Bariatric Betty's Blog

Ouch! Doing so well, and then a detour

2014-07-21T04:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my natural grace and coordination led to a badly sprained ankle. As in, I can't bear ANY weight on it right now. I went to the hospital to have an x-ray done and they said nothing is broken. I'm surprised, but thrilled. It doesn't hurt to badly right now as long as nothing touches it and I don't put any weight on it or move it. It's in an aircast splint and I'm on crutches. No weight bearing for three days, and then only as pain allows for the next couple weeks. Like I want to push that one! I can only take tylenol for pain because of the restrictions post-bypass, but as long as I'm resting, that's fine.

While I'm THRILLED it's not broken, I'm still sad that this has gotten in my way temporarily. I have been doing really well since my last post, going to the rec and jogging and walking frequently. I was on my way there yesterday when a step in the garage foiled my plans. My eating is much better as well. I've seen just a bit of change on the scale, but I'm reminding myself that by increasing my cardio, I'm also gaining muscle again. Best measure - I'm feeling a lot better about myself.

I will be getting a LOT of upper body/ core work with the crutches for the next couple weeks. I'm hoping after a couple of days I might be able to swim (with the aircast on). I'll probably also try to get to the arm machines (you know, the ones that look like you're pedaling a bicycle with your hands). My fitbit numbers are going to take quite a hit.

Logistics around my house are going to be hard. My boys (11 and 13) depend on me way too much. They are used to me making every meal, and most snacks. I warned them yesterday that they are going to have to make their own food for at least the next few days, and help make mine - I just can't carry anything when I'm non-weight bearing on crutches. They sounded very supportive and understanding, but reality will hit today, I'm sure.

I also can't walk the dogs - so they will have to take that over as well. Laundry - well, luckily my 13 y.o. son owes me two loads! He's a sneakerhead (collects and trades sneakers - it's weird, but think baseball cards). Normally my boys can earn $1 for doing a load (washing, drying, and carrying upstairs, but yesterday my husband came up with something BRILLIANT. Justin wanted to go to a shoe store and we made him sign a contract that each time we take him to a shoe store he owes us 2 loads of laundry. He went to one yesterday, so I have two freebie loads waiting in the wings! Woo-hoo!

Luckily I had just made up a batch of my sauteed julienned zucchini & onions, with veggie crumbles and spaghetti sauce on top, so it just needs to be heated up with mozzarella on top for my dinner for the next 3 nights. I've got a bunch of lentils with caramelized onions cooked in the fridge, so put a little cheddar and greek yogurt on that and my lunch is prepared for the next week. Scrambled eggs I'm good for today, and tomorrow I can either have my husband make them for me or make them while sitting on a stool in the kitchen and just have everyone get everything for me.

It's my left ankle, so I can theoretically drive, although I won't be doing much of that. It will help that I can take my kids up to the pool at the rec and just sit on a lounge chair with my leg(s) up. Summer break = cabin fever, and while I can entertain myself (with the computer, books, and some knitting on a loom), my kids will start bouncing off the walls and/ or bugging each other. The dogs are also a bit freaked out by crutches and aircast, not to mention that I'm not the one walking them. They'll get used to it.

They said to plan on the aircast and modified activity for at least 2 weeks, and the aircast for more vigorous activity for 2 months after that. So, when I feel up to jogging again, I'll have to find a way to get a shoe over this thing. Still, it's not a cast, and I will keep reminding myself it could be SO much worse.

On the other front, I've turned in my applications for grad school - a Masters of Education - School Counseling. I'm waiting for my recommendation letters to get turned in, but everything else is in. I hope to enroll for Spring 2015, and probably won't hear until October if I've been accepted anywhere. I also found that as a part-time student with a low undergrad GPA from 22 years ago, there won't be any financial aid for now. That stinks, but I can scrape to pay for one class at a time for the first year, and then I'll have a nice high GPA to submit for scholarships. Eventually I'll have to go full-time, and then I'll be eligible for a G.A. (graduate assistant) position which can cover most of the tuition. Hopefully I'll be able to land one - usually only about 10% of students do. And there will be loans. But, it will all be with it - and grad school will not be the hardest thing I've done by a long shot!!!

Hello darkness, my old friend... and heading back to the light

2014-07-10T04:04:00.000-07:00

It's been a few months since I blogged, and for all the new WLS friends out there, when I go radio silent that usually means I'm struggling. At 2 1/2 years post-op and having surpassed my goal, I'm dealing with some weight regain. 6 pounds from my set-point, 9 pounds from my all-time low.

How did that happen? I stopped jogging, maybe only doing it once a month. Still getting in lots of steps, but doing less cardio has a consequence. I started grazing - mostly eating things I shouldn't (carbs) or don't need to (peanut butter), and mostly when I'm preparing food for others, but not always.

Why? Stress and old habits. There have been lots of stressors - but we all have them, and mine weren't particularly horrible (nobody died, nobody lost their job, my husband is very lovable). I came off my 5 day pouch test feeling great, and that lasted a couple of weeks. Then we had the stress of my father-in-law's health declining some more and the resulting anxiety that brought upon my husband. And getting my son prepared for some very difficult testing - in that last month I baked like a fiend to reduce my stress, but instead of giving it all away I nibbled at some of it (just in small enough doses not to dump, like any addict learns to avoid the crash). The testing went well, and all of the stress was worth it, BTW, but I HAVE to remember I have other coping mechanisms I should use.

Then I started looking into a new direction for myself - a new career, starting with a Master's program in School Counseling. It's very exciting, and it set off a roller coaster of emotions. The principal and guidance counselor I work with think it's a great idea and will write recommendations for me - Whee! Up I go... Finding out my undergrad GPA was even lower than I remembered - crap. Taking a practice GRE was painful but assured me that I could meet the requirements with room to spare - yay! Realizing that the idea of my going back to school part-time was freaking out my husband and increasing his anxiety and depression - ouch. Talking that through with him over our anniversary and having that reverse into his full (albeit still typically anxious) support - whew. Realizing I could take the 1 hour MAT instead of the 4 1/2 hour GRE was good, and then when I took it and got stellar results was WONDERFUL. Now my applications are turned in, and I'm just waiting - for the recommendations to get turned in, the transcripts to arrive, and the decisions to get made at the two different programs... and waiting is hard. I'm settling in for about 2 months of it.

Last week I started with the mental tweaking. I changed my Facebook profile pic to the one of me about to do the triathalon I did in March. I needed the daily reminder of what I can accomplish. I reconnected with some old friends that I haven't visited in a while.

The last two days I have been making better choices. I've eaten clean, surpassed my step goal, and yesterday I jogged 25 minutes and felt good. I've reminded myself that I can manage my stress in healthy ways now. Now I just have to re-establish the habit. The scale hasn't started moving back down yet, but it will. And when I'm thinking about baking, I'm back to asking myself - are you wanting to bake for a good reason, or because you want to eat the cookie dough?

I also found a new fun way to enjoy my jogging (especially good when our weather has been so stormy). I've been taking my Kindle Fire to the gym and setting it up on the treadmill so I can watch movies/ shows while I work out and my kids play. It's a great distraction, and yesterday I was actually looking forward to it so I could finish the movie I started the other day. Anything that works, baby.

I'm feeling like I'm training for a race, but unlike my 5ks or triathalons, this one is the ultra-marathon of life. I need to build up my endurance, because there is always stuff to endure. Starting something new is exciting, but the challenges will come and I have to be strong enough to meet them. To prepare myself physically and mentally. To know when to ask for help and support. To keep my priorities in order.

The journey goes on, one step and one day at a time. It's easier on days I get a good sleep. And more fun some days than others. But I have the tools, and I can do this for the rest of my life. We stumble, we fall down, but we pick ourselves up and get back up stronger and wiser. All the other WLS vets out there - if you are struggling you are not alone. If you are doing well - share! We could all use reminders of success for inspiration.

Results of my first 5-day Pouch Test

2014-04-22T11:09:00.003-07:00

I started my 5-Day pouch test a week ago, on the first evening of Passover. For those who aren't familiar with the concept, the pouch test condenses the eating restrictions given to us as WLS post-ops into 5 days. Instead of being on liquids (mostly protein shakes) for two weeks, I was on them for two days. Then instead of being on pureed/ super soft foods for 2 weeks, I was on them for the next 2 days. The fifth day I returned to my normal post-WLS diet. My surgeon said he has no problem with people doing the 5 day pounch test occasionally. Of course, all WLS patients should check with their programs before they change their eating habits, even temporarily.

The reason for people doing the pouch test are two fold. It is called a pouch "test" because after RNY/ Gastic Bypass post-ops have been over a year or two out, many start eating more food. This can lead to pouch and stoma stretching, which starts to defeat the purpose of having such a baby-sized tummy (helping us get full quicker and stay full longer, also slowing digestion so that we can absorb as much of the nutrients as possible with our jejunum being bypassed). Much like starting to eat after being very ill from the flu or other GI illness, after being on fluids for a while, you "feel" the food in your stomach more, and can become re-sensitized to cues of being satisfied before you over-eat. This way you know that your pouch and stoma size are still working appropriately.

The second reason deals with the main problem most of us have - our heads. Being restricted to protein shakes and the like forces us off the carbs that sneak back in to our diets. Anyone who has tried to dramatically restrict flour, sugar, and other carbs from their diet knows that the first couple days are the hardest, but then you don't crave them as much after that. It's both a physical and mental detox in some ways. Being on protein shakes reminds us that we no longer choose what to eat based on taste - we choose it based on fuel our body needs. Believe me, nobody would choose whey protein shakes for the taste.

Day 1: I drank 3 Syntrax Nectar Fuzzy Navel protein shakes over the first 24 hours. While I am more tired than normal, the first thing I didn't anticipate was the return of the chills due to my greatly decreased caloric intake. While I only eat about 1200-1300 calories on a given day, this took me down to about 750. I also planned to use the Syntrax vanilla shakes to make the fake "Shamrock Shakes" recipe from the helpful website www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com that I enjoyed as a post-op. However, I was so cold I couldn't stand to make an iced drink, so I tried heating it up instead. Ugh. Predictably gross. So, I used another packet of the vanilla to make some protein pudding (sugar free) with skim milk. I had another 12 grams of protein from the pudding that first day. First psychological observation: I don't feel hungry AT ALL. If I'm going to feel hungry while getting all my protein in, it's when I'm only drinking the protein so it isn't staying in my stomach for long. That means that if I'm getting in my protein when I'm eating my regular diet, any "hunger" I feel isn't real. It's head hunger (feeling like you should be eating due to habit, emotional eating cues, etc). Since I always get my protein in, ALL of my "hunger" sensations are fake/ unreliable. Wow.

Day 2: I again drank the 3 Fuzzy Navel protein shakes and had some sugar-free protein pudding. Note to others - Jello Sugar Free Lemon Pudding mix worked well. I was down a couple of pounds already, which was not surprising. No hunger, still. Something I noticed more was that I was needing to watch myself very carefully to make sure I wasn't licking my fingers or taking a taste of something that I was preparing for the rest of the family. I remember doing that a lot the first few weeks post-op. Now I realize how much I have been licking off the spoons and knives, not to mention taking a bite of pasta to check if it's done, etc.

Day 3: I began my puree/ super soft foods with ricotta cheese mixed with some garlic salt, spaghetti sauce, and some mozzarella melted on top. Ahhhh, the joy of savory flavors after two days of sweet is wonderful! I'm down another pound, and still cold most of the time. I had another eye-opening experience. Last night I had a dream that I used to have frequently as a recent post-op. In it, I find myself finishing off some cereal/ other non-bariatric friendly food that my kids have left over. Then I wake up thinking I have really done that and feel awful. As I realize it was just a dream, I feel a sense of relief and joy. I am doing it. I AM resetting my brain to it's original post-op state. This is working. I also enjoyed some runny scrambled eggs.

Day 4: No additional weight loss today. Eating my runny scrambled eggs I realize that I'm perfectly satisfied with them. For over a year I have been eating my scrambled eggs with sliced tomatoes, garlic salt, and melted mozzarella on top. Those things are unnecessary for me to feel satisfied, and just add more calories, sodium, and fat than just another egg worth of egg beaters. I'm no longer as cold. Real food starts again tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to it, although I'll just stick with the plain scrambled egg beaters for breakfast.

Day 5: Down another 1/2 pound. I'm back to my regular foods. Lentils and onions with greek yogurt and cheddar cheese, sauteed julienned zucchini with vegetarian "meat" sauce and mozzarella, scrambled egg beaters. Everything tastes great. I'm eating a little less than I used to (my dogs are getting more leftovers). I feel recommitted and renewed. I am DEFINITELY going to make this an annual thing - probably on my surgiversary from now on.

Two days later, and my weight is still down, even though I'm eating regular foods. What I'm not doing is licking spoons, tasting my kids food, etc (all stuff I shouldn't have been doing). I'm not feeling very tempted by cravings, either. For me this pouch test did exactly what I was hoping it would - reset my mind and help me reconnect with my commitment to staying healthy. I didn't think my pouch or stoma had stretched, and feel confident that it won't if I keep following the rules.

Happy Earth Day!

Lots of pics! Starting my first 5-day pouch test/ My 2nd Surgiversary/ My 2nd Triathalon

2014-04-14T03:18:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted a new entry in a long time! I started this one in February and finally am posting in April. I think that I have been have a lot of negative old-way-of-thinking thoughts - things like "I'll write a post when I have something cool to write about". But, that's not why I started this blog. I started it to motivate myself. I started it to explore what was going on in my head on this journey. And I've learned that you can't wait for life to hand something to you, you have to go out and make things happen. So, I did my second triathalon in spite of the negative self-talk that was spinning around in my head, and it helped turn me back around. Without further ado, here's a long delayed update.

I can't believe I've just celebrated my second surgiversary! It seems to have gone so quickly, but at the same time it feels like I've been living this new life forever (and that's a good thing). I celebrated with my family, and having a date night with my husband :) And, I decided to splurge and bought myself a Fitbit Flex.

This year has been harder than the first - when they say that honeymoon period ends and it gets harder, they're right! Your cravings come back stronger - that head hunger that you've been battling is still there AND you actually can tolerate more food (and probably more carbs without dumping, but I'm trying not to find that out). My weight has fluctuated a lot more in the last year. I was at 142.8 the morning of my surgiversary, which is 0.2 pounds less than I was on my 1st surgiversary and seems to be a stable point (also below my original goal of 150 so it feels great). However, I have been lighter (down to 140.6) and I have been heavier (up to 148). What has changed? 1) I'm not jogging right now, although I just signed up for my favorite 5k - The Color Run in May! 2) Part has been the weather/ deep freeze in Ohio and getting a tiny little dog that can't handle the speed and distance of jogging, and part has been dealing with the physical symptoms of pelvic organ prolapse. But, part of it is 3) being lazy, being at my goal, and not trying as hard. I have lost some muscle tone, although my size has stayed pretty much the same. This is due to decreased intake to balance the decrease in calories burned.

My eating has stayed very good for the most part. I usually eat the exact same breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. It is boring, but it helps me remember that I'm eating for fuel not fun and it makes sure that I'm eating things my pouch tolerates well. Being vegetarian and post-WLS, there aren't that many appropriate entrees that my pouch tolerates. Sometimes I find myself eating something I shouldn't as I'm preparing food for my boys (a bite or two of pasta, a pretzel, etc). And, when I see the scale heading up north of 144 I have a "eat CLEAN d*** it!" moment. Sure enough, as soon as I start catching myself, the scale starts to head back down. I have also recently started rewarding myself with my favorite water flavoring drops (Dasani pineapple coconut) in my evening water if I have done a good job staying clean for the day. That's been a good incentive.

My labs have continued to come back wonderful. My hemoglobin A1C (blood glucose over an extended period of time) = 5.1 Anything 6 or below is considered normal for non-diabetics, and below 7 is normal for diabetics, so I am definitely still in remission and plan on keeping it that way. Getting rid of my diabetes was my #1 motivation for having the surgery, and I was blessed to be part of the 75% to go into remission. It doesn't mean it can't come back though - so I must remain vigilant.

