Ramblings of a Mad Man (A.K.A Online Poker Thoughts)

A Poem by Waffles

2009-07-17T15:18:00.001-07:00

i so want to believe
in skill
but yet
all i can do
is cry

Thinking Ahead

2009-07-16T10:33:00.001-07:00

I have spent some time thinking about the things I will need to do to be successfully single. I will discuss these with you as the months go on. The first step is setting up the bachelor pad. The love den. The honey pot. Ahh yeah.

If left to me we would end up with a bedroom that you enter. It has leopard skin fur comforter. I click a button and the lights dim. Another button causes the disco ball to descend from the mirrored ceiling, lights flashing, twirling, putting the victim into a hypnotic trance. The final click causes the smooth voice of Barry White to pour out of the sound system singing the appropriate, sexy, love song - An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig.

So if anyone wants to help me avoid disaster and possible arrest and suggest some appropriate interior design ideas that would be fun.

Wisdom

2009-07-16T07:44:00.001-07:00

The more I play poker the more I realize it is all about luck and has really nothing to do with skill. Take last night. I figure I will grind out a little change in LHE. So I am playing good at a 6-max table. I get things like Aces cracked by T6 and AJ going down to TJ. Preflop raises are of course ignored. So I start getting a little pissed off. I decided to play like the retarded with my last few bucks. So I am four betting 89o, I am capping with air, I am fucking playing as retarded as possible. You know what happened? I fucking kicked ass. I take 78o up against Aces capped pre-, few bets on the flop when I hit my 7, I river a seven to take a big pot. I call gutters all over the place. My percentage rate of hitting gutters is extremely high so this may not be bad play. I start hitting them. The table starts steaming. Every hand gets 4-bet and called 4 ways. My hammer cracks a huge pot. River after river pays me off. The rush continues and I take down sixty BB before my rampage is over. So why the hell would anyone use this "skill" thing when retarded works the best.

Devil Gets A Pass

2009-07-15T08:13:00.000-07:00

First off I have to apologize for my comments about the devil soon to be EX. She did not in fact BUY Prada shoes and a handbag. No my friends. She was GIVEN these hand-me-down Prada things that were brand new but did not fit her friend. It is good to live in a nice town.

I played a little poker the other night. Took third in the skillz after overplaying jacks vs iaatg overplayed queens. I think in the long run overplaying jacks against iaatg is probably way way way ahead of his range. He is an aggressive player. We all had about ten blinds left so by the time I figured out he had a bigger pair than me I just had to ship it.

I also played a little Omatard-8 MTT. Went out with AJ3K s000ted vs 4436. Obviously he flopped the "nut" six high flush and rivered an Ace to scoop me. I raised my hand pre-flop and he cold called a third of his stack. Have to love the retarded.

Limit Holdem six-max I won a few bucks in a few minutes this morning. Could be something fun to try.

I am thinking that when I become single again college might be a good idea. Nice, young, nubile, ladies, in abundance. Something to think about. I never actually attended college as I am a self made man. I probably have the equivalent of a masters of computer science in my brain. Although I become less able to access it every year. Old age is fun. Luckily I have grown in wisdom and can fake my way through the tough parts.

The Devil Wears Prada

2009-07-14T07:21:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the exercise advice. Blaaarggg must not be as dumb as he want's people to believe.. he is a sophisticated Yoga man of the people. I can see him in class "BLAAARGGGG NO BENDY!!! NO BENDYYY!!!". If you see pictures of me in yoga tights in the next few months you know who to kill.

As for PokerPeaker I respect his opinion a ton. He is a marathon machine and knows a lot about exercise. I am however not sure I can be overworked from walking like a mile a day.

I continue to feel beat though. I sort of wonder if I am having some kind of sugar withdrawal issue or something. I have been cutting way back. I usually drink 1 coke a day and that is all. I used to drink at least 3-4 a day, if not more, and it was not unheard of to drink a case on a weekend day. It is interesting that the past two Sundays I have felt the sickest. During the weekends I do not even drink a coke these days. The only other correlating factor is I exercised a little more than usual on both Saturdays. This Saturday I went on a hike in the woods. The boy and I probably did 3-4 miles including a nice climb up a hill that had me a little winded. I ended up picking up a tick on my travels too. I knew there was a good reason I wore jeans all summer.

