Mommy Cracked

Cruel Summer

2009-07-12T00:08:00.004-05:00

How does this:

turn into this?

And why does it have to happen so fast? What I wouldn't give to pinch those chubby little cheeks and legs again!

Voicemail Messages

2009-07-09T23:20:00.005-05:00

When we receive special product orders at work, it's often my job to call people to let them know that what they ordered has arrived and they can come pick it up. The part I love about this is that some people are so excited to hear that something they've had to wait on is finally in that they act like I'm with Publisher's Clearing House calling to say they're instant millionaires. It's good to feel needed like that.

Then there are those. Those. Those that I must leave a message for on their voicemail. I don't mind talking to a machine, but some people have taken their right to creative telecommunications to epic levels of FAIL. It always starts out with me calling them only to have to listen to a personalized ring tone. Instead of a regular ring, I have to listen to several lines of the popular Christian song of the minute, usually something by Casting Crowns or Third Day, before I get their voicemail. Then the fun really starts.

Yesterday I called a woman's number to be greeted by a nice enough voice telling me to leave a message. She then went into a tyrade about how the only way to become a Chistian is to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior. Ok, I'm down with that. Then she went on and on in the message basically repeating the same thing until I guess she finally ran out of recording time. What should have took at the most 30 seconds to say took over 2 minutes. 2 minutes to leave a message at the tone. I was pretty mad after listening to all of that and not because I didn't agree with what she was saying, but that was 2 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Some people feel the need to sing their recorded message, which is fine if you can actually sing, which is not the case 9 times out of 10. Then there are some that have their children record their message, which is cute assuming I can understand them. (Say it with me, Class!..."Which is not the case 9 times out of 10.") And my favorite? The message that says, "Hello?" when it answers and you start to say "Hi, this is Mommy Cracked from__________ Bookstore. I was just calling to tell you that..." and then the voice starts cracking up saying "You thought it was me!! You fell for it! Now leave a message and I'll call you back!"

Har. Har. Har.

In conclusion, if I have to call and leave a message for someone I prefer to do just that and not be subjected to annoying performances of what a person thinks is funny or entertaining. Because I'm all about business like that.

What say you?

Fat! Naked! Mamas!

2009-07-08T00:12:00.000-05:00

So if you came to this post looking for fat naked mamas, I'm so sorry. I'm just fresh out of them today.

But seriously? It cracks me up when I check my stats to see exactly how people find my blog and what amazes me are that the majority of people not purposely looking for my blog end up here because they are looking for pictures of fat naked moms. And why might that be? Because of this post, where I did a giveaway for Fat Mama's Knock You Naked Margarita Mix, which is some amazing stuff if you love margaritas, by the way.

I've also noticed lots of visitors looking for pimped out ice cream trucks. Lucky for them I have one right here.

I also saw that someone came to my blog today looking for the best jeans for an upside down butt, and frankly I'm stumped. I know my butt isn't upside down and I'm pretty sure I couldn't tell you what to do for that.

In conclusion, this post has no real purpose. I have so much to blog about but have been trying to put my house back together after our staycation this past week and getting back into the groove of going to work. But the stats today? They just amused me too much to let the opportunity for this post to pass.

Have you ever noticed people coming to your blog by searching for weird things? Do share! I always love a good laugh!

Multiply.com Review and 50 FREE Prints!

2009-07-07T23:07:00.008-05:00

If you're looking for a fantastic way to keep your uploaded photos organized online, share them with friends and family, AND turn those pictures into fantastic keepsake products, then you'll definitely want to check out Multiply.com,

Multiply offers users so many great solutions for all types of media.

Multiply’s Media Locker serves as a member’s central home for media – making it easier than ever to publish photo albums and videos with a few clicks, while offering members a private, secure dashboard to view, organize, store and edit their media.

Fully Integrated Online photo editing tools including red eye and blemish reduction, cropping and resizing, contrast/brightness controls, exposure adjustment and auto leveling – make it easy to edit photos right from a member’s Media Locker, making photo editing possible at any time, from any computer.

With Version 4.0, Multiply will be the first major social network that offers photo editing integrated within its core service.