In general I feel great - lots of energy, lower needed doses of anti-depressants, enjoying my job and (most of the time) my kids. I love having the feeling of control over my health. It used to feel like my weight controlled me. Now it feels like I can us my brain to control my health - although it still has moments of poor judgement. It's very empowering.

I've got the Color Run 5k coming up! I'm going to do a refresher course of Couch 2 5k to get my race legs on.

I just completed my second indoor triathalon, and that felt great. I almost bailed on it - I haven't been jogging and didn't know the date for it until 2 weeks before hand. I was worried that I haven't been jogging, and didn't want to injure myself. But you know what - that was all negative thinking. The fact is, nobody was going to force me to jog if I wasn't able to. Nobody was going to make me finish it if I didn't want to. Plenty of people just walk the track instead of jogging. In other words, I needed to stop making excuses and just do my best.

I had a little bug a week before hand, and my husband was very nervous about me doing the race, but I reassured him I was back to normal and wouldn't push too hard. To me, I realized that I can not let myself make excuses that allow me to be sedentary. Races are motivating for me, and I enjoy the social aspects.

Here are some pics from the day:

Last year I won the gold medal for my age group - but that was only because I was THE ONLY WOMAN 40-49!!! I enjoyed the medal, don't get me wrong, but I would rather lose and have competition. This year my age group was the most competitive - I had 4 other women in my age group! I'm proud to say I came in second!

So this is a great reminder to all of us not to let our own self doubts, or negative self-talk stop us from trying to do our best. Did I run as far in 20 minutes as last year? No, but it was very close. And, it turns out I was able to swim, bike, and run farther than a lot of other people so I got a medal! Most of all, I got a reminder that I am fit, and have good abilities from my daily living, even without really training.

As a psychological reboot, I'm starting my first ever 5-day pouch test tonight with the beginning of Passover. The idea of a 5-day pouch test is that you re-boot your mind and your pouch sensitivity by reproducing the eating plan you went through right after surgery, only compressed to 5 days. For the first 2 days, you drink fluids only. Protein shakes, water, crystal light... The third and fourth day you eat pureed soft foods. And the fifth day you eat regular food again. It's to help you remember how to use your pouch as a tool, to think of food as fuel, and reconnect you to your commitment that you've made. I had been thinking of doing it every year on my surgiversary but a family crisis made that difficult this year. So I thought that Passover would be a good time - after all, I should be unleavened all year round, but the idea of making a sacrifice, much as people do for lent, seemed to align with the concepts of Passover. Pushing through, doing what you need to do, walking towards freedom and your future, finding strength and renewing faith... I'll let you know how it goes!

Naked girls, Head Hunger, and Ups and Downs

2013-12-15T06:09:00.003-08:00

I haven't written for a while - I've felt like I've been treading water a lot since graduation. Not specifically with my weight loss, just juggling a lot of family things. Anyway, the news blackout ends today thanks to my 10 year old son!

My son has apraxia (a motor planning disorder) and aphasia (a language disorder that makes it hard to find/ understand common words sometimes). I mention this because when he wants to discuss something, it's often something that he's been thinking about for a while and trying to figure out how to say it. As a result, he comes up with some thoughts you wouldn't expect to hear from a 10 year old, and today was one of those days.

I was driving him to a birthday party and Miley Cyrus was singing "Wrecking Ball" on the radio. For those of you lucky enough not to know this, Miley is a 21 year old former Disney star who is desperately trying to shake the Disney-good-girl image and swung naked on a wrecking ball for video for this song. So, out of nowhere, my son starts this conversation.

Him: "Mom, you know, I think Miley is pushing it too far."
Me: *Chuckle* "Yeah, I think you're right."
Him: "I mean, she's just pushing it to far. I have a hypothesis. You know, boys like to see naked girls."
Me: "Okay"
Him: "But I think, really, that truly boys want to see girls not."
Me: "Oh, you mean not naked? That they would like to see them with clothes on."
Him: "Yeah. That's better. It's kind of like with you, Mom. Your brain tells you that you want to eat some frosting. But you really don't because you know it will make you feel bad. And it's kind of like that for boys."

Yup, my 10 year old just summed up Head Hunger and hypothesized that it's the same as boys thinking they want to see naked girls.

Oh, and he explained that they were talking about hypotheses at school, but that he had already learned it from watching The Big Bang Theory. That's my boy.

So what's been going on otherwise. Well, one thing that hasn't been going on is my jogging. I'm still getting in 10,000 to 15,000 steps a day, but I haven't jogged more than a couple minutes in a few months. I haven't signed up for any 5ks for about 6 months. So is it being lazy? Yes, that's part of it. I haven't been motivated to pick up the pace much.

I do have a couple valid excuses that make it easier to justify walking. One is our new rescue dog who is 5 pounds and part Chihuahua. He just can't run fast/ far. It took a while to build up his endurance to even being able to walk over a mile. Now that it's freezing out, he also can't be outside for long.

Sharing some personal health and potential TMI (feel free to skip to the next paragraph) - another is my rectocele problem. Apparently I'm now experiencing pelvic organ prolapse, which means that things aren't suspended in my pelvis the way they used to be. Sometimes that causes pressure that is a little uncomfortable, and is continuing to cause some difficulties in voiding bowel movements. In addition to that, it causes occasional incontinence, which is often brought on by bouncing (like jogging). Now there is a way around this - I can do my best to void ahead of time and not drink a lot before jogging, and wear a pad or something to catch leakage... I've talked to my doctor and she says she's ready to refer me to a surgeon anytime, but that it won't cause any harm for me to wait as long as none of my internal parts start permanently protruding externally, and it's not causing me actual pain. Neither of those things are happening. I know I will have to have the surgery at some point, but I'm just not looking forward to it, so I'm postponing it for now.

So what affect is this decrease in activity intensity having? My weight remains stable, but I have lost some muscle tone. That means I must have also gained a couple pounds of fat in exchange, but I'm not bothered by it. I'm wearing the same sizes, and I use my weight stability as a measure. I've been baking like a fiend for the holidays, and for 99% of the time I have done remarkably well in not tasting the things I bake. I have more temptations with everyday things in the house, but tend to see any change in my daily weigh-in as a reminder to "Eat Clean, D**n It!". I have decreased my daily intake to match my lower calorie burning. Seems to be working, but if I started to see creep on the scale, it would definitely be a motivator. Maybe I will start swimming laps again... no bouncing there!

I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude most days - gratitude that I'm healthy, that I have the energy my family needs from me, that my family is safe and happy and whole. As we come into the holidays I'm reminded of people who don't have these things. The anniversary of the Sandy Hook shooting is another reminder. I decided to do the 26 Acts of Kindness again this year, inspired by the Sandy Hook families. I'm getting the whole family involved, having them help think of things we can do other than waiting for opportunities to present themselves. I don't just want to buy something or donate money, I want to do things that make somebody's life a little easier or bring them a smile. I also think it helps keep us focused on others during this season of rampant consumerism. Don't think I'm preaching or trying to be an inspiration, I've got a closet full of Santa's surprises that I'll be paying the bill for this month. I'm just trying to balance that out a little :)

I hope all of you will find smiles of your own, and hopefully getting to spend some quality time with the ones you love this month. I hope you all had a Happy Hanukkah, have a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

Graduation Pics, inspirations, rants, & warnings

2013-10-14T16:27:00.002-07:00

Last Friday I graduated from the St. Vincent Sisters of Charity Bariatric Center. It is a ceremony they hold once a year (although they skipped last year) for people who have reached their goal and are more than a year post-op. It was a great excuse to get dressed up and have a night out with my husband - and it was AMAZING to be with all of these other successful people who have so much in common with me. Walking across the stage, with my before/ after pictures and successes being shown on power point, my hand being shook and handed a rose and certificate. It was a wonderful recognition from people who help the obese become healthy, and from my fellow patients. Speaking of fellow graduates...

The 62 of us who graduated lost over 7,200 pounds combined, which equals over 25,000,000 (yup, that's MILLION) calories burnt and not consumed.

22 of us used to be diabetic, and only 4 still are.

We used to take a combined 374 pills daily. We now take 170.

One woman at my table has lost 240 pounds in the past 16 months! Holey cow. She was also diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and has just finished radiation after her radical hysterectomy. She is very hopeful that the chemo will put her into remission, and shared that the oncologists said they wouldn't have been as hopeful if she hadn't lost the weight - because she wouldn't have been able to tolerate the treatments. I know that the surgery has extended my life and quality of life by getting rid of my diabetes and other risk factors. But in her case, literally months after her loss, she found that she could get lifesaving treatment that wouldn't have been possible otherwise.

Seeing my Personal Care Coordinator, Diane Harris, was wonderful as always. My surgeon has left the practice, and I have struggled with whether to follow him. Seeing Diane reminded me that she and the other support staff are a large part of the team effort that have helped me this far, and I will likely stay at St. Vincent. Here's me hugging her to death!

My husband was there to support me, as he has been through the whole thing. We even got a chance to dance a bit. One of the physician assistant's stiletto heels took the skin off one of my toes, but I didn't let it stop me from enjoying the evening. Here's me and my rock.

and for a reality check, here's me with my family before surgery, 103 pounds heavier

So, parts of the graduation were frustrating and puzzling for me. First - it was a dinner. A dinner, for bariatric patients who try to avoid food-based social gatherings. Well, at least the food would be bariatric friendly, right? Sort of. The first things we were served were typical catering fare - a salad and a bread basket (although the bread was flat and crisp bread, which some bariatric patients can eat a little of - not many, but some). Salad tends to be tricky for WLS patients - lettuce is notorious for getting caught in our stomas, because it's difficult to chew it into small enough pieces. We also are told rule #1 is Always eat your protein first - so being given bread and vegetables before our entrée was against THE RULES. OK, well, there were probably another 75 people there who weren't patients, so they could enjoy it. Would it have killed them to put some cheese on the salad, though? The entrees were were either salmon with squash or for vegetarians like us (many WLS become vegetarian post-op because meat and fish prove too hard to digest) we had a portabello mushroom with melted cheese, roasted tomato, and beans. That was pretty yummy, although it was still lower in protein than I would normally eat for a meal.

I made it through the dinner without anything getting stuck, which is always an anxious concern of mine. Although, being in a room of fellow patients, I knew if it happened nobody would look at me funny if I had to make a hasty exit to the restroom. Then they came around with coffee and tea - another no-no for WLS patients, we can't drink with our food, or for an hour after we eat. But, again, there were non-WLS people there, and they haven't trained themselves to not drink, so that was understandable. Here's the thing though - I saw several patients at my table drinking tea and coffee! What? You're here for following the rules and being successful so you break the rules??? But then they brought out dessert! Dessert. Really? And not some bariatric friendly ricotta-stuffed strawberries - oh, no. Cheesecake. OK, that was just cruel. In a funny twist, they place one in front of me, but not my husband. The ovarian cancer survivor and I both gave him our pieces, and frankly I avoided looking to see if any of the other patients were indulging. I didn't want it to seem like I was going to judge others for their decision, so I just talked to my hubby while he enjoyed it and ignored the rest. The fact is we are all tempted to take a taste of something now and then - even if we might dump. I try to be strong not only because of dumping, but because if I have some grain or sugar I'm likely to crave it for days. Honestly, it would have bothered me less to see WLS patients tasting the cheesecake than drinking after eating - that washes the whole meal out of our pouches and then it isn't digested well and makes us hungry again. Still can't believe some of them did that.

We danced, talked, had our pictures taken and waited for the raffle drawing of an Ipad Mini and Fitbit Flex (ooooh, I wanted the flex!). What a night!

I also got great news earlier that day. My mammogram came back clear. I had gotten scanned two weeks prior and been told to expect a call - between my breasts having changed so drastically since my only other scan (8 years ago) and the fact that the new digital scans pick up things that weren't visible on the old films... I've been spending the last two weeks worrying. I was greatly reassured by other WLS patients that they often get calls to come back because of the way their breast tissue has atrophied looks strange on the scans, which helped keep me from panicking. Part of the reason it took so long was because my previous films were taken out of town. At least now they will have them locally for the future. WLS people - be prepared for mammogram scares! That was something I never read about in all of my pre-op prep.

RANT WARNING..... (this is nothing new info wise, just me venting)

I am still working hard to make good food choices, and staying active. Maintaining my weight loss is VERY important to me. I continue to dislike eating out/ away from home, and have started to get more push-back from my mom on that. When I told her I was surprised the graduation was a dinner she said "Well, maybe it will help you get over eating out..." Uh, right. Part of the reason I don't like to eat out is that eating out vegetarian can be a little bit of a challenge, but eating out bariatric-friendly vegetarian can be VERY HARD. And even when appropriate food is available, the way it is prepared greatly varies how it will be tolerated. Even in the best of circumstances, there are times when eating (even at home, my regular diet) results in severe GI distress. My mom, who originally said that she wouldn't mind if we wanted to stop having traditional Thanksgiving meals together and just get together afterwards, now lays guilt trips on me for not eating at her place. Sigh. No Mom, it's not that I don't want to be with you. It's that I would rather eat at home. I don't go eat at my friend's homes either. And the rare times I eat out - it's usually with you. When I'm at home I have the most control not only over the food, but the fact that I can run to my OWN bathroom if I need to, and lay down on my OWN bed if my stomach hurts later. This doesn't happen very often anymore, but about once a week I have at least some indigestion. That's often enough. It happened Saturday night even though I ate at home, and I had to miss 1/3 of a play while I was in the bathroom. It's worth it everyday when I am healthy and happy, but eating is NOT a fun social activity for me any more, it is a deliberate, planned, and strategized necessity. No, I don't mind you eating in front of me. What I mind is you continuing to invited me to eat out/ over at your place and then not understanding when I decline and say we will meet you after the meal.

Did I mention I get frustrated? :) This journey has been and continues to be a rewarding challenge, some days it's easier to focus on the rewards, so days it's hard to see past the challenges. Seeing all my fellow WLS patients and their successes was very inspiring and made me think about how far I've come. It's not easy, but it's worth it. I have a free album credit on Snapfish - I think I'm going to use it to make an album of my journey from pre-surgery to graduation!

Surprises! On the scale, with labs, and an unbelievable itch!

2013-09-11T12:33:00.000-07:00

The last week has been full of surprises. Some were good, others not so much. Last Wednesday I went for my annual physical, where they also draw my labs for the bariatric center. For my non-WLS friends, because we no long absorb vitamins and minerals well (in addition to taking supplements) we have to have our blood checked for Iron, Folate, Calcium, Vitamin D, Thiamine, Copper, Zinc, and B-12 as well as getting a complete blood count, lipid panel, thyroid panel, and blood glucose level. They drew 6 tubes of blood, went over my list of the labs I needed, and wondered why they hadn't seen me on a billboard advertising for my bariatric surgeon. Awwww! Some compliments never get old.

The next day I got a call apologizing, but telling me they needed to take more blood. They hadn't frozen some of the tubes immediately that should have been frozen, so they needed more blood. Sigh. OK, no problem, it is a complicated lab order. The next morning my kids and I went in (we had the day off school for Yom Kippur - Happy New Year everyone who celebrates it) and they drew 6 more.

Today, 6 days later, I got a call from them again. Apparently, when the lab courier came to pick up the labs, he put ALL of my tubes in his freezer (not just the frozen ones). So, they were all frozen when they got to the lab, and they weren't able to run the tests on the ones that weren't supposed to be frozen. They apologized, and suggested that they send me a script to get them drawn and go directly to the labs to have them drawn to prevent another courier problem. They don't know if the ones that were supposed to be frozen were run. Sigh deja vu! They will send the script to me, and we will try again. I was actually hoping my results might be in the mail today. Guess NOT.