As for the devil part of this post. I went into the car this weekend and sitting on the floor is a Prada bag and shoes. Now I do not begrudge any woman her shoes. I would be more than happy to buy my woman some Prada. Now it just feels like some bitch spending my money though.

The Hill

2009-07-10T12:40:00.000-07:00

I am feeling like I have hit the hill in my exercise routine this week. Not sure whats up. I have not felt as "good" as I have the past few weeks. I am sluggish. Weary. Not sure if I am coming down with something or not sleeping well or what. It just has been pretty blah walking this week. I have still pushed myself out there and done it every day. Ah well. Weight has been fluctuating between 181-184. Caffeine intake is down to a can a day from three to four. Overall things going well. I still have not jumped back on the Calisthenics. I only did those three to four times before hurting my back playing with my daughter. The back is feeling better so I should jump back on but have not done so yet. I will get to it eventually. Other than that blah.

JJOK is a Hatah

2009-07-09T06:41:00.000-07:00

JJOK hates my truly materialistic play style and tries to lump me in with some ElephantFucker site. I will not be lumped in with anyone else. I am a unique flower and any comparisons to my brilliance are ridiculous hatah spam. So PAL BLOW WHATEVA!

Wanderer

2009-07-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

One of the things I like about walking around downtown Boston is that it reminds me a lot of my childhood. I actually think I was happy once. I just did not realize it. The idyllic days of my grade school experience left me feeling bored and restless. Little did I know that wanting things to change did not always mean things would be better. As boredom sunk in I would wander about.

I am not sure if it was a different world back then but I would walk the streets of Brookline, Boston, Arlington. Stopping into little corner shops and reading the comics with the covers torn off that cost a quarter or so each. I would check every parking meeter for a little extra change and was extremely excited when I found these treasures. It meant I would not have to steal my next book to read from the paperback booksmith. Sometimes I would ride my bike, a slick Schwinn machine. One time I rode all the way from Winchester back to Brookline.

I guess getting old brings with it a bit of nostalgia. As I walk among the fantastic architecture of some of the brick buildings it brings me back. Passing by places like French Cleaners, I am not sure if that is the name of the place or if they have frogs lick your clothes clean, as I passed by small shops in my childhood. I guess I am enjoying my walks. One of these days I may just hop a train to Brookline and do one of the routes I took as a child. That would be a lot of fun.

Dumb and Dumber

2009-07-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

Every time I see a Master Cleanse commercial on SciFi in the morning I think of Riggs and Ick and wonder why Ick has not sent me an email. Are you playing hard to get? Do the other girls like that?

Excellent Fourth of July

2009-07-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

I had a pretty decent weekend. I am feeling like I am pulling out of the funk I have been in over the past few years. I am not totally inserted back into life but can see myself moving towards that state. Not living is a little peaceful, in a stale, dead, kind of way, and a little sad.

The weekend was mostly spent exercising and playing with the kids. You heard right. I probably spent more time outside this weekend than I have in a long time. Friday the whole family went to the track. I ended up walking a mile, then jogging for a quarter mile, and finishing up with a quarter mile cool down walk. It felt good to be ABLE to run a quarter mile. Even a month ago I would have probably passed out at the first turn. I realize I have not been doing this walking thing very long but I have seen a lot of improvement in my health along with dropping six pounds.

Saturday we all went to the sporting goods store. My son wanted a new bat since his coach told him he should be using a 28” one. I also wanted to buy the boy a new glove. His old glove is not broken in very well and has a Pawtucket Red Sox signature. I did not want to ruin the signature. Of course if my son gets something my daughter also needs something and we ended up getting batting gloves, balls, bats, and a whole lot of other stuff.