Multiply’s AutoUploader is more powerful than ever, making it a simple, time-saving solution for automatically uploading media files to the Multiply Media Locker. AutoUploaders save, on average, 90 minutes each week in upload time with the free, quickly installed, no fuss tool. The AutoUploader provides a completely automated back up solution for a member’s most precious photos and videos.

Picasa and Windows Photo Gallery plug-ins will allow members to seamlessly import their desktop media galleries to their online media lockers.

An Expanded Selection of Photo Finishing Options, with additional themes and options for turning favorite photos into physical products, including photo books, calendars, cards and prints, give members the ability to turn their favorite photos into memorable keepsakes

I found the site very easy to navigate and the auto uploader made uploading my pictures a breeze. Even if your pictures are already uploaded on another site like Facebook or Photobucket, they can easily be transferred. I was also highly impressed with all of the photo products they offer, especially the holiday photo card line. You can skin your Multiply page with different themes and they look almost like mini blogs. I was also relieved to see that there is a privacy level you can control to choose who can view your pictures. The site is very family friendly. I'm sold and I know you will be, too!

Multiply has generously offered all Mommy Cracked readers 50 FREE 4x6 prints just for registering and trying it out. Use code 50CRACKED at checkout.

Weekly Giveaways- 7/6-7/12

2009-07-06T07:19:00.002-05:00

Do you have a blog giveaway you'd like to list and promote? Leave it here! Please link directly to your giveaway post.

Only Hearts Club Doll Review & Giveaway

2009-07-05T10:50:00.009-05:00

So many of my fondest childhood memories involve dolls. Growing up, I must have played with them for hours and hours. Just from cruising the doll section in our local megastore, I can tell how they have changed so much since I was a little girl. It seems like so many of these new dolls come with very provocative clothing and their own little cell phones. I often wonder if little girls think this is the norm. I think one of the issues to finding a better alternative is that some of the more modest dolls are often so expensive.

I recently had the chance to review a new doll line that celebrates little girls being little girls and I wanted to introduce you to the Only Hearts Club, a line of quality dolls that are wholesome and fun. Each Only Hearts Club doll comes modestly dressed in today's greatest fashions and comes with their own pet. I had the chance to check out Olivia Hope (pictured below) and her little dog Sniff. She is just as cute as can be and I know she would bring a smile to any little girl. And at only $16 each, these dolls are very affordable.

Would you like to win Olivia Hope? Here's how to enter:

Visit the Only Hearts Club site and leave a comment on this post telling me which doll is your favorite.

Deadline to enter is Sunday, July 12 at 11 PM Central. U.S. Only.

Why I Love Independence Day

2009-07-04T00:38:00.005-05:00

I promise this post will not be a nostalgic trip down memory lane of how our great country came to be. I just thought you should know 2 things about why I love today.

1.) This movie is one of my absolute faves and can be found on several channels every July 4 without fail.

2.) And there will be a marathon on Discovery of this: (my favorite TV show)

As you can see, today will be all about family, food, and much butt parkage on the couch for me.

Hope you all have a safe and happy 4th! Enjoy your barbecues and fireworks shows!

10 Years

2009-07-03T18:07:00.003-05:00

Today Cracked Daddy and I celebrate 10 years of marriage. I remember when we first got married that 10 years sounded like such a long time away. I could only imagine then what our lives would be like now.

It's 10 years later today and it really does seem like it went by with the blink of an eye. We've certainly been thrown some curve balls as far as what we had planned for our life to be like today (man makes plans...God laughs!), but we are happy and healthy, our basic needs are met, and we have one incredible son. And truth be told, I really don't think I could have planned it better.

I wouldn't have wanted to go through any of these past 10 years with anyone else.

MckLinky Blog Hop

2009-07-02T23:06:00.009-05:00

Just wanted to give a big warm welcome to my visitors from the MckLinky Blog Hop! I'm Mandy and this is my blog Mommy Cracked. I started my blog in 2007 after leaving my job as a school librarian and I write about my family which consists of my husband and son (and two awesome cats), the life we live in small town Mississippi, and the occasional review and giveaway. I love goodnatured sarcasm, reading TONS of blogs (hope to be adding MANY more to my feed reader through this post) and I work part time in a Christian bookstore. Thanks for stopping in and please subscribe to my blog...I love new readers!

