that class. In my current position I gained the knowledge to be able to speak on some theorists even if it's not my favorite thing to do (I actually get quite bored). Having a general knowledge also helps you through some interviews. I don't know how many actually ask questions on your theory knowledge - but UNLV definitely does. I will say that I've never heard anyone shout out, "Oh my God - I just did challenge and support!" - It's all about putting it into practice.

5. Stay out of the gossip. Actually I've always lived by this one since graduate school. Gossip will destroy everything and trust goes right out of the window. If you're participating in gossip, just imagine how much others you're gossiping with are actually gossiping about you. Think "Mean Girls". It all comes back to bite you on the ass in the end.

6. No matter what they say, there is ALWAYS ways around it. Don't ever take the first no as the FINAL ANSWER. Oh, and those rules are they just as a guideline - of course unless it may result in death, pain, serious injury and incarceration. While there might always be a way around something you can't always skirt around a rule - but a lot of times you can.

7. Stand your ground - be confident. Sometimes you meet people who are in a higher position than you and the culture is to fear this person for whatever reason. If you're confident that commands a certain level of respect. If you're sure about something, stand your ground - but know when to concede. Some battles are just not worth the fight, plus you have to think of the whole team. How is standing your ground on a subject affecting others? It took me a while to be confident enough to stand my ground when I believed in something.

8. Be well known for something. Whatever you're good at - keep it up. Be known for that. If it's being punctual - let that be your M.O. Are you an encyclopedia of team building/ice breaking knowledge? Then do as many staff development exercises as possible. If you're creative, show it any chance you get. If you are organized - offer to help others be that way. If you can find humor in the most appropriate times when it's needed, then do it. Accentuate whatever skill/talent you have to help yourself shine brightest.

9. Don't agree to do something if you really don't want to do it. This is a no-brainer. If you don't want to do something and you've convince yourself that you have to because someone may be offended or upset that you can't - then that's their problem. My motto is, "Help when you have the time, ability and WANT to help". You'll always come across as genuine because you will be your genuine self when you are helping. Doing something because of politics, being afraid to say no, or afraid someone will not like you will set you into a hard to break spin-cycle of inauthentic behavior and you'll always remember the time when you did that "favor" for someone. It's the times you don't remember doing something for someone but they always remember you doing it for them, that you have done something with pure kindness. It's those things that count in the long run.

10. Take advantage of all of your fringe benefits! Get your full worth at your institution. Health benefits, retirement plans, computer loans, free software, free or discounted tuition - take FULL advantage. I've taken advantage of all of the benefits. The tuition one is great because while I may not be working towards a degree, I'm working on improving my skills in other areas that help me do the work in my position better - and better still, I am taking classes for personal enrichment.

11. Don't become a politician (unless you're REALLY running for office). You can't be everything to everyone all of the time but who you can be is yourself everyday. This is not to say you aren't respectful and thoughtful in regard to a colleagues role in your department or division - but what it's saying is that you be consistent in your dealings and confident in the decisions you make. People will respect you more for your point of view, your enthusiasm, and honesty. Keep in mind, this isn't carte blanche to say and do "whatever the hell you want" but more of a vehicle to be you. It's wise to press palms, smile, and engage in authentic conversations but it's not wise to get yourself caught up in the "watch out for so-and-so", the "they don't like it when...", or the "you don't want to piss off so-and-so ", etc. Once you start tip-toeing around folks, it's a wrap! You've given them the power without them even asking for it.

A Stranger in a Strange Land

2008-05-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

Okay... consider me dramatic.

I've just completed my first week on the job (practically... I still have another hour to kill). It was kind of auspicious. I mean, this truly seems like a fun bunch of people to work with. I'm sure I'll find things that I'm not particularly fond of, but for the most part, to quote Tim Gunn, "(I'll) Make it work!"

The newness of the area is still affecting me. Who thought leaving the desert would leave me in disarray? I grew up in the land of green space abundance. The land of towering trees and grass and highways for miles. Yet, I still find myself feeling like I'm on another (colonial) planet. I miss the bright lights of Las Vegas that would often guide me home if I ever found myself lost.

My first week on the job assessment: Hmm.. let's see. I'll make a list of things I've noticed.

