Johnny Ong

Create Your Own Culture!

2010-02-08T05:19:00.000-08:00

I came across this powerful exhortation in Mitch Albom's wonderful book, Tuesdays With Morrie.

There is a dire need for all of us to create our own culture, our own way of living. All of us are in danger of losing our identities, our true selves. Why?

Because there is always pressure to "be like the crowd", "to be one of `em", to be cool etc, etc. In my training sessions with young people, I often suggest that they retain their true identities, rather than discard these and become a non distinct person. Being one amongst many is better than being many without being one.

In this age of overwhelming mass media and popular culture, and of course peer pressure, individuality is slowly being lost, with many individuals being unaware. Notice that I reiterate the word `being'. People have ceased being significant; they are merging with the crowds. Once again, we are harking back to the tribal ages!

Hence, I was so gratified that during one of my workshops, a student, in response to my question about what was his strength, said that he enjoyed `being' himself'.

May there be more of such individuals.

Teenagers Just Need Love

2010-01-11T05:09:00.000-08:00

Having been involved in training thousands of young people, I have come to the conclusion that for all the suggested therapies, counselling and `quick fixes' recommended, there is only one remedy - love.

Many parents often forget that whilst teenagers behave like young adults, they are, deep within, still children. Not in a childish sense, but in need of parental affirmation and support. No psychotherapist, top notch psychologist or self help guru will ever be able to replace the love that a parent gives. Just mere words will be able to soothe those wounded egos; and a hug will lift any teenager from the depths of despair. Only parents can provide the emotional sustenance that a teenager craves.

Yet many parents fail to see that mere simple acts on our part can form the best preventive medicine against any psychological damage that might befall our beloved children. In this day and age, many of our young people are crying out to be heard and understood, to be touched; yet many parents have to their own peril ignored these cries for attention.

Yes, the behaviour of teenagers can be difficult to comprehend. But then again, the universe itself is almost impossible to fathom, yet we marvel at it. What more our children?

I am, unabashedly, a staunch believer that our teenagers should be tangibly loved; a touch, a kind word will remove all barriers to understanding our teens.

If you are a parent to teenage children, remember, they still need your love. And to all teenagers, never be shy about demanding your emotional sustenance.

Tuesdays with Morrie - Watch The Movie

2009-07-22T21:09:00.000-07:00

You may have heard about the best selling book, Tuesdays with Morrie. For those who have not, it's about a dying college professor, Morrie Schwartz, sharing life lessons with a former student, Mitch Albom. To-date, more than 11 million copies of the book have been sold.

I watched the movie version as part of the pyschotherapy course that I'm undertaking. It was heart rending, yet extremely meaningful. You could say it was life changing, and whilst I tried containing the tears that seem to flow effortlessly, it also caused a wonderful emotional nourishment, a new world view to look at life. Contained within are beautiful nuggets of wisdom, lessons such as:

On Culture: "The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it." Aren't we always guilty of being slaves to culture? Avoid the herd mentality and you'll stand out.

On Tension of Opposites: "Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else." There are always two choices in life: the right and the wrong, no in betweens.

On Getting Meaning into Life:"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

On Aging:"Aging is not just decay...It's growth." * * *"If you're always battling against getting older, you're always going to be unhappy, because it will happen anyhow." * * *"You have to find what's good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And, age is not a competitive issue."

On Shortsightedness:"...no matter where you live, the biggest defect we human beings have is our shortsightedness. We don't see what we could be. We should be looking at our potential, stretching ourselves into everything we can be come."
On Death :"Death ends a life, not a relationship."

On Relationships:"There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like."

Watch the movie for maximum impact. Keep a box of tissues nearby though. You've been warned.

The Things We Clutch In Our Graves Are Those Things We Gave Away

2008-10-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

This quote was a life changing revelation to me; and it makes even more sense within the current text of this financial tsunami.

Fear pervades at this moment in time. Fear is gripping everyone. Fear features in all the media we encounter.

Fear is overwhelming us.

Yet fear is a feeling, and a feeling is created by our thinking. We can control our thinking; we can control our fears.

Two people I met recently seemed to be overcome by fear. Materially, they were very successful; emotionally, I would say they were bankrupt. What seems to be foremost on their minds is the fear of losing everything.