Now I See Why People Get Addicted To Albuterol

2009-06-30T08:09:00.005-05:00

I never could understand why someone who didn't have asthma or any other breathing conditions could become addicted to Albuterol, a rescue inhaler medication. I've read so many reports of celebrities abusing Albuterol on a regular basis and just couldn't see what the appeal of this stuff could be. I was given Albuterol and a nebulizer to use on Sunday for my bronchitis and had been having some rather peculiar symptoms ever since. So naturally, I went Googling my symptoms (again, yes...I know!) and I think I figured out exactly why.

1.) Increased Energy- After taking a treatment yesterday I felt like Super Woman. The clothes were all washed, I cleaned the bathroom, cleared out my email inbox, finished some projects I had been procrastinating about, and generally didn't sit down for hours. I even wanted to help my husband with the yard work but knew I'd be asking for trouble if I did so in the heat. I had energy to burn and then some.

2.) Decrease In Appetite- I barely ate a thing all day yesterday. I just wasn't hungry.

These two things should have sent up a red flag, but I contributed it to just feeling better.

And after the medication wore off last night?

1.) Fatigue- By 7:30 PM I was in the bed. This is unheard of for me.

2.) Restlessness- Even though I was in the bed and completely exhausted, I couldn't sleep at all.

3.) Muscle Pain- I literally felt like someone had beat me. Even Tylenol couldn't completely take away the pain I was feeling all over my body.

4.) Extreme Hunger- About 10 PM I became ravenous. I wanted pancakes and I wanted them immediately! We had no flour in the house and my husband could see the desperation in my eyes and that I was NOT playing and wanted those pancakes NOW and he went out and fetched some. Extreme aggitation ensued until I got my pancakes.

I hardly slept last night. I'm tired, but I have to keep going today. After experiencing all of that I can see why people would want to take this just for kicks, because that's exactly what it offers...lots of energy and no reason to eat so you can lose weight and stay skinny. To deal with the nasty side effects, just keep taking more...rinse and repeat. And as appealing as that may be, for me the horrible side effects just aren't worth it.

Monday Funday! List Your Blog Giveaways!

2009-06-29T13:12:00.002-05:00

Do you have a blog giveaway you'd like to list and promote? Leave it here! Please link directly to your giveaway post.

Flexees Giveaway

2009-06-29T12:28:00.007-05:00

GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED

Wouldn't it be awesome to wake up in the morning and pull on a shirt that instantly slims your stomach area....a pair of shorts that took inches off your thighs...a tank top for layering that gave your chest area the lift it needed?

It's possible...and it's called Flexees Fat Free Dressing, a new line of shapewear by Maidenform.

The line includes a tee, a tank top, and a pair of boy shorts, all with the control you need, but made to be seen...no hiding these under clothes and feeling uncomfortable and hot! You can find Flexees ® Fat Free Dressing on Maidenform.com or Macy’s Stores. Tee Shirt: $38, Tank: $36, andBoys Short: $26.

One lucky Mommy Cracked reader will win one of the three styles above just by leaving a comment here.

Bonus Entries: (Completely optional and you can choose any or all)

1) Tweet this giveaway on Twitter

2) Subscribe to my blog...I'd love to have you as a regular reader!

3) Blog about this giveaway and link back to this post.

Just leave a comment (and a link if you Tweet or blog about this giveaway) saying you did any of the above to get your entry.

Deadline to enter is Sunday, July 5 at 11 PM Central. U.S. Only.

GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED

Self Diagnosis Fun With Google!

2009-06-28T13:39:00.006-05:00

It never fails to amaze me that you can literally find anything online. Obscure products from childhood, people from your past, and even the cure to what ails you. Or just to find out what is ailing you is always helpful.

