Journeywoman

My Blog has Moved

2010-05-14T11:24:00.000-04:00

My blog has moved to Whimbly.com.

Please go to the site for updated postings. For questions, please email me at allison@whimbly.com.

Important! New Web Site!

2010-05-13T11:02:00.001-04:00

In the interest of taking my blogging to the next level, I would like to announce that I have decided to start my own web site!

You read right. Hello world, my blog can now be found at whimbly.com. My new site includes the same blogs, comment options and information. I will still post on my blogspot site for a few weeks along with updating my web site.

Why Whimbly for a name, do you ask? Well, I liked how the word Whimbly rolls off of my tongue and the word sounds, oh I don't know, whimsical and bubbly (hence the name Whimbly).

Say Whimbly ten times over. That right there is why I picked the name.

I have also started a fan page on Facebook and you can follow me on Twitter.

I am so excited you all. Did I say WHIMBLY.COM?

whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly

Conversations with Lynn: On Getting Dressed

2010-05-12T09:23:00.000-04:00

Sitting on the Edge of the Bed Wearing a Freshly Washed Pair of Jeans

Lynn: Can you put my socks on for me? I KNOW I'm not gonna be able to bend over in these jeans.

He then sprawled out on the bed, held up his sock and lifted his foot.

Ice Cream and Headstones

2010-05-11T11:13:00.004-04:00

This last Sunday was the first Mother's Day that we celebrated after losing dad. He used to plan the day. We knew it would be a rough one so decided to do something different.

We made quiche and parfaits for brunch for my mother. Instead of going to Pokagon State Park, like we had planned, my mom wanted to go to the cemetery where her mother was buried and peruse the headstones.

It may seem sacrilegious for some, but we bought ice cream and we ate it while we walked among the headstones of those who have gone before us. I only mention this because as I was thinking about my family's life over the last year and a half, it is like we have been walking in a graveyard full of death and are forced to act as if everything is normal - eating ice cream on the graves of those we have lost.

Sometimes we have no choice but to move forward and live life although everything around us seems so bleak. Don't let the shadows of the past keep you from enjoying the sweet things that life has to offer.

Cell Phone, I Don't Want to Die

2010-05-10T14:21:00.000-04:00

If you recall, my number one pet peeve is when someone throws trash out of a car window. Right up there with it is when someone is texting/browsing the Internet and driving. I don't want to die.

So, the other day when I noticed my husband conspicuously pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, I kindly, but assertively reminded him that he loves me and doesn't want me to die in a tragic car accident because he got a Facebook notification.

In response he did this-

I could have thrown that iPhone out of the car window.

The Lunatic Burglars

2010-05-03T12:18:00.000-04:00

Do you remember when you first held your driver's license in your hand and you thought you could conquer the world? I would volunteer to help my parent's out with anything that required that I drive into town. I wanted to drive everywhere.

I believe I was 16 or 17 years old when, one night, my sister and I were heading home from a youth group function. It was after midnight and I was driving (of course). About three miles from home and in the middle of nowhere, the car died. It sputtered it's last breath and I was able to maneuver the car to the side of the road.

This was before the time of cell phones so we knew we had two options.

1. Walk home
2. Knock on a stranger's door and ask to use a phone.

Instead of braving the darkness and a long walk, we decided to look for the most child-friendly house and beg for help. A short ways down the road we spotted a farmhouse with tricycles and playthings in the yard. We walked up the porch steps and knocked on the door.

It was silent.

I knocked again.

Nothing.

I knocked louder.

From the shadowy recesses of the kitchen we saw a woman, wearing only a long, ugly t-shirt, dive into the next room. Her husband ran across the same way a few seconds later and he was clutching a baseball bat.

I realized that they probably thought we were scary, murderous lunatics who were out to get them. I tried to explain through the door that I was not there to murder them.

It didn't work.

The woman peered around the corner and she had a phone in her hand. Seeing this, I mustered up every ounce of courage I had and after assuring Ashley that I knew what I was doing, I cried fake tears to prove I was serious. I even added a crack in my voice.

"We're teenagers and our car isn't wor-r-r-king. Can we please use your phone? We're teenagers. Can you help us? Ple-e-ease?" And I cried. I was good.

The woman slowly made her way to the door and realizing that we were in fact ignorant teenagers, put down the phone and let us in.

We made it home about a half hour later. I am sure that it took that family awhile to fall back asleep.

Two things changed after that fateful night.

