A traveller's fruits

Getting over surprises

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 14:09:00 +0000

And the first surprise is: I haven't abandoned the blog! So, ahem...um...ok, here goes...nothing. I have no idea what to say. Me, super responsible and conscientious, have not been near blogosphere for almost 4 months. Properly ashamed am I for those who have missed me. You are all very kind. But after getting no comments on my last post, I was convinced that no one missed me and a short absence would go unnoticed. Only trouble was, the short absence became much longer than intended. Believe me, college life, especially with the semester system is more busy than carefree for students (movies really do exaggerate the "fun" of college life)

So yes, I do have many things about college I would love to share. In fact, I'd even made a list of things which surprised me about college. Now when I look back at it, I've been more of an old fashioned person than I thought.

1. Teachers wearing jeans and...being young - Guess my old fashioned mind is too used to seeing my teachers in salwar kameez and sari. But after seeing my teachers like this, sometimes with chic tops too, I had to cheer them on!

2. Calculators in the exams - I cannot even describe how truly happy I felt when we were told in class that we would be allowed to use calculators even in our maths exam. I felt like squealing the news to everyone that day. My source of happiness was of course that I would no longer make silly mistakes in calculations. It is true they compensated for this by giving tougher calculations, but at least my answers have a better chance of being right ;)

3. Girls choosing to go to the library for the fiction and study - Once again I was ecstatic at discovering that many girls of my class read novels with interest and preferred the library. I saw girls sitting in our common room and just reading by themselves in their free periods. Finally, it is not unfashionable for me to have my nose in a book!

4. Elections - Since politics was never very interesting to me, I've become quite used to knowing just a little bit about the more prominent politicians. And anyone would agree with me that here the males outnumber the females. So it was quite a surprise for me when a senior walked into my class in the days preceding the elections and began making all kinds of promises to every one of our college societies. There was actually canvassing going around me with all the "Vote ___" badges going around, seniors telling us to vote for people in our own department and often, candidates dropping in to tell us all about themselves and what they would do.

Right now I'm enjoying holidays after my semester exams. I'll sign off now. I don't promise to be regular, but I promise to come back a couple of times before the end of the year :)

College

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 13:11:00 +0000

Image from: http://www.free-meditation.ca/archives/482

Just 5 remarkable college experiences:

1. Interacting with Celebrities - The students of SRCC organised 'Youth Conference 2012'. I got to hear and ask questions from people like Suhel Seth (a political commentator, among many other things), Ajay Chaturvedi (who initiated the innovative rural project 'harva') and the one whom many of the girls came for (!) Gaurav Kapoor (actor, VJ, RJ...). It was so nice to see that celebrities are ordinary people like us and to imagine that we could reach the same level too.

2. Dealing with Disappointment - I didn't clear the second rounds of the debating or western music society auditions. And the Indian music one was a fiasco as well. But what I've learned it - there are some times when you just have to accept that things didn't work out the way you wanted. Accept that and move on, and keep believing that things will be better soon.

3. The endless stream of opportunities - At least five new posters clamour for my attention when I enter college everyday. Numerous competitions, placement announcements, offers to be campus ambassadors for companies and "vote for ___" are the posters on every noticeboard. It feels strange to realize that so much was going on in the world while we were caught up with school! Sometimes the world feels bigger than before and sometimes it feels smaller ;)

4. The difficulty of getting back to studies - The teachers are teaching, the students are taking notes...but how many are actually studying? It's a difficult question to answer. Perhaps it's because there isn't the closeness of school or maybe because nobody wants to be seen as a geek, but nobody is really discussing their study patterns or methods. It gives a false sense of security to think that if everyone else is planning to manage without studies, maybe you can too. But just as I start to relax, I remember one thing: most of the students in my class are science and commerce students who actually managed to cross those high cutoffs. No doubt there are lots of 'chhupe rustams' among them!

5. Strangers are not so bad - I had my first metro and bus rides alone and also my first few days in college, all in the company of complete strangers. But I was surprised by how nice some of them are. Many of my college seniors and the random passengers I met on the bus were so nice that I felt silly for being nervous about talking to them!

I wrote in my last post - "...going back to regular studies again, especially with every teacher sternly repeating that this is "College and not school", is a little jarring. The syllabus seems simple but the teachers teach it as if it's a jack-in-the-box and some horrific thing is going to pop out soon. The syllabus is the least of anyone's concerns however, when everyone is still making friends and griping about the weather. We're all really hoping that time speeds up so we can reach and experience the "fun" things that college is supposed to be about."

Guess "the fun" is here !

p.s. keep smiling :)

I return; wiser in some ways, more foolish in others

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Sun, 29 Jul 2012 16:04:00 +0000

I've been imitated so well I've heard people copy my mistakes.

- Jimi Hendrix

It's been a long, long, long, long time since I wrote on my blog. Apologies to all my friends whose posts I've missed out on and apologies to all those who were hoping to see posts from me (thanks for hoping). I'm not dead, merely in a sabbatical.

Most of you might know that the boards and their results are old news. It's been a week since college session started in Delhi University, where I secured a seat. Sadly though, I wasted a lot of time regretting not having studied harder for the boards and not getting a better college (hence no post for so long. I had to force myself to write this one).

But I won't write more about that. The exciting part was visiting a number of the prominent DU colleges to try my luck in the extra curricular activities' trials. My sports abilities are average, so I gave it my best shot in debating. None of them worked out, but it was fun visiting the campuses and chatting with the other hopefuls.

In these months, I spent a lot of time worrying about the future, but I also spent a little time exploring. I spent a delightful day visiting Hauz khas village and the Fort. Luckily, the day I went, there was no more than weak sunshine at intervals and it was fresh and breezy. It was a real treat walking around the HUGE lake, clicking pictures and watching all the squirrels and ducks in the surrounding park.

But now before anyone asks, college has been nice too. Of course, the first few days everyone made sure to dress well (but it's loosened up now). I've made some friends. I like the clean, green, unpolluted campus and the three-storey library.

But I have to admit, going back to regular studies again, especially with every teacher sternly repeating that this is "College and not school", is a little jarring. The syllabus seems simple but the teachers teach it as if it's a jack-in-the-box and some horrific thing is going to pop out soon. The syllabus is the least of anyone's concerns however, when everyone is still making friends and griping about the weather. We're all really hoping that time speeds up so we can reach and experience the "fun" things that college is supposed to be about.

I've had free time, so I used some of it to join Facebook. Understandably, my friends were shocked :P But I still miss them. What I wouldn't give to have one more full school day with my old teachers and everyone in uniform? *sigh*
I also drew up a list of things for me to complete by the end of the year which consists of absolutely unrelated things like "Draw 5 drawings/paintings" and "Meditate on 30 days". It's hard for me to settle on doing one thing for a long time, hence the varied to-dos to keep me busy when I'm alone.

And of course, there's the staple: I watched movies (The King's speech is marvellous) and read books.

I've had a little too much time for self reflection. Am still working on ways to forgive myself. And also on really accepting that other people are different, and have a right to be. I haven't dealt with all my dealt with all my bad habits. I haven't achieved all the things I dreamed of. I haven't stopped being afraid of making mistakes. I'm not yet free from every worry that weighs me down.

OH wait, and there's still the matter of discovering my identity.

There are a lot of hopes riding on college. So here's a fresher signing off!

- Charu

Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.

-Lucy Maud Montgomery

The story of the storytellers - 2

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Sun, 17 Jun 2012 13:47:00 +0000

(The first part of 'The story of the storytellers' can be found here)

Please welcome this week's writer : Baba Vaniteshwar from Saucy Jane

" I'm the cat's meow,the bees's knees,the dog's whiskers. "

Your favourite hobbies aside from writing? How do you unwind?
I paint, or just mess about with paint. Also, lately photography has put a spell on me.

Do you believe we need inspiration to write? Is your writing planned or spontaneous? Do you take out time regularly for writing?
My writing is mostly spontaneous. Sometimes I'm watching a movie or just doing something random thing and BANG! An idea hits me.
Though sometimes, people or things do give me some inspiration.
Nah, I don't take time out for writing. Somehow I can't force myself to write anything. It comes to me.

Now that you're a better writer (I'm sure you are!), what advice would you have given to your past self if you could?
I still have a long way to go as a writer but if I could advice my past-self I'd say-You're not writing for anyone else but yourself. Don't be afraid to let the ink flow.

Do you prefer any particular genre or do you just freestyle in your writing?
I freestyle. Though, I avoid romance & philosophy.

The best thing about being a writer?
This might take a while =)
When you start writing, you get transported into a world which is wholly yours.

