WILLIAM ANDREWS

Gus and his Dirty Dead Dad

2013-05-13T15:39:00.002+01:00

Today, after a lot of hair pulling, I submitted the film "Gus and his Dirty Dead Dad" (formerly Caravan) to the first of a few film festivals. I've decided also to leave it up on the site for a few days. You can watch it here - http://www.teamwonderful.co.uk/p/blog-page.html password dirtydad

Karen

2013-05-12T11:52:00.000+01:00

It had been a terrible month for Karen. She counted eight things; each shitty enough on their own but together, Christ. As she found her seat the insidious memory of Vincent and Freddie crawled over her again but she shook it off, determined. This trip would do something, be some sort of respite, it had to, it had to. Lisa moved to Florida two years ago and she missed her every day. She couldn't afford the holiday, but she couldn't afford not to see her friend - it wasn't a holiday, it was a tonic. Jon had paid for an upgrade to premium economy and she was only now noticing the seat.

There was two seats where there might be three and the screen in the head rest was bigger. more leg room too, even more than the others in fact as she had the window seat on an exit row, joy! A pillow? There was a pillow and a blanket! My god, she thought, this isn't flying, this is nicer than my flat. She smiled, for the first time in a long time. She pulled out her phone and texted Jon. “thank you hun, you will never know just how grateful I am right now, KX”.

The passenger beside her lent over and said in a treacle brogue “you know you’re not allowed to use your phone on here” and topped it with a practiced smile. Karen couldn't believe it. No, not this, not now, not after everything. He offered his leatherette hand, “Hi, Dougray”, and waited for effect. Her face twisted, “Dougray Scott?” she almost shouted. “Guilty” he flirted back. Her face went white “Fucking Dougray Scot?”. He raised an eyebrow.

It started as a low moan and rose up the scale to a scream. She didn't really remember pulling the handle, or the yellow chute inflating. She doesn't recall sliding down it and she is still surprised she ran as far as they say she did.

Luck - Fallingham Fair.

2013-04-17T14:55:00.000+01:00

I may have mentioned them before.. but have wee look at this video i made for Fallingham Fair. Their new album "songbook" is out now - here http://fallinghamfair.bandcamp.com/

http://youtu.be/CP6bGCdhsSI

Television Centre - boo hoo, bye bye.

2013-03-27T14:28:00.002Z

In 2012 I went to TVC for a casting and was told to wait at stage door reception to be fetched up. A young guy came over, with lanyard pass around his neck, shook my hand and said “hi, William Andrews?” “Yes –that’s me” I replied, picked up my stuff and followed him though some doors and along a corridor behind a large group of people. “I love you in Sorry I’ve got no head.” “Thanks” said I, thinking he looked a bit young to be working here.

I realised suddenly that he didn't, he was on tour of the building with his parents and was about 12 years old. I made an involuntary noise of alarm, turned on my heel and went back the way I had come.

Age - gonna get us all ....

2013-02-07T18:23:00.000Z

Fallingham Fair

2013-01-23T17:32:00.002Z

So my very talented sister Aoife is in a band - @FallinghamFair. have a look at a new thing they gone an done ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sic0kBKF9Ck

#ACMS

2012-11-30T10:51:00.000Z

So - there is a gig called the Alternative Comedy Memorial Society - and it is easily the best gig i have ever played. The only problem is it can give you a distorted view of your material. Basically put, there's stuff that flies at the acms that burns elsewhere.

here is a video of me and Tom Golding doing something there. hope you like.

http://youtu.be/65I0n-gXD0c

I Work Alone

2012-11-29T12:15:00.001Z

Here is a thing i wrote http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p011sc2c

Featuring the talents of Jason Lewis, Issy Sutie, Colin Hoult & Kerry Howard and directed by Carolina Giammetta

Cher and Cher-alike

2012-10-22T20:51:00.001+01:00

I MADE A WASTE

2012-06-25T10:17:00.001+01:00

THE REAL COST OF ALCOHOLISM.

2012-06-24T13:38:00.000+01:00

Have you ever woken up with someone you don't remember going to bed with? Maybe it's time you stopped drinking. http://www.drinkaware.co.uk/

NEVER DIE

2012-06-12T11:13:00.001+01:00

You know when you think something is a blip, a quirk, a one off, and it keeps going and going? Auto tune for example; I can’t be the only one who thought it started and ended with Cher’s “I believe in love after love”.

In much the same way – I reckon I will have to endure “quirky, fragile women covering rock songs originally by men in a quirky fragile way” for years and years. The song version of your girlfriend wearing your shirt; cute the first few times, but now she thinks it’s her shirt and she’s cleaning the loft in it.

