To Make Him Known

LOTS of changes around here! :) You need to read this post!

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Yeah, so it's been a few months since anything has been posted on this blog.

I'm not gonna lie. It's been a rough few months. We have had a lot of things going on in our family and it's been probably the hardest few months of our lives. Months of pain and suffering and heartache that I would not re-live for anything. Someday I hope to share some of it with you and God will use it all to bring glory back to Him, but for now it remains to be shared at another time.

SO....

On a more positive note, here's a little bit of an update on our crew. There have been lots of changes around here. Including:

Austin (15) getting the privilege of working outdoors with a friend, who works in construction, is very patient with teen boys and is just an all around cool guy. He worked for 2 weeks as an apprentice from 8-5, just like a real job- and he loved it!
Jensen (13) started attending jr high school at our local public school. It was quite a change from being home all day and they have SO much homework, but he is adjusting great and doing really well. He joined the track team and went to FCA last week and he is really getting in the groove of everything.
Nathan (11) started 5th grade at the local school 2 weeks ago and is doing pretty good as well. This is his very first public school experience, so again it is quite a change from being homeschooled for so long- but he is very social and already has made lots of friends. He is thrilled that he gets to ride his bike to and from school every day! (and so is mom!)
Austin began attending a center called Brain Balance a few weeks ago. He had intensive assessments done beforehand that helped the staff to develop a custom program specifically designed for him and that will stimulate the parts of his brain that aren't making the right connections. By integrating physical and cognitive exercises with dietary change, they are able to help correct the underlying imbalance, improve function and reduce or eliminate negative behaviors. We kind of stumbled upon it, but quickly realized that this is what we have been looking for and praying for for so long. He goes 3 days a week and also has exercises that must be done 7 days/week at home. I will let you know how it's going as we get further down the road.
Elliana (3) has been her typical self. She talks non-stop and simply must say hi to every person in the world, whether it's at the park, Target or on the phone. She misses her 2 brothers now that they are in school, but now she gets more one-on-one time with mommy so it's not really that bad. She wants to do "preschool" with me all the time- which basically is just coloring, learning letters and playing with playdough or puzzles- nothing fancy! She is very anxious for her new brother and sister to come home and play with her. She wakes up almost every morning and asks me if sissy (Mihret) is going to come home today? I tell her no. Then she asks if it will be "in a minute?" I say no, but it will be soon. "Tomorrow?" she will ask. And I have to tell her that it will be a little while longer. And up until yesterday, I had no idea when how much longer that little while was going to be. A few days ago, we were hoping that it might be mid to late March...

BUT....

Yesterday we got a surprise email from the embassy and....well.... there's a story behind it, but for now I just wanted to shout the news to y'all that I have been waiting for almost 18 months to shout. Perhaps the biggest change of all:

It's FINALLY happening!!!

OUR KIDS OUR COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most likely I will be traveling by myself, leaving in 2 weeks- February 27th. The visa appointment is scheduled for Thursday March 1st and Nati, Mihret, and I will be arriving HOME on Tuesday March 6th!

Did I REALLY just say that??!!!

HOME!!!

We will all be together!!! Yeah!!! I will update more soon, but for now...

Join with me in PRAISING GOD for this amazing, wonderful news!!!!

Praise the LORD!

Praise God in his sanctuary;

praise him in his mighty heavens!

Praise him for his mighty deeds;

praise him according to his excellent greatness!

Praise him with trumpet sound;

praise him with lute and harp!

Praise him with tambourine and dance;

praise him with strings and pipe!

Praise him with sounding cymbals;

praise him with loud clashing cymbals!

Let everything that has breath praise the LORD!

Praise the LORD!

Psalm 150

A Story of Love: Our journey to Nati and Mihret {Part 1}

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 02:16:00 +0000

Get your tissues ready.

I decided that I didn't want to wait until the kids came home to share our journey with you all. I started this video on the plane on our way to Ethiopia and it is probably the most emotional one I have ever worked on. God has done so much this past year and I wish I could share every detail, but that would take days- so this is my attempt to sum it up.

Yes, I know that our children are not home yet. But did I mention that they are OURS??!! :) AH! God is so good! All we wait on now is their visas, which will take anywhere from 6-12 weeks. We are praying that we will be back to bring them home by the end of January, but whenever God allows it to happen, we are resting in the fact that HE has done miracle after miracle and has made them a part of our family. We are in the home stretch now. This is only part 1, but as you will see- it is a huge part of our journey. Thank you to every single one of you who have been a part of this journey as well. God has used YOU to bless our family in more ways than any of us will ever know. We have told Nati and Mihret about so many of you who have prayed for them for so long. Very soon, you will get to see the evidence of God's faithfulness first hand and I pray that as you are blessed by this story, you would give all the glory to the One who made it all happen.

So sit back and relax, turn up the volume, and get ready to witness one simple testimony of God's unending love and faithfulness...

They are ours!!!! We passed court!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 13:17:00 +0000

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!!!!

We are thrilled to announce to the world our newest SON and DAUGHTER:

Nati and Mihret Wagenleitner!

It's been a long long journey and there are still a few more steps to go, but we could not be more excited to share our JOY with all of you- our friends and family!

We are now officially mom and dad to two more beautiful, amazing children and we are just so so blessed!

Easter Sunday 2011- The day we asked Nati and Mihret to be our son and daughter.

The day they said YES! :)

I have so much more I want to say, but of course the internet is not cooperating very well for me to be able to write long posts or upload lots of pictures. There will be more to come, but I just want to say THANK YOU to all who have been praying for our family. We would not be here without you and it is obvious that we needed to be here today! Praise God!

We already have to say goodbye tomorrow and honestly I can't even think about how we are going to do that, except that God will give us the strength. This has been an eye-opening trip for us, as we have had Nati and Mihret staying with us. They are so happy and sweet, but it has been a challenge to try to communicate when we don't have a translator with us. We are definitely learning a lot more amharic than we ever have and we have a renewed sense of urgency to learn a lot more when we get home too!

Love you all! Post more when I get a chance!!!

Here we go again!

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 13:21:00 +0000

In just a few hours we will be on our way to Ethiopia for the 3rd time in 14 months! Whooo Hoooo! All frustration and sadness is behind us and we are positively EXCITED to be able to be on our way again! It has been the craziest week EVER but one that we are certain has been in God's plan the entire time.

Lord willing, in a few days if we pass court, I can take the hearts off their faces!!!

Preparing for this trip has been nothing short of amazing. Remember that a week ago we were not planning to come to Ethiopia. We really thought we were safe in assuming that we weren't going to have to come for court. We thought we'd hear confirmation on Monday morning so we'd have at least a week's notice. Tuesday came around, then Wednesday...Thursday... and by Friday morning we were stressing out just a bit. They told us we might hear on Saturday or possibly Tuesday(as in today!) if they ever talked with the judge, since he hadn't yet. Well, a decision had to be made and so Friday morning we just went for it, booked flights and made sure that they were refundable! This was the beginning of a very full weekend. I don't know anyone who has decided to go to Africa, booked flights, and then got on a plane 4 days later- it is insane! But the amazing part is that once we said yes, God has shown us over and over that HE is in control and that HE blesses His people!

There have been so many "God moments" this past year, that I have a hard time keeping up with all He is doing. (good thing I have the blog huh?! :) I know I have said this over and over, but it is incredible to be a part of the miracles He is doing and I just have to share or I'll burst!

I woke up on Sunday morning to yet another email from the staff lady in Ethiopia. It said that since we were now traveling to Ethiopia, we needed to bring a few notarized documents as well as the $ for N and M's visas which is $404 x 2 = $808! Seriously? We had signed a contract back in March that stated this $ was to be paid to the embassy on our last trip- not the court trip- and that they would notify us of any changes. So, does one business day count as enough notice to come up with another $800 cash?! Yikes. She also told us that there would be some documents for us to sign when we got there. Soooo, tell me this: if we hadn't traveled HOW was all this going to get to Ethiopia by the end of this week??? I asked her that and her reply was that they would have let us know eventually and we could have sent it to our U.S. agency who then would have sent it to their office in Ethiopia. OK. So obviously nothing is urgent when it comes to this adoption... this next step is something that could only take 4 or 5 weeks but I think they quote families double that because they are not in any hurry! So, needless to say we feel that if we would have stayed and not hand delivered all of this to the staff, we would probably be looking at another several weeks of delay. Now I know that a few weeks may not seem like a big deal to you, but when you have waited as long as we have, this mama does not want to be a part of any more delays- whether it be days weeks or months!