Your milestones and favourite moments as a writer? Any you're proud of?
Ah, when I was in the fifth grade, my English teacher read my fiction post and was amazed. She told me I would go a long way if I would improve on my writing. I did.
One favourite moment was when my essay was published in The Young World. It was then I knew I simply have to be a journalist.

And the age old classic, any advice for aspiring writers?
The same thing I would have told my past-self-let the ink flow.

The nicest compliment you've ever received for your writing or the way you write?

That I create magic with words. ^_^

What question would you ask your favourite writer(s)?
When is the next book coming out?

What are your thoughts on writer's block? If you've ever had it, how did you get through it?
Writer's block. My life long nemesis.
To get over it, I just write. Even if it is random senseless ramblings, I just write.

What are your plans for and where do you see yourself in the near future?
It changes everyday. One day I want to become a journalist, the next day I want to become a world famous artist.

Any author or personality, dead or alive, you would like to meet or work with? Any recent favourite book?
I would LOVE to work with J.R.R.Tolkien.
Recent favourite book-The city of Djinns & Palace of illusions.

What words would you use to describe yourself as a writer or a person?
Eclectic, different, a wandering soul.

If you were writing a book about your life, what would the title be?
A Comedy Of Errors.

How much of your writing is inspired from real life?
Pretty much most of it is drawn from my own experiences and feelings.

Anything you would like to change or improve in yourself as a writer, blogger or person?
I wish I were more free in putting what's in my mind on paper.

Any other question that you wish I'd asked? What would be the answer?
You pretty much hit the nail on the head :)

Anything small or big that has frustrated you recently?
My inexcusably bad performance in the recent exams.

What's one of your biggest dreams?
To have people come up to me and say “ I love your book! Would you please sign my copy? It's for my daughter. She wants to be like you one day”. [ I'm an egomaniac, sue me] :D

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Share your thoughts please!

Birds - we've grown up with them!

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Mon, 04 Jun 2012 05:37:00 +0000

Most of you might not remember that almost a year ago I started a series called Saving the earth. In it I suggested that we all do something to help the environment based on our inclinations and limitations. Recently I discovered an initiative on the net which I hope most of us would take part in.

You'll find the homepage of the Citizen Sparrow Initiative here. The project is run by the Bombay Natural History Society, together with a group of organisations interested in nature, birds and conservation from all across the country. Here is the introduction on their website:

House Sparrows -- who can resist these chirpy, cheerful and charming birds?

Sparrows are found all over the world, almost everywhere that humans live. But strangely, sparrow populations have been in decline in many parts of the world, for reasons that are still unclear, although hotly debated! In India, sparrows used to be found in great abundance in all our cities, towns and villages; but sadly not any more.

Where are sparrows still found in India? Where were they found before? In which places have they declined the most?

The answers to these questions are crucial if we are to discover what ails them, and how to bring them back.

You can help!

By spending 5 minutes documenting the presence or absence of sparrows in localities you know well, both at present and at any time in the past, you will join enthusiasts all over the country in helping sparrows.

You will be asked a brief set of questions, including the precise location of areas you know (or knew) well, aspects of the habitat in these localities, sparrow presence or absence in these localities, and optional information about things like locations of nests, amount of green space, and so on. The questionnaire is very simple to fill, and there is also space for you to share your favourite sparrow stories!

I can vouch for the fact that it takes very little time to create an account and contribute your observations and stories.

This is a link to their FAQ page => http://www.citizensparrow.in/index.php?r=site/page&view=about

This is their 'How-to' page which has all the instructions => http://www.citizensparrow.in/index.php?r=site/page&view=howto

You'll find a full map of people's observations here=> http://www.citizensparrow.in/index.php?r=record/all

People's stories about sparrow are here => http://www.citizensparrow.in/index.php?r=record/stories

The campaign has been extended till the 15th of June. Please, please take out some time if you can to look up this initiative and contribute something to it. Help in saving the innocent little bird that we have all grown up adoring before they vanish altogether!

Image Credit: http://indiasendangered.com/world-house-sparrow-day-today/

Update: Just came across an article in the Hindustan Times, June 5. The Nature Forever Society is launching a campaign called 'Bird of the Month' to raise awareness about 18 common bird species found across India. It seems very much on the lines of the Citizen Sparrow initiative, except that there are more birds, like mynah and pigeon that are being observed. If you're interested in being a part of their 'Common Bird Monitoring of India' program, you can check out their very cool site at www.cbmi.in

The story of the storytellers

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Tue, 29 May 2012 15:21:00 +0000

Think back to the time you read something great - a poem, a story, an article, anything. How did it feel?

When I read something great, I feel sad when I reach the end. Sure, I'm happy with a good ending, but I do feel rather bad that the journey is over. And I always wonder, "Wow! How did that he/she think this up? Why didn't I think of writing something like that? Oh, I wish I could see more of something like this! ". Then I spend the couple of days in a kind of daze, remembering all the characters and dialogues :D

I don't want to analyse a writer's use of language. It's up to me to develop my skills in those areas. But I really do want to know more about them as people. What can I learn about them that will help me grow, as a writer and a person?

So, months go, I decided to go direct. I decided to interview some of my favorite bloggers. I sent out emails to them. I sent a long list of questions and asked them to answer as many as they wished.

And now, enough of the exams and results, here is the first 'interview'

*Drumroll* Please welcome, Vanessa Rowe from Writing Revived

"Digging around about Life's situations and events... exploring experiences... with a dash of philosophy thrown in, in addition to thoughts on relationships one comes across in Life"

Your favourite hobbies aside from writing? How do you unwind?

Singing, humming my favourite tunes, whistling or just playing pranks on my loved ones. Oh, add reading novels and being a couch potato to that list too.

Do you believe we need inspiration to write? Is your writing planned or spontaneous? Do you take out time regularly for writing?

Inspiration – We are all inspired unconsciously. We read something, or watch a show, or discuss ideas – and in all this relay of communication some thought strikes us and we write it down – so we are inspired directly or indirectly.
Till now, my writing has mostly bordered on the spontaneous side, unless you count submitting articles for school/college magazines – which then had a deadline, word limit and genre limitation. And since I write spontaneously, I don’t take out time for writing unless I’m extremely bored and bogged-to-death with monotony.

Do you think you've grown as a person in your writing journey? How?

More than ‘grown’, I feel that I’ve ‘changed’ as a person. I started out as a motivational-philosophical writer, but after a year I started experimenting with my style – I entered blog contests, poetry sessions, I read different styles of writing and imitated some of them – I guess I wanted to see how varied I could be with my writing.

Any writer or person who you think has influenced your own style of expressing yourself when it was coming up?

Haahaa, didn’t think that such a question would come up… Hadn’t ever thought of this before – I guess, Khalil Gibran and Paulo Coelho – they made a tremendous impact on me when I first read their works and you can see some of their ‘style’ reflected in my early posts. It’s not an accurate style of theirs, but a part of my individuality mixed with theirs.

Now that you're a better writer (I'm sure you are!), what advice would you have given to your past self if you could?

I have always been a backward learner – my past self always does things better than my present self, but then my present self will one day be my past self… but I am meandering, sorry. On reflecting for quite some time, I now see that my past self did have a chink missing and I would tell her (my past self) to “go ahead with experimentation in writing but retain the individual style that belongs only to us/me. Always preserve the initial passion and soul that you first began with.”

Do you prefer any particular genre or do you just freestyle in your writing?

Hmm… again, I started out with a motivational/philosophical/self-help genre, but of late I’ve been exploring the music/books/critic/causes genres. Now and then, I venture into my old phase of self-improvement topics. It’s fun being diverse!

The best thing about being a writer?
The best thing, about being a writer, for me, would be my ability to express clearly those views which I am unable to express verbally.

Your milestones and favourite moments as a writer? Any you're proud of?
Well, the highlights of being a writer is that various websites, online writers groups and online magazines request me to write articles with them. The best was when I was invited to be a Guest Columnist with The Viewspaper – it is an online news website for the Youth and it has been nice writing for them. (Plus, one of my dreams was to be a columnist – I didn’t imagine I would become one so fast!)

And the age old classic, any advice for aspiring writers?
Aah, I have been waiting for such a question :D
Hello all you aspiring writers, let’s start you off:

One - Stop being an ‘aspiring writer’ and just be ‘A Writer’.

Two – ‘Write whatever you feel like.’ (I seriously mean it, hang all the rules).

Three – ‘Write whenever you feel like.’ (This is very important – don’t write just for the sake of writing)

Four – Enjoy life, put your talents to good use and follow your passions! (Yeah, it’s a 3-in-1 point :D)

The nicest compliment you've ever received for your writing or the way you write?

Ohh, I really can’t pick any… Being a writer/blogger I understand how much time, attention and thought goes into visiting a blog, reading the posts and commenting - and that’s the nicest compliment of all!