No doubt, their wealth has been reduced, on paper that is. Both still have many physical possessions. Yet it's strange that one can possess many things yet own nothing. Because by fearing that you will lose something, you are in effect relinquishing that very possession.

What we clutch in our graves are those things that we gave away. What this means is that we can never possess anything permanently. We came into this world with nothing, so we will leave empty handed. That is a fact.

Once you grasp this, you will realize that all possessions are temporary, and once you acknowledge this, you will no longer need to fear its loss. It's as simple as that! Once you embrace this mindset, you will realise that the only permanent possessions you cling to after you die are those possessions you gave away, as these are legacies you leave behind for others.

That will now leave you to then focus on the present, and living life to the fullest in the here and now. You will become less concerned about losing and more focused on winning in the present moment.

Victor Frankl, the Jewish holocaust survivor, believes that human beings do not just seek pleasure in life. What everyone really seeks is the meaning of life.

He lost his entire family in the holocaust. Yet, he found it within himself to make meaning of the tragedy that befell him. He concluded that the meaning of life is found in every moment of living, even in death and suffering. And after the war, he went to on to become a successful academic, author and psychologist.

This financial turmoil has clouded the view and meaning of life. It's time we truly embrace the present and discard the fear.

No season lasts forever because all of life is a cycle.

This too shall pass.

DON"T LIVE YOUR LIFE IN ONE DAY - OUT NOW IN STORES!

2008-09-24T01:44:00.000-07:00

Well, my book has finally been officially launched. It's out in the bookstores, both in Singapore and Malaysia.

What do I seek to achieve? Well, the book contains truisms that hopefully, will inspire and motivate those who delve into its contents. More than anything, I hope that people will refer to it time and time again to reflect on its messages and more importantly, see how they are actually living their lives.

It's just 232 pages, broken down into 10 major areas. These are:

Mind Management

Developing Your Potential

Success

The Finer Things in Life

Overcoming the Odds

Relationship Development

Career Pointers

Leading A Balanced Life

Power Strategies

All Other Things That Matter

After 20 years in the making, the book that I always wanted to write has finally arrived. And it is my earnest hope that it will benefit those who are keen on embarking on the messages that are unveiled.

Allocate Special Holidays for Yourself

2008-07-19T19:57:00.001-07:00

Just came back from a wonderful holiday with three of my best buddies. Mind you, this was done without the wives and children. What a treat!

Three years ago, my friends and I decided that we should have an annual retreat...men only. This was naturally greeted with much derision, skepticism and suspicions from our wives. I don't blame them. But they relented, albeit very, very, very reluctantly.

Phuket was the venue of our first and second `pilgrimages'; Jakarta was our latest `foray'. So, what do four grown men do when they're all alone, away from the scrutinising eyes of our better halves?

We become boys. Lest your mind starts wandering, it was good fun - playing golf, eating and having a few drinks.

Golfing in Indonesia is a refreshing experience - the golf courses are breathtakingly beautiful, the people are so warm, and everyone seems genuinely happy. My only lament was that my golf scores did not do justice to the wonderful conditions that prevailed. But, who cares.

What am I getting at?

Well, your wives and partners are going to hate me for this. But I'm strongly recommending that if it was possible, without you running the risk of getting a divorce letter or being dumped, go for an all guys holiday. It does wonders for your mental health. Deep down, all men are boys, and we need to return to that boyish abandonment that we left behind. We need to touch base once in a while with our `inner self' to unleash our latent creativity and imagination that resides deep within. Having these holidays will do just that.

And am I saying that only the men get it? No, ladies too can be gals again. You too deserve an all ladies holiday, leaving aside everything and having good, clean gal fun. In fact, it would be most ideal if both the guys and gals take turns to have such holidays.

It would do all of us a great deal of good. It could be worth a "fortune".

To Mervyn, Steven and Lincoln - thanks for the wonderful time. Till next year!

The Last Lecture Tells Us Much Of How We Should Live

2008-07-08T01:59:00.000-07:00

I have just finished reading the book, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. And when I say just finished, I literally mean it; I'm writing this post moments after reading the book, which was in itself done in record time.

Randy Pausch is a university professor who has much to live for - a beautiful wife, two young sons and a lovely daughter. As fate would have it, he's only months to live as a series of cancers wreak havoc on his physical but not his mental health.