Half baked

2012-05-22T09:37:00.001+01:00

Saw this bakery in tooting...
Seriously? mixed blessings? As in something having both advantages and disadvantages? As in, our seeded buns are great but the sausage rolls are dog shit?

Room Service

2012-05-19T09:21:00.001+01:00

Hotels, forgetful chapels mostly. Dispassionately functional, (which is fine of course,) but make a man lonely – far away, listless. This recent one, the Accor in Glasgow, French, and much like you would imagine in the large part, though the room had a separate toilet cubicle. A wee “wee” cupboard; slate grey walls, hover pan, hidden cistern. A single down light positioned so it perfectly illuminated your lap when you sat on the can. My lack lustre nob, spot lit, like a nervous debutant chanteuse. The glowing junk of an increasingly doughy man evacuating in a windowless cupboard miles away from his wife and home. Glum.

I peered at the wall’s only feature, a rubber door stop at eye height. In its centre was the screw that held it, and there, Madames et Monsieurs, on the head of the screw, was something remarkable. Right there, below the "x", etched so tiny, was the smallest, tiniest letter “w” I think I ever saw. “W” for William. It’vs the little things that make a stay isn’t it, the little things

(although it could have been an m)

Two Episodes Of Mash.

2012-03-04T12:16:00.001Z

ANNA & KATY on CHANNEL 4

2012-01-24T15:32:00.002Z

The pair of them have known for a while but today channel 4 announced officially that they have been given a series. It’s pande-bloody-monium round our house, I can’t think for party poppers popping.

To celebrate – I’ve stuck three of their “explaining women” videos on you tube. Homemade nonsense wot was used in their last Edinburgh show. Hope you like.

Mamma zucchini -- title comparison

2012-01-15T14:17:00.002Z

This is a rare treat -- got hold of this from a bunch of betas being thrown out. It shows the title from the original zucchini show and the titles form the last, just when Suzi Squash was back in the role after her daughter's accident and the coke bust up. Just shows how much tv changed in those years -- and the perennial nature of the show -- somehow always hanging on despite the back stage dramas.

RICO

2012-01-11T14:32:00.000Z

INT. CHURCH HALL

RICO

Ladies, ladies. Why so aggressive? Be smile. Loosen up your bodies. Loosen your bodies with Rico.

Grams Latin music

RICO(CONT'D)

We dance

ANNA

Sorry?

RICO

Tonight we dance. There is no woman there is no man, there is only one sex! Now dance.

KATY

I’m sorry but no

RICO

Ok. Then we eat. We eat like lovers, lie down.

ANNA

No!

RICO

Then we drink. Let us drink. Drink like lovers.

ANNA

Stop it you horrible man

KATY

Yes stop it.

RICO

Ok. Then tonight I will leave. With passion.

He goes to leave - Claps his hands and the music stops

RICO (CONT'D)

You wanna buy a monkey? Lie down.

ANNA AND KATY

No!

RICO

Ok. Bye bye.

Rico come back on stage holding his stomach

RICO

AAAAAAGGGGGHHH

KATY

What’s wrong Rico?

RICO

Oh I eat too much an drink too much and do too much dancing. Lying down. I have the stomach ache of a lover.

ANNA

Well you only have yourself to blame

RICO

I can’t hear you. Come lie down beside me. i can only hear you when i am inside you.

ANNA

Go away you horrible little man

RICO

Ok I go. I sold the monkey by the way. I don’t suppose you want all his things. He has three top hats but I wouldn’t let him take them. Monkeys need discipline. And bananas. God I miss him.

BLEEP BOOP

2012-01-11T11:45:00.005Z

INT: BEDROOM, LATE NIGHT.

A WOMAN is asleep. The phone goes beside the bed.

WOMAN

Hello? Hello? Who’s there?

All we can hear at the other end is the background noise of a pub and the “beep boop” that pay phones make. She hangs up the phone angrily.

CUT TO:

INT: PUB, NIGHT.

A robot is on the phone looking melancholy. He hangs up the receiver and goes back to the bar where he’s siting. His friend comes over with a pint for himself and a pint of oil for the robot.

MAN

She still not talking to you?

ROBOT

Bleep boop.

SHOTLAND

2012-01-10T18:24:00.001Z

I often miss Scotland. I miss the air, the space; I miss tap water that doesn’t taste like there’s skin in it.

Yes i had my life threatened there, yes it was unwise to leave my flat after 7pm; there is some causal violence in Glasgow but at least it’s causal.

There is no “casual” violence in London. It’s very much on purpose.

If i go home late on a bus in London, and there’s two guys talking loudly about knives i think ‘I’m going to die,’ If that happened in Glasgow I’d think “I’m hanging out with the guys”.

In Glasgow I saw an old lady stop and pick up a glove she’d found and say “oh dear that’s someone lost a glove.” The only people picking up gloves in London aren’t managing their treatment. I’d never pick up a glove here; it might have a hand it in.