What question would you ask your favourite writer(s)?
Oh, this is a good question! I would probably ask my favourite writer the following questions:

How do you maintain your writing style?

Will you be betraying yourself if you get influenced by someone else’s style of writing?

NOTE: I don’t normally plan such things, so on the spot I’ll just pop up with some more questions for them J

Have you ever mentored or encouraged an aspiring writer? If yes, what was it like? If not, would you like to?
I have mentored a few of my friends – not in the exact ‘sense’ of ‘mentored’, but I did give them the occasional push, nudge and motivation to write and create a blog! It requires quite a sustained effort on the ‘motivator’s’ end to get the individuals to write, and this continues when the individuals start neglecting their blogs due to work/college/health issues/family issues/boredom. But, I don’t push them too much if they don’t feel like it – they will write whenever they feel like – even if that may be after 2 years. NOTE: If anyone needs a push/nudge/motivation to start writing you now know who to contact J

What are your thoughts on writer's block? If you've ever had it, how did you get through it?
Aaaarghhhh… the dreaded writer’s block – it has assaulted me innumerable times as has been apparent on my blog – whenever you see a gap of 3-4 weeks, you can be assured it is this monster that stalked me that month. Jokes aside, the first time I had writer’s block was, believe it or not, in an examination hall. There I was, ink pen in hand, answer sheet before me, hand clutching my head while my mind remained vacant as I tried to pen down something on ‘Global Warming and its effects’. I know, easy topic, but blank mind at the time! Thankfully, over the years I have learnt some secrets to overcome this mental agony – Shut off! Chill out, stop worrying about it, unless your boss is breathing over your head, or your submission time is up – in that case, do a few mental tricks, like practice your maths times-table (you know, 2*2=4, 5*2=11, ooops sorry, 10), recall a favourite song/movie/dialogue/quote – and bingo! Something will strike and you’ll be able to defeat that ugly writer’s block!

What are your plans for and where do you see yourself in the near future?
I don’t look too much into the future, and I never plan too much – I go with the flow of life, and my life has always taken me to places that are pretty interesting! My life has always given me what I’ve needed without me asking for them. So, I’m sure that I’ll be in an interesting place in the near future J

Any author or personality, dead or alive, you would like to meet or work with? Any recent favourite book?
Oh yes, yes, yes!! Ruskin Bond ! I am longing to meet him and talk with him… In fact, I’m planning a trip this year to his town just to see him! I hope it works out! Anyone one want to join?

What words would you use to describe yourself as a writer or a person?
Oh my! Really!?! Oh-kay… As a writer, I would say that I’m experimental, spontaneous and easy-to-read (as in, you don’t have to rush for a dictionary while reading my pieces).
As a person – Loyal (I’m doggedly loyal to anything that is close to my heart).

What have you learned about life as a writer or as a person?
Ooooh, a philosophical question! Just my type J I’m still in the process of learning about life, but what I do know till now is that Life is Life – Life may keep you alive and Life may make you die, but in the end, we all can’t do without it, no matter how much we may curse it from time to time. I love my life – in the good and after the bad is over :D (okay, that was just a joke), but I do love life in it’s entirety.

If you were writing a book about your life, what would the title be?

My Best Friend – Life!

A favourite memory that still gives you a warm glow inside?
My ever favourite memory is when a reader actually composed a song using my poem for the lyrics! He took the effort to compose a tune, sing and record the whole song – and then presented it to me! Regardless to say, I was speechless! J

What's one of your biggest dreams?
Ahh, I don’t really have any BIG dreams as such. I have little, small and cute dreams which I hope to reach. But my one favourite dream is to form a Nursery School on a hill-station after I retire. I would love to teach children!

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What do you think? Next interview up after a week!

Beginning again

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Sun, 20 May 2012 06:20:00 +0000

Words and feelings that would pour out into the conscious world have retreated, scared away by the interruptions, rituals and expectations of the man made system (exams!). The page glances at me coolly and says, "I have no expectations from you. I give you no help. Whatever you have ever done was by you yourself." My pen sees me with reproach. It is full of resentment at my neglect. It questions my optimism.
But all I can think is , "Old feelings can be revived and new words can be practiced. It is only ever the heart, not the pen, which runs dry ".

Restarting writing was harder than I thought. Darn! I'd hoped to make my comeback with a nice piece of writing. But I'm fed up of waiting for inspiration to strike or the 'mood' to hit. I'll just hope that the quote " Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking" is right.

Nothing particularly exciting from my end. I've spent time returning to one of my favorite hobbies: reading novels! And I got a great start when a friend lent me "Palace of Illusions". I've also spent some time messing around with my new phone: A blackberry 9860.

School is now over of course and my batch is waiting for the results of board exams. And that's not to mention the preparation we're all putting into entrance tests for Law, management, mass comm., hotel management, english and more from many different universities. To all student who are working hard right now, I say "salaam!" It takes some strength of mind to move straight from board exams - the time we were all looking forward to - to entrance exams, which feel even more tough!

Can't think of anything creative or witty for now. But I'll be back soon! I distinctly remember that in February, I was trying to convince myself that there is a life beyond board exams ;)

Image source: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Shadow-of-memory/900552/

Candid confessions of a board exam student

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 13:16:00 +0000

To anyone looking for a pick-me-up post, this might not be it.

Let's get one fact straight. My board exams are on till the 16th of April.

Every conversation I've had for the last month has started with the question, "So, when are the exams finishing?" Then the conversation ends with "Oh, you poor thing!" Sadly, repeatedly discussing a fact doesn't change it :(

When I received my board datesheet about a month before they started, I was happy. So much time to prepare for every difficult subject. What more could one ask for?

But as the days came and went, the motivation slipped. The thrill of giving the last exam of my school life petered out. The tension, the wish that everything would go well faded. The first few exams, I was nervous. But by now, there is more of complacency. In fact, I'm ashamed to admit that in these holidays, I've probably spent more time in front of the TV and my computer than in front of my books. I studied next to nothing before my Maths exam and it only had 2 days of holidays. Normally, the adrenaline would kick in and I'd work furiously hard, but this time - nothing.

Now, I'm not a stranger to the the "I don't feel like studying" feeling. My friends almost expect a call from me before the exam, complaining to them that I don't feel like studying. Over the years, I've developed a number of tricks to get myself to snap out of it. Visits to the park, telephone conversations with friends and relatives, asking doubts from my teachers, sleeping(!), listening to songs I haven't heard for a long time,putting up motivational posters etc.etc. Only this time, they all seem to be failing. Not one method is bringing back that spark of determination which would carry me through the exams. Even in these days I'm procrastinating for studying on my Geography exam. This is probably my last attempt - a write up on my blog.

The following two pieces were written by me on a small notepad during my holidays. They are just emotional outbursts, condensed. This is one of the ways in which I try to psyche myself by getting into my deepest thoughts by writing.

What is wrong with me?

Sometime before my Economics exam:

A sense of personal failure
Giving up on the result. I don't care how much I score because I don't like you (the exams). You're wrong and that should lead to my failing. It's not that I lack persistence, but I feel frustrated by your system. Well, I refuse to cooperate and become a part of your system. I know - it's a silent revolt. But I don't feel like taking it lying down. I don't like feeling helpless. I don't need to do this to prove I'm tough. I have my memories. Worse, I'm not the only one suffering, there are others. I'll feel motivated to work for the greater good of society, not my greater good.

A short while ago, before my Geography exam:

It's as if I'm deliberately failing myself. What is wrong with me? Why am I letting others admire my competitor? Why have my emotions cooled? Why have I died inside? Drive, will, looking forward...some of my best qualities. Where have I let them go? Am I determined to fail on everyone? Am I determined to prove to everyone, including myself, that I'm a loser, not a winner? Why have I let this go? I have not given up on the goal. Some part of me still believes it is worthwhile. But I've given up on myself. Unrealistic expectations of 10 hours everyday! There could be no worse time for ambition to die. What happened to want, to thirst, to desire? Not revenge, but the fierce, overwhelming joy of success? Have I forgotten that treasure? Have my senses been dulled so much that they are passive to my self destruction? Why are my cares only superficial? why is there no dream to give me enough happiness for hope, challenge for courage and faith to push beyond fear? I will not win by ignoring this challenge.

I thought (not realized) that, ironically, the only ones to be harmed by my "revolt" were me and the ones who cared about me. When high goals stop motivating, it's time to talk to yourself. And I know that lazing around now will cause me months of regret later. Especially if I give up without trying.

I hope I'm getting somewhere...

P.S. If any of my blog friends are interested, my birthday went by some time back too. I have been officially 18 for a while now :)

P.P.S. I miss debating, people. I miss being on stage.