On the way to the track for the second day of family fun exercise this obese lady pulls out in front of us without even looking. I say to my wife that her eyes must be swollen shut by the fat. The kids start chuckling and the wife says "Her BMW SUV costs more than you make in a year". I have no idea what the correlation is but I go with it. "I am glad she is rich" I say, "That way she can hire someone to wipe her ass because obviously she can not reach". The kids start cracking up. The wife can not stop cracking a smile between calling me an uncouth barbarian. I go with it and start imitating the fat women calling Tina her butt maid. The kids are howling by the time I finish. I may be a little inappropriate as a dad but we had a good time.

I did my usual mile and then the kids and I went off to the field. I pitched a bit, and then started nailed shots into the outfield for fielding practice. I really dialed into the ball and was hitting some really long shots into deep middle field. I did not realize how much my body would pay the next day. We started playing a 2 on 2 game once the wife was done walking. We were going to play three innings but we ended up playing just one. Running the bases was fun. Something else I probably could not have done a month ago.

At the end the boy child melted down. He felt cheated because we did not play three innings. The kids were all arguing and it was starting to rain and the wife and I had enough. He really started getting angry and freaking out. I was kind of split about how I felt about this. In one way it is great that it is so important for him to play and have fun with his family. On the other hand he really needs to be more appreciative of everything he has and gets. He really gets angry when he does not get things his way. After he calms down he usually can talk about things reasonably.

We made plans to go to the Hancock building and watch the fireworks that night but I ended up puking my brains out on the way. I kind of knew I was going to get sick but tried to force myself to go anyway. So we are driving to the train and I am like “Roll down the window quick!”. The wife rolls down the window and I start hanging out puking and flapping in the wind like some dog. I yell at her to pull over but apparently there is no safe place to stop. Finally she gets pulled over and I get out of the car letting everything spew out into the grass. We had to head home after that.

I am not sure what caused the stomach to revolt. I am leaning toward dehydration from all of the exercise. I did drink down a huge bottle of water on both days I exercised but I can not think of any other reason to be sick. I did not even have a single beer to drink.

Sunday was a little more of the same with the family hitting the track for the third day. I was entirely sore by this time and could not play catch very well as my arm felt like spaghetti. We did get in a water bottle fight which was fun. I yelled at him to stop soaking me. I guess I should lighten up a little. He enjoyed that a ton though.

We decided to give up our cats since they were causing massive damage to the house and were a pain to take care of. The wife and I had discussed this and decided together to place them in a no-kill shelter. I personally would not have minded placing them into a glad bag but I regress. The kids were upset at the cats being removed from the family so my wife decided to keep the less destructive one.

The wife and kids left to drop the one cat off and come back a while later with everyone in tears. So of course the wife tries to comfort the children. Here is a pro tip for women: YOU CAN NOT MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER! I know you got that warm mothering instinct but some sadness just has to be experienced. The tears got to her enough that she sold me down the river. Now the whole family hates me for getting rid of the cat. It is totally and completely my fault. It is fun to be Waffles.

I remember when my family got rid of our dog for much the same reasons. I did not realize that "We took Charlie to the Farm" meant euthanized until twenty years later. I still recall just bursting out in tears in class the day after. It is a hard thing to lose a pet. I understand that. I also understand that you just have to let time take care of the pain.

All in all the weekend seemed to last forever and despite the status quo of everyone hating me I think we had a good time. I guess for the first time in a while I am looking forward to the future and seeing a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Hope you had as good of a weekend as I did.

Hoyazo V3.0

2009-07-06T06:34:00.001-07:00

I can not stop saying I won 51K. Want to hear me say it again. I won 51K!