People are really chill in my office.
I find that I generally like everyone - they've been pretty nice.
I miss the sanctuary-like environment of my former office... sigh... That's the introvert in my. INTJ here.
I do miss my students from UNLV but some of the ones I've met here seem pretty receptive, energetic and fun.
It's the same ol' same ol' regarding student thoughts on programming. I already had one student tell me that something wouldn't work on this campus. In my last school, I heard students say the same thing. There is clearly some work to be done to help them see the infinite possibilities. I am a firm believer that you can make pretty much ANYTHING work on any campus - it's all in how you present the information to the audience.
When you are familiar with the type of work you have to do - it's easy to jump right in!
It's way easier to be yourself from the beginning instead of "flipping the script" on folks. Keep it real!
Did I just hear someone yell down the hall for me? HA HA! That really trips me out. Reminds me of my father yelling in the house asking me to get him a glass of iced water. Incredible. It's a good reminder of what I did to Shina, my student worker. I will always reminder not to EVER yell in an office for someone's attention - a phone call or IM will suffice.
Sometimes you just gotta jump right in and go for it.

This first week have been busy but in a good way. I already have tasks and meetings popping up and I'm ready. I can't wait to see what I can do within this position.

As for all of the other stuff... well. it's just that.. "stuff". I'll adjust, just as I did when I first started in Las Vegas. It'll just take me a few weeks.

More news to come from Colonial Fairfax....

HOLLA!

Sometimes Leaving is the Hardest Thing to Do

2008-04-23T18:27:00.000-07:00

Just when you think you're prepared for your departure - you're really not. I say this because I thought I was ready to leave my position without a tear and I was wrong and I have the tears to prove it.

Ever since I was offered my new position I was in "la-la land" apparently. Thinking that this transition would be a piece of cake. I mean, what's 5 years at one institution? Let me tell you what it really is... an investment in myself, my students, friends and co-workers. I made these investments and I didn't realize how much my assets have matured. 5 years of growth and "mutual funding". Some people might invest more into you than you into them and vice versa, but we're all taking the gamble in our crazy, sometimes volatile student affairs market.

When I began at UNLV, I had 4 friends, Alli, Jerica, Yvette, and Mike, who all started on the same day that we all had things in common with one another - we were young, single, and party goers. We all learned from one another, looked after one another, made investments in our friendships and sometimes had to take "personal loans" out on each other to make it through our toughest of days. Ahh, the beauty of "mutual funding".

I always knew I'd miss the people I've met on this particular journey. There's a lot to be said for living a life of authenticity, audacity, and good humor. Over the course of the years, I've grown closer to people than I ever had in my life by living my life as such. However, I've never really been one to cry. I always said that I'll see you again or talk to you on the phone - so no need for tears. I put up that wall - I didn't invest my assets in others and kept them in the safe. I've moved so many times that I thought I had this process down. No need for tears because I wouldn't allow myself to shed them.

When I came to the decision to leave Las Vegas I know I didn't consider how it would be to actually leave. I thought I didn't invest into these relationships I've developed. Relationships with students, staff members, and friends (some of which are co-workers). I made a lot of investments in individuals. Investments in student leaders and helping to guide them through decisions and grow as leaders was a major part of this. This was the first of the dividends to be paid.

Dividends paid to me were amazing. Who has a surprise going away party? That's right me.. and my roommate put it all together. Thanks Sherry! The feeling of walking into a club and having a dozen or so people jumped from behind a red curtain can be ULTRA surprising. It overwhelmed me and made my eyes water. But I did well not to let one tear roll down.

When it came time for my farewell reception, I presented two plaques - one to each president of the organizations that I advised. I could hardly get through the presentation without blubbering. I was a teared up mess! After my sobbing sentiments, I had students tell me how much I influenced what they've done. How I've helped them to remain enrolled, get into programs, become RAs, members of RHA, serve as a team leader with one of my groups, etc. Of course, I teared up with these stories too. I just wish I could have bottled those up and saved them for a rainy day here in Virginia. I shared with them how they've also influenced the work that I do and how a couple of them have influenced my decision to stay for this last year that has just ended on April 18, 2008. The reception continued with extremely generous gifts from students - gift cards in dollar amounts that I couldn't believe, a new leather messenger bag, goodluck/farewell cards from people throughout the Division of Student Life and the coveted shadow box and Nevada plaque. It was emotionally overwhelming and I tried my hardest to play down every aspect but I couldn't hold back any longer.

The tears continued as I said goodbye to one of my closest friends on Sunday. I never realized how much he means to me and how powerful and meaningful his friendship is. Something as simple as a keychain stirred up the tears. The keychain has meaning and also references something I've helped him do each year for students.

The week was an emotional rollercoaster and it was only exacerbated by my sleep deprivation. It all culminated with me being taken to the airport by one of the members of the "Fab Five", Alli, who is really like a sister to me, accompanied by her mom, and her infant son. I thought it would be smooth - ya know... not wanting to make anymore deposits into these "mutual funds". She asked if I wanted them to go inside with me and I was pretending to be indifferent. You want them to, but you don't want to "got there" emotionally. Especially not going through the security checkpoint and then getting on the plane! Alli ended up making the decision for me and was asking if I had heard from another friend and I was like, "No, not a word." and she was puzzled and said she thought that was weird of her not to call or anything.