So, all morning we were a little worried trying to figure out how in the world we were going to come up with even more money for those visas and I just kept praying that God would provide and give us peace about the situation. And oh my how faithful He is! That afternoon a friend who I really don't know super well called me and said that God had put our family on her and her husband's hearts and they wanted to know how they could help us. I mentioned to her about the email that had come that morning and that we were still needing to figure out how to take care of it by the next day. She immediately said that they wanted to cover it. I was like NO- that is waaaay too much $$ and you can't do that. She insisted that it was exactly what they wanted to do and asked me to let them do this. She said that adoption is something that is close to their hearts, but they are not in a place to do that right now, so they wanted to bless us instead! WOW! Talk about speechless, humbled, amazed by God! I just cried and praised God for HIS faithfulness.

This is just one story of the dozens and dozens we have of God's amazing provision each step of the way. This weekend I put a last minute shout out on facebook that we were taking some clothes for the kids at the orphanage, and within a few hours I had enough to fill 2 huge suitcases! WOW! Another friend was scheduled for family pictures this weekend along with several others and I had to cancel on them. It was hard to say no, because not only do I love to do it, but I also knew that all the $ that I make for pictures for a purpose goes directly to our adoption expenses and not only did we have this trip to pay for but now we will go again for the 4th and final trip hopefully in only a month or two. So I was shocked when I went to get the mail yesterday and found a check from this family that was incredibly generous. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I mean, who are we that we get to experience this blessing over and over?! It is so very humbling and incredible and I give all the GLORY and PRAISE to our LORD!!! He delights in blessing His children and we have seen that so many times. We are so thankful and grateful.

To those of you who have been praying for our family... it is because of you that we are here on this journey today. We do not forget how many obstacles and trials we have already overcome, but it is only because of the faithful prayers of the saints that God has given us the victory. YOU are N and M's family too! My heart is just going to explode with gratefulness to God and is people right now. We love you all so much.

Ok, so the next time I post we will be in Ethiopia! Hoping for better internet than last time, but it is never certain so we will just go with the flow! :) We have a very special surprise for N and M when we get there and I can't wait to tell you what it is. But sorry- you can't find out until they do! :) We will only be in country for 3 days, but we know they will be blessed, amazing days and we are just thrilled that we get to go again!!!

Love you all!!! Keep praying!

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:57

Switching gears: Ethiopia Bound in 3 days

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 12:52:00 +0000

I want to clarify something that may have not been clear in my previous posts. That we are NOT in any way upset that we get to visit the kids. I hope that I have been able to adequately express how deeply we love N and M and how much we have missed them all these months and long to be with them again. If you have read this blog for more than a day, it should be clear! :) It's not that we are throwing a fit because we "have to" go. In fact, we are thrilled that God would allow us to see them and be with them once again before joining our family forever.

The frustration and sadness and even anger have really been more because we feel that our agency has not been honest or faithful to us during this whole ordeal. Last year I researched and found many many reviews that said that this is one of the best agencies for older-child Ethiopian adoptions and of course they were one of the only ones that would even consider working with us. So when we sign contracts and pay many thousands of dollars for services, we expect that we can trust them to do their part and to shoot straight with us. If someone makes a mistake and drops the ball or promises something that cannot actually happen, then just be honest with us and admit it, apologize and move on. For the past year we have had many communication problems with this agency and while it has been frustrating and taken many calls and emails- most of which were never answered, we have eventually found out the information that we needed. But this has been different. This is way beyond someone not returning my call or email. And right now, there is nothing we can do.

The last thing that happened was that I talked to one of the guys in Ethiopia yesterday who was supposed to go to the judge Friday morning with all of our stuff and see what she said. Turns out that the judge wasn't there all day, so he didn't get a chance to see her. Bummer. Well, instead of just saying that we needed to go ahead and come to court, he tells me not to worry because he would talk to her tomorrow. I asked him: tomorrow? Isn't that Saturday? Does she work on weekends? He said No, but I know her and I can contact her. I'm thinking, if you know her so well, couldn't you have contacted her one of these past 5 days?! So the staff in Ethiopia is telling me that we don't need to worry about coming for court because he will just figure it out. Then I hear from Fekadu that he talked to this guy too and he told him that he was going to go meet with the judge about our case next Tuesday! Um, Tuesday is just a little too late for us! This same guy tells me that it's ok if we need to re-schedule. Yeah right buddy- do you know how long we have waited to finally get to this step??? There is no way that we are going to purposely prolong the process because it's not convenient for us to travel right now!

So, we were told (once again) that we would "hopefully" hear news today, which is Saturday. The U.S. staff from our agency recommended that we go ahead and book our flights. So after being back and forth on the phone and through email about all of this yesterday, Randy called our travel agent and asked him to work his magic, which he did! He was able to get us decent flights and a decent price (it still would have been cheaper if we had been able to book them on Monday, but oh well) and he told us that we have until 3PM on Monday to cancel for a full refund minus the travel agent fees. So we are not holding our breath, but there could be still a chance that we don't go. Although at this point we are 95% sure that we are going. Talk about a little stressful!

So, our plans for this weekend have changed just a little. I had 5 portrait sessions scheduled, we were going to get our Christmas tree and maybe do a few Christmas things like baking cookies and watching cheesy movies. Next week was a very busy week full of appointments and activities. Instead I have now canceled all appointments (so sorry again you guys!) we are waiting until we get back to get the tree, and we will be busy getting things together so we can leave Tuesday morning. You can bet that we will be at Target no less than 3 times before then, as it seems we have always forgotten something and I think I hear a Peppermint Mocha calling my name- so I don't think it will be all that bad! :) Randy is still going to put the lights up today, we have a dinner party for his office and the kids will be going to the Christmas parade tonight with my mom, so not all plans have been canceled!

We have officially switched gears and are just thrilled to be able to bond with N and M yet again. I have got to say that there is absolutely NO WAY we could be doing this if it weren't for our awesome, amazing family and friends. Not only have you prayed, but you have stepped up and gave $, offered to help with kids or whatever and 1 sweet friend has even offered to bring dinner Monday night before we leave- you have no idea how much that means! And a huge shout out to my in-laws Tim and Darla who not only have dropped everything to be able to watch our 4 kids while we are gone, but also saved the day by generously giving towards the plane tickets. We are so thankful and blessed beyond measure.

We leave in only 3 days! SO much to do before then. I'll keep you posted of any updates if I can! :)

FB status update.

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 20:13:00 +0000

No time to post a formal update right now, but I know some of you have been watching and praying and waiting. So here's my status update from about 5 minutes ago:

Tickets booked. We leave on Tuesday 10AM. The judge wasn't there, so we must go. Thrilled to see N and M even if it's only for a day, but at a loss to know how to even process this. We were going to go get our Christmas tree after school today. Instead I have been on the phone and emailing all morning. No school has been done. Elliana peed all over her bed. Kids are fending for themselves. Help! Lord, we give all of this to you. You must have some plan and we praise you for giving us the opportunity to use us. We praise you even in this storm...

God is good even in this. I'll post more when I get a chance.

Frustrated... PLEASE PRAY!

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 00:12:00 +0000

Yeah, that's just one word that describes how I am feeling today. If you've been following some of my posts on facebook, then you already know some of the drama that has been going on. If not, well, let me fill ya in a little bit.

On Tuesday when I updated about being patient, I had no idea what the next few days would hold. This whole process has been long and hard and unlike anything we have ever been through, but this week has been an entirely different trial. We *thought* that the problem was that our agency's staff in Ethiopia was just not communicating with the staff in the U.S. We kept waiting and expecting to hear one of two things: 1) The judge approved our letter of exemption and we passed court. The kids are legally ours and we can hope to travel to bring them home in 6-8 weeks! {obviously this was our first choice} OR 2) The judge denied our letter and says that we have to show up for court on December 9th. We hope for a favorable decision on the 9th and if we pass, then the kids are legally ours and we wait 6-8 weeks from that approval. {our 2nd choice, but one we were prepared to face on Monday morning}

I called and emailed our agency repeatedly Monday and Tuesday, but got nothing. So Wednesday morning, I took it into my own hands. I had heard that one of the legal reps was in the hospital (which explains why he wasn't returning emails or phone calls), so I found the # of the other one and I got up at 5am to give her a call in Ethiopia. She said she knew exactly who I was and that she knew a little about our case. She said she was sorry, but she still hadn't heard from anyone who had actually been in court and so she was going to find out the next day and her words were "I hope to get confirmation from our staff that you do not have to travel. I will let you know tomorrow." So I got off the phone Wednesday morning frustrated again that we still had no official news, and that I can't wait for the U.S. staff to find these things out for me, but somewhat hopeful because she acted like we would for sure have an answer by early Thursday morning. One more day and we would hear that we would either be going or staying.