For a man staring death in the face, I can only admire his courage, and his humour. My problems are but a speck of dust when compared to the fate that awaits him. In his book, he is exuberant about living, and about living a life that is meaningful. He buys a convertible, goes out on a final holiday with three of his buddies, and continually expresses his love and admiration for his children and for his wife.

As a means of communicating his thoughts as well as imparting insights, Randy conducts a lecture entitled The Last Lecture. It's available on the Internet for those who are unaware - http://www.thelastlecture.com/. For me,the most poignant part of the book was when he unveils a surprise birthday celebration for his wife at the lecture. She hugs him, then tells him "Please don't die."

In delivering the lecture and in writing the book, Randy is telling us all that we should value life more intensely; most of us tend to take it for granted. If you have been doing so,now is the time to reflect and make efforts in ensuring that we live a life we want.

This book has made a profound impact on me; may I therefore recommend that you read it. Just click on the book cover on this site.

Live life!

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." - Randy Pausch

Meditate For Power

2008-07-01T03:58:00.000-07:00

Meditation has always been a source of intrigue for me. To be honest, I've always been a skeptic. My impression of meditation hovers between the mystical and the gullible. No way was I going into it.

How wrong could I be!

I read Charles Haanel's book, The Master Key System and he emphasised the need for Mental Housekeeping. Our minds are often cluttered with too much inputs and there is a need to do some housekeeping. This is often an area of major neglect. As our minds get overburdened with too much thoughts, both positive and negative, its efficiency invariably declines. There is a need for some detoxification.

You may be familiar with the Defragmentation tool used for PCs. It's in a sense a housekeeping tool for computers. What it ultimately does is that it makes the computer function more efficiently.

Our minds could do with some defragmentation and I would recommend a tool called meditation. Not of the Yogic, lotus leaf kind.

Here's what you can do:

1. Find a quiet place; it could be your room, the park or the beach.

2. Find a comfortable sitting position, then keep still for 15 minutes.

3. Close your eyes and shut out all thoughts.

Do that 3 times a week and see if it makes you better.

I did. And I now swear by it.

Om.......

The Longer The Night Lasts, The Longer Our Dreams Will Be

2008-06-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

What this ancient Chinese proverb is saying is that the longer we stay in a disadvantageous position, the more risks we'll take. So, is that good or bad?

Well, there are always two sides to a coin.

As far as possible, we'll always want to be in an advantageous position. That's human. But then again, that advantageous position may be far from being an advantage. Let me explain.

We can always opt for a safer decisions to be in our comfort zone. But that results in us always being in our comfort zone, which may not be the ideal or maximum zone that we truly can thrive in. But, we are comfortable.

We could be earning a relatively reasonable income, with minimal effort and stress. Or we could be doing a job that barely uses our capabilities. In short, we are under-acheiving.

Most successful people arrived at their stations in life by pushing themselves out of their comfort zones i.e. from their advantageous positions, to be in a less advantageous position. These people could have been well paid employees who ventured out to be their own bosses. In moving from theses zones, they were forced to take risks. And in most cases, they were rewarded.

Am I advocating a risk taking perspective from now on? No, but maybe you should look at where you are now and see if it's truly what you want. Success does not necessarily mean riches and fame. To me, success is doing what you want and being what you want.

It is what we are, not what we have.

And may I end by saying that `You can't catch a cub without going into the lion's den'. In trying anything new, there will always be risks. You can't succeed without risks.

Underwear Sells!

2008-06-04T19:29:00.000-07:00

Just read an article about the richest sports personalities and the money they are raking in. Tiger Woods, quite naturally, tops the list at US$128 million last year. Guess many will not grudge that as golf is an extremely difficult game to master and Woods has already stamped his mark on the golfing scene despite being in his youthful 30s.

But what about David Beckham?

He tops the list for non Americans at about US$50 million. What gives?

I'm not in anyway inferring that soccer, a game which Beckham earns his keeps from, is a lesser sport than golf. In fact, it's the sport with the largest following in the world. However, David is not exactly a legend in terms of soccer skills, not when you compare the prowess demonstrated by Woods who is already a golfing legend by all accounts.

So what is it about David Beckham?

He's a brand. And a carefully crafted one at that.