1. I was less eager to run errands for my parents
2. I never ran out of gas again. Never.

Resting My Brain

2010-04-30T10:42:00.001-04:00

Some days it is necessary to be quiet. Not the hold-your-tongue-when-someone-says-something-stupid quiet, but the I-need-to-rest-my-brain quiet.

When I lived in Florida, I spent a lot of time alone because we were only able to make a few close connections there due to the short duration of our stay and the lack of money to do much of anything. Now that I am in Indiana and actually go out on the weekends or spend time with people in the evenings, I realize how important it is to set aside a time of silence where I can just BE.

When was the last time you weren’t bombarded with music, television or the Internet? If it has been over a week, take time today to do it. It is refreshing. You might just learn something new about yourself.

I'm Sorry. Am I Drooling?

2010-04-29T11:27:00.000-04:00

Books. Need I say more?

Dear God, I Want to Learn About Periods Again

2010-04-28T11:40:00.005-04:00

I am a planner. I like to know what I am getting myself into.

I think it was my mother who instilled this in me when I was in fourth grade and she took me to the restaurant called Chi-Chi's to give me The Talk. I stuffed my face with chips and salsa while we talked about sex, boobs, penis' and periods. She even showed me a book with pictures. I knew what to expect. That is why I never wanted to grow up. Periods and penis' scared me.

You didn't click on my blog link to read about my realization of how babies are made, so I will move on.

This desire to know what lies ahead seems like a contradiction in my ever-tangled brain because I also like being sporadic and adventurous. Whenever I take a personality test, I am more of the outgoing, leader type, but am pretty balanced when it comes to the other two. It could mean that I have no idea as to who I am or that I am a well-rounded individual. I'd like to think the latter, but I have a notion that it is really the former. I sometimes have that Zoolander dilemma, where he looks into the puddle and asks, "Who am I?"

As some of you know, my husband quit his job at Sweetwater a few weeks ago. He is working in his studio full time. I have NO CLUE where we will be in a month, let alone a week. Will we be out of Grabill? Will we be in a different state? What do I want to do with my life? Ah!

I don't know if you have ever had the feeling, but the past few years I've been surrounded by a constant sea squall and all I can do is grasp onto the edge of the ship and puke my guts out from seasickness.

I know that I DO have a foundation to cling to and that the storm will pass at some point. I catch myself praying that I can just BE, that there will be no more death and my stomach will settle. But then, I look back and see that I am stronger because I didn't know what would happen and made it through.

I sometimes wish life was like that night at Chi-Chi's. I want to eat my Mexican food and for someone to spell it all out for me. Anyone up for some salsa?

Conversations with Lynn: On Helping

2010-04-27T11:17:00.000-04:00

While Sitting in the Living Room

Lynn: I really help you, don't I?

Me: Yes you do.

Lynn: I come up with those sentences that add the extra seasoning to your writing.

Me: Sure do.

Lynn: What about, 'swallowed by the great blue transparency'?

Me: What?

Lynn: Swallowed by the great blue transparency- I like that. Use that in your writing.

Me: Sure thing. When I am writing about drowning in a large ocean, I will make sure to use it.

Bill Gates the Orkin Man

2010-04-26T12:10:00.000-04:00

Today we had a visit from the Orkin man so that we could slaughter the carpenter ants that have infested our cabinets.

I thought that we must have like 10,000 ants based on the amount of wood shavings in the kitchen, but Bob the bug man said it was more like a few thousand. I am actually amazed that the cabinets are still intact.

Bob was exactly how I picture a pest control man to be- friendly, a little different and wearing glasses.

He reminded me of this guy:

After he told me stories from his most interesting bug assassinations, we stood in front of the cabinet where he sprayed and watched them drop from the nest in pain. We laughed evil laughs and I smashed the dying ants to put them out of their misery.

Mwha-ha-ha.

When I lived in Florida I ran an ever-growing list in my mind of the types of animals that could kill or maim me.

Alligators
Black Bears
Panthers
Black or Brown Widow Spiders
Any Kind of Snake
Jellyfish
Sharks
Fire Ants
That rat that ran across our fence in the backyard every evening

I could only think of a few animals that could harm me in Indiana- the worst being a snapping turtle. Second on the list are cute little bunnies. Third place is now awarded to carpenter ants.

I will probably spend all day today standing in front of the cabinet, smashing ants. Who needs television?