Live Bloggin 10K MTT

2009-07-02T18:18:00.000-07:00

Doing the whole tourney super aggro daddadadddaaadada LJAYYYY POWER style.

fuck it imma lj'it
wheee jam
thats the lj spirit
i shall adopt it
any hand that good in blackjack
is good for me
all in pre everytime
lol
here we go BlackJack!
3 180 CHIPS limpers
I am all in
1 jam past me
1 fold
2 fold
shit KK vs AA
K FLOP!
LJ RAWKS!
I love you LJAYYY!
lol
i better save this chat for blog post
dadadadaaadada LJAYYYY POWER!
LJAYYY POWAH RAISE 77 IN DA EP!
A33 flop
bluffing AA
shit nobodyu bought it lol
guess I shoulda bet bigger
hahahaha I still won
morons
BOOOM LJ POWER WORKS!
K9 S000TED! LJ POWAH!
K9 flop
lol
some danger
hmm
i may lose lol
fuck paire board river
HAHAH QT bluff I snapped it off!
up to 8k playing DADADADADAAADADDDHHHHH LJAYYY POWER!
OMFG this works so well
Raising T2 s000ted OOP to 4 limpers! GOOOO LJAY POWERS!
Three callers zang!
Dry flop bet out pot!
All Foldey I take down 1K POT!
DDDADDADADADADAAAAADA CHARGE! LJAYYYYY POWERS ACTIVATE!
BLACKJACK HAND! RAISE!
2 callers!
Had to fold. WOOT! Another Blackjack Hand!
I am out to the ANTI-LJ. Fuck me.
I check-raise a dude all in with air on the flop. He has A7 with a gutter draw,
and I have KJ with no redraws. I turn my K with LJayyy powers but can not fade the
fucktards calling off 6K of his 20K stack on the flop with Ace high and he hits his
gutter on the river!

Still that was fucking fun!

Sarah Silverman Wants Me

2009-07-02T10:38:00.001-07:00

I was doing my daily research into all things internet. Actually I was debunking some retards idiotic slam of my page rank. I had to chuckle when he said "You will never get advertisements".. Um, yeah, the ten or so on the side do not exist. Moron. Freaking open your eyes before you make dumb comments.

Anyhow I had not checked my Webstats in a while and I saw this weird link. Now as I pondered who at Comedy Central might want to steal my content I looked closer at the link.

It is from Sarah_Blog. See that. Now I quickly went to Comedy Central and searched for Sarah. Who came up? Sarah Silverman! The real clencher that it was her and she wants me is that the weird link has ISRAELI CHARACTERS! Holy crap! It is so her trying to find out more information on Waffles! Listen baby. I am like totally free! You do not have to hide! You can call me, aight?

*** All opinions expressed above are subject to the Waffles delusional factor and may or may not be accurate. Please use caution when getting within range of the delusional field as it has been know to cause problems.

Jonesing

2009-07-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

Been Jonesing for a little fix of poker so last night I threw down on the .01/.02 PLO8 tables. High stakes baby. Was a pretty fun game actually. I notice if I play too long then I get loose (AKA Bored?) and start losing. Good thing to note for the future. Got myself in a few good spots and ended up around 50BB up. Guess I can not complain. Not sure if I am disciplined enough to fuck around on these tables. Probably just say fuck it eventually and spew it off. Hopefully closer to the next free money day.

Other than that everything goes the same.. Still exercising. Calisthenics on hold. Back hurts still but is starting to calm down. May check the weight tomorrow night and see if I shed any more poundage.

Ouch

2009-06-30T19:46:00.001-07:00

OMG! I was playing with my daughter tonight. I had her on my shoulders and was pretending to be a roller coaster zigging to the right and swooping down until I swooped when she zigged and all of the sudden my back freaked out. So now I am waiting for the real pain to start. My back is killing me and my ribs are sore. Tomorrow is likely to hurt a fuck load more. Guess I should not have teased TripJax. Lol.

Reader Comments

2009-06-30T08:42:00.000-07:00

First off thanks for all the support as I go from Gilbert Grape to Adonis. I may stop somewhere in between as I am already too much for the ladies.

Lightning was curious if I had changed my diet much. I have not really. I have cut down on caffeine the most. I try and watch what I am eating a little more. Somedays I will try a little harder than others. I plan to eventually start cooking for myself more and get away from all the processed foods I eat. I can never see myself as a sunflower seed eating maggot. I think everything is good in moderation and will probably keep to that mantra.

As to Ick saying I needed to give Hoyazo props for his big win. All I can say to that is if a duck shits in the air enough times it is gonna hit someones head eventually.

