through your eyes

my journey home

2015-01-07T09:38:00.000-08:00

Most of you probably know by now that I am in fact still in America while Angie is in fact back in Mozambique. After returning home for our visa issues, I made a heart-wrenching decision to stay home and not finish my year out at Beacon of Hope – Africa. I want to say this has NOTHING to do with Angie or the ministry. I still consider that place my home, and my heart aches for them on a daily basis. Angie is a truly spectacular woman, and I hope one day I can be even the fraction of the woman she is. So my decision to stay home was not based on anyone else but myself. It comes down to this simple truth:

It was hard so I quit.

Those words sting as I type them, and I can feel my pride shattering. I wish I could say I was stronger, braver, more reliant on God. I wish I could say I was an overcomer, a fighter, someone willing to go do anything for the Lord. I’ve learned through this experience that I am not. Dealing with these emotions of failure, frustration, and questions about my faith have left me in a puddle on the floor too many times to count.

But I always get up from that puddle. I always move on. I wake up and go to my God-given job (no seriously GOD GAVE me my job with very little to no effort on my part). I enjoy time with my friends and family (including our newest family member, my baby doggie Dexter). I make plans for the future. I enjoy every second I have at church with the kids and youth. I savor precious conversations with so many amazing people God has placed in my life. I soak in intimate time with Jesus. I fight for joy and hope in the promises of the Lord.

None of us are perfect. We all screw up and end up in the pit. We may disappoint or fail by someone else’s or own standards. We may lie, cheat, and steal to get what we want only to find it leaves us empty. We may crash and burn as we try to do things out of our own strength instead of relying on the Lord (like me).

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know how to move forward from where I’m at. I don’t know how you will react and look at me after you read this post. But I do some things that will always be true:

God is sovereign. No matter what I choose to do with my life. No matter what failures, missteps, or questions I have, God is ALWAYS in control. I’m naïve and power-crazy to think that my mistake could in any way impact God’s grand plan for the universe.

God is still working things out for my good. When I mess up my own life, God is kind and gentle enough to still bless me (I’m not just talking about material blessings). To pull me out of the pit. To crown me with His joy and peace. To give me a job when I don’t even see it coming.

God loves me. He doesn’t choose to punish me in an unloving way. Yes, consequences and punishment will always happen, but that doesn’t mean His love for me changes even a single ounce. He still showers me daily with His love. He never revokes His salvation or promises for my eternity. He is always pursuing and romancing me.

God will still use me. No matter how bad it may seem. No matter how many people or how many times I disappoint. God will always use me. When I’m willing, He includes me in His Kingdom work. When I’m not willing, He still uses me in His Kingdom work (even though I’m less likely to recognize it). He uses failures, doubts, and successes in each of our lives to promote something bigger that’s a part of His plan. He uses us when we don’t see it. He uses us when we ask. He uses us when we don’t ask.

All of this. This whole blog post. Doesn’t just apply to me. Whether you come forward publicly and announce your failures or you hide them safely in the depths of your heart for only you and Jesus to see, they are there in all of our lives. But I am here to say that God is good. God is sovereign. God is love. He’s giving you a second, third, fourth, fiftieth chance right now. Let’s do something about it.

Dexter <3

rest

2014-07-31T14:02:00.000-07:00

As I’m sure most of you know by now, I’m back home in the US of A! After four months of trying to get visa issues resolved, Angie and I came to a decision point that led us home. We will be here for a couple of months resolving the visa issues as well as resting and catching up with friends and family.

Rest is an interesting concept to me. I am great at the lounging around on the couch, watching a movie, chatting with friends, sleeping a lot kind of rest. In fact, I’m so good at it, you might at times mistake me for lazy. Trust me though, I'm not lazy, just RESTING. That’s what I’m choosing to believe anyway.

Yesterday, I was having a heck of a day resting. I had gone running in the morning and wore myself completely since I am embarrassingly out of shape (thanks a lot Africa!). Since I was too pooped to do anything else that afternoon, I didn’t. I literally laid on the couch, watched a little HGTV (while dreaming of my own home I might own one of these days), did a few things on the computer, and hung out with my brother. I would say a pretty productive day as far as resting goes. But I started thinking while I was letting the dogs out to relieve themselves:

What kind of rest am I actually in need of?

Yes, of course I need physical rest. Everyone does after a time change jump of 7 hours and a 39-hour travel day. But would physical rest really renew me completely? Would it give my spirit the refreshing that it needed as well as my body?

I know physical rest especially when burnt out or extremely exhausted/jetlagged can do a world of good for your attitude and spirit. But my spirit was in need of a little more than that. I realized that I didn’t need just physical rest but spiritual rest as well. When Angie and I were in Mozambique, praying over our visa situation, God specifically spoke to me over and over again with the words “Rest in Me”. I didn’t exactly know what that meant at the time. I just thought it meant that no matter what happened, we didn’t need to freak out but just let God handle it. After I got home though, the words “Rest in Me” kept resonating in my spirit.

As I sat on that deck thinking about the kind of rest I needed, I realized I sucked at spiritual rest. I have always struggled, like many of us do in this technology age, with just sitting and enjoying completely quiet alone time with the Lord. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy my quiet times with the Lord. But I often find my quiet times filled with things like worship music or feverishly scribbling down my thoughts or doodles. There’s nothing wrong with worship music or journaling especially when hanging out with God, but I rarely just sit in silence in the presence of the Lord. When things are silent, my mind can’t seem to concentrate or focus. Sometimes all the junk that I don’t want to deal with comes up, and since I don’t want to deal with it I just give up and go turn on something that will make noise.

But I’m tired of making excuses.

And I’m tired of being tired all the time.

It is my goal during these two months to figure out what it means for me to truly rest in the Lord. My resting in the Lord may look differently than your resting in the Lord. But I’m going to figure out what mine is, and I’m going to sit in silence in the presence of the Lord and let Him revive and renew my soul. I’ve never needed it more than I do now, and the Lord’s given me the opportunity so I’m not going to miss it.

How do you rest in the Lord? Have you been doing it lately?

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;

my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

He is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all times, O people;

pour out your heart to him,

for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:5-8

left behind

2014-07-10T08:07:00.004-07:00

World Racers came and graced us with their presence for the month of June. This was an awesome and strange experience for me. Honestly when I found out we were having teams coming I felt very anxious about it. The not-so-happy thoughts from my Race came flooding back to me, and I just didn't want to have to deal with the drama of 16 people living in such close quarters. I was pleasantly surprised when they proved me wrong. They were people full of love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and fun. Quickly, I fell in love with this group of people. I didn't know I could have a crush on a group of people, but I certainly did. They loved on me, encouraged me, shared their struggles with me, and invited me to be a part of them. It was just the time of reenergizing that I needed.

It was such a strange dynamic though because I was actually NOT one of them. I was on the other side – the contact. It was easy for me to love them well since I had such a massive crush on them. It was easy for me to feel like I was on the Race again (to an extent) because I got to participate in worship, team time, and prayer time with them. I couldn't get too swept into this mindset though because as the contact I had to take care of them, provide everything they needed to get the job done, and make sure everything was going smoothly. As their month here was drawing to a close, the itch to go with them began to grow. I mean that was my life for 11 months, and it just made sense. OK guys, let’s pack up and head on out. But this time I wasn't invited (well technically I WAS invited but obviously I couldn't go).