While we were in the airport waiting for Alli to come inside, her mom and I were making small talk. As we were talking I saw three people in the corner of my eye approaching, so I turned to see who it was and why they were walking up on me like that. It was Alli, Jerica and Yvette, the three remaining members of the "Original Fab Five" that all started and bonded as friends in July 2003. Tears ensued. Hugging commenced and it was a picture perfect ending to how it all began.

The impact of this experience runs deep. I've made lifelong friends, experienced personal and professional growth that surpassed my expectations and had the opportunity to do so in Las Vegas of all places!

I dedicate this blog to my friends... "Thank you for being a friend. Traveled down the road and back again - Your heart is true. You're a pal and a confidant."

The picture is of Alli, Yvette, myself and Jerica as they said goodbye to me at the airport.

It's Time to Ante Up!

2008-04-17T06:54:00.000-07:00

How fitting is it that I can use the phrase "Ante UP"?

Tomorrow is my last day at UNLV and I've sat at the table and made my wager before I can see what cards I'm going to be dealt at my new institution. I surely hope I win big because I'm wagering a good bit - decrease in income and higher cost of living to name a couple. Sure, it sounds silly that I would leave a position where I make great money for a position where I'm not only going to make less but I will also be living in a more expensive area. Nevermind the fact that I'm going to have to make new friends, find new people to trust, figure out how to do this new job, find an apartment with a reasonable rent, etc.

I've also thought about how I chose to spend my hard earned dollars each month. I eat out for dinner a good bit. I will spend $20 on random stuff. I'll go to Target and buy a bunch of things I don't need. Capitalism can ruin us Americans! I have credit card debt that I can't even begin to tell you why the amount owed is so high. Just plain foolishness and nonsense!

So what's the payoff? Well, I've come to realize what's important to me. A little self-actualization if you will. The goal is to live a simpler life.

In the five years I've worked and lived in Las Vegas I've nurtured things I love - my art, being creative, imaginative, and being myself. While I need money to do many of these things, I don't necessary have to have a lot of things in my life to make me feel good.

Living a simpler life has never felt so good. This past weekend, in preparation of leaving for Washington, D.C. I sold what seemed to most, everything at my apartment sale. So much "stuff" that in fact, I made well over $400 on Saturday alone. What makes it so bad is that everything I sold, I never really looked at for a year or more, had it travel with me each time I moved, and sometimes even forgot I had it. That's a shame. NO ONE should ever have so much stuff that you can't even account for what you own. I was just acquiring things without thought to, "Is it necessary?" I am leaving Las Vegas with my essentials; clothes, music, movies, my art and a better sense of self.

With this new found understanding I am wagering that I made the right choice. That the cards on the table will show me some love and have a nice pay-off career-wise and socially. Wiser wagers and better bluffing.

Here's to simple living, taking risks, and makin' it work!

Wow.. My words actually helped!

2008-04-07T07:29:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I received a message from one of my blog readers. It's crazy how you never know how people will take what you write and what they'll do with the words if they choose to do anything at all. This particular reader had emailed me a month or two ago saying their job search wasn't going so well and that he had forgotten how to use his light saber. Here's his email from yesterday.

Hey Dennis,

How's the new job going? Did you start already?

I got a new job too. I'll be moving to Seattle in a few weeks!

Your blog about keeping your light saber at full force really inspired me during my job search. Ironically, just when I had about given up on ever finding something, I thought back to your blog, built up a rejuvinated sense of confidence in myself, and had a job offer two days later. Of course, that's just a coincidence, but it inspired me none the less. Keep writing!

Have a great night!

C

How about that?

I just learned today that we have the exact same start date.

To the rest of you still searching. Use "The Force" - your confidence. Everything you need is within you. Your light saber is your ability to wield the power of all you know. Be nimble!

But what about the children?

2008-02-27T21:29:00.000-08:00

I really didn't think it would happen. I had hoped for it to happen but at this point, I figured it just wasn't going to work out. Especially when I thought I completely bombed that last phone interview! You've guessed it. I have scored a job and the deal is verbally sealed!

Remember my posting about totally screwing up the interview? Or the one where I didn't have my light saber of skills ready? Or even when I said... "even if they call I'm not taking the on-campus"? Well.. I lied. HA!

