My name is Z

My Fears and Hesitations about Moving...Internationally

2011-04-19T22:38:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks (months actually) I've been dealing with appointments and checklists to get ready for our international PCS (Permanent Change of duty Station) to Okinawa, Japan. The biggest stress is of how little importance people place on the things we rely on to get done. For example, we all need physicals, vaccines etc. to be Japan ready. I have gone through all this. I am missing one stinking piece of paper that allows me this clearance. I'm not sure why my doctor "isn't finished with my paper" (on a routine physical), but we're supposed to leave in a week and I'm not cleared to go to Japan. It's very scary. My life is literally in this doctor's hands and he couldn't care less.

Assuming my day goes right tomorrow, and "Mad Mommy mode" gets stuff done, tomorrow the first of our stuff gets packed and shipped out early. It's very emotional to me. This is our "send ahead" shipment so we can have our essentials immediately. We're allowed 400 lbs, half of which is dedicated to issued crap that never gets used. I have wisely chosen that our daily cooking gears gets priority. I'm hoping there's enough space for my beloved coffeemaker. What do I do if there's no room? Live without my coffeemaker for 2 months? I use it every single day. Although it's slightly comforting that I can have the essentials immediately, it's sad that I still have to do without while we're still here.

The rest of our stuff leaves the day after Easter. We will be sleeping on the floor for over a week. I won't have my stuff for 6 weeks. It may seem like such a short time, but it's my stuff. Call me materialistic, but it's my beloved items: my books that I love so dearly and reference a lot, my beading hobby that gives me such comfort, my baking supplies that gives me joy and spreads that joy to all my friends. I am willing to sacrifice OUTFITS and SHOES to pack this stuff in my luggage.

I know it's just "stuff" but it IS my life. I sit here with a smile on my face as we list all of our furniture that we've filled our house with in the classifieds. Re-buying furniture is a little exciting for the interior decorator inside me, but how do I choose what's the most important? How do I add value to the things that give me comfort? I have to say goodbye to the hobbies I do the balance my life, and I have to sacrifice it, not only for our weight limit, but to make sure our daughter doesn't feel this anxiety as she watches her stuff leave, and has to do without it.

When we get there, the Marine Corps does its best to make us at home while we wait for our household. We will have loaner furniture until ours arrives...Do I really want to sleep on a loaner bed? Do I want my sheets touching that?

As any trip, it's exciting and scary. 9 hours with a 4 year old is scary. Trying to buy train tickets and get on the right train in a foreign country with a strange language is scary. This island will be very Americanized. The whole island is practically an American base itself. I'm not worried about a communication barrier that much, but what about cultural practices. Will my existence be offending? Will I carry myself well in our culture, and be completely rude and appalling in theirs?

Another stress in my life, as I face all these scary changes, I have to say goodbye to my friends. I have to miss important events. It will be sad to leave and just as sad for them. When I first told my family about this move, they were so excited, and that made me so angry. I was so unhappy about this move, but that was the best thing for me. It doesn't help all the people telling me not to go, or how much they don't want me to go. It also doesn't help everybody asking me "When are you coming to see us?" I've gone to my hometown twice recently, both trips, with the intention of saying goodbye and getting my family fix. It's just another one of those things where I feel like everyone wants all of me, and it's never enough. I have to more time or energy to give. I don't get enough sleep, there aren't enough hours in the day.

It also doesn't help when everyone asks about how the disaster will affect us. Obviously, they ARE sending us. That redundant "Well duh" question answers itself the moment I say I'm going. Also, thanks to everyone for reminding me of the scary earthquakes, aftershocks, tsunamis and radiation that Japan is experiencing. That doesn't help at all ease my mind about this move that I didn't want in the first place.

I have tried to be positive for so long, but people do get to you, no matter how strong. i will continue with this move with grace. Yes, I will be going, I will NOT be separating my family for the selfishness of others wanting me to stay. My family has been separated enough by leaving our loving dog and cat behind.

In the last few days, it's getting VERY real. I'm very nervous and anxious. I want my last few days here to be happy. I just want to remember all my friends. I don't want to talk about the move anymore, unless there's some encouragement and positive thoughts about it. I've been having the same repetitive conversation for months.

The Old Fashioned NEW Betty Crocker

2011-03-28T23:26:00.000-07:00

With many loved ones' birthdays coming up within the next few months, I'm trying to get organized and put together something thoughtful for each individual before my family leaves the states. Last year for my brother's birthday, I think we got him the best gift ever: a ticket to fly to So-Cal to stay with his lil-sis and go to a U-2 concert. He just got married, and I just started a new job, so it was a hectic week, but we were all so ecited for this gift. A week before the concert (just after bragging about it to my new boss, mind you) I'm scrubbing at the dishes, when I hear the DJ announce that Sir Bono needed emergency back surgery. =( I'm glad he was OK, but I wished he needed it AFTER Anneheim.