Image 1 source: this blog
Image 2 source: this site

Saying yes to life

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 18:28:00 +0000

I apologize again for being so irregular. But with a viral fever and preboards to keep me busy, I think I can claim amnesty! I would have really liked to write some kind of great nostalgia piece about my last days in school, but this post is a narration of a specific event and the lessons I've drawn from it.

I happen to be writing today because it's a very special occasion. A once in a lifetime kind of occasion: my official farewell from school!

I'd already experienced it in another way, from the sidelines, when I was in class XI. There is a morning program with a computer presentation (pics of past years!) and a party in the evening, in which students of class XI and XII have the chance to dance together to a DJ's tunes in the school basketball court.

Today I got the chance to experience it - as the subject. A function held for us, the senior most of the school, and practically ex students.

The morning program finished on time, and we all went home excited for the evening function (my reader, please forgive such brief mentions of these events; there's something else I want to talk about). The program was to begin at 3 and the dress code required all junior boys to wear jeans with kurta, suits for junior girls, suits for senior boys and sarees for senior girls. And this, of course, gets a lot of chatter and comparison going on among the students way before its time for farewell.

I arrived late by about an hour (a sacrifice on the altar of self satisfaction with looks!). But I wasn't very worried, I hadn't really planned about dancing anyway. You see, I feel shy dancing with others. But on the other hand, this was our farewell, and I would never again get the opportunity to dance with my friends - that too with everybody looking good, celebrating the evening in school.

But you know what, I actually swung into action. This is not because I dance well but feel shy, I've actually never really felt comfortable dancing in front of others. I can count on one hand the number of times I've willingly danced at a party. Plus, I had never danced in a sari. So yes, I was nervous. But seeing so many other girls going for it anyway anyhow, I decided to give it a shot - after all, how bad could I be? And I didn't want to regret later that I'd missed the opportunity.

But something happened this time. For about the first time, I didn't feel judged. My friends were busy dancing with an amazing variety of steps and I was not pushed out of the crowd. My friends were having so much fun! Why couldn't I? They didn't care how I danced. They were just kind of happy I was dancing. Shared joy. Some random movements thrown with the beats of the music and I was still part of the circle, not feeling left out as I usually did. After a while, faking it and copying some of the others' steps, I began feeling more like the dancer I was behind closed doors. I recalled some of those steps, made up some of my own and just went with it, feeling more and more free with every song . And for about the first time ever in my few experiences of dancing with other people, I enjoyed it. By the end, I was wishing that the DJ would play more songs, so I could really absorb this great new experience. I even saw smiles on the faces of some of my friends who had seen me dance for the first time and knew well that I didn't usually dance. Even if I didn't love every song, I tried almost every song, going along with the girls in whichever group I happened to be standing in at the time. At the end, I surprised even myself: Could I really dance in a sari and that well? Even if I wasn't great or the best, I certainly wasn't terrible. And I could even see a few other girls looking as confused as I used to be, wondering how to dance in their sari or what step to use. I took the whole event as a proof of my own belief - You can't miss what you've never tried. This dancing thing which I'd avoided for so long was wonderful!

All this brought back rather vividly to mind my first farewell, as a student of class XI. At the time, I felt I had only about one suit in my wardrobe that was worthy of the occasion. And it happened to be a plain white one. I thought it would look very nice paired with some silver jewellery and heels. Unfortunately, on the very morning of the farewell I began feeling sick. I considered this a bad omen. Nevertheless, I was determined to make it to the evening function. I got ready well in time and arrived there to discover that no girl had thought to wear white. It was a blaze of colour and materials everywhere as my classmates fluttered around in suits of various cuts and with colourful accessories. I spent some time with them, but kept feeling awkward, to the point of assuring myself that I was a total idiot - they must be all thinking I looked odd. And I felt odd, standing aside from the dance floor, feeling shy. Soon after, I left that gathering.

I went up the stairs to the next floor, crying. I felt miserable. I looked bad and I felt afraid to dance. Oh, it was so bad of me when I was in a gathering of girls who all seemed to take to it so naturally. Oh, what had I done wrong, why could I not dance? Why did I not have something better to wear? And with such depressing thoughts, I sat on a chair near the staff room, watching the sunset. The solace I hoped for did not come, but I was ordered away, so I wandered along the first and second floor corridors, looking down at the dancers in the central basketball court. I felt so apart from them, so alone that I chided myself for quite a while. I even thought of dancing alone in the corridor, just to make myself feel better, but realized that my seniors were roaming there, cameras in hand. My mind began constructing unpleasant repercussions of my actions: I would be looked down upon for the rest of my life, I would never learn to dance with friends, I would miss out on making friends crucial to my future etc. Later, it even came down to thinking that I did not 'deserve' any of this since I had so many faults. Maybe all the people who knew me deserved better. They deserved to know a Charu who was better than me..maybe even one with a different name, mine probably wasn't a good one. In a nutshell, I devalued my existence.

I did eventually come down from the corridors, but I was feeling too sad inside to really join in the last dances and songs. I left quickly, escaping the scene. That whole experience which had been preceded by so much excitement, became a bad memory I've tried to forget in this past year.

Dear reader if you've read this far, here's the message: I'm not mentioning bad memories of the past to dig up skeletons. My purpose is to free myself of a bad memory by sharing it with the world. I'd also like others to take any lessons they find in the story. What I ultimately realized was this: I avoided dancing for a long, long time because I felt shy and also feared the consequences if I danced badly. I denied countless invitations through the years to dance, often standing by the dance floor, alone or taking photographs of others. Now, a door that was open for the past so many years is closed - the opportunity to dance with my friends at school. But I want to celebrate the fact that a new door has opened. College, university, job and who knows what else...I have my whole life stretched out ahead! There will probably be many, many chances to do the things I love, including dancing, if I choose. My time at school, even without the experiences I missed out on, was the time spent at a learning ground. I'd learned things there which it was better to learn than to miss out on, and even if it was the last day, I'm grateful I learned them. It was almost appropriate that I learn to change my mind about my fears when I was there.

Most importantly, I've learned this: saying no to something out of fear is a way of saying no to life itself. And there could always be so many surprises stored just around that choice of choosing something new over an outcome we force on ourselves. You could grow as a person, learn new things, build happy memories, make new friends, discover your hidden talents, find a new source of joy or even all of these, packed into the same new experience. To fear doing something due to a past failure only binds us to the past, making the present a shadow of it, rather than something that illuminates our future. Leave behind jealousy, anxiety, sadness...The present moments of life never come back again. And you don't have to search or find happiness, you only have to put in the effort to discover it all around you. Even I know now that I'll take up opportunities to dance when they come up.

May you say yes to many new things in the new year and discover fresh, happy surprises in your life :) :) :)

Compliment

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 16:10:00 +0000

So... it's Christmas today.

And I have no idea what to write about. So I've decided to settle on something that I am comfortable with: giving compliments.

One of my pleasures in life is giving people genuine and sincere appreciation. There is something very pleasant in the way their faces light up with happiness (or embarrassment!) when they hear a compliment. It has been a great way for me to appreciate things. And that has been a source of inspiration. It motivates me want to do better myself and it makes me happy that there is another 'good' thing out there in the world. Things I find worth appreciating like talents, qualities, achievements are a testimony to the greatness in human spirit.

I remember when I read an interview of the author, Matthew Reilly, of a book called Area 7. He said two things that stayed with me - One, when asked the best advice for an aspiring writer, he said 'There's no such thing as an aspiring writer. You are a writer, period' and second, he stated later that one of the best gifts one can give an upcoming writer is a compliment. It reminded me of the time when I was trying to pick up writing as a real hobby. Compliments had been one of the things that kept me going.

You never know when a compliment may cheer up a sad heart. You never know when it could turn someone's bad day around. You never really know how much a compliment may matter to someone. I remember times when I've really worked on things and then didn't receive the praise I felt I deserved. It stung. There were other times when I thought I'd flunked badly in things and yet everyone would be around congratulating me and making me feel better.

I sometimes think that compliments are like bouquets of flowers - except that they stay fresh in mind. It's wonderful to think back to the past times and remember the kind compliments I've been showered with.

Of course, a compliment doesn't always have to be certain words said out loud. It can be respecting a person's opinions, listening when the person speaks, being patient when someone rambles, caring when the person asks for help, giving surprise gifts to cheer someone up...Just a way of showing them that there is something about them that's valuable.