Things I have Learned Walking

2009-06-29T10:09:00.000-07:00

Things I have learned walking recently..

1. It can rain a lot of days in a row.
2. City kids like to play in the fountains. Fuck. I want to join them! Those sprinklers look awesome!
3. You can not go a block in Boston without getting a puff of smoke in you face.
4. Bayne says losing 5 pounds is a gimme when you exercise, nothing to write home about, it is nice to have friends.
5. Walking generates testosterone. Testosterone turns my normal surly attitude into fantasies about smashing the guys face into the cement just because he looks funny. Testosterone is probably a bad thing.
6. It really can rain a lot of days in a row.
7. Retarded kids picking on you is a low point in life.
8. City blocks are not all equal.
9. Hawk Chicks do not fear the rain and wear white shirts which makes Waffles very happy. White shirt on a chick is just behind Catholic Girl Skirt.
10. Man can it rain a lot of days in a row.

Exercise commences on a daily basis. Calisthenics starting up every other day. Drink of choice for exercising nerds is Diet Weight Watchers Root Beer, chilled, not frozen. Nobody sells these around here but at least the morning and dinner drink is set. Feeling a little Jonesing for poker after the PLO8 13th place 3-outer fiasco.

Mafia Wars

2009-06-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

Fun game on Facebook. I finally hit 501 mafia members. This is the highest you can go at least to gain benefit in fights. To add Mafia members you have to invite them to be Facebook friends. Since I have finally hit the top I have started removing these people from my friends list. It is a slow and sad process as I finally realize that these people are not my friends. *cry*.

Exercise Plans

2009-06-26T09:58:00.000-07:00

Still going. As to all the comments yesterday and suggestions thank you. Also thanks to BamBam for getting all inspired and shit. I would link you but your site has turned into a soft porn movie.

As for the drink suggestions lets run through them.

Dr. Chacko - Coke Zero.
Coke Zero weirds me the fuck out. I had gotten on a slight kick of drinking the stuff a while back. It just blows my mind for some reason. I honestly can not come up with any words to describe it. It is like something but nothing or something ya know? It is a decent choice for a replacement though. Possibly if I can get my brain around it I could do this.

Astin - Tea or coffee, black, unsweetened.
I am not sure if I have ever shared this on the blog which is totally weird but I HATE COFFEE! Anything even related to Coffee, Tea, Coffee Ice Cream! UG! It tastes like shit. OMG! I mean how do they get you to drink this shit in the first place? Everytime I taste coffee I want to puke. Unsweetened to top it off?!?!? ARGG!

IAK - Diet Something
This one is all me. I am a super scientist from the future and I have to tell you aspartame IS THE DEBIL! The FDA should ban this shit now but they are a bunch of corrupt, paid off, fucktards. I swear that thing eats your teeth and then it digests them with your internal organs. It is some sort of fast acting acid. I know you doctors with your degree thingies and stuff disagree with me but YOU ARE WRONG, I ARE RIGHT, STFU NOW! Mark my words just as I predicted $5 gas with Bush, among the other atrocities I predicted he would do, I know for a fact aspartame is going to be found to be a stone cold killah.

Bad Blood - Crystal Light
Ok I am going to avoid any pussy jokes here because frankly he is big and scary. However I think this is a good idea. It could work. Ah crap. I knew it. It has the Debel in it too! aspartame!!! Debil powdah! HELP!

So I guess the search continues.

I also bought a magical device called a pedometer. Mostly to figure out how far I am actually walking since those city block things confuse me. The pedometer is a magical, wondrous device and I have no idea how it works. It just like knows. Kinda like Google. Sick huh?

Hoyazo Translation V2.0

2009-06-26T06:38:00.001-07:00

Nobody possibly could ever have a 3 on a 332 board when they are betting into me after I have shown strength. Oh my, they do have a three. This person is obviously a donk for calling 10$ off pre-flop in a five way pot and then stacking me for $190 more. I do not know how they can win with odds like that. I am going to get so much richer than I already am.

Exercise Make Feel Good?