I knew it would be hard to say goodbye, but I didn't really understand what it would be like. I had said goodbye to many people on the Race. I had kind of become a professional at goodbyes. The van pulled up, we carried their stuff out, and they got on. It was like a magnet, drawing me in. My desire to go on their next adventure with them was so strong I actually sat on the bus a couple of times with them while they were loading up and saying bye. Then I had to get off. Because that’s what I had to do. The bus pulled away. I waved and screamed things at them like “LOVE YOU” and “STALK ME”. Then I headed into a big and very empty house.

This was the part I didn't expect to happen. I was sad. I've said goodbye so many times to so many people, but this time the goodbye physically hurt me. My heart ached because I knew my friends were gone, and I didn't know when or if I’d ever see them again. I felt like I was going through a break-up. My crush had left me alone and crushed (I guess that’s why they call it a crush). They didn't leave me completely alone though because many of the girls left me encouraging love notes that I still read now and then as encouragement. That almost made the pain in the moment worse though. As a contact, I wasn't going off to a new adventure with my team where I would quickly move on from the previous month because I had to focus on the current one. Nope, I was still here and now without 16 new friends in a big empty house. Very, very different.

Someone had mentioned to me once that most previous Racers that become contacts don’t get close to Racers when they come to visit because it’s too hard. I now fully understand that statement. But the thing is I wouldn't change anything at all. I wouldn't change a second of that month so that it wouldn't have hurt so bad when they left. I gave them my heart and they gave me theirs. That’s the way God desires us to love – purely, genuinely, and without fear. Even though I know that I may not talk to many of them again, I know that month was special to them just like it was to me. I also know that I made some friends that will be friends for life just because of that one month.

Just like after a break up, the pain lessens every day as I move on. I get up and do my job because that’s what I’m called here to do. I think about my friends often and pray for them as they are in month 11 and will be going home at the end of this next month. I stalk them on Facebook and am envious over their time in beautiful Capetown. I try not to be too overbearing and only click the “Like” button once every fifteen times I want to click it. And I learned something very valuable from this. To let myself get close to people who may just be in my life for a small season like a week or a month because I know it’s worth it. I am a better person because of that month. I will be a better person then next time a team comes, I get a crush, and my heart gets broken all over again. Even if it’s not as enjoyable and fun as this month was, I know that I am called to invest my life into people no matter the outcome.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

– Romans 12:9-13

my ideal self

2014-06-16T03:07:00.001-07:00

The other day I was listening to a podcast from my church about David being chosen as King. David, the youngest (like 12 years old!), the smallest, the least likely to be chosen (he wasn’t even invited to the ceremony) was chosen to rule over an entire nation. He wasn’t wise. He hadn’t lived a long life full of learning opportunities. He was just a boy tending sheep. That didn’t stop God from making His choice though. To God it didn’t matter what he had done or not done. God knew David and loved David’s heart. God knew that David was just what Israel needed to be redeemed yet again. When God chose David, His grace shone through in a huge way. He had not given up on His rebellious people, but He had a plan of redemption for them and for us.

As this sermon went on, Ross touched on so many good points. He mentioned 1 Corinthians 1:26-31 where it talks about God identifying and using people in different ways than the world’s standards. We read in 1 Samuel 16:7b where it says, “For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” These verses all spell out something that the Bible reiterates time and time again. As followers of Christ, we most likely will not accepted by the world’s standards (this is not our home after all – we are foreigners). We will have special jobs and responsibilities that the Lord will give us that we will most likely not be equipped to do. Then God will show His power through us as we serve Him in the most unlikely ways. All of this I know. I’ve heard and read time and time again. But it doesn’t make it any easier.

I desire acceptance. I desire to be desired. I desire to be seen. I desire to be heard. I desire independence. I desire strength (emotional and physical). I desire self-sufficiency. Every one of those desires contradicts what Jesus teaches about humility, dependence, and working for the Lord not for men. Ross pointed out that most of the time our ideal self gets in the way whenever we feel unappreciated or small or frustrated. It is so funny he mentioned that because just a few days before I had written a list of what I wanted to be (my ideal self) and who I really was. My ideal self was strong, healthy, self-sufficient, confident, etc. It was stuff I wanted to work on and get better at.

Then I listened to this podcast.

My broken, messed up self is exactly what God desires to use. He desires me just as I am. And He desires me to be all in, all the time, weaknesses and all. Through this act of humility and dependence, the strength, power, grace, and love of God will shine through all the more. So just maybe my thinking has been wrong all these years. Instead of trying to become my “Ideal” self, I will gladly rejoice in the broken mound I currently am. Instead of beating myself up when I “screw up”, I will look to the Lord and see how He will work it all for His good and His Kingdom. I will let God mold me and shape into whoever HE wants me to be for His purpose in my life, instead of me trying to change myself into who I want me to be. Hopefully then, I will start serving faithfully and consistently in whatever task God has for me (no matter how menial).

God sees me. He always sees me. He sees me whenever no one else does. He sees my heart and all the small unnoticed things I do. I pray through my brokenness, that this will be enough for me. I will no longer desire the acceptance and approval from others but will rest in the acceptance and approval of my God who delights in me. And I will recognize that I am on God’s heart always, and that far exceeds any praise or approval I could receive elsewhere.

confessions of a "realist"

2014-04-28T10:13:00.001-07:00

I've always considered myself a “realist”. Not having too high of expectations to save myself from disappointment. Some people may have seen this as “pessimism,” but I preferred the friendlier term of “realism”. In my mind, it was always best to expect the worst because then when the worst happens you’re not surprised or if something better happens then you’re thrilled. Now, after I've been learning some things from God, I’m starting to see my “realism” being more of a lack of faith than just a defense mechanism, protecting myself from hurt and disappointment.

Lately, through a series of events, words, and scripture, I have been learning a lot about prayer and faith. I'm learning that my prayers have become or possibly always have been lacking in the faith department. You see, I realized the other day, when I repeatedly got hit in the face with scripture that prayer is only truly powerful when accompanied by faith. Other things I picked up were that God rewards the persistent prayer (Luke 18:1-8) and He wants me to ask for things (Matthew 20:29-34; Matthew 21:22). He loves to give us good gifts, listen and answer our prayers, and provide for all our needs (Matthew 7:11, Matthew 6:25-33).

So instead of my usual half-hearted, would-be-nice-if-God-listened-and-answered prayers, I will pray with persistence, specificity, and expectation. I will have faith that God hears me and desires to answer me. I will trust in His plan, and if my prayers are not answered in the time frame I desire or in the way I desire, I will believe it is for a very specific reason that I may never fully understand. I will strive to always trust and have faith in Him and His plan. I won’t give up believing in Him. I can’t give up believing in Him.

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

James 5:16

"And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith."

Matthew 21:22

south africa fun!

2014-04-20T07:20:00.001-07:00

Angie and I unfortunately did not receive our temporary residences (diris) so we had to leave the country on Wednesday to go apply for new visas. We packed up our rental car and headed out for an adventure. I thought I was going to have to drive, but Chico (a staff that came with us) found a friend that was willing to drive us for a free room and food. That was a pretty good deal to us so we took it! As the trip went on, I became more and more thankful he was driving and not me. This is because:

- The trip that would normally take 3 hours at the longest took 5 hours to get there and 6 and a half hours to get home.

- Two extremely long stretches of road work on the way there and the same 2 extremely long stretches of road work on the way back.

- The South African border on the way there was unusually crowded even though the Mozambican side was not.