Pretty much everyone goes through levels of self-doubt. I was concerned about not being ready for the next step - although I've been doing the level of work of someone who would be a level above me. I just lacked the confidence to believe that in myself. During this last and final campus visit I was ready! I even made a portfolio - WHICH by the way is a smart thing to do if you create a lot of things in your position. My portfolio consists of articles I've written that were accepted into publications, marketing materials I've created, assessment materials I've created, and presentations. It's a smart thing to have - Thanks for the tip, Kyle! I may not have used it.. but it kept my mind on the skills I possessed and gave me reassurance that, in the words of Rev. Jesse Jackson, "I AM SOMEBODY!"

The moment I accepted the negotiated terms of the offer (yeah.. salary negotiation is a scary thing all together too which could be a stand alone topic) I felt nervous and disoriented. Is this the right choice after 5 years? Will I be happy? What about all of the events, conferences, and activities I am currently working on? What about my colleagues? What about the friends I've made? What about the children?

What will happen to the students I've worked with all year? This really concerns me because it's going to be really hard on them to transition so quickly. Six weeks to move through all of this change? Will they receive the same or higher level of dedication to help them successful leaders and programmers? I'm not only leaving behind my student groups but also other student leaders that I've grown closer to - Resident Assistant, Multicultural Assistants, Students in the Activities and Involvement office, Office Assistants. Students who've grown accustomed to me always being here no matter how many times I've threatened to depart our fair city. And we can't forget the folks in the Dining Commons, maintenance and custodial staffs, people on my committees, classified staff, the list just goes on. There's a lot still buzzing about in my brain because it has year to even be 12 hours since I've said, "yes".

These relationships are important to me considering I'm such a relational person and had 5 years to develop those relationships. The connections I make are so vital that I want to make the transition as smooth as possible for both my sake and the sake of those I'm closest to. Just thinking about the group of friends I started this position with and leaving them makes me a little "emotional". It was like our own version of MTV's Real World. It's so intense!

Then I think of the opportunities before me. How exhilarating this will be. The newness. The freshness. The new challenges that will cause me stress out in the first year but become so "easy like Sunday morning". I'll be "the new guy". What's also exciting is that I'll no longer be working in a housing program. I'll actually be working in student activities!

So this is really "Where I wanna be" (to quote lyrics by Donnell Jones). I've been wanting to focus on student activities since I was in my first semester of graduate school. This is just another testament of "things always work out in the end" and while I may have to leave my students abruptly, there is something positive that can be drawn from the time we've spent together.

Good luck to all those who are job searching. Keep your light sabers handy and believe in and use "the Force". You'll be just fine.

Still Thinking of the 80/20

2008-02-03T22:37:00.000-08:00

The hiring season is upon us.

In the past several months I've been on a job search. What have I been searching for? An escape from my current position or a step up into a new one? The decision to job search when you're not having your hand forced is a tough one. I'm sure many a student affairs professional has pondered when the right time to leave is. I've been debating it for 2 years!

I've been in this current position for 5 years now. I like/love what I do. It ebbs and flows, ya know. Some days I think, "I have the greatest job on the planet!" and other times I have a hard time making it through a work week. The latter is pretty rare.

This time last year I was pretty certain that this current school year would be my last. Man.. it's been tough to figure out what I want. I know what I want to do - work in student activities. But what is it that I'm looking for in particular at a new institution? I have it pretty good here. I have a down to Earth supervisor, I get along with everyone in the department, I know tons of people on campus, I've cycled through an entire graduation class, I do well on my annual evaluations from peers and my supervisor, and I've garnered a reputation of respect, trust and achievement with staff and students.

I've shared with close friends, my desires to conduct a job search. While everyone is supportive, some have asked why do I want to leave if things are going so well. I've thought about that myself. After writing the first blog about the 80/20 rule I thought, "Wow, I have a close to 80% here and I'm off looking for that 20% and who knows if it'll even equal 80%." If you've followed my blogs, you'll recall one from way back that talks about a student that came to talk to me about student organization "stuff". That conversation caused me to want to stay in my position for another year. Yes, I'm in my 5th year here. Yep, I'm pretty comfortable. With that comfort comes the idea to "shake it up a bit". I have an opportunity to "shake things up" for next year and change a couple of my duties - however, I haven't committed to this yet.

I've gone on two campus interviews. I didn't get either job. One school hired an internal candidate. The other hired someone who fit into their budget (at least that's what I gathered considering the type of conversation that was had with the Assoc. Dean). I just interviewed with another school and that was probably not my best interview. It was my birthday, I was on my cell phone for the interview and totally had my mind on other things. The Light Saber was tucked away in the other suit that day! HA! Even if by some chance I'm offered a second interview - I'm going to decline. The pay simply isn't enough for the D.C. area. This leads me to one other application. It's an awesome opportunity. A position that I can see myself fitting into just from the job description alone. If this one doesn't work out - guess what? I'll be here at UNLV doing a job that I enjoy.