I hardly slept last night. Tossing and turning and worrying and praying. Checking the time every 10 minutes and figuring out what time it was in Ethiopia.

I got up at 3am, knowing that it was 1pm there and sent a quick email as a reminder that as soon as she found out to please let us know.

I went back to bed for a couple of hours and woke up abruptly. I was thinking: This is it. This is the day that God is going to answer this prayer and show us how great and wonderful and big He is. This is the day He is going to blow us away and we are going to shout to the world that 2 children are no longer orphans! I really expected to open my email and have this confirmed. I so wanted it to be true.

But instead of hearing this, I opened something completely unexpected. It was an email from the same gal in Ethiopia that I had talked to the day before and it read: I am sorry to say that the news is not promising, as we do not have any record in our office of having received your letter for the court, or the photos and passport copies that are required if you do not attend. I am so sorry about this and will be checking with Susan. As well the judge has not been taking too well to families coming on a different date or not coming at all, so I think you may have to make plans to be here next Friday.

My immediate reaction was a loud WHAT??!! What in the world was she talking about? No record of anything? Not only did we send everything the day after we heard about our court date, and were assured that it would be received in plenty of time, but we had also left it all with the legal rep (who was now in the hospital) way back when we were there in April. Not to mention that I had JUST talked to this same gal yesterday about our case! We have been told for two weeks that someone was going to take all of those documents to court and represent us. All of a sudden everything was "lost" and they had never even seen it?! Oh. my. goodness.

After many emails and phone calls back and forth today, (believe me, it wasn't pretty) we think we might have figured out what happened. It seems that because the one legal rep that we left all of our paperwork with is gone to the hospital, no one actually took his place and took over our case. Which means that no one actually showed up in court for us. Or if they did, they certainly did not present our letter, pictures, etc for the judge.
>insert MAD FACE here. !!!!

Seriously, as the day unfolded and we were being told that we should plan to be in Ethiopia next week because they "think" we should- I just wanted to scream. We don't want to hear what they think we should do, we want to hear that someone saw the judge and we want to know what she said! Why in the world is it so hard to confirm that SOMEONE was there and that they heard what the judge ruled?! Oh, maybe because no one was? After this, I told our agency point blank that we wish we could trust them but that they have shown us that we simply cannot.

These are CHILDREN we are talking about here! God's heart beats and breaks for the least of these: the poor, the widow, the ORPHAN. Don't mess around with the LORD Almighty! It is clear that God must have an amazing plan for N and M's lives as we have been faced with attack after attack these past 14 months. Satan hates to see orphans gain families, but God WILL prevail and He WILL have the victory! HE places the lonely in families!

We have one last glimmer of hope before we have to make our travel plans tomorrow. Someone is going to go to the court without an appointment and present our case to the judge tomorrow morning in Ethiopia. It sounds like this will be the first time she will read our letter. We are praying that by some MIRACLE, the judge says that we do not have to be there on Friday morning. That she would surprise everyone and make an exception because we have proven our love and commitment to N and M and spent a significant amount of time with them.

If she says no, we will have to make plans to leave just four days later. Ugh. My stomach is in knots just thinking about it.

If you are reading this right now: PLEASE PRAY!!!! This is an impossible situation and our agency is positive that we are going to have to go. We would love to see God show up and prove them wrong!

But even if the answer is no, we must cling to His promises that He has not left us or forsaken us. That He will work all things (even the hard, crazy things) together for the good of those who love Him...

I cannot even pretend to imagine why the heck this would be a part of His plan, but maybe someday we will look back and see. Or maybe not. We will just know that He meant it to happen for His purpose and for His glory.

Join us tonight in coming before the throne for these two precious children. And as my sweet friend Heather always reminds me... even though it's so hard and the wait seems unbearable- we will continue to trust Him while we wait.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Trying to be patient... and an update on our patient!

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 14:43:00 +0000

Ok, so I apologize to those who were watching the blog yesterday waiting for an update! I updated FB and kind of forgot to let everyone else know what was going on. Sorry!

The news about court is that we *think* our case passed because I was able to talk with our friend Fekadu afterwards and he said that the family part is completed. This is an awesome thing and we were excited to hear that. BUT, he wasn't actually there in court, so we don't know if the judge approved our family to be N and M's parents. We are so wanting to celebrate, but are very very cautious. Our agency was clueless and had not received an email from Ethiopia. Which means they really had no official news to tell me. Which makes me pretty nervous. Soooo once again we are sitting here WAITING. Waiting to hear if we passed court and can tell the world about our son and daughter, OR waiting to hear if the judge said no and therefore have to book tickets to leave for Ethiopia in A WEEK!

*I may or may not be a little anxious here. Oh my.

In other news, we got up bright and early (not that I really even slept!) yesterday morning to take Elliana in for her surgery. We literally picked her up our of bed and put her in the car half asleep. A few minutes later, this is how she looked- she was happy to be on a special trip with just mommy and daddy:

We got to the ENT surgery center and after filling out paperwork they called us back to Elliana's special bed. At first she was pretty happy and quite funny. She was chatting with the nurses and wanting to sing. We just told her the dr was going to take her to go night night in the other room and then we would see her soon. This is when she started getting a little nervous. They gave her toys and color crayons, but she mostly just wanted to be close to me and Randy.

She got all dressed and ready to go, picked out bubble gum anesthesia to breathe in and then the nurse whisked her away.

We only waited about 20 minutes before the dr came out and told us the surgery was over- super fast! He said that her adenoids were huge and blocking her airways almost completely. He said she will be like a new kid when she's all healed up and can actually breathe! We had to wait a little longer before we could go in and see her, and when we did she had just started to wake up. Oh my- was she MAD! She screamed and thrashed and was just a mess for awhile, so Randy and I took turns holding her. She was in some pain, but mostly just out of sorts because of the anesthesia and she would yell at the nurse every time she came back in to check on her. She was not happy anymore!

After about an hour, we were on our way home. She was so relieved to get out of that place!

She was a screaming mess for a little while, but once we were home for a decent amount of time she was ready to go night night in her own bed. She slept for 3 hours! Amazingly, she woke up feeling so much better and downed two Jello cups in a matter of minutes! Um yeah- I think we are getting our girl back!

For the rest of the afternoon/evening she got progressively more happy and actually started getting crazy wild and hyper. I mean so wild that she was downright naughty- even grabbing a salad plate off the counter and throwing it on the floor to watch it shatter! It's like she's drunk on all the oxygen she's now getting! :)
I can only expect that she will continue to do well and once she's all healed up she might have even more energy- uh oh!

Thanks so much for praying for our sweet girl and for our continued adoption drama. It is so hard to be patient! I know that God is in control and He hears us when we cry out to Him. He will not forsake us! I hope to have good news today, but who knows?!

Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Psalm 9:10

Tomorrow is the big day!!!

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 16:01:00 +0000

We are asking all of our family and friends to join us in praying today!There are two big things happening for our family Monday morning...

The first is of course our court date in Ethiopia! While we are sleeping tonight (well, you will be sleeping- I probably won't be able to!) they will have family court in Ethiopia. We are asking for God to grant us favor with the judge and that she will accept our letter of exemption so that N and M can officially become our children. We are also praying for ALL of the necessary paperwork to be there too, as we have heard of many cases where 1 document was missing so they had to assign another court date. We are ready for this step to be completed and so please pray with us for God to do a miracle- that we would wake up tomorrow morning with the news that we passed court!!! My friend Erin has a court date this Thursday for their son who we met on our last trip and they are asking for the same miracle. Pray for them too!

The other news is that our little Elliana is having a small surgery tomorrow morning to have her adenoids removed. I know that compared to most surgeries, this is so minimal. The whole procedure is like 20 minutes long. But, as her mama I still hate to see my baby put under anesthesia and in pain for any amount of time! She is too young to understand or even try to explain what is going to happen, so I have a feeling she might get a little freaked out when she goes in. Although no surgery is pleasant, I am actually looking forward to her having this and hoping that once she is recovered she will be feeling so much better! Poor girl has had so many problems that we didn't even know were related and she has been dealing with it all for quite some time now. The doctor says that once she is able to breathe, she will be so much happier and hopefully a lot less sick, no more drooling or gagging or snoring! Yes!

So if you are reading this, will you please say a prayer right now for our family? You are a part of our story and I want you to experience the blessing of seeing God answer prayers in crazy ways- cause that is what we are expecting Him to do!

I will update tomorrow as soon as I am able, but it might be hard depending on how Elliana is doing. If we are friends on FB, you will most likely hear from me there first. :)

Have a great Sunday everyone!