On a positive note, I hit another all time low on the scale on Monday, and it blew me away. 139.8! Under 140?!? Incredible. Unbelievable. Whoa. OK, so it's now back to 141, but I broke a barrier that I NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAMS thought was possible. My initial goal was to get to 160. Then I hit the 150s and was really happy. Then I broke into the 140s and I was over-the-moon dream-come-true happy. I don't imagine I will be going down much further, I seemed to be very steady around 141 - 143 for the last 8 or 9 months - but then I've hit new lows several times in the last month or so. I'm back at work, so I'm getting more steps in each day - that is helping for sure. Who knows? I'm just happy I'm not gaining anything back.

Here's the bad surprise with returning to work. I've got a rash. A really itchy not-fun rash. For non-WLS friends, we have a lot of extra skin after we lose 100+ pounds. Some people have so much skin that it causes skin infections, and can interfere with walking, voiding, and sexual functioning. Imagine a flap of skin that hangs down like an apron from your waist getting in the way of things and trapping bacteria and other fun things between it and the skin that is underneath it. Yuck. Having lost 103 pounds, I didn't seem to be having any problems with the excess skin (other than it making some muffin top and other flaps that my son thinks are funny to play with). I didn't expect to have problems, mostly that happens with people who lose a lot more than I have. Many WLS people get the extra skin removed ( it's called a panniculectomy, which is about 1/2 of what most people would call a "tummy tuck"). Between the risks, the cost, and the recovery I always said I wouldn't be getting one unless there was a real medical necessity. Then I went back to work at my lowest ever weight (in 90 degree weather, walking around constantly)... Hello, itch. I've got a rash/ skin infection underneath the flap of excess skin hanging from my waist. I'm treating it with the same anti-fungal medicine that you use for athlete's foot or yeast infections. It helps with the itching a bit, but it hasn't gone away. If it's still here much longer, I'll have to see my primary care doctor for something stronger. And, that will start a trail of documentation. If I have recurrent infections, my insurance may decide to cover a panniculectomy for me. I don't want one. The risk of major surgery, the 6 weeks of restricted activity in recovery, and the 20% of the cost I would still have to pay are three good reasons not to get it which wipe out the positive of being rid of the flaps. However, if this rash is something I have to deal with on an ongoing basis, I will consider it. Go away, itch!

Back to the positive! I got to go visit some old friends briefly over the weekend, many of whom hadn't seen me for over a year (some not since before surgery). It was really fun getting to have quick visits with them, and I would be lying if I didn't admit that I really enjoyed seeing their reactions to seeing me in my new healthy body. Bonus. I am so blessed to have such great family and friends, my home, my job and my health.

Today, 9/11, I'm counting my blessings. Thank you for all those blessings, and may the hungry, homeless, out of work, and victims of violence find such blessings in the next year. May I make the right choices to stay healthy, and be able to support others who need help. May I learn from my mistakes and help my children avoid them. May I find patience on the hard days, and give of myself on the good ones. Thank you first responders, for risking your lives to save so many of ours. Thank you to the members of the armed forces who serve their country - may you receive the support you deserve from us and our country. Thank you to the teachers who are shaping our tomorrow.

Truths! Birthdays, Graduation, and pics

2013-08-14T06:35:00.000-07:00

I'm really trying to stay honest, and embrace the truth even when it hurts. Here's my latest confession - I love butter/ margarine. This is embarrassing - but I've loved it since I was a child. My mom tells about me climbing out of my highchair and onto the thanksgiving table to sit down and chew on a stick of butter at my grandmother's while everybody was in the kitchen when I was 15 months old. I used to stick my finger into the tub of margarine and scoop out a little once in a while as a kid. As I grew up I grew out of it - or should I say changed things I liked to eat that weren't good for me.

Since my surgery, really in the last couple months, I have rediscovered my taste for margarine. That sounds gross doesn't it? I think part of it is craving fat - which even with a tablespoon or two of margarine a day my consumption stays low (yes, I have been logging it). That melt-in-your mouth feeling is part of it. There lies a truth - if it melts in your mouth, it's liquid calories - a BIG NO-NO and major rule breaking. So, just like I had to make a big change when I realized I was starting to compulsively eat popcorn, I'm going to have to make a big change here. No more buying tubs of margarine. I will buy sticks of butter, which I have no craving for, whatsoever. Logical? Of course not - it's a crazy psych thing. Oh the webs our tricky brains weave. I can use sticks of butter for everything cooking-wise that I use tubs for, and not be tempted. Yesterday I threw out the tub that was in my fridge. Wonder what the next thing is my brain will try to tempt me with...

On to a more positive truth - I got my new driver's license! The truth part is that I actually put my REAL weight on the license for the first time in my life. Not even my lowest weight, but the pound higher that I was on the day I renewed it. I thought I needed to renew it by my birthday but it turns out I didn't have to renew it until next year. Yeah, it was written right on the license, I know... But I decided to renew it early because I don't look like my license anymore. And I'm 50 pounds lighter than the LIE I had on my old license. But I took pictures of my old and new license (with all the potential identity theft info blocked out) for memories sake (and this blog).

OK, so that's my old license. I listed my weight at 190, which was 53 less than I weighed at my highest. When the picture was taken I might have been 235. I remember being relatively happy with the picture, because it only showed two chins. I spent a lot of time on my hair and makeup that day, too.

... and here's my new one! I LOVE looking at those two pictures next to each other. An added bonus is that people will actually believe it's my I.D. when I am asked to show it :)

I still think that they should just have a digital scale built into the floor at the license bureau. That way when you step up for your turn it would automatically weigh you and the they wouldn't have to ask your weight. It's embarrassing for the average person to say their weight out loud to someone, and mortifying for the obese. Plus, it's not like most people tell the truth! Heaven forbid something had happened to me two years ago and they found my body. I can see them saying "Oh, this probably isn't her, she's much heavier than the person we're looking for..."

My birthday is in two days, and my mom offered to come spend the morning with me for a "girl's day" - something we used to do when I was little, and have tried to make time for occasionally now that I'm a grownup. I asked my boys (10 and 13) for the birthday present of them watching themselves (without killing and bugging each other) for a few hours for my birthday present. My mom is going to come and go on a nice long walk with me and my dogs. Then she's going to come with me to a jewelry store. All of my rings are WAY to big. I'm guessing I'm wearing a 6 1/2 now - my old rings are 8 1/2. I don't feel the need to spend the money to resize everything, but I've been wrapping medical tape around my wedding band and engagement ring for over a year now and want to get that done! I'm thinking about instead of having several rings resized I would look at combining stones into a new setting. I have no idea how much that will be, but want to explore options and get a sense of how much money I will have to save up. Then we might go to a bookstore and browse...aaaah, the luxury of doing that without having the kids interrupt me twenty times.

I got an email this morning inviting me to my Center for Bariatric Surgery graduation! In our program, if you have met your goal and kept it off for over a year, you are invited to that year's graduation party. It's a formal event at a really nice hotel, and will be happening in October. The only sad thing is that my surgeon has left the practice. So I'm sad that when I walk across the stage with a slide show of my before and after pcitures I won't get to shake Dr. Ben-Meir's hand. :( But, I'm really excited to be in the graduating class of 2013. I need to start looking for an AWESOME dress. Oh, and saving up for it, too.

New swimsuit Pic, and could Bariatric Betty be losing more??? Obsessing about weight.

2013-07-24T12:41:00.001-07:00

I may be losing more weight, at 17 months post-op. It is boggling my mind. For the last 8 months my weight has been stable for the most part. I went well past my goal and hit a one day low of 140.6 (my goal was to be in the 150s, and dream weight was to be in the 140s). My weight then seemed to stabilize at 142 and except for my flirtation with some compulsive popcorn consumption adding 5 pounds temporarily, it has stayed there. A couple days after I stopped eating popcorn and I was already back down to 145. Another month later and I was down to 143. Last month I was back to 142 and happy, lesson learned.

I usually weigh myself daily knowing that fluctuations happen, and not taking the number to seriously. I can be up to 144 pounds depending on how much salt and carbs I have had in the past day, as well as where I am in my cycle. One of the funniest things I have found is that the day before my cycle, I actually drop 1 to 2 pounds for a period of a day or two. And all these years I thought I gained weight when I was PMS-ing! So last week I had already had my PMS drop and seen 141 pounds. Then my cycle started and I was back to 142. A couple days later, and I was 140.6 - Hey, long time no see! Weird, this would not be when I would expect to see my all-time low again. Imagine my surprise on Friday when I weighed myself and saw 140.4!

OK, I know this is silly, it's 0.2 pounds lower than my previous low. And the numbers shouldn't have such a big impact on me. There is a lot of fluctuation and I wouldn't be mad for going up 0.2 pounds, so why did it cause this illogical feeling of glee that I had a new low???

I weighed myself several times and got the same reading. Then I checked my body composition meter, and it has stayed stable. I haven't been running much with the heat, more walking and swimming, so I thought maybe I had lost muscle. But if my body fat percentage is about the same, then if I lost muscle I also lost some fat. Hmmmm.

Then I thought about the last couple months. Other than cutting out the popcorn I have decreased my intake a little because of the decrease in running/ burning calories. Maybe my body isn't at it's new set-point? Maybe there is room for some more loss? I don't know. My doctors say I'm at a healthy weight, I feel healthy and happy. I don't need to lose any more weight. On the other hand, I am at the top of the healthy range, so it wouldn't hurt me if I lost a bit more.

Meanwhile, my new bathing suit came I from Lands End. I tried ordering tankini seperates to help with the fact that my lower half is a very different size that my upper half. The lower half is a high-waisted control top skirt, so it smooths out some of the folds and flaps nicely. If you are self conscious about your middle, I highly recommend it. The top is their D-cup underwire, which actually contains the girls, saggy and prone to floating as they are. Again, recommended by me for endowed post-ops. Here's the pic.

In comparison, here is a picture of me pre-op in a bathing suit (25 pounds already lost) and then about 9 months post op, already pretty close to my goal (but maybe not final) weight.

Now it's a couple of days later and I'm hovering around 140.6 - 141.0. So, what does this all mean? It means that maybe I shouldn't just worry about not gaining. It means that maybe I will lose more, and I should be open to that. Either way, I'm going to keep working my program, following the rules. 1) No drinking with meals or for one hour after. 2) Eat protein first, trying to get in 20 grams at each meal. 3) No liquid calories (alcohol, milk, ice cream, soup, etc.) and 4) Eat meals within 20 minutes, no grazing and only eat until I'm full.

Where am I headed? Forward, never back. I have bad days, I give in to old habits occasionally. I am not perfect and never will be. I commit to staying healthy, to making the best choices I can. It requires a lot of time and energy to keep my new lifestyle, but it is worth it. To all my friends and family who support me and my unusual needs - I thank you. I couldn't do this without you. To all the WLS friends out there who read my blog, we're in this together. You inspire me.

Bariatric Betty's Summertime, and the living is sometimes too easy

2013-06-28T06:58:00.001-07:00

Ahhhh, summer. I'm off work (since I work at an elementary school), and my boys are home. No homework or tests to deal with - just daily reading to keep them from regressing over the summer. Only thing is, they think that I should be providing FUN!!!! all day every day. Um, no, that's what summer CAMP is for, which both of you declined to attend repeatedly. So now you have be bored at home with me!

My day starts making breakfast for everyone, unless it's one of the days my 12 year old has gotten up early and hungry and has made his own. I don't eat for about an hour after I wake up so I have time to drink my first 24 ounces of liquid for the day. I see my husband off to work with the lunch I've packed and eat my breakfast. Then the kids and I go over the plans for the day. That starts out with a reminder that they each need to read 1/2 hour. The complaints start then, and sometimes last for hours. I walk/ jog the dog, do a load of dishes and remind my 12 year old he needs to run a load of laundry. I get in my second 24 ounces before lunch, and another 24 before dinner. We usually go somewhere in the afternoon, and eat early. Since the boys are both playing baseball this summer, we often have 3-4 hours of overlapping baseball games in the evening. My sweet husband eats a dinner I bring at the community park where the games are being played at least once a week because the games start before he can even get home from work. Sometimes the games go until after 10pm!

I spend at least a chunk of time every couple days cooking large amounts of my staple foods so that they are ready for daily consumption. I scramble 6 days of egg beaters at a time - that doesn't take that long. When I sauté my 5-6 days of onions and julienned zucchini (think non-noodle spaghetti) it takes a bit longer. When I make up a pot of my lentils with carmelized onions it's over an hour, but that will last me for a couple of weeks. I am also cooking for a family of friends once a week who have a mom recovering from a serious illness. It's been fun finding things that are vegetarian that her family enjoys - my family has had such a predictable diet for years that it's taken me out of my comfort zone a bit - but it has also increased the quality of meals my own family is getting. Eggplant parmesean has entered our regular rotation, as has fried tofu. The other night I made fried rice with broccoli, pea pods, carrots, peas, water chestnuts, asparagus, and eggs that was a hit. It's weird that I can't enjoy most of these things myself - they don't have enough protein or sit well in my pouch (with the exception of un-fried tofu) but it does feel good to see everybody eating well.

I do try to plan at least one fun thing a day for the kids, whether it's going to our local rec center/ pool, going to a movie, going to the local waterpark where we have season passes, etc. We won't do anything like that until they have done their reading, however, and on some days that means it's afternoon before we get to go. Like today. It was 2pm before my 10 year old finally finished his reading. He spent all morning complaining about how he didn't want to read, and he wanted to go do SOMETHING. No matter how many times I explained "You do your reading, and I will take you somewhere, you get to decide how soon that happens..." the whining WOULDN'T stop. Augh. I took my dog for a longer walk just for the peace and quiet.

Speaking of walking the dog, that's my only predictable exercise right now. I miss my job! It's nice to be able to have other options during the middle of the day during break, but I miss working with the kids, talking with other grownups, and most of all the 5000 steps I would walk while I was working.

Thank goodness for my fitbit pedometer. If I didn't wear it every day then my exercise would be pitiful right now. It's a great motivator - because I HATE not hitting at least 10,000 steps a day. During the school year I average about 15,000. But now I average around 11,000. I actually have to work for those, too. When we go to the park I walk circles around the playground. When my kids have a baseball game I pace back and forth for the second half of the game. When we're camping out at the rec for a long time, I walk a couple miles on the track.

I don't enjoy running in real heat, so I'm not jogging much right now. I have decreased my food intake a bit to take into account that I'm not burning as many calories right now, and that seems to be working well because I'm staying at goal. The daily struggles with making good food choices is harder some days than others - although I haven't had a crazy obsession (like the pie crust) for a while, thank goodness. I usually stay away from white carbs because I find they trigger cravings for me and I don't need the extra stress.

My house continues to be a disaster zone, but most days I feel like I am getting the level of cleanliness incrementally better. My focus has been on getting the boys to help clean up their own messes (definitely works in progress) and keeping counter-tops and kitchen/ dining room tables at least partially clear. At the moment my 12 year old has his basketball shoes on top of my papers on the kitchen table, and my 10 year old feels that since he has set up his lego building area on half of the dining room table for the last 6 months, I am being unreasonable to think that should change. Baby steps. This last week I tackled the outside mess - pulling up 7 bags of thistle and other assorted weeds that had started looking like trees.

Speaking of trees, the other night a severe thunderstorm took down half of a 30 foot tree in our front yard. Besides being stunned, everybody is fine. Mostly I am overwhelmed with gratitude that the tree didn't fall on the house and that we weren't home when it happened - because my car is usually parked right where it fell. It didn't even knock over our basketball hoop! It was definitely one of those moments that I felt someone was watching over us.

I am so grateful for the every-day blessings my family enjoys. Our health and our home top amongst them. But it's up to us to maintain both of those things if we want to keep them as blessings. My sons arguing for more snacks and less work can be tiring, but I try to remind myself that I am teaching them life lessons - and that if I want them to value those things as highly as I do, they need to see our commitment to them every day. It's easier to think of it that way when the whining isn't happening. There will definitely be times when the overwhelming thought in my head is "Do it because I SAID SO!" although I try to be calmer in explain the importance of the issue at hand. And there are times that I tell them "You've worn me down. I am taking a break. Be nice to each other and work on xyz while I go lay down for a bit/ take a walk/ run to the store." It's lovely that they are old enough that I can do that now.