I've been sick for over a week now. It started with achiness and just feeling yuck. This went on until I finally started an antibiotic and felt somewhat better...until the Killer Cough arrived. I have never had a cough that took my breath away before and literally made me feel like I was going to choke to death. It scared me, but I figured surely this would pass and it would get better. But it didn't. So I did the smartest thing highly reccommended by the medical experts (not)...I Googled my symptoms.

By the time I finished typing in my symptoms, it was determined I had either Pertussis (Whooping Cough), pneumonia, or asthma. And it might even be the kind of asthma that can cause death with an attack.

Great. Super. And this, children, is why they tell you never to Google your symptoms. Because whatever comes up in the results will surely tell you that you are going to die.

I finally stopped trying to tough this one out and went to the doctor this morning. I have bronchitis and will have to take 4 breathing treatments a day and an antibiotic. But, the silver lining is that I have to have REST, which means I can catch up on blogging and reading blogs. And Cracked Daddy and I both have the week off.

I could think of worse ways to recover. But I certainly won't Google them.

Passive Aggressive Notes

2009-06-26T00:05:00.002-05:00

Dear Crazy Woman With Rollers In Your Hair,
No, I don't have the flip flops you bought from my friend at our yard sale and accidently left. And no, I don't have any yard sale merchandise left. Furthermore, I'd really like to thank you so much for knocking on my door at 6:58 AM on a SATURDAY to ask me these questions. You're a real peach!
Love,
Mommy Cracked

Dear Whoever Installed The Air Conditioner Unit In Our Home Before We Bought It,
That little hose thingy? It's a backup drain in case the first one gets stopped up. And when you don't hook it up and instead just wrap it around the unit in the attic because you don't know what the heck it is? It doesn't work...which may cause leaking through the walls, wet carpet, and it also sprays dirty water all down my walls when the AC repairman tries to unstop the unit. But I do love a challenge, so thank you for the chance to spend an afternoon with a can of Clorox Wipes and some elbow grease. And the $75 to repair it? Oh, please! I picked that off the money tree we have growing in the back yard! No worries!

Sincerely,
Mommy Cracked

Dear North Korea,
I'll keep it real short and sweet because I know you're real busy with missles to launch and all that stuff. Put up or SHUT UP, because your daily threats are getting old. That is all.
Sincerely,
Mommy Cracked

My Totally X-Rated Ghetto Fabulous Yard Sale

2009-06-20T00:47:00.006-05:00

If I ever mention the thought of having a yard sale on my blog again, will someone please point me to this post and then beat me over the head?

I've spent the last week or more cleaning out and decided to switch things up a bit and have a yard sale on Friday afternoon. I figured it wouldn't be as hectic as far as setting up and that was really the only day I'd have available for awhile to do it anyway.

Here's what I've learned:

1. Yes, even though you state in the paper that the sale will start at NOON, people will STILL come and knock on your door starting at 9 AM with a litany of excuses as to why THEY should be able to get a preview of your goods before starting time. (I have to work...I'm on my way out of town.....blahblahblah)

2. Don't even think of trying to set up your tables without backup. When you start setting up tables, they smell blood and will descend on your lawn demanding to know when it will start and just hang around until it does. Then the grabbing commences.

3. People will really shine their behinds at yard sales.

One shopper was so anxious to try on a skirt that she literally showed God and everyone her underwear attempting it. Seriously, cars started slowing down as they drove by and more than one driver got an eyefull. I could have died.

We also had a man ride by that recognized a woman shopping at my yard sale and he rolled down his window and obnoxiously screamed, "Jay-netta.....you know you got enough s*** at yo' house already...put dat s*** down, guhl! You don't be needin' that f****** s****!!! BWAAHAHAHAAAA". And then he sped off leaving a yard full of speechless people. Jay-netta just laughed and said, "He so crazy! He know he ain't s***."

Additionally, one woman set aside something on my sidewalk she was buying while she continued to shop. Another woman walked over to look at it (she didn't know it was claimed already) and I thought the first woman was going to have a coronary for the clueless woman even daring to have the audacity to look "at her s****". (Her words, not mine. Y'all know I don't cuss on this blog, but Jimney Cricket did I ever get an earfull today.)

And did I mention it was 97 degrees in the shade while all of this took place?