Well, a year later, we're still waiting for this awesome gift to take place. hey, we tried.

I really wanted to drive to San Francisco to surprise my brother, but with this move sneaking up, it's impossible. I knew if I visited, I would make him some cupcakes (since it's my THING), then I get the "Ah-ha" moment. Normally I send friends a "warm delights" with a candle so they can have their cake and eat it too. I decided to take it to the net level.

While I'm brainstorming, I decide to go with German Chocolate cake. Since I can't send his favorite, Gellato, I decided he's never complained about chocolate, and having lived in Germany, I'm sure he appreciates that dessert.

I decided to join my two new passions: cupcakes and canning (See?! I warned you about archaic kitchen methods. I mean, seriously, who DOES that?!). My recipe for the coconut pecan frosting, was simple, and inexpensive, and yielded more frosting than I expected equalling a very happy husband to indulge in the leftovers.

It came out so good. I could just smell the melted butter and evaporated milk the whole time. To quote Rachel Ray: "Yum-o!" Since I simmered it in a sauce pan, it was easy to can, since you need to boil the can afterward.

My chocolate frosting came out nice as well. It's so rich and thick and creamy, however, I'm afraid to send it. I can't boil it to seal, because I'm afraid it would change the consistency, and I can't send it unsealed, because it contains milk. Oops! but I learned something, and now I have some for the house, instead of those cheesy plastic cans and processed frosting.

The ORIGINAL Betty Crocker. I'm sure this is how she intended the use of canned frosting. It's made with more love and meaning and makes a great gift (In my humble opinion)

My failed attempt at brownie pops made the perfect sample for my frostings. It kinda looks like a volcano! =D

*Please no phallus comments. I'm aware it looks like that*

LOL

Pretzels

2011-03-28T23:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if it's the excitement of "Pretzel Day" from the Office, but our family LOVES pretzels. Especially the soft kind. When I found this book, I couldn't resist, and being the last copy I just HAD to have it THAT DAY!

I had some setbacks before I could actually start making my pretzels. First, I kept forgetting to buy Yeast. After I finally found Yeast, and discovered that Target doesn't carry the pouches, I bought the jar. On my way home, I realized I already had that same jar of Yeast and didn't recognize it. Ironically, the Yeast I already had was purchased to make (failed) pretzels with some friends for our own Pretzel Day in a celebratory marathon of the Office.

The basic pretzel recipe from this book was super easy. I didn't even need my mixer....Than I realized that kneading pretzel dough was a bigger workout on my forearm than scooping Dacquiri ICE from my Baskin Robbins days. I disappointedly needed to chill overnight. I had to work the next morning, so my dough was overchilled, I think, and hard to work with. My mutant pretzel bites were still delicious, though, along with my homemade Honey Mustard dip from the same book.

The next day, my desire for making pretzels wasn't satisfied, so I found an easier recipe online (Joythebaker.com/blog) and the best part was, I only had to wait 45 minutes before delicious pretzels. I decided to master the dough before trying the shape. I was running out of pan space, so the last bit of dough, I tried a fancy twist.

Both recipes were delicious, and since I knew exactly what was going into my pretzels, I didn't have the weighty feeling from Fast Food Guilt afterwards. Even though it's a lot of starch and carbohydrates, I think (homemade) pretzels are a good and healthy (sorta) snack for everyone.

It's been a while....

2011-03-19T21:51:00.000-07:00

Wow! I haven't written in such a long time! I think it's time to start anew. I've been having many adventures here on the home front, and I'm excited to share them outside of facebook. Most of my adventures are in the lost art of domesticity. While I'm still trying to conquer the world one sandwich, runny nose and paper at a time (through work, parenting and school), I'm dabbling in the domestic world. It can be tough, but it's fun. It's a hobby for me, so it rejuvenates me after a long day of customer service and "MOM!!!"

Stay tuned for pictures and stories of my return to home cooking, and some ancient practices of the archaic stove.

My Name is Earl

2010-01-13T10:09:00.000-08:00

Chris got me into this show, so he got the first 2 seasons for Christmas, so we spent a lot of time together watching it. I love that we have something in common to take interest in.

I really like the show, and I'm sad that it's been cancelled. It had such a good message too. I don't think there are too many shows that do that. It's all about a guy who used to be a crook, just do all kinds of bad things, even as a kid. He gets hit by a car the second he wins the lottey, and in the hospital he learns about Karma. he writes a list about every single things he's done bad and the show is about him crossing everybody off his list.