- On the South African border on the way there we waited in the long visa line while the driver waited to get the stamp he needed for the car. We got out of our long line and he was still waiting in his line to get to the front and find out that he had to wait in the visa line FIRST before he could get his car stamp. So he had to then wait through the long visa line and then rewait in the long car stamp line. We just sat in the car :)

- Pretty soon after making it through the border we got stopped by police. They searched the car and our bags and decided they were going to fine us because we didn’t have a fire extinguisher. A FIRE EXTINGUISHER! So they wanted 2,000 Rand. Chico said he didn’t have 2,000 Rand so they went down to 1,000. He said he didn’t have 1,000 so it continued down until all we paid was 150 Rand (about $15) and were on our way.

- While we were in Nelspruit, we were running around doing things non-stop. It was not really bad traffic, but a lot of driving in the city. It was super beneficial to just be able to jump out of the car and let the guys go handle something else while we took care of stuff.

- On the way home, we got stopped by police AGAIN (there were TONS of police out because it was right before a holiday weekend). This time we got fined for our break lights being out. So the guys went through their bartering phase starting at 2,000 Rand again and settling in on 200 Rand (about $20). And this time our driver said, if I give you 200 Rand then you give me that banana. And the police officer did! So we paid 200 Rand for a banana.

- We had to wait in line to try to cross the border for about 3 hours in the dark because the Easter holidays are a big deal over here. All the Mozambicans were returning home for the holidays.

- We didn’t get home until 10:30PM Thursday night so that means we had to go through the border on a very crowded busy night, had to wait in road work at night without lights on the road like home, and there would have been a lot of driving in the dark.

Overall, I’m sure you can see why I was very grateful my first time driving was not on this particular trip. Don’t worry, my day will come! I’m hoping it will come on a less eventful trip but that is doubtful because this is Africa and everything is eventful.

During the 39 and a half hours we were away from home we accomplished a lot of things:

- We applied for our visas at the Mozambican embassy.

- We went and picked up 11 boxes of donated goods from a company (shirts, hats, cups, backpacks, binders, etc) from the Post Office. We then had to unpack the boxes on the street corner and stuff all this stuff into our tiny rental car to get everything to fit. Then we went and picked up giant plastic bags to put the stuff in to get it back to Mozambique in. We unpacked the car into the plastic bags in the parking lot of the hotel. Then stored the plastic bags in our rooms while we went out the rest of the day.

- We went to the mall and bought bedding and other things for the house and kids and ate dinner.

- We went back to the hotel, took long HOT showers, crashed onto real beds, and slept in nice air conditioned rooms.

- Chico and his friend got up early the next morning and took 3 of the plastic bags to be transported over the border by chapa (public transport that you can pay a fee to ship your stuff across the border so you don’t have to deal with finding a place to put it or worry about getting it through the border).

- Angie and I went and got pampered with a hair wash, head massage, haircut, and style each. Mine only cost about $18 USD!

- We drove out to a warehouse and bought some real, legit beds to send home.

- Chico went with the beds to be shipped by chapa with our last plastic bag of goods from the boxes we picked up earlier. While he was doing that, we went and bought some toner for the printer and some other goodies at this giant place that was just like Sam’s.

- We picked up Chico at the chapa place and went to try to pick up our visas. They were not ready so we ran to the mall to get a few more things we needed for the house.

- We went and successfully picked up our visas.

- We headed to a special grocery store where Angie can buy her Gluten free food (being Gluten free in Africa is not the easiest).

- We picked up some McDonalds and headed home.

- We waited 3 hours to get to the South African side of the border then were taken up to the place where people who are walking through the border go get their passport stamped. We were told to follow the car in front of us, turn around, and queue behind them. Then we all stood together in a line and they herded us in to get our passport stamped. The guy working there was FREAKING OUT and said “WE ARE IMPROVISING PEOPLE!” It was brilliant and hilarious! Once we got into the border, we got through the South African and Mozambican side pretty quickly.

- I said after the border that I was glad we hadn’t hit that second part of road work that had made us wait 45 minutes on the way there. Literally as I was finished saying that, we came to a stop and waited for 45 minutes at the road work. DOH…….I know better for next time.

These were just a few of our adventures while traveling. The two days felt like a week, and we were so tired when we got home. But we still had to unpack, get all our stuff through the dark, muddy, watery road (because we’ve learned cars can’t travel there or they get stuck), bring everything in and put it away, and then get our beds set up that were waiting on us thankfully from a staff that had picked up the stuff we had sent on the chapa. So we finally got in bed after midnight and enjoyed our nice new beds! It was a crazy trip, but we had so much favor along the way. We got everything we needed plus some. We got better deals than we expected, and we got to send stuff via chapa so we didn’t have to worry about getting things across the border. All of our stuff arrived with no problems, and we were safe the whole time. It was a great trip! Even though we did a lot and it was exhausting, I still felt rejuvenated afterwards. You have no idea what a nice hot shower and an air conditioned room free of bugs can do for your spirit. :)

My real new bed :)

an email from the Holy Spirit

2014-04-10T05:38:00.000-07:00

Three and a half weeks back in Africa and adjustment is still a constant battle. I’m not going to lie; this has been a hard one. Things have not gone the way I’ve thought they should (real shocking, I know!). I’ve had a lot of good moments but I’ve already had my share of bad ones. I’ve struggled with sickness, not sleeping, and a lot of spiritual warfare. I just feel tired all the time! I have confidence in God’s plan for me to be here, but it seems like the devil has a lot up his sleeve in response to me being here as well. I’ve been relying on the Lord, spending LOTS of time in prayer, worshiping, and studying His word. But my thoughts still seem to wander away from His promises and focus on my problems here and now. Then yesterday, I got an email from a dear, sweet friend of mine. It was full of prayer, encouragement, prophecy, and scripture. As I read it, I felt a peace come over my body, followed by a little tingling, followed by the full on Holy Spirit twitches. Never in my life have I encountered the Holy Spirit like that while just reading an email. Needless to say, every word in that email spoke volumes to me. I could not be more grateful that the Lord would give those words to my friend, and that she should would be obedient enough to send them to me. Guys, prayer is POWERFUL and words have so much meaning!!! When the Holy Spirit tells you to share something with someone, do it!! It can change someone’s day or perspective or even life. Something I took away from her words (among many things I took away from her words) and from some of my personal study is that I have been seeing things through the eyes of the world. I have not even been trying to see things through spiritual eyes because I’ve let my focus be on myself and how I thought things were supposed to be going. How many times is God going to have to teach me this lesson?! Even if I'm thinking my way would be better because I would be helping more people or defending a just cause, that doesn't mean that my way is actually better. It just means I have a big heart for helping those in need, but it is only beneficial when it is directed by the Lord in His timing, not my own. Today I will declare, “Get behind me, satan!” because he will not hinder my thoughts. I will set my mind on the things of God and His Kingdom and will not exist in a spirit of defeat. I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ!! Hallelujah!!