I really do think this university is a great fit for me for right now. It's amazing how many people I've seen come and go for whatever reason - and I'm still here. Longevity. Now there's a word you don't hear from many people in the field. Not until you reach a much higher level that is or if you work at an institution near or in the city you were raised.

With that said.... I think I have 80% satisfaction for sure. If it's this difficult to decide to leave, then there must be a whole helluva lot that keeps me vested.

What makes YOU want to stay at your current institution? What's your percent of satisfaction that you feel you have in your current position?

At any rate, here's to one more go 'round with the resume and to everyone finding their 80%!

Reverse Telecommuting

2008-01-11T09:48:00.000-08:00

I saw this in my email from Urban Dictionary and it made me laugh.

Happy (reverse) Telecommuting!


January 11, 2008: reverse telecommuting

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=reverse+telecommuting&defid=245803

Bringing personal work to the office: paying bills, playing games and reading online newspapers on company time ([OCT]).

The Lessons We Teach

2008-01-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

I was sent this video from a friend. It's crazy to think of the things that people do and say out of fear. I was thinking about this because I have a childhood friend who is pretty right-winged with his beliefs. He and I go back and forth on issues and the whole immigration issue was one of them (among other things).

Working in student affairs, I think I've become... wait.. I KNOW I've become more accepting of things, more knowledgeable of people's feelings, and more politically correct - and we all know that this can sometimes be taken wrong by those who don't understand why I/we choose to use certain words. I am often dubbed a liberal. I'm okay with that.

I was thinking about how I now, since becoming a student affairs practitioner, have become an advocate for so many things and find myself sharing what I've learned not only with the students I work with, but also with my family, friends and acquaintances.

Instead of assuming someone is married to a man or a woman and saying husband and wife - we say partner or spouse.
Instead of saying someone is black, people will say African-American (although I still ONLY say black - because I did not immigrate from Africa).
Instead of saying Merry Christmas, we say Happy Holidays.
Etc. etc....

In the last 5 years, I find myself advocating for things that aren't even related to me. Be it someone's religious beliefs, to the poor, the homeless, beggars on the street, people who are extremely different from myself and so forth. There was a lesson that I learned from Mr. Wagner in 5th grade. To give people the benefit of the doubt (although it was most often related to when we scored classmate's tests and quizzes).

After having watched the video, I started to think about how we try to educate our students. I plan to spark a discussion with them to get them to think more about more important matters than what's happening with Britney Spears or how the next episode of a reality show is so intense.

I give the people in the video the benefit of the doubt. My first instinct was to think, "Wow, these people are crazy!". Then I thought about how they're not so much crazy as they are afraid. I also don't perceive them to necessarily be racist but they are wanting self-preservation. All of this comes from not being aware of how the other side feels. One of the lessons I learned in life is to place myself in someone else's shoes before I make a judgement. What would I do and how would I feel?

Watch the video and think about how you're doing your part to teach the lessons you've learned to the students you work with.

Just something to think about.

The 80/20 Rule in Student Affairs

2007-12-04T17:04:00.001-08:00

There was once a time when interviewing scared the crap out of me. Now it's just a matter of speaking my truths and not really trying to impress but just being your impressive self. Don't get me wrong, a phone interview is still an awkward time no matter how seasoned you might be but the campus interview is the clincher!

I'm closing in on my seventh year in the field of student affairs. I still love programming. It's a natural high for me. I thrive on seeing students have a great time. In this seventh year I am getting "the itch" and new job opportunities are my Marilyn Monroe. If you don't get that reference, then you're probably much younger than I and don't know old Hollywood.

I liken what I'm experiencing to adultery - you know... having a job I enjoy (80% of the time) and seeking out something that looks more appealing to fulfill my needs. If you didn't get the "Seven Year Itch" reference, maybe this more current reference will work. In the movie, "Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?" they talk about the 80/20 rule. It's really common sense.

When you are in a relationship or marriage, your significant other can realistically only give you 80% of what you need in a relationship.

There will still be 20% of what you need that your significant other will not be able to provide you, and naturally you will desire that missing 20%. This is why many people tend to veer off and cheat, and sometimes even leave their partner.

Once they've found that 20%, it's refreshing, new and exciting. "Eureka! I've found what I've been missing.", they think in so many words. However, many people forget that the other person is only providing 20% of what they need, and they are missing out on the 80% that they had with their significant other or that that person can only truly provide 60% of what they need - which puts them in a worse situation than they were in.