Is this just in Mississippi or do people act like this everywhere else at yard sales? I'm thinking it's something only we Mississippians can be so proud of.

Branching Out With Blogging

2009-06-18T22:36:00.005-05:00

I see so many articles online written about how to drive traffic to your blog and the number one suggestion for growing your audience is to comment on other blogs within your niche. I absolutely think this is a great way to make some connections with other bloggers, but I have to say that I have been pleasantly surprised at the friendships I've formed with other bloggers who are NOT "mom bloggers".

For instance...this guy? An amazing individual on an amazing mission. His blog is Coast Rat. I found him while doing a search for Mississippi bloggers. He's been an honorary Mississippian since Hurricane Katrina. He came here to volunteer and not only is that admirable, but he's such a great story teller.

And this guy? He's a hunter and he writes the Deer Camp Blog. Also a Mississippian, but again, not a mom blogger. He has some great information about hunting, of course, but he's also a great teller of Mississippi history.

As a final example, this girl is also loyal commenter on my blog. She is also a Mississippian and a mom, but Keetha is also a published author whose writing exudes everything that is wonderful about where I live. Her blog Write Kudzu is a treasure trove of good books, great food, and all things Southern.

This is just a small sample of the blogs I read that are not "mom blogs", yet I value them just as much because of the online friendships formed and because of the great content, whatever niche it happens to fall under.

I'm a believer that the most enjoyable part of blogging is the community aspect. Getting to know others by reading their own accounts of daily living is better than constantly focusing on driving traffic just for the sake of numbers. Bonus if they're blogging about their passion in life, which makes for the most authentic reading experience.

Do you strictly read blogs whithin your own niche, or do you also branch out and find other interesting people who write great blogs?

Blog Giveaways...I Haz Them.

2009-06-15T23:19:00.003-05:00

I have a couple of giveaways going on that might help make your summer a little more enjoyable, like a Hamilton Beach Single Serve Blender or a Flip Ultra 230 Video Cam. Click here and enter for your chance to win.

The Difference

2009-06-15T22:55:00.003-05:00

FYI:

If you happen to call a Christian bookstore to ask if they have this particular book in stock

It's a Vine's EXPOSITORY.

NOT a Vine's SUPPOSITORY.

M'kay? Thanks.

Stripper Shoes

2009-06-14T13:01:00.004-05:00

It started out innocent enough. My younger cousin and I were on a mission to find a nice pair of clear shoes to wear with our bridesmaid dresses for her wedding. Simple enough, right? I mean, after all, we were only looking for something like this:

We looked at several places online, but nothing was CLEAR...everything had a silver or gold embellishment on it, or the heel was too high, or either they were just too expensive to only wear once. So I decided I'd venture on to Ebay. I figured we'd luck up and find something perfect and reasonably priced since we may not ever wear these shoes again.

Know what you get when you type in "clear shoes" on Ebay?

Something like this...

Or if you'll be wearing them in Vegas and you feel lucky, might I suggest these?

You can even get them in light-up or with fantastic fishies swimming with every step you take:

I finally tracked down a reasonably priced pair that had a two inch heel, were not platform or stiletto, and didn't give the appearance that you later would find me performing two for one lap dances at the gentlemen's club.

But God bless these women who wear these for a living. I hope they're lucky enough to marry a podiatrist.

Salvaging The Week

2009-06-13T00:11:00.004-05:00

My last post about our terrible, horrible no good very bad week was pretty pathetic, right?

I'm happy to report some good did come out of this week at home with E.B. We finally ventured outside Wednesday and washed down all of the outside toys and I said yes to swimming, so E.B. completely wore himself out playing in the water and eating popsicles.

On Thursday my grandmother and I took E.B. on a visit to a nearby town to see my cousin and get ourselves fitted for wedding attire. Angie is getting married next month and I will be a bridesmaid and E.B. will be a ring bearer. E.B. behaved pretty good on this trip and was quite smitten with himself when he tried on the tux coat. I was pretty smitten, too. He looked cute enough to pinch.