I've always been a huge believer in Karma, so I make it an effort to be nice to everyone. You never know when you'd need them. In today's dog eat dog world, I'm glad there's something out there to show people to show some kindness.

I miss Earl. I wish they'd bring it back, especially with the cliff hanger they left!!!

Healthy Lifestyle

2010-01-13T10:04:00.000-08:00

So far my New Year's Resolutions are working. I started about a week before New Year's, so it's not just a strong first 2 weeks. I have been measuring my food portions and reading up on how much you should be eating...it's disgusting how much you get served. I've lost 15 pounds since December 18th!!

I've been in school for a week and doing very well. I've been focused and knocking out a bunch of work. I'm really excited about what I'm learning as well. So far, 2010 ROCKS!!

2010 resolutions

2010-01-02T03:26:00.000-08:00

Making a resolution every year always seemed so cliche to me. It was almost an eye-roller to here the same one year after year to lose weight or get healthy. It was always a joke to see the parking lot for the gym full in January, desolate in February. But, I'm a cliche person. I too make resolutions every year, although I do try to be more specific than "be healthy" or "lose weight." Given my last weigh in with the doctor, "lose weight is a must."

I remember one year, my resolution was a bit peculiar. I was almost embarrassed to say it, but once I explained it, it was quite good. I resolved to "have clear pee." Yes, strange indeed. I had just learned the truth about water and staying hydrated. That you must keep drinking it constantly, the second your pee is yellow, or you feel thirsty, you are dehydrated. So with that odd resolution, that year I was hydrated for the most part.

2007's resolution (well, one of them. I never make just one) was to be green. I researched ways to be mor environmentally friendly. Although I never did drop off that tub to the recylers, I did learn new habits. Then moving to California helped keep me in my place, where they come to you to recycle. Although I feel guilty about that box of plastics in the dumpster, I feel much better about the water I try to conserve and the glass and plastic I DO recycle now, and the habits I try to teach to my young daughter.

After that long introduction, I think I'd better share this years resolutions, in depth of course (did you really expect a one-liner?)
#1 Form healthy habits-I don't want to propose to go to the gym and be gung ho for a few weeks then stop. I want to set up a routine that becomess habit so 2010 won't be the only healthy year. I have already set up a plan for this.
*Drink a minimum of 64 oz. of water a day.
*Stick the the proper amounts of servings a day-I bought a kitchen scale and I'm now measuring and journaling everything I eat and feel fantastic! I have dropped 10 pounds so far
*Fit at a minimum of 90 minutes of exercise a week-I am proud to say that I walked to the grocery store and back (that milk was hard on my shoulders, htough) and the video store, and done yoga with a friend so far before the new year. Luckily my best friend is unhappy with her dietary habits as well, and we are both accountable to each other.

#2 Focus on family. Pretty much since the summer, we haven't had a schedule or routine in our lives. In the last few weeks, I have gone back to basics. This year I resolve to stick to a routine, especially at bedtime, with Lexi. I vow for more family time, games and activities and whatnot in place of TV and movies, and for family dinner time at the table. I have been able to stick to these in the last few weeks, but I pray that my husband will be on board with this and support me.

What really could have been a few sentences, have filled the page with past, present and what I hope a healthy future. I am confident this will be a good year, and I am confident I will make that happen. In closing, Happy New Year, I hope it finds you "healthy, wealthy and wise."

New Year, New Me

2010-01-02T03:11:00.000-08:00

When I first set out to do this blog, I had my hopes high on becoming some sort of journalist. I wanted to write about things one might read on an internet column or the likes of. With all the adversities in the way of all my dreams, my career path takes many changes in its course. It's apparent that I will not me any sort of writer. That being the case, I've joined the millions of bloggers before me and created this one. I will follow intheir footsteps and try to actively blog about what I see fit, for my own personal uses, not for any professional gain. That being said, here is the first post for 2010.

2009 was a year of firsts for me. First time for yoga, Zumba, first concerts: rock, symphonic and comedy. First hangover, second hangover....third and what I swore was the last hangover. It was a great year, and although I've been an adult to society for officially 4 years, it was a growing up experience for me. Little experiences for me all tied together to help me grow up even more and continue to find myself. The person I found was there the whole time, but was in hiding for a few years. I remember that person at 15 years old being carefree yet responsible, caring, outgoing, courageous. What put that person into hiding, I have no clue. What brought her out? I have no clue, but I love her and she's not going anywhere. 2010 is not just a new year, but it is also a new woman for Z and she is coming out strong and on top.