Now, apply that to your current career situation. Is your current position fulfilling 80% of what you need? Ask yourself some of these questions.

Do you feel invested in your institution's goals?
Do you enjoy the work you do?
Do you enjoy the company of people in your department? Your division? Your students?
When you pull yourself out of bed, do you wake up and look forward to going to the office?
Do you feel as though you're making a difference?
Is your voice being heard?
Are you respected?
Have you grown in your position?
Have you been able to evolve your job duties?
Do you like the city you live in? Does it offer you all the options you've wanted?

There's no right or wrong answers. By saying "Yes" to 7 of the questions doesn't mean you're at 70%. You might also find that there are many more questions that you need to ask yourself.

Now I'm at a crossroads of the 80/20 path. Some days I feel like I have all that I need and sometimes I want to have an affair. Having gone on two on-campus interviews - I guess I'm having the affairs even if it's just flirting.

Taking this analogy even further - Ha Ha! - I'm trying to save my "marriage" and work on our (professional) relationship by re-evaluating my responsibilities. I want to be sure that I don't continue this "marriage" and become bitter in the end and resenting someone or some place. Sometimes you can freshen up the "marriage" and sometimes it's best to split amicably.

Only time will tell.

Taking Risks

2007-11-17T17:19:00.000-08:00

The Jedi has returned from his adventure on Endor. HA! Well.. that's what Colorado reminded me of in comparison to Las Vegas and I was ready to tackle new territory with my light saber in hand!

Given the fact that I had only gotten 4 hours of sleep and did 6 hours of talking, eating, shaking hands and trying to remember names, I think I did pretty well. The way the interviews were handled are VERY much in-line with my own style. It was just basically having a conversation with some direction. No stress about theories or mission statements, etc. You know, the things that might be asked during an on-campus interview but never really revisit once the person is hired. This was the most relaxed interview I have ever had and that was refreshing. I have to add that everyone was cool as ice!

In my experience as a seasoned student afffairs professional, I've learned that an interview isn't a contest you're trying to win to feel valued because you've been selected as the person they'd like to hire. It's about finding that fit. It's not about prepping your responses so much as it is to just being yourself. Don't get me wrong.. you can prepare for the "What do you know about our school?" type of questions - but after that.. all the answers are already in your head. No one knows you and what you do better than yourself. To link it back to being a "Jedi" - I really used The Force on Thursday. The Force being the faith in yourself; a strong level of confidence to get me through the day of sleep deprivation.

With regard to the notorious student panel interview - I had roughly 10 students around me, sitting at a table, asking great questions. I think those were probably some of the toughest questions to answer. They hit me with scenarios of issues that obviously happened in some sense or another and from what I saw, some took extensive notes. Yikes!

I left the day feeling as though I gave them a good snapshot of what I have to offer and also learned how I might be effective as a colleague at their institution. When asked about the challenges I see entering this position - I'd have to say the challenge is just "getting over yourself", taking risks and adapting to grow as a human being.

Now I sit and eagerly await the final word. Do they think I'm a good fit? I've contemplated whether I am a good fit for them since I got on the plane to return home. I can't say that there was anything that was a glaring "OOoh don't come here" moment. I also thought about my quality of life - personal and professional. How will I adapt? Would the change be good? Would I make loads of friends? Then I started thinking about life in general and something I said in the interview. In two instances I talked about encouraging students to take risks. I also mentioned how many of them took a risk at our recent retreat. We all attempted skills on the high ropes course. This experience is similar to taking the risk of moving to a new state and starting over. If offered an opportunity to work there I will need to accept the risk of the unknown and challenge myself. If I'm not offered the position I can rest on the philosophy that "everything ain't for everybody and everyone ain't for every place".

I have another on-campus interview coming up even further across the country.

I'm ready to grow.

Use the Force, D!

2007-11-07T23:19:00.000-08:00

Recently I wrote about my light saber. Wax on. Wax off. Saber on. Saber off. No, I'm not getting trigger happy with it, just more comfortable wielding it in times of need - or so it seems.

In my previous Star Wars, geeky, themed blog entry I talked about the need to be able to to use your skills as a "Jedi". Once I was a young Jedi and now I'm a trained Jedi who failed to use the Force. What is the Force? Well, it's a level of spiritualness in the true Jedi world. In the student-affairsy world, it's confidence. My belief in the Force, my Force, was tested in the interview I spoke about. In less than 15 minutes did I really give them a good understanding of who I am and the type of work I do? I had a lot of doubt.