Some may say that things are more impersonal now. It is an era which almost requires us to make friends for personal gain, say, to schmooze an official to get our way or send extravagant gifts to important business colleagues. Witness the boom in mass production of generic greeting cards and gifts. It's picked up in a store, giftwrapped, addressed and sent on its way. But there is still space for meaningful gifts isn't there? Those misspelled words that make up a child's first poems, the shaky lines that draw a house on the cover of a special greeting card just for you. Of course, there are also those unique gifts that are thoughtful and kind and may come from friends, family, acquaintances or even strangers.

As life becomes ever more fast paced, there is perhaps not enough time always for those quiet walks in nature, reflective meditations and regular festivities. On the deepest level, a compliment is an assurance to us that we're doing fine.

So this Christmas, here's a salute from me to all those cool, talented, wonderful people I've been lucky enough to know and appreciate. And a special thanks to all those who've ever complimented me.

Image Credit

I think I'll end with these thoughts for now

"Nothing makes people so worthy of compliments as receiving them. One is more delightful for being told one is delightful -- just as one is more angry for being told one is angry" - Katherine F. Gerould

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around - Leo F. Buscagalia

May you receive many sincere compliments in the new year to come :)

Searching for happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 16:01:00 +0000

Sorry I've been off blogger for so long. 12th class exams are persistent nags. The datesheet above my desk has been ticking like a time bomb ever since it arrived. Studying for exams and lots of other events have kept me on high stress mode for a while now. It got to the point when I was literally running away from studies, something I don't normally do. I went to watch a movie right before the exams and even that didn't make my stress go down. This particular post I'm writing about one thing that helped, in a small way, during those busy days - A visit to the park. I wrote this when I was there and even if it doesn't qualify as a poem, it still brings a smile to my face when I read it. I won't bore you with all the thoughts that were in my mind at the time, but honestly, each line has a lot of ideas behind it.

The quiet secrets we miss

Not all of life's pleasures
advertise themselves ostentatiously
with full page spreads and exclusive jingles.
Some hide, in the fringes of our daily life,
in the quieter corners of our memories.
A sunlit, tree lined driveway.
A broad, uncongested road
with space shared by cars and trees.
A few stray dogs searching for bare sustenance.
Lamposts, peeking from the tree tops, watching solemnly.

It is quiet inside the park.
Man and animal share the grass and sunlight.
Little children hold their grandparents' hands
straining to fly, and meet every squirrel, sparrow and butterfly.
They can find new things in every flower of the same bush.
Many others, young and old, walk by my bench,
their feet crunching the sand in different rhythms, fast and slow.
Some are game enough to play games with the children
or to throw food for the animals perched ready.

But it is not silent.
People walk by, talking goals, politics, business.
A little boy celebrates his cricket bat.
With caws, coos and calls, even the birds converse above us.
Families enjoy the time they have together.
I am sure that if I get up and talk a walk,
I will find many such pleasures.
But will I have the courage to come again?

- Charu

Happiness...

p.s. Don't run away from what could make you truly happy

Photo Credit: Tookie 油姬

Rediscovering adventure

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 05:34:00 +0000

I woke up yesterday morning from a strange dream which had Batman, a masked villain, my school friends, the school auditorium and a hot air balloon :D

And I woke up wishing some of it could be true.

Life has seemed so trapped lately. Studies, attempts (read: short lived, failed attempts) to have fun, dissatisfaction with whatever I did etc. etc. This came to head when I realized something: I'd forgotten to have fun (my friends will probably roll their eyes here). But worse, I had no idea what was fun for me. Did I actually like TV or internet surfing? Did I enjoy rereading my favourite books? Did I enjoy watching new movies? Did I enjoy sleeping? I wasn't even sure what I really enjoyed!

Yesterday morning, I realized what I enjoyed: adventure

But I realized I'm still in class 12th. No chance of a proper vacation and even a day off from studies would induce guilt trips. What kind of adventure could I possibly have in the next six months that would make me feel alive again?

And some day, sooner or later, the fun of new scenes and situations would disappear. Either the number of places I could explore would run out or I'd be too old (I'm kind of afraid of becoming an adult) to enjoy new things. Hmmm...what's the one way to ensure that the adventure lasts? Like I wrote in an earlier post, The Gift of a Day, how could I wake up every morning excited? It used to be easier when I was a kid. Life itself felt like an adventure then.

Maybe I need a new pair of eyes. One that tries to stay unclouded by pessimism, sadness and worry. One that sees and takes advantage of all the good that's available - long days, kind friends, good health. One that doesn't let me stay down when I'm upset. One that's so optimistic that it's always ready to keep moving on. Many experiences have probably made me mellow down and mature. Wisdom doesn't mean I have to be serious all the time. And it doesn't mean I have to lose my drive. I only have one life. Better take care of myself. Getting or not getting something might not mean so much ten years from now or when my life is over. Why make myself unhappy over things that don't really matter?

So I spent my morning listening to my favourite songs that I hadn't listened to in a long time. In a few days, I'll be meeting my peers in school again. Will they notice a change? Will they like me better? But I should have more faith. Because those who'll mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind. After some months when the farewell and boards have happened, who knows how many will choose to stay in my life?

Life never ends. Every day is an adventure when you can choose to find something new, or lose yourself along the way. Instead of trying, making th choice to commit and do will be my mantra for the next few days. My next adventure could be around the corner...if I keep my eyes open :)

Only eyes open to new things will find them. Only hearts open to happiness will feel it.

Image from: here

9 myths about 12th class

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 09:52:00 +0000

Yesterday was my last official (or maybe unofficial?) day in class 12th - at least from regular classes. I will write a post on the overall experience some day - but I'm not ready to let go of it just yet. So continuing the theme of my last post, here is a little list I pulled together about 9 enduring myths about 12th class in the CBSE. Enjoy!

9. This year can't be something special, just something forced on you
You might have no control on the way the education system is made, but you do have control on your own potential. It's up to you to make the best of it, waste it or destroy it. Each and every day, you will have chances to do the better thing and every day it's your call. Many 12thees have wonderful memories of the times they spent with their family and friends. Many ordinary things seem all the more special because you're in 12th, even something as small as being called "didi" or "bhaiya". The future is full of mystery - many wonderful surprises might be waiting for you. You really can look back on this year with pride and happiness.

8. You won't mess up at all and won't have a single problem
If you had that magical ability, you probably wouldn't have messed up at all in the years until now. Little mistakes, silly mistakes, annoyances, sad things...they all could happen. Be as cocky as you want, but if mistakes happen, deal with them. It's really the mistakes you'll learn your most valuable lessons from. Really make this YOUR year. And don't panic!

7. If you don't have friends in your section, you're doomed
No way, 12th class is all ABOUT making friends. One of the truest things I was ever told is that in the last year, everyone comes together. The sense of camaraderie actually becomes stronger because all the students in your batch suddenly realise that they're all in the same class - the most senior in the school, soon to pass out. In fact, I've actually seen some friendships grow stronger because the students were in different sections - they valued the time with each other more. And besides, new friendships will form, if you open your heart to them.

6. Everyone should understand what you're going through
Don't get upset when people don't "get" what you're going through. With every age, every school, every past, the experience changes. It is because the emotions may be similar, that stereotypes continue. Everyone you know may start advising you, pitying you, ignoring your problems or (seemingly) scheming against you. Take it easy though - your problems maybe something only you know, but it won't help you to lash out on them or ruin your mood. And it won't help them empathise either. Not everyone might understand, but sometimes, you both can get along even if they don't!

5. Getting stressed out means you care about your studies
I've even tried intentionally stressing myself out, just to get started studying for an upcoming test. You can experiment with this if you like, but I'd say, don't bother with it. The real problem is a lack of motivation. Sustained, unhealthy stress is not good for you. And the difference between unhealthy and healthy stress is how it makes you feel, deep down. Real motivation will get you studying eagerly, happily and fruitfully. Aim for motivation rather than stress.

4. 'Time management', 'accountability' and 'deadlines' are all words made for adults
Haha, you'll get to hear them pretty often from people when you're in 12th. Especially from teachers who begin threatening you on Day 1 and other people who'll have expectations from you. Don't worry, the amazing part is - they're not so bad! In fact, they are actually useful things you can learn which will help you for years and years. You might not learn everything there is to know about them in one year, but if you approach the year determined to learn, these are things worth discovering. Accept it or not, you will become an adult soon. In fact, by the end of the year, you might even discover a way to work them into your style :)

3. You can do anything if you want to, when you want to.
Somewhere, sometime there will be some kind of trade-off, compromise or even, sacrifice. Real maturity will come from doing what you know what is right. While it may sometimes feel like you've lost your freedom, you're actually building it up, little by little. By putting your time, money and energy in the right things you gain control on your life and most of all, on yourself. You get a chance to be that hero who does the right thing in the face of temptation.