This year starts with a bang for me. I start a new, fast-paced degree program. Hopefully the year will be full of new experiences yet and hopefully tomorrow will always be fresh and new and exciting for me to fulfill the advantageous part of me that I want to hold on to.

Women's roles in our society

2009-09-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

I often think about my life and where it is going. I always envisioned myself doing more than just staying at home. I always saw myself as a powerful business woman who would come home and be a powerful mom. I was raised that way, and I don't see anything wrong with a woman fulfilling her dreams. I do see the other side where parents don't see enough of their children, but at my daughters age right now, I think she would be fine being at a school for the better part of the day.

I have heard the criticisms on both sides of the spectrum. That the preschool teachers are raising your kids. Well, I have studied daycare curriculum briefly. This is my point of view on it. I think they're essential to our children's development. Although we all want the best for our children, we are not all certified to do so. These teachers know how our children learn, and how to teach them accordingly. I admit, i don't know how to teach my daughter how to read or her colors. My idea is just repetition, but I am too impatient for that.

At this point in my life, this essential commodity to me, cannot be obtained. Often in our ultra feminist world, the 50's are criticized. Honestly, I relate to them. It was a simpler time and I would love to go back in time and live those golden years. When I get down on my life, and the voices of other come into my ind that I should be going to school, working, putting those on a higher priority, I think of the simpler ages. I think of one woman in particular. Julia Child. Her story has been recently published for everyone to know. At the age of 38 she lived in Paris with her husband. She took up culinary so she would have something to do in her boring, childless, stay at home days. This then created her powerful career. Julia Child was 17 years older than I am right now, before she started her journey.

In today's society, everything is so fast-paced and so jam packed with things to do. According to our society I should already have my college career behind me and my powerful work career should be starting. I'm young. I've officially been an adult for 3 years. Why all this pressure? Why is there so much pressure starting in Middle School to know what you want to do with your life and start preparing? Women back in the 50's didn't have the pressure we do today. I do feel every woman should have the opportunity to go to school and fulfill their dreams, instead of stay at home as was expected back then. Since i am in that same position as many women almost 60 years ago, I try to channel those brave women who so patiently waited for their lives and so lovingly raised their families. I feel selfish that I cannot do that. Although raising a child is a great thing, I feel like my life was meant for something bigger.

When I look at my life and my unhappiness with it I truly do wish I felt different. I cannot change how I feel and sadly, for now, cannot change the outcome. In the meantime, I salute those women who were braver and so unselfish and more patient than I am, and I wish I could learn from them today

Remembering those lost

2009-09-11T09:26:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 8th anniversary of that awful day our nation was attacked. I remember sitting in my classroom and all of us middle school aged kids had a very somber attitude that day. We couldn't believe or understand that anything like that has happened on American soil. Our day and studies were halted that day, along with many lives of Americans as we watched in horror and fear the events that had taken place.

I didn't know anybody i any of the events. I did know some close calls. A few people I know were on the very plane a day and a week before the tragic event. Nothing like that to thank your lucky stars. This event sparked a new found patriotism in our nation. For once we were all united together and set aside our differences by this horrific incident. many men and women volunteered their time and strength to help out nation get through this travesty.

It's sad to see that that feeling of brotherhood with one another by the simple commonality of nationalism has faded away. Mine still stands strong today. The welling sense of pride I feel when I see our flag flying high and proud in the breeze, the tears in my eyes everytime I hear our anthem. A sense of pride, with some sadness, as I watch doocumentaries or sit in a History class and learn of the past tragedies and triumphs. This still stands strong with me on a daily basis.

Eight years later, this day is still fresh in my mind, along with many other Americans. I take the time to type this small reminder and tribute. This day is hard to forget, but I ask that people will remember it for different reasons. Think of how it united us, remember that and continue it today. Remember it for History. History must be learned, so it is not repeated. Although we cannot always prevent those events, but we can react better, which I think we did after Pearl harbor caught us by surprise.

Let the blogging commence

2009-09-10T15:59:00.000-07:00

As my first blog, this deserves an introduction. I am currently in limbo with my life right now. I do have a great life, a loving husband, daughter and dog, but I have no career and I am currently not in school right now. It seems that lots of things get in the way of either, life being the main one. Aside from daily events preventing this, I have no idea what I want to do. I feel like I'm too old to still not know what to do.

In hopes of getting to that point in my life soon, i have decided to start a blog. Currently I am yearning to be a columnist. Without any experience whatsoever, a blog is perfect for my creativity to flow and feel sufficient in my life.

Whether this gets a lot of traffic, or just family members follow it I see this blog being successful-at least for me as my creative medium.

To anyone who read the blog and might follow it; thank you for reading my writing, and please leave any feedback, since I am using it as my career tool. Thank you so much!
~Z~