From that time Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, “Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.” But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”

Matthew 16:21-23

showers of blessing

2014-03-25T08:34:00.001-07:00

I've been in Mozambique for about a week now. We had a smooth, no trouble couple of travel days. Not saying it wasn't MISERABLE because traveling for that long is miserable, but we didn't have any surprises or unexpected delays. We made it home and what awaited us was a ton of surprises and unexpected delays! The first day we got here it was HOT. There was no running water when we arrived and the roads and property were flooded. Thankfully we had help unloading our mountains of luggage in the muddy, sludgy, watery mess. We made it in, got a little settled, started going through some luggage with the kids, and made dinner. By the time we sat to eat dinner, it had started storming. I’m not talking a little rain with some thunder and lightning. I’m talking massive, flood-gates-opened kind of downpour rain. The rain hitting the tin roof made for a very loud dining environment. We had to yell to talk to each other. In the middle of dinner the electricity went out and stayed that way until the following afternoon. We still have not had any consistent running water. It’s strange being back in a place where you never know if water will come out when you turn the faucet on or if the lights will come on and stay on when you flip a light switch. And boy oh boy, the mosquitos sure missed me since last time. They have come back with a vengeance and been on a biting rampage against me. Big, gross, swollen red welts that itch non-stop all over my legs and arms. Adjustment is the name of the game people. I am determined to win this one.

We spent the rest of the week sleeping, getting the house back in order and cleaned up, going to town for groceries and other things, and trying to rest. This week we are continuing to get things in order and starting to explore the direction of the ministry. I really feel this is an important time at Beacon of Hope. It is a time of renewal from the inside out. I expect God to show up in big ways in the year that I am here as well as beyond. I know He has some awesome things in store for us, we just have to be patient, willing, and full of grace as He prepares the way and shows us where and how to go forward. Please be in prayer for Angie, me, the staff of Beacon of Hope, and the ministry as a whole as things are changing in the best way.

Back when I went to intern orientation at Globe International, there were some verses that stood out to me for Beacon of Hope and Mozambique as a whole. I have been praying it over the ministry since and will continue to do so.

“And I will make them and the places all around my hill a blessing, and I will send down the showers in their season, they shall be showers of blessing. And the trees of the fields shall yield their fruit, and the earth shall yield its increase, and they shall be secure in their land. And they shall know that I am the Lord, when I break the bars of their yoke, and deliver them from the hand of those who enslaved them. They shall no more be a prey to the nations, nor shall the beasts of the land devour them. They shall dwell securely, and none shall make them afraid. And I will provide for them renowned plantations so that they will no more be consumed with hunger in the land, and no longer suffer the reproach of the nations. And they shall know that I am the Lord their God with them, and that they, the house of Israel, are my people, declares the Lord God.”

– Ezekiel 34:26-30

As I laid awake the first night listening to the rain pound the roof, I couldn't help but think of the showers of blessing talked about in Ezekiel. It doesn't mean everything will be easy from here on out, but I feel as though the Lord was blessing this place with showers of blessing, renewing it, washing away the bad and reviving the good. A time is coming when the people of Mozambique will know and call on the name of the Lord because He has delivered them from their bondage of sin and shame. I commonly take advantage of the fact that God is using me to further His Kingdom and bring fame to His name among the nations. I often get caught up in the hard day-to-day things like just wanting to flush the toilet that I miss what I'm called here to do. I know the Lord has great plans for Mozambique, and when I stop and think about how He chose me to be a part of it I am honored and humbled. I am excited to see how things progress and what God does through me and around me.

I was very excited to see this little guy as well as the rest of Angie's kids and Beacon of Hope staff.

the final countdown

2014-03-06T13:54:00.000-08:00

Welp, the time is finally approaching. After talking about it for what seems like endless months, the reality of heading back over the Atlantic is starting to hit me. I feel ready, excited, scared, sad, and crazy from the roller coaster of emotions constantly playing through my head. These are the hardest days for me - packing, getting everything squared away, and saying goodbye. I am leaving Saturday to travel with my lovely family for a mini-vaca in beautiful Dallas, Texas before they drop me with Angie's family on Tuesday night. Then Wednesday through Saturday will involve some packing, computer work, freaking out, and hopefully resting and relaxing before me and Angie board a plane to fly half way across the world to beautiful Africa on Saturday evening. We have our visas (yay!), plane tickets (kind of....long story), and somehow I managed to fit most of this stuff into those two suitcases.

Be praying that God makes mine and Angie's bags light as feathers so we don't have to pull anything out at the airport!

I've been doing pretty good this week. I feel a little more emotional than normal, but I've held it together pretty well. That is until today. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I ended up in a heap on the kitchen floor bawling my eyes out. Don't get me wrong, I am super excited to be going and I absolutely know it's what I'm supposed to do! That doesn't mean I won't miss everyone at home terribly though. I've been away for a year before, I know the feeling of missing important events in people's lives and even just the little things like going to the movies and indulging in popcorn and Raisinets with your favorite roomies (aka mom and dad). It hurts my heart. One thing I realized though was that I am beyond blessed with some of the most spectacular people in my life! God definitely outdid Himself giving me the most amazing friends and family. As I've been nostalgic and reflected on my life thus far, I've seen Him do this time and time again. He just keeps giving me the most amazing mentors, friends, and church families through every twist and turn. I am so undeserving and so grateful!!! I cannot gush enough about how much I appreciate every person who has impacted my life even if it's just through a kind word of encouragement. I definitely would not be the person I am today if it weren't for all of you (and Jesus of course)! I love you all and am already missing everyone!! Please keep me in your prayers as traveling begins in just a couple days (Saturday), and I won't actually be in Africa until March 17th. I will be missing and praying for each of you!!

P.S. - Why not cut off the rest of my hair before I go to Africa?! I'm not a fan of selfies, but I wanted to share my new 'do with all of you.

keeping the faith

2014-01-19T15:19:00.000-08:00

Due to some blog block and my less-than-exciting personal life, it's been awhile since I've posted. I had lots of good time with friends and family over the holidays. 2014 just snuck itself on in, didn't it?! My mind is blown that we are already halfway through the first month of the new year!

Since my delayed departure date of October, my days seem to look the same...working after school care at the Y, doing some administrative tasks for Angie and Beacon of Hope, and encouraging myself to start learning Portuguese (lots of encouragement without much follow through). I have to say the last few months have been hard, and now I seem to be running on some sort of auto-pilot. With my departure date depending on when Angie gets her support in, there seemed to be no end in sight. It's kind of like I was operating like I wasn't ever going to Africa. Sure, I would tell people "the plan" when I saw them, but I had little faith that I would actually step foot on a plane. It still is a struggle to see this time of waiting as worthwhile. I know the Lord is working all kinds of crazy stuff out in me, I just haven't seen the fruit of it yet. And it may be a long time before I ever understand why it had to happen like this.

About two weeks ago, I was talking to Angie on the phone, and she was expressing that she was ready to go home to Mozambique. I of course share the sentiment that I'm ready to get there as well. We talked a little about how I was using my time, and I realized most of my day was filled with laziness. I had fallen into the belief that I wasn't going so I didn't need to do anything. Pretty disgusting, I know. After that phone call, I decided the laziness was over. I had enough "rest" time, and I needed to start believing and working towards a departure date. Even if I only have time for thirty minutes, I try to spend some time every day working on something for my trip, Beacon of Hope, or Angie. I did a minor face lift to the Beacon of Hope website, have started working on some curriculum for Bible class and staff development, am reading some books for my missions organization, and am trying to organize all the other random thoughts that pop into my head about the year there. Learning Portuguese is on the list but still does not have the check mark next to it. It has been good, and even though I haven't seen a whole lot accomplished, I know this is how my time needs to be spent until I do get to leave. A couple of days ago, I talked to Angie again, and she gave me even more hope. She said to plan on leaving for Mozambique March 15! We are walking in faith that March 15 is our departure date, and that is how we are behaving. This really should set a fire under me to get things accomplished.