2. You'll have three whole months to study before the board exams
Not true, as countless students will testify. Typically, you'll have several exams before the boards which will test you on your complete syllabus. The last few months before the boards usually go into term exams, pre-boards, practicals and lots of revisions. The best time to study is early in the year, in the holidays and all those times you think you don't need to study.

1. For the 12 months you're in 12th grade, you have no life - except studies
NO, your life still remains what you make it. Even the most studious and conscientious take time off study sometimes in 12th and guess what? The sky doesn't fall over their heads. Many students keep in touch with their hobbies along with regular studies. While it is true that studies are important for your future in this year, you still have the choice of how much responsibility to take up. And many of these extra-curriculars will benefit you directly or indirectly. What is true however is that every thing you do will most definitely have consequences and no good action can have a bad consequence. Make this one last year in school the best it can be.

Make the most of the journey!

photo credit

Those of you out there who've already gone through 12th, what would you add to this list?

12th class really stinks sometimes...

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 05:19:00 +0000

First off,

Happy Diwali !

This long post is more like a diary entry or a rant than a life lesson. So read at your own risk! Oh, and I do apologize to my dear readers for having been inactive on blogger for a while. You'll find the reasons in this post.

There comes a lecture in every student's life when he's just hearing and not really listening to his teacher. And the chances of that increase when you're in 12th class.

That was a thought that I never thought I'd have. I had this idea, before 12th, that by sheer hard work and foresight, I would avoid every one of the pitfalls of 12th I'd heard about - bunking classes, spacing out in lectures, studying 6 hours a day etc. etc. I have been fairly successful, but yeah, there have been problems. You probably guessed that, right? They were the reason I did not reappear on blogger for the last few weeks.

I'm on a week-long Diwali break right now. And every day I've been studying - Political Science, Maths and Economics. I've also been working for some competitions - essay writing, debates and poetry. Our school teachers are so confident of my skills now that they confirmed my name for competitions without even telling me! And when I tried telling them that I did have to study, their rather surprised reply was, "Beta, you won't be studying all day na? It's your last year. Just take out a little time, we know you can do it!". That's when I wanted to shake them. They've probably don't take my 12th class as seriously as I do. But for some reason, I was unable to think of more polite ways to refuse at the time and have taken on another source of stress in the holidays.

True, I won't be studying all the time. But my teachers are undervaluing my own feelings about my studies. If they asked, I would tell them how I haven't been able to get more than a superficial understanding of my latest chapters in Maths and Economics (it worries and annoys me). I would tell them how I felt horribly guilty for goofing off in front of the TV sometimes. I would tell them how I felt so darned incompetent because of my marks. I could even tell them that while I loved winning competitions, their lack of support made me angry. Taking on another competition somehow made me feel guilty - like I wasn't taking my own studies seriously enough (Maybe they weren't doing anything intentionally, I just felt bad at the time. Then again, maybe I wouldn't tell them unless I thought they would understand)

Life's been really busy in the last two weeks. I've been working on something new for my blog (I'm really excited about it!), I've been trying to read new story books, I've been trying to (reluctantly) practice maths and prepare for tuition tests, I've been helping teachers with their tasks in school, I've been trying to develop a sensible schedule (I initially thought time management was my only problem), I've been studying for my exams. In a nutshell, I've been trying to be perfect. I've been trying to keep up appearances of sanity until the holidays started, when I decided it was time for revamp. Too much stress in my life is NOT healthy. I would end up feeling sad, dissatisfied and kind of alone. Also, I couldn't psyche myself out of every headache I got because of my depleted physical and mental energy. I felt so, so out of control of my own life.

As a little kid, I would always think "life is fun!". Life had so many little surprises. How far away that seems now! Has life become smaller or my mind?

I took a break this week (read:tried to take it. Can't really escape time-bound obligations). I timed my work throughout the day to give myself more free time. But still, there is a lack of motivation to do all the things I must do. I've learned the difference between motivation and inspiration. One can't substitute another. If I could have one wish right now, I'd love to go on vacation, all my responsibilities taken care of. The constant scruples about the way I use my time are getting really annoying. There was a time when I could come home, do exactly what I felt like and not feel too bad about it. Now it's like my own mind is rebelling against the constant association with school and trying to pull me in ever more interesting directions. Yesterday, I spent two hours looking up pictures and videos of the best screen villains instead of working for my competition. Today, I'm writing this blog post instead of working on my essay!

And all this time, each and every day, I wonder if I'm doing the right things. Lately, every time I'd get a compliment I'd think, "Awww, that's nice of you. But you might not like me if you know the whole story. I feel like a fake. I don't feel honest." And when I feel I'm not doing such a good job, I tend to automatically feel that everyone else is doing a better job than me. Talk about the curse of having too much time and choosing to think too hard. I let my life become a complicated quest for happiness, literally asking myself, "Should I be happy about this?".

It was time to give myself some care and respect. I'm not a machine, I'm a human being. It's machines you can have high expectations from and curse when they go wrong. Not people. And I'm not living to be like other people, I'm living to be the best of me!

Well, I do feel a little bit better now.

Many of you must have already crossed 12th as just another stage of life. What your best advice?

Take care of yourself dear readers and don't let stress into your life
Charu

Pssst...I have a special surprise planned up for my wonderful blog readers in the coming few weeks. Stay tuned!

Giving our best

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 08:11:00 +0000

How often do we do it? Have you ever wondered about a friend, "I know s/he can do so much better. Why didn't he?"

I wrote sometime back on the Gift of a day. But this time I am considering the gift of a person. We never really know how far we can go unless we push our limits. The same way we never really know how tall a tree will grow if we cut it down.

We think differently, feel differently, react differently. But we don't always celebrate those differences. Many of us tolerate the differences but we don't consider them as potential strengths, only potential obstacles to the relationship. Consider the fact that soon after meeting someone new we start thinking about them, their choices, their tastes and the ways in which they are different from us. We practically live in a society that encourages comparison and competition. Healthy competition that inspires us to improve on ourselves is one thing, but the dark side to it is when we are driven to doubt ourselves or feel ashamed of who we are.

Recently I noticed that when I sang in my room (behind a locked door) I tried my best, again and again, to sing as well as the singer I admired. This was different from the times when I have sung on stage. Fear was part of it though, but I feel truly now that I did not give my best. Now that I can see things more honestly, I feel there were two reasons. a) I was afraid that my best was not good, laughable or just plain pathetic b) I didn't want to give my best. And why didn't I? Because I was saving it for something else. I was saving it for an occasion that would feel just right: when I felt the audience on my side, when I felt prepared, when I felt I had more to gain and when I felt support (instead of scorn) from the organizers themselves.

But now I remember my journey as an NCC cadet. I remember practising a loud voice to command my troop. I realise that I sing better when I sing louder and really feel the song, as opposed to when I sink my voice and just want to escape the whole scene. Frustration got the better of my determination both times and I didn't do the best I could. I think I almost intended it as a lesson against the party which I was angry with: As if I could punish them by not giving the best of which I was capable!

I read The Leader had no title by Robin Sharma some time back. One of his key ideas is to give the best in all you do, to stick to a standard of excellence, to become a true leader. I did not fully believe his ideas then because I was inclined to think that one should adjust his response to the requirements. But now I see that I have missed many of the opportunities which actually demanded my best. Taking the case of singing, if I would have sung louder, I would have sung better. If I had sung better, who knows what opportunities would have opened up for me? Conversely, by knowingly giving less than what I was capable of, I only disappointed myself.

I think back now on the times when I did give my best: writing something I felt inspired to, trekking in the mountains, learning physics ;) , planning surprise birthday parties...Those times are now some of my most favourite memories. I remember them when I'm down and that I need to keep trying at the things which feel hard. Besides, they've taught me so much more about myself than years of superficial conversations, unheard lectures or forgotten articles. Those were the times when I felt I delivered. I felt proud of who I was. Doing the best you can actually expands on your best, because since those times I've felt stronger. And at those times, appreciation really didn't matter so much: I think I was just proud at a job well done :D And the results always justified the efforts. And now I remember one quote on success I've heard : " Success is not how far you get bu the distance you travel from where you started" . Many of those seemingly small and mid-size opportunities can really be a springboard for you and the success you want.

The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems - Mahatma Gandhi

Far and away, the best prize life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing - Theodore Roosevelt

You cannot become what you want to be by remaining what you are - Max Depree

Sorry, I couldn't choose one from so many lovely quotes :)

So here are my parting wishes to my dear readers: I hope that you will receive many opportunities to express your best self and qualities. Just don't waste them :)

I got the pic here

The gift of a day

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 06:13:00 +0000

Isn't it amazing how much there is to a single day? Just one day makes or breaks nations. Just one day empowers or destroys lives.