Londoners are in a constant state of barely concealed panic. All they talk about is travel and accommodation. Where are you from and how did you get there. It’s like they’re planning an escape route.

I miss a lot of things, my friends, the nights out, being called “will-yum.”

To fair though London does have the royal festival hall, and my wife, so, you know, swings and roundabouts.

SHORTS

2012-01-10T13:27:00.001Z

Picture the scene, 1961, Brighton, England. Three homosexual men move in together in a small flat in Tichborne road. Appropriate to the time their sexual preference was previously no more than a scary suspicion, but behind closed doors the relief, release and joy of a new found shared understanding bubbled over into late evenings of excited chatter. Nothing could better, nothing more essentially good than this new way of life for our three heroes. It was time for a party to celebrate this new association.

But – it wasn’t that simple; this was 6 years before decriminalisation - and their land lady had her eyes on them. They would have to be careful, yes party, but my god, they would have to be careful. And so, round a yellow topped Formica table in their tiny kitchen they worked out the details. Not the only conservative party conference to be held in Brighton, but most likely the only one at which the delegates were wearing shorts.

FIRST LOOK AT MY FILM CARAVAN

2011-10-27T11:54:00.003+01:00

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090 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:10.04 00:11:10.22 00:11:17.01
* FROM CLIP NAME: 037T2 - 000 - 000.wav
091 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:05.08 00:11:17.01 00:11:18.09
* FROM CLIP NAME: 043T1 - 000 - 000.wav
092 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:17.14 00:11:18.09 00:11:31.23
* FROM CLIP NAME: 038T2 - 000 - 000.wav
093 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:06.18 00:11:31.23 00:11:34.16
* FROM CLIP NAME: 037T2 - 001 - 000.wav
094 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:12.03 00:11:34.16 00:11:42.19
* FROM CLIP NAME: 043T1 - 001 - 000.wav
095 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:06.13 00:11:42.19 00:11:45.07
* FROM CLIP NAME: 037T1 - 000 - 000.wav
096 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:14.22 00:11:45.07 00:11:56.04
* FROM CLIP NAME: 039T2 - 000 - 000.wav
097 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:09.09 00:11:56.04 00:12:01.13
* FROM CLIP NAME: 041T2 - 000 - 000.wav
098 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:07.12 00:12:01.13 00:12:05.00
* FROM CLIP NAME: 073T1 - 000 - 000.wav
099 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:10.23 00:12:09.22 00:12:16.20
* FROM CLIP NAME: 075T1 - 000 - 000.wav
100 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:01:10.19 00:12:24.24 00:13:31.18
* FROM CLIP NAME: 050T3 - 000 - 000.wav
101 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:13.15 00:13:31.18 00:13:41.08
* FROM CLIP NAME: 052T1 - 000 - 000.wav
102 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:13.13 00:13:41.08 00:13:50.21
* FROM CLIP NAME: 051T2 - 000 - 000.wav
103 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:22.11 00:14:32.24 00:14:51.10
* FROM CLIP NAME: 080T2 - 000 - 000.wav
104 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:11.04 00:14:51.10 00:14:58.14
* FROM CLIP NAME: 081T2 - 000 - 000.wav
105 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:24.01 00:14:58.14 00:15:18.15
* FROM CLIP NAME: 082T1 - 000 - 000.wav
106 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:06.14 00:15:18.15 00:15:21.04
* FROM CLIP NAME: 081T2 - 001 - 000.wav
107 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:20.11 00:15:21.06 00:15:37.17
* FROM CLIP NAME: 083T1 - 000 - 000.wav
108 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:06.03 00:15:37.17 00:15:39.20
* FROM CLIP NAME: 082T1 - 001 - 000.wav
109 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:08.12 00:15:39.20 00:15:44.07
* FROM CLIP NAME: 084T1 - 000 - 000.wav
110 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:13.07 00:15:44.07 00:15:53.14
* FROM CLIP NAME: 081T2 - 002 - 000.wav
111 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:06.21 00:15:53.14 00:15:56.10
* FROM CLIP NAME: 084T1 - 001 - 000.wav
112 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:11.22 00:00:13.09 00:15:56.10 00:15:57.22
* FROM CLIP NAME: 084T1 - 001 - 000.wav
113 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:18.05 00:00:20.21 00:15:57.22 00:16:00.12
* FROM CLIP NAME: 084T1 - 001 - 000.wav
114 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:27.11 00:16:00.12 00:16:23.23