It is crazy that I believed that I never would make it to Africa. I guess that's a natural reaction when things don't seem to be going my way. God has shown me so much favor regarding this trip. That's why I can't figure out why I even doubted. He has blessed me with amazing friends and family offering encouraging and supportive words through every step of the process. He provided me with an amazing church family that helped me get all the money I needed in for the year at a missions lunch at church earlier this month. He supplied all my other monthly and one-time supporters in record time. He confirmed His calling on my life through other people - some I didn't even know. It makes me sad that I lost faith in Him even though He was there doing all these things the whole time. Even now, Satan is trying to take this faith away from me. It all comes down to the decision I have to make daily. Will I believe the truth or a lie? Will I walk boldly in faith and hope, believing God is reliable, faithful, dependable, and good? Or will I walk in self-absorption, desiring things to look and be exactly the way I want them to be?

Harsh truths. But my reality. Walking by faith is not easy and will most likely end up taking us some strange way we didn't even see coming. But it's the only way that's worth taking.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1

We live by faith, not by sight.

2 Corinthians 5:7

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,

along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;

I will turn the darkness into light before them

and make the rough places smooth.

These are the things I will do;

I will not forsake them."

Isaiah 42:16

one day late

2013-11-20T10:19:00.000-08:00

Last night as I was getting snuggled up in bed, I decided to browse Facebook for awhile. I quickly found a common theme on my News Feed. My fellow U-squaders were all posting about our 2 year anniversary since setting foot back on U.S. soil after the craziest 11 months of our lives. Of course at this point I was too tired to form sentences much less post meaningful reflections. So now, one day late, I will celebrate my 2 year anniversary of returning to the beautiful US of A after putting on a backpack and trekking around the world.

I still struggle to even describe that year. Occasionally, I find myself speechless when asked what my favorite country was. I can quickly tell you my least favorite country, but my favorite is much harder to decide on. So many days of that trip were not pretty, but it was through the constant brokenness that the Lord met me and healed me. I cannot even begin to express the gratitude to the Lord and to every single person who supported, prayed for, and encouraged me. It meant so much to know I had such an amazing support system partnering with me as I brought the Kingdom of God to the nations. So THANK YOU to every one of you!!! You are truly spectacular people, and I am humbled and honored to know you.

As I traveled from Thailand to Moldova, I saw the Lord work in unusual and miraculous ways. I saw glimpses of the Kingdom come to heal lives and souls. I saw people healed, demons cast out, and true community at work. I endured long, ridiculous travel days and days of extreme exhaustion when I only partially functioned. I was healed of struggles that had plagued me for most of my life. I was truly changed forever.

I thought when I got home from the World Race, I would get to live a "normal" life finally. I was looking forward to settling down, working a full time job, and moving out of my parents house (LOVE YOU mom and dad!). But that's not what happened. I struggled with a lot. I had many dark days filled with doubt and questions. Through career changes and counseling sessions, the Lord continued to teach me through the Race even though I was home. He continued to heal and transform me. For that reason, I would not change a single bad day, on the Race or since I've been home. It has led me to this new exciting season that I wouldn't have ended up otherwise. It has shaped me to become more like Christ in the most beautiful way.

So today I celebrate the end of one journey that led to the beginning of a whole new one. Without that crazy, unreal, amazing, life-changing year who knows where or who I would be.

home sweet huntsville

2013-11-14T15:29:00.000-08:00

I finally made it back to Huntsville after traveling all over Georgia, Florida, Alabama, and even into east Texas the last week and a half. Angie made it back to the States a little over a month ago to support raise and resolve her visa issues. I am doing all that I can to help her so we can get over to Mozambique. That includes driving all over the South apparently! During this trip we got to speak at a couple of churches, spend time with tons of Angie's friends and supporters, and visit with friends from our missions organization, Globe International. It was an EXHAUSTING journey to say the least. We spent more time in the car than doing anything else, even sleeping. Some things changed and some things went exactly as planned. Oh the flexibility of being a missionary, even just raising support! The whole trip ended up being full of fun and laughter. I got to meet so many people that I know will be faithfully praying for me, Angie, and the ministry. We could see God's hand all over our time. Even on our most exhausted days when we just wanted to sleep and not be 'on', God was there blessing us. Actually those were the times that turned out to be the best! In our weakness, He is strong, right?! We had unplanned divine appointments left and right from meeting a random woman in an elevator to encouraging a group of recovering addicts. It was super cool to see God at work through Beacon of Hope - Africa right here in the US!

We are fervently praying to leave for Mozambique by the end of February. This is an optimistic goal, but God can handle it. Please join us in praying for both mine and Angie's support to be complete by then. Thank you for your prayers!!

dream big

2013-10-10T09:58:00.000-07:00

My time with my Middle school girls has done it again! This time it was not so pleasant, but I love being able to walk away from my time with them having learned something so important. This week in our Bible study, we were talking about the girls' future and how the decisions they make now affect it. We talked about the dreams each of them have for the future. I remember having so many dreams for my life when I was their age. But as I sat in on the discussion regarding these things, I noticed how uncomfortable I felt. It was kind of like a hurt, defeated, maybe even punished feeling. Where did my dreams go and why did these feelings replace them?

Throughout my life, I've had good dreams, stupid dreams, and unrealistic dreams. Many of my dreams changed and shifted in a natural progression as I grew up and matured. Some of my dreams happened and were awesome. Others happened and were nothing like I expected them to be. The rest were shattered by life and circumstances. I never expected the last thing to happen. I wasn't prepared. When it did happen, those dreams were replaced with hurt and vulnerability - two things I was not comfortable with. So I guess I decided whether consciously or not, that dreams were not worth having if they were going to leave me in a pile on the floor broken and hurting.

As we were talking with the girls about how endless the possibilities of their lives were, I found myself bitter and doubtful. I didn't fully believe the things I am supposed to be teaching. Having dreams hurts you. I realized that I don't have one single dream for my future anymore. Yes, sure I have a plan for the next year that I'm super excited about. Then what? I don't have anything I am looking forward to or working hard for. I see tasks in my days ahead that yes will be fulfilling and yes will hopefully be God-honoring but are not things I've dreamt about. There's something wrong with that.

After some prayer I realized, the enemy has stolen my ability to dream. He has tricked me into believing that dreaming for a future is wrong and hurtful because I will be disappointed. He has taken away the ability for me to hope in and work for something. As I think about the world around me, the people I've met along the way, I've seen this lie repeated over and over again. Children, teenagers, adults. He's stealing people's dreams left and right. He's taking away their innocence and hopefulness. He's replacing it with feelings of defeat, bitterness, doubt, and fear. He's tricked us into thinking that the dreams God gives us are not worth having or pursuing. He's a jerk.