I went to Select Citywalk mall yesterday evening. Before leaving, I took a few minutes to sit near the fountain. I was fascinated by the moving water. Part of it was rising and falling again (like fountains do) and there were some mini waterfalls behind it.

I tried capturing it with my camera. I even thought to myself, "Oh sit still for a moment. I don't want a blur in the photo. I want to catch that unique pattern you're making just now". And immediately I felt as if the water was replying back. It said, "Stop? But it was my lovely movement that pulled you here right? Wouldn't it be boring if I stopped? No new bubbles and waves and eddies and foam?"

I thought about that as I clicked. Then an idea came to mind. That flowing water is a metaphor for life. We are ever in movement, typically unaware of that which makes us beautiful. And that movement is something that is everlasting. So why do we keep trying to stop and impress the camera, that is, impress the other people in our life? Wouldn't it be better to try and be like that water and move freely, happily and joyfully?

When I got up today morning (nice and late after ignoring my alarm) I felt happy. I remember thinking, after a long time, "Wow, a whole new day and it's just beginning". It was like just seeing the sunlight streaming in through the window made a bubble full of happiness burst in my heart.

New ideas came to mind "For many days I've gotten up worried about something or the other. I've woken up thinking either that it was another useless, boring day which had no purpose or on the other hand, how XYZ important task would get done. You know, every time I spend my day thinking about one particular thing, it just colours and affects everything I do. The whole outcome of my 24 hours begins to depend on the outcome of that one work, which was probably just a tiny part in the scheme of my entire life. I lost sight, like some say, of the big picture. I remember wondering how some people can go ahead happily with their day even when something goes wrong. This must be it. They must be able to detach themselves from the small things and remember that they still have a whole day, a whole, big day!

Think about it positively. A day is another opportunity to move closer to your dreams and goals, another chance to feel love and trust for your loved ones, another chance to learn something new, another chance to learn from a mistake, another chance to discover yourself, another chance to appreciate beauty, another chance to feel peace and contentment, another chance to help someone who needs it, another chance to do something that gives us happiness, another chance to smile and giggle and another chance to celebrate life while we still have it. But it as all just a chance, not a certainty, something that we alone can take at its word and give full strength. Think how much we gain from a more detached perspective - a calm head, a heart with hope safe inside and a chance that we can still feel happy at the end of the day. We are not the tasks. Tasks are just things we do. And believe me, the more mistakes we make, the more we learn. And lots of times, we may be pulling on stress for all sorts of small things. Step back and discover the power of me and the power of a single day."

And then I remembered a poem I'd read in my english coursebook, A Thing of Beauty, by John Keats. Just thinking about it made me feel happier. So I decided to put down these thoughts on my blog. And then I began worrying, "What if I don't express myself well? Think of the consequences! What if I forget all these nice thoughts and feelings when I sit down to write? Then what will be the use? What if I'm just being crazy and nobody cares?" And at this point I stopped myself. By writing about this, I'm trying to capture a moment, a feeling. Even if I don't capture it "perfectly" (an indefinable concept at that) what's the worst that would happen? If I keep myself open to it, I would learn what I need to know, whatever it may be. And the moment would keep shining like a beautiful dewdrop in my memory.

They (the days) come and go like muffled and veiled figures sent from a distant family party; but they say nothing, and if we do not use the gifts they bring, they carry them silently away - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Smile, think and use every day well dear readers :)

A poem - Dying and living everyday

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 13:22:00 +0000

I wrote this poem a few weeks back. What do you think?

Dying and Living Everyday

My eyes close, my breath slows
My hands fall, my legs stop.
It is all too much, the world's demands.
Do unadulterated feelings find no place?
I carry a hidden weight
Of my own and the world's problems
Which seems to grow with my knowledge
And my realization that the world has taught me want.
Beautiful, glazed posters taped above my desk
Teaching my heart to forget its dreams
As if they have already been realized.
To focus on the small, daily things of life.
When I am taught to want what the world seems to want
Who am I but a lonely drop in the ocean?
There is pattern, order and structure around me
But I don't feel freedom.
There is something unnatural in the things I do
When the world teaches me to act, to get what I want
Where shall quiet thinking and natural action find place?
But it is difficult to write such things.
It is difficult to reach my heart
When it is buried under the layers
The world says it needs.

- Charu

What do we live for?

I got the pic here

Happiness...and being too busy sigh

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 18:19:00 +0000

When I've been absent from my own blog for almost a month, I do owe my readers an apology. Sorry! But honestly, life in 12th has really taught me what "busy" means. It's also taught me to respect words like "huge" and "guilty" especially when I apply those words to my current syllabus for the half yearly exams ;)

But moving on...

I remember this day about a month back. A day when I felt really, completely happy. The week before I had been tense about my exams (and in retrospect, I would have done better to study stress free than just worry). But for some reason, I decided to give myself an off that day - a real off, like I hadn't had in a long time. A day in which I could just lie down and daydream, a day in which I could roam and watch TV with abandon. I remember I'd dreamed of a harbour the night before. And to me, that meant that I wanted to explore something new, and I did. After a very long time, I slept without setting an alarm.

For one day, I did what I liked and I didn't judge myself. Right, wrong...it didn't matter, I wasn't a bad person. I didn't need to breathe down my own neck (figuratively) making sure I toed the line of some ridiculous fuzzy fantasy in my mind - the kind that's defined more by what it's not than by what it is. And a standard that opens me, the one living the real life, to a lot of criticism.

There was something different that day. I felt grateful for all I had - air, food, water, home, an education, parents and so much more that I take for granted in the everyday. I have everything I need. That evening, watching Christmas Carol, I felt so, so happy. I even wrote a poem just to release some of it :

When my soul can sing of the joys of love
And my heart can dance to the music of that soul.
When my lips speak poetry
And my mind soars on wings.
When the tiniest thing means a lot more
And love, generosity and kindness come naturally.
When a pure joy brims forth
And an inexpressible contentment colours our tone.
When beauty can be easily seen
And happiness longs to be shared.
When trust and faith rest unhurried to build a home
And bright eyes and open arms give freedom.
When homeliness and ordinariness bring emotions to our eyes
And we thank the world for its gifts.
When a soft new flame, stronger than fire, is kindled
And its life and radiance can feel no end.

Old fashioned maybe. But what about your special, happy moments? How did they feel? Share it in the comments...or just write your thoughts on mine!

And keep smiling this week!...

I go the pic here

My life and times

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 11:59:00 +0000

It's been quite a while since I wrote to update my readers about my life in general.

I've been staying home for a few days with viral fever. It did make me rethink a few things (like the way my perfectionism is spoiling this once in a lifetime experience of life) but the bad part is, it kind of sapped my motivation to just do things; made me a little apathetic for a while. Now I'm trying to get back and 'build my life by moments', so to speak.

12th class had kept me real busy otherwise. The studies are demanding of course. And I've been lucky enough to go for some very enjoyable competitions (and win one too!). Tuition tests hover like swords over our heads. And sometimes, you just feel like giving up.

But why give up what's been given to you? Why resist the good that's already there? Why make what could be a wonderful journey into a chore to escape from?

Why try to escape the chance to be educated, to learn to take responsibility and grow up, to achieve my own lil daydream of doing well in the board exam ?

Nah, I've got to get back to what's important. Shirking responsibility leads to problems later. Success takes work and that is what makes it valuable. Impatience and rebelliousness don't make it come faster or easier.

And this kind of self motivation is important right now. I have my half yearly exams coming. And the syllabus is HUGE. There's lots of work to be done and I have to start somewhere.

And aside from that, I have two important debates to work for. Wish me luck and thanks for reading! I'll try to be back with some more poems and articles soon :)

Need to decide something...and get started.

The pic came from here

Poem - Living with life

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 10:34:00 +0000

I wrote this one in school a few weeks back. What do you think?

Living with life

What does it matter if I'm surrounded by thousands?
When I see no smile, no wave, no wink?
Empty corridors, busy people
No one reaches out.
Out of class, by myself, I feel no camaraderie.
My friends are far away.
I am wandering lost.
No shapes in the clouds, no bird songs.
How do I believe the goodness of humankind?
I've heard of it
Stories, myths, legends,the experiences of others
Are my efforts in vain?
Must I return to the place I wish to leave
Feel tears in my eyes? Take retreat, defeat?
Who am I really, tiny in the vast reaches
My head and so my world is small.
Solitude may be enjoyable, but loneliness?
Can a person be both good and bad?
Can such a person learn to make the best of everything else?
I cannot hurry learning
But I must learn to live...with life.

- Charu

I got the pic here

P.S. A very warm welcome to my newest follower Saru Singhal. I hope you'll enjoy reading my blog :)

Poem - Misunderstood young

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 16:28:00 +0000

Yet another poem that I wrote a while back. What do you think?