He's got the looks and he's always presented in the best possible light - sometimes in underwear, not indecent at all, sometimes with milk and sometimes with soft drinks. He's associated with Pepsi, Gillette. He has an image, and that image sells. His brand value is estimated to be almost worth US$400 million. Now, that's an obscene amount.

What am I getting at?

In this day and age, it's all about image. Get the right image and present that in the right marketing vehicles, and you'll be rolling in cash.

Whatever your station in life, take a look at the image you're projecting. If you exude certain qualities, capitalise on it. If it's commercially viable, better still. Not in a David Beckham manner, but in ways that enhances your persona and how people perceive you. It applies to whatever circumstance you're in, be it as an employee or as an entrepreneur (remember Richard Branson?).

It's all about perception, and the right perception sells. David Beckham is living proof.

The Man Who Removes a Mountain Begins By Carrying Away Small Stones

2008-06-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

All of us face situations which seem insurmountable and gargantuan. That ambition, that goal appears in our mind as a mountain. It's imposing, almost impossible to scale. Add that to the chorus of naysayers who almost always seem to be great prophets of doom, the goal or problem seems like a hopeless cause. All perspectives to the achievement of the goal or resolution of the problem appear as 90 degree precipices.

But is it?

Jacob Riis ( 1849 - 1914) was a journalist and social reformer who, in the lates 1800s, did much to improve the lot of the poor in New York City. He shared an unusual approach in overcoming discouragement. Whenever he felt he needed a morale boost, he would visit a stonecutter. There, Riis would watch the stone cutter hammer away at a boulder. He would strike the stone for a 100 times with no results.

However, at the 101st attempt, the stone would crack. Riis reasoned that it wasn't the 101st blow that did the trick, but rather, the cumulative attempts at cracking the boulder was the fundamental reason for the resultant crack.

And so it is with life. There will be many a time when our efforts seem futile, almost as if we're on a lost cause with nothing to account for despite our most valiant efforts. That's when we must never give up but plod on.

We all will have our boulders and mountains to conquer, but every strike at that boulder and every pebble that we cart away will result in the unthinkable; the boulder will crack and the mountain will disappear.

Live Your Dream

2008-05-22T02:18:00.000-07:00

Action will remove the doubt that theory cannot solve. - Tehyi Hsieh

Many of us live a life, but not many of us are living a life we want to live. Having left Corporate Singapore at the end of 2007, life has been a dream for me.

Why?

I'm achieving many things which I had always wanted to do, but excuses often got the better of me. I had no time, I was exhausted, I was overwhelmed. You know the story.

In the past 5 months, there weren't any excuses left for me. Guess what? I just did what I had to do. Here's the list of actions taken;

1 I wrote and published a book.
2 I set up a company
3 I set up my website (with level 3 eCommerce capbility)
4 I started this blog
5 I contributed articles to 10 websites
6 I ran a longer weekly distance than I ever did in my life
7 I created a Sales Training Program
8 I spent more time with the family

and read more books than I ever did.

Who says you can't live your dream? I'm living mine.

Wait no further!

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way. - Christopher Morley

Be Your Own Brand

2008-05-15T23:45:00.000-07:00

Be Your Own Brand

Originality is simply a pair of fresh eyes. – THOMAS W.HIGGINSON

Branding, in a simple manner of speaking, is a way of saying that something belongs to us. You own your body, your personality, so you are in every sense of the word, your brand.

Brands carry values. These can be functional, expressive and central values. Functional values concerns product performance. Rolex watches deliver quality timekeeping; Coca Cola refreshes; Singapore Airlines offers high quality customer service.

Expressive values focuses on what the consumer wants. Harley Davidson motorbikes epitomises freedom and adventure; Tag Heuer watches convey youthfulness and athleticism.

Central values form the key to any product and it permeates the very core of consumer’s belief systems. Virgin, through its founder Sir Richard Branson, conveys an image of irreverence and daring do. Apple, through its iMac, iBook and iPod, convey iconic ownership status.

How then can we be a brand?

Our functional value can be the way we work, the way we carry out tasks, the way we solve problems. We can convey a sense of dependability and credibility by the way we carry out our duties and responsibilities, on the work, family and social fronts. Punctuality, thoroughness, efficiency are manifestations of our functional values.