I am no longer going to let the enemy take this precious part of my life. I have a God who's big and has BIG dreams for me. I will not be scared to dream and pursue those dreams. I will fight hard to get my dreams back and keep dreaming. No matter how old I get, how busy I am, or how bored I am, I will never stop dreaming again. I am victorious! Will Reagan and the United Pursuit Band say it best in the song Take Back,

It's in the Blood of the One who's Worthy
I know God has not forgotten all that's lost and broken
So come and see the turning of the tides
Come and see his sons and daughters rise

For how could He who did not spare His own Son
Not freely give us victory against the darkness of nights

We're gonna take back all the enemy has stolen
We're gonna take back all the enemy has stolen

God wants us to dream. He wants us to have a hope in the future that He has for us. He gives us dreams. He transforms dreams. He takes dreams away. His love for us is the driving force behind it all. If He takes a dream away, trust He will replace it with a new, better one. Seek out dreams. Live out dreams. Life is always full of endless opportunities at every age and every stage of life.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,

plans for wholeness and not for evil,

to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

the waiting game

2013-09-22T15:20:00.002-07:00

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Sometimes things change. Sometimes you have the best plan with the best intention and everything comes unraveled. Sometimes you believe that you're doing exactly what God wants you to do when God wants you to do it, and He reminds you that your ways are not His ways and your thoughts are not your thoughts. This is the cold hard truth I'm currently facing. Some of you have heard, others not, but my plan to leave for Mozambique in October has completely come undone. Due to circumstances beyond my control, my departure date has been delayed for possibly up to 6 months. As of right now, I actually have no idea when I'll be able to leave!

A little explanation, Angie (who I'm going to serve with in Mozambique) is having to return home at the end of September for visa problems. This is a blessing in disguise though because her ministry is in some desperate needs of support raising. So as Angie comes home to support raise and visit friends and family, I must stay put waiting to depart for my adventure at a later date. Some cool stuff though, I'm going to get to travel around and help Angie support raise for the ministry! I think it will be super fun to travel with her as well as share our vision with people all over the U.S.

It hasn't been the easiest to be cool with this latest change of plans. I instantly began my earthly worrying about how I'm going to be able to afford monthly expenses, how I'm going to get my own support in when I'm helping Angie support raise, and how in the world I'll be able to pay for trips all over the U.S. on a very minimal income. I feel like I'm stuck, almost standing still, waiting for the next phase of my life to begin. Frustration, overwhelmingness (yep, that's a real word), and sadness have all plagued me for a couple of weeks now. When I have to tell my friends/family/supporters the news, I feel like I'm letting them down, like I was deceiving them. Obviously I had no idea this would happen, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, and everyone seems to understand that...except me.

A couple weeks ago, I was hanging out with my middle school beauties at church, and my co-leader was teaching about transforming our minds to that of Christ's mind. God rocked my world with this lesson reminding me that my mind should not be full of frustration, overwhelmingness, and sadness because of the recent events, but instead should be focused on all the awesome things that God is going to do through me and Angie during this time at home.

whatever is true,

whatever is honorable,

whatever is just,

whatever is pure,

whatever is lovely,

whatever is commendable,

if there is any excellence,

if there is anything worthy of praise,

think about these things.

Philippians 4:8

God's plan and will for this short span of time I have on earth is exactly what I should be thinking about. It is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, and worthy of praise. Why would I let the devil have the minor victory of declaring frustration and sadness over me when I have an awesome, sovereign God whose plan is way better than mine anyways? I have the honor of being a part of making the name of Jesus Christ the most famous name of all. I don't want to waste that, not a single minute. So this time home will not be a time of sitting around and waiting but will be a time of meaningful, productive Kingdom work where the Lord of all creation will receive all the glory and honor and praise.

Behold, I am doing a new thing;

now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness

and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:19

Because your steadfast love

is better than life,

my lips will praise you.

Psalm 63:3

orientated

2013-09-13T07:38:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I had the privilege of heading down to beautiful Pensacola, FL for intern orientation with my missions organization, Globe International. I’m going to be honest when I say I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. You’d think I’d be past the point of trying to have expectations, but I’m not! I actually wasn’t even that excited about it. I felt like it was one more thing I had to go get done before I could leave. But God had other plans regarding this time, THANKFULLY!

Pretty much as soon as I stepped into Globe, I felt at home. The staff and other interns were warm and inviting. All the feelings I had been having to hurry this thing along melted away. I got to share life with some truly encouraging women and men of God, who were all there for the same purpose - to make God’s name known and glorified throughout the nations. I feel so blessed that God has given me this wonderful family to be a part of as I serve Him in Mozambique. The three days I spent there felt more like three weeks, but as soon as it was over and I was gone I missed everyone dearly.

The thing that I loved about Globe is their heart to support, encourage, and equip you to serve wherever the Lord has called you. They have missionaries all over the world doing a variety of ministries. Just at our intern orientation, we had a couple going to work at an orphanage in Nicaragua, a lady who had begun her own child sponsorship program for youth in Honduras, a guy who was working at a surf ministry in San Diego, another woman who had no idea where God was going to lead her, and me going to Mozambique to work with Mozambican youth! As you can see, it doesn’t matter what our ministry looked like or even where we were serving, Globe was there, ready to do what it takes to get us to the field.

God is so good! I love to see Him at work in every detail of my life. He cares even about the smallest things. I am so blessed and thankful for my encouraging, life-giving time at intern orientation and am excited that I get to partner with these wonderful people throughout my ministry!!

Also, online giving was set up while I was there, for those of you who wanted to give but were waiting for that!

Click here to give!

You can give a one-time gift or set up monthly giving if you so desire! Thank you so much for your prayers, support, and encouragement! I couldn’t do this if it weren’t for spectacular people such as you!

safety first

2013-08-17T14:24:00.000-07:00

As most of you have read in the last post, I'm packing up and heading to Africa for awhile. It should be loads of fun with a few tears here and there as I spend a year at Beacon of Hope in Mozambique. There is a need there that is becoming more and more pressing on my mind and my heart. Angie has been trying to raise funds to build a concrete security wall around her property for awhile now. With increased thefts in the community and even on Angie's property, she's feeling the heat to protect what God has entrusted her with. Costly supplies donated by her support base have come up missing more and more frequently. Puppies were even stolen from her property! For peace of mind and protection of property, Angie is really pressing the fund raising for the wall. The problem is other needs arise, supplies and workers needed are very costly, and the lot of land is big so this keeps getting pushed to the back-burner. To build the wall is going to cost around $25,000. Yeah, that's a lot of money, but God is big and faithful and will provide! I personally would love to see the wall built before I get there just as increased security. I mean I am a young, single woman living in Africa - any extra security measures are welcome!! If you are interested in partnering with Angie, Beacon of Hope, and me please consider giving to this very important cause! Any gift, $5, $100, $1000 is welcome, appreciated, and needed! There is no gift too small. Help Angie continue to be faithful to her supporters, ministry, and family!

If you would like to give, please click on the link below. Please write "Security wall" in the additional comments section so we make sure the funds go to the right place. Thank you so much for your time, prayers, and gifts!!

Click here to give!

the beautiful pursuit

2013-07-29T09:01:00.000-07:00

I HATE it that it takes me so long to be obedient to God. I make Him jump through hoops to prove to me that His plan really is the best plan. Then I reluctantly give in.

I LOVE it that God never gives up on me and always pushes me into His uncomfortable but amazing plans. He knows what’s best and is not at all surprised when I make Him prove it. He just patiently waits on me to come around and then lovingly eases me into whatever He has next for me. He’s always gentle, always patient, and always pushing me to more. I am so lucky to have a Father like Him.