Misunderstood young

The same feelings clothed in new words.
Why should we refuse to hear them?
Pleas, joys, discoveries all are shared.
But these will be lost if we are diverted
Our eyes and ears averted by by prejudice
While we indulge our own perceptions.
They are unlike us in that they are unique
But we are united by humanity and a shared past.
And this is no small thing
They do not live in a different world, they live life differently
And they live by what they have learned and the choices they've made
They are not isolated aliens,
But connected with life by fragile links.
Fledglings as they are
They may not be what you expect
But you do not control the universe
And is it so impossible to find love, peace and happiness, the fruits of life?
It is in the true recognition of your own valuable freedom and potential
That you will recognise theirs.
It is in acceptance and openness to change
That you will give them a chance to live and breathe.
They are as new to this world as you once were
But their knowledge is acquired in a different form, from a different source
Teach them only then, how to draw their lessons.
For in this playing field of life
The only things children are still not taught in school
Is how to learn.

- Charu

I got this pic here

Oh, and a very warm welcome to my newest follower Dee :) I hope you'll enjoy reading my blog...

Poem - Where beauty lies

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 17:31:00 +0000

Another poem I wrote some time back. What do you think of it?

Where beauty lies

I see stars high up in the sky.
I wish I could reach them.
But it is only in dreams that I can fly
And see the stars up close.
So I search on earth for another such beauty
I see the glistening of rivers at sunset
and the sparkle of diamonds and crystal.
I see the glitter of raindrops on leaves and spiderwebs
and the twinkle of sequins stitched on clothes.
I see the shimmer of mist and fog at sunrise
and the dull sheen of smoke.
I see the brightness of the sun itself
and the glow of light bulbs
I see the spark of lightning cracks
and the flash of camera flashes.
Yes, I can reach and enjoy all these more easily than stars.
But there is a true beauty that I cannot capture anywhere except in my heart
And that is the beauty of things seen by eyes alight with wonder
and felt by hearts filled with joy.
Then the beauties of such stars
and the joys I can derive from them
are incomparable, for they are all different.

-Charu

I got the pic here

Poem - Lines on the page

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 16:00:00 +0000

I wrote this poem about a month back when I felt as if I had writer's block. What do you think of it?

Lines on the page

You lines run across the page.
Why can you not move,change
And give me the inspiration I seek?
Writing I can share with others.
I yearn to share what my mind thinks,
my heart feels,my brain knows and my senses perceive
But I need to bend my mixed sensations
To your rules, so I can reach new hearts.
Writing should flow freely, truly, magically.
But I still search for and seek those right words
Which lie teasingly buried in my consciousness
How do I bring back the cells
which only wish to live day by day
To the task of pausing, thinking and recording?
Oh, I wish, I wish you lines could help.
Strong, stable, calm, confident and knowing your place.
You don't meander across the page.
But then I am young and have much to see
before I bloom
There are places to go, people to meet and things to do
And it is with love, patience and gentleness that I will learn of the keys I hold.
I realize now that it is no use
To ask you lines to give me the answers I seek.
Until I play the game of life and
have rich stories of my own
What value am I to share ?

-Charu

A Happy birthday wish to a friend :)

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 13:23:00 +0000

If I've not shared this before, I love birthdays! I really enjoy wishing people "Happy Birthday!" (and being wished in my turn ;) ) Cards, gifts, phone calls, ecards - They seem like a really great way to celebrate somebody else, an opportunity to take time out of our busy lives and share in another person's. One of my joys was and is sending across happy birthday wishes and hearing later how they brought a smile to someone else's face. But now at the risk of sounding a little preachy, let me skip straight to the more interesting birthday girl :)

A long time ago, on the 12th of June, a very special little girl was born...But fast forward the fairy tale and you'll meet the one really awesome teenager...of today!

I'd seen some of Nil's talents as a singer and a public speaker. But I've known her much better as a wonderfully imaginative writer, a sunny-side-up blogger and as a very motivating friend. We've spent time together chatting about all sorts of "intelligent" things, flexing our sarcasm and commenting on each other's work. And I treasure many of those moments. I owe Nil for getting me started on blogging myself. And I do love reading her work.

To itne sab ke baad, ek birthday wish to banta hai na?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NILANJANA!!!

I'm sure she's having fun right now celebrating with friends and family. And I hope it'll give her lots of new happy memories she can treasure in the new year to come. I don't think I'm a good enough writer to do justice to well, expressing all the awesomeness of this one person. But if it's the thought that counts, some of my good wishes are:

Ahem...dear Nilanjana

A simple celebration, a gathering of friends, here is wishing you great happiness and a joy that never ends

Count your life by smiles, not tears.
Count your age by friends, not years.

And of course remember, you'll be this age for only one year but you'll be awesome forever. Your best years are still ahead !

You're honestly very special as the smart, funny, crazy person you are. I'm confident you have an exciting and truly meaningful life ahead. And I hope you'll be able to live every moment cheerfully and cross every challenge on the way to your dreams. Happy birthday dear.
(Oh and let me know when you win that Nobel prize...)

I got the pic here

Back renewed and refreshed :)

noreply@blogger.com (Charu) — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 07:58:00 +0000

My last month has been a blaze. Outings, study, tuition, camp, spending time with family and some time for myself. Many of these events I'll share and some I won't. You could call me superstitious, but I think some things maintain their potency if kept secret ;) But yes, I will share many of the things I've learned with you all.

Most importantly though, My last month has been a month of self discovery. If I've not written a blog post in that time, it's because I've been in a sort of transition. I felt like a shapeless piece of clay that hadn't been moulded. And it took a while for me to realise that I'm the one who moulds it. And in fact, I'm still realizing it.
I've been giving some of my time to self-help literature. And I do feel much better!

So for this morning's post, I'd like to give you an idea of the kind of things I've been considering. I've been trying to resolve some of my old issues and deal with new ones. So today I'm going to listen to a piece of advice I read the other day, to go to the place inside me that doesn't really believe in me and tell it the truth. I have realised the importance (and the necessary difficulty) of solving my problems. And I wanna share…myself. I've decided to face old limitations and free myself. This is one of them, a confession, if you will. (But if you'd prefer a more fun post, I will put up one of my love-hate relationship with maths soon. Along with some new poems)

There’s a part of me that believes that I’m a social misfit, inadequate and perhaps undeserving of great friends and acquaintances. I’m either too awkward, too weird or just plain unlucky. Just because I have different tastes and preferences (in manners for example) I will not be accepted. That they will look at me in a strange way or laugh behind my back. That they will ignore me as being unworthy of notice and they’ll never give me either respect or friendliness.

And then I tell it: I have different preferences and choices because I believe in them. I can adapt myself to situations, but it won't be right to compromise on my values. In this huge world of billions of people, it is extremely unlikely that I won’t find a single good friend. Perhaps I just need to wait for the right people. But perhaps I just need to open my eyes. Hey, I'm not alone and friendless. Neither am I bad. I'm just stuck in my house for the summer holidays while my friends are in theirs – never more than a phone call away. Empty mind is a devil's workshop indeed. And now that my last year in school is restarting, it’s high time I realized my value. I do have friends and if I forget about them because of the neglect of others, it would be my blindness to my good fortune. And my refusal to accept the good I have. But why do I refuse it? Because I do not believe in myself. And how do I change that? I must hold on to a belief that inspires me rather, than one which pulls me down. So like many have told me, perhaps I'm an awesome individual :)

And my inner voice now sarcastically says, “Fake it till you make it honey. But I just think you’ve lost it.”

You know what? Maybe I have. But I'm going to give the new me a shot. She deserves a chance. A chance to live, sweetly, happily, honestly and more maturely. It's time to plunge back into life. Wish me luck!

Cheers to life!

Hope you've all had an awesome last month too :)

Image from : http://sporeflections.wordpress.com/2010/01/19/spo-reflections-on-a-rainy-drippy-week-in-phoenix/

A traveller's fruits

Getting over surprises

College

I return; wiser in some ways, more foolish in others

The story of the storytellers - 2

Birds - we've grown up with them!

You can help!

The story of the storytellers

Beginning again

Candid confessions of a board exam student

Saying yes to life

Compliment

Searching for happiness

Rediscovering adventure

9 myths about 12th class

12th class really stinks sometimes...

Giving our best

The gift of a day

A poem - Dying and living everyday

Happiness...and being too busy *sigh*

My life and times

Poem - Living with life

Poem - Misunderstood young

Poem - Where beauty lies

Poem - Lines on the page

A Happy birthday wish to a friend :)

Back renewed and refreshed :)

Happiness...and being too busy sigh