* FROM CLIP NAME: 086T1 - 000 - 000.wav
115 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:11.09 00:16:23.23 00:16:31.07
* FROM CLIP NAME: 093T4 - 000 - 000.wav
116 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:06.09 00:16:31.07 00:16:33.16
* FROM CLIP NAME: 088T1 - 000 - 000.wav
117 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:08.18 00:00:10.02 00:16:33.16 00:16:35.00
* FROM CLIP NAME: 088T1 - 000 - 000.wav
118 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:16.05 00:00:18.20 00:16:35.00 00:16:37.15
* FROM CLIP NAME: 088T1 - 000 - 000.wav
119 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:23.02 00:00:29.06 00:16:37.15 00:16:43.19
* FROM CLIP NAME: 088T1 - 000 - 000.wav
120 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:16.01 00:16:43.19 00:16:55.20
* FROM CLIP NAME: 088T1 - 001 - 000.wav
121 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:09.14 00:16:55.20 00:17:01.09
* FROM CLIP NAME: 088T1 - 002 - 000.wav
122 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:13.01 00:00:14.11 00:17:01.09 00:17:02.19
* FROM CLIP NAME: 088T1 - 002 - 000.wav
123 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:19.00 00:00:20.15 00:17:02.19 00:17:04.09
* FROM CLIP NAME: 088T1 - 002 - 000.wav
124 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:27.19 00:00:29.14 00:17:04.09 00:17:06.04
* FROM CLIP NAME: 088T1 - 002 - 000.wav
125 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:33.02 00:00:34.05 00:17:06.04 00:17:07.07
* FROM CLIP NAME: 088T1 - 002 - 000.wav
126 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:04.23 00:17:07.07 00:17:08.05
* FROM CLIP NAME: 093T4 - 001 - 000.wav
127 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:08.07 00:00:09.10 00:17:08.05 00:17:09.08
* FROM CLIP NAME: 093T4 - 001 - 000.wav
128 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:09.18 00:00:11.18 00:17:09.08 00:17:11.08
* FROM CLIP NAME: 093T4 - 001 - 000.wav
129 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:05.18 00:17:11.08 00:17:13.01
* FROM CLIP NAME: 091T1 - 002 - 000.wav
130 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:04.14 00:17:13.01 00:17:13.15
* FROM CLIP NAME: 089T1 - 000 - 000.wav
131 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:04.21 00:17:13.15 00:17:14.11
* FROM CLIP NAME: 091T1 - 000 - 000.wav
132 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:04.12 00:17:14.11 00:17:14.23
* FROM CLIP NAME: 090T1 - 000 - 000.wav
133 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:08.09 00:00:09.01 00:17:14.23 00:17:15.15
* FROM CLIP NAME: 089T1 - 000 - 000.wav
134 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:11.05 00:00:11.16 00:17:15.15 00:17:16.01
* FROM CLIP NAME: 089T1 - 000 - 000.wav
135 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:12.06 00:00:12.17 00:17:16.01 00:17:16.12
* FROM CLIP NAME: 089T1 - 000 - 000.wav
136 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:04.14 00:17:16.12 00:17:17.01
* FROM CLIP NAME: 089T1 - 001 - 000.wav
137 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:12.01 00:00:12.15 00:17:17.01 00:17:17.15
* FROM CLIP NAME: 091T1 - 001 - 000.wav
138 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:04.18 00:17:17.15 00:17:18.08
* FROM CLIP NAME: 092T1 - 000 - 000.wav
139 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:06.13 00:00:07.02 00:17:18.08 00:17:18.22
* FROM CLIP NAME: 092T1 - 000 - 000.wav
140 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:25.14 00:00:27.02 00:17:18.22 00:17:20.10
* FROM CLIP NAME: 089T1 - 001 - 000.wav
141 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:18.20 00:00:19.13 00:17:20.10 00:17:21.03
* FROM CLIP NAME: 089T1 - 001 - 000.wav
142 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:21.15 00:00:23.13 00:17:21.03 00:17:23.01
* FROM CLIP NAME: 089T1 - 001 - 000.wav
143 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:11.00 00:00:12.07 00:17:23.01 00:17:24.08
* FROM CLIP NAME: 089T1 - 001 - 000.wav
144 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:04.18 00:17:24.08 00:17:25.01
* FROM CLIP NAME: 092T1 - 001 - 000.wav
145 UNKNOWN AA C 00:00:04.00 00:00:04.12 00:17:25.01 00:17:25.13

THE DAYS ARE PACKED

2011-09-09T15:12:00.001+01:00

On a train - whistling back to London after a days read through for our upcoming radio4 show and a post wedding stag do. A lot’s happened recently – i’m married to the most talented woman i know – my house has a huge hole in it and we have a dog.

I'm all grown up.

ANNA CRILLY TALKS TO HER DOG OVER THE RADIO (BBC5 LIVE)

2011-07-17T12:30:00.000+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHj_Ck5cpeE

EASTER VISITOR

2011-04-25T12:11:00.002+01:00