The past year a half (post-World Race) has been rough. Most of you know this by now through conversations with me, blogs I’ve written, or just my absence from the social scene. I have experienced many emotions and gotten to my lowest point. I doubted God, didn’t see a reason to be alive anymore, and saw no purpose to anything I was doing. I told God I would do anything He wanted me to do, but in reality I meant, “I’ll do anything you want me to do as long as it’s something I want to do. And as long as you give me a husband and a family I so desperately want. And as long as it’s just a few hours away from my family and friends because I missed them for a whole year, and I’m not about to give that up again!” Has anyone else ever experienced this kind of “obedience” to God before? Like I’m willing to do what you ask as long as you do what I ask first.

Through this half-hearted obedience to God, I walked out this last year and a half. Needless to say I was VERY angry at God when He didn’t give in to my commands. I was angry at God when I prayed for dreams of my future, and He didn’t give me anything but goofy, stupid dreams that would never happen. I was angry at God when I felt like a loser for being 25 years old still living in my parents house with NO CLUE as to what I was going to do with my life. I was angry at God when I logically went through the steps of quitting my job and starting nursing school, but I still didn’t have any peace. I was angry at God that my heart hurt ALL the time. As you can see, anger at God was the norm for me. I became really good at just living with it. I was able to numb away the pain so I barely felt it any more. I was able to go through the motions of school, even enjoy it sometimes, so I would tell myself I guess this is what I’m supposed to do. I was able to smile and put on a happy face when I had to go to church and interact with others. I learned how to hide this anger quite well.

I still had that lingering thought that I was missing something though, that if I really was willing to truly be obedient to God He would have something awesome for me to do. But I always dismissed it because honestly I wanted the American dream. I didn’t want to live half way across the world. I didn’t want to be a support based missionary. I didn’t want to give up my family, my friends, and even my bed all over again. I did want to get married, have a family, and live in a house with a white picket fence. I did want to have a job that I loved that enabled me to provide for me and my family without anyone else’s assistance. This was the life I was working towards, and honestly I think God would have blessed me in it. I think He would have dulled the pain, if not completely erased it. He would have let me go to nursing school, get a good job, and maybe even do some medical missions. He might have eventually given me a husband, a house, and a few kiddos. He’s that kind of Father. He would have loved and blessed me in that life because it was what I wanted so desperately, and I had (kind of) stepped out in faith to obtain.

But I kept having this lingering feeling that I was supposed to go back to Mozambique (to Beacon of Hope - the ministry I LOVED on the Race). As soon as I got my acceptance letter to nursing school, going to Mozambique was all I could think about. Now of course, I did not want to commit to moving there because that’s ridiculously far away. But now I had a full-proof plan for the American dream in place so it was safe for me to return there without the risk of having to move there. I bought a plane ticket, packed my bags, and headed back to the place and the ministry that I loved so much on the World Race.

Stepping off that airplane and into Mozambican culture was like coming home. My heart was overwhelmed with the joy I felt for being there, and I wasn’t even with Angie at Beacon of Hope yet. By the time I met up with Angie and Popo, and we drove to Beacon of Hope, all the anger and pain of the last year and a half had melted away. That night I laid awake overflowing with excitement and joy. The next day I got up and spent some time with Angie and her family then spent a little time with the boys. Wow, the love I have this place and these people is indescribable. I have never felt this way about any place or any thing. I laid in bed the second night, and I knew, for sure, 100%, this was where I was supposed to be. All of my doubts, all of my fears, all of my pain, all of my rage were gone. I was ALIVE. I spent the rest of the month encouraging Angie, doing Bible classes with the boys, teaching Popinho (Angie’s youngest son) preschool, and lots of office work to help Angie get back on her feet after she had been gone from the ministry for six months. It felt like I had been there forever, but the time also seemed to fly by. I couldn’t believe my month was up, and it was already time to leave. I was heartbroken, but relieved to know I was coming back.

God had finally got through to me. It took me going back to the place that I loved so much on the Race for me to GET IT. It took a plane trip half way across the world for me to understand and see where God was calling me all along. Like I mentioned earlier, I had asked God for the last year and a half to please give me dreams of things I would do in my future as a source of direction and confirmation, and I had yet to be given anything substantial. Every single night I was at Beacon of Hope, I dreamt about serving at Beacon of Hope. I saw myself loving on the boys, loving on the community, and loving on Angie and her family. God knew I had to come there to remember my passion for this place. He knew I wouldn’t believe Him unless He took me there and told me that it was going to be OK for me to leave my family and friends back home because this was home. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but I at least know now that it’s all worth it. I was reminded that I would survive, and that empowering these boys to take a hold of their own future through education is exactly what I want and need to do. Since coming to this realization and making this decision, I have not had a single doubt. I am confident, more confident than I’ve ever been of anything in my whole life, that this is where I’m supposed to be.

My plan is to return in October as an intern for a one year commitment. I’m pretty sure I will be there longer than a year, but it’s a good place to start. I am going through the missions organization Globe International. I am going to be support based, and hope to raise $26,000 for the year - $1,900 in monthly support and $3,200 in one time gifts. I am looking for people to partner with me in this ministry - financially and spiritually. I am going as a servant, as a representative for a whole group of people that believe in these boys and are fighting for their futures. I am going as an ambassador of Christ and an appendage of the body of Christ that hopes to bring the grace and love of the Gospel to the beautiful people of Mozambique. There is also nothing better than prayer support! You have no idea how much your prayers are felt and needed as I begin this new journey God has before me.

For those of you who don’t remember this ministry from when I was on the World Race: Beacon of Hope Africa is dedicated to building up and sending out men of God into Mozambique. It is a place where boys become men - men of honor and integrity, men broken of generational curses of witchcraft and spirits of poverty, men who always fight for and stand up for what’s right. This is the next generation. This is the generation that has the potential to change Mozambique. Every three years, ten new boys come and live at Beacon of Hope. These boys are not necessarily orphans, but they are underprivileged and are lacking the resources to get a proper education. These are boys that have probably never had any one believe in them and encourage them to succeed. These boys need love, grace, and an awesome mom (Angie) to push them to become more than they ever thought they could be. I love that this ministry empowers those who feel completely powerless through education and Christ.

This is a run down of what I will be doing at Beacon of Hope for the year:

Education - I will be teaching classes like Bible, English, and others to the boys. In January we are getting 10 new boys to begin a new 3 year program!! By going back in October, I can begin working with Angie preparing curriculum for the new boys as well as fixing up and preparing their rooms and other things that need to get done before they arrive.
Office work - I will be assisting Angie in the dull, monotonous paperwork that is required to run your own ministry.
Preschool - I will be working with Popinho on preschool.
Girl’s minsitry - This is something I’m very excited about! Angie has a 13 year old daughter, Enia. I’m getting the privilege to start a weekly Bible study with Enia and her friends. These girls don’t have youth group or anything like I had growing up. They don’t have any strong female Christian examples but Angie. They need some female guidance besides just Enia’s mom, and I am so excited to get to be that for them! I have done youth and college aged ministry for many years now, and I love to see how all of it was preparing me for this. I’m hoping that this will be a safe place for the girls that come, and we end up being able to have real discussions about the hard stuff in life that they may not get to talk about with anyone else.
Community outreach - Part of the ministry is preparing and equipping the boys to serve in their own communities. This involves VBS for the local kids, going to the bush for medical clinics, and hopefully beginning a sports outreach program for the kids that come and play soccer at the field on Beacon of Hope’s property. It is so important to teach these boys that they are capable of serving others around them and equipping them to go out and do it.
Staff Development - Angie runs her ministry through Mozambican staff. The cultural differences and even laws regarding employment drastically change the work ethic of a Mozambican as compared to an American. Teaching and training the staff to have a good, honest work ethic based on the Bible and Christ’s teachings is imperative to a successful ministry. I will be able to help Angie do staff training to remind them or maybe even teach them for the first time how Christ says we should work as if we are serving Him not others.