I remain incredibly thankful for not only the support of my family on this journey, but my local support group. The other night we had a meeting, and as I was walking out the door to attend we discovered that while my 10 year old had been "bored" he had used scissors to scratch and poke on our black leather couch. Augh! I went on to the meeting and vented, and we all agreed that the "old" us would have then eaten a large amount of junk food to handle the frustration. Now my son is responsible for cleaning off said couch and his own favorite chair every night to help him learn to respect our things more. His response "For how long?" Our answer "Until we decide to ADD more chores. This will be your responsibility, period."

I am also thankful for all of the health professionals that have helped me get to where I am, and where our family is going. I found out a couple of weeks ago that my surgeon and his team are leaving St. Vincent and it really feels like a loss. I will have to work with new people for my follow-up. But, they gave me my pouch/ tool and a good foundation to work with. I will miss you Drs. Ben-Meir and Salomone! I am also so glad we found a great family psychologist to work through issues with our sons, and have found a wonderful rheumatologist for my husband. Never underestimate what have access to good healthcare can mean for your family. I wish everyone had it this good!

Bariatric Betty tackles Self Hate and Sabotage

2013-05-30T05:47:00.000-07:00

Last Friday I stopped at our local Sears/ Lands End store to try on some tops. I'm still building up my wardrobe at my goal size - my clothes from last summer are two sizes too big. I have become a big fan of getting clothes second hand, but also hit the sales racks at places like Talbot's Outlet, Lands End, and of course Target and other places as well when I need something.

I picked up several Medium Petite (still boggles my mind) tops and went to the dressing room. Walking in there was a woman trying on a winter jacket (Lands End has GREAT deals on winter clothing right now) and I commented "Cute jacket!". She replied "Not on a fat woman like me, maybe on somebody like you." My heart fell. I hate to hear people being cruel and calling people names, but one of the worst is when they are hateful towards themselves. I couldn't just let it pass. Here's a chunk of the conversation that followed:

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself"
"No, it's true!"
"You know, a year ago I had bariatric surgery to lose over a hundred pounds, and I know it's really hard to lose weight. Beating yourself up isn't going to make it easier."
(pause) "Wow, you lost 100 pounds! You look great. You would never know."
"Yeah, I feel great, too. But for decades I tried Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, and all sorts of diets. When you find something that works for you, you will lose weight. For me it took surgery to get it all off - otherwise I just kept losing the same 30 pounds. Until then, you should give yourself credit for doing the best you can."
"I guess. It all came on after I had my kids - I was never heavy before then...."

I felt so bad - here she was berating herself to a stranger in a public changing room. I said a supportive comment and ended up hearing her whole weight loss history. Of course, I shared mine first (heaven knows I like to share happy stuff with everyone) - but can you imagine how much she needed to talk to someone sympathetic that she was willing to talk about something that made her ashamed and mad with a total stranger? She was perfectly willing to say mean things to herself, and I'm sure has heard cruel comments from others. The sense that fat people deserve to be made fun of or be the targets of snide comments - or the even more twisted thought process that targeting them might make them more likely to lose weight and be healthy - it's RIDICULOUS.

Here's a link to an interview on the Today Show that showed up yesterday after I started writing this blog. http://www.today.com/health/my-butt-so-huge-fat-talk-common-harmful-6C10109738 It talks about how women hurt their self-esteem and that of others by participating in negative self-talk or negative comparisons to others. What many may think is trying to help support a friend unhappy with their body, i.e. "Oh, no - my hips are SO much bigger than yours!" is not helping. It is leading into an almost competitive cycle of trying to make others feel better at your own expense - where the original unhappy person then feels the need to point out that her "flaws" are even BIGGER. So instead, talk positive. About yourselves, about others. When your friend says "My muffin top is turning into a whole CAKE top!", say "I think you look beautiful" - not "my muffin top just filed for it's own zip code". When you are frustrated that your own physical fitness goals aren't showing up the way you would like, i.e. "Why can I now see some ribs outlined but still have a jelly belly???" think "I have worked hard, I feel better, and I look better. I can't control where my body decides to lose fat, but I can make the most of the parts I'm proud of."

Now, fast forward to yesterday, when I tried on a new pair of shorts with an older shirt. I didn't think they necessarily worked together, so I asked my husband. He agreed. I tried a different shirt, and he tried to explain that my top is so curvy, but the bottom half is so straight, and the original combo just seemed to over-exaggerate it. He was right, I have a large chest and then very little hips or butt. So I needed an outfit that created a little more balance. I had unrolled the legs on the short to about a 10" inseam, but originally they were rolled to about a 7" inseam. I rolled them back up and with the new shirt felt better. Still, I looked in the mirror several times yesterday morning, and ended up asking my 12 year old son what he thought. Warning Sign Alert - if you have to ask your 12 year old son for fashion advice, it's a sign you are feeling a little insecure! The following is a recap:

"Justin, does this outfit look OK?"
"Ummm, that depends... where are you going to wear it?"
(internal alarm, uh-oh, what the heck? Maybe my tucked-in shirt is showing my extra-skin flaps too much???) "To work"
"Oh, then it's fine."
(???) "OK, just wondering , where WOULDN'T it be a OK to wear it?"
"Ummm, to drop me off with my friends"
"OK, I promise I won't be upset, but I want to know what makes you uncomfortable about your friends seeing me like this." (Oh boy, I hope this doesn't hurt too much)
"Well, Mom, could you wear jeans or something? I'm not used to seeing your knees, it just seems weird..."

LOL. Yes, my son wasn't embarrassed by my flaps of skin, or my large chest - he felt that my shorts falling just above my kneecaps was embarrassing! Watch out - I'm a hootchie mama! Looking back, I shouldn't be surprised, he told me that if any of his friends wear shorts that don't come below their knees some of the guys at school call them "bootie shorts". It gets even more funny when you know that I wear skirts above my knee (about the same length as the shorts yesterday), but that doesn't bother him. But shorts that showed the ENTIRE KNEECAP???? Gasp.

We can be our own worst enemy. Don't give in to the negative trash talk in your own head. It makes it easier to do it again, and easier to believe that others are thinking/ saying even worse.

Speaking of our own worst enemy - I caught myself before I sabotaged myself yesterday. Yay for the catch, boo for the constant vigilance required. I have been making meals for a friend once a week - she's been very ill for several months, and a couple of us bring meals a couple times a week to take some of the pressure off the family. This week I offered to bring "Breakfast for Dinner" - French toast casserole, quiche, and a carrot/ yogurt/ craisin salad. They have a severe peanut allergy in the family, so it's important to read and re-read the labels. I started being concerned about the quiche crust. In the past, I have found it a little tricky to find ready-made pie crusts that don't have lard. And now I would have to find one without any peanut oil/ exposure to nuts in the factory. Hmmm. I started thinking about making my own crust. OK, that's simple. Then I remembered how much I like to nibble on pie crust dough. Yeah, I know, weird. I don't know why it tastes good to me, but it does. And then I found myself thinking about nibbling on pie crust dough probably 50 times over 24 hours. Not exaggerating. And about how I should probably make a little extra to make sure I had enough dough - but knowing it was really so I could eat some but still have enough. Yikes. So I started thinking about going back to finding a pre-made crust. But they usually come in two packs. I would have a whole extra pie crust. Extra pie crust, mmmmmm. Seriously? Then here comes my AHA moment. Wait, I can use that whole extra pie crust to make another quiche for another meal for them. So I can't break off a piece and eat it, because I will need it for the next week! Restraint engaged - logic wins! It was that hard. You never know where your brain will take you on these weird cravings/ food addiction trips. Every day is a journey, where we have to make the choices that will keep us healthy. Some days are easy down-hill paths, other days we have to climb the mountain in the way.

On a positive note - I saw a wonderful friend this weekend who hadn't seen me for over a year. She has seen my pics on facebook, and knew all about the surgery, but it was still a shock for her. I loved getting to visit with her and her family, and of course the complements felt wonderful. Mostly though, I loved seeing our kids together. Except for maybe when two of our sons demonstrated their "feedbag method" of eating a bag of popcorn. Gross.

Getting ready for summer break to start next week - and it turns out I registered for another 5k I forgot about. Now I have to figure out if I can do it with the kid's baseball schedules....

The Honeymoon's Over - Bariatric Betty's Uphill Climb

2013-05-09T14:31:00.001-07:00

How many of you have heard someone actually call getting weight loss surgery "the easy way out"? WLS patients wince every time we hear it, and many of us will actually address the ignorant person who says it. Chris Christie just "came out" about having lap band surgery 2 months ago, and I can't blame him for keeping it quiet so long. The judgment that so many people make about someone having weight loss surgery can be vicious. And that's on top of the judgment people have already made about those of us who are morbidly obese.

In an interview Christ Christie gave with Brian Williams, he recounts his conversation with his doctor when he asked if he should really get the surgery. He said his doctor said "If you came into my office with cancer and I knew that there was a 40 minute surgery that would give you a 90% chance of a cure, should you get it?" Here's the thing - the surgery IS simple for most of us.

The surgery itself (without complications) can have you in and out of the hospital in a couple of days, put Type 2 Diabetes into remission immediately, and start a rapid weight loss that can lead to a healthy weight and lifestyle. But, what the typical person doesn't understand is that the real work starts before surgery, and continues for the rest of our lives.

One of the WLS patients on a Facebook support group was preparing for her surgery with a multiple week liquid diet that the surgeon prescribed. Weight loss just before surgery will shrink a fatty liver and reduce risks of complications. A week before surgery she had a small bowl of oatmeal, just wanting something "solid" one more time before surgery and the post-op weeks of liquids and then pureed diet restrictions. Worried that this might put her in danger during surgery, her husband put a call into the surgeon. The surgeon cancelled the surgery - NOT because of the oatmeal causing any risks - it wouldn't. Because the woman feeling such a strong need to eat something she had been told she couldn't have (even though it was a healthy food) indicated that she might not be ready for the lifetime commitment to dietary restrictions that a successful WLS patient must have. She has to meet with a social worker now, and who knows how long her surgery will delayed until she is really mentally ready.

What happens if we don't make those right choices after surgery? The obvious result - that we won't lose the weight we need to lose, or will quickly gain it back. Yes, people go through the surgery and then sabotage themselves soon after - whether pureeing the unhealthy food they crave so they can eat it again (cheeseburgers, french fries, etc) or by consuming liquid calories - a big NO in the rules for post-ops. Eating ice cream, drinking milkshakes, drinking alcohol - they are all forbidden (although some doctors will say you can have a small amount of alcohol occasionally after 1 year post-op).

What are other outcomes of bad post-op choices? If your Type 2 diabetes went into remission and you go off plan and gain the weight back, it will come back WITH AN ATTITUDE. There is a high risk of alcohol abuse/ alcoholism, even if the patient was never a drinker before. A patient who had RNY bypass will now absorb more of the alcohol quicker than a typical person. They will get a bigger buzz/ drunker and it will happen more quickly with less alcohol. Given that many of us were "using" food in an addictive manner, it isn't hard to imagine that we would look to fill that need in other ways. Increases in alcohol use, drug abuse, compulsive gambling and other addictive behaviors have all been seen in post-ops. Big hard rule - whatever your problems were before surgery, they will still be here after surgery. So you have to work on the underlying issues every day, and continue to face up to them.

My honeymoon period (usually seen as the first 12-15 months post-op when you aren't hungry) is over. I get hungry now. I also still get "head hunger" - where I crave something but my body doesn't need the nutrition - that never went away, I just became better at identifying it. I have found myself eating things for the wrong reasons before and caught myself before it showed up on the scale. My caramel calcium chews - that I started eating twice as much of as I should - a nice way to get kidney stones! Threw them out after a week. The cashews I had gotten to eat as a protein packed snack occasionally - but found myself snacking on multiple times a day (at 200 calories a pop!). Got them out of the house and kept them out for over 2 months until I was sure I could see them and not be tempted. The glaze on the peppermint candy cane cookies that I licked off my fingers and then started scooping off the drip tray - I confessed to my husband that I had a real weakness there and he said that the next time I want to make them for the holidays, he and the kids will do the glazing for me.

This last one snuck up on me. I was eating homemade popcorn in the evening once in a while if I was hungry, making a big bowl for the family and having a serving size myself. Then my serving size grew. Then I was making it every night. I still didn't realize I was in trouble until I saw the scale change. I gained 3 pounds. From popcorn. Do you realize how much (unbuttered) popcorn I must have been eating? OK, that's not the only reason I gained weight - I had been doing more walking than jogging. While I am still very active (12,000 - 14,000 average steps a day) I went from jogging 3-4 times a week to jogging 3 times a month. Add to that the salt I put on the popcorn, and Voila! 3 more pounds.

Don't get me wrong, it isn't unreasonable to expect a little regain. 18 - 24 months out the average patient gains 5 - 10% of their weight back, mostly because their stomach has expanded enough that they can eat more/ get hungry again. Some people never have any regain - and I really want to be one of them. I told my husband I needed to "go off" popcorn for the forseeable future and from then on whenever my son requests it he says "Mommy's not going to make it, you can make a small amount just for yourself and throw out whatever you don't eat". Awesome hubby, isn't he? Sure enough, just 3 days after no popcorn, and my weight was already back down 2 pounds just getting the excess salt out of my system. I also started jogging twice a week again.

The scary thing is how I didn't realize my new night-time snack was a problem until it showed up on the scale. First of all - I shouldn't need a snack every night! First thing I should do if I think I'm hungry is drink, because I'm probably just thirsty. And if I am hungry, most of the time it should be satisfied by protein. And I had gotten lazy with my exercise. I feel embarrassed to have fallen off the wagon - lured back into an addictive eating pattern (eating more, more often). It will take conscious choices and deliberate actions for me to stay healthy. I must stay more active than the average person, and I can't think I can snack like an average person. "Within moderation" is a loaded phrase and WAY too subjective for me. In the case of popcorn, I've decided it means 2 cups of popcorn once every 3-4 weeks, max. It means get out of the freakin' house in the evening, when I start to have the head hunger, so I am distracted from it. Luckily, I've got my kids baseball and soccer practices and games to help with that!

Finally, to end on a good note - I had a BLAST doing the Akron Color Vibe Run 2013. I ran 5k in 30 minutes flat - my new best time. That might have been because it was cross-country - up slopes, down slopes, across the gravel, sliding on the wet grass, splashing through the puddles. There was NO BOREDOM there, on the contrary - I was terrified I was going to fall and take some layers of skin off, so that adrenaline probably helped my time. Also, four times along the run we were liberally doused with colored cornstarch, which made it really fun. Here are some pics (the tutu is a common accessory in these races)

If you want to try a fun 5k, I highly suggest Color Vibe and The Color Run! Lots of fun for the whole family - one of my sons ran it with me, and the other is seen above tossing a lot of magenta cornstarch!

So, to sum up my original thought, getting weight loss surgery may be simple for most of us, but being a WLS patient for life is not. Running a 5k feels simple now - it's a short amount of time, and a reasonable amount of effort for that time and you're done. Making the right choices all day every day, pushing yourself to stay active, reminding yourself to stay away from your triggers and deal with your issues instead of eating to deaden them - that's the hard part. It's part of the reason I eat the same things almost every day - it removes the temptation. It's like an alcoholic realizing that it might never be a good idea to eat in a bar if there is another option. Unlike the alcoholic, we can't just stop eating. We have to choose to eat healthy things that won't trigger overeating, which can rule out a lot of things for each of us. We have to choose the proteins that will fill us and meet our new body's needs. We have to avoid the carbs that are likely to make us ill/ get dumping syndrome. And we need to take our supplements regularly to make up for the vitamins and minerals we can't get absorbed through our food. And when we do that, we are healthy. That's how I plan to stay.