Fast forward 3 days. I get a phone call from the institution. In the conversation they were telling me that I am a finalist for their position and wanted to know if I were interested in coming in for an on-campus interview. Wow! I didn't suck! My repeating statements on professional growth may have meant something - and yes, if you're a wise Jedi, you sensed that I still lack a little confidence.

I am actually moving forward to an on-campus interview. I am super excited at all of the possibilities. A chance to teach a class; to advise a different group of students; to do more university wide programming. I'll be able to add more strengths to my light saber and my abilities to utilize this magnificent tool while believing in myself (a.k.a. My Force). It's self-actualization.

The saga of this Jedi is not over!

Why Do We Do This to Ourselves?

2007-11-04T20:25:00.000-08:00

I sit here writing this blog as I finish off the remainder of my newly discovered treat--Sharon's Fat Free Sorbet. Just when I thought I couldn't write anymore (I've been working on a literature review for most of the day), I got the sudden urge to start typing away again on a blog that I've been meaning to finish for quite some time now.

I received the invitation (I'm making this sound much more formal than it really was) several weeks ago to be a guest blogger for The Real World of Maslow. When I got the invite, I thought "What on earth do I have to say relating to student affairs that other people might want to read?" During a routine Yahoo! Messenger chat with my friend Dennis (the blog owner), it hit me!

I've been working in student affairs for roughly five years now. In this profession, we are often outwardly focused and will go extremely far out of our way to meet the needs of our students. But when do we stop to meet the needs of ourselves? I must say that student affairs is probably one of the most unhealthy professions I've ever known. It can be unhealthy mentally, financially, emotionally, spiritually and most of all PHYSICALLY!

Have you ever been at a student affairs conference and noticed the number of overweight, thick, plus-sized, juicy, obese, portly, pleasantly plump...call it what you want...fat people you see? And yes, I can drop the f-bomb because I'm one of those people. Yes, I know that the average woman these days is a size 14, which conventially has been deemed a "plus size." I've also been aware of the disprorportionate amount of overweight people in the field, but it truly hit me in the spring of 2006 when I attended a professional conference. There was a session on whether or not size matters and incorporated a discussion on how size is a new -ism. This session got me thinking about how I was a fat statistic in the field. More importantly, this new revelation made me question the impact our profession has on a healthy lifestyle.

One thing that I wholeheartedly love about student affairs is that it is a profession that espouses acceptance for individual identities. What happens though when your size has become central to who you are? I grapple with this. As someone who has been overweight her entire life, it's hard for me to imagine any other identity. This complication can make moving toward a healthier lifestyle even more difficult when you're striving for something you know nothing about. Nonetheless, I told myself that I was going to make a change. I was going to take the necessary steps to learn how to live a healthier lifestyle. So, I joined Weight Watchers in March 2006.

I was so gung ho about Weight Watchers! I knew I was on a roll after my first three weeks, after dropping roughly 17lbs. I was in the ZONE! But all of a sudden I had all of those road blocks come my way--student receptions, late nights, starbucks coffees to stay energized, lunch dates I couldn't get out of, pizza parties, etc. All of these obstacles were occurring because of work...student affairs work. I became more of aware of my environment at work. Stop and think for a second...

How many late nights have you worked that resulted in not getting a decent amount of sleep to function properly?

How many pizzas have you ordered for work related purposes? Now how much of that pizza have you consumed?

How often do you take time during the work day to meet your needs and your needs only?

How many times have you run to the local grease pit on your campus or visited a fast food place in your student union?

How many times have you thought... "When on earth am I going to have time for a vacation?"

How many times have you said "Well the students need (fill in the blank)..." and not stopped to think about your needs?
How many times have you said, "Well when the students go on break (summer, fall, a long weekend, etc.), I'll get it (whatever it represents for you) together"?

...and my final question is Why do we do this to ourselves? A willingness to help others is an essential characteristic for someone in student affairs. But it's time that we stop and take care of ourselves first. I return to my original statement of student affairs contributing to an unhealthy lifestyle.

For me, the most unhealthy part of my lifestyle revolved around diet and exercise. For others, the unhealthy part(s) of their lives may revolve around something else. In the past I had used my students as an excuse for not moving toward a healthier lifestyle. I was one of those people who said that they were going to get it together when the students were gone. This is student affairs folks! Students are never really gone per se.

In good old Schlossberg fashion, I made a major transition...This summer, I quit my full-time job to return to graduate school to obtain a PhD. I decided that, yes, while I work with students in my graduate assistantship, I wouldn't let them consume me. The next four years will be about me and my academic, spiritual, professional and physical pursuits. I didn't just try to adopt a healthier lifestyle this summer, I committed to it. Yes, student affairs may not create the healthiest of environments, but I came to the realization that I was blaming my profession for my physical state. I needed to shift my perspective.