Worms, Shiners and Superman

2010-04-23T12:09:00.003-04:00

I spent yesterday evening at my mother's house. It is so relaxing to be in the country. We sat on the front deck and took it all in.

My mother's Flowering Crab Tree in the front yard. Can you see the moon?

Brody would not leave Maddy alone. I wish I could have captured the snarling look on Maddy's face whenever Brody stuck his nose where it didn't belong.

Audra mutilating a tentworm nest. Yes.

Lynn said, "I have a shiner." For those of you non-Indiana peeps, a shiner is a black-eye.

Ashley with her Clark Kent glasses on.

Take That, Coffee Cozy

2010-04-22T11:51:00.003-04:00

I went to a women's retreat this last weekend and had a blast. Good times Laotto Wesleyan ladies, good times. Not only did I learn how to make a fire with Kleenex, but I was enlightened as to my life's calling. I, ladies and gentlemen, was introduced to the wonderful world of felting.

Yes, I literally made felt.

You simply take a felting needle (small with barbs on the end), poke it through wool and shape something you want. You jab the wool until it meshes together.

Voila! Felt. You can make bracelets, gloves, a coffee cozy or even coasters.

When I left the retreat I was determined to buy roving (wool) and felt to my hearts content. It is a stress reliever. I don't have a job....stab that wool. I really want that brownie....take that, coffee cozy.

After searching high and low for the wool, I found a few small packets at Jo-ann's Fabric and Craft Store and spent last evening felting.

Below are my two beautiful creations. Keep in mind that I am a beginner. Be kind.

Embracing the Flatulence

2010-04-21T11:23:00.001-04:00

Last night we moved into a small trailer on my in-law's property. We had lived in this trailer before moving to Florida and vowed never to live there again. God thought it would be funny to teach me once more to never say never.

It is a temporary move until we find a more permanent place so we are using the furniture that is already set up. This includes sleeping on a full size bed. I didn't think it was that big of a deal to sleep on a full size comforter when I was first married. I really enjoyed cuddling. Now, we have either become too selfish with our space or gained a few pounds, because it was anything but comfortable.

After tossing and turning last night, I woke up at 4:00am to the water softener making swishing noises every five seconds (I am so not exaggerating). In between the sounds, our dog's stomach was growling. Adding to the symphony was my husband's morning flatulence that is louder than a blow horn.

It was driving me mad. I almost went to the couch to sleep. Almost.

Sometimes when you are in a place that you don't want to be, you just have to go with the flow (like braving the dutch oven that is created under the covers after my husband's morning ritual). Other times, it is necessary to break the pattern and try something new.

Right now Lynn and I are in that waiting place, where the road could lead to anywhere. There are more details to come, so stay tuned. We might just be embracing something new.

Meat and Nightmares

2010-04-20T11:04:00.015-04:00

I need to hear your opinion, oh wise ones-

I am thinking about cutting red meat out of my diet as well as going all natural. Thoughts? Concerns? Am I crazy? Do you have to be handsomely wealthy to even ponder such a thought?

I just recently watched Food, Inc. and it made me want to become a hermit, plant a garden, live on a farm and boycott most of the food in the grocery stores. If you haven't seen it, do (unless you have a phobia of giant corporations- then it will give you nightmares).

On my first trip to the grocery store after watching the show, I winced while passing by the red meat aisle. All I could think was, there is ammonia in that there meat. And did you know that almost every package of hot dogs contains corn syrup? Gag.

I am surrounded by farmers and gardeners, so I have options. Should I take the plunge?

My Dad's Birthday

2010-04-19T11:34:00.002-04:00

Today, April 19, was my father's birthday.

I didn't plan to be the sentimentally gushy one on this day but here I am- reliving the week he died and every day since. I can't (and refuse to) pretend that this day is as equally important to those of you who are reading this, but it lessens the load a bit, to know that I can share these thoughts with you. That, at this moment, someone is thinking the same thoughts of my father that I am.

The first night my family was back in Indiana after dad's death, we looked through his nightstand and dresser to see all of the trinkets and papers that he had collected.

In his dresser we noticed a small tin that had been sealed with duct tape. Upon opening the tin, we found a wad of dog hair that belonged to Bailey, our favorite dog. For those of you who don't know, Bailey died on New Years Eve last year.

Audra remembered a conversation with dad before he died, where he told her that if cloning becomes common in the future, we could clone Bailey using the dog hair that he saved. Only my dad, Mr. Dreamer, would have thought to save dog hair. I laugh every time I think about it.