Bariatric Betty's races vs. the Boston Marathon

2013-04-17T18:33:00.000-07:00

Boston.

Well, everything I wanted to write about pales in comparison to Boston. I was going to write about ending up winning my age group in the triathlon because I was the ONLY woman in my age group. To remind us all to try, because you are a winner just for trying - sometimes literally. I was going to write about feeling proud doing a 5k Sunday where I shaved 3 minutes off my first 5k time, and loving that some of my WLS support group came and did the fun walk, too. Enough about that.

Instead I would like to talk about inspiration. Goodness. Humanity. Faith.

..."So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear, or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think "the good outnumber you, and we always will." - Patton Oswalt

I had no idea who Patton Oswalt was before yesterday, but right now his thinking about this is right up there to me with Fred Roger's quote:

"When I was a boy and would see scary things on the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping."

In every horrible accident, or natural disaster, or act of terrorism you can look and see the good. The people who run to help, who give of what they have to help others. Who risk their lives. Who make sacrifices, small and large. These acts of bravery and humanity inspire me and others. I love hearing about them and would like to use my blog today to talk about some of the ones I have heard about since the explosions in Boston.

First - I have heard numerous complements of the first responders: the police, paramedics, and fire fighters. Numerous witnesses have said how quickly and smoothly they seemed to respond. The policies, drills, and procedures that they and area hospitals have prepared for seem to have paid off. Bravo, and thank you to all first responders. We are so thankful for your selflessness.

Second - All of the everyday people who ran to help others. Carlos Arredondo, the father of a fallen soldier who was there to pass out flags ended up pinching an artery of a victim closed while she was evacuated. The husband who ran into a clothing store and helped make tourniquets for two victims, only one of whom was his wife. And yet another named "Matt" who did the same for a 17 year old girl. Another person only known as "Sgt. Tyler" helped move and calm down another victim, showing her his own shrapnel scars to reassure her she could heal. The little girl who decorated bags that her mom filled with food and toiletries with hopeful messages of love to hand out to people in need. All the other un-named heroes who picked up and carried the wounded. The restaurant owners who opened their doors, grill, and refrigerators to the runners - not to mention making chargers and phones available so that they could contact their loved ones. The neighbors along the route who took in runners and people from out of town, providing dry/ warm clothes and other necessities.  The runner and his wife, who upon seeing another racer sobbing on the ground in relief after locating her loved one by phone, asked "Did you finish?" and when she shook her head no, gave her his medal and said "You're a finisher to me". The runners who continued running to get to the hospital and donate blood. The Yankee fans who sang for Boston during the game last night.

We are waiting to hear who is a suspect. Are they American? Why did they do this, what could their justification possibly be? Did they act alone, or was this an attack planned by an organized group?

These are of course, important questions. But where he or they come from is not as important as knowing that there are far more good people on earth, ready to help a stranger in need, than there are people who want to harm a stranger for whatever demented reason they can imagine.

Three people have died, and that is a great tragedy. So is the car bomb in Iraq yesterday that led to five people dying. What is the difference? Here in the United States we like to assume that we are safe from random acts of violence.  We have learned the phrase "see something - say something", so we assume that bombs will not explode next to us. If we have drills, caring staff, and locked doors at our children's schools, we assume that school violence won't happen there. The reality is that our society can never be 100% safe, no matter how many laws or how many guns there are. And the bombs in Boston (like the murders in Newtown) shatter the illusion of safety, and require us to face that fact. Something that people in Iraq, Libya, Israel, and countless other countries around the world accepted long ago. Does that make our tragedy in Boston worse than one in Iraq? No, but it explains why one dominates our consciousness.

When tragedy occurs, I cling to two things. One is a concept my husband taught me from computer/ IT security. No system is impermeable, unhackable, or safe for all eternity.  As soon as you might declare something safe, it issues a challenge to anyone who wants to prove you wrong. However, you can put up enough protection to block random pings, frustrate amateur hackers by making them jump through hoops and run into dead ends, and alert you to real threats - and that's probably the best thing. The same thing applies to safety in the real world.

The other is my faith. My faith in humanity and kindness. That people are naturally caring, helpful and responsible. That for every evil committed there are hundreds if not thousands of kindnesses. My faith in God means that I accept that I can't understand a reason why a sweet eight year old boy died along with two other innocent women in Boston; to me it doesn't mean that God wanted them to die. It means that humans are intelligent (and sometimes crazy) beings with free will, which can include the will to commit murder. But my faith in a higher power leads me to believe that something good will come out of this tragedy, which I may never personally know. Maybe someone who did survive that horror will contribute to discovering the cure for cancer, or someone who watched the coverage will be inspired and find a way to restart the middle east peace process, or maybe someone will remember Martin Richard when they're driving and keep a close eye out for the kid who darts into the street so they can stop in time. To me the goodness of humanity and God work together, helping us become better. Not always good enough, but better.

Bariatric Betty's Try-it-athlon

2013-04-09T07:27:00.000-07:00

My 1st Triathlon "ink"

Wow. Triathlons are EXHAUSTING. I know, big shock, right? I went into this with my eyes open, and with some helpful advice from my husband (a former triathlete). Paraphrasing here: "Be prepared that when you go from the swimming to the biking you legs feel awful, because your arms have been getting most of the blood flow. Then when you go from the bike to the run it's even worse, because your legs feel all floppy." OK, so why did you enjoy doing triathlons again? No seriously, I was lucky to have his advice, because otherwise I could imagine I might have thought I was having serious neurological issues. This was a mini-triathlon - I ended up swimming about 1/2 mile in the 15 minute swim, rode 7.75 miles in the 20 minute bike, and ran 2 miles in the 20 minute run. The run I'm very proud of, because I usually jog an 11 minute mile, so I was really pushing myself to run that fast after the bike and swim! Even more tiring at times, however, was the mental exercise.

Backing up - I have not done a lot of athletic competitions in my life, mostly because I've never been very good at them. Since I had bariatric surgery this has changed - I have a lot more confidence to compete and enjoy it, even if I'm not going to win. As an overweight child I was on a swimming team, a diving team, and a community league soccer team (no tournaments or chances for ribbons/ medals trophies). The swim team practice was fun for a while, until we start having our meets. I loved swimming and getting faster/ better.

Then came our first big meet. I was a good distance swimmer, but not particularly fast. Definitely not one of the superstars of our team. Still, I hoped to place third or second at some meets that year, and maybe the next year I would be even faster. I really enjoyed swimming with my friends, and I loved the fact that we got to eat candy Ring Pops in between our races to keep our energy up. I was supposed to compete in freestyle (the 400 I think) and breaststroke (probably the 200). I might have been in some team medly races as well, doing free, breast, or backstroke. The one thing I couldn't master for the life of me was the butterfly. I understood the principal, but couldn't get the timing/ coordination down.

So, the meet is about to start and my coach pulls me over. He wants me to swim the 100 butterfly. "But Coach, I can't swim butterfly." "Yes," explained the coach "but one of our guys who was going to swim this race isn't here, and I don't want to leave an empty lane. And I don't want to tire out my best swimmers by adding another race to their meet." In other words, because he didn't want to have an empty lane, he was perfectly happy to put me in a race I couldn't even do and not mind tiring me out before the races I had a slim chance of placing in. Yeah, that worked out well. I felt humiliated as I fumbled through two lengths of quasi-butterfly, finishing far after everyone else. And then I was exhausted and came in last for my original races (granted, that might have happened regardless). Needless to say, swim team was no longer fun. I had learned how much value the coach placed on me (a negligible place holder) and found going to meets embarrassing and humiliating.

Fast forward to yesterday when I was swimming in the triathlon. My first thought as I was starting was actually for the woman sharing the lane with me - she had mentioned she "wasn't much of a swimmer" before we started and seeing her start I realized she was not being falsely modest. I was worried about her making it through the swim, but luckily we were in a shallow enough lane that she could stand up at any point and be ok. All of the sudden, I realize that I'm in my first swimming race since that swim team year. Whoa. My life is totally different now. I'm a grown woman, healthy weight, and strong. Nobody is making me do anything. I realize I don't have to be competing against anyone in the pool with me - I can compete with myself, trying to do the best I can, which might just be finishing the race. Then, I realize that I actually am swimming faster than at least a couple of people in the race. My lane partner, for one. She has stopped several times and stood up to catch her breath. And a guy a couple people over. Huh. Still, I keep swimming and just try to focus on myself. My breathing, my stroke, hit the flip turn, glide and kick, my breathing...etc. And after a minute or two everything settles down. I'm just swimming laps, like I always do. And 15 minutes isn't a long swim for me. I realize that if I take it easy (I don't want to push to hard at swimming since I have two other events to come) I will finish the swim and feel good, this doesn't have to feel stressful. And suddenly, it's not.

I finished the swim feeling good. Got changed quickly and went into the gym where the spinning bikes had been preset to our personalized settings. Everything felt good. I haven't been biking or spinning in the last year or so, so this was going to be my weakest event. Again, I didn't want to wear myself out before the run, so I wasn't going to push myself too hard. Great news - they had music (140 bpm, good for spinning) and I just got into it. I was singing along a little, definitely keeping loose while I was riding. My legs didn't feel bad, so my husband's warning seemed to have been for naught. I was able to drink 24 ounces while I was biking, so hydration wasn't a problem. You know how I've got no padding left around my tailbone? Well, that's true for everywhere a spinning bike seat hits, too. ;) Of course, even when I was morbidly obese those things were still uncomfortable! Anyway, I held my speed at around 105 rpm, and felt great. Just started to break a sweat at the end of the 20 minutes. Then they blew the whistle and I hopped off the bike, looking forward to the run and being able to push myself more. I took one step, and....

Ohhhhhh boy! Have you ever been on a boat for hours or days and then stepped on to dry land, only to feel like you're off balance/ the land is moving? That's the best way I can explain trying to walk after the bike. My legs felt rubbery, and my hips were all kinds-of-whacked-out. I only had 5 minutes to get up to the track and I knew I NEEDED to stretch out.

Climbing the stairs to the track, I felt my hamstrings tighten up to the point it hurt. Yup, gonna be doing stretches until it starts, just hope it loosens up... and it did. I won't say stretching felt good, it hurt, but I was able to run without pain when the whistle blew. Now my family started cheering me on - that felt fantastic! "Go, Mom!" "You're doing great, honey!" "We're so proud of you!". My assigned lap-counter even started cheering me on; "You've got this, Becky!". It's the last event, I don't have to hold anything in reserve, so while I paced myself for the first 18 minutes, for the last 2 minutes I ran as fast as I could. When the whistle blew I had gone a half of a lap further than I had imagined I could in that amount of time! Yay, me :)

It took a minute to catch my breath, and I was sweating! It's been a while since jogging two miles made me sweat (barring beastly hot weather). I ate a bite of a banana to make sure I had a little carb boost until lunch time, went home, showered, made lunch and the rested. My whole body was exhausted for the rest of the day. My body was still a little sore Monday, but not bad. I can't wait to find out my overall score/ placement. Next year, I want to beat it!

This weekend I'm doing the Cleveland Clinic Healthy Solon 5k. A bunch of the members of my local support group are going to do the 1 mile walk. I'm so excited that so many of us will be there. We've even got someone coming in from one of my facebook WLS groups that I've never met in person before. Eileen, can't wait to meet you! Pictures to follow (like you didn't guess that, right?)!

Bariatric Betty's belts, boop oop a doops, and pics from Spring Break

2013-04-04T05:25:00.000-07:00

I have returned from an epic Spring Break with my family in Orlando. We had a wonderful time with less than wonderful weather, and of course - took TONS of pictures. :)

The first one to show you was on the plane. I was fortunate that even with a BMI of 43 (morbidly obese) I never had to ask for a seat belt extender on an airplane. I did, however, probably spill over on to my seatmates, and always needed to use the arm rests. This was the first time I have flown since surgery and when I sat down I was ASTOUNDED at the room I had in my economy seat. I expected it to feel less cramped, I didn't imagine it would feel this different. Being able to put the tray table all the way down without it pressing against my chest, belly, or legs! When morbidly obese I would have to cross my ankles to keep my legs from spreading out into my seat mate's personal space, and I would wedge my arms against my body to make sure my torso didn't do the same. Now my only issue is sitting down (with pressure on my tailbone) for the duration of the flight. I rolled up my coat into a horseshoe shape to sit on, but still had to get up and shift my body several times during the flight from tailbone pain. So minor an inconvenience! I tried to think of how to show you how bizarre it felt in a picture and decided on showing you all of the EXCESS belt I didn't need after I fastened the seat belt across my hips....

It's almost as long as my whole arm!

Our first full day was supposed to have scattered thunderstorms and a threat of severe weather, so we chose to go to Universal Islands of Adventure instead of Sea World which had less places to stay dry. The first couple hours were OK. We waited in line for 90 minutes to go on the Wizarding World of Harry Potter's "Forbidden Journey" - if you have a family that adores Harry Potter, it's a blast. Mine think it is OK, but aren't crazy about it, so 90 minutes was a bit much for them. During your wait you get warned multiple times not to go on the ride if you have a bad back, are pregnant, get motions sickness, etc. Umm - that motion sickness part? They mean it. I do get motion sick, but I figured I HAD to try it. I mean, it was HARRY POTTER. And maybe my motion sickness wasn't as bad as it used to be... maybe my surgery might have had a bonus effect.. NOT. At the end of the ride my kids were scared from the dragon who breathed "hot steam" (water vapor) on them and I had a mouth full of spit and was holding back gagging until I got to the trash can. Well, I really enjoyed walking through the castle in line, at least!

During our stroll though Comic Cartoon world, I happened to see Betty Boop, and HAD to get my picture with her. I always felt that at my lowest weight (starving myself in high school) I was proportioned like her cartoon - freakishly large in the chest and tiny everywhere else. The funny thing is, now that I'm at a healthy weight, I don't feel like that at all. And except for the wig, she looked normal, too. Of course, that is partly because she was a cast member playing a part - not a drawn comic strip - but still I couldn't help thinking 1) "Hey, look at both of us looking kinda normal" and 2) "Is my rack bigger than Betty Boop's?" OK, the second one wasn't fair - they couldn't put an over-endowed cast member into that tiny outfit at a family park... but it WAS funny.

We actually enjoyed the tame family-oriented rollercoaster "Flight of the Hippogriff" and that was the last ride we went on. Rain started coming down while we were walking, and while we were debating whether to head back to the hotel or just duck under an overhang to wait it out. Then the storm started in earnest, with 80 mph winds, thunder and lightening on top of us, and a tornado warning! We spent the next 1 1/2 hours huddled on the floor of the Dr. Seuss gift shop trying to distract our kids.

Meet my Thing 1 and Thing 2.

I guess severe weather is good for forcing your family to participate in photo ops!

Back to the hotel we went, and collapsed for the rest of the day. The next day - and for the rest of the trip - we enjoyed Sea World. The shows, the underwater viewing areas where you could watch the animals play, the Turtle Trek 360 where you could meet a bunch of rescued animals like Belle - the sea turtle with only half of a shell after a boat hit her and paralyzed her lower half, and the Happy Harbor (aka Captain Kid's World if you're old like me). It was WONDERFUL.

We still didn't see everything - and we spent 3 1/2 days there! My now-10 year old son's favorite part was definitely feeding sting rays fish and shrimp. He spent a good chunk of his birthday money on trays of ray food, and loved how they would come over and "hug" on his arm without even taking the food sometimes. My favorite part? OK, get your tissues ready...