What will it take for you, I ask. For me, it took embracing the I in priority. Becoming a student again has lended itself to a much more flexible schedule where I am in more control of calling the shots as to how I spend my time. Even though that is the case now, I probably have even less "free time" than I did as a full-time professional. In no way has this commencement of a overall healthier lifestyle been dependent upon students being on a break or anyone else for that matter. It's truly about me and my commitment, and not about being "selfish" with my time as we often say in student affairs. How can I be selfish with something that's already mine to begin with?

I'll close this reflection with a question that I was introduced to four years ago while listening to a homily at mass. I ended up at this church in Cincinnati in a spontaneous way, but now that I look back on the situation, I realize that I was meant to be there in that specific church for a reason. The topic of the homily was "Are You the Person You Want to Be?" My initial thought was no. I thought about this question on my drive back to school after that weekend. I knew I wasn't the person I wanted to be, even though I couldn't exactly put my finger on who my ideal me was.

I revisited this question this summer during my transition. This time, however, I feel confident in knowing who I want to be. I won't digress and go into a discussion of who I want to be, since it could be an entire blog on its own. However, I will say that there is comfort in knowing who it is you want to be. More importantly, realizing that I have ultimate control over being who it is I strive to be is immensely empowering.

Four months and 40lbs. later, I think that I'm well on my way to becoming the new me. I thank my friend Dennis for inviting me to share some words on his professional blog. Taking time to share these thoughts is quite motivating and is rejuvinating for me along this journey toward a new me. Whether or not you can directly relate to my story is not of the greatest importance. I just hope that you too will be inspired to reflect upon and write about life's moments and their relevance to who you are personally and professionally. Reflection is kind of like milk...it does a body (and a mind) good!

Peace & Blessings

Interviewing & Me: The Return of the Jedi

2007-10-31T10:08:00.000-07:00

Lightsaber:
Main Entry: light sa·ber
Pronunciation: ˈlīt sā-bər
Function: noun

(1) A tool that can be enabled with lightning speed and holds the power of your skills, experiences, vision, career goals, personal goals, etc.

(2) A reflection of confidence, dexterity, and attunement to the (work) Force.

Yesterday I officially re-entered the land of phone interviews. How awkward! It's been 5 years since I've had to do a phone interview but I've been on the other side of the phone connection many times giving them. Since I've been at this institution I've done at least 60 phone interviews for candidates. So why did I find it so hard to be on the other side of the line?

I guess no matter how many times you've done a phone interview, the first one is always the most nerve racking. I can't recall any position that I've applied for where they were the first phone interview and I got a campus visit. Yesterday may continue that track record.

My interview yesterday was brief. Super brief. So brief that I'm not even really sure what to make of it. The interview lasted about 15 minutes - that included my questions at the end. I prepared the night before with a slew of potential questions. Tough questions. Questions that my current institution asks of its candidates. I wanted to be prepared so that my answers would flow smoothly like butter on a hot pan. I even consulted my Obi Wan Kenobi's (other professionals) for tips and reassurance! That didn't quite happen. My nerves got the best of me I think. I probably said "professional growth" a dozen times. Does that make me sound less like a Jedi? It is one of the key elements that I'm looking for in my next position. However, to be the interviewer, do you want to hear someone repeat key words? According to Yoda, “Happens to every guy sometimes this does”. I guess I've become more accustomed to much more in-depth interviews. I can honestly say that I don't think they got a good picture of who I am as a professional and didn't get a good idea of my Jedi tricks. Not in 12 minutes. Then again, maybe that's all they needed.

The brevity of this interview has caused me to question how effective I am in spitting out what I want in my next position and what my goals and skills/talents are. Sure, we could probably articulate to anyone who asks what it is we want to achieve in our careers. The question is, "Can you articulate what you want in your career on the spot with clarity and brevity while trying to be impressive?" I know I usually don't hit that clarity and brevity mark until the 2nd or 3rd interview. Impressive? I definitely love to talk about the work I do - but to do it briefly? By the time the lightsaber is on, glowing bright and I have more finesse when flippin' the switch on and off, the interview is over.

The lessons for this Jedi are these: Always have your lightsaber ready. Know what you are capable of and the power of the lightsaber. Practice, practice, practice.

"Try not. Do or do not, there is no try." -- Yoda

*I was inspired to write this blog by watching Director Kevin Smith guest star on Degrassi The Next Generation last night. He mentioned Star Wars - which is one of my favorite movie series.