Thank you for reading my ramblings and for following me along the journey so far. God keeps surprising me, and even though it always takes me awhile to come around He’s always there, waiting for me, calling me to Him. I am so excited about what this next chapter will bring, and I am so excited that He has chosen us to go through this adventure together. Thank you for your support and encouragement through the years already as well as what is going to come!

Currently the only way to give is through sending a check to Globe International. An opportunity for online giving may be available in future!

If you would like to give, please send a check to:

Globe International

P.O. Box 3040

Pensacola, FL 32516

Make checks payable to: Globe International

Please put my name in the Memo line: Cathy Callicutt

Worship Night 2011

Community VBS 2011

World Race team and boys 2011

Me and the boys and staff 2013

The boys 2013

Me and Angie 2013

Me and Enia 2011

Me and Popinho 2013

$10 challenge

2012-10-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

Think about this week. What are you going to spend $10 on? Eating out, Starbucks, a book, music....?

What if that same $10 that could give you a caffeine fix two days this week could be used to bring hope and change to a Mozambiquan boy?

Well you're in luck! Because I know of a way that's possible...

Beacon of Hope is a ministry that I had the honor of being a part of in my journey around the world. The month I spent there was different than every other month on the World Race for me. It was the one and only month that I did not get homesick. It was the one and only month that felt like I was home away from home. I quickly fell in love with Angie, her family, and her ministry. I never ever wanted to leave. You can read about my love for this ministry here. In short Beacon of Hope is a home for teenage boys where they learn a trade, academics, and the Gospel. It is a 3 year program that prepares them with a way to earn a living and with a firm understanding of living a life of integrity. Check out the website and learn more here.

I am a firm believer in what Angie is doing in Mozambique. She is pouring Christ into teenage boys lives that would probably only receive some distorted form of what they think is Christianity (ancestor worship, sacrifices) or witchcraft. She is raising up a generation of upstanding, honest men full of integrity and honor. As most of you probably know that's a rarity in Mozambique or even Africa in general. The constant corruption and evil that is present there is overwhelming. It takes one person, like Angie, to pour into the lives of a few boys for an exponential result to happen. Those boys leave Beacon of Hope as men of God changed and ready for action. They share this love and hope of the true Gospel wherever they may go, and then those they share with share, and then those share, and so on and so on. Then before we know it, a whole village is changed! Then a whole city, then a whole nation, and then a whole continent. (I like to think BIG!) I love Angie's heart for these boys. I love her compassion for the people of Mozambique. Please join me with your $10 to celebrate 10 years of this wonderful ministry Beacon of Hope. Let's do this!

DONATE YOUR $10 BY CLICKING HERE!

belief.

2012-09-26T19:49:00.000-07:00

I am so good at looking at someone and seeing their potential. I can see their worth as a person and how much they matter to other people. I want them to know this truth about themselves. I am good at proclaiming this truth over them and telling them how much God loves them. I completely believe it. I believe it so much that I ache for them to believe it in themselves, and sometimes even get frustrated when they don't. Then I walk away and I realize I don't believe any of it about myself....

Sometimes I believe it. I believe it more now than I used to believe it, but still most days are riddled with thoughts of disbelief. Somehow the devil tricks me into thinking that there's some special exception for me. That God does love and have these amazing plans for everyone, but me. I look at my life and only see my faults. I'm always trying to get better and better but nothing ever seems to really stick. I just keep failing. Over and over. And once I conquer one problem another occurs. It's a never-ending cycle.

It hit me the other day. It comes down to this simple fact. Do I truly believe the Gospel? The Gospel of grace and forgiveness. I can't believe it for someone else, but not believe it for myself. It's as simple as that. There is no clause in the Bible "except Cathy" when it talks about grace, forgiveness, and most importantly love. There also is no verse in the Bible that says you must be perfect to inherit the Kingdom. That's exactly what grace is for. What I claim to believe. If I sit down and truly believe it, and think about myself in terms of it I realize that I will never be perfect. I will never stop messing up. And it truly is a never ending cycle. But it's ok. It's ok for me to have a bad day. It's ok for me to screw up. It's ok for me to not be perfect. I have to get out of my own perfectionist head to see that I indeed just have to be exactly who I already am for God to love me and cover me completely with his grace, mercy, and forgiveness. I have to choose to believe to walk in that fully and not continually punish myself for messing up, but to acknowledge my wrongdoing, change from it, and move on. I am actually quite wonderful just the way I am. Imperfections and all. If it's good enough for God then it's definitely good enough for me. It's just that daily to decision to believe I'm worth it. Just like every other person in the world is worth it. Why else would He have created us?

through your eyes

2012-09-15T20:24:00.000-07:00

That moment. That precious beautiful moment when God opens your eyes to what He sees. You can only stay in that moment for just a second because the glory of it all is just too overwhelming. Your heart is bubbling over with love. Not earthly love like you feel for your family, friends, and loved ones, but something so much deeper. Something words cannot express. Something you never want to lose. I love intimate times with my Father when I get that moment. There's nothing more romantic, more special, more beautiful. But what I love even more than that personal moment is when He gives me the moment when I look at someone else. Looking deep into someone's eyes and seeing how much they are loved and matter to the Savior of their soul.

Seeing someone as God sees them is a precious gift. It makes you forget about your life and your worries and shifts your perspective to something bigger. Something eternal. When we leave this earth do you really think it will matter what car we drive, what phone we have, what clothes we wear? It's so easy to say of course not, but why when you get up and walk away from this will these temporal things most likely be on your mind? I don't have an answer for you since I am the worst of all at doing this. Even when I was on the World Race being the "super good Christian" I was supposed to be, I still often thought about what was for dinner or what I was missing at home or when I was going to get some sleep. There's something about us humans that thinks the world should revolve around us even when we don't notice we're doing it. It's always about what makes us happy and how bad situations should end in our life immediately. But what about people that the bad situation never ends?

Poverty, sickness, sex slavery, disabilities, abuse, neglect, on and on. I always wonder about those people who fight to stay alive every day. Who never just get to sit and eat and laugh with friends. Who are always wondering if someone or something will ever redeem them from this place of sorrow and helplessness. I always wonder how God feels for them. Does He ache for them? Cry for them?

Then you have that moment. You look into their eyes and you feel just a touch of that ache that God feels. But what you feel even more than the ache is Love. Radical, life changing, live saving, redemptive, freeing love. And you know there's a special place in Gods heart for them. They are royalty in His eyes and even if they don't appear to be freed of all the horrible things in the world, He has a plan for them after this world. And that's where we come in. We get to have those moments to remind us of the one thing that matters. Souls. My pastor said it best when he said, "You don't have to look far to see Gods faithfulness and promise. It's called the Cross." We don't have to look far around us to see someone who needs this Cross. And we don't have to look very far into ourselves to see how much we need this Cross. These moments, precious glimpses of what the Father feels, don't happen enough. But even when they don't happen, we can still strive for the correct perspective. Kingdom perspective. Every situation, every moment matters. There isn't one that happens on accident. So I hope not to waste these even on the worst of days.

Forever I am humbled and in awe of the love Christ has for me. He never gives up. He never lets go. And He never lets down.

"Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?"

James 2:5