Court Date in... 2 WEEKS!!!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:40:00 +0000

Yep, you read that right- TODAY was our day to get some news!

We got the news today that a court date has been scheduled for November 28th... only 2 weeks from today!!! Praise the Lord- this is the best news we've received in awhile and the long awaited next step in our adoption process!!!

Ok, so before all the questions start, let me try to explain a little bit of our situation...

When we went back to Ethiopia in April, we went to not only spend time with N and M, but to ask them if they wanted to be a part of our family. That day was one of the best days of our lives, one we will never forget. I wrote about that very special Easter Sunday here.

When we left Ethiopia and had to experience the extremely painful reality of saying goodbye to the children for an unknown amount of time, we knew that there was no way we were going to be able to say goodbye AGAIN. This was the 2nd time we were leaving them and this time it was different than the first- this time we were their FAMILY. We had embraced N and M and squeezed them until the very last second we could and we looked them in the eyes and with tears promised them that we would be back. And that next time there would be no goodbyes. That next time it would be forever. And since that moment almost 7 months ago, they have been waiting and wondering when that next time is.

*Side note: {The way that the adoption process works for Ethiopia is much different than our process was for Korea. One of the big differences is that adoptive families are required to travel to Ethiopia twice in the adoption process. The first trip is for court and it is the trip that almost all families meet their children on. They have received a referral months before and it is on this trip that they are finally able to love in their little one and have a few days to interact with them before returning home. The 2nd trip is about 8 weeks later, after the U.S. embassy has issued a visa for the child and they are officially ready to travel home to be with their adoptive family.}

Ok, so since we are not the "typical" adoptive family we are in a slightly different situation. We have already met our children and spent a significant amount of time with them. We can prove through pictures and visas that we have been to Ethiopia twice already and are fully aware of any conditions that the children we hope to adopt might have. Because of this, we are asking to be exempt from appearing at our court date and hope to return to Ethiopia for the final embassy trip.

Obviously, this is not the norm and there is absolutely no guarantee that we will be granted permission to do this. But with the go-ahead from our agency, we are hopeful that on November 28th- the judge will approve our case AND accept our letter of exemption. The judge has been favorable in the past, but lately she has been much more strict about these cases so we just don't know what will happen.

And here is the real kicker- IF the judge does not accept our letter of exemption, we will have to find a way to BE IN ETHIOPIA for court on December 9th! Yikes! I really really don't want this to be the situation. For the obvious reasons of the pure cost to get there, leaving our kiddos at home, preparing, etc- but the worst part is thinking about going all the way there just to have to say goodbye AGAIN. I feel like the little bit of trust that N and M do have in us will be shattered. Not to mention I don't know if I physically can rip myself away from them for the third time. It is just too painful to think about.

So, instead of thinking about the worst case scenario, let's jump to the best-case scenario! :) I am a planner, so I would love for something like this to work out. Obviously, nothing in this process has worked out like we had planned, so we will just hope and pray and see what God does!

*November 28th- our case goes to court and is APPROVED by the judge and N and M are legally our children!
*6-10 weeks later, we get an embassy date (best case is 6 weeks. Worst case is many many months. but we won't go there)
*Travel back to Ethiopia the 3rd or 4th week of January for embassy appointment and
*Come HOME with two more beautiful children by the end of January!

Eeek! I can't even believe that I am daring to type this. That I'm daring to HOPE that we might be able to bring our children home in 10 weeks.... It is almost too much to hope for after all that we have been through.

Oh dear family and friends who are reading this:
PLEASE PLEASE PRAY! Pray for favor with the judge on November 28th. (Actually, it will be the evening of the 27th our time) Pray that God would continue to do miracles as He has already done over and over. Pray that every piece of paper that is needed will be there and that we would PASS COURT in 2 weeks!

And most importantly, PRAISE God for all He has done already! It is truly amazing to look back and see that His hand has been in this from the very beginning and there is no way we would be here without Him!

Thank you to my sweet friend Michelle who shared this scripture with me today that is so fitting.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Not today

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 00:20:00 +0000

For the past week, I have been a little more anxious each time the phone rings and a lot more impatient as I check my email repeatedly throughout the day. We have been expecting to hear news about our adoption for the past several weeks, specifically news about court. Last week I finally talked with our agency about our case and I was told that there have been more changes happening (oh really, what's new?!) and that there is a very real possibility that one change in particular will affect our case significantly.

As I got off the phone with the gal from our agency, I could feel the stress and emotions start to well up inside me.
Again.
I mean, c'mon- have we not been through enough already in the past year? Have we not felt enough pain and frustration and heartache yet? Have we not cried enough over the loss of more and more time with our 2 precious children? Have they not spent enough time in an orphanage without a family to love them?

Apparently not.

Yes, I know that God is sovereign and that His timing is "perfect" but honestly each day that goes by and each hurdle we have to get over makes it just a bit harder to feel what we know to be the truth.

Our agency said that we should hear something either last week or for sure this week. (Which explains my obsession with needing to be checking email constantly.) And each day that comes and goes without any kind of news is hard.

We are praying once again for God to do a miracle in this situation. I am not going to go into detail yet about what exactly is going on, but just know that Randy and I can not find even ONE good thing about it if it happens. We have cried and prayed and wondered why we are in this process at the very time of so much change and uncertainty, but we just don't have an answer. All we know is that we love N and M fiercely and it is that love for them and the God who created them that keeps us fighting and praying that they would finally come home. And when that day comes... oh the rejoicing!!!

I know there are so many of you who have been praying and I can't even put into words how grateful we are for you. Keep praying. This story is not over yet and I know that He will be faithful to complete what He has begun. It is not our story at all. It's God's. And I have a feeling that it's just about to get to the good part! :)

So, in case you were about to ask me the million dollar question: "Any news yet?" My answer is sadly no.

Not today.

But there's always tomorrow....

Today is...

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 18:06:00 +0000

the day for Christians around the nation and the world to STAND for the ORPHAN. We are a people called to defend the fatherless... to care for the child that has no family... to visit the orphan in their distress.

Today is Orphan Sunday 2011.

Yes, as believers this should be what we do EVERYDAY. But sadly we are too wrapped up in our own lives to stop and think about what it is that God might be asking us to do for someone else. Specifically someone who has no one else to stand up for them, pray for them and LOVE them.

Today will you stop for even a few minutes to cry out to God on behalf of the orphan? Will you stop and consider what your role is in caring for the orphan? I have said this so many times, but will say it again. Not every one is called to adopt. (although you might be) But every one can care for the orphan. Seriously. EVERY ONE.

There are SO MANY ways you can get involved, but if you just need somewhere to start you can GO HERE. Or you can email me and I'd be happy to pray with you and give you some helpful tips as well. :)

There is going to be an awesome LIVE event happening TONIGHT at 6pm central time (5pm for all my local friends!) I am hoping to be able to sit down as a family and watch it and pray and worship together tonight. Even if you had no idea what Orphan Sunday was before today or just want to be able to pray and hear God's heart for the fatherless... Click HERE to get more details.

Grabbed this picture off the Children's Hopechest facebook page and couldn't resist sharing.

Today is Orphan Sunday, what is missing???

Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17

Living "on mission" at Halloween

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 06:23:00 +0000

Our family has never really done anything at Halloween. We don't dress up, trick or treat, attend church "alternatives" or pass out candy. We haven't had parties, decorated our yard or browsed the spooky aisles at the stores. Honestly, we have never really seen a reason to. It always seemed like just one more lame reason to spend too much money and participate in a holiday that is focused very much on death and evil. We never judge those who do, in fact just about every single person we know and love participates in some way and we don't have a problem with that, but we have always been content to just turn off the lights and have a family night instead. We never really gave any more thought to it.

Until this year.

This year we did something completely out of the ordinary for our family and it was so much fun and such a blessing that I had to share!

This year we approached Halloween with an entirely new and fresh perspective. Thanks to an amazing church who is constantly encouraging us to be "on mission" and to live intentionally and after reading an article from Desiring God that challenged us even further, we are beginning to see that all of life (including Halloween) is an opportunity to advance the gospel. Randy and I started thinking about ways we could be an intentional blessing to our neighbors and this whole Halloween thing seemed like an opportunity that God was literally bringing right to our door step.

I mean, what other night does your entire neighborhood come to your door??!!

So, instead of hiding out inside our house and let yet another opportunity pass us by, we decided to go out and have some fun and get to know our neighbors a little bit.