Below is a letter that I found in his nightstand. I had sent it to him on his birthday last year. When we buried him, I placed it in his casket and said goodbye.

Dad:

I have been thinking about you a lot over the past few weeks.

I am so blessed to have a father like you. I think back to all the good memories I have of my childhood. I remember when you would let us “raid” your truck- even when you knew we had been sneaking candy behind your back. I remember how you dreamed about building the house in the country and how, because of you, we were able to grow up surrounded by space.

I remember how you always practiced pitching with me. You made it to every game and helped coach my softball team. I remember your kisses and the red IU shorts you used to wear.

I love you dad. I am so grateful for your consistent presence in my life. You gave your time and your energy. When Lynn remarks that I do something that reminds him of you, I count it as a compliment. So many children don’t have the privilege of having a father. You are so much more than that. You have impacted my life immensely.

Thank you Dad. I love you.

Allison

We are NOT Related

2010-04-16T11:25:00.002-04:00

On a recent trip to Headwater's Park in downtown Fort Wayne, I told my sister and mother that I wanted to take a picture, so please act normal. This was the response.

I Want to Grow a Mustache

2010-04-15T11:50:00.002-04:00

I am almost finished reading the book Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. It is a little disturbing, I must say. I have never read something so anti everything else I have ever read.

Heathcliff-you scare me.

Recently my sister, mother and I have decided that we are going to read through a handful of books and get together for coffee every few weeks to see how we are progressing.

We are jokingly calling our group the Classic City Classic Club. Can you guess the types of books we are going to read?

It appeals to me because I want to smoke a cigar, sit in an armchair with a red velvet robe and discuss the eloquent way in which literature (say it "liter-ah-teur") has enriched our lives. Somehow in this visualization I am a balding man, I have a handlebar mustache and speak in a British accent.

Our reading list includes:

1. Nineteen Eighty-Four By George Orwell
2. The Grapes of Wrath By John Steinbeck
3. Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote
4. Middlemarch by George Eliot (Marian Evans)
5. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair

Plus many more.

We are going to start with The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Any other suggestions? It must be a classic. After all, this is the Classic City Classic Club.

Deutsch Therapy

2010-04-14T11:50:00.003-04:00

To be honest with you, this week I have been in a grumpy mood. It doesn't happen that often but this time it has lasted for days.

Days.

You have heard this over and over again in the media but I cannot find a job. We are soooo not settled in Indiana yet. I could go on about this, but I won't.

At times life does not go the way you planned. Sometimes it seems everything ugly in the universe aligns to produce the suckiness - every snot faced, growling, grotesque thing. There are those days as well when there is no reason to be grumpy, but you just ARE.

When I am down in the dumps I find it helps to randomly shout out German words.

Hilfe! Puppenstube! Nein!

It doesn't matter what the words mean, but for some reason I feel relief after saying them. Try it. Shout out NEIN in a gruff voice and tell me that you don't feel better when you have a bad day.

Creepy Creeperton

2010-04-13T10:11:00.000-04:00

Behold our mutt. She answers to dork, sweetie, Maddy, and Madster. In this photo she is dork but maybe I should christen her Creepy Creeperton.

Fishing with Schwarzenegger

2010-04-12T12:04:00.004-04:00

A few years ago, when I was going through a mellow music listening stage, my husband surprised me with tickets to a Josh Groban concert. Judge me if you will. My eyes glistened when I heard You Raise Me Up the first one hundred times on the radio. I admit it.

In between EVERY song Groban would stand on the stage and bask in all the fame. Girls yelled out, "I love you Josh!" or "Will you marry me?" Instead of moving on and singing, like we paid him to do, he would smile, point out at the audience and say, "I love you too." FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES AT A TIME. I wanted to shout "Get over yourself and sing!"

I didn't yell (I should have), but it made me think.

Why is it that we are obsessed with celebrities in our culture? I do not have any really exciting stories about a celebrity run-in but I realized that I have a ready-made list in my mind of the celebrities that I have seen, just in case the topic is brought up in a conversation.

Do I do this because if I am associated by some trivial encounter I am more important? Hmmmm.....

Below is the list. Be prepared to be amazed. Or not.