We can convey our expressive values through our attire, our adornments (watches, jewellery, cars) and our hobbies. It is revealed through the music we listen to, the books and magazines we read, the movies we watch. These reveal our personality, how we feel about ourselves and how we want the world to see us. These can work for or against us, depending on the image we want to portray and the environmental context we are in. For instance, trying to look Bohemian in a

legal firm, for example, would not be too appropriate.

Central values are within us and it shows itself through our character. These values are revealed in the way we treat our family, our co-workers and our friends. It is unveiled in times of crisis, in times of celebrations and in times of achievement. It manifests itself through our integrity. It shows what we really stand for in life. Central values are what we really are and it is felt by one and all who encounter us.

We are, therefore, in many ways a brand. How we want to position ourselves to others is entirely up to us. But the values must match the positioning, otherwise our `branding’ becomes a fallacy.
See yourself as a brand. Discover your own Unique Selling Proposition and create your own story.

Never Measure The Volume Of The Sea Using A Scoop

2008-05-12T23:18:00.000-07:00

This Chinese saying cautions against making decisons and judgements based on minimal information. It is a natural tendency to make cursory analysis based on first impressions, particularly in the area of human relationships. There is usually much typecasting and stereotyping that such and such a personality can't be trusted, or that someone looks so dependable.

Looks can be utterly deceiving!

There is much wisdom in this sage advice. I for one have been proven wrong many a time when I relied on a first glance, superficial assessment of a particular person or a business situation.

Truly, one can't measure the volume of the sea using buckets for that matter, let alone a scoop. Hence, avoid making superficial or cursory assessments on anyone or any given situation. Much more needs to be uncovered before making a judgement or decision.

The World Is Flat

2008-05-07T00:38:00.000-07:00

Am reading Thomas Friedman's book The World Is Flat. It's a treasure trove of revelations. Like the 10 forces that flattened the world; just mind boggling. Freidman landscapes the present and future scenarios and not surprisingly, mentions blogging as a flattener.

Well, in case you're wondering what's a flattener, it's a phenomenon or event that greatly levels the global playing field. Think Berlin Wall, World Wide Web, Uploading, You Tube, Self Publishing, Outsourcing.

As with Chris Anderson's book The Long Tail, The World Is Flat is akin to looking at a crystal ball and envisaging what the future holds.

Apologies for the dramatics, but I strongly feel that it's a worthy read.

Your Thoughts Create Your Future

2008-05-05T00:38:00.001-07:00

If you had read Rhonda Byrne's book on The Secret, my bet is that you would embark on a serious personal campaign to manage what thoughts go into your mind. Basically, the Law of Attraction states that everything that is coming into your life, you are attracting it!

We are creating our future with our thoughts. Thoughts become reality, so thinking positive thoughts create positive outcomes; negative thoughts create negative outcomes. And whatever we think, we attract from within the Universe.

Our future is certainly not uncertain. We can manage it; provided we think the right stuff.

Feed your mind, with healthy thoughts.

Do The Things You Do Last...First

2008-04-24T01:30:00.000-07:00

Do The Thing You Would Want To Do Last ... First

Efficiency is doing things right. Effectiveness is doing the right thing. – ZIG ZIGLAR

If I’d ever wanted to share a great tip on reaching personal efficiency, this would be it.

Don’t we all have our daily `favourite’ to do list? Things like responding to irrelevant emails, filing papers and just about anything that makes us feel good.

Don’t we all have that list of tasks that we absolutely hate but would have to be done? That complaint letter that we had to answer? That return call to so and so, the one you wondered why, to your great misfortune you had to serve as a client? That repair to the car which you had been delaying for a week? And so on, and so forth.

Trust me, I’m no masochist. Like you, I too have my `favourite’ to-do list. Thing is, the `non-favourites’ often puts me in stress mode as the day wears on. And sometimes, more non-favourites occur, putting even more stress on me.

So, I had resolved some eons ago to tackle the unpleasant tasks first. To first tackle the tasks that given a choice I would do last. Which would then leave me, as the day wore on, to tackle the favourites so that by the end of the day I was less drained and more cheerful.

As Zig Ziglar says, it’s all about doing the right things. And more often than not, the right things are the ones we want to do last. Or not at all.

Everyday cannot be a feast of lanterns. – CHINESE PROVERB

http://www.johnnyong.com