First, we got the very best candy in FULL SIZE bars to pass out. We figured if we were going to do this, we were going to go all out so Randy went to Costco and stocked up. (turns out that 160 pieces wasn't even enough, so we'll have to stock up on more next year- yikes!) Then we set up a table outside, decorated it with some pumpkins and put out some "treats" for the moms and dads that would be coming out with their kids. We made caramel apple cider and yummy pumpkin squares- and they were both a hit. We just sat outside in our front yard and would talk to anyone who came by. The kids would immediately see the big candy bars and get really excited and then when we offered some cider or pumpkin squares to them or their parents, they would get even more excited! According to most of the kids who came to our yard, we were the 'best house ever' and even a lot of the parents were surprised that we were out there offering them something hot to drink as they went trick or treating with their kids. Wish I would have thought to take some pictures- it was a lot of fun!

We met many neighbors that we hadn't before and got to see all of the kids dressed up in their fun costumes. It wasn't a huge deal and people didn't really stay for more than a few minutes, but as the night ended (and the candy & cider ran out!) we were so thankful that we made the small effort to be intentional instead of just doing "what we always do." I believe that it's the little things that we do that can show the love of Christ even more than the big things sometimes.

We didn't have a gospel message, pass out tracts, or play Christian music, but we just wanted to be good neighbors. We "let our light shine" in a very small way on a night that in past years, we have just kept hidden in the dark. We pray that the Lord would give us more opportunities to get to know our neighbors and build relationships with them in the future and that we wouldn't be afraid to do things differently. Being "on mission" is not really about an event or a trip, but about living each and every day as "sent ones" of Jesus Christ. Seeing every moment as an opportunity to love others and be the hands and feet of Christ, building relationships, and looking for opportunities to speak the good news of our savior into their lives. I want to live like that.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:16

***Note: Just because this is something that our family decided to do this year, doesn't mean that I am saying that you should be doing this too. Let's show grace to one another please? Again, I don't think it's wrong for Christians to participate in some of the traditions of Halloween, so just let that go right now. I have good memories of many fun Halloweens while I was growing up, so I get how much fun it can be for the kids. I am simply sharing the journey that our family has been on and how God is shaking us awake and really causing us to think and see much differently than we ever have before. :)

15 years ago I became a mother

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 16:10:00 +0000

It wasn’t something I would have planned for my life at the ripe old age of 16, but it was God’s plan. In spite of our sin and selfishness, He entrusted us with a little baby boy who we named Austin William. And our life as a family began.

I had no idea what it meant to be a mother. I had what seemed like a thousand people telling me what they thought being a good mommy meant and like a good student I soaked up every piece of advice and watched others interact with their children. And I just kind of went along with it. For years. After all, I was so young and immature and every one else around me wasn’t. I was just going through the motions and hoping and praying that something turned out right. And I was dying on the inside. We were struggling with Austin and no one seemed to care. We just needed to love him more and learn how to be better parents. It was as if we had to continue proving that we were even supposed to be parents before anyone would listen to the fact that we were really having a hard time with him.

Over the years, I have learned what it means to be a mother. But it hasn’t been from reading the latest parenting book, attending a class, or watching someone else be super-mom.

God has used the past 15 years of ups and downs to show me what being a mom is really about. He has been right here helping me to grow up right alongside my son. Being a good mom is not about making sure my kids look good on the outside and perform for others. It’s not even about making sure they are well fed, dressed, go to church, have good manners and homeschooled. Those things are fine and would even describe my children (most of the time) but if that’s all it’s about, then I have failed.

It’s about making mistakes and asking forgiveness. Being there for my kids no matter what. Advocating for them when no one else will. Being confident that no one knows them better than we do. Loving them even when I don’t feel it and loving them enough to say NO. Not measuring them up to any standard but God’s. Praying for them fervently. Pointing them to their need for Christ always.

I have learned much more from being a mom than my kids will ever learn from me. Now that I am 31 (and so much older and wiser- ha ha) my eyes are being opened to what God requires of me as His child and I am slowly seeing that He is all sufficient and that He is the only one I need to complete this task. I admit that I get overwhelmed and very tired of being a mom. Especially a mom to a child with some special needs. It is exhausting most days and frustrating on the rest. But that is all part of the divine plan. If it were easy, then I would have no need for Christ would I? His grace is sufficient for me and His power made perfect in my weakness. I truly have to depend on the Lord each and every day. And when I don’t… well, you can just imagine how it goes.

October 27, 2011

My dear Austin,

I can’t believe it has been 15 years since that early morning when we first held you in our arms. After a hard pregnancy and days of labor, you had finally arrived and captured everyone’s hearts. I remember looking at your sweet face and wondering what kind of boy and man you would grow up to be. I remember finally getting a chance to be alone with you and daddy. The tears started coming as the reality set in that we were now your parents and we were responsible for this tiny little life that we held in our arms. We were scared, but we knew that the Lord would be with us. When we named you Austin, we weren’t as into the meaning of names as we are now and so we picked it because we liked the name. Now as I look at the meaning of your name I smile. Austin: magnificent; royal; great; helpful. So fitting for you. And of course the name William is passed on from your great-grandpa to your papa to your daddy and then to you. I treasure the picture we have with the 4 generations of “Williams” because it is a reminder of the godly heritage that you come from. A truly “royal” line of men. J

Over the years, we have had many ups and downs and it has not always been easy. I am grateful that God gave us you because He has taught Dad and I so much by being your parents. I am sorry that we have not been the best parents and we make lots of mistakes, but thanks for being a son who loves us in spite of all of that. I love you and want to be the mom that God wants me to be for you and I pray that you will continue to have patience as I figure that out!

You are so big now- towering over your short mom for a few years already- and it is hard to believe that I once held you in my arms while I fed you and sang to you. I want you to know that I have prayed for you to grow up to be a godly man who fears the Lord like your daddy. It is now up to you to make the decision to follow Christ with your life. We still have a couple more years left with you here, but you are now old enough to make a lot more choices on your own without us right by your side. In only one year you will be old enough to drive- yikes! We pray that in every situation you will choose Christ and glorify Him, but we want you to know that even when you fail and mess up- we are here. We love you and nothing you do will ever change that. We follow the example of Jesus, who loved us enough to sacrifice everything for us… He loved us when we were completely sinful, broken, and messed up. How can we claim to know Him and not do the same?

I love you Austin and I pray that this year of your life would be the best yet. Full of growth and change and deeper relationships. I pray that our relationship as your parents would grow stronger, more trusting, and closer together and not further apart. You are and will always be our first born son and we are grateful to God for the gift that you are.

Love,

Mom

A letter to my son on his birthday

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 21:41:00 +0000

Dear N,
Today is your 13th birthday.

I'm sure you don't even realize the significance of it or feel any different today. Birthdays are not something that you are used to celebrating, so today was probably just an ordinary day for you. Getting up and going to school, playing with your friends, doing chores, and eating the same thing as every other day. I am pretty sure you don't even know when your birthday is.

Oh how I had hoped to celebrate with you on this special day. 13 is a big year and it is hard to believe that we have missed out on so much of your life. You are on your way to becoming a man and we are watching you grow up through a few pictures and letters every few months. It is hard to have you and M so far away, especially on days like these.

I want to be able to sing (horribly out of tune!) to you and watch you open presents and make your very favorite food for dinner. I want to see your smile when you come downstairs in the morning to the silly tradition of donuts on the special red plate with a candle on top. I want to take you out on a mom and son date and talk about anything you want or nothing at all. I want to see all of your siblings get excited to make homemade cards and blow up balloons and celebrate the gift that you are. And I want to see your daddy taking you aside to teach you and show you what it looks like to be a man. Because that is what he does with his sons. And you are now one of them. Our son.

N, it breaks my heart to think that we have missed out on 13 years of your life. 13 birthdays have come and gone and we have never been there. But Lord willing, that is about to change. I love you my sweet smiling son. I never would have dreamed that I would be so anxious and excited to have another boy after I had vowed that we would NEVER have any more boys in this house! And yet here I am thrilled to call you my son and can't wait for the day when you and M are a part of our family forever.

Happy 13th Birthday son. I pray that you would feel especially blessed today, that you would be encouraged as you wait and that the Lord would allow us to be re-united soon.

We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.

Colossians 1:9-12

A special guest

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 15:20:00 +0000

Last week we had someone very special stay with us. Our friend and dear brother Fekadu came all the way from Ethiopia to visit the U.S. for the first time and we had the priviledge of hosting him for a week. He entered our home a guest, but left as family. He is not only special to us because he is a brother in Christ, but because he is the director of the orphanage where N and M live. He is like a father to them and all of the other children there. It is so clear to see how much he loves the kids and that he is doing the work that God has called him to do. Our time with him was so good and it was nice to just take a break from everything else in our lives and just focus on hosting him and getting to know each other better. The first thing the boys wanted to show him when he arrived was the trampoline. ha ha! The first morning he was here was a Saturday, so we got everyone up early and dragged them to the soccer games. Nathan's game was first His cheering section Then we took him to our favorite local breakfast place- Batter Up Pancakes. It was super busy, but worth the wait!