When I was 6 or 7 there was a Sea World in the Cleveland area. My family would go at least once a year, and I loved it. My favorite part was the Pearl Divers - cute college age girls who would dress up in "traditional pearl diver costumes" and "dive" down in a tank where cultured oysters waited for them. You could purchase the oyster of your choice and they would open it right there to show you your pearl (which of course, they would be happy to mount on the jewelry of your choice - also available for purchase). At that age, my dream was to grow up and be a Sea World pearl diver! How cool were they?!? I told my boys the story on our first day there and took them to see the pearl divers. They thought it was cool and encouraged me to buy an oyster. "Nah. It's too much money, and then it costs money to get the jewelry, and I would probably want two to get earrings, so that's more money..." On our third day there, we told the boys that we wanted to treat each of them to a souvenir. They were responsible for our meal and souvenir budget, and hadn't spent a dime unnecessarily yet (they got to keep the surplus at the end of the trip). So we told them "We would like to get you each a little something to remember from Sea World, not from the budget - a snow globe, t-shirt, stuffed animal, etc." They got excited, and then my 12 year old son said "Mom, could we get an oyster with a pearl?" "Ummm, yeah. If you want to have a pearl, OK." I didn't know why they would want a pearl, but whatever floated their boats... "So, Mom, could we each get an oyster with a pearl, and then give you the pearls and then you could get them put into earrings for you?"

Wow. Yeah, my boys did that for me. They used their "free" gift to get me the most amazing/ valuable earrings I will ever own. I bawled when they said that, bawled when they gave me the pearls, bawled when I put the earrings on... get the picture? One of the pearls was white, and the other black, so I have a set of earrings that are different colors, which looks very cool. Here's a close up showing one...

Eating on vacation worked out pretty well. The Embassy Suites we stayed at had a made-to-order breakfast for free every morning, so I started every day with an egg white omelet. The rest of my meals consisted of Quest bars, Veggie Burgers (without the bun) that were available at Universal and Sea World, and eating the cheese/ sauce toppings off of pizza. I actually didn't have a single pouch problem with my food - no throwing up or food getting stuck. My only problem happened when I drank some crystal light too fast in a taxi. I got a surface tension bubble in my stoma - the liquid couldn't drain, which caused some pain for a couple minutes. But, as soon as I could get out of the cab and walked around, the bubbles popped (I belched about 10 times) and I felt all better. I was a pound lighter than the day we left when I got back. It probably helped that we were walking all day at the parks!

Some blog-specific news! I got my first check from AdSense when we got back, and am donating $50 (1/2 of the total) to Caring Bridge - a wonderful organization that has helped several of my friends who have fought cancer and other serious illnesses (all survivors, too!). Thank you to everyone who has clicked on my AdSense links.

Next up - my first mini-triathalon is this weekend. Sunday morning at our Community Rec Center, I will join others in a reverse triathalon. Instead of seeing how fast I can complete a course, they track how far you swim, bike and run/ walk in 15, 20 and 20 minutes. The people who go the farthest win. It should be really fun - and exhausting. I haven't been training for it, so I imagine that whatever my total is this year I can plan on beating it next year :) I'll make sure to have my hubby take pics to share on the next blog. Happy Spring to everyone!

Bariatric Betty's Batwings and Blessings

2013-03-20T05:48:00.000-07:00

A reality of bariatric weight loss (or any huge weight loss) is loose skin. Our bodies and skin have had to stretch to accommodate too much excess body mass, and the skin can simply not snap back. It is beyond stretch marks. It is flaps of skin that must be managed. For appearances, we learn to stand certain ways (for example, arms are usually down, or at least close to our sides), some enjoy body shapers like Spanx to compress the excess skin around our abdomen, and some have to deal with skin infections that we become prone to with the folded skin. Think about the care that owners of Sharpei dogs have to put into cleaning the folds of skin on their dogs. Now imagine that the dogs wear clothing over their folded skin, which traps the dead skin cells, sweat, and bacteria in the folds. I have been very lucky to have only minor problems with my "skrinkles" as we call them. No infections. But still, it has a psychological effect on me. Every morning I see my flaps around my arms, abdomen, butt, and legs. Most of the time I find it amusing. Sometimes I find it awesome -"Wow - that all used to be filled with fat!". Sometimes I am surprised - "Huh, there's a new fold there!". Yes, muscle-building and weight training helps give the rest of my body a better shape, but to fill up all the excess skin I have now, I would need to bulk up like a world champion weight lifter/ Popeye.

I took some pictures of my bicep to give an example. This is what my arms look like when I'm wearing a bathing suit and my arms are down.

Pretty normal, right? And this is what my bicep looks like when I hold it out...

I lost about 6 inches around my bicep. So, I now have 6 extra inches of skin hanging down. Well, I guess it's three inches folded. I have the same kind of flaps around my waist that give me a totally different version of a "muffin top". And then there are the folds under my non-existent butt. It's so flat it's practically concave now, but has these lovely little folds right under where your underwear stops. Hee-hee, under where your underwear... Anyway - those actually give me the most trouble. They are the smallest flaps of skin I have, but they rub against each other the most when I'm sitting down, squatting, etc - and I get patches of dry skin/ eczema there now. Oh, and you won't be seeing pictures of any of those flaps ;)

I also have trouble sitting down on soft chairs or bucket seats, because the padding that I used to have on my behind is pretty much gone. My tailbone is now very prominent, and gets very sore. In a soft seat it is pressed on immediately - I literally can't stand driving in my car for over a 1/2 hour now. On a hard chair that is flat, I can lean forward a bit and keep the pressure off. I ended up buying a firm chair pad with a space cut out for your coccyx/ tailbone that I used sitting at our table now, and for longer car rides. Mostly, I try to think of it as a blessing, because it makes me not want to sit around on my A** that much, so I stay more active!

Speaking of blessings, I am happy to say that I have now signed up for a mini-triathalon and 2 5ks in April! The mini-tri is at our local rec center on April 7th. Instead of seeing how fast you can run/ bike/ or swim, they time you and you see how FAR you can go in the set time. 15 minutes for the swim, 20 for the bike (on spinning bikes) and 20 for the run/ jog. It's all indoors, which is a good thing for Cleveland in the spring. The two 5ks are the 14th and the 27th. The first is the Cleveland Clinic Health and Wellness Run/Walk here in Solon. The second is The Color Run in Akron. I can't believe how my life has changed since bariatric surgery. I didn't used to be able to run or jog at all, and now I realize I can handle racing two weekends in a row.

I haven't been jogging as much due mostly to bad weather. A couple of days I have taken advantage of dry ice-free sidewalks and jogged 2 miles, and found that I don't even break a sweat! Weird, but cool. We have an excellent rec center with an indoor track that I can jog at, but recently I've been making other choices. I started doing some upper body weight training, but mostly when I'm there with my kids, I have had to start staying with them in the gym. My 12 year old pictures himself as a b-baller who can play with the high school boys, and tries to. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. There have been a couple incidents of bullying, so now when my boys want to play basketball at the rec we sit there and watch like a hawk. There was one older kid who threatened to whip my son with his jump rope when his basketball rolled over and interrupted his rope skipping. And there was the high school student who threw the ball into my sons head three times in a couple minutes. The rest of the time it's great, and we're there just in case we see something out of line and then we can let the rec admin know. Playing street rules (instead of rec league rules) with people 4-6 years older than you means you WILL be knocked down. He doesn't quite get that yet, so we're working encouraging him to play with kids his own age.

Luckily, I'm still getting plenty of steps in with walking daily (my job helps with that), and my weight is stable, shifting +/- 2 pounds. Looking forward to Spring Break, and our first trips to Universal Studios and Sea World!

Bariatric Betty's strengths and weaknesses

2013-02-28T05:49:00.001-08:00

I have signed up for my second 5k, The Color Run on April 27th in Akron, OH. It looks like a LOT of fun! You can watch a video about it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EERSfHiqT8 Basically you run a 5k wearing a white shirt while people throw packets of non-toxic pigment on you. What I've learned about jogging/ running is that I don't find it fun. I feel better after I exercise daily, and I am glad I can do it quicker than the same amount of exercise I would do walking. But do I look forward to jogging? No. However, I DID enjoy running a 5k race!

So now I'm looking for fun runs - I'm not trying to win a medal, I want the social aspect. A bunch of people jogging/ running while wearing costumes, or running to raise money for a good cause, or in the case of The Color Run, running while being silly and finishing looking like one of Willy Wonka's Everlasting Gobstoppers. This way I look at jogging as preparing for my next fun race, and I can work on improving my time from a race one year to the same race the next year.

I have also signed up for a mini-triathalon in the beginning of April. It's being held at our rec center, and they have it down to a science. You are assigned a wave time, and start out sharing a lane with one other person. At your start time you swim as far as you can in 15 minutes while they count your laps. Then you go to the spinning bikes where they track how far you bike in 20 minutes with an odometer on the bike. Then you go to the indoor track where they track how far you run/ walk in 20 minutes. That's it! Well, that makes it sound easy - and I would find doing each of those components easy on any given day - however, doing all three in a row will be challenging, I'm sure! Not to mention the decrease in my padding around the spin seat-area will likely lead me to stand for most of the ride. I'm looking forward to it, and will be sure to let you know how it goes - with pics, of course.

One thing about walking and jogging being my primary cardio exercises is that my legs are very strong and in great shape. However, my upper body has not kept up. Just yesterday I was bringing in groceries and was reminded yet again that my arms aren't as strong a they used to be. When I reach up to close my trunk while holding several plastic bags of groceries in each hand, my wrists and arms tremble. Am I experiencing upper body weakness? No. But they aren't as strong as they used to be, partially because they aren't helping me support my extra +100 weight anymore and I haven't been giving them the attention that my legs have been getting.

So yesterday before work I went to the Rec and did some assisted chin-ups, dips, captain's chair crunches, and torso twists against resistance. Gotta love the machines that let you counter balance some of your body weight for chin-ups and dips. I was only supporting about 45 pounds, and it was hard. I plan on doing it 2-3 times a week and look forward to being able to do more weight and reps.

I went to my monthly support group last night. I love my support group! They are such a blessing; these women are truly fabulous. As one of the other members said "All of you are beautiful, and you have a 'glow' around you". We have pre-ops, recent post-ops, people a year out, all the way to people 11 years out. Good ideas, answers to questions, and tough love when needed. The support of my family means so much to me - and unfortunately, not all WLS patients have that. But the support of people who have traveled my road, who understand the challenges, temptations and inner demons I wrestle with - nothing can replace that.

Bariatric Betty's 1st surgiversary! Pics, measurements, and excitement

2013-02-17T06:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I celebrated my first surgiversary - and it was AWESOME! My day started off with my husband, 12 year-old and 9 year-old having me sit on a bizarre contraption. My husband had balanced a pillow on top of a folded folding chair, on top of an upholstered storage unit. Then he took the chair legs, one son took the chair back, and the other one grabbed the chair side behind me and they lifted me up! I felt like there should be trumpets playing - or maybe Hava Nagila ;)!

I don't have a picture of that - everybody in the house with opposing thumbs was involved and I didn't know to get my camera set up with a timer! I did try to take a picture of me "planking" sideways while they held me up later (I was trying to copy something I'd seen someone else do) and could have gotten us on America's Funniest Home Videos if we had been taping... Also, word of advice to WLS patients who might think that sounds good - loose skin hanging sideways in a picture is NOT your friend. So... this is a picture of two of them presenting me with roses later on :)

My family has been such a support to me during my journey, and I have great confidence they will continue to be. Here's a picture of me one year ago:

My family stood by me then, and they stand by me now. They understand I can't let my social interactions revolve around food. And when we do eat out together, they try to find places I'm comfortable to eat. All day I kept thinking about "a year ago I was in pre-op right now, a year ago I was coming out of surgery, a year ago I was talking my first walk..." It was very emotional.

Here's another thing that was emotional for me to do. Make a new composite. This is 3 months pre-op, 1 month post op, 4 months post-op, 6 months post-op, 1 year post-op.

Now for some hard figures to spell it out. My highest weight was 243.3 pounds. On my surgiversary I was 143 even, just over 100 pounds lost. In the picture on the left, my weight was 237. Here is a comparison of measurements from 3 months pre-op to today:

November 2011 2/16/2013 Inches lost

Waist 45.3 inches 33 inches 12.3

Hips 46.5 inches 34.5 inches 12

Chest band 41.3 inches 33.3 inches 8

Thigh 24 inches 18.8 inches 5.2

Bicep 16 inches 11 inches 5

Total inches lost 43.5! I didn't measure my neck, but I can guess I lost at least 6 inches there as well. Insane.

Volunteering at a school event that required standing for an hour used to leave me sweating like a pig. Now I run 5ks.

I used to be diabetic, taking oral meds and insulin injections 4 times a day. My diabetes was reversed the day of surgery, and now my only concern is my Reactive Hypoglycemia, which I can avoid.

I am still being treated for depression, but my meds have been cut in half.

I now have enough energy to work outside the home, at my son's elementary school.

I no longer need to take naps to make it through the day (although occasionally I will take one for fun)!

My biggest change is one my husband helped me realize at about 4 months post-op. He came down one morning, looked at me and got very concerned. "Are you OK? Is something wrong?" "No, why?" I replied. "You're not smiling. You ALWAYS smile now. I haven't seen you not smiling since your surgery!" It's true, I'm a much happier person now. I still get upset occasionally, the kids can still get on my nerves, and I can still have grumpy days, but for the most part I'm very happy. I feel like I've got everything I have ever really wanted. Loving friends and family, a safe home, being appreciated at work, and being healthy.

This is GREAT, but now comes the hard part. My sense of hunger is coming back. My pouch can hold more than it used to. There won't be much more changes in my measurements. My weight is stable +/- 2 pounds daily. I am going to keep trying to get my body fat percentage down a bit, but as it will be replaced by muscle, it won't show up on the scale. The compliments will decrease as more and more people get used to seeing me, or never knew the bigger me. I have to keep working the program, eating according to the rules, exercising the same - or I will regain. My calorie consumption will need to stay about 1200 calories a day at my current activity level. I dump, so I will not be able to indulge in carbs without getting sick - and that's a good thing.

I will eat to live, not live to eat. I will find ways to treat myself that don't have anything to do with food - like yesterday. I was properly fitted for new bras by a pro named Nancy at Nordstrom's. My 4 new bras cost over $300, but I'm going to be wearing the heck out of them so I know I'll get at least 100 wears out of each, and they do EVERYTHING I needed them to do, plus - they're PRETTY. People who have never been obese might not know but it is very hard to find a really supportive and comfortable bra size 44DD/EE. Forget about it being attractive. It was hard to swallow that bill yesterday, but it was harder to swallow the similarly ones for bras that looked awful.

My next treat will be getting my rings re-sized. I have been winding medical tape around them to keep them from falling off. It will take a while to save up for it, because I'm going to incorporate some stones from other rings (my 10th anniversary and my late mother-in-law's ring) as well.

It comes down to making the right choices every day. Most days I do really well, but some days I don't. I recently read Al Roker's "Never Goin' Back" and feel the same way. This will never be "over", but I will never go "back" either. It is worth everything to be here for my family longer, and be able to enjoy life more. I give thanks to my family, friends, surgeon, and God for this second chance at life. Forward!

Bariatric Betty says "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful"

2013-02-07T06:42:00.001-08:00

People treat me differently now that I'm not obese. It was something I had heard from post-ops before surgery and prepared myself for. The overwhelming majority of that change is positive. It mostly makes me happy, but there is a downside. It makes it very clear how much nicer some people are to "typical" weight people and how much many ignore or are even rude to overweight and obese people.

Maybe it's because they identify more with a typical weight person? Birds of a feather flock together? But weight isn't someone's identity. Yet studies how that people, even highly educated people, identify overweight people as lazy, undisciplined, and sloppy.

Complete strangers are now much more likely to hold a door open for me. More strangers start conversations with me, or tell me to go ahead of them in line. The number of smiles I get from strangers has increased - and I've always been one to smile at strangers, so that hasn't been the source of the change. I think it's just now that more of them are looking at me long enough to see that I'm smiling, so they smile back. In general, it makes the world feel like a happier, friendlier place.