1. Jay Leno (I was too young to get into his show, so I kind of snuck in. I thought I could pass for 18. It worked.)

2. Susan Sarandon on The Tonight Show

3. Robert Downey Jr. walking down Rodeo Drive at dusk. Yes.

4. Slater from Saved By the Bell shooting a movie on Venice Beach

5. That kid from The Sixth Sense on The Tonight Show

6.Carrot Top while I was working out at L.A. Fitness in Winter Park- all I can say is that he has to be on steroids and he is red from his head to his feet.

7. I dreamt once that I went fishing with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Does that count?

Which celebrities have you encountered? Amaze me.

Death to Carrots

2010-04-09T11:46:00.005-04:00

I am an analyzer. You name it and I probably have mulled over the thing, person, place or idea in my head at some point in my life.

I most enjoy analyzing people- especially when they are doing something I wouldn't do. There are times I decide that I want to try that thing or do what that person does, because there HAS to be a reason to do it or like it or eat it.

For example, I have never particularly enjoyed the taste of peas and carrots (specifically cooked peas or fresh carrots). Gross. I know there is a reason why people eat these vegetables. Someday I will figure it out.

I try a carrot every once in a while just in case my tastebuds have matured.

For example, the day I learned that my father had died and was flying to Indiana to be with my family, the stewardess passed around a small package of carrots for each of the passengers. I remember thinking, I might as well get used to doing things I don't want to do. I ate every last raw carrot.

I still hate the taste of them.

Next up? British Comedy. My sister and I are going to spend an evening watching British Comedy on PBS because, gosh darn it, I am going to learn to like it (or at least appreciate it). I have always wanted to be British... and funny.

Cigarettes, Freaky-Looking Elves and My Childhood

2010-04-08T11:40:00.003-04:00

When I was young my family lived on Urban Avenue in Auburn. It was a lower-middle class neighborhood with small, mostly clean cut houses. I drove by our old house the other day while I was with my mother. It made me think of that time in my life.

One boy on the street was popular because he used to live in Mississippi. Mississippi was hard to spell, so we all thought it was exotic. He tried to get me to kiss him and I refused. He then talked my sister into kissing him with the offer of a necklace. She did it and I told mom and dad. Oh what a wonderful older sister. I think I just wanted the necklace.

We also had a neighbor who filled her yard with trash, tables, lawn ornaments and freaky-looking elves. My only memory of talking to this woman was the day she was sitting outside, smoking a cigarette.

I walked over to her porch and sat next to her. I was six.

"Did you know that if you smoke, you can die?" I said seriously. I wasn't sure if she had been told and felt it was my duty.

"Yeah, I heard that somewhere," she said as she blew a large puff of smoke into the air.

From the looks of the elves and globes in her yard last week, it appears as if she is still alive. She may have taken my advice. I would like to think that six-year-old me had something to do with making sure that her freaky elves lived to grace Urban Avenue with their presence for a few extra years.

My Husband the Amish Man?

2010-04-07T11:51:00.011-04:00

When my husband and I were first married he had long hair- black ringlets that most women swooned over because they would kill for hair like his. (Don't tell him I told you that.)

An Amish relative had passed away and we were on our way to the funeral. I'm worried that I might offend some of the Amish there because of the length of my hair, my husband said. I told him not to worry about it. We wouldn't be at the funeral for very long.

When we arrived at the small white church, we stood in line to pass by the casket and say our condolences.

As we entered the sanctuary, an Amish man in the front of the room took off his black hat. His hair, which had been combed over his bald spot, fell from the top of his head and past his shoulders. It was inches longer than my husband's hair! Our eyes from that point forward were glued to the front of the room where we noticed that most of the older men who had bald spots grew their hair out that way.

That'll teach me to judge someone based on preconceived notions. I didn't check for earrings though. Hmmm... Should I have checked for hidden earrings?

You Know it's a Bad Day When you Lose your Balls and you Have a Cone for a Head

2010-04-06T12:07:00.000-04:00

I spent some time at my mother's house this past weekend. The family dog, Brody, just had his balls chopped off and his dew claws removed so he was forced to wear a cone around his neck. Poor guy.

I don't know what would be worse- losing your balls or having to maneuver around the house with a cone for a head.

He'd run into corners and my mom had to pull the coffee table away from the couch because his head couldn't fit through the space when he tried to walk there. Then frustration set in when he couldn't find a comfortable way to sleep and each time he'd throw himself down as if to say, I give up!

I couldn't stop laughing whenever I heard the plastic cone hit the couch, the window, my legs, the refrigerator....

Poor. Cute. Brody.