These pancakes are huge

Sunday we took him to church and WOW the message was so good and so fitting for what we had just been talking about the night before and it spoke to our friend who is living a life of being Sacrificially Generous. We all left very encouraged and challenged, especially Fekadu. We had our life group over for lunch and he was able to share his story with them and it was just a sweet time of fellowship and hearing about what God is doing in hearts and lives all over the world.

The next day we got up early again and headed to Yosemite. (Everyone except Elliana- she was with grandma) There is nothing like standing right there in the middle of this amazing valley in awe and wonder at our creator.

Fekadu just kept saying WOW the whole day! :) Some of the biggest trees in the world! We came back and had dinner with Randy's family. The next day we were all pretty wiped out, so we hung around home and then took him to see the movie Courageous. Wow- that is SUCH a great movie! We all really enjoyed it! Then came home and had dinner with my family. This is my mom and grandparents Wednesday Randy took him around to see the agriculture and his dad's farm in the country. We then had a delicious Ethiopian dinner at our friend's house. I wish I had pictures, but we took some with his camera and I don't have them. We had such a good time together and I am realizing that every time I eat Ethiopian food I like it more and more. I have got to learn how to make it soon!

Thursday was a VERY long day, but a lot of fun. We got up early and headed to San Francisco for the entire day! We were nervous because it was raining almost the whole 3 hour drive there and it started coming down on us right after we got there. But amazingly, as soon as we finished lunch, the rain stopped and it ended up being a little overcast, but beautiful day! We enjoyed the sights

I thought this was too funny not to share And the most part of our day was spent on this island We had never been to Alcatraz ourselves and since it was something that Fekadu had heard about and really wanted to do, we decided to go for it. And we got the very last tickets!

We got home after midnight and then the next morning it was already time to say goodbye. We had a very full, exhausting, but BLESSED week with Fekadu. The Lord used him to really encourage me in this difficult time and I am thankful for that. The next time we see him we will be back in Ethiopia... and I hope and pray that it's soon! :)

This is where the healing begins.

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 23:07:00 +0000

Silent.

That's pretty much how I have been on this blog recently. Same with facebook. (I de-activated my account for a time- for the few that were wondering.) And honestly, it might stay that way for awhile. I don't know.

The truth is that my life is a mess. And I can't pretend that it's not. I can't just post a bunch of happy, smiley pictures up and call it my life- it's not real. Yet, I'm not about to bare my soul to every stranger on the world wide web either.

Which brings me back to just staying silent. Maybe if I just don't say anything to anybody or keep on working at pretending it's all fine... maybe then I will get out of the pit that threatens to bury me.

Or maybe if I built up more walls and worked harder at not letting anyone get close enough to me to know the pain... maybe then I could just go on and not have to face the reality of dealing with the hard stuff.

And you might be sitting there thinking, "so how's that workin out for ya?"

Well, obviously the pain and hard things have not gone away. In fact it gets worse because I am working harder and harder to deal with stuff on my own and have no one that I have let in to my life who will really understand.

God is the only one who can truly heal us. I know that.

I also know that our life on earth is not meant to be lived alone, but rather in community. God wants us to encourage one another and build each other up. To bear each other's burdens. To confess our sins one to another. To speak the truth in LOVE to each other. But how are we to really do that when so many of us are walking around pretending? Or afraid that if we opened up about how we were really doing- that we would be judged or misunderstood or whatever else.

I think it starts with letting the walls that we've worked so hard to build up- finally fall down. I think it starts with letting go of my pride and NO LONGER caring about what everyone else thinks and ONLY care about what God and His word says. I am tired of feeling like I never measure up. Never good enough. Never smart enough or pretty enough or skinny enough. Always trying to get my act together to look good on the outside or be like so and so. It is the story of my life.

Can you relate?

God has much to teach me and while I'm not about to go babbling my deepest darkest secrets on a public blog or FB, it seems that He has given me this place to share a bit of my life with those who choose to stop by here. I want to give hope and encouragement to those who are struggling along with me and not be just another blog filled with rainbows and butterflies and happy endings.

Life. is. messy. And mine is no exception.
So I think I will continue to write here as the Lord leads. I want to Make Him Known through the good times and the hard times and the ugly, messy times. If you would rather click on this page and see only rainbows and roses, then I think you should go ahead and delete me from your reader list. It's not that I don't anticipate the Lord doing great and wonderful things, it's just that I know that in my life... the JOY always seems to come after the SORROW. And why is one more "blog-worthy" than the other?

***I have listened to this song about 30 times in the past few weeks. It hits me right where I am at and I wanted to share in case someone else is struggling too. I am ready for the healing to begin.

Healing Begins
by Tenth Avenue North

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

Summer's over...

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 12:00:00 +0000

and we thoroughly enjoyed it.

So much that I think I blogged just a few times in the past few months.

So for a little catch-up post I wanted to share some blessings from a list that I recently began.

I was inspired by Ann and her book to begin simply writing down all of the gifts that God gave me each day. From the everyday mundane, to the hard tough stuff, to the wonderfully exciting stuff. A list that begins and ends with gratitude to the One who loves to give. A list that comes from a heart full of joy- not based on circumstances, but on truth. And a list that I pray the Lord will use to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus every single day. To find my contentment in Him alone.

And it's only just begun. Here is a small peek into the gratitude list I began when I was feeling sorry for myself that summer was ending. I knew that there had been so many wonderful gifts God had given us during summer, but it wasn't until I started writing them down that I realized how each day I was failing to live in the moment. I am constantly either looking back or looking forward and I am ready stop wishing for what I don't have and start being TRULY grateful for what I do have. Like:

God's word that is living and active
a break from school
summer day trips
God's perfect timing
bbq's with new and old friends
weekend trip to pismo
a family cabin to stay in at the beach
family bike ride on the beautiful bob jones trail
dreaming together about experiencing all the firsts with n and m
tears of joy while watching my husband baptize our two sons- a day I'll never forget
grandparents
boys and their baseball cards
seeing elliana's excitement as we sang happy birthday to her
cousins who never tire of being together
wednesdays at the water park with friends
salad for dinner
time to clean out closets and drawers
coffee dates with friends and staying up waaaay past our bedtimes
our new church feeling a little more like family
watching children join their forever families & no longer be orphans
boys who play restaraunt, dress-up, and build forts- all for their little sister
a little mommy who must carry 3 babies with her- complete w/sound effects
friday swim days at grandma's house
friends and family who forgive me when I blow it
elliana's sweet voice when she talks about her "sissy and brother"
celebrating Randy's birthday together
chatting with other adoptive moms who really "get" how much I love & miss my 2 kids
a husband who loves me even when I go crazy
God's amazing, scandulous grace. I deserve absolutely none of it.

talking with God on a morning walk at the beach
annual august beach trip
new children being added to the family every year :)
having to wear a sweatshirt in the middle of summer
watching the kids build a sand city for days
lauren and makenna who are so helpful with elliana
bonfire & smores on the beach
the way elliana manages to make every person she passes by smile
the older boys on their new boogie boards
5 days without a computer = time to read books
relaxing outside on the deck
waching elliana squeal with delight to feed goats at the farm
ollalaberry jam
stopping to marvel at His creation

knowing that God will be with me every moment of every day
school stuff arriving
poring over all the new books for the year
homeschool tracker to keep me organized
watching elliana get excited about her books too
pencils that smell like peppermint
a husband who takes the kids out for hours at a time so I can plan for school
and brings me home a coffee frappucino :)
receiving a scripture from the Lord to focus our homeschool on this year
encouraging words and prayers from friends and family as we begin our 9th year of schooling
grace for each moment

***Will you join me on this journey of giving thanks and gratitude to the Lord each and every day? It's not easy and I kind of stink at it right now, but I am asking the Lord to work in me and help me to begin with one moment at a time and to allow that to grow into a life of joy and contentment that only He can give.

It's good to be back!

3 years old today

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 07:49:00 +0000

And as cute and spunky as ever!

Our Elliana Sa-rang whose name means God has answered my prayers and Sa-rang is the Korean word for love. She has blossomed from a teeny tiny little scared baby to a confident (most of the time), hilarious, incredibly smart little girl. She is sweet, but boy can she be downright naughty too! Typical!