Peers I see invite me to join them more often - I'm not talking about friends. I'm talking about co-workers and people I know from my kid's schools. I don't usually take them up on the offers, because it usually involves lunch out or drinks or something else that would be difficult/ impossible for me post-op. But it's really nice to be asked.

Friends have also changed - although much less. These were people who knew and loved me at my heaviest. They accepted me as is then, and they accept me now - just with more compliments! I can't tell you what it's like after most of a lifetime of being unhappy with how I looked to get compliments telling me I look "cute", "tiny", "healthy", or shockingly "hot!".

There is a small minority, however, where the change is not positive. I had been warned about this by WLS veterans. They said that sometimes if you have a gang of girls, and you suddenly change your appearance by dropping a lot of weight, your social "position" in the group can become unstable. Instead of being the supportive fat friend, or the funny fat friend, or the fat friend that makes the pretty girls look better in comparison, they don't know how to "classify" you in the hierarchy. They might even feel challenged for what they see as their role as the "pretty" one.

I didn't expect to face that - partly because I don't hang out with gangs of girls. I tend to see my friends one at a time. I was never one to go out to a bar with in a group. Frankly, I wasn't one to go out to a bar! Funny thing was, I was part of a gang of girls, I just hadn't realized it. The neighborhood bus stop moms.

I live in a great neighborhood. The day I moved in two different neighbors came over with brownies and cookies. Another sent her girls over to show my boys around the neighborhood. My next door neighbor came over and introduced herself and offered her help. After the quiet community with a lot of retirees I used to live in, it was a little startling.

Next week, 2/16/2013 is my first "surgiversary". I can't wait to celebrate! I told my husband to hold off on any flowers or anything for Valentine's Day, I would rather celebrate on the 16th (and it will be cheaper - bonus!). I have my 1 year post-op next Wednesday with my surgeon and I'm really looking forward to it.

11 months post-op with vacation pics

2013-01-22T18:38:00.002-08:00

Next month is my first surgiversary! This month my family went on our annual trip to the Kalahari Resort in Sandusky, Ohio. I can not even tell you how different this trip was compared to my previous ones... I was almost brought to tears several times. First, let me show you some pictures from our trip in January 2012 This is actually after I lost 25 pounds pre-op.

I smiled in those pictures only because I knew that these would be my last pre-operative pictures of me in a swim suit. I didn't want to look at them much then, but I kept them because I knew I would want to compare them to pictures I could take a year later. Here are the ones from this year.

OK, so the visible difference is huge. But that's not even the big change.

It started when I we first got there and my sons wanted to do the Flow Rider - a simulated surfing experience. Surprisingly, I wanted to try to do it, too. This year I didn't care that I would be the focus of attention as I tried and then wiped out (everybody wipes out). It's funny when people wipe out, people laugh - and last year I couldn't have handled that. This year, I went for it. And yes, I wiped out, but I didn't feel like people were laughing at the obese mom who flipped off the board, they just laughed at the mom who flipped off the board like everyone else. And that difference felt huge. I laughed, too! I felt like a different person. And after I flipped off I jumped right back on and performed tricks the lifeguard/ teacher showed me. Here's a sample...

Letting go of the board with one hand to grab my foot - oooooo!

Letting go with both hands to pose... aaaaahhhh!

On this one I actually not only got up on my knees, I was able to sit up without balancing on my hands! For this I got applause from the crowd and the guards. Applause! I'm such a ham... I loved it!

But here's the thing - I loved trying something new and showing off, but they weren't the moments that got me so emotional. It was when I didn't have to worry about whether I could fit in the inner tube. And when a guard asked me to sit in front of my son in a raft because the heavier person sits in front - and I got to smile and say "Actually, he's heavier". Like the moment I realized I don't need to read the weight limits for the rides anymore! And when I realized that I had so much more energy this year that I had ridden on more slides (and climbed more stairs) in one hour than I had in an entire day last year. Last year I spent most of the time watching, and taking pictures of everyone else. This time, I participated. And I asked other people to take pictures sometimes, so I could be in them! I could cross floating lilypad bridge by swinging arm over arm (think monkey bars made out of rope) with ease - I even got competitive and beat the person on the other one.

My planning for eating was thrown off by a mistake with the reservation - apparently my mistake. According to them, the room that we've stayed in the last two years with the full kitchen is not the African Queen Suite, but the Combination Suite. OK, it just so happens that I've requested the African Queen Suite the last two years and been given the Combination Suite? Whatever, I know what to ask for next year. The problem was that with no full kitchen, a lot of my meal planning was thrown off. My husband stepped in and helped (especially the first night, when I was planning on making a big pasta dinner for everyone else). After giving up on making pasta in the coffee pot, he figured out how to cook it in the small microwave in little paper bowl - in about 10 batches, that took over an hour! Most of my own meals I could adjust to cooking in the microwave, but it made me really glad I had packed some Quest protein bars as a backup. All that obsessive planning came in handy!

It was a great three day vacation, and this has been a great first year as a post-op. I can't wait for my 1 year post-op appointment next month!

Bariatric Betty finds fitbit sale!... and other news

2013-01-13T16:02:00.002-08:00

OK, this is not my normal post, but my love of my fitbit Zip as a motivator and tool in exercise in weight loss is borderline obsessive. This morning my mailbox had the new week's sales at Target and I saw that they are selling the Zip for $49! That's $10 off, people!

If you are looking for a pedometer or just something to motivate you to be more active, I LOVE THE FITBITS! They wirelessly upload your steps and other information every time you are within 20 feet of your computer (or in the case of the Zip and the Fitbit one, you can also set your smartphone to sync with them via bluetooth). The Ultra and Fitbit One are souped up versions of the Zip where they also do sleep tracking and counting flights of stairs. I love the Zip because 1) it's $40 cheaper 2) comes in bright colors so it's easier to find if you set it down and 3) the grip of the holder is much better - I have yet to have it fall off my clothing, unlike it's predecessors! They all calculate steps, intensity, distance traveled and calories burned, and all work with a fabulous website that calculates your metabolic rate and lets you log exercise not easily tracked (biking, swimming, weight training). Best of all, in my opinion, is that the Fitbit site has partnered with www.myfitnesspal.com so that your activity is automatically uploaded in to my favorite food logging/ diary site.

Logging food and exercise is very important in weight loss, but let's face it, it's not fun. Anything that reduces the effort involved is golden to me.

OK, this ends my unsponsored ad for Fitbit. I received no compensation for this - it was just a combo of my love of deals and this nifty gadget that made me want to post it for my readers. Back to regular programming.
**********************************************************
The last couple weeks have been good. I'm considering joining a WLS friend for an event in Cleveland called Tackle the Tower. It's a fundraiser for Ronald McDonald House held at a local upscale mall that is attached to an office tower. Instead of running a 5k, you run the 38 flights of stairs in the tower. My concern is my knees, which have always been week and used to pop/ dislocate occasionally in my teens. They were part of the reason I never jogged/ ran (other than my weight, obviously). But, as I've seen - things change. Now I can jog without knee pain as long as I don't run to hard/ fast or too far. So, I went to our rec center to try the Stair Climber dinosaur machines that look like escalators on steroids.

Wow. That kicked my butt. I've never loved climbing stairs, and my muscles recognized that fact as I completed the 10th "flight". I started to sweat! No reactive hypoglycemia this time - I've been back on my regular super-high protein super-low carbs so THAT doesn't happen again. No, it was a matter of using muscles that I'm not used to using! I finished climbing 38 flights and stopped, feeling a little achey in my hips and knees. I waited a few days and did it again, this time doing 40 flights without pain. I'm still not sure I'm going to Tackle the Tower - climbing up is the hard part, but then you still have to climb back down, and I'm worried that might be too much for my joints... I'll try it again this week and see how it goes.

My bra size changed again - my whole life I have thought that a "C" cup would be perfect, and imagine my surprise to find that I now fit in (some) "C" cups! I never wore them before - as a teen I wore a B (skipped A entirely), then went straight to D and then DD. At my heaviest I was 44DD. Now I'm a 36C. Most of my actual breast tissue is gone (it happens in rare circumstances to WLS patients during weight loss), so it's more like I have deflated skin that I stuff in to fill up my bra cups, but hey - once I'm dressed nobody sees those particular battle scars. I'm also hopeful that it reduces my risk of breast cancer, and assume that mammograms will be MUCH easier now. :) It's funny, because when I was starving myself to lose weight in high school and was 30 pounds less than I am now it never came off my chest - I stayed a DD. I didn't have much hope that my cup size would go down. Now it has. It has literally lifted a weight off my chest - my back doesn't hurt as much as it used to. What a blessing!

Next week our family is going to Kalahari - one of the largest indoor waterparks in the world - for our annual weekend visit. Our school district has a fundraiser that makes the cost reasonable, and allows us to stay in a suite with a full kitchen, which makes eating a LOT easier for me. I took my "before" bathing suit pictures there last year, and even though I've already posted some "after" ones I look forward to getting new pictures with the family (even if I'm in a swimsuit).

We're also starting to plan a family trip to Florida - we've been twice before in the past 7 years, and both times we went to Disneyworld and once went to the Kennedy Space Center. This time we're going to Sea World and Universal Islands of Adventure - one of my sons is into everything water and sea life, and the other loves rides and Harry Potter (almost as much as me). I found out that Embassy Suites not only had some great deals, but your stay comes with a complimentary cooked-to-order breakfast including eggs and omlettes, so I'll have a bariatric-friendly breakfast each morning. I'm not as nervous having taken the trip with our extended family to Williamsburg this last summer. While we won't have the luxury of a kitchen on this trip, I feel confident that I can make do with a bag full of Quest bars - but I'm NOT touching any fruit salad unless I can verify it hasn't been sweetened this time!

I had my first negative experience with straws today. Many post-ops are warned off drinking with straws because if we swallow too much air it can become very uncomfortable in our pouches. I've tried it a few times without problem, but for the most part sip out of water bottles. Today I finished my drink and was still 1/2 hour from home (and a refill) so I got a Light Lemonade at McDonalds. At first I was fine, but less than a mile from my house I started feeling uncomfortable. By the time I was pulling into our driveway my pouch was hurting bad enough I was almost crying. Luckily, just walking around the house dislodged the air bubbles and the pain went away, but it took a few more minutes to figure out what had happened. Ouch! But, no damage and another lesson learned.

A couple of weeks ago I entered a contest with www.tout.com and Zappos where we were supposed to talk about what inspires us - and I talked about my Weight Loss Surgery Support Group. The contest has ended, and they will be announcing a winner in a couple of weeks, keep your fingers crossed for me!

Bariatric Betty starts 2013 with Reactive Hypoglycemia

2013-01-05T06:30:00.000-08:00

Scary. That's how I can sum up my first (and hopefully last) experience with Reactive Hypoglycemia. Reactive Hypoglycemia occurs 1 - 2 hours after a meal and is when your blood sugar plummets. It's a complication some post-bariatric patients get about a year out from surgery, and apparently I am part of that group. Non-WLS people can have experience R.H. by eating very high carb unbalanced meals, or by diabetics injecting themselves with too much insulin. Studies have shown that starting 6 months post-op the pancreas of WLS patients (particularly the gastric bypass patients like myself) have a big increase in insulin reactivity. One study I read said that the reactivity increases 20 times normal (duadenal switch and gastric sleeve WLS patients had a 6 time increase). It's part of the same mechanism that reverses our diabetes with surgery, but in overdrive.

So, what happened? Last night I made homemade black bean soup from a bariatric-friendly recipe, and had a bowl with some cheese sprinkled on top for dinner. I also ate 1/4 of one serving of a baguette, a rare grain "treat". I had eaten the black bean soup acouple times before as part of a meal - eating 1/4 of a serving along with 3/4 serving of my favorite lentils/onions/ greek yogurt/ cheddar cheese dinner. Then about 1 1/2 hours later I went to the gym and hopped on the treadmill, because I hadn't gotten my 10,000 steps in for the day yet and it was TOO COLD to go walking outside.

Looking back, my first clue that something was wrong was that about 20 minutes into the walk I realized I was sweating. Sweating? From walking? Ridiculous - I jog 5ks now, why would walking for 20 minutes make me break out in a sweat? I decided that the gym must have bumped up the thermostat, and since I was on the top floor I was just getting an extra dose of heat. I was trying reading while I was walking and I started having trouble reading at about the same time. Of course, that wasn't how I was thinking of it then - I thought "Wow, suddenly the light reflecting off the screen of my Kindle is making it hard to see the words" and "Huh, I'm losing the thread of this chapter - maybe I shouldn't try reading while walking, I'll just turn it off and watch the TV. Then I started feeling a little clumsy and irritable. My brain started to signal "Hey, maybe you've done enough" at about 27 minute, but I thought "Nah, just 3 more minutes..." By the time the 30 minutes was up I was definitely not feeling great. I felt light-headed, sweaty, and when the machine tried to add an additional 5 minutes of cool down walking I got mad. I got mad at a treadmill. Yeah, they should list that among symptoms - if you start to fume at inanimate objects, you might want to check yourself for hypoglycemia.

Compare this to how I usually feel after a 35 minute jog - warm but not sweaty, sharp, and pleased with myself.

So I went down the stairs carefully because I felt a little dizzy. "Must have not had enough water..." I thought. So I drank some and headed into the basketball courts where my kids were playing. I saw my one son, but didn't see my other son. Then I realized that the other son was standing next to where my first son was sitting - weird, how did I miss that? My younger son wanted to stay, so I went to sit down. Then my older son said he wanted to get home and I agreed. By this time I had decided that I must not have had enough protein that day. I had only logged my breakfast so far (15 grams of protein), and had a Quest bar for lunch (20 grams) and I knew that the black bean soup wasn't as protein dense as lentils... yeah, that must be it, I was low on protein.

For my non-WLS readers, most adults only need about 45 grams of protein a day. Post-bariatric surgery we aim for 60 - 80 grams. Our bodies metabolise things quite differently, and having to live on great reduced calories requires a large protein load to reassure our bodies that we are not - in fact - starving after having been shipwrecked on a deserted island (in which case our bodies would start to consume it's own muscle tissue in addition to fat, BAD).

So I called my husband as I started the drive home, explained I was low on protein and not feeling great, that my 12 y.o. was complaining of being lightheaded as well (meanwhile he started telling me from the backseat that he wasn't lightheaded and never said that). My younger son backed me up saying that my older son HAD said he was light-headed, but at this point I realized that I wasn't even sure what he had said any more, because I was feeling confused and irritable. I SHOULD have realized "That means you shouldn't be driving, dummy!" but I didn't. Luckily we got home safe and sound. My hubby was waiting in the driveway with some cheese for me. I ate half of it and started making some popcorn for my son. I finished the cheese, had 2 cups of popcorn and went online to log the rest of my food for the day.

Wow! I hadn't realized that the disparity between the protein in black beans and lentils were so huge. I always try to eat between 20-23 grams of protein in a meal, and apparently even with the cheese on top, I had only had 11 grams. I ate another 1 1/2 ounces of cheese to bring me up to 60 for the day. My overall calories had been low, too. Good thing I had eaten some popcorn (I had no idea how good until this morning). OK, everything looked better. I signed off and went into the other room to sit with my family while they watched TV. Within 15 minutes I fell sound asleep. My husband woke me up and walked me upstairs to bed. I had horrible dreams about feeling confused and thinking I was having a TIA (mini-stroke). It wasn't that far off. My brain was being glucose deprived.

This morning I woke up feeling much better and something clicked. Reactive Hypoglycemia. I went online and reviewed studies and articles until I was sure. It wasn't just lower protein, it was lower protein mixed with higher carbs (although not enough to make me dump) and then working out (even though it was low intensity) two hours afterwords - which is right about when my blood sugar plummetted. I rushed through the low level and landed in moderate hypoglycemia and luckily had the popcorn and cheese before it got to severe (which includes seizures, unconsciousness, and potentially death). If I hadn't eaten the popcorn it might have been worse.