I went back into work Friday because my bosses needed me to fill in. It's not entirely uncommon for someone to stop in the bookstore to sell tickets for benefits or ask for a donation for someone who is sick. Today a mother came in asking for donations for her daughter who had cancer. This child was probably about 6 or 7. The mother looked haggard and completely tired...you could literally see in her eyes the toll this had taken on her. And there I was with a completely healthy, living, breathing child who tries my ever-loving patience, pushes me to the brinks I never knew existed, and defies all predictability.

And deep down, I love it. Despite the fact that some days I feel ill-equipped to raise this little ball of energy and constantly wonder if I'm doing it wrong, I deeply and fiercely love my son and that's enough to bring me back to some semblance of sanity on a particularly tough day of parenting.

What a blessing to ride on this ebb and flow of motherhood.

Summertime Blues

2009-06-09T22:57:00.003-05:00

I had big plans. A whole week off. E.B. and I were going to paint and color, swim, work in the yard, go to the park. Our whole entire week was going to rival those commercials I've been seeing that depict the happy mother and child making Rice Krispies together, all smiles and quality time just oozing from the TV screen.

Instead? It looks as if the entire Island of Sodor has exploded all over the coffee table in the den. Thomas and his friends are everyfreakinwhere. Ditto for the toybox in E.B.'s bedroom. It's so hot and humid that it's entirely unenjoyable outside, which is just as well because No Swimming For Us! E.B. has a sinus infection. The only work I've done in the yard is taking out the trash (if that even counts).

And? I had to change puke sheets Sunday night from one of E.B.'s coughing fits.

Quite frankly? I'm not seeing a whole lot of hope for salvaging this week, and that makes me sad.

How To Win Friends And Influence People

2009-06-06T14:54:00.002-05:00

When you're having lunch at the local university where your grandmother works and there is a junior high cheerleading camp taking place, walk up and charm the socks off of the cheerleading coach and watch all of the little cheerleaders flock to you.

Need More Blogs To Read?

2009-06-05T22:18:00.003-05:00

I've had a great time getting to know some of the bloggers who frequent Momdot and they have put together a great big blogroll of blogs. If you are looking for some new blogs to read, consider checking some of these out.

A Walking Commercial

2009-06-04T21:40:00.005-05:00

"It's Spike! The Ultra Dinosaur! He can talk....and he can ROAR!!!"

"Light up shoes. By Sketchers."

"Benda-who...benda-what?...It's bendaroos!"

E.B has hit the stage where he is now repeating every commercial that catches his attention on TV. At any given moment he sings to me that our local lumber company "treats you twice as nice" and that coal, oil, and "naturally gas" (his words, not mine) are better alternatives than electricity for heating our home.

He is so impressionable now. I'm sure this is the stage in his life where if I were a "good" mother I would be unplugging the television and praying that I haven't warped his mind and ruined his life. But I just can't. There is too much entertainment value for me in this stage and besides, he doesn't watch TV all day long. He is well rounded and as active as a 4 year old can be.

And? Once upon a time, there was a little girl who I hear would literally stop everything and run to the television when this commercial came on:

And she turned out ok.

How To Make a Birdhouse (The lazy way.)

2009-06-02T23:24:00.005-05:00

I came across this birdhouse kit when I hit the artsy-fartsy motherlode a few days ago, and I had to laugh, and not just because it was made from quality wood (*cough*$1.99*cough).

This little gem was practically vintage because it was purchased at our defunct Eckerd's drugstore almost 9 years ago. What exactly was I thinking, buying a birdhouse kit with my newlywedded self back then, I have no idea. I can only guess it was during my "crafty-wannabe phase" which was over pretty quickly when I realized that when it came to being creative and actually making things, I sucketh much.

But my loss is E.B.'s gain! So we set out to make this birdhouse! Which only required a doctorate in architectural studies to put together!

We did finally get the blessed contraption put together and then I turned E.B. loose with the fingerpaint to give the birdhouse that "welcoming feel".

Yes, all are welcome in our little birdhouse made of quality woodthatsnappedtogether. Except for this little birdy, who will find the No Vacancy sign should he attempt to set up house in my backyard evah again.