She had fun the other day with Nathan and I going out on a little photo shoot to get a few shots of her in her Hanbok. This is the same hanbok that her foster mother gave her that she is wearing at one year old here. I think it fits a little better now!

This picture totally reminds me of the one above!

Seriously, it is so hard to picture her and try to imagine what she might have looked like on the day she was born 3 years ago today. Born much too early only weighing a few pounds and alive only because of multiple blood transfusions and oxygen support, I am sure she was quite a sight to behold. I have been thinking about her mother again lately and wondering where she is and what she is doing and if she ever had the chance to hold her baby girl in her arms before they whisked her away to another bigger hospital. Did she look into her daughter's face and see beauty and dream about who she would become or did she turn away because it was just too painful?

Does she think about her or wonder if she will ever see her again or has she chosen to shut the door on her past and not think about any of it.

I don't know, and I bet it's all of the above, but I hope and pray that someday the Lord might be gracious enough to allow us to meet. Because I want her to know how incredibly grateful we are for this gift that she carried in her womb and labored for and gave birth to and grieved for. The daughter that she gave LIFE to.

Someday I hope she gets to see this face

Cuz we think it's a pretty cute one!

Even when she's being a stinker!

Happy 3rd birthday to our Elliana! Saengil chukha hamnida!!!

We praise the Lord for this precious little life!

For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

We have some good news!

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 17:53:00 +0000

and Elliana is excited about it! She is always excited when we have news about her brother and sissy!

Well, this blog has officially been neglected for long enough! I plan to be back to posting once or twice a week again. Just in time to share some REALLY GOOD NEWS!

Last Friday we received our official referral for N and M! FINALLY!!! Whoo hooo!!!

After so many months of waiting and agonizing over when or even IF this adoption was going to be able to happen, and although we have been walking by faith through these past almost 11 months, the referral was the step we have been waiting for to be able to continue on this journey.

Friday, August 12 was just like any other day. That morning I emailed our agency's director asking if she had heard anything from Ethiopia about our referral. It had now been almost 6 weeks since that day we heard that the kids were approved and we knew that they had gone in for their medical exams already, so we were wondering what was taking so long! This was the 2nd or 3rd time in the past few months that I had emailed her and this agency is not the best at communicating, so I really didn't expect much of a response- especially not the same day.

Imagine my surprise when 30 minutes later I got a response! The email said that they had all of the info on the kids and the last thing that needed to be done was that the social worker needed to have the talk with us about being prepared for adopting older kids and once she signed off then we were good to go. She told us that our file was on her desk and the social worker would call us eventually but if we wanted to move along a little faster then we could go ahead and give her a call.

So of course I sat ever so patiently and waited for the social worker to call.

OR NOT!!!

You know me well enough by now to know that I couldn't do that!

A whole 5 minutes might have passed before I was on the phone dialing and hoping that she would be in the office. I hadn't even called Randy yet. I know- what a great wife I am. Again. But in defense, we have been on this journey for so long already that I knew he would want me to find out the news asap- even if he couldn't be there.

So I talked with the social worker and refreshed her memory that we had indeed already talked many months ago about how incredibly difficult it can be adopting children so much older as well as out of birth order. I assured her that we know about the many things that can happen and that we are not going into this blindly. We do have resources that we can go to for help and we are taking some precautions, but when it comes down to it we have no idea what issues N and M will be dealing with except that they have had a lot of pain and grief in their young lives. The bottom line is that we LOVE them and we are COMMITTED to being their parents and so we will cross each bridge as we come to it.

Is it scary? Yes! Will there be things we are totally unprepared for? Of course!

We know that there is a reason that the VAST MAJORITY of people who adopt don't even consider a child over 4 or 5 years old, let alone teenagers. With the Lord's help, we hope to change the stigma about adopting "older children" and we pray that God will move in the hearts of others who are watching and wondering if God might be calling them to love on children whom everyone else has given up on- whether it is children in foster care in our own city or around the world. Oh there is a lot more I could say on this topic alone, but I'll save that for another post down the road!

Back to the story!

After I talked with this gal, she said that was it and we were good to go and was about ready to hang up. I was like wait a minute- what about the referral? Is someone supposed to call? She said that another gal in the office takes care of that and she thought we had already been called! Uh no. So she asks the other lady if she has time to get it to me and then she tells me that once we get off the phone they would get it ready to send.

So as fast as I got on the phone- I was back off again! :)

It took a few hours, but the email finally came and we got the "official referral" for our kids.

It was actually pretty anti-climactic to be honest.

The pictures were not too special, especially after having so many good ones from our trip in April. I actually looked at them both and started crying. He looks kind of sad and she is smiling, but looks so much more grown up than when we last saw her. If any of you have watched your child grow up through pictures, you know exactly what I mean. I just wanted to reach into the pictures and hug them and love on them. There was not a whole lot of information in the file that we didn't know, but the one thing that we were really hoping for was not there.

We had been told by the director when he thought their birthdays were and so we have been going with that but we were waiting so see the dates made official on the paperwork.
Well, they have M's birthday as a month later than we thought, which is not a huge deal, but they didn't even have a date for N! I know that they have their birth-certificates in Ethiopia because that is one of the things we were waiting on, but somehow they failed to put that information there. So his age is still a bit of a mystery to us, but it doesn't matter that much because we still love them no matter how old they are!

Later this weekend I got an email from the orphanage director with a few pictures of them with their packages we sent about a month ago. It was good to know that they received the few little things we sent and that they have our letters to hold onto and read as they continue to wait. Have I told you how much we miss them? sigh.

We are praising the Lord for this good news of our referral! Even though we are still facing many more months of waiting (the courts just closed for two months on top of everything else- nice.) we are thrilled to be at this point. We had so many months of being unsure if we would ever get to this point, and now that we are here, it's like we can breathe a little sigh of relief. It will happen. Now it's just a matter of waiting on God's timing- again! We are praying and hoping that we would be able to celebrate this Christmas with ALL 6 of our children, but we must trust that God is in control.

Thank you for your prayers for us and for our kids. Join with us in praising God today for His goodness and faithfulness!

The beginning of something exciting {demolition/disaster phase}

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 22:59:00 +0000

Almost immediately after we had that day of great news a few weeks ago, we started to get really excited.

Not that we weren't excited before, but there was just something about the way that God worked that day that confirmed that what we had been hoping and praying for all these months was finally going to happen.

It's still going to be a few more months at the bare minimum, but now it FINALLY feels REAL that N and M will get to be a part of our family! The Lord did the impossible and now it is only a matter of time before we will be together again. And we pray that the time goes quickly!

Although we have thought about N and M all the time for 10 months, it wasn't until a few weeks ago that we started to let ourselves really plan and get ready for 2 more kids in our home.

Enter the demolition and/or disaster phase. {!!!}

This is what our house looks like at the moment...

Current sleeping arrangements...

What? Your kids don't sleep in your dining room?

Closet removed in Jensen & Nathan's room

All furniture gone and everything off the walls. Getting ready for 3 boys to be in here! Yes, we had to remove the closet in order to be able to fit 3 beds. Still trying to figure out where everything that was in the closet is going to go!

Which means all the stuff gets stored in the loft. Wonderful.
(Actually it looks a lot worse now- a few days after this was taken!)

Tub and tile removed in boy's bath

Just a little messy. Trying to decide on a paint color.

Enter at your own risk. Do you see how many holes that were on just the one wall?! That's a homeschooling family for ya!

Paper rugs everywhere. Nice.

The boys have taken over the girl bathroom.

Austin conveniently got the tv from the loft and the video games in his room. Life can be rough sometimes.

So yes, we are right in the middle of a little remodeling project around here and even though it's a disaster right now, we know that it's only the beginning of something exciting! The past 3 weeks have flown by as we have been picking out furniture and bedding and paint and tile and fun things like that. We've been cleaning out closets and drawers and cupboards. I think this must be adoption nesting! :) Our boys are getting into it too. Although I think they are mostly excited about moving all the school stuff downstairs so they can have a nice "hang-out" spot with a couch and stuff upstairs! I'll post some of the finished pictures when it's all done!

Happy Gotcha Day Elliana!

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 14:55:00 +0000

Today marks 2 years since this sweet girl became a part of our family forever. I cannot believe it's been TWO YEARS since this day when our whole world changed and a sweet little Korean baby was placed into our arms forever.

Saying goodbye to her foster mother

Checking Elliana out at the hotel

It's her turn to check them out! (gosh the boys look so much younger!)

So much has happened and she has changed so much in these two years. At times it's been really hard and I see the huge loss that adoption really is for my girl. There are things she will deal with for life probably. Other times I see how far she has come by way of attachment and bonding and we praise God for the incredible gain that we have all received because of her adoption.