To treat hypoglycemia you eat a small amount of carbs paired with protein (in my case, cheese and popcorn). Non-WLS people might drink juice or eat a small amount of candy to boost up their blood sugar short term until the protein kicks in, but in gastric bypass patient that will cause a potential dump and a larger blood sugar crash shortly after, putting them in greater danger. In non-WLS someone might have hypoglycemic symptoms after not eating at all for a long time, or about 1-2 hours after eating a huge amount of carbs (like 120 grams) and no/ low protein. I ate about 30 grams of carbs, but only 11 grams of protein and BAM! Lessons learned... whew.

A big thank you to all my WLS friends who have written and talked about their experiences with R.H. - it was remembering your experiences that helped all of this make sense his morning.

One fun/ funny experience to share - I was on Zappos' Facebook page and saw joint contest with Delivering Happiness and Tout.com where you shared a 15 second video of what or who inspires you for a chance to win a $500 Zappos gift card. SWEET. I need new waterproof snowboots, and had been wrestling with whether or not I can afford some nice ones...plus heck - that could be several pieces of new clothing! So, I made the video about how my Weight Loss Support Group inspires me and posted it, checking the box that said "only you" can view this on your timeline. Imagine my surprise when my friends started commenting on it! Great comments, too - saying I was cute, adorable, and my favorite "HHHHOTTT!" What a great reminder that in our internet world, just because it says something will not be seen doesn't make it TRUE! I'm so grateful for the support of my family and friends, and grateful that the thing that inspired me wasn't embarrassing or "private" in any way. Here's hoping I win the gift card!

Bariatric Betty, Centurion, has a long week

2012-12-21T03:26:00.001-08:00

It's for real this time. After I stepped on the scale and it read 143.4 pounds this morning I didn't get excited. I stepped off and let it recalibrate - because it's faked me out before. Three times later, I believe it. I have lost 100 pounds! My BMI is down to 25.9 from it's high of 43.2. So, today isn't really that different than every other day that I work the program, and nothing changes other than how I'll answer people when they ask how much I've lost and my new nickname for myself. Centurion. Wikipedia says it was a professional officer who commanded sometimes 100, but more often 60 - 80 soldiers. I'm in command of my body, and I've discharged 100 pounds that were not fit for service. :)

This is not to say the road has been easy. Last Friday I had an epic fail - my first dump from knowingly eating something I shouldn't. Damn glaze.

Like everyone else, the news from New Town hit me hard - especially because I work in an elementary school and I couldn't help thinking of all of "my kids" as well as my sons in such a tragedy. So I thought I was handling it well when my first thing I did after work was take my dog for a 2 mile walk. Then my 3rd grader son got off the school bus and told me he got in trouble for telling a friend he was "going to beat the crap out of" him. What?!? My first response to him was "I'm just happy you're home safe - give me a hug". But then I spent the next couple hours talking with him about why "using your words" doesn't include threatening someone. About how some children are not as lucky as him and come from homes where they get hit - sometimes so badly that they can't live with their parents anymore. That while he knows he wouldn't actually beat someone up, that doesn't mean that anybody else should believe that. I prepared my husband for the possibility that he could be suspended for threatening a student. I prepared my son for that possibility as well, explaining that if anybody threatened him I would want them to have serious consequences. The teacher gave some consequences and defused the situation, but she would still need to involve the principal, and we wouldn't know the outcome until this week. Then we talked about his consequences at home. After lengthy conversation, we decided that we would try to focus on something positive and use his saved allowance for December to go shopping for Toys for Tots on Saturday. He picked out a toy that he hopes to get for Christmas himself and paid for it. Then he put it in the donation box and we talked about how that was going to help a kid less fortunate than him have a happier Christmas.

Back to Friday night, and I was finishing some cookies for a coworker. Cookies that get dipped in glaze. I licked my fingers, and then started scooping up the drops of glaze that dripped of the drying cookies. About 2 tablespoons later, my stomach started to feel bad. I threw out the rest of the glaze as soon as the cookies were finished, but the damage was done. I had to call my 12 year old in to finish making dinner while I crawled into bed. Owwwwwwwww. My moaning scared the heck out of my husband when he got home. I felt nauseous as well, but there was nothing to throw up - the thick sugar water had been absorbed and I was blessed to dump. So that's how I celebrated the 7th night of Hanukkah - being thankful for the small miracle of dumping. My guilt over my husband having to jump in to take care of the kids while I recovered was significant. And then he came and talked to me. He told me that he knew I got a lot out of baking, and that I seem to do really well controlling my intake except for when I get glaze all over my fingers... He made me a wonderful offer. From now on, when I make the cookies with glaze, he said HE will glaze them for me. How cool is that? Not only is he going to help me keep making healthy choices and enjoy my hobby, now he is going to turn something that I really enjoy doing into something every better - because he is going to do it with me! I'm so excited! I won't be making any more until next November/ December, but now we have a plan and I'm really looking forward to it. His idea gave me control over this ever happening again. I'm so lucky to have him as my husband.

Of course, having a plan for cookie baking doesn't take care of the emotions that come with the death of innocent children. We decided that our whole family should try to look for opportunities for random acts of kindness for the next 20 days. So far we've donated some toys, given away closer parking spots, helped a stranger find something and opened numerous doors for others. Last year we helped pay off someone's layaway, and we'll probably look into doing that again this year. I'll keep looking for ways to help others, be grateful for the health and safety of my family, and keep working the program.

Speaking of work, my job has shifted again. I'm now working the same hours but instead of being a monitor for kindergarten, 1st, and 3rdd graders during lunch and recess daily I'm working with two special needs kids (one kindergartener, one 4th grader). They both have significant issues that require 1-on-1 attention and help eating. Some parts of this are very fulfilling, other parts are not - like chasing after them when they bolt/ have a tantrum. Or yesterday when the 4th grader bit my arm (luckily not breaking the skin) hard enough that it's still sore with bruising today. The main down sides are that (except for running after them if they bolt) I don't get my extra 5000 steps in walking around like I ued to checking in on all of the kids, and I also don't have the chance to help kids with the jungle of playground drama issues they have to figure out as they get older. My major accomplishment this week is that I've gotten my kindergartner ward to actually eat most of his lunch without running away screaming 4 days in a row. That's huge.

When I see kids struggling whether with special needs like autism, or behavioral issues, or just normal growing pains ("...she said she was my friend, but now she says she's not!") I want to help. It's easier and more fun when it's helping kids be better friends than helping someone toilet or eat. But, in both cases I feel like I'm having a positive impact on others even if I don't feel it every day. That's something I need to feel in my life - even if they're not able to verbalize "thank you". Luckily, my bosses have reacted positively to my request for more training so I know how to handle physical outburst more safely for both the kid and myself in the future!

My son ended up working with the school psychologist on a social story/ plan on what to do when he gets angry, which I sincerely appreciate. While part of me wishes they had given some additional punitive conequences so he understood how seriously the schools take threatening to beat someone up, I'm glad they took the opportunity to help him figure out how to deal with tough situations in the future. When he was first diagnosed with developmental delays and a speech disorder, we never guessed that he would be ABLE to speak well enough to get in trouble for verbally threatening someone. So I guess as long as he has learned never to do that again, maybe I should think of this whole thing as a reminder of how lucky we are.

Christmas is around the corner (we're an interfaith family, so we celebrate a lot of holidays) and my boys are excited. My third grader sent a letter to Santa in his elf's backpack last night (taping it closed to make sure it didn't fall out on the trip - so cute!), and I've been handing out packages of Christmas cookies to teachers and coworkers. I pray that the holidays find all of you with your loved ones, safe and healthy, warm and thankful for your own blessings. Heaven knows I'm thankful for mine, most of which are in the picture below.

Bariatric Betty's 5K with pics

2012-12-09T06:06:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was the big day; 6 months after beginning Couch to 5k I ran my first race! It was a lot of fun, and I was thrilled to have my 12 y.o. son jog it with me (for the first half anyway, then I left him in the dust because he hadn't trained as much and needed to slow down). The Jingle Bell Run is for the Arthritis Foundation - an organization I loved supporting because my dear husband has had rheumatoid arthritis since he was 12. Here's a pic of all of us before the race.

I had a great NSV (non-scale victory) before the race even started - I traded in my pre-ordered Adult Large race shirt for an Adult Medium! Woo-hoo!

The atmosphere was wonderful - people were decked out in all kinds of holiday gear - I gave in and bought a Santa Hat that said "Jingle Bell Run". Everybody was given jingle bells to tie through their shoelaces along with their tracker chip, so there was a constant faint bell ringing the entire run. There was a singing group doing Christmas carols and other upbeat holiday tunes. Lots of families jogged or walked as a team, and I saw dozens of parents who ran or walked with strollers. Here's a pic of us at the very start of the race.

The course was a bit of a surprise - from the map we had been given at registration I guessed we would have one hill about halfway through the race, and it would be uphill on the first half, downhill on the way back. Nope. There were four hills (two repeated ones) on the course and that meant that we had to finish on an incline. One of my friends ended up running as well, and she told me later "Boy, this was NOT a good race for your first - those hills were killer!"

I'm happy to say for me it was more a psychological challenge than a physical one. All my training was definitely more than enough to prepare me for this race - even with the hills. Who would have guessed??? I jogged the whole thing, running 3.1 miles in just under 36 minutes. Afterwords I felt really proud and happy, but my body was like "So, that was pretty normal..." How wonderfully unexpected.

This is me crossing the finish line...

I was inspired by many people in the race - there was a whole team of people from the University Hospitals Medical Center running in honor of an 8 y.o. girl named Taylor with Rheumatoid Arthritis. There were people like the mom behind me in the picture above who ran up and down those hills pushing a double stroller! There was a wonderful 76 year old woman named Jean that I chatted with on the second half. She runs races every weekend, so she's well known by most of the regulars. She talked about how she had ANOTHER race today, and I couldn't have been more surpised. "You run two races in one weekend???" "Oh, just when they're small ones like this..." LOL! It's good to see things from a different perspective. She said that so many young people are all impressed when they hear her age. I told her that they should be impressed with her running all of these races even BEFORE they hear her age and she laughed. She said she's glad to be able to run when so many people her age can't even walk much, but also confessed she enjoys seeing youngster speed up when they realize she just passed them. ;)

My son crossed the finish line just a few minutes after me and I told him I was so proud of him for hanging in there and finishing! He was exhausted, but said "Mom, we have to start training on HILLS" so I guess he might be willing to do this again.

Doing it again... yeah, probably. I didn't hurt afterwards (or this morning) so I think I might start looking for maybe a race every month or so. It's way more fun than just jogging with my dog :) But I'm not feeling driven to start training for a half marathon or anything.

There was another woman I met that left me with mixed feelings. She was a friend-of-a-friend and when my friend introduced her she said "She's lost 100 pounds, you know!" I laughed and clapped for her and then said "Me, too!"(well, rounding up) We chatted for a little while and I found out that unlike me she didn't have bariatric surgery. I was very impressed - to be able to lose that much without having the help of a pouch as a tool... that's rare! She said two years ago she started walking two 5ks every weekend. Then she started jogging them. Then she started running half-marthons, and now does marathons as well. Whoa. Cool! Then she explained that she is just working on keeping the weight off, so she has added Zumba a couple of times a week and recently personal training. OK, so she is running at least two 5k races (if not a marathon) in addition to daily training runs, taking 2-3 Zumba Classes, and having a personal training session every week JUST TO MAINTAIN HER WEIGHT. Uhhhhh. Great? For her, it's great. This is a really good demonstration of what happens to the metabolism of a formerly morbidly obese person. To lose this much weight, our bodies and metabolisms change a LOT. In her case, presumming she eats healthy foods in reasonable portion sizes, it means she has to become a fitness machine. I am all for being active and staying active, but I would never want to dedicate every weekend of my life to running races. They're fun, but I want to have time with my family doing other things. I can commit to spending 30 - 60 minutes a day doing cardio for the rest of my life and having a severally restricted diet/ calorie intake. For her, that wasn't a good choice. Either way, there is no easy way.

So I'm looking into doing the "Color Run" sometime this spring, and keeping my eyes open for other fun opportunities. I heard that Coco Key (a water park in Sandusky, OH) has a Santa Run that I can imagine the family enjoying this time next year. Today I'll just be walking my dog a couple of miles and celebrating my father's 70th birthday and other every-day miracles. Happy Hanukkah to everyone celebrating!

Bariatric Betty's inspirations

2012-12-06T18:03:00.000-08:00

Inspiration comes from many directions. I was thinking yesterday about a woman who inspired me when I was in college. Her name was Deirdre Taylor, and she was a wonderfully fun, enthusiastic, and beautiful obese woman. She traveled as a Chapter Consultant for my sorority - Phi Mu. Phi Mu was founded in Georgia, and we were used to women coming to visit and work with us in Ohio having southern accents, charisma, and being perfect size 2s. Deirdre shattered that last stereotype for me and many others.

I was overweight (although probably not obese) at that point, and felt welcomed in my sorority. Unlike the generalizations that sororities are intolerant of differences, there was never any pressure to look a certain way, or lose weight, and my sisters were always there with a compliment when I looked extra nice. Even so, I was surprised when Deirdre showed up my Junior year to work with us on leadership, risk management, and other training. Our national officers had picked her to represent our sorority nationally; to be the face of Phi Mu to thousands of women she would meet over her year term. As I got to know Deirdre it made perfect sense. Her intelligence, poise and beauty were evident to everyone who met her, and her weight was merely one part of her.

As I talked more and more with her, I became very interested in her position. Working with collegiate women and helping them have positive, supportive, and successful experiences in college. Improving study habits and GPAs, raising money for Children's Miracle Network, presenting themselves well for recruitment (and future interviews), and enjoying the friendship and bonds of their sisters. I was inspired to apply to be a Chapter Consultant myself, and was selected to travel around the country for Phi Mu for the year after I graduated. That experience ended up being one of the formative experiences of my life. I learned I could arrive in any city, set up a temporary home and within hours be ready to meet with college administrators, lead workshops, and help women who were struggling with various situations. My confidence went through the roof! It led to my next position - being a Clinical Trial coordinator for a Prostate Cancer Prevention Trial.

I was applying at The Ohio State University Medical Center for numerous positions - with my chemistry degree and enjoying the medical field, the location being hours away from my family, yet I had friends nearby... it was a good fit. When I heard about the position I was asked "Do you think you could feel comfortable talking to older and elderly gentlemen about their prostates, urinary and sexual functioning?" I didn't even miss a beat - "Sure! I can talk about anything." I had a two day window to learn everything I could about prostate cancer and make a presentation to the doctor who was the lead investigator. Nailed it. This was the beginning of my career ( until I became a full-time mom). It was also where I met my husband.

All of this because I saw a woman do something I had previously assumed wasn't appropriate for me. She was a great example of how to not limit myself and my opportunities based on how I looked. That carries on even now that I'm no longer obese. Just last night I was jogging in preparation for my first 5k this weekend, and was joined on the track by 5 lovely middle-school/ high school girls. Seriously, am I the only one who thinks 14 year olds look at least 18 these days??? When I jog, I try not to feel self concious about my appearance, but I am aware that there is a lot of jiggling and wiggling going on. So last night as I jogged next to these young women I thought about Deirdre and about how these women probably didn't expect to find a middle-aged mom with more sagging and flapping parts than most joggers have jogging along with them. And I thought "I'm proud to be here, jiggles and all. I didn't even start to perspire until I was finishing my third mile. And these girls can hope that they can jog a 5k when they're an "old mom" like me!" Then when I finished my workout I ended up talking to two older sisters who were trying the track for the first time and were interested in bariatric surgery. It was a good night.

Today my hips and knees are a little sore, but I've got plenty of time to recover before the race Saturday. Today my major accomplishment was throwing out the extra frosting after decorating the gingerbread for our tree instead of being tempted to eat it. One day at a time...