2009-06-25T06:54:00.000-07:00

Day 77 of my long ordeal of exercising.. no, wait, it can not be that long. Ok. Probably the first week. The rain is scheduled through Monday. It is comforting that god would kill everyone in MA by horrible flood just to get at me. At least he knows who I am. I did manage to weigh myself and I am down two pounds (including boot trick) in the first week. So off to a good start.

Today the pain set in. I can barely lift my arms. Somehow all the muscles between each rib are sore. Not sure what caused that probably the pushups. My stomach was hurting pretty good this morning too. Next day of calisthenics is Friday.

I am trying to figure out what to drink. I think 4-6 cokes a day is too much so I have cut down to just one at lunch. However I am at a loss for a good replacement. I could drink root beer and get the benefit of less caffeine but probably would not help me lose too much weight.

Water is out. I may be the only person in the world but water tastes like shit to me. I mean I have a low tolerance for boring stuff so maybe that is it. I have tried going all water a few times before but it just is not me.

I guess I am not going to worry too much at this point about the diet. I am of the opinion that diets suck. I would rather be 5000 pounds than not eat something. Exercise is where it is at and moderation on the really bad stuff.

I did buy a book with some recipes that I may try out. It has a set of 15,20, and 30 minute ones. Some of them look really tasty and they are all reasonably healthy when compared to say my couple of hot pockets last night. So basically not much going on so you will have to suffer through the exercise regime for a little while more.

Exercise Grind Continues

2009-06-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

Another day of exercise. Another day of rain. Goodtimes. I actually threw some calisthenics in last night. a whole 15 pushups and 30 situps. Note to self: putting pressure on giant balloon seems like not such a good idea. Today I will study the difference between a pushup and a crunch and which one is better to do. Like how far up do you go before it is a crunch? Are crunches just something lazy people invented or are they the way to go. All this exciting news. I bet you can not wait until tomorrow.

Exercise Woes

2009-06-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was doing my walking thing. In the rain. See prior post. I walked from the train station down to the super market to meet up with my wife. On the walk I pass by this very friendly retarded fellow who comes up to me and say "You look funny with that stupid beard". I just got slammed by a retard. FML.

Noah Build Another Arc

2009-06-23T06:28:00.001-07:00

I know god hates me but does he have to be so blatant? Ever since I went on this walking kick it had rained. Every. Single. Day. I prefer indoor, treadmill, walking so I do not have to deal with snow and rain, but I am treadmilless so I have been splashing through the rain everyday. I am almost positive that god is going to break his promise to Noah and flood the planet if I keep exercising. The boot trick worked and weighing without the boots I lost a pound already! Yay me!

Season Over

2009-06-22T08:24:00.000-07:00

Had a decent weekend. Did my mile walks for the weekend. Weighed myself (with shoes on so I can cheat later and "lose" more weight) and came in at 187. I figure my first goal will be to get back down to 170. The Rooster is more obsessed by shoes than the Wife. True story.

The boys team finally went down to the Rockies. He did not get a chance to pitch. Apparently the fail coaches son giving up six or seven runs was not enough to take him out. The boys team could not get anything going against the star pitcher of the Rockies. The best they did was bases loaded in the first. Boy was disappointed.

Fathers day was meh. Sweet little girl gave me a pen with all smooshes of playdough or something applied to it. Very nice. Everyone else ignored me. Also very nice. The Wife (the good one not my wife) wished me a Happy Fathers day. It brought tears to my eyes. I must be going soft.

Emergency work fix this morning as I strolled in at 10:30ish. Bwahahah. I should really either stop being so valuable or get a new job. Usually with me after about two years I get bored and become a very pouty employee. I probably should not complain as I am gainfully employed, surf the web for weeks at a time, and occasionally do some work. I prefer the beginnings of projects where there is a ton of work and design to do. The day to day type projects bore the fuck out of me.

Otherwise nothing much exciting going on today.

** Oh almost forgot.. Thanks for the suggestion IAK. I have some SBLI email addy for you. Send me a line at sirfwalgman@gmail.com and we can chat.