Just for fun I thought I'd post a few pictures of our Elliana Sa-rang from the past two years. She has grown so much!

The first week we were home and she discovered grass

One year old

First Christmas

Finalization Day- March 2010

Easter 2010

Summer 2010

Two years old

Christmas 2010

Spring 2011 (referral anniversary)

A few weeks ago-

And just in case you've never taken the time to watch this- I'm posting her gotcha video again. It's longer than most, but worth it. I still cry and I know what's going to happen! ha ha :)
You can bet that we'll be watching it together again too!

I know there's been quite a delay in posting lately- we've been busy this summer! Don't worry- when there's news from Ethiopia I'll let you know!!! :)

Praise the LORD! We've got good news!

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 00:46:00 +0000

All day yesterday I could not get Ephesians 3:20-21 out of my mind.

We are praising God for doing IMMEASURABLY MORE than all we could ask or imagine.
Want to know why? :)

Read on!

As you know from this post about a month ago, we have been waiting and praying that the Lord would do the impossible. It has been a very long few months since we said goodbye to our N and M in Ethiopia and there have been many days of discouragement and heart ache since then. But all along we have been praying and praying and knowing that we have a God that loves us and answers us in His timing and according to His will.

And while there are many things that we have been praying for, I would say the biggest is that the children would be able to be moved so that the adoption process in Ethiopia could finally get started. If you are confused as to why that needed to happen click HERE. One of the obstacles we were faced with during the last several months was that the closest living relative needed to submit documents to 3 levels of governments before the children could be moved to an orphanage that was licensed for adoption . There was a point in the process that we were told it was going to be next to impossible to get the government approvals with all of the changes and restrictions that are happening right now. We were not getting much encouraging news. Actually none. So we did the only thing we could do.

Wait and pray.

Pray and wait.

And trust that He who has called us IS faithful.

And yesterday He answered those prayers.

Big time. :)

We got news yesterday that all 3 levels are approved and the government has already assigned their files to a licensed orphanage! This is what we have been praying for!

But that's not the best part...

Oh how He LOVES us and LOVES to knock us down with His goodness to us!

We were told that because this particular orphanage is one that our agency already works with...

N and M do NOT have to be moved!

Did you hear that??? They GET TO STAY where they are at! They get to be with their friends and caregivers that they have been living with for the past 4+ years while the paperwork for the adoption is processed!

This is SO much more than all we could ask or imagine! We had been simply praying that they would be moved and our God just moved the mountains!

And get this: after we cried tears of JOY and praised the Lord for what He had done already, I went out a little later to check the mail.

And of all the days, the Lord chose this already amazing day to bless us AGAIN.

After 119 DAYS of waiting... we got our immigration approval!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously Lord??!!! I just kept thinking of Ephesians 3:30-21 over and over again:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

All of a sudden we went from months of nothing to 3 huge things happening all in the same day!!!

It is still not going to happen overnight, and a whole lot of other things still need to take place, but right now things are looking a lot more hopeful! We feel like there is still the possibility of bringing our children home this fall and we are now praying hard for that. It has been too long already!

Thank you to those who have been faithful in praying for our family and especially N and M. To those who have sent emails and messages and calls of encouragement and support and who have believed with us that God can and will make all things possible... it means more to me than you may ever know.
You have blessed this waiting-mama's heart and I am so grateful.

Can't wait to see what He does next!

This girl

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 15:49:00 +0000

Makes me smile.

So full of life and spunk and BIG personality- our daughter is a gift from the Lord.

She's come a long way since those early days and we give God the glory for what He has done in her life and ours.

Less than two months away from turning 3 years old, this little firecracker has us on our toes.

She is curious, yet very cautious. Fiery, yet very fearful. Pretty, yet has a bad habit of pinching. And has the highest-pitched scream this house has ever heard! SO different than any of the boys.

And that's ok. Because she's not one of them. She's a girl.

Our girl.

She loves babies, dogs, music and dancing, talking on the phone and although she adores her brothers and daddy- she is still very much a mama's girl. Which isn't so bad. Until mama wants to get something done! :)

and of course those brothers and daddy adore her. She makes us all laugh. A LOT.
And sometimes she even makes us cry.

She loves clothes and shoes and when she puts on a dress or gets a bow in her hair she wants to go find daddy or one of the brothers and ask them if she "looks pretty?" Of course they tell her she is beautiful. Because she is.

We still have struggles with attachment/adoption related things and times of progress and times of regression- but over all- she is thriving. We continue to take baby steps towards helping her to feel secure and safe and to some it looks like spoiling. To us, it looks like parenting with an open mind, reminding ourselves of all that she has been through in her little life, and most of all- GRACE.
It's not easy.

Her speech is improving daily. She might not be able to talk like a typical almost 3 year old, but boy does she know how to get her point across! :)

She repeats just about EVERYTHING you say, and is still learning the concept of answering when someone asks her a question.
She pretty much talks non-stop the entire day- it's just that she is mostly on repeat-mode. Sometimes it wears on us.

Her favorite things to say lately (repeatedly) are: daddy {or mommy} hold you (if she wants to be held), nah nah wants snack, nah nah wants water, nah nah wants... >insert item here< ! If you haven't already guessed- nah nah is what she calls herself.

She loves music. And the ABC's. Oh yes, she loves the ABC song. One more thing that is on repeat over here. :)

My favorite thing is lately she has been talking non stop about her "sissy" and brother N. She wakes up and tells me that sissy and N are bye bye. In the car she tells all of us that N is nice and sissy is nice. She sees me talking on the phone and wants to talk to N and sissy. She carries their picture around and gets mad if I try to take it away. God has stirred not only our hearts towards the adoption of N and M, but all of our children's hearts as well. I can't wait until she is able to hug them and kiss them in person!

This girl.

She is our daughter.

She is unique. and beautiful. and precious. and talkative. and feisty. and hilarious. and SO loved.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5

Longing

noreply@blogger.com (candice) — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 18:05:00 +0000

Yes- I, like you am tired of looking at this blog and seeing the word impossible at the very top.

I am ready for God to do the impossible so I can have some big news to share. It's coming soon- I just know it. He is in control.

I know, there are so many other things I could blog about other than the adoption:
Random events, Elliana updates, summer fun, some of the crazy things God is teaching me and doing in my heart, our last day in Ethiopia (which has been too hard to think about), and of course pictures to document it all.

Summer has officially begun and we are enjoying the time just being together. We have made our lists and have our calendar filled with fun family activities that we all enjoy doing. It really has been great and the kids are having a blast.

But there is always a part of me that is just never fully here. It's still in Africa. It's the part of me that was left behind with two beautiful children whom I am begging God to let be a part of our family. Yes, of course we love our kids here and are enjoying the summer with them- but there is still a longing that just does not go away. It is a mama's heart that knows when something's not right. And the something that's not right is that we are separated from our children. For how long is only something God knows. And until the day when we are finally together again, I know that the longing and missing them will not go away. Because it is a gift from the Lord. It is a gift that He is giving us during this long, hard journey. Each day that goes by without them, each time that we go somewhere and feel that something or someone(s) is missing, each day that we cry out to the Lord in our sadness, makes for the reunion all that much more sweet.

We hear that they are asking about us every day. Asking what the updates are. Asking when it is time and asking WHEN their mom and dad are coming back for them. You see, this time the longing is not just us. This time there are a 10 and 12 year old sister and brother who are longing for a family. And not just any family. WE are their family and they are longing for US. We pray that they would not give up hope, but like us they would cry out to the Lord in their longing and that He would fulfill their desire for a family in His perfect timing.

Even Elliana has been so sweet. She talks about "N" and "Sissy" ALL the time. She carries their picture around and asks "Sissy bye bye?" several times a day. The other day I was talking on the phone and I mentioned N and the next thing I knew Elliana was trying to grab the phone from me- asking if she could talk to him on the phone. She thought I was actually talking to our N right then and she was ready to talk with her brother! She wants to know what's taking them so long! :)

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

Today we are heading to the beach for a little weekend get-away. I am excited for a chance to have a few days to get away from the heat, the computer, and just all the stuff that needs to be done. We plan to chill by the water, take bike rides on the beautiful trails, walk along the beach, and sit around just doing nothing. We will go from 104 degree weather in Fresno to 68 degrees in Pismo- perfect. Almost. :)
I know we will enjoy being together as a family, but of course I also know that there will still be that part of me that longs for the day when we will have all 6 of our children playing together in the sand and water. Or even just the day when they